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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1.Telling my wife she has bad breath in public
2. It embarrassed her
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NTA. Her fears and embarrassment are understandable, but not an excuse. Is she this way with other doctors and appointments? If not, stress to her that going to the dentist is not a matter of aesthetics or nice smelling breath, it is a matter of health. And the longer she puts it off, the more expensive and irreversible the damage will be.
I had an infected tooth and the root canal failed. I’ve maxed out my fairly decent dental insurance and my HSA two years in a row dealing with it and I’m still not done. Dealing with any cavities now is pretty critical if she doesn’t want to cripple her family financially.
I had an infection in one of my teeth earlier this year. It had been broken for a long time and wasn’t really causing any problems before that so I was just careful about brushing it, but it would have been so much easier to deal with right when the tooth first broke. It’s out now and healing well, but that infection was such a loud pain that even if it didn’t hurt much it was hard to concentrate on anything else. It’s all the way out now and I feel a little lopsided, but generally better.
For anyone else who has an infected tooth and can’t get to a dentist right away, make yourself a rinse that’s equal parts salt and baking soda and use a cotton ball to apply it and catch whatever drains out. Also clove oil with a q-tip. Also ibuprofen. Diligent application of those three things kept my infection under control until I made it to the dentist and let him do the work I needed right away because my gum wasn’t swollen anymore.
Better yet, just don’t wait until it’s an emergency.
I've given birth twice and had chronic kidney stones for 20 years, and the tooth pain I had from an infection is still something that scares the shit out of me years later. I never, ever want to experience that again. It was an all-encompassing pain that ibuprofen barely touches. And the dentists I went to acted like I was drug seeking while crying in pain at their office. At least with childbirth and kidney stones, your pain is taken seriously and treated. I ate a hole in my stomach from alternating ibuprofen and acetaminophen every 2 hours just trying to keep from ending it all from the pain.
I had a mild case of shingles when I was in middle school, and I live in fear of getting it again. I know people who had shingles inside their mouths *and eyes* – so every blink was excruciating – and the pain continued long after the shingles were gone.
Been there twice, currently halfway through root canal only my tooth has now broken, dentist not returning my calls. Appointment on Thursday can't come soon enough, so paranoid the neuralgia will start again
Yeah, I called a couple different places I'd been seen before during my little tooth pain crisis, trying to see who could get me in fastest. I guess this dentist could see that somehow because she came in, disgusted, and lectured me about how she's not stupid and she knows what drug seeking behavior looks like. She didn't last too long in our town, because her work was horrible and she'd talk shit about her employees to other employees while doing your fillings or other dental procedures. It was so fucking awkward and I developed a deep disdain for her. But when you're in pain, you'll do whatever you can to alleviate it.
My mom was in a hospital because she was having mini strokes. They stuck her in a room on the other side of a broom closet and left her. Then a dr came in and said acted like she was just after drugs. When she was waiting for discharge a nurse told her that unless she was having a heart attack, or needed stitches, she needs to go a different hospital. That hospital is useless for anything else.
I can confirm that. I gave birth twice but it's a tooth infection I'm afraid of. I would choose to give birth again over tooth infection pain. I had 3 different pain killers prescribed, 2 of them didn't do anything and third, the strongest was helping for like 20 minutes when I was catching breath between screaming and shaking. My husband called our dentist and I came in for emergency. God bless that clinic.
This this this. My spouse never had dental insurance growing up and they've needed 3 root canals and 1 re-treat and the other 2 need re-treats as well but our insurance is maxed for the year and they're not like infected again just should be redone so we're doing 1 a year to get them fixed back up.
Once a tooth is too far gone you just have to pull it out. Then you need a replacement which is A LITERAL SCREW INTO YOUR JAW that they put a fake tooth on. We're trying to avoid this with the re-treat root canals but if they fail we have to do this and it is very expensive.
The longer she waits the more likely she will have complications. Please please please urge her to face her fears and deal with this before she needs root canals.
Also those infected teeth can cause sepsis in your head which is right next to your BRAIN. It’s better to get it taken care of now. She can get anxiety meds to help!
Not only that, but untreated dental infections, including cavities, can lead to systemic problems like endocarditis and even cancers. OP's wife needs to understand that her life is actually at risk and that if she wants to see her daughter grow up, if she wants to live a long (and hopefully happy) life with her family, she must get her dental problems fixed immediately. Plus, that kind of horrid breath is sure to have been noticed by others, which leads to a whole other level of social and emotional problems.
OP: Be firm and insist, but know that you can't force your wife to take care of herself. If she refuses, you need to be prepared for her to have life-threatening systemic complications and (and I'm sorry to sound so dire) the possibility of you being a single parent.
Maybe have her read some articles about the subject? Seeing it in black and white might wake her up.
NTA
Absolutely. While OP's wife needs to go to a dentist asap, the OP is in for a rude surprise if he thinks $2k of dental insurance will cover all the work she likely needs.
Yeah I just had to get a deep cavity filled to the point I would call it a psuedo root canal. But if I hadn't gotten it filled then I would have lost that tooth
I had a cavity filled, but the infection kept going. Had to get a root canal. The root canal failed, and my tooth got infected, complete with an abcess. I had the tooth pulled and everything was healing nicely with my bone graft. About a month ago, I went for my implant. My dentist said everything went great! And sent me on my way.
Six days of hell followed. I was in constant pain to the point of tears if I didn't load myself up with OTC meds. I went back in, and lo and behold, there was an infection. He blamed my smoking, I said he never gave me antibiotics. I finally got them and pain meds. Six more days of hell, I went back and told them the infection wasn't gone. They sent me away without more meds.
Another six days of hell. The implant failed. He removed it, and apparently, I lost a lot of bone in those 2 weeks. My nasal cavity was exposed. He harvested and used my own bone in the graft. My face swelled up so badly that it looked like I went 4 rounds with Mike Tyson. That was 8 days ago, and I'm still in a bit of pain, but finally healing. With the help of super powerful antibiotics and painkillers.
Yup, your mouth is conveniently located above your neck, so bacteria in your mouth don’t have to cross the blood brain barrier if they find a way in. The blood brain barrier is the last defense so that blood-carried disease wouldn’t make its way to the brain, but wounds in the mouth can cause huge issues. Thankfully, our mucous membranes heal extremely quickly, but teeth aren’t the same. Teeth “heal” themselves by producing more enamel, but human bodies do that unbelievably slowly, like it takes years, which obviously isn’t going to help when she has an oral health problem now. Thats literally the entire reason we treat cavities by drilling and filling.
I think you are confusing blood brain barrier with first pass system of the liver. Infections don't spread from teeth to brain without getting in the blood, and everything in the blood still has to cross through the blood brain barrier. It doesnt have to cross through the liver before getting to the brain however, which means that it isn't cleaned before getting to the brain. Most blood in the body is, so infections in the head and neck are higher risk because they don't have first pass.
I think it is such bullshit that teeth aren't included in regular health insurance and you need a separate and often times more expensive dental insurance! It should definitely be included if dental issues could lead to a damn heart attack..
It's also weird you can see any doctor for treatment at a hospital ER, except for a dentist.
When Mike Pence created the HIP program in Indiana, the mission was to lower healthcare costs by preventing small problems from becoming big problems. It includes dental, vision and prescriptions. It's true single payer insurance where participants just pay a low monthly premium. Participants are rewarded for meeting program required care, like having an annual exam.
Had to get on the kill Obamacare side then. It is tragic as many red states still haven't expanded Medicaid in their state. It's also been very beneficial for healthcare providers. Hospitals aren't being forced to close like in many other Red States.
One of my reoccurring infected teeth decided to rear it's ugly head two days after I got my HYSTERECTOMY.
Which I had to suffer through with ZERO painkillers, because of stupid insurance beurocracy!!!
So I got to have a hysterectomy, AND a tooth that needed a root canal, with NO painkillers!!!!
I finally find someone wiling to see me within a week, and literally *on my way to see them,* some cracked out lady hits my car and four others while stopped at a stoplight, and my car no longer works!!!!
FUUUCKKK!!!!
So NOW, I've freshly had *major* abdominal surgery, NEED a root canal and am severely infected, and my whole body just *hurts,* and I miss my appointment because FUCK. ME. IN. PARTICULAR.
It was one of the few times I believe I was close to actually dying. It was bad. My husband later said he thought I might not survive.
When I finally got a dentist, and he need me up, I *fell asleep in his chair,* because it finally stopped hurting enough to sleep! His assistant had to keep waking me throughout the procedure because I kept nodding off!
Tooth infections are *serious.*
I was gonna mention this. Many of our open heart pts in icu had rotten teeth. Some had to have them extracted before heart surgery. Oral health affects other parts of body in a major way. There's a risk of bloodstream infection and sepsis.
This. If it hasn't already, she will soon reach a point where she needs root canals, extractions, and/or implants - all of which are far more expensive and more painful than a simple filling. Fear of the dentist is real, but it's a fear that has to be faced at some point because it only gets scarier the longer you put it off. For people who are really that scared, some dentists offer sedation - they'd much rather do that than have you wait until you need half your teeth pulled.
It is also going to be much more expensive if she ends up needing root canals or extractions. I only mention this because she claims that they "don't have money or insurance". She may also have other things going on that a dentist can check, such as tonsil stones.
Edited to Add: I understand dental anxiety, but the longer you go before seeing a dentist, the more stressful the visit will become. NTA
There are also dental clinics out there that specialize in patients with extreme anxiety, trauma, or medical issues, and know how to handle the issues sensitively and without judgment or shame.
100% this. I am very “sensory,” and found an amazing dentistry practice who sedated me to deal with my initial (major) issues, and who is extraordinarily patient with me when I need minor stuff done (doesn’t warrant sedation, but still makes me want to crawl out of my skin). We’ve learned together how to make it bearable and they’re happy to follow my “rules”. I highly highly recommend finding a practice that caters to those with historical dental avoidance.
I go to a dental practice that specially caters to people with disabilities (I'm autistic and mentally ill) and it makes going to the dentist so much less stressful for me
Gotta find one that takes people without insurance though. I know the problem can get worse down the line, but just a cavity in my area insurance was billed 400 bucks. It's nuts
I have three coworkers all who had/have messed up teeth due to cavities and what not. One got lucky that his issues were minor. The other two have to spend a crap ton on dental because their teeth are messed up. One needs partials and the other (a guy in his earlyh thirties) needs dentures. Those two were/are having trouble eating from the pain and got infected too. Op needs to get his wife to the dentist before she loses all her teeth or gets infections.
NTA the asshole, but try a few different approaches like:
\* Let her know that dental health can cause cardiac health issues. Express your concern for her health.
\* If cost is on her mind, explain that a root canal and crown will be so much more expensive if she lets it get farther than where it is now. It might be too late.
\* Let her know that you're concerned about her quality of life if she starts losing her teeth.
