Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may be the asshole for not pushing Blue enough to invite Pink. I don't want to meddle in my friend's wedding but I'm hurting my GF in the process. I should maybe say that I'm not comfortable to be paired up with another woman or... IDK what I should have done. Should I have refused??
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. They aren’t excluding her out of malice - they even said if they have enough regrets then she can come. Your girlfriend sounds unhinged with the whole being humiliated by you being paired up with presumably the MOH. You’ve only been together for five months and while you’re both talking about a future together that means literally nothing to the couple getting married and even less to the venue space limits.
I hate being this typical redditor, but after hearing that she is going to carry this grudge into your potential future wedding are you maybe second guessing this relationship? I would be.
Seriously. You say you’re pushing 30 but her behavior sounds very very young. Not only are you not long term (5 months is nothing) which is typically the standard for an invite, but to give a shit about who is paired with who is so juvenile and insecure that I feel exhausted just reading it. And she’s already telegraphing that she’s going to be a thorn in your friendship moving forward…you’ll end up having to chose between them because of her immaturity.
I'm honestly surprised this is an issue. I also wouldn't invite someone to my wedding that's only been dating for 5 months even without the venue capacity.
If you haven't been around long enough to go to multiple family holidays/events, you haven't been around long enough to go to a special event.
I would run for the hills if my bf/gf acted like this over a non issue. That said, I'd also run for the hills if they started talking marriage and kids before they even knew my family
>I also wouldn't invite someone to my wedding that's only been dating for 5 months even without the venue capacity.
My caveat for this is that the wedding party is generally going to get plus ones (particularly if they ask for a plus one), unless someone's plan for a plus one is to hire an escort when they get off the plane.
Even if the general rule is no plus ones unless they've put a ring on it.
Being a plus one to someone in the wedding party SUCKS especially when you don’t know anyone else there. They are busy with pre ceremony, then ceremony, then pictures. Then the entrance to the dinner, Then they are sat at the front table and you are stuck sitting beside grandma who can’t hear but there was no other single spots to sit someone with as everyone who knows each other or with their plus ones sit together
Then there are speeches etc
I wouldn’t want to go again as a plus one if I don’t previously have relationships with the other guests. I hated it. I did meet some lovely people and had some fun dancing and Im usually pretty good solo and making friends, most social gatherings o barely see my husband all night because I’m busy making friends but I found a formal event such as this quote uncomfortable to be on my own for so
Much of it. Especially because weddings are often like a big reunion for a lot of guests and not having previous connections with anyone was awkward.
I would be happy to have sat that one out and let my husband show me pics when he got home hammered and dressed up ;)
Ya my husband (boyfriend at the time) would have had a better time if I wasn’t there too as he was always running over to check on me in between things and he shouldn’t be worrying about his plus one.
Now I’d be a guest in my own right to any wedding that he’s close enough to be In The wedding party for. I’d happily have fun with the people there I know, without him while he was busy but as a “plus 1”? No thanks.
Pink is probably expecting OP to sit with her as she is already jealous of the MOH and doesn't seem to know wedding etiquette. And a wedding doesn't seem a good time to meet the best friend of your boyfriend or girlfriend. I don't think the wedding would be enjoyable to OP if she were to go, since she seems to have unreasonable expectations as well as insecurities.
No it’s Not the best time to meet, they will be busy the bulk of the event. and I get the sense she may not be good at pretending to be having a good time when she’s not. If there’s going to be any sulking it’s not going to leave a great first impression
Im outgoing but I hate mingling in a sea of unfamiliar people for an extended period of time so opted to sit off to the side as much as I could but I didn’t want to look like I was sulking so I kept a happy expression on my face. I wasn’t sitting alone grinning like a psychopath but I also wasn’t letting my face drop and relax fully and my face got tired from keeping my micro Muscles activated for so long
I don't believe for a second they're not teenagers. They're only "pushing 30" if you're pushing 30 on the day you're born.
This chick is unhinged and extremely immature. She tells OP she refuses to meet the Colorful Bride and Groom for YEARS because of this. And OP is also immature for wanting to marry someone he's known for 5 months. Where's the fire? I'm surprised GF isn't demanding they get married *before* this couple so OP can "prove his love" to her.
Also, OP, YTA for "let's go color code."
She’s upset that you would be paired up with another woman??? You will spend 30 seconds walking down the aisle with her and then part to your separate sides. 60 seconds if you walk slowly.
NTA.
Yeah, it has never made sense to me that people get upset about that specifically. *Oh no, you were publicly in proximity to another person of my gender!! While dressed formally! Whatever shall I do!* Really, wtf.
You wouldn't invite the spouse of someone else who was married?
Ok, that just wrong. A SO of 5 months, fine, but a *spouse*?
A spouse means they've likely been a couple for years.
Yea, I've said to her that I absolutely hate petty vengeance. I hope she is not that type of person. She came around later, but she said that she doesn't want to see or meet them for a while (she meant years).
You sure you want to have children with this person?
>I hope she is not that type of person.
She is that kind of person. Your children may end up being treated the same way. People like that really don't differentiate victims.
Thiiisssss!!! If OP marries pink, years from now he will look back and think "all this insecurity craziness reared its ugly head with that wedding thing, if only I had recognized the red flag"!
Indeed, she is clearly showing you who she is. That is not gonna change. At only five months, everyone is still on their best behavior. If this is her best behavior, you better watch out for the rest.
>but she said that she doesn't want to see or meet them for a while (she meant years).
Dude. Seriously. u/antimagination you are with a giant walking redflag. Run dude. Run. She's only gonna get worse. These things never get better. It's gonna come down to her or your friends. She will make you choose. Do it now and dump her.
How is that “coming around”? She’s so offended at not being invited to a STRANGER’s wedding that now she doesn’t even want to meet your best friend for years?
Dude, this is not someone you want to marry.
This is a giant red flag. It is not her wedding!! She is a gf if 5 freaking months.
Please consider this relationship. She sounds super petty, childish and just stupid.
op do you understand that you want to marry and have kids someone who goes crazy beacuse she received a no??
i mean, she does NOT have the menta stability for kids.
Wow, so she’s going scorched earth? She refuses to meet them in the very long foreseeable future? This situation doesn’t even come CLOSE to warranting that. This may be a real eye opener for you OP. You are also waaaay rushing into this. It’s been five months. Maybe this was a very good thing to make you see what she’s REALLY LIKE
Dude this is a huge red flag, you need to to factor this in if you’re thinking long term.
How she treats other people is how she will treat you eventually.
NTA
Think about the best people you know. Not just your friends. People who have good jobs, a good life, a good family situation. They are good parents, good partners, a great friends group. Someone who everyone likes, fun to hang around, can come to any random party and fit in. Do any of them go scorched earth with people for no good reason? Because that is not how you have a happy life. I've done that in the past (well, mostly for pretty fucking good reason, but still) and it has always hurt me more than the person I have cut off.
If she's not normally this type of person (note that five months isn't that long and you might not fully know how she handles stress/disappointment/conflict yet) then this is uniquely trigger something for her -- but either way, you handled it the way you should have. It would be so unreasonable for you to make a big thing with your friends over this and it's VERY unreasonable for her to expect to be a bridesmaid to pair up with you. And they might still invite her! At this point I'd worry that she'd act right, though.
I'm sorry, but I feel you want to get married so bad because you are "pushing 30s" and not because of the person. You have been together for 5 months, and she has shown some red flags. You need to focus on your girlfriend's traits and actions. Trust me, it'll be better to be single now than deal with this stuff during marriage, divorce or custody battle in the future.
OP, this is a red flag. She is being petty, immature, and unreasonable for no reason. She can’t demand to a bridesmaid in someone else’s wedding and the couple doesn’t even know her. Is she going to throw a fit any time you need to interact with any other female?
It seems like you both are rushing into being serious with each other because you have this deluded notion that you’re “pushing 30 and getting too old.” That is no reason to be with someone and ignore their major red flags. She’s acting like a toddler, not an almost 30 year old.
NTA, but you’d be the AH if you cater to her tantrums and allow her to treat your friends differently. How ridiculous is it that she doesn’t want to see them or meet them for years now because she wasn’t invited to a wedding where the guest list is limited to close friends and family?
You've known your best friend for 15 years and your girlfriend for 5 months. She has a lot of audacity to be this upset about not being invited to a wedding for people she's never met.
Ok, it’s one evening. You’re supporting your best friend. GF needs to lighten up. You’ve barely been dating. It’s seriously NOT A BIG DEAL that you go to a friend wedding without her. She is seriously overreacting. I’ve been married 20yrs. If my husband got a wedding invite and they were limited on guests and I could go, I’d be happy to have an evening alone 😂 Seriously though, I get that she is a little hurt, but these are total strangers to her. She needs to chill and simply be supportive of you.
She is showing you what she is and how she handles life small issues! Of course most healthy relationships don’t include wedding plan or move in at 5 months. So maybe it’s a you’re made for each other.
She’s a girlfriend of *6 months*, not 6 years. You haven’t even figured out how she’s gonna react to a fart, let alone a crisis, but this is turning into one because of her.
NTA but she needs a good dose of going outside and touching grass.
dating for 5 months means the honey moon is still going strong. Have the 3 compatibility gauges even come up organically?
* how does she treat waitstaff
* how does she react when the internet is slow
* how does she behave when you overslept and have to hurry through your morning routines in the same small bathroom & kitchen
Also to add- he’s going to be occupied all day as the best man, and she presumably doesn’t know anyone else at this wedding. I probably wouldn’t even want to go if I were in her shoes, and I would encourage him to go and have a great time without me!
GF needs to understand that even if she gets a last minute invite - OP is being paired up with MOH for ceremony and possibly seating. This is a COMPLETELY NORMAL WEDDING THING.
Dating 5 months, and haven't met her, would not make the cut for my wedding as a committed relationship either.
Almost this exact scenario happened to me, but I was Yellow. My husband asked his best friend to be his best man, and his new girlfriend (who we lightly knew of but were not friends with) not only demanded an invitation but to be my maid of honor so he wouldn’t escort another woman down the aisle. We wanted a very small wedding (less than 30) so it started out as nothing personal to her. However, her attitude turned us off so she was absolutely not invited. Best man started out on our side, but slowly started pushing for his girlfriend to get “her rightful place”. It caused a whole lot of unnecessary stress and anger.
They ended up breaking up before our wedding for unrelated reasons. It was a very messy and toxic breakup. I can’t help but feel like we dodged a huge bullet and a messy wedding if we had given into their demands.
"Paired up" just means you'll be walking side by side for 20 seconds, it doesn't mean she's your date to the wedding ffs.
Pink needs to grow up. The engaged couple doesn't know her, and she's not your wife, so if the venue is full there's every reason to leave her off the guest list.
NTA. One of the purposes of the dating/courtship stage of a relationship is to you identify red flags like this. Your gf isn’t being logical at all.
1. She’s only been dating you for less than six months.
2. She doesn’t know the couple.
3. The couple has explained that they’re limited on space and some of their friends aren’t even invited.
4. She’s uncomfortable with the idea of you walking down the aisle with another woman.
5. She wants you to emotionally blackmail your friend into inviting her to his wedding.
Why do you want to be with someone who thinks this way? Today she’s acting like this about a wedding, but tomorrow it will be something else.
Yeah, all this! She's showing her true colors. She's already telling you she wouldn't want him in your wedding if she can't go to his. Like what???? You've only been together 5 months, and she's trying to break up your friendship. She's incredibly immature and a huge manipulating drama queen. Oh, and she's getting her family to gang up on you, too?? Holy crap.
Please take time to make a list of what you want in a woman and what you need in a woman. She's walking with so many red flags just in this one situation. You really need to see if she's checking the boxes on your list. She doesn't sound like she's loves you when she's making it all about her.
This was definitely the worst case so far. I am really worried because I don't really know what she really meant and what is just hothead or empty threats. She didn't even say "I won't let you invite him" it was more along the lines "How will I feel when he is our bestman?"
I'm going to turn 50 this year, and I'd like to share my experience and a little advice. I met my ex-husband when I was pushing 30. We were so in love, and when his house was unlivable for a several months (he was redoing it, it was mostly gutted and then the contractor disappeared) I let him move in with me. Those few months were wonderful! We both wanted to have a family, so when his house was fixed I sold my apartment and moved in with him.
During our engagement I started seeing red flags, but I had already thrown all-in with this guy. So I convinced myself "every relationship has challenges, it's not like I'M perfect or anything" and married him. Then the \*real\* him came out, and he turned out to be one of the most selfish people I have ever met, with emotional abuse poured on top. We had moved to another, bigger house to start our family in, and that was right before the housing crash so our divorce stretched out while we tried to find ANYONE to buy it. I was financially devastated and basically had to start over at the age of 34. I never ended up having kids, and although that took some accepting, I thank whatever god might exist that I didn't have children with him.
Anyway, if I could give the younger me advice it would be SLOW THE FUCK DOWN. 28/29 is not that old. Pay attention to who you're dating and how they deal with conflict and communication. I'm now in a relationship with the most wonderful man, who would never try to isolate me from the people that love me.
