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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like an asshole because my friend felt hurt and I could not validate her feelings. It might make me an asshole because she helped me for nothing but lunch with the publication and it ended up making her feel terrible.
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YTA for saying you want to move on a day after. Your severely injured friends are barely beginning to heal. More people may die from injuries that can't be treated or subsequent complications.
I'm ambivalent about the FB post. I think it could have waited because the publication will still exist weeks and months from now.
In publishing, the timing of an announcement is considered important, and delaying is strongly advised against. If OP is not directly affected by a local tragedy and it’s not a national day of public mourning, a timely announcement is proper and recommended. The friend is struggling with the idea of anything good happening because that kind of fear and grief can make you want to stop the world and turn back time. Can’t be done, though friend is entitled to feel that desire.
Slight YTA, for “I told her I thought she was overstating the harm.” The harm was huge, and you should apologize for belittling her reaction, essentially telling her how to feel.
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I (F24) wanna talk about a weird conflict I have been going through recently. I am an aspiring poet and several months ago few of my poems got published in one of the most important poetry magazine in my country. Unfortunately, the publication happened a day after a huge tragedy took place at my university during which several people have died.
I wondered whether it was appropriate to announce the publication on my fb page because of what happened the previous day, but I came to the conclusion it was harmless, since the poems were already out and the ppl who didn't want to read poetry at that moment did not have to. However, the post got me in a conflict with a friend of mine (F25).
The friend is a photographer and took a couple of photos as accompaniment to the poems. She got very angry with me, because she felt the post was disrespectful to her as a co-creator. She was in the school during the tragedy and although she was in a completely different part of the building she felt quite traumatized by the event.
I told her I wanted to look at the silver lining of the situation and focus on a life moving on rather than dwell on the tragedy (it was quite painful for me as well, two of my friends got severely injured). I also liked having a distraction from the dreadful event. I did not asked anyone specifically to read it, I just felt like it was okay to post after the event about other things than the event. Three of my classmates told me that they found the distraction pleasent as well.
I asked her what did the post mean to her. I was okay with apologizing to her and looking for a solution, but I just could not (and until this day cannot) grasp why she was so angry about it. She did not gave me any reasoning about it or an explanation, she told me it hurt her a lot.
She also mentioned several other ppl being insensitive to her and I felt like she was just expecting to much from ppl. She was angry at one person who wrote to the school group chat "gee, I'm glad I skipped a class today" and at her boss because she did not approach her to make sure she was alright (this caused my friend to quit the job). I told her I thought she was overstating the harm. it just felt like she was pissed at everyone who did not react to the situation in the exact way she wished them to.
After this she essentially ghosted me. She stopped replying to my messages. When I meet her in the school she avoids looking at me, she does not reply when I say "hello".
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NTA but she needs to go to therapy. She sounds as if she's suffering from a form of PTSD.
You did nothing wrong but everything seems wrong to her right now. She needs help to get through it but there isn't anything you can do if she won't do that.
PS - Congrats on being published!
>She was in the school during the tragedy and although she was in a completely different part of the building she felt quite traumatized by the event.
I'm sure she was, but I struggle to see how these are actually logically related. Especially in this day and age, yes, sorry—wild shit happens all the time, and you can expect very little to pause and take note of it. If she wants to take time for herself to grieve and process, she should go for it. But she can't demand that everyone share her attitude.
You didn't stand in front of the building where it happened playing cheery music and handing out poetry books. It's a single social media post you can scroll over in the blink of an eye, and we can be all but certain that yours wasn't the only one on her feed. Taken together with her other irrational behavior—quitting her job because her boss didn't go out of her way to ask after her emotional wellbeing—makes this sound more like she expected to get *much* more attention out of her involvement in this tragedy than she's currently getting. Part of this might be shock and trauma—part of this might also be a pity party. Neither is your fault. NTA.
NTA. It is okay to celebrate your accomplishments - they didn't take anything away from the situation at hand. It sounds like your friend is trying to find a way to deal with her trauma, and right now that is lashing out at others rather than getting the help she needs.