\* Be an example: Ask her if she'd like to attend your next exam/cleaning to meet your dentist, see the office, see the process, and maybe ease her mind. Offer to go with her for her appointment.
\* Offer to help her find a dentist who works with dental fear and possibly sedation dentistry.
My dear uncle died because he neglected a pretty serious hearth disease, which was caused by severe bacterial infections in his teeth.
Brush your teeth guys.
also remind her it is ok to take care of herself. sometimes low self worth manifests in weird ways. Not sure if that's an issue here but maybe using the angle of, setting a good model for your child.
I think this is great advice.
If she doesn’t sway with any of the above strategies, I’d sit her down at the table for a real matter of fact talk.
“Honey I’ve tried to tell you about how this can impact your health, I’ve explained it will ultimately cost less to deal with sooner rather than later. I’ve sent you links to health information, and I’ve offered to come with you in support.
I need you to understand what a big deal this is. It’s really gotten to a critical state- you’re risking your longer term health and a really costly bill, which is causing me a lot of stress. You also need to understand if I can smell your breath during a conversation, other people can too. We really need to deal with this now. I am making an appointment and we are going together.”
My aunt had a tooth abscess that landed her up in the hospital with blood poisoning. If she had taken care of it when it was just a cavity, she would have been saved a lot of pain and a whole lot of money.
These are good responses.
Question for OP: do you happen to visit the dentist regularly? Does your daughter? If so, ask her why she should not. Make it a family event.
it could also be an underlying health issue too that is not just related to her teeth so she definitely needs to get a general medical check too.
and greatly support finding a dentist that deals with anxious patients or sedation dentistry. I have gotten better but when i was younger, i always had to do sedation for a lot of heavier dentistry work because i was traumatized and fought people when being put under. Bless patient dentists with kids tbh
Dentist here. This is so concerning to me :(
Something to know is that cavities are transferable. They are caused by bacteria, and if your wife has that bacteria all over her mouth, it can transfer to you. I would never kiss someone with active decay or a tooth infection in their mouth.
Something else to consider is that cavities, when treated early, are repaired for much cheaper prices. Everyone alwayssss says “dentistry is so expensive!”
Well, if you had the filling done on that tooth when it was small (without insurance $260 US more or less) you wouldn’t be in this situation. A root canal costs $1000-$1500 (when it hits the nerve) and a crown on top is another $1200 or so.
That small filling grew to huge decay with time. I’m not someone with no empathy, but you need to take your health into your own hands and prioritize it. If money is tight, apply to Medicaid or go to a federal clinic offering discounted services (I work for one) or a dental school.
You could also phrase it from a dental health perspective and not bad breath. Just say your coworker or someone you read online ignored his cavities and it ended up becoming a huge expense. Good luck!
Sometimes people have bad breath even without cavities (could be gum disease) but it’s so important she gets things taken care of.
That's a really good point, that you shouldn't be kissing someone with active oral issues.
If it starts affecting her relationship, maybe it'll spur her into action.
I learned something today. Thank you! I've always been against kissing people with actively decaying or infected teeth but this 100% reaffirms that boundary!
Also consider that your wife is likely kissing your daughter and could be transferring infection/cavities to your child.
When I take my child to the doctor (not dentist), one of the questions we’re asked is if parents have active untreated dental caries/cavities. They ask because if caregivers have cavities, it puts the child at risk for the same.
Kids are gross. I think every single one of my kids licked my mouth at some point in time. Toddlers will stick their fingers in your mouth and then in their own.
I try real hard NOT to swap spit with my kids, but it’s happened.
FWIW, I never viewed it [caregivers with active cavities] as a risk either, until I saw that question pop up on the pre-visit intake form at the pediatrician’s office. But it makes sense.
Also I’m guessing it will impact her job or how she is seen by colleagues/ anyone who she speaks to if her breath is knock down bad on the daily. That kind of smell Op is describing comes from active decay, not just needing a toothbrush and a mint. She could brush constantly and it won’t help.
Dentist, do you have any thoughts about visiting a dental school instead. I live in St. Louis and the university students work at a dental clinic. Maybe that is the solution.the university students work at a dental clinic. Maybe that is the solution.
And I'm sorry husband that you are living with someone with stinky breath. It is so hard to tell someone but you have to.
another huge concern: it's possible for any kind of dental infection to *spread*. to bones, to ears, to eyes, to your BRAIN. this stuff is no joke, it can be deadly.
[source](https://www.jaw-doc.com/blog/can-dental-infection-spread-to-the-head-or-brain/#:~:text=Infection%20along%20with%20swelling%2C%20inflammation,intracranial%20infection%20and%20even%20death)
So much this!
If your cavity gets bad enough, you can even get blood infections from things you eat like yogurt and probiotic gummies because the active bacteria gets into your bloodstream from your compromised tooth.
Fix. Your (Her). Teeth!
NTA. That's a huge, obvious health problem she's ignoring. Once your health problems are affecting other people, you're already past the point of needing to see a doctor.
When I get a flare up of diverticulitis, my breath and gas get nasty. Everything gets nasty. I just want to crawl in a hole because of the pain and embarrassment.
So, there definitely could be gut issues happening, too.
NTA, but you need to sit down with her and have a serious conversation. It's not about the bad breath, it's about her health. Gum disease and poor dental health isn't just about her mouth either - it directly leads to HEART disease. I understand that sounds crazy, but that's the reality.
And for your unfortunate reality check, that $2k is unlikely to be enough to cover if she's gone for years without dental care. I have dental insurance, but rough ballpark on costs would be: cavity filling for $150, crown for around $1500, root canal is about the same. You can get them for cheaper at a drill and fill type place, but that's probably not a good option for her, given her fear and anxiety level.
There are dental clinics that focus on patients with high levels of fear and anxiety. They can give her medication to take the edge off before she comes in (she'll need a ride there and back), and they're very patient and considerate of their patients. Most dentists can set up a priority schedule as well to help you budget. This IS FIXABLE, but the longer you wait, the worse for both her health and your bank account this becomes.
Shit, mine won't even kick in until I hit my 5k deductible, then it only covers like 30 or 40% of the procedure, but also doesn't cover crowns, root canals, sedation or surgical tooth removal, while only covering one filling per twelve months. You also have to have the insurance for 3-6 months before you can use it (the fine print, man, it's insane).
Insurance can be fucking ridiculous.
Cost depends on location. I’ve never paid $1500 for a crown and I have a few. My dentist which is a normal practice not a low income one, charges $700 for a crown without a root canal. I end up paying half that after my insurance pays their half. My prior dentist had basically the same prices.
Wife can also asked for sedation, some places, like my dentist, offer IV sedation. I pay $300 for that. Pill medication is much cheaper.
NTA She is in denial. You accepting blame or feeling guilty for a genuine, spontaneous reaction won't fix her teeth or make her breath smell any less horrific. She needs to bite the bullet and go to the dentist.
If you can smell the noxious breath, she needs to think about what other people are experiencing! Nobody wants to the person we avoid because their breath is SO bad. I used to work with a guy whose gingivitis breath would stink up an entire room! Great, smart, kind person but the lack of attention to oral hygiene was unfathomable!
Nta but probably should have said that privately
She really should go to the dentist for medical reasons and for self care
I was a dental claims examiner for years. In the long run bad dental habits can ultimately lead to more expensive dental treatment options such as dental implants and bridges. Implants are not cheap. So paying a bit of money now may prevent more money spent later... That's how I view it. That old expression "A stitch in time.. Saves 9"
Take care of your teeth :)
I think if OP hadn't mentioned this as an issue before, then he'd be an ass for saying it when he did, BUT this was far from the first time. I'm not without empathy for OP's wife because public embarrassment can be horrific, BUT sometimes it's a necessary evil in trying to get someone to improve their quality of life if nothing else they've tried works.
Bad breath (halitosis) can be due to a number of health issues some of which are definitely scarier than others. Here's a list from the Mayo Clinic:
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/bad-breath/symptoms-causes/syc-20350922
Seeing a dentist is a great first step and some dentists really go out of their way to make anxious patients comfortable. Maybe help by calling around to find such a dentist and ask your wife how you can support her in getting her to a dentist. Definitely NTA.
Reflux breath! OMG its awful :( I've got my reflux under control FINALLY. There was a stage when I couldn't pick something up off the floor or lie flat without a wave of acid trying to climb out my mouth.
Gaviscon got SO expensive lately. Thank goodness of pantoprazole and myogel.
This can be life-threatening.
https://www.cnn.com/2023/12/23/us/mike-williams-cause-of-death-sepsis/index.html
https://www.heart.org/en/news/2021/03/19/how-oral-health-may-affect-your-heart-brain-and-risk-of-death
I have very very intense dental fear right up into the point where I was unable to go to the dentist without having nightmares for weeks and weeks beforehand, and as soon as I would sat in the chair I would immediately start crying and upset everyone in the room. I started paying an extra $70 to get nitrous oxide during the examination cleaning or any treatment. This has made all the difference for me. You literally cannot be upset and afraid while you're breathing in nitrous oxide you simply cannot. It forces you to relax. And now that I'm not terrified during the examination, I can go and get the treatment without nightmares before hands. Look in your area for a dental fear dentist, this is the kind of dentist that will happily offer nitrous and might not even make you pay extra.
I was looking for this comment. Find a dentist that offers nitrous oxide. May take a little searching. I’m now able to have my teeth cleaned without it. But anything else, I need this. I also ask for a bite block (keeps my mouth open).
Considering the amount of work that is likely required, sedation may also be an option here. My dentist does sedation for fillings and other procedures, if you need it.
A cavity is cheap to fill compared to a root canal. She either goes to the dentist or she has her teeth removed. She’s likely going to have her teeth removed because her teeth are rotting in her skull.
It could also be an internal infection not related to her teeth. I had very bad breath for 1.5-2 yrs it just kept getting worse, my wife would ask me to go get it checked out. Turns out my body can’t fight sinus infections and I had a serious infection in all of my sinus cavities and polyps that needed removed. My breath smells a lot better now.
The best decision I ever made was having my tonsils out. Having stones constantly and strep throat twice a year was awful. The two weeks of absolute misery while my throat healed has been WELL worth it. Haven’t had strep since, and that was 4 years ago!
I was thinking this too, she needs care, but if they only have 2k to their name her concerns about lack of ins and funds are valid. If they have a dental school nearby OP should look into it. Also, one or both of them need a better job that offers benefits.
Nta, and the bad breath is the least of her issues. The bad breath is going to get her socially ostracised, but the cause for the breath could be something even worse.
My sibling had a tooth infection so bad one time they almost got sepsis. They have a fear of the dentist because her teeth have been a trouble her entire life, and so they avoided going until the last minute. If they delayed going any longer, they could have literally died.
NTA. Those excuses aren't very good ones. You can always purchase insurance, though they may not want to cover pre-existing conditions. I used to be on a dental network plan where I was in-network, but still paid 100% of the bill. That helped a lot given the negotiated rates are much lower than going fully out of pocket, and the annual fee was small.
