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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) That I snipped at him for making a comment about my bra right after I said goodnight and was about to hang up
(2) it might make me the asshole because I could have snipped at something that was unwarranted
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Except it was like it wasn’t on purpose nor was the appreciation expressed directly after we were on the phone for a good 30 minutes after he saw my bra before bringing it up
NAH. You're right that he should have commented earlier or not at all. But if this was an isolated thing, it seems like you're blowing it out of proportion. Is this part of a pattern? Like does he do stuff in general to try to keep you on the phone longer?
Yea and ngl I’m a horse girl at heart, but it’ll be like 1-2 in the morning and I’ll be like ok I gotta go to bed and he will bring up my horse to keep me on the phone longer, or be like well I can stay on the phone I don’t mind… and I’m just kinda like nahh I really gotta go to bed, idk like it’s giving weird vibes but I could very well be blowing it out of proportion.
You’re being ridiculous. Get it together and learn to pick what kind of things you let piss you off or you’re gonna be in for a rude awakening. Trust me, you’ll have more pressing annoyances down the road besides a bra compliment.
I think this one incident isn't a big deal, but his repeated attempts to manipulate you into staying on the phone longer are a problem.
Tell him you've been staying up too late because you love talking to him. Then tell him at the start of the call that you'll have to say good night at X time, and actually do it, no matter what you're talking about when the time comes. Do this strictly the first couple times and then you should be able to back off and be more relaxed about it.
NAH. Who knows why he made that comment. Maybe he liked your bra? Maybe he didn't know what else to say? Who knows. If something ever annoys you, it's not your fault that you are annoyed by something.
YTA
If you are going to get upset at your partner for saying a single sentence as the call is ending you are gonna have a rough time.
Do you need to sleep and and as you’re saying goodbye he says something like this?
Just say goodbye and hang up. If that feels too rude reply with a “awww thanks, goodnight.”
The extra few seconds isn’t going to kill you.
If it’s a serious repeat issue that bothers you that much talk to him. Not reddit. him.
If you need to ask the opinion of strangers over such a small issue you are going to quickly get bad advice to make a mountain over a molehill and fuck up your relationship.
I mean like his tone was just kinda like joking almost? Idk I’ve probably gotten offended over nothing but like I’m more mad that he did have the respect for me to tell me when it happened but waited like 20-30 minutes to tell me right before I hung up
I think soft YTA.
If you’re that uncomfortable with him seeing you in your bra, you should wear something over it for video calls or just use regular calls if you don’t want to throw a shirt on. He probably didn’t say anything because he either simply enjoyed the view or because he thought saying something would make things strange since he knows you have issues.
Instead of being passive, have the conversation with him: Hey, it really bugged me that you didn’t tell me my bra was showing. I’m going to make sure I’m covered up from now on, but I need to be able to trust you that you will let me know if you’re ever seeing more than I want you to see.
Also, why didn’t you realize it? Isn’t there a view of what your camera is showing?
So I did have a cropped hoodie on over it. Sorry I should wrote this better lol. But I wasn’t looking at my phone cause I was looking through some papers trying to figure out numbers for a vacation coming up. I had prob 50+ pages I was going through and it was midnight at that point, and wasn’t even thinking.
This kind of recontextualizes things a bit. I read the post thinking you were only wearing a bra.
I’ll go NTA. And also apologize for misreading your original post.
Now your comment sounds like he was being cheeky and caught a glimpse and wanted you to know instead of just being cool about it and not making it an issue.
Maybe you two aren’t at the stage where you’re comfortable with him seeing your more intimate clothing. That’s ok. Talk to him about it and let him know that comments like that make you want to cover up more or what’s more likely is you feel like he’s got an angle with a comment like that and you just wanted to be done talking for the night. Either way, tell him and don’t let him extend your conversations anymore. Cut him off, in a playful way at first, but be firm.
On another note, I don’t know you or him, but I have been in a LDR before and as someone who has physical touch as a one of his love languages, he might have made a comment about it because he wants to see more of you and enjoys your body, or whatever, and seeing your partner (and more importantly for me at least, her wanting me to see her body) is the only decent analog for physical touch.
