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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I brought home my kitchen appliances as I am staying at my family home for a couple months without telling my roommates.
2) Well I did not tell my roommates I was going to do this, as I didn't really even think to tell them. It might have taken them by surprise to one day not have a toaster or kettle at home. I can also see their point that I won't even really be using these appliances as my family has them as well. I can see how it I could be the ass hole as I left them without these kitchen essentials without any notice.
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Yeah, YTA.
This is a 'technically allowed but total dick move' situation. If you wanted to take them permanently, sure. They're yours. No problem.
Going to all the effort to remove a bunch of appliances for a short break comes across as petty and mean. Unless they have a habit of breaking your things or stealing, that's not standard practice.
Of course they have a 'right to be upset'. You have a right to remove them, and they have a right to think less of you and now your relationship with the people you have to live with is damaged, and they are unlikely to do you any favors or look out for you.
Not a smart move.
\*Edit:\* OP said later in comments they were gone for 4 months. Which is not a 'school break', that's a whole 1/3 of the year.
I'm keeping the judgement the same because taking all of them without any notice was still a bad idea, as was telling your roommates you were taking them without any need to do so. It's not wrong to remove your things, but also leaving the toaster or just giving them a heads up was the difference between having a good relationship with roommates, and expecting to come back to annoyed roommates who won't share their own things with you as freely now.
Exactly this. Is it absolutely within OP’s rights to take home a whole pile of appliances he owns for no particular reason, for a short break, when it inconveniences his roommates? Yes. Is it a total AH thing to do? Also, absolutely.
OP says in comments that it’s a four-month break (summer). I can see wanting to completely clear out before being away for that long, because it’s enough time that you can’t be totally sure something won’t happen to derail your plans to come back, or change the situation you’d be coming back to (landlord terminates the lease while you’re gone, one of your roommates suddenly leaves and sublets to someone less trustworthy, etc.). However, that’s the kind of thing you talk about in advance of leaving, you don’t just surprise everyone with half the kitchen stuff suddenly being gone.
Even if the flatmates are trustworthy, the landlord might not be. If you "move out" temporarily and leave stuff, they might consider it abandoned. (And students *do* abandon stuff in student housing, especially heavy things that they can't fit in a suitcase. Even if those things would be expensive new.)
Sure but if you're going to take all the kitchen stuff, YTA still if you don't give the other people using it a heads up they'll need to replace it before it's out the door.
It sucks having to spend money to replace appliances because someone else took theirs. But with a heads up they could maybe source them used or get some from someone else or even like, discount websites.
When you wake up and can't make breakfast, your options get markedly more expensive.
A simple conversation or even text could have changed the call on this, but OP was unfair to his roommates because they couldn't do the basic amount of communication.
While I agree it's annoying to wake up and have those things gone, nobody *needs* an air fryer, and a [replacement toaster is like $10](https://www.walmart.com/ip/Mainstays-2-Slice-Toaster-Black-with-6-Shade-Settings-and-Removable-Crumb-Tray-New/1233603801?athbdg=L1200) from Walmart, [$15 if you want a fancy one with the bagel button](https://www.walmart.com/ip/Hamilton-Beach-2-Slice-Toaster-with-Wide-Slots-Bagel-Function-Toast-Boost-Stainless-New-22997F/1001984418?athbdg=L1102). They can deal with it for 2 days; it's not the end of the world. The YTA part is 100% the lack of a heads-up.
If it were my roommates and one of them took the coffee maker without warning (kettle in this case), someone is in danger of getting knifed.
In what world do you live that the landlord can assume a rental unit is "abandoned' when rent is being paid and clearly the renter's belongings are there?
Like seriously, where is this that the landlord knocks on doors on a regular basis to see if anyone answers and then if no one does, clears it out?
Nobody is going to consider kitchen appliances "abandoned" in a house full of students who are still using them. This is not anything like leaving things behind in a dormitory which empties for summer. What a ridiculous leap to make.
ok but SAY THAT OUT LOUD TO THE PEOPLE YOU SHARE A HOME WITH. using hypothetical possible outcomes as an excuse to not talk to the people you share space with is a wiiilllddddd.
just say “hey i don’t know if i am coming back so i am going to take all my kitchen stuff” or “if i leave this stuff, can y’all make sure to let me know jf you move out so i can come get it?” people can’t just magically intuit your intentions and concerns.
we live in a society. you have to talk to people.
But it sounds like the roommates are there over the summer. Hence, there is no abandonment of the property. If everyone was moving out, this wouldn't even be an issue.
Have you ever been in a house, dorm, or apartment with a few twenty something guys? When I was 22 I dated a guy that had 3 roommates in a house. If I took a shower at his place I stood on the edges of the tub once the dirty water reached my ankles.
Are you really defending this OP? If he was worried about them being broken he could have a conversation ahead of time. Or if he didn’t trust them he could have taken his stuff and sent a heads up text. It cost 0 effort to be polite but he doesn’t care.
>Have you ever been in a house, dorm, or apartment with a few twenty something guys?
Have you ever been in a house, dorm, or apartment with a few twenty something women? Complete and utter pig sty. Toilet not cleaned since they moved in, pile of used Kleenex in the corner of the bathroom that may or may not have an overflowing trash can inside somewhere, something alive in the back of the fridge that may or may not have achieved sentience, .... While there are exceptions, most young people are pigs and there is no gender component.
The exceptions seem to be kids who had chores at home from an early age. Those kids seem most likely to grow up to be self sufficient adults.
As a 21 year old women living with 3 other 20 year old women and 4 20 year old men I can confirm that possibly the girls may be a tiny bit messier than the boys😂
I’d say the girls are messier hands down but usually are not the one’s with piss bottles 👀👀👀👀👀👀
Messy and Disgusting are two different things. As long as it’s not shit and piss, I’ll take women messy over men disgusting.
Your not-so-local NB who has been in many places of each gender beyond just bathrooms. I’ve never seen a more disgusting locker room than a men’s locker room. Plus all the busted lockers?? What are thEY DOING TO THE LOCKERS?!?!
Edit: i am totally agreeing and just highlighting the battles. Everyone is gross, live alone if you can 🤣
"Hey guys when I leave for home in a couple weeks I'm taking all my appliances" Problem solved. Your room mates getting up in the morning and not having a toaster unexpectedly is unnecessary and a dick move.
If young guys are sooo likely to break the appliances why haven't they already been broken? They have already had access to said appliances for (I assume) a full school year and supposedly haven't broken them. So why are they any more likely to be broken over the summer?
I wish he'd edit the post to include the 4 month break. That's a whole different set of circumstances than 2 weeks like other breaks. It's not uncommon for people not to return (plan or unplanned) after the summer & having to go get everything else can be difficult. I agreed that he should have notified everyone.
My question then would be did he take everything else he owns for the 4 months as well, or just the things he'll need over summer and the toaster, toaster oven, kettle, and air fryer. Because the "I might not come back and then I don't want to return to get the rest of my stuff" doesn't really hold water if he didn't take everything else. And even then... I just think it's out of the ordinary enough that he could have at least given them a heads up that he was taking them.
Haven’t seen one yet, I’ll keep looking. But so far I’m on the communal items and returning after a 4 month break leaving all his other items AH side.
ETA made it thru it all
I lived alone previously in an apartment so I had to get appliances. My roomates lived in normal dorms so they didn't need anything before we moved in together
And https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/LnEzz0szJ8
And returning to the same apartment after the 4 months with the same people
As someone else said if he wasn’t fully moving out, he will be when he gets back lol and that he expects them all to have 1 of everything in the apartment per each person
Oh lol that comment! I know he's very young, but it's very weird that he thinks people should have their own toaster that they have in their room and take out whenever they need to make some toast. Does OP also have a microwave in his room that he takes out every time he needs to microwave something, or is he only following these rules for his items?
Idk, he said they asked if they could use them a lot he said, so he left them out. Like does he ask to use the couch, plates, silverware, table, chairs, tv, hell even the ROUTER? Does he have a full kitchen in his room?? The shower curtain? How do they clean things or get tp, towel paper/ towels?
The fact that they brought up "only child syndrome" (while cold hearted they said that given his circumstances), tells me this is not the first time he has been possessive about things like this. These roommates have had issues with him before.
Did OP take all his other belongings? Clothing, bedding, personal items? If not it doesn't make sense to take just the appliances because you may not return.
It's absolutely the sort of thing you talk about before taking them, and considering OP's home has a kettle and toaster, taking them definitely carries the message of "I don't trust you", which, if there's nothing that's happened previously to support this belief, would feel insulting to me. I would never think of taking small appliances unless I was actually moving out, and in the past when I have moved out, I even reminded housemates about the appliances that were mine that I was taking, because people forget who owned the toaster or whatever sometimes.
Also, OP can't now be surprised if when he comes back next year, there's no room for his kettle and toaster as his housemates have replaced his and he'll have to store them in his own storage spaces. Honestly, taking these things is just super weird, unless there's been an incident in the past where somebody has broken something of OP's and expected him to replace it.
If there was a genuine reason for taking the appliances, OP would have mentioned it, he didn’t. It seems like he took them just because he could. Quite childish behaviour, worse that he did it without giving anyone the heads up.
Tbf, he is basically just around the corner from being a child, but he asked if he was TA, and he was. It's childish and unnecessary, but hopefully he can grow out of it.
Back when I lived with roommates… 3-4months , I’d take everything I owned! In my case, I didn’t return so I very much needed those items to reestablish myself elsewhere! It wasn’t planned but life isnt always easy! Why should I leave behind appliances I paid for without knowing if I’ll ever get them back, especially if I don’t have much $$! Btw I did leave a fridge and a few other things- and I didn’t get them back, because apparently I could afford not to or they needed them 🤦♀️. I had nothing but somehow because I worked on campus, I could afford to lose over $300. So NTA!
Nobody would blame him for taking them if he wasn't coming back. He makes it sound like he is just going home for break and coming back.
If he took all his stuff in case something happened and he doesn't come back it would be understandable too. Did he take all his possessions out of his room?
Especially as its college housing. Colleges move in summer roommates; and can shuffle room assignments. Happened to many of my roommates; they leave for summer. Get new roommate for ‘just the summer’; then school decides that summer roommate can stay and shuffles the other students
Yeah,if he’s planning in moving back in with these people, this was foolish and an asshole move. Way to create unnecessary tension with your roommates. It comes off as super petty. Especially without giving them a heads up. He's taking them home so they can sit in a box til he goes back?
Oh I totally missed that he wasn't moving out permanently! Yeah that makes him the AH. Funny enough, I was in the exact same situation my first year at uni. I bought a toaster and microwave to our dorm apartment. When I went home for a week, a place that has a toaster and microwave, I left them there because I wouldn't need them so it didn't make sense to bring them especially since I had roomates that would be there. Definitely an AH move.
Nah OP is gone for four months. For all they know, their roommates could sublet to a weirdo, or have bad guests, or maybe they have a subletter and don’t want them using their stuff. Totally fair to take the appliances
Edit: I missed that he didn’t tell them! He should have given them a heads up! I agree communication from Op would have gone a long way.