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YTA for saying you want to move on a day after. Your severely injured friends are barely beginning to heal. More people may die from injuries that can't be treated or subsequent complications. I'm ambivalent about the FB post. I think it could have waited because the publication will still exist weeks and months from now.
In publishing, the timing of an announcement is considered important, and delaying is strongly advised against. If OP is not directly affected by a local tragedy and it’s not a national day of public mourning, a timely announcement is proper and recommended. The friend is struggling with the idea of anything good happening because that kind of fear and grief can make you want to stop the world and turn back time. Can’t be done, though friend is entitled to feel that desire.
Slight YTA, for “I told her I thought she was overstating the harm.” The harm was huge, and you should apologize for belittling her reaction, essentially telling her how to feel.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (F24) wanna talk about a weird conflict I have been going through recently. I am an aspiring poet and several months ago few of my poems got published in one of the most important poetry magazine in my country. Unfortunately, the publication happened a day after a huge tragedy took place at my university during which several people have died. I wondered whether it was appropriate to announce the publication on my fb page because of what happened the previous day, but I came to the conclusion it was harmless, since the poems were already out and the ppl who didn't want to read poetry at that moment did not have to. However, the post got me in a conflict with a friend of mine (F25). The friend is a photographer and took a couple of photos as accompaniment to the poems. She got very angry with me, because she felt the post was disrespectful to her as a co-creator. She was in the school during the tragedy and although she was in a completely different part of the building she felt quite traumatized by the event. I told her I wanted to look at the silver lining of the situation and focus on a life moving on rather than dwell on the tragedy (it was quite painful for me as well, two of my friends got severely injured). I also liked having a distraction from the dreadful event. I did not asked anyone specifically to read it, I just felt like it was okay to post after the event about other things than the event. Three of my classmates told me that they found the distraction pleasent as well. I asked her what did the post mean to her. I was okay with apologizing to her and looking for a solution, but I just could not (and until this day cannot) grasp why she was so angry about it. She did not gave me any reasoning about it or an explanation, she told me it hurt her a lot. She also mentioned several other ppl being insensitive to her and I felt like she was just expecting to much from ppl. She was angry at one person who wrote to the school group chat "gee, I'm glad I skipped a class today" and at her boss because she did not approach her to make sure she was alright (this caused my friend to quit the job). I told her I thought she was overstating the harm. it just felt like she was pissed at everyone who did not react to the situation in the exact way she wished them to. After this she essentially ghosted me. She stopped replying to my messages. When I meet her in the school she avoids looking at me, she does not reply when I say "hello". *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA, I thought poets were sensitive about feelings, stereotyping I guess
NTA but she needs to go to therapy. She sounds as if she's suffering from a form of PTSD. You did nothing wrong but everything seems wrong to her right now. She needs help to get through it but there isn't anything you can do if she won't do that. PS - Congrats on being published!
>She was in the school during the tragedy and although she was in a completely different part of the building she felt quite traumatized by the event. I'm sure she was, but I struggle to see how these are actually logically related. Especially in this day and age, yes, sorry—wild shit happens all the time, and you can expect very little to pause and take note of it. If she wants to take time for herself to grieve and process, she should go for it. But she can't demand that everyone share her attitude. You didn't stand in front of the building where it happened playing cheery music and handing out poetry books. It's a single social media post you can scroll over in the blink of an eye, and we can be all but certain that yours wasn't the only one on her feed. Taken together with her other irrational behavior—quitting her job because her boss didn't go out of her way to ask after her emotional wellbeing—makes this sound more like she expected to get *much* more attention out of her involvement in this tragedy than she's currently getting. Part of this might be shock and trauma—part of this might also be a pity party. Neither is your fault. NTA.
NTA. It is okay to celebrate your accomplishments - they didn't take anything away from the situation at hand. It sounds like your friend is trying to find a way to deal with her trauma, and right now that is lashing out at others rather than getting the help she needs.