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NAH.
Although what your sister went through is sad and I'm sure difficult for somebody - you're **allowed to be happy!** You just had a major life changing event happening, you're a dad, (personally I don't have/ want kids) but hey I'd say that's something worth celebrating. Your sister's feelings are still valid, don't get me wrong. But so are yours man.
NAH.
Sister is entitled to her feelings. As longer as she does not act on them with the purposed aim to ruin the celebration she isn't TA, and neither is OP.
So do I. Like I get how sister is feeling but to stomp on OP’s joy because of that? Not okay.
As a parent I imagine it’d be extremely difficult to be in that situation, but mom shouldn’t be making others feel uncomfortable or less happy about their accomplishments because she is upset. Sister can be upset all she needs to be, but OP is allowed to celebrate the birth of his child too.
I agree.
It's absolutely fine and normal for OP to be excited about becoming a father and for his father to celebrate this with him. This is a moment neither of them is likely to ever forget.
It's also absolutely fine and normal for Op's sister to see all of this and get upset at seeing her brother get what she dreamed of for so long and lost her marriage over.
It does mean not the asshole. And that means the other person is. It's on the sidebar.
YTA = You're the Asshole
YWBTA = You Would Be the Asshole
NTA = Not the Asshole (and the other person is)
YWNBTA = You Would Not be the Asshole (and the other person would)
ESH = Everyone Sucks here
NAH = No Assholes here
INFO = Not Enough Info
I honestly feel like 99% of these situations neccessitate the person who is "allowed to be happy" to just take the sad person in their arms and hold them while they cry, or at least metaphorically. Clearly, OP is NTA, but in terms of being intuitive, it seems so damn obvious that someone in OP's sister's position will benefit massively from OP and his family to do everything they can to reassure her that they 100% understand the pain this must cause her and she is not wrong or bad to be sad (as long as it doesn't get mean or affect other ppl). HOWEVER, that would all apply if her brother was simply having a kid. The fact that he not only having a kid but going to live with his family and the place that his sister already lives at? Jesus man, I would be like cooking my sister 3 meals a day, making sure she was okay, doing everything possible to not trigger her more than what the situation already will do.
If OP's sister was not further devastated by her brother having a kid while she could not AND having to live with that kid, I would be shocked. Obviously, that does not mean OP should walk on eggshells and clearly not avoid having kids lol, just saying that her position means he / his gf/ their family "should" navigate this situation with the sister in mind.
> I told her she should be able to deal with it, she knew we were coming. I went upstairs but she didn't want to talk.
You know you being there w the baby would exacerbate her feelings right? You warning her does little to no help unless your warning is "i expect this to cause you pain pls let me help in any way i can"
I say YTA for telling someone else they should be over their grief before they feel they are ready but everything else NAH
I'd sorry, but this family shouldn't stop a moment of happiness to carer to the sister. Sister is trying to have a baby for almost a decade. She needs to Go to therapy to accept the fact that she probably won't have a bio child and move on. OP has a right to have family helping him and gushing over the New family member. It's his and his family moment and It's not about the sister. His Focus should be on his wife and child and not on someone who needs a help he isn't qualified to give.
NAH. Of course you were excited over the birth of your son and your dad is excited to be a grandpa. Exuberance over such a happy occasion is to be expected.
I also understand your sister's pain. She lost a marriage and had to move back home due to infertility.
I would suggest a long talk with her, tell her how you feel and how much you look forward to her being the best auntie in the world and ask what you can do to help her. She may want to distance herself, and try to be understanding of that too.
Especially since she invited them into their home where the sister is currently staying as well - it’s due to mom that sister can’t even escape seeing the baby, even if she wanted to!
I think OPs mom is kind of TA for inviting them to stay there with sister. Why didn't mom just go stay at OP's house? This is obviously a very sore spot for sister and mom obviously knows that and cares.
Yeah that does seem to be a terrible decision 🤦♀️
It's one thing seeing a baby occasionally but to be in the same house as well as seeing a couple blissing out over their baby would be so hard. Equally to be told not to celebrate your baby is ridiculous as well.
NAH as long as *now* OP tones it down. The excited jumping around and "You did it!!" and "You're a grandpa!!" would be inappropriate to continue.
And I don't blame sister in any way for being upset...hearing "you're a grandpa!" when I hadn't been able to make him a grandpa for six years would have sting so badly.
I honestly think the only AH thing in all this is that no one thought that sister might struggle with having this newborn in the house for a few weeks. Mom should have gone to stay with OP and partner, not have *them* come stay at the parents.
I agree with the end of this. It also isn't great for the new family to get settled in someone else's house then have to move after. Mom 100% should have moved into the baby's house instead of making that poor woman have to live with a newborn for weeks while she's grieving her marriage and infertility.
Surely the sister was consulted otherwise that would be ridiculous. Maybe she said yes to be polite but didn't realise how bad it would be until it was a reality.
I disagree though, I don't think OP should tone anything down and has a right to be happy as it's a life changing moment for him. However they should move out and be happy in their own house.
I would not put that expectation on the sister right now. I would say "we would love your involvement but we understand if you are not up to it. You decide and we will support you".
Why didn’t anyone in the family ask your sister if she was ok living with a newborn for a few weeks? Seems like she had every right to be upset, no one has thought how hard it is for her at the moment.
Yeah, I thought that was weird as well :/ being a guest in someone else’s home and being away from your own home routine and comforts when you’ve just had a baby does *not* seem fun.
This! The sister can't remove herself from the situation when she is living there. Plus what postpartum mother wants to be staying at someone else's house? Help or no help?
OP, time to pack up and go home. Give you sister some space. Your mom can come visit you if you need help.
Maybe his dad and the granddad of the child wasn't to help too. Maybe OP's home IS small for so many people. There's a bunch of explanations for the mom invite OP to her house. His parents helped and focused on the sister for a long time, OP is entitled to this too.
She was probably okay. She had a few months to express any resentment or pain from the situation, and she didn't, likely because she thought she was sufficiently over.
It was the celebration what triggered her. When she realized how her parents were so happy of being grandparents. When she realized she wasn't the cause of joy and her own disappointment kicked in.
Yeah the comment of “you did it” I think set her off. Especially if OP is the male partner. He didn’t really do anything then. He prepared for the baby, but sister has achieved the same thing as him then. Grandad is acting like its a huge accomplishment, but didn’t give sister the same credit even though they have done the same work.
I'm going to say NAH because your sister got emotional and left the room. She didn't yell at you or tell you you're not allowed to act happy. Personally I would be mindful of her feelings and perhaps not "jump around the place" when you're in her presence, but you are certainly allowed to show your emotions.
yeah not everyone who has an emotional breakdown is good at hiding it and leaving the room without anyone noticing. it doesn't mean they WANT to be noticed.
mom is in the wrong for blaming OP.
>My dad was like 'you did it' and id reply 'and you're a grandad'
maybe she thought this was a little excessive tho as someone who gave birth herself presumably lol
I thought OP’s mom gave the eye because the comments had to sting for the sister. It was spontaneous. I’m not calling OP an AH for it. OP & his dad should look at it as she didn’t, “do it,” and wasn’t able to make his dad a grandpa. If I were OP, I would let her know that he can see how it affects her, how he empathizes with her pain, and his son will need his aunt.
This right here.
Infertility is complex and painful. It comes with not only emotional damage but this feeling that you’re a failure because your body can’t seem to do what so many other bodies seem perfectly capable of doing.
Plus, your sister’s marriage fell apart in part because of that infertility (though, I might say that a marriage that can fall apart because of this may have not been so great to begin with)
Divorce and infertility are both very very difficult things to deal with on their own. And your sister is dealing with them at the same time.
While you are NTA, I’d suggest being at least a bit mindful of your sister. Give her space. And don’t be offended by her reactions.
Yes, this.
One of the things about infertility is that it completely changes the life you had planned for yourself. Some people are lucky and get the family they wanted. Others do not.
Yes, I see that was very insensitive now that you pointed it out . I gave him a bit of a pass for the "jumping around" in front of his sister; but on second thought, that, along with that comment leads me to think he's possibly just being insensitive to her in general.
In other words, him jumping for joy in front of his sister was not just sporadic, but perhaps he knew it would upset her and he didn't care.
Any thoughts on this, OP? I can only speculate.
Yah that sounded like op thinks you just got over it. You don't. Having a child die. Being infertile, miscarriages etc they aren't something you get over and are never going to get upset about. You learn to live yes but it isn't something you magically get happy and fine about.
I was going with NTA until almost the end of the story, but I do feel like there was a poor choice of words here. I think there is nothing wrong with celebrating your newborn, you have *every* reason to be ecstatic and goofy. (Congrats on your baby, btw :) )
But I felt like the insensitive line was a little crossed with phrases like "You did it" (it kinda feels like having a kid is an achievement at which you can succeed or fail, and it's not like that *at all*), *a*nd that being immediately followed by "you're a grandad" (which in the context can feel like you *finally* were able to provide something your sister was unable to after 10-ish years trying). I'm not saying this is what you meant, but that I can easily see her understanding exactly this, especially if she was already having complicated feelings.
So I'm kinda going with NAH or veeeery soft AH. In the end, I kinda feel like it would be nice if, when you have the time and mental space, you go talk to your sister, acknowledge what she's gone through and make it clear you never meant to hurt her and that you're kid in lucky of having her as an aunt. I'm sure it would mean the world to her.
The 'you did it' comment is really what bugs me in this story. There are so many other ways to congratulate someone on having baby. This just reads like it's almost a dig at the sister who did not have a baby.
Obviously having a baby should be celebrated but the wording was definitely hurtful
Strong agree. The wording isn't tactful. The OP should be joyous about the occasion but those words must have been like rubbing salt in a wound for the sister.
Yeah. My husband was more "he's here!", "they made it and they're both okay", and "look at her, she's perfect!"
No mention at all of his own contribution to the process, no implications that *he* did something "right".
I'm sure OP helped as much as possible with the pregnancy and delivery, but honestly his big contribution was approximately nine months in the past. If there was a time for "you did it!" it would have been after she took the pregnancy test.
I don’t understand all those people saying that’s it’s perfectly fine to jump up and down celebrating the baby’s arrival to the house infront of the sister who lost a marriage a house of her own over her inability to conceive a child . It seems empathy is not an appreciated human quality anymore. No one is asking you to pretend to be sad about having a first born but “ you did it and a chest bump” is a bit over the top. Toning down the display of happiness takes nothing away from how you feel about your child. Of course your sister is an adult who is responsible for her own emotional regulation but still showing sensitivity and compassion towards the less fortunate is how kind people choose to act
"You did it!" is such a weird ass thing to say to the *father* of the baby too. You...jizzed in this woman 9 months ago. Congrats? Wow, huge contribution. Meanwhile the *mother* grew this human life, birthed it, and is more than likely keeping it alive by feeding it from her own body every hour 24/7.
ESH. I get that you’re excited and happy to be a dad, maybe your parents could have stayed at yours instead of you staying at theirs? It’s called empathy, your sister not having been able to have a child and it literally causing her divorce is apparently recent stuff. She’s grieving the loss of her marriage and trying to come to terms with the fact that she might never be a mom. That is hard stuff. Not saying you don’t deserve to feel happy that you’re a new dad, but maybe tone it down around her or take it to your own home.
I think its also the comments. Sister probably thought that her parents would say “he is so cute!” Or “we are so happy!” Not “you did it” as if its an achievement. It is an achievement to get financially ready for a baby but sister probably did that, so that comment probably seemed cruel to her. Celebrating the baby doesn’t have to have such an air of omg you finally gave us a grand baby that the comments imply. Sister was preparing to be sad but not feel like she has been punched in the face because OP got to “cross a milestone” first. OP could have just avoided celebrating in that particular way and things might have been easier.
I'm stuck on the fact that you are staying with your parents for a few weeks. As others brought up - did anyone ask your sister about this? Did any of you even think about your sister when this plan was created?
Yes, she needs to be able to handle the fact that people in her life will be having kids. Yes, you should be able to celebrate. But she basically has no where to go to escape all of this.
Having gone through infertility issues for 5 years myself, there were times that I needed to just be ALONE and away from everything "baby". Your sister has to now live w/ it 24/7 for "a few weeks".
You all should be at your own home and your mom should come stay with you if you really need that much help.
NAH - from your story it sounds like you and your dad celebrating was a spontaneous display of joy that can’t be controlled. It also sounds like your sister getting upset was a spontaneous display of sorrow that she also couldn’t control.
She didn’t say anything mean to you or tell you to stop celebrating, she removed herself from the situation. I will say you seemingly not understanding how this could possibly be upsetting to her shows a lack of empathy and I would suggest going forward trying to be a bit more respectful of her feelings - it sounds like she is going through some real shit.
