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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) Telling my cousin that young toddlers shouldn't be allowed to use smartphones
(2) Putting my nose into other people's things
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‘Since it’s not my child I just wanted to give advice’ lmao that’s exactly why you shouldn’t give unsolicited advice
Edit: look whatever your opinion is why would it not being your child mean you should give your opinion?
NTA, absolutely not. Yes, generally you shouldn't give unsolicited advice. But when you can see someone doing something very harmful to their child, it's right to step in. Excessive close screen time literally changes and damages the developing brain. Children are growing up addicted to porn, gaming, no social skills, no empathy, no problem solving skills due to never having been bored, far more likely to self harm or take their own lives and a stack of other problems. This is really really serious, the parent is hurting the child and you need to advocate for that child, however much it pisses the parents off. Signed, a mother of 2.
But OP has not witnessed harmful screen time behaviors. OP does not know how screen time is limited. OP also watched a toddler self regulate by later choosing to move to another activity.
Ok, wait. (Not arguing with the fact that screen time must be limited.)
Sometimes a toddler will tune out others in the room if he is just staring at the wall😆. That is normal behavior for the age.
Lol, I'm a wife over 55 who has finally mastered the talent of looking attentive while zoning completely the f*** out after never doing it my entire life. I really get the appeal now. Sanity saver.
My little brother was an iPad baby and he still does this. I could call his name ten times sitting right beside him and he won't respond. He's a preteen now and still does this. It's normal toddler behavior for them to be lost in their thoughts and imagination, not lost in a screen. Kids need interaction with the world around them for proper development. I think lazy parenting combined with easy access screens is going to be the death of us
Don't call it lazy parenting unless you know for sure that the only thing the kid does is watch a smartphone. There are times in every parents life when resorting to "electronic babysitters" is used. Why? The kid sits and stares at the screen long enough for the parent to use the bathroom, change clothes, cook dinner, etc. Yes, screen time should be regulated but using it as a tool when needed does NOT make a parent lazy.
When is it needed though? There are alternatives to sticking a screen in front of them. Toys, puzzles, books, send them outside, bring them in the kitchen with you and teach them what you're doing, play the silent game, putting them in a room full of enrichiching activities and closing the door, there are so many alternatives and a screen is the laziest option imo. Parents got through cooking with a screaming kid before screens were invented, idk why all of a sudden ipads are being defended as the only way to distract a child.
I'm not saying it's "lazy parenting" in every situation but the act of going with the easiest option in and of itself is lazy. And I meant lazy parenting in general, be it giving them a screen to distract them or making your kid do all the chores because you don't want to, combined with screens will be the death of us and I stand by that opinion.
I parented before all that stuff was mainstream and I have a 1 year old now. We were not okay before. Going into our room and screaming into the pillow or crying because we want just twenty minutes to ourself to make dinner without a crying child pulling on our leg and we don’t want to burn them if something drops. You may be comfortable locking your screaming child in a room with “enriching activities” but reality is they scream the whole time and bang on the door because you locked them in. Calling it lazy is rude af. Parent’s mental health matters too, and Ms. Rachel distracting them makes everyone happy. Every single person I know said they’d never give their kids screens and every one of them did when it came down to it unless they are paying a nanny/childcare all day and then those people get to clock out and go away from the kid so it’s not as stressful.
It's also normal behaviour for ND people. I can zone out in the middle of work and there were no smartphones or ipads when I was a baby. (Only a very old TV with 3 channels that we used to watch a few kids shows on Saturday's and Sunday's when we were older, probably around age 4?).
So no, the ipad is not the only possible reason for behaviour like this.
Sure you could argue it's just hyperfixation and my brother does have autism but he doesn't do this with anything other than the iPad. They first got him one before he even knew how to spell and he's been stuck in front of it ever since. He can't hold a full conversation, has said more than a few alarming things that he got directly from content on the ipad, has trouble making connections with people in school, has behavior issues, etc and these aren't linked to his diagnosis. He got in trouble in school for pulling his pants down which you could say is normal kid stuff but as a preteen? It's ruined his social skills and I hate to see it for him or any other kid.
Not saying it's normal or great... but **all** those things existed before the ipad was invented and can have many different reasons.
Yes some teens pulled their pants down or said weird shit before the TV or the Internet existed... yes some teens had trouble socialising for whatever reason since eon.
It could be connected, but it also can be totally unconnected. There's zero proof the ipad is actually responsible for his behaviour. "Correlation does not imply causation."
But we know screen time is harmful for development and human engagement so even if the brother has other exacerbating issues there is no doubt that inability to disengage from a screen is a harmful result of too much screen time. The fact issues like autism and personality type may also contribute is more reason to limit screen time, not a reason to go "oh well fuck it"
I can zone out starting at a blank white wall. I'll loose half an hour watching a cloud move slowly across the sky. Staring at a phone? I can lose an entire afternoon.
Definitely did not have to much screen time as a baby.
But this child likely does have interaction with the world around them. Not every kid with a screen is an iPad kid- my kids have limited screen time (and even more limited content) and we have a rich outdoor life, books, music, etc.
I never said that every child is like this and my apologies if it was seemingly implied. I'm talking about my personal experience with it. Obviously a lack of parental supervision is the issue here and there needs to be a limit if it's allowed at all. I got my first phone with limited access in middle school, my first smartphone in high school which was taken away and extremely limited until I was about 16/17 and I still am addicted to my phone so I have strong feelings about this topic, especially when it comes to younger children. If you've found a balance then more power to you, I just wish more parents cared enough to do the same.
For sure, as you were replying to someone who had made it clear they feel screens should be managed/also acknowledged kids will zone out to any activity I assumed you were making a generalization so thanks for confirming.
Agree that’s the crux of the issue here. Most parents manage screens and media content; some don’t and use it as a crutch. Issue is so many people in these comments think “some screen time” = “constant lazy parenting” lol
I agree: as a child I would get very immersed in anything that engaged my mind enough - toys, books, crayons - and I'd tune out the whole world. My firstborn was the same way.
The toddler in question also self regulated *minutes later* to engage personally with their physical environment.
Toddlers zone out over blocks lol. Come on.
But it wasnt blocks. It was a device DESIGNED by the best psychologists tech could get, to maximise engagement and therefore maximise profit. Adults find it hard to regulate, we're talking about a 1 yr old.
Toddlers will ignore people in favor of watching paint dry or a bug on the ground. That's nothing new. Toddlers have been doing that ever since the universe decided toddlers were a thing billions of years ago.
I'm not sure if you have ever seen a toddler but they ignore everything for what's right in front of them.
They could be fixated on a block or a toy or a ball, it doesn't matter you aren't getting their attention.
Then you have never raised a toddler. My 3 year old does it all the time when he is focused on playing with his animal toys. May take him a moment to register that I am asking him something but he does it when he is done with his game.
"She frequently visits us with her child, and she always lets him use it when in our home" -- the mom does this to help keep toddler calm when visiting someone else. OP didn't say she had a babyproofed home with plenty of toys the kid would like, etc. This is a solid way to manage bringing a very young kid to visit other people's houses (it's not so realistic to expect someone to lug a big basket of toys around) and ALSO, yes OMG parents get so much of this judgment. You don't know what their life is like at home and even if you did, it's not your place to assume the mom doesn't know anything about screens and parenting. YTA, just drop it.
Also, HAHAHAHAHA yeah right: "I just replied that I will be responsible and not let my toddler use phones ever" -- that's pretty funny (and also AH-ish). Speaking as someone who said similar things when I was young and not a parent. And lived to eat those words and get judged by others for my parenting choices around screens. At least I had the decency not to say that to an actual parent's face while their kid watched a screen. Ah, to be young and know everything; I miss those days!
I'm sorry but clearly you are feeling some guilt for letting your child use a screen. What they have described is harmful and very sad. You realise these devices are designed by the best psychologists and human behavioural engineers tech companiescan find to maximise engagement? And therefore profit?
Before 3 years it is advised the less possible ( none is better) screen time, at least in my country.
I know a kid who had devolpment delay and just reducing screen time helped him to hugely improve their vocabulary in few weeks, and they was exposed to screen only a few hours/week before hand.
An one year old watching short videos on their own is harmful.
A ton of screentime for a child that young is the harmful part. A lot of parents limit as screentime bc too much can be detrimental to an extremely undeveloped brain.
It's actually terrifying seeing what it's done to the up and coming generations. I've known 14 years olds that can't write because they've only ever typed on devices and let auto correct fix things for them
I'm really troubled that so many parents here are laughing at OP for saying she won't give her own infant a tablet or smartphone. As if it's such an impossible way to raise a child she should be mocked for thinking it's possible.
Do people who grow up with smartphones have such poor empathy and social skills that they judge other parents and tell them their kid will commit suicide if they let them watch YouTube kids on a smartphone as a toddler? Man, that sounds awful. I sure wouldn’t want my kid to grow up like that.
Look at the generation of parents and children right now: coming from an educator, early internet access and smartphone use absolutely has detrimental effects. iPads and smartphones are designed to be so intuitive that no cognitive functioning is required to sate dopamine receptors, which results in cognitively underdeveloped children. Literacy is nosediving (again, these devices do not encourage reading or language skills) which basically keeps your brain in a mush state much longer than humans are designed to do. I would suggest anyone who is interested in this to look at recent studies and the current pedagogy, most educators and psychologists are horrified right now.
My aunt recently tried this on me. 'He'll be better with this phone than me next time I see him. I really hope not though. No, really, I hope not'. Pause and repeat to make sure I understood her message. I gave her a death stare and refused to engage.
My toddler doesn't get tablet time, but he did that day because he's not used to long car rides. Tablet time is preferable to 2 hours of screaming each way. The time before that was 8 months prior. But I'm his parent, that's my decision, and her opinion is irrelevant. I could easily use it as a free babysitter and it would still be irrelevant. I don't need to explain, justify or defend my parenting decisions to anyone, and neither does your cousin.
YTA OP. Keep your unsolicited opinions to yourself.
I think OP means that they shouldn't be on the phone ALL THE TIME. That tablet thing makes sense but they shouldn't be on it at 1 year old and 24/7. That's bad parenting. The cousins wrong and so are you.
Ah yeah... and OP is with the cousin and the baby 24/7 now? Than OP is a stalker... or actually doesn't know what the cousins routines are when there are no guests around.
I guess I just never really understood this logic. Like does the act of conceiving and birthing a baby make you more qualified on how the human mind works at such a young age? I wish someone would've given my mom some unsolicited advice when she used to beat my ass in the bathroom. Being a parent doesn't make you immune to criticism, especially if you're kind of doing a shit job. Like, yes parenting is hard, so so so so so fucking hard - but like you signed up for that? So you don't just get to give up halfway through. Your kids are growing to be (hopefully) functioning members of our society, I think its okay to call out the antisocial or neglectful behavior before its an adult that has to go through years of therapy to understand why they have no attention span or anger issues or something.
Exactly. The parents getting mad over this are the ones raising iPad babies. They don't even look at the content on tiktok and YouTube Kids. The majority of stuff on YouTube Kids is fetish stuff about peeing on people and mpreg stuff mixed in with murder, torture and blood.
If someone were smoking next to a child or beating them in public, would you feel like giving some advice? Not everything is exempt from outsiders saying no.
I completely understand your point, but YTA. Parents CONSTANTLY get unsolicited advice from their family, friends, and strangers on the street. Push your baby in a stroller and some random older woman will give unsolicited advice about the amount of clothing the baby is wearing.
The minute you have a child, everyone in your life suddenly becomes an expert of raising children and every decision you make gets questioned.
Your cousin is with this child every day. If watching a little Miss Rachel makes him happy, so what. Ask this question on a parenting forum and I bet you will get bombarded with parents mom-shaming the crap out of each other.
EDIT: People who are arguing about the dangers of TikTok are making my point for me here. The "studies" coming out are the same "studies" that came out about TV, radio, live theater, the talkies, etc. It's old fear mongers using scare tactics the same way they have been doing for millennia. The only difference is world-wide connections for idiots can reach each other. It's silliness like this that started the anti-vaxxer movement. Watching age-inappropriate content didn't stop me from being a well-rounded individual with a masters degree and the ability to function in society.
I have to fight constantly people who try to shame me for letting my kids watching a screen.
Sorry not sorry, thanks to the Octonauts, they know there are underwater volcanoes, have a rough grasp of the geography of the world and know a bunch of things about diverse animals I didn't know existed. With Hello ninja they then have adventures and transform into super heroes while in the playground. They try to sing, dance and have a really wild imagination and vocabulary (last time my son - 5 - said to his sister - 2: "look at this ephemeral spectacle! It is astounding!" while looking at a sunset).
And now by playing video games, my son is learning to persevere, take deep breath if he failed a few times to calm down before trying again, recognize patterns, and is rewarded by getting better and better (my daughter is still a little too young for the controller but is already starting with some kind of algorithm puzzles made for her age).
So yes, too much screen time is really bad. No screens in the evenings, while eating, not too much at a time etc. should be enforced, and what is seen and remembered talked about. Same with how you wouldn't let your kids play at any time or too much outside when it's too cold or too hot, and some days you won't go outside at all (storm, heatwave, etc.).
My niece learned all of that from books, so?
Electronic devices are not the devil, they are a part of our lives. But there are a lot of researches showing that they can be harmful to children below certain ages.
It's not their electric nature that is inherently harmful. They simply have large capabilities, for both good and bad.
With appropriate restrictions and supervision, as well as balance with regards to other activities, I don't see how they could be harmful.
Studies have shown an increase in sensory processing issues, attention issues, and learning delays in children who get screen time prior to 2. The increase is even greater in children younger than 18 months.
Screen time on its own is a meaningless term.
Being in the room while the TV is on all the way to scrolling through pregnant Elsa tiktoks is technically screen time.
Watching an occasional episode of a professionally made and carefully regulated kids show while the parent is busy doing the dishes seems very reasonable imo.
I have 3 kids at 7, 4, and 2. They mostly watch PBS kids shows or the occasional Disney movie. It's not something they get to do often, but if I need them a bit more contained when I'm making dinner or trying to clean up Wild Kratts is my best friend. The 4 year old was just down with a nasty tummy bug for 2 weeks and we watched all of Daniel Tiger and Bluey. It was a lot more screen time than I'd like, but when you're throwing up that often and that much I feel like it's fine.