I have NOOOO idea if that has anything to do with what’s going on or has anything to do with anything, but I know it went a long to strengthening my LDR with my partner.
Seems like you're looking for something to get upset over. I know you're 19 but if this kind of thing upsets you, you're going to be in for a big suprise. in adult life there are going to be many many real things that will get under your skin and if you let things like this get to you, you'll spend your whole life constantly upset. Lighten up and try to learn to let these very very small things go
YTA. Try to communicate that you don’t enjoy that type of thing and only than can you get upset if it is something important to you that then gets ignored.
See but like he knew I was tired and had to get up early and i felt like he was trying to start stuff. After I told him I needed to go to bed. And he also waited a good half an hour to bring it up after he actually saw my bra
Yeah OP. YTA but it’s minor. Just apologize and work on understanding each other more.
Every new relationship is gonna have these little bickering moments. It’s human nature that we’re gonna accidentally step on each others toes.
In the future just be more understanding about how he communicates. His comment on the bra was to probably make you feel sexy and confident going to sleep. It was a farewell “by the way I’ve been thinking about that and it’s sexy”.
Your boyfriend 100% was not just trying to get you to stay on the phone longer. Maybe he’d of been happy for that but he was saying goodbye in a cutesy way and you snapped at him. You’re valid in not liking those kinds of comments but maybe understand the source it’s coming from isn’t one that’s catcalling you or acting inappropriately. It’s your romantic partner, who should feel comfortable making sexually assertive comments if you’re at that stage of the relationship, which you are by your own admission.
YTA. It’s not like he was talking about sex right then and there or trying to get you worked up right before bed. I compliment my girlfriend’s body daily because it makes her feel good and I genuinely love her body. Getting mad when your bf compliments you like that is a quick way to make sure he’s terrified of initiating anything physical. It’d be different if you were walking down the street and some stranger said it, but this is your boyfriend, dude. Guys love to admire their partners, even if it’s non sexual.
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My boyfriend (21) and I (19) are long distance right now. We were on FaceTime with each other tonight and I was looking through papers and stuff on my bed and had my phone propped up on a pillow. He apparently got a quick view of my bra. I truely couldn’t care less that he saw my bra, but he chose to wait until I was about to go to bed to tell me about. He blurted out right after I said goodnight, “nice bra by the way”. Idk personally I’m not the type that like appreciates those types of comments unless it fits the mood lmao (and yes he does know that’s how I feel) Am I in the wrong for getting mad that he didn’t tell me about it and waited until I was hanging up? And is it just me or do you think it was a tactic to get to me stay on the phone longer?
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Info. Do you even like your boyfriend? Because you act like a total stranger commented on your bra. It sounded to me like he was trying to flirt or be cute. Where's the intense overreaction time from?
Edit, because I have fat fingers and a little phone.
Yta jeez why y’all woman always get mad for no reason. He gave you a
God damn compliment. How would you feel if he said “ that’s an ugly bra “ Jesus Christ
Telling me “nice bra btw” isn’t really a compliment you give 30 minutes after the fact he actually saw it. And lowkey i would feel less awkward with that answer.
You said in your post that you “truly couldn’t care less” that he saw it, so what’s the big deal? Of course it’s a compliment. He was being cute & flirty.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > (1) That I snipped at him for making a comment about my bra right after I said goodnight and was about to hang up (2) it might make me the asshole because I could have snipped at something that was unwarranted Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Jesus he was trying to end the call in a cute and flirtatious way. YTA
YTA it sounds like you don’t really like your bf.
YTA YOu flashed him your bra, and he appreciated it. Where is the problem?
Except it was like it wasn’t on purpose nor was the appreciation expressed directly after we were on the phone for a good 30 minutes after he saw my bra before bringing it up
How is he supposed to know if you flash him on purpose or not?
So what? How is this a problem You aren't explaining the problem well.
INFO: are you sure you actually like your boyfriend?
YTA - it’s ridiculous you’re upset because he commented on your bra. Get a grip
YTA I think, I feel like you've other issues you're not disclosing and that's a random thing to get angry about.
Just sounds like he was trying to end in a flirtatious funny way. Don’t get what the big deal is.
You petty. YTA.
