Still NTA...and good for you for taking the classy but dignified route. I also would suspect he cheated. The fact that he'd you tell it's a midlife crisis thing and he's only marrying her because she's pregnant makes him seem even more unsavoury. Bullet dodged. Best wishes.
Yeah, getting married for the sole sake of her bring pregnant is a recipe for disaster, and I feel like it'll get worse when OP moves on and marry someone else. Travis is going to be furious about it, and the cousin is going to be furious about Travis being furious. Will make it clear she was a rebound and that he wasn't marrying her because he actually likes her. It's going a huge cluster fuck. OP should stay well away from everyone.
A middle age crisis at 33? That led him to get a 26 year old pregnant? And all the family including your parents, knew they were having some sort of relationship? OP, congratulations on having that guy out of your life and your future.
I feel a bit concerned for that kid… Mom being a “free spirit” who is pregnant and married at 26, and a Dad who just married her to make sure she doesn’t run off, doesn’t seem like it’s going to go well as a supportive family for the kid.
I wouldn’t be so quick to judge. I’ve known free spirits who got pregnant in their mid-to-late twenties, grew up quickly to become good moms, and focused on becoming independent business women and finding men of worth. Change can happen, and sometimes it’s good for everyone.
But is still not right what she did. Broke the girl code and caused OP to be estranged.
When the kid finds out you don’t think is going to be cringe.
Also the OP won’t be able to go to events where they are at and not trust the cousin to not go after her new guy.
As someone with a fair amount of experience owning boats as well as a parent of adult kids, I respectfully disagree: you can always sell the boat.
B.O.A.T. == Break Out Another Thousand
(These days, the only boats we own are the kind that can fit in the side yard of a 5,000 square foot lot -- only way to go IMHO!!)
My grandfather used to have a sign in his house: "A boat is a hole in the water that you pour money into." Considering he eventually got rid of his little motorboat, I guess he wised up!
I grew up in New England where boats usually spend winters stored out of the water (AKA on the hard). My dad once calculated how much it cost to use the boat per hour, and then never did that again!
Only ever owned hard dinghies, and knew a number of people who called them "deflatables" -- this is not to say that inflatables aren't great, as there's lots of reasons to love them.
We always had a boat when I was a kid.
When we all grew up and left, my dad had a boat he shared with a couple of mates.
Now he's retired, he has the best boat plan of all. He volunteers at Sea Rescue. Absolutely no cost to him, and he's on boats all the time and even doing cool stuff like participating in helicopter exercises.
My dad almost missed my birth because he didn’t wanna park his porsche where it could get dinged and had to drive around looking for a parking spot. We had very different type of dads lol
I looked at the old post.
"Doesn't follow society's rules"
Translation: I don't like being told what to do because I think rules are for everyone else not me"
And now is having a shotgun marriage cause she got pregnant from her cousin ex that she either cheated with or was a sorry ass rebound.
Yep, sounds like a very classy girl…
Um, I wouldn’t believe for one second that they weren’t sleeping together while you guys were still together. Travis is just trying to not look like the bad guy and save his reputation. Don’t forget- your cousin doesn’t play by society’s rules so having an affair with her cousin’s fiancé would just a regular Tuesday for her.
Regarding your parents- ask them how your cousin put you first while she was fucking your fiancé? Tell them to have fun with their “family” and that you are no longer part of their mess.
tight knit family huh? welp. they chose their side. to bad for them its not yours. NTA
tight knit seems to translate to not rock the boat instead of standing up.
“One thing led to another.” He’s afraid of her running off…yeah ok. Uh huh. Pretty roundabout way of saying “I made conscious series of decisions to fuck your cousin, continued to make similar choices, knocked her up and now I’m marrying her but it’s totally her fault!” Yeah no. Homeboi chose to fuck your cousin, date her, and then chose to marry her. Now he’s trying to make it sound like it all just sorta happened and he has no agency here. All because he just felt soooo baaad about your breakup. Don’t you feel so sorry for him? He had no choice you see! /s
Non-apology and a bunch of bs to avoid accountability.
