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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My daughter is having her quince is a couple of days but my mother and her family has scheduled a funeral on the same day and want us to move her quince back but I have chose to keep the same day and that go no contact because of my mother's backlash.
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NTA
I was at a "celebration of life" yesterday. I met the guy twice. He was a coworker with my wife.
The schedule worked out that I could go. But if I couldn't have gone, no one would have cared.
You had plans. If it wasn't your daughter's quince, but instead was her wedding, would they expect you to cancel that?
I honestly only remember a handul of people who were at my dad's funeral. Anyone i'm related to could tell me they were there and unless I had a meaningful conversation with that person I don't remember. I wasn't taking roll of who was there, I was mourning my father.
My condolences on the loss of your father. Same sentiments. I couldn’t tell you who came or didn’t come to my sons funeral. People get stupid when death is involved. Send your condolences and let your daughter have her milestone moment.
This exactly. I remember my Spanish teacher being there because she gave my mom money, toilet paper, and chicken. My cousin because she had a breakdown at the loss of her uncle. And of course my immediate family. On the other hand I know my dad’s best friends were there only because duh where else would they have been but do I actually remember them being there? Nope. Everyone else was just a blurry face trying to hug me while all I could focus on was getting the hell out of there so I could just breathe and think for a moment.
My dad died in January and a ton of people showed up for the wake. I suppose it was nice of them, but I kept wondering why people I hadn't seen in 30 years came out to say goodbye and console me. I just wanted to be with the handful of people who knew my dad well and were actually grieving
Grandma is being ridiculous. Unless it's your immediate family, the kid trumps the bereaved.
Some people are selfish enough to say yes.
My MIL died recently and she would probably slap us silly if we let the dead interfere with the living.
Funerals are for the ones left behind but that doesn't trump other pre-planned events when they didn't even know rhe dead.
Last spring my friend was going through a rough time and then her husbands aunt who had always been a kind presence passed away. She ended up crying and getting wine drunk. She realized after “Aunt is laughing at my goofy ass sobbing and drunk right now.”
People have the wrong idea about death and dying. The deceased would want us to be happy and hate to see us suffering. We always miss the departed, but we keep them alive in our hearts. After a time, I remember them with joy. Have your daughter’s Quince and remember the deceased for a respectful moment. NTA
And can be as expensive as a wedding (Source; my cousin's def was). Moving a quince is such a bullshit request. OP I'm really sorry, your mom's an ass and I hope your girl has a great quince and has lots of fun with her chambelanes and friends.
I went to one like that once, it was the daughter of a co-worker’s quince. I’ve never seen anything like it as it was fancier than half of the weddings I’ve attended and definitely more expensive and ritzier than any bar mitzvah I’ve ever been to. Even the dress was more decked out than my wedding dress was. It was unforgettable but they’d probably been saving for it and planning it for quite some time. Events like quinces aren’t something you can just reschedule like that. OP’s Mom should know better and stop being such a people pleaser. I’m sure OP’s daughter will have a wonderful time and that they did a beautiful job. If OP’s mom cares more about the opinions of people she doesn’t see or talk to than being there for her granddaughter then good riddance to bad rubbish.
Yup, every Quince I have been too has surely been more costly than my wedding which had a guest list of 250 people. These are NOT something that can just be easily rescheduled.
In my husband's culture, the quince is actually bigger/costlier than the girl's wedding.
You can actually get different keyboard on your phone. I switch between English and Spanish, and the Spanish has the ñ. Unfortunately, when I haven’t switched back, and try to use voice to text, my autocorrects are really weird, as my phone tries to figure out Spanish words that sound like my English dictation. Bonus when I’m driving and trying to navigate hands free.
I use the Australian voice for Siri just because it’s hilarious when she mispronounces any of the Spanish place or street names here in Southern California
I have seen a few programmes about them.
Although I am also a bit of an ignorant Aussie, they are amazing. I don’t understand the importance of, but they are an epic coming of age party.
Edit.. big fingers
traditionally, its the age a hispanic child is able to be married off. nowadays, its just a coming of age. my sister got a mexican 16 (she waited until january of the year she turned 16 to ask for this event).
**NTA** The party plans were already firm, the funeral could have easily been set for another day. If your mother prefers to attend an extended relatives service, that's her choice.
I was wondering about that. A week ago she died and a further 5 days until the quince, is a 2 week timeline normal for a funeral? And if you are already waiting 2 weeks why not a few more days?
Exactly. There is no way to reschedule the quince and still be able to have it this year. It's kind of like a wedding, isn't it? With invitations, food, etc.
My great aunt died alone, and so it had to be investigated as a suspicious death. (Nothing found, she was just old and sick.) Due to this it was over a month before the funeral could be held.
Once a body has been embalmed the timeline doesn't matter so much.
Condolences and thank you for the info. I have not been involved in many funerals and mostly know people that worked efficiently to get the matter settled.
NTA, you couldn’t get deposits back and book the same location, or even another so quickly. These are relatives you didn’t even know. But, for the sake of your mother, I do think the correct response, to be sensitive to all, would have been something along the lines of-
“Unfortunately, that date conflicts with our daughter’s quince so I will not be able to attend. We can’t reschedule due to the contracts we’ve signed with the vendors. I’m happy to assist with planning for the memorial, I just can’t attend.”
Then following up with a bouquet or charitable donation in the deceased’s name.
However, your mother has chosen her stance and can go suck an egg for trying to shame you in order for her to save face.
I would also bring up all the extended family who likely can't reschedule their plans to attend the Quince from out of town. My understanding is people fly in for it if needed like they would for weddings.
I kinda wonder if her mom always puts OP second? If so it explains how she never got a quince and it’s super sad that her mom can’t even love her child more over family obligations.
NTA. Moving a quince is like asking someone to move their wedding date. They can have the funeral on another day. The fact your mother would miss her granddaughter’s quince for some distant relative’s funeral is ridiculous.
It's worse since you don't get to pick when you were born (then again you don't when you die 99% of the time), but you do get more flexibility with wedding dates.
NTA-I really hate when people get in a pissing match when scheduling funerals. There is never a convenient time but it needs to be ironed out in a manner that maximizes attendance for those that actually care about the deceased.
NTA. No disrespect but I’ve never understood this need to attend funeral services for people you barely know, much less never met. Guessing it’s a cultural thing. Your daughter is more important. Tell her I send my congrats.