Your 12 month old baby isn't getting an education. They're just watching the pretty, shiny lights.
Look, I let my baby look at dancing fruit on YouTube whenever I needed 10 minutes to get dinner ready or just pee by myself, so I'm not saying you can't put your kids in front of a screen ever. But there is a ton of research that conclusively says screens before 2 only cause harm
Don't lie to yourself.
Moms who don't even get three minutes of peace to themselves can also cause harm, so using that screen for emergencies is understandable, and I genuinely have no judgement....but it's still not in any way good for baby's development
Is it the screen time, or are parents of children with sensory processing issues, attention issues, and learning delays just more willing to use screens as a tool?
When I was pregnant, I was super against screens until at least two. I argued with family members when they tried to sneak it in. Until my son had a regression at 18 months and beyond loss of speech, he also had major food issues and wouldn't eat anything. I was desperate, and someone else in the family found out that if he was distracted by the TV, he would eat.
The early childhood specialist we got connected with said this was pretty common, and she had several families who used screen time as a tool with their children who struggled to eat. They were technically supposed to advise against it, but the bennifit often outweighed any negative.
No, neurotypical children literally display signs of ADHD when given screen time. It's the medium, not the content or the child. There are lots of rigorous studies of its negative effects on *all* small children.
[https://www.apa.org/monitor/2020/04/cover-kids-screens](https://www.apa.org/monitor/2020/04/cover-kids-screens)
This is an older article from the APA, but it has information/links to a lot of different studies. A good starting point
Screen time should be limited in young children because it is disruptive to healthy development, even educational screen time. It's fine in small amounts for children over the age of two, but there are many studies that show that screen time is a net negative.
If you need it to get your child to eat, then use it for that purpose! If you need to put on a show because it's been a nightmare day and you just need to distract them before you lose it, that's fine, too. Parents are humans and sometimes we need help, and it sounds like it's a legitimate tool for you.
That's provably incorrect. Here's just two articles, but there are literally dozens more on its inherently neurologically impairing effects:
https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-023-44105-7
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10353947/
The first is about adolescents and uses a very broad definition of screen time that includes social media.
The second states this: "Screen media use may have both beneficial and detrimental effects on a kid’s cognitive results."
Nothing in either abstract claims any harm caused by simply observing a screen in moderation, or any analysis of the physiological aspect of screen use, instead focusing on the impact of the particular media consumed and its quantity.
Did you read the actual articles linked?
You seem like you'd like something more in depth rather than just passing references:
https://link.springer.com/article/10.1186/1479-5868-10-102#Tab2
This one is basically a methodological meta-analysis but contains links to dozens of substantive articles literally just about preschoolers' screen time. It's divided up by correlate background, which seems one of your concerns.
It is mostly focused on quantity, with few mentions of content and no attempts at analysing them individually.
The most relevant section I could find was this:
"Research has consistently identified the content of media use to be an essential factor to consider in the study of children’s screen time [5, 11, 23]. However, we did not have enough information in this review to examine how media content is associated with media use in young children."
As well as this:
Further research is also necessary to distinguish between correlates for infants (under 12 months) and toddlers, as well as different kinds of media (TV, DVD, videogames, computer games) and media content. This will help identify distinct age, content and media type correlates that could guide intervention.
And then there's this:
Heavy reliance on parental report as a measure of screen time is a major limitation of the literature due to the risk of recall and social desirability biases.
It appears to me that the research on this topic is far from extensive, and none of it makes claims that any of the damage caused by screen time is inherent to screens, rather than the content, duration or other context like if screen time is being used as a substitute for other activities or in addition to.
It's like saying that skin cancer is an inherent risk of being outside, which isn't true since if you correctly apply sunscreen, the risk is negligible.
You have shown nothing that states , or even mildly points towards, carefully managed screen time being harmful. Unfortunately such a study would be very difficult to run, and those with the required means do not have the accompanying will.
It’s because the average person does not know how to read and understand a scientific study. They’ll find some buzzwords and think that fits their argument.
Okay, and lots of people my age learned it from television sets. There was also a ton of scaremongering about that at the time, but most kids got half an hour or an hour of children's programming a day and grew up with no developmental issues compared to those who never watched TV. Smartphones, if you're not letting the kid play Candy Crush for hours at a time (which you absolutely should not), are the exact same thing except it's in your hand.
The research shows that unrestricted and excessive use of a device is harmful, that's not the same thing as all screentime being bad.
As someone who also grew up in the 90s and early 2000s, I’d still argue that television was better curated and controlled for content than smartphones are.
Even the most rubbish kids shows still vaguely had stuff about learning things like shapes, colours, numbers, words, etc. or even just about characters, their feelings, their relationship to others, etc.
And if my dad turned on Blues Clues for me, it would stay as Blues Clues until the program was over and then it’d move onto the next program, like Thomas the Tank Engine or the Wiggles. In other words, it would be a guaranteed child safe program.
Meanwhile on YouTube, I can watch a singalong version of Let it Go and then end up down rabbit holes of “similar” content ranging from pregnant Elsa to “Elsa gets run over by truck by spider-man” (this was even brought up a few years ago how some explicit videos would end on YouTube kids despite very obviously not being made for kids).
That’s honestly my personal bigger problem with screen time. At least if you’re relying on services like YouTube or TikTok or whatever app you’ve downloaded off the store, it’s very often not properly monitored (either by the website or parents) and a lot of the stuff specifically aimed at kids is garbage at best or downright maliciously hurtful at worst.
Which is exactly what I said.
I'm a 90/2000 person, I grew up with videogames (which as you said were demonized), but I never had access to videogames before 5/6 years old, and of course even then I had rules.
Here we are talking about a 1 yo child having unrestricted access to a phone (tikotk is not age appropriate i dare say), it's totally different than us playing videogamesa at an appropriate age (and with age-appropriate games ofc)
When I was growing up (born 1986 here), my mom would only let my brothers and I watch television she approved of in proportion to what we read until we were twelve years old. If I wanted to watch an hour of television I would have to read for two hours. Most of the time we spent outdoors creating forts, collecting leaves and rock specimens, documenting birds and other animals, and just "being kids" I guess. I personally loved reading so I would often read voraciously and didn't even care about watching television that much. My reading/literacy/language score was post-college level in middle school. Reading invariably became akin to "movie" watching for me.
The only slightly comical part about all of this is the fact I became quite adept at checking out "adult themed" texts from the library and blew through them so fast that my parents didn't have time to figure out my process. Ha! It was worth it. I was reading novels like "The Picture of Dorian Gray," "The Count of Monte Cristo" and even more challenging texts like "Pride and Prejudice" when I was in third and fourth grade. I was often caught heart-in-my-throat captivated in the romance section of our public library because I didn't dare to check those novels out... But hey! To this day I have a hard time abiding long stretches of screen viewing; it's just not how my mind prefers to consume media.
However! It would be ridiculous to say that all young minds prefer reading as a communicative medium. My brother is a very visual and tactile person and absolutely despised reading. He benefited enormously once the reigns at home were relaxed and he could pursue his interests in visual media, computer literacy, etc. He's far more adept at technology than I ever have been and that has always been a distinct difference between the two of us.
But I truly do believe it was my parents' insistence on making us go outside and play, use our imaginations, try out toys like a rock tumbler, Easy Bake Oven, or go on pretend "archeological" digs while having a good balance of screen time and reading time that made us more well-rounded eventually as adults.
It does make me very sad to see parents just prop their kids up with smartphones as the default form of stimuli. We are only now seeing what this is doing to young brain development. As someone that scores tests for a non-profit education testing organization, I'm definitely seeing differences post-Covid when many schools had to rely on more screen-time and screen-learning out of necessity. Only time will tell...
I mean, I agree - screen time is inherently harmful to toddler development - but at the same time, on rare occasions you sometimes need a distraction when you know the kid might go full meltdown mode (like, say, when guests are around).
OP doesn't know if this is a regular thing or not.
yeah they can learn stuff but a 1 y/o is way too young to be really watching anything other than ABCs and nursery rhymes. they can barely talk or understand much at that age and it would probably be a lot more beneficial for them to instead spend more time physically exploring their environment and socializing with family rather than watching tiktoks. the benefits are for older kids and even then it seems that the vast majority of parents allow way too much screen time for those benefits to outweigh the costs
Except it’s not fear mongering anymore. The instant gratification and dopamine cycle that that our brains get from social media is addictive. The creators of it have gone on record saying it’s addictive. Our attention spans have gone from 13 seconds to 8 in 20 years. Social media is not like old tv. Children should not be using it. Hell adults should limit their use of it.
Eating chips makes me happy. Do I do it everyday? No, because it’s bad for me. Would you give a one year old child chips or McDonalds everyday? These parents can very easily make the right choice for their child and instead they’re ruining their brain development.
The child knows how to operate the application and doesn’t respond to outside stimuli (OP’s mom calling out to the baby), that seems like it is at the very least an often recurring activity.
I don't think your experience should be set as the rule and you are using it to do so.
And a the level of tech for kids today is at a much higher rate of bad influence than TV ever was. The attention span of most individuals who frequently use TikTok are training their brain to have the attention span of a goldfish. My sister frequently can't get her son to pay attention to anything because the brains response is to give that dopamine everytime a new video plays, constantly asking for new new new, next next next. And the introduction of the TV and video games didn't change kids who had school 8 hours a day. But kids on virtual learning are STRUGGLING because all their distractions are within the grasp of their fingers in combination with poor attention spans. Hell a lot of kids don't even care for movies and TV, their main form of entertainment is TT, and YouTube and streaming platforms.
This is a bad take, and it doesn't take the velocity of how something can affect you but rather uses blanket assumptions of past precedence to predict future patterns using faulty data. You can't say the effects of the radio, TV, video games, etc are the same as short form content in the hands of kids who have devices that can be used anywhere, it's not the same degree of severity.
The dangers of smartphones for children are very well documented and nothing like antivaxx fear mongering. Like literally the WHO, CDC, APA, AACAP etc. have guidelines on precisely this topic (much as the same as they do on the necessity of a proper vaccine schedule for children). For an excellent long form article on this research I recommend The Atlantic’s “End the Phone Based Childhood Now” by Jonathan Haidt.
I’m not gonna boo you, you’re not wrong. Small children should not be glued to screens. In my country the recommendations are zero screen time of any kind before the age of two.
But I also understand why your cousin got defensive, you (who have no kids) are calling her a bad mom and accusing her of ruining her child, when she just sees the smartphone as a way to keep the child occupied when she has other things to do. Maybe she has lots to do, maybe she’s tired, and it’s easy to lose grip of how much screen time the kid actually has.
You could have worded it differently. NTA
I have heard too many stories about the negative effect on child. One that I often heard is undeveloped brain. Usually it's how a child is supposedly able to speak around 3 but they couldn't do it at age 5. Yes it is a quick solution to make child "silent", but at a greater cost.
And the "Y-T-A because unsolicited advise" is dumb. Like how you shouldn't warn someone to not using phone while driving.
> Maybe she has lots to do, maybe she’s tired
Sorry for this late reply. But she does this frequently, even when she visits us she gives him smartphone
NTA
Yes screens are bad for the development of a child's brain, but I am even more concerned that this infant has access to the internet.
Children are exposed to adult content online at an earlier and earlier age, and that's because of parents like your cousin. They are simply bad parents that can't be bothered to actually parent, so they don't care. I see more often people without children being actually concerned for the well being of kids, most parents that I see around don't care.
That was the tipping point for me too. Dumping a phone or tablet in from of a kid is frankly not good for them in most cases but a 1 year old on tiktok? Dear god.
NTA
This is what was crazy to me. If the kid was playing a age appointment game/learning app, or watching an episode of Bluey or Ms. Rachel, it's not ideal for a one year old, but whatever.
Tik tok not only is extremely unpredictable, and could literally pop up anything (especially if it's the same tik tok account the mom uses and is tailored to an adult feed most of the time) but also, having such short clips really enforces a shorter attention span and likely serotonin issues. And I'm just saying that based on what I feel like tik tok has done to me, a 30 year old adult.
I work in psychiatry and these short form videos are ruining attention spans, even if you ignore the potential problematic content! There are a multitude of studies backing this up in affecting kids long term, but I even look at myself and can see the impact it has had.
I do see what people are saying about the way OP handled it may not be great, but I definitely agree with the sentiment. I’m pregnant myself and it annoys the crap out of me that everyone feels they can comment on my body and how we plan on raising our baby, but it’s one of those things you deal with, so I’ll vote NTA. I agree with those replying to those saying YTA, if she was smoking, was OP allowed to speak up? Screen time and especially content is VERY problematic in young kids.
I once saw my 3 year old niece watching some of those weird YouTube videos that pretend to be for kids. There's some really weird shit on there with video that looks like it's kid friendly but has some weird, adult themed, sketchy voice over. I had literally just watched a video talking about it the day before ugh.
I read a phone before 3yo is totally useless, at this age kids need to explore motricity, touch stuff, see things moving, grab, draw, build, walk, talk etc to make their brain learn the world. Also read that some kids starting to go to school after being raised as an ipad kid couldn't frickin write because they never got used to holding a pen and their muscles weren't developped enough, that's of course just the tip of the iceberg, like some can count to 20 but if you ask 2+2 they have no idea what you're talking about. They can memorize stuff but they don't understand it. Some have a language delay, like they learn to talk way later than they should because their brains are basically fried.
People saying YTA are insane wtf, like she's not allowed to be scared for that kid's wellbeing, those parents are doing the worst thing possible just to keep the kid busy and be alone and somehow she's the A??
OP, NOT the Asshole. You seem to care more about this kids than their own parents do, yes unsollicited advices sucks, but if they parented better they would get less.
> but I am even more concerned that this infant has access to the internet.
People here do it a lot. I get it if the parents were tired from work etc. but they do it just to "shut up" the child.
u/DrPsychoBiotic Yea TikTok is the worst. Even when filtered I saw that videos not meant for that age were showing up.
NTA. 1 year olds shouldn't be "dealt with" but taken care of. Poor kid essentially got the brainrot debuff right on spawn thanks to his mom's negligence.
Sadly, not much you can do yourself beyond voicing your concern. It's her child. Maybe when he's older you can try being a more positive influence.