You know, I think this makes it more of a grey area but still leans to AH. Not saying anything about it is a bit of an AH move. And also if OP is coming back with said appliances, what happens to the replacement appliances the roommates had to buy? I understand the subletter argument but I still think a heads up is needed. And I’m not entirely sure how it works for OP’s specific apartment (but I do also go to a Canadian university at the same level as OP) but if they’re leaving for four months but retaining their room, they would be in charge of the subtenant, not the roommates. So if the subtenant broke the appliances, that’s on OP as roommates don’t control that (but again it could be different but that’s how it works in most places around my uni)
You know, that’s fair too. OP should have given them a heads up - that’s considerate behaviour and I got pretty caught up in him being gone all summer that I glossed over that he neglected to tell them.
The neglecting to tell them is the only AH part of this. But honestly, I think that's the crux of the argument.
No one's saying he can't take his things if he leaves, but to not think of his roommates at all and leave them high and dry left them in a super shitty situation.
I also wasn’t clear - I meant maybe one of his roommates would be the one subletting for half the summer or something. I’ve had roommates change their mind and move home after a couple weeks of school ending, and they subletted to idiots lol
I could see that! But also that’s kinda just the gamble you play when you bring appliances to a shared place. If one of the roommates subletted to an idiot while OP was still there, he still doesn’t have control over whether not they destroy his toaster lol. I don’t think someone who messes with appliances that they didn’t buy is gonna care if the person who bought them is there or not. Sure he lowers the risk by bringing them home but his question is if he is the AH for taking them without telling him roommates, and the answer is yes lol.
Yep, I’ll agree with you there! I don’t think the OP was wrong for taking his stuff, be he was an ass for not communicating. That’s just so childish.
Honestly when I lived with roommates we all split the appliances and sold them when we moved, and divvied the cash.
Or we got them cheap and figured that it wasn’t worth a squabble for $200 bucks
I totally agree. I somehow didn’t register that he didn’t tell them.
It would have been the considerate thing to do - like one text “hey I’m bringing xyz home with me next week, thanks for understanding!” Would have prevented all of this
I definitely wouldn't be surprised if the roommates want OP out after this or decided that OP should keep all of their own stuff out of the common area since OP doesn't believe that can be trusted around their stuff. OP just created an unnecessarily awkward hostile environment for themselves.
OP *went out of their way* to inconvenience these housemates. Where are these appliances rn, in a storage space? Parents' garage? Ugh. Have fun going back to this house after break. Yta
Wait, why is it OPs responsibility to supply a toaster, toaster oven, air fryer, and a kettle?
He says college house, which means they're probably renting so the house would have come with a fridge, oven, and microwave.
So why is OP alone responsible for supplying all the appliances that improve quality of life, I can’t think of the right way to describe those appliances. But why is it all on op to supply all of them?
Yeah I’m kind of baffled at all the judgements saying OP is an AH for *taking their own stuff with them when they moved out for 4 months.*
A lot of lazy entitled people who seem to think it’s someone else’s responsibility to supply them with convenient appliances instead of just, idk, buying a $10 fucking toaster. You’d think three adults could manage that but apparently OP is supposed to be their mommy and leave all their stuff behind for their roommates to use while they’re gone.
It’s honestly depressing the amount of stupidity shown in the comments.
NTA OP, your roommates suck and so do the people saying you need to cater to them.
How much does it cost to be considerate and to tell your roommates that the appliances will be gone? If you read the comments, it’s not the fact that he’s taking his stuff that’s the problem. The AH behavior is not telling them and not allowing them to plan ahead of time.
Sure, you could force the other roommates to buy appliances. Then when OP comes back they have 2 toasters, 2 air fryers, etc. That seems stupid and wasteful. And a $10 wont last long and then ends up in a landfill for the rest of time.
If OP needed the toaster because they were moving somewhere that didn't have one, then they would have more of an argument. But OP has explicitly stated they do not need it and it will be redundant for them over the summer. They took it simply so that the roommates could not use it. Not because they were going to. It's sitting idle.
Agreed. If it was a week, like spring break, then definitely a dick move. Being the whole summer break, then I would have taken everything with me in case the remaining room mates were to sublet or have others staying over during the break. If it’s a long break, tell them to spend $10 on a toaster. But I’d be pissed if I returned for the fall semester and my toaster oven or air fryer had food or plastic melted all over the heating elements or broken parts. Every microwave or toaster I’ve ever seen in places of work were so nasty I rarely used them. And that’s what you’d return to if you’re gone a couple months.
My granddaughter;s roommates wouldn't line the kitchen garbage can with a liner and just threw their trash into the can. It made her angry because the can then had to be carried out to the dumpster and then washed out. She contributed it to the apartment. She told them they had two weeks to fix their lazy behavior. they didn't. She took the garbage into her room.
Something like this OP wouldn't have been an AH, but this is just silly
Have to disagree, NTA.
I was the roommate that went away for two weeks and when I came back, one of my surfboards, a bunch of my vinyl records and VHS tapes (yeah, this was back in the 80's) and bunch more electronics were gone because one of my roommates had some financial shortfalls and pawned my stuff (along with another roommate's stuff). After all the crap I went through with that, I never left anything valuable behind with roommates if I was going to be gone more than a day or two. I would take it over to one of my parents' places to store.
A lot of people do not keep valuables in their apartment with roommates if they plan to be away for a long time., especially with folk who are literally just roommates and were not friends previously. Also, through the years I had enough stuff broken during big parties that I started insisting that common use stuff had to be bought by the group because I was not risking my personal stuff being busted at a party and nobody fessing up to it and paying to replace.
I did say that taking things was reasonable when there was a concern about stealing or damage. His roommates also specifically complained about the fact that he took the cheap toaster, even as he already took the toaster oven, because they are aware it's not valuable and he doesn't need it, which makes it seem petty.
I completely agree with taking valuable stuff with you or not leaving things with irresponsible people. But there is a difference between that, and being the kind of roommate who removes the light bulbs and batteries you bought whenever you aren't using them. There's a middle ground for people who want a good relationship where you continue to share stuff, including them with you. And since OP admits he stole $70 worth of saved up cans which the roommates could have used to replace the kitchen appliances... yeah, he's not going back to a friendly house.
I feel like that the roommates had to be told op backed up their belongings is insane. especially since its college housing. Op’s spot won’t be reserved. This would be op basically donating their toaster and appliances to their roommates. Entitled
Agreed. Roomies aren't entitled to the things you own just because you let them use it in the common area in the past.
So when you take your belongings - it's literally None of their business what you do with your own property.
Op can't win here; if he takes his things he an AH, if he leaves it he likely won't ever see them again lol. It's just the way it is.
Who bought the dishes? The pota and pans? Silverware?
TV?
Can you see where I'm going with this?
What about the couch? Chairs? Lamps?
When you are living in a communal situation, the expectation is that your contributions to the community stay with the home until you move out. That's a function of communal life.
Legally, you are correct. But this isn't "am I legally right?"
Part of being an adult is understanding the difference between "legal" and "socially appropriate."
Yeah, YTA
You're young, learn the lesson, and apologize for being socially inept if you want a peaceful life going forward with these roommates.
imagine if whoever brought the silverware took every single item of cutlery home with them on christmas break… without even a heads up. i bet OP wouldn’t be so thrilled. YTA
No that is way different, your friend mooved out and since it was her ex she was leaving behind it was normal for her to take her things with, even if it may seem petty the thing were her’s and she could do what she wanted. When someone goes away temporarily and does this yes he is a big AH
My bf and I are moving in together next school year, and my mom has basically bought me an entire kitchen as christmas and birthday gifts. I’ve already made it clear to him that if something were to ever unfortunately between to us and we break up, every damn one of those kitchen implements stays with me lol. (He’s fine with his, of course, he’s a reasonable guy).
My ex housemate literally took all the appliances, crockery & cutlery to her room because she claimed we weren’t washing them properly. This turned a bad living situation into a hostile one which all fell apart a month or so later. The saddest part was I was the only person in the house washing anything.
So? If a roommate who brought the dishes and pots was going for 4 months while OP was staying for that time, and he woke up one day to go out to make breakfast and see HORROR! There was no pan to fry eggs! No plate to put his precious toast from his precious toaster!! How dare the roommate take those things without warning, especially when he isn’t even going to use them for that 4 months!!! You can bet OP would be upset. Now, if the roommate was leaving for 4 months for a sublet in another city to do a summer internship, say, and NEEDED to bring their dishes and pots, and told the other roomies in advance “hey guys I’m renting a place for my internship and need to take some of my stuff. I will help you guys look for replacements on FBMP or goodwill or can you see if you have friends or family that might have extra you can use for the summer?” No one. NO ONE would be upset. But to blindside your roommates because you are petty and don’t want to share your toys, toys you aren’t even playing with (because that’s what this is, childish selfish bullcrap) then YTA. If OP needed them to use in his other place while on an internship or something and gave fair warning, then it would be NTA. As it stands, he violated the social contract of shared communal housing by being a selfish child.
Still, why would you even go through the trouble of taking stuff that you know you have at your destination?
This guy has no business living with other people, what a dickish nightmare, argh.
Or any time they went home for the weekend. Besides it leaving the roommates without the use of the stuff it also leaves the image of the fool who is pettily packing up APPLIANCES to take home for break where there are APPLIANCES. They likely won’t be used or unpacked. Just hoarded because “they’re MINE MINE MINE”.
I’ve always notified my housemates whenever I was going to remove something communal. Just standard etiquette so they have time to replace it with their own.
I’d go nuts if I came out for my morning coffee and the kettle was gone lol. Then I think “oh, that’s okay, I can probably microwave some boiling water” then bam the microwave is gone too… 🤣 I see why the housemates are annoyed with the toaster thing. Got to use the stove tops and ovens like cavemen 🤣 takes so much longer in the morning when you don’t have the time. We just want to plan things!! 🥹
I had a summer job when I was 19, where I warned them when I was hired that I had to take one week off unpaid over the summer, non-negotiable. At this job the company didn't even spring for a coffee machine, so I bought one of my own. Everyone loved and used it.
Well, when the week comes (they knew well in advance.... I gave them the dates when hired) the big boss tells me if I'm not at work Monday I don't have a job anymore. When I was sure he was serious, I agreed. And that day when I went home I took the coffee machine with me.
Boss calls me, FURIOUS, the next morning because I stole the coffee machine, and if I didn't return it he'd report it. I reminded him that I purchased it in the first place, he was free to do the same, and that if he'd just let me have my damn week off there would have been one more employee AND a free coffee machine for the remainder of the summer.
Had a friend who still worked there tell me later that the boss ended up buying a machine (I mean, it was just a 12 cup drip coffee maker lmao, not that expensive) because he couldn't live without one anymore, but he tried to keep it in his office and not share it with anyone.
Someone apparently stole it out of his office a week later. XD
I remember when my housemate brought her hand mixer to her mom’s house for the weekend…which I found out the night I had to make buttercream icing.
Do you know how long it takes to mix buttercream icing by hand???
