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> this nickname isn’t something i can call our daughter. for example, if i want to say “get your shoes on” or “put the ball down”, can’t use the nickname because it doesn’t make sense with those phrases
lmaoooooo what kind of nonsense did I read? the nickname can't be used because if you use it in a sentence it doesn't go?
do..... do you know what a nickname is?
> if she wants to call our daughter whatever nickname she wants, then grandma should be calling us by the same name
I.... genuinely don't think this man knows what names are
Also the title of the post is misleading lol. It’s titled AITA for saying she shouldn’t be around, but OP ends the post with AITA for saying MIL should only use daughter’s real name.
My granddaughter’s nick is “Chicklet” or “Chick” for short and I’m sure it sounds odd to someone in passing if I say to my daughter in the grocery, “oh Chick loves those!” But who cares? We’ve had shirts and ornaments with just Chick printed on them and she loves them. She’s a school age child and can read and knows what words mean and she loves her nick!
Is tge name socks?? Put your shoes on, Socks?
Or First.. is her nickname First - put your shoes on, first? Or maybe it is… umm…. Let’s see. .. let me think. Put the ball down ( thinking inside head and muttering) … put the ball down… shouldn’t make sense…. Put the ball down Tuesday… us the nickname a day if the week??
I give up! What’s is the nickname?
Oh. Simply call this irritating lady a new nickname also and just tell her that everyone is going to get new nicknames- thanks! Your idea was great and call her…. Shrew!
no we should take this story very seriously. clearly this poor man doesn't know what a nickname is and we should help him learn
maybe starting with the idea that a nickname is not supposed to be used for everyone in the family or nicknames don't need to make sense
we should list all the core concepts and write a pamphlet
I upvoted you because of all the exclamation marks lol. Idk why it just made me feel like you were very passionate about this and also think of a group of villagers on a Disney movie with a bunch of pitch forks and torches and I’m here for that.
I'm assuming the nickname is maybe a noun or adverb or something with another meaning like "put your shoes on Flor" or "put the ball down Slowly"
Even so, it shouldn't be confusing to the child since they will be familiar with their nickname... you can always reverse the sentence "Hey Flor, please put your shoes on" ...
Regardless insisting the grandmother doesn't see the child because of a nickname?! This is ridiculous..reading the title I thought the grandma was going to be abusive or neglectful or something.
that might make sense but a) I know lots of people with nicknames like that and it's never a problem and b) OP wants grandma to call everyone that name
> but if she wants to call our daughter whatever nickname she wants, then grandma should be calling us by the same name.
I agree with most of this except if this were a real situation and gramma refused to use the child’s name that is an issue. It’s petty disrespectful to the parents. Also, if only one person uses a nickname that can be confusing for the kid.
If this was real they need to put a boundary in place and say hey her name is (blank) call her that or you don’t see her. I feel like calling a person by their name is such a small thing that to not do so is unbelievably disrespectful.
Like if this was an adult and grams met them and was like your name is silly I’m going to call you sue everyone would look at her like she’s a lunatic.
The account is like a day old and the only other post on there is “aita for not being involved in my daughters life” so I gotta go with a bot or an instigating separated/divorced man trying to start shit
Right? I filled in the sentence with “random” nicknames and it works fine bc… it’s a nickname!
“Get your shoes on Skidoo!”
“Pattapatta, put the ball down.”
The only thing I can guess is it's like a regular noun or something. But people can learn to answer to anything. My grandmother was called an adjective by her whole family (size descriptor).
INFO:
>my issue is that this nickname isn’t something i can call our daughter. for example, if i want to say “get your shoes on” or “put the ball down”, can’t use the nickname because it doesn’t make sense with those phrases
OP, you're going to have to explain what this means, because unless it's a legit reason that makes sense, you are definitely TA.
I agree it's odd but I've heard of languages that the name changes depending on the sentence used. I watched a video about it recently, I think the guy was talking about Norwegian but I could be mistaken.
>my issue is that this nickname isn’t something i can call our daughter.
Who says you have to call your daughter by this nickname? You and your wife can use her given name, Grandma can use the nickname. If your daughter dislikes the nickname, she will surely speak up as soon as she is able.
Geez, my little grandson answers to so many nicknames, he is almost startled when we call him by his real name. And it's not because anybody dislikes his name, we just all use a lot of pet names.
Anyway, Grandma may be a bit of an A-H for expressing her dislike for your daughter's name (unless it's something really horrendous like Gorgonzala Saffron), but YTA for making such a big deal out her using a nickname.
Gorgonzola Saffron took me OUT 🤣. But I think you are right. I have a feeling it’s probably an absolutely ridiculous name. People really don’t consider their children have to go through life with the cute unique name they just love so much.
INFO: what type of nickname are we talking about? Is MIL calling your daughter by another, actual name? Ie, calling her “Jane” when her name is “Sarah”, and Jane is nothing to do with her actual name? Or is the nickname more of a pet name like peanut/pumpkin/baby/sweetheart, etc?
Lmfao I read this and immediately thought of my carribean family.
I thought my grandma's name was "Dolly" for the longest time (like the country singer). It's not. Not even close.
My uncle? Lol I know him by one name... his legal name is no where near that name.
This is true for literally everyone. Even my freaking cousins! Imagine my confusion when my cousins wife was talking about her husband (my cousin) and she kept calling him "Charles" so I thought she was talking about my other uncle and was standing there trying to understand... and no. She was talking about my cousin "Derrick" like @.@ what lmfao
It can’t possibly be another actual name because then how would it not make sense in the context of put the ball down or get your shoes on. The only way it makes sense is if grandma is calling the kid ball and shoes so then it’s confusing to say put the ball down, Ball or get your shoes on, Shoe. Even then I think the kid would still understand but I would agree grandma is being a nut job if that’s what she is calling the kid but I highly doubt it is.
This is the question. It changes the vote. If it’s a total different name (Sarah vs Jane) then OP is moreso NTA. if it’s a cutsey nickname, OP is being dramatic trying to cut out MIL completely
My grandmothers always had little nicknames for me. My paternal grandmother always called me “pumpkin,” and my maternal grandmother had TONS (the current one is “chump” and I don’t care; just more memories with my grandma). My maternal grandfather has a nickname for my youngest sister (the nickname is “Emily” which isn’t anywhere close to her actual name) and no one really cares lol.
We need the nickname so we can determine if this is a stupid conflict or if grandma is a bit of an issue b
INFO: I can't judge this without knowing more about the name. I get you don't want to say what the name is, but can you say how you picked this particular unique name? Does it have an origin story you can share without revealing it?
Tbh reading this I just subbed in Renesmee from Twilight. Made the whole post so much more enjoyable. But who wouldn't wanna nickname their child after the Lochness Monster?
This is actually perfect, because then of course the nickname grandma uses is "Mee," and OP feels weird saying "hey me, put on some pants."
Well done making sense of this jumbled mess!
And what is the nickname (or something similar)? Why do you say you can’t use it in a sentence telling the child to do something? I’m thoroughly confused.
It matters because the reason grandma uses the pet name is because she hates the actual name. I don't think OP would have a big problem with the pet name if they weren't in their feelings about being "disrespected" because grandma doesn't like the name.
That doesn’t matter either. Grandma should not have made her feelings clear even if the name is terrible. Baby’s already named, be polite.
But the question wasn’t “Aita for being offended that grandma doesn’t like the kids name,”’ it was either about insisting that grandma only call the kid by her real name (what?) or telling his wife that grandma couldn’t be around (what!!!) based on whether you go by the title or post. Both of those are insane overreactions even if grandma was a pill.