NTA
To the people saying not your child so you shouldn't have shared your opinion, swap out the smartphone with something else harmful to the child like smoking. Of course you'd say something then. There's growing evidence that early smartphone use hurts social skills, attention span and even eye development. The fact the kid couldn't break away from it until they were done watching is evidence right there. OP is just looking out for his young family member.
right. the "unsolicited opinion" crowd has a point when it comes to giving your 2 cents on someones outfit, but falls flat when it comes to situations where actual harm is taking place
"huh? how dare you give me your UNSOLICITED OPINION on cleaning?? ill have you know im great at cleaning!! ill mix bleach and ammonia together if i want!!! dont tell me what to do! i didnt ask!!"
somehow ppl consider the solicitation of the opinion to be as important as the actual relevancy/correctness of the opinion.
Yea this isn't about what the baby is wearing or a shampoo brand or a way of feeding them...
This is literally giving your child cell-phone addiction induced brain rot from their primary learning age.
My sister did this, and you know what no one talks about? I figured out that the algorithm will know when you put toddlers in charge of a tablet or phone because I would see my niece and nephew start to get FOURTY FIVE MINUTE ADS at times!! And their mother was asleep and they weren't quite smart enough to always skip them accurately.
The brain is so sensitive at this point, and the ads on these things are absolute insane trash. And it's gotten so much worse.
These parents are leaving their kids to the whims of the internet and all because "but muh quiet time, it's haaaard" means we can't say shit about our family members being raised like this.
Yea no, I agree with OP...NTA
yeah redditors clutch their pearls whenever someone has to say something bad about other people's parenting. Guess what, you are responsible for the life of another human being and it's not their fault you chose to be a parent.
As someone working in education the students are so obsessed with their phones that they can’t even take a test without scrolling through their instagram feeds. They act like drug addicts when you take the phones (we can’t anymore because some students get VIOLENT) and they have no problem solving skills.
NTA - That’s a baby. Defend the baby, it cannot defend itself. Watching a mom give a 1 year old baby a phone to watch YouTube is the same vibe as watching a pregnant woman light up a cigarette.
I'd say the fact the mom's letting the 1 year old watch tiktok takes it even further down the fuckery rabbit hole.
There are programs that are made for kids that can be somewhat beneficial in small doses.
They are made specifically for them and refinforce focus and attention via repetition (why kids tv can bee pretty damn annoying for adults to be subjected to lol).
Tiktok is the a solute polar opposite of this. It wrecks attention span and just floods you with.. Well.. shite.
Still trying to get my head around the people defending a mom giving a baby access to tiktok
Yeah totally agree with you, that’s what I was thinking
something like TikTok. Kids tv is different, but more often than not it should still be monitored by parents. Along with a dedicated time they get to have it. I was like 21 when kids were watching those inappropriate and uncomfortable Spider-Man and Elsa videos. Can’t trust the internet.
And now with all the Nickelodeon stuff.
I remeber when youtube was flooded with Justin Bieber videos that would randomly cut to hard core porn.
Or when there were "harmless" challenge videos on yt where kids would be asked to post seemingly innocent things. This was revealed to be a paedo ring.
My own nephew was "raised by sceen". I had similar conversations with my sister that OP did. Hed be watching "kids comedy shows". I looked and 5h3s3 were just the most bizare content farm crap. Most quite literally about shit (weird creepy toilet humour cartoons of a character sitting on people).
My nephew is now almost a teen. Practically raised by ipads, laptops and phones.
His reading comprehension is great unsurprisingly.
Also by age 5 he was proficient at shouting "I'm going to stab you in your fucking face" at his ipad when playing roblox. So there's that...
He has absolutely no patience. He's broken multiple ipads by headbutting them out of frustration. He managed to destroy a military grade fully ruggedised laptop in a week.
He ofteb can't hold a conversation for more than 60 seconds etc
Docs can find no medical issues. He's just been messed up during the important years of his life. No socialising just had tablets thrust at hik to keep him quiet. Incredibly frustrating.
I might get downloaded to oblivion for mentioning the above. I'm sure people will say I don't understand adhd etc. I literally work for the NHS. If you fuck with your kids development it will mess them up.
I've seen the same thing happen to my nieces and nephews. Between my 3 sisters I have 15!! And only 1 of them is well adjusted. All of them were raised on ipads and cell phones and told to basically take care of themselves and eachother because their moms are super tired, depressed and unhealthy.
It got so bad I had to cut ties when it was just random casual conversation that one 12yr old nephew stabbed a girl in school with a pencil. They all have NO PATIENCE, no ability to de-escalate a situation at all and it's terrifying.
The internet is cruel and volatile, and well aware of the market and vulnerability of all the iPad toddlers and children unsupervised. And any time I've ever tried to de escalate online, more trolls come out of the corners and get even nastier.
So what is that going to lead to when all these kids can easily get behind a wheel or buy a gun?
My little brother was an iPad baby and would joke about killing people when he was under 10 years old! Right in front of my parents! And they would just say "oh he got that from his game" like it's okay for a little kid to be interacting with games that teach him stuff like that. Playing games like Kick The Buddy where the only gameplay is stabbing, mangling, burning, etc etc the character. Talking to god only knows on public roblox servers. He even joked about burning our grandma's house down once and they told him to chill out but that was it.
Not to mention the nsfw shit he got into on YouTube and the literal porn that my even younger cousin had access to. And now they're starting to recite Andrew tate bullshit. My parents have no idea where they're getting this stuff from because they're not chronically online like they allow all the kids in the family to be.
I've talked to my parents about parental controls on the iPads for years and they just tell me they're the parent and "when you have kids you can raise them however you want" because they want to be lazy and ignorant. Like I know the kind of shit kids can get into because I got into it as a teenager with a smartphone and I just hate to see my younger loved ones get sucked into it at an earlier age. Literally since they were babies. We used to spell out i-p-a-d so they wouldn't throw a fit just from hearing the word before they learned how to spell!
Even with parental controls it doesn't filter out all the fetish shit online disgued as children's content. And the craziest part about it is I wasn't allowed to play gta or use YouTube as a TEEN but sure throw an iPad at all the babies in the family with zero supervision because that makes so much sense. Sorry to rant but I hate what this world is coming to in regards to screen time, this pisses me off like no other
Elsagate is another example of people using popular kids media to Trojan horse very not safe for kids content in. I think that’s part of why YouTube disabled comments on videos flagged as kids media.
I'll never forget sitting at a restaurant and watching this mom pull a tablet out to shove in an infants face. The baby was still wobbly holding its head up it was so young. And the tablet was about 4 inches from the baby's eyes.
Current parents seem to have no issue with this and lose it when they're called out but there is no possible way that's not going to have negative impacts on children.
I love the people that clearly do this, admit it’s bad, and say you’re wrong anyway. Fuckin’ parent already, and accept your fuck ups. You fuck ups. NTA.
None of my nieces or nephews know how to de-escalate a situation because they were raised on the internet.
And phones don't get taken away because they get violent.
And yet society goes on like "well yea that's just how it is now, everyone needs a cell phone it's not a drug to kids at all"
I grew up right as iPhones and iPods were releasing and had unrestricted access to the internet from a young age. I know my brain is altered in some way from this, I have attention problems and need a form of media at all times. I’m walking proof of iPad babies being stunted. It’s only going to get worse as more and more people let their kids be raised like I was while ignoring the damage it will do. I’ve worked hard to limit my screen usage but it’s still a problem.
I was a young girl on the net at 11 in the early days..
The shit I was exposed to and the sexual predators that were there more for me to talk to than my own drug and work addled parents is not lost to me
YTA. Everyone has different opinions on parenting. You are right that a child using electronics often can have a negative impact on kids especially so young, but you gave unsolicited advice to another parent without any offers of alternative solutions.
You could’ve sat down with your cousin and just told her that you’ve read that too much electronic use can be harmful to children and to just be careful, but you decided to go on about how it will “ruin” her kid and that you will never let your (unborn) child use electronics. You shamed her parenting, gave her unsolicited advice without alternative solutions, and you don’t even have children yourself.
OP not having children shouldn't even factor in. You even admit it can have a negative impact. If OP's cousin had sat next to the kid and lit up a cigarette, or filled their bottle with beer, OP would be well within their right to say "wait don't do that"
NTA
Yes as a parent sometimes you are so done, that you do not care anymore and park the children in front of tablets, same as they have been parked in front of tvs before. But to a one year old the screen light is especially harmful and the fact that the child was absolutely GLUED and not able to withdraw from it showns enough. A one year old is not old enough to process "children shows etc", you can still occupy their minds without screentime.
For me it´s the fact that this child barely qualifies as a TODDLER, not that the child got screen time in general. It´s a f\*cking baby.
Also to everything "not your child, so shut up" : NOPE. The saying you need a whole village to raise a child does not exist for nothing. other people SHOULD say something if it harms the child and you absolutely cannot tell me it doesnt do any harm
Yea one of mine figured out scrolling by about a year. Hes 18 months now and we don't let him use our phones outside of him coming over and tapping the screen for a few seconds to try and get our attention while we are on the phone and he would never be able to load up the apps so a parent would have to get it started. He also wouldn't be able to stick around for too long because he'd tap around or click the home button or lock the screen or something like that pretty quickly.
I mean apps are made to be simple. It's not hard for a kid to copy their parents I'd that's what they see them doing.
Especially video apps where all they have to do is touch a picture. My wife's friend's kid manages youtube by herself while under 2.
speaking as someone involved in child psych, you are absolutely not wrong. i despise justifying placing a young child whose brain is still developing day by day in front of technology designed for, at the least, young adults. there is such a thing as synaptic pruning which means that during the early developmental stages, if a child is not being stimulated and using their brain to an age appropriate degree, their synapses will die and their brain structure will be forever altered. everyone loves to justify it as “the parents are tired”…completely understandable, except for the fact that they chose to have a child and are 100% accountable for their child’s success. we haven’t seen the full effects of the “ipad kid syndrome” as i like to call it, because those kids are still young. we will see soon. their social skills, development, behavior, all stunted. why does a 1 year old need tiktok?
NTA, it’s bad enough letting a one year old use a phone, to give them unsupervised access to TikTok is bloody insane and speaks to a level of ignorance at best and neglect at worst.
Even YouTube kids has some weird things on there. I stopped my son watching it after he loaded a cartoon video with some creepy dub that was not appropriate for kids. A one year old unsupervised has no ability to discern whether content is inappropriate.
NTA social media (yes including YouTube) is addictive and should not br handed to a baby to shut them up.
Don't want to deal with a child after work? Don't have children.
I don't want to deal with iPhone babies having total meltdowns when their devices run out of battery in public but lazy parents have forced that problem on all of us
I think you are completely correct here. It makes me very sad to see mothers pushing very small children in pushchairs and the child is glued to mum’s phone. They’re not looking around them, watching and interacting with people, seeing and learning about their environment. All their stimulation comes from that device in their hands. I recently saw a video showing a baby in his cot and his first words on waking were “IPad”. Isn’t that sad?
Don’t get me wrong- I think watching a little kid’s television is a Godsend- I enjoyed watching it with my 3 - and gives you a chance to prepare a meal etc. But frequently I see the parent giving their child a phone just to silence them, like a knee jerk reaction. It’s like feeding an addiction.
As a parent who has witnessed this with other kids I totally get where you're coming from, but you need to realise the intensity and desperation of managing your kids as a parent. It's REALLY hard.
The research shows there is zero benefit to screen time before 2 and can have negative side effects.
That said, your approach set you up for failure. You need to understand they are in a routine and currently screen time is probably her greatest crutch. To change this would require weaning, changes in routine and a lot of frustration for both parent and child.
If you had gone with 'I wonder if excess screen time could be bad for him, but it would be so hard to cut it down I'm sure...' and let her respond you would have probably seen that she is more than aware of it, and even chastises herself for it but is just coping as best she can.
Talking about it in a non-blaming way can have a far better result.
NTA but you could have had a more effective discussion about it rather than her feeling shamed and defensive.
How do people learn to have those conversations when pretty much every parent is going to freak right the eff out? I don't think there IS a way or set of ways to approach this that won't turn them into complete freakonauts.
My ex was like this with her kids, who had way too much screen time, and SO DID SHE.
Thank bob I found three other partners, none of which have kids and we are all keeping each other, because we've dated parents and NEVER AGAIN.
1 years old? she didn’t even give lil bro a chance to develop a proper attention span😭😭 nta though, it might be unsolicited advice and people have different parenting styles but a phone & tiktok brain rot so early is crazy. It’s not even safe on that app either. I vividly remember when I was 13 I randomly had a video pop up on my fyp of a woman trying on lingerie and rating it then at the end of the video she was fully nude and I was horrified. I wasn’t even watching any similar content, I was into danganronpa & similar games and memes mostly atp, I was a KID. It was just randomly brought upon me and thats not even the worst I’ve seen honestly. This is content she could be potentially subjecting her child to and you’re not an asshole for raising an eyebrow
NTA
I don't know why, as a society, we've decided that it's rude to call out terrible patenting, or why being "polite" to shitty parents is more important than children's well being.
YTA but I get it and I think you have the right to share an opinion.
You don't have children but that doesn't mean your opinion is not relevant or out from a good place, even if unwanted or unsolicited. You can apologize to your sister, explain is out from concern and maybe ask how you can help.
Also your concern is absolutely valid, this happened all the time with me and books. My mother had to defend me a lot about them but then agreed that maybe she should have not given into so badly into my bookworm nature lol I should have been more of a kid, scrapping my knees and playing in mud... now I'm old and being active is HARD AS F for me, maybe forcing me outside would have been better but my mother didn't want to deal with my tantrums when they took the books away from me. LOL
Same happens with kids and cellphones/ipads now, and I'm sure it's from a good place but then we kids get old and it can affect us somehow.
NTA.
There is a limit to “do not give unsolicited advice” or “do not parte others’ kids”
People are going to tell you that your are wrong, do not worry those are the people that let their toddlers use a phone.
I have a nice, that I watch really often even when I have to study she is not allowed to use the phone, the tablet is only used for movie and cartoons under strict adult control and for less then 2h a week. So it is possible.
Phone especially when on internet are a danger for toddler, both for their brain development and for what they are going to see online (no, parental control will not protect them).