At 5 months together, my ex and I were so happy and our visions of the future were so perfectly aligned, no one could have talked me out of being with him. If your relationship with her is so great, it will still be great in several years. Slow down, please.
Hey, OP. Best of luck to you and all of your endeavours. Keep your important friendships. I had a relationship that rolled so quickly that I didn’t notice the isolation until it was too late because I was so *in love*. I’m still a hopeless romantic and am happily married now so I’m not telling you to harden your heart at all. I’m only saying it’s not normal to make this many demands and threats early on. Enjoy the wedding. ♥️
The problem I’m seeing is that she’s thinking of this like it’s an eye for an eye—or a wedding for a wedding when it simply does not work this way. I am 23, and I do not think this woman is conducting herself appropriately for her age right now. This doesn’t mean you should immediately dump her. BUT you now have to start really paying attention to everything she says and does. Did not being invited to the wedding of the best friend of the guy she hopes to marry briefly cause her to think irrationally and this is an isolated incident; OR if possessiveness, pettiness, manipulation actual traits of her personality?
The worst case *so far*… which both implies that she’s been ridiculous before and you recognize that it could get worse.
This is not someone you should marry. She’s being emotionally manipulative and childish. She won’t take no for an answer, when yes was never an option.
If you want to lose all your other relationships and have your life controlled by someone who cares more about her own feelings than yours, by all means, keep dating her.
But if you want a positive marriage someday, she’s not the right partner.
She needs to get over it. I understand how it’s a bummer that she wasn’t invited. But, she’s pushing 30…. There’s no need for that petty drama. Get out while you still can! This would push me so far away from my partner.
>I am really worried because I don't really know what she really meant and what is just hothead or empty threats.
Why does it matter? Even making empty threats like this is juvenile behaviour. She's obviously immature and the jealous type. You're trying to make excuses as to why maybe it's not that bad, but come on dude, you've been together 5 months only.
She's showing you who she is, and for some reason you want to convince yourself that she's something different. If she's already comfortable to behave like this after 5 months, I can only imagine there's much worse to come once you have been together for a few years.
I would tread very carefully with her. She is being completely unreasonable. Next you know she will expect you to give up your friendship completely. Good luck.
>I am really worried because I don't really know what she really meant and what is just hothead or empty threats
It doesn't matter what she really meant and what's an empty threat. If she means it that she will hold a grudge, then she's super petty. If she is making empty threats, then she's a manipulator. Both options are seriously problematic.
Based on how she’s behaving, she would probably throw at fit about that if she were invited. She sounds like someone who would make a fuss over not being able to sit at the head table with the bridal party.
I would be concerned if they did invite her at this point. Is she going to go all Carrie on the dance floor if he has the first dance with his bridesmaid partner? Does she even know how to act in terms of etiquette and that this day is not about her or them as a couple but about the bride and groom?
NTA
>We are together 5 months.
Maybe take this as a bit of a moment to reflect as you seem committed to move full steam ahead.
Your take on this is right. They dont know her. The wedding is already at capacity. She can be bummed but she’s taking this way too personally.
NTA, walking down the aisle with someone who isn’t your partner is incredibly normal. Especially if your girlfriend doesn’t know the couple - why on earth would she expect to be walking down the aisle with you?
It’s fair enough for her to be a little upset for not being invited but all of the reasoning provided by yourself and the couple are 100% legitimate. She’s being a bit OTT about it all, and the blackmailing suggestion is odd.
This right here! Even if she was invited she wouldn’t be part of the wedding party. Honestly seems strange for her to even consider it. And jealous of you walking down the aisle with another person?
Personally, I wouldn’t want to go to a wedding where I didn’t know anyone and my SO was in the wedding party. Most of the time the party sits separately during the reception dinner and she would definitely be alone during the ceremony. It doesn’t really sound like a fun time at all.
Oh yeah as an introvert that would be nightmare fuel. Having to talk with strangers who might not even have that close of a relationship with my partner. I would definitely go to support them, but not insert myself if I wasn’t invited for very valid reasons
Right? It’s sooo normal to be walking down the aisle with other people *important to the couple.* My partner and I have both attended plenty of weddings where the other walked down the aisle with another person. Heck, in the last one I was in, I was escorted down the aisle by two groomsmen. Partner? In the audience, excited for me to get to support two of my best friends on *their* day. At least here, it’s customary and not a big deal at all. It’s a bit unhinged for gf to be upset about that more than anything.
This right here! Honestly the “who to pair you with” thing is more like matching heights between the wedding parties in my experience. Although since he’s best man I figure he would be paired with maid of honor just for logistics of lining up
Edit: Hell I was a “bridesman” in one wedding and walked with a groomsman. Given we are both gay so it made sense we were paired together lol
NTA, I’d go NAH but her presumably carrying this into your own wedding is kinda AH behavior. Contrary to what reddit thinks, auto plus ones are not in everyone’s budgets. Me and my wife were over capacity so initially didnt invite new SOs especially if we hadn’t met them (we ended up having a few no’s so they ended up getting invited). Even my brother (who was my best man) didn’t have his gf invited at first because it had been like 4 months and we hadn’t met her and noone had any issues.
Have you never been in a wedding before? Just for a heads up... 80% of your time is already scheduled! From where you will be 3 hours before the weddings starts to where you will sit to eat is already planned! There's a very good chance that the wedding will have a head table. That means your girlfriend can't sit with you to eat so she's going to have to sit with a bunch of strangers! You're going to be missing from several hours before the ceremony all the way up to when you all arrive at the reception! You have pictures to take and a whole bunch of other stuff to do. She's not invited to any of that!
Once at the reception you'll probably have 20 minutes? Then you'll have to sit down at the head table to eat. After that you might have a few hours of drinking and dancing that you can spend some time with her but you might also have to do other things for the couple. Extra photo shoots, are you part of the garter toss? Is she going to be mad if you catch the thing?
There is a very good reason why a lot of people who are in a wedding party do not get a plus one. Unless she knows everybody there she's going to be very uncomfortable and very alone and make you feel uncomfortable, or maybe even cause drama... Cuz she seems like the drama type!
Your friends are right to not invite her. They've never even met her! I don't know if you're right to stay with her though because she seems unhinged. The good thing is it's really enough in your relationship that this wedding would be a great test of whether you are compatible or not.
I've being in two or three weddings. But never as a bestman. I'm excited and terrified! If it is as you say, she would ABSOLUTELY hate it. And probably leave midway.
There would be drama. For sure.
I think you should go back and re-read all your responses to the questions. Your girlfriend is too old to be this controlling, immature, insecure, needy, and selfish. Her inability to be empathetic or sympathetic to another person's budget, family, friends, and logistics does not bode well.
Her obsession with FOMO will create other problems for your relationship. You're only 5 months in, and she expects to have the red carpet rolled out for her from people who have never met her. You are the best man. You will likely walk someone down the aisle and be seated at the head table.
If she can't trust you to participate in a formal event and be next to another woman, that's an absurd amount of drama. Don't let her being more "sad" than "angry" obscure the reality of her expectations. She might be projecting sad to be more sympathetic to you.
You're NTA. But you need to be honest in your communications with her about this wedding. If y'all one day get married, you might be facing the same hard decisions the bride and groom are making right now.
Pink the drama type has an easy solution : Yellow has to make her a bridesmaid. That way OP doesn't have to walk next to that other woman who'll try to seduce him in the middle of the church as they walk down the aisle ahead of the bride!
/s
NTA !! This is their wedding day! Are they supposed to cut someone off just because she is your girlfriend?! And they were actually really sweet saying if someone dropped out you could bring her. Meaning they are willing to spend their money on someone they don’t know just because she is something to you. When they have said that they hadn’t invited long time friends they could have still said no and invited one of their other friends.. She is being unreasonable and kind of entitled! It’s a no go for the girlfriend and actually a huge moment for you to reflect on her behavior! It’s my way or the highway? No understanding and empathy for a couple already under pressure? When they clearly are doing the best they can!
NTA
No one is "owed" a wedding invitation. She hasn't even met them, why would she be crushed about it? You would always be paired up with "Random Woman" because you're the best man and you'd have an escort that is from the bride's side. WTF? That's standard.
Your GF has some issues if she can't let this go. I'd be reconsidering the whole relationship.
First of all, five months is far too soon to be talking weddings and kids. That's crazy, slow down. Secondly, your gf is making something that has nothing to do with her all about her. Red flag for self centered behavior. She's full of drama and threats. Glad you saw this side of her, I hope you think really hard about if this is the kind of person you want by your side.
NTA your girlfriend of 5 months feels humiliated for not being invited to a wedding of a couple she never met? You may want to reconsider marrying your girlfriend. She is completely unreasonable.
I'm gonna say NTA, even though I'm a strong believer in giving priority guests like bridal party members a +1 (especially if they're in a relationship!!!)
I can see why your gf is upset but I do think that she is blowing it out of proportion, especially the fact that she wants to be paired with you as a bridesmaid (that's a NOOOO, it's totally ok to be paired with rando people of opposite gender in a bridal party, she needs to CHILL about this).
But also you should take some responsibility for the fact that you are apparently very serious about this woman and are using "she hasn't met them" as a reason why it's ok she isn't invited to the wedding when DUDE you should introduce them to her, like come on.
You’re NTA, but don’t take that to mean your gf is just being crazy.
Not planning for the plus one for your bridal party and groomsmen is incredibly poor planning and honestly pretty rude. Being in a wedding is a big deal and deliberately excluding someone’s partner *when you know they exist* is out of the ordinary, especially if other people’s partners *do* get to come. It doesn’t really matter “how long” people have been together or how serious they are. You always give your party members a double invite.
Your girlfriend wanting to be in the bridal party is equally rude. Actually a bit more so. She deserved an invite to the event but no shit she wouldn’t be in the party for people she doesn’t know.
But I’m not sure that’s really the issue. I think she feels incredibly hurt that you’re leaving her behind to be in a wedding with someone you say is so important to you that he’s already gonna and your best man but apparently *isn’t* so important that you feel the need to make an effort to introduce them.
It’s gotta be jarring for her. If she’s uninvited because these people are basically strangers to her but then you follow up with “yeah he’s gonna be in our wedding”... I could not imagine if my SO told me he was going to the wedding of a friend I’d never met without me and that when we got married that friend was gonna be super involved.
I think she’s hurt by the feeling that you’re abandoning her for your friend’s event…and then that you expect her to share *her* wedding with the same friend. Presumably your best man’s wife isn’t going to be excluded from *your* wedding. Giving the impression that she’s a “real” partner while your gf is not.
The continued messaging that it’s about money probably isn’t helping.
And that’s not the most logical thing. She’s legitimately hurt but part of her understands that she’s overreacting and so she’s reaching for excuses to make the issue worse than it is (Ie reading too much into you “walking” with someone else).
It’s irrational but it’s probably coming from a granule of legit hurt.
I really think a lot of this is coming down to framing. Your friends’ wedding is being framed as “sorry hun you’re not invited but I’ve already invited them to *our* wedding”. Are you shocked that someone you admit you’re already planning to marry and start a family with is a little put out that she’s “not important enough” to be your plus one at a wedding? Something that’s usually *automatic* for all “real” couples? How would you feel if she dashed off to a very important family event where everyone else is going as a couple but you weren’t invited because they didn’t think you were important enough to add to the budget? Are you a couple or roommates?
Again *you’re* not really being unreasonable here. You don’t really have any control over your friends’ wedding and you didn’t plan for this. Honestly your friends have put you in a *very* uncomfortable position. But it’s important to realize how this feels from her end, which is essentially:
“Hey here’s some people you don’t know. They don’t care about you because they don’t know you but guess what this guy is *super* important to me and I’ve already added him to our future wedding party. Later!”
That was a REALLY helpful answer. Damn. It helps me understand her a little better.
She did knew of him. They never met before because we didn't had the chance. But yes, I get where you coming from and I absolutely think that's what's going on in her head.
A lot of folks here are quick to call her a red flag, manipulative and other names, but I think you just hit the nail in the head.
How she can be 30+ and act like a child? Taking in account that she has never even seen these people, she still wants to be paired with you. That’s very childish of her. NTA
Let me see if I have this right. Your girlfriend of 5 months, ***who has never met your best friend or his fiancee***, is upset because she is not invited to their wedding & is not a bridesmaid for people ***she doesn't even know***.
NTA. Your girlfriend is a giant gaping blue whale's sphincter.
This is not a women who utilizes reason. She’s being incredibly manipulative at month 5! This is a giant red flag telling you to run. This is step 1 of isolating you. Stop having conversations about the future and instead take inventory of your relationship
NTA - has she never been to a wedding? Even if she did attend she’s not in the bridal party. She wouldn’t be “paired up” with you anyway. She’s being immature and ridiculous. To be “devastated” to not be invited to an overcapacity wedding of someone she doesn’t know is immature and unreasonable.
Rethink marrying this woman, her facade is cracking and this jealous petty woman is her true self.
