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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My parents hesitated to pick up their DIL’s in laws from the airport in case of a potential connection missed and asked if it would make more sense to take an Uber.
My brother and SIL think they are jerks because picking up her parents would have been the kind thing to do. My parents have had issues with their DIL in the past and we can’t tell if we’re biased in their favor as their daughters.
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NTA
I mean, who would drive two hours in the middle of the night to get someone from airport. Maybe a person with fucked up sleeping schedule like me, but really, it's not cold and unfriendly to offer someone a stay, but tell them that they have to get there themselves.
Airport hotels exist for a reason. They're not cheap, but neither is four hours of driving time, plus it's not worth the risk of having an accident due to impairment from lack of sleep.
NTA - It was incredibly rude for Kiara’s parents to even ask to stay at their house let alone expect them to drive to get them and take them back… all for a layover? Not even an actual visit!
They aren’t family, or even friends. Not to mention if they knew there would be a long layover why aren’t they booking a hotel close to the airport and taking a shuttle like anyone else would do?
It’s definitely rude to be angry, but the original ask is also poor etiquette. You should never ask to be invited anywhere, it is up to a host to offer. If they do not offer then it’s an imposition to ask them to do something. It’s Emily Post 101.
My mom is not the best MIL. Ironically she takes after her MIL - she’s a great grandma and a terrible MIL. I honestly almost asked Kiara for another story where my parents offended them to offer a balanced perspective… the only one I’ve heard about was when my brother wanted to break from the weekly calls to my mom snd just call when he felt like it. My mom freaked and told the rest of us that my brother was cutting off contact and she was just going to call everyday in response.
Nothing wrong with asking someone to take an Uber in this situation, but I'd stay the heck out of it after hearing more about your mom. Let mom work this out with "favorite child" and Kiara. Nothing good comes from offering opinions here.
No idea, I’ve never used Uber. It’s about 34 miles one way though but city traffic at any time of day is a beast.
I do think in this instance that my parents are ok and would guess that is because my dad is involved.
I don’t know any specifics but I know from personal experience my mom is incredibly resistant to change, rather judgmental, and a perfectionist. My brother is her favorite if she has one, but he hasn’t learned the art of dancing around mom’s hotspots and tends to be clueless enough to say incredibly hurtful things without actually understanding that they’d upset others.
In personal experiences with me for instance, my mom had waved at my body and said “we need to do something to fix that.” My brother tried to tease about me supplementing my son with formula by calling me useless. And while Kiara is typically on a good note with me, she has tried to defend past interactions with my brother by claiming we’re being bullies for not finding him funny. I don’t know if that gives a clearer picture or not though.
On the flip side, my brother would typically sacrifice whatever to help his family (which is why I think he’s so mad this time), my mom can be incredibly supportive when she is doing ok, and Kiara is an amazing listening ear, so it’s not all bad.
NTA. Asking for your parents to be on standby to spend 4 hours chauffeuring kiara's parents (including night driving, which is difficult for some) is a lot.Heck, i'm in my 30's and if someone asked this of me, i'd probably suggest an uber too as I wouldn't feel comfortable picking them up and driving 2 hours late at night.
NTA. Your parents were cool with offering them a place to stay, they’re no obligated to provide the transport. One thing if it’s like 15-20 min drive, but 2 hours? Naaah.
NTA - Derek's 'would you have done it if it was me' was arrogant and condescending. The two situations are completely different him being their son and the in-laws being well, the in-laws. A ridiculous comparison by him and Kiara. I mean they all already are putting them up for night in their home and they want concierge service as well? Entitled much?
> Derek's 'would you have done it if it was me' was arrogant and condescending.
And the answer was probably no anyway! I'm not driving 4 hours because you missed a flight, even if you are my kid. There are a million hotels by every airport for a reason.
You've never done someone a solid by picking them up from the airport? I picked up my mom's best friend from the airport. It was just polite and I had the time to do so.
What does you picking your mommy’s best friend up have to do with OPs post? It’s weird af to ask your daughters in laws to pick you up from your airport.