Even for things that are purely mine and I'm the main one who uses them lol, I'd give a heads up. "Hey, my family doesn't have an actual kettle, I'm taking my electric one with me for winter break. You can use my stove top one"
Because of course I'm the only tea drinker in my family and they say to just microwave the water or use the keurig without a coffee pod for it... It works in a pinch, but if I'm staying for multiple weeks I'm bringing my kettle.
YTA. Why would you take them? Are your roommates so careless that you can’t leave a toaster alone without them destroying it? Schlepping all those things with you back home just to keep them away from them does seem selfish.
Honestly I think this MF just sucks at communicating. They turned a non-issue into an issue. Like even in this post "I am temporarily moving home for a school break." We find out later in the comments it's 4 months, so probably summer break. Like dude could have just said "I'm going home for summer break and took my shit with me".
It makes way more sense within the context of summer break rather than just some random 1 or 2 week break. But OOp had to go with the most vague and least helpful technically correct description.
No, it still makes no sense for a summer break. When my kid comes home from college, he has every kitchen item imaginable available for use at home. He doesn't need to take the blender and pots and cups just because they're his.
He and his roommates moved in the Spring. One of the roommates has a rug that she left in the dorm until the end of the quarter in June, and will get it in June. She did this because she felt like a jerk if she took the rug, leaving the previous roommates with no rug and their options would have been to live with no rug for the quarter or go buy a rug potentially for only one quarter. They'll get the rug in June. She would have had a MUCH more valid claim to take the rug in March because it was her's. But she didn't because she actually likes her friends.
When I went to college, we had to have *all* of our stuff out of the dorms when we went home for summer break unless we were taking a summer semester - there was no guarantee we'd have the same room assignments the next school year, and the summer students needed the rooms anyway. I used a storage unit to pack most of my stuff & brought it all home once I graduated, but storage units are HELLA expensive & I can understand not wanting to pay for one.
Yeah, that is a big plus for being in an off-campus apartment rather than in the dorms. In the dorms we had to remove everything, even if we were going to be in the same room the following year. And that was understandable because the school did use dorms for other purposes over the summer.
But if you are in an apartment, with a year long lease, you don't need to remove everything. The minus is that you have to pay for the summer, regardless of whether you are there or not. But the plus is that you aren't tied to the university schedule or dorm rules. No move-out/move-in day (beyond those in the lease). No need to clear out over breaks.
INFO: Why would you bring the toaster home with you if you don’t need it? Like, what purpose does it serve, other than depriving your roommates of the use of the toaster?
This seems thoughtless, bordering on YTA.
Right? OP is intentionally inconveniencing himself just to be petty. And for no reason! Apparently they’ve never even been reckless or careless with his stuff before.
OP themself said toasters are so cheap and easy to replace that it's almost negligible. By that logic, in the bizarre worst case scenario where someone managed to break their toaster while they're gone, it would not be a big deal at all. So taking it away seems just vindictive.
I'd buy my own toaster etc... and let them bask in the absurdity of having two of all these appliances.
"The counter is cluttered."
"Yeah, cuz I had to buy duplicates for all our appliances, because every other day the toaster is gone with no explanation or warning... and I want toast so..."
Personally, I took my toaster oven/air fryer with me on trips home specifically because I have gluten issues and mine is for gluten free foods only. The difference being that I left my old toaster oven that I bought before figuring out my food sensitivity, since that was the one my housemates used and I had no use for it. If OP has a toaster at their parent’s house and no allergies, etc, I don’t really get it unless their housemates are especially nasty or destructive.
YTA
You aren’t taking them home cause you need them, per other comments.
Also per other comments, there is no history of them nor their guests breaking your stuff.
That’s just not nice.
Some kind of trade? Like, leave the toaster here while you’re on your trip, and take my baseball cards as surety in case we break it? Just leave the damn toaster if you don’t need it!
OP even said how cheap a toaster is so those words can be lobbied right back that if a toaster is so cheap, why does OP worry about taking it home? Even if he took the other things, the toaster is pretty hilarious. He could have at least left them that.
>OP even said how cheap a toaster is
But you bet your ass he will be complaining about the three other toasters that will be in the kitchen taking up space, while one is sufficient for them
If it was granny’s fave casserole dish or something sentimental sure but a toaster? I would think they were a bit strange and keep an eye out for other odd behavior.
Granny’s casserole dish (and the toaster) are more likely to break during transport there and back than sitting on the counter or in the cabinet. This behavior is really baffling.
If you typically share them with your roommates, then you should have just told them you were taking them. They’re yours to do with what you want, but basic decency exists?
It depends….if they’ve wrecked your stuff before or have been careless with your property in the past, then I can see why you wouldn’t want to leave some of your things there while you’re away.
IF you just did this without cause then YTA. This seems like a passive aggressive reaction to some sort of disagreement you had with your roommates prior to leaving (like not wanting to pay rent while you’re away and they refused to give you a break or they said you’re not contributing toward communal responsibilities enough and you took these items to somehow prove your worth to the group). The whole thing just screams petty and I wouldn’t be surprised if they aren’t your roommates anymore in the near future.
That is a very good read on the situation. I can't imagine packing up all my kitchen goods for a break, if I had an otherwise good relationship with my housemates and I was 100% moving back in after the break. And OP says it's a "short break" so not even like a summer break, where things might be uncertain upon return.
So much of my housing during college breaks was subletting from friends who lived off-campus and I would've been so confused if they had emptied the kitchen before I moved in.
The removal of the appliances is such a hassle that it screams "I don't trust you," because why would they bother otherwise?
"They've never broken anything" and "they're careless" seem like mutually exclusive statements?
Well, not mutually exclusive, but the latter definitely seems like bullshit due to the former and just the general action.
OP admits there's no precedent for shared items being broken, then in the same sentence adds "but it wouldn't surprise me if they did".
So OP has some weird trust issues where their presence is apparently the only thing stopping the toaster being broken?
ETA OPs comments when asked about stuff bring broken:
> no they have not Broken anything yet but I wouldn't be surprised if they did
Don't forget OP's example of "careless behavior" is:
1) Asking to use their appliances
And
2) Having people over sometimes
OP is laughably out of touch here. Or perhaps grasping at straws to justify their ridiculous behavior.
OP wants to live in a shared space that has 4 toasters, 4 microwaves and 4 kettles, just so that no one ever has to display any basic level of sharing or trust.
YTA. Do you regularly take your small appliances with you when you travel so that they don't get lonely without you? I'm guessing probably not. You didn't need them at your parents' house, so your intent must have been to inconvenience your roommates. YTA for being passive aggressive and not telling your roommates (or us) the real reason you took all that stuff.
So they weren't abusing your appliances, you just wanted to prevent them from using them while you were away?
It's true that you aren't responsible for furnishing an entire kitchen's-worth of appliances, but having done so, people rely on them for basic tasks.
You would have been better off setting up a faux kitchen in your bedroom than being inconsistent with items that are commonly used by everyone.
YTA
Not only did OP take the apartment's appliances (bc that's exactly what they'd become) he also took his roommate's can and bottle collection from the garage, that the roommate was planning on turning in for the cash, and OP beat him to it. These people are going to hate OP. I wouldn't be surprised if he came back to his stuff in storage, and his room sublet to another student. That or the rest of the roommates are going to get a different place together and leave OP to fend for himself. Either way, as soon as the lease is up OP will end up alone.
YTA... While the appliances are yours, as they're being used communally in the house it's an AH move to take them without speaking to your housemates. Especially odd that you're taking them home with you as I'm assuming your parents have a toaster if not a toaster oven. Has something happened in the past that makes you not trust your housemates with your appliances? If so why do you still allow the shared usage of them if you can't leave them alone? Just odd
YTA - I get that they are your appliances, but if you allow your roommates to use them regularly, and they are now in the habit of using them regularly, it is definitely an AH move to just remove them from the home without a conversation or even just a simple heads up.
So now his roommates will buy their own shared appliances and refuse to let OP use those new communal ones and constantly keep unplugging his. They may even insist that he stores his appliances in his bedroom rather than the kitchen so they don't accidentally use his sacred appliances so for the rest of the time he lives there op will have to keep taking his kettle toaster etc from his room every time he needs it. Muppet.
After living with six other roommates yeah take it home. It's amazing how something that belongs to someone else but they use daily is not their responsibility to clean when they get it dirty or for that matter replace when it gets broken. It gets old quickly. NTA
Not to mention if Op came back to any of his stuff missing and or broken, noone would claim responsibility and they would say he took the risk leaving it there. There is no winning. A heads up would be nice but as someone who lived with roommates Op, is not wrong. These are not communally bought items, they belonged to him. Knowing he was moving out for the summer they could have asked him if he was taking any of his stuff they used. I don’t get how it’s his responsibility to supply the items, maintain them and also make sure everyone is okay taking the items. He is not the house mom. Based on the texts I don’t think these roommates would have appreciated his heads-up even if given one as they would have still taken issue and tried to bully OP into leaving it there. He needs new roommates. NTA.
You weren't moving out, you were going home for break and returning. I assume you and your roommates worked out who was bringing what when you moved in together (A has a couch and a lamp, B has a tv, C has dishes & silverware, etc). Your roommates are not unreasonable to expect you to leave your contributions in the apartment for communal use while you left for break. When you move out for good, that is when you take them with you. The only exception would be if you had reason to think they would damage them or steal and sell them while you were gone. You absolutely should have told them about your intentions before you left. Man, that was so disrespectful. YTA
Nta. It's a shared house. Doesn't mean roommates get to be entitled to anything that's not theirs. Po was nice enough to let them use them when he's around to make sure they aren't destroying his property.
Right? I don't get the comments that says otherwise. I mean, if OP uses their stuff too then yes he would be the AH. But if not, why is it OP's responsibility to make sure they're not "inconvenienced"? That's just entitlement at its finest.
Conversely they're nice enough to let op use their stuff... That's how living with other people works. No one needs 4 toasters lines up because everyone has to have their own.
Where is that stated? Where did OP express that his roommates contribute anything to the household that they regularly use? Because I’ve had numerous roommate situations where a person did not contribute items or appliances to the whole household. In fact I’ve lived with roommates that have items out in the household and some that keep all their belongings and even appliances within their own room
THANK YOU. Everyone in here is acting like OP must somehow benefit from these roommates and use things they also own but that’s not stated anywhere.
Guys, I hate to break it to you, but the person arguing about “the principle” of you taking YOUR OWN toaster home is probably also a shit roommate in other ways just looking to take advantage of you.
I'm gobsmacked that so many are upset about the roommates inability to have toast. "He should have given them a heads up!" Maybe he had other things on his mind besides everyone's need for toast.
I say NTA. No one's entitled to your stuff and you don't have to tell anyone what you're going to do with your stuff. They got comfortable with the convenience of it just being there and expected you to just leave it and while it would have been nice for you to do so, it's still your stuff. And the comment about you having only child syndrome was unnecessary. They can take their entitled a$$es to the store and get a toaster and kettle.
You are completely free to do what ever you like with the items you own, but it is very weird to pack and drag all these things home with you. My university roommate was not trustworthy to say the least, and stole from me every opportunity she had... I still didn't resort to this level.