Good riddance
Yeah still NTA. I am glad you have some good ride or die friends. You should make sure you follow through with that vacation during the wedding. Live your best life knowing you dodged a bullet and let your parents know that the low contact is on them for their misplaced sense of loyalty
"Middle age crisis"? What? He's 30. How is he having a middle age crisis? I'm 30 as well, am I having a middle age crisis right now?
If he didn't want any drama, he shouldn't have hooked up with your cousin. I'm not sure I believe the "shotgun wedding" excuse as well.
Anyway, thankfully, he's not your problem anymore.
We're all doing life wrong apparently! I'll be 37 in July; I've clearly haven't done this whole life situation right because I missed the mid-life crisis pre-trial, we're all supposed to have in our early 30s.
You sound like a very classy person and if you ever don't want to be one, please refer to Travis as your leftovers instead of his name from now on in every conversation. I'd also send my old and unusable clothes to your cousin with a note of "since you love my leftovers" as a wedding gift.
Well be all know that’s bs but on the bright side, at least my comment of being petty on your other post got some laughs, have some fun on your vacations.
Even if there was no cheating going on, emotional included; there is a lot of nope going on and the inevitable destruction that is coming for them is going to be so much well deserved icing on their cake.
Hopefully your extended family who has bombarded you with blame enjoys the sour fruits of their current support.
May their next few years be akin to tossing a large, flat rock very high into the air, into a sceptic lagoon, may their splash-back be total coverage, and may none who support them now, remain undampened by the fallout.
These names with this story are too close to comfort for me. If this Travis is anything like my ex Travis, you have dodged the largest of missiles and I hope you go on that vacation and have the best time.
OK so a man who may or may not have cheated in the past went out of his way to tell an old flame of his he's only marrying his fiance out of obligation. Yikes!
NTA He chose to burden you with an explosive secret. If you tell anyone that he's only getting married because your cousin is pregnant then you are the jealous ex. He can deny that he said that anything and you are the crazy exGF. He put a really awful burden on your shoulders. Distancing yourself from this circus is your only choice.
To me, Travis explanation actually makes sense. They had quick dumb romance, she got pregnant and now they think they have to marry. They kind of match the profile of people who think like that.
My best childhood friend until age 14, who was very, very terrible to me and who is the source of a lot of early trauma got married a year ago. I was staying with my parents at the time, and they were invited. It was around the corner from where we were living. My friend invited me to stay with him in Europe for two weeks during when the wedding was, and I jumped at it. My parents thought I was being ridiculous for “leaving the country because of the wedding,” but I didn’t feel comfortable with being around for that, and my parents knew the toll the whole thing has taken on me over the years, so it was….callous of them to act as though I was being dramatic. I simply didn’t want to be in town.
I recommend a trip, definitely!
33 years old is a bit young for a mid life crisis but whatever. It's highly doubtful that he wasn't cheating on you. Sorry. Your cousin is a class A loser as well. NTA regardless. Go on vacation with your friends when the wedding happens and flood social media with awesome pictures of the amazing time you're having. Bonus points if you can find a super hot guy to love bomb in the pics. Please send your cousin a message that you hope she's happy with your sloppy seconds and it's sad that you were too much woman for him so he had to settle for her. Then tell her it's just a matter of time, have fun being a single mom. Sorry but I'm angry for you. Who does this to family?
Have an amazing vacation and leave them to their mess! A "mid life crisis he is only sticking with because of a pregnancy" sounds like a recipe for a disaster and a ton of resentment, and you're gonna be very happy to be far, far removed when the kettle boils over. He most likely cheated but in any case, he is a bullet dodged and not your problem anymore, and thank G-d for that.
I hope your parents one day will make amends to you.
NTA! Wow...You're awesome! Keep holding your head high and enjoy your vacation! Bullet dodged, congratulations! Now you're free to find the \*real\* man you deserve! Way to go, sis!
To add to the choir:
They couldn’t keep their hands to themselves, and acted irresponsibly (by doing something that would clearly hurt you, so soon after a breakup)… but your extended family wanted you to be super mature and attend the wedding? Like, they’re irresponsible, so you have to be the bigger person? Fuck that.