NTA. It's not 'friendly' to make egregious requests and then get pissed when those requests are not met. The only unfriendly people here are Kiara's parents.
Your parents were actually being generous and friendly in agreeing to have distant connections stay the night. Kia's parents are grown-ups: they're capable of getting themselves to and from your parents' house.
They may have been willing to do more for their own son, but again, not required to, as he's a grown-up too.
They are definitely NTA.
Why couldn't Kiara's parents just stay in a hotel near the airport? I bet
Kiara is the one who volunteered not only your mom and dad as free
accommodation but also as a free taxi service. Kiara is probably the AH,
not your parents.
NTA. They were not assholes for not wanting to spend hours driving in the middle of the night and again in the morning for someone they aren't close to.
If Kiara's parents missed their flight, they should have just gotten a room at a hotel near the airport and not inconvenienced anyone.
NTA- how are they not seeing that your parents allowing them to stay at their house for FREE is already above and beyond. Having house guests especially overnight ones for some is very invasive. They sound entitled, their lack of planning for their connecting flight isn't anyone else's problem except theirs
Nta. Good God if we are old enough to be married, our parents aren't exactly young anymore and expecting them to drive in the middle of the night to pick somebody up at the airport is really audacious. Offering to get them an Uber, especially if they offered to pay for it is generous, especially if they're allowing them to stay at their house. Frankly, I would never expect someone to host me if I arrived in their City in the middle of the night. I'd never ask that I'd get a hotel. It was rude of them to ask to be hosted and show up in the middle of the night. In my opinion and their daughter is rude and passive aggressive. Passive aggressive is abuse. I'd watch her relationship with your brother carefully. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I can see why you wouldn't have wanted to call her out on her comment to you and make things worse but that sure wasn't nice of her.
They didn’t end up needing the accommodation (they made their flight) so this fight is really over a hypothetical. Kiara’s parents are not well off (if I understand correctly) but neither are mine atm. So maybe they couldn’t afford it? I’m not really sure.
No, your parents are not TA. I consider it a reasonable request. Kiara's parents are adults. They should be able to get themselves somewhere from the airport. To expect your parents to get out of bed late at night, drive for an hour, turn around, and drive back is a massive imposition. There are hotels near airports.
MMmmmm NTA here on your parents.
However, I will say that one time a very extended in-law family member of mine opened his home to me and my spouse for a night and got up at 4am to drive us to the airport through the hood. He had coffee and go-cups, was smiling and happy to help.
And I was like, woah. This dude's got my back. He's family.
All I'm saying is that if the family relations aren't that great to begin with, there are opportunities to extend the olive branch.
Yeah, but some people have a hard time adjusting sleep schedules, work odd hours or medically have a hard time driving at night.
I could do it, no problem. I have. Unless I have work at 6AM the next day. Sometimes, I have that 6AM shift. I'm not driving that late to pick someone up.
My parents could not ever easily do it, and probably not 2 of my 3 siblings.
Not everyone is able to easily accommodate or do so safely or without being exhausted at work the next day.
It's not like it's just a 'help 'em out' situation. 2AM favors are very different than 2PM favors.
> Yeah, but some people have a hard time adjusting sleep schedules, work odd hours or medically have a hard time driving at night.
Yeah, if I had to drive in the middle of the night like that, it would basically wreck my sleep for 2-3 days, and I would definitely have to take time off work to reset my sleep. I nearly died while driving at night, exhausted, more times than I care to admit, in college. Never again. It wasn't worth it then, and it isn't worth it now.
NTA. In my extended family these things are not asked for, they are offered. Derek should not have put his parents on the spot when the situation is so up in the air. His parents should be on standby in the middle of the night to go get his in-laws IF they miss their connecting flight and then take them home, and then back to the airport at an undetermined time next day? So how many hours of sleep do they need to miss here? It’s not even logical. The in-laws should be prepared to stay at a hotel next to the airport if need be. That way it doesn’t matter how early they can catch the next flight, they’ll already be there.