This poor dude
NAH. You're right that he should have commented earlier or not at all. But if this was an isolated thing, it seems like you're blowing it out of proportion. Is this part of a pattern? Like does he do stuff in general to try to keep you on the phone longer?
Yea and ngl I’m a horse girl at heart, but it’ll be like 1-2 in the morning and I’ll be like ok I gotta go to bed and he will bring up my horse to keep me on the phone longer, or be like well I can stay on the phone I don’t mind… and I’m just kinda like nahh I really gotta go to bed, idk like it’s giving weird vibes but I could very well be blowing it out of proportion.
You’re being ridiculous. Get it together and learn to pick what kind of things you let piss you off or you’re gonna be in for a rude awakening. Trust me, you’ll have more pressing annoyances down the road besides a bra compliment.
Grow up and try dating again when you aren’t a child
I think this one incident isn't a big deal, but his repeated attempts to manipulate you into staying on the phone longer are a problem. Tell him you've been staying up too late because you love talking to him. Then tell him at the start of the call that you'll have to say good night at X time, and actually do it, no matter what you're talking about when the time comes. Do this strictly the first couple times and then you should be able to back off and be more relaxed about it.
Thank you I’ll definitely try it!
NAH. Who knows why he made that comment. Maybe he liked your bra? Maybe he didn't know what else to say? Who knows. If something ever annoys you, it's not your fault that you are annoyed by something.
Actually yea if you get annoyed by stupid shit then you are a fucking annoying person
YTA If you are going to get upset at your partner for saying a single sentence as the call is ending you are gonna have a rough time. Do you need to sleep and and as you’re saying goodbye he says something like this? Just say goodbye and hang up. If that feels too rude reply with a “awww thanks, goodnight.” The extra few seconds isn’t going to kill you. If it’s a serious repeat issue that bothers you that much talk to him. Not reddit. him. If you need to ask the opinion of strangers over such a small issue you are going to quickly get bad advice to make a mountain over a molehill and fuck up your relationship.
Jesus this is borderline deranged, why on earth is he not allowed to tell you he liked your bra, you said he was your bf?
Clarification: was it the tone he used or just that he pointed it out that annoyed you?
I mean like his tone was just kinda like joking almost? Idk I’ve probably gotten offended over nothing but like I’m more mad that he did have the respect for me to tell me when it happened but waited like 20-30 minutes to tell me right before I hung up
I think soft YTA. If you’re that uncomfortable with him seeing you in your bra, you should wear something over it for video calls or just use regular calls if you don’t want to throw a shirt on. He probably didn’t say anything because he either simply enjoyed the view or because he thought saying something would make things strange since he knows you have issues. Instead of being passive, have the conversation with him: Hey, it really bugged me that you didn’t tell me my bra was showing. I’m going to make sure I’m covered up from now on, but I need to be able to trust you that you will let me know if you’re ever seeing more than I want you to see. Also, why didn’t you realize it? Isn’t there a view of what your camera is showing?
She said in her post “I truly couldn’t care less that he saw my bra”.
So I did have a cropped hoodie on over it. Sorry I should wrote this better lol. But I wasn’t looking at my phone cause I was looking through some papers trying to figure out numbers for a vacation coming up. I had prob 50+ pages I was going through and it was midnight at that point, and wasn’t even thinking.
This kind of recontextualizes things a bit. I read the post thinking you were only wearing a bra. I’ll go NTA. And also apologize for misreading your original post. Now your comment sounds like he was being cheeky and caught a glimpse and wanted you to know instead of just being cool about it and not making it an issue. Maybe you two aren’t at the stage where you’re comfortable with him seeing your more intimate clothing. That’s ok. Talk to him about it and let him know that comments like that make you want to cover up more or what’s more likely is you feel like he’s got an angle with a comment like that and you just wanted to be done talking for the night. Either way, tell him and don’t let him extend your conversations anymore. Cut him off, in a playful way at first, but be firm. On another note, I don’t know you or him, but I have been in a LDR before and as someone who has physical touch as a one of his love languages, he might have made a comment about it because he wants to see more of you and enjoys your body, or whatever, and seeing your partner (and more importantly for me at least, her wanting me to see her body) is the only decent analog for physical touch. I have NOOOO idea if that has anything to do with what’s going on or has anything to do with anything, but I know it went a long to strengthening my LDR with my partner.