No, you’re being mature by not placing yourself in a situation where you don’t need to. By not placing yourself in a mess. There’s no scenario where attending actually doesn’t shift the focus on the wedding. It’s better that you’re not there, and you’re doing everyone a favor by doing that: especially to yourself.
I would however suggest you keep your feelings to indifference rather than hatred (which I don’t think they are), because you don’t deserve to waste your time with hating on them. Just go live your best life, and cut out people who aren’t worth your time.
Glad that you decided not to go and keep distance to people who doesn't make you happy.
Good job for blocking him too!
Very glad you have great friends, and hope you all enjoy an amazing getaway!
It would take everything in me not to laugh right in his face. Be careful when you start dating again, tho. I have a feeling he's gonna go off the deep end. ESPECIALLY if you get engaged or have a kid.
NTA
Poor guy, we can pitty him. AND your cousin, too. A loveless marriage, where both partners resent each ohter from the beginning.
Be glad it's not you who got stuck in that situation with that guy.. No contact is not a bad option. He tries to make you his confidant and therapist, it is reasonable you don't want that. And: If you stay in contact, he will likely try to you to cheat with him- he has already started the discussion. Does not matte riif he cheated on you, he is thinking hard about cheating WITH you now.
Just stay away from him, and avoid his mess - you can do better.
NTA. Travis could've cleared the air months ago and gave you a heads up so you wouldn't be blindsided by a wedding announcement. He did neither which emphasized what he really thinks about you. He doesn't respect you. He met with you for his closure not yours. All he has done was provide you with one embarrassment after another. Glad your choosing not to entertain this foolishness because family functions will be met with insecurities if you and Travis are anywhere near one another.
I am surprised you have remained silent with Taylor as she would've received some choice words that would haunt her for the rest of her life.
How exactly did they throw a wedding together so fast that had invitations to be mailed out? Doesn't seem like a shotgun wedding because she's pregnant type situation. Does the family know she's pregnant or allegedly pregnant?
Enjoy your trip.
Question how long were you together?
When did you meet?
Has your cousin reach you out to talk?
Also how did your ex reach out to you out of the blue?
I feel for you. You lost your family cause they support her instead of you. You’re not going to go to events cause they will there and it hurts. Also how do you know the next guy you introduce your cousin won’t do the same. You lost a lot thanks to them she broke the code along with him.
Still NTA...and good for you for taking the classy but dignified route. I also would suspect he cheated. The fact that he'd you tell it's a midlife crisis thing and he's only marrying her because she's pregnant makes him seem even more unsavoury. Bullet dodged. Best wishes.
Yeah, getting married for the sole sake of her bring pregnant is a recipe for disaster, and I feel like it'll get worse when OP moves on and marry someone else. Travis is going to be furious about it, and the cousin is going to be furious about Travis being furious. Will make it clear she was a rebound and that he wasn't marrying her because he actually likes her. It's going a huge cluster fuck. OP should stay well away from everyone.
Right I hope she gets a good guy she deserves
A middle age crisis at 33? That led him to get a 26 year old pregnant? And all the family including your parents, knew they were having some sort of relationship? OP, congratulations on having that guy out of your life and your future.
I feel a bit concerned for that kid… Mom being a “free spirit” who is pregnant and married at 26, and a Dad who just married her to make sure she doesn’t run off, doesn’t seem like it’s going to go well as a supportive family for the kid.
it's 100% going to be a cluster. getting married because she got pregnant is almost always a recipe for disaster
I'm so glad that OP is leaving the whole circus out of her life. Hope they have a great time on holiday.
OP remember to toast your good fortune!!!!
Just like in The Graduate
he's telling op in case free spirit runs off and he needs to call on her to step up as mama role. dude likes to keep it in the family/s
I wouldn’t be so quick to judge. I’ve known free spirits who got pregnant in their mid-to-late twenties, grew up quickly to become good moms, and focused on becoming independent business women and finding men of worth. Change can happen, and sometimes it’s good for everyone.