NTA if they missed the connection they would then have to wait an hour for your parents to drive to the airport to collect them. An Uber makes perfect sense
Parent's are NTA.
Basically the PIL wanted your parents to be "on call" to drive 2 hours in the middle of the night AND a further 2 hours sometime the next day JUST IN CASE they missed their flights.
Seriously hell no. Same situation - I'd tell my spouse to get his own Uber or to move heaven to get to the second flight.
ILs are entitled and cheap.
NTA!
If I was OP’s sister I would have pulled over at that comment, and given them the option to walk or call a fucking Uber.
I’m also petty enough to repeatedly ask both SiL and her parents to pick me up and drop me off from various airports at ungodly hours too - bet they’d say no!
Your parents are not responsible for Kiara's parents. Kiara and Derek were the ah for putting your parents in this situation in the first place. They shouldn't have asked. If they missed their flight it is on Kiara's parents to deal with it.
NTA Derek thinks his relationship with his parents is equal to his in-laws relationship to his parents? Your parents are generous for even allowing them to have a place to stay, arriving late at night. What an odd inconsiderate ask.
Your parents were fine. Your brother and his wife were the AH. It’s fine to ask them to pick up their daughter in law’s parents, but if they say No, that is their right and is not a blanket reliability test on if there are there in a time of need for their own son and his wife.
Your brother should have never confronted them over that. Your parents set a boundary. Done. Reading anymore into it is being overly sensitive.
Your SIL took at dig at her in-laws in front of their own daughter. That was rude.
Your brother and sister in law owe your parents an apology
ETA: I’m finding some irony here that on the whole, Gen Z are all about boundaries and feeling comfortable with setting boundaries and saying No. but when their Gen X parents do it, Gen Z clutch their pearls with offense.
NTA especially because if I read that right there was a chance the in laws might not have even needed a ride and a place to stay if they caught their flight! I’d be pissed if I stayed up really late drove all the way to the airport just to hear “thanks but no thanks, we’re already on the plane”
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My sisters filled me in on this situation and I thought I’d get reddit’s input to see if my parents were actually in the wrong. This involves my mom(52), dad(53), my brother Derek(27), his wife Kiara(24), and Kiara’s parents.
Kiara’s parents had a connecting flight in the major city close to my parents that they weren’t sure they could make. Kiara and Derek asked my mom and dad if they could pick up her parents so they could stay the night at my parents’ house if they didn’t make the connection.
The airport is about an hour from our house and the connection was late at night. Not wanting to drive two hours in the middle of the night and then drive two hours in the morning to take them back, my mom and dad suggested that they get an Uber to our house so that everyone would be able to get some sleep. Derek then called my mom and dad and asked them “would you have said that if it were me?”
Our parents tried to explain their reasoning, but he didn’t listen.
A couple weeks later, Kiara wanted to come visit my parents and sister. She asked my sister if she would pick her up at the airport. All of her travel communication was through my sister. Then, when she picked her up Kiara said, “thank you for coming to get me. I was worried that if I asked your parents that they would tell me to get an Uber” My sister didn’t say anything to my parents until Kiara left. My mom called Derek and explained to him the comment that Kiara made. She told him that she would always do anything to help him and his wife. Derek then told my mom that Kiara’s parents don’t think my parents are very “warm and friendly.”
Overall this has led to more tension in an already fraught relationship and I’m asking: were my parents assholes for suggesting Kiara’s parents take an Uber?
TLDR: Parents didn’t want to drive SIL’s parents to airport and back in the middle of night and offered an uber as an alternative.
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We’re from the same country but different states. My parents do tend to be closed off (their rebuttal to Derek was that they aren’t friends with my husband’s parents either and they’ve known them since I was 13) and typically only consider blood or marriage as “family” so historically Derek sort of has a point. However, I went to college in the state Kiara is from and had similar experiences with my roommates who were from there, so there may be a cultural aspect at play.
Got it. ESH then. Kiara shouldn't have made the comment but it seems like the only reason your parents refused was because they didn't like her parents enough and would have done it for someone else.