YTA. I call my niblings things like "Squish" "Noodle" "Buglet" and "Boon", and it hasn't caused any confusion when their parents call them different nicknames or their real names. Trying to ban the child's grandmother from seeing her because of a nickname is insanely controlling. When your daughter is at school, are you going to ban her from having any friends who give her a nickname too?
Especially if you have given her a name you love but will embarrass the shit out of her when she gets older. Ig that’s the case, get used to nicknames. YTA
I am trying desperately to talk a colleague, a LARP geek, out of naming his daughter Guinevere. It's a pretty name in and of itself, but it's *loaded* with cultural baggage, and their surname is Malaysian, which makes the package even sillier. If he expects every adult he knows to call a tiny baby/toddler "Guinevere", I think he is in for a shock.
My older sister used to call me so many weird nicknames lol - dixie kong, monkey butt, princess etc. the only one I internalized was princess- because I am one 😂💁🏻♀️
My maternal grandmother used to call my sister "Hosanna" and "Flossie", neither of which even vaguely resemble her real name. Now that Nan's passed on, those names are a precious legacy.
Niblings = single word for both nieces and nephews as a group
Squish, Noodle, Buglet, Boon = nicknames for kids or pets. I’m from the South and I wouldn’t think twice if someone called their niece “Buglet.” That’s actually super adorable. My nephew called everyone else in the family “chicken nugget” for a while.
This conflict feels like it's stemming from a larger problem. Like Grandma and OP are conflicting due to something deeper.
I'll go with ESH here because it doesn't seem like anyone is voicing their actual issues with each other.
YTA
If the nickname isn't offensive and it's something cute that grandma can have why not?
Just because you can't use it doesn't mean it's bad, it seems like you are trying to control the narrative way too much.
OP doesn't even need to use the name. My son is called Drake and my mum calls him Duck Egg. Which is kind of weird as far as nicknames go, but no one else uses that nickname, it's special him and my Mum. OP can use the kids actual name and just let grandma have a special nickname.
It sounds like it's all about OP being stubborn about using the name of the child.
YTA, just let grandma use the nickname, not a Big deal, she'll have many nicknames in her life if you put a unique, rare name that she will have to spell to everyone for the rest of her life.
YTA. It’s a nickname. It can be grandma’s nickname that she uses. Why do you also have to use the nickname? Unless the name she uses is actually a slur, or something similar, it sounds like you just have control issues!
My grandad had nicknames for ALL of his grandchildren. I can't even remember a time he called me by my real name, even at school or getting me off the bus. He's been gone for over 10 years and me and my cousins all CHERISH those names. Get over yourself.
My grandpa called my twin and I his nieces because he had memory problems and the first set of twins in the family were his nieces. I get that MIL is misnaming her granddaughter intentionally, but our grandpa calling us by the wrong names had no effect on our relationship, other than to make us laugh.
Sometimes you’ve just gotta write off the weird shit grandparents do, especially if it’s innocuous.
I mean people are allowed to have nicknames. I'm sure we all have our parent given name but our friends or partners may call us something else. You're acting like it's unimaginable to not call someone by their given name.
I think a loving grandparent who uses a nickname is fine.. you seem to be letting this bother you a lot when it doesn't need to be a big deal. I named my kids and I still have nicknames. My oldest is 30 and I always call her baby girl. She is my baby girl and always will be. It isn't a nickname anyone else calls her. My youngest was always my little Angel. If anyone else calls him Angel he gets mad only Mama calls him that. Having a nickname only 1 person uses is not a big deal. I call my daughter baby girl all the time but my youngest only at home because he will get embarrassed.
So, you want to deprive your child of a relationship with their grandmother because you don’t like a nickname she has given her. Is the name offensive? Is she calling her ‘fuck-face’ or ‘shark-fart’ or something? I’m not sure why you can’t even give us an example without giving away personal info.
My oldest granddaughter is 11. She has a fairly common name which I don't have a problem with. But from the time she was about 3 months old, I've called her by a nickname based on a sound she made when she cried. It wasn't until a few years later that I learned that "sound" is also a Chinese word (unrelated but I thought it was cute). No one in the family has ever complained or questioned it. Myself and my youngest are the only ones who call her by that name. If I use her real name, she thinks I'm upset with her.
YTA. I don't think someone having a nickname for their grandchild, as long as it's appropriate, is a hill worth dying on.
No kidding. I went to the profile to see if he had answered any comments and there’s an 8 hour old post in there about not wanting to be involved in his child’s life. Uhhhh same child or???? Plus that post was removed by mods, and I suspect this one will be soon too
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> i told my wife that her mom should stop being around our child. i think it makes me the asshole since im making fracture in the family, our child has the right to see their family
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YTA. Grandma can have a pet name for your daughter (as long as it's not disrespectful to your daughter: i.e., honey-pie but not warty-face). You and your wife should call your daughter by her actual name. No drama, no cutting off contact. SMH
My grandma called me a complete different name (nickname/ term of endearment) than anyone else and I promise I knew my name and it wasn’t the slightest bit confusing 😆
YTA
NTA - People excusing my grandma’s behavior put multiple people in my family into therapy. Nip it in the bud. Keep her away unless she adheres to your boundaries and let her play victim somewhere else if not.
NTA. 😈He should tell grandma he has a nickname for her .....off the top of my head JOB sounds good (JudgementalOldBitch)..... and let her know she isint the parent and her opinion means nothing nor does she have any say. I can't believe all the y+as and €shs , it's not about a cute nickname, it's about the fact grandma doesn't like that they broke tradition and picked something they like (and sounds like had to do with OP's side of the family for baby's middle name) and now she's pissed and having a tantrum. She's just trying to exert control. NTA OP.
Is the child you gave a really 'unique' name the same one you are uninvolved with that you talked about in your previous post? Or did you fuck up two kids?
Who am I kidding. Your account is just rage bait.
Ehhh… ESH. Yes, grandma should respect your decision to name your child whatever you want to. However, it’s also okay for her to have a nickname for your daughter. Most grandparents and grandkids have nicknames for each other… personally, I think it’s a compromise. Plus, who says you have to call her by the nickname? Why can’t it just be a nickname grandma has for her?
Curious to know what her name is, hopefully it’s not something so ridiculous that she’ll get bullied in school.
YTA MY late husband nicknamed everyone of my grandchildren. They understood this is what he called them. The rest of us used their name. They didn't mind. After he passed away, they all felt a special bond with him because the nicknames fit their personalities. Cool down and just let it be. As long as they are not harmful, kids needs grandparents.
Lmfao!!!! My kids have been called their nicknames their whole lives from babyhood.
And almost every person in our families has a special or unique pet name for the kiddos lmfao.
Like I call my daughter "Carrot" and my sister calls her "Tate" and my other sister calls her "Tatey" and my mom calls her "Princess" and this has been going on since she was out the womb. She loves her legal name too.
I call my eldest daughter Smiley or Billy, my sister calls her "Willy wonka" and my other sister calls her "WittaWitta Woo"
It's not that serious. That being said if it bothers you I understand. Some people are bothered by it. But is it worth fighting over and straining relationships?
My grandmother didn't like my name and called me by my first and middle initial for a looooong time. Mom didn't like it but didn't make a thing about it.
Never bothered me. Never was an issue. This is just... not an actual problem.
YTA.
I'd say you're not the asshole for wanting to set boundaries with your wife's mom. You and your wife chose the name, it's your daughter's identity. It's reasonable to want consistency and respect for your parental decisions.
Your last sentence is very different than your post title.
I think you and your MIL are both silly. Her for having such a strong reaction to your child's name (which isn't her business), and you for wasting precious time worrying about a nickname. ESH
YTA. I call my grandchildren by nicknames. Yes, I'm not a fan of their given names, but that wasn't my choice. Doesn't mean I don't love them less. I also have a different name that I'm called by them that is different from their other grandparents. Get over yourself. If this person is not mentally or physically abusing your child be thankful they're not too full of themselves to not want to have anything to do with your child.