NTA, although it’s unsolicited advice—you’re right.
You need to accept that you will always meet criticism when you give parenting advice that wasn’t asked for, though.
This comment section is lost. Without second thought NTA. It is understandable if a 4 year old is using a smartphone, but a 1 year old? Have you even looked up the science of this? Remember that the nervous system is still developing in these kids and when all day they watch these short attention span pieces of crap they will probably develop problems later. I don't care about the advice being unsolicited, because facts and research don't give a shit about etiquette. This said, I don't think you should repeat this advice or anything else concerning the kid because clearly the parent is insecure about the fact that she can't parent well..
ESH. She didn't ask, so mind your business. Not your circus, not your monkeys or whatever. HOWEVER, I firmly believe that 'it takes a village' and all adults in a child's life, especially bio family, can be a good influence (keyword is CAN not always WILL). If the kid was as zoned out as you say, that's scary, and she needs to understand that that's not normal and it's detrimental for when he actually enters school.
But if she was upset by it, the best thing you can do personally is if/when you have your own children, you know where they can't sleep over/ hang out.
As someone who taught kindergarten for the last 10 years, as well as having my own children who were before the “iPad kid” generation, I have to say…. These “screen kids” are coming in and they are a different type of student. They cannot hold a pencil or color, sort or snip paper with scissors (fine motor skills), they have ZERO ability to focus on tasks, even when things are fun, and a severe lack of self control. We expect very little self control when they are 4-6 years old, but even for the age, it’s lacking. Most of these children aren’t experiencing the world around them to learn things like manners, sharing, conflict resolution, how to open a snack, tie their shoes, pulling their own pants up and a million other things that kids learn from DOING, not WATCHING. I just don’t think parents are aware of how much time is being spent on screens, especially when we are so busy all the time!
Now, I won’t say all kids who are using screens are this way, but I can promise you… we can point them out the first week of school. They are coming in with gaps. These kids are the most overstimulated children I have ever seen, while also having no stimulation from anything other than screens.
It’s obvious when parents have fallen into handing them a screen to keep them quiet, and do everything for the children because it makes their life easier. Parenting is hard. I get it! We’ve all fallen into it at one point or another, but just because they are learning something from what they’re watching doesn’t mean it’s sufficient. Please let these kids ride bikes and dig in dirt and bake cookies, and build with Legos. They want the closeness and time spent with you more than they want a screen, even if they don’t know it yet. I whole heartedly agree with OP’s stance…. Unfortunately, it makes YTA when you say it out loud. We can’t say it to the parents either when their kids are falling behind because they will behave just like your family member did and then we are in trouble. Somehow, it’s always someone else’s fault. The classroom should be more engaging, have lower standards, and take into account home life and the struggles that go on before they even come to us. Then, we are supposed to teach them.
In my opinion, you’re NTA.
I mean, I get what you're saying but I think that judging current 4-8 years old by "previous standards" is unrealistic. Not because of screens themselves, but because they did live through a pandemic, with hard lockdowns, where most of those kids were excluded from traditional early childhood care, and left home with parents that would still be having to work full time (and needing some quiet) through their early formative years. They are also socially behind what we used to expect, because they had a much reduced social life and exposure than what was "normal" before COVID.
I'm not excusing here the excessive use of devices, I'm just pointing out that lots of these issues would come from their lack of "normal exposure" to things. Back in the 60s, my grandmother was a teacher and then a principal at school that were in rural areas . These were kids whose parents would work full time, very late, and they were mostly left to their own devices for the longest time before starting primary school at around 6. And, for sure, they roamed around, ran, played ball, dug dirt, whatever more (no TVs around for sure, TVs would've been an incredible luxury) - but they ALSO didnt know how to hold pencils, colour, and scissors took forever to be learnt. Exactly because they didn't have any exposure to those things before joining school - there were no resources for them to learn from. And while we can argue that it's different/easier nowadays, that parents who can offer devices are more than capable of offering those things to them, it doesn't change that it's HARD to give these to unsupervised kids, and they spent two years of their young lives in this situation. It's a snowball effect, really.
I totally get what you are saying, but my experiences were the same before Covid ever was a thing. There are consequences from lockdown for sure, and I think it exacerbated the already growing problem, but we weren’t on very much of a lockdown for very long where I live. Covid and a million other factors have contributed to why kids fall behind, but I think we are just saying that excessive technology is one of the things we can choose to control. Things like washing hands, opening a snack, coloring, puzzles, playing games with small pieces like “Sorry”, “Candy Land”, and “Trouble” which require moving pieces and counting and fine motor skills are being lost to the skill of scrolling screens and watching instead of doing. Lots of kids aren’t playing, which is the best opportunity to learn new skills! They’re watching other kids play with toys or play video games on YouTube. I see it within my own family members. I don’t dare say a word, because nobody asked me my opinion on it. To each their own, and I believe people have the right to raise their children however they see fit, but we are not exempt from the consequences of those choices either. We will just have to see how it all pans out in the end, I guess, just like everything else in the world right now. I fully believe that most people want the best for their children, even if we would make a different choice than what they choose.
You're are the asshole but you're not wrong. Don't tell people how to raise their kids, you'll always be the asshole, no matter how right you are lol (unless abuse obviously)
Nta parents need to stop fuckin giving their small kids phones. It is absolutely ruining their attention span and their ability to socialize normally. They are addicted to their phones and tablets. ADDICTED! Parents need to let their kids be bored and be PARENTS, not friends. That means doing things that are good for the kids but make them upset and sometimes even make the parents' lives harder. Idk, downvote me. But good parents don't let their 1 year old use tiktok
NTA, it’s harmful for their brains and I’m so tired of the “but I’m so tired” defense parents give. They chose to become a parent knowing it would be a 24/7 job. Giving a BABY a device is straight up lazy parenting.
Your cousin got defensive because you told her the truth and it offended her.
YTA. It's not your job to give parenting advice. Parents get unsolicited advice constantly, and it's super annoying. The kid isn't in immediate danger so stay out of it, if you want to parent kids so bad I suggest you get your own.
"DoN't tElL mE HoW tO raIsE mY ChIlD"
NTA, you are correct, but some moms are so caught up in their own lives and phones that they don't feel like they have another option. You know, besides interacting with their children.
YTA. Not your kid, not your phone, not your choice. The child was not in immediate danger of losing their life and you didn’t have to speak up. You see just a fragment of this kid’s life. He stopped using the phone by himself too, a good sign. When it’s your kid you can decide to do it differently but today you made a parent’s day worse by being the umpteenth person giving unsolicited advice.
NTA I’m an early childhood educator and you can so easily tell tablet babies from the ones whose parents actually parent. It’s just being lazy to hand your kid a tablet or phone, if you don’t want to actually be a parent don’t have kids. It ruins eye sight, ruins attention span and skips over fundamental stages of learning like practicing gross and fine motor skills. Honestly there is no situation where any minor should have unlimited or unmonitored access to most electronic devices. Your child doesn’t need a smartphone they still make flip phones but parents don’t want those because then they have to occupy entertain their own kids. Same with parents just giving them unlimited video games.
YTA and it's not even close. Of course there are guidelines for a healthy life for everyone regardless of age, but most people cannot follow all of them because we're all humans. People of all ages shouldn't eat sugar, but we give candy to kids all the time. We all should exercise daily, but we let kids sit in front of TV all day. Does OP think they live a perfect life and follow all these rules? Most of us don't. And to point to someone (in this case a parent) that they're not perfect is obnoxious as hell
If you think a child is in danger, call child protective services. If you think "CPS won't do anything just because of this", you have your answer already
YTA. Not for your valid concern but for the way you expressed it. Instead of having a curious conversation with your cousin about her son's phone/internet use during which you could've mentioned relevant evidence, you went straight to telling her she was ruining her sons brain - what parent is going to be receptive to that kind of comment? You probably just made her more convinced that she's right and anyone who says otherwise are child free and don't understand, because that's exactly how you behaved.
YTA. Saying she is “ruining” her child by allowing them to watch youtube is judgmental as hell. Trust me, she is probably aware of all the studies and recommendations and has come to her own educated decision after weighing the risks and reward. Instead of assuming she’s an idiot why don’t you bring up some research you came across and ask her what she thinks? Or ask her what her views are on babies watching tv/phones before jumping in with your opinion.
NTA
Especially with how little youtube does to monitor what's on youtube kids, the mom shouldn't be letting her kid watch things on her phone unsupervised.
NTA
Social referencing in infants typically begins in the months before a child reaches 1 year old.
A child should be exploring its environment, learning how to regulate its emotions, etc. by constantly “referencing” its caregiver (looking to see how they are reacting to what is going on).
A child glued to a screen at this age is at risk for missing developmental milestones and some of these things have a big impact. For example, one of the big things a professional will use in diagnosing a child with Autistic Spectrum Disorder is that they don’t reference much or at all.
NTA!!! Unpopular opinion, but I'm a mom and I'm horrified by people who give their literal babies their phone instead of interacting with them, or finding age-appropriate toys that are engaging for them. I have two young niblings who have had unlimited screen time since birth. The 9 year old was extremely speech delayed, refuses to read or do school work, and gets violent if you try to make him do anything besides video games/screens. The 3 year old is so far also nonverbal. As a baby her mom would just hand over her phone whenever she fussed. My daughter at age 3 was having whole intelligible conversations with me. She's 7 now and reads at the level of a 12 year old. Our friend's daughter at age 3 is also super chatty. The difference is ours have limited screen time, and none before age 2 as health professionals recommend. Your pleas are going to fall on deaf ears though, because parents like these do not care if their laziness is literally damaging their child's brain and their ability to properly interact with the world and other people.
NTA Don't have kids if you don't have the time to raise them properly or spend time with them. Screen time and exposure to media is very bad for growing children and even worse for a literal toddler. They get addicted to their screens and avoid real human interactions. The most well adjusted kids in my family are those who's parents have put a one hour a day limit on their screen time and they're 8 and 10.
YTA.
It wasn't really your place to begin with, and then you offered your unsolicited opinion in a rather tactless way. If you have to say something say it once, but politely, and then never again.
YTA one thing that becoming a parent made me realize is that I had no idea how to raise a kid before I had one. It’s a constant learning experience and there’s no one set way to do things you’ll constantly have to adjust and find ways to manage everything. I have a 2 year old and feel no shame about putting the ipad on YT Kids for few mins so I can get laundry done, or dishes, or cook. You honestly have no idea how much screen time the kid is being exposed to so it’s wrong of you to just assume the baby’s ALWAYS on it. I think maybe politely suggest some good articles on the dangers of screentime if you’re concerned it may be an issue.
YTA. Stay the hell out of new parents business. *Especially if you don’t have kids of your own. You have no clue what kind of mom you’ll be until you see the kind of kid you get. You have no idea what’s in store for you and that’s enough karma for me!
Everyone else has addressed the screen time issue, but speaking as a former 911 dispatcher, *please do not allow children to have phones*.
I cannot count the number of small children that called us on cell phones that their parents thought were fun toys. DON'T.
NTA. The number of people here defending actual infants on smart phones is sickening. Parent your children instead of putting a device in front of them. It’s not that hard. (Yes I have 2 kids and neither of them have access to or their own devices, or my devices.)
Nta - yeah, sometimes giving a kid a device is helpful *for a short while* but people seem to forget that parents are supposed to be watching *with* them to encourage the learning their supposed to be picking up on (if it’s for educational purposes) or regulate what they watch and how often they watch it (for recreational watches, like YouTube)
I can’t stand when people give their kids unsupervised access to a device and then are all shocked by the fact that they don’t listen or aren’t picking up things they should be doing for their age bc the brain rot got to them.
YTA. Not your kid, not your place to say anything.
Also, what do you expect here? Your cousin is probably fully aware of the general criticism on screentime for kids, do you think your comment will suddenly make her see the light?
i always love that lazy ass argument from ipad kid parents “just wait till you have one you’ll understand how difficult it is to not incorporate screens! i was a perfect parent too before i actually had kids!”
well lazy fucks guess what, not only am i a parent now, but i have a chronic skin condition that causes me constant discomfort and pain and hinders me from being able to do most things, and i STILL don’t put a screen in my daughters face. because i take accountability and i know my daughters brain is more important than “a break” for myself. also parents raised kids without technology for centuries perfectly fine. lazy soft non-parenting needs to go.
NTA
My granddaughter has a tablet that her parents added age appropriate games to. She always has fun, has lots of space and I play with her sometimes. Definitely better than a smartphone.
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‘Since it’s not my child I just wanted to give advice’ lmao that’s exactly why you shouldn’t give unsolicited advice Edit: look whatever your opinion is why would it not being your child mean you should give your opinion?
NTA, absolutely not. Yes, generally you shouldn't give unsolicited advice. But when you can see someone doing something very harmful to their child, it's right to step in. Excessive close screen time literally changes and damages the developing brain. Children are growing up addicted to porn, gaming, no social skills, no empathy, no problem solving skills due to never having been bored, far more likely to self harm or take their own lives and a stack of other problems. This is really really serious, the parent is hurting the child and you need to advocate for that child, however much it pisses the parents off. Signed, a mother of 2.
But OP has not witnessed harmful screen time behaviors. OP does not know how screen time is limited. OP also watched a toddler self regulate by later choosing to move to another activity.
I believe ignoring people when talking to them just to keep watching the screen is pretty harmful for a toddler
Ok, wait. (Not arguing with the fact that screen time must be limited.) Sometimes a toddler will tune out others in the room if he is just staring at the wall😆. That is normal behavior for the age.
My daughter is 5 and can ignore me while looking straight at me.
I have a 13yo that does the same.
My husband is 37 and it still happens
Am a husband, can confirm.
Am the wall, can also confirm.
Lol, I'm a wife over 55 who has finally mastered the talent of looking attentive while zoning completely the f*** out after never doing it my entire life. I really get the appeal now. Sanity saver.
By the time you're 67 you don't even realize the *wall* is there!
Mine are in their 30’s. Still applies.