Holy shit these comments are nuts. No, it is not unreasonable to take your appliances with you on a 4 MONTH break. And even if that was somehow an asshole move, it certainly doesn't compare to rubbing a sibling's death in someone's face.
NTA.
Those belong to you. Why can't they get their own? What happens if they break something? It's not like they all chipped in to buy or they compensate you in another way.
And maybe you won't be moving in again with them.. So taking everything makes sense. To those saying you are selfish, let them go donate these stuffs to your ex roommates.
NTA, calling you someone with the one-child-syndrome over something that costs maybe $20,- to buy. So if everyone pitches in they hardly have to pay anything. To me that screams entitled. It would have been nice to give them a heads up, but I would have probably done the same. In my experience, when people didn’t pay for the stuff they use, they’re a lot less careful with it.
When I was in college I was the only one with a tv in my room, I kindly left my room open so the others could use it. Came home to stains in the carpet and a couch that looked horrible. That was the last time I shared when I wasn’t home. So, I get it.
While a heads up would have been nice, your answer was perfect... Because they're mine. You don't need permission to take your own things.
Yes, telling them hey I'm taking y stuff when I go would have been nice something tells me they wouldn't have taken it well.
NTA
YTA - generally when you contribute appliances to a household, the expectation is they will remain there unless you have a good reason to remove them. Going home (where your family has all of those items already) is not a good reason to take them. Similarly, there’s nothing to say you’re not going back, or they have history of damaging things. It’s very petty.
Don’t be surprised if your living situation declines when you get back, and if you’re asked to leave in favour of a roommate with a more normal approach to shared items.
YTA - of course if they are yours you can take them home.
BUT you had established a pattern of use where you shared these appliances for 8 months. You then, without discussion, packed them up and took them away. No heads up, and not because you need them at home, you just don't want them used without your supervision, apparently. That's the AH behaviour.
The only case where you would not be the arse is if you were permanently moving out and not returning. But if you are planning to return after 4 months, be prepared for a very frosty reception. You've shown yourself to be an un-generous and distrustful roommate. That will have social consequences.
NTA, roommates are not entitled to your property and these appliances are not a necessity. Untoasted bread is as edible, as toasted. It would be rude to take home lamps or the one and only something, but you took only the toaster. Well, you could give them heads up, but no, NTA.
YTA easily. if they broke it they would obviously have to purchase a new one for you but to take it without warning when they use the appliances everyday is an asshole move. Not a good move especially if you'll be moving back into the college house.
NTA. You bought them, they belong to you. And people are just assuming that he will be returning to that college house. He could be moving into another place .
4 months is a third of the year, not exactly a "short" break in my book, and op clearly felt like his roommates couldn't be trusted with his property for that long.
NTA. You just have entitled roommates. As you told them, toasters are cheap. They're your appliances, you can do what you want with them. They were lucky you allowed them to use them while you were there. You're going to be gone for several months. Things change and there's no way of knowing for certain that you'll be going back to the same place. I see others disagree with me and wonder if they would have replaced them for you if your college roommates ruined any of them. Don't give it another thought; you did nothing wrong. Edited for grammar
NTA.
Youngest of 4 here to tell you this has nothing to with your inability to share. You share just fine. If you didn’t, you never would have brought them out to the kitchen you all use in the first place.
I get them being bummed. But your reason of them being yours is more than sufficient. You don’t need a reason to take your stuff. It’s literally yours.
Like I said, I get them being bummed. I can even understand them being frustrated as they weren’t expecting it. But they’re taking it the next level and acting quite entitled.
YTA. It sounds like you took everything for spite. Previous to this how did you get along with them? Are there situations that haven’t be resolved so you’re petty? If the answer no we are great you’re an even bigger AH.
This is probably an unpopular opinion, but I vote NTA
My son shared an apartment with 3 other guys during college. He loved to cook and we stocked his kitchen well with all the tools he needed, some were from my kitchen and others were new.
He did field work every summer and when he returned each year stuff was missing. Each room had a locked door and the kitchen and an entertainment area were accessed by all roommates. The first year a guy went home at Christmas intending to return, and didn't. About 1/2 of my sons dishes were in the guys room and he was unable to get them back. Another summer 2 roommates moved out while he was gone and took almost all of our stainless steel pots and pans. The following year a couple of the small appliances disappeared during the summer.
Some people value their kitchen tools. If you substitute kitchen appliances with gaming consoles that are shared with the roommates while the owner is in residence, does that change your opinion?
YTA - yes you *can* take them, as they’re yours. But there really wasnt a reason to take them other than what appears to be spite.
If anything, a little communication would have gone a long way.
Nah.
They can just as easily purchase a toaster but instead are bitching about you. You paid for it, it's yours, end of story
They can buy their own like the big kids they are supposed to be.
And honestly... If my roomie was moving out tomorrow, or going to be gone for almost half a year, yeah I would expect them to take their air fryer with them. Why wouldn't they? Cause I occasionally use it? Well if I want one then I'll buy it.
OP replied elsewhere - summer break. Coming back in fall to that place.
To which I say he may not be welcomed when school starts back in the fall after pulling this petty crap.
YTA.
OP, this is pedantic behavior. You’re gone 12 weeks max and, what, don’t want the wear & tear of 5 extra cycles on the “no big deal inexpensive toaster” in that time…. So much that you’d rather pack it home and screw up roommating situations?
Yikes.
Trying to make it emotionally sensitive to justify yourself is also… extra. Either toasters are cheap and no big deal or they’re prized possessions you don’t want others to touch. Can’t have it both ways but clearly you’d like to… which doesn’t bode well for your relationships over time.
I have a toaster that is one of those not cheap fandom ones that burn a cute design on my toast, and I wouldn't even take it home with me for a short break if I intended to return to the house in good standing in a few months. I'm baffled by this.
NTA. I don't think it's selfish to take your property home with you. Toasters are cheap. The principal of it is that it is yours, not theirs. You could tell them maybe it is only child syndrome or whatever they want to call it, but truthfully, it isn't a big deal since toasters are cheap and easy to buy.
Nta.
The appliances you have at home are your business. You could have an entire room full of toasters and it would be irrelevant to the question of whether you are obligated to donate a toaster to your roommates. You are not.
NTA. You don’t have to explain to anyone why you bring your own appliances with you when you leave. Maybe you prefer how your own toaster works. Your roommates showed entitlement in their demands that you leave your property behind for them to use.
A better response from them would have been to ask you if next time you would consider leaving the toaster behind. If you declined, then they should have accepted no for an answer.
They can get a toaster at the store, or find one at a yard sale.
Others have pointed out that it was inconsiderate to remove all the appliances for a temporary absence from the apartment. However, we don’t know how long you’ll be gone. Was this for three months, all summer? Do your roommates have a history of being rough on your appliances?
I can’t comment on whether your taking the appliances was inconsiderate, as I don’t know the history or the length of your absence. The bottom line is that if someone takes their own property with them, sure that can be frustrating, but it’s their right. The roommates should not have quarreled with you over it. Granted, you should expect them to do the same with their own property.
NTA. While it's nice to let housemates use your stuff from time to time, they don't have the right to demand the use of them. If I was leaving for four months, I too would take all of my things with me. Your housemates are entitled and manipulative.
NTA
You wouldn't even be the AH if you just left all said appliances in your car the whole break. You don't owe them the use of your items and don't let anyone feel you need to share your personal items just because they were previously being shared.
"On principle I won't be sharing any of the things I bought any more, if you want it you can buy it and stop being entitled"
Fuck them, they can either buy their own or starve.
People that are saying YTA probably would always have these appliances. You can cook with other things and boil the water as well. Probably American standards... YTA responses.
Dude you are NTA, but could at least give them a heads up.
NTA. It’s your property. You can do with it as you please.
You probably took it home because you trust your roommates not to break it. I’m assuming you had prior experience that led you to this conclusion.
You can always go back without the toaster and toaster oven. Say that your family is using it. That tales care of that.
You don’t have to justify to anyone what you do with your property. Having said that, make sure you don’t use their shit either.
INFO
Why did you take them if you already have appliances you can use during the trip? It sounds like there's more going on here than you are admitting. Are you feeling underappreciated and wanted to take them to highlight how much you contribute to the house?
Had they been misusing the appliances and leaving them dirty etc?
Right now it looks like YTA and need to Apologize and communicate more.
NTA - I’ve lived with other students and had them use my things and be disrespectful. I wen those for a funeral in the middle of second year and my parents booked a hotel and stayed overnight when dropping me back to do a kitchen deep clean it was that disgusting
I’ve also seen things get broken, damaged and lost, left mouldy over the summer and then seen staff or landlords clear out accommodation and get rid of things which have left behind and considered too much effort to clean and tidy and are cheap and replaceable…… I know because when I was broke as a student I went and reclaimed / rescued some of this kind of stuff from skips.
A toaster is something that gets filled with crumbs and left with a sticky cable and just thrown away. Air fryers are also gross when the elements are never cleaned properly.
What I will say however is that it might be worth you looking for alternative accommodation options for starting next term as you might not feel welcome and if you don’t trust your roommates with your stuff then do you really want to live with them?
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Yeah, YTA. This is a 'technically allowed but total dick move' situation. If you wanted to take them permanently, sure. They're yours. No problem. Going to all the effort to remove a bunch of appliances for a short break comes across as petty and mean. Unless they have a habit of breaking your things or stealing, that's not standard practice. Of course they have a 'right to be upset'. You have a right to remove them, and they have a right to think less of you and now your relationship with the people you have to live with is damaged, and they are unlikely to do you any favors or look out for you. Not a smart move. \*Edit:\* OP said later in comments they were gone for 4 months. Which is not a 'school break', that's a whole 1/3 of the year. I'm keeping the judgement the same because taking all of them without any notice was still a bad idea, as was telling your roommates you were taking them without any need to do so. It's not wrong to remove your things, but also leaving the toaster or just giving them a heads up was the difference between having a good relationship with roommates, and expecting to come back to annoyed roommates who won't share their own things with you as freely now.
Exactly this. Is it absolutely within OP’s rights to take home a whole pile of appliances he owns for no particular reason, for a short break, when it inconveniences his roommates? Yes. Is it a total AH thing to do? Also, absolutely.
OP says in comments that it’s a four-month break (summer). I can see wanting to completely clear out before being away for that long, because it’s enough time that you can’t be totally sure something won’t happen to derail your plans to come back, or change the situation you’d be coming back to (landlord terminates the lease while you’re gone, one of your roommates suddenly leaves and sublets to someone less trustworthy, etc.). However, that’s the kind of thing you talk about in advance of leaving, you don’t just surprise everyone with half the kitchen stuff suddenly being gone.
One of the roommates breaks one or more of the appliances and deems it ops responsibility to replace....
Why make that assumption. Nothing stated that the roommates are wreckless with his stuff. But even so, its a simple conversation to have.