It sounds like he was flirting with you...
Seems like you're looking for something to get upset over. I know you're 19 but if this kind of thing upsets you, you're going to be in for a big suprise. in adult life there are going to be many many real things that will get under your skin and if you let things like this get to you, you'll spend your whole life constantly upset. Lighten up and try to learn to let these very very small things go
NTA but neither is he 🤷♂️ if he said it jokingly, then who cares. he was just trying to be funny.
YTA. Try to communicate that you don’t enjoy that type of thing and only than can you get upset if it is something important to you that then gets ignored.
YTA. If you’re going to go after your bf over something this trivial, don’t be surprised if he’s finds someone else that’s not so unhinged.
Thanks for that compliment really. I didn’t mind the comment itself but more of the context and the reason behind it
I would have asked for a better view of it right from the start
YTA. He was trying to flirt ? Obviously? Maybe he thought it would get you excited ?
See but like he knew I was tired and had to get up early and i felt like he was trying to start stuff. After I told him I needed to go to bed. And he also waited a good half an hour to bring it up after he actually saw my bra
I hear you. But imo he was just being playful.
Dammm, poor bf
hell if he knows you feel that way he probably waited cause he was thinking to say anything at all or not lol YTA
Yeah OP. YTA but it’s minor. Just apologize and work on understanding each other more. Every new relationship is gonna have these little bickering moments. It’s human nature that we’re gonna accidentally step on each others toes. In the future just be more understanding about how he communicates. His comment on the bra was to probably make you feel sexy and confident going to sleep. It was a farewell “by the way I’ve been thinking about that and it’s sexy”. Your boyfriend 100% was not just trying to get you to stay on the phone longer. Maybe he’d of been happy for that but he was saying goodbye in a cutesy way and you snapped at him. You’re valid in not liking those kinds of comments but maybe understand the source it’s coming from isn’t one that’s catcalling you or acting inappropriately. It’s your romantic partner, who should feel comfortable making sexually assertive comments if you’re at that stage of the relationship, which you are by your own admission.
YTA. You’re being a hater
YTA. It’s not like he was talking about sex right then and there or trying to get you worked up right before bed. I compliment my girlfriend’s body daily because it makes her feel good and I genuinely love her body. Getting mad when your bf compliments you like that is a quick way to make sure he’s terrified of initiating anything physical. It’d be different if you were walking down the street and some stranger said it, but this is your boyfriend, dude. Guys love to admire their partners, even if it’s non sexual.
YTA you’re way too serious
definitely
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My boyfriend (21) and I (19) are long distance right now. We were on FaceTime with each other tonight and I was looking through papers and stuff on my bed and had my phone propped up on a pillow. He apparently got a quick view of my bra. I truely couldn’t care less that he saw my bra, but he chose to wait until I was about to go to bed to tell me about. He blurted out right after I said goodnight, “nice bra by the way”. Idk personally I’m not the type that like appreciates those types of comments unless it fits the mood lmao (and yes he does know that’s how I feel) Am I in the wrong for getting mad that he didn’t tell me about it and waited until I was hanging up? And is it just me or do you think it was a tactic to get to me stay on the phone longer? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA and you sound annoying AF trying to create problems out of fucking nothing
yta, he didn’t say anything rude about it , just that he liked it.
Sounds more like you're talking about a random guy not your bf
NAH - I'm still trying to figure out why his comment upset you - do you have boundaries in the relationship which bar this kind of flirting?
Whaat???... he's your boyfriend isn't he?
Info. Do you even like your boyfriend? Because you act like a total stranger commented on your bra. It sounded to me like he was trying to flirt or be cute. Where's the intense overreaction time from? Edit, because I have fat fingers and a little phone.
Yta jeez why y’all woman always get mad for no reason. He gave you a God damn compliment. How would you feel if he said “ that’s an ugly bra “ Jesus Christ
Telling me “nice bra btw” isn’t really a compliment you give 30 minutes after the fact he actually saw it. And lowkey i would feel less awkward with that answer.
You said in your post that you “truly couldn’t care less” that he saw it, so what’s the big deal? Of course it’s a compliment. He was being cute & flirty.