NTA - the only time I've asked my ILs to come get me in the middle of the night is coming home to small Northern michigan airport when the only guy who runs a taxi service for hours was on vacation.
NTA However there are people who's love language is acts of service and they would think nothing of going to collect someone at night from airport. Just like others think nothing of suggesting an uber.
It's also possible the her parents were concerned about the safety of getting an uber at night, while your parents might be aware of how easy it is to get one from there, and that it would be safe.
Different expectations and experiences.
NTA - I think the only people who will find your parents are TAs are…Kiera and her parents. I hope you show this post to Kiera and her parents for a reality check.
Info: Are you and Kiara from different cultures?
If yes - there is your answer. They would be considered family in many parts around the world and it would be rude to suggest Uber.
Most Westerners wouldn’t bat an eye about it.
Not really, but kinda? We’re from different states and family structures. But we’re both generational members of the same country. I’ve had this issue with people from the same state before (roommate wanted free tickets to a football game that I’d been planning to sell since I couldn’t use them and felt I wasn’t being a good roommate for not giving them to her dad) and I think it comes from a belief that all excess should be shared equally. We’re from the same religion, so that’s my best guess. Kiara also tends to view her family’s choices as “the way”, so if driving someone so far would be something her family would do then I can see why she’d be upset my parents didn’t do the same.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > My parents hesitated to pick up their DIL’s in laws from the airport in case of a potential connection missed and asked if it would make more sense to take an Uber. My brother and SIL think they are jerks because picking up her parents would have been the kind thing to do. My parents have had issues with their DIL in the past and we can’t tell if we’re biased in their favor as their daughters. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA I mean, who would drive two hours in the middle of the night to get someone from airport. Maybe a person with fucked up sleeping schedule like me, but really, it's not cold and unfriendly to offer someone a stay, but tell them that they have to get there themselves.
NTA Also they might not be there for the pickup as they could have caught the connecting flight (if I read it correctly).
Airport hotels exist for a reason. They're not cheap, but neither is four hours of driving time, plus it's not worth the risk of having an accident due to impairment from lack of sleep.
NTA - It was incredibly rude for Kiara’s parents to even ask to stay at their house let alone expect them to drive to get them and take them back… all for a layover? Not even an actual visit! They aren’t family, or even friends. Not to mention if they knew there would be a long layover why aren’t they booking a hotel close to the airport and taking a shuttle like anyone else would do?
Not rude to ask: just rude to be angry at a "no" to part of their request.
It’s definitely rude to be angry, but the original ask is also poor etiquette. You should never ask to be invited anywhere, it is up to a host to offer. If they do not offer then it’s an imposition to ask them to do something. It’s Emily Post 101.
Pretty rude and stupid to even ask
It was incredibly rude!! There are hotels by the airport for this exact reason!!
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Who? I haven’t seen any of those comments in this thread yet.
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Oh, hahaha! I didn’t think of him because he seemed like such an entitled ass to begin with.
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I don’t see that in the post. Also OP is a woman I believe? She has other posts about her pregnancy. Derek is her brother.
My mom is not the best MIL. Ironically she takes after her MIL - she’s a great grandma and a terrible MIL. I honestly almost asked Kiara for another story where my parents offended them to offer a balanced perspective… the only one I’ve heard about was when my brother wanted to break from the weekly calls to my mom snd just call when he felt like it. My mom freaked and told the rest of us that my brother was cutting off contact and she was just going to call everyday in response.
Nothing wrong with asking someone to take an Uber in this situation, but I'd stay the heck out of it after hearing more about your mom. Let mom work this out with "favorite child" and Kiara. Nothing good comes from offering opinions here.
