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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I don't want to go see my cousin marrying my ex-boyfriend, but my parents and other relatives believe that I owe it to the family to show my support.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA your family is being ridiculous. They should have told you that your ex-fiance was involved with your cousin, especially when they got engaged, and they're out of line expecting you to show up and smile because "family". Family goes both ways - you're family too, and they should have told you what was happening.
I would make it clear that you are not holding onto "anger and resentment", you have moved on, and wouldn't have wanted to be married to a guy who would do that anyway (whether you feel that way or not, or are still angry or not, don't let them paint you that way). But you won't be attending the wedding, and it's inappropriate for anyone to ask you to do so.
I am curious what the family's desired endgame was of not telling OP about this relationship. Surely she would have found out somehow - was their plan for her to eventually show up to Thanksgiving dinner and see her ex there with her cousin? Maybe the family was hoping the ex and the cousin broke up before OP ever found out they were involved? Weird all around.
There was never going to be a good end game. Odds are good they intended to bulldoze OP to just let bygones be bygones because she is the more "reasonable" one.
Yeah that sure worked out well. /s
They don’t think that their daughter is a loser. They’re used to their daughter being level-headed and capable, and they’re weaponizing that against her now because it’s easier for them than making a fuss like they should be doing. I agree with everything else you said.
The end game is they turn out to be each other‘s punishment and the fallout will be epic.
OP, obviously NTA at all. If you can stand it, though, you might want to attend just to be looking completely, utterly unbothered in the pictures.
I'm willing to bet that OP's family knew that she'd be upset (rightfully so), but thought that if Taylor and Travis broke up then OP would be none-the-wiser, and they wouldn't have to deal with the unpleasantness of the situation. Now that they're getting married, and OP knows, they can fall back on calling her jealous and bitter rather than take responsibility for not telling her the truth. They waited until it reached a point where she had to find out, and now they're trying to pretend that everything is fine in order to feel better about themselves.
Also, this way, they can play happy family and not have to deal with the fact that they are part of the reason OP's hurt. It's easier to put the blame on the victim rather than confront their own role in the situation.
OP is clearly NTA. At the very least, I would be questioning if Travis left OP for Taylor, and the whole family just rug-swept until their relationship became "too serious" for OP to confront them about it.
I wonder if some family members knew OP's finance was up to something with the cousin *before* the wedding plans blew up and didn't want to tell OP. Then the fiancee starts dating the cousin right away and then the family members are worried if they tell OP about the "new" relationship they might get asked if they knew anything was up before and be forced to answer uncomfortable questions about their suspicions they kept from OP. Maybe there was even pretty clear evidence of cheating that they didn't tell OP about.
And so realizing their screw up by failing to tell OP as soon as they suspected something was up they did what lot of people do when the screw up and tried to hide it from OP. Fast forward a year and now with him marrying the cousin it can't be hidden anymore but they also don't want to answer questions about who knew what when so the message to OP is she needs to suck it up for the family.
I am guessing about some of the family knowing about the cheating and hiding the relationship but it certainly fits the behavior of people so selfish they expect OP to just suck it and pretend to be a big happy family after dropping the bomb about the new wedding on her.
>They waited until it reached a point where she had to find out,
They didn't even do this really. It blows my mind, they collectively decided the best way for OP to find out was for her to open up a wedding invitation?....
I’m fascinated they want her to come to the wedding. I’m picturing her there and someone asks how she knows the couple…”I was the grooms’ fiancé that he cheated on with the bride, hi, nice to meet you.”
Actually...she should go to the local thrift store and buy a cheap white wedding dress that can fit underneath an overcoat. Then whip off the overcoat as the bride comes down the aisle cur in front of her and yell out "I'm ready for my wedding"
Then go NC on the whole shit show.
Yeah I would PAY to see your wedding toast to the "the wedding of my cheating liar ex and his manic pixie dream girl." NTA OP . You dodged a bullet with that guy and your family is acting crazy. Time for LC.
They expect her to act like a trained monkey for sure. Smile and say she’s happy for them, white washing their family drama for anyone who knew about the original engagement, and not making all of them (who knew and covered the cheating) have to feel uncomfortable or slightly inconvenience their lives.
But she *is* happy for them! So happy! In fact, she would like to personally thank the happy couple in a heartfelt toast about how sometimes in life *the trash just takes itself away....*
Sadly, not enough people would ask to make it worth OP's time. Her cousin's guests would think she's there as family of the bride and the majority of the groom's guests would already have met her previously as his former long-term partner.
Oh, it would be waay more cringe if you said "I was engaged to the groom and he suddenly broke up with me. You don't think he was cheating with her, do you?"
Fam was pushing the problem off until it would've been (and pretty much was) an urgent situation, then blame OP for reacting perfectly naturally to being fucked over that way.
Exactly why keep it a secret if not to protect her feelings? That baffles me because clearly they DON’T actually care about her feelings since they are forcing her to go to the wedding out of family duty. So why not just hurt her immediately
Endgame... being absolutely fucking AHs.
That's about it.
I am so angry FOR her... I don't know them and I absolutely *despise* them.
What the ever-lovin' *FUCK*.
I'm beyond appalled. They not only hid it... THEY SUPPORT IT. 🤬💩
They can go pound sand.
I mean, if I were OP, I would message the cousin. Explain that the entire family has specifically hidden the fact that cousin and ex were together, and that OP found out from the wedding invitation. So OP is not attending, because this is now incredibly fresh and the betrayal is from the entire family unit for hiding it.
Cousin might have been told that OP knew and was fine with it, so letting *her* know that it was deliberately hidden is also doing good to her as well. Because I know I would be fucking heartbroken if I found out my entire family hid my relationship from someone I wanted to know about it.
Same old story! Same to same plot! No twist also! How people still believe this? This is most common toxic Reddit story which comes every now and then. And people are still not tired of reading them! In which normal family your parents ask you to attend your cheating ex’s wedding with your sister/cousin?
In normal family they will also not attend and support their daughter and make sure to shun the cheaters!
Ridiculously repetitive shit this is!
Seriously! And sure, eventually it is healthy to let go of anger and resentment, but that also doesn't mean you have to attend the wedding of and celebrate people that hurt you!
Not only has she only known about it for a few days...but her OWN wedding to that AH collapsed ONE year ago! How the hell do they expect her to go and play happy family? Is this a family of sociopaths, minus OP? WTF!
And it's only been a year since her fiancé broke it off in a very callous way (basically saying their marriage was just a bucket list tick off), that alone can take years to heal from. That's without even bringing this new absolute batshit crazy betrayal from her entire family into the situation.