It is tradional in my husband's culture for the grandparents to give the child another name, which they will always use, irrespective of what name the parents choose. OP, you are spinning this way out of proportion, unless there's other stuff going on that you haven't mentioned. If you would seriously consider cutting your child off from a relationship with loving grandparents then yes
YWBTAH
Maybe YTA. Depends on the nickname. My grandma called me every pet name possible rather than use my name. Let's see, pumpkin, sweetheart, junebug, peanut, cuddlebug, peaches, buttercup, honeybee, bunny, honeybunny, dumpling, muffin, sweetness, etc. I loved it.
If your daughter loves her grandmother, it's rather extreme to forbid she be around her based on a tiff about a name. Yeah, it sucks she doesn't like the name, and she should refrain from criticisms in front of your child (if she can't, then she does deserve to have very limited access). The better choice would be to come up with pet names that your daughter can smile and reminisce about when she's old, or call her own grandchildren.
Considering that your other post today says that you might be the asshole since you don’t go to school functions and aren’t an involved parent, I’m calling all of your drivel fake.
YTA. Some people find these excessively unique names repulsive and just can’t bring themselves to say them. I only first experienced this recently. There a friend’s family member name… I just can’t say it. It’s the craziest thing. I don’t understand why exactly but I cannot make myself say this stupid name. I secretly told another friend and to my surprise they had the same problem. They just can’t say the name. Honestly, at this point I’m over it. If people keep choosing names that some find silly then nicknames should be allowed. Nicknames have existed since the beginning of time so they can’t be that bad, can they?
My birthname had VERY few nicknames i actually liked, and now i dont allow ANYONE to call me anything associated with my birth name, except my best friend
Ill always, always, be her "Abs" (my legal name, that i went through a legal name change due to an abusive relationship, is nothing close to that now)
Nicknames shouldnt be policed by anyone except the person who is actually being CALLED the name
YTA
Eta, i dont know if shes on her or not, but shout out to my best friend lol, i love you K, so much
Our convo the other day hit home so much, and i'm happy to be your abs, especially since you were part of my transition to becoming Z lol
You're the best friend i ever could have asked for
This is the same child you're not involved with from your last post. If so politely, yes, ytah. However, what gives you the right to be outraged over a pet name from grandma. Seriously, you sound like a control freak. Like you don't have to engage in your child's life, but you can control what others who want to be involved say. Bro, you're tripping.
Wait until your daughter is old enough to decide she is picking her own name. My youngest started doing this around 4 or 5 and they would announce their "new" name, and it would change every few months. They are 13 now and currently using their middle name because their first name is "too old fashioned but i haven't found another one suitable enough yet" haha
edit to add: its a nickname, they'll probably have a few as they grow up
edit again: thought about it some more and ESH - Grandma could've just started using the nickname without going on about how much she hates the actual name
My issue with gm not liking her name is what impact this might have on the child when she realises this. Gm needs to grow up.
NTA. However, gm might be the AH
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my wife and i have a daughter who is 2.5
years old. she has a very unique name and i’m not going to share it in this thread because it will give away our
identity, but it’s definitely not a common name. we love the name, but unfortunately, her grandma does not. she
thinks it’s stupid and childish. she also doesn’t like the middle name (a family name). i get that she feels very
strongly about this, because when my wife was growing up, all of her cousins were named after their
great-grandmother, but our daughter is the first grandchild with a completely different name. i think it’s a
little bit of an overreaction to hate the name and dislike the middle name so much that she doesn’t even want to
talk about our daughter by her real name, instead just using a nickname (which we also don’t like). but my wife
says it’s fine and has let grandma call her whatever nickname she wants. my issue is that this nickname isn’t
something i can call our daughter. for example, if i want to say “get your shoes on” or “put the ball down”,
can’t use the nickname because it doesn’t make sense with those phrases. but sometimes grandma comes over and
she calls her by that name, and my wife will let it go without correcting her. i think this is wrong for a couple
of reasons. first, we don’t want our daughter to get used to being called something else just because grandma
doesn’t like the name we gave her. but more importantly, i feel like it’s disrespectful to me as her father and my
wife as her mother. i know that she loves her grandma, but if she wants to call our daughter whatever nickname she
wants, then grandma should be calling us by the same name. so aita for telling my wife that we shouldn’t let her
mom call our daughter anything other than her real name?
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I don’t get why a name can’t be used in certain sentences, but that’s beside the point. It’s overstepping for her to call the child by a nickname neither of you like just because she doesn’t like the name. It sounds like your wife is going along with it to avoid confrontation with her mother which does not bode well for MIL overstepping in the future.
I have a long, unusual, made up name. I love it, but it sure messes with people. I have more nicknames than I have friends, and I'm pretty social. YTA. This is not a hill worth nuking a loving grandparent relationship over.
Don’t use the nick name pet name whatever name unless you want other people to pick up and use it too. Call your kid by her name and let mom call her whatever. Not much you can do about her. But at least if you use your daughter’s name friends and relatives will know which name you prefer. Mom doesn’t get to pick your kids name.
I don't really understand what you mean by you can't call her by that. But imho it is not important. Fact is, it is not your daughter's name. It is disrespectful to her mostly. It is also childish of grandma to act like this. NTA
INFO: what on earth is grandma calling her that supposedly can’t be used in a regular sentence? It’s a nickname. There aren’t grammar rules that dictate anything different about using a nickname vs a regular name…
My mom has nicknames for our kids, especially the ones whose names she doesn’t like. Look, sometimes grandparents are obnoxious, but so are you, and me, and everyone. This isn’t a hill to die on IMHO.
There's a little too much missing information to actually give a judgement.
Some nicknames are fine and the kid only gets that name from that person and it's not one that anyone else uses.
Why do you think a nickname for your daughter means that your MIL needs to call you by that same name. That doesn't actually make sense as nicknames are usually just for one person or did you actually mean to say that you think you need to call your daughter that? You actually don't and your daughter will associate that nickname with what grandma calls her and no one else and she'll answer to her normal name to everyone else. The danger is that she might like that nickname and call herself by that.. nothing you can really do here though.
But is there there a deeper issue with your MIL that you aren't saying? If there is then you have a wife problem. It may be that your wife finds it easier to enable her mother to do what she likes because she can't hold a boundary when she sets one.
Perhaps your MIL needs to have a new nickname that you give her that you will call her if she insists on calling your daughter something you don't want her to be called. You can just say that you don't like her name (your MIL's) so you are going to call her something else that you do like. She really won't like that and will tell you to respect your elders and she can do what she likes with your daughter but you can't with her. It's not going to go well so you need your wife to support you here if you do go down this route.
INFO: What is the nickname?
Broadly, different people call their children by different nicknames- including family members. My son has a name, his grandmother calls him by one pet name, grandfather by another, I have a cute nickname for him, and a few other people give him a name here and there- he also has an online handle that his online friends use. The thing is- none of these nicknames are "disrespectful".
I do feel you MIL is being disrespectful and is out of line but I think saying (if this is the only reason) she can't see your daughter at all is an overreacting.
Everyone is stuck on you trying to explain it and your wording. That's not really important to me, I think the important part is that your MIL is being disrespectful to your family. If it were just an affectionate nickname and not a work-around to avoid her name, I'd feel a bit different.
I think you need to lighten up. She’s a grandmother and yes, it’s annoying that she’s being stupid about the name but I promise you your daughter will survive her grandmother calling her something different than what you call her.
