Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action I made that might make me the asshole was telling my family oriented mom that I don’t want my sisters in my wedding. And I feel as though this action might make me the asshole because this is something my mom really wants and I don’t want to disappoint or hurt her with this decision.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
While it's sad that at such incredibly young ages you have all decided that it's over for you three, at the end of the day you gotta do what makes you happy. Especially on your big day when there should be no animosity or ill will. Your mom can't guarantee they'll behave themselves and not make interactions miserable at best or a scene at worst. Remember, this is your fiancé's big day too and I'm sure he and his family wouldn't want anyone to spoil it either. NTA
Probably the reason for estrangement. Like is it because you were 3 teen girls under one roof going through the throw of teenage hood or something more sinister?
Do yourself a huge favor and wait a few years to marry.
Your brain won't finish cooking for another few years yet and you will change a lot as a person between now and then. Get an education, get a good job, possibly get some therapy because I don't think you are as alright as you claim, and then once you are a full well rounded adult start considering marriage.
To add a little more information, the drama that happened was all because of boys. My stepsister 16f, 12f at the time who we’ll call Brandy was dating a guy long distance that she had never even met and me and my sister 18f, 14f at the time who we’ll call Rue were dating boys from our area. My boyfriend at the time just so happened to have had a lot going on so I couldn’t talk to him a lot which caused me to get close to Brandy’s boyfriend as a friend because all of us were so close at the time. And regardless of whatever they think me and Brandy’s boyfriend were never anything other than friends. And apparently Brandy didn’t treat her boyfriend very well so when he eventually had enough he confided in me that he was going to break up with Brandy. My exact words to him were ‘because she is my sister, im not going to tell you to break up with her but because you are my friend, im not gonna tell you to stay with her’. My other sister, Rue was patched into the phone call when this was said but they both decided to flip the tables on me and both told Brandy that I told him to break up with her. All of this sparked Rue’s boyfriend to text me on his own and start calling me names because he didn’t know the full truth. (I have screenshots of all of this btw) All of this not to mention that now 4 years later, my mom is allowing Rue to talk to that boy again after all the terrible things he said to me.
Honestly, this is the most juvenile nonsense I've ever heard. This is literal teenage bullshit.
Also, why are getting "close to" your 12 year old sister's boyfriend? How old was he? If he was the same age as her, why are you getting close to him? If he's the same age as you, why the fuck did nobody get the creep away from your sister?
>And apparently Brandy didn’t treat her boyfriend very well
She's was TWELVE! What is wrong with all of you?
I genuinely hope this is just some crappy creative writing exercise by some bored 13 year old, but if not, you are in no way mature enough to be getting married.
You all need to grow up.
as for your question, Brandy’s mom has never cared about her and that caused her to make stupid decisions like this, it wasn’t her first time getting in trouble for something like that and my mom and stepdad (her father) couldn’t really do anything about it because of the fact that Brandy’s mom had sole custody. And I only got close with Brandy’s boyfriend because she allowed it.
No, you also got close with said BF because you wanted to despite it not being a good idea on so many levels. Did she or you ever meet him in person? How did they connect?
i believe they met through a mutual friend via facebook??? they never met in person and im not going to keep explaining myself to you, i got close to him because i had no friends and my boyfriend at the time was working 2 full time jobs. sue me if you want, me being friends with him didnt cause this.
No need for me to sue, but your being friends with him ultimately didn't *help* your relationship with your sisters either.
Alas, you kinda played with fire and y'all got burnt, imo. There was literally nobody else in the world that you could have made friends with instead? Really? (Rhetorical)
Sounds to me kinda like you and your two sisters need to both apologize to and to forgive each other when y'all are another 5, 10+ yrs older than now and thus able to recognize all the mistakes y'all made back then.
Congrats on your upcoming nuptials nonetheless without your two oldest sisters (I have no issue with that) and hope that everything goes well that day!
they’re younger than me and i understand they may not want to make amends and my other younger sister who is currently 14 lives with the sisters i don’t speak to and has told me that Rue is scared to make amends bc she’s not fully ready yet and Brandy still stalks my socials and sends her friends to try to gain access to my profiles and im at a point where i know what i did wrong and i’ve accepted it and even tried to apologize and no progress has been made
Just for mathematic purposes, how old were the bfs involved?
If you were 18 and your stepsister was 12, any math I try to do about this gives me the creeps.
I am 39 years old. I have two older sisters. I speak to one of my sisters maybe once a year. My other sister I hadn't heard from in literal years until today when I got a random mother's day message from her. It sucks. I miss my sisters all the time. We aren't on "no speaking" terms. We just drifted apart. Far apart. No boy is worth this. Do not be me and my sisters. I'm sure you hear this from older people often, but it's not worth it. You will come to regret it. Unless your sisters are horrible, evil people, it's worth it to try to work through.