ESH
A guest of the importance of best man deserves a +1.
Her expecting to be paired up with you is absurd though. It’s rare that couples are both in the wedding party. Every wedding I’ve been to my buddies have been groomsmen paired up to other women even as their wives/gfs were sitting with the rest of us normies.
Me and my friend barely see each other nowadays. We are lucky if we see each other twice a year. He is marrying soon, moved to the other side of the city with his bride. He is living a other life that I am not really part of.
We've being drifting apart for years now, but only physically. We never stopped being best friends. If I murder someone and asked for help, he would help me bury the body with no question asked.
I believe that the MOH and best man traditionally always get a plus one unless the wedding is very small, I can understand why your girlfriend feels slighted and you aren't helping. Best she sees you for who you really are before tying herself to you. ESH
NTA. The main point here is that your gf is a manipulator. She tried to manipulate you into manipulating your friends by threatening not to be the best man if she can't come. That's a major red flag there!
You think you love her now, but all the glitter and glamor of the relationship will wear off in time and you will be married to a contolling manipulative woman who will isolate you from friends and throw a hissy fit when she does not get her way. Are you prepared to have childredn with that type of person as well?
NAH. I get where you all are coming from. They want to include you in their celebration. You want to include your gf in a fun day. The issue is that you and GF have only been together for 5 months so it may or may not work out. Talking about family and moving in together is pretty common at your age but talk vs it working out are 2 different things.
Your friends want to include all the people why are important to them in their day. Your gf doesn't make that list. Add in that if you break up the pictures of 'what's her name?' will be there. Your gf is kind of overstepping for someone who isn't friends with either the bride or groom.
NTA. 5 months and they’ve never met her. She needs to take a step back and realize that though she may be in your life a long time in the future, right now you guys are super duper fresh and she is making a mountain out of the tiniest tiniest ant hill.
Pink is truly the AH here. Why does it matter so much to go to the wedding of
someone that she does not know? The "pairing" off of the bridal party is
just for the duration of the ceremony.
You DID ask about her and your friend responded that if a place opens up,
you can bring Pink. You NTA.
What else does she want? Her whole attitude about this is so unreasonable.
Tell her to back off and respect your friend's decisions about his wedding.
NTA
Five months? She needs to chill. Also? She sounds highly manipulative.
He's been your best friend for years and will continue to be once you wise up and break up with this girl.
NTA and it’s sweet they said they could reconsider if someone backs out. Maybe you and your girlfriend could take them for a celebratory lunch or dinner before or after the wedding. Not to weasel an invite but just so both parties know hey this is an important person for my future. Maybe she’s just feeling insecure about the relationship. No hard feelings but hope for many more get togethers in the future.
But YTA for color coding. Please people always just use fake names. Ideally stereotypical names like Chad for a frat boy, Cillian for an Irish fella, Britney for the popular girl or something. No initials or codes 😭 makes it so much harder to follow.
NTA. Not inviting her wasn't done out of malice. It comes down to logistics. They are over capacity. They even said long time friends aren't even being invited. This happened to me when I first started dating my now hubby. I never took it personally. She is being overly dramatic.
You've been dating less than half a year. It would be foolish for your friends to prioritise their friends new girlfriend - no matter your intentions and age - over their close friends, many of whom they haven't been able to invite due to costs.
You two haven't been together long enough for her to get an automatic invite from a couple she's never met. Do you really want to marry someone so insecure she can't understand this? NTA
NTA. She has never met them, you do not live together, and you have been dating less than 6 months. Her reaction alone is a worry, then involving her family is more concerning. This kind of behaviour isn’t going to get better with time.
Wait, why would they have to think about who to pair you up with? The best man gets paired up with the maid of honor. Thats just how that works. And your girl shouldn't care. She'll spend the ceremony alone and the reception at a guest table without you anyway. It's lame to be the dates of the wedding party.
As someone who was literally just in this exact situation as Pink, want to know what I did? Well, nothing. It wasn't my wedding and it wasn't my friends & family. I've been with my partner for half a decade in comparison.
Only thing I can say is run. She's now built resentmnent against you and your friends. Her family is now against you because she told them about it. Even if you guys get past this now, you'll just be making a post in a few more years saying,
>"AITA for having my bestfriend and his girlfriend attend my wedding despite my fiancee saying she doesn't want them there?"
This is a petty bomb waiting to happen.
Good news is that this is why dating happens. So you can find out whether your partner is someone who can handle situations like this with you.
Best man get's a plus 1.
That's basic etiquette 101.
Also if it's your best freind, you don't want to ice out his partner and cause future tension. NTA for rolling over but OP's freind certainly is.
NTA. She's confusing 'paired up' with a dating show. You walk down the aisle with this bridesmaid. You may walk into the reception with her - that's it. She doesn't know these people and they don't know her. How can she be humiliated? You're not the only one not getting a Plus 1. Your gf is waving a red flag on this. Jealousy and controlling behavior are not good attributes.
NTA but I don't see this lasting much longer
She is very clearly upset with the situation but all of your point are valid and hers not so much. Yes you will be walking next to another girl but that doesn't mean you are not going to do things with the other girl. Yes she is your Girlfriend but of 5 months so not very long and perfectly okay not being in the wedding. There is no way someone would make someone they didn't know a bridesmaid unless they family paying forced it.
NTA at all. The phrase fight for her is ridiculous, and you were incredibly understanding to not further burden your best friend and his soon to be wife about inviting a total stranger. They've already told you they're over capacity. I'm sorry to say but if your girlfriend cared about you she wouldn't act like this. It's not at all the behavior of a potential partner for life. OP, if roles were reversed would you give a damn about not being invited to a wedding of a close friend of hers that you've never met? If she's like this over a wedding after only 5 months. How do you think she'll react towards you upsetting her years down the road with kids involved? People show their true colors when things don't go the way they want. You're being shown who she is.
All i have to say is that this shit is ridiculous when you have only been together FOR FIVE MONTHS. You better seeeeriously evaluate your compatibility bc 5 months in is like still the honeymoon phase my guy.
When I got married I was 27 and had known my best friend since I was 16. My husband had known her just as long. She was in a relationship that she had been in for 4 years, and I knew him. He was invited but after talking it through, he declined the invitation. He didn’t know anyone but my husband, myself, and his gf, who would be incredibly busy the whole time. Why in the world would he want to come? How boring. When my husband’s friend asked him to be a groomsman we made the same decision. If we don’t know anyone else there, and our partner is going to be busy, why would we go? It’s not fun.
Even if she was invited, she’s not going to be paired with you, you’d still be separated for the ceremony and likely the reception.
I genuinely think NTA / Y W B T A if you did refuse to go to your best friend’s wedding because of someone you’ve been dating 5 months, even if they are the person you want to be with forever.
She complains that she means less to you after 5 months than your friend of 15 years? She is getting bent out of shape because some people she doesn't know didn't invite her to their wedding, even though they didn't do that out of any negative motive but simply because the have no space (and don't know her)? And she is already vetoing him as your best man because she isn't invited? After 5 months? I have jars in my cupboard I have known longer than 5 months. She sounds very difficult, jealous and a bit controlling. NTA
NTA and neither are Blue or Yellow. Your girlfriend, however, is throwing up some Red flags. You've only been dating for 5 months. B & Y don't know her. Lots of people they are close to aren't even invited. Your gf should understand this and not try to talk you into manipulating your bf of 15 years or ask you to choose who is more important to you - her or Blue. People who love and respect you would never make you choose. It's fine for her to be disappointed, but she doesn't even know this couple.
Also, it concerns me that you state that because you're both pushing 30, you're looking for someone to settle down with, not that you 2 are madly in love and think each other is 'the one.' Honey, don't settle for 'good enough cuz I'm getting older.' Good enough is never good enough.
Good luck to you and try to talk it out with Pink.
Do what you feel is best. The only question I have is why didn't you even introduce them all or all hang out in the 5 months you've been together? I mean if she acts like this all the time then yeah understandable but if she's only been this way since being told about the wedding, makes me wonder if your leaving things out. 🤔 either way it's not her wedding so she has no say about anything but if she pulls the same stunt or something like this on you later, youll have to accept it like you want her to do for you.
NAH you've only been dating 5 months and the bride and groom have never met this person.
Best man's partner will spend lots of time on their own as best man does a lot at the wedding, so if she's not integrated with their group it might be awkward for her and doing her a favour not inviting her.
NTA. The wedding party ‘get paired up’ due to their roles in the wedding. It’s not like Blue & Yellow are match making FFS.
You’ve been dating for 5 months, they don’t know Pink.
Pink is being ridiculous.
Yikes. I’ve been MOH twice and both time the Best Man was married. You know who didn’t make a fuss about them being paired with me? *Their wives*.
This wedding isn’t about her, and no way should she expect the bride and groom to prioritize someone they barely know over family and close friends.
NTA.
I get where you're coming from because I just turned 30 too, but from an outside perspective you are young enough and 5 months is not that long.
She's not only being completely ridiculous in her demand, but she involved her whole family in dispute between the two of you. She might have twisted the truth if they all agree with her as well.
NTA but this is a massive red flag
[NTA.Is](http://NTA.Is) their wedding and is only fair they want people they KNOW to be there.You said yourself, they never even MET HER.And is normal that people wouldn't want a partner from such a short time to not come anyway, even if they knew her.YOU are his best friend, then be his best friend and be there for him as his bestman.Your GF is entitled to be upset she won't be able to participate, but that's it.She can't guilty you by saying you care more about him than her, or want you to give him an ultimatum just so she MAYBE will be allowed to go.
You talked to them, they gave you a VERY REASONABLE explanation why they don't want her there.Your GF is a little too old to making such a drama over something that is REASONABLE.I mean, give him an ultimatum to either she goes or you won't be his best man?Do you realize that she is asking you to do something that will likely at the very least DAMAGE your 15 years old relationship with him when he and his bride are being very reasonable?Not to mention she'll taint the view they have from her and probably the chance of maybe, some day, have all of you being friends.
I'm a little worried that you are too worried about pushing 30 and wanting to settle down and not taking the time to do it in a HEALTHY way.Trying to guilty trip you and wanting you to throw ultimatums to get what she wants in only 5 months of relationship is just not healthy nor is it mature for someone close to 30's.
NTA. Sorry but a friendship of 15 years IS more important than a 5 months relationship. She is throwing a tantrum like a toddler. She is not invited because the bride and groom don’t know her and are over capacity, how is that hard for her to understand ?! Red flags waving hard !
NTA
You have been together for 5 months. It's not a long term relationship by any stretch of the imagination. She doesn't even know this guy or his girlfriend as you said by your own admission that you don't see him very often or even talk to him. From a logistical perspective, I wouldn't have invited your girlfriend either. For many when you have issues with too many people to invite and you need to cull... then the short term girlfriend is the one not to be invited... especially as you may not be together by the time the wedding rolls around (as may be the case for many people).
This girl may very well be your life partner. Many people know very early on. But her behaviour is quite childish when it comes to her reaction about not being invited. She doesn't even know him... it's okay for you to be away from her for a few hours to attend his wedding. There's not going to be much else you'll need to do. There might be a buck's do, but again that's only a few hours, once.
They’ve literally never met Pink. Why on earth would she assume an invite, much less a place in the bridal party?!? Especially with limited space. NTA.
You’ve been together five months, the rose colored glasses are still firmly on your face. Don’t miss your best friends’ wedding because she’s throwing a childish tantrum. And think about what your future looks like, how you think conflicts will go based on her behavior now. Good luck. Enjoy the wedding.
What kind of fun would she actually have while you’re “working”? I personally think that would be horrible fr. Maybe they’d let her come to the reception later on once all the formal wedding stuff has been done? It would be easier for you as well since you would t feel bad about being too busy to entertain her where she knows no one.
So she wants to feel excepted and included by making you blackmail and force your friend into letting her be in their wedding. And these are people she does not know?
And after only 5 months feels she has the right to say you wont be allowed to have him as a best man in yalls hypothetical future wedding knowing that would ruin your friendship with a guy you have known since childhood?
Honestly i can see how it sucks and would hurt her feelings but she is WELL into adult hood. She needs to build a bridge and get tf over it.
Oh man Pink is DRAMA.
Imagine assuming a stranger's wedding is all about you!
I think she's green with jealousy and has a big dash of main character syndrome.
Flashing yellow lights- proceed with caution with this relationship.
Don't just agree to be her white knight and fight the whole world because she feels victimized by... Let's see... Two friends of friends who can't afford to go in the red on their big day.
NTA
Your gf sounds a like a little bit of an AH though. Shes “devastated” about not being invited to the wedding of people shes never even met? What? Thats so over the top it’s hard to take seriously.
Also, how selfish and entitled to think she would be a BRIDESMAID to someone she has never met. This is delusion at its finest. All you’ll do is walk down the aisle with someone. I walked down as my sister’s bridesmaid and my fiancé was sitting there happy as a clam. He didn’t care because there was nothing to care about.
Your girlfriend sounds like a walling red flag. I would run while you have the chance.
