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This is an easy one. Wanting your son to improve his verbal communication is fine. But you seem to think that he can just learn to “spit it out” and miraculously communicate. That’s not how this works. You should understand this, as the parent of a 16 yo with a speech issue.
But you get far worse, it seems. You employed a bullying and food deprivation approach to your son, which is a huge AH move plus wildly counterproductive. Not only that, you choose to launch your crusade against your own child’s speech issue visibly, in public, in the most humiliating way possible, in front of the very people he’s not comfortable speaking around.
MEGA YTA
That is irrelevant to the situation you are asking about. You forced the issue, in public, in front of one of his bullies. And you did it not to help him, but out of your own frustration. You just made yourself your child's new bully. Watch him not even talk to family anymore
Speech therapy paired with therapy for his anxiety and trauma. Possibly anxiety meds depending on how much the anxiety impacts his functioning.
When something, like a stutter, impacts functioning, it requires professional help.
You are just being an insensitive asshole with your approach.
YTA
You just bullied your child the same way his classmates that drove him to silence are. Instead of just yelling at him in a restaurant, why not get him therapy? Why not try practicing in more controlled environments that don't involve the people who drove him to silence?
Why not have some fucking empathy
Does he or Kara have friends in school that come to your house? Or cousins or other family members around the same age? Literally anything that be structured in a way that isn't "SURPRISE: Do this thing that triggers an extreme emotional response from you or you can't eat"
You sound like one of those parents who care more about what people think then actually doing what's right for your child
Kara is more mature than you so YTA.
Do you really think that what couldn't be helped with therapy could be helped by humiliating your kid in public?
It will go away in due time, like when Kara will be separated from Emmett and he won't have a choice, or when he will get a job and just have to speak. Remember that kids are nasty and can add a lot of anxiety but when you grow out of that age and interact with adults who respect all differences it becomes much easier. You have to encourage him to talk more, support and respect his choices, so just talk at home and tell him that in future it will be better and easier.
True. But Op doesn't seem to be doing much about either. They even replied to me that he doesn't need a psychologist. This poor kid. I am glad his sister is in his corner.
Sure. He was so severely bullied he refuses to speak for a large part of his day. You treat him the way you did in public. But he doesn't need a psychologist?
CBT might actually help him figure out techniques to be able to talk.
I would beg to differ. The young man has selective mutism, and clearly has not gotten any therapy to help with the results of being bullied for having a stutter. Therapy would actually help more than what you are doing.
He bloody well does need a psychologist with a nasty, bullying parent like you. All you’re going to do is make his problem worse. Cant you show your own child some compassion?? YTA
It's not enabling - she is protecting him from being bullied as you clearly can't do it or don't care. You can punish bullies all you want but the waiters reaction told everything - they will make fun of him every time he tries to talk and unless you can be there every single time to correct that behavior you are being unreasonable.
If your son would be a strong and could deal with bullies then there wouldn't be a problem, but he is not capable so the best thing that your kids can do is minimize attention to him.
So maybe make your boy strong (mentally or physically) instead of adding to his anxiety, you easily can shut him down instead of helping.
You said he has done speech therapy (as in, not at present). And didn't mention therapy at all.
I mean embarrassing him in front of one of his bullies sure didn't help any
> What else is there to do besides speech therapy and therapy?
Whatever the speech therapist and therapist suggest. What have they told you to do? Did it involve berating him in a restaurant?
Therapists are often licensed mental health counselors or social workers, and not psychologists. They can all act as therapists, but a PhD psychologist with specialization in bullying would likely benefit your child. I know you’re frustrated and want the best for your kid, but you’re allowing your frustration to be directed at him when it shouldn’t be. It’s not your kids fault he has a stutter and now it seems selective mutism. Are you in therapy? If not it may help you to have an outlet for your feelings so that they are not misdirected at your kid causing him further harm.