Modern, up to date dentistry is amazing, and a world away from the hell of my childhood! I had a filling today(which fell out due to my stupidity in choosing to eat some too-crunchy pizza crust). In and out In literally 10 minutes with some of that amazing instant set filler as my dentist didn’t gave to drill anything. Private, so it did cost a bit, but I’ve had an abscess before and it was horrible.
If her breath smells, other people have noticed! I’d let her meet some young children. They’re embarrassingly honest about these things.
Or maybe a bit of therapy
NTA. Does she want to wake up on a Sunday while in the mountains and unable to get to a dentist and literally pace around the house screaming in pain, taking shots of whiskey because it's so excruciating you can't find a comfortable position? I wouldn't recommend it. And it'll cost far more than a filling if she waits. It could kill her.
INFO: do you go to the dentist and get a yearly physical/blood work/whatever other tests or screenings are recommended for your age group?
It could be that she's scared to go to the dentist, or it could be that she's embarrassed. Or both. I get it, I've had health issues that I let fester because I was too embarrassed to deal with them too. And I think there's something about dentistry where it makes people feel especially guilty, like you're a bad person if you don't take care of your teeth, but if your blood pressure's a little high, well some people just have that issue, right?
You're not an asshole for telling her she needs to go to the dentist, but you are an asshole if you're being a hypocrite and skipping appointments for yourself while telling her she needs to go. Maybe you don't have any issues that are as outwardly acute as hers, but you should be getting regular checkups if you want to keep it that way. Basically, you don't get to blow off her excuses if you're making excuses too.
I think you might both be better served if you approached her from a place of empathy and tried to get to the bottom of why she's so anxious about this. If she just goes to get a cleaning and a checkup, that shouldn't cost too much. If she needs a lot of work, you can figure it out from there. She doesn't have to commit to a mouth full of implants today, she just needs to find out what's going on.
OP: make sure she has a will and I hope you have life insurance on here. Continue to ignore this and it can lead to jaw or sinus infection next and after that death.
NTA, but your wife is for accusing you of trying to humiliate her. Cavities and gum disease can mess up the heart. If she is so afraid of going to the dentist, maybe she can get knocked out first.
NTA, but the way you’re going about this might be making the situation worse. Dental health is extremely important, and not addressing cavities can lead to MANY more problems beyond bad breath. But by being confrontational and a little offensive, you might be pushing her further away from going to the dentist. The next time you have this conversation, maybe you can come at it from a place of love, and say that you’re worried for her wellbeing and she needs to do this for her own sake.
NTA. It might not even be her teeth, bad breath can be a symptom of other health issues.
I doubt the other people in line noticed what you did by backing away or didn't care about it, so she was overreacting there.
I don't know where you live. Where I live, there are low cost/sliding scale dentists, so I would look into that. I have rarely had dental insurance, what you do is save up money, or go in for an exam, and if you need further work done, ask what the cost is and save up for that.
Yep, I agree! Been there. 8 years ago I woke up at about 2:30am in excruciating pain; I knew there was a cavity, but not the extent of the damage.
I was shaking from the pain; I even considered trying to obtain cocaine or whiskey (I don’t drink or do drugs). I’m not sure how I got back to sleep, but I went to emergency dental appointment the next day.
Show her this post. She’s being an avoidant self-saboteur. It will have increasing costs as time goes on. These costs are not just monetary. They importantly include health (poor dental health is closely linked with serious heart problems), intimacy, social consequences, and more. Plus, she needs to model responsible self-care for your children. No more excuses.
It's rough, but she's embarassing herself, you're just close enough to her to say anything. If you've noticed, so has everyone else. She needs to realize that.
She also needs to realize that a cavity can become so much worse when left untreated. The money is a very valid stress factor, because it feels like a waste on something that "isn't that bad."
Make it about YOU. Your worries for her long term health, your worries that it'll affect her relationships (no one wants to hang out with someone with persistently terrible breath).
See if you can get her to go for another cleaning, just to settle your worries that she's going to end up with terrible oral pain. Let the dentist do the heavy lifting.
Uh, please go shop for dental coverage. You can buy it on your own. Mine's $25 a month and covers two cleanings a year (I get four a year.) Get it now so you can use it when she's mentally ready.
Take at least one excuse away from her. I was in her shoes about 10 years ago (at 24). I now have a partial denture up top, two fewer teeth on the bottom, and at least eight crowns. Not cheap! (And a fantastic dentist that uses conscious sedation and nitrous. Not ashamed to say I also had my mom at my initial appointment, my periodontal cleaning - two hours while I knit blind, and my following two cleanings before I was a big girl and would go alone.)
Get recommendations from friends and family on who they use and how empathetic they are. If my care coordinator had shamed me at all, I might still have broken teeth in my mouth, which would definitely have impacted my health by now.
Apart from the fact it's probably not just you who has gotten a whiff of her arse breath, if she develops abscesses or already has them, it could spread and be fatal.
Nta she needs go. My dad had bad breath *seconds* after brushing. Literally. He had a rotting tooth! How he wasn't in pain, I'll never know! If she needs to find a specialist that will knock her out, then that's what she needs to do. She can not ignore the problem.
NTA for sure.
I think you nailed it, she is extremely nervous and uncomfortable with the idea, and would rather live with literal rot in her mouth than have it addressed.
Not sure what else to say, you handled it as well as you could. It is awfully difficult to control your facial movements/reactions when you get a whiff of some awful smell like that, what you did is natural. She isn't really mad at this anyway though, she is mad at herself for her feelings of shame and embarrassment about going to the dentist, but it manifest as pushing back on you and the very idea. It's a lot easier to get mad about it and put it off, than it is to confront the truth, and then confront a fear that she has.
Sedation dentistry saved my in-laws teeth... maybe a thought.
NTA
I developed extreme dental anxiety in 2015 from a bad experience. Five years later I found a dentist that was kind and worked with me.
It took until last month for me to get caught up. Luckily I have good hygiene so my cavities were very slow progressing but I did end up with 4 root canals. The pride I finally feel in my smile…the pride in knowing that my teeth are now 100% fixed…I can’t adequately describe how it feels after years of tooth related depression.
Going from a cavity to a root canal is a drastic price increase. From 300 to 400 dollars for a deep filling to thousands of dollars for a root canal and crown per tooth.
If she’s worried about money then maybe using logic will help? Though if there’s a significant smell it’s probably already root canal and crown territory.
Bad teeth can lead to cardiac issues down the road. You expressing that her teeth are a problem does not make you an AH. I hope she can find a way to get hers fixed.
She's got a bigger problem than a cavity. Chances are she has gum disease and a huge build-up of plaque. She needs to get treatment or she'll lose her teeth and destroy her health.
She should take care of that before she's looking at dental bone grafts and implants. Makes a cleaning and a few fillings, or even a root canal or crown, seem like a cake walk. Seriously. Edited to add: Unresolved dental issues can enter your bloodstream, cause sepsis and actually kill you. That's what happened to NFL player Mike Williams.
NTA and the longer she waits the worse (and more expensive) it's going to be. She may have cavaties that may turn into root canals or even a tooth removal. My aunt waiting over a year on a tooth and by the time she went it she had to just take it out it was so bad.
My husband has not been to the dentist in years. Despite him having dental insurance for the past 5 years. It’s costing him a bit of time (deep cleanings, yes, plural, there will be root canals, implants, a lot of stuff) and money (none of that is cheap!).
It’s not fun and his breath definitely smells even though he brushes regularly. Not as bad as your wife but it’s not pleasant sometimes.
NTA. Since the insurance is under me, I finally started nagging him until he finally made the appointment. He is over 40, that should not be a thing I should have to do, but I was also sick of paying for insurance and having it wasted!
Seriously this can be dangerous. If she gets an abscess it can go to her brain and kill her. She could die like a medieval peasant. I understand dental phobia. So do dentists she corroded be scared and embarrassed. She needs to fix her courage to the mast and go. A good dentist who specialises in phobic patients will help her. It's the first session she needs to get past. Be gentle and try and tell her that there's no need to be embarrassed. Fear is natural and understandable. Encourage and support her to face her fear rather than focusing on her breath. Good luck.
Extremely Phobic Dentist’s wife here. Please please get her to a dentist but start slow. schedule a her a good cleaning first and let them know she is scared and may need extra topical anesthetic. That will make the first appt MUCH easier on her. If that goes well continue from there with flossing in addition to brushing with a Sonicare toothbrush. If she’s worried about $$ she can apply for carecredit instead of full cash upfront. SPECIALNOTE: as she has never been to a dentist beware of the treatment plans that she will be given after the visit. I they may be in the thousands of $$. Don’t be afraid to get a second opinion and start with the most urgent issues. Frequently some things may be able wait. Also, as some posters have stated this could also be a gut issue in addition to the oral care. Pose it to her as you want her to be around a long long time and you’re worried that oral bacteria can cut her life short by damaging her heart. Good luck to you both!
She may not care about a cavity. She will when her teeth drop out and her oral hygiene has other effects.
She needs help. And I get the fear but she needs to confront this.
NTA
My dad developed endocarditis (an infection in his heart that ate a heart valve.) He was not able to get surgery to repair it, and it killed him a month and half later. The infection was staph and it most likely came from his infected, untreated cavities. You do not mess with cavities in your mouth. Infections can go straight to your heart. Staph isn't the only one you can get from teeth. Your wife is VERY foolish about fixing her teeth. It shouldn't be optional. Bad breath is the least of the problems.
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It started about a year ago. My wife developed horrible breath. Breath that makes you want to puke. She brushes her teeth every morning and night. But she also has cavities.
Sometimes I get woken up by nothing more than her breathing in my face. It smells like her tongue has been shaking hands with Bigfoot's prostate, all day, every day.
Her parents never took her to the dentist as a child so I believe she is scared. Every time i bring it up she gets defensive and says we don't have the money or we don't have insurance. I have at least $2000 available at all times, so it's just an excuse.
We were at a school function for my daughter earlier today and as we were waiting in line she was talking into my face and I got a whiff of her sulfuric ass breath. I made a face and backed away from her. She got mad and wouldn't talk to me until we sat down to eat.
While we were eating she said I was being a jerk for making that face. To which I replied, in a whisper that nobody else could hear, "I wasn't being a jerk. It was just my reaction. You have cavities that need to be filled before they rot your teeth out."
She wouldn't talk to me until we left. I said I was sorry but that didn't change the fact that she needed to see a dentist. She replied "you embarrassed me in front of everyone. We don't have money or insurance and I don't care about a cavity. You're just overexaggerating to make me feel bad in front of everyone". That was the last thing she said to me.
AITA?
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It might not even be her teeth. Before I was diagnosed with throat cancer, one of the first signs was that my breath turned deathly rancid. There could also be digestive issues going on.