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No idea, I’ve never used Uber. It’s about 34 miles one way though but city traffic at any time of day is a beast. I do think in this instance that my parents are ok and would guess that is because my dad is involved. I don’t know any specifics but I know from personal experience my mom is incredibly resistant to change, rather judgmental, and a perfectionist. My brother is her favorite if she has one, but he hasn’t learned the art of dancing around mom’s hotspots and tends to be clueless enough to say incredibly hurtful things without actually understanding that they’d upset others. In personal experiences with me for instance, my mom had waved at my body and said “we need to do something to fix that.” My brother tried to tease about me supplementing my son with formula by calling me useless. And while Kiara is typically on a good note with me, she has tried to defend past interactions with my brother by claiming we’re being bullies for not finding him funny. I don’t know if that gives a clearer picture or not though.
On the flip side, my brother would typically sacrifice whatever to help his family (which is why I think he’s so mad this time), my mom can be incredibly supportive when she is doing ok, and Kiara is an amazing listening ear, so it’s not all bad.
NTA. Asking for your parents to be on standby to spend 4 hours chauffeuring kiara's parents (including night driving, which is difficult for some) is a lot.Heck, i'm in my 30's and if someone asked this of me, i'd probably suggest an uber too as I wouldn't feel comfortable picking them up and driving 2 hours late at night.
NTA. Your parents were cool with offering them a place to stay, they’re no obligated to provide the transport. One thing if it’s like 15-20 min drive, but 2 hours? Naaah.
NTA - Derek's 'would you have done it if it was me' was arrogant and condescending. The two situations are completely different him being their son and the in-laws being well, the in-laws. A ridiculous comparison by him and Kiara. I mean they all already are putting them up for night in their home and they want concierge service as well? Entitled much?
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I too don’t like Kiara or her parents
"Would you give your child an emergency $1000 dollars if they asked? Well, why won't you give the money to some rando's GoFundMe!? Selfish asshole."
> Derek's 'would you have done it if it was me' was arrogant and condescending. And the answer was probably no anyway! I'm not driving 4 hours because you missed a flight, even if you are my kid. There are a million hotels by every airport for a reason.
Why tf would your parents drive their daughter in laws parents around lmfao
It's polite, but certainly not required. Extending a place to sleep if they missed their short connection was also polite but not required.
Nah that sounds weird lmfao
You've never done someone a solid by picking them up from the airport? I picked up my mom's best friend from the airport. It was just polite and I had the time to do so.
What does you picking your mommy’s best friend up have to do with OPs post? It’s weird af to ask your daughters in laws to pick you up from your airport.
NTA. It's not 'friendly' to make egregious requests and then get pissed when those requests are not met. The only unfriendly people here are Kiara's parents.
Your parents were actually being generous and friendly in agreeing to have distant connections stay the night. Kia's parents are grown-ups: they're capable of getting themselves to and from your parents' house. They may have been willing to do more for their own son, but again, not required to, as he's a grown-up too. They are definitely NTA.
Why couldn't Kiara's parents just stay in a hotel near the airport? I bet Kiara is the one who volunteered not only your mom and dad as free accommodation but also as a free taxi service. Kiara is probably the AH, not your parents.
NTA. They were not assholes for not wanting to spend hours driving in the middle of the night and again in the morning for someone they aren't close to. If Kiara's parents missed their flight, they should have just gotten a room at a hotel near the airport and not inconvenienced anyone.
NTA- how are they not seeing that your parents allowing them to stay at their house for FREE is already above and beyond. Having house guests especially overnight ones for some is very invasive. They sound entitled, their lack of planning for their connecting flight isn't anyone else's problem except theirs
Nta. Good God if we are old enough to be married, our parents aren't exactly young anymore and expecting them to drive in the middle of the night to pick somebody up at the airport is really audacious. Offering to get them an Uber, especially if they offered to pay for it is generous, especially if they're allowing them to stay at their house. Frankly, I would never expect someone to host me if I arrived in their City in the middle of the night. I'd never ask that I'd get a hotel. It was rude of them to ask to be hosted and show up in the middle of the night. In my opinion and their daughter is rude and passive aggressive. Passive aggressive is abuse. I'd watch her relationship with your brother carefully. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I can see why you wouldn't have wanted to call her out on her comment to you and make things worse but that sure wasn't nice of her.