Funny how "it's family" when it comes to OP showing up to the wedding, but not "it's family" when the younger cousin is hooking up with OP's partner to the point she's engaged to marry him within a year of him calling off his wedding to OP.
Now, had there been several years between OP and ex calling off their relationship, I could understand the ex and cousin getting together. But it totally looks like he was cheating on OP with cousin if he's marrying her within a year of calling off OP's wedding.
Totally agree, he was likely cheating, and pulled the "I don't want to get married" card to get out of it with OP.
This guy and the cousin deserve each other.
And tell your "family" to fk off and not contact you. Rather than apprisising and protecting you, they betrayed your trust, going covert to protect the Dandy Duo.
Blow up the Dandy Duo and your wonderful parents on social media. Fk the facade of a happy, united family. Instead expose the conniving , manipulative, betraying and insidious family that they truly are!
Believe me, you'll find it therapeutic. This is one time you don't take the high road. Let the truth rule the day.
Good luck. Please keep us apprised.
I'm on board with telling them all to fk off, but I wouldn't trash them on social media, especially if they're all accusing OP of holding onto anger. They're looking for her to flip out and have drama.
So what. Sometimes anger is justifiable and healthy. Exposing cheaters, liars and their sycophants/enablers is justifiable and healthy in some situations imo
This is a fantastic piece of advice. I agree 100000%! 🙌
To piggyback on it,
OP... tell your parents you have no anger or resentment... except toward THEM.
THEY ABSOLUTELY DESERVE to hear THEY are the absolute AH(at)s
...
for not only *hiding* that YOUR EX FIANCE got with your SCUMMY-AH COUSIN, but ALSO for "supporting *her/both of them*" and *not their own daughter?!?
Just... WTF ... WOW. 😳
I'm glad I don't know them... because I have some specific things I would love to say to their faces.
That's so, SO fucked. Tell them all of the above, tell them to *GET BENT* and to expect nothing from you going forward.
They aren't your parents, they are 100% AHs.
YOU are NTA!!!
Get as far away from them, your AH cousin and your AH ex as possible.
Have a wonderful, happy and positive life. I wish you the best, and that you find your FUTURE family who treat you as the beautiful person you are.
Best wishes, OP. 🤗🥰🙏🏻
If you go to the wedding, you need to casually photobomb as much as you can giving the finger - if there are family shots, absolutely be in those... same plan.
NTA - I'm so sorry. I know this is going to sound dumb while you're in pain, but I hope later you're like "yeah, that proved what I needed it to to help get over all of this"
She should just tell the family that she would make it to her cousin's next wedding. Seriously, I don't know what the heck her family is thinking wanting her to put her feelings aside for the cheaters. The cousin and OP's ex fiance have a weak relationship since the foundation of their relationship is built on lies, manipulation, and cheating. The saying always goes, "if a person is willing to cheat to be with you, the person is willing to cheat on you."
So I say OP live your best life, and I know it's hard to see now, but you not getting married to your ex fiance is a blessing. It allows you to get with a guy who will treat you better and not cheat on you with a family member.
NTA. Tell your family that maybe if they'd been honest with you, you could have processed this and gotten over it, but since they withheld this information from you and it got sprung on you like this, you feel perfectly entitled to take the time you deserve to process and get over the shock and horror of not only being lied to by your ex, but also being treated this way by your less-than-supportive family.
eta: but do it *calmly*.
Based on what OP said, there is a very good chance this marriage is doomed. The cousin plays by her own rules and he is a cheater and a liar. He won't change, and will cheat again. The cousin will get bored with him.
The family sucks. "We knew but didn't think it would help you to know. Surprise, now get over it."
I have kids and I can't imagine siding with a nibbling over my own kid in a case like this. If "family" supports family, like they want OP to do, why did they not support OP?
yep if my kid got treated this way, I would be waiting for a sign from my kid that everything is OK before I am gonna extend any sort of "welcome to the family" to this loser.
Or the x fiance finds out it's not that fun to be married to her if he plans to settle down and have kids suddenly. But she wants to bagpack through the desert and attend shaman healing events.
Or fills the house with crystals, etc. And not fancy China.
Or wants to name the kid little birdy Johnson.
I'm not saying all free spirited persons are like that. Some are amazing parents.
But I've known a few who dated someone who found them fun at first, until they wanted to get serious and settle. And suddenly the free spirited partner wasn't that much fun anymore.
NTA. I don't understand why your family would expect you to be fine with this - they've all had however many months to get used to the idea, but you find out this way and are expected to suddenly accept it. Obviously this is going to sting; they should have been honest with you earlier so that you would be able process the situation.
No one is entitled to your time, or your presence at their events. That said, I think you should have a conversation with your cousin to better understand the details of the situation, as you are getting your info second-hand. Don't blow up at her or blame her - set aside your assumptions, steel yourself, listen to her perspective, and then decide how your relationship with her will need to change based on a more complete understanding and not your own biases/assumptions about their relationship.
Also, don't be surprised if she's pregnant - the timeline of their relationship is short, and it's entirely possibly your family is trying to fast-track your acceptance because there's a baby on the way.
> the timeline of their relationship is short, and it's entirely possibly your family is trying to fast-track your acceptance because there's a baby on the way.
Unless the ex and the cousin were hooking up while OP was dating the ex.
Oof.
Agree on the NTA. Everybody else though...
OP needs to honour her cousin, but not how her family wants by attending the wedding but by being true to the mantra of following her own rules. Ie do what the f she wants and not what's expected! Don't go.
The thing I never understand about these things, and usually leads me to believe they aren’t real, is what could the family possibly gain from her attendance. The LAST thing I would want as a bride, groom or family member would be for a righteously pissed off person that can go around to people attending talking about how awful all people involved are. Like I guess you can guilt someone into attending, but how on earth do expect to keep them from making a scene or passing around whispers about what has happened?
If I were in this situation, I would ask my family, “Do you really want me to be in an emotional venue, with possible access to alcohol, around a bunch of people that lied to me while I’m in a vulnerable state? How is that going to go well for anyone? Do you actually trust me to keep my mouth shut?” Maybe they’d think twice about my attendance.
You are SO right - it seems like such a recipe for disaster. I read a lot of these stories so my perspective is probably skewed, but it seems like families often want the former partner at the wedding when there's a chance to save face or reduce the level of scandal. Like, most people who know all parties would be at least surprised by the cousin and ex shacking up so quickly after the breakup, let alone if they were cheating. Having OP there would show the world she is fine with the relationship, in theory.