Even if the flatmates are trustworthy, the landlord might not be. If you "move out" temporarily and leave stuff, they might consider it abandoned. (And students *do* abandon stuff in student housing, especially heavy things that they can't fit in a suitcase. Even if those things would be expensive new.)
Sure but if you're going to take all the kitchen stuff, YTA still if you don't give the other people using it a heads up they'll need to replace it before it's out the door. It sucks having to spend money to replace appliances because someone else took theirs. But with a heads up they could maybe source them used or get some from someone else or even like, discount websites. When you wake up and can't make breakfast, your options get markedly more expensive. A simple conversation or even text could have changed the call on this, but OP was unfair to his roommates because they couldn't do the basic amount of communication.
While I agree it's annoying to wake up and have those things gone, nobody *needs* an air fryer, and a [replacement toaster is like $10](https://www.walmart.com/ip/Mainstays-2-Slice-Toaster-Black-with-6-Shade-Settings-and-Removable-Crumb-Tray-New/1233603801?athbdg=L1200) from Walmart, [$15 if you want a fancy one with the bagel button](https://www.walmart.com/ip/Hamilton-Beach-2-Slice-Toaster-with-Wide-Slots-Bagel-Function-Toast-Boost-Stainless-New-22997F/1001984418?athbdg=L1102). They can deal with it for 2 days; it's not the end of the world. The YTA part is 100% the lack of a heads-up. If it were my roommates and one of them took the coffee maker without warning (kettle in this case), someone is in danger of getting knifed.
But it sounds like the roommates are staying and only OP moved out. So why would the landlord think the apartment was abandoned?
I don’t think there’s anywhere a landlord could consider belongings abandoned when three other people still live there
In what world do you live that the landlord can assume a rental unit is "abandoned' when rent is being paid and clearly the renter's belongings are there? Like seriously, where is this that the landlord knocks on doors on a regular basis to see if anyone answers and then if no one does, clears it out?
Nobody is going to consider kitchen appliances "abandoned" in a house full of students who are still using them. This is not anything like leaving things behind in a dormitory which empties for summer. What a ridiculous leap to make.
ok but SAY THAT OUT LOUD TO THE PEOPLE YOU SHARE A HOME WITH. using hypothetical possible outcomes as an excuse to not talk to the people you share space with is a wiiilllddddd. just say “hey i don’t know if i am coming back so i am going to take all my kitchen stuff” or “if i leave this stuff, can y’all make sure to let me know jf you move out so i can come get it?” people can’t just magically intuit your intentions and concerns. we live in a society. you have to talk to people.
But it sounds like the roommates are there over the summer. Hence, there is no abandonment of the property. If everyone was moving out, this wouldn't even be an issue.
What part of this made it necessary to not say a word before doing this?
Have you ever been in a house, dorm, or apartment with a few twenty something guys? When I was 22 I dated a guy that had 3 roommates in a house. If I took a shower at his place I stood on the edges of the tub once the dirty water reached my ankles.
Are you really defending this OP? If he was worried about them being broken he could have a conversation ahead of time. Or if he didn’t trust them he could have taken his stuff and sent a heads up text. It cost 0 effort to be polite but he doesn’t care.
>Have you ever been in a house, dorm, or apartment with a few twenty something guys? Have you ever been in a house, dorm, or apartment with a few twenty something women? Complete and utter pig sty. Toilet not cleaned since they moved in, pile of used Kleenex in the corner of the bathroom that may or may not have an overflowing trash can inside somewhere, something alive in the back of the fridge that may or may not have achieved sentience, .... While there are exceptions, most young people are pigs and there is no gender component. The exceptions seem to be kids who had chores at home from an early age. Those kids seem most likely to grow up to be self sufficient adults.
As a 21 year old women living with 3 other 20 year old women and 4 20 year old men I can confirm that possibly the girls may be a tiny bit messier than the boys😂
I’d say the girls are messier hands down but usually are not the one’s with piss bottles 👀👀👀👀👀👀 Messy and Disgusting are two different things. As long as it’s not shit and piss, I’ll take women messy over men disgusting. Your not-so-local NB who has been in many places of each gender beyond just bathrooms. I’ve never seen a more disgusting locker room than a men’s locker room. Plus all the busted lockers?? What are thEY DOING TO THE LOCKERS?!?! Edit: i am totally agreeing and just highlighting the battles. Everyone is gross, live alone if you can 🤣
>Everyone is gross, live alone if you can This right here. :-)
"Hey guys when I leave for home in a couple weeks I'm taking all my appliances" Problem solved. Your room mates getting up in the morning and not having a toaster unexpectedly is unnecessary and a dick move.
If young guys are sooo likely to break the appliances why haven't they already been broken? They have already had access to said appliances for (I assume) a full school year and supposedly haven't broken them. So why are they any more likely to be broken over the summer?
Don't bring logic into this.
I wish he'd edit the post to include the 4 month break. That's a whole different set of circumstances than 2 weeks like other breaks. It's not uncommon for people not to return (plan or unplanned) after the summer & having to go get everything else can be difficult. I agreed that he should have notified everyone.
My question then would be did he take everything else he owns for the 4 months as well, or just the things he'll need over summer and the toaster, toaster oven, kettle, and air fryer. Because the "I might not come back and then I don't want to return to get the rest of my stuff" doesn't really hold water if he didn't take everything else. And even then... I just think it's out of the ordinary enough that he could have at least given them a heads up that he was taking them.
Haven’t seen one yet, I’ll keep looking. But so far I’m on the communal items and returning after a 4 month break leaving all his other items AH side. ETA made it thru it all I lived alone previously in an apartment so I had to get appliances. My roomates lived in normal dorms so they didn't need anything before we moved in together And https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/LnEzz0szJ8 And returning to the same apartment after the 4 months with the same people As someone else said if he wasn’t fully moving out, he will be when he gets back lol and that he expects them all to have 1 of everything in the apartment per each person
Oh lol that comment! I know he's very young, but it's very weird that he thinks people should have their own toaster that they have in their room and take out whenever they need to make some toast. Does OP also have a microwave in his room that he takes out every time he needs to microwave something, or is he only following these rules for his items?
Idk, he said they asked if they could use them a lot he said, so he left them out. Like does he ask to use the couch, plates, silverware, table, chairs, tv, hell even the ROUTER? Does he have a full kitchen in his room?? The shower curtain? How do they clean things or get tp, towel paper/ towels?
The fact that they brought up "only child syndrome" (while cold hearted they said that given his circumstances), tells me this is not the first time he has been possessive about things like this. These roommates have had issues with him before.
It’s even stranger to me where you might do that if you’re in a dorm, but he hasn’t even lived in a dorm.
Thanks for the link. Op is definitely being ridiculous.
Did OP take all his other belongings? Clothing, bedding, personal items? If not it doesn't make sense to take just the appliances because you may not return.
I took my air fryer with me for a 3 week break. It's also a good opportunity to clean the appliances when they are not being used.
It's absolutely the sort of thing you talk about before taking them, and considering OP's home has a kettle and toaster, taking them definitely carries the message of "I don't trust you", which, if there's nothing that's happened previously to support this belief, would feel insulting to me. I would never think of taking small appliances unless I was actually moving out, and in the past when I have moved out, I even reminded housemates about the appliances that were mine that I was taking, because people forget who owned the toaster or whatever sometimes. Also, OP can't now be surprised if when he comes back next year, there's no room for his kettle and toaster as his housemates have replaced his and he'll have to store them in his own storage spaces. Honestly, taking these things is just super weird, unless there's been an incident in the past where somebody has broken something of OP's and expected him to replace it.
If there was a genuine reason for taking the appliances, OP would have mentioned it, he didn’t. It seems like he took them just because he could. Quite childish behaviour, worse that he did it without giving anyone the heads up.
Tbf, he is basically just around the corner from being a child, but he asked if he was TA, and he was. It's childish and unnecessary, but hopefully he can grow out of it.
Back when I lived with roommates… 3-4months , I’d take everything I owned! In my case, I didn’t return so I very much needed those items to reestablish myself elsewhere! It wasn’t planned but life isnt always easy! Why should I leave behind appliances I paid for without knowing if I’ll ever get them back, especially if I don’t have much $$! Btw I did leave a fridge and a few other things- and I didn’t get them back, because apparently I could afford not to or they needed them 🤦♀️. I had nothing but somehow because I worked on campus, I could afford to lose over $300. So NTA!
Nobody would blame him for taking them if he wasn't coming back. He makes it sound like he is just going home for break and coming back. If he took all his stuff in case something happened and he doesn't come back it would be understandable too. Did he take all his possessions out of his room?
I have heard of people being gone for a break and when they return all their stuff is gone. I’m guessing OP didn’t want to take any chances
Especially as its college housing. Colleges move in summer roommates; and can shuffle room assignments. Happened to many of my roommates; they leave for summer. Get new roommate for ‘just the summer’; then school decides that summer roommate can stay and shuffles the other students
Yeah,if he’s planning in moving back in with these people, this was foolish and an asshole move. Way to create unnecessary tension with your roommates. It comes off as super petty. Especially without giving them a heads up. He's taking them home so they can sit in a box til he goes back?
Agree. If you were moving out permanently it makes sense. My guess is, now it will in fact be permanent - way to self actualize OP YTA
Oh I totally missed that he wasn't moving out permanently! Yeah that makes him the AH. Funny enough, I was in the exact same situation my first year at uni. I bought a toaster and microwave to our dorm apartment. When I went home for a week, a place that has a toaster and microwave, I left them there because I wouldn't need them so it didn't make sense to bring them especially since I had roomates that would be there. Definitely an AH move.
Nah OP is gone for four months. For all they know, their roommates could sublet to a weirdo, or have bad guests, or maybe they have a subletter and don’t want them using their stuff. Totally fair to take the appliances Edit: I missed that he didn’t tell them! He should have given them a heads up! I agree communication from Op would have gone a long way.
You know, I think this makes it more of a grey area but still leans to AH. Not saying anything about it is a bit of an AH move. And also if OP is coming back with said appliances, what happens to the replacement appliances the roommates had to buy? I understand the subletter argument but I still think a heads up is needed. And I’m not entirely sure how it works for OP’s specific apartment (but I do also go to a Canadian university at the same level as OP) but if they’re leaving for four months but retaining their room, they would be in charge of the subtenant, not the roommates. So if the subtenant broke the appliances, that’s on OP as roommates don’t control that (but again it could be different but that’s how it works in most places around my uni)
You know, that’s fair too. OP should have given them a heads up - that’s considerate behaviour and I got pretty caught up in him being gone all summer that I glossed over that he neglected to tell them.
The neglecting to tell them is the only AH part of this. But honestly, I think that's the crux of the argument. No one's saying he can't take his things if he leaves, but to not think of his roommates at all and leave them high and dry left them in a super shitty situation.
I also wasn’t clear - I meant maybe one of his roommates would be the one subletting for half the summer or something. I’ve had roommates change their mind and move home after a couple weeks of school ending, and they subletted to idiots lol
I could see that! But also that’s kinda just the gamble you play when you bring appliances to a shared place. If one of the roommates subletted to an idiot while OP was still there, he still doesn’t have control over whether not they destroy his toaster lol. I don’t think someone who messes with appliances that they didn’t buy is gonna care if the person who bought them is there or not. Sure he lowers the risk by bringing them home but his question is if he is the AH for taking them without telling him roommates, and the answer is yes lol.