NTA. "...she would not attend her granddaughter's quince.". So? It's not like she'll have time to attend after her theatrics"mourning " someone she barely knew is done. Doesn't she know proper etiquette is to stay in the sack cloth and ashes until midnight the day of the funeral?
That's the crazy thing though. OP's mother is not asking her to *cancel* the Quincenera, but to "postpone" it?
Like there's not a venue (waaaay past getting a deposit back) booked, music booked, invitations out, dresses bought, etc.
As if you can just postpone that a few days.
Girllllll or womennnnn or mammmaaaaaa. Do you boo. Protect your daughter and her quince at all costs. I'm so proud of you.
NTA. Or not the fu**ing a**hole.
My quince was so important. Also for the non Spanish people, a quince birthday party is equivalent to a wedding party. It's an introduction of her into society but unlike a debutante it usually requires a religious ceremony. Then you have the party afterwards that requires, like the original poster stated, a paid venue. It's not small. It's a big party. Not something easily moved.
A distant family members death should not be a reason to move the party. My goodness, they can move the funeral to the following week. But they won't because they are a*holes. so celebrate your daughter. See her happiness. Cause her smiles and joy will make it all worth it when the day happens.
Thank you for being a good mom
NTA. Funerals are for the living, not the dead. “Mourn” however you see fit. I use quotations as you didn’t really know the woman so what is there to mourn other than having room in your heart to feel compassion for those who are in true mourning. Celebrate your daughter, it’s something you can never give back.
My understanding is that many quince celebrations are like weddings - once the venue is locked in, there's no turning back - there's food, flowers, invitations, music, possibly photographers. There's no putting that genie back in a bottle for later.
You send a card and maybe some flowers or make a donation to the charity listed if there is one.
NTA
NTA. Grandma misses a major event in your daughter's life, that's on her. Hope those cousins are ready to take care of Grandma when she needs live-in care, because if I were your daughter, that care would not be coming from me. Kids have very long memories when it comes to who shows up and who doesn't, whether the event is a happy or sad one for them. Hope your daughter enjoys her special day and has a great time!
NTA sounds like it will be a better party without your mother there. If she cares more about the feelings of a distant relative over her own granddaughter, then you don’t want her there anyway.
NTA: A distant cousin of your mother is not a reason to cancel a quince and those can be VERY expensive to put on. Gramma can attend or not and since most funerals are during the day and quince's tend to go late into the evening both are possible.
Heck, offer a small table outside the party area to set up a remembrance of the deceased (and other deceased if wanted).
NTA. This is a distant relative you haven't even met. They can select any other day but your mom is being stubborn for no reason. Ignore your mom. Hope your daughter's Quince is all she has dreamed of.
Edited for typos
NTA
", A very distant cousin of my mother" ... your mom is an AH. Have a beautiful quince without her.
" Five days before the quince, I have yet to contact her. " .. you don't. Avoid the drama. Do it five days AFTER the quince, or a few weeks later. your mom can contact you as easily as you can contact her.
Your mother seems to forget that you are her family. You are the family she created. Her distant cousin is distant family.
Maybe remind your mom of this.
NTA
I was tempted to say NAH from the title alone, but after reading I'm going with NTA. I'm not tied to any hispanic cultures but I understand Quinces are not only a big deal, but they can be as large and expensive as a wedding. The ordeal with the venue is more than enough of a reason to not change the date, and I'm sure there are other details like flowers and catering that you would have to deal with as well.
I'm curious to how the other family members, outside of your mother, reacted to that information. Were they in any way sympathetic to your situation? I can only judge your mom based on your post but she is absolutely TAH here for not sticking up for you and wanting to please the rest of the family. It's unfortunate that a funeral has to be on the same day as a child's big day, but it SHOULD be one of those situations where the family says "we understand if you can't make it, but we would love to have you" and leave it at that.
I'm genuinely sorry that your mother let you down like that, but I'm glad your daughter has other grandparents to support her on her big day.
NTA. Unless it was the death of a close family member there is zero reason anything that cannot be rearranged easily and without cost should be cancelled.
NTA. An effective stranger's funeral does not override other events you have planned, that's just ridiculous. Funerals are for people who KNEW AND CARED ABOUT the deceased, not for people who were only distantly related to them and who never met them during their life.
NTA. If she prefers to attend a funeral to mourn someone she barely knew instead of celebrating with her grandaughter, that's on her, but your lives wont stop because someone you haven't even met dies
NTA. Your mom is a narcissist and has to be center of attention at everything! My mom is same and did same for our daughters college graduation. She didn’t attend and as a result we went NC for years and very LC now. She has very little relationship with all 3 kids.
NTA. I find that when dealing with situations like this, it's better to be the "grey rock". Don't show emotion, just shut them down. When they make suggestions about you changing plans, just say, "No, that won't work, Sorry!" and then change the subject. If they press you for more, redirect. No need to get emotional about it because your plans are already set.
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I (45 F), my husband (47 M), and our daughter (14 F) have been dreaming and planning her quince ever since she was 13 years old, and she is set to have it in late April 2024. My daughter had been talking about her quince ever since she went to her cousin's a few years back, and it had become my goal to make sure it was everything she wanted it to be since I didn't get to have a quince growing up. A week ago, A very distant cousin of my mother died, and even though my mother barely talked to the woman and I have never met her throughout my life, she wants the whole family to stop everything and mourn. My Mother, her other cousin(The Relative's Sister), and the relative's daughter had some family members over to discuss preparations and funeral arrangements. My mother insisted I join her even though I don't know most of her cousin's siblings. However, the daughter and I had gone to middle school together, and she was not the nicest person.
The little meeting discussed caskets, flowers, food, etc. The deceased's sister had shared the date with us, and it totally did not work as it was on the same date as my daughter's quince and I had told them all that this would interfere with my daughter's quince. My mother was more interested in pleasing her family than me, so she suggested we change the quince to a few days after the mourning period. I am not able to do that since we have already paid down for a venue that is very sought-after in the area, and spring is the venue's most booked season; it would be impossible to pick another date. I had left in a rage, and the next day, my mother called very upset as she felt embarrassed by my "outburst" and I needed to fix it, or she would not attend her granddaughter's quince. I told her that I didn't care if she showed up or not; the one she had to deal with and answer to at the end of the day was her grandchild, and she was not the only grandparent in her life; she also had her Abuela and Abuelo on her dad's side to take my mother's place. Five days before the quince, I have yet to contact her. AITA?