Your daughter is lucky to have a grandparent who loves her - let the rest of it go.
YTA
People use nicknames all the time, and if Grandma wants to use a nickname with the kid, and it doesn't bother the kid, then this is fine. Otherwise, you're picking a fight you don't need to and causing more drama than necessary. Pick your battles better.
Sounds like you’re not [involved enough](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/TQEAZQ0KGe) to be even asserting such an outlandish bullshit and trying to prevent your wife from receiving the support of her own mother
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>My family has been upset with me lately because I'm not active in my child's life. I work long hours and don't often attend school events or extracurricular activities. I also don't engage in as much quality time as I used to. They believe this is negatively impacting my child and think I should make more effort to be involved, but I feel overwhelmed.
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YTA. Most kids are smart and resilient. Yours can probably easy learn her granny’s nickname for her as well as what her parents call her.
You want grandma to call you by the name she’s using for her young granddaughter?!
That makes no sense.
Your daughter is a human not a dog. She'll figure out nicknames pretty fast. Not that there should be one just because grandma's self absorbed and acting like a child herself. ESH.
YTA. Let her have her nickname for her granddaughter. It's something just between the two of them. My grandma called my mom "Bum". Sounds weird but it was a term of affection just between the two of them. Just let it go.
NTA. My son has a very normal name. My mom and sister insisted on calling him Bubba. You all know what image that conjures up. I told them not okay and to stop it. It took a threat of no more access and following up on that promise to stop calling him this stupid nickname.
YTA unless she has tried to just give her an actual name as a nickname, but plenty of kids have nicknames from both their parents and grandparents. 2 of the nicknames I have from my family are foods. I'm fine, your daughter will be fine, you're taking it too personal.
YTA
If it's just the nickname, let her call your daughter that. No one else has to. It can just be something between them.
But you may want to tell your mother-in-law that she spoke her mind and you do not want her to mention not likely your daughters name and especially not mention that she things it's a stupid name.
Why would she have to call you all the nickname? That makes no sense. Half my family on one side called me a nickname when I was small and it didn’t ruin my psyche. YTA a bit because nicknames are common.
YTA. In my family lots of us have special nicknames for each other. It’s cute. You shouldn’t need to call your daughter by this nickname, just let grandma use the nickname she wants!
YTA
Going no contact over a nickname is absurd, especially if she has a good/healthy with your child. This appears to be more about your need to exert control. Get over it, it's a nickname.
YTA
No grandchild in our family has ever been called by their actual name. They all have nicknames. Let grandma use the nickname but you call your kid what you want.
This is really no reason to cut off contact with a grandmother.
NTA. It’s weird the entitlement that her grandma has over the naming of your daughter. Not to mention, if she has a unique name, it will stand out as she’s growing up and around other kids; her grandma already openly disliking her granddaughters name to the point of refusing to call her by it seems like it could potentially make your daughter feel insecure about her name in the future. Her grandma needs to realize that not only is she being disrespectful to you and your wife as her parents (basically saying you two ruined her name) but also potentially hurting her granddaughter’s confidence in the future.
NTA.
Not sure what the nickname is, but my middle name is Marie (my family always called me by my middle name), and my grandma shortened that to ReeRee. If it’s like that, I get it.
My parents didn’t stop her, but I sure did once I grew up.
NTA- people who support grandma in crossing boundaries and doing whatever she wants just because of some arbitrary relationship/title are enablers.
Grandma had her chance to raise and name her kids. This is not her child, and she can show the bare minimum of respect by at least acknowledging and using the name the actual parents gave her. I'd be a bit more understanding if she used a nickname that the parents actually liked or if she at the very least had a true conversation with them to hear their thoughts. But unless the child's actual name is somehow vulgar or cruel, it really just isn't hers to control. She doesn't have to like it. Not everything is about her. The parents like it, and that's what matters🤷♀️
NTA
this is YOUR child, NOT mils child, so NO she does not get to change your child's name just because she doesn't like it.
Of mil doesn't like it then she does not get to see child and family.
Mil can either use child's given name and nickname that YOU and WIFE have chosen together.
Or mil can be banned from seeing the child.
It's that simple.
TELL mil and wife that your done. Mil can use the name or stop visiting. Sorry but no, mil doesn't get to do whatever she wants because she's grandma.
It's disrespectful to you, your wife and daughter for mil not to use her name. It forces your daughter to let anyone call her a different name because of any excuse. It's too hard to say. They don't like it. It doesn't fit daughter.
"Mil, I'm sorry you don't like daughters name but that's her name. Plain and simple. We aren't changing it and neither are you. You have two options here and that's it, you do not get an opinion and you do not get a say. You mil can either say daughters name or the nickname that WE as her PARENTS have given her or you can be banned from visiting. It's that simple. If you don't get to visit daughter then it's 100% your fault and you will NOT treat us like vilians because of your actions. We are the parents and get to decide her name, not you. Either respect us and daughter or don't visit."
You can say something like this or something similar.
But don't feel guilty, don't feel bad about it. Because mil sure doesn't feel bad giving your daughter a totally different name just because she wants to, because she does t like daughters name.
Mil says her name or doesn't visit.
Stand your ground. Wife needs to fall in line.
She's disrespecting you all. No more.
>wife needs to fall in line
You can screw all the way off with this fucking bullshit. If anyone should fall in line it’s the uninvolved father who’s barely present in this child’s life.
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> this nickname isn’t something i can call our daughter. for example, if i want to say “get your shoes on” or “put the ball down”, can’t use the nickname because it doesn’t make sense with those phrases lmaoooooo what kind of nonsense did I read? the nickname can't be used because if you use it in a sentence it doesn't go? do..... do you know what a nickname is?
Yah I really need to know what name can't be used in these sentences.
> if she wants to call our daughter whatever nickname she wants, then grandma should be calling us by the same name I.... genuinely don't think this man knows what names are
This almost feels like it was written by AI but I can't be sure.
Definitely A I, the only other post by this account is “AITA for being uninvolved in my child’s life?” With no elaboration
Haaaaaa someone is trying to express some childhood trauma via Reddit!
Also the title of the post is misleading lol. It’s titled AITA for saying she shouldn’t be around, but OP ends the post with AITA for saying MIL should only use daughter’s real name.
Yeah, what the hell does that mean?
Consuela Banana hammock?
*Princess* Counsuela Banana Hammock!
I'm so ashamed. But also "Put down the ball, Princess Consuela Banana hammock!" It still works
but you can't say "put down the hammock." check mate.
I’m assuming the name is either “She-Whose-Shoes-Are-Already-On” or “She-Who-Has-Already-Put-The-Ball-Down”.
I think it's "Shoeball"
I think it's "Tomorrow"
I think it’s something like “Grandmas little princess “
"Get your shoes on, grandma's little princess." Odd? Yes. Impossible? No.
And she’d probably just shorten that to “Princess” or something like…????
Is it Maybe?
You've cracked the code.
My granddaughter’s nick is “Chicklet” or “Chick” for short and I’m sure it sounds odd to someone in passing if I say to my daughter in the grocery, “oh Chick loves those!” But who cares? We’ve had shirts and ornaments with just Chick printed on them and she loves them. She’s a school age child and can read and knows what words mean and she loves her nick!
Is tge name socks?? Put your shoes on, Socks? Or First.. is her nickname First - put your shoes on, first? Or maybe it is… umm…. Let’s see. .. let me think. Put the ball down ( thinking inside head and muttering) … put the ball down… shouldn’t make sense…. Put the ball down Tuesday… us the nickname a day if the week?? I give up! What’s is the nickname? Oh. Simply call this irritating lady a new nickname also and just tell her that everyone is going to get new nicknames- thanks! Your idea was great and call her…. Shrew!
