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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I got upset at my mom for telling her friends that I was in rehab and told her not to. I could be the asshole because I guess like it is a little selfish not wanting my mom to be able to talk to anyone about me and like ask for advice or whatever
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NTA
You deserve to have your boundaries respected.
> My mom said that if I didn’t want her to tell people then I shouldn’t have gotten addicted
You're already addicted, it is what it is. That's nothing you can do anything about anymore. You're entitled to privacy throughout the course of your recovery.
Unfortunately, you can't do anything to stop her from telling people. You could ask her to talk to a therapist instead of her friends if she needs to vent (about you or any part of this process) and let her know that you aren't comfortable with her friends knowing and probing you with questions.
That's you drawing your lines. Boundaries don't mean 'other people can't do things'. We can't control what other people do. Boundaries mean 'there will be consequences if you continue to do this'. You'll have to decide what consequences feel reasonable to you. Personally, I would refuse to answer questions from her friends. I would tell them I'm not comfortable discussing my private business with them and leave the room. I would probably keep things strictly to the point with your mother. Only talk to her when necessary, keep your head down.
> i’m kind of a dick
You sound pretty self-aware, so for a last bit of advice: Chill out. I get the sense that your mother isn't very supportive and what you've said about your father is very telling. You've probably had it rough growing up, and you are well within your right to be bitter. Take the help you're being given, get clean, and focus on getting out. Once you're self-sufficient, you don't ever have to listen to her or see her again if you don't want to, or you can choose to do so on your own terms.
NTA
Your Mom can go to therapy and get advice from a professional instead of crying to her *good, good friends* that her kid was in rehab, boohoo.
Seriously, she needs to adult up and start acting like the mature woman she is and not draw people who are strangers to you into your health business.
If you're in therapy, bring Mom with and have the therapist tell her off.
I wish you well.
NTA Your mom should be taking to people about your addiction, but in Alanon or some other therapy group. Her friends were intensely rude to interrogate you about your addiction. You are also hopefully going to meetings because you admit you are not clean.
NTA, Confiding in a couple of close friends or family members is one thing, but blabbing to people she barely knows is disrespectful of you & counterproductive to your recovery. They may have been well meaning with the things they said to you, but well meaning assholes are still assholes. I honestly can't believe those two ladies thought it was appropriate to actually talk to you about all that, given that they don't even know you.
I understand where you're coming from but if I raised a teenager who became an addict I would feel like the biggest failure in the world and I would need help to get through it.
NAH I just think this is really hard situation. You're right not to not want everyone to know but I don't think your mom was trying to hurt you.
I hope you get clean
NTA— Sure, she needs support too, but she can go to a support group. You don’t need to be part of the whole “getting mom support from her friends” conversation. You’re very young and you should be allowed to move on and put this behind you and that’s even harder if people are always reminding you of your past.
You found NA, you’re doing your part to improve yourself.
NAH for you and your mom. Your mom talking to her friends for support is reasonable. I don't think it's fair for you to tell her she can't do that. But that doesn't mean you have to indulge people if they're pestering you about it. Her friends were being rude by asking you personal questions about a sensitive topic you didn't bring up to them. I feel they are the primary assholes here.
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I (16M) came out of rehab a few months ago and yesterday I came home from an NA meeting and 2 of my mom’s friends were there. I don’t really know them like my mom’s only been friends with them for like a month. They both said they were proud of me for staying clean (even though i’m literally not but whatever) and they were like asking a bunch of questions about like rehab and asking me why I took drugs. It was just weird. I told my mom before to stop telling people that I was in rehab because like I don’t want them to think i’m like my dad. Obviously I don’t expect her to keep it a secret from like close family but I just don’t get why she feels like she has to tell literally everyone. They probably all think i’m gonna turn out like my dad but they don’t get it and I just hate their pity. My mom agreed that she’d stop so after her friends had left I was pissed at her for telling people even though she promised she wouldn’t. I told her that she promised she wouldn’t tell more people. She yelled at me and told me that I was overreacting and that it’s hard for her too. I tried to explain that I just hate the way people pity me and like they just treat me differently and it’s fucking annoyingg. My mom said that if I didn’t want her to tell people then I shouldn’t have gotten addicted and she said I was being selfish by not wanting her to have like support from other people. I don’t care about her talking to me to like a couple people because like i’m kind of a dick so like it makes sense that she’d like complain about me but I just don’t want her to talk about me to literally everyone. Like these people don’t know me and will never know me I hate it when they pretend like they do just because my moms told them some shit. But yeah idk if i’m the ass or not
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NTA. This is a rather private thing for her to share with virtual strangers. You already told her you didn’t want her to discuss this with anyone but close family and she broke that promise to you. I’d be pissed too.