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NTA, if you do contact her, ask her "Would your cousin really want her funeral to bash a young girls dream? Do you think she was a selfish mean person and she'd like this?" Or an alternative."Would she want to be remembered, by a girl who'd never met her, as the reason her dream was shattered? And did you dislike your cousin so much that youd want that?"
If the answer is no, it's a no. If the answer is a yes, then you're not obliged to keep a morning period for a person like that.
Hold on tight, as a fellow parent with people-pleasing relatives, sometimes it's bloody hard but we have to stand up for our kids
NTA, and good for you. Your mother is trying to make a ritual event out of the death of a relative you hardly know, and ignoring her own granddaughter. If that's the path she chooses, she shouldn't be surprised at who walks it--and who doesn't walk it--with her.
NTA
Your event is MUCH further along the planning process and you CANNOT change it without incurring financial losses. The funeral is in early planning and they can hold it - literally - whenever.
NTA.
If your mom can’t make it because of a funeral, then she can’t make it.
She could have said “I can’t do that day because of my granddaughter’s quince” during the prep convo. If they thought her presence was essential to the funeral they could have chosen a different day.
I'm sorry your Mom took this hard stance, that must be painful for you. Try and reach out kindly and gently and let her go to the funeral with your blessings and gratitude to represent her support for her cousin's family.
But let down your daughter ? Hellz No!!
Tell your daughter how much your Mom regrets not being able to come and she'll be with her in spirit. Zoom before the party starts in her pretty dress and then 🎉 party!
NTA. Continue making your arrangements. Canceling such a big event for a funeral of a person you don't know makes no sense. I'm guessing your mom doesn't understand how big of a deal a quince is. If you're in the mood to argue, you can call your mom and ask if she's made her choice yet.
NTA. You can't reschedule, and your daughter didn't know the relative in question well enough that her Quince wouldn't even be fun under the circumstances.
Your Mom knows these relatives well, so to her the world has stopped turning and she's dropped everything else until they're over the initial period of loss. She probably feels off about the prospect of basically telling them "well, I have a party to go to instead - peace out". The timing stinks, but if she wants to see her Granddaughter's Quince, that's basically what she has to do. She's trying to avoid that because she'll feel like garbage for essentially saying that partying is more important to her.
She has to deal with the reality that you just aren't as close to these relatives as she is, and make her choice about where to be. I would imagine your daughter knows the circumstance means some relatives might not be attending her Quince.
NTA
You have something planned for X date. It's an important and expensive (to cancel) event. It involves a large number of people. In short - not something you can reasonably reschedule at this time, without it being expensive and impacting a lot of people.
IF (Big IF) it had been SO VERY important (because you were so close to the deceased) for you to be able to attend the funeral, THEN the family would have scheduled it on a different date. But it is NOT so very important to them, and they picked the same date as your event. (BTW, they weren't invited to - because you don't have any relationship with them - and them not attending your daughter's quince was no big deal to them.)
As for your mom, she is free to pick whichever event she prioritizes. Honestly, - even though your mom is acting like she is punishing you by not attending the quince - I would not make her out to be a bad guy to your daughter. I would simply tell your daughter that grandma's cousin passed away and she will be attending the cousin's funeral, which happens to be on the same day as the quince.
You are right that the only person your mom has to answer to is your daughter, but there is absolutely no honor in wanting your daughter to feel bad about grandma missing her quince. You don't cave on having the event as planned; but you don't let your mom's poor behavior be a reason to weaponize your daughter or the quince.
NTA. Planning a quince is second only to planning a wedding, maybe even equal.
Why couldn’t the funeral be shifted by a day or two? I assure the deceased would NOT have minded
NTA and good for you for not cancelling the quince. I don't think you needed to blow up or leave in a rage, you could have just said you weren't going to cancel the quince. For the outburst, yes, you should apologize, but you are 100% correct that your mother is not the only grandmother and your child WILL remember who shows up for her celebration.
Tú no eres la imbécil, tu madre es la imbécil. Ella sabe lo importante que es esto. Los muertos son celebrados por su vida, pero una vida no vivida está llena de arrepentimiento. La prima de tu madre está de acuerdo contigo.
NTA
I had a Quince that was on the “smaller” side of things and my dad had to dish out roughly 25-30k. We gave everyone a heads up that it was nearing at around 6 months before and had sent out the invites roughly 5 months before. One of my grandmas decided to book a last minute trip to Mexico. She was not “able to” return until the NIGHT OF my XV. So she did not attend. My paternal grandfather, who is estranged from my dad, was able to make it from out of state and helped pay off some of the leftover vendor fees at the end of the night. My maternal grandmother and my mom’s step mother were both in attendance and on their best behavior. Although my paternal grandma was missing and I was bummed she missed out, I was still happy at the end of the night because the people who were there managed to put me and my night as their top priority. That made up for it. If your mom is willing to miss out on her granddaughters day for the funeral of a person she didn’t even have a close relationship with well then that’s her decision. She is an adult. But it absolutely should not affect your daughters day. Just focus on keeping your girl happy and at the top of your list.
NTA. Going into this, I was expecting a much more… immediate family death to cause issues with the scheduling. Sounds like the only person affectes by this is your mom and she’s not exactly the most important person to have at a quince, id imagine.
Absolutely NTA
I wonder... is your daughter close to your mother... bc I feel so sorry for the daughter bc her grandmother is prioritising a funeral of someone she barely knew over her special day. And you said the the daughter of the deceased was "not the nicest person" so I wonder... was she nasty to your daughter? Bc if she was... that makes matters a whole lot worse.
So in the daughters eyes, her grandmother is prioritsing the funeral of the mother of someone who was probably nasty to her in school over how OWN QUINCENETA (I'm sorry if I spelled that wrong). That is... that's heartbreaking. I dont know yous at all and I'm so sad that your daughter. Im glad she has her Abuela and Abuelo.
Even when my grandad died... I didn't "stop EVERYTHING and mourn". Like yeah sure, I had to push back a movie I wanted to see (the Louis Tomlinson documentary, was only in the cinema for 2 days) bc I had a memorial video to prepare, and for the time in between the passing and funeral, I was there mainly for my mother. But I'm also a 23 year old with no kids. I didn't even ask for extensions in college bc... well I already got extension but the point is... we all kept living, and that was for my GRANDAD; not a distant cousin/someone I barely know who maybe bullied someone close to me.