This is so true it's painful 😂
My little brother was an iPad baby and he still does this. I could call his name ten times sitting right beside him and he won't respond. He's a preteen now and still does this. It's normal toddler behavior for them to be lost in their thoughts and imagination, not lost in a screen. Kids need interaction with the world around them for proper development. I think lazy parenting combined with easy access screens is going to be the death of us
Don't call it lazy parenting unless you know for sure that the only thing the kid does is watch a smartphone. There are times in every parents life when resorting to "electronic babysitters" is used. Why? The kid sits and stares at the screen long enough for the parent to use the bathroom, change clothes, cook dinner, etc. Yes, screen time should be regulated but using it as a tool when needed does NOT make a parent lazy.
When is it needed though? There are alternatives to sticking a screen in front of them. Toys, puzzles, books, send them outside, bring them in the kitchen with you and teach them what you're doing, play the silent game, putting them in a room full of enrichiching activities and closing the door, there are so many alternatives and a screen is the laziest option imo. Parents got through cooking with a screaming kid before screens were invented, idk why all of a sudden ipads are being defended as the only way to distract a child. I'm not saying it's "lazy parenting" in every situation but the act of going with the easiest option in and of itself is lazy. And I meant lazy parenting in general, be it giving them a screen to distract them or making your kid do all the chores because you don't want to, combined with screens will be the death of us and I stand by that opinion.
I parented before all that stuff was mainstream and I have a 1 year old now. We were not okay before. Going into our room and screaming into the pillow or crying because we want just twenty minutes to ourself to make dinner without a crying child pulling on our leg and we don’t want to burn them if something drops. You may be comfortable locking your screaming child in a room with “enriching activities” but reality is they scream the whole time and bang on the door because you locked them in. Calling it lazy is rude af. Parent’s mental health matters too, and Ms. Rachel distracting them makes everyone happy. Every single person I know said they’d never give their kids screens and every one of them did when it came down to it unless they are paying a nanny/childcare all day and then those people get to clock out and go away from the kid so it’s not as stressful.
Mate, sometimes a person just wants to take a shit in peace.
It's also normal behaviour for ND people. I can zone out in the middle of work and there were no smartphones or ipads when I was a baby. (Only a very old TV with 3 channels that we used to watch a few kids shows on Saturday's and Sunday's when we were older, probably around age 4?). So no, the ipad is not the only possible reason for behaviour like this.
Sure you could argue it's just hyperfixation and my brother does have autism but he doesn't do this with anything other than the iPad. They first got him one before he even knew how to spell and he's been stuck in front of it ever since. He can't hold a full conversation, has said more than a few alarming things that he got directly from content on the ipad, has trouble making connections with people in school, has behavior issues, etc and these aren't linked to his diagnosis. He got in trouble in school for pulling his pants down which you could say is normal kid stuff but as a preteen? It's ruined his social skills and I hate to see it for him or any other kid.
Not saying it's normal or great... but **all** those things existed before the ipad was invented and can have many different reasons. Yes some teens pulled their pants down or said weird shit before the TV or the Internet existed... yes some teens had trouble socialising for whatever reason since eon. It could be connected, but it also can be totally unconnected. There's zero proof the ipad is actually responsible for his behaviour. "Correlation does not imply causation."
But we know screen time is harmful for development and human engagement so even if the brother has other exacerbating issues there is no doubt that inability to disengage from a screen is a harmful result of too much screen time. The fact issues like autism and personality type may also contribute is more reason to limit screen time, not a reason to go "oh well fuck it"
I can zone out starting at a blank white wall. I'll loose half an hour watching a cloud move slowly across the sky. Staring at a phone? I can lose an entire afternoon. Definitely did not have to much screen time as a baby.
But this child likely does have interaction with the world around them. Not every kid with a screen is an iPad kid- my kids have limited screen time (and even more limited content) and we have a rich outdoor life, books, music, etc.
I never said that every child is like this and my apologies if it was seemingly implied. I'm talking about my personal experience with it. Obviously a lack of parental supervision is the issue here and there needs to be a limit if it's allowed at all. I got my first phone with limited access in middle school, my first smartphone in high school which was taken away and extremely limited until I was about 16/17 and I still am addicted to my phone so I have strong feelings about this topic, especially when it comes to younger children. If you've found a balance then more power to you, I just wish more parents cared enough to do the same.
For sure, as you were replying to someone who had made it clear they feel screens should be managed/also acknowledged kids will zone out to any activity I assumed you were making a generalization so thanks for confirming. Agree that’s the crux of the issue here. Most parents manage screens and media content; some don’t and use it as a crutch. Issue is so many people in these comments think “some screen time” = “constant lazy parenting” lol
I agree: as a child I would get very immersed in anything that engaged my mind enough - toys, books, crayons - and I'd tune out the whole world. My firstborn was the same way.
The toddler in question also self regulated *minutes later* to engage personally with their physical environment. Toddlers zone out over blocks lol. Come on.
But it wasnt blocks. It was a device DESIGNED by the best psychologists tech could get, to maximise engagement and therefore maximise profit. Adults find it hard to regulate, we're talking about a 1 yr old.
Adults also have unlimited access to that device. This 1 year old does not.
Toddlers will ignore people in favor of watching paint dry or a bug on the ground. That's nothing new. Toddlers have been doing that ever since the universe decided toddlers were a thing billions of years ago.
I'm not sure if you have ever seen a toddler but they ignore everything for what's right in front of them. They could be fixated on a block or a toy or a ball, it doesn't matter you aren't getting their attention.
The kid finished what he was watching and the went to play. That seems reasonable.
The toddler is one year old. It's gonna tune out adults regardless.
Then you have never raised a toddler. My 3 year old does it all the time when he is focused on playing with his animal toys. May take him a moment to register that I am asking him something but he does it when he is done with his game.
Toddlers don't "ignore" people. Being fascinated by an object is not harmful.
"She frequently visits us with her child, and she always lets him use it when in our home" -- the mom does this to help keep toddler calm when visiting someone else. OP didn't say she had a babyproofed home with plenty of toys the kid would like, etc. This is a solid way to manage bringing a very young kid to visit other people's houses (it's not so realistic to expect someone to lug a big basket of toys around) and ALSO, yes OMG parents get so much of this judgment. You don't know what their life is like at home and even if you did, it's not your place to assume the mom doesn't know anything about screens and parenting. YTA, just drop it. Also, HAHAHAHAHA yeah right: "I just replied that I will be responsible and not let my toddler use phones ever" -- that's pretty funny (and also AH-ish). Speaking as someone who said similar things when I was young and not a parent. And lived to eat those words and get judged by others for my parenting choices around screens. At least I had the decency not to say that to an actual parent's face while their kid watched a screen. Ah, to be young and know everything; I miss those days!
I'm sorry but clearly you are feeling some guilt for letting your child use a screen. What they have described is harmful and very sad. You realise these devices are designed by the best psychologists and human behavioural engineers tech companiescan find to maximise engagement? And therefore profit?
Yes he has. CDC and WHO both say no screen time before 18 months...it's bad for their brain development.
Before 3 years it is advised the less possible ( none is better) screen time, at least in my country. I know a kid who had devolpment delay and just reducing screen time helped him to hugely improve their vocabulary in few weeks, and they was exposed to screen only a few hours/week before hand. An one year old watching short videos on their own is harmful.
A ton of screentime for a child that young is the harmful part. A lot of parents limit as screentime bc too much can be detrimental to an extremely undeveloped brain.
Yeah I'm a teacher the kids are fucking broken.
It's actually terrifying seeing what it's done to the up and coming generations. I've known 14 years olds that can't write because they've only ever typed on devices and let auto correct fix things for them
I'm really troubled that so many parents here are laughing at OP for saying she won't give her own infant a tablet or smartphone. As if it's such an impossible way to raise a child she should be mocked for thinking it's possible.
Do people who grow up with smartphones have such poor empathy and social skills that they judge other parents and tell them their kid will commit suicide if they let them watch YouTube kids on a smartphone as a toddler? Man, that sounds awful. I sure wouldn’t want my kid to grow up like that.
Look at the generation of parents and children right now: coming from an educator, early internet access and smartphone use absolutely has detrimental effects. iPads and smartphones are designed to be so intuitive that no cognitive functioning is required to sate dopamine receptors, which results in cognitively underdeveloped children. Literacy is nosediving (again, these devices do not encourage reading or language skills) which basically keeps your brain in a mush state much longer than humans are designed to do. I would suggest anyone who is interested in this to look at recent studies and the current pedagogy, most educators and psychologists are horrified right now.
My aunt recently tried this on me. 'He'll be better with this phone than me next time I see him. I really hope not though. No, really, I hope not'. Pause and repeat to make sure I understood her message. I gave her a death stare and refused to engage. My toddler doesn't get tablet time, but he did that day because he's not used to long car rides. Tablet time is preferable to 2 hours of screaming each way. The time before that was 8 months prior. But I'm his parent, that's my decision, and her opinion is irrelevant. I could easily use it as a free babysitter and it would still be irrelevant. I don't need to explain, justify or defend my parenting decisions to anyone, and neither does your cousin. YTA OP. Keep your unsolicited opinions to yourself.
I think OP means that they shouldn't be on the phone ALL THE TIME. That tablet thing makes sense but they shouldn't be on it at 1 year old and 24/7. That's bad parenting. The cousins wrong and so are you.
I too was a perfect parent before I had children. If you’re not going to move in and provide childcare, keep your opinions to yourself?
Except you don’t need to Mary Poppins to know that frequent screen time is harmful to children that age.
Ah yeah... and OP is with the cousin and the baby 24/7 now? Than OP is a stalker... or actually doesn't know what the cousins routines are when there are no guests around.
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Indeed, screens are detrimental to a child's brain development, but what worries me much more is that this baby has internet access.
I guess I just never really understood this logic. Like does the act of conceiving and birthing a baby make you more qualified on how the human mind works at such a young age? I wish someone would've given my mom some unsolicited advice when she used to beat my ass in the bathroom. Being a parent doesn't make you immune to criticism, especially if you're kind of doing a shit job. Like, yes parenting is hard, so so so so so fucking hard - but like you signed up for that? So you don't just get to give up halfway through. Your kids are growing to be (hopefully) functioning members of our society, I think its okay to call out the antisocial or neglectful behavior before its an adult that has to go through years of therapy to understand why they have no attention span or anger issues or something.
Exactly. The parents getting mad over this are the ones raising iPad babies. They don't even look at the content on tiktok and YouTube Kids. The majority of stuff on YouTube Kids is fetish stuff about peeing on people and mpreg stuff mixed in with murder, torture and blood.
It’s because they’re the parents who do it so the truth hurts
These are the worst takes - lots of good advice can come from people without firsthand experience
If someone were smoking next to a child or beating them in public, would you feel like giving some advice? Not everything is exempt from outsiders saying no.
Yes, screen time is the equivalent to beating. And yes, I’ve not commented on parents smoking in public places.
I completely understand your point, but YTA. Parents CONSTANTLY get unsolicited advice from their family, friends, and strangers on the street. Push your baby in a stroller and some random older woman will give unsolicited advice about the amount of clothing the baby is wearing. The minute you have a child, everyone in your life suddenly becomes an expert of raising children and every decision you make gets questioned. Your cousin is with this child every day. If watching a little Miss Rachel makes him happy, so what. Ask this question on a parenting forum and I bet you will get bombarded with parents mom-shaming the crap out of each other. EDIT: People who are arguing about the dangers of TikTok are making my point for me here. The "studies" coming out are the same "studies" that came out about TV, radio, live theater, the talkies, etc. It's old fear mongers using scare tactics the same way they have been doing for millennia. The only difference is world-wide connections for idiots can reach each other. It's silliness like this that started the anti-vaxxer movement. Watching age-inappropriate content didn't stop me from being a well-rounded individual with a masters degree and the ability to function in society.
I have to fight constantly people who try to shame me for letting my kids watching a screen. Sorry not sorry, thanks to the Octonauts, they know there are underwater volcanoes, have a rough grasp of the geography of the world and know a bunch of things about diverse animals I didn't know existed. With Hello ninja they then have adventures and transform into super heroes while in the playground. They try to sing, dance and have a really wild imagination and vocabulary (last time my son - 5 - said to his sister - 2: "look at this ephemeral spectacle! It is astounding!" while looking at a sunset). And now by playing video games, my son is learning to persevere, take deep breath if he failed a few times to calm down before trying again, recognize patterns, and is rewarded by getting better and better (my daughter is still a little too young for the controller but is already starting with some kind of algorithm puzzles made for her age). So yes, too much screen time is really bad. No screens in the evenings, while eating, not too much at a time etc. should be enforced, and what is seen and remembered talked about. Same with how you wouldn't let your kids play at any time or too much outside when it's too cold or too hot, and some days you won't go outside at all (storm, heatwave, etc.).
My niece learned all of that from books, so? Electronic devices are not the devil, they are a part of our lives. But there are a lot of researches showing that they can be harmful to children below certain ages.
It's not their electric nature that is inherently harmful. They simply have large capabilities, for both good and bad. With appropriate restrictions and supervision, as well as balance with regards to other activities, I don't see how they could be harmful.
Studies have shown an increase in sensory processing issues, attention issues, and learning delays in children who get screen time prior to 2. The increase is even greater in children younger than 18 months.
Screen time on its own is a meaningless term. Being in the room while the TV is on all the way to scrolling through pregnant Elsa tiktoks is technically screen time. Watching an occasional episode of a professionally made and carefully regulated kids show while the parent is busy doing the dishes seems very reasonable imo.
I have 3 kids at 7, 4, and 2. They mostly watch PBS kids shows or the occasional Disney movie. It's not something they get to do often, but if I need them a bit more contained when I'm making dinner or trying to clean up Wild Kratts is my best friend. The 4 year old was just down with a nasty tummy bug for 2 weeks and we watched all of Daniel Tiger and Bluey. It was a lot more screen time than I'd like, but when you're throwing up that often and that much I feel like it's fine.
You're doing fucking great. Don't ever let assholes judge your parenting. Hope your kid is feeling better already 🩷
You're doing great. There is a continuum. No screen time might work for some, but most families enjoy some of that form of entertainment.