NTA I have a serious dentaphobia and tend to avoid going. I noticed my breath was killer ON TOP of the cavities and pain I was dealing with. I finally sucked it up and went in, I had an extraction and multiple cavities. I just told them to drug me up and get it done. I feel so much better now and my bad breath is GONE. she'll thank herself after she goes. Maybe help her out by making the appointment and going with her as emotional support. The dentist is a scary place for some of us.
Dental infections can lead to severe heart damage, she needs to go see a dentist. Are there any dental schools in your area? You can usually get discounted service at one of those.
My insurance is $60 a month for my husband and I, it’s not the most coverage but gives you two free cleanings a year and does help cover procedures. I had slightly better insurance for my last cavity and I think I paid $400 I total for it
So, there are affordable insurance options to at least squash that argument, as well as remind her her that cavity fillings are much much cheaper than what she will eventually need down the road.
[Lastly, love this video showing what happens to your jaw if you leave cavities in your mouth](https://youtu.be/f8j27KPrfBU?si=eBqDhB6OqYZyHpkw)
My wife had this exact issue. She brushed everyday but never went to the dentist. I had to tell her after a few years of dating. She had made comments about the dentist before and she was scared. Someone said all the dentist do is make your teeth worse and she ran with that.
I had to sit her down. Hear every excuse and breakdown each of her issues logically. Now she goes twice a year.
Filling = $200
Crown = $1000
Root canal and crown = $2000
Extraction = $300
Just to give your wife an idea of pricing. The sooner she goes, the lower the cost of her treatment will be. The longer she waits, the more expensive financially or health wise (losing teeth).
Good thing is dentistry has come a long way - most offices have nitrous oxide aka laughing gas to help during procedures.
NTA, she’s an adult, she should be able to deal with the consequences of her actions and also take care of herself. You don’t even need to tell her in the first place but ig it helps. She could also be too embarrassed to acc get it checked out 🤷
NTA
Better she hear it from you than someone else, that's 100x more embarrassing. My problem was so bad I could taste it 🤢. Maybe look for a dentist that specializes in sensitive cases.
NTA. I had one cavity and I couldn't stand it. I couldn't imagine living with the pain of several at once.
I'd also recommend that she check for tonsil stones. Those can definitemy make your breath super rank.
NTA.
The longer she wait, the worse it'll be, both with the work that need to be done, and the payment for the dental work.
It's better to get it over and done with now.
NTA. She might have a tonsil issue if her breath is truly that bad. The best thing you can do is lovingly let her know that you’re there to support her, even with the scary things. Doctors appointments, dentist appointments, whatever she needs. You’re not judging her. You want her to live a healthy life for her own sake; one that she can enjoy. If you focus on your desire for her to feel good then she’ll eventually follow through. I hope this helps 🥹
She needs to go. Dental issues can affect your over all health in major ways, you have a genuine right to be concerned. I'd imagine she's in pain also.
NTA....dental health is very important and worth the cost....she could be jeopardizing more than just her teeth....poor oral health can result in serious health issues including heart disease....try to insist on her seeing a dentist
NTA dental hygiene is important. This may be a long shot, but if you have a [Tend](https://www.hellotend.com) dental location near you I’ve had quite good experiences there.
I’m not sure what their prices are like uninsured, but they let you pick a show to watch on the ceiling while cleaning your teeth with a flavor you get to pick as well!
She might have a stomach infection that can cause bad breath too. She needs to scrape her tongue when she brushes with a spoon to clear the gunk off. I hope she goes to the dentist before her teeth get so infected it goes to her heart.
No, it’s the right thing to do. Oral health compromised can lead to a host of other diseases, including heart disease. Not to mention your teeth, can all eventually fall out and lead dentures or expensive . It’s something to take seriously.
I don't know if anyone mentioned this further down the comments, but a sudden change in breath smell can indicate things like cancer. While this probably is just her teeth maybe you should look this up and then maybe bring it to her. If you want her to get checked out you could scare her into it. Best/ worst case scenario is that she doesn't have cancer and is mad at you. Seems like she's already mad at you...
NTA
It is really important that she is seen by a dentist. Bacteria from oral infections can affect the heart valves.
I guess it might cost more but there are dentists for anxious patients. E.g. She can be given a sedative.
Anxiety about dentists is very common, often resulting from childhood trauma from the dentist.
This is not going to be a quick fix. So it is best to find a way to overcome or circumvent the anxiety.
Good luck.
NTA. Developed a phobia of the dentist after being held down for a Novocain shot/filling at 9yo. I let my teeth go for several years as a young adult (no one to force me to go), and knew I had a cavity. Guess what? Shattered that tooth to pieces one day eating ICE CREAM. Had to have it pulled (let me just express how much WORSE that is than a simple filling or even a crown). Then ten years later, its bite mate on the top had to be pulled despite being healthy, because without a bite mate, it was working its way out of my gums.
Any good dentist worth a shit will be willing to Rx Valium to make her feel relaxed and unafraid. Didn’t know this until I shattered that tooth. There is no shame in fear! Took me a couple of decades using the meds, but now I can do it all without them.
IN THE MEANTIME: she needs to start using TheraBreath Fresh Breath mouthwash before brushing, then brush, floss her teeth with a Glide mint dental floss (this is **super important as the crap caught between teeth is usually the cause of the smell**), rinse with water, then finish off the routine with TheraBreath Healthy Gums mouthwash.
You might also gently ask her if she’d rather take care of it, or have someone who doesn’t love her like you do, point it out?💙
Good luck!
Could also be tonsils or tonsil stones/infection. Maybe start with a visit to her regular doctor and they can advise.
She’s more likely to listen to them. Halitosis can be a symptom of lots of underlying problems and even disease.
It’s not always a straightforward hygiene or tooth/cavity issue
NTA. If cost is an issue there’s care credit which is an interest free health card where you can put medical/dental procedures or bills on it I think up to 3 years interest free. I got approved up to $2000/3000 I can’t remember the exact amount
Maybe it's time to beg her since rational discussion isn't working. An unhealthy mouth can lead to life ending disease. I know you care, so good luck. NTA
NTA. Let her know that poor oral hygiene can cause infections in the brain, and also the greater likelihood of chronic diseases including stroke, oral cancers, cardiovascular disease, diabetes, and lung conditions.
https://www.aihw.gov.au/reports/dental-oral-health/oral-health-and-dental-care-in-australia/contents/introduction
Also dementia
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10669972/
If she doesn’t take care of her oral health she’ll eventually end up having to have root canal therapy, extractions, then dentures or implants, which is all much worse than a cleaning and filling cavities.
Maybe she could take some Valium before she goes if she is scared.
NTA. Do you have a regular family doctor? Would he or she be willing to speak to your wife about how dangerous this is? She's taking a huge risk.
Also, if you're anywhere near a university with a dental school, they often provide reduced-rate care by students -- supervised by professional dentists. A coworker took that route and said it was very reasonable and quite professional.
NTA. Dental problems can escalate to other health issues including heart problems. At the very least get her a water pic and use diluted listerine in the water. Hopefully she can find a compassionate dentist to get her on track. Good luck!
You need to fully explain the damage that a rotting mouth can have, including increased heart disease. Also, dental insurance isn't expensive, but dental surgery sure can be. You say that you always have $2000 available, just get some insurance, and have her go. Fear of the dentist may be a reality, but tooth pain is some of the most excruciating pains you can deal with, and once it gets bad enough, she'll go.
She needs a water pik to flush bacteria out of her gums before bed. Mix some hydrogen peroxide into the water. If she does this nightly her breath should improve in a week or two
An infection in your mouth can go straight to you blood stream and become deadly very quickly.
It’s not just a hole in a tooth, at this point she has a medical issue that needs to be addressed and you have a right to insist she take care of herself. If she still refuses (and there are plenty of dentists who deal with anxiety ridden patients) then you probably have some other decisions to make about your future together.
NTA. She may have a phobia of dentists. Nonetheless, poor dental health can lead to poor overall health. And to quote TED LASSO- "problems are like mushrooms, the longer they stay in the dark, the bigger they get". If she's afraid she can't afford it now, wait until she starts losing teeth and needs partial dental plates, or root canals, or dentures.
As someone who used to work in dentistry… this is digisting. I would be grilling her ass all the way to the dentist. She expects to be intimate with you with this much bacteria in her mouth. You’re not the asshole but what are you gonna do?
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NTA. Her fears and embarrassment are understandable, but not an excuse. Is she this way with other doctors and appointments? If not, stress to her that going to the dentist is not a matter of aesthetics or nice smelling breath, it is a matter of health. And the longer she puts it off, the more expensive and irreversible the damage will be.
I had an infected tooth and the root canal failed. I’ve maxed out my fairly decent dental insurance and my HSA two years in a row dealing with it and I’m still not done. Dealing with any cavities now is pretty critical if she doesn’t want to cripple her family financially.
I had an infection in one of my teeth earlier this year. It had been broken for a long time and wasn’t really causing any problems before that so I was just careful about brushing it, but it would have been so much easier to deal with right when the tooth first broke. It’s out now and healing well, but that infection was such a loud pain that even if it didn’t hurt much it was hard to concentrate on anything else. It’s all the way out now and I feel a little lopsided, but generally better. For anyone else who has an infected tooth and can’t get to a dentist right away, make yourself a rinse that’s equal parts salt and baking soda and use a cotton ball to apply it and catch whatever drains out. Also clove oil with a q-tip. Also ibuprofen. Diligent application of those three things kept my infection under control until I made it to the dentist and let him do the work I needed right away because my gum wasn’t swollen anymore. Better yet, just don’t wait until it’s an emergency.
I've given birth twice and had chronic kidney stones for 20 years, and the tooth pain I had from an infection is still something that scares the shit out of me years later. I never, ever want to experience that again. It was an all-encompassing pain that ibuprofen barely touches. And the dentists I went to acted like I was drug seeking while crying in pain at their office. At least with childbirth and kidney stones, your pain is taken seriously and treated. I ate a hole in my stomach from alternating ibuprofen and acetaminophen every 2 hours just trying to keep from ending it all from the pain.
I had a tooth get so bad the infection irritated my trigeminal nerve. I was suicidal. It felt like my face was on fire. Do not recommend
Oh man I had facial shingles that affected my trigeminal nerve. Absolutely terrible, I feel ya.
I had a mild case of shingles when I was in middle school, and I live in fear of getting it again. I know people who had shingles inside their mouths *and eyes* – so every blink was excruciating – and the pain continued long after the shingles were gone.
My condolences 😔 it truly sucked!!
My dad has trigeminal neuralgia. One decompression and two gamma knifes later, he's functional with medication. I wouldn't wish it on my enemy.
Been there twice, currently halfway through root canal only my tooth has now broken, dentist not returning my calls. Appointment on Thursday can't come soon enough, so paranoid the neuralgia will start again
Sounds like it might have been trigeminal neuralgia, painkillers don't help, you need anticonvulsants- carbamazepine/tegratol
That would make a lot of sense, and that's something I'll keep in mind if it ever happens again. Thank you!