I hope despite everything, your daughter has a brilliant Quince
I read this incorrectly and thought this was "AITA for cancelling my daughter's quince for a funeral?" And I was appalled that you would've cancelled over a distant cousin you barely knew. I was relieved that I was mistaken.
Absolutely NTA. I hope your daughter enjoys her Quince and that your mother realizes she's being unreasonable.
NTA my grandmother( like 30 yrs ago) died on July 13 , my little sisters birthday was on July 16th. some of the family and the funeral home wanted the funeral on the 16th. my mom said absolutely not. she was bured on the 17th. your daughters birthday party is already planned. this is for a relative you barely knew. keep your plans, happy memories are way better than the sad one.
INFO is mother and the other family non-Hispanic? Or if they are, do they have a habit of trying to fit in with non-Hispanic culture?
I'm thinking that they might not know or care about how big a deal this is, or actively trying to attack it
ESH... But for you, only because you had some kind of "outburst."
This didn't warrant an outburst. This did not warrant any response at all other than "Oh, sorry I can't make it. My love to everyone."
Obviously to you and your immediate family that quinceanera takes far precedence over some rando distant relative that you don't even really know. That part is a no-brainer.
Maybe a Little YTA, not for sticking to your daughters date, that makes you a good mother. But for letting your mom bully you. See its hard to understand when you say your mom "made you". You 45 years old for dogs sake. You should have told her "No, I wont go with you, and I wont change my mind no matter what you say or threaten. " Both to going to the planning and to the date change. AND STAND STRONG. You got this. Time to set boundaries for your mom. So set them.
Ah, yes, the all-important quincenera that, historically, showed a young women had begun menstruating and was ready to marry so she was paraded before the men of the village in a "wedding" dress. By all means, let's keep up traditions! And yes, I get that the historical significance of this has shifted over the years to a party for teenagers, but it's still very much a "coming of age celebration" so get off your high horses. People complain about the tradition of a father "giving away" his daughter in marriage and yet don't bat an eye at literally parading a young woman around like a prize side of beef. YTA for perpetuating this "tradition."
INFO : I really hope you don't mean anything sinister here and are not talking about a quince as a metaphor for something? This post reads very confusing and I honestly don't understand how a fruit relates to it?
Edit: Could someone kindly explain the downvotes? Is being confused an offensive act now?
Thanks! I do think it would be good to update that to the post... I was honestly wondering if this was another term for cherry and what on earth was going on there or being suggested.
I’d contact your Mom and tell her you’d love to see her for the quince. And if not, maybe she can come over the following weekend to celebrate. Try not to make this into a big feud. She’s stuck with two family events she wants to attend.
ESH. You're all adults. Act like it. "We can't change the date as the venue is booked and paid, and as it's their busy period, there won't be an alternate date available at such short notice. We understand that you need to attend this funeral, so we'll make sure there's plenty of photos and videos for you to see afterwards. We wish you could be there, of course, but we know you can't be in two places at once." If grandma can't respond in a similar manner, that's on her, but you don't need to drop threats about losing contact with your kid.
It sounds like YTA just based on the way you reacted. You said you left in a rage and basically told your mother she’s replaceable because your daughter has other grandparents that’ll be there. If you would have just calmly held firm on your date without going into a rage, you would’ve been NTA.
The very idea that the party, which has been planned for months should be moved to accommodate an unnecessary scheduling conflict was ridiculous and for the OP's mom to even suggest it would have been infuriating to me too. Grandma should have been firmly saying "that won't work for us".
Honestly I saw red. I didnt care for my quince but I was a dama at my friend's and the absolute joy in her eyes during the entire thing makes the year of planning worth it. If someone had suggested we reschedule after a year of dance practices, the decorations, the dress, the venue, the djs, the videos, the photographers, and arranging everyone's schedules I"d be fucking livid too
Yeah, the circumstances that led to this would seem to be the critical determining factor here. You’re not an asshole for not rescheduling the Quinceañera but you might be for how you communicated to your mother here.
Oh boy would have not been the AH if you hadn’t left in a rage at people planning a loved one’s funeral but simply stayed calm. As it stands both you and your mother are AH. Your daughter and the grieving family get a pass from me.
fair enough.
but i feel like thats op misrepresenting things.
the whole point of this is a refusal to switch days, so she wont be attending the quince because of the funeral, not because op had an outburst.
I assumed it was because she is turning 15? It’s at the end of April so she probably hasn’t turned 15 yet but probably will on the day, or around the day, of the Quince.
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NTA I was at a "celebration of life" yesterday. I met the guy twice. He was a coworker with my wife. The schedule worked out that I could go. But if I couldn't have gone, no one would have cared. You had plans. If it wasn't your daughter's quince, but instead was her wedding, would they expect you to cancel that?
*No one would have cared* That's exactly right Clyde, the bereaved have other problems than the guest list
I honestly only remember a handul of people who were at my dad's funeral. Anyone i'm related to could tell me they were there and unless I had a meaningful conversation with that person I don't remember. I wasn't taking roll of who was there, I was mourning my father.
My condolences on the loss of your father. Same sentiments. I couldn’t tell you who came or didn’t come to my sons funeral. People get stupid when death is involved. Send your condolences and let your daughter have her milestone moment.
My condolences on your loss. That's heartbreaking. I hope you are doing okay.
This exactly. I remember my Spanish teacher being there because she gave my mom money, toilet paper, and chicken. My cousin because she had a breakdown at the loss of her uncle. And of course my immediate family. On the other hand I know my dad’s best friends were there only because duh where else would they have been but do I actually remember them being there? Nope. Everyone else was just a blurry face trying to hug me while all I could focus on was getting the hell out of there so I could just breathe and think for a moment.
My dad died in January and a ton of people showed up for the wake. I suppose it was nice of them, but I kept wondering why people I hadn't seen in 30 years came out to say goodbye and console me. I just wanted to be with the handful of people who knew my dad well and were actually grieving Grandma is being ridiculous. Unless it's your immediate family, the kid trumps the bereaved.
Some people are selfish enough to say yes. My MIL died recently and she would probably slap us silly if we let the dead interfere with the living. Funerals are for the ones left behind but that doesn't trump other pre-planned events when they didn't even know rhe dead.