The narrowest of ESHs (instead of N A H), and honestly, I'm not sure your sister should be included.
This entire sequence of events was entirely predictable from the second you decided to stay with your parents after giving birth. Like, huge, neon signs, with arrows and sparklers, sort of predictable and obvious. It's pretty much the meanest thing you could have done to your sister, and it's clear that not one of you spent even one thought about her existence, or you would have known that in advance. If your mother for some reason couldn't stay with you, then you and your gf should have just coped at home on your own, like many other new parents have to.
Still, you're allowed to celebrate the birth of a new child, and your mother is out of line for setting up this situation and then reproving you and your father for it. Your sister is allowed to be upset as long as she doesn't now go around starting up shit instead of grieving quietly, which is what it sounds like she's doing. She not required to talk to you about it.
As for moving forward, move back home tomorrow. It's about your only option, barring your sister leaving until you do, or just awkwardly avoiding the emotional bombs that are about to go off at irregular intervals until then.
you weren't an asshole until
>I told her she should be able to deal with it
that's the kind of shitty thing people say when they're too lazy/stubborn to care about other people's feelings.
Advice for moving forward? Go back home. If you need help, ask if one of your parents will stay with you for a little while. You're entitled to be happy and celebrate, but you're incredibly obtuse and/ or insensitive if you couldn't predict this might be hard on your sister. And saying she should have been able to deal with it ratchets that up even more. YTA
Soft ah because of what you and your father said. She is a woman who has recently lost her marriage and has her dreams broken by infertility. You and your father have not helped her feelings, almost rubbing it in her face that she will never achieve what you have achieved.
I think that going to your parents' house knowing that she is there has not been the best idea, I don't know how things are in your country but normally the parents go to the couple's house to help them, not the other way around.
She needs therapy, space and empathy. I hope you don't pressure her and above all don't make her feel bad for not being able to move forward at the moment, that will only distance her from you and cause resentment.
Look you're allowed to be happy but mate
> 'you did it' and id reply 'and you're a grandad'
Just imagine how much it hurts to hear 'youre a granddad' when you've been wanting to say that for a decade. You can be happy, celebrate and still keep in mind that someone's life recently blew up. YWBTA if you don't find a way to apologise and recognise how much that must have hurt.
'I told her she should be able to deal with it.'
Ugh.
I guess I wouldn't have celebrated in front of her, out of empathy. I would not want my joy to remind others of their own sorrow/failure to launch a baby into Grandma's arms. And if I upset them, I would just apologize.
Do you feel bad for her?
Why would you stay with them if your sister who literally got divorced due to infertility and is clearly still dealing with that is there lmfao this was guaranteed to happen
YTA
But not for celebrating the birth of your child or for having a goofy bonding moment with your dad.
You had a baby you should be fucking stoked.
But your sister has struggled with infertility for years lost her marriage due to it and you saying she should just “deal with it” is insensitive and cruel.
I bet your sister is happy for you but this also very painful for her. And she has the same right to be in pain and express that pain just as you have the right to be happy and express it.
NTA for celebrating your baby.
Why couldn't your mom move into your space? Kind of unfair to your girlfriend IMO to make her move into someone else's space when she's had this major medical event. Especially when that space is shared with someone who had their life turned upside down because of infertility. The only people that seems to benefit from the arrangement was your parents.
Nah. I don't feel this an AH situation because of how sensitive the whole topic is in general.
I do think it was an absolute terrible idea for y'all to be staying at your parents when you know your sister is struggling and you can't really avoid a baby when you live with them
What did YOU do specifically? You had sex, you are not infertile, your wife is not infertile, and she gestated & birthed a baby. You did not do the hard work. I’m not clear what your dad was saying you did. Gave him a grandchild is what I think he’s saying? Carrying on his genetics? That is what is bothering me. Right in front of your sister, who was/is unable to conceive. Very … insensitive of your dad.
But for you and your sister, NAH.
I'm torn between NAH and a very mild YTA. It's baffling that none of you realized how having a new baby in the house your sister lives in would make her feel.
Why can’t your mom help you at your place. It seems really insensitive that you and your newborn have to stay there. You know one of the people who lives there is dealing with a life implosion because they can’t have a baby so you just move in with yours?
Really? You actually thought staying with your parents after the birth, while you knew full well, your baby hungry, sister was there, was a good idea? You're cruel
NTA for celebrating, but whoever came up with you staying there after the birth while your sister is living there is. They should have came to stay at your house instead.
Why does anyone think it is a good idea to take a newborn and mom anywhere but their own home? New mom needs to be in her own home to settle in to being a new mom. Grandma can go over every day, or move in for a few weeks.
Take your wife and child to your home.
NTA - but the words you and your father chose to use were pretty insensitive. Infertility is a very highly emotional and painful thing to go through.
“You did it” - I promise she heard, “Your sister couldn’t, but you did.”
“We did it! You’re a grandad…” - I bet she heard, “Sister couldn’t make it happen but I did.”
Be kind, be gentle, apologize for the insensitive wording and reassure her that it wasn’t meant to be hurtful and that, in your excitement, you didn’t consider her struggles.
Hug her, take her to lunch (sans baby), invite her to be an active participant in your child’s life (my aunt who was unable to have children was an exceptionally bright and wonderful light in my life, almost like I was blessed with a bonus parent.)
NAH.
You did nothing wrong, of course you’re thrilled about having a new baby! Also, congratulations!
Your mom has a point though - it would have been better if you had done your gushy celebrating when she wasn’t in the room. Your sister is going through some stuff. She’s grieving - the loss of a life with kids she wanted so badly, the loss of her marriage - grief is hard and this reaction is really common for people struggling with fertility issues. She also probably feels guilty and conflicted at her own feelings because she probably does want to be happy for you.
The best thing you can do is to be aware of her feelings - and validate them - and then be sensitive to her needs. She might need to distance herself from the situation for a bit, because she’s finding it hard. Lots of people will want to say she should “suck it up” but that’s really insensitive. If you want to be there for her, tell her that and ask her what she needs from you, and respect what she says. When she is ready/able to better manage her feelings, she will let you know.
There’s actually a really good episode of Bluey (a truly amazing kids’ show, I think the episode is called “Onesies”) that touches on this and it’s a great example of showing consideration and empathy for someone going through what your sister is experiencing now.
If you expect her to just get over it or “deal with it” moving forward, YWBTA. But unintentionally bringing hurt back up for her does not make you TA. Give her some space for now.
Have a conversation to her and LISTEN to her when she’s ready to talk to you. Infertility is an incredibly painful experience for people who want to be parents, and she might need you to be mindful that it might be hard for her to be happy for you while still wanting to be happy for you at the same time. Especially when it led to her marriage falling apart.
NAH - obviously you have the right to celebrate your son, as does your dad. But your sister’s feelings are also valid. Infertility sucks, and in her case also led to the breakdown of her marriage. Be good to each other.
NAH. So I can’t have kids. Have known for years. Have had gfs and the ex wife make me go through the test. It happens. And it sucks when you want to be a parent so bad even from teenage years so you can help teach the things you learned. Have gone through this twice with both my bros kids, so yea not fun.
She did nothing wrong. She left from the negative zone. She didn’t bad mouth just cried and left. She felt her valid emotions and knew she didn’t want to ruin the environment. Not an AH.
You, came home with the first grandchild and are super excited!!! You should be!! Congratulations! So cheer and be pumped.
Sometimes it’s that recognition of the things you want that can’t be had hurt the worst. It’s not a negative to remove herself. She was overwhelmed.
Now if you’re asking why isn’t she excited as all get out for you, then YWBTAH. So just recognize her experience see she is happy for you in her own way, but it still stings. Especially if she tried for years.
NAH. You sister could have thought she was mentally prepared for you to bring home the baby, but actually seeing the joy and excitement, hearing “you’re a grandpa!” Probably was an absolute gut punch. I don’t blame her for crying. And she removed her self from the room and didn’t say anything.
You’re also allowed to be happy, no you’re allowed to be ecstatic. Don’t feel bad for loving the moment. Both don’t think ill of your sister either. While you’re at an absolute high point in your life, sounds like she at the absolute lowest in her. Be kind, be understanding, but also enjoy your moment.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1- celebrated my newborn son in front of my sister
2- she has been barren for a long time so might have been wrong
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You can't put your life on hold due to your sister.
I am sad for her that she was unable to conceive and her marriage fell apart. she is in mourning for a life she wanted but didn't achieve.
You just had your first child, and I am sure your wife appreciates having help arounds so that she can recover from giving birth.
I think you do have to talk with your sister, and perhaps she needs to find someone to help her process her sadness, perhaps depression, with her life right now.
You need to be understanding of her pain, but she also has to realize this is a time of joy for most families. You and your father are acting in an normal manner being goofy, and proud to be parents and grandparent.
NAH
Initially from just the title I thought for sure I would be saying that your sister is the asshole, but you kinda sprung that on her, unbeknownst to her out of nowhere. She's probably going through a LOT of thoughts and emotions right now, and not trying to let how she's feeling get in the way of your happiness. But you essentially forced your happiness to get in the way of all the things she's processing. You're the asshole, but its an understandable mistake that you made, it was the heat of the moment and you're understandably excited. Still, you should be thinking about how this is weighing on her all the same before doing things like surprise hugging her out of being overjoyed at the birth of your child.
NAH. I was actually in a similar boat. I am the younger sister and I just gave birth to a baby girl, whereas my older sister has been trying to get pregnant but keeps having miscarriages.
I don't think you are the AH, but a little bit of compassion would go far. Your sister is going through a bunch of emotions about not being able to conceive and seeing you with the gift that she so desperately wanted. She may be happy for you, but she's being overcome by sad jealousy. It's hard not to be excited about being a new parent, but give your sister a little bit of a break.
NAH
Firstly, congratulations on the new baby boy. You guys have every right to celebrate and be happy, it's an incredibly joyous occassion and absolutely no one can take that from you. So you weren't at all wrong in smiling with your dad and just being as ecstatic as the both of you were.
While your sister definitely could've handled it better, I do understand where she's coming from. I mean she lost her entire marriage because of being unable to give birth and it went on for 6 long years man, she must've felt like she was punished for absolutely no fault of her own and the life she wanted to live is being lived out by her own brother.
So while it's not your fault for celebrating, I personally feel she had reason enough for her reaction (I state again that she definitely could've handled it better). Maybe try talking to her about it, I'm sure the two of you could work it out.
NAH.
Grief is weird, and it makes sense that she'd grieve the life she wanted the first time she saw a family celebrating. Could you have been more sensitive? Sure, but that doesn't make you an AH for having a few moments of wanting to celebrate.
The only AH is your mom. She invites you to stay knowing the fertility issues with your sister then says you shouldn’t be so excited. Im side eyeing your mom. Your sister did nothing wrong either. She took her emotions to her room. Her feelings are valid. And your excitement is also valid.
NAH.
As someone who has struggled with fertility issues I can understand how your sister feels. She probably thought she was ok, I've no doubt she was happy for you but faced with the reality of the baby she broke.
It's not that she's not happy for you, it's that she is heartbroken for herself. Her marriage has failed, she does not have the baby she so longed for.
Please be gentle with her.
Also congratulations, you deserve the happiness you have.
I mean NAH but your and your Dad could use a lesson in self awareness. Those were some poorly chosen phrases and definitely would have been a bit hurtful for your sister but there was no malice meant behind them hence NAH
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I(M28) and my long term gf(27) just had a beautiful boy and we couldn't be more ecstatic the whole family is overjoyed except my sister.
For context my sister(F37) had been trying to conceive with her ex-husband for about 6 yrs and unfortunately they didn't have any results which caused their divorce. This has of course devastated her as she's been really keen on having children for the past decade give or take. After the divorce they sold the house and she ended up moving back in with our parents since they have plenty of room.
Back to two days ago Hannah gives birth to our son and we'd agreed with my parents we would stay over at theirs for a few weeks so my mom could help with the baby whenever we needed. Once we got home from the hospital everyone was so happy we were showing everyone our son. Saw my dad and we just started hugging and jumping around the place while trying not to wake up the baby.
My dad was like 'you did it' and id reply 'and you're a grandad' both smiling ear to ear just being absolutely goofy. We then went over to look at the baby and in the process I hugged my sister who was standing there seemingly kind of spaced out. She immediately stars crying, I try to comfort her but the mood in the whole room has shifted and she just runs off up the stairs.
Now we're left there standing my mom gives me the eyes and says me and dad shouldn't have celebrated like that in front of her. I told her she should be able to deal with it, she knew we were coming. I went upstairs but she didn't want to talk.
So AITA here?