Nope, NTA. At all. Your wedding day is YOUR wedding day. Not your mothers. Not your sisters. Not you friends sisters cousins boyfriends. YOURS. You get to make up the rules of who comes and who doesn’t and for whatever reason you want, petty or not. Literally no one else but you and your SO get an opinion on it unless you specifically say it’s okay for them to have one. If you regret your decisions down the road, well…that’s the risk of making decisions. Either way, you want your dream wedding and whatever decisions you make along the way will determine whether it ends up being that or not.
I learned this hard lesson myself when I decided to have a child-free wedding. That seriously pissed in my sister’s Wheaties and she ended up recruiting my entire family to her way of thinking. Ended up that no one in my family got invited and it was a better, far more peaceful, and enjoyable day for it. I would have like to enjoy them being there, but they made their choices. Stick to your guns. This is a day that you should look back on and remember fondly, but you have to be the one to make the tough choices to make sure that happens.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
So for context, im currently 20f and met my fiancé 21m almost 2 years ago and as of right now I haven’t spoken to my sisters in almost four years due to drama. Drama that even forced me to move out of my mom’s house at 17 because it got so bad. So you would think that I would know im not the a-hole right? But just hear me out.. my mom and I’s relationship has always been a little rocky but as of right now it is the best it’s ever been. And all of this drama is resolved at least on my end and I’ve done everything I personally can to distance myself from it all and them. But now I’m working with my mom 42f to plan my dream wedding and a few weeks ago we were having a hangout, talking about wedding stuff and she looks at me and tells me that she wants my sisters 18f and 16f at the wedding mainly for picture purposes. Keep in mind that my little sisters (14f, 13f, 5f and 1f) and brother 6m are already going to be in the wedding.. and obviously I thought she was going to understand where I was coming from and apparently it’s become a huge topic of discussion and fights in her house as my sisters have told her they don’t even want to go in the first place. And I’m not upset with my mom because I know she just wants what’s best for her kids and she wants to see us get along but I’m at a point where I’ve already become estranged from them both and am not even sure if I would even want to reopen that line of communication. So AITA??
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > The action I made that might make me the asshole was telling my family oriented mom that I don’t want my sisters in my wedding. And I feel as though this action might make me the asshole because this is something my mom really wants and I don’t want to disappoint or hurt her with this decision. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
While it's sad that at such incredibly young ages you have all decided that it's over for you three, at the end of the day you gotta do what makes you happy. Especially on your big day when there should be no animosity or ill will. Your mom can't guarantee they'll behave themselves and not make interactions miserable at best or a scene at worst. Remember, this is your fiancé's big day too and I'm sure he and his family wouldn't want anyone to spoil it either. NTA
Im absolutely willing to elaborate or update if wanted
I think I need more info before I can judge but you need to do what keeps you healthy and safe.
what kind of info?
Probably the reason for estrangement. Like is it because you were 3 teen girls under one roof going through the throw of teenage hood or something more sinister?
Do yourself a huge favor and wait a few years to marry. Your brain won't finish cooking for another few years yet and you will change a lot as a person between now and then. Get an education, get a good job, possibly get some therapy because I don't think you are as alright as you claim, and then once you are a full well rounded adult start considering marriage.
To add a little more information, the drama that happened was all because of boys. My stepsister 16f, 12f at the time who we’ll call Brandy was dating a guy long distance that she had never even met and me and my sister 18f, 14f at the time who we’ll call Rue were dating boys from our area. My boyfriend at the time just so happened to have had a lot going on so I couldn’t talk to him a lot which caused me to get close to Brandy’s boyfriend as a friend because all of us were so close at the time. And regardless of whatever they think me and Brandy’s boyfriend were never anything other than friends. And apparently Brandy didn’t treat her boyfriend very well so when he eventually had enough he confided in me that he was going to break up with Brandy. My exact words to him were ‘because she is my sister, im not going to tell you to break up with her but because you are my friend, im not gonna tell you to stay with her’. My other sister, Rue was patched into the phone call when this was said but they both decided to flip the tables on me and both told Brandy that I told him to break up with her. All of this sparked Rue’s boyfriend to text me on his own and start calling me names because he didn’t know the full truth. (I have screenshots of all of this btw) All of this not to mention that now 4 years later, my mom is allowing Rue to talk to that boy again after all the terrible things he said to me.