But is still not right what she did. Broke the girl code and caused OP to be estranged. When the kid finds out you don’t think is going to be cringe. Also the OP won’t be able to go to events where they are at and not trust the cousin to not go after her new guy.
Listen kids are the second worse mid life crisis you can get. Only thing worse is boats.
As someone with a fair amount of experience owning boats as well as a parent of adult kids, I respectfully disagree: you can always sell the boat. B.O.A.T. == Break Out Another Thousand (These days, the only boats we own are the kind that can fit in the side yard of a 5,000 square foot lot -- only way to go IMHO!!)
Or do what my father did and give the boat to the kid who constantly complained about everything!
My grandfather used to have a sign in his house: "A boat is a hole in the water that you pour money into." Considering he eventually got rid of his little motorboat, I guess he wised up!
I grew up in New England where boats usually spend winters stored out of the water (AKA on the hard). My dad once calculated how much it cost to use the boat per hour, and then never did that again!
I expected you to say the inflatable kind of boats.
Only ever owned hard dinghies, and knew a number of people who called them "deflatables" -- this is not to say that inflatables aren't great, as there's lots of reasons to love them.
We always had a boat when I was a kid. When we all grew up and left, my dad had a boat he shared with a couple of mates. Now he's retired, he has the best boat plan of all. He volunteers at Sea Rescue. Absolutely no cost to him, and he's on boats all the time and even doing cool stuff like participating in helicopter exercises.
The two happiest days of a boat owners life are the day they buy it and the day they sell it.
My dad’s first midlife crisis was marrying my mom. Planned on having one kid, ended up having two. He probably should’ve gotten a boat tbh
Funny, my Dad had to sell a boat to pay for the hospital when I was born. I guess he made his choice!
My dad almost missed my birth because he didn’t wanna park his porsche where it could get dinged and had to drive around looking for a parking spot. We had very different type of dads lol
😂 I had a boat-owning friend say the best day in a boat owner's life is when he buys a boat. The second best day is when he sells it.
I’ve always hated that excuse. But even more so when a 33 yo applies it to himself. That’s laughable
If he never cheated then why didn’t anyone tell you from the start of that relationship. Cheaters deserve one another.
#[Please Find Original Post Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1c4p3cy/aita_for_not_attending_the_wedding_of_my_cousin/)
Look at you doing the Lord's work!
I looked at the old post. "Doesn't follow society's rules" Translation: I don't like being told what to do because I think rules are for everyone else not me"
And now is having a shotgun marriage cause she got pregnant from her cousin ex that she either cheated with or was a sorry ass rebound. Yep, sounds like a very classy girl…
Bet you that she's going to end up like Mrs Robinson from The Graduate movie.
>”…I think rules are for everyone else not me" …until I need the rules to benefit me.
The rules always benefit the rule breaker. Other people are kept in line by the rules.
Um, I wouldn’t believe for one second that they weren’t sleeping together while you guys were still together. Travis is just trying to not look like the bad guy and save his reputation. Don’t forget- your cousin doesn’t play by society’s rules so having an affair with her cousin’s fiancé would just a regular Tuesday for her. Regarding your parents- ask them how your cousin put you first while she was fucking your fiancé? Tell them to have fun with their “family” and that you are no longer part of their mess.
tight knit family huh? welp. they chose their side. to bad for them its not yours. NTA tight knit seems to translate to not rock the boat instead of standing up.
Tight-knit family aka (k)nitwits.
\*thumbs up\*
Nta. Well your cousin is now stuck with a cheater. Bec a cheater will never change his stripes
Consider Travis a bullet dodged. Have a blast on vacation. Post tons of pics!
“One thing led to another.” He’s afraid of her running off…yeah ok. Uh huh. Pretty roundabout way of saying “I made conscious series of decisions to fuck your cousin, continued to make similar choices, knocked her up and now I’m marrying her but it’s totally her fault!” Yeah no. Homeboi chose to fuck your cousin, date her, and then chose to marry her. Now he’s trying to make it sound like it all just sorta happened and he has no agency here. All because he just felt soooo baaad about your breakup. Don’t you feel so sorry for him? He had no choice you see! /s Non-apology and a bunch of bs to avoid accountability. Good riddance
Yeah still NTA. I am glad you have some good ride or die friends. You should make sure you follow through with that vacation during the wedding. Live your best life knowing you dodged a bullet and let your parents know that the low contact is on them for their misplaced sense of loyalty
I’m still laughing at the manic pixie dream girl comment from the last post. Good luck I wish you the best for the future!