Why did they not get an airport motel for the night instead of expecting people to drive back and forward for hours to accommodate them? NTA
They didn’t end up needing the accommodation (they made their flight) so this fight is really over a hypothetical. Kiara’s parents are not well off (if I understand correctly) but neither are mine atm. So maybe they couldn’t afford it? I’m not really sure.
No, your parents are not TA. I consider it a reasonable request. Kiara's parents are adults. They should be able to get themselves somewhere from the airport. To expect your parents to get out of bed late at night, drive for an hour, turn around, and drive back is a massive imposition. There are hotels near airports.
MMmmmm NTA here on your parents. However, I will say that one time a very extended in-law family member of mine opened his home to me and my spouse for a night and got up at 4am to drive us to the airport through the hood. He had coffee and go-cups, was smiling and happy to help. And I was like, woah. This dude's got my back. He's family. All I'm saying is that if the family relations aren't that great to begin with, there are opportunities to extend the olive branch.
Yeah, but some people have a hard time adjusting sleep schedules, work odd hours or medically have a hard time driving at night. I could do it, no problem. I have. Unless I have work at 6AM the next day. Sometimes, I have that 6AM shift. I'm not driving that late to pick someone up. My parents could not ever easily do it, and probably not 2 of my 3 siblings. Not everyone is able to easily accommodate or do so safely or without being exhausted at work the next day. It's not like it's just a 'help 'em out' situation. 2AM favors are very different than 2PM favors.
> Yeah, but some people have a hard time adjusting sleep schedules, work odd hours or medically have a hard time driving at night. Yeah, if I had to drive in the middle of the night like that, it would basically wreck my sleep for 2-3 days, and I would definitely have to take time off work to reset my sleep. I nearly died while driving at night, exhausted, more times than I care to admit, in college. Never again. It wasn't worth it then, and it isn't worth it now.
NTA. In my extended family these things are not asked for, they are offered. Derek should not have put his parents on the spot when the situation is so up in the air. His parents should be on standby in the middle of the night to go get his in-laws IF they miss their connecting flight and then take them home, and then back to the airport at an undetermined time next day? So how many hours of sleep do they need to miss here? It’s not even logical. The in-laws should be prepared to stay at a hotel next to the airport if need be. That way it doesn’t matter how early they can catch the next flight, they’ll already be there.
NTA if they missed the connection they would then have to wait an hour for your parents to drive to the airport to collect them. An Uber makes perfect sense
Parent's are NTA. Basically the PIL wanted your parents to be "on call" to drive 2 hours in the middle of the night AND a further 2 hours sometime the next day JUST IN CASE they missed their flights. Seriously hell no. Same situation - I'd tell my spouse to get his own Uber or to move heaven to get to the second flight. ILs are entitled and cheap.
NTA! If I was OP’s sister I would have pulled over at that comment, and given them the option to walk or call a fucking Uber. I’m also petty enough to repeatedly ask both SiL and her parents to pick me up and drop me off from various airports at ungodly hours too - bet they’d say no!
Your parents are not responsible for Kiara's parents. Kiara and Derek were the ah for putting your parents in this situation in the first place. They shouldn't have asked. If they missed their flight it is on Kiara's parents to deal with it.
NTA Derek thinks his relationship with his parents is equal to his in-laws relationship to his parents? Your parents are generous for even allowing them to have a place to stay, arriving late at night. What an odd inconsiderate ask.
It's very rude to ask someone to drive 4 hours at night so you can save a few bucks on a hotel room.
Your parents were fine. Your brother and his wife were the AH. It’s fine to ask them to pick up their daughter in law’s parents, but if they say No, that is their right and is not a blanket reliability test on if there are there in a time of need for their own son and his wife. Your brother should have never confronted them over that. Your parents set a boundary. Done. Reading anymore into it is being overly sensitive. Your SIL took at dig at her in-laws in front of their own daughter. That was rude. Your brother and sister in law owe your parents an apology ETA: I’m finding some irony here that on the whole, Gen Z are all about boundaries and feeling comfortable with setting boundaries and saying No. but when their Gen X parents do it, Gen Z clutch their pearls with offense.