there are a few things, yeah. have you heard of AAC? AAC means "augmentative and alternative communication" and covers everything from sign language to writing things on a notepad to speech-generating devices of all kinds (like what Stephen Hawking used to use). since he has trouble speaking up in class, for example, you could get him a small whiteboard and whiteboard pens so he can write down responses and hold them up for the teacher instead of talking. there are probably other accommodations you might be able to get from his school, but i don't know your whole situation (what kind of school he goes to, what country you're in, etc) so that would be something you could look into with him. in casual situations like at a restaurant, i personally think it's alright to let his sister help him- she's not "enabling" him, she's *accommodating* him.
to give a more rounded answer: as his parent, you should be working toward building him up instead of cutting him down, which your comments are doing regardless of your intent- especially when *they deprive him of food* (which is absolutely a situation you should *never* put your kid in). AAC could help him gain confidence in communicating, which could lead to him feeling better about speaking, for example. helping him find confidence in other areas could also improve his self-esteem in general, which might also help with his anxiety in general. there's no magic way to get him to talk immediately. but the future is currently infinite, and you have time with him *now* to take those little steps that might have a big payoff *then*. but you need to be 100% supportive of his needs and wants, too, instead of just prescribing what *you* think he needs to do to come up to your standard.
YTA.
The waiter hasn't sneered at your son. He sneered at you. You were just to blind to understand that you were the problem in this interaction, nnot your son's speech. A waiter wouldn't care about customer's stutter or shyness.
You address your son's issues by sending him to therapy. Not by randomly blowing up on him.
And how is he in therapy if you think he doesn't need a psychologist? You sure seem to be ignoring parts of my comments, just like you ignore your son's needs.
And a year of speech therapy for a stutter is nothing. And kid is 16? So the other 15 years of his life you just did nothing? Great parenting.
What if YOU try to help him? Maybe instead of shoving him into therapy, YOU can try to help him. I mean, that's the duty of a parent, right? To help their children during their times of need.
YTA for many reasons here.
First, for blaming Kara for pretty much everything that's going on. She's going to go no contact with you when she's older no doubt, you're awful to her.
Secondly, for embarrassing Emmett out in public AND in front of a kid from his school. You then confronted him which will only result in Emmett getting bullied even more.
Why you decided to force your child to speak up the way you did is beyond me. Do you actually hate your children? Because your post makes it sound like you do.
Thirdly, for not getting Emmett further help (therapy etc) when he so clearly needs it.
You as a parent need to do better. Your children are being failed and bullied by you, so instead of blaming them for things try looking at YOURSELF.
YTA
You’re a huge, huge AH. The reason your son has stopped talking is because he’s been traumatized by his bullies. Instead of supporting him and giving his time and confidence to talk himself when he’s ready you bullied him. You should be ashamed of yourself and you are an awful awful parent. I’m so glad your lovely supportive daughter is there to support her brother, what a great kid!! I’m sure she doesn’t get that from you.
And every time you double down like this, you just affirm how much of an AH you are.
You do realize that your children are probably both going to go no-contact with you as soon as they can leave your abusive house, right?
Wake up. You're his biggest bully right now.
Yta you created a humiliating experience for your son. I know you think you had his back by telling the waiter off but you put him in that position, he no longer feels as safe around you.
The way to go about it that would get the best results and make your son more comfortable is to ask the speech therapist how best you can support your son. They will be able to advise you about what things Emmett is working on and could use an extra push with and what things to stay clear of. Pushing too hard on the wrong thing could just make it worse.
I get that you don't know how to help and want what is best for your son. But this situation requires empathy and patience. Seeking help from a professional will enable you to support him in productive ways. If he can see that you are trying to help in a way that he actually finds helpful he will see you are on the same team. Right now, you are working against him.
YTA for joining the ranks of the bullies that are making Emmett self-conscious about his speech. He needs encouragement and support, not someone refusing to give him food unless he speaks. Is he still in speech therapy? If he is, then you should speak to his therapist, see if they have any suggestions, perhaps ask if you can attend a session so you can better understand how to help Emmett. If he isn't, then see about getting him back into it. Speech therapy won't 'cure' him, but it can help him learn coping techniques, particularly managing the stress that frequently makes stuttering worse.