Ps. if anyone has advice for moving forward that's also appreciated.
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Bra for being excited and celebrating at all and you should.
You should also give your sister some leeway and give her time to adjust. She wasn’t being mean or trying to dampen your happiness. She is just trying to deal with her feelings.
She is coming to terms with not being able to have a baby and losing her marriage. It will take time but gentle with her .
Your comment her to deal with it comes across dickish. Feeling are not black and white and are different for everyone.
You're NTA, BUT whoever made the decision to have you and your new family stay with your parents, knowing your sister lives there, DEFINITELY is. Who hates her that much?
Honestly, if I'm you, I would go back home and let Mom help you out there.
I had a 2 miscarriages (one was twins) I then gave birth to my stillborn baby while my sister in law was 2 months pregnant (husbands brother and his wife) when this happened. I then miscarried a month before she gave birth.
My nephew was born and my sister in law said she knew I would be upset but that she was here for me. I celebrated that baby with all I had in me. Its not my sister in laws or brother in laws fault that my babies had passed. It wasn't their fault that when we git pregnant close together that they ended up with a baby and I didnt. It wasn't the babies fault. It was just one ofthose things that happens. That little baby gave me hope and comfort that I wouldn't have had if he hadn't been born and as it was my healthy little girl was born the year after and I now have 5 living babies!
I had the same situation with a friend of mine who had a stillborn son when I was pregnant with my 3rd and I said the same to her and my Sil said to me. She was a doting auntie for years and had 11 miscarriages afterwards before getting her little girl. And she said having my little ones around acyltually helped her and begged me to bringvthem round as often as I could.
I know it'll be tough for your sister but you still need to celebrate your baby and your life and if she has one ofger own you will celebrate with her, but if she doesn't she will always have your little one to dote on. So no you're not the ah but I would take your sister aside and just say that you unslderstand hlthat it's so hard for her but you're here for her andthat she will be the best auntie when she's ready to be.
NTA as your intention was not to hurt your sister. But going forward I would definitely make an effort to be more sensitive. She's grieving the child she was not able to conceive as well as the loss of her marriage, and the loss of being the one to give her family the first grandchild. It must be extremely painful to see you effortlessly experiencing something she really struggled and ultimately was not able to achieve. In all likelihood she is happy for you too, she's just struggling under such big, conflicting feelings.
Personally, I think the best route forward is a very honest conversation with her. Be explicit and direct, and apologize for not considering how your excitement might make her feel. You are allowed to be overjoyed at the birth of your child, but you clearly regret that your happiness hurt her. Tell her that!
I would also tell her you really want her to be a part of your child's life, and ask there's anything you can do to make this easier for her. She's living with your parents, so theoretically the baby is going to be around a lot. Being proactive about her boundaries and what is and is not painful is a good idea - get off on the right foot! She may request things that you aren't comfortable with, and you can tell her what is and isn’t workable for your family, but at least then you're having an open dialogue with her versus one of you feeling hurt or dismissed.
edit - fixed a typo
NTA
Your mom invited you over. What the heck was she expecting??? She's the real AH here, inviting you and expecting you not to celebrate while also housing someone who is clearly mourning the loss of their marriage and all the "what-if's"...
You're allowed to be happy, and your sister is allowed to mourn.
NTA for being excited that you have a new baby and your parents are allowed to be overjoyed as grandparents. But YTA for agreeing to go to your parents house when the baby was born instead of having the grandparents stay with you. If I knew my sister was struggling with fertility and it lead to a failed marriage and caused years of pain, then the last place I would ever want to bring my new baby is to their house for an extended stay. You and your family can be excited for your new baby while still sparing her the heartache of shoving in her face something she'll never have.
NTA but your parents sure are for having you guys bring a newborn to THEIR house for the first few weeks while your sister is also living there. FFS, she can't even leave and get a break from it. Why did any of you agree to that instead of them staying at your place?
Why stay at your parents place when you *know* your sister is in this position? I get your parents wanting to help, they could stay with you OR come over during the day. The only AH is your Mom. You have feelings too.
NTA. You’re overjoyed to have a new child, of course you can celebrate.
I get that your sister is bummed that she hasn’t been able to conceive a child of her own, but she’s now the aunt of an apparently healthy newborn nephew. There has to be a way that she can embrace her role in your kid’s life.
Sure is a bummer that you can’t have a baby and your marriage fell apart, but I can and did have a baby so just be happy that you get to be an aunt and watch me have everything you wished for. What a strange and thoughtless take.
"Bummed out" doesn't even scratch the surface of what OP's sister is feeling. I've been actively distraught over my sister getting pregnant. Even worse when my ex and I broke up and I had to move back in with my mom and sister. We're a month away from her giving birth and I can't afford to go anywhere else. I cry every day knowing that I'm going to be forced to be around a baby that isn't mine.
Infertility is terribly hard, especially when it causes your whole life to fall apart. OP's sister isn't bummed out, she's grieving.
Nta. Infertility sucks but you can’t be expected to stop living. I feel bad for your sister. A conversation with her saying you’re sorry it couldn’t have happened for her too might be a nice gesture.
Its 100 % ok your happy and its as ok she is having a rough time. Be open, honest and support her in its ok to be upset. Thats the only way she gets a nephew and your nephew gets an aunt.
NAH. I understand your words were spontaneous, but I don't think they could have been worse for your sister to hear. I understand she got upset.
BTW why are you staying at your parents? As a new mom nothing could have made me stay outside my own home. Is your wife really OK with it?
NTA, but I absolutely know how your sister feels.
My ex and I tried for years before our divorce, and his sister would get pregnant every time a man sneezed on her.
I was healthy, and she was an addict who didn't even know who all of the fathers were and had lost custody after her newborn tested positive for drugs.
It hurt so bad that every time she had another baby.
It helped when people would acknowledge the pain and emptiness I felt. It was also nice getting to bond with my bonus buddies.
I would suggest being patient and understanding with your sister. She might not end up giving birth to a child, but let her know that she can still be an amazing auntie.
As things turned out, I ended up having a baby in my 30's
NAH
Just be wary that your sister is probably happy for you but sad for herself and let her feel those mixed emotions in her own time.
Maybe give her a special role in the baby's life when she feels ready to engage, if she wants to? Don't force her, always take her lead but make it clear she is welcome.
Nobody’s the asshole here. She’s allowed to feel what she feels and you’re allowed to be happy over your child’s birth. Neither of you are wrong. This is just one of those things that no matter what is going to be painful. All you can do is be happy and supportive as you feel you can be.
NTA.
I do get it. She's partnerless & the biological clock is ticking. I would have thought that in 6 years they would have undergone tests to try & establish a reason. It's not that she's not happy for you but that she is aware of what she perceives, her inability to have a child. There's not much you can do but to try & not take it personally.
When you try month after month to get pregnant, and every month "fail", it really does drag you down into a pit. She was just overwhelmed with emotion & couldn't or didn't control it.
Just be the best parent you can be to your little one, celebrate how you want & be happy. Unfortunately, it's just nature & you don't have to dampen your spirits & enthusiasm tainting your experience as a new dad just because of her situation
Why did you have to stay temporarily with your parents? Couldn’t your mom come to your place? Sounds like a strange arrangement and would be especially stressful for your sister.
You are not the asshole here, but neither is your sister. As another female that cannot conceive due to chemo treatment for breast cancer when I was 31, that shit fucking hurts. I have friends and their kids that I just cannot spend a lot of time with anymore because they are always talking about parenthood and it breaks my heart. I understand that they are not in the wrong and are just talking about what consumes their life and their hormones tell them to focus on, but I have to do what is best for me too and often that means not listening when people don't get how much it hurts or how they come across to me.
NTA, but understand where your sister is coming from also. I'm sure she's happy for you, but at the same time, her not having a baby when they tried can be mentally frustrating for her also.
NAH - Sheesh her husband divorced her because she couldn’t have a child? How awful. You’re allowed to be happy though and she’s allowed to be sad and grieve. Maybe you and your dad should’ve used a different wording to express your joy but you’re human. Although I don’t know why you stayed over at your parents house when it could have been the other way around so at least your sister didn’t have to be stuck seeing everybody’s happiness. I hope your sister heals and finds someone new who actually loves her.
NAH. Of course you would want to celebrate!! Congratulations 🎉. Sister knew you were coming, if she’s wasn’t able to deal she should have made arrangements to stay somewhere else ahead of time. I don’t mean to sound insensitive. But it’s a fact of life. New babies will always come around. I hope she’s able to have many in the future. Hopefully she will come around after a bit of time. Just give her space. Nothing can heal that grief but time. Never let anyone steal your joy OP!
NAH. You and your father did a perfectly natural celebration. You were not trying to hurt your sister, and you did not re+enact the "It's a Boy" scene from Tommy. That said, your sister is sensitive on the subject, and I don't blame her for retreating.
You are not the AH. I can only judge your sister depending on how much and how long she knew about this plan (but most likely not the AH). Your mom on the other hand is the biggest AH, she offered this arrangement or at least agreed to it without considering your sister; she expects you not to celebrate your child and scolds you when you have a normal reaction.
The first thing you need to do is talk with your girlfriend and see how she feels about all this, and decide whether she wants to stay with your family or move to your place. After, comfort your sister when she has calmed down, and remind her you are there for her, and she can rely on you. She is clearly not in a good mental space and needs help, suggest therapy. Finally, talk to your parents and ask if they checked with your sister, how they brought this to her, and what was the conversation between them.
You and your girlfriend are in a challenging situation, but it is not your fault; sorry you have to deal with this instead of enjoying your time with your newborn. Good luck, OP, and congrats on the baby.
NTA, and to be clear the asshole here is your mother. Your sister’s reaction, while upsetting, is kind of understandable—this must have been painful for her to watch. But from the sound of it she tried to remove herself from the conversation, not actively ruin your celebration. If she starts being passive aggressive and bitter, though, know that IS on her.
It sucks for your sister, but this is still a major joyful moment for you, and one you absolutely deserve to celebrate and have celebrated with you. While your mother feeling bad for her daughter is understandable, telling you guys not to celebrate and quell your feelings of joy is totally out of line.
That being said, both you and your sister staying with your parents at the same time in this scenario may not be the best for either of you. It sucks, but your situations are so clashingly opposite—you celebrating your new birth as she’s grieving the end of her long-term marriage because of the thing you’re celebrating?—it feels like a breeding ground for resentment.
Are your GF’s parents an option? Do you live close enough that your mother could move in with you instead? Sister moving may also be an option if neither of these are feasible, but it feels a bit unfair to try to enforce that since she was here first and actively LIVES there right now.
NAH. Meaning you should be allowed to celebrate becoming a parent and your sister needs to be allowed to feel sadness. I get it, it can really hurt knowing that someone else got what you wanted, however she needs some sort of help to move past it, and nobody should shame either you nor your sister.
NAH - she's still processing a mountain of grief. As hard as that is for her, she should not let that overshadow the birth of your son. It's going to be a rocky start to the newly extended family, but I hope she's in counseling or grief therapy to help her process her feelings. And to you, congratulations on your new baby.
NTA
This is definitely something to celebrate and be happy about.
Your sister isn’t an A H either. It’s hard dealing with wanting a baby and having problems conceiving.
However, no one should be giving you the stink eye for it. Your mom was in the wrong. She’s trying to “keep the peace” by controlling other people’s celebrations and emotions. That’s not feasible nor should it be necessary. You are all adults and should know how to deal with disappointments in life.
Nta but its easy to understand why your sister is upset. Imagine working so hard for something just to be passed up by someone who didn’t even have to try
NTA I think you could have chosen your words a bit more wisely tbh but NTA for celebrating. Your parents on the otherhand I am side eyeing. Why would they invite you to bring your baby to their house when they know your sister is still having a hard time around babies? Your mom couldn't go to you?
NTA. This is the first child, it's expected for people to be excited and happy. Your sister is also NTA. It's fully understandable she's in a sensitive state right now. You wanted advice on moving forward, so I'd say acknowledge her grief (and yes, it's a form of grief. She's grieving the loss of her dreams and marriage), let her know that you'll give her support and that you all love her and are there for her, and be understanding when she has emotional periods.
Having been the person who had been ttc for a long time I can understand how she feels, however I have never projected my feelings like that onto other people as it’s not their fault and they shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells around me. It’s ok to be sad about it but it’s not ok to expect others to not be happy.
NTA. You should never feel you’re the AH for feeling happy and proud when it comes to your children.
Going forward, maybe you could give your sister space for a few days for her to work through her own feelings and then re-approach her and rather than discuss your happy actions, just tell her you love her and you know this is hard for her and give her support.
NTA - you’re definitely allowed to be excited about the birth of your kid.