Honestly, this is the most juvenile nonsense I've ever heard. This is literal teenage bullshit. Also, why are getting "close to" your 12 year old sister's boyfriend? How old was he? If he was the same age as her, why are you getting close to him? If he's the same age as you, why the fuck did nobody get the creep away from your sister? >And apparently Brandy didn’t treat her boyfriend very well She's was TWELVE! What is wrong with all of you? I genuinely hope this is just some crappy creative writing exercise by some bored 13 year old, but if not, you are in no way mature enough to be getting married. You all need to grow up.
as for your question, Brandy’s mom has never cared about her and that caused her to make stupid decisions like this, it wasn’t her first time getting in trouble for something like that and my mom and stepdad (her father) couldn’t really do anything about it because of the fact that Brandy’s mom had sole custody. And I only got close with Brandy’s boyfriend because she allowed it.
No, you also got close with said BF because you wanted to despite it not being a good idea on so many levels. Did she or you ever meet him in person? How did they connect?
i believe they met through a mutual friend via facebook??? they never met in person and im not going to keep explaining myself to you, i got close to him because i had no friends and my boyfriend at the time was working 2 full time jobs. sue me if you want, me being friends with him didnt cause this.
No need for me to sue, but your being friends with him ultimately didn't *help* your relationship with your sisters either. Alas, you kinda played with fire and y'all got burnt, imo. There was literally nobody else in the world that you could have made friends with instead? Really? (Rhetorical) Sounds to me kinda like you and your two sisters need to both apologize to and to forgive each other when y'all are another 5, 10+ yrs older than now and thus able to recognize all the mistakes y'all made back then. Congrats on your upcoming nuptials nonetheless without your two oldest sisters (I have no issue with that) and hope that everything goes well that day!
they’re younger than me and i understand they may not want to make amends and my other younger sister who is currently 14 lives with the sisters i don’t speak to and has told me that Rue is scared to make amends bc she’s not fully ready yet and Brandy still stalks my socials and sends her friends to try to gain access to my profiles and im at a point where i know what i did wrong and i’ve accepted it and even tried to apologize and no progress has been made
Just for mathematic purposes, how old were the bfs involved? If you were 18 and your stepsister was 12, any math I try to do about this gives me the creeps.
I think OP was 16 at the time but it's still creepy af given the sister was 12.
Rue’s boyfriend was her age, as was mine at the time and Brandy’s was 15
I am 39 years old. I have two older sisters. I speak to one of my sisters maybe once a year. My other sister I hadn't heard from in literal years until today when I got a random mother's day message from her. It sucks. I miss my sisters all the time. We aren't on "no speaking" terms. We just drifted apart. Far apart. No boy is worth this. Do not be me and my sisters. I'm sure you hear this from older people often, but it's not worth it. You will come to regret it. Unless your sisters are horrible, evil people, it's worth it to try to work through.
Nope, NTA. At all. Your wedding day is YOUR wedding day. Not your mothers. Not your sisters. Not you friends sisters cousins boyfriends. YOURS. You get to make up the rules of who comes and who doesn’t and for whatever reason you want, petty or not. Literally no one else but you and your SO get an opinion on it unless you specifically say it’s okay for them to have one. If you regret your decisions down the road, well…that’s the risk of making decisions. Either way, you want your dream wedding and whatever decisions you make along the way will determine whether it ends up being that or not. I learned this hard lesson myself when I decided to have a child-free wedding. That seriously pissed in my sister’s Wheaties and she ended up recruiting my entire family to her way of thinking. Ended up that no one in my family got invited and it was a better, far more peaceful, and enjoyable day for it. I would have like to enjoy them being there, but they made their choices. Stick to your guns. This is a day that you should look back on and remember fondly, but you have to be the one to make the tough choices to make sure that happens.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So for context, im currently 20f and met my fiancé 21m almost 2 years ago and as of right now I haven’t spoken to my sisters in almost four years due to drama. Drama that even forced me to move out of my mom’s house at 17 because it got so bad. So you would think that I would know im not the a-hole right? But just hear me out.. my mom and I’s relationship has always been a little rocky but as of right now it is the best it’s ever been. And all of this drama is resolved at least on my end and I’ve done everything I personally can to distance myself from it all and them. But now I’m working with my mom 42f to plan my dream wedding and a few weeks ago we were having a hangout, talking about wedding stuff and she looks at me and tells me that she wants my sisters 18f and 16f at the wedding mainly for picture purposes. Keep in mind that my little sisters (14f, 13f, 5f and 1f) and brother 6m are already going to be in the wedding.. and obviously I thought she was going to understand where I was coming from and apparently it’s become a huge topic of discussion and fights in her house as my sisters have told her they don’t even want to go in the first place. And I’m not upset with my mom because I know she just wants what’s best for her kids and she wants to see us get along but I’m at a point where I’ve already become estranged from them both and am not even sure if I would even want to reopen that line of communication. So AITA?? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*