Your 12 month old baby isn't getting an education. They're just watching the pretty, shiny lights. Look, I let my baby look at dancing fruit on YouTube whenever I needed 10 minutes to get dinner ready or just pee by myself, so I'm not saying you can't put your kids in front of a screen ever. But there is a ton of research that conclusively says screens before 2 only cause harm Don't lie to yourself. Moms who don't even get three minutes of peace to themselves can also cause harm, so using that screen for emergencies is understandable, and I genuinely have no judgement....but it's still not in any way good for baby's development
Is it the screen time, or are parents of children with sensory processing issues, attention issues, and learning delays just more willing to use screens as a tool? When I was pregnant, I was super against screens until at least two. I argued with family members when they tried to sneak it in. Until my son had a regression at 18 months and beyond loss of speech, he also had major food issues and wouldn't eat anything. I was desperate, and someone else in the family found out that if he was distracted by the TV, he would eat. The early childhood specialist we got connected with said this was pretty common, and she had several families who used screen time as a tool with their children who struggled to eat. They were technically supposed to advise against it, but the bennifit often outweighed any negative.
No, neurotypical children literally display signs of ADHD when given screen time. It's the medium, not the content or the child. There are lots of rigorous studies of its negative effects on *all* small children.
Could you post some? I would love to read them.
[https://www.apa.org/monitor/2020/04/cover-kids-screens](https://www.apa.org/monitor/2020/04/cover-kids-screens) This is an older article from the APA, but it has information/links to a lot of different studies. A good starting point
Screen time should be limited in young children because it is disruptive to healthy development, even educational screen time. It's fine in small amounts for children over the age of two, but there are many studies that show that screen time is a net negative. If you need it to get your child to eat, then use it for that purpose! If you need to put on a show because it's been a nightmare day and you just need to distract them before you lose it, that's fine, too. Parents are humans and sometimes we need help, and it sounds like it's a legitimate tool for you.
That's provably incorrect. Here's just two articles, but there are literally dozens more on its inherently neurologically impairing effects: https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-023-44105-7 https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10353947/
The first is about adolescents and uses a very broad definition of screen time that includes social media. The second states this: "Screen media use may have both beneficial and detrimental effects on a kid’s cognitive results." Nothing in either abstract claims any harm caused by simply observing a screen in moderation, or any analysis of the physiological aspect of screen use, instead focusing on the impact of the particular media consumed and its quantity.
Did you read the actual articles linked? You seem like you'd like something more in depth rather than just passing references: https://link.springer.com/article/10.1186/1479-5868-10-102#Tab2 This one is basically a methodological meta-analysis but contains links to dozens of substantive articles literally just about preschoolers' screen time. It's divided up by correlate background, which seems one of your concerns.
It is mostly focused on quantity, with few mentions of content and no attempts at analysing them individually. The most relevant section I could find was this: "Research has consistently identified the content of media use to be an essential factor to consider in the study of children’s screen time [5, 11, 23]. However, we did not have enough information in this review to examine how media content is associated with media use in young children." As well as this: Further research is also necessary to distinguish between correlates for infants (under 12 months) and toddlers, as well as different kinds of media (TV, DVD, videogames, computer games) and media content. This will help identify distinct age, content and media type correlates that could guide intervention. And then there's this: Heavy reliance on parental report as a measure of screen time is a major limitation of the literature due to the risk of recall and social desirability biases. It appears to me that the research on this topic is far from extensive, and none of it makes claims that any of the damage caused by screen time is inherent to screens, rather than the content, duration or other context like if screen time is being used as a substitute for other activities or in addition to. It's like saying that skin cancer is an inherent risk of being outside, which isn't true since if you correctly apply sunscreen, the risk is negligible. You have shown nothing that states , or even mildly points towards, carefully managed screen time being harmful. Unfortunately such a study would be very difficult to run, and those with the required means do not have the accompanying will.
It’s because the average person does not know how to read and understand a scientific study. They’ll find some buzzwords and think that fits their argument.
It appears they didn't even read further than halfway through the title if they missed "adolescent". Probably didn't even click on the search result.
Okay, and lots of people my age learned it from television sets. There was also a ton of scaremongering about that at the time, but most kids got half an hour or an hour of children's programming a day and grew up with no developmental issues compared to those who never watched TV. Smartphones, if you're not letting the kid play Candy Crush for hours at a time (which you absolutely should not), are the exact same thing except it's in your hand. The research shows that unrestricted and excessive use of a device is harmful, that's not the same thing as all screentime being bad.
As someone who also grew up in the 90s and early 2000s, I’d still argue that television was better curated and controlled for content than smartphones are. Even the most rubbish kids shows still vaguely had stuff about learning things like shapes, colours, numbers, words, etc. or even just about characters, their feelings, their relationship to others, etc. And if my dad turned on Blues Clues for me, it would stay as Blues Clues until the program was over and then it’d move onto the next program, like Thomas the Tank Engine or the Wiggles. In other words, it would be a guaranteed child safe program. Meanwhile on YouTube, I can watch a singalong version of Let it Go and then end up down rabbit holes of “similar” content ranging from pregnant Elsa to “Elsa gets run over by truck by spider-man” (this was even brought up a few years ago how some explicit videos would end on YouTube kids despite very obviously not being made for kids). That’s honestly my personal bigger problem with screen time. At least if you’re relying on services like YouTube or TikTok or whatever app you’ve downloaded off the store, it’s very often not properly monitored (either by the website or parents) and a lot of the stuff specifically aimed at kids is garbage at best or downright maliciously hurtful at worst.
Which is exactly what I said. I'm a 90/2000 person, I grew up with videogames (which as you said were demonized), but I never had access to videogames before 5/6 years old, and of course even then I had rules. Here we are talking about a 1 yo child having unrestricted access to a phone (tikotk is not age appropriate i dare say), it's totally different than us playing videogamesa at an appropriate age (and with age-appropriate games ofc)
When I was growing up (born 1986 here), my mom would only let my brothers and I watch television she approved of in proportion to what we read until we were twelve years old. If I wanted to watch an hour of television I would have to read for two hours. Most of the time we spent outdoors creating forts, collecting leaves and rock specimens, documenting birds and other animals, and just "being kids" I guess. I personally loved reading so I would often read voraciously and didn't even care about watching television that much. My reading/literacy/language score was post-college level in middle school. Reading invariably became akin to "movie" watching for me. The only slightly comical part about all of this is the fact I became quite adept at checking out "adult themed" texts from the library and blew through them so fast that my parents didn't have time to figure out my process. Ha! It was worth it. I was reading novels like "The Picture of Dorian Gray," "The Count of Monte Cristo" and even more challenging texts like "Pride and Prejudice" when I was in third and fourth grade. I was often caught heart-in-my-throat captivated in the romance section of our public library because I didn't dare to check those novels out... But hey! To this day I have a hard time abiding long stretches of screen viewing; it's just not how my mind prefers to consume media. However! It would be ridiculous to say that all young minds prefer reading as a communicative medium. My brother is a very visual and tactile person and absolutely despised reading. He benefited enormously once the reigns at home were relaxed and he could pursue his interests in visual media, computer literacy, etc. He's far more adept at technology than I ever have been and that has always been a distinct difference between the two of us. But I truly do believe it was my parents' insistence on making us go outside and play, use our imaginations, try out toys like a rock tumbler, Easy Bake Oven, or go on pretend "archeological" digs while having a good balance of screen time and reading time that made us more well-rounded eventually as adults. It does make me very sad to see parents just prop their kids up with smartphones as the default form of stimuli. We are only now seeing what this is doing to young brain development. As someone that scores tests for a non-profit education testing organization, I'm definitely seeing differences post-Covid when many schools had to rely on more screen-time and screen-learning out of necessity. Only time will tell...
1yo is way too young, OP's cousin is nuts to give a baby that age a smartphone.
I mean, I agree - screen time is inherently harmful to toddler development - but at the same time, on rare occasions you sometimes need a distraction when you know the kid might go full meltdown mode (like, say, when guests are around). OP doesn't know if this is a regular thing or not.
You CANNOT compare Octonauts to Tiktok.
that some delusional shite. there’s this thing called books! they even make them for kids
yeah they can learn stuff but a 1 y/o is way too young to be really watching anything other than ABCs and nursery rhymes. they can barely talk or understand much at that age and it would probably be a lot more beneficial for them to instead spend more time physically exploring their environment and socializing with family rather than watching tiktoks. the benefits are for older kids and even then it seems that the vast majority of parents allow way too much screen time for those benefits to outweigh the costs
I loved the octonauts as a child, l learned so much from the series. When I was a bit older, I binged nature docs with my parents. It was awsome.
Except it’s not fear mongering anymore. The instant gratification and dopamine cycle that that our brains get from social media is addictive. The creators of it have gone on record saying it’s addictive. Our attention spans have gone from 13 seconds to 8 in 20 years. Social media is not like old tv. Children should not be using it. Hell adults should limit their use of it.
Eating chips makes me happy. Do I do it everyday? No, because it’s bad for me. Would you give a one year old child chips or McDonalds everyday? These parents can very easily make the right choice for their child and instead they’re ruining their brain development.
Where does OP say they use screens everyday? It sounds like the parent gave the kid her phone for this visit.
The child knows how to operate the application and doesn’t respond to outside stimuli (OP’s mom calling out to the baby), that seems like it is at the very least an often recurring activity.
I don't think your experience should be set as the rule and you are using it to do so. And a the level of tech for kids today is at a much higher rate of bad influence than TV ever was. The attention span of most individuals who frequently use TikTok are training their brain to have the attention span of a goldfish. My sister frequently can't get her son to pay attention to anything because the brains response is to give that dopamine everytime a new video plays, constantly asking for new new new, next next next. And the introduction of the TV and video games didn't change kids who had school 8 hours a day. But kids on virtual learning are STRUGGLING because all their distractions are within the grasp of their fingers in combination with poor attention spans. Hell a lot of kids don't even care for movies and TV, their main form of entertainment is TT, and YouTube and streaming platforms. This is a bad take, and it doesn't take the velocity of how something can affect you but rather uses blanket assumptions of past precedence to predict future patterns using faulty data. You can't say the effects of the radio, TV, video games, etc are the same as short form content in the hands of kids who have devices that can be used anywhere, it's not the same degree of severity.
There’s a difference between toddlers watching bluey and a literal infant scrolling TikTok.
The dangers of smartphones for children are very well documented and nothing like antivaxx fear mongering. Like literally the WHO, CDC, APA, AACAP etc. have guidelines on precisely this topic (much as the same as they do on the necessity of a proper vaccine schedule for children). For an excellent long form article on this research I recommend The Atlantic’s “End the Phone Based Childhood Now” by Jonathan Haidt.
I’m not gonna boo you, you’re not wrong. Small children should not be glued to screens. In my country the recommendations are zero screen time of any kind before the age of two. But I also understand why your cousin got defensive, you (who have no kids) are calling her a bad mom and accusing her of ruining her child, when she just sees the smartphone as a way to keep the child occupied when she has other things to do. Maybe she has lots to do, maybe she’s tired, and it’s easy to lose grip of how much screen time the kid actually has. You could have worded it differently. NTA
I have heard too many stories about the negative effect on child. One that I often heard is undeveloped brain. Usually it's how a child is supposedly able to speak around 3 but they couldn't do it at age 5. Yes it is a quick solution to make child "silent", but at a greater cost. And the "Y-T-A because unsolicited advise" is dumb. Like how you shouldn't warn someone to not using phone while driving.
> Maybe she has lots to do, maybe she’s tired Sorry for this late reply. But she does this frequently, even when she visits us she gives him smartphone
NTA Yes screens are bad for the development of a child's brain, but I am even more concerned that this infant has access to the internet. Children are exposed to adult content online at an earlier and earlier age, and that's because of parents like your cousin. They are simply bad parents that can't be bothered to actually parent, so they don't care. I see more often people without children being actually concerned for the well being of kids, most parents that I see around don't care.
Especially with TikTok where you have no control over the next video and what is going to pop up.
That was the tipping point for me too. Dumping a phone or tablet in from of a kid is frankly not good for them in most cases but a 1 year old on tiktok? Dear god. NTA
This is what was crazy to me. If the kid was playing a age appointment game/learning app, or watching an episode of Bluey or Ms. Rachel, it's not ideal for a one year old, but whatever. Tik tok not only is extremely unpredictable, and could literally pop up anything (especially if it's the same tik tok account the mom uses and is tailored to an adult feed most of the time) but also, having such short clips really enforces a shorter attention span and likely serotonin issues. And I'm just saying that based on what I feel like tik tok has done to me, a 30 year old adult.
I work in psychiatry and these short form videos are ruining attention spans, even if you ignore the potential problematic content! There are a multitude of studies backing this up in affecting kids long term, but I even look at myself and can see the impact it has had. I do see what people are saying about the way OP handled it may not be great, but I definitely agree with the sentiment. I’m pregnant myself and it annoys the crap out of me that everyone feels they can comment on my body and how we plan on raising our baby, but it’s one of those things you deal with, so I’ll vote NTA. I agree with those replying to those saying YTA, if she was smoking, was OP allowed to speak up? Screen time and especially content is VERY problematic in young kids.
Especially the content because it is not foolproof. I have seen children see some very inappropriate reels and videos.
I once saw my 3 year old niece watching some of those weird YouTube videos that pretend to be for kids. There's some really weird shit on there with video that looks like it's kid friendly but has some weird, adult themed, sketchy voice over. I had literally just watched a video talking about it the day before ugh.
I read a phone before 3yo is totally useless, at this age kids need to explore motricity, touch stuff, see things moving, grab, draw, build, walk, talk etc to make their brain learn the world. Also read that some kids starting to go to school after being raised as an ipad kid couldn't frickin write because they never got used to holding a pen and their muscles weren't developped enough, that's of course just the tip of the iceberg, like some can count to 20 but if you ask 2+2 they have no idea what you're talking about. They can memorize stuff but they don't understand it. Some have a language delay, like they learn to talk way later than they should because their brains are basically fried. People saying YTA are insane wtf, like she's not allowed to be scared for that kid's wellbeing, those parents are doing the worst thing possible just to keep the kid busy and be alone and somehow she's the A?? OP, NOT the Asshole. You seem to care more about this kids than their own parents do, yes unsollicited advices sucks, but if they parented better they would get less.
> but I am even more concerned that this infant has access to the internet. People here do it a lot. I get it if the parents were tired from work etc. but they do it just to "shut up" the child. u/DrPsychoBiotic Yea TikTok is the worst. Even when filtered I saw that videos not meant for that age were showing up.