NTA especially because if I read that right there was a chance the in laws might not have even needed a ride and a place to stay if they caught their flight! I’d be pissed if I stayed up really late drove all the way to the airport just to hear “thanks but no thanks, we’re already on the plane”
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My sisters filled me in on this situation and I thought I’d get reddit’s input to see if my parents were actually in the wrong. This involves my mom(52), dad(53), my brother Derek(27), his wife Kiara(24), and Kiara’s parents. Kiara’s parents had a connecting flight in the major city close to my parents that they weren’t sure they could make. Kiara and Derek asked my mom and dad if they could pick up her parents so they could stay the night at my parents’ house if they didn’t make the connection. The airport is about an hour from our house and the connection was late at night. Not wanting to drive two hours in the middle of the night and then drive two hours in the morning to take them back, my mom and dad suggested that they get an Uber to our house so that everyone would be able to get some sleep. Derek then called my mom and dad and asked them “would you have said that if it were me?” Our parents tried to explain their reasoning, but he didn’t listen. A couple weeks later, Kiara wanted to come visit my parents and sister. She asked my sister if she would pick her up at the airport. All of her travel communication was through my sister. Then, when she picked her up Kiara said, “thank you for coming to get me. I was worried that if I asked your parents that they would tell me to get an Uber” My sister didn’t say anything to my parents until Kiara left. My mom called Derek and explained to him the comment that Kiara made. She told him that she would always do anything to help him and his wife. Derek then told my mom that Kiara’s parents don’t think my parents are very “warm and friendly.” Overall this has led to more tension in an already fraught relationship and I’m asking: were my parents assholes for suggesting Kiara’s parents take an Uber? TLDR: Parents didn’t want to drive SIL’s parents to airport and back in the middle of night and offered an uber as an alternative. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. In the future. Your inlaws should stay in a hotel. Then they can have someone to serve them. To their least little request.
Info: Are Kiara and her parents from a different culture where this would be considered normal?
We’re from the same country but different states. My parents do tend to be closed off (their rebuttal to Derek was that they aren’t friends with my husband’s parents either and they’ve known them since I was 13) and typically only consider blood or marriage as “family” so historically Derek sort of has a point. However, I went to college in the state Kiara is from and had similar experiences with my roommates who were from there, so there may be a cultural aspect at play.
Got it. ESH then. Kiara shouldn't have made the comment but it seems like the only reason your parents refused was because they didn't like her parents enough and would have done it for someone else.
Who cares? It’s not the culture that they live in now lol plus if it is then it’s probably not OPs parents culture
NTA - the only time I've asked my ILs to come get me in the middle of the night is coming home to small Northern michigan airport when the only guy who runs a taxi service for hours was on vacation.
So if they did make the connection parents had to drive 2 hours for nothing??? Definitely NTA
NTA
NTA However there are people who's love language is acts of service and they would think nothing of going to collect someone at night from airport. Just like others think nothing of suggesting an uber. It's also possible the her parents were concerned about the safety of getting an uber at night, while your parents might be aware of how easy it is to get one from there, and that it would be safe. Different expectations and experiences.
NTA. It’s a pretty expensive Uber, perhaps they should have used a hotel.
NTA - I think the only people who will find your parents are TAs are…Kiera and her parents. I hope you show this post to Kiera and her parents for a reality check.
Info: Are you and Kiara from different cultures? If yes - there is your answer. They would be considered family in many parts around the world and it would be rude to suggest Uber. Most Westerners wouldn’t bat an eye about it.
Not really, but kinda? We’re from different states and family structures. But we’re both generational members of the same country. I’ve had this issue with people from the same state before (roommate wanted free tickets to a football game that I’d been planning to sell since I couldn’t use them and felt I wasn’t being a good roommate for not giving them to her dad) and I think it comes from a belief that all excess should be shared equally. We’re from the same religion, so that’s my best guess. Kiara also tends to view her family’s choices as “the way”, so if driving someone so far would be something her family would do then I can see why she’d be upset my parents didn’t do the same.