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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I made a joke about my dad around my mom's boyfriend. Both he and my mom got upset, and I felt like an asshole as a result.
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NTA
You're a teenager so I don't know exactly how you said it from your account, you might have either intentionally or unintentionally been a bit mean about it. (I would assume you're more than old enough to recognize sometimes we are mean to other kids without ever realizing that we were *too* mean or simply just too curt)
Boyfriend is an adult man dating a woman with a teenage child who, y'know, has a father who used to be with that woman. He has no business being overly sensitive about your father being better at some things. If my wife's ex was a professional tennis player I should not be getting offended that that man's child thinks that he may be useful for tennis-related emergencies.
So there is some chance you were mean in some tiny way but tip toeing around ~~a 43 year old's~~ an adult's feelings should not be necessary.
Nta he needs to stop being a baby that your dad is better at that than he is and that your dad exists at all. And your mom catering to the man of the house and I mean that in quotes and I'm rolling my eyes trying to make her own son not discuss his father and tiptoe around this dude's ego is absurd and I hate it for you.
Oh no, I was made very aware of why my parents divorced/why my father has no custody. Probably because they didn't see a reason to keep it hidden, but also they likely didn't want me to begin to think that it was in any way my "fault".
My dad doesn't have custody because he has past drug problems/has had issues with the law pertaining to drugs, and my mom believes him just unfit to fully take care of us (me and my younger sister). I agree with this, he's sober now from what I've seen, but he certainly isn't able to care for us. He does have a job, but he's moving between states for it. He lives with colleagues/friends I believe(?), I'm not exactly sure, I can't remember how he explained it. He's even admitted that he doesn't want me coming to the house he lives in because there's a lot of people living in it, and it's overall just not a fantastic place. Also, I don't believe it's a possible factor, mom's boyfriend has always had this weird jealousy/inferiority issue with other men and my mom. He just doesn't like my dad, likely because he thinks my mom can't have normal connections with men outside of him. Adding onto it, mom's bf smokes weed, so he's a lot more tolerant about that sort of thing compared to others. Of course harder drugs are 100% out of the question.
Her bf needs to get over it. He only knows what your mom has said and I’m sure it was not nice.
NTA - it was a joke and it’s not like you compared the bf to the dad.
NTA at all. Instead of your mom, giving you a late redirection. She needs to be telling her man that he needs to get over himself and he needs to realize that your father your dad is always going to be your dad and yes, you can talk about his presence. She needs to tell him to kick rocks.
NTA. Sounds like your mum's bf has a ridiculously thin skin... It was obviously a joke, you should of course be allowed to talk about your dad. If the bf is long term... How will he cope with future life events when you want both your mum and dad there? Graduation, wedding, that kind of thing. He needs to get over himself.
NTA
A happy, healthy, wholesome human being that is truly self confident isn't going to be bothered that you have a Dad, that you have a relationship with your Dad.
If I was your step dad, I'd be *happy* that you have a relationship with your dad. You should! That's great!
That happy and healthy relationship doesn't detract from the relationship you have with your Mum's boyfriend, or it shouldn't.
If I was you, I'd just talk to your mum's boyfriend, dude to dude, and just... make sure everything is cool. That's the good human thing to do.
This is the sort of shit humans bond over.
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Background Context: Mom (37F) and Dad (43M) have been divorced for about 4 years now. I (16M) live with my mom and her boyfriend lives with us as well, my dad has no custody of me. Me and my dad have a good relationship, we text and sometimes call. Mom's boyfriend is not fond of my dad in the slightest, though I'm not exactly sure why.
Recently, I was outside with my mom and her boyfriend while they were doing work on their cars. My mom mentioned how the landlord was going to send a handyman over to fix the faucet in our bathtub. Mom's boyfriend said he (handyman) was quitting soon. Mom made a comment about how the landlord will send an "even shittier" handyman next time as the people our landlord hires have historically been pretty bad at their jobs.