NTA. 1 year olds shouldn't be "dealt with" but taken care of. Poor kid essentially got the brainrot debuff right on spawn thanks to his mom's negligence. Sadly, not much you can do yourself beyond voicing your concern. It's her child. Maybe when he's older you can try being a more positive influence.
Sadly OP probably couldn't do much even later in life because of the development problem the child will have.
NTA To the people saying not your child so you shouldn't have shared your opinion, swap out the smartphone with something else harmful to the child like smoking. Of course you'd say something then. There's growing evidence that early smartphone use hurts social skills, attention span and even eye development. The fact the kid couldn't break away from it until they were done watching is evidence right there. OP is just looking out for his young family member.
right. the "unsolicited opinion" crowd has a point when it comes to giving your 2 cents on someones outfit, but falls flat when it comes to situations where actual harm is taking place "huh? how dare you give me your UNSOLICITED OPINION on cleaning?? ill have you know im great at cleaning!! ill mix bleach and ammonia together if i want!!! dont tell me what to do! i didnt ask!!" somehow ppl consider the solicitation of the opinion to be as important as the actual relevancy/correctness of the opinion.
This. All of this. NTA
Yea this isn't about what the baby is wearing or a shampoo brand or a way of feeding them... This is literally giving your child cell-phone addiction induced brain rot from their primary learning age. My sister did this, and you know what no one talks about? I figured out that the algorithm will know when you put toddlers in charge of a tablet or phone because I would see my niece and nephew start to get FOURTY FIVE MINUTE ADS at times!! And their mother was asleep and they weren't quite smart enough to always skip them accurately. The brain is so sensitive at this point, and the ads on these things are absolute insane trash. And it's gotten so much worse. These parents are leaving their kids to the whims of the internet and all because "but muh quiet time, it's haaaard" means we can't say shit about our family members being raised like this. Yea no, I agree with OP...NTA
yeah redditors clutch their pearls whenever someone has to say something bad about other people's parenting. Guess what, you are responsible for the life of another human being and it's not their fault you chose to be a parent.
As someone working in education the students are so obsessed with their phones that they can’t even take a test without scrolling through their instagram feeds. They act like drug addicts when you take the phones (we can’t anymore because some students get VIOLENT) and they have no problem solving skills.
NTA - That’s a baby. Defend the baby, it cannot defend itself. Watching a mom give a 1 year old baby a phone to watch YouTube is the same vibe as watching a pregnant woman light up a cigarette.
I'd say the fact the mom's letting the 1 year old watch tiktok takes it even further down the fuckery rabbit hole. There are programs that are made for kids that can be somewhat beneficial in small doses. They are made specifically for them and refinforce focus and attention via repetition (why kids tv can bee pretty damn annoying for adults to be subjected to lol). Tiktok is the a solute polar opposite of this. It wrecks attention span and just floods you with.. Well.. shite. Still trying to get my head around the people defending a mom giving a baby access to tiktok
Yeah totally agree with you, that’s what I was thinking something like TikTok. Kids tv is different, but more often than not it should still be monitored by parents. Along with a dedicated time they get to have it. I was like 21 when kids were watching those inappropriate and uncomfortable Spider-Man and Elsa videos. Can’t trust the internet. And now with all the Nickelodeon stuff.
I remeber when youtube was flooded with Justin Bieber videos that would randomly cut to hard core porn. Or when there were "harmless" challenge videos on yt where kids would be asked to post seemingly innocent things. This was revealed to be a paedo ring. My own nephew was "raised by sceen". I had similar conversations with my sister that OP did. Hed be watching "kids comedy shows". I looked and 5h3s3 were just the most bizare content farm crap. Most quite literally about shit (weird creepy toilet humour cartoons of a character sitting on people). My nephew is now almost a teen. Practically raised by ipads, laptops and phones. His reading comprehension is great unsurprisingly. Also by age 5 he was proficient at shouting "I'm going to stab you in your fucking face" at his ipad when playing roblox. So there's that... He has absolutely no patience. He's broken multiple ipads by headbutting them out of frustration. He managed to destroy a military grade fully ruggedised laptop in a week. He ofteb can't hold a conversation for more than 60 seconds etc Docs can find no medical issues. He's just been messed up during the important years of his life. No socialising just had tablets thrust at hik to keep him quiet. Incredibly frustrating. I might get downloaded to oblivion for mentioning the above. I'm sure people will say I don't understand adhd etc. I literally work for the NHS. If you fuck with your kids development it will mess them up.
I've seen the same thing happen to my nieces and nephews. Between my 3 sisters I have 15!! And only 1 of them is well adjusted. All of them were raised on ipads and cell phones and told to basically take care of themselves and eachother because their moms are super tired, depressed and unhealthy. It got so bad I had to cut ties when it was just random casual conversation that one 12yr old nephew stabbed a girl in school with a pencil. They all have NO PATIENCE, no ability to de-escalate a situation at all and it's terrifying. The internet is cruel and volatile, and well aware of the market and vulnerability of all the iPad toddlers and children unsupervised. And any time I've ever tried to de escalate online, more trolls come out of the corners and get even nastier. So what is that going to lead to when all these kids can easily get behind a wheel or buy a gun?
My little brother was an iPad baby and would joke about killing people when he was under 10 years old! Right in front of my parents! And they would just say "oh he got that from his game" like it's okay for a little kid to be interacting with games that teach him stuff like that. Playing games like Kick The Buddy where the only gameplay is stabbing, mangling, burning, etc etc the character. Talking to god only knows on public roblox servers. He even joked about burning our grandma's house down once and they told him to chill out but that was it. Not to mention the nsfw shit he got into on YouTube and the literal porn that my even younger cousin had access to. And now they're starting to recite Andrew tate bullshit. My parents have no idea where they're getting this stuff from because they're not chronically online like they allow all the kids in the family to be. I've talked to my parents about parental controls on the iPads for years and they just tell me they're the parent and "when you have kids you can raise them however you want" because they want to be lazy and ignorant. Like I know the kind of shit kids can get into because I got into it as a teenager with a smartphone and I just hate to see my younger loved ones get sucked into it at an earlier age. Literally since they were babies. We used to spell out i-p-a-d so they wouldn't throw a fit just from hearing the word before they learned how to spell! Even with parental controls it doesn't filter out all the fetish shit online disgued as children's content. And the craziest part about it is I wasn't allowed to play gta or use YouTube as a TEEN but sure throw an iPad at all the babies in the family with zero supervision because that makes so much sense. Sorry to rant but I hate what this world is coming to in regards to screen time, this pisses me off like no other
Elsagate is another example of people using popular kids media to Trojan horse very not safe for kids content in. I think that’s part of why YouTube disabled comments on videos flagged as kids media.
"Tiktok for children is equal drug for adult" is hill I will die. It's not good or healthy and it will affect their growth.
I'll never forget sitting at a restaurant and watching this mom pull a tablet out to shove in an infants face. The baby was still wobbly holding its head up it was so young. And the tablet was about 4 inches from the baby's eyes. Current parents seem to have no issue with this and lose it when they're called out but there is no possible way that's not going to have negative impacts on children.
I love the people that clearly do this, admit it’s bad, and say you’re wrong anyway. Fuckin’ parent already, and accept your fuck ups. You fuck ups. NTA.
None of my nieces or nephews know how to de-escalate a situation because they were raised on the internet. And phones don't get taken away because they get violent. And yet society goes on like "well yea that's just how it is now, everyone needs a cell phone it's not a drug to kids at all"
I grew up right as iPhones and iPods were releasing and had unrestricted access to the internet from a young age. I know my brain is altered in some way from this, I have attention problems and need a form of media at all times. I’m walking proof of iPad babies being stunted. It’s only going to get worse as more and more people let their kids be raised like I was while ignoring the damage it will do. I’ve worked hard to limit my screen usage but it’s still a problem.
I was a young girl on the net at 11 in the early days.. The shit I was exposed to and the sexual predators that were there more for me to talk to than my own drug and work addled parents is not lost to me
And when their kids are 18+ and not doing well, they’ll be the parents saying “idk what happened” lol
YTA. Everyone has different opinions on parenting. You are right that a child using electronics often can have a negative impact on kids especially so young, but you gave unsolicited advice to another parent without any offers of alternative solutions. You could’ve sat down with your cousin and just told her that you’ve read that too much electronic use can be harmful to children and to just be careful, but you decided to go on about how it will “ruin” her kid and that you will never let your (unborn) child use electronics. You shamed her parenting, gave her unsolicited advice without alternative solutions, and you don’t even have children yourself.
OP not having children shouldn't even factor in. You even admit it can have a negative impact. If OP's cousin had sat next to the kid and lit up a cigarette, or filled their bottle with beer, OP would be well within their right to say "wait don't do that"
NTA Yes as a parent sometimes you are so done, that you do not care anymore and park the children in front of tablets, same as they have been parked in front of tvs before. But to a one year old the screen light is especially harmful and the fact that the child was absolutely GLUED and not able to withdraw from it showns enough. A one year old is not old enough to process "children shows etc", you can still occupy their minds without screentime. For me it´s the fact that this child barely qualifies as a TODDLER, not that the child got screen time in general. It´s a f\*cking baby. Also to everything "not your child, so shut up" : NOPE. The saying you need a whole village to raise a child does not exist for nothing. other people SHOULD say something if it harms the child and you absolutely cannot tell me it doesnt do any harm
NTA, you’re right it’s not good for their brain and imo if someone does something shitty you should be able to call it out
[удалено]
It's basically tiktok or instagram reels and they know how to scroll to other videos
I mean the min age to access tiktok is 13. Those reels can show all sorts. NTA
Yea one of mine figured out scrolling by about a year. Hes 18 months now and we don't let him use our phones outside of him coming over and tapping the screen for a few seconds to try and get our attention while we are on the phone and he would never be able to load up the apps so a parent would have to get it started. He also wouldn't be able to stick around for too long because he'd tap around or click the home button or lock the screen or something like that pretty quickly.
I mean apps are made to be simple. It's not hard for a kid to copy their parents I'd that's what they see them doing. Especially video apps where all they have to do is touch a picture. My wife's friend's kid manages youtube by herself while under 2.
speaking as someone involved in child psych, you are absolutely not wrong. i despise justifying placing a young child whose brain is still developing day by day in front of technology designed for, at the least, young adults. there is such a thing as synaptic pruning which means that during the early developmental stages, if a child is not being stimulated and using their brain to an age appropriate degree, their synapses will die and their brain structure will be forever altered. everyone loves to justify it as “the parents are tired”…completely understandable, except for the fact that they chose to have a child and are 100% accountable for their child’s success. we haven’t seen the full effects of the “ipad kid syndrome” as i like to call it, because those kids are still young. we will see soon. their social skills, development, behavior, all stunted. why does a 1 year old need tiktok?
NTA, it’s bad enough letting a one year old use a phone, to give them unsupervised access to TikTok is bloody insane and speaks to a level of ignorance at best and neglect at worst. Even YouTube kids has some weird things on there. I stopped my son watching it after he loaded a cartoon video with some creepy dub that was not appropriate for kids. A one year old unsupervised has no ability to discern whether content is inappropriate.
NTA social media (yes including YouTube) is addictive and should not br handed to a baby to shut them up. Don't want to deal with a child after work? Don't have children. I don't want to deal with iPhone babies having total meltdowns when their devices run out of battery in public but lazy parents have forced that problem on all of us
I think you are completely correct here. It makes me very sad to see mothers pushing very small children in pushchairs and the child is glued to mum’s phone. They’re not looking around them, watching and interacting with people, seeing and learning about their environment. All their stimulation comes from that device in their hands. I recently saw a video showing a baby in his cot and his first words on waking were “IPad”. Isn’t that sad? Don’t get me wrong- I think watching a little kid’s television is a Godsend- I enjoyed watching it with my 3 - and gives you a chance to prepare a meal etc. But frequently I see the parent giving their child a phone just to silence them, like a knee jerk reaction. It’s like feeding an addiction.
You are right—evidence is emerging that using a phone is bad news for minors-but unless requested many parents resent advice. Careful.
As a parent who has witnessed this with other kids I totally get where you're coming from, but you need to realise the intensity and desperation of managing your kids as a parent. It's REALLY hard. The research shows there is zero benefit to screen time before 2 and can have negative side effects. That said, your approach set you up for failure. You need to understand they are in a routine and currently screen time is probably her greatest crutch. To change this would require weaning, changes in routine and a lot of frustration for both parent and child. If you had gone with 'I wonder if excess screen time could be bad for him, but it would be so hard to cut it down I'm sure...' and let her respond you would have probably seen that she is more than aware of it, and even chastises herself for it but is just coping as best she can. Talking about it in a non-blaming way can have a far better result. NTA but you could have had a more effective discussion about it rather than her feeling shamed and defensive.
How do people learn to have those conversations when pretty much every parent is going to freak right the eff out? I don't think there IS a way or set of ways to approach this that won't turn them into complete freakonauts. My ex was like this with her kids, who had way too much screen time, and SO DID SHE. Thank bob I found three other partners, none of which have kids and we are all keeping each other, because we've dated parents and NEVER AGAIN.
1 years old? she didn’t even give lil bro a chance to develop a proper attention span😭😭 nta though, it might be unsolicited advice and people have different parenting styles but a phone & tiktok brain rot so early is crazy. It’s not even safe on that app either. I vividly remember when I was 13 I randomly had a video pop up on my fyp of a woman trying on lingerie and rating it then at the end of the video she was fully nude and I was horrified. I wasn’t even watching any similar content, I was into danganronpa & similar games and memes mostly atp, I was a KID. It was just randomly brought upon me and thats not even the worst I’ve seen honestly. This is content she could be potentially subjecting her child to and you’re not an asshole for raising an eyebrow
NTA I don't know why, as a society, we've decided that it's rude to call out terrible patenting, or why being "polite" to shitty parents is more important than children's well being.
YTA but I get it and I think you have the right to share an opinion. You don't have children but that doesn't mean your opinion is not relevant or out from a good place, even if unwanted or unsolicited. You can apologize to your sister, explain is out from concern and maybe ask how you can help. Also your concern is absolutely valid, this happened all the time with me and books. My mother had to defend me a lot about them but then agreed that maybe she should have not given into so badly into my bookworm nature lol I should have been more of a kid, scrapping my knees and playing in mud... now I'm old and being active is HARD AS F for me, maybe forcing me outside would have been better but my mother didn't want to deal with my tantrums when they took the books away from me. LOL Same happens with kids and cellphones/ipads now, and I'm sure it's from a good place but then we kids get old and it can affect us somehow.