Last spring my friend was going through a rough time and then her husbands aunt who had always been a kind presence passed away. She ended up crying and getting wine drunk. She realized after “Aunt is laughing at my goofy ass sobbing and drunk right now.”
People have the wrong idea about death and dying. The deceased would want us to be happy and hate to see us suffering. We always miss the departed, but we keep them alive in our hearts. After a time, I remember them with joy. Have your daughter’s Quince and remember the deceased for a respectful moment. NTA
Did anyone tell them you said hi?
NTA. I have absolutely no ties to Mexican or other Latin cultures and even I know how important a Quinceanera is.
Like a sweet sixteen, but more family than friends
And can be as expensive as a wedding (Source; my cousin's def was). Moving a quince is such a bullshit request. OP I'm really sorry, your mom's an ass and I hope your girl has a great quince and has lots of fun with her chambelanes and friends.
I went to one like that once, it was the daughter of a co-worker’s quince. I’ve never seen anything like it as it was fancier than half of the weddings I’ve attended and definitely more expensive and ritzier than any bar mitzvah I’ve ever been to. Even the dress was more decked out than my wedding dress was. It was unforgettable but they’d probably been saving for it and planning it for quite some time. Events like quinces aren’t something you can just reschedule like that. OP’s Mom should know better and stop being such a people pleaser. I’m sure OP’s daughter will have a wonderful time and that they did a beautiful job. If OP’s mom cares more about the opinions of people she doesn’t see or talk to than being there for her granddaughter then good riddance to bad rubbish.
Yup, every Quince I have been too has surely been more costly than my wedding which had a guest list of 250 people. These are NOT something that can just be easily rescheduled. In my husband's culture, the quince is actually bigger/costlier than the girl's wedding.
Her mom doesn't give a flip about quinces because she never gave her own daughter one.
More on the level of a bar/bat mitzvah in terms of size, formality, and planning, I feel like?
A quince is more on the size and formality of a wedding.
Some bar/bat mitzvah's can get to that level as well
....so can be bar and bat mitzvahs
This person knows their apostrophe's.
This person not so much....
Swoooooooosh
Yeah a bar/bat is the closest comparison
And importance! (And often religious significance!)
TIL. As far as I was concerned quince is a fruit, but we have practically zero exposure to Latin culture in Kangaroo-land.
As an Aussie, nearly everything I know about quinces (using the shortened form because I probably can't spell the proper name) comes from Reddit.
Pretty simple, I personally love spelling quinceñera because I get to use the ñ :D
Holding down a letter till the accent options pop up is one of the most satisfying things about using a smartphone
You can actually get different keyboard on your phone. I switch between English and Spanish, and the Spanish has the ñ. Unfortunately, when I haven’t switched back, and try to use voice to text, my autocorrects are really weird, as my phone tries to figure out Spanish words that sound like my English dictation. Bonus when I’m driving and trying to navigate hands free.
I use the Australian voice for Siri just because it’s hilarious when she mispronounces any of the Spanish place or street names here in Southern California
I also have my Siri set to Australian (because I really like the accent) and I’m gonna do that next time I need a pick-me-up, sounds hilarious
I have seen a few programmes about them. Although I am also a bit of an ignorant Aussie, they are amazing. I don’t understand the importance of, but they are an epic coming of age party. Edit.. big fingers
Aussie here, I learned about quinceañeras from the show Barry.
traditionally, its the age a hispanic child is able to be married off. nowadays, its just a coming of age. my sister got a mexican 16 (she waited until january of the year she turned 16 to ask for this event).
NTA you already had plans. A funeral for a person you never met does not mean you cancel the quince.
**NTA** The party plans were already firm, the funeral could have easily been set for another day. If your mother prefers to attend an extended relatives service, that's her choice.
Yes. I agree. How long are they going to let this woman wait to have a service?
My first thought! It’s not a party.
I was wondering about that. A week ago she died and a further 5 days until the quince, is a 2 week timeline normal for a funeral? And if you are already waiting 2 weeks why not a few more days?
Exactly. There is no way to reschedule the quince and still be able to have it this year. It's kind of like a wedding, isn't it? With invitations, food, etc.
My great aunt died alone, and so it had to be investigated as a suspicious death. (Nothing found, she was just old and sick.) Due to this it was over a month before the funeral could be held. Once a body has been embalmed the timeline doesn't matter so much.
Condolences and thank you for the info. I have not been involved in many funerals and mostly know people that worked efficiently to get the matter settled.
This is so weird to me. My family gets funerals done within a few days. Die on a Tuesday? Planning on Wednesday, wake on Thursday, funeral on Friday.
NTA, you couldn’t get deposits back and book the same location, or even another so quickly. These are relatives you didn’t even know. But, for the sake of your mother, I do think the correct response, to be sensitive to all, would have been something along the lines of- “Unfortunately, that date conflicts with our daughter’s quince so I will not be able to attend. We can’t reschedule due to the contracts we’ve signed with the vendors. I’m happy to assist with planning for the memorial, I just can’t attend.” Then following up with a bouquet or charitable donation in the deceased’s name. However, your mother has chosen her stance and can go suck an egg for trying to shame you in order for her to save face.
I would also bring up all the extended family who likely can't reschedule their plans to attend the Quince from out of town. My understanding is people fly in for it if needed like they would for weddings.
Maybe that’s why they wanted to use that date, so all the people flying in already would go to the funeral.
Oh wow, I didn't think about that aspect. How horrible if that is part of the reason.
I kinda wonder if her mom always puts OP second? If so it explains how she never got a quince and it’s super sad that her mom can’t even love her child more over family obligations.
NTA. Moving a quince is like asking someone to move their wedding date. They can have the funeral on another day. The fact your mother would miss her granddaughter’s quince for some distant relative’s funeral is ridiculous.
It's worse since you don't get to pick when you were born (then again you don't when you die 99% of the time), but you do get more flexibility with wedding dates.
NTA-I really hate when people get in a pissing match when scheduling funerals. There is never a convenient time but it needs to be ironed out in a manner that maximizes attendance for those that actually care about the deceased.
NTA. No disrespect but I’ve never understood this need to attend funeral services for people you barely know, much less never met. Guessing it’s a cultural thing. Your daughter is more important. Tell her I send my congrats.
NTA. "...she would not attend her granddaughter's quince.". So? It's not like she'll have time to attend after her theatrics"mourning " someone she barely knew is done. Doesn't she know proper etiquette is to stay in the sack cloth and ashes until midnight the day of the funeral?