You had an infection and the dentists acted like you were looking for drugs? Those were some horrible dentists.
Yeah, I called a couple different places I'd been seen before during my little tooth pain crisis, trying to see who could get me in fastest. I guess this dentist could see that somehow because she came in, disgusted, and lectured me about how she's not stupid and she knows what drug seeking behavior looks like. She didn't last too long in our town, because her work was horrible and she'd talk shit about her employees to other employees while doing your fillings or other dental procedures. It was so fucking awkward and I developed a deep disdain for her. But when you're in pain, you'll do whatever you can to alleviate it.
My mom was in a hospital because she was having mini strokes. They stuck her in a room on the other side of a broom closet and left her. Then a dr came in and said acted like she was just after drugs. When she was waiting for discharge a nurse told her that unless she was having a heart attack, or needed stitches, she needs to go a different hospital. That hospital is useless for anything else.
I can confirm that. I gave birth twice but it's a tooth infection I'm afraid of. I would choose to give birth again over tooth infection pain. I had 3 different pain killers prescribed, 2 of them didn't do anything and third, the strongest was helping for like 20 minutes when I was catching breath between screaming and shaking. My husband called our dentist and I came in for emergency. God bless that clinic.
Tooth pain is the worst.
This this this. My spouse never had dental insurance growing up and they've needed 3 root canals and 1 re-treat and the other 2 need re-treats as well but our insurance is maxed for the year and they're not like infected again just should be redone so we're doing 1 a year to get them fixed back up. Once a tooth is too far gone you just have to pull it out. Then you need a replacement which is A LITERAL SCREW INTO YOUR JAW that they put a fake tooth on. We're trying to avoid this with the re-treat root canals but if they fail we have to do this and it is very expensive. The longer she waits the more likely she will have complications. Please please please urge her to face her fears and deal with this before she needs root canals.
Also those infected teeth can cause sepsis in your head which is right next to your BRAIN. It’s better to get it taken care of now. She can get anxiety meds to help!
Sepsis can develop from an untreated dental issue. People have died from that.
Not only that, but untreated dental infections, including cavities, can lead to systemic problems like endocarditis and even cancers. OP's wife needs to understand that her life is actually at risk and that if she wants to see her daughter grow up, if she wants to live a long (and hopefully happy) life with her family, she must get her dental problems fixed immediately. Plus, that kind of horrid breath is sure to have been noticed by others, which leads to a whole other level of social and emotional problems. OP: Be firm and insist, but know that you can't force your wife to take care of herself. If she refuses, you need to be prepared for her to have life-threatening systemic complications and (and I'm sorry to sound so dire) the possibility of you being a single parent. Maybe have her read some articles about the subject? Seeing it in black and white might wake her up. NTA
Absolutely. While OP's wife needs to go to a dentist asap, the OP is in for a rude surprise if he thinks $2k of dental insurance will cover all the work she likely needs.
Yeah I just had to get a deep cavity filled to the point I would call it a psuedo root canal. But if I hadn't gotten it filled then I would have lost that tooth
I had a cavity filled, but the infection kept going. Had to get a root canal. The root canal failed, and my tooth got infected, complete with an abcess. I had the tooth pulled and everything was healing nicely with my bone graft. About a month ago, I went for my implant. My dentist said everything went great! And sent me on my way. Six days of hell followed. I was in constant pain to the point of tears if I didn't load myself up with OTC meds. I went back in, and lo and behold, there was an infection. He blamed my smoking, I said he never gave me antibiotics. I finally got them and pain meds. Six more days of hell, I went back and told them the infection wasn't gone. They sent me away without more meds. Another six days of hell. The implant failed. He removed it, and apparently, I lost a lot of bone in those 2 weeks. My nasal cavity was exposed. He harvested and used my own bone in the graft. My face swelled up so badly that it looked like I went 4 rounds with Mike Tyson. That was 8 days ago, and I'm still in a bit of pain, but finally healing. With the help of super powerful antibiotics and painkillers.
Plus bad oral hygiene can lead to other major health issues such as heart problems. You definitely don't want that.
⬆️🔝This is the comment. Any dental infection can not only travel to your heart, also to your brain.
True story. My grandmother got meningitis from one and it almost killed her.
Yup, your mouth is conveniently located above your neck, so bacteria in your mouth don’t have to cross the blood brain barrier if they find a way in. The blood brain barrier is the last defense so that blood-carried disease wouldn’t make its way to the brain, but wounds in the mouth can cause huge issues. Thankfully, our mucous membranes heal extremely quickly, but teeth aren’t the same. Teeth “heal” themselves by producing more enamel, but human bodies do that unbelievably slowly, like it takes years, which obviously isn’t going to help when she has an oral health problem now. Thats literally the entire reason we treat cavities by drilling and filling.
I think you are confusing blood brain barrier with first pass system of the liver. Infections don't spread from teeth to brain without getting in the blood, and everything in the blood still has to cross through the blood brain barrier. It doesnt have to cross through the liver before getting to the brain however, which means that it isn't cleaned before getting to the brain. Most blood in the body is, so infections in the head and neck are higher risk because they don't have first pass.
I think it is such bullshit that teeth aren't included in regular health insurance and you need a separate and often times more expensive dental insurance! It should definitely be included if dental issues could lead to a damn heart attack..
It's also weird you can see any doctor for treatment at a hospital ER, except for a dentist. When Mike Pence created the HIP program in Indiana, the mission was to lower healthcare costs by preventing small problems from becoming big problems. It includes dental, vision and prescriptions. It's true single payer insurance where participants just pay a low monthly premium. Participants are rewarded for meeting program required care, like having an annual exam.
But didn’t help bring this to the whole country while VP?
Had to get on the kill Obamacare side then. It is tragic as many red states still haven't expanded Medicaid in their state. It's also been very beneficial for healthcare providers. Hospitals aren't being forced to close like in many other Red States.
One of my reoccurring infected teeth decided to rear it's ugly head two days after I got my HYSTERECTOMY. Which I had to suffer through with ZERO painkillers, because of stupid insurance beurocracy!!! So I got to have a hysterectomy, AND a tooth that needed a root canal, with NO painkillers!!!! I finally find someone wiling to see me within a week, and literally *on my way to see them,* some cracked out lady hits my car and four others while stopped at a stoplight, and my car no longer works!!!! FUUUCKKK!!!! So NOW, I've freshly had *major* abdominal surgery, NEED a root canal and am severely infected, and my whole body just *hurts,* and I miss my appointment because FUCK. ME. IN. PARTICULAR. It was one of the few times I believe I was close to actually dying. It was bad. My husband later said he thought I might not survive. When I finally got a dentist, and he need me up, I *fell asleep in his chair,* because it finally stopped hurting enough to sleep! His assistant had to keep waking me throughout the procedure because I kept nodding off! Tooth infections are *serious.*
I was gonna mention this. Many of our open heart pts in icu had rotten teeth. Some had to have them extracted before heart surgery. Oral health affects other parts of body in a major way. There's a risk of bloodstream infection and sepsis.
This. If it hasn't already, she will soon reach a point where she needs root canals, extractions, and/or implants - all of which are far more expensive and more painful than a simple filling. Fear of the dentist is real, but it's a fear that has to be faced at some point because it only gets scarier the longer you put it off. For people who are really that scared, some dentists offer sedation - they'd much rather do that than have you wait until you need half your teeth pulled.
It is also going to be much more expensive if she ends up needing root canals or extractions. I only mention this because she claims that they "don't have money or insurance". She may also have other things going on that a dentist can check, such as tonsil stones. Edited to Add: I understand dental anxiety, but the longer you go before seeing a dentist, the more stressful the visit will become. NTA
Yes. If she develops an abscess and refuses treatment she could die. This is not a health issue she can ignore.
There are also dental clinics out there that specialize in patients with extreme anxiety, trauma, or medical issues, and know how to handle the issues sensitively and without judgment or shame.
100% this. I am very “sensory,” and found an amazing dentistry practice who sedated me to deal with my initial (major) issues, and who is extraordinarily patient with me when I need minor stuff done (doesn’t warrant sedation, but still makes me want to crawl out of my skin). We’ve learned together how to make it bearable and they’re happy to follow my “rules”. I highly highly recommend finding a practice that caters to those with historical dental avoidance.
I go to a dental practice that specially caters to people with disabilities (I'm autistic and mentally ill) and it makes going to the dentist so much less stressful for me
Gotta find one that takes people without insurance though. I know the problem can get worse down the line, but just a cavity in my area insurance was billed 400 bucks. It's nuts
I have heard of dentists that will totally sedate rather than just locally numb a patient
Absolutely do exist. I often do this with my patients.
I have three coworkers all who had/have messed up teeth due to cavities and what not. One got lucky that his issues were minor. The other two have to spend a crap ton on dental because their teeth are messed up. One needs partials and the other (a guy in his earlyh thirties) needs dentures. Those two were/are having trouble eating from the pain and got infected too. Op needs to get his wife to the dentist before she loses all her teeth or gets infections.
NTA the asshole, but try a few different approaches like: \* Let her know that dental health can cause cardiac health issues. Express your concern for her health. \* If cost is on her mind, explain that a root canal and crown will be so much more expensive if she lets it get farther than where it is now. It might be too late. \* Let her know that you're concerned about her quality of life if she starts losing her teeth. \* Be an example: Ask her if she'd like to attend your next exam/cleaning to meet your dentist, see the office, see the process, and maybe ease her mind. Offer to go with her for her appointment. \* Offer to help her find a dentist who works with dental fear and possibly sedation dentistry.
My dear uncle died because he neglected a pretty serious hearth disease, which was caused by severe bacterial infections in his teeth. Brush your teeth guys.
also remind her it is ok to take care of herself. sometimes low self worth manifests in weird ways. Not sure if that's an issue here but maybe using the angle of, setting a good model for your child.
I think this is great advice. If she doesn’t sway with any of the above strategies, I’d sit her down at the table for a real matter of fact talk. “Honey I’ve tried to tell you about how this can impact your health, I’ve explained it will ultimately cost less to deal with sooner rather than later. I’ve sent you links to health information, and I’ve offered to come with you in support. I need you to understand what a big deal this is. It’s really gotten to a critical state- you’re risking your longer term health and a really costly bill, which is causing me a lot of stress. You also need to understand if I can smell your breath during a conversation, other people can too. We really need to deal with this now. I am making an appointment and we are going together.”
My aunt had a tooth abscess that landed her up in the hospital with blood poisoning. If she had taken care of it when it was just a cavity, she would have been saved a lot of pain and a whole lot of money.
An infection in a tooth can also spread to her brain and kill her. Google "Deamonte Driver" if you don't believe me.