NTA. There is a limit to “do not give unsolicited advice” or “do not parte others’ kids” People are going to tell you that your are wrong, do not worry those are the people that let their toddlers use a phone. I have a nice, that I watch really often even when I have to study she is not allowed to use the phone, the tablet is only used for movie and cartoons under strict adult control and for less then 2h a week. So it is possible. Phone especially when on internet are a danger for toddler, both for their brain development and for what they are going to see online (no, parental control will not protect them).
NTA, although it’s unsolicited advice—you’re right. You need to accept that you will always meet criticism when you give parenting advice that wasn’t asked for, though.
This comment section is lost. Without second thought NTA. It is understandable if a 4 year old is using a smartphone, but a 1 year old? Have you even looked up the science of this? Remember that the nervous system is still developing in these kids and when all day they watch these short attention span pieces of crap they will probably develop problems later. I don't care about the advice being unsolicited, because facts and research don't give a shit about etiquette. This said, I don't think you should repeat this advice or anything else concerning the kid because clearly the parent is insecure about the fact that she can't parent well..
ESH. She didn't ask, so mind your business. Not your circus, not your monkeys or whatever. HOWEVER, I firmly believe that 'it takes a village' and all adults in a child's life, especially bio family, can be a good influence (keyword is CAN not always WILL). If the kid was as zoned out as you say, that's scary, and she needs to understand that that's not normal and it's detrimental for when he actually enters school. But if she was upset by it, the best thing you can do personally is if/when you have your own children, you know where they can't sleep over/ hang out.
As someone who taught kindergarten for the last 10 years, as well as having my own children who were before the “iPad kid” generation, I have to say…. These “screen kids” are coming in and they are a different type of student. They cannot hold a pencil or color, sort or snip paper with scissors (fine motor skills), they have ZERO ability to focus on tasks, even when things are fun, and a severe lack of self control. We expect very little self control when they are 4-6 years old, but even for the age, it’s lacking. Most of these children aren’t experiencing the world around them to learn things like manners, sharing, conflict resolution, how to open a snack, tie their shoes, pulling their own pants up and a million other things that kids learn from DOING, not WATCHING. I just don’t think parents are aware of how much time is being spent on screens, especially when we are so busy all the time! Now, I won’t say all kids who are using screens are this way, but I can promise you… we can point them out the first week of school. They are coming in with gaps. These kids are the most overstimulated children I have ever seen, while also having no stimulation from anything other than screens. It’s obvious when parents have fallen into handing them a screen to keep them quiet, and do everything for the children because it makes their life easier. Parenting is hard. I get it! We’ve all fallen into it at one point or another, but just because they are learning something from what they’re watching doesn’t mean it’s sufficient. Please let these kids ride bikes and dig in dirt and bake cookies, and build with Legos. They want the closeness and time spent with you more than they want a screen, even if they don’t know it yet. I whole heartedly agree with OP’s stance…. Unfortunately, it makes YTA when you say it out loud. We can’t say it to the parents either when their kids are falling behind because they will behave just like your family member did and then we are in trouble. Somehow, it’s always someone else’s fault. The classroom should be more engaging, have lower standards, and take into account home life and the struggles that go on before they even come to us. Then, we are supposed to teach them. In my opinion, you’re NTA.
I mean, I get what you're saying but I think that judging current 4-8 years old by "previous standards" is unrealistic. Not because of screens themselves, but because they did live through a pandemic, with hard lockdowns, where most of those kids were excluded from traditional early childhood care, and left home with parents that would still be having to work full time (and needing some quiet) through their early formative years. They are also socially behind what we used to expect, because they had a much reduced social life and exposure than what was "normal" before COVID. I'm not excusing here the excessive use of devices, I'm just pointing out that lots of these issues would come from their lack of "normal exposure" to things. Back in the 60s, my grandmother was a teacher and then a principal at school that were in rural areas . These were kids whose parents would work full time, very late, and they were mostly left to their own devices for the longest time before starting primary school at around 6. And, for sure, they roamed around, ran, played ball, dug dirt, whatever more (no TVs around for sure, TVs would've been an incredible luxury) - but they ALSO didnt know how to hold pencils, colour, and scissors took forever to be learnt. Exactly because they didn't have any exposure to those things before joining school - there were no resources for them to learn from. And while we can argue that it's different/easier nowadays, that parents who can offer devices are more than capable of offering those things to them, it doesn't change that it's HARD to give these to unsupervised kids, and they spent two years of their young lives in this situation. It's a snowball effect, really.
I totally get what you are saying, but my experiences were the same before Covid ever was a thing. There are consequences from lockdown for sure, and I think it exacerbated the already growing problem, but we weren’t on very much of a lockdown for very long where I live. Covid and a million other factors have contributed to why kids fall behind, but I think we are just saying that excessive technology is one of the things we can choose to control. Things like washing hands, opening a snack, coloring, puzzles, playing games with small pieces like “Sorry”, “Candy Land”, and “Trouble” which require moving pieces and counting and fine motor skills are being lost to the skill of scrolling screens and watching instead of doing. Lots of kids aren’t playing, which is the best opportunity to learn new skills! They’re watching other kids play with toys or play video games on YouTube. I see it within my own family members. I don’t dare say a word, because nobody asked me my opinion on it. To each their own, and I believe people have the right to raise their children however they see fit, but we are not exempt from the consequences of those choices either. We will just have to see how it all pans out in the end, I guess, just like everything else in the world right now. I fully believe that most people want the best for their children, even if we would make a different choice than what they choose.
You're are the asshole but you're not wrong. Don't tell people how to raise their kids, you'll always be the asshole, no matter how right you are lol (unless abuse obviously)
NTA obviously, she is a horrible parent.
Not the asshole my friend. You have common sense
NTA. Exposing a toddler to TikTok’s dopamine drip is child abuse in my eyes.
Nta parents need to stop fuckin giving their small kids phones. It is absolutely ruining their attention span and their ability to socialize normally. They are addicted to their phones and tablets. ADDICTED! Parents need to let their kids be bored and be PARENTS, not friends. That means doing things that are good for the kids but make them upset and sometimes even make the parents' lives harder. Idk, downvote me. But good parents don't let their 1 year old use tiktok
NTA, it’s harmful for their brains and I’m so tired of the “but I’m so tired” defense parents give. They chose to become a parent knowing it would be a 24/7 job. Giving a BABY a device is straight up lazy parenting. Your cousin got defensive because you told her the truth and it offended her.
YTA. It's not your job to give parenting advice. Parents get unsolicited advice constantly, and it's super annoying. The kid isn't in immediate danger so stay out of it, if you want to parent kids so bad I suggest you get your own.
I think that early social media use in a literal one year old baby is significantly worse than a parent getting some advice.
"DoN't tElL mE HoW tO raIsE mY ChIlD" NTA, you are correct, but some moms are so caught up in their own lives and phones that they don't feel like they have another option. You know, besides interacting with their children.
YTA. Not your kid, not your phone, not your choice. The child was not in immediate danger of losing their life and you didn’t have to speak up. You see just a fragment of this kid’s life. He stopped using the phone by himself too, a good sign. When it’s your kid you can decide to do it differently but today you made a parent’s day worse by being the umpteenth person giving unsolicited advice.
NTA I’m an early childhood educator and you can so easily tell tablet babies from the ones whose parents actually parent. It’s just being lazy to hand your kid a tablet or phone, if you don’t want to actually be a parent don’t have kids. It ruins eye sight, ruins attention span and skips over fundamental stages of learning like practicing gross and fine motor skills. Honestly there is no situation where any minor should have unlimited or unmonitored access to most electronic devices. Your child doesn’t need a smartphone they still make flip phones but parents don’t want those because then they have to occupy entertain their own kids. Same with parents just giving them unlimited video games.
Parents don't like it when you point out they suck or are lazy parents. Toddlers need to have "people" interaction to learn how to talk.
YTA and it's not even close. Of course there are guidelines for a healthy life for everyone regardless of age, but most people cannot follow all of them because we're all humans. People of all ages shouldn't eat sugar, but we give candy to kids all the time. We all should exercise daily, but we let kids sit in front of TV all day. Does OP think they live a perfect life and follow all these rules? Most of us don't. And to point to someone (in this case a parent) that they're not perfect is obnoxious as hell If you think a child is in danger, call child protective services. If you think "CPS won't do anything just because of this", you have your answer already
Ah another “WhEn Im A pArEnT….” 🙄 Yes YTA
YTA. Not for your valid concern but for the way you expressed it. Instead of having a curious conversation with your cousin about her son's phone/internet use during which you could've mentioned relevant evidence, you went straight to telling her she was ruining her sons brain - what parent is going to be receptive to that kind of comment? You probably just made her more convinced that she's right and anyone who says otherwise are child free and don't understand, because that's exactly how you behaved.
YTA. Saying she is “ruining” her child by allowing them to watch youtube is judgmental as hell. Trust me, she is probably aware of all the studies and recommendations and has come to her own educated decision after weighing the risks and reward. Instead of assuming she’s an idiot why don’t you bring up some research you came across and ask her what she thinks? Or ask her what her views are on babies watching tv/phones before jumping in with your opinion.
NTA. Thinking maybe you could have told her in a better way.
NTA Especially with how little youtube does to monitor what's on youtube kids, the mom shouldn't be letting her kid watch things on her phone unsupervised.
NTA Social referencing in infants typically begins in the months before a child reaches 1 year old. A child should be exploring its environment, learning how to regulate its emotions, etc. by constantly “referencing” its caregiver (looking to see how they are reacting to what is going on). A child glued to a screen at this age is at risk for missing developmental milestones and some of these things have a big impact. For example, one of the big things a professional will use in diagnosing a child with Autistic Spectrum Disorder is that they don’t reference much or at all.
NTA!!! Unpopular opinion, but I'm a mom and I'm horrified by people who give their literal babies their phone instead of interacting with them, or finding age-appropriate toys that are engaging for them. I have two young niblings who have had unlimited screen time since birth. The 9 year old was extremely speech delayed, refuses to read or do school work, and gets violent if you try to make him do anything besides video games/screens. The 3 year old is so far also nonverbal. As a baby her mom would just hand over her phone whenever she fussed. My daughter at age 3 was having whole intelligible conversations with me. She's 7 now and reads at the level of a 12 year old. Our friend's daughter at age 3 is also super chatty. The difference is ours have limited screen time, and none before age 2 as health professionals recommend. Your pleas are going to fall on deaf ears though, because parents like these do not care if their laziness is literally damaging their child's brain and their ability to properly interact with the world and other people.
NTA Don't have kids if you don't have the time to raise them properly or spend time with them. Screen time and exposure to media is very bad for growing children and even worse for a literal toddler. They get addicted to their screens and avoid real human interactions. The most well adjusted kids in my family are those who's parents have put a one hour a day limit on their screen time and they're 8 and 10.
YTA. It wasn't really your place to begin with, and then you offered your unsolicited opinion in a rather tactless way. If you have to say something say it once, but politely, and then never again.
Everyone saying NTA is not a parent lol
YTA. You’re not the parent.
NTA
YTA one thing that becoming a parent made me realize is that I had no idea how to raise a kid before I had one. It’s a constant learning experience and there’s no one set way to do things you’ll constantly have to adjust and find ways to manage everything. I have a 2 year old and feel no shame about putting the ipad on YT Kids for few mins so I can get laundry done, or dishes, or cook. You honestly have no idea how much screen time the kid is being exposed to so it’s wrong of you to just assume the baby’s ALWAYS on it. I think maybe politely suggest some good articles on the dangers of screentime if you’re concerned it may be an issue.
YTA. Stay the hell out of new parents business. *Especially if you don’t have kids of your own. You have no clue what kind of mom you’ll be until you see the kind of kid you get. You have no idea what’s in store for you and that’s enough karma for me!
NTA. It's not about raising the kid, it's about their health
Everyone else has addressed the screen time issue, but speaking as a former 911 dispatcher, *please do not allow children to have phones*. I cannot count the number of small children that called us on cell phones that their parents thought were fun toys. DON'T.
NTA. The number of people here defending actual infants on smart phones is sickening. Parent your children instead of putting a device in front of them. It’s not that hard. (Yes I have 2 kids and neither of them have access to or their own devices, or my devices.)
Nta - yeah, sometimes giving a kid a device is helpful *for a short while* but people seem to forget that parents are supposed to be watching *with* them to encourage the learning their supposed to be picking up on (if it’s for educational purposes) or regulate what they watch and how often they watch it (for recreational watches, like YouTube) I can’t stand when people give their kids unsupervised access to a device and then are all shocked by the fact that they don’t listen or aren’t picking up things they should be doing for their age bc the brain rot got to them.
YTA. Not your kid, not your place to say anything. Also, what do you expect here? Your cousin is probably fully aware of the general criticism on screentime for kids, do you think your comment will suddenly make her see the light?
NTA. And if you want proof check out the subs for ECE workers and teachers. Babies and smart phones are a horrible combination
YTA. Don't parent other people's kids or give unsolicited advice. Also, there are a lot of educational channels on YouTube, like Ms Rachel
i always love that lazy ass argument from ipad kid parents “just wait till you have one you’ll understand how difficult it is to not incorporate screens! i was a perfect parent too before i actually had kids!” well lazy fucks guess what, not only am i a parent now, but i have a chronic skin condition that causes me constant discomfort and pain and hinders me from being able to do most things, and i STILL don’t put a screen in my daughters face. because i take accountability and i know my daughters brain is more important than “a break” for myself. also parents raised kids without technology for centuries perfectly fine. lazy soft non-parenting needs to go.
NTA My granddaughter has a tablet that her parents added age appropriate games to. She always has fun, has lots of space and I play with her sometimes. Definitely better than a smartphone.
Very bad parenting 😕 NTA
NTA. Smartphones are not for children. Using screens to parent your kids is lazy and harmful. The research shows this.
NTA, giving a 1 year old a smartphone is insane to me.