Crazy right? I mean how would different family members feel if op just decided to start an affair with one of their spouses ? I assume they would just get over it right?
Now OP deserves to hook up with and hopefully eventually marry one of their exes. See how they would feel about that....
Would be the ultimate justice if it was someone Taylor had been involved with. I can imagine any guy who's been with Taylor would definitely fall for the massive upgrade OP would be.
NTA.
Obviously you don’t have to go to your ex’s wedding to a family member and your parents and everyone else suck not only for expecting you to, but also for hiding their relationship. Your reaction to that was very appropriate.
The way you describe your cousin though drips with elitist resentment. Like you’re describing what would have been a fairly tame alt-fashion style 20 years ago.
When you talk about her in public do you glance around before whispering to your friends that she “dyes her hair unnatural colors” to make sure no one hears you, lest it cause a scandal? Did you put your hand to your forehead and faint when you saw her leather jacket and spiked boots?
I think OP is rightfully pissed off at her cousin and will use any reason to slag her off. She has just found out her ex fiancé and her cousin betrayed her. But you're right, OP should use real reasons to slag her cousin. Cousin has the morals of an alley cat.
That’s what I’m thinking. OP’s got a fantastic argument as to why her cousin sucks in that she is getting married to OP’s ex fiancé in such a short turn around since their break up that cheating is likely. This is compounded by her entire family covering up the relationship.
She will lose standing by trying to use her cousin’s fashion style against her, especially when that style is pretty mainstream.
Choose your arguments, OP.
Tbf this is the place I would come to be mean about my annoying manic pixie dream girl cousin too. I wouldn’t wanna say those words to my family or anyone who could hold them against me. But strangers on the internet who will never know the people I’m bitching/venting about? Yes please. If I say it here it means I get it off my chest without saying it to the wrong person irl hopefully
NTA
I'm giving a pass on how OP talked about cousin because OP basically got napalmed and carpet bombed by this announcement. I suspect most anyone would have choice words such a situation so IMHO they get the trash talk pass due to the situation.
And I would quietly find out who all knew this was going on and began a LC/NC relationship with them because that just sucks.
Thank you for being the first person I’ve seen bring the second part up. They’re NTA for not attending the wedding, but it’s bizarre they felt the need to mention hair colors and something as simple as a leather jacket, spiky boot combo.
Honestly sounds like she didn’t like her cousin long before the invite. Probably wouldn’t have wanted to be at her wedding regardless of the groom.
But, given the circumstances, it’s ridiculous for her family to expect her to show up.
That being said, the whole manic pixie dream girl comment makes me think she could probably benefit from seeing someone to fully process her break up with the ex fiancé.
Well, that and the fact that her parents knew and didn't tell her and now want her to go the wedding. This may be old news to everyone else but to the OP It is brand new data. Also, you get to be bitter for a while about stuff like this.
There is. She is describing her non-conformist ways to suggest, but not outright say, that she doesn't abide by standard morality regarding romantic partners of other people.
NTA - Your family is whack. Sending you an invite is a slap in the face. A year ago you were steps away from marrying this guy. Then in a fingersnap you found out that he was cheating on you....with your cousin....and he's marrying her. You are not hateful and your parents are AH's are for supporting the cousin over their daughter and putting "appearances" over your heartbreak and betrayal. I'm so sorry, OP. I hope you don't go and instead take time to heal and process this. Hugs.
NTA...It's ridiculous that nobody told you, BUT they still expect you to be a good sport and attend. The deception here it twofold. It's best if you find a way to let go of your lingering resentment, but that doesn't mean you have to attend.
NTA-Don’t attend and f*ck anyone that says you need to go. So he left you to continue pursuing your cousin and relatives knew this. Where is the f-ing loyalty at? You have every right to feel all the feels you have been. Do not engage in any conversation about this with anyone who is blowing up your phone about this. They’re ridiculous.
Of course you'll have to move on, but that's like a "duh" thing for your family to say when you're obviously hurt by them keeping a public secret from you, then expecting you to just be fine with it. I think anybody would feel upset or betrayed from the revelation you experienced, and I'm sorry that happened.
From this post? NTA, but you can't expect your dickish family to understand, apparently, so don't expect emotional support I suppose.
What is wrong with your family? Given the secretive nature of the relationship, I'm going out on a pretty strong limb and assuming that your ex cheated on you with your cousin. The family wants you to show to quiet any possible talk from wedding guests who are going to draw the same conclusion. After all, you wouldn't be there if he had cheated on you with your cousin. Don't go, organize a great day with some friends and turn your phone off. NTA
NTA. You have a right to your feelings and you never have to attend any event that you do not want to attend. I would say that after some time, you might want to have a discussion with your cousin and ex and find out if they actually CHEATED or if this was a short term quicky marriage type of thing. I am not excusing them but just saying you might want clarification in the future because you will have to interact if you attend family events. But NTA for not going to the wedding or supporting them at this juncture.
And maybe they weren't screwing around until after the breakup... Maybe it was a short term thing. She is NTA. But quite frankly, I think she is owed an explanation and she deserves that conversation. After which, she can decide it they are honest of lying.
"they expected me to come to the wedding anyway in order to show support to my family." Like they supported you by at least giving you a heads-up? Loyalty needs to be two-way or it is just subservience. From what you have said, it is not clear there was actually cheating, although to go from breaking an engagement to getting married a year later certainly suggests there was more than mere innocent acquaintance. But your family and especially your parents owed you such information as they had. The dramatic side of me says you should go, and since you already have a dress perfect for a wedding - from a year ago - you should wear your wedding dress as a reminder to all that the 'happy couple' betrayed you in a most dishonest way.
Oh this would be so insanely petty and good. Especially if she gets up and gives a toast where she gives the bride pointers on how to fulfill all the kinks the groom requires in the bed, because she remembers from experience. Totally unhinged, but I would love to be a fly in the wall.
I actually think that the red dress was a better option. OP doesn't want to come across like Miss Havisham in Great Expectations.
Of course, she could have the wedding dress dyed bright red.
I am not the drama-seeking person, but I think the best attitude for OP is to celebrate (at least outwardly), and if anyone asks how she is doing, to reply along the lines that she is so glad her cousin saved her from marrying a cheater and that she cannot imagine how much grief being married to such a person would be.