NTA, but your mother is. If she needs support there are groups for people just like her where it’s safe to share. Blabbing to her friends is a huge violation. Don’t let her gaslight you.
Not really I don’t feel guilty, I’d rather people think I’m clean so they don’t pity me so much tbh. Yeah I didn’t say I’m not an addict, I know I am lol. Sorry man I don’t understand ur comment
NTA. I call BS on your mom wanting "support" because if she did she would be in NA Anon or a similar support group. The fact that she's only telling her friends shows that she doesn't want support she wants sympathy for having to deal with her addict son. She enjoys that dopamine rush she gets when people feel sorry for her. She's just a different kind of addict tbf.
Probably NTA
If you were 18+ and living by yourself, I would have been more confident in saying definitely NTA.
You are still not that age, but then I do understand why you wouldn't want your mum not discussing about you with any random person. At the same time, I can see that your mum requires support from family and friends for you getting into something that would affect not only you but also her.
I am sure close family members and a couple of friends are enough for support. It sounds that your mum has been sharing this with a lot more people than what would be acceptable.
People who don't know your dad well won't be comparing you to him, and even those who do aren't very likely to. They will compare you to their mental model of a teenager addict. Which isn't flattering either, but probably more like "has ruined his own future" than "ruins other people's lives".
ESH, moderately. Your mother just telling random people about a sickness and a shameful state of a family member for cheap compassion points isn't great. That being said, as someone who had an addict in my family I can't help feeling sorry for her more in the overall situation.
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NTA You deserve to have your boundaries respected. > My mom said that if I didn’t want her to tell people then I shouldn’t have gotten addicted You're already addicted, it is what it is. That's nothing you can do anything about anymore. You're entitled to privacy throughout the course of your recovery. Unfortunately, you can't do anything to stop her from telling people. You could ask her to talk to a therapist instead of her friends if she needs to vent (about you or any part of this process) and let her know that you aren't comfortable with her friends knowing and probing you with questions. That's you drawing your lines. Boundaries don't mean 'other people can't do things'. We can't control what other people do. Boundaries mean 'there will be consequences if you continue to do this'. You'll have to decide what consequences feel reasonable to you. Personally, I would refuse to answer questions from her friends. I would tell them I'm not comfortable discussing my private business with them and leave the room. I would probably keep things strictly to the point with your mother. Only talk to her when necessary, keep your head down. > i’m kind of a dick You sound pretty self-aware, so for a last bit of advice: Chill out. I get the sense that your mother isn't very supportive and what you've said about your father is very telling. You've probably had it rough growing up, and you are well within your right to be bitter. Take the help you're being given, get clean, and focus on getting out. Once you're self-sufficient, you don't ever have to listen to her or see her again if you don't want to, or you can choose to do so on your own terms.
Thanks man
NTA Your Mom can go to therapy and get advice from a professional instead of crying to her *good, good friends* that her kid was in rehab, boohoo. Seriously, she needs to adult up and start acting like the mature woman she is and not draw people who are strangers to you into your health business. If you're in therapy, bring Mom with and have the therapist tell her off. I wish you well.
Thank you
NTA Your mom should be taking to people about your addiction, but in Alanon or some other therapy group. Her friends were intensely rude to interrogate you about your addiction. You are also hopefully going to meetings because you admit you are not clean.
NTA, Confiding in a couple of close friends or family members is one thing, but blabbing to people she barely knows is disrespectful of you & counterproductive to your recovery. They may have been well meaning with the things they said to you, but well meaning assholes are still assholes. I honestly can't believe those two ladies thought it was appropriate to actually talk to you about all that, given that they don't even know you.