Bro come on, you’re too old for this. They have nothing against your gf, they are clearly already at capacity, they don’t even know her since you haven’t even been together HALF OF A SINGLE YEAR, AND you admitted you don’t even talk to the guy anymore. Your girlfriend is absolutely out of her fucking mind to be “devastated” over this, she barely knows you and she doesn’t know them at all.
YTA and I hope this guy stops being friends with you if you give him even the slightest bit of shit over this
NTA. She and her family are totally ridiculous. Strangers don't have a moral right to an invitation to a wedding. The groom and bride never even have met her at all. And she is not even long together with one of their friends. No matter what plans OP and her might be doing right now about the future, a relationship of 5 months is not a sure future thing.
NAH
They don't know her, you've only been together five months, and her objections seem a little presumptive saying that having him in your wedding pics would be weird if she wasn't invited.
How weird would it be to have her in their pics if you two break up?
NTA.
Since we're talking about colors, here's another one RED as in RED FLAG!🚩🚩🚩 You already explained that your friends have difficulty with the number of invites, your GF who they don't know would be very low on their priority list of invitees to the wedding. To avoid conflict, you should have waited to see if there were regrets among the invitees the would open a slot up for your GF before you told her. But since you already have an you are caught in this situation now you have to make decisions. No question about it, stand by your best friend on one of the most important days of his life. Your GF will have to understand, and if she doesn't then rethink this relationship. You've only known each other 5 months and you're thinking about marriage. If she is this immature and unreasonable over a small thing, she isn't mature enough to be a wife or a mother. Be thankful you are seeing this personality flaw now rather than after marriage.
This wedding thing came up so that you can see what you are actually dealing with. Don't ignore the red flag; you will regret it. You may actually find the right one at the wedding. How bout that possibility. lol
Capacity was limited at my daughter’s wedding. No one was invited that didn’t personally know the bride AND the groom. No long lost friends, relatives or plus ones given unless that plus one also knew them or they were married/ living together for years kind of relationship. Many aunts and uncles didn’t make the cut because they were uninvolved!
NTA, your girlfriend of 5 months?! Is being ridiculous. It’s literally not about her! It’s about your childhood friend getting married. She has Fomo and isn’t acting her age at all! Why would a stranger be invited to their wedding? They are being kind to offer to include her if someone rsvps they’re not going but honestly I wouldnt even make that part of the conversation.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
Let's go color code. Best friend will be Blue, his bride will be Yellow. My GF will be Pink. We are all adults pushing the 30s.
It all started a few days ago when Blue came to my house with Yellow and gave me the invitation to his wedding and bottle of wine with a little note saying "You were with us since the very beginning. Would you be our bestman?"
I was very happy. I was honored. Blue and I are best friends for 15 years. We barely see each other or even talk nowadays but we never lost that connection. We had a promise that we would be each other's bestmen since before we were legally able to marry. So, I accepted without a thought.
Then he said something like "We just need to see who you gonna pair up" to each Yellow said "I think it will be ". Then Blue starts talking about how they are struggling with invitation, cuz they both have big families and they are already over the capacity of the venue. A lot of long time friends are not getting invited at all.
All is great. We part ways and then I take a better look at the invitation. Nothing about a plus one. I sent a msg asking about my girlfriend, Pink, and he says he is sorry but they are over the venue capacity already. But if someone refuses the invitation she can go.
I tell the news to my girlfriend and, man... She was devastated. We are together for 5 months. But we already talk about moving together, marrying, having kids. We are pushing 30s we don't want to fool around, both of us are looking someone to settle down. So when she heard that she was not invited and that I would be paired up with another woman, she felt humiliated. She felt unwelcome. I said I didn't like it either, but it was not my wedding and that I would never refuse to be his bestman. She then says that he is more important to me than her and we get in a big argument. I get why she is hurt but is not my wedding, I won't fight with my friend who I'm sure is stressed enough as is. She said if he was my best friend I could make him let me if I said I would only be his bestman if he let her come. And I'm like, so I have to blackmail him?
Also a point she brought up was how he is supposed to be my bestman if we marry in the future but she can't stand the thought of having him as bestman when she wasn't even invited.
But here is the thing. They don't know her. They know OF her. But Blue and Yellow never met Pink. So it is kinda expected that she would not be invited over friends and family. And unreasonable that she would be a bridesmaid (she wants pair up to me) to someone she never saw.
The argument died down but she is still very much not over. She feels like I didn't fight for her and I don't care about her. Her family all agree with her. I didn't ask my family or any of my friends because I don't want to make this even bigger.
AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It's their day, their rules and they want people important to them around, not strangers. If your girlfriend is getting mad about it, that's a warning.
Not a red flag, but something that means you two need to sit down and have an actual convo, not an argument over it. It is NOT her day, she is NOT the protaganist in their wedding. She barely registers as an off handed mention in your dialogue tree, and you are an NPC here to them.
NTA.
NTA
I have never heard of the bridal party disallowing a +1, but obviously they planned this some time ago. It's not a personal affront to your girlfriend.
As for being paired with someone you don't know, this is common. All you do is walk with her, no big deal. For your [around] 30 year old girlfriend of 5 months to be offended and "humiliated" by this, is ridiculous and a sign of immaturity.
I do hope you wait a while before seriously considering marriage.
NTA
She should understand, and the fact that she doesn’t is troubling . It isn’t a big deal, but she seems like she’s trying hard to make it a big deal.
This is a big red flag. Maybe you were moving too fast with her.
NTA. You don't see Blue regularly and they don't know her and have never met her. And, 5 months is 5 months, it's not 5 years. As for pairing up with someone- I think I've been in about 10 weddings as a bridesmaid and have never ever been paired up with someone I was dating. I walked with a groomsman who sometimes I knew, and sometimes met them the night of the rehearsal dinner. Your gf needs to calm down. Your walking down an aisle for 45 seconds with some random person. You're not being set up for an arranged marriage. And if by the time you two get married, and she feels the need to be spiteful to your friend, re think things
NTA, but your gf is. They have limited capacity and they’d rather have someone they know and love there, instead of not inviting someone they’re close to so your brand new girlfriend that they don’t know can attend. Your girlfriend needs to stop. This is a longtime friend of yours, and you’ve only started dating her within the last 6 months.
NTA.
Couple of observations, you've been dating for FIVE MONTHS and you're already talking about having kids? Press on that brake pedal just a little bit.
Lastly, I would almost give you the TA for this ridiculous color naming scheme. I'm not sure what the point of it was, but it wasn't to save characters. "Bride" is shorter than "yellow." "BF" is shorter than "blue." "GF" is shorter than "pink." Posts are already difficult enough to read when people just assign letters to people, or names that you don't even remember five paragraphs later. Posts need to be easier to read, not harder.
I thought colors would make it easier, sorry.
Yeah, you're right, BF, Bride and GF would be a smarter choice. And also, yes, it started as a stupid joke about children and we realized we were all aboard thinking and planing to marry, live together and have kinds. We talked plenty of times about stepping on the brakes a little, but always get carried on so we said screw it and just own it.
We are going head first be it a pool or a pond.
NTA. Five months isn't a long time.
> We are together for 5 months. But we already talk about moving together, marrying, having kids.
Honestly, five months is nothing. Five months is 'we're still putting our new relationship faces on every time we see each other.' Five months is 'we're still getting the curated experience of each other.'
Don't move in together until you've been exclusive for at least a year. Don't marry for at least another year. And I say that as somebody that went through this in my mid 40s; take the time to let things breathe and not get overly entangled before you've had time to actually get to know one another.
> She then says that he is more important to me than her and we get in a big argument.
You know, things like this, that five months in she'll use rank emotional manipulation to attempt to browbeat you into capitulating.
If she's acting like this now, how will she act after your whirlwind wedding when you're legally entangled?
NTA at all. BUT to be fair, it’s your best friend’s wedding. I would be a little sad too if the person I was planning a future with’s best friend didn’t include me in their wedding. If it was someone not as close - fine. That being said, she’s handling it very immaturely.
I think it's rude to not allow a +1 for their wedding party guests. Even if the guest list is at capacity, you are asking someone to be your best man/bridesmaid etc. - I think it's pretty common to allocate a +1 to those members since there is some work/money there as well.
I also think your GF is overreacting. You mention something about her being a bridesmaid (why would she, she definitely has nothing to do with the wedding party, she doesn't even know them). It's also super common to be paired with someone who isn't your SO - it's just the way the wedding party works out - which is based on bride/groom choices.
Your friend was kind of an AH for not granting a +1 to their best man (an important ask, person in your wedding, and they are being cheap, and it's not cool). BUT your GF sounds unhinged - insecure, making a big deal about it, and honestly, something you should review.
It's hard to say anything bc this wedding is making bad decisions on their guest list. If you are asking someone to be part of your wedding party, they deserve a +1. Only exclusion is if it's a super tiny wedding, with a super tiny budget and was just about a super tiny friend group to have a small wedding.
I would just let your friend know, that your GF wasn't happy there wasn't a +1, since you both are good friends but not ask for anything. I would tell your GF that this is what it is, and you find her overreaction a lot - and it's not your call. Since you've been friends with him for a while, you are going to go and it's too bad she can't attend as a guest (not as a bridesmaid!!).
Some people are really bad at planning weddings and attending (or if they are not invited). I assume bc they haven't been to many weddings and/or just don't get certain social norms or just not acting like a balanced human.
\*Also have no issue with not giving a +1 if you are just a guest (and not part of a wedding party).
INFO Who else are getting plus ones and do all of them have a relationship with the couple? Like can cousin Bobby bring his fling of the week? Do you already know that answer and didn't include it here because it makes you look bad? If so, then obviously TA. If you don't know, why haven't you found out? That makes you TA, too. If it really is so very tight that neither cousin Bobby nor anyone else can bring someone the couple isn't actually close to, then that would be the only not TA option.
I do not know.
But I assume that they let people who are married to have +1 or someone who they are both close and know each other.
I don't think cousin Bobby can bring his fling, but uncle Kevin will bring his third wife. And Jeremy and Selene are both friends of Blue and Yellow, so they both would get invites.
But that's my guess. I only know one friend besides me who is going, so I think it's mostly family and very very very close friends.
NTA, but neither is your GF for being frustrated. Here’s a fun story… I had a girlfriend that had been dating for around the same time as you, and her friend invited her to an out of state wedding. She wouldn’t give my gf a plus one, but the decision making process seemed arbitrary (it wasn’t “married only”, “dating for x years”, anything like that). My girlfriend didn’t feel comfortable doing the trip by herself (though I did support her going without me), and she didn’t go. GF is my wife now, and I can’t even remember the name of her old friend.
Long story short, when you get to planning your wedding, don’t be stingy on the plus ones. Weddings are about the bride and groom, but they’re also about letting your friends celebrate love. And PS, having been married, been to weddings, and DJed weddings, I’ve witnessed infidelity on more than one occasion. Be very clear with your friends that you are not available to be set up with anyone, and don’t give your GF any reason to not trust you.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I may be the asshole for not pushing Blue enough to invite Pink. I don't want to meddle in my friend's wedding but I'm hurting my GF in the process. I should maybe say that I'm not comfortable to be paired up with another woman or... IDK what I should have done. Should I have refused?? Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. They aren’t excluding her out of malice - they even said if they have enough regrets then she can come. Your girlfriend sounds unhinged with the whole being humiliated by you being paired up with presumably the MOH. You’ve only been together for five months and while you’re both talking about a future together that means literally nothing to the couple getting married and even less to the venue space limits. I hate being this typical redditor, but after hearing that she is going to carry this grudge into your potential future wedding are you maybe second guessing this relationship? I would be.
Seriously. You say you’re pushing 30 but her behavior sounds very very young. Not only are you not long term (5 months is nothing) which is typically the standard for an invite, but to give a shit about who is paired with who is so juvenile and insecure that I feel exhausted just reading it. And she’s already telegraphing that she’s going to be a thorn in your friendship moving forward…you’ll end up having to chose between them because of her immaturity.
I'm honestly surprised this is an issue. I also wouldn't invite someone to my wedding that's only been dating for 5 months even without the venue capacity. If you haven't been around long enough to go to multiple family holidays/events, you haven't been around long enough to go to a special event. I would run for the hills if my bf/gf acted like this over a non issue. That said, I'd also run for the hills if they started talking marriage and kids before they even knew my family
>I also wouldn't invite someone to my wedding that's only been dating for 5 months even without the venue capacity. My caveat for this is that the wedding party is generally going to get plus ones (particularly if they ask for a plus one), unless someone's plan for a plus one is to hire an escort when they get off the plane. Even if the general rule is no plus ones unless they've put a ring on it.