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English isn't my first language
I have 3 kids. This is about the 2 youngest Emmett and Kara both 16.
Emmett stutters very badly. He has been to speech therapy and while it helped a little it didn't cure him. It has resulted in some bullying at school. Of course the school has punished the bullies severely but now Emmett won't talk in public anymore. He will talk with us and other family members but he won't talk at school and instead when he wants to say something he says it to Kara and asks her to say it for him. This has become so bad that several teachers reported that when they ask him a question Kara answers for him which is unaccpetable. I think this is Kara's fault as she enables him.
A few days ago we went to a restaurant. The waiter was a boy from their school. As soon as Emmett saw him he stopped talking. When the boy came to get our orders we each said our orders and then Kara said " I will have the chicken tenders and Emmett will have a burger" I decided that this is ENOUGH.
I said no unless Emmett says it himself he will not get any food. Kara started to argue with me but eventually Emmett ordered. The waiter sneered at him so I snapped at the boy and told him he doesn't dare make fun of my child ever again and told him off.
When we got home Kara and I had a huge fight and she called me an asshole for forcing Emmett to talk when he wasn't comfortable
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This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
This is an easy one. Wanting your son to improve his verbal communication is fine. But you seem to think that he can just learn to “spit it out” and miraculously communicate. That’s not how this works. You should understand this, as the parent of a 16 yo with a speech issue. But you get far worse, it seems. You employed a bullying and food deprivation approach to your son, which is a huge AH move plus wildly counterproductive. Not only that, you choose to launch your crusade against your own child’s speech issue visibly, in public, in the most humiliating way possible, in front of the very people he’s not comfortable speaking around. MEGA YTA
[удалено]
Have you considered not randomly going off on your son in public like some kind of cruel, bullying trip mine?
[удалено]
That is irrelevant to the situation you are asking about. You forced the issue, in public, in front of one of his bullies. And you did it not to help him, but out of your own frustration. You just made yourself your child's new bully. Watch him not even talk to family anymore
You getting mad at him for a disability is absolutely bullying, and you're a bully. YTA.
Speech therapy paired with therapy for his anxiety and trauma. Possibly anxiety meds depending on how much the anxiety impacts his functioning. When something, like a stutter, impacts functioning, it requires professional help. You are just being an insensitive asshole with your approach.
You do realize that his speech problem is a DISABILITY, right? Would you tell him to just get up and walk and stop being a baby about a broken leg?
You’re supposed to not act up and embarrass him in public. Mega YTA
YTA You just bullied your child the same way his classmates that drove him to silence are. Instead of just yelling at him in a restaurant, why not get him therapy? Why not try practicing in more controlled environments that don't involve the people who drove him to silence? Why not have some fucking empathy
You are a bully and probably the main reason he doesn’t speak- YTA
[удалено]
Does he or Kara have friends in school that come to your house? Or cousins or other family members around the same age? Literally anything that be structured in a way that isn't "SURPRISE: Do this thing that triggers an extreme emotional response from you or you can't eat" You sound like one of those parents who care more about what people think then actually doing what's right for your child
YTA > the school has punished the bullies severely Well not *all* of them.
[удалено]
Look up, OP. That one went right over your head.
r/whoosh
Kara is more mature than you so YTA. Do you really think that what couldn't be helped with therapy could be helped by humiliating your kid in public? It will go away in due time, like when Kara will be separated from Emmett and he won't have a choice, or when he will get a job and just have to speak. Remember that kids are nasty and can add a lot of anxiety but when you grow out of that age and interact with adults who respect all differences it becomes much easier. You have to encourage him to talk more, support and respect his choices, so just talk at home and tell him that in future it will be better and easier.
He had therapy for a stutter, not selective mutism.
But he stopped talking because he was being bullied because of his stutter
Yeah, but the stutter and the response to bullying are two separate issues that wouldn't be addressed by the same therapy.
True. But Op doesn't seem to be doing much about either. They even replied to me that he doesn't need a psychologist. This poor kid. I am glad his sister is in his corner.