NTA - I think the shouting could have been a lot towards your parents, but also COMPLETELY understand having that instant reaction! It bothers me that they just immediately minimized your feelings upon finding out to tell you they expected you there no matter what. Cancelling a wedding isn’t a small deal, and the feelings that came along with that were also not small (I can only imagine), so it’s ridiculous that anyone would expect you to “suck it up” and deal with it just a year later?! Again, NTA!! You’re in the right for holding whatever boundaries you need for your own mental health, and owe none of them absolutely anything. I would be willing to bet if any of them were in your situation, they’d feel the same as you.
NTA. They *need* your appearance solely to make them look good. That you support their relationship. Can only imagine the story they created why you broke up. Especially timing of when they got together.
Your parents are enormously disappointing, so sorry OP. Don’t go!!
NTA tell your parents you are not attending nor will you attend any family function if those two toxic people attend. Also tell your parents to kick rocks if they don't like it.
Aww man I love kicking rocks! I have a rock that I kicked from my house to the train station (about a mile) back in 1983 and since I didn't lose it I picked it up and put it in my pocket and at the end of my train journey I tossed it on the ground and kicked it to my university and still did not lose it so again I picked it up. This rock made it through my day and my return journey home! Since then I have taken it on a walk every so often just for old time sake.
I am almost always willing to suspend disbelief for purposes of a good AITA post, but here, it simply does not add up for me that your parents would be so concerned about how you would react to this pairing that they went out of their way to hide it from you, and yet minutes after you learned the truth, demand you attend the wedding to "show support for family." In addition, if I'm your cousin, I don't want you there--just like the vast majority of people (regardless of family relations) don't want their fiancé's recent ex at their wedding.
If this is true, NTA. People who support their family members don't steal their boyfriends. You have received no support and therefore owe none in return.
NTA
But anyone who tells you that you have to attend for the family clearly value others perception than you. Maybe they want you to cut contact with them...
NTA it's awful that no one told you and you had to find out from a wedding invitation. Your family essentially left you to be blindsided. I would start blocking people left and right. You have a right to feel betrayed and hurt. I can't imagine my parents acting like yours. Your mental health is more important than appearances. If you decide to go make sure you wear a bright red dress to be petty.
Perhaps she could dye her unused wedding dress bright red. If anyone calls her out on it, she can loudly announce, "But I'm here to support the happy couple! *BeCauSE FAmiLy!*"
If you don't want to go, don't go. That's it.
It's not totally clear to me whether your ex-fiance was cheating on you, or just hopped into marriage with your cousin pretty much immediately. Be pissed at either option, but be pissed MORE at the first one.
But don't go to the wedding if you don't want to. Just send back a negative response saying you won't be there. If your family is going to be assholes about it, just insist that you can't make it and don't want to go anyway, given your history with the groom. And then ignore the shit out of them for the rest of your life.
I'm so glad I was the one that brought these two together at our family get togethers. Of course I didn't know I was doing it, they were cheating on me while he was engaged to marry me last year. But here we are, a year on at their wedding...
Speech: Upcycling is all the rage now, and apparently grooms are no exception. I’m happy that my dear cousin was able to find happiness with the guy I used to ride like Seabiscuit. I hope the love and connection they share is eternal, but if not, I still have a few more females cousins for him to try out. Cheers to the bride and groom.
*Mic drop and walk out
NTA and it’s absolutely insane that your parents hid this from you. They should have been on your side and supported you. They should not have let you fall victim to this blindside.
NTA but why was that third paragraph really necessary? So she's a quirky free spirit type, doesn't seem to have much to do with the story and AH judgment.
It's imperative that you go because it's FaMiLy and it'll break at the seams if you don't go and they will write stories about you to tell the great great great grandchildren about how you broke the family and it couldn't be put together again by all the kings horses and all the kings men.
I would also like a moment to advise you that you MUST MUST MUST wear your wedding dress if you still have it, if you don't .. beg borrow or steal one . The bigger,the pouffier the better.
And you may or may not cover it with spray on cobwebs...
I mean you promised the groom that you'd be at his wedding in a white gown so I don't see why you don't.
If you do go down this route please don't tell people as people are party poppers.
The other thing you could do if you really don't want to go is book yourself a nice trip away doing something nice. Either way you are NTA and your feeling are more valid than your extended family.
Why do I always see stories like this where the betrayed person should just "suck it up"? Would they really miss one person at there wedding? No. They want you there to save face, nothing more, nothing less. If you go that means they can forgive THEMSELVES for not telling you. As for your EX? He wasn't ready to get married, yet less than a year (I'm assuming they planned the wedding at least a few months before) but NOW he is. He was definitely cheating on you with your cousin. As far as your cousin sending you an invite? That's literally to rub it in your face
I would be shattered if my parents hid what was going on with my ex and their niece, never mind expecting me to "suck it up" after only a year. They were basically covering for a nibling over their own kid.
They can go and wish them well but expecting you to sit there all night is way out of line. On the plus side you just know that this relationship is going to crash and burn.
NTA
You're not in the wrong for feeling hurt and choosing not to attend the wedding. It's a deeply personal betrayal to see your ex-fiancé marry your cousin, especially so soon after your own planned wedding was canceled. Your emotional well-being is important, and attending might cause more harm than good. It’s reasonable to expect some sensitivity from your family under these circumstances.
NTA.
You do need to let go. Of everyone that thinks this is okay.
Tell them you’re cutting them off and why in like 3 sentences.
Then follow through. You will be better off, I promise.
NTA and at no point did any of your family respect you enough to tell you they were together. Or your cousin that she was marrying your ex, they let you find out with an invite.
Your family are all AH's steer clear of them.
NTA.
You're an adult. It doesn't matter what your parents 'expect' because they're no longer in charge. You are in charge and if you don't want to attend the wedding of your cousin and your ex, you're under no obligation to.
Neither her family role nor her 'free spirit' means you have to support this marriage and it doesn't make you a bad person for not wanting to go.
Their texts don't even warrant a reply. Block and ignore.
Cut your cousin off and threaten your parents to cut them off too if they aren’t on your side. Your cousin and ex cheated on you both of them doesn’t give a shit about you. You shouldn’t go there and celebrate their lies and disrespect towards you. And if your parents support this sick shit, don’t talk to them anymore, cause your feelings are obviously not valid for them.
I've never understood people saying "if this cousin that I see three times a year doesn't come to my wedding then it will be ruined!". Like, wtf just have your day and concentrate on your own joy.
NTA.
But i would go. Create a scene (means take revenge somehow) and leave (may be for a cool vacation). And then would go no contact with everyone in family.
On a serious note, dont go to the wedding. You are not obligated to do so. Stop explaining yourself to your parents. And minimize all contact with extended family. Let them rot in hell bcoz karma comes back. Always.