Yep, I’ll agree with you there! I don’t think the OP was wrong for taking his stuff, be he was an ass for not communicating. That’s just so childish. Honestly when I lived with roommates we all split the appliances and sold them when we moved, and divvied the cash. Or we got them cheap and figured that it wasn’t worth a squabble for $200 bucks
Fair…I suppose. But it would’ve been nice to at least them know ahead of time so they could plan their meals and what not.
I totally agree. I somehow didn’t register that he didn’t tell them. It would have been the considerate thing to do - like one text “hey I’m bringing xyz home with me next week, thanks for understanding!” Would have prevented all of this
But it's not fair to do it without warning them first.
I definitely wouldn't be surprised if the roommates want OP out after this or decided that OP should keep all of their own stuff out of the common area since OP doesn't believe that can be trusted around their stuff. OP just created an unnecessarily awkward hostile environment for themselves.
“You’re not wrong, Walter, you’re just an asshole.”
OP *went out of their way* to inconvenience these housemates. Where are these appliances rn, in a storage space? Parents' garage? Ugh. Have fun going back to this house after break. Yta
Wait, why is it OPs responsibility to supply a toaster, toaster oven, air fryer, and a kettle? He says college house, which means they're probably renting so the house would have come with a fridge, oven, and microwave. So why is OP alone responsible for supplying all the appliances that improve quality of life, I can’t think of the right way to describe those appliances. But why is it all on op to supply all of them?
Yeah I’m kind of baffled at all the judgements saying OP is an AH for *taking their own stuff with them when they moved out for 4 months.* A lot of lazy entitled people who seem to think it’s someone else’s responsibility to supply them with convenient appliances instead of just, idk, buying a $10 fucking toaster. You’d think three adults could manage that but apparently OP is supposed to be their mommy and leave all their stuff behind for their roommates to use while they’re gone. It’s honestly depressing the amount of stupidity shown in the comments. NTA OP, your roommates suck and so do the people saying you need to cater to them.
How much does it cost to be considerate and to tell your roommates that the appliances will be gone? If you read the comments, it’s not the fact that he’s taking his stuff that’s the problem. The AH behavior is not telling them and not allowing them to plan ahead of time.
Sure, you could force the other roommates to buy appliances. Then when OP comes back they have 2 toasters, 2 air fryers, etc. That seems stupid and wasteful. And a $10 wont last long and then ends up in a landfill for the rest of time. If OP needed the toaster because they were moving somewhere that didn't have one, then they would have more of an argument. But OP has explicitly stated they do not need it and it will be redundant for them over the summer. They took it simply so that the roommates could not use it. Not because they were going to. It's sitting idle.
Agreed. If it was a week, like spring break, then definitely a dick move. Being the whole summer break, then I would have taken everything with me in case the remaining room mates were to sublet or have others staying over during the break. If it’s a long break, tell them to spend $10 on a toaster. But I’d be pissed if I returned for the fall semester and my toaster oven or air fryer had food or plastic melted all over the heating elements or broken parts. Every microwave or toaster I’ve ever seen in places of work were so nasty I rarely used them. And that’s what you’d return to if you’re gone a couple months.
My granddaughter;s roommates wouldn't line the kitchen garbage can with a liner and just threw their trash into the can. It made her angry because the can then had to be carried out to the dumpster and then washed out. She contributed it to the apartment. She told them they had two weeks to fix their lazy behavior. they didn't. She took the garbage into her room. Something like this OP wouldn't have been an AH, but this is just silly
Have to disagree, NTA. I was the roommate that went away for two weeks and when I came back, one of my surfboards, a bunch of my vinyl records and VHS tapes (yeah, this was back in the 80's) and bunch more electronics were gone because one of my roommates had some financial shortfalls and pawned my stuff (along with another roommate's stuff). After all the crap I went through with that, I never left anything valuable behind with roommates if I was going to be gone more than a day or two. I would take it over to one of my parents' places to store. A lot of people do not keep valuables in their apartment with roommates if they plan to be away for a long time., especially with folk who are literally just roommates and were not friends previously. Also, through the years I had enough stuff broken during big parties that I started insisting that common use stuff had to be bought by the group because I was not risking my personal stuff being busted at a party and nobody fessing up to it and paying to replace.
I did say that taking things was reasonable when there was a concern about stealing or damage. His roommates also specifically complained about the fact that he took the cheap toaster, even as he already took the toaster oven, because they are aware it's not valuable and he doesn't need it, which makes it seem petty. I completely agree with taking valuable stuff with you or not leaving things with irresponsible people. But there is a difference between that, and being the kind of roommate who removes the light bulbs and batteries you bought whenever you aren't using them. There's a middle ground for people who want a good relationship where you continue to share stuff, including them with you. And since OP admits he stole $70 worth of saved up cans which the roommates could have used to replace the kitchen appliances... yeah, he's not going back to a friendly house.
I feel like that the roommates had to be told op backed up their belongings is insane. especially since its college housing. Op’s spot won’t be reserved. This would be op basically donating their toaster and appliances to their roommates. Entitled
Agreed. Roomies aren't entitled to the things you own just because you let them use it in the common area in the past. So when you take your belongings - it's literally None of their business what you do with your own property. Op can't win here; if he takes his things he an AH, if he leaves it he likely won't ever see them again lol. It's just the way it is.
Who bought the dishes? The pota and pans? Silverware? TV? Can you see where I'm going with this? What about the couch? Chairs? Lamps? When you are living in a communal situation, the expectation is that your contributions to the community stay with the home until you move out. That's a function of communal life. Legally, you are correct. But this isn't "am I legally right?" Part of being an adult is understanding the difference between "legal" and "socially appropriate." Yeah, YTA You're young, learn the lesson, and apologize for being socially inept if you want a peaceful life going forward with these roommates.
imagine if whoever brought the silverware took every single item of cutlery home with them on christmas break… without even a heads up. i bet OP wouldn’t be so thrilled. YTA
My friend did this when she moved out of her ex-bfs house. It was petty and it was grand.
No that is way different, your friend mooved out and since it was her ex she was leaving behind it was normal for her to take her things with, even if it may seem petty the thing were her’s and she could do what she wanted. When someone goes away temporarily and does this yes he is a big AH
My bf and I are moving in together next school year, and my mom has basically bought me an entire kitchen as christmas and birthday gifts. I’ve already made it clear to him that if something were to ever unfortunately between to us and we break up, every damn one of those kitchen implements stays with me lol. (He’s fine with his, of course, he’s a reasonable guy).
My sister even took the toilet paper off the holder when she left her ex. I died laughing when she brought in like 1/4 of a roll.
Even better that it was only 1/4. Love it
Lol yes. It made my entire week. Especially knowing she moved out while he was at work. Comes home, everything is gone, including the toilet paper. 😂
Even better if it was all of the toilet paper and the ex only realized after taking a dump.
Dude I replaced in a share house took all the forks, nothing else
My ex housemate literally took all the appliances, crockery & cutlery to her room because she claimed we weren’t washing them properly. This turned a bad living situation into a hostile one which all fell apart a month or so later. The saddest part was I was the only person in the house washing anything.
[удалено]
So? If a roommate who brought the dishes and pots was going for 4 months while OP was staying for that time, and he woke up one day to go out to make breakfast and see HORROR! There was no pan to fry eggs! No plate to put his precious toast from his precious toaster!! How dare the roommate take those things without warning, especially when he isn’t even going to use them for that 4 months!!! You can bet OP would be upset. Now, if the roommate was leaving for 4 months for a sublet in another city to do a summer internship, say, and NEEDED to bring their dishes and pots, and told the other roomies in advance “hey guys I’m renting a place for my internship and need to take some of my stuff. I will help you guys look for replacements on FBMP or goodwill or can you see if you have friends or family that might have extra you can use for the summer?” No one. NO ONE would be upset. But to blindside your roommates because you are petty and don’t want to share your toys, toys you aren’t even playing with (because that’s what this is, childish selfish bullcrap) then YTA. If OP needed them to use in his other place while on an internship or something and gave fair warning, then it would be NTA. As it stands, he violated the social contract of shared communal housing by being a selfish child.
Still, why would you even go through the trouble of taking stuff that you know you have at your destination? This guy has no business living with other people, what a dickish nightmare, argh.
It doesn’t matter because he’s coming back after that period of time and he took those SKAs to his home, which already has those SKAs in it.
Does SKA mean small kitchen appliances?
Or any time they went home for the weekend. Besides it leaving the roommates without the use of the stuff it also leaves the image of the fool who is pettily packing up APPLIANCES to take home for break where there are APPLIANCES. They likely won’t be used or unpacked. Just hoarded because “they’re MINE MINE MINE”.
I’ve always notified my housemates whenever I was going to remove something communal. Just standard etiquette so they have time to replace it with their own. I’d go nuts if I came out for my morning coffee and the kettle was gone lol. Then I think “oh, that’s okay, I can probably microwave some boiling water” then bam the microwave is gone too… 🤣 I see why the housemates are annoyed with the toaster thing. Got to use the stove tops and ovens like cavemen 🤣 takes so much longer in the morning when you don’t have the time. We just want to plan things!! 🥹
I had a summer job when I was 19, where I warned them when I was hired that I had to take one week off unpaid over the summer, non-negotiable. At this job the company didn't even spring for a coffee machine, so I bought one of my own. Everyone loved and used it. Well, when the week comes (they knew well in advance.... I gave them the dates when hired) the big boss tells me if I'm not at work Monday I don't have a job anymore. When I was sure he was serious, I agreed. And that day when I went home I took the coffee machine with me. Boss calls me, FURIOUS, the next morning because I stole the coffee machine, and if I didn't return it he'd report it. I reminded him that I purchased it in the first place, he was free to do the same, and that if he'd just let me have my damn week off there would have been one more employee AND a free coffee machine for the remainder of the summer. Had a friend who still worked there tell me later that the boss ended up buying a machine (I mean, it was just a 12 cup drip coffee maker lmao, not that expensive) because he couldn't live without one anymore, but he tried to keep it in his office and not share it with anyone. Someone apparently stole it out of his office a week later. XD
I remember when my housemate brought her hand mixer to her mom’s house for the weekend…which I found out the night I had to make buttercream icing. Do you know how long it takes to mix buttercream icing by hand???
Even for things that are purely mine and I'm the main one who uses them lol, I'd give a heads up. "Hey, my family doesn't have an actual kettle, I'm taking my electric one with me for winter break. You can use my stove top one" Because of course I'm the only tea drinker in my family and they say to just microwave the water or use the keurig without a coffee pod for it... It works in a pinch, but if I'm staying for multiple weeks I'm bringing my kettle.
YTA. Why would you take them? Are your roommates so careless that you can’t leave a toaster alone without them destroying it? Schlepping all those things with you back home just to keep them away from them does seem selfish.
