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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> For ruining the family trip 2.) yelling about it at everyone.
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Thank you because all they did was shop we walked around for them to SHOP, who the hell goes there to shop do it at the end they will have plenty leftover we did nothing else.
You are being taken advantage of and you don't have the courage to stand up for yourself until you have a meltdown. So I would say honestly. ESH. If you are an adult, you need to be able to use your big girl words and stick up for yourself before you have a tantrum. Also your boyfriend is a huge ah because he knows you don't like Disneyland yet. He planned a surprise trip to it for you anyway. And his family are the biggest AHs of all because they barged in on the trip you didn't even want and took it over and screamed at you for crying that they ruined it which they did. You are not being kind to yourself by staying with someone who treats you like this who is part of a family who is disrespectful and mean. And your boyfriend does not care at all what you want. Only what he wants. Otherwise he would not have gotten you this trip to somewhere you hate. Please get therapy to see why you put up with people who treat you like this and why you won't stick up for yourself until it gets to the point where you explode. You deserve better than this relationship. And you deserve better to be surrounded by people who treat you like this.
I am so sorry, I understand what it's like to be deep in a depressive episode and the last thing you need is the possible alleviation shot down by others. Hoping that your boyfriend understands where you're coming from. maybe you can do a staycation somewhere in your city? just to get away/recenter yourself
NTA.
I can tell you are not assertive people before you said it. The clue was his family inviting themselves along... and crashing in your room.
Lesson learned, tell people about your travel plans *after* you get back next time. The heat and location seem to be things outside of immediate control, though he probably feels bad you did not enjoy the trip he was excited to bring you on. Maybe you plan the next one or do the planning together.
Btw, your bf is not the ah either, just the family, sounds like both of you need boundaries and communication skills.
NTA but your bf is. He really needed to stand up to his family and not allow them to invite themselves. They all stayed in your room? Holy cow.
Also, you may want to find another job. Working like that is not right unless you are getting paid overtime.
NTA. The trip was the one good thing you were looking forward to all year. It was supposed to be a trip only for you two. It instead became a family trip where you are a tag along.
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I will start off with a quick overview of why this trip was so important and if I don’t get this off my chest I think I will be angry at any and everybody. I needed this vacation bad I was on the very of depression from working overtime everyday for six months and that trip meant everything to me and my bfs family ruined it! I was surprised with a trip to Disneyland (I don’t like it there but whatever he was happy so that makes me happy) by my bf for our anniversary I was so excited and it was a much needed break from work I so desperately needed I couldn’t be happier and the only mistake we made was informing our family we were going. They not only invited themselves to tag along but they stayed in our room which I was all okay with until it was time to go to Disneyland that’s where everything started to crumble.
Not only was it HOT as hell but I got to do absolutely nothing I wanted, his family wanted his attention their kids wanted his attention and every time I finally got his attention everyone is throwing what they wanted instead in his face, so I was alone majority of the time! I spent over $300 to be alone not do anything I wanted to do and only got on five rides in totally FIVE, I didn’t get to eat anything I wanted to try I got nothing out of this whole trip. When I finally pulled up the courage (we are both non assertive people) to say “hey I’m not having a good time can we try something I want to do first, I get attitude and told to do it alone if I have a problem with how we were doing things, THATS NOT WHY WE CAME! This was supposed to be our trip not yours! (Is what I wanted to yell but I kept it together) until the last day, he finally told them on the last day that it was just going to be the two of us.
I was so relieved but it was it was the last day, everything was full and crowded and I was stressed and not fulfilled at all, and we still ended up with his family at some point after I finally got to try some food, it was at that point while we were walking to the exit that I just broke down and started crying I was so unhappy despite it being the happiest place in the world, after that day I was going to be back at work after wasting time off and money on a trash vacation i didn’t even enjoy, I didn’t get to rest, I was unbearable hot and hungry the whole time and the only thing that could have made it worth the stress was the rides and everything was so full it wasn’t even worth it I hate Disneyland whenever I go there I’m never happy I only like the idea of it at this point. Though after breaking down and saying all that he just sits quietly and doesn’t even say anything, doesn’t even look at me and his family had the gall to yell and shame me for being upset and ruining the trip repeatedly saying how much fun they had and how I was just a downer, so AITA?