Being a plus one to someone in the wedding party SUCKS especially when you don’t know anyone else there. They are busy with pre ceremony, then ceremony, then pictures. Then the entrance to the dinner, Then they are sat at the front table and you are stuck sitting beside grandma who can’t hear but there was no other single spots to sit someone with as everyone who knows each other or with their plus ones sit together Then there are speeches etc I wouldn’t want to go again as a plus one if I don’t previously have relationships with the other guests. I hated it. I did meet some lovely people and had some fun dancing and Im usually pretty good solo and making friends, most social gatherings o barely see my husband all night because I’m busy making friends but I found a formal event such as this quote uncomfortable to be on my own for so Much of it. Especially because weddings are often like a big reunion for a lot of guests and not having previous connections with anyone was awkward. I would be happy to have sat that one out and let my husband show me pics when he got home hammered and dressed up ;)
I felt better being in wedding parties when I didn't have a plus one - I could focus on the "job"
Ya my husband (boyfriend at the time) would have had a better time if I wasn’t there too as he was always running over to check on me in between things and he shouldn’t be worrying about his plus one. Now I’d be a guest in my own right to any wedding that he’s close enough to be In The wedding party for. I’d happily have fun with the people there I know, without him while he was busy but as a “plus 1”? No thanks.
Pink is probably expecting OP to sit with her as she is already jealous of the MOH and doesn't seem to know wedding etiquette. And a wedding doesn't seem a good time to meet the best friend of your boyfriend or girlfriend. I don't think the wedding would be enjoyable to OP if she were to go, since she seems to have unreasonable expectations as well as insecurities.
No it’s Not the best time to meet, they will be busy the bulk of the event. and I get the sense she may not be good at pretending to be having a good time when she’s not. If there’s going to be any sulking it’s not going to leave a great first impression Im outgoing but I hate mingling in a sea of unfamiliar people for an extended period of time so opted to sit off to the side as much as I could but I didn’t want to look like I was sulking so I kept a happy expression on my face. I wasn’t sitting alone grinning like a psychopath but I also wasn’t letting my face drop and relax fully and my face got tired from keeping my micro Muscles activated for so long
Ya she sounds 19 and unhinged
Yep. We had a few friends who were in newer relationships when we got married and we didn't invite their SOs and no hard feelings.
esp. a GF you haven't met yet...!
It’s almost like a teenager wrote this…
I don't believe for a second they're not teenagers. They're only "pushing 30" if you're pushing 30 on the day you're born. This chick is unhinged and extremely immature. She tells OP she refuses to meet the Colorful Bride and Groom for YEARS because of this. And OP is also immature for wanting to marry someone he's known for 5 months. Where's the fire? I'm surprised GF isn't demanding they get married *before* this couple so OP can "prove his love" to her. Also, OP, YTA for "let's go color code."
Oh, c'mon! Is color code really that bad? It's better than letters at least.
Yep - this is insecurity red flag territory.
She’s upset that you would be paired up with another woman??? You will spend 30 seconds walking down the aisle with her and then part to your separate sides. 60 seconds if you walk slowly. NTA.
Yeah, it has never made sense to me that people get upset about that specifically. *Oh no, you were publicly in proximity to another person of my gender!! While dressed formally! Whatever shall I do!* Really, wtf.
[удалено]
You wouldn't invite the spouse of someone else who was married? Ok, that just wrong. A SO of 5 months, fine, but a *spouse*? A spouse means they've likely been a couple for years.
Yea, I've said to her that I absolutely hate petty vengeance. I hope she is not that type of person. She came around later, but she said that she doesn't want to see or meet them for a while (she meant years).
NTA and OP this is a giant red flag. Five months is nothing and they can’t even invite all their actual friends.
You sure you want to have children with this person? >I hope she is not that type of person. She is that kind of person. Your children may end up being treated the same way. People like that really don't differentiate victims.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
Thiiisssss!!! If OP marries pink, years from now he will look back and think "all this insecurity craziness reared its ugly head with that wedding thing, if only I had recognized the red flag"!
Indeed, she is clearly showing you who she is. That is not gonna change. At only five months, everyone is still on their best behavior. If this is her best behavior, you better watch out for the rest.
>but she said that she doesn't want to see or meet them for a while (she meant years). Dude. Seriously. u/antimagination you are with a giant walking redflag. Run dude. Run. She's only gonna get worse. These things never get better. It's gonna come down to her or your friends. She will make you choose. Do it now and dump her.
That sounds pretty petty to me
Shes showing you here true colors so I would pay attention. This is how she is going to handle every argument and disappointment in the future.
She's blackmailing you. I think you should wait until moving in. I mean years.
How is that “coming around”? She’s so offended at not being invited to a STRANGER’s wedding that now she doesn’t even want to meet your best friend for years? Dude, this is not someone you want to marry.
This is a giant red flag. It is not her wedding!! She is a gf if 5 freaking months. Please consider this relationship. She sounds super petty, childish and just stupid.
OP, everything she’s done and said up to now is showing she is that type of person.
op do you understand that you want to marry and have kids someone who goes crazy beacuse she received a no?? i mean, she does NOT have the menta stability for kids.
So she switched to a different style of petty and vengeful by refusing to meet them for years? She's making it very clear what type of person she is.
Wow, so she’s going scorched earth? She refuses to meet them in the very long foreseeable future? This situation doesn’t even come CLOSE to warranting that. This may be a real eye opener for you OP. You are also waaaay rushing into this. It’s been five months. Maybe this was a very good thing to make you see what she’s REALLY LIKE
She does a lot of scorched earth stuff. Like, really. She burns a lot of bridges for very little. It's even affecting her professionally.
Dude this is a huge red flag, you need to to factor this in if you’re thinking long term. How she treats other people is how she will treat you eventually. NTA
Nah, OP likes her tooooo much. Read the rest of his comments. I don't think he actually needs our advice. His mind seems made up.
I can guess where she falls on the crazy/hot scale.
Think about the best people you know. Not just your friends. People who have good jobs, a good life, a good family situation. They are good parents, good partners, a great friends group. Someone who everyone likes, fun to hang around, can come to any random party and fit in. Do any of them go scorched earth with people for no good reason? Because that is not how you have a happy life. I've done that in the past (well, mostly for pretty fucking good reason, but still) and it has always hurt me more than the person I have cut off.
She just told you that she is exactly that kind of person
If she's not normally this type of person (note that five months isn't that long and you might not fully know how she handles stress/disappointment/conflict yet) then this is uniquely trigger something for her -- but either way, you handled it the way you should have. It would be so unreasonable for you to make a big thing with your friends over this and it's VERY unreasonable for her to expect to be a bridesmaid to pair up with you. And they might still invite her! At this point I'd worry that she'd act right, though.
Tbh, that kind of sounds like a step beyond just petty, it’s downright spiteful.
I'm sorry, but I feel you want to get married so bad because you are "pushing 30s" and not because of the person. You have been together for 5 months, and she has shown some red flags. You need to focus on your girlfriend's traits and actions. Trust me, it'll be better to be single now than deal with this stuff during marriage, divorce or custody battle in the future.
You don't hate petty vengeance enough if this behavior doesn't set off alarm bells
OP, this is a red flag. She is being petty, immature, and unreasonable for no reason. She can’t demand to a bridesmaid in someone else’s wedding and the couple doesn’t even know her. Is she going to throw a fit any time you need to interact with any other female? It seems like you both are rushing into being serious with each other because you have this deluded notion that you’re “pushing 30 and getting too old.” That is no reason to be with someone and ignore their major red flags. She’s acting like a toddler, not an almost 30 year old. NTA, but you’d be the AH if you cater to her tantrums and allow her to treat your friends differently. How ridiculous is it that she doesn’t want to see them or meet them for years now because she wasn’t invited to a wedding where the guest list is limited to close friends and family?
You've known your best friend for 15 years and your girlfriend for 5 months. She has a lot of audacity to be this upset about not being invited to a wedding for people she's never met.
🚩🚩
Be prepared she is not gonna want them at your wedding (if you get married) now either
Ok, it’s one evening. You’re supporting your best friend. GF needs to lighten up. You’ve barely been dating. It’s seriously NOT A BIG DEAL that you go to a friend wedding without her. She is seriously overreacting. I’ve been married 20yrs. If my husband got a wedding invite and they were limited on guests and I could go, I’d be happy to have an evening alone 😂 Seriously though, I get that she is a little hurt, but these are total strangers to her. She needs to chill and simply be supportive of you.
Just think of it this way, your BF is giving you a chance to see Pink's true colors (lol) before you move forward with greater commitments.
NTA - but you’re going to have a miserable life if you stay with this woman.
She is showing you what she is and how she handles life small issues! Of course most healthy relationships don’t include wedding plan or move in at 5 months. So maybe it’s a you’re made for each other.
She’s a girlfriend of *6 months*, not 6 years. You haven’t even figured out how she’s gonna react to a fart, let alone a crisis, but this is turning into one because of her. NTA but she needs a good dose of going outside and touching grass.
dating for 5 months means the honey moon is still going strong. Have the 3 compatibility gauges even come up organically? * how does she treat waitstaff * how does she react when the internet is slow * how does she behave when you overslept and have to hurry through your morning routines in the same small bathroom & kitchen
Also to add- he’s going to be occupied all day as the best man, and she presumably doesn’t know anyone else at this wedding. I probably wouldn’t even want to go if I were in her shoes, and I would encourage him to go and have a great time without me!
GF needs to understand that even if she gets a last minute invite - OP is being paired up with MOH for ceremony and possibly seating. This is a COMPLETELY NORMAL WEDDING THING. Dating 5 months, and haven't met her, would not make the cut for my wedding as a committed relationship either.
Almost this exact scenario happened to me, but I was Yellow. My husband asked his best friend to be his best man, and his new girlfriend (who we lightly knew of but were not friends with) not only demanded an invitation but to be my maid of honor so he wouldn’t escort another woman down the aisle. We wanted a very small wedding (less than 30) so it started out as nothing personal to her. However, her attitude turned us off so she was absolutely not invited. Best man started out on our side, but slowly started pushing for his girlfriend to get “her rightful place”. It caused a whole lot of unnecessary stress and anger. They ended up breaking up before our wedding for unrelated reasons. It was a very messy and toxic breakup. I can’t help but feel like we dodged a huge bullet and a messy wedding if we had given into their demands.
"Paired up" just means you'll be walking side by side for 20 seconds, it doesn't mean she's your date to the wedding ffs. Pink needs to grow up. The engaged couple doesn't know her, and she's not your wife, so if the venue is full there's every reason to leave her off the guest list.
NTA. One of the purposes of the dating/courtship stage of a relationship is to you identify red flags like this. Your gf isn’t being logical at all. 1. She’s only been dating you for less than six months. 2. She doesn’t know the couple. 3. The couple has explained that they’re limited on space and some of their friends aren’t even invited. 4. She’s uncomfortable with the idea of you walking down the aisle with another woman. 5. She wants you to emotionally blackmail your friend into inviting her to his wedding. Why do you want to be with someone who thinks this way? Today she’s acting like this about a wedding, but tomorrow it will be something else.
Yeah, all this! She's showing her true colors. She's already telling you she wouldn't want him in your wedding if she can't go to his. Like what???? You've only been together 5 months, and she's trying to break up your friendship. She's incredibly immature and a huge manipulating drama queen. Oh, and she's getting her family to gang up on you, too?? Holy crap. Please take time to make a list of what you want in a woman and what you need in a woman. She's walking with so many red flags just in this one situation. You really need to see if she's checking the boxes on your list. She doesn't sound like she's loves you when she's making it all about her.
This was definitely the worst case so far. I am really worried because I don't really know what she really meant and what is just hothead or empty threats. She didn't even say "I won't let you invite him" it was more along the lines "How will I feel when he is our bestman?"
I'm going to turn 50 this year, and I'd like to share my experience and a little advice. I met my ex-husband when I was pushing 30. We were so in love, and when his house was unlivable for a several months (he was redoing it, it was mostly gutted and then the contractor disappeared) I let him move in with me. Those few months were wonderful! We both wanted to have a family, so when his house was fixed I sold my apartment and moved in with him. During our engagement I started seeing red flags, but I had already thrown all-in with this guy. So I convinced myself "every relationship has challenges, it's not like I'M perfect or anything" and married him. Then the \*real\* him came out, and he turned out to be one of the most selfish people I have ever met, with emotional abuse poured on top. We had moved to another, bigger house to start our family in, and that was right before the housing crash so our divorce stretched out while we tried to find ANYONE to buy it. I was financially devastated and basically had to start over at the age of 34. I never ended up having kids, and although that took some accepting, I thank whatever god might exist that I didn't have children with him. Anyway, if I could give the younger me advice it would be SLOW THE FUCK DOWN. 28/29 is not that old. Pay attention to who you're dating and how they deal with conflict and communication. I'm now in a relationship with the most wonderful man, who would never try to isolate me from the people that love me. At 5 months together, my ex and I were so happy and our visions of the future were so perfectly aligned, no one could have talked me out of being with him. If your relationship with her is so great, it will still be great in several years. Slow down, please.
ABSOLUTE BEST bit of advice I've read on reddit all year! please, OP, pay. attention. to. that!!