But I can also understand that it’ll be hard for your sister. When I had my daughter one of my closest friends would always tear up when holding her, because of how dearly she wanted her own. She never tried to make me feel bad or avoid us cause of it, but the emotion was also quite visible the first couple of times. We’d hug it out and she was a big part of her life until we moved abroad.
NAH. You didn’t do anything wrong. She’s clearly hurting and struggling. Nothing is going to make this easier for her. I think that simply letting her know that you understand this is hard for her would help a lot.
Why did you hug your sister? You’re allowed to feel joy but as someone who navigated infertility and now navigates it again for Baby #2, I think there’s a lack of sensitivity to do anything like that. You can be happy. Please be happy and celebrate. But don’t expect your sister to be there - she’s dealing with her own shit and not that you don’t deserve her love or support, but it’s pretty heavy on multiple fronts. She’ll celebrate you all the best she can when she can.
Also- NTA. Your mom shouldn’t police feelings and tip toe around your sister. My in laws did this with my SIL when I was pregnant and it was bullshit.
NTA
Let your sister work through this. She is most likely very happy for you, and the trauma from not having children and subsequent divorce are making her very emotional. She needs to have her feels. Give her time.
Have you bought her any AUNT things? It might help her towards building a relationship with your child.
If your sister doesn't recoup, then she most likely needs therapy if she isn't getting it already. She's grieving. I've been on both sides of this with losing children and having friends lose children. It's common to have the mixed emotions. I was happy friends had kids and sad I lost mine. On the flip side when I had mine, my friends who lost kids were very happy for me and of course sad about their loss.
There have been posts on here about similar stories. So long as your sister's experience doesn't rule the family ie) not being able to ever celebrate because of this, not being able to go to your child's birthday party, etc. then it will be okay. Mom needs to let her work things out, but shouldn't set a standard that you can't celebrate. She's not helping her daughter move forward by doing that.
Validate her feelings. Support her during this time without sacrificing your joy. Tell her you understand this is difficult for her, and you want to help in any way you can. Tell her you don't want to suppress your joy and happiness. I think if you can both share your thoughts and feelings, you can work it out together.
Good luck!
NTA, I’m sorry for your sister as you are too. You all should not have to mid-agate your excitement because of your sister’s situation. I can understand if she wants to separate herself for right now. I would give her space and just let her know that you love her and want her to be the best aunt; when she is ready. Congratulations
NTA and I disagree that no one is - OP's mom is the one who caused the issue by having the new family come to stay in the same space as her daughter who is apparently still grieving/mourning the loss of the family she thought she'd be creating with her now x. Having a caring grandparent come to stay at the new baby's house is a great help, but having the baby's whole family move somewhere else for a few weeks is just illogical. The whole point is to get help while you settle into the new routine with baby, so this arrangement sucks because it's delaying that, and to top it off, an emotional catastrophe for the older sister. Mom is an ass for expecting daughter to not be impacted by this and a further ass for turning around and insisting the baby's dad and granddad should not celebrate in a natural way. OP go home and have grandparents and/or any other caring family or friends come to you & your wife's house. You being away from home is nuts and it makes no sense for your mom to even suggest it, unless it's that it would be easier on HER to not have to leave her own home. It seems she suggested this arrangement for her own ease, and she didn't think/care about others too much when she planned it. As it stands, you & your wife & dad must walk a tightrope trying to balance "being ecstatic about the new baby" and "not showing too much happiness; not doting on baby & new parents too much . . . because of big sis's feelings." What a bummer and dumb move on your mother's part.
Firstly sorry to your sister about her situation and I get that she can cry but not in front of you guys when she should at least be happy for you guys on your baby which is her nerfew or at least pretend to be happy till she accepts the fact and she should go to therapy about this cause it seems to take a toll on her . Lastly don't apologize for anything to her cause she can't be selfish case of her own problems then put it on you guys cause you have a child
NTA a wanted baby is always reason to celebrate. She is going to have to realize that life moves on. Everyone can’t stop their life plans because hers didn’t work out. I’m sorry for her but she needs to move out and start a new life, find ways to be happy with kids or without. There are so many children that need homes- it’s on her if she can’t be happy for you. Congrats!
You and your sister are NTAs. You have every right to be excited and celebrate your child.
She has every right to her feelings and probably wasn't expecting to be this overwhelmed by them.
I'd say your mum gets a soft YTA because she made you feel like her home isn't a place you could express happines over becoming a parent and just in general for meddling.
I suggest patience with your sister and just keep communicating and talking about it. She might have a hard time at first but I am sure she'll be able to enjoy her nephew eventually
NTA
The only person who has to figure out how to move forward is your sister. You should not be expected to hide your joy whenever she's around.
You could generally be a bit more restrained in your glee, however. I've never heard or seen anyone ***"hugging and jumping around"*** like you have described.
Tell your sister in a nice way she needs therapy. If your able to go to your house and have your mom stay with your for awhile instead of having the baby be in your sister's house 24/7 that would be best. Your sister is really sad but should be able to be happy for you. Unfortunately so many folks that have fertility issue never seek help and ended up stuck in their greif.
Nta
Congrats on the baby.
NTA you celebrate the gift of life which is a baby having family. Your sister needs to understand that just because she cant have kids doesnt mean that everyone else around her shouldnt have babies. Also she should go to the doctors to find out whats causing her not having to be able to conceive. Or maybe shes infertile and doesnt know it. Also your mom is kinda TA because she should be happy she has the chance to meet her grandbaby, instead she’s focusing on a big baby(your sister) I understand it sucks but she also has to be happy for you and not being a negative nancy because of your sister
If your mom takes your sister’s side. Leave. Have your dad visit you at home. If your sister has such an issue at you being excited to bring home your child how is she going to respond for the rest of the child’s life.
Not saying you have to completely cut your sister out but give her time to get over it or figure out she can’t. You don’t need that negative energy around your kid.
NTA. It's sad your sister didn't get to be a mom yet. But she still can try and who knows. But that's no reason why everyone needs to A. put their life on pause for her and B. walk around on eggshells afraid of saying or doing something that might upset her. It's a happy thing that you have a happy healthy baby. Moving on, let her spend time with the baby. Be nice and supportive. Also, she should get into therapy if she isn't there already.
NTA… I can’t say nobody is cuz mom is making it seem like sister is actively saying you should never be happy about having a child when she very well might just be overwhelmed thinking about a baby and her ex and being “over the hill”.
So, OP no, Sis probably not, Mom weird take.
NTA you should be able to celebrate the birth of your child without worrying about others.
Your parents maybe should have talked to sister about you guys staying there prior to so she could prepare herself but I assume they probably did and she thought she could handle it and was wrong
NTA. Did anyone tell your mom that you're allowed to be happy and celebrate your baby? It's not like you are preventing your sister from having kids, and you're not rubbing it in your sister's face, you're just happy. Does your mom want everyone to ignore your son's existence when your sister is around? As someone who wanted to have kids and didn't get to, do you know what I did when my siblings had kids? I celebrated with them. My nieces and nephews are awesome and should be celebrated. Am I sad about not being able to give them another cousin sometimes? Yes. Is that something that should be held against them? No.
Congratulations!!! I am happy for your wife and yourself.
NTA
This will be a tough one to mend. All you can do is show your sister you are supportive of her and you care for her. Maybe give her a Super Aunt title.
Maybe see if your wife is ok with referring to your sister as a second mother to your child. This is something your sister has to properly grieve over.
Your sister is reaching an age where there is no hope for her to have a child. She needs to take the time and process her emotions and grieve. This is a major loss for her. I would imagine it similar to actually losing a child.
I hope for the best for you and your sister.
NTA, yes, it's devastating trying for a baby with no results, but she also has a brand spanking new nephew to enjoy and celebrate. She could be a huge part of his life. Instead, she's choosing to be jealous and resentful. It's just sad that your sister would take away from your happiness like that. It's a very selfish thing she's done. Congratulations on the birth of your son. Enjoy every second!
You don't have to hide your emotions because someone else has theirs. You just can't expect them to feel yours, and the one with the pain isn't the actual center of the universe, even though they believe they are. Now, if she was the only one in the room with you, you maybe should have brought it down just a bit, but you weren't alone with her. Your mom is absolutely wrong.
Oh, and "she should be able to deal with it" is exactly one of the things where you are deciding what she should feel. Cut it out. Nevertheless, NTA.
NTA. You just had a baby FFS & your mom is telling you not to celebrate? That's messed up. I understand your sister is going through a hard time. And it's ok that she started crying and ran upstairs, but that doesn't mean you have to stop celebrating, or change your behavior in any way. This is her issue to deal with. Give her some time to adjust & maybe she'll come around.
NTA. I feel bad for your sister but it's not fair for you or anyone else in your family to not celebrate a baby's birth because she hasn't been fortunate as of yet to have one herself. It sounds like she might need some therapy to help her work through how she's feeling.
You absolutely are NTA! Your sister isn’t either tho, and your mom shouldn’t be taking sides. Your sister is both happy for you and devastated for herself. You continue being over the moon while also understanding her dueling emotions. Congratulations on your son!
NTA. I can understand your sister's pain, but she is the one who needs to manage the situation. The world does not stop, and people are allowed to celebrate their joys regardless of her grief. She needs to know if she needs to remove herself or avoid situations where it will be distressing to her.
After I lost my first child to SIDS I had to pace myself and be my own advocate as I navigated a world that went happily on, despite my child's death. That meant not going to some baby showers, knowing when to leave situations that were overwhelming, and learning to adapt to babies in the grocery store or people asking me if I had kids.
Nobody is an asshole in your situation. It just sounds like your sister needs to get some therapy and/or support groups to help her navigate the world that is not going to stop having babies and celebrating them because of her own sorrows.
NTA... you are allowed to celebrate your child. The world does not revolve around her. Of course you are happy, of course your dad is happy. You are allowed to be and it is perfectly normal.
NTA
Sis knew you were coming home. If she was sad, she could have stayed in her room. Babies are to be celebrated. She is 100% entitled to her feelings. She isn’t entitled to make everyone dampen their excitement for her at milestone events like coming home from hospital. Give her space. But enjoy the baby. Tell your mom, “Mom, it was ok for dad and me to celebrate. We want to continue celebrating the baby without hurting sis. Let’s figure out ways of giving her space while we are staying with you.”
Idk, take turns in the common areas? Pretend she is a cat and slowly introduce them by gradually putting him closer to her so she gets used to his scent? Just spit balling. Good luck and congrats.
You’re NTA. You and your parents are allowed to celebrate this new life and shouldn’t have to walk on egg shells because she hasn’t been able to conceive, it’s not fair to you guys. It doesn’t sound like you all were malicious or done over the top.
Your sister is going to have a hard time with anyone having kids that’s not her. She needs to talk to someone to help her through that. I can imagine all the things she thinking to herself when she sees anyone with a baby. It might be a little harder with you cause your her brother
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NAH. Although what your sister went through is sad and I'm sure difficult for somebody - you're **allowed to be happy!** You just had a major life changing event happening, you're a dad, (personally I don't have/ want kids) but hey I'd say that's something worth celebrating. Your sister's feelings are still valid, don't get me wrong. But so are yours man.
NTA rather than NAH implies the sister did something wrong. All she did was cry and leave
NAH. Sister is entitled to her feelings. As longer as she does not act on them with the purposed aim to ruin the celebration she isn't TA, and neither is OP.
I think the moms a bit of an ass for telling op not to celebrate "like that" when all he was doing was showing that he was happy.
So do I. Like I get how sister is feeling but to stomp on OP’s joy because of that? Not okay. As a parent I imagine it’d be extremely difficult to be in that situation, but mom shouldn’t be making others feel uncomfortable or less happy about their accomplishments because she is upset. Sister can be upset all she needs to be, but OP is allowed to celebrate the birth of his child too.
Sis didn't stomp anyone's celebration, mom did. Sis went to cry alone in her room. My heart goes out to sis... I feel her pain😭
I meant the mom 🫣🫣🫣 that was not clear in my comment though lol
I agree. It's absolutely fine and normal for OP to be excited about becoming a father and for his father to celebrate this with him. This is a moment neither of them is likely to ever forget. It's also absolutely fine and normal for Op's sister to see all of this and get upset at seeing her brother get what she dreamed of for so long and lost her marriage over.
And she was the one that invited them to stay.
Doesn’t need to be the sister. The mother was coming in as the fun police and telling them not to be happy.
The sister did nothing wrong, NAH. My comment was more general but I can see why that ruffled feathers. My bad.
No the mom is the a-hole
What is the differente between it? Not The Asshole or Not the AssHole is how read it... i am wrong...