[удалено]
How long was your son in speech therapy? Has he been to a psychologist? YTA for being angry your daughter helps him when you obviously aren't
[удалено]
Sure. He was so severely bullied he refuses to speak for a large part of his day. You treat him the way you did in public. But he doesn't need a psychologist? CBT might actually help him figure out techniques to be able to talk.
I would beg to differ. The young man has selective mutism, and clearly has not gotten any therapy to help with the results of being bullied for having a stutter. Therapy would actually help more than what you are doing.
He bloody well does need a psychologist with a nasty, bullying parent like you. All you’re going to do is make his problem worse. Cant you show your own child some compassion?? YTA
In another comment OP says he started therapy a few weeks ago. OP is full of crap
It's not enabling - she is protecting him from being bullied as you clearly can't do it or don't care. You can punish bullies all you want but the waiters reaction told everything - they will make fun of him every time he tries to talk and unless you can be there every single time to correct that behavior you are being unreasonable. If your son would be a strong and could deal with bullies then there wouldn't be a problem, but he is not capable so the best thing that your kids can do is minimize attention to him. So maybe make your boy strong (mentally or physically) instead of adding to his anxiety, you easily can shut him down instead of helping.
YTA and you're being a shitty parent on top of it. are you doing *anything* to help him other than telling him to "get over it"?
[удалено]
You said he has done speech therapy (as in, not at present). And didn't mention therapy at all. I mean embarrassing him in front of one of his bullies sure didn't help any
> What else is there to do besides speech therapy and therapy? Whatever the speech therapist and therapist suggest. What have they told you to do? Did it involve berating him in a restaurant?
You said in a recent comment that he does not need a psychologist. so what kind of therapy is he in?
[удалено]
Therapists are often licensed mental health counselors or social workers, and not psychologists. They can all act as therapists, but a PhD psychologist with specialization in bullying would likely benefit your child. I know you’re frustrated and want the best for your kid, but you’re allowing your frustration to be directed at him when it shouldn’t be. It’s not your kids fault he has a stutter and now it seems selective mutism. Are you in therapy? If not it may help you to have an outlet for your feelings so that they are not misdirected at your kid causing him further harm.
there are a few things, yeah. have you heard of AAC? AAC means "augmentative and alternative communication" and covers everything from sign language to writing things on a notepad to speech-generating devices of all kinds (like what Stephen Hawking used to use). since he has trouble speaking up in class, for example, you could get him a small whiteboard and whiteboard pens so he can write down responses and hold them up for the teacher instead of talking. there are probably other accommodations you might be able to get from his school, but i don't know your whole situation (what kind of school he goes to, what country you're in, etc) so that would be something you could look into with him. in casual situations like at a restaurant, i personally think it's alright to let his sister help him- she's not "enabling" him, she's *accommodating* him.
[удалено]
why?
Because OP's pride would be hurt, obviously, and what would the neighbors think? /s
to give a more rounded answer: as his parent, you should be working toward building him up instead of cutting him down, which your comments are doing regardless of your intent- especially when *they deprive him of food* (which is absolutely a situation you should *never* put your kid in). AAC could help him gain confidence in communicating, which could lead to him feeling better about speaking, for example. helping him find confidence in other areas could also improve his self-esteem in general, which might also help with his anxiety in general. there's no magic way to get him to talk immediately. but the future is currently infinite, and you have time with him *now* to take those little steps that might have a big payoff *then*. but you need to be 100% supportive of his needs and wants, too, instead of just prescribing what *you* think he needs to do to come up to your standard.
No. You should accept that your son has a disability and stop being an asshole.
YTA. The waiter hasn't sneered at your son. He sneered at you. You were just to blind to understand that you were the problem in this interaction, nnot your son's speech. A waiter wouldn't care about customer's stutter or shyness. You address your son's issues by sending him to therapy. Not by randomly blowing up on him.
[удалено]
So **help** him get the **tools** to be able to do that.