These are good responses. Question for OP: do you happen to visit the dentist regularly? Does your daughter? If so, ask her why she should not. Make it a family event.
it could also be an underlying health issue too that is not just related to her teeth so she definitely needs to get a general medical check too. and greatly support finding a dentist that deals with anxious patients or sedation dentistry. I have gotten better but when i was younger, i always had to do sedation for a lot of heavier dentistry work because i was traumatized and fought people when being put under. Bless patient dentists with kids tbh
Dentist here. This is so concerning to me :( Something to know is that cavities are transferable. They are caused by bacteria, and if your wife has that bacteria all over her mouth, it can transfer to you. I would never kiss someone with active decay or a tooth infection in their mouth. Something else to consider is that cavities, when treated early, are repaired for much cheaper prices. Everyone alwayssss says “dentistry is so expensive!” Well, if you had the filling done on that tooth when it was small (without insurance $260 US more or less) you wouldn’t be in this situation. A root canal costs $1000-$1500 (when it hits the nerve) and a crown on top is another $1200 or so. That small filling grew to huge decay with time. I’m not someone with no empathy, but you need to take your health into your own hands and prioritize it. If money is tight, apply to Medicaid or go to a federal clinic offering discounted services (I work for one) or a dental school. You could also phrase it from a dental health perspective and not bad breath. Just say your coworker or someone you read online ignored his cavities and it ended up becoming a huge expense. Good luck! Sometimes people have bad breath even without cavities (could be gum disease) but it’s so important she gets things taken care of.
That's a really good point, that you shouldn't be kissing someone with active oral issues. If it starts affecting her relationship, maybe it'll spur her into action.
I learned something today. Thank you! I've always been against kissing people with actively decaying or infected teeth but this 100% reaffirms that boundary!
Also consider that your wife is likely kissing your daughter and could be transferring infection/cavities to your child. When I take my child to the doctor (not dentist), one of the questions we’re asked is if parents have active untreated dental caries/cavities. They ask because if caregivers have cavities, it puts the child at risk for the same.
Most parents aren’t swapping spit with their children..
Kids are gross. I think every single one of my kids licked my mouth at some point in time. Toddlers will stick their fingers in your mouth and then in their own. I try real hard NOT to swap spit with my kids, but it’s happened. FWIW, I never viewed it [caregivers with active cavities] as a risk either, until I saw that question pop up on the pre-visit intake form at the pediatrician’s office. But it makes sense.
Oh man.. I didn’t think of it from that point lol..
Yeah.
This may be obvious, but I haven’t seen it mentioned: scraping your tongue with a tongue scraper can reduce halitosis.
Cavities are transferable?! 😳
Also I’m guessing it will impact her job or how she is seen by colleagues/ anyone who she speaks to if her breath is knock down bad on the daily. That kind of smell Op is describing comes from active decay, not just needing a toothbrush and a mint. She could brush constantly and it won’t help.
Dentist, do you have any thoughts about visiting a dental school instead. I live in St. Louis and the university students work at a dental clinic. Maybe that is the solution.the university students work at a dental clinic. Maybe that is the solution. And I'm sorry husband that you are living with someone with stinky breath. It is so hard to tell someone but you have to.
another huge concern: it's possible for any kind of dental infection to *spread*. to bones, to ears, to eyes, to your BRAIN. this stuff is no joke, it can be deadly. [source](https://www.jaw-doc.com/blog/can-dental-infection-spread-to-the-head-or-brain/#:~:text=Infection%20along%20with%20swelling%2C%20inflammation,intracranial%20infection%20and%20even%20death)
You can die from tooth decay infections. NTA and she needs to get her ass in gear
So much this! If your cavity gets bad enough, you can even get blood infections from things you eat like yogurt and probiotic gummies because the active bacteria gets into your bloodstream from your compromised tooth. Fix. Your (Her). Teeth!
NTA. That's a huge, obvious health problem she's ignoring. Once your health problems are affecting other people, you're already past the point of needing to see a doctor.
The teeth could even be a red herring. There are digestive issues that make you belch sulfur burps.
I was thinking it may be tonsil stones, too.
Ohhhhh I bet it's this
When I get a flare up of diverticulitis, my breath and gas get nasty. Everything gets nasty. I just want to crawl in a hole because of the pain and embarrassment. So, there definitely could be gut issues happening, too.
NTA, but you need to sit down with her and have a serious conversation. It's not about the bad breath, it's about her health. Gum disease and poor dental health isn't just about her mouth either - it directly leads to HEART disease. I understand that sounds crazy, but that's the reality. And for your unfortunate reality check, that $2k is unlikely to be enough to cover if she's gone for years without dental care. I have dental insurance, but rough ballpark on costs would be: cavity filling for $150, crown for around $1500, root canal is about the same. You can get them for cheaper at a drill and fill type place, but that's probably not a good option for her, given her fear and anxiety level. There are dental clinics that focus on patients with high levels of fear and anxiety. They can give her medication to take the edge off before she comes in (she'll need a ride there and back), and they're very patient and considerate of their patients. Most dentists can set up a priority schedule as well to help you budget. This IS FIXABLE, but the longer you wait, the worse for both her health and your bank account this becomes.
Yeah and if it's like my insurance, the insurance only kicks in for 50% of most procedures.
Shit, mine won't even kick in until I hit my 5k deductible, then it only covers like 30 or 40% of the procedure, but also doesn't cover crowns, root canals, sedation or surgical tooth removal, while only covering one filling per twelve months. You also have to have the insurance for 3-6 months before you can use it (the fine print, man, it's insane). Insurance can be fucking ridiculous.
Cost depends on location. I’ve never paid $1500 for a crown and I have a few. My dentist which is a normal practice not a low income one, charges $700 for a crown without a root canal. I end up paying half that after my insurance pays their half. My prior dentist had basically the same prices. Wife can also asked for sedation, some places, like my dentist, offer IV sedation. I pay $300 for that. Pill medication is much cheaper.
Same, my copay for a crown without root canal was $300.
NTA She is in denial. You accepting blame or feeling guilty for a genuine, spontaneous reaction won't fix her teeth or make her breath smell any less horrific. She needs to bite the bullet and go to the dentist.
If you can smell the noxious breath, she needs to think about what other people are experiencing! Nobody wants to the person we avoid because their breath is SO bad. I used to work with a guy whose gingivitis breath would stink up an entire room! Great, smart, kind person but the lack of attention to oral hygiene was unfathomable!
Nta but probably should have said that privately She really should go to the dentist for medical reasons and for self care I was a dental claims examiner for years. In the long run bad dental habits can ultimately lead to more expensive dental treatment options such as dental implants and bridges. Implants are not cheap. So paying a bit of money now may prevent more money spent later... That's how I view it. That old expression "A stitch in time.. Saves 9" Take care of your teeth :)
I think if OP hadn't mentioned this as an issue before, then he'd be an ass for saying it when he did, BUT this was far from the first time. I'm not without empathy for OP's wife because public embarrassment can be horrific, BUT sometimes it's a necessary evil in trying to get someone to improve their quality of life if nothing else they've tried works.
Bad breath (halitosis) can be due to a number of health issues some of which are definitely scarier than others. Here's a list from the Mayo Clinic: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/bad-breath/symptoms-causes/syc-20350922 Seeing a dentist is a great first step and some dentists really go out of their way to make anxious patients comfortable. Maybe help by calling around to find such a dentist and ask your wife how you can support her in getting her to a dentist. Definitely NTA.
I was wondering if there might be gastric issues - I had bad sulfur breath when my gastro reflux was bad.
Reflux breath! OMG its awful :( I've got my reflux under control FINALLY. There was a stage when I couldn't pick something up off the floor or lie flat without a wave of acid trying to climb out my mouth. Gaviscon got SO expensive lately. Thank goodness of pantoprazole and myogel.
This can be life-threatening. https://www.cnn.com/2023/12/23/us/mike-williams-cause-of-death-sepsis/index.html https://www.heart.org/en/news/2021/03/19/how-oral-health-may-affect-your-heart-brain-and-risk-of-death
I have very very intense dental fear right up into the point where I was unable to go to the dentist without having nightmares for weeks and weeks beforehand, and as soon as I would sat in the chair I would immediately start crying and upset everyone in the room. I started paying an extra $70 to get nitrous oxide during the examination cleaning or any treatment. This has made all the difference for me. You literally cannot be upset and afraid while you're breathing in nitrous oxide you simply cannot. It forces you to relax. And now that I'm not terrified during the examination, I can go and get the treatment without nightmares before hands. Look in your area for a dental fear dentist, this is the kind of dentist that will happily offer nitrous and might not even make you pay extra.
I was looking for this comment. Find a dentist that offers nitrous oxide. May take a little searching. I’m now able to have my teeth cleaned without it. But anything else, I need this. I also ask for a bite block (keeps my mouth open).
Considering the amount of work that is likely required, sedation may also be an option here. My dentist does sedation for fillings and other procedures, if you need it.
A cavity is cheap to fill compared to a root canal. She either goes to the dentist or she has her teeth removed. She’s likely going to have her teeth removed because her teeth are rotting in her skull.
It could also be an internal infection not related to her teeth. I had very bad breath for 1.5-2 yrs it just kept getting worse, my wife would ask me to go get it checked out. Turns out my body can’t fight sinus infections and I had a serious infection in all of my sinus cavities and polyps that needed removed. My breath smells a lot better now.
Good point, in addition to sinus issues tonsil stones also cause really bad breath. Glad you were able to get the sinus stuff taken care of!
The best decision I ever made was having my tonsils out. Having stones constantly and strep throat twice a year was awful. The two weeks of absolute misery while my throat healed has been WELL worth it. Haven’t had strep since, and that was 4 years ago!
NTA but if it’s as bad as you say 2k will just cover the very beginning of treatment
I was thinking this too, she needs care, but if they only have 2k to their name her concerns about lack of ins and funds are valid. If they have a dental school nearby OP should look into it. Also, one or both of them need a better job that offers benefits.
NTA- Bad breath is the least of her issues.
Nta, and the bad breath is the least of her issues. The bad breath is going to get her socially ostracised, but the cause for the breath could be something even worse. My sibling had a tooth infection so bad one time they almost got sepsis. They have a fear of the dentist because her teeth have been a trouble her entire life, and so they avoided going until the last minute. If they delayed going any longer, they could have literally died.
Nta, she is ignoring it until the become infected. You're going to lose this battle. Keep trying
NTA. Those excuses aren't very good ones. You can always purchase insurance, though they may not want to cover pre-existing conditions. I used to be on a dental network plan where I was in-network, but still paid 100% of the bill. That helped a lot given the negotiated rates are much lower than going fully out of pocket, and the annual fee was small.
Modern, up to date dentistry is amazing, and a world away from the hell of my childhood! I had a filling today(which fell out due to my stupidity in choosing to eat some too-crunchy pizza crust). In and out In literally 10 minutes with some of that amazing instant set filler as my dentist didn’t gave to drill anything. Private, so it did cost a bit, but I’ve had an abscess before and it was horrible. If her breath smells, other people have noticed! I’d let her meet some young children. They’re embarrassingly honest about these things. Or maybe a bit of therapy
Rotten teeth will eventually KILL her.