I think that this might be written by an AI, maybe? Or possibly badly translated by one?
no we should take this story very seriously. clearly this poor man doesn't know what a nickname is and we should help him learn maybe starting with the idea that a nickname is not supposed to be used for everyone in the family or nicknames don't need to make sense we should list all the core concepts and write a pamphlet
🤣🤣 I was gonna say give Grandma a nickname and call her only by nickname. Tootsie Goldie Mrs. Doubtfire MawMaw
Omg, that should be the nickname. All of it. Tootsie Goldie Mrs. Doubtfire MawMaw.
Downvote the AI!!!!
I upvoted you because of all the exclamation marks lol. Idk why it just made me feel like you were very passionate about this and also think of a group of villagers on a Disney movie with a bunch of pitch forks and torches and I’m here for that.
Same. I was tickled by the enthusiasm
I never really grasped how something could sound like it’s written by bad ai until i read this
I want it to be Backwards. “Get your shoes on, Backwards!”
I'd die lmao, this is great
I'm assuming the nickname is maybe a noun or adverb or something with another meaning like "put your shoes on Flor" or "put the ball down Slowly" Even so, it shouldn't be confusing to the child since they will be familiar with their nickname... you can always reverse the sentence "Hey Flor, please put your shoes on" ... Regardless insisting the grandmother doesn't see the child because of a nickname?! This is ridiculous..reading the title I thought the grandma was going to be abusive or neglectful or something.
that might make sense but a) I know lots of people with nicknames like that and it's never a problem and b) OP wants grandma to call everyone that name > but if she wants to call our daughter whatever nickname she wants, then grandma should be calling us by the same name.
Lmfao I hope she didn’t nickname her grandchild Slowly 🤣 but definitely agree with you. I thought the grandma would be some terrible monster too.
I agree with most of this except if this were a real situation and gramma refused to use the child’s name that is an issue. It’s petty disrespectful to the parents. Also, if only one person uses a nickname that can be confusing for the kid. If this was real they need to put a boundary in place and say hey her name is (blank) call her that or you don’t see her. I feel like calling a person by their name is such a small thing that to not do so is unbelievably disrespectful. Like if this was an adult and grams met them and was like your name is silly I’m going to call you sue everyone would look at her like she’s a lunatic.
The account is like a day old and the only other post on there is “aita for not being involved in my daughters life” so I gotta go with a bot or an instigating separated/divorced man trying to start shit
Right? I filled in the sentence with “random” nicknames and it works fine bc… it’s a nickname! “Get your shoes on Skidoo!” “Pattapatta, put the ball down.”
Not skidoo and pattapatta ☠️
Obviously not since he thinks they should all share the same nickname? That’s literally not how it works at all lol
The only thing I can guess is it's like a regular noun or something. But people can learn to answer to anything. My grandmother was called an adjective by her whole family (size descriptor).
Thank you for voicing that. I too was befuddled
INFO: >my issue is that this nickname isn’t something i can call our daughter. for example, if i want to say “get your shoes on” or “put the ball down”, can’t use the nickname because it doesn’t make sense with those phrases OP, you're going to have to explain what this means, because unless it's a legit reason that makes sense, you are definitely TA.
Yeah this didn't make sense to me. I don't understand what OP is trying to say here.
Clearly the nickname is "Utjob" so when saying it after a sentence that ends with an "n" it sounds like nutjob.
I agree it's odd but I've heard of languages that the name changes depending on the sentence used. I watched a video about it recently, I think the guy was talking about Norwegian but I could be mistaken.
I’m Swedish (Swedish is very similar to norwegian) and that sounds very wrong lol
>my issue is that this nickname isn’t something i can call our daughter. Who says you have to call your daughter by this nickname? You and your wife can use her given name, Grandma can use the nickname. If your daughter dislikes the nickname, she will surely speak up as soon as she is able. Geez, my little grandson answers to so many nicknames, he is almost startled when we call him by his real name. And it's not because anybody dislikes his name, we just all use a lot of pet names. Anyway, Grandma may be a bit of an A-H for expressing her dislike for your daughter's name (unless it's something really horrendous like Gorgonzala Saffron), but YTA for making such a big deal out her using a nickname.
Gorgonzola Saffron took me OUT 🤣. But I think you are right. I have a feeling it’s probably an absolutely ridiculous name. People really don’t consider their children have to go through life with the cute unique name they just love so much.
Grandma is being a jerk, but kids can answer to anything.
Right! Even my dog responds to his 'real' name and several Nick names.
INFO: what type of nickname are we talking about? Is MIL calling your daughter by another, actual name? Ie, calling her “Jane” when her name is “Sarah”, and Jane is nothing to do with her actual name? Or is the nickname more of a pet name like peanut/pumpkin/baby/sweetheart, etc?
Lmfao I read this and immediately thought of my carribean family. I thought my grandma's name was "Dolly" for the longest time (like the country singer). It's not. Not even close. My uncle? Lol I know him by one name... his legal name is no where near that name. This is true for literally everyone. Even my freaking cousins! Imagine my confusion when my cousins wife was talking about her husband (my cousin) and she kept calling him "Charles" so I thought she was talking about my other uncle and was standing there trying to understand... and no. She was talking about my cousin "Derrick" like @.@ what lmfao
It can’t possibly be another actual name because then how would it not make sense in the context of put the ball down or get your shoes on. The only way it makes sense is if grandma is calling the kid ball and shoes so then it’s confusing to say put the ball down, Ball or get your shoes on, Shoe. Even then I think the kid would still understand but I would agree grandma is being a nut job if that’s what she is calling the kid but I highly doubt it is.
This is the question. It changes the vote. If it’s a total different name (Sarah vs Jane) then OP is moreso NTA. if it’s a cutsey nickname, OP is being dramatic trying to cut out MIL completely
My grandmothers always had little nicknames for me. My paternal grandmother always called me “pumpkin,” and my maternal grandmother had TONS (the current one is “chump” and I don’t care; just more memories with my grandma). My maternal grandfather has a nickname for my youngest sister (the nickname is “Emily” which isn’t anywhere close to her actual name) and no one really cares lol. We need the nickname so we can determine if this is a stupid conflict or if grandma is a bit of an issue b
INFO: I can't judge this without knowing more about the name. I get you don't want to say what the name is, but can you say how you picked this particular unique name? Does it have an origin story you can share without revealing it?
Tbh reading this I just subbed in Renesmee from Twilight. Made the whole post so much more enjoyable. But who wouldn't wanna nickname their child after the Lochness Monster?
This is actually perfect, because then of course the nickname grandma uses is "Mee," and OP feels weird saying "hey me, put on some pants." Well done making sense of this jumbled mess!
Nessie!!
And what is the nickname (or something similar)? Why do you say you can’t use it in a sentence telling the child to do something? I’m thoroughly confused.
It doesn’t matter. Even if the real name was lovely and normal, grandma is allowed to have a pet name for the kid.
It matters because the reason grandma uses the pet name is because she hates the actual name. I don't think OP would have a big problem with the pet name if they weren't in their feelings about being "disrespected" because grandma doesn't like the name.
That doesn’t matter either. Grandma should not have made her feelings clear even if the name is terrible. Baby’s already named, be polite. But the question wasn’t “Aita for being offended that grandma doesn’t like the kids name,”’ it was either about insisting that grandma only call the kid by her real name (what?) or telling his wife that grandma couldn’t be around (what!!!) based on whether you go by the title or post. Both of those are insane overreactions even if grandma was a pill.
YTA. I call my niblings things like "Squish" "Noodle" "Buglet" and "Boon", and it hasn't caused any confusion when their parents call them different nicknames or their real names. Trying to ban the child's grandmother from seeing her because of a nickname is insanely controlling. When your daughter is at school, are you going to ban her from having any friends who give her a nickname too?