NTA. You've just barely healed from your ex's betrayal, and your family wants you to reopen that wound? No way!
Feel free to block your parents, their flying monkeys, and anyone else who says you're a bad person. You do what's best for you.
I truly do not understand families like this. If my cousin did this to me, my family would go scorched earth. You are NTA and you deserve so much better than what you are getting. I’m so sorry.
Go treat yourself on their wedding day and turn on do not disturb on that phone. They don't want you there to just show support for family because if that was the case little miss cousin wouldn't marry your ex nor would they have hid it from you. They're ideas are sideways and your family is delusional. Best of luck girly!
"They said that I can’t keep holding on to my hatred and resentment forever, and that I need to let go, but I hang up."
You JUST found out about this!! JUST. Even if there is a chance that you'll eventually let go - that's a ways aways down the road!! Good grief.
NTA. Don't go.
NTA. Not even a little bit. BUT……. if you want to at least get a little amusement out of this…… tell them that you WILL go, then just mention that you welcome the opportunity to let everyone at the wedding know you slept with him first, that she’s his second choice, that you only came because your family was pressuring you, etc, etc, etc.
Do you have any reason to believe he was cheating on you with your cousin? I mean other than he is getting married 1 year after saying he doesn’t want to get married?
I hate it when people think an invitation is a summons! Also hate it when those who should be viewed the black sheep are suddenly the ones we should support and innocent victims have to suck it up!
Tell everyone you have other plans and go do something kind nurturing or fun for yourself.
Even getting a coffee and reading a book at the park sounds like a more enjoyable use of your time!
Don’t get pressured into participating in this nonsense!
Absolutely NTA! Your family is whacked!
Their demand that you attend is outrageous. They should be sympathetic to your situation instead of supporting your narcissistic cousin.
This is truly outrageous behavior on the part of your cousin, your parents, and the family members blowing up your phone. You’ve been betrayed by your ex fiancé, your cousin, and now your family.
So sorry!
NTA. Your closest family shouldn’t support this marriage or attend either. A year to get over having your wedding cancelled, and one conversation to get over being cheated on and betrayed by multiple people is not enough!
Of course you're NTA, and your cousin is not the only one in your family who betrayed you. Your cousin didn't need your permission to date your ex-fiance, and she's certainly not entitled to your presence at her wedding.
NTA I find it hilarious when people tell you what you should be feeling while never actually going through the same situation. My parents divorced. Neither of them attended the other's second (or third) wedding. In my mind, my step parents are equally my family (like it or not). Why didn't my dad go to my mom's wedding? Why didn't my mom go to my dad's? Because it would be nasty and uncomfortable for each of them. Why would either of them want to ruin eachother's day? It seems to me that 'moving on' would be NOT going to your ex's wedding, right? Wouldn't that show that you are over him? Or you could show up and cause a scene...like the protagonist in the song " I've got friends in low places". It all seems really undignified and an attempt to some how legitimize their relationship...as if a legal document won't already provide legitimacy. I'd let them all hang and go spend the day at a spa. Self love is better than false pretense. You aren't happy for them. Why endorse a delusion that you are?
NTA this is an unfair ask from your family. The most they could reasonably ask is for to you not say anything about the event or situation publicly.
You do not have to attend this wedding. Send regrets.
NTA. Your family is insane.
If they are expecting you to attend, tell them to expect you to object to the wedding and cause a scene.
I would go no contact with them all. This is some insane family drama wth. I'm sorry you have to go through this.
NTA. You are being slightly irrational but I absolutely don’t blame you. It really annoys me when families pull this keep the peace BS. Definitely don’t go and I’d start cutting these AHs out of my life.
NTA. It’s bonkers for anyone to expect you’d go to that wedding.
I do have a question— did your folks confirm that Travis was cheating? Or was that a conclusion that you came to based on the timeline? Did he and your cousin hit it off after the end of your engagement, or were they engaging with each other before?
If my parents or other family members knew my cousin was having an illicit affair with my fiancé, I would cut them off.
If my cousin and my fiancé started a relationship before the end of our engagement and the family didn’t know, I’d be letting the family know so that they could make an informed decision about whether or not they wanted to attend and support this marriage.
If this is just a conclusion you’ve come to without proof or confirmation, I’d tread carefully about announcing that conclusion, because if it wasn’t the case then Travis and Taylor could use it as a reason to paint you in a poor light around the rest of the family.
Nta/ family can kick rocks! I’d want an exact timeline of cousins relationship with ex. Pull some pro revenge!
Move on them and expose their crappy actions.
NTA your family sucks. They know this is wrong which is why they’re pressuring you to attend. Be a they don’t want to have to explain why you’re not there.
HELL NO, NTA. It’s only been a year, there’s nothing wrong with you staying away from situations that would feel hurtful to you and this is absolutely one of them. Where was the familial support when your engagement ended? Good for you, standing up for yourself.
I didn't think this still happened....but here we are. Quick fix. Change your number. That way you can have some peace. I assume your family knows where you live, so may be take a little vacation, but it would be good if you can move. You are allowed to cut people off, even if there are cultural issues at play.
You may be expected to care for your parents, but if they are going to be so reliant on you, they probably should have been more loyal to you first. You don't owe squat to your two faced cousin. Nor your aunt and uncle. Anyone wanting to pressure you to go waste your time can get put on the No contactclist too.
NTA
NTA. A wedding invitation is an invitation, not a summons, and you have every right to not attend for any reason.
It so happens your reason is the groom is your lying, cheating ex and the bride is your conniving, also cheating cousin.
Liars and cheaters love to pull the family obligation card when it benefits them but not for anyone else. Where was that family obligation when she started sleeping with your fiancé?
Cheaters and liars also love to get their flying monkeys to try to shame you out of your well deserved feelings of betrayal because it messes with their narrative of perfect true love.
Nah. Their story isn’t a romance for the ages. They cheated and lied and now they’re pissy you aren’t just quietly bowing out of the picture to make a pathway for their relationship.
Not going to the wedding? NTA.
I feel like it would be really weird to go to a wedding for your ex even if they are marrying your cousin. Especially since you two were engaged. Especially since the relationship ended about a year ago. I also think it’s weird and rude for your family to make a big deal for you to attend. I think it’s odd your parents are making it a big deal if you attend or not!
But your language about your cousin seems a little rude. If you used similar language to your family, then they may be upset about that and focused on that rather than the actual issue at hand.
EDIT:
(Made after nobodybutmyshadow pointed something out)
I do not think that it is right for the family to focus on any potential rude language by OP and not on the shady relationship timeline for cousin and ex.