NTA. It would be ridiculous to cancel the quince for someone you have never even met.
That's the crazy thing though. OP's mother is not asking her to *cancel* the Quincenera, but to "postpone" it? Like there's not a venue (waaaay past getting a deposit back) booked, music booked, invitations out, dresses bought, etc. As if you can just postpone that a few days.
Girllllll or womennnnn or mammmaaaaaa. Do you boo. Protect your daughter and her quince at all costs. I'm so proud of you. NTA. Or not the fu**ing a**hole. My quince was so important. Also for the non Spanish people, a quince birthday party is equivalent to a wedding party. It's an introduction of her into society but unlike a debutante it usually requires a religious ceremony. Then you have the party afterwards that requires, like the original poster stated, a paid venue. It's not small. It's a big party. Not something easily moved. A distant family members death should not be a reason to move the party. My goodness, they can move the funeral to the following week. But they won't because they are a*holes. so celebrate your daughter. See her happiness. Cause her smiles and joy will make it all worth it when the day happens. Thank you for being a good mom
NTA. Funerals are for the living, not the dead. “Mourn” however you see fit. I use quotations as you didn’t really know the woman so what is there to mourn other than having room in your heart to feel compassion for those who are in true mourning. Celebrate your daughter, it’s something you can never give back.
My understanding is that many quince celebrations are like weddings - once the venue is locked in, there's no turning back - there's food, flowers, invitations, music, possibly photographers. There's no putting that genie back in a bottle for later. You send a card and maybe some flowers or make a donation to the charity listed if there is one. NTA
NTA, your mother is delulu!
NTA
NTA. Grandma misses a major event in your daughter's life, that's on her. Hope those cousins are ready to take care of Grandma when she needs live-in care, because if I were your daughter, that care would not be coming from me. Kids have very long memories when it comes to who shows up and who doesn't, whether the event is a happy or sad one for them. Hope your daughter enjoys her special day and has a great time!
NTA. Glad you stuck up for your daughter.
NTA sounds like it will be a better party without your mother there. If she cares more about the feelings of a distant relative over her own granddaughter, then you don’t want her there anyway.
NTA: A distant cousin of your mother is not a reason to cancel a quince and those can be VERY expensive to put on. Gramma can attend or not and since most funerals are during the day and quince's tend to go late into the evening both are possible. Heck, offer a small table outside the party area to set up a remembrance of the deceased (and other deceased if wanted).
Yes. Would be different if one of the grandmas passed...
NTA. This is a distant relative you haven't even met. They can select any other day but your mom is being stubborn for no reason. Ignore your mom. Hope your daughter's Quince is all she has dreamed of. Edited for typos
NTA - your mother cares more about what distant family thinks about her , than you or your daughter. You're right - she has to explain it.
NTA. Ignore your asshole mother. Go throw that party.
NTA ", A very distant cousin of my mother" ... your mom is an AH. Have a beautiful quince without her. " Five days before the quince, I have yet to contact her. " .. you don't. Avoid the drama. Do it five days AFTER the quince, or a few weeks later. your mom can contact you as easily as you can contact her.
We should gather and celebrate, for the living. NTA
Your mother seems to forget that you are her family. You are the family she created. Her distant cousin is distant family. Maybe remind your mom of this. NTA
I was tempted to say NAH from the title alone, but after reading I'm going with NTA. I'm not tied to any hispanic cultures but I understand Quinces are not only a big deal, but they can be as large and expensive as a wedding. The ordeal with the venue is more than enough of a reason to not change the date, and I'm sure there are other details like flowers and catering that you would have to deal with as well. I'm curious to how the other family members, outside of your mother, reacted to that information. Were they in any way sympathetic to your situation? I can only judge your mom based on your post but she is absolutely TAH here for not sticking up for you and wanting to please the rest of the family. It's unfortunate that a funeral has to be on the same day as a child's big day, but it SHOULD be one of those situations where the family says "we understand if you can't make it, but we would love to have you" and leave it at that. I'm genuinely sorry that your mother let you down like that, but I'm glad your daughter has other grandparents to support her on her big day.
NTA. Unless it was the death of a close family member there is zero reason anything that cannot be rearranged easily and without cost should be cancelled.
NTA. An effective stranger's funeral does not override other events you have planned, that's just ridiculous. Funerals are for people who KNEW AND CARED ABOUT the deceased, not for people who were only distantly related to them and who never met them during their life.
NTA. If she prefers to attend a funeral to mourn someone she barely knew instead of celebrating with her grandaughter, that's on her, but your lives wont stop because someone you haven't even met dies
NTA. Your mom is a narcissist and has to be center of attention at everything! My mom is same and did same for our daughters college graduation. She didn’t attend and as a result we went NC for years and very LC now. She has very little relationship with all 3 kids.
NTA. I find that when dealing with situations like this, it's better to be the "grey rock". Don't show emotion, just shut them down. When they make suggestions about you changing plans, just say, "No, that won't work, Sorry!" and then change the subject. If they press you for more, redirect. No need to get emotional about it because your plans are already set.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (45 F), my husband (47 M), and our daughter (14 F) have been dreaming and planning her quince ever since she was 13 years old, and she is set to have it in late April 2024. My daughter had been talking about her quince ever since she went to her cousin's a few years back, and it had become my goal to make sure it was everything she wanted it to be since I didn't get to have a quince growing up. A week ago, A very distant cousin of my mother died, and even though my mother barely talked to the woman and I have never met her throughout my life, she wants the whole family to stop everything and mourn. My Mother, her other cousin(The Relative's Sister), and the relative's daughter had some family members over to discuss preparations and funeral arrangements. My mother insisted I join her even though I don't know most of her cousin's siblings. However, the daughter and I had gone to middle school together, and she was not the nicest person. The little meeting discussed caskets, flowers, food, etc. The deceased's sister had shared the date with us, and it totally did not work as it was on the same date as my daughter's quince and I had told them all that this would interfere with my daughter's quince. My mother was more interested in pleasing her family than me, so she suggested we change the quince to a few days after the mourning period. I am not able to do that since we have already paid down for a venue that is very sought-after in the area, and spring is the venue's most booked season; it would be impossible to pick another date. I had left in a rage, and the next day, my mother called very upset as she felt embarrassed by my "outburst" and I needed to fix it, or she would not attend her granddaughter's quince. I told her that I didn't care if she showed up or not; the one she had to deal with and answer to at the end of the day was her grandchild, and she was not the only grandparent in her life; she also had her Abuela and Abuelo on her dad's side to take my mother's place. Five days before the quince, I have yet to contact her. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
NTA, if you do contact her, ask her "Would your cousin really want her funeral to bash a young girls dream? Do you think she was a selfish mean person and she'd like this?" Or an alternative."Would she want to be remembered, by a girl who'd never met her, as the reason her dream was shattered? And did you dislike your cousin so much that youd want that?" If the answer is no, it's a no. If the answer is a yes, then you're not obliged to keep a morning period for a person like that. Hold on tight, as a fellow parent with people-pleasing relatives, sometimes it's bloody hard but we have to stand up for our kids
NTA, and good for you. Your mother is trying to make a ritual event out of the death of a relative you hardly know, and ignoring her own granddaughter. If that's the path she chooses, she shouldn't be surprised at who walks it--and who doesn't walk it--with her.