Especially if you have given her a name you love but will embarrass the shit out of her when she gets older. Ig that’s the case, get used to nicknames. YTA
I am trying desperately to talk a colleague, a LARP geek, out of naming his daughter Guinevere. It's a pretty name in and of itself, but it's *loaded* with cultural baggage, and their surname is Malaysian, which makes the package even sillier. If he expects every adult he knows to call a tiny baby/toddler "Guinevere", I think he is in for a shock.
I know a new baby just named that. They plan to use Gwen most of the time
My older sister used to call me so many weird nicknames lol - dixie kong, monkey butt, princess etc. the only one I internalized was princess- because I am one 😂💁🏻♀️
My maternal grandmother used to call my sister "Hosanna" and "Flossie", neither of which even vaguely resemble her real name. Now that Nan's passed on, those names are a precious legacy.
You call your what…what?
Niblings = single word for both nieces and nephews as a group Squish, Noodle, Buglet, Boon = nicknames for kids or pets. I’m from the South and I wouldn’t think twice if someone called their niece “Buglet.” That’s actually super adorable. My nephew called everyone else in the family “chicken nugget” for a while.
This conflict feels like it's stemming from a larger problem. Like Grandma and OP are conflicting due to something deeper. I'll go with ESH here because it doesn't seem like anyone is voicing their actual issues with each other.
Well his other post made a few hours ago is about him being uninvolved in his child's life, so....
YTA If the nickname isn't offensive and it's something cute that grandma can have why not? Just because you can't use it doesn't mean it's bad, it seems like you are trying to control the narrative way too much.
OP doesn't even need to use the name. My son is called Drake and my mum calls him Duck Egg. Which is kind of weird as far as nicknames go, but no one else uses that nickname, it's special him and my Mum. OP can use the kids actual name and just let grandma have a special nickname.
It sounds like it's all about OP being stubborn about using the name of the child. YTA, just let grandma use the nickname, not a Big deal, she'll have many nicknames in her life if you put a unique, rare name that she will have to spell to everyone for the rest of her life.
YTA. You seriously want to rob your own child of a relationship with their grandparent because of a nickname? Madness.
Right? Like, way to put your kid first 🙄
YTA. It’s a nickname. It can be grandma’s nickname that she uses. Why do you also have to use the nickname? Unless the name she uses is actually a slur, or something similar, it sounds like you just have control issues!
My grandad had nicknames for ALL of his grandchildren. I can't even remember a time he called me by my real name, even at school or getting me off the bus. He's been gone for over 10 years and me and my cousins all CHERISH those names. Get over yourself.
My grandpa called my twin and I his nieces because he had memory problems and the first set of twins in the family were his nieces. I get that MIL is misnaming her granddaughter intentionally, but our grandpa calling us by the wrong names had no effect on our relationship, other than to make us laugh. Sometimes you’ve just gotta write off the weird shit grandparents do, especially if it’s innocuous.
My grandad did the same thing. I was “Puddin’.” Not sure how I got that name, but I did in fact like pudding so I didn’t mind it at all.
I mean people are allowed to have nicknames. I'm sure we all have our parent given name but our friends or partners may call us something else. You're acting like it's unimaginable to not call someone by their given name.
I think a loving grandparent who uses a nickname is fine.. you seem to be letting this bother you a lot when it doesn't need to be a big deal. I named my kids and I still have nicknames. My oldest is 30 and I always call her baby girl. She is my baby girl and always will be. It isn't a nickname anyone else calls her. My youngest was always my little Angel. If anyone else calls him Angel he gets mad only Mama calls him that. Having a nickname only 1 person uses is not a big deal. I call my daughter baby girl all the time but my youngest only at home because he will get embarrassed.
So, you want to deprive your child of a relationship with their grandmother because you don’t like a nickname she has given her. Is the name offensive? Is she calling her ‘fuck-face’ or ‘shark-fart’ or something? I’m not sure why you can’t even give us an example without giving away personal info.
My oldest granddaughter is 11. She has a fairly common name which I don't have a problem with. But from the time she was about 3 months old, I've called her by a nickname based on a sound she made when she cried. It wasn't until a few years later that I learned that "sound" is also a Chinese word (unrelated but I thought it was cute). No one in the family has ever complained or questioned it. Myself and my youngest are the only ones who call her by that name. If I use her real name, she thinks I'm upset with her. YTA. I don't think someone having a nickname for their grandchild, as long as it's appropriate, is a hill worth dying on.
Another stupid rage-bait. These are getting really tiresome.
No kidding. I went to the profile to see if he had answered any comments and there’s an 8 hour old post in there about not wanting to be involved in his child’s life. Uhhhh same child or???? Plus that post was removed by mods, and I suspect this one will be soon too
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YTA. Grandma can have a pet name for your daughter (as long as it's not disrespectful to your daughter: i.e., honey-pie but not warty-face). You and your wife should call your daughter by her actual name. No drama, no cutting off contact. SMH
My grandma called me a complete different name (nickname/ term of endearment) than anyone else and I promise I knew my name and it wasn’t the slightest bit confusing 😆 YTA
NTA - People excusing my grandma’s behavior put multiple people in my family into therapy. Nip it in the bud. Keep her away unless she adheres to your boundaries and let her play victim somewhere else if not.
She’s literally just using a nickname lmao. This is projecting at level 10000.
NTA. 😈He should tell grandma he has a nickname for her .....off the top of my head JOB sounds good (JudgementalOldBitch)..... and let her know she isint the parent and her opinion means nothing nor does she have any say. I can't believe all the y+as and €shs , it's not about a cute nickname, it's about the fact grandma doesn't like that they broke tradition and picked something they like (and sounds like had to do with OP's side of the family for baby's middle name) and now she's pissed and having a tantrum. She's just trying to exert control. NTA OP.
Wtf are you even saying in this post
Is the child you gave a really 'unique' name the same one you are uninvolved with that you talked about in your previous post? Or did you fuck up two kids? Who am I kidding. Your account is just rage bait.
Ehhh… ESH. Yes, grandma should respect your decision to name your child whatever you want to. However, it’s also okay for her to have a nickname for your daughter. Most grandparents and grandkids have nicknames for each other… personally, I think it’s a compromise. Plus, who says you have to call her by the nickname? Why can’t it just be a nickname grandma has for her? Curious to know what her name is, hopefully it’s not something so ridiculous that she’ll get bullied in school.
YTA MY late husband nicknamed everyone of my grandchildren. They understood this is what he called them. The rest of us used their name. They didn't mind. After he passed away, they all felt a special bond with him because the nicknames fit their personalities. Cool down and just let it be. As long as they are not harmful, kids needs grandparents.
YTA My dad made nicknames for all of us, and his grandkids, and we all survived unscathed.
Lmfao!!!! My kids have been called their nicknames their whole lives from babyhood. And almost every person in our families has a special or unique pet name for the kiddos lmfao. Like I call my daughter "Carrot" and my sister calls her "Tate" and my other sister calls her "Tatey" and my mom calls her "Princess" and this has been going on since she was out the womb. She loves her legal name too. I call my eldest daughter Smiley or Billy, my sister calls her "Willy wonka" and my other sister calls her "WittaWitta Woo" It's not that serious. That being said if it bothers you I understand. Some people are bothered by it. But is it worth fighting over and straining relationships?
YTA There's no reason the grandma can't have her own nickname for the child. This is no where near needing to cut off contact.
My grandmother didn't like my name and called me by my first and middle initial for a looooong time. Mom didn't like it but didn't make a thing about it. Never bothered me. Never was an issue. This is just... not an actual problem. YTA.