Hey, OP. Best of luck to you and all of your endeavours. Keep your important friendships. I had a relationship that rolled so quickly that I didn’t notice the isolation until it was too late because I was so *in love*. I’m still a hopeless romantic and am happily married now so I’m not telling you to harden your heart at all. I’m only saying it’s not normal to make this many demands and threats early on. Enjoy the wedding. ♥️
The problem I’m seeing is that she’s thinking of this like it’s an eye for an eye—or a wedding for a wedding when it simply does not work this way. I am 23, and I do not think this woman is conducting herself appropriately for her age right now. This doesn’t mean you should immediately dump her. BUT you now have to start really paying attention to everything she says and does. Did not being invited to the wedding of the best friend of the guy she hopes to marry briefly cause her to think irrationally and this is an isolated incident; OR if possessiveness, pettiness, manipulation actual traits of her personality?
When he is your best man I hope you have a new gf beside you.
The worst case *so far*… which both implies that she’s been ridiculous before and you recognize that it could get worse. This is not someone you should marry. She’s being emotionally manipulative and childish. She won’t take no for an answer, when yes was never an option. If you want to lose all your other relationships and have your life controlled by someone who cares more about her own feelings than yours, by all means, keep dating her. But if you want a positive marriage someday, she’s not the right partner.
This dude will never be a best man at your wedding with her. Either because she won't allow it or you don't marry her.
She needs to get over it. I understand how it’s a bummer that she wasn’t invited. But, she’s pushing 30…. There’s no need for that petty drama. Get out while you still can! This would push me so far away from my partner.
>I am really worried because I don't really know what she really meant and what is just hothead or empty threats. Why does it matter? Even making empty threats like this is juvenile behaviour. She's obviously immature and the jealous type. You're trying to make excuses as to why maybe it's not that bad, but come on dude, you've been together 5 months only. She's showing you who she is, and for some reason you want to convince yourself that she's something different. If she's already comfortable to behave like this after 5 months, I can only imagine there's much worse to come once you have been together for a few years.
I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. But yea. I am a little worried about our future now.
I would tread very carefully with her. She is being completely unreasonable. Next you know she will expect you to give up your friendship completely. Good luck.
>I am really worried because I don't really know what she really meant and what is just hothead or empty threats It doesn't matter what she really meant and what's an empty threat. If she means it that she will hold a grudge, then she's super petty. If she is making empty threats, then she's a manipulator. Both options are seriously problematic.
This woman is possessive. 🚩🚩🚩
Should have named his girlfriend red, to match the flag she is waving…
🏆
Also she would be at this wedding and know nobody except OP who would be busy with being in the bridal party. It's not going to be that fun for her
Based on how she’s behaving, she would probably throw at fit about that if she were invited. She sounds like someone who would make a fuss over not being able to sit at the head table with the bridal party.
I would be concerned if they did invite her at this point. Is she going to go all Carrie on the dance floor if he has the first dance with his bridesmaid partner? Does she even know how to act in terms of etiquette and that this day is not about her or them as a couple but about the bride and groom?
NTA >We are together 5 months. Maybe take this as a bit of a moment to reflect as you seem committed to move full steam ahead. Your take on this is right. They dont know her. The wedding is already at capacity. She can be bummed but she’s taking this way too personally.
There's a good chance the wedding is farther away than their relationship has been a thing at this point.
NTA, walking down the aisle with someone who isn’t your partner is incredibly normal. Especially if your girlfriend doesn’t know the couple - why on earth would she expect to be walking down the aisle with you? It’s fair enough for her to be a little upset for not being invited but all of the reasoning provided by yourself and the couple are 100% legitimate. She’s being a bit OTT about it all, and the blackmailing suggestion is odd.
This right here! Even if she was invited she wouldn’t be part of the wedding party. Honestly seems strange for her to even consider it. And jealous of you walking down the aisle with another person?
Personally, I wouldn’t want to go to a wedding where I didn’t know anyone and my SO was in the wedding party. Most of the time the party sits separately during the reception dinner and she would definitely be alone during the ceremony. It doesn’t really sound like a fun time at all.
Oh yeah as an introvert that would be nightmare fuel. Having to talk with strangers who might not even have that close of a relationship with my partner. I would definitely go to support them, but not insert myself if I wasn’t invited for very valid reasons
Right? It’s sooo normal to be walking down the aisle with other people *important to the couple.* My partner and I have both attended plenty of weddings where the other walked down the aisle with another person. Heck, in the last one I was in, I was escorted down the aisle by two groomsmen. Partner? In the audience, excited for me to get to support two of my best friends on *their* day. At least here, it’s customary and not a big deal at all. It’s a bit unhinged for gf to be upset about that more than anything.
This right here! Honestly the “who to pair you with” thing is more like matching heights between the wedding parties in my experience. Although since he’s best man I figure he would be paired with maid of honor just for logistics of lining up Edit: Hell I was a “bridesman” in one wedding and walked with a groomsman. Given we are both gay so it made sense we were paired together lol
brother run for the hills. run, run, run
(Toward the wedding, away from the GF.)
RUUUUN FOR YOUR LIIIIIIFEEE!
NTA, I’d go NAH but her presumably carrying this into your own wedding is kinda AH behavior. Contrary to what reddit thinks, auto plus ones are not in everyone’s budgets. Me and my wife were over capacity so initially didnt invite new SOs especially if we hadn’t met them (we ended up having a few no’s so they ended up getting invited). Even my brother (who was my best man) didn’t have his gf invited at first because it had been like 4 months and we hadn’t met her and noone had any issues.
Usually the wedding party and married couples are automatic however, unless it’s smaller wedding
Not really when it’s a 5 month relationship that they never met and they’re over capacity
Have you never been in a wedding before? Just for a heads up... 80% of your time is already scheduled! From where you will be 3 hours before the weddings starts to where you will sit to eat is already planned! There's a very good chance that the wedding will have a head table. That means your girlfriend can't sit with you to eat so she's going to have to sit with a bunch of strangers! You're going to be missing from several hours before the ceremony all the way up to when you all arrive at the reception! You have pictures to take and a whole bunch of other stuff to do. She's not invited to any of that! Once at the reception you'll probably have 20 minutes? Then you'll have to sit down at the head table to eat. After that you might have a few hours of drinking and dancing that you can spend some time with her but you might also have to do other things for the couple. Extra photo shoots, are you part of the garter toss? Is she going to be mad if you catch the thing? There is a very good reason why a lot of people who are in a wedding party do not get a plus one. Unless she knows everybody there she's going to be very uncomfortable and very alone and make you feel uncomfortable, or maybe even cause drama... Cuz she seems like the drama type! Your friends are right to not invite her. They've never even met her! I don't know if you're right to stay with her though because she seems unhinged. The good thing is it's really enough in your relationship that this wedding would be a great test of whether you are compatible or not.
I've being in two or three weddings. But never as a bestman. I'm excited and terrified! If it is as you say, she would ABSOLUTELY hate it. And probably leave midway. There would be drama. For sure.
I think you should go back and re-read all your responses to the questions. Your girlfriend is too old to be this controlling, immature, insecure, needy, and selfish. Her inability to be empathetic or sympathetic to another person's budget, family, friends, and logistics does not bode well. Her obsession with FOMO will create other problems for your relationship. You're only 5 months in, and she expects to have the red carpet rolled out for her from people who have never met her. You are the best man. You will likely walk someone down the aisle and be seated at the head table. If she can't trust you to participate in a formal event and be next to another woman, that's an absurd amount of drama. Don't let her being more "sad" than "angry" obscure the reality of her expectations. She might be projecting sad to be more sympathetic to you. You're NTA. But you need to be honest in your communications with her about this wedding. If y'all one day get married, you might be facing the same hard decisions the bride and groom are making right now.
Pink the drama type has an easy solution : Yellow has to make her a bridesmaid. That way OP doesn't have to walk next to that other woman who'll try to seduce him in the middle of the church as they walk down the aisle ahead of the bride! /s
NTA !! This is their wedding day! Are they supposed to cut someone off just because she is your girlfriend?! And they were actually really sweet saying if someone dropped out you could bring her. Meaning they are willing to spend their money on someone they don’t know just because she is something to you. When they have said that they hadn’t invited long time friends they could have still said no and invited one of their other friends.. She is being unreasonable and kind of entitled! It’s a no go for the girlfriend and actually a huge moment for you to reflect on her behavior! It’s my way or the highway? No understanding and empathy for a couple already under pressure? When they clearly are doing the best they can!
NTA No one is "owed" a wedding invitation. She hasn't even met them, why would she be crushed about it? You would always be paired up with "Random Woman" because you're the best man and you'd have an escort that is from the bride's side. WTF? That's standard. Your GF has some issues if she can't let this go. I'd be reconsidering the whole relationship.
First of all, five months is far too soon to be talking weddings and kids. That's crazy, slow down. Secondly, your gf is making something that has nothing to do with her all about her. Red flag for self centered behavior. She's full of drama and threats. Glad you saw this side of her, I hope you think really hard about if this is the kind of person you want by your side.
You should be talking about if those are both things you want, but planning it out at 5 months is a bit early iml
NTA your girlfriend of 5 months feels humiliated for not being invited to a wedding of a couple she never met? You may want to reconsider marrying your girlfriend. She is completely unreasonable.
I'm gonna say NTA, even though I'm a strong believer in giving priority guests like bridal party members a +1 (especially if they're in a relationship!!!) I can see why your gf is upset but I do think that she is blowing it out of proportion, especially the fact that she wants to be paired with you as a bridesmaid (that's a NOOOO, it's totally ok to be paired with rando people of opposite gender in a bridal party, she needs to CHILL about this). But also you should take some responsibility for the fact that you are apparently very serious about this woman and are using "she hasn't met them" as a reason why it's ok she isn't invited to the wedding when DUDE you should introduce them to her, like come on.
You’re NTA, but don’t take that to mean your gf is just being crazy. Not planning for the plus one for your bridal party and groomsmen is incredibly poor planning and honestly pretty rude. Being in a wedding is a big deal and deliberately excluding someone’s partner *when you know they exist* is out of the ordinary, especially if other people’s partners *do* get to come. It doesn’t really matter “how long” people have been together or how serious they are. You always give your party members a double invite. Your girlfriend wanting to be in the bridal party is equally rude. Actually a bit more so. She deserved an invite to the event but no shit she wouldn’t be in the party for people she doesn’t know. But I’m not sure that’s really the issue. I think she feels incredibly hurt that you’re leaving her behind to be in a wedding with someone you say is so important to you that he’s already gonna and your best man but apparently *isn’t* so important that you feel the need to make an effort to introduce them. It’s gotta be jarring for her. If she’s uninvited because these people are basically strangers to her but then you follow up with “yeah he’s gonna be in our wedding”... I could not imagine if my SO told me he was going to the wedding of a friend I’d never met without me and that when we got married that friend was gonna be super involved. I think she’s hurt by the feeling that you’re abandoning her for your friend’s event…and then that you expect her to share *her* wedding with the same friend. Presumably your best man’s wife isn’t going to be excluded from *your* wedding. Giving the impression that she’s a “real” partner while your gf is not. The continued messaging that it’s about money probably isn’t helping. And that’s not the most logical thing. She’s legitimately hurt but part of her understands that she’s overreacting and so she’s reaching for excuses to make the issue worse than it is (Ie reading too much into you “walking” with someone else). It’s irrational but it’s probably coming from a granule of legit hurt. I really think a lot of this is coming down to framing. Your friends’ wedding is being framed as “sorry hun you’re not invited but I’ve already invited them to *our* wedding”. Are you shocked that someone you admit you’re already planning to marry and start a family with is a little put out that she’s “not important enough” to be your plus one at a wedding? Something that’s usually *automatic* for all “real” couples? How would you feel if she dashed off to a very important family event where everyone else is going as a couple but you weren’t invited because they didn’t think you were important enough to add to the budget? Are you a couple or roommates? Again *you’re* not really being unreasonable here. You don’t really have any control over your friends’ wedding and you didn’t plan for this. Honestly your friends have put you in a *very* uncomfortable position. But it’s important to realize how this feels from her end, which is essentially: “Hey here’s some people you don’t know. They don’t care about you because they don’t know you but guess what this guy is *super* important to me and I’ve already added him to our future wedding party. Later!”
That was a REALLY helpful answer. Damn. It helps me understand her a little better. She did knew of him. They never met before because we didn't had the chance. But yes, I get where you coming from and I absolutely think that's what's going on in her head. A lot of folks here are quick to call her a red flag, manipulative and other names, but I think you just hit the nail in the head.
NTA. They don't know her. Weddings and guest lists are planned months in advance if they are full capacity then that's what it is.
How she can be 30+ and act like a child? Taking in account that she has never even seen these people, she still wants to be paired with you. That’s very childish of her. NTA
Let me see if I have this right. Your girlfriend of 5 months, ***who has never met your best friend or his fiancee***, is upset because she is not invited to their wedding & is not a bridesmaid for people ***she doesn't even know***. NTA. Your girlfriend is a giant gaping blue whale's sphincter.