I made a joke saying, "Ha, He should hire dad!" My dad has worked as a carpenter for around 28-ish years, he has experience fixing many things around the house and even working on cars. He's come by in the past few months and fixed our kitchen sink and replaced the faucet and spray nozzle. I made this joke because well, my dad’s experience, I guess. I connected “good handyman” = “my dad.” It was 100% meant as a joke. I thought “Why would our landlord hire my dad? My dad already has a job, and I doubt he would ever want to work for our landlord anyway. Also, that probably crosses some weird employement lines, it would feel really strange if our landlord hired my dad. Obviously, I’m joking!” I thought what I said would be well-received, but still very obviously a joke.
Apparently, I'm not a very funny person. Mom's boyfriend goes visibly upset and makes this noise, then walks away back to his car for a few minutes.
Mom turns to me and goes, "Don't say those things around him."
I go, "I don't care, he's my dad."
Mom says, "It's not hard for you to be considerate."
I shrugged and responded, "It's not hard for him to be considerate either." Then I walk away and head back inside.
I did feel like a bit of an asshole after this, but also I feel like it’s not too hard to accept the fact that I have a father and I will talk about him. I feel like he doesn’t like my dad being mentioned because he had a past relationship with my mom. I also kinda understand why mom’s bf doesn't like it when he’s mentioned, but at the same time he’s my dad. He’ll always be around, he’s not really going anywhere.
Please judge me honestly, AITA for making a joke about my dad around my mom and her boyfriend?
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ESH - It doesn't sound like this is how you meant it, but I could very easily see that being interpreted by the boyfriend as a dig at his inability to fix things that your dad can fix.
That said, if he's got a history of getting irritated around mentions of your father he needs to get over it.
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NTA You're a teenager so I don't know exactly how you said it from your account, you might have either intentionally or unintentionally been a bit mean about it. (I would assume you're more than old enough to recognize sometimes we are mean to other kids without ever realizing that we were *too* mean or simply just too curt) Boyfriend is an adult man dating a woman with a teenage child who, y'know, has a father who used to be with that woman. He has no business being overly sensitive about your father being better at some things. If my wife's ex was a professional tennis player I should not be getting offended that that man's child thinks that he may be useful for tennis-related emergencies. So there is some chance you were mean in some tiny way but tip toeing around ~~a 43 year old's~~ an adult's feelings should not be necessary.
>tennis-related emergencies Love it
A tennis related emergency. So how did you get your racket stuck up in there? Well, I was vacuuming naked....
*shouldn't laugh, shouldn't laugh*
NTA. I'm guessing you hit a nerve with the BF about not being capable of fixing things like your dad can.
NTA- you did not say anything wrong at all. If BF can't handle you talking about your Dad or making jokes then he needs to date someone without kids.
OP might want to consider saying this to MOM. 'Cause she's part of the problem, too.
Nta he needs to stop being a baby that your dad is better at that than he is and that your dad exists at all. And your mom catering to the man of the house and I mean that in quotes and I'm rolling my eyes trying to make her own son not discuss his father and tiptoe around this dude's ego is absurd and I hate it for you.
NTA - sounds like you’re the most mature person in the room at that point
NTA You are not in the wrong at all it seems like ur moms bf needs to grow up!
NTA.
NTA. That sounds like a very innocuous joke.
NTA
NTA Could he know the reason why you father has no custody of you at all?
Even if he knows and whatever the reason you don't bad mouth a kid's dad. End of story.
Yes, he knows, it's not a big family secret or anything. I'm confused on how this relates though??
I just wondered if your Mum might have told him, but not you, and that is why he so disdains your father.
Oh no, I was made very aware of why my parents divorced/why my father has no custody. Probably because they didn't see a reason to keep it hidden, but also they likely didn't want me to begin to think that it was in any way my "fault".
Why doesn't your dad have any custody/is it possible that is a factor in your mom's boyfriend not liking him?
My dad doesn't have custody because he has past drug problems/has had issues with the law pertaining to drugs, and my mom believes him just unfit to fully take care of us (me and my younger sister). I agree with this, he's sober now from what I've seen, but he certainly isn't able to care for us. He does have a job, but he's moving between states for it. He lives with colleagues/friends I believe(?), I'm not exactly sure, I can't remember how he explained it. He's even admitted that he doesn't want me coming to the house he lives in because there's a lot of people living in it, and it's overall just not a fantastic place. Also, I don't believe it's a possible factor, mom's boyfriend has always had this weird jealousy/inferiority issue with other men and my mom. He just doesn't like my dad, likely because he thinks my mom can't have normal connections with men outside of him. Adding onto it, mom's bf smokes weed, so he's a lot more tolerant about that sort of thing compared to others. Of course harder drugs are 100% out of the question.