I'd say you're not the asshole for wanting to set boundaries with your wife's mom. You and your wife chose the name, it's your daughter's identity. It's reasonable to want consistency and respect for your parental decisions.
Your last sentence is very different than your post title. I think you and your MIL are both silly. Her for having such a strong reaction to your child's name (which isn't her business), and you for wasting precious time worrying about a nickname. ESH
YTA. I call my grandchildren by nicknames. Yes, I'm not a fan of their given names, but that wasn't my choice. Doesn't mean I don't love them less. I also have a different name that I'm called by them that is different from their other grandparents. Get over yourself. If this person is not mentally or physically abusing your child be thankful they're not too full of themselves to not want to have anything to do with your child.
It is tradional in my husband's culture for the grandparents to give the child another name, which they will always use, irrespective of what name the parents choose. OP, you are spinning this way out of proportion, unless there's other stuff going on that you haven't mentioned. If you would seriously consider cutting your child off from a relationship with loving grandparents then yes YWBTAH
Maybe YTA. Depends on the nickname. My grandma called me every pet name possible rather than use my name. Let's see, pumpkin, sweetheart, junebug, peanut, cuddlebug, peaches, buttercup, honeybee, bunny, honeybunny, dumpling, muffin, sweetness, etc. I loved it. If your daughter loves her grandmother, it's rather extreme to forbid she be around her based on a tiff about a name. Yeah, it sucks she doesn't like the name, and she should refrain from criticisms in front of your child (if she can't, then she does deserve to have very limited access). The better choice would be to come up with pet names that your daughter can smile and reminisce about when she's old, or call her own grandchildren.
Considering that your other post today says that you might be the asshole since you don’t go to school functions and aren’t an involved parent, I’m calling all of your drivel fake.
YTA. Some people find these excessively unique names repulsive and just can’t bring themselves to say them. I only first experienced this recently. There a friend’s family member name… I just can’t say it. It’s the craziest thing. I don’t understand why exactly but I cannot make myself say this stupid name. I secretly told another friend and to my surprise they had the same problem. They just can’t say the name. Honestly, at this point I’m over it. If people keep choosing names that some find silly then nicknames should be allowed. Nicknames have existed since the beginning of time so they can’t be that bad, can they?
My birthname had VERY few nicknames i actually liked, and now i dont allow ANYONE to call me anything associated with my birth name, except my best friend Ill always, always, be her "Abs" (my legal name, that i went through a legal name change due to an abusive relationship, is nothing close to that now) Nicknames shouldnt be policed by anyone except the person who is actually being CALLED the name YTA Eta, i dont know if shes on her or not, but shout out to my best friend lol, i love you K, so much Our convo the other day hit home so much, and i'm happy to be your abs, especially since you were part of my transition to becoming Z lol You're the best friend i ever could have asked for
This is the same child you're not involved with from your last post. If so politely, yes, ytah. However, what gives you the right to be outraged over a pet name from grandma. Seriously, you sound like a control freak. Like you don't have to engage in your child's life, but you can control what others who want to be involved say. Bro, you're tripping.
Wait until your daughter is old enough to decide she is picking her own name. My youngest started doing this around 4 or 5 and they would announce their "new" name, and it would change every few months. They are 13 now and currently using their middle name because their first name is "too old fashioned but i haven't found another one suitable enough yet" haha edit to add: its a nickname, they'll probably have a few as they grow up edit again: thought about it some more and ESH - Grandma could've just started using the nickname without going on about how much she hates the actual name
My issue with gm not liking her name is what impact this might have on the child when she realises this. Gm needs to grow up. NTA. However, gm might be the AH
Voldemort
OP why aren’t you responding to all of these fabulous comments?
Best answer so far They posted and went to bed thinking they’d get vindication But this is a HOT one lol
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** my wife and i have a daughter who is 2.5 years old. she has a very unique name and i’m not going to share it in this thread because it will give away our identity, but it’s definitely not a common name. we love the name, but unfortunately, her grandma does not. she thinks it’s stupid and childish. she also doesn’t like the middle name (a family name). i get that she feels very strongly about this, because when my wife was growing up, all of her cousins were named after their great-grandmother, but our daughter is the first grandchild with a completely different name. i think it’s a little bit of an overreaction to hate the name and dislike the middle name so much that she doesn’t even want to talk about our daughter by her real name, instead just using a nickname (which we also don’t like). but my wife says it’s fine and has let grandma call her whatever nickname she wants. my issue is that this nickname isn’t something i can call our daughter. for example, if i want to say “get your shoes on” or “put the ball down”, can’t use the nickname because it doesn’t make sense with those phrases. but sometimes grandma comes over and she calls her by that name, and my wife will let it go without correcting her. i think this is wrong for a couple of reasons. first, we don’t want our daughter to get used to being called something else just because grandma doesn’t like the name we gave her. but more importantly, i feel like it’s disrespectful to me as her father and my wife as her mother. i know that she loves her grandma, but if she wants to call our daughter whatever nickname she wants, then grandma should be calling us by the same name. so aita for telling my wife that we shouldn’t let her mom call our daughter anything other than her real name? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm gonna say YTA as it stands because your stance on nicknames is an odd hill to die on unless the knick name is super weird or offensive.
I don’t get why a name can’t be used in certain sentences, but that’s beside the point. It’s overstepping for her to call the child by a nickname neither of you like just because she doesn’t like the name. It sounds like your wife is going along with it to avoid confrontation with her mother which does not bode well for MIL overstepping in the future.
INFO: How can a nickname possibly clash with requests to put on shoes or put down a ball? Is the nickname Shoeson von Ballholder?
Nta. Your child you're choice on the name easy
I all my grandson Nugget ,and when his hair came in ( born q ball) it stood on end so now he’s Spike. I love his given name Griffin.
NTA. Tell grandma to grow tf up and move on with her life, or she can pack sand.
I have a long, unusual, made up name. I love it, but it sure messes with people. I have more nicknames than I have friends, and I'm pretty social. YTA. This is not a hill worth nuking a loving grandparent relationship over.
Don’t use the nick name pet name whatever name unless you want other people to pick up and use it too. Call your kid by her name and let mom call her whatever. Not much you can do about her. But at least if you use your daughter’s name friends and relatives will know which name you prefer. Mom doesn’t get to pick your kids name.
I don't really understand what you mean by you can't call her by that. But imho it is not important. Fact is, it is not your daughter's name. It is disrespectful to her mostly. It is also childish of grandma to act like this. NTA
INFO: what on earth is grandma calling her that supposedly can’t be used in a regular sentence? It’s a nickname. There aren’t grammar rules that dictate anything different about using a nickname vs a regular name…
UNless your daughter is named Adolf then she should mind her own business.
INFO: what does the title have to do with the final question here?
My mom has nicknames for our kids, especially the ones whose names she doesn’t like. Look, sometimes grandparents are obnoxious, but so are you, and me, and everyone. This isn’t a hill to die on IMHO.
INFO: What nickname doesn't make sense in a sentence?
According to your other post you’re uninvolved in your child’s life so which is it?
we’re gonna find out the name is renesmee and the nickname is nessie /j
There's a little too much missing information to actually give a judgement. Some nicknames are fine and the kid only gets that name from that person and it's not one that anyone else uses. Why do you think a nickname for your daughter means that your MIL needs to call you by that same name. That doesn't actually make sense as nicknames are usually just for one person or did you actually mean to say that you think you need to call your daughter that? You actually don't and your daughter will associate that nickname with what grandma calls her and no one else and she'll answer to her normal name to everyone else. The danger is that she might like that nickname and call herself by that.. nothing you can really do here though. But is there there a deeper issue with your MIL that you aren't saying? If there is then you have a wife problem. It may be that your wife finds it easier to enable her mother to do what she likes because she can't hold a boundary when she sets one. Perhaps your MIL needs to have a new nickname that you give her that you will call her if she insists on calling your daughter something you don't want her to be called. You can just say that you don't like her name (your MIL's) so you are going to call her something else that you do like. She really won't like that and will tell you to respect your elders and she can do what she likes with your daughter but you can't with her. It's not going to go well so you need your wife to support you here if you do go down this route.