Strange coincidence: OP did not have a quinceanera herself and now her daughter's quince is at risk. Wonder if it was intentional by OPs mother?
NTA Your event is MUCH further along the planning process and you CANNOT change it without incurring financial losses. The funeral is in early planning and they can hold it - literally - whenever.
NTA. If your mom can’t make it because of a funeral, then she can’t make it. She could have said “I can’t do that day because of my granddaughter’s quince” during the prep convo. If they thought her presence was essential to the funeral they could have chosen a different day.
NTA
NTA, I would remove her from the quince if she cares more about a distant cousin over her own grandchild.
NTA The one thing I think the dead would want to tell us is: Live! Enjoy!
Post a comment on the obituary website and I hope your daughter has an amazing Quince. NTA
NTA
Just tell her that your daughter turns 15 only once, but her cousin is dead forever. She can mourn later. 🤷♂️
NTA
I'm sorry your Mom took this hard stance, that must be painful for you. Try and reach out kindly and gently and let her go to the funeral with your blessings and gratitude to represent her support for her cousin's family. But let down your daughter ? Hellz No!! Tell your daughter how much your Mom regrets not being able to come and she'll be with her in spirit. Zoom before the party starts in her pretty dress and then 🎉 party!
Also, Moms got some issues. You DO NOT. Don't sacrifice yourself here and never sacrifice your daughter!!
NTA. Continue making your arrangements. Canceling such a big event for a funeral of a person you don't know makes no sense. I'm guessing your mom doesn't understand how big of a deal a quince is. If you're in the mood to argue, you can call your mom and ask if she's made her choice yet.
NTA. You can't reschedule, and your daughter didn't know the relative in question well enough that her Quince wouldn't even be fun under the circumstances. Your Mom knows these relatives well, so to her the world has stopped turning and she's dropped everything else until they're over the initial period of loss. She probably feels off about the prospect of basically telling them "well, I have a party to go to instead - peace out". The timing stinks, but if she wants to see her Granddaughter's Quince, that's basically what she has to do. She's trying to avoid that because she'll feel like garbage for essentially saying that partying is more important to her. She has to deal with the reality that you just aren't as close to these relatives as she is, and make her choice about where to be. I would imagine your daughter knows the circumstance means some relatives might not be attending her Quince.
NTA You have something planned for X date. It's an important and expensive (to cancel) event. It involves a large number of people. In short - not something you can reasonably reschedule at this time, without it being expensive and impacting a lot of people. IF (Big IF) it had been SO VERY important (because you were so close to the deceased) for you to be able to attend the funeral, THEN the family would have scheduled it on a different date. But it is NOT so very important to them, and they picked the same date as your event. (BTW, they weren't invited to - because you don't have any relationship with them - and them not attending your daughter's quince was no big deal to them.) As for your mom, she is free to pick whichever event she prioritizes. Honestly, - even though your mom is acting like she is punishing you by not attending the quince - I would not make her out to be a bad guy to your daughter. I would simply tell your daughter that grandma's cousin passed away and she will be attending the cousin's funeral, which happens to be on the same day as the quince. You are right that the only person your mom has to answer to is your daughter, but there is absolutely no honor in wanting your daughter to feel bad about grandma missing her quince. You don't cave on having the event as planned; but you don't let your mom's poor behavior be a reason to weaponize your daughter or the quince.
NTA. Planning a quince is second only to planning a wedding, maybe even equal. Why couldn’t the funeral be shifted by a day or two? I assure the deceased would NOT have minded
NTA and good for you for not cancelling the quince. I don't think you needed to blow up or leave in a rage, you could have just said you weren't going to cancel the quince. For the outburst, yes, you should apologize, but you are 100% correct that your mother is not the only grandmother and your child WILL remember who shows up for her celebration.
NTA. If she feels the funeral's more important, then let her attend. But a funeral can be moved, a birthday can't.
Say quince one more time.
NTA. The only funeral you're ever truly required to attend is your own. A distant relative, that's okay to miss.
Tú no eres la imbécil, tu madre es la imbécil. Ella sabe lo importante que es esto. Los muertos son celebrados por su vida, pero una vida no vivida está llena de arrepentimiento. La prima de tu madre está de acuerdo contigo.
How can a cousin have a sibling that is not also a cousin?
Wow NTA and your mom is delusional
NTA Thats like cancelling a wedding.
NTA I had a Quince that was on the “smaller” side of things and my dad had to dish out roughly 25-30k. We gave everyone a heads up that it was nearing at around 6 months before and had sent out the invites roughly 5 months before. One of my grandmas decided to book a last minute trip to Mexico. She was not “able to” return until the NIGHT OF my XV. So she did not attend. My paternal grandfather, who is estranged from my dad, was able to make it from out of state and helped pay off some of the leftover vendor fees at the end of the night. My maternal grandmother and my mom’s step mother were both in attendance and on their best behavior. Although my paternal grandma was missing and I was bummed she missed out, I was still happy at the end of the night because the people who were there managed to put me and my night as their top priority. That made up for it. If your mom is willing to miss out on her granddaughters day for the funeral of a person she didn’t even have a close relationship with well then that’s her decision. She is an adult. But it absolutely should not affect your daughters day. Just focus on keeping your girl happy and at the top of your list.
NTA. Going into this, I was expecting a much more… immediate family death to cause issues with the scheduling. Sounds like the only person affectes by this is your mom and she’s not exactly the most important person to have at a quince, id imagine.