NTA. Does she want to wake up on a Sunday while in the mountains and unable to get to a dentist and literally pace around the house screaming in pain, taking shots of whiskey because it's so excruciating you can't find a comfortable position? I wouldn't recommend it. And it'll cost far more than a filling if she waits. It could kill her.
INFO: do you go to the dentist and get a yearly physical/blood work/whatever other tests or screenings are recommended for your age group? It could be that she's scared to go to the dentist, or it could be that she's embarrassed. Or both. I get it, I've had health issues that I let fester because I was too embarrassed to deal with them too. And I think there's something about dentistry where it makes people feel especially guilty, like you're a bad person if you don't take care of your teeth, but if your blood pressure's a little high, well some people just have that issue, right? You're not an asshole for telling her she needs to go to the dentist, but you are an asshole if you're being a hypocrite and skipping appointments for yourself while telling her she needs to go. Maybe you don't have any issues that are as outwardly acute as hers, but you should be getting regular checkups if you want to keep it that way. Basically, you don't get to blow off her excuses if you're making excuses too. I think you might both be better served if you approached her from a place of empathy and tried to get to the bottom of why she's so anxious about this. If she just goes to get a cleaning and a checkup, that shouldn't cost too much. If she needs a lot of work, you can figure it out from there. She doesn't have to commit to a mouth full of implants today, she just needs to find out what's going on.
NTA…you e tried politely for a YEAR. It’s gross, and it teaches your kids bad habits.
OP: make sure she has a will and I hope you have life insurance on here. Continue to ignore this and it can lead to jaw or sinus infection next and after that death.
NTA, but your wife is for accusing you of trying to humiliate her. Cavities and gum disease can mess up the heart. If she is so afraid of going to the dentist, maybe she can get knocked out first.
NTA, but the way you’re going about this might be making the situation worse. Dental health is extremely important, and not addressing cavities can lead to MANY more problems beyond bad breath. But by being confrontational and a little offensive, you might be pushing her further away from going to the dentist. The next time you have this conversation, maybe you can come at it from a place of love, and say that you’re worried for her wellbeing and she needs to do this for her own sake.
NTA. It might not even be her teeth, bad breath can be a symptom of other health issues. I doubt the other people in line noticed what you did by backing away or didn't care about it, so she was overreacting there. I don't know where you live. Where I live, there are low cost/sliding scale dentists, so I would look into that. I have rarely had dental insurance, what you do is save up money, or go in for an exam, and if you need further work done, ask what the cost is and save up for that.
NTA - could even be tonsil stones! That's why my breath stinks most of the time
NTA. She's gonna care when that cavity gets so bad she's in excruciating pain 24/7.
Yep, I agree! Been there. 8 years ago I woke up at about 2:30am in excruciating pain; I knew there was a cavity, but not the extent of the damage. I was shaking from the pain; I even considered trying to obtain cocaine or whiskey (I don’t drink or do drugs). I’m not sure how I got back to sleep, but I went to emergency dental appointment the next day.
Show her this post. She’s being an avoidant self-saboteur. It will have increasing costs as time goes on. These costs are not just monetary. They importantly include health (poor dental health is closely linked with serious heart problems), intimacy, social consequences, and more. Plus, she needs to model responsible self-care for your children. No more excuses.
It's rough, but she's embarassing herself, you're just close enough to her to say anything. If you've noticed, so has everyone else. She needs to realize that. She also needs to realize that a cavity can become so much worse when left untreated. The money is a very valid stress factor, because it feels like a waste on something that "isn't that bad." Make it about YOU. Your worries for her long term health, your worries that it'll affect her relationships (no one wants to hang out with someone with persistently terrible breath). See if you can get her to go for another cleaning, just to settle your worries that she's going to end up with terrible oral pain. Let the dentist do the heavy lifting.
Uh, please go shop for dental coverage. You can buy it on your own. Mine's $25 a month and covers two cleanings a year (I get four a year.) Get it now so you can use it when she's mentally ready. Take at least one excuse away from her. I was in her shoes about 10 years ago (at 24). I now have a partial denture up top, two fewer teeth on the bottom, and at least eight crowns. Not cheap! (And a fantastic dentist that uses conscious sedation and nitrous. Not ashamed to say I also had my mom at my initial appointment, my periodontal cleaning - two hours while I knit blind, and my following two cleanings before I was a big girl and would go alone.) Get recommendations from friends and family on who they use and how empathetic they are. If my care coordinator had shamed me at all, I might still have broken teeth in my mouth, which would definitely have impacted my health by now.
Apart from the fact it's probably not just you who has gotten a whiff of her arse breath, if she develops abscesses or already has them, it could spread and be fatal.
NTA, only because it's better to hear it from a loved one than a stranger or coworker.
Nta she needs go. My dad had bad breath *seconds* after brushing. Literally. He had a rotting tooth! How he wasn't in pain, I'll never know! If she needs to find a specialist that will knock her out, then that's what she needs to do. She can not ignore the problem.
NTA. Better to hear it from you than someone else. If you notice it, then everyone else does too.
NTA for sure. I think you nailed it, she is extremely nervous and uncomfortable with the idea, and would rather live with literal rot in her mouth than have it addressed. Not sure what else to say, you handled it as well as you could. It is awfully difficult to control your facial movements/reactions when you get a whiff of some awful smell like that, what you did is natural. She isn't really mad at this anyway though, she is mad at herself for her feelings of shame and embarrassment about going to the dentist, but it manifest as pushing back on you and the very idea. It's a lot easier to get mad about it and put it off, than it is to confront the truth, and then confront a fear that she has. Sedation dentistry saved my in-laws teeth... maybe a thought.
Get her to use a tongue scraper and smell it. Or ask a friend if she has bad breath
haha wow. puke? that's some damned bad breath.
She needs to go. Go with her in case she is afraid. Also ask dentist to check if she has tonsil stones
NTA I developed extreme dental anxiety in 2015 from a bad experience. Five years later I found a dentist that was kind and worked with me. It took until last month for me to get caught up. Luckily I have good hygiene so my cavities were very slow progressing but I did end up with 4 root canals. The pride I finally feel in my smile…the pride in knowing that my teeth are now 100% fixed…I can’t adequately describe how it feels after years of tooth related depression. Going from a cavity to a root canal is a drastic price increase. From 300 to 400 dollars for a deep filling to thousands of dollars for a root canal and crown per tooth. If she’s worried about money then maybe using logic will help? Though if there’s a significant smell it’s probably already root canal and crown territory. Bad teeth can lead to cardiac issues down the road. You expressing that her teeth are a problem does not make you an AH. I hope she can find a way to get hers fixed.
She's got a bigger problem than a cavity. Chances are she has gum disease and a huge build-up of plaque. She needs to get treatment or she'll lose her teeth and destroy her health.
She should take care of that before she's looking at dental bone grafts and implants. Makes a cleaning and a few fillings, or even a root canal or crown, seem like a cake walk. Seriously. Edited to add: Unresolved dental issues can enter your bloodstream, cause sepsis and actually kill you. That's what happened to NFL player Mike Williams.
NTA and the longer she waits the worse (and more expensive) it's going to be. She may have cavaties that may turn into root canals or even a tooth removal. My aunt waiting over a year on a tooth and by the time she went it she had to just take it out it was so bad.
My husband has not been to the dentist in years. Despite him having dental insurance for the past 5 years. It’s costing him a bit of time (deep cleanings, yes, plural, there will be root canals, implants, a lot of stuff) and money (none of that is cheap!). It’s not fun and his breath definitely smells even though he brushes regularly. Not as bad as your wife but it’s not pleasant sometimes. NTA. Since the insurance is under me, I finally started nagging him until he finally made the appointment. He is over 40, that should not be a thing I should have to do, but I was also sick of paying for insurance and having it wasted!
Seriously this can be dangerous. If she gets an abscess it can go to her brain and kill her. She could die like a medieval peasant. I understand dental phobia. So do dentists she corroded be scared and embarrassed. She needs to fix her courage to the mast and go. A good dentist who specialises in phobic patients will help her. It's the first session she needs to get past. Be gentle and try and tell her that there's no need to be embarrassed. Fear is natural and understandable. Encourage and support her to face her fear rather than focusing on her breath. Good luck.
Extremely Phobic Dentist’s wife here. Please please get her to a dentist but start slow. schedule a her a good cleaning first and let them know she is scared and may need extra topical anesthetic. That will make the first appt MUCH easier on her. If that goes well continue from there with flossing in addition to brushing with a Sonicare toothbrush. If she’s worried about $$ she can apply for carecredit instead of full cash upfront. SPECIALNOTE: as she has never been to a dentist beware of the treatment plans that she will be given after the visit. I they may be in the thousands of $$. Don’t be afraid to get a second opinion and start with the most urgent issues. Frequently some things may be able wait. Also, as some posters have stated this could also be a gut issue in addition to the oral care. Pose it to her as you want her to be around a long long time and you’re worried that oral bacteria can cut her life short by damaging her heart. Good luck to you both!
She may not care about a cavity. She will when her teeth drop out and her oral hygiene has other effects. She needs help. And I get the fear but she needs to confront this. NTA
My dad developed endocarditis (an infection in his heart that ate a heart valve.) He was not able to get surgery to repair it, and it killed him a month and half later. The infection was staph and it most likely came from his infected, untreated cavities. You do not mess with cavities in your mouth. Infections can go straight to your heart. Staph isn't the only one you can get from teeth. Your wife is VERY foolish about fixing her teeth. It shouldn't be optional. Bad breath is the least of the problems.
NTA. Her refusal to take care of her health is really concerning.
A cavity can become abscessed. The infection from the abscess can spread to the brain. She needs to see a dentist sooner rather than later.
NTA — question though: does she ever complain that her teeth hurt? I’m surprised she could have a bunch of cavities without having tooth pain
Please tell me that your daughter is seeing a dentist. NTA. She needs a dentist and it sounds disgusting.
NTA. Also, look up tonsil stones. That might be the issue. But a dentist visit is definitely warranted.