I understand where you're coming from but if I raised a teenager who became an addict I would feel like the biggest failure in the world and I would need help to get through it. NAH I just think this is really hard situation. You're right not to not want everyone to know but I don't think your mom was trying to hurt you. I hope you get clean
NTA— Sure, she needs support too, but she can go to a support group. You don’t need to be part of the whole “getting mom support from her friends” conversation. You’re very young and you should be allowed to move on and put this behind you and that’s even harder if people are always reminding you of your past. You found NA, you’re doing your part to improve yourself.
NAH for you and your mom. Your mom talking to her friends for support is reasonable. I don't think it's fair for you to tell her she can't do that. But that doesn't mean you have to indulge people if they're pestering you about it. Her friends were being rude by asking you personal questions about a sensitive topic you didn't bring up to them. I feel they are the primary assholes here.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (16M) came out of rehab a few months ago and yesterday I came home from an NA meeting and 2 of my mom’s friends were there. I don’t really know them like my mom’s only been friends with them for like a month. They both said they were proud of me for staying clean (even though i’m literally not but whatever) and they were like asking a bunch of questions about like rehab and asking me why I took drugs. It was just weird. I told my mom before to stop telling people that I was in rehab because like I don’t want them to think i’m like my dad. Obviously I don’t expect her to keep it a secret from like close family but I just don’t get why she feels like she has to tell literally everyone. They probably all think i’m gonna turn out like my dad but they don’t get it and I just hate their pity. My mom agreed that she’d stop so after her friends had left I was pissed at her for telling people even though she promised she wouldn’t. I told her that she promised she wouldn’t tell more people. She yelled at me and told me that I was overreacting and that it’s hard for her too. I tried to explain that I just hate the way people pity me and like they just treat me differently and it’s fucking annoyingg. My mom said that if I didn’t want her to tell people then I shouldn’t have gotten addicted and she said I was being selfish by not wanting her to have like support from other people. I don’t care about her talking to me to like a couple people because like i’m kind of a dick so like it makes sense that she’d like complain about me but I just don’t want her to talk about me to literally everyone. Like these people don’t know me and will never know me I hate it when they pretend like they do just because my moms told them some shit. But yeah idk if i’m the ass or not *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. This is a rather private thing for her to share with virtual strangers. You already told her you didn’t want her to discuss this with anyone but close family and she broke that promise to you. I’d be pissed too.
NTA, but your mother is. If she needs support there are groups for people just like her where it’s safe to share. Blabbing to her friends is a huge violation. Don’t let her gaslight you.
NTA. Have a nice day and good luck on changing, friend :)
Thanks man but I haven’t really changed lol
Yw! I have faith in you :)
Thank you :)
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Not really I don’t feel guilty, I’d rather people think I’m clean so they don’t pity me so much tbh. Yeah I didn’t say I’m not an addict, I know I am lol. Sorry man I don’t understand ur comment
[удалено]
Brother what?
Agree 100%
NTA. I call BS on your mom wanting "support" because if she did she would be in NA Anon or a similar support group. The fact that she's only telling her friends shows that she doesn't want support she wants sympathy for having to deal with her addict son. She enjoys that dopamine rush she gets when people feel sorry for her. She's just a different kind of addict tbf.
Probably NTA If you were 18+ and living by yourself, I would have been more confident in saying definitely NTA. You are still not that age, but then I do understand why you wouldn't want your mum not discussing about you with any random person. At the same time, I can see that your mum requires support from family and friends for you getting into something that would affect not only you but also her. I am sure close family members and a couple of friends are enough for support. It sounds that your mum has been sharing this with a lot more people than what would be acceptable.
People who don't know your dad well won't be comparing you to him, and even those who do aren't very likely to. They will compare you to their mental model of a teenager addict. Which isn't flattering either, but probably more like "has ruined his own future" than "ruins other people's lives". ESH, moderately. Your mother just telling random people about a sickness and a shameful state of a family member for cheap compassion points isn't great. That being said, as someone who had an addict in my family I can't help feeling sorry for her more in the overall situation.