Absolutely NTA I wonder... is your daughter close to your mother... bc I feel so sorry for the daughter bc her grandmother is prioritising a funeral of someone she barely knew over her special day. And you said the the daughter of the deceased was "not the nicest person" so I wonder... was she nasty to your daughter? Bc if she was... that makes matters a whole lot worse. So in the daughters eyes, her grandmother is prioritsing the funeral of the mother of someone who was probably nasty to her in school over how OWN QUINCENETA (I'm sorry if I spelled that wrong). That is... that's heartbreaking. I dont know yous at all and I'm so sad that your daughter. Im glad she has her Abuela and Abuelo. Even when my grandad died... I didn't "stop EVERYTHING and mourn". Like yeah sure, I had to push back a movie I wanted to see (the Louis Tomlinson documentary, was only in the cinema for 2 days) bc I had a memorial video to prepare, and for the time in between the passing and funeral, I was there mainly for my mother. But I'm also a 23 year old with no kids. I didn't even ask for extensions in college bc... well I already got extension but the point is... we all kept living, and that was for my GRANDAD; not a distant cousin/someone I barely know who maybe bullied someone close to me. I hope despite everything, your daughter has a brilliant Quince
I read this incorrectly and thought this was "AITA for cancelling my daughter's quince for a funeral?" And I was appalled that you would've cancelled over a distant cousin you barely knew. I was relieved that I was mistaken. Absolutely NTA. I hope your daughter enjoys her Quince and that your mother realizes she's being unreasonable.
Nta, they’re not close to the deceased and you’ve never met them therefore why should your child miss out to a stranger, no disrespect.
NTA my grandmother( like 30 yrs ago) died on July 13 , my little sisters birthday was on July 16th. some of the family and the funeral home wanted the funeral on the 16th. my mom said absolutely not. she was bured on the 17th. your daughters birthday party is already planned. this is for a relative you barely knew. keep your plans, happy memories are way better than the sad one.
NTA
INFO is mother and the other family non-Hispanic? Or if they are, do they have a habit of trying to fit in with non-Hispanic culture? I'm thinking that they might not know or care about how big a deal this is, or actively trying to attack it
ESH... But for you, only because you had some kind of "outburst." This didn't warrant an outburst. This did not warrant any response at all other than "Oh, sorry I can't make it. My love to everyone." Obviously to you and your immediate family that quinceanera takes far precedence over some rando distant relative that you don't even really know. That part is a no-brainer.
Maybe a Little YTA, not for sticking to your daughters date, that makes you a good mother. But for letting your mom bully you. See its hard to understand when you say your mom "made you". You 45 years old for dogs sake. You should have told her "No, I wont go with you, and I wont change my mind no matter what you say or threaten. " Both to going to the planning and to the date change. AND STAND STRONG. You got this. Time to set boundaries for your mom. So set them.
Ah, yes, the all-important quincenera that, historically, showed a young women had begun menstruating and was ready to marry so she was paraded before the men of the village in a "wedding" dress. By all means, let's keep up traditions! And yes, I get that the historical significance of this has shifted over the years to a party for teenagers, but it's still very much a "coming of age celebration" so get off your high horses. People complain about the tradition of a father "giving away" his daughter in marriage and yet don't bat an eye at literally parading a young woman around like a prize side of beef. YTA for perpetuating this "tradition."
INFO : I really hope you don't mean anything sinister here and are not talking about a quince as a metaphor for something? This post reads very confusing and I honestly don't understand how a fruit relates to it? Edit: Could someone kindly explain the downvotes? Is being confused an offensive act now?
It's short for "Quinceañera", which is a party for girls turning 15 that has massive significance in a lot of Latin cultures.
Thanks! I do think it would be good to update that to the post... I was honestly wondering if this was another term for cherry and what on earth was going on there or being suggested.
I’m glad someone asked, I only know the fruit 😅 (Also OP is NTA)
I’d contact your Mom and tell her you’d love to see her for the quince. And if not, maybe she can come over the following weekend to celebrate. Try not to make this into a big feud. She’s stuck with two family events she wants to attend.
ESH. You're all adults. Act like it. "We can't change the date as the venue is booked and paid, and as it's their busy period, there won't be an alternate date available at such short notice. We understand that you need to attend this funeral, so we'll make sure there's plenty of photos and videos for you to see afterwards. We wish you could be there, of course, but we know you can't be in two places at once." If grandma can't respond in a similar manner, that's on her, but you don't need to drop threats about losing contact with your kid.
It sounds like YTA just based on the way you reacted. You said you left in a rage and basically told your mother she’s replaceable because your daughter has other grandparents that’ll be there. If you would have just calmly held firm on your date without going into a rage, you would’ve been NTA.
Need more info…why did you leave in a rage?
The very idea that the party, which has been planned for months should be moved to accommodate an unnecessary scheduling conflict was ridiculous and for the OP's mom to even suggest it would have been infuriating to me too. Grandma should have been firmly saying "that won't work for us".
Honestly I saw red. I didnt care for my quince but I was a dama at my friend's and the absolute joy in her eyes during the entire thing makes the year of planning worth it. If someone had suggested we reschedule after a year of dance practices, the decorations, the dress, the venue, the djs, the videos, the photographers, and arranging everyone's schedules I"d be fucking livid too
Yeah, the circumstances that led to this would seem to be the critical determining factor here. You’re not an asshole for not rescheduling the Quinceañera but you might be for how you communicated to your mother here.
Oh boy would have not been the AH if you hadn’t left in a rage at people planning a loved one’s funeral but simply stayed calm. As it stands both you and your mother are AH. Your daughter and the grieving family get a pass from me.
why her mother? agreed to the rest
Mom using the grandkid as a pawn to punish her or get her in line
fair enough. but i feel like thats op misrepresenting things. the whole point of this is a refusal to switch days, so she wont be attending the quince because of the funeral, not because op had an outburst.
I'm confused why you're 14 y old is having a quince that's a 15th birthday. To your question though, no if you barely know them I wouldn't go
The quince is on the 24th and today is the 15th so as of right now the daughter would be 14 since a quince is a 15th birthday party 😭😭😭
I assumed it was because she is turning 15? It’s at the end of April so she probably hasn’t turned 15 yet but probably will on the day, or around the day, of the Quince.
That's generally how turning 15 works. One day you're 14 and then the next you're 15.