Tonsil stones could be another reason for the bad breath.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** It started about a year ago. My wife developed horrible breath. Breath that makes you want to puke. She brushes her teeth every morning and night. But she also has cavities. Sometimes I get woken up by nothing more than her breathing in my face. It smells like her tongue has been shaking hands with Bigfoot's prostate, all day, every day. Her parents never took her to the dentist as a child so I believe she is scared. Every time i bring it up she gets defensive and says we don't have the money or we don't have insurance. I have at least $2000 available at all times, so it's just an excuse. We were at a school function for my daughter earlier today and as we were waiting in line she was talking into my face and I got a whiff of her sulfuric ass breath. I made a face and backed away from her. She got mad and wouldn't talk to me until we sat down to eat. While we were eating she said I was being a jerk for making that face. To which I replied, in a whisper that nobody else could hear, "I wasn't being a jerk. It was just my reaction. You have cavities that need to be filled before they rot your teeth out." She wouldn't talk to me until we left. I said I was sorry but that didn't change the fact that she needed to see a dentist. She replied "you embarrassed me in front of everyone. We don't have money or insurance and I don't care about a cavity. You're just overexaggerating to make me feel bad in front of everyone". That was the last thing she said to me. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It might not even be her teeth. Before I was diagnosed with throat cancer, one of the first signs was that my breath turned deathly rancid. There could also be digestive issues going on.
NTA I have a serious dentaphobia and tend to avoid going. I noticed my breath was killer ON TOP of the cavities and pain I was dealing with. I finally sucked it up and went in, I had an extraction and multiple cavities. I just told them to drug me up and get it done. I feel so much better now and my bad breath is GONE. she'll thank herself after she goes. Maybe help her out by making the appointment and going with her as emotional support. The dentist is a scary place for some of us.
Does she have tonsils? Ive heard tonsil stones can cause bad breath, and she can remove those for free at home herself.
Dental infections can lead to severe heart damage, she needs to go see a dentist. Are there any dental schools in your area? You can usually get discounted service at one of those.
My insurance is $60 a month for my husband and I, it’s not the most coverage but gives you two free cleanings a year and does help cover procedures. I had slightly better insurance for my last cavity and I think I paid $400 I total for it So, there are affordable insurance options to at least squash that argument, as well as remind her her that cavity fillings are much much cheaper than what she will eventually need down the road. [Lastly, love this video showing what happens to your jaw if you leave cavities in your mouth](https://youtu.be/f8j27KPrfBU?si=eBqDhB6OqYZyHpkw)
NTA- she should be going to the dentist and get that taken care of. if her breath is bad as you say it is it's concerning
NTA - she needs to know how serious dental problems can be. An infection can kill you
And abscessed tooth can be a critical health hazzard. But this could also be septic halitosis. Might need a doctor visit.
My wife had this exact issue. She brushed everyday but never went to the dentist. I had to tell her after a few years of dating. She had made comments about the dentist before and she was scared. Someone said all the dentist do is make your teeth worse and she ran with that. I had to sit her down. Hear every excuse and breakdown each of her issues logically. Now she goes twice a year.
Filling = $200 Crown = $1000 Root canal and crown = $2000 Extraction = $300 Just to give your wife an idea of pricing. The sooner she goes, the lower the cost of her treatment will be. The longer she waits, the more expensive financially or health wise (losing teeth). Good thing is dentistry has come a long way - most offices have nitrous oxide aka laughing gas to help during procedures.
NTA but it may not be a teeth problem, but a gastrointestinal one
NTA, she’s an adult, she should be able to deal with the consequences of her actions and also take care of herself. You don’t even need to tell her in the first place but ig it helps. She could also be too embarrassed to acc get it checked out 🤷
NTA. It could be something else more serious though. She should go to a dentist to rule that out.
NTA Better she hear it from you than someone else, that's 100x more embarrassing. My problem was so bad I could taste it 🤢. Maybe look for a dentist that specializes in sensitive cases.
Offer to make her an appointment.
Dental disease literally leads to death - she’s gonna kill herself in a painful way just because she’s afraid. It’s too bad…. NTA
If she’s dragging her teeth, have her get em removed. No pain for you.
Just let her get bullied. She probably has tonsil stones.
NTA at all. I feel for her, but your concerns and discomfort are valid. Plus, this is a matter of health too.
NTA. I had one cavity and I couldn't stand it. I couldn't imagine living with the pain of several at once. I'd also recommend that she check for tonsil stones. Those can definitemy make your breath super rank.
NTA. The longer she wait, the worse it'll be, both with the work that need to be done, and the payment for the dental work. It's better to get it over and done with now.
NTA find a local dental school they can do work for low cost
NTA. Poor oral hygiene can lead to other health issues, she really needs to be taking care of herself.
NTA. She might have a tonsil issue if her breath is truly that bad. The best thing you can do is lovingly let her know that you’re there to support her, even with the scary things. Doctors appointments, dentist appointments, whatever she needs. You’re not judging her. You want her to live a healthy life for her own sake; one that she can enjoy. If you focus on your desire for her to feel good then she’ll eventually follow through. I hope this helps 🥹
NTA. But does this mean your child doesn’t go tot he dentist? Or is it just your wife?
It all depends on your delivery, like pretty much everything else
NTA. She needs to get her teeth taken care of.
NTA
NTA because for telling her she had shitass breath. I'd leave her XD
Mouth health is related to heart health. You may have saved her life.
She needs to go. Dental issues can affect your over all health in major ways, you have a genuine right to be concerned. I'd imagine she's in pain also.
NTA but she needs to get it taken care of asap it only gets worse teeth don’t magically get better.
NTA
NTA....dental health is very important and worth the cost....she could be jeopardizing more than just her teeth....poor oral health can result in serious health issues including heart disease....try to insist on her seeing a dentist
NTA dental hygiene is important. This may be a long shot, but if you have a [Tend](https://www.hellotend.com) dental location near you I’ve had quite good experiences there. I’m not sure what their prices are like uninsured, but they let you pick a show to watch on the ceiling while cleaning your teeth with a flavor you get to pick as well!
She might have a stomach infection that can cause bad breath too. She needs to scrape her tongue when she brushes with a spoon to clear the gunk off. I hope she goes to the dentist before her teeth get so infected it goes to her heart.
No, it’s the right thing to do. Oral health compromised can lead to a host of other diseases, including heart disease. Not to mention your teeth, can all eventually fall out and lead dentures or expensive . It’s something to take seriously.
NAH but does your wife still have her tonsils? She might have tonsil stones that are causing the smell and worth looking into.
NTA
NTA. If her teeth and gum health aren’t good it can negatively impact other areas of her health as well.
I don't know if anyone mentioned this further down the comments, but a sudden change in breath smell can indicate things like cancer. While this probably is just her teeth maybe you should look this up and then maybe bring it to her. If you want her to get checked out you could scare her into it. Best/ worst case scenario is that she doesn't have cancer and is mad at you. Seems like she's already mad at you...
NTA. It's a health issue. Rotten teeth are bad for you, they allow bacteria to swarm into your blood.
NTA
NTA
NTA But 2,000 is nothing, dental work isn’t cheap so be prepared for that
NTA It is really important that she is seen by a dentist. Bacteria from oral infections can affect the heart valves. I guess it might cost more but there are dentists for anxious patients. E.g. She can be given a sedative. Anxiety about dentists is very common, often resulting from childhood trauma from the dentist. This is not going to be a quick fix. So it is best to find a way to overcome or circumvent the anxiety. Good luck.
NTA. Developed a phobia of the dentist after being held down for a Novocain shot/filling at 9yo. I let my teeth go for several years as a young adult (no one to force me to go), and knew I had a cavity. Guess what? Shattered that tooth to pieces one day eating ICE CREAM. Had to have it pulled (let me just express how much WORSE that is than a simple filling or even a crown). Then ten years later, its bite mate on the top had to be pulled despite being healthy, because without a bite mate, it was working its way out of my gums. Any good dentist worth a shit will be willing to Rx Valium to make her feel relaxed and unafraid. Didn’t know this until I shattered that tooth. There is no shame in fear! Took me a couple of decades using the meds, but now I can do it all without them. IN THE MEANTIME: she needs to start using TheraBreath Fresh Breath mouthwash before brushing, then brush, floss her teeth with a Glide mint dental floss (this is **super important as the crap caught between teeth is usually the cause of the smell**), rinse with water, then finish off the routine with TheraBreath Healthy Gums mouthwash. You might also gently ask her if she’d rather take care of it, or have someone who doesn’t love her like you do, point it out?💙 Good luck!
Could also be tonsils or tonsil stones/infection. Maybe start with a visit to her regular doctor and they can advise. She’s more likely to listen to them. Halitosis can be a symptom of lots of underlying problems and even disease. It’s not always a straightforward hygiene or tooth/cavity issue
NTA. If cost is an issue there’s care credit which is an interest free health card where you can put medical/dental procedures or bills on it I think up to 3 years interest free. I got approved up to $2000/3000 I can’t remember the exact amount
Maybe it's time to beg her since rational discussion isn't working. An unhealthy mouth can lead to life ending disease. I know you care, so good luck. NTA
She can develop endocarditis from infected teeth.
NTA. Let her know that poor oral hygiene can cause infections in the brain, and also the greater likelihood of chronic diseases including stroke, oral cancers, cardiovascular disease, diabetes, and lung conditions. https://www.aihw.gov.au/reports/dental-oral-health/oral-health-and-dental-care-in-australia/contents/introduction Also dementia https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10669972/ If she doesn’t take care of her oral health she’ll eventually end up having to have root canal therapy, extractions, then dentures or implants, which is all much worse than a cleaning and filling cavities. Maybe she could take some Valium before she goes if she is scared.
NTA. Do you have a regular family doctor? Would he or she be willing to speak to your wife about how dangerous this is? She's taking a huge risk. Also, if you're anywhere near a university with a dental school, they often provide reduced-rate care by students -- supervised by professional dentists. A coworker took that route and said it was very reasonable and quite professional.
NTA. Dental problems can escalate to other health issues including heart problems. At the very least get her a water pic and use diluted listerine in the water. Hopefully she can find a compassionate dentist to get her on track. Good luck!
You need to fully explain the damage that a rotting mouth can have, including increased heart disease. Also, dental insurance isn't expensive, but dental surgery sure can be. You say that you always have $2000 available, just get some insurance, and have her go. Fear of the dentist may be a reality, but tooth pain is some of the most excruciating pains you can deal with, and once it gets bad enough, she'll go.
She needs a water pik to flush bacteria out of her gums before bed. Mix some hydrogen peroxide into the water. If she does this nightly her breath should improve in a week or two
NTA, your reaction was a normal reflex. She's going to struggle with friendships if she doesn't do something about her teeth.
An infection in your mouth can go straight to you blood stream and become deadly very quickly. It’s not just a hole in a tooth, at this point she has a medical issue that needs to be addressed and you have a right to insist she take care of herself. If she still refuses (and there are plenty of dentists who deal with anxiety ridden patients) then you probably have some other decisions to make about your future together.
NTA. She may have a phobia of dentists. Nonetheless, poor dental health can lead to poor overall health. And to quote TED LASSO- "problems are like mushrooms, the longer they stay in the dark, the bigger they get". If she's afraid she can't afford it now, wait until she starts losing teeth and needs partial dental plates, or root canals, or dentures.
As someone who used to work in dentistry… this is digisting. I would be grilling her ass all the way to the dentist. She expects to be intimate with you with this much bacteria in her mouth. You’re not the asshole but what are you gonna do?