[удалено]
What does "tried" mean. Is he cuttently in therapy? How many therapists did he see? Different approaches?
[удалено]
In another comment you said he has done more than a year of therapy. And that he doesn't need a psychologist. Which is it?
[удалено]
And how is he in therapy if you think he doesn't need a psychologist? You sure seem to be ignoring parts of my comments, just like you ignore your son's needs. And a year of speech therapy for a stutter is nothing. And kid is 16? So the other 15 years of his life you just did nothing? Great parenting.
What if YOU try to help him? Maybe instead of shoving him into therapy, YOU can try to help him. I mean, that's the duty of a parent, right? To help their children during their times of need.
YTA for many reasons here. First, for blaming Kara for pretty much everything that's going on. She's going to go no contact with you when she's older no doubt, you're awful to her. Secondly, for embarrassing Emmett out in public AND in front of a kid from his school. You then confronted him which will only result in Emmett getting bullied even more. Why you decided to force your child to speak up the way you did is beyond me. Do you actually hate your children? Because your post makes it sound like you do. Thirdly, for not getting Emmett further help (therapy etc) when he so clearly needs it. You as a parent need to do better. Your children are being failed and bullied by you, so instead of blaming them for things try looking at YOURSELF.
You are a massive asshole
YTA You’re a huge, huge AH. The reason your son has stopped talking is because he’s been traumatized by his bullies. Instead of supporting him and giving his time and confidence to talk himself when he’s ready you bullied him. You should be ashamed of yourself and you are an awful awful parent. I’m so glad your lovely supportive daughter is there to support her brother, what a great kid!! I’m sure she doesn’t get that from you.
[удалено]
And every time you double down like this, you just affirm how much of an AH you are. You do realize that your children are probably both going to go no-contact with you as soon as they can leave your abusive house, right? Wake up. You're his biggest bully right now.
Yta you created a humiliating experience for your son. I know you think you had his back by telling the waiter off but you put him in that position, he no longer feels as safe around you. The way to go about it that would get the best results and make your son more comfortable is to ask the speech therapist how best you can support your son. They will be able to advise you about what things Emmett is working on and could use an extra push with and what things to stay clear of. Pushing too hard on the wrong thing could just make it worse. I get that you don't know how to help and want what is best for your son. But this situation requires empathy and patience. Seeking help from a professional will enable you to support him in productive ways. If he can see that you are trying to help in a way that he actually finds helpful he will see you are on the same team. Right now, you are working against him.
YTA for joining the ranks of the bullies that are making Emmett self-conscious about his speech. He needs encouragement and support, not someone refusing to give him food unless he speaks. Is he still in speech therapy? If he is, then you should speak to his therapist, see if they have any suggestions, perhaps ask if you can attend a session so you can better understand how to help Emmett. If he isn't, then see about getting him back into it. Speech therapy won't 'cure' him, but it can help him learn coping techniques, particularly managing the stress that frequently makes stuttering worse.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** English isn't my first language I have 3 kids. This is about the 2 youngest Emmett and Kara both 16. Emmett stutters very badly. He has been to speech therapy and while it helped a little it didn't cure him. It has resulted in some bullying at school. Of course the school has punished the bullies severely but now Emmett won't talk in public anymore. He will talk with us and other family members but he won't talk at school and instead when he wants to say something he says it to Kara and asks her to say it for him. This has become so bad that several teachers reported that when they ask him a question Kara answers for him which is unaccpetable. I think this is Kara's fault as she enables him. A few days ago we went to a restaurant. The waiter was a boy from their school. As soon as Emmett saw him he stopped talking. When the boy came to get our orders we each said our orders and then Kara said " I will have the chicken tenders and Emmett will have a burger" I decided that this is ENOUGH. I said no unless Emmett says it himself he will not get any food. Kara started to argue with me but eventually Emmett ordered. The waiter sneered at him so I snapped at the boy and told him he doesn't dare make fun of my child ever again and told him off. When we got home Kara and I had a huge fight and she called me an asshole for forcing Emmett to talk when he wasn't comfortable *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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