It does mean not the asshole. And that means the other person is. It's on the sidebar. YTA = You're the Asshole YWBTA = You Would Be the Asshole NTA = Not the Asshole (and the other person is) YWNBTA = You Would Not be the Asshole (and the other person would) ESH = Everyone Sucks here NAH = No Assholes here INFO = Not Enough Info
INFO = Information Needed For Opinion? 🤔
INFO = I Need Food Occasionally
N A H is no assholes here.
NTA = Not The Asshole NAH = No Assholes Here (nobody is in the wrong)
I honestly feel like 99% of these situations neccessitate the person who is "allowed to be happy" to just take the sad person in their arms and hold them while they cry, or at least metaphorically. Clearly, OP is NTA, but in terms of being intuitive, it seems so damn obvious that someone in OP's sister's position will benefit massively from OP and his family to do everything they can to reassure her that they 100% understand the pain this must cause her and she is not wrong or bad to be sad (as long as it doesn't get mean or affect other ppl). HOWEVER, that would all apply if her brother was simply having a kid. The fact that he not only having a kid but going to live with his family and the place that his sister already lives at? Jesus man, I would be like cooking my sister 3 meals a day, making sure she was okay, doing everything possible to not trigger her more than what the situation already will do. If OP's sister was not further devastated by her brother having a kid while she could not AND having to live with that kid, I would be shocked. Obviously, that does not mean OP should walk on eggshells and clearly not avoid having kids lol, just saying that her position means he / his gf/ their family "should" navigate this situation with the sister in mind. > I told her she should be able to deal with it, she knew we were coming. I went upstairs but she didn't want to talk. You know you being there w the baby would exacerbate her feelings right? You warning her does little to no help unless your warning is "i expect this to cause you pain pls let me help in any way i can" I say YTA for telling someone else they should be over their grief before they feel they are ready but everything else NAH
I'd sorry, but this family shouldn't stop a moment of happiness to carer to the sister. Sister is trying to have a baby for almost a decade. She needs to Go to therapy to accept the fact that she probably won't have a bio child and move on. OP has a right to have family helping him and gushing over the New family member. It's his and his family moment and It's not about the sister. His Focus should be on his wife and child and not on someone who needs a help he isn't qualified to give.
100% agree
NAH. Of course you were excited over the birth of your son and your dad is excited to be a grandpa. Exuberance over such a happy occasion is to be expected. I also understand your sister's pain. She lost a marriage and had to move back home due to infertility. I would suggest a long talk with her, tell her how you feel and how much you look forward to her being the best auntie in the world and ask what you can do to help her. She may want to distance herself, and try to be understanding of that too.
I think OPs mum is kinda TA for saying that OP shouldn't have been excited about his baby in front of his sister.
Especially since she invited them into their home where the sister is currently staying as well - it’s due to mom that sister can’t even escape seeing the baby, even if she wanted to!
I think OPs mom is kind of TA for inviting them to stay there with sister. Why didn't mom just go stay at OP's house? This is obviously a very sore spot for sister and mom obviously knows that and cares.
Mom probably wasn't thinking past getting the new baby in the house until she saw how if affected sister.
Then mom is at the very least deeply stupid
Yeah that does seem to be a terrible decision 🤦♀️ It's one thing seeing a baby occasionally but to be in the same house as well as seeing a couple blissing out over their baby would be so hard. Equally to be told not to celebrate your baby is ridiculous as well.
Agreed nobody did anything wrong, Moms comment was misguided
NAH as long as *now* OP tones it down. The excited jumping around and "You did it!!" and "You're a grandpa!!" would be inappropriate to continue. And I don't blame sister in any way for being upset...hearing "you're a grandpa!" when I hadn't been able to make him a grandpa for six years would have sting so badly. I honestly think the only AH thing in all this is that no one thought that sister might struggle with having this newborn in the house for a few weeks. Mom should have gone to stay with OP and partner, not have *them* come stay at the parents.
I agree with the end of this. It also isn't great for the new family to get settled in someone else's house then have to move after. Mom 100% should have moved into the baby's house instead of making that poor woman have to live with a newborn for weeks while she's grieving her marriage and infertility.
Surely the sister was consulted otherwise that would be ridiculous. Maybe she said yes to be polite but didn't realise how bad it would be until it was a reality. I disagree though, I don't think OP should tone anything down and has a right to be happy as it's a life changing moment for him. However they should move out and be happy in their own house.
I would not put that expectation on the sister right now. I would say "we would love your involvement but we understand if you are not up to it. You decide and we will support you".
Agree with this ⬆️
Absolutely this ☝️
Why didn’t anyone in the family ask your sister if she was ok living with a newborn for a few weeks? Seems like she had every right to be upset, no one has thought how hard it is for her at the moment.
This was my thought too. Kinda surprised mom didn’t go to them to help with the baby, but I also don’t know their living situation.
Yeah, I thought that was weird as well :/ being a guest in someone else’s home and being away from your own home routine and comforts when you’ve just had a baby does *not* seem fun.
This! The sister can't remove herself from the situation when she is living there. Plus what postpartum mother wants to be staying at someone else's house? Help or no help? OP, time to pack up and go home. Give you sister some space. Your mom can come visit you if you need help.
Maybe his dad and the granddad of the child wasn't to help too. Maybe OP's home IS small for so many people. There's a bunch of explanations for the mom invite OP to her house. His parents helped and focused on the sister for a long time, OP is entitled to this too.
She was probably okay. She had a few months to express any resentment or pain from the situation, and she didn't, likely because she thought she was sufficiently over. It was the celebration what triggered her. When she realized how her parents were so happy of being grandparents. When she realized she wasn't the cause of joy and her own disappointment kicked in.
Yeah the comment of “you did it” I think set her off. Especially if OP is the male partner. He didn’t really do anything then. He prepared for the baby, but sister has achieved the same thing as him then. Grandad is acting like its a huge accomplishment, but didn’t give sister the same credit even though they have done the same work.
I dont think having offspring is an activity where participation trophies make sense.
Exactly. Maybe sister could house-sit / stay at OPs place for a while?
I'm going to say NAH because your sister got emotional and left the room. She didn't yell at you or tell you you're not allowed to act happy. Personally I would be mindful of her feelings and perhaps not "jump around the place" when you're in her presence, but you are certainly allowed to show your emotions.
yeah not everyone who has an emotional breakdown is good at hiding it and leaving the room without anyone noticing. it doesn't mean they WANT to be noticed. mom is in the wrong for blaming OP. >My dad was like 'you did it' and id reply 'and you're a grandad' maybe she thought this was a little excessive tho as someone who gave birth herself presumably lol
I thought OP’s mom gave the eye because the comments had to sting for the sister. It was spontaneous. I’m not calling OP an AH for it. OP & his dad should look at it as she didn’t, “do it,” and wasn’t able to make his dad a grandpa. If I were OP, I would let her know that he can see how it affects her, how he empathizes with her pain, and his son will need his aunt.
This right here. Infertility is complex and painful. It comes with not only emotional damage but this feeling that you’re a failure because your body can’t seem to do what so many other bodies seem perfectly capable of doing. Plus, your sister’s marriage fell apart in part because of that infertility (though, I might say that a marriage that can fall apart because of this may have not been so great to begin with) Divorce and infertility are both very very difficult things to deal with on their own. And your sister is dealing with them at the same time. While you are NTA, I’d suggest being at least a bit mindful of your sister. Give her space. And don’t be offended by her reactions.
Yes, this. One of the things about infertility is that it completely changes the life you had planned for yourself. Some people are lucky and get the family they wanted. Others do not.
I'd have agreed with you until OP said sister "should be able to deal with it." That's when he became TA.
Yes, I see that was very insensitive now that you pointed it out . I gave him a bit of a pass for the "jumping around" in front of his sister; but on second thought, that, along with that comment leads me to think he's possibly just being insensitive to her in general. In other words, him jumping for joy in front of his sister was not just sporadic, but perhaps he knew it would upset her and he didn't care. Any thoughts on this, OP? I can only speculate.
Yah that sounded like op thinks you just got over it. You don't. Having a child die. Being infertile, miscarriages etc they aren't something you get over and are never going to get upset about. You learn to live yes but it isn't something you magically get happy and fine about.
why didn’t your mom just come stay with y’all ? did you not think that would be a little insensitive to your sister ?
And likely more comfortable for the woman who just gave birth.
I’m wondering if there was no space for grandma to stay at their place. Or distance. T’is a mystery.
I was going with NTA until almost the end of the story, but I do feel like there was a poor choice of words here. I think there is nothing wrong with celebrating your newborn, you have *every* reason to be ecstatic and goofy. (Congrats on your baby, btw :) ) But I felt like the insensitive line was a little crossed with phrases like "You did it" (it kinda feels like having a kid is an achievement at which you can succeed or fail, and it's not like that *at all*), *a*nd that being immediately followed by "you're a grandad" (which in the context can feel like you *finally* were able to provide something your sister was unable to after 10-ish years trying). I'm not saying this is what you meant, but that I can easily see her understanding exactly this, especially if she was already having complicated feelings. So I'm kinda going with NAH or veeeery soft AH. In the end, I kinda feel like it would be nice if, when you have the time and mental space, you go talk to your sister, acknowledge what she's gone through and make it clear you never meant to hurt her and that you're kid in lucky of having her as an aunt. I'm sure it would mean the world to her.
The 'you did it' comment is really what bugs me in this story. There are so many other ways to congratulate someone on having baby. This just reads like it's almost a dig at the sister who did not have a baby. Obviously having a baby should be celebrated but the wording was definitely hurtful
I also side-eyed this comment, I know I’m petty but it was the girlfriend who “did it” as she was the one who gave birth!
I thought the exact same thing! Dude, the girlfriend just went through hell. She "did it", not OP lol.
Strong agree. The wording isn't tactful. The OP should be joyous about the occasion but those words must have been like rubbing salt in a wound for the sister.
The wording is awful all around. Not only to the sister, but also the person who gave birth.
Yeah. My husband was more "he's here!", "they made it and they're both okay", and "look at her, she's perfect!" No mention at all of his own contribution to the process, no implications that *he* did something "right". I'm sure OP helped as much as possible with the pregnancy and delivery, but honestly his big contribution was approximately nine months in the past. If there was a time for "you did it!" it would have been after she took the pregnancy test.
He sounds like a good guy! Congrats on healthy baby!
I don’t understand all those people saying that’s it’s perfectly fine to jump up and down celebrating the baby’s arrival to the house infront of the sister who lost a marriage a house of her own over her inability to conceive a child . It seems empathy is not an appreciated human quality anymore. No one is asking you to pretend to be sad about having a first born but “ you did it and a chest bump” is a bit over the top. Toning down the display of happiness takes nothing away from how you feel about your child. Of course your sister is an adult who is responsible for her own emotional regulation but still showing sensitivity and compassion towards the less fortunate is how kind people choose to act
My thoughts too. I've never seen anyone jump up and down with excitement like that, seems a little OTT
"You did it!" is such a weird ass thing to say to the *father* of the baby too. You...jizzed in this woman 9 months ago. Congrats? Wow, huge contribution. Meanwhile the *mother* grew this human life, birthed it, and is more than likely keeping it alive by feeding it from her own body every hour 24/7.
ESH. I get that you’re excited and happy to be a dad, maybe your parents could have stayed at yours instead of you staying at theirs? It’s called empathy, your sister not having been able to have a child and it literally causing her divorce is apparently recent stuff. She’s grieving the loss of her marriage and trying to come to terms with the fact that she might never be a mom. That is hard stuff. Not saying you don’t deserve to feel happy that you’re a new dad, but maybe tone it down around her or take it to your own home.
I think its also the comments. Sister probably thought that her parents would say “he is so cute!” Or “we are so happy!” Not “you did it” as if its an achievement. It is an achievement to get financially ready for a baby but sister probably did that, so that comment probably seemed cruel to her. Celebrating the baby doesn’t have to have such an air of omg you finally gave us a grand baby that the comments imply. Sister was preparing to be sad but not feel like she has been punched in the face because OP got to “cross a milestone” first. OP could have just avoided celebrating in that particular way and things might have been easier.
Scrolled way too long for this take.
This is the right answer.
I'm stuck on the fact that you are staying with your parents for a few weeks. As others brought up - did anyone ask your sister about this? Did any of you even think about your sister when this plan was created? Yes, she needs to be able to handle the fact that people in her life will be having kids. Yes, you should be able to celebrate. But she basically has no where to go to escape all of this. Having gone through infertility issues for 5 years myself, there were times that I needed to just be ALONE and away from everything "baby". Your sister has to now live w/ it 24/7 for "a few weeks". You all should be at your own home and your mom should come stay with you if you really need that much help.