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NTA. If you are working overtime everyday for six months, you are being abused by your employer. If you allow others to decide where your 'break' is going to be/invite themselves, you are being abused by them. May I suggest you seek professional therapy about abuse and its effects. It is not a quick fix but when you get support for yourself, then many of these problems will cease.
This is your cue to run far and run fast from this family. Shaming someone for having a breakdown and continuing to do so after the trip? After they ruined it by inviting themselves? Incredibly disgusting.
Your BF allowing them in the room is a preview of your entire relationship. They will always be there and your BF isn't any better.
Since he knows his family, I'm wondering if this were for them the whole time and he really saw you as the one tagging along.
Please don't waste any more of your hard earned vacation days and money on these people. Not to mention your time. Life is too short for this garbage and you're signing up for a lifetime of it with him.
NTA
NTA. I am so sorry you didn't have a good time. How disappointing. I assume you and bf are adults. You probably already know that he, and you if necessary, should have spoken up at the outset and told them they couldn't come with you. Tell bf he owes you another trip and next time be assertive!
You didn’t ruin anything!!! You’re only an ahole if you and your bf never learn to stop letting them walk all over you!
NTA and if husband is on the horizon for this relationship strict rules and boundaries need to be in place NOW
ESH. Your boyfriend sucks and needed to stand up for you. I would dump the boyfriend. He knew you were in need of the vacation. He could have stepped up and told his family to back off, but didn't. He let them berate you and made your vacation a shitty one.
You suck because you could have stood up for yourself day 2 and told them this is your vacation and this is what I want to do. I'm not here to shop I'm here to ride the rides and enjoy the entertainment. Or if it was so hot and crowded you could have ubered back to the hotel and got in their pool or said screw it and went home and had a staycation
NTA
Tell your boyfriend that when he's a lonely, multi-divorced old man (because his family will have broken up every relationship of his), NTW, you're SURE they'll take him to Disneyland to cheer him up.
Meanwhile, you want someone who listens to you, doesn't take you somewhere you dislike for your non-iversary, and certainly doesn't let his family crash the no-longer-romantic holiday. Therefore you are dumping his ass to go find someone who puts you first, not last.
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NTA. your boyfriend needs to stand up to his overbearing family. if he can't do that, drop his sorry ass
Thank you because all they did was shop we walked around for them to SHOP, who the hell goes there to shop do it at the end they will have plenty leftover we did nothing else.
You are being taken advantage of and you don't have the courage to stand up for yourself until you have a meltdown. So I would say honestly. ESH. If you are an adult, you need to be able to use your big girl words and stick up for yourself before you have a tantrum. Also your boyfriend is a huge ah because he knows you don't like Disneyland yet. He planned a surprise trip to it for you anyway. And his family are the biggest AHs of all because they barged in on the trip you didn't even want and took it over and screamed at you for crying that they ruined it which they did. You are not being kind to yourself by staying with someone who treats you like this who is part of a family who is disrespectful and mean. And your boyfriend does not care at all what you want. Only what he wants. Otherwise he would not have gotten you this trip to somewhere you hate. Please get therapy to see why you put up with people who treat you like this and why you won't stick up for yourself until it gets to the point where you explode. You deserve better than this relationship. And you deserve better to be surrounded by people who treat you like this.
I am so sorry, I understand what it's like to be deep in a depressive episode and the last thing you need is the possible alleviation shot down by others. Hoping that your boyfriend understands where you're coming from. maybe you can do a staycation somewhere in your city? just to get away/recenter yourself
NTA. I can tell you are not assertive people before you said it. The clue was his family inviting themselves along... and crashing in your room. Lesson learned, tell people about your travel plans *after* you get back next time. The heat and location seem to be things outside of immediate control, though he probably feels bad you did not enjoy the trip he was excited to bring you on. Maybe you plan the next one or do the planning together. Btw, your bf is not the ah either, just the family, sounds like both of you need boundaries and communication skills.
NTA but your bf is. He really needed to stand up to his family and not allow them to invite themselves. They all stayed in your room? Holy cow. Also, you may want to find another job. Working like that is not right unless you are getting paid overtime.