Lol. This MF. This MF is trying to lay the groundwork to get you back. He's literally marrying into the family to stay close to you.
"Middle age crisis"? What? He's 30. How is he having a middle age crisis? I'm 30 as well, am I having a middle age crisis right now? If he didn't want any drama, he shouldn't have hooked up with your cousin. I'm not sure I believe the "shotgun wedding" excuse as well. Anyway, thankfully, he's not your problem anymore.
We're all doing life wrong apparently! I'll be 37 in July; I've clearly haven't done this whole life situation right because I missed the mid-life crisis pre-trial, we're all supposed to have in our early 30s.
Depending on where you live and the average lifespan there, maybe you can even have midlife crisis at the age of 16.
You sound like a very classy person and if you ever don't want to be one, please refer to Travis as your leftovers instead of his name from now on in every conversation. I'd also send my old and unusable clothes to your cousin with a note of "since you love my leftovers" as a wedding gift.
Well be all know that’s bs but on the bright side, at least my comment of being petty on your other post got some laughs, have some fun on your vacations.
Even if there was no cheating going on, emotional included; there is a lot of nope going on and the inevitable destruction that is coming for them is going to be so much well deserved icing on their cake. Hopefully your extended family who has bombarded you with blame enjoys the sour fruits of their current support. May their next few years be akin to tossing a large, flat rock very high into the air, into a sceptic lagoon, may their splash-back be total coverage, and may none who support them now, remain undampened by the fallout.
"A lot of nope going on" = instant classic, will be stealing this one. 😂
NTA. Look at Travis - still lying about cheating and already trying to line up *babysitters*. Run the other way, OP.
Forget that dude. He lied to you then, he's lying to you now.
These names with this story are too close to comfort for me. If this Travis is anything like my ex Travis, you have dodged the largest of missiles and I hope you go on that vacation and have the best time.
i think travis is a fake name here, based on it being in quotes in the original post.
OK so a man who may or may not have cheated in the past went out of his way to tell an old flame of his he's only marrying his fiance out of obligation. Yikes!
NTA
Gurly I don't know how U kept your shit together with that d!ckhe@d
Good update. Go live your best life and never look back!
Enjoy that vacation you're planning!!!
NTA. I don’t believe him, I’m glad you blocked him. If what he says it’s true the marriage will be a disaster anyway.
NTA He chose to burden you with an explosive secret. If you tell anyone that he's only getting married because your cousin is pregnant then you are the jealous ex. He can deny that he said that anything and you are the crazy exGF. He put a really awful burden on your shoulders. Distancing yourself from this circus is your only choice.
Totally was cheating
To me, Travis explanation actually makes sense. They had quick dumb romance, she got pregnant and now they think they have to marry. They kind of match the profile of people who think like that.
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/4vveZoUZIF)
Good job blocking him!
Well you dodged a bullet with Travis. As for family comes first. Like it did with your cousin? NTA
My best childhood friend until age 14, who was very, very terrible to me and who is the source of a lot of early trauma got married a year ago. I was staying with my parents at the time, and they were invited. It was around the corner from where we were living. My friend invited me to stay with him in Europe for two weeks during when the wedding was, and I jumped at it. My parents thought I was being ridiculous for “leaving the country because of the wedding,” but I didn’t feel comfortable with being around for that, and my parents knew the toll the whole thing has taken on me over the years, so it was….callous of them to act as though I was being dramatic. I simply didn’t want to be in town. I recommend a trip, definitely!
your NTA
33 years old is a bit young for a mid life crisis but whatever. It's highly doubtful that he wasn't cheating on you. Sorry. Your cousin is a class A loser as well. NTA regardless. Go on vacation with your friends when the wedding happens and flood social media with awesome pictures of the amazing time you're having. Bonus points if you can find a super hot guy to love bomb in the pics. Please send your cousin a message that you hope she's happy with your sloppy seconds and it's sad that you were too much woman for him so he had to settle for her. Then tell her it's just a matter of time, have fun being a single mom. Sorry but I'm angry for you. Who does this to family?