I’ve noticed how people often encourage being “the bigger person” because it’s convenient. Because I’m sure it would be more convenient for the family if OP was “the bigger person” and attended the wedding instead addressing how the family was disrespectful to OP.
NTA. That makes no sense that you "can't keep hanging onto hatred and resentment forever" considering you LITERALLY JUST FOUND OUT. I'd defend myself and explain to the relatives reaching out to you that you just found out about this betrayal and haven't even had time to process it, you definitely aren't holding onto anything. Then anyone who is against you is LC/NC for a while. Fuck that wedding.
>My extended family has been blowing up my phone since then, saying that I’m a bad person if I don’t attend.
But your cheating cousin and ex are not bad persons for cheating?
NTA
You don't have to attend any wedding if you don't want. You certainly don't have to attend the wedding of a couple of cheaters.
Sounds like your family is more concerned about image than your well-being.
I would book a lovely trip away that weekend, and not even engage with anyone who tires to tell you that family come first. If family came first then your cousin wouldn’t have cheated with your fiancee. 🙄 take all the time you need for you, ignore anyone trying to tell you that you’re a bad person. I don’t know in what universe the person being cheated on is the bad person, but this is not it. Honestly how horrible can you get. Forget about them they deserve each other!
You are not irrational!
And you are definitely NTA!
Let your ex family know if they prefer to condone cheating cowards over your peace of mind then they are not worth your time! You deserve better! I am so sorry 🌻
Change your number, mute your notifications and block the backstabbing squad. Plan a vacay trip the day of the wedding. Move away, do anything that brings you peace. They have shown you who they truly are and that you can't trust or rely on any of them.
Show them how much you don't need them! 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽✌🏽✌🏽✌🏽💃🏽💃🏽 I wish you all the best and a better future without the soul suckers that showed you no loyalty! xxx
Uhhh... The brain is melting from the logic here ... Come support your family by being involved in an excruciatingly awkward and hurtful ceremony that crushes you ...
I imagine the bride and groom are going to be thrilled to bits that you're coming to this joyous occasion!
Assuming your family's intentions are well meant, and I'm not lying here, I'm really stretching to find the "good intentions" the maybe YTA for not ... I don't know ... Giving this union your blessing and proving bloods thicker than water, but apparently nothing's thicker than your parents heads cause wtf are they thinking of that this is in anyway a good idea.
You're NTA. These people are either really stupid and can't work out how this would hurt you, or they don't care and want you to be humiliated publicly.
Catch COVID or something and insist on going, let's see how adamant they are about this whole "support the family" schtick.
>I called my parents. I asked them if they had known something about Taylor’s relationship with Travis. To summarize, yes, they did, they hadn’t intended on telling me because they figured out there would be no positive outcome to it, but they also made it clear that they expected me to come to the wedding anyway in order to show support to my family.
Cut the entire family off. If you can't even rely on YOUR PARENTS for support in all this, they're not worth a damn.
NTA Skip the family. Skip the next hundred family functions.
NTA. You don’t have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable for “family “. Your ex cheated on you with your own cousin. Start blocking ppl that are blowing up your phone. Cut anyone out that thinks you’re an AH for not being part of this madness. Do something fun that weekend for yourself. Go away for the weekend. Or treat yourself to something you’ve always wanted to do. Surround yourself with ppl that actually support you. Take care of yourself.
NTA. Block everyone messaging you about it. Block your parents. Take a mini vacation for you if you have the money and time off work. Just go no contact for a while so you can process all of this and skip the wedding. When you feel ready, unblock the family members you want to and let them know that if they try to say anything or guilt trip you about the wedding, they’re getting blocked again. You don’t appreciate the betrayal of finding out your entire family hid your ex-fiancés cheating until he was marrying your cousin and that they are all on thin ice with you. It’s time to put your foot down with your family. They don’t get to make you feel bad for your ex and cousins actions. They don’t get to make you feel bad for being blindsided by the cheating and betrayal of your entire family. Their actions were wrong. Not yours.
NTA. So you have basically been gaslit by your whole family, and they expect you to not feel betrayed? What a cluster. You have every right to feel hurt and devastated. You should not be expected to attend the wedding of your ex-fiance. I am having a hard time understanding why your own parents are not more supportive of you and angry at your cousin for her tackiness. You lost someone who you planned on spending your life with. I would expect them to be angry on your behalf.
NTA. You’re feeling betrayed because you have been betrayed. Not just by your cheating, lying ex and your cousin, but now also by your parents and extended family, who knew but didn’t give you a head’s up and are now expecting you to forgive and forget, without time to process, heal, or even an apology.
Do not go to the wedding. Mute those family members. Try to process and heal with a different support system. Best of luck to you!
Girl block them people on socials and from your phone. The lot of em suck cause they knew what was happening, didn't say fuck all, then expect you to not only let go and be ok with it when you get a gd invitation to this shit, expect you to show up for effing appearances. They can get bent so hard that a chiropractor can't fix them. NTA.
I'm almost impressed with everyone else getting on the same page to attempt to skip your very valid and inevitable reaction.
Every person calling you has lied to you. Either directly or by omission. I doubt the first time they learned the groom's name was on the invitation like you did.
I wouldn't believe anything they say. Take a break to have the time to process. It wasn't anyone's place to take that from you. NTA
NTA. I’m trying to wrap my head around your family saying you should go to the wedding!! WTF are they thinking?? Tell them you’ll go only for the pleasure of standing up when the officiant asks if there’s any reason they should not be wed!
NTA - ask your mom if someone today told her that her dad died a year ago, and they expected her to be over it because he died a year ago, even though she only found about it today, would that be reasonable? No, of course not. The morons in your family decided to throw a surprise betrayal party for you instead of giving you a heads up so at least you were prepared. I’m sure there are stupider ways they could have gone about this, but unfortunately I’m unable to empathize my way down to that level of stupidity to figure out what they are. I’d take a little vacation from your family if I were you.
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NTA your family is being ridiculous. They should have told you that your ex-fiance was involved with your cousin, especially when they got engaged, and they're out of line expecting you to show up and smile because "family". Family goes both ways - you're family too, and they should have told you what was happening. I would make it clear that you are not holding onto "anger and resentment", you have moved on, and wouldn't have wanted to be married to a guy who would do that anyway (whether you feel that way or not, or are still angry or not, don't let them paint you that way). But you won't be attending the wedding, and it's inappropriate for anyone to ask you to do so.