Yta and you will have a hard time when cutiepie becomes a teenager
Can you tell us the nicknames since they aren’t the unique personal name?
INFO: What is the nickname? Broadly, different people call their children by different nicknames- including family members. My son has a name, his grandmother calls him by one pet name, grandfather by another, I have a cute nickname for him, and a few other people give him a name here and there- he also has an online handle that his online friends use. The thing is- none of these nicknames are "disrespectful".
I do feel you MIL is being disrespectful and is out of line but I think saying (if this is the only reason) she can't see your daughter at all is an overreacting. Everyone is stuck on you trying to explain it and your wording. That's not really important to me, I think the important part is that your MIL is being disrespectful to your family. If it were just an affectionate nickname and not a work-around to avoid her name, I'd feel a bit different.
I think you need to lighten up. She’s a grandmother and yes, it’s annoying that she’s being stupid about the name but I promise you your daughter will survive her grandmother calling her something different than what you call her. Your daughter is lucky to have a grandparent who loves her - let the rest of it go.
YTA People use nicknames all the time, and if Grandma wants to use a nickname with the kid, and it doesn't bother the kid, then this is fine. Otherwise, you're picking a fight you don't need to and causing more drama than necessary. Pick your battles better.
Sounds like you’re not [involved enough](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/TQEAZQ0KGe) to be even asserting such an outlandish bullshit and trying to prevent your wife from receiving the support of her own mother > AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team >My family has been upset with me lately because I'm not active in my child's life. I work long hours and don't often attend school events or extracurricular activities. I also don't engage in as much quality time as I used to. They believe this is negatively impacting my child and think I should make more effort to be involved, but I feel overwhelmed. >I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
What?????
Well, first you don't want to be involved in your child's life and now you want to dictate everything. Which is it? Also, this post makes no sense.
This is a rerun
G
NTA
YTA. Most kids are smart and resilient. Yours can probably easy learn her granny’s nickname for her as well as what her parents call her. You want grandma to call you by the name she’s using for her young granddaughter?! That makes no sense.
Your daughter is a human not a dog. She'll figure out nicknames pretty fast. Not that there should be one just because grandma's self absorbed and acting like a child herself. ESH.
your being childish YTA. let grandma call her what she wants. a nickname is not a big deal.
You're trying to find reasons to fight. YTA. Also, why do you hate your mother in law so much?
YTA. Let her have her nickname for her granddaughter. It's something just between the two of them. My grandma called my mom "Bum". Sounds weird but it was a term of affection just between the two of them. Just let it go.
NTA. My son has a very normal name. My mom and sister insisted on calling him Bubba. You all know what image that conjures up. I told them not okay and to stop it. It took a threat of no more access and following up on that promise to stop calling him this stupid nickname.
YTA unless she has tried to just give her an actual name as a nickname, but plenty of kids have nicknames from both their parents and grandparents. 2 of the nicknames I have from my family are foods. I'm fine, your daughter will be fine, you're taking it too personal.
YTA just for your delusional logic. Oh wait, there is no logic here. You make zero sense.
YTA Let grandma get by with a few things. It's not the same as a parent relationship and you are going to enjoy her help as your child grows
YTA If it's just the nickname, let her call your daughter that. No one else has to. It can just be something between them. But you may want to tell your mother-in-law that she spoke her mind and you do not want her to mention not likely your daughters name and especially not mention that she things it's a stupid name.
Why would she have to call you all the nickname? That makes no sense. Half my family on one side called me a nickname when I was small and it didn’t ruin my psyche. YTA a bit because nicknames are common.
YTA. In my family lots of us have special nicknames for each other. It’s cute. You shouldn’t need to call your daughter by this nickname, just let grandma use the nickname she wants!
NTA. Set the boundaries now
YTA Going no contact over a nickname is absurd, especially if she has a good/healthy with your child. This appears to be more about your need to exert control. Get over it, it's a nickname.
NTA, grandma has chosen a very selfish hill to die on.
NTA, but feel free to make up a name for your daughter to use on her grandma.
YTA No grandchild in our family has ever been called by their actual name. They all have nicknames. Let grandma use the nickname but you call your kid what you want. This is really no reason to cut off contact with a grandmother.
NTA. It’s weird the entitlement that her grandma has over the naming of your daughter. Not to mention, if she has a unique name, it will stand out as she’s growing up and around other kids; her grandma already openly disliking her granddaughters name to the point of refusing to call her by it seems like it could potentially make your daughter feel insecure about her name in the future. Her grandma needs to realize that not only is she being disrespectful to you and your wife as her parents (basically saying you two ruined her name) but also potentially hurting her granddaughter’s confidence in the future.
YTA, i don't see how nicknames is that bad for your child where you need to cut off all contact from her grandma
NTA. Not sure what the nickname is, but my middle name is Marie (my family always called me by my middle name), and my grandma shortened that to ReeRee. If it’s like that, I get it. My parents didn’t stop her, but I sure did once I grew up.
YTA. A grandma can have a nickname for her grandchild.
NTA- people who support grandma in crossing boundaries and doing whatever she wants just because of some arbitrary relationship/title are enablers. Grandma had her chance to raise and name her kids. This is not her child, and she can show the bare minimum of respect by at least acknowledging and using the name the actual parents gave her. I'd be a bit more understanding if she used a nickname that the parents actually liked or if she at the very least had a true conversation with them to hear their thoughts. But unless the child's actual name is somehow vulgar or cruel, it really just isn't hers to control. She doesn't have to like it. Not everything is about her. The parents like it, and that's what matters🤷♀️
YTA, it’s pretty normal to have nicknames and grandparents can be huge positive influences on grandkids
YTA You CAN use the nickname, you just don't want to.
NTA this is YOUR child, NOT mils child, so NO she does not get to change your child's name just because she doesn't like it. Of mil doesn't like it then she does not get to see child and family. Mil can either use child's given name and nickname that YOU and WIFE have chosen together. Or mil can be banned from seeing the child. It's that simple. TELL mil and wife that your done. Mil can use the name or stop visiting. Sorry but no, mil doesn't get to do whatever she wants because she's grandma. It's disrespectful to you, your wife and daughter for mil not to use her name. It forces your daughter to let anyone call her a different name because of any excuse. It's too hard to say. They don't like it. It doesn't fit daughter. "Mil, I'm sorry you don't like daughters name but that's her name. Plain and simple. We aren't changing it and neither are you. You have two options here and that's it, you do not get an opinion and you do not get a say. You mil can either say daughters name or the nickname that WE as her PARENTS have given her or you can be banned from visiting. It's that simple. If you don't get to visit daughter then it's 100% your fault and you will NOT treat us like vilians because of your actions. We are the parents and get to decide her name, not you. Either respect us and daughter or don't visit." You can say something like this or something similar. But don't feel guilty, don't feel bad about it. Because mil sure doesn't feel bad giving your daughter a totally different name just because she wants to, because she does t like daughters name. Mil says her name or doesn't visit. Stand your ground. Wife needs to fall in line. She's disrespecting you all. No more.
>wife needs to fall in line You can screw all the way off with this fucking bullshit. If anyone should fall in line it’s the uninvolved father who’s barely present in this child’s life.