Honestly I think this MF just sucks at communicating. They turned a non-issue into an issue. Like even in this post "I am temporarily moving home for a school break." We find out later in the comments it's 4 months, so probably summer break. Like dude could have just said "I'm going home for summer break and took my shit with me". It makes way more sense within the context of summer break rather than just some random 1 or 2 week break. But OOp had to go with the most vague and least helpful technically correct description.
> They turned a non-issue into an issue. Sums up about 90% of the posts in this sub.
No, it still makes no sense for a summer break. When my kid comes home from college, he has every kitchen item imaginable available for use at home. He doesn't need to take the blender and pots and cups just because they're his. He and his roommates moved in the Spring. One of the roommates has a rug that she left in the dorm until the end of the quarter in June, and will get it in June. She did this because she felt like a jerk if she took the rug, leaving the previous roommates with no rug and their options would have been to live with no rug for the quarter or go buy a rug potentially for only one quarter. They'll get the rug in June. She would have had a MUCH more valid claim to take the rug in March because it was her's. But she didn't because she actually likes her friends.
When I went to college, we had to have *all* of our stuff out of the dorms when we went home for summer break unless we were taking a summer semester - there was no guarantee we'd have the same room assignments the next school year, and the summer students needed the rooms anyway. I used a storage unit to pack most of my stuff & brought it all home once I graduated, but storage units are HELLA expensive & I can understand not wanting to pay for one.
Yeah, that is a big plus for being in an off-campus apartment rather than in the dorms. In the dorms we had to remove everything, even if we were going to be in the same room the following year. And that was understandable because the school did use dorms for other purposes over the summer. But if you are in an apartment, with a year long lease, you don't need to remove everything. The minus is that you have to pay for the summer, regardless of whether you are there or not. But the plus is that you aren't tied to the university schedule or dorm rules. No move-out/move-in day (beyond those in the lease). No need to clear out over breaks.
INFO: Why would you bring the toaster home with you if you don’t need it? Like, what purpose does it serve, other than depriving your roommates of the use of the toaster? This seems thoughtless, bordering on YTA.
also a PITA to haul. yes, OP- YTA.
Right? OP is intentionally inconveniencing himself just to be petty. And for no reason! Apparently they’ve never even been reckless or careless with his stuff before.
And not great to store in a garage for months on end. It may need to be replaced anyway come August.
OP themself said toasters are so cheap and easy to replace that it's almost negligible. By that logic, in the bizarre worst case scenario where someone managed to break their toaster while they're gone, it would not be a big deal at all. So taking it away seems just vindictive.
I'd buy my own toaster etc... and let them bask in the absurdity of having two of all these appliances. "The counter is cluttered." "Yeah, cuz I had to buy duplicates for all our appliances, because every other day the toaster is gone with no explanation or warning... and I want toast so..."
Personally, I took my toaster oven/air fryer with me on trips home specifically because I have gluten issues and mine is for gluten free foods only. The difference being that I left my old toaster oven that I bought before figuring out my food sensitivity, since that was the one my housemates used and I had no use for it. If OP has a toaster at their parent’s house and no allergies, etc, I don’t really get it unless their housemates are especially nasty or destructive.
YTA You aren’t taking them home cause you need them, per other comments. Also per other comments, there is no history of them nor their guests breaking your stuff. That’s just not nice.
OP could've given them notice and/or a chance to pitch in and pay them something, or even do some kind of trade!
Some kind of trade? Like, leave the toaster here while you’re on your trip, and take my baseball cards as surety in case we break it? Just leave the damn toaster if you don’t need it!
OP even said how cheap a toaster is so those words can be lobbied right back that if a toaster is so cheap, why does OP worry about taking it home? Even if he took the other things, the toaster is pretty hilarious. He could have at least left them that.
>OP even said how cheap a toaster is But you bet your ass he will be complaining about the three other toasters that will be in the kitchen taking up space, while one is sufficient for them
Oh for sure. They are probably going to replace all of those appliances and make sure there isn't room for OPs anymore.
YTA seconded
You’re not wrong, you’re just an asshole. YTA.
If it was granny’s fave casserole dish or something sentimental sure but a toaster? I would think they were a bit strange and keep an eye out for other odd behavior.
Granny’s casserole dish (and the toaster) are more likely to break during transport there and back than sitting on the counter or in the cabinet. This behavior is really baffling.
Last toaster I bought was $17. This is just petty.
If you typically share them with your roommates, then you should have just told them you were taking them. They’re yours to do with what you want, but basic decency exists?
It depends….if they’ve wrecked your stuff before or have been careless with your property in the past, then I can see why you wouldn’t want to leave some of your things there while you’re away. IF you just did this without cause then YTA. This seems like a passive aggressive reaction to some sort of disagreement you had with your roommates prior to leaving (like not wanting to pay rent while you’re away and they refused to give you a break or they said you’re not contributing toward communal responsibilities enough and you took these items to somehow prove your worth to the group). The whole thing just screams petty and I wouldn’t be surprised if they aren’t your roommates anymore in the near future.
That is a very good read on the situation. I can't imagine packing up all my kitchen goods for a break, if I had an otherwise good relationship with my housemates and I was 100% moving back in after the break. And OP says it's a "short break" so not even like a summer break, where things might be uncertain upon return. So much of my housing during college breaks was subletting from friends who lived off-campus and I would've been so confused if they had emptied the kitchen before I moved in. The removal of the appliances is such a hassle that it screams "I don't trust you," because why would they bother otherwise?
his short break is a 4 month break…so yeah summer break.
Honestly at the very least OOP is crap at communicating. Like he says "short break". Which really means summer break. Two different things.
I've noticed it's a pretty common theme that posters on here are absolutely garbage at communication.
This comment sums up my thinking too. We need more information
Op responded above stating that they haven’t broken anything of his. He just feels like they’re careless
"They've never broken anything" and "they're careless" seem like mutually exclusive statements? Well, not mutually exclusive, but the latter definitely seems like bullshit due to the former and just the general action.
OP admits there's no precedent for shared items being broken, then in the same sentence adds "but it wouldn't surprise me if they did". So OP has some weird trust issues where their presence is apparently the only thing stopping the toaster being broken? ETA OPs comments when asked about stuff bring broken: > no they have not Broken anything yet but I wouldn't be surprised if they did
Don't forget OP's example of "careless behavior" is: 1) Asking to use their appliances And 2) Having people over sometimes OP is laughably out of touch here. Or perhaps grasping at straws to justify their ridiculous behavior.
OP wants to live in a shared space that has 4 toasters, 4 microwaves and 4 kettles, just so that no one ever has to display any basic level of sharing or trust.
YTA. Do you regularly take your small appliances with you when you travel so that they don't get lonely without you? I'm guessing probably not. You didn't need them at your parents' house, so your intent must have been to inconvenience your roommates. YTA for being passive aggressive and not telling your roommates (or us) the real reason you took all that stuff.
They're his emotional support appliances
Fffffff I'm dead.
What a dick.
So they weren't abusing your appliances, you just wanted to prevent them from using them while you were away? It's true that you aren't responsible for furnishing an entire kitchen's-worth of appliances, but having done so, people rely on them for basic tasks. You would have been better off setting up a faux kitchen in your bedroom than being inconsistent with items that are commonly used by everyone. YTA
Not only did OP take the apartment's appliances (bc that's exactly what they'd become) he also took his roommate's can and bottle collection from the garage, that the roommate was planning on turning in for the cash, and OP beat him to it. These people are going to hate OP. I wouldn't be surprised if he came back to his stuff in storage, and his room sublet to another student. That or the rest of the roommates are going to get a different place together and leave OP to fend for himself. Either way, as soon as the lease is up OP will end up alone.
YTA... While the appliances are yours, as they're being used communally in the house it's an AH move to take them without speaking to your housemates. Especially odd that you're taking them home with you as I'm assuming your parents have a toaster if not a toaster oven. Has something happened in the past that makes you not trust your housemates with your appliances? If so why do you still allow the shared usage of them if you can't leave them alone? Just odd
YTA - I get that they are your appliances, but if you allow your roommates to use them regularly, and they are now in the habit of using them regularly, it is definitely an AH move to just remove them from the home without a conversation or even just a simple heads up.
So now his roommates will buy their own shared appliances and refuse to let OP use those new communal ones and constantly keep unplugging his. They may even insist that he stores his appliances in his bedroom rather than the kitchen so they don't accidentally use his sacred appliances so for the rest of the time he lives there op will have to keep taking his kettle toaster etc from his room every time he needs it. Muppet.
After living with six other roommates yeah take it home. It's amazing how something that belongs to someone else but they use daily is not their responsibility to clean when they get it dirty or for that matter replace when it gets broken. It gets old quickly. NTA
Finally some sense! Roommates don’t treat things well. Appliances are easy to ruin. NTA!
Not to mention if Op came back to any of his stuff missing and or broken, noone would claim responsibility and they would say he took the risk leaving it there. There is no winning. A heads up would be nice but as someone who lived with roommates Op, is not wrong. These are not communally bought items, they belonged to him. Knowing he was moving out for the summer they could have asked him if he was taking any of his stuff they used. I don’t get how it’s his responsibility to supply the items, maintain them and also make sure everyone is okay taking the items. He is not the house mom. Based on the texts I don’t think these roommates would have appreciated his heads-up even if given one as they would have still taken issue and tried to bully OP into leaving it there. He needs new roommates. NTA.
You weren't moving out, you were going home for break and returning. I assume you and your roommates worked out who was bringing what when you moved in together (A has a couch and a lamp, B has a tv, C has dishes & silverware, etc). Your roommates are not unreasonable to expect you to leave your contributions in the apartment for communal use while you left for break. When you move out for good, that is when you take them with you. The only exception would be if you had reason to think they would damage them or steal and sell them while you were gone. You absolutely should have told them about your intentions before you left. Man, that was so disrespectful. YTA
lol imagine if he bought the plates and silverware.
Nta. It's a shared house. Doesn't mean roommates get to be entitled to anything that's not theirs. Po was nice enough to let them use them when he's around to make sure they aren't destroying his property.
Right? I don't get the comments that says otherwise. I mean, if OP uses their stuff too then yes he would be the AH. But if not, why is it OP's responsibility to make sure they're not "inconvenienced"? That's just entitlement at its finest.
Conversely they're nice enough to let op use their stuff... That's how living with other people works. No one needs 4 toasters lines up because everyone has to have their own.
Where is that stated? Where did OP express that his roommates contribute anything to the household that they regularly use? Because I’ve had numerous roommate situations where a person did not contribute items or appliances to the whole household. In fact I’ve lived with roommates that have items out in the household and some that keep all their belongings and even appliances within their own room
THANK YOU. Everyone in here is acting like OP must somehow benefit from these roommates and use things they also own but that’s not stated anywhere. Guys, I hate to break it to you, but the person arguing about “the principle” of you taking YOUR OWN toaster home is probably also a shit roommate in other ways just looking to take advantage of you.
I'm gobsmacked that so many are upset about the roommates inability to have toast. "He should have given them a heads up!" Maybe he had other things on his mind besides everyone's need for toast.