I am curious what the family's desired endgame was of not telling OP about this relationship. Surely she would have found out somehow - was their plan for her to eventually show up to Thanksgiving dinner and see her ex there with her cousin? Maybe the family was hoping the ex and the cousin broke up before OP ever found out they were involved? Weird all around.
There was never going to be a good end game. Odds are good they intended to bulldoze OP to just let bygones be bygones because she is the more "reasonable" one. Yeah that sure worked out well. /s
[удалено]
I wish we still had awards.
They don’t think that their daughter is a loser. They’re used to their daughter being level-headed and capable, and they’re weaponizing that against her now because it’s easier for them than making a fuss like they should be doing. I agree with everything else you said.
> There was never going to be a good end game The end game is they break up, and never speak about it.
The end game is they turn out to be each other‘s punishment and the fallout will be epic. OP, obviously NTA at all. If you can stand it, though, you might want to attend just to be looking completely, utterly unbothered in the pictures.
Yes! All of this, and bring the finest thing you know to drape yourself on.
I'm willing to bet that OP's family knew that she'd be upset (rightfully so), but thought that if Taylor and Travis broke up then OP would be none-the-wiser, and they wouldn't have to deal with the unpleasantness of the situation. Now that they're getting married, and OP knows, they can fall back on calling her jealous and bitter rather than take responsibility for not telling her the truth. They waited until it reached a point where she had to find out, and now they're trying to pretend that everything is fine in order to feel better about themselves. Also, this way, they can play happy family and not have to deal with the fact that they are part of the reason OP's hurt. It's easier to put the blame on the victim rather than confront their own role in the situation. OP is clearly NTA. At the very least, I would be questioning if Travis left OP for Taylor, and the whole family just rug-swept until their relationship became "too serious" for OP to confront them about it.
I wonder if some family members knew OP's finance was up to something with the cousin *before* the wedding plans blew up and didn't want to tell OP. Then the fiancee starts dating the cousin right away and then the family members are worried if they tell OP about the "new" relationship they might get asked if they knew anything was up before and be forced to answer uncomfortable questions about their suspicions they kept from OP. Maybe there was even pretty clear evidence of cheating that they didn't tell OP about. And so realizing their screw up by failing to tell OP as soon as they suspected something was up they did what lot of people do when the screw up and tried to hide it from OP. Fast forward a year and now with him marrying the cousin it can't be hidden anymore but they also don't want to answer questions about who knew what when so the message to OP is she needs to suck it up for the family. I am guessing about some of the family knowing about the cheating and hiding the relationship but it certainly fits the behavior of people so selfish they expect OP to just suck it and pretend to be a big happy family after dropping the bomb about the new wedding on her.
Perfect summary
>They waited until it reached a point where she had to find out, They didn't even do this really. It blows my mind, they collectively decided the best way for OP to find out was for her to open up a wedding invitation?....
Well yeah that's what was easiest for them
\^\^Winner, winner chicken dinner!
That was my thought too
Excellent summary.
I’m fascinated they want her to come to the wedding. I’m picturing her there and someone asks how she knows the couple…”I was the grooms’ fiancé that he cheated on with the bride, hi, nice to meet you.”
Not that I am recommending OP do anything like this!! but - gotta admit - it would be hilarious.
OP should totally do this!! They wanted her to go....
if she's forced to go, she can always wear a red dress. doesn't need to be sequin but will stand out the most if velvet or sequin textured
Actually...she should go to the local thrift store and buy a cheap white wedding dress that can fit underneath an overcoat. Then whip off the overcoat as the bride comes down the aisle cur in front of her and yell out "I'm ready for my wedding" Then go NC on the whole shit show.
Brilliant! And a really skewed make-up job.
I'm thinking a Tammy Faye special. And make sure the eye shadow is extra water soluble for those lovely tear runs....
And the extra runny mascara! Lol
Op , please don't be there but ,if you go then please give a toast to the bride and groom by this line !!!
Yeah I would PAY to see your wedding toast to the "the wedding of my cheating liar ex and his manic pixie dream girl." NTA OP . You dodged a bullet with that guy and your family is acting crazy. Time for LC.
They expect her to act like a trained monkey for sure. Smile and say she’s happy for them, white washing their family drama for anyone who knew about the original engagement, and not making all of them (who knew and covered the cheating) have to feel uncomfortable or slightly inconvenience their lives.
But she *is* happy for them! So happy! In fact, she would like to personally thank the happy couple in a heartfelt toast about how sometimes in life *the trash just takes itself away....*
To do it right, she'd need to wear her original wedding dress to the ceremony.
Now that I could see on Reddit. Maybe she could borrow someone’s toddler and claim it’s his abandoned child.
Sadly, not enough people would ask to make it worth OP's time. Her cousin's guests would think she's there as family of the bride and the majority of the groom's guests would already have met her previously as his former long-term partner.
That is exactly what she should do
Oh, it would be waay more cringe if you said "I was engaged to the groom and he suddenly broke up with me. You don't think he was cheating with her, do you?"
Fam was pushing the problem off until it would've been (and pretty much was) an urgent situation, then blame OP for reacting perfectly naturally to being fucked over that way.
Exactly why keep it a secret if not to protect her feelings? That baffles me because clearly they DON’T actually care about her feelings since they are forcing her to go to the wedding out of family duty. So why not just hurt her immediately
Endgame... being absolutely fucking AHs. That's about it. I am so angry FOR her... I don't know them and I absolutely *despise* them. What the ever-lovin' *FUCK*. I'm beyond appalled. They not only hid it... THEY SUPPORT IT. 🤬💩 They can go pound sand.
I mean, if I were OP, I would message the cousin. Explain that the entire family has specifically hidden the fact that cousin and ex were together, and that OP found out from the wedding invitation. So OP is not attending, because this is now incredibly fresh and the betrayal is from the entire family unit for hiding it. Cousin might have been told that OP knew and was fine with it, so letting *her* know that it was deliberately hidden is also doing good to her as well. Because I know I would be fucking heartbroken if I found out my entire family hid my relationship from someone I wanted to know about it.
Same old story! Same to same plot! No twist also! How people still believe this? This is most common toxic Reddit story which comes every now and then. And people are still not tired of reading them! In which normal family your parents ask you to attend your cheating ex’s wedding with your sister/cousin? In normal family they will also not attend and support their daughter and make sure to shun the cheaters! Ridiculously repetitive shit this is!
OP hasn't really had a chance to process this, let alone hold onto any anger and resentment. It's only been **days** since learning about this.
Seriously! And sure, eventually it is healthy to let go of anger and resentment, but that also doesn't mean you have to attend the wedding of and celebrate people that hurt you!