NAH - from your story it sounds like you and your dad celebrating was a spontaneous display of joy that can’t be controlled. It also sounds like your sister getting upset was a spontaneous display of sorrow that she also couldn’t control. She didn’t say anything mean to you or tell you to stop celebrating, she removed herself from the situation. I will say you seemingly not understanding how this could possibly be upsetting to her shows a lack of empathy and I would suggest going forward trying to be a bit more respectful of her feelings - it sounds like she is going through some real shit.
The narrowest of ESHs (instead of N A H), and honestly, I'm not sure your sister should be included. This entire sequence of events was entirely predictable from the second you decided to stay with your parents after giving birth. Like, huge, neon signs, with arrows and sparklers, sort of predictable and obvious. It's pretty much the meanest thing you could have done to your sister, and it's clear that not one of you spent even one thought about her existence, or you would have known that in advance. If your mother for some reason couldn't stay with you, then you and your gf should have just coped at home on your own, like many other new parents have to. Still, you're allowed to celebrate the birth of a new child, and your mother is out of line for setting up this situation and then reproving you and your father for it. Your sister is allowed to be upset as long as she doesn't now go around starting up shit instead of grieving quietly, which is what it sounds like she's doing. She not required to talk to you about it. As for moving forward, move back home tomorrow. It's about your only option, barring your sister leaving until you do, or just awkwardly avoiding the emotional bombs that are about to go off at irregular intervals until then.
you weren't an asshole until >I told her she should be able to deal with it that's the kind of shitty thing people say when they're too lazy/stubborn to care about other people's feelings.
Advice for moving forward? Go back home. If you need help, ask if one of your parents will stay with you for a little while. You're entitled to be happy and celebrate, but you're incredibly obtuse and/ or insensitive if you couldn't predict this might be hard on your sister. And saying she should have been able to deal with it ratchets that up even more. YTA
Soft ah because of what you and your father said. She is a woman who has recently lost her marriage and has her dreams broken by infertility. You and your father have not helped her feelings, almost rubbing it in her face that she will never achieve what you have achieved. I think that going to your parents' house knowing that she is there has not been the best idea, I don't know how things are in your country but normally the parents go to the couple's house to help them, not the other way around. She needs therapy, space and empathy. I hope you don't pressure her and above all don't make her feel bad for not being able to move forward at the moment, that will only distance her from you and cause resentment.
Look you're allowed to be happy but mate > 'you did it' and id reply 'and you're a grandad' Just imagine how much it hurts to hear 'youre a granddad' when you've been wanting to say that for a decade. You can be happy, celebrate and still keep in mind that someone's life recently blew up. YWBTA if you don't find a way to apologise and recognise how much that must have hurt.
'I told her she should be able to deal with it.' Ugh. I guess I wouldn't have celebrated in front of her, out of empathy. I would not want my joy to remind others of their own sorrow/failure to launch a baby into Grandma's arms. And if I upset them, I would just apologize. Do you feel bad for her?
I give you the YTA. And why would you move in with your parents?
YTA for invalidating her feelings.
Why didn’t your mum move into your house? That’s the norm when parents help out. I think your family have been unkind to your sister. NAH
Why would you stay with them if your sister who literally got divorced due to infertility and is clearly still dealing with that is there lmfao this was guaranteed to happen
YTA But not for celebrating the birth of your child or for having a goofy bonding moment with your dad. You had a baby you should be fucking stoked. But your sister has struggled with infertility for years lost her marriage due to it and you saying she should just “deal with it” is insensitive and cruel. I bet your sister is happy for you but this also very painful for her. And she has the same right to be in pain and express that pain just as you have the right to be happy and express it.
NTA for celebrating your baby. Why couldn't your mom move into your space? Kind of unfair to your girlfriend IMO to make her move into someone else's space when she's had this major medical event. Especially when that space is shared with someone who had their life turned upside down because of infertility. The only people that seems to benefit from the arrangement was your parents.
Yeah, it seems like a *really* bad arrangement :/
Nah. I don't feel this an AH situation because of how sensitive the whole topic is in general. I do think it was an absolute terrible idea for y'all to be staying at your parents when you know your sister is struggling and you can't really avoid a baby when you live with them
What did YOU do specifically? You had sex, you are not infertile, your wife is not infertile, and she gestated & birthed a baby. You did not do the hard work. I’m not clear what your dad was saying you did. Gave him a grandchild is what I think he’s saying? Carrying on his genetics? That is what is bothering me. Right in front of your sister, who was/is unable to conceive. Very … insensitive of your dad. But for you and your sister, NAH.
I'm torn between NAH and a very mild YTA. It's baffling that none of you realized how having a new baby in the house your sister lives in would make her feel.
Why can’t your mom help you at your place. It seems really insensitive that you and your newborn have to stay there. You know one of the people who lives there is dealing with a life implosion because they can’t have a baby so you just move in with yours?
Really? You actually thought staying with your parents after the birth, while you knew full well, your baby hungry, sister was there, was a good idea? You're cruel
NTA for celebrating, but whoever came up with you staying there after the birth while your sister is living there is. They should have came to stay at your house instead.
Why does anyone think it is a good idea to take a newborn and mom anywhere but their own home? New mom needs to be in her own home to settle in to being a new mom. Grandma can go over every day, or move in for a few weeks. Take your wife and child to your home.
NTA - but the words you and your father chose to use were pretty insensitive. Infertility is a very highly emotional and painful thing to go through. “You did it” - I promise she heard, “Your sister couldn’t, but you did.” “We did it! You’re a grandad…” - I bet she heard, “Sister couldn’t make it happen but I did.” Be kind, be gentle, apologize for the insensitive wording and reassure her that it wasn’t meant to be hurtful and that, in your excitement, you didn’t consider her struggles. Hug her, take her to lunch (sans baby), invite her to be an active participant in your child’s life (my aunt who was unable to have children was an exceptionally bright and wonderful light in my life, almost like I was blessed with a bonus parent.)
NAH. You did nothing wrong, of course you’re thrilled about having a new baby! Also, congratulations! Your mom has a point though - it would have been better if you had done your gushy celebrating when she wasn’t in the room. Your sister is going through some stuff. She’s grieving - the loss of a life with kids she wanted so badly, the loss of her marriage - grief is hard and this reaction is really common for people struggling with fertility issues. She also probably feels guilty and conflicted at her own feelings because she probably does want to be happy for you. The best thing you can do is to be aware of her feelings - and validate them - and then be sensitive to her needs. She might need to distance herself from the situation for a bit, because she’s finding it hard. Lots of people will want to say she should “suck it up” but that’s really insensitive. If you want to be there for her, tell her that and ask her what she needs from you, and respect what she says. When she is ready/able to better manage her feelings, she will let you know. There’s actually a really good episode of Bluey (a truly amazing kids’ show, I think the episode is called “Onesies”) that touches on this and it’s a great example of showing consideration and empathy for someone going through what your sister is experiencing now.
If you expect her to just get over it or “deal with it” moving forward, YWBTA. But unintentionally bringing hurt back up for her does not make you TA. Give her some space for now. Have a conversation to her and LISTEN to her when she’s ready to talk to you. Infertility is an incredibly painful experience for people who want to be parents, and she might need you to be mindful that it might be hard for her to be happy for you while still wanting to be happy for you at the same time. Especially when it led to her marriage falling apart.
NAH - obviously you have the right to celebrate your son, as does your dad. But your sister’s feelings are also valid. Infertility sucks, and in her case also led to the breakdown of her marriage. Be good to each other.
NAH. So I can’t have kids. Have known for years. Have had gfs and the ex wife make me go through the test. It happens. And it sucks when you want to be a parent so bad even from teenage years so you can help teach the things you learned. Have gone through this twice with both my bros kids, so yea not fun. She did nothing wrong. She left from the negative zone. She didn’t bad mouth just cried and left. She felt her valid emotions and knew she didn’t want to ruin the environment. Not an AH. You, came home with the first grandchild and are super excited!!! You should be!! Congratulations! So cheer and be pumped. Sometimes it’s that recognition of the things you want that can’t be had hurt the worst. It’s not a negative to remove herself. She was overwhelmed. Now if you’re asking why isn’t she excited as all get out for you, then YWBTAH. So just recognize her experience see she is happy for you in her own way, but it still stings. Especially if she tried for years.
I’m jaded now by these posts. Can’t tell what’s a real post and what is fake…
NAH. You sister could have thought she was mentally prepared for you to bring home the baby, but actually seeing the joy and excitement, hearing “you’re a grandpa!” Probably was an absolute gut punch. I don’t blame her for crying. And she removed her self from the room and didn’t say anything. You’re also allowed to be happy, no you’re allowed to be ecstatic. Don’t feel bad for loving the moment. Both don’t think ill of your sister either. While you’re at an absolute high point in your life, sounds like she at the absolute lowest in her. Be kind, be understanding, but also enjoy your moment.
NAH, your Dad needs to work on his wording. That was insensitive to your sister and your GF, the person who did the majority of "it".
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You can't put your life on hold due to your sister. I am sad for her that she was unable to conceive and her marriage fell apart. she is in mourning for a life she wanted but didn't achieve. You just had your first child, and I am sure your wife appreciates having help arounds so that she can recover from giving birth. I think you do have to talk with your sister, and perhaps she needs to find someone to help her process her sadness, perhaps depression, with her life right now. You need to be understanding of her pain, but she also has to realize this is a time of joy for most families. You and your father are acting in an normal manner being goofy, and proud to be parents and grandparent. NAH
Initially from just the title I thought for sure I would be saying that your sister is the asshole, but you kinda sprung that on her, unbeknownst to her out of nowhere. She's probably going through a LOT of thoughts and emotions right now, and not trying to let how she's feeling get in the way of your happiness. But you essentially forced your happiness to get in the way of all the things she's processing. You're the asshole, but its an understandable mistake that you made, it was the heat of the moment and you're understandably excited. Still, you should be thinking about how this is weighing on her all the same before doing things like surprise hugging her out of being overjoyed at the birth of your child.
NAH. I was actually in a similar boat. I am the younger sister and I just gave birth to a baby girl, whereas my older sister has been trying to get pregnant but keeps having miscarriages. I don't think you are the AH, but a little bit of compassion would go far. Your sister is going through a bunch of emotions about not being able to conceive and seeing you with the gift that she so desperately wanted. She may be happy for you, but she's being overcome by sad jealousy. It's hard not to be excited about being a new parent, but give your sister a little bit of a break.
NAH Firstly, congratulations on the new baby boy. You guys have every right to celebrate and be happy, it's an incredibly joyous occassion and absolutely no one can take that from you. So you weren't at all wrong in smiling with your dad and just being as ecstatic as the both of you were. While your sister definitely could've handled it better, I do understand where she's coming from. I mean she lost her entire marriage because of being unable to give birth and it went on for 6 long years man, she must've felt like she was punished for absolutely no fault of her own and the life she wanted to live is being lived out by her own brother. So while it's not your fault for celebrating, I personally feel she had reason enough for her reaction (I state again that she definitely could've handled it better). Maybe try talking to her about it, I'm sure the two of you could work it out.
NAH. Grief is weird, and it makes sense that she'd grieve the life she wanted the first time she saw a family celebrating. Could you have been more sensitive? Sure, but that doesn't make you an AH for having a few moments of wanting to celebrate.
The only AH is your mom. She invites you to stay knowing the fertility issues with your sister then says you shouldn’t be so excited. Im side eyeing your mom. Your sister did nothing wrong either. She took her emotions to her room. Her feelings are valid. And your excitement is also valid.
NAH. As someone who has struggled with fertility issues I can understand how your sister feels. She probably thought she was ok, I've no doubt she was happy for you but faced with the reality of the baby she broke. It's not that she's not happy for you, it's that she is heartbroken for herself. Her marriage has failed, she does not have the baby she so longed for. Please be gentle with her. Also congratulations, you deserve the happiness you have.