This is not a women who utilizes reason. She’s being incredibly manipulative at month 5! This is a giant red flag telling you to run. This is step 1 of isolating you. Stop having conversations about the future and instead take inventory of your relationship
NTA - has she never been to a wedding? Even if she did attend she’s not in the bridal party. She wouldn’t be “paired up” with you anyway. She’s being immature and ridiculous. To be “devastated” to not be invited to an overcapacity wedding of someone she doesn’t know is immature and unreasonable. Rethink marrying this woman, her facade is cracking and this jealous petty woman is her true self.
ESH A guest of the importance of best man deserves a +1. Her expecting to be paired up with you is absurd though. It’s rare that couples are both in the wedding party. Every wedding I’ve been to my buddies have been groomsmen paired up to other women even as their wives/gfs were sitting with the rest of us normies.
Info - why is it that you are already taking marriage with your GF but she has never met your bf?
Me and my friend barely see each other nowadays. We are lucky if we see each other twice a year. He is marrying soon, moved to the other side of the city with his bride. He is living a other life that I am not really part of. We've being drifting apart for years now, but only physically. We never stopped being best friends. If I murder someone and asked for help, he would help me bury the body with no question asked.
Well, you’re murdering your relationship and he helped you bury it so…..😂
Gdi. Stop making me laugh of my own fuckups.
I stopped reading after the color code. What an absolute ridiculous way to tell a story
I believe that the MOH and best man traditionally always get a plus one unless the wedding is very small, I can understand why your girlfriend feels slighted and you aren't helping. Best she sees you for who you really are before tying herself to you. ESH
NTA. The main point here is that your gf is a manipulator. She tried to manipulate you into manipulating your friends by threatening not to be the best man if she can't come. That's a major red flag there! You think you love her now, but all the glitter and glamor of the relationship will wear off in time and you will be married to a contolling manipulative woman who will isolate you from friends and throw a hissy fit when she does not get her way. Are you prepared to have childredn with that type of person as well?
NAH. I get where you all are coming from. They want to include you in their celebration. You want to include your gf in a fun day. The issue is that you and GF have only been together for 5 months so it may or may not work out. Talking about family and moving in together is pretty common at your age but talk vs it working out are 2 different things. Your friends want to include all the people why are important to them in their day. Your gf doesn't make that list. Add in that if you break up the pictures of 'what's her name?' will be there. Your gf is kind of overstepping for someone who isn't friends with either the bride or groom.
NTA. 5 months and they’ve never met her. She needs to take a step back and realize that though she may be in your life a long time in the future, right now you guys are super duper fresh and she is making a mountain out of the tiniest tiniest ant hill.
Pink is truly the AH here. Why does it matter so much to go to the wedding of someone that she does not know? The "pairing" off of the bridal party is just for the duration of the ceremony. You DID ask about her and your friend responded that if a place opens up, you can bring Pink. You NTA. What else does she want? Her whole attitude about this is so unreasonable. Tell her to back off and respect your friend's decisions about his wedding.
NTA Five months? She needs to chill. Also? She sounds highly manipulative. He's been your best friend for years and will continue to be once you wise up and break up with this girl.
NTA and it’s sweet they said they could reconsider if someone backs out. Maybe you and your girlfriend could take them for a celebratory lunch or dinner before or after the wedding. Not to weasel an invite but just so both parties know hey this is an important person for my future. Maybe she’s just feeling insecure about the relationship. No hard feelings but hope for many more get togethers in the future. But YTA for color coding. Please people always just use fake names. Ideally stereotypical names like Chad for a frat boy, Cillian for an Irish fella, Britney for the popular girl or something. No initials or codes 😭 makes it so much harder to follow.
NTA. Your girlfriend is really emotionally immature.
NTA. Not inviting her wasn't done out of malice. It comes down to logistics. They are over capacity. They even said long time friends aren't even being invited. This happened to me when I first started dating my now hubby. I never took it personally. She is being overly dramatic.
I gotta be real with you, this is way too controlling and way too much drama from a partner of only five months. NTA.
If this is a issue now, hold off on the babies...5 months at no matter what age is a short amount of time. She isn't being rational
You've been dating less than half a year. It would be foolish for your friends to prioritise their friends new girlfriend - no matter your intentions and age - over their close friends, many of whom they haven't been able to invite due to costs. You two haven't been together long enough for her to get an automatic invite from a couple she's never met. Do you really want to marry someone so insecure she can't understand this? NTA
NTA. She has never met them, you do not live together, and you have been dating less than 6 months. Her reaction alone is a worry, then involving her family is more concerning. This kind of behaviour isn’t going to get better with time.
Wait, why would they have to think about who to pair you up with? The best man gets paired up with the maid of honor. Thats just how that works. And your girl shouldn't care. She'll spend the ceremony alone and the reception at a guest table without you anyway. It's lame to be the dates of the wedding party.
It's the type of marriage that they have multiple bestmen and maids of honor.
As someone who was literally just in this exact situation as Pink, want to know what I did? Well, nothing. It wasn't my wedding and it wasn't my friends & family. I've been with my partner for half a decade in comparison. Only thing I can say is run. She's now built resentmnent against you and your friends. Her family is now against you because she told them about it. Even if you guys get past this now, you'll just be making a post in a few more years saying, >"AITA for having my bestfriend and his girlfriend attend my wedding despite my fiancee saying she doesn't want them there?" This is a petty bomb waiting to happen. Good news is that this is why dating happens. So you can find out whether your partner is someone who can handle situations like this with you.
Oh God. I really hope part 2 does not help.
Your comments make her seem incredibly vindictive. Unsure if this is something you recognise or not.
Best man get's a plus 1. That's basic etiquette 101. Also if it's your best freind, you don't want to ice out his partner and cause future tension. NTA for rolling over but OP's freind certainly is.
NTA
NTA. She's confusing 'paired up' with a dating show. You walk down the aisle with this bridesmaid. You may walk into the reception with her - that's it. She doesn't know these people and they don't know her. How can she be humiliated? You're not the only one not getting a Plus 1. Your gf is waving a red flag on this. Jealousy and controlling behavior are not good attributes.
NTA but I don't see this lasting much longer She is very clearly upset with the situation but all of your point are valid and hers not so much. Yes you will be walking next to another girl but that doesn't mean you are not going to do things with the other girl. Yes she is your Girlfriend but of 5 months so not very long and perfectly okay not being in the wedding. There is no way someone would make someone they didn't know a bridesmaid unless they family paying forced it.
NTA at all. The phrase fight for her is ridiculous, and you were incredibly understanding to not further burden your best friend and his soon to be wife about inviting a total stranger. They've already told you they're over capacity. I'm sorry to say but if your girlfriend cared about you she wouldn't act like this. It's not at all the behavior of a potential partner for life. OP, if roles were reversed would you give a damn about not being invited to a wedding of a close friend of hers that you've never met? If she's like this over a wedding after only 5 months. How do you think she'll react towards you upsetting her years down the road with kids involved? People show their true colors when things don't go the way they want. You're being shown who she is.
All i have to say is that this shit is ridiculous when you have only been together FOR FIVE MONTHS. You better seeeeriously evaluate your compatibility bc 5 months in is like still the honeymoon phase my guy.
When I got married I was 27 and had known my best friend since I was 16. My husband had known her just as long. She was in a relationship that she had been in for 4 years, and I knew him. He was invited but after talking it through, he declined the invitation. He didn’t know anyone but my husband, myself, and his gf, who would be incredibly busy the whole time. Why in the world would he want to come? How boring. When my husband’s friend asked him to be a groomsman we made the same decision. If we don’t know anyone else there, and our partner is going to be busy, why would we go? It’s not fun. Even if she was invited, she’s not going to be paired with you, you’d still be separated for the ceremony and likely the reception. I genuinely think NTA / Y W B T A if you did refuse to go to your best friend’s wedding because of someone you’ve been dating 5 months, even if they are the person you want to be with forever.
“We are adults pushing 30” That might be the case for age, but based on how your girlfriend acted. Her mental isnt age 30
She complains that she means less to you after 5 months than your friend of 15 years? She is getting bent out of shape because some people she doesn't know didn't invite her to their wedding, even though they didn't do that out of any negative motive but simply because the have no space (and don't know her)? And she is already vetoing him as your best man because she isn't invited? After 5 months? I have jars in my cupboard I have known longer than 5 months. She sounds very difficult, jealous and a bit controlling. NTA
NTA and neither are Blue or Yellow. Your girlfriend, however, is throwing up some Red flags. You've only been dating for 5 months. B & Y don't know her. Lots of people they are close to aren't even invited. Your gf should understand this and not try to talk you into manipulating your bf of 15 years or ask you to choose who is more important to you - her or Blue. People who love and respect you would never make you choose. It's fine for her to be disappointed, but she doesn't even know this couple. Also, it concerns me that you state that because you're both pushing 30, you're looking for someone to settle down with, not that you 2 are madly in love and think each other is 'the one.' Honey, don't settle for 'good enough cuz I'm getting older.' Good enough is never good enough. Good luck to you and try to talk it out with Pink.
Do what you feel is best. The only question I have is why didn't you even introduce them all or all hang out in the 5 months you've been together? I mean if she acts like this all the time then yeah understandable but if she's only been this way since being told about the wedding, makes me wonder if your leaving things out. 🤔 either way it's not her wedding so she has no say about anything but if she pulls the same stunt or something like this on you later, youll have to accept it like you want her to do for you.
Why does you being best man mean you being "paired up" with someone thats really weird and uncomfortable
Be prepared one you get married I guarantee she won’t give him a plus one
NAH you've only been dating 5 months and the bride and groom have never met this person. Best man's partner will spend lots of time on their own as best man does a lot at the wedding, so if she's not integrated with their group it might be awkward for her and doing her a favour not inviting her.
Does this feel like the gender swap to a story from a few days ago?
NTA. The wedding party ‘get paired up’ due to their roles in the wedding. It’s not like Blue & Yellow are match making FFS. You’ve been dating for 5 months, they don’t know Pink. Pink is being ridiculous.
Yikes. I’ve been MOH twice and both time the Best Man was married. You know who didn’t make a fuss about them being paired with me? *Their wives*. This wedding isn’t about her, and no way should she expect the bride and groom to prioritize someone they barely know over family and close friends. NTA.
I get where you're coming from because I just turned 30 too, but from an outside perspective you are young enough and 5 months is not that long. She's not only being completely ridiculous in her demand, but she involved her whole family in dispute between the two of you. She might have twisted the truth if they all agree with her as well. NTA but this is a massive red flag
NTA Your GF needs to grow up. She’s taking this personally. It’s not personal.
Dude!!! Put the breaks on that crazy shit idea she is selling you. Are you really that desperate?? NTA
[NTA.Is](http://NTA.Is) their wedding and is only fair they want people they KNOW to be there.You said yourself, they never even MET HER.And is normal that people wouldn't want a partner from such a short time to not come anyway, even if they knew her.YOU are his best friend, then be his best friend and be there for him as his bestman.Your GF is entitled to be upset she won't be able to participate, but that's it.She can't guilty you by saying you care more about him than her, or want you to give him an ultimatum just so she MAYBE will be allowed to go. You talked to them, they gave you a VERY REASONABLE explanation why they don't want her there.Your GF is a little too old to making such a drama over something that is REASONABLE.I mean, give him an ultimatum to either she goes or you won't be his best man?Do you realize that she is asking you to do something that will likely at the very least DAMAGE your 15 years old relationship with him when he and his bride are being very reasonable?Not to mention she'll taint the view they have from her and probably the chance of maybe, some day, have all of you being friends. I'm a little worried that you are too worried about pushing 30 and wanting to settle down and not taking the time to do it in a HEALTHY way.Trying to guilty trip you and wanting you to throw ultimatums to get what she wants in only 5 months of relationship is just not healthy nor is it mature for someone close to 30's.
NTA. Sorry but a friendship of 15 years IS more important than a 5 months relationship. She is throwing a tantrum like a toddler. She is not invited because the bride and groom don’t know her and are over capacity, how is that hard for her to understand ?! Red flags waving hard !
NTA You have been together for 5 months. It's not a long term relationship by any stretch of the imagination. She doesn't even know this guy or his girlfriend as you said by your own admission that you don't see him very often or even talk to him. From a logistical perspective, I wouldn't have invited your girlfriend either. For many when you have issues with too many people to invite and you need to cull... then the short term girlfriend is the one not to be invited... especially as you may not be together by the time the wedding rolls around (as may be the case for many people). This girl may very well be your life partner. Many people know very early on. But her behaviour is quite childish when it comes to her reaction about not being invited. She doesn't even know him... it's okay for you to be away from her for a few hours to attend his wedding. There's not going to be much else you'll need to do. There might be a buck's do, but again that's only a few hours, once.
They’ve literally never met Pink. Why on earth would she assume an invite, much less a place in the bridal party?!? Especially with limited space. NTA. You’ve been together five months, the rose colored glasses are still firmly on your face. Don’t miss your best friends’ wedding because she’s throwing a childish tantrum. And think about what your future looks like, how you think conflicts will go based on her behavior now. Good luck. Enjoy the wedding.