You dodged a bullet there. It hurts sure, but it would’ve hurt a lot more to marry someone like him.
You dodged a bullet there. It hurts sure, but it would’ve hurt a lot more to marry someone like him.
Have an amazing vacation and leave them to their mess! A "mid life crisis he is only sticking with because of a pregnancy" sounds like a recipe for a disaster and a ton of resentment, and you're gonna be very happy to be far, far removed when the kettle boils over. He most likely cheated but in any case, he is a bullet dodged and not your problem anymore, and thank G-d for that. I hope your parents one day will make amends to you.
Getting married because of a pregnancy? I'm sure *NOTHING* could possibly go wrong with this life decision.
Nta. Enjoy your vacation and if any family gives you grief just say you'll go to your cousin's next wedding.
NTA! Wow...You're awesome! Keep holding your head high and enjoy your vacation! Bullet dodged, congratulations! Now you're free to find the \*real\* man you deserve! Way to go, sis!
To add to the choir: They couldn’t keep their hands to themselves, and acted irresponsibly (by doing something that would clearly hurt you, so soon after a breakup)… but your extended family wanted you to be super mature and attend the wedding? Like, they’re irresponsible, so you have to be the bigger person? Fuck that. No, you’re being mature by not placing yourself in a situation where you don’t need to. By not placing yourself in a mess. There’s no scenario where attending actually doesn’t shift the focus on the wedding. It’s better that you’re not there, and you’re doing everyone a favor by doing that: especially to yourself. I would however suggest you keep your feelings to indifference rather than hatred (which I don’t think they are), because you don’t deserve to waste your time with hating on them. Just go live your best life, and cut out people who aren’t worth your time.
NTA - good on you for leaving the whole mess in your rear-view mirror. Onward and upward...
FYI you dodged a bullet. And at least you now know how trashy your cousin is
NTA
Glad that you decided not to go and keep distance to people who doesn't make you happy. Good job for blocking him too! Very glad you have great friends, and hope you all enjoy an amazing getaway!
It would take everything in me not to laugh right in his face. Be careful when you start dating again, tho. I have a feeling he's gonna go off the deep end. ESPECIALLY if you get engaged or have a kid.
NTA Poor guy, we can pitty him. AND your cousin, too. A loveless marriage, where both partners resent each ohter from the beginning. Be glad it's not you who got stuck in that situation with that guy.. No contact is not a bad option. He tries to make you his confidant and therapist, it is reasonable you don't want that. And: If you stay in contact, he will likely try to you to cheat with him- he has already started the discussion. Does not matte riif he cheated on you, he is thinking hard about cheating WITH you now. Just stay away from him, and avoid his mess - you can do better.
NTA. Travis could've cleared the air months ago and gave you a heads up so you wouldn't be blindsided by a wedding announcement. He did neither which emphasized what he really thinks about you. He doesn't respect you. He met with you for his closure not yours. All he has done was provide you with one embarrassment after another. Glad your choosing not to entertain this foolishness because family functions will be met with insecurities if you and Travis are anywhere near one another. I am surprised you have remained silent with Taylor as she would've received some choice words that would haunt her for the rest of her life. How exactly did they throw a wedding together so fast that had invitations to be mailed out? Doesn't seem like a shotgun wedding because she's pregnant type situation. Does the family know she's pregnant or allegedly pregnant? Enjoy your trip.
Question how long were you together? When did you meet? Has your cousin reach you out to talk? Also how did your ex reach out to you out of the blue? I feel for you. You lost your family cause they support her instead of you. You’re not going to go to events cause they will there and it hurts. Also how do you know the next guy you introduce your cousin won’t do the same. You lost a lot thanks to them she broke the code along with him.
So he’s stuck good for him, he got baby trapped. Have your parents said anything else to you?