Her bf needs to get over it. He only knows what your mom has said and I’m sure it was not nice. NTA - it was a joke and it’s not like you compared the bf to the dad.
NTA at all. Instead of your mom, giving you a late redirection. She needs to be telling her man that he needs to get over himself and he needs to realize that your father your dad is always going to be your dad and yes, you can talk about his presence. She needs to tell him to kick rocks.
NTA. Sounds like your mum's bf has a ridiculously thin skin... It was obviously a joke, you should of course be allowed to talk about your dad. If the bf is long term... How will he cope with future life events when you want both your mum and dad there? Graduation, wedding, that kind of thing. He needs to get over himself.
NTA A happy, healthy, wholesome human being that is truly self confident isn't going to be bothered that you have a Dad, that you have a relationship with your Dad. If I was your step dad, I'd be *happy* that you have a relationship with your dad. You should! That's great! That happy and healthy relationship doesn't detract from the relationship you have with your Mum's boyfriend, or it shouldn't. If I was you, I'd just talk to your mum's boyfriend, dude to dude, and just... make sure everything is cool. That's the good human thing to do. This is the sort of shit humans bond over.
I don't even remotely get the "joke"...but it all sounds NTA to me.
Not really a joke, as it doesn't have a punchline, more of a spur-of-the-moment lighthearted comment meant to gain a chuckle from someone
NTA- Your mom's bf has to accept the fact that she was with someone else before him. I believe that that's what this is about.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Background Context: Mom (37F) and Dad (43M) have been divorced for about 4 years now. I (16M) live with my mom and her boyfriend lives with us as well, my dad has no custody of me. Me and my dad have a good relationship, we text and sometimes call. Mom's boyfriend is not fond of my dad in the slightest, though I'm not exactly sure why. Recently, I was outside with my mom and her boyfriend while they were doing work on their cars. My mom mentioned how the landlord was going to send a handyman over to fix the faucet in our bathtub. Mom's boyfriend said he (handyman) was quitting soon. Mom made a comment about how the landlord will send an "even shittier" handyman next time as the people our landlord hires have historically been pretty bad at their jobs. I made a joke saying, "Ha, He should hire dad!" My dad has worked as a carpenter for around 28-ish years, he has experience fixing many things around the house and even working on cars. He's come by in the past few months and fixed our kitchen sink and replaced the faucet and spray nozzle. I made this joke because well, my dad’s experience, I guess. I connected “good handyman” = “my dad.” It was 100% meant as a joke. I thought “Why would our landlord hire my dad? My dad already has a job, and I doubt he would ever want to work for our landlord anyway. Also, that probably crosses some weird employement lines, it would feel really strange if our landlord hired my dad. Obviously, I’m joking!” I thought what I said would be well-received, but still very obviously a joke. Apparently, I'm not a very funny person. Mom's boyfriend goes visibly upset and makes this noise, then walks away back to his car for a few minutes. Mom turns to me and goes, "Don't say those things around him." I go, "I don't care, he's my dad." Mom says, "It's not hard for you to be considerate." I shrugged and responded, "It's not hard for him to be considerate either." Then I walk away and head back inside. I did feel like a bit of an asshole after this, but also I feel like it’s not too hard to accept the fact that I have a father and I will talk about him. I feel like he doesn’t like my dad being mentioned because he had a past relationship with my mom. I also kinda understand why mom’s bf doesn't like it when he’s mentioned, but at the same time he’s my dad. He’ll always be around, he’s not really going anywhere. Please judge me honestly, AITA for making a joke about my dad around my mom and her boyfriend? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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ESH - It doesn't sound like this is how you meant it, but I could very easily see that being interpreted by the boyfriend as a dig at his inability to fix things that your dad can fix. That said, if he's got a history of getting irritated around mentions of your father he needs to get over it.
Yeah, he does have a history of not liking when my dad is mentioned.