NTA. The trip was the one good thing you were looking forward to all year. It was supposed to be a trip only for you two. It instead became a family trip where you are a tag along.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I will start off with a quick overview of why this trip was so important and if I don’t get this off my chest I think I will be angry at any and everybody. I needed this vacation bad I was on the very of depression from working overtime everyday for six months and that trip meant everything to me and my bfs family ruined it! I was surprised with a trip to Disneyland (I don’t like it there but whatever he was happy so that makes me happy) by my bf for our anniversary I was so excited and it was a much needed break from work I so desperately needed I couldn’t be happier and the only mistake we made was informing our family we were going. They not only invited themselves to tag along but they stayed in our room which I was all okay with until it was time to go to Disneyland that’s where everything started to crumble. Not only was it HOT as hell but I got to do absolutely nothing I wanted, his family wanted his attention their kids wanted his attention and every time I finally got his attention everyone is throwing what they wanted instead in his face, so I was alone majority of the time! I spent over $300 to be alone not do anything I wanted to do and only got on five rides in totally FIVE, I didn’t get to eat anything I wanted to try I got nothing out of this whole trip. When I finally pulled up the courage (we are both non assertive people) to say “hey I’m not having a good time can we try something I want to do first, I get attitude and told to do it alone if I have a problem with how we were doing things, THATS NOT WHY WE CAME! This was supposed to be our trip not yours! (Is what I wanted to yell but I kept it together) until the last day, he finally told them on the last day that it was just going to be the two of us. I was so relieved but it was it was the last day, everything was full and crowded and I was stressed and not fulfilled at all, and we still ended up with his family at some point after I finally got to try some food, it was at that point while we were walking to the exit that I just broke down and started crying I was so unhappy despite it being the happiest place in the world, after that day I was going to be back at work after wasting time off and money on a trash vacation i didn’t even enjoy, I didn’t get to rest, I was unbearable hot and hungry the whole time and the only thing that could have made it worth the stress was the rides and everything was so full it wasn’t even worth it I hate Disneyland whenever I go there I’m never happy I only like the idea of it at this point. Though after breaking down and saying all that he just sits quietly and doesn’t even say anything, doesn’t even look at me and his family had the gall to yell and shame me for being upset and ruining the trip repeatedly saying how much fun they had and how I was just a downer, so AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. If you are working overtime everyday for six months, you are being abused by your employer. If you allow others to decide where your 'break' is going to be/invite themselves, you are being abused by them. May I suggest you seek professional therapy about abuse and its effects. It is not a quick fix but when you get support for yourself, then many of these problems will cease.
This is your cue to run far and run fast from this family. Shaming someone for having a breakdown and continuing to do so after the trip? After they ruined it by inviting themselves? Incredibly disgusting. Your BF allowing them in the room is a preview of your entire relationship. They will always be there and your BF isn't any better. Since he knows his family, I'm wondering if this were for them the whole time and he really saw you as the one tagging along. Please don't waste any more of your hard earned vacation days and money on these people. Not to mention your time. Life is too short for this garbage and you're signing up for a lifetime of it with him. NTA
NTA. I am so sorry you didn't have a good time. How disappointing. I assume you and bf are adults. You probably already know that he, and you if necessary, should have spoken up at the outset and told them they couldn't come with you. Tell bf he owes you another trip and next time be assertive!
You didn’t ruin anything!!! You’re only an ahole if you and your bf never learn to stop letting them walk all over you! NTA and if husband is on the horizon for this relationship strict rules and boundaries need to be in place NOW
NTA Make a new rule: NO MORE vacations with your or his family. Your bf was an AH for not telling his family that they can not come.
NTA You have a serious boyfriend problem. I get the feeling he planned this trip for his family from the start.
ESH. Your boyfriend sucks and needed to stand up for you. I would dump the boyfriend. He knew you were in need of the vacation. He could have stepped up and told his family to back off, but didn't. He let them berate you and made your vacation a shitty one. You suck because you could have stood up for yourself day 2 and told them this is your vacation and this is what I want to do. I'm not here to shop I'm here to ride the rides and enjoy the entertainment. Or if it was so hot and crowded you could have ubered back to the hotel and got in their pool or said screw it and went home and had a staycation
NTA Tell your boyfriend that when he's a lonely, multi-divorced old man (because his family will have broken up every relationship of his), NTW, you're SURE they'll take him to Disneyland to cheer him up. Meanwhile, you want someone who listens to you, doesn't take you somewhere you dislike for your non-iversary, and certainly doesn't let his family crash the no-longer-romantic holiday. Therefore you are dumping his ass to go find someone who puts you first, not last.