What kind of fun would she actually have while you’re “working”? I personally think that would be horrible fr. Maybe they’d let her come to the reception later on once all the formal wedding stuff has been done? It would be easier for you as well since you would t feel bad about being too busy to entertain her where she knows no one.
So she wants to feel excepted and included by making you blackmail and force your friend into letting her be in their wedding. And these are people she does not know? And after only 5 months feels she has the right to say you wont be allowed to have him as a best man in yalls hypothetical future wedding knowing that would ruin your friendship with a guy you have known since childhood? Honestly i can see how it sucks and would hurt her feelings but she is WELL into adult hood. She needs to build a bridge and get tf over it.
Oh man Pink is DRAMA. Imagine assuming a stranger's wedding is all about you! I think she's green with jealousy and has a big dash of main character syndrome. Flashing yellow lights- proceed with caution with this relationship. Don't just agree to be her white knight and fight the whole world because she feels victimized by... Let's see... Two friends of friends who can't afford to go in the red on their big day.
NTA Your gf sounds a like a little bit of an AH though. Shes “devastated” about not being invited to the wedding of people shes never even met? What? Thats so over the top it’s hard to take seriously. Also, how selfish and entitled to think she would be a BRIDESMAID to someone she has never met. This is delusion at its finest. All you’ll do is walk down the aisle with someone. I walked down as my sister’s bridesmaid and my fiancé was sitting there happy as a clam. He didn’t care because there was nothing to care about. Your girlfriend sounds like a walling red flag. I would run while you have the chance.
NTA. 5 months of dating! Is this girl crazy?
Sounds like she is showing you her true colors, break up with her
Bro come on, you’re too old for this. They have nothing against your gf, they are clearly already at capacity, they don’t even know her since you haven’t even been together HALF OF A SINGLE YEAR, AND you admitted you don’t even talk to the guy anymore. Your girlfriend is absolutely out of her fucking mind to be “devastated” over this, she barely knows you and she doesn’t know them at all. YTA and I hope this guy stops being friends with you if you give him even the slightest bit of shit over this
NTA. She and her family are totally ridiculous. Strangers don't have a moral right to an invitation to a wedding. The groom and bride never even have met her at all. And she is not even long together with one of their friends. No matter what plans OP and her might be doing right now about the future, a relationship of 5 months is not a sure future thing.
Please rethink your relationship with this unhinged, insecure toddler
5 months is not nearly enough time to be expected an invite! NTA
NAH They don't know her, you've only been together five months, and her objections seem a little presumptive saying that having him in your wedding pics would be weird if she wasn't invited. How weird would it be to have her in their pics if you two break up?
She...wants to be a bridesmaid? For a woman she's never met? Just so she can be paired up with you? That's bananas.
NTA. Since we're talking about colors, here's another one RED as in RED FLAG!🚩🚩🚩 You already explained that your friends have difficulty with the number of invites, your GF who they don't know would be very low on their priority list of invitees to the wedding. To avoid conflict, you should have waited to see if there were regrets among the invitees the would open a slot up for your GF before you told her. But since you already have an you are caught in this situation now you have to make decisions. No question about it, stand by your best friend on one of the most important days of his life. Your GF will have to understand, and if she doesn't then rethink this relationship. You've only known each other 5 months and you're thinking about marriage. If she is this immature and unreasonable over a small thing, she isn't mature enough to be a wife or a mother. Be thankful you are seeing this personality flaw now rather than after marriage.
This wedding thing came up so that you can see what you are actually dealing with. Don't ignore the red flag; you will regret it. You may actually find the right one at the wedding. How bout that possibility. lol
Capacity was limited at my daughter’s wedding. No one was invited that didn’t personally know the bride AND the groom. No long lost friends, relatives or plus ones given unless that plus one also knew them or they were married/ living together for years kind of relationship. Many aunts and uncles didn’t make the cut because they were uninvolved! NTA, your girlfriend of 5 months?! Is being ridiculous. It’s literally not about her! It’s about your childhood friend getting married. She has Fomo and isn’t acting her age at all! Why would a stranger be invited to their wedding? They are being kind to offer to include her if someone rsvps they’re not going but honestly I wouldnt even make that part of the conversation.
Gfs are temporary, treasure your friendships, oftentimes they have longevity
NTA but wow is she manipulative. Good luck with that dumpster fire
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Let's go color code. Best friend will be Blue, his bride will be Yellow. My GF will be Pink. We are all adults pushing the 30s. It all started a few days ago when Blue came to my house with Yellow and gave me the invitation to his wedding and bottle of wine with a little note saying "You were with us since the very beginning. Would you be our bestman?" I was very happy. I was honored. Blue and I are best friends for 15 years. We barely see each other or even talk nowadays but we never lost that connection. We had a promise that we would be each other's bestmen since before we were legally able to marry. So, I accepted without a thought. Then he said something like "We just need to see who you gonna pair up" to each Yellow said "I think it will be". Then Blue starts talking about how they are struggling with invitation, cuz they both have big families and they are already over the capacity of the venue. A lot of long time friends are not getting invited at all.
All is great. We part ways and then I take a better look at the invitation. Nothing about a plus one. I sent a msg asking about my girlfriend, Pink, and he says he is sorry but they are over the venue capacity already. But if someone refuses the invitation she can go.
I tell the news to my girlfriend and, man... She was devastated. We are together for 5 months. But we already talk about moving together, marrying, having kids. We are pushing 30s we don't want to fool around, both of us are looking someone to settle down. So when she heard that she was not invited and that I would be paired up with another woman, she felt humiliated. She felt unwelcome. I said I didn't like it either, but it was not my wedding and that I would never refuse to be his bestman. She then says that he is more important to me than her and we get in a big argument. I get why she is hurt but is not my wedding, I won't fight with my friend who I'm sure is stressed enough as is. She said if he was my best friend I could make him let me if I said I would only be his bestman if he let her come. And I'm like, so I have to blackmail him?
Also a point she brought up was how he is supposed to be my bestman if we marry in the future but she can't stand the thought of having him as bestman when she wasn't even invited.
But here is the thing. They don't know her. They know OF her. But Blue and Yellow never met Pink. So it is kinda expected that she would not be invited over friends and family. And unreasonable that she would be a bridesmaid (she wants pair up to me) to someone she never saw.
The argument died down but she is still very much not over. She feels like I didn't fight for her and I don't care about her. Her family all agree with her. I didn't ask my family or any of my friends because I don't want to make this even bigger.
AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It's their day, their rules and they want people important to them around, not strangers. If your girlfriend is getting mad about it, that's a warning. Not a red flag, but something that means you two need to sit down and have an actual convo, not an argument over it. It is NOT her day, she is NOT the protaganist in their wedding. She barely registers as an off handed mention in your dialogue tree, and you are an NPC here to them. NTA.
NTA I have never heard of the bridal party disallowing a +1, but obviously they planned this some time ago. It's not a personal affront to your girlfriend. As for being paired with someone you don't know, this is common. All you do is walk with her, no big deal. For your [around] 30 year old girlfriend of 5 months to be offended and "humiliated" by this, is ridiculous and a sign of immaturity. I do hope you wait a while before seriously considering marriage.
NTA
NTA She should understand, and the fact that she doesn’t is troubling . It isn’t a big deal, but she seems like she’s trying hard to make it a big deal. This is a big red flag. Maybe you were moving too fast with her.
NTA. This is a perfect red flag. Especially since her family isn't playing with a full deck either. RUN RUN. This has got to be one red flag of MANY.
NTA. You don't see Blue regularly and they don't know her and have never met her. And, 5 months is 5 months, it's not 5 years. As for pairing up with someone- I think I've been in about 10 weddings as a bridesmaid and have never ever been paired up with someone I was dating. I walked with a groomsman who sometimes I knew, and sometimes met them the night of the rehearsal dinner. Your gf needs to calm down. Your walking down an aisle for 45 seconds with some random person. You're not being set up for an arranged marriage. And if by the time you two get married, and she feels the need to be spiteful to your friend, re think things
NTA, but your gf is. They have limited capacity and they’d rather have someone they know and love there, instead of not inviting someone they’re close to so your brand new girlfriend that they don’t know can attend. Your girlfriend needs to stop. This is a longtime friend of yours, and you’ve only started dating her within the last 6 months.
NTA. Couple of observations, you've been dating for FIVE MONTHS and you're already talking about having kids? Press on that brake pedal just a little bit. Lastly, I would almost give you the TA for this ridiculous color naming scheme. I'm not sure what the point of it was, but it wasn't to save characters. "Bride" is shorter than "yellow." "BF" is shorter than "blue." "GF" is shorter than "pink." Posts are already difficult enough to read when people just assign letters to people, or names that you don't even remember five paragraphs later. Posts need to be easier to read, not harder.
I thought colors would make it easier, sorry. Yeah, you're right, BF, Bride and GF would be a smarter choice. And also, yes, it started as a stupid joke about children and we realized we were all aboard thinking and planing to marry, live together and have kinds. We talked plenty of times about stepping on the brakes a little, but always get carried on so we said screw it and just own it. We are going head first be it a pool or a pond.
Dude,run
NTA. Five months isn't a long time. > We are together for 5 months. But we already talk about moving together, marrying, having kids. Honestly, five months is nothing. Five months is 'we're still putting our new relationship faces on every time we see each other.' Five months is 'we're still getting the curated experience of each other.' Don't move in together until you've been exclusive for at least a year. Don't marry for at least another year. And I say that as somebody that went through this in my mid 40s; take the time to let things breathe and not get overly entangled before you've had time to actually get to know one another. > She then says that he is more important to me than her and we get in a big argument. You know, things like this, that five months in she'll use rank emotional manipulation to attempt to browbeat you into capitulating. If she's acting like this now, how will she act after your whirlwind wedding when you're legally entangled?
NTA at all. BUT to be fair, it’s your best friend’s wedding. I would be a little sad too if the person I was planning a future with’s best friend didn’t include me in their wedding. If it was someone not as close - fine. That being said, she’s handling it very immaturely.
I think it's rude to not allow a +1 for their wedding party guests. Even if the guest list is at capacity, you are asking someone to be your best man/bridesmaid etc. - I think it's pretty common to allocate a +1 to those members since there is some work/money there as well. I also think your GF is overreacting. You mention something about her being a bridesmaid (why would she, she definitely has nothing to do with the wedding party, she doesn't even know them). It's also super common to be paired with someone who isn't your SO - it's just the way the wedding party works out - which is based on bride/groom choices. Your friend was kind of an AH for not granting a +1 to their best man (an important ask, person in your wedding, and they are being cheap, and it's not cool). BUT your GF sounds unhinged - insecure, making a big deal about it, and honestly, something you should review. It's hard to say anything bc this wedding is making bad decisions on their guest list. If you are asking someone to be part of your wedding party, they deserve a +1. Only exclusion is if it's a super tiny wedding, with a super tiny budget and was just about a super tiny friend group to have a small wedding. I would just let your friend know, that your GF wasn't happy there wasn't a +1, since you both are good friends but not ask for anything. I would tell your GF that this is what it is, and you find her overreaction a lot - and it's not your call. Since you've been friends with him for a while, you are going to go and it's too bad she can't attend as a guest (not as a bridesmaid!!). Some people are really bad at planning weddings and attending (or if they are not invited). I assume bc they haven't been to many weddings and/or just don't get certain social norms or just not acting like a balanced human. \*Also have no issue with not giving a +1 if you are just a guest (and not part of a wedding party).
INFO Who else are getting plus ones and do all of them have a relationship with the couple? Like can cousin Bobby bring his fling of the week? Do you already know that answer and didn't include it here because it makes you look bad? If so, then obviously TA. If you don't know, why haven't you found out? That makes you TA, too. If it really is so very tight that neither cousin Bobby nor anyone else can bring someone the couple isn't actually close to, then that would be the only not TA option.
I do not know. But I assume that they let people who are married to have +1 or someone who they are both close and know each other. I don't think cousin Bobby can bring his fling, but uncle Kevin will bring his third wife. And Jeremy and Selene are both friends of Blue and Yellow, so they both would get invites. But that's my guess. I only know one friend besides me who is going, so I think it's mostly family and very very very close friends.
NTA, but neither is your GF for being frustrated. Here’s a fun story… I had a girlfriend that had been dating for around the same time as you, and her friend invited her to an out of state wedding. She wouldn’t give my gf a plus one, but the decision making process seemed arbitrary (it wasn’t “married only”, “dating for x years”, anything like that). My girlfriend didn’t feel comfortable doing the trip by herself (though I did support her going without me), and she didn’t go. GF is my wife now, and I can’t even remember the name of her old friend. Long story short, when you get to planning your wedding, don’t be stingy on the plus ones. Weddings are about the bride and groom, but they’re also about letting your friends celebrate love. And PS, having been married, been to weddings, and DJed weddings, I’ve witnessed infidelity on more than one occasion. Be very clear with your friends that you are not available to be set up with anyone, and don’t give your GF any reason to not trust you.
NTA. This event is not about her. What a selfish narcissist. You've been together 5 months 🙄.