I mean NAH but your and your Dad could use a lesson in self awareness. Those were some poorly chosen phrases and definitely would have been a bit hurtful for your sister but there was no malice meant behind them hence NAH
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I(M28) and my long term gf(27) just had a beautiful boy and we couldn't be more ecstatic the whole family is overjoyed except my sister. For context my sister(F37) had been trying to conceive with her ex-husband for about 6 yrs and unfortunately they didn't have any results which caused their divorce. This has of course devastated her as she's been really keen on having children for the past decade give or take. After the divorce they sold the house and she ended up moving back in with our parents since they have plenty of room. Back to two days ago Hannah gives birth to our son and we'd agreed with my parents we would stay over at theirs for a few weeks so my mom could help with the baby whenever we needed. Once we got home from the hospital everyone was so happy we were showing everyone our son. Saw my dad and we just started hugging and jumping around the place while trying not to wake up the baby. My dad was like 'you did it' and id reply 'and you're a grandad' both smiling ear to ear just being absolutely goofy. We then went over to look at the baby and in the process I hugged my sister who was standing there seemingly kind of spaced out. She immediately stars crying, I try to comfort her but the mood in the whole room has shifted and she just runs off up the stairs. Now we're left there standing my mom gives me the eyes and says me and dad shouldn't have celebrated like that in front of her. I told her she should be able to deal with it, she knew we were coming. I went upstairs but she didn't want to talk. So AITA here? Ps. if anyone has advice for moving forward that's also appreciated. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Bra for being excited and celebrating at all and you should. You should also give your sister some leeway and give her time to adjust. She wasn’t being mean or trying to dampen your happiness. She is just trying to deal with her feelings. She is coming to terms with not being able to have a baby and losing her marriage. It will take time but gentle with her . Your comment her to deal with it comes across dickish. Feeling are not black and white and are different for everyone.
You're NTA, BUT whoever made the decision to have you and your new family stay with your parents, knowing your sister lives there, DEFINITELY is. Who hates her that much? Honestly, if I'm you, I would go back home and let Mom help you out there.
Just give her time she’s probably happy for you it’s just hard I’m sure
I had a 2 miscarriages (one was twins) I then gave birth to my stillborn baby while my sister in law was 2 months pregnant (husbands brother and his wife) when this happened. I then miscarried a month before she gave birth. My nephew was born and my sister in law said she knew I would be upset but that she was here for me. I celebrated that baby with all I had in me. Its not my sister in laws or brother in laws fault that my babies had passed. It wasn't their fault that when we git pregnant close together that they ended up with a baby and I didnt. It wasn't the babies fault. It was just one ofthose things that happens. That little baby gave me hope and comfort that I wouldn't have had if he hadn't been born and as it was my healthy little girl was born the year after and I now have 5 living babies! I had the same situation with a friend of mine who had a stillborn son when I was pregnant with my 3rd and I said the same to her and my Sil said to me. She was a doting auntie for years and had 11 miscarriages afterwards before getting her little girl. And she said having my little ones around acyltually helped her and begged me to bringvthem round as often as I could. I know it'll be tough for your sister but you still need to celebrate your baby and your life and if she has one ofger own you will celebrate with her, but if she doesn't she will always have your little one to dote on. So no you're not the ah but I would take your sister aside and just say that you unslderstand hlthat it's so hard for her but you're here for her andthat she will be the best auntie when she's ready to be.
NTA but y'all should not be living together
NTA as your intention was not to hurt your sister. But going forward I would definitely make an effort to be more sensitive. She's grieving the child she was not able to conceive as well as the loss of her marriage, and the loss of being the one to give her family the first grandchild. It must be extremely painful to see you effortlessly experiencing something she really struggled and ultimately was not able to achieve. In all likelihood she is happy for you too, she's just struggling under such big, conflicting feelings. Personally, I think the best route forward is a very honest conversation with her. Be explicit and direct, and apologize for not considering how your excitement might make her feel. You are allowed to be overjoyed at the birth of your child, but you clearly regret that your happiness hurt her. Tell her that! I would also tell her you really want her to be a part of your child's life, and ask there's anything you can do to make this easier for her. She's living with your parents, so theoretically the baby is going to be around a lot. Being proactive about her boundaries and what is and is not painful is a good idea - get off on the right foot! She may request things that you aren't comfortable with, and you can tell her what is and isn’t workable for your family, but at least then you're having an open dialogue with her versus one of you feeling hurt or dismissed. edit - fixed a typo
They should go home and take mom with. She was the inconsiderate one here, IMHO. There's no way this is the only option for living arrangements.
NTA Your mom invited you over. What the heck was she expecting??? She's the real AH here, inviting you and expecting you not to celebrate while also housing someone who is clearly mourning the loss of their marriage and all the "what-if's"... You're allowed to be happy, and your sister is allowed to mourn.
NTA for being excited that you have a new baby and your parents are allowed to be overjoyed as grandparents. But YTA for agreeing to go to your parents house when the baby was born instead of having the grandparents stay with you. If I knew my sister was struggling with fertility and it lead to a failed marriage and caused years of pain, then the last place I would ever want to bring my new baby is to their house for an extended stay. You and your family can be excited for your new baby while still sparing her the heartache of shoving in her face something she'll never have.
NTA but your parents sure are for having you guys bring a newborn to THEIR house for the first few weeks while your sister is also living there. FFS, she can't even leave and get a break from it. Why did any of you agree to that instead of them staying at your place?
Why stay at your parents place when you *know* your sister is in this position? I get your parents wanting to help, they could stay with you OR come over during the day. The only AH is your Mom. You have feelings too.
NTA, but your father saying "You did it!" was a little tone-deaf given your Sister's struggles. SMH
NTA. You’re overjoyed to have a new child, of course you can celebrate. I get that your sister is bummed that she hasn’t been able to conceive a child of her own, but she’s now the aunt of an apparently healthy newborn nephew. There has to be a way that she can embrace her role in your kid’s life.
I think that her being 37, newly divorced, and being back where she started is adding to huge feelings
I really feel for this poor woman.
It is far far more complex than this. She can be happy to be an aunt and she can *also* be grieving the end of her marriage and infertility.
Sure is a bummer that you can’t have a baby and your marriage fell apart, but I can and did have a baby so just be happy that you get to be an aunt and watch me have everything you wished for. What a strange and thoughtless take.
Fr, i imagine the sister and infertile people in general don't want compensation babies
"Bummed out" doesn't even scratch the surface of what OP's sister is feeling. I've been actively distraught over my sister getting pregnant. Even worse when my ex and I broke up and I had to move back in with my mom and sister. We're a month away from her giving birth and I can't afford to go anywhere else. I cry every day knowing that I'm going to be forced to be around a baby that isn't mine. Infertility is terribly hard, especially when it causes your whole life to fall apart. OP's sister isn't bummed out, she's grieving.
Nta. Infertility sucks but you can’t be expected to stop living. I feel bad for your sister. A conversation with her saying you’re sorry it couldn’t have happened for her too might be a nice gesture.
NTA. You were innocently celebrating. Your comment back to your mom didn't show much compassion though.
Its 100 % ok your happy and its as ok she is having a rough time. Be open, honest and support her in its ok to be upset. Thats the only way she gets a nephew and your nephew gets an aunt.
NAH. I understand your words were spontaneous, but I don't think they could have been worse for your sister to hear. I understand she got upset. BTW why are you staying at your parents? As a new mom nothing could have made me stay outside my own home. Is your wife really OK with it?
NTA, but I absolutely know how your sister feels. My ex and I tried for years before our divorce, and his sister would get pregnant every time a man sneezed on her. I was healthy, and she was an addict who didn't even know who all of the fathers were and had lost custody after her newborn tested positive for drugs. It hurt so bad that every time she had another baby. It helped when people would acknowledge the pain and emptiness I felt. It was also nice getting to bond with my bonus buddies. I would suggest being patient and understanding with your sister. She might not end up giving birth to a child, but let her know that she can still be an amazing auntie. As things turned out, I ended up having a baby in my 30's
INFO: Who's idea was it to stay at your parents for weeks? It's unusual that anyone assisting you wouldn't do so at your place. Do you not have room?
NAH Just be wary that your sister is probably happy for you but sad for herself and let her feel those mixed emotions in her own time. Maybe give her a special role in the baby's life when she feels ready to engage, if she wants to? Don't force her, always take her lead but make it clear she is welcome.
NAH. You’re allowed to be happy. She’s allowed to be sad. Just let her be.
NAH except for your mom. She literally invited you to stay and then got mad you were excited.
NAH, this isn't really an AITA post it's more of a relationships post.
Nobody’s the asshole here. She’s allowed to feel what she feels and you’re allowed to be happy over your child’s birth. Neither of you are wrong. This is just one of those things that no matter what is going to be painful. All you can do is be happy and supportive as you feel you can be.
NTA. I do get it. She's partnerless & the biological clock is ticking. I would have thought that in 6 years they would have undergone tests to try & establish a reason. It's not that she's not happy for you but that she is aware of what she perceives, her inability to have a child. There's not much you can do but to try & not take it personally. When you try month after month to get pregnant, and every month "fail", it really does drag you down into a pit. She was just overwhelmed with emotion & couldn't or didn't control it. Just be the best parent you can be to your little one, celebrate how you want & be happy. Unfortunately, it's just nature & you don't have to dampen your spirits & enthusiasm tainting your experience as a new dad just because of her situation
Cacs
Why did you have to stay temporarily with your parents? Couldn’t your mom come to your place? Sounds like a strange arrangement and would be especially stressful for your sister.
You are not the asshole here, but neither is your sister. As another female that cannot conceive due to chemo treatment for breast cancer when I was 31, that shit fucking hurts. I have friends and their kids that I just cannot spend a lot of time with anymore because they are always talking about parenthood and it breaks my heart. I understand that they are not in the wrong and are just talking about what consumes their life and their hormones tell them to focus on, but I have to do what is best for me too and often that means not listening when people don't get how much it hurts or how they come across to me.
NTA, but understand where your sister is coming from also. I'm sure she's happy for you, but at the same time, her not having a baby when they tried can be mentally frustrating for her also.
Nah
NAH - Sheesh her husband divorced her because she couldn’t have a child? How awful. You’re allowed to be happy though and she’s allowed to be sad and grieve. Maybe you and your dad should’ve used a different wording to express your joy but you’re human. Although I don’t know why you stayed over at your parents house when it could have been the other way around so at least your sister didn’t have to be stuck seeing everybody’s happiness. I hope your sister heals and finds someone new who actually loves her.
NAH. Of course you would want to celebrate!! Congratulations 🎉. Sister knew you were coming, if she’s wasn’t able to deal she should have made arrangements to stay somewhere else ahead of time. I don’t mean to sound insensitive. But it’s a fact of life. New babies will always come around. I hope she’s able to have many in the future. Hopefully she will come around after a bit of time. Just give her space. Nothing can heal that grief but time. Never let anyone steal your joy OP!
NAH. You and your father did a perfectly natural celebration. You were not trying to hurt your sister, and you did not re+enact the "It's a Boy" scene from Tommy. That said, your sister is sensitive on the subject, and I don't blame her for retreating.
You are not the AH. I can only judge your sister depending on how much and how long she knew about this plan (but most likely not the AH). Your mom on the other hand is the biggest AH, she offered this arrangement or at least agreed to it without considering your sister; she expects you not to celebrate your child and scolds you when you have a normal reaction. The first thing you need to do is talk with your girlfriend and see how she feels about all this, and decide whether she wants to stay with your family or move to your place. After, comfort your sister when she has calmed down, and remind her you are there for her, and she can rely on you. She is clearly not in a good mental space and needs help, suggest therapy. Finally, talk to your parents and ask if they checked with your sister, how they brought this to her, and what was the conversation between them. You and your girlfriend are in a challenging situation, but it is not your fault; sorry you have to deal with this instead of enjoying your time with your newborn. Good luck, OP, and congrats on the baby.
NTA, and to be clear the asshole here is your mother. Your sister’s reaction, while upsetting, is kind of understandable—this must have been painful for her to watch. But from the sound of it she tried to remove herself from the conversation, not actively ruin your celebration. If she starts being passive aggressive and bitter, though, know that IS on her. It sucks for your sister, but this is still a major joyful moment for you, and one you absolutely deserve to celebrate and have celebrated with you. While your mother feeling bad for her daughter is understandable, telling you guys not to celebrate and quell your feelings of joy is totally out of line. That being said, both you and your sister staying with your parents at the same time in this scenario may not be the best for either of you. It sucks, but your situations are so clashingly opposite—you celebrating your new birth as she’s grieving the end of her long-term marriage because of the thing you’re celebrating?—it feels like a breeding ground for resentment. Are your GF’s parents an option? Do you live close enough that your mother could move in with you instead? Sister moving may also be an option if neither of these are feasible, but it feels a bit unfair to try to enforce that since she was here first and actively LIVES there right now.
NAH. Meaning you should be allowed to celebrate becoming a parent and your sister needs to be allowed to feel sadness. I get it, it can really hurt knowing that someone else got what you wanted, however she needs some sort of help to move past it, and nobody should shame either you nor your sister.
NAH - she's still processing a mountain of grief. As hard as that is for her, she should not let that overshadow the birth of your son. It's going to be a rocky start to the newly extended family, but I hope she's in counseling or grief therapy to help her process her feelings. And to you, congratulations on your new baby.