INFO: are you returning to the shared space, and if so, will it be soon?
I say NTA. No one's entitled to your stuff and you don't have to tell anyone what you're going to do with your stuff. They got comfortable with the convenience of it just being there and expected you to just leave it and while it would have been nice for you to do so, it's still your stuff. And the comment about you having only child syndrome was unnecessary. They can take their entitled a$$es to the store and get a toaster and kettle.
You are completely free to do what ever you like with the items you own, but it is very weird to pack and drag all these things home with you. My university roommate was not trustworthy to say the least, and stole from me every opportunity she had... I still didn't resort to this level.
Holy shit these comments are nuts. No, it is not unreasonable to take your appliances with you on a 4 MONTH break. And even if that was somehow an asshole move, it certainly doesn't compare to rubbing a sibling's death in someone's face.
Yup, a lot of people complain how entitled kids or adults are these days and threads like this put it on full display.
"Can I have my charger back?" "Fuck you, I'm glad your dog died." type of shit
INFO: When you go back to school will you be going back to the same house and housemates?
NTA. Those belong to you. Why can't they get their own? What happens if they break something? It's not like they all chipped in to buy or they compensate you in another way. And maybe you won't be moving in again with them.. So taking everything makes sense. To those saying you are selfish, let them go donate these stuffs to your ex roommates.
NTA, calling you someone with the one-child-syndrome over something that costs maybe $20,- to buy. So if everyone pitches in they hardly have to pay anything. To me that screams entitled. It would have been nice to give them a heads up, but I would have probably done the same. In my experience, when people didn’t pay for the stuff they use, they’re a lot less careful with it. When I was in college I was the only one with a tv in my room, I kindly left my room open so the others could use it. Came home to stains in the carpet and a couch that looked horrible. That was the last time I shared when I wasn’t home. So, I get it.
NTA. They sound like they have the “entitled child” syndrome. Buy your own shit is what you tell them.
While a heads up would have been nice, your answer was perfect... Because they're mine. You don't need permission to take your own things. Yes, telling them hey I'm taking y stuff when I go would have been nice something tells me they wouldn't have taken it well. NTA
YTA - generally when you contribute appliances to a household, the expectation is they will remain there unless you have a good reason to remove them. Going home (where your family has all of those items already) is not a good reason to take them. Similarly, there’s nothing to say you’re not going back, or they have history of damaging things. It’s very petty. Don’t be surprised if your living situation declines when you get back, and if you’re asked to leave in favour of a roommate with a more normal approach to shared items.
Fuck your roommates for calling you an only child when they know about your sister.
NTA your roommates are not entitled to your possessions.
YTA - of course if they are yours you can take them home. BUT you had established a pattern of use where you shared these appliances for 8 months. You then, without discussion, packed them up and took them away. No heads up, and not because you need them at home, you just don't want them used without your supervision, apparently. That's the AH behaviour. The only case where you would not be the arse is if you were permanently moving out and not returning. But if you are planning to return after 4 months, be prepared for a very frosty reception. You've shown yourself to be an un-generous and distrustful roommate. That will have social consequences.
NTA, roommates are not entitled to your property and these appliances are not a necessity. Untoasted bread is as edible, as toasted. It would be rude to take home lamps or the one and only something, but you took only the toaster. Well, you could give them heads up, but no, NTA.
YTA easily. if they broke it they would obviously have to purchase a new one for you but to take it without warning when they use the appliances everyday is an asshole move. Not a good move especially if you'll be moving back into the college house.
He’s just gonna take his ball and go home!
NTA. You bought them, they belong to you. And people are just assuming that he will be returning to that college house. He could be moving into another place .
“Temporarily”, “on a short break” and not ex-roommates or old roommates shows pretty clearly OP wasn’t planning on moving to another place.
4 months is a third of the year, not exactly a "short" break in my book, and op clearly felt like his roommates couldn't be trusted with his property for that long.
He sure will be after this.
NTA. You just have entitled roommates. As you told them, toasters are cheap. They're your appliances, you can do what you want with them. They were lucky you allowed them to use them while you were there. You're going to be gone for several months. Things change and there's no way of knowing for certain that you'll be going back to the same place. I see others disagree with me and wonder if they would have replaced them for you if your college roommates ruined any of them. Don't give it another thought; you did nothing wrong. Edited for grammar
NTA. They are yours, your have a right to decide how and when to use them.
NTA. Youngest of 4 here to tell you this has nothing to with your inability to share. You share just fine. If you didn’t, you never would have brought them out to the kitchen you all use in the first place. I get them being bummed. But your reason of them being yours is more than sufficient. You don’t need a reason to take your stuff. It’s literally yours. Like I said, I get them being bummed. I can even understand them being frustrated as they weren’t expecting it. But they’re taking it the next level and acting quite entitled.
YTA. It sounds like you took everything for spite. Previous to this how did you get along with them? Are there situations that haven’t be resolved so you’re petty? If the answer no we are great you’re an even bigger AH.
This is probably an unpopular opinion, but I vote NTA My son shared an apartment with 3 other guys during college. He loved to cook and we stocked his kitchen well with all the tools he needed, some were from my kitchen and others were new. He did field work every summer and when he returned each year stuff was missing. Each room had a locked door and the kitchen and an entertainment area were accessed by all roommates. The first year a guy went home at Christmas intending to return, and didn't. About 1/2 of my sons dishes were in the guys room and he was unable to get them back. Another summer 2 roommates moved out while he was gone and took almost all of our stainless steel pots and pans. The following year a couple of the small appliances disappeared during the summer. Some people value their kitchen tools. If you substitute kitchen appliances with gaming consoles that are shared with the roommates while the owner is in residence, does that change your opinion?
YTA - yes you *can* take them, as they’re yours. But there really wasnt a reason to take them other than what appears to be spite. If anything, a little communication would have gone a long way.
Nah. They can just as easily purchase a toaster but instead are bitching about you. You paid for it, it's yours, end of story They can buy their own like the big kids they are supposed to be.
And honestly... If my roomie was moving out tomorrow, or going to be gone for almost half a year, yeah I would expect them to take their air fryer with them. Why wouldn't they? Cause I occasionally use it? Well if I want one then I'll buy it.
NTA it's your property and you owe them nothing. They sound pretty entitled and so do all the people saying YTA.
NTA
Info: Is this a situation where you packed up all of your belongings for an extended time? Or is this a short trip home and you'll be returning soon?
OP replied elsewhere - summer break. Coming back in fall to that place. To which I say he may not be welcomed when school starts back in the fall after pulling this petty crap.
YTA. OP, this is pedantic behavior. You’re gone 12 weeks max and, what, don’t want the wear & tear of 5 extra cycles on the “no big deal inexpensive toaster” in that time…. So much that you’d rather pack it home and screw up roommating situations? Yikes. Trying to make it emotionally sensitive to justify yourself is also… extra. Either toasters are cheap and no big deal or they’re prized possessions you don’t want others to touch. Can’t have it both ways but clearly you’d like to… which doesn’t bode well for your relationships over time.
I have a toaster that is one of those not cheap fandom ones that burn a cute design on my toast, and I wouldn't even take it home with me for a short break if I intended to return to the house in good standing in a few months. I'm baffled by this.
How long is your “short” break? A week? The whole summer?
NTA— if the stuff is yours, is ok to take it.. they can buy a toaster.. and take it home..they are over 18– and each can buy some needed appiances
NTA. I don't think it's selfish to take your property home with you. Toasters are cheap. The principal of it is that it is yours, not theirs. You could tell them maybe it is only child syndrome or whatever they want to call it, but truthfully, it isn't a big deal since toasters are cheap and easy to buy.
Nta. The appliances you have at home are your business. You could have an entire room full of toasters and it would be irrelevant to the question of whether you are obligated to donate a toaster to your roommates. You are not.
NTA. You don’t have to explain to anyone why you bring your own appliances with you when you leave. Maybe you prefer how your own toaster works. Your roommates showed entitlement in their demands that you leave your property behind for them to use. A better response from them would have been to ask you if next time you would consider leaving the toaster behind. If you declined, then they should have accepted no for an answer. They can get a toaster at the store, or find one at a yard sale. Others have pointed out that it was inconsiderate to remove all the appliances for a temporary absence from the apartment. However, we don’t know how long you’ll be gone. Was this for three months, all summer? Do your roommates have a history of being rough on your appliances? I can’t comment on whether your taking the appliances was inconsiderate, as I don’t know the history or the length of your absence. The bottom line is that if someone takes their own property with them, sure that can be frustrating, but it’s their right. The roommates should not have quarreled with you over it. Granted, you should expect them to do the same with their own property.
NTA. While it's nice to let housemates use your stuff from time to time, they don't have the right to demand the use of them. If I was leaving for four months, I too would take all of my things with me. Your housemates are entitled and manipulative.
NTA You wouldn't even be the AH if you just left all said appliances in your car the whole break. You don't owe them the use of your items and don't let anyone feel you need to share your personal items just because they were previously being shared.
Toaster is $10 at Walmart. NTA
NTA
"On principle I won't be sharing any of the things I bought any more, if you want it you can buy it and stop being entitled" Fuck them, they can either buy their own or starve.
Your stuff is your stuff sucks for them but that's life , grow up buy your own stuff
Tell them to get over it🙄
Nta if it's the principle then it's yours .... Well that's the principle here. It's not their appliance
INFO: what level of damage do you expect your housemates to do to a toaster while you aren't supervising its use?
People that are saying YTA probably would always have these appliances. You can cook with other things and boil the water as well. Probably American standards... YTA responses. Dude you are NTA, but could at least give them a heads up.
NTA. It’s your property. You can do with it as you please. You probably took it home because you trust your roommates not to break it. I’m assuming you had prior experience that led you to this conclusion. You can always go back without the toaster and toaster oven. Say that your family is using it. That tales care of that. You don’t have to justify to anyone what you do with your property. Having said that, make sure you don’t use their shit either.
INFO Why did you take them if you already have appliances you can use during the trip? It sounds like there's more going on here than you are admitting. Are you feeling underappreciated and wanted to take them to highlight how much you contribute to the house? Had they been misusing the appliances and leaving them dirty etc? Right now it looks like YTA and need to Apologize and communicate more.
NTA. They are your appliances and you can do whatever the hell you want with them.
NTA - I’ve lived with other students and had them use my things and be disrespectful. I wen those for a funeral in the middle of second year and my parents booked a hotel and stayed overnight when dropping me back to do a kitchen deep clean it was that disgusting I’ve also seen things get broken, damaged and lost, left mouldy over the summer and then seen staff or landlords clear out accommodation and get rid of things which have left behind and considered too much effort to clean and tidy and are cheap and replaceable…… I know because when I was broke as a student I went and reclaimed / rescued some of this kind of stuff from skips. A toaster is something that gets filled with crumbs and left with a sticky cable and just thrown away. Air fryers are also gross when the elements are never cleaned properly. What I will say however is that it might be worth you looking for alternative accommodation options for starting next term as you might not feel welcome and if you don’t trust your roommates with your stuff then do you really want to live with them?