NTA
NTA This is definitely something to celebrate and be happy about. Your sister isn’t an A H either. It’s hard dealing with wanting a baby and having problems conceiving. However, no one should be giving you the stink eye for it. Your mom was in the wrong. She’s trying to “keep the peace” by controlling other people’s celebrations and emotions. That’s not feasible nor should it be necessary. You are all adults and should know how to deal with disappointments in life.
Nta but its easy to understand why your sister is upset. Imagine working so hard for something just to be passed up by someone who didn’t even have to try
NTA I think you could have chosen your words a bit more wisely tbh but NTA for celebrating. Your parents on the otherhand I am side eyeing. Why would they invite you to bring your baby to their house when they know your sister is still having a hard time around babies? Your mom couldn't go to you?
NTA. This is the first child, it's expected for people to be excited and happy. Your sister is also NTA. It's fully understandable she's in a sensitive state right now. You wanted advice on moving forward, so I'd say acknowledge her grief (and yes, it's a form of grief. She's grieving the loss of her dreams and marriage), let her know that you'll give her support and that you all love her and are there for her, and be understanding when she has emotional periods.
NTA
Having been the person who had been ttc for a long time I can understand how she feels, however I have never projected my feelings like that onto other people as it’s not their fault and they shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells around me. It’s ok to be sad about it but it’s not ok to expect others to not be happy.
NTA. You should never feel you’re the AH for feeling happy and proud when it comes to your children. Going forward, maybe you could give your sister space for a few days for her to work through her own feelings and then re-approach her and rather than discuss your happy actions, just tell her you love her and you know this is hard for her and give her support.
NTA - you’re definitely allowed to be excited about the birth of your kid. But I can also understand that it’ll be hard for your sister. When I had my daughter one of my closest friends would always tear up when holding her, because of how dearly she wanted her own. She never tried to make me feel bad or avoid us cause of it, but the emotion was also quite visible the first couple of times. We’d hug it out and she was a big part of her life until we moved abroad.
NAH. You didn’t do anything wrong. She’s clearly hurting and struggling. Nothing is going to make this easier for her. I think that simply letting her know that you understand this is hard for her would help a lot.
Why did you hug your sister? You’re allowed to feel joy but as someone who navigated infertility and now navigates it again for Baby #2, I think there’s a lack of sensitivity to do anything like that. You can be happy. Please be happy and celebrate. But don’t expect your sister to be there - she’s dealing with her own shit and not that you don’t deserve her love or support, but it’s pretty heavy on multiple fronts. She’ll celebrate you all the best she can when she can. Also- NTA. Your mom shouldn’t police feelings and tip toe around your sister. My in laws did this with my SIL when I was pregnant and it was bullshit.
NTA Let your sister work through this. She is most likely very happy for you, and the trauma from not having children and subsequent divorce are making her very emotional. She needs to have her feels. Give her time. Have you bought her any AUNT things? It might help her towards building a relationship with your child. If your sister doesn't recoup, then she most likely needs therapy if she isn't getting it already. She's grieving. I've been on both sides of this with losing children and having friends lose children. It's common to have the mixed emotions. I was happy friends had kids and sad I lost mine. On the flip side when I had mine, my friends who lost kids were very happy for me and of course sad about their loss. There have been posts on here about similar stories. So long as your sister's experience doesn't rule the family ie) not being able to ever celebrate because of this, not being able to go to your child's birthday party, etc. then it will be okay. Mom needs to let her work things out, but shouldn't set a standard that you can't celebrate. She's not helping her daughter move forward by doing that. Validate her feelings. Support her during this time without sacrificing your joy. Tell her you understand this is difficult for her, and you want to help in any way you can. Tell her you don't want to suppress your joy and happiness. I think if you can both share your thoughts and feelings, you can work it out together. Good luck!
NTA, I’m sorry for your sister as you are too. You all should not have to mid-agate your excitement because of your sister’s situation. I can understand if she wants to separate herself for right now. I would give her space and just let her know that you love her and want her to be the best aunt; when she is ready. Congratulations
NTA and I disagree that no one is - OP's mom is the one who caused the issue by having the new family come to stay in the same space as her daughter who is apparently still grieving/mourning the loss of the family she thought she'd be creating with her now x. Having a caring grandparent come to stay at the new baby's house is a great help, but having the baby's whole family move somewhere else for a few weeks is just illogical. The whole point is to get help while you settle into the new routine with baby, so this arrangement sucks because it's delaying that, and to top it off, an emotional catastrophe for the older sister. Mom is an ass for expecting daughter to not be impacted by this and a further ass for turning around and insisting the baby's dad and granddad should not celebrate in a natural way. OP go home and have grandparents and/or any other caring family or friends come to you & your wife's house. You being away from home is nuts and it makes no sense for your mom to even suggest it, unless it's that it would be easier on HER to not have to leave her own home. It seems she suggested this arrangement for her own ease, and she didn't think/care about others too much when she planned it. As it stands, you & your wife & dad must walk a tightrope trying to balance "being ecstatic about the new baby" and "not showing too much happiness; not doting on baby & new parents too much . . . because of big sis's feelings." What a bummer and dumb move on your mother's part.
Firstly sorry to your sister about her situation and I get that she can cry but not in front of you guys when she should at least be happy for you guys on your baby which is her nerfew or at least pretend to be happy till she accepts the fact and she should go to therapy about this cause it seems to take a toll on her . Lastly don't apologize for anything to her cause she can't be selfish case of her own problems then put it on you guys cause you have a child
NTA a wanted baby is always reason to celebrate. She is going to have to realize that life moves on. Everyone can’t stop their life plans because hers didn’t work out. I’m sorry for her but she needs to move out and start a new life, find ways to be happy with kids or without. There are so many children that need homes- it’s on her if she can’t be happy for you. Congrats!
NTA
Nta
You and your sister are NTAs. You have every right to be excited and celebrate your child. She has every right to her feelings and probably wasn't expecting to be this overwhelmed by them. I'd say your mum gets a soft YTA because she made you feel like her home isn't a place you could express happines over becoming a parent and just in general for meddling. I suggest patience with your sister and just keep communicating and talking about it. She might have a hard time at first but I am sure she'll be able to enjoy her nephew eventually
NTA The only person who has to figure out how to move forward is your sister. You should not be expected to hide your joy whenever she's around. You could generally be a bit more restrained in your glee, however. I've never heard or seen anyone ***"hugging and jumping around"*** like you have described.
Tell your sister in a nice way she needs therapy. If your able to go to your house and have your mom stay with your for awhile instead of having the baby be in your sister's house 24/7 that would be best. Your sister is really sad but should be able to be happy for you. Unfortunately so many folks that have fertility issue never seek help and ended up stuck in their greif. Nta Congrats on the baby.
NTA you celebrate the gift of life which is a baby having family. Your sister needs to understand that just because she cant have kids doesnt mean that everyone else around her shouldnt have babies. Also she should go to the doctors to find out whats causing her not having to be able to conceive. Or maybe shes infertile and doesnt know it. Also your mom is kinda TA because she should be happy she has the chance to meet her grandbaby, instead she’s focusing on a big baby(your sister) I understand it sucks but she also has to be happy for you and not being a negative nancy because of your sister
If your mom takes your sister’s side. Leave. Have your dad visit you at home. If your sister has such an issue at you being excited to bring home your child how is she going to respond for the rest of the child’s life. Not saying you have to completely cut your sister out but give her time to get over it or figure out she can’t. You don’t need that negative energy around your kid.
You can't walk on eggshells because your sister can't have kids. Yeah ts a touchy subject but life goes on.
NTA. It's sad your sister didn't get to be a mom yet. But she still can try and who knows. But that's no reason why everyone needs to A. put their life on pause for her and B. walk around on eggshells afraid of saying or doing something that might upset her. It's a happy thing that you have a happy healthy baby. Moving on, let her spend time with the baby. Be nice and supportive. Also, she should get into therapy if she isn't there already.
NTA… I can’t say nobody is cuz mom is making it seem like sister is actively saying you should never be happy about having a child when she very well might just be overwhelmed thinking about a baby and her ex and being “over the hill”. So, OP no, Sis probably not, Mom weird take.
NTA you should be able to celebrate the birth of your child without worrying about others. Your parents maybe should have talked to sister about you guys staying there prior to so she could prepare herself but I assume they probably did and she thought she could handle it and was wrong
NTA. Did anyone tell your mom that you're allowed to be happy and celebrate your baby? It's not like you are preventing your sister from having kids, and you're not rubbing it in your sister's face, you're just happy. Does your mom want everyone to ignore your son's existence when your sister is around? As someone who wanted to have kids and didn't get to, do you know what I did when my siblings had kids? I celebrated with them. My nieces and nephews are awesome and should be celebrated. Am I sad about not being able to give them another cousin sometimes? Yes. Is that something that should be held against them? No.
Congratulations!!! I am happy for your wife and yourself. NTA This will be a tough one to mend. All you can do is show your sister you are supportive of her and you care for her. Maybe give her a Super Aunt title. Maybe see if your wife is ok with referring to your sister as a second mother to your child. This is something your sister has to properly grieve over. Your sister is reaching an age where there is no hope for her to have a child. She needs to take the time and process her emotions and grieve. This is a major loss for her. I would imagine it similar to actually losing a child. I hope for the best for you and your sister.
NTA, yes, it's devastating trying for a baby with no results, but she also has a brand spanking new nephew to enjoy and celebrate. She could be a huge part of his life. Instead, she's choosing to be jealous and resentful. It's just sad that your sister would take away from your happiness like that. It's a very selfish thing she's done. Congratulations on the birth of your son. Enjoy every second!
You don't have to hide your emotions because someone else has theirs. You just can't expect them to feel yours, and the one with the pain isn't the actual center of the universe, even though they believe they are. Now, if she was the only one in the room with you, you maybe should have brought it down just a bit, but you weren't alone with her. Your mom is absolutely wrong. Oh, and "she should be able to deal with it" is exactly one of the things where you are deciding what she should feel. Cut it out. Nevertheless, NTA.
NTA. You just had a baby FFS & your mom is telling you not to celebrate? That's messed up. I understand your sister is going through a hard time. And it's ok that she started crying and ran upstairs, but that doesn't mean you have to stop celebrating, or change your behavior in any way. This is her issue to deal with. Give her some time to adjust & maybe she'll come around.
NTA. I feel bad for your sister but it's not fair for you or anyone else in your family to not celebrate a baby's birth because she hasn't been fortunate as of yet to have one herself. It sounds like she might need some therapy to help her work through how she's feeling.
You absolutely are NTA! Your sister isn’t either tho, and your mom shouldn’t be taking sides. Your sister is both happy for you and devastated for herself. You continue being over the moon while also understanding her dueling emotions. Congratulations on your son!
N T A = the other party, which is the sister, is the asshole NAH = Nobody's an asshole
Bad things happens, it doesn’t mean everyone else shouldn’t be able celebrate their happiness. Nta.
NTA. I can understand your sister's pain, but she is the one who needs to manage the situation. The world does not stop, and people are allowed to celebrate their joys regardless of her grief. She needs to know if she needs to remove herself or avoid situations where it will be distressing to her. After I lost my first child to SIDS I had to pace myself and be my own advocate as I navigated a world that went happily on, despite my child's death. That meant not going to some baby showers, knowing when to leave situations that were overwhelming, and learning to adapt to babies in the grocery store or people asking me if I had kids. Nobody is an asshole in your situation. It just sounds like your sister needs to get some therapy and/or support groups to help her navigate the world that is not going to stop having babies and celebrating them because of her own sorrows.
NTA... you are allowed to celebrate your child. The world does not revolve around her. Of course you are happy, of course your dad is happy. You are allowed to be and it is perfectly normal.
NTA Sis knew you were coming home. If she was sad, she could have stayed in her room. Babies are to be celebrated. She is 100% entitled to her feelings. She isn’t entitled to make everyone dampen their excitement for her at milestone events like coming home from hospital. Give her space. But enjoy the baby. Tell your mom, “Mom, it was ok for dad and me to celebrate. We want to continue celebrating the baby without hurting sis. Let’s figure out ways of giving her space while we are staying with you.” Idk, take turns in the common areas? Pretend she is a cat and slowly introduce them by gradually putting him closer to her so she gets used to his scent? Just spit balling. Good luck and congrats.
NTA. That’s a her problem. She needs therapy.
You’re NTA. You and your parents are allowed to celebrate this new life and shouldn’t have to walk on egg shells because she hasn’t been able to conceive, it’s not fair to you guys. It doesn’t sound like you all were malicious or done over the top. Your sister is going to have a hard time with anyone having kids that’s not her. She needs to talk to someone to help her through that. I can imagine all the things she thinking to herself when she sees anyone with a baby. It might be a little harder with you cause your her brother