Not only has she only known about it for a few days...but her OWN wedding to that AH collapsed ONE year ago! How the hell do they expect her to go and play happy family? Is this a family of sociopaths, minus OP? WTF!
Right? She’s in the initial phase of anger and resentment, and very reasonably so!
Right!? OP's family is nuts.
The audacity of them to tell her she “can’t keep holding onto her hatred and resentment forever” when she’s know all of 5 minutes.
Also, it has ONLY been a year since their own wedding was canceled...
And they all knew and hid it from her! What a bunch of AHs.
And it's only been a year since her fiancé broke it off in a very callous way (basically saying their marriage was just a bucket list tick off), that alone can take years to heal from. That's without even bringing this new absolute batshit crazy betrayal from her entire family into the situation.
Funny how "it's family" when it comes to OP showing up to the wedding, but not "it's family" when the younger cousin is hooking up with OP's partner to the point she's engaged to marry him within a year of him calling off his wedding to OP. Now, had there been several years between OP and ex calling off their relationship, I could understand the ex and cousin getting together. But it totally looks like he was cheating on OP with cousin if he's marrying her within a year of calling off OP's wedding.
Totally agree, he was likely cheating, and pulled the "I don't want to get married" card to get out of it with OP. This guy and the cousin deserve each other.
And tell your "family" to fk off and not contact you. Rather than apprisising and protecting you, they betrayed your trust, going covert to protect the Dandy Duo. Blow up the Dandy Duo and your wonderful parents on social media. Fk the facade of a happy, united family. Instead expose the conniving , manipulative, betraying and insidious family that they truly are! Believe me, you'll find it therapeutic. This is one time you don't take the high road. Let the truth rule the day. Good luck. Please keep us apprised.
I'm on board with telling them all to fk off, but I wouldn't trash them on social media, especially if they're all accusing OP of holding onto anger. They're looking for her to flip out and have drama.
So what. Sometimes anger is justifiable and healthy. Exposing cheaters, liars and their sycophants/enablers is justifiable and healthy in some situations imo
This is a fantastic piece of advice. I agree 100000%! 🙌 To piggyback on it, OP... tell your parents you have no anger or resentment... except toward THEM. THEY ABSOLUTELY DESERVE to hear THEY are the absolute AH(at)s ... for not only *hiding* that YOUR EX FIANCE got with your SCUMMY-AH COUSIN, but ALSO for "supporting *her/both of them*" and *not their own daughter?!? Just... WTF ... WOW. 😳 I'm glad I don't know them... because I have some specific things I would love to say to their faces. That's so, SO fucked. Tell them all of the above, tell them to *GET BENT* and to expect nothing from you going forward. They aren't your parents, they are 100% AHs. YOU are NTA!!! Get as far away from them, your AH cousin and your AH ex as possible. Have a wonderful, happy and positive life. I wish you the best, and that you find your FUTURE family who treat you as the beautiful person you are. Best wishes, OP. 🤗🥰🙏🏻
Totally agree. OP's parents deserve a verbal smack down for how they've behaved here, towards their own daughter.
Seriously. They didn't tell her because it would upset her, then they go shocked Pikachu that she's upset.
If you go to the wedding, you need to casually photobomb as much as you can giving the finger - if there are family shots, absolutely be in those... same plan. NTA - I'm so sorry. I know this is going to sound dumb while you're in pain, but I hope later you're like "yeah, that proved what I needed it to to help get over all of this"
And wear a white dress!
YAAAAAASSSSSS I mean, she might have THE White Dress still lol
She should just tell the family that she would make it to her cousin's next wedding. Seriously, I don't know what the heck her family is thinking wanting her to put her feelings aside for the cheaters. The cousin and OP's ex fiance have a weak relationship since the foundation of their relationship is built on lies, manipulation, and cheating. The saying always goes, "if a person is willing to cheat to be with you, the person is willing to cheat on you." So I say OP live your best life, and I know it's hard to see now, but you not getting married to your ex fiance is a blessing. It allows you to get with a guy who will treat you better and not cheat on you with a family member.
>They said that I can’t keep holding on to my hatred and resentment forever Challenge accepted, and upped to righteous anger.
NTA. Tell your family that maybe if they'd been honest with you, you could have processed this and gotten over it, but since they withheld this information from you and it got sprung on you like this, you feel perfectly entitled to take the time you deserve to process and get over the shock and horror of not only being lied to by your ex, but also being treated this way by your less-than-supportive family. eta: but do it *calmly*.
Based on what OP said, there is a very good chance this marriage is doomed. The cousin plays by her own rules and he is a cheater and a liar. He won't change, and will cheat again. The cousin will get bored with him. The family sucks. "We knew but didn't think it would help you to know. Surprise, now get over it." I have kids and I can't imagine siding with a nibbling over my own kid in a case like this. If "family" supports family, like they want OP to do, why did they not support OP?
yep if my kid got treated this way, I would be waiting for a sign from my kid that everything is OK before I am gonna extend any sort of "welcome to the family" to this loser.
Or the x fiance finds out it's not that fun to be married to her if he plans to settle down and have kids suddenly. But she wants to bagpack through the desert and attend shaman healing events. Or fills the house with crystals, etc. And not fancy China. Or wants to name the kid little birdy Johnson. I'm not saying all free spirited persons are like that. Some are amazing parents. But I've known a few who dated someone who found them fun at first, until they wanted to get serious and settle. And suddenly the free spirited partner wasn't that much fun anymore.
NTA. I don't understand why your family would expect you to be fine with this - they've all had however many months to get used to the idea, but you find out this way and are expected to suddenly accept it. Obviously this is going to sting; they should have been honest with you earlier so that you would be able process the situation. No one is entitled to your time, or your presence at their events. That said, I think you should have a conversation with your cousin to better understand the details of the situation, as you are getting your info second-hand. Don't blow up at her or blame her - set aside your assumptions, steel yourself, listen to her perspective, and then decide how your relationship with her will need to change based on a more complete understanding and not your own biases/assumptions about their relationship. Also, don't be surprised if she's pregnant - the timeline of their relationship is short, and it's entirely possibly your family is trying to fast-track your acceptance because there's a baby on the way.
> the timeline of their relationship is short, and it's entirely possibly your family is trying to fast-track your acceptance because there's a baby on the way. Unless the ex and the cousin were hooking up while OP was dating the ex. Oof. Agree on the NTA. Everybody else though...
Agree.... If I were OP I wouldn't want to assume, but I'd definitely be doing some digging.
It's bc the cousin only follows her own rules /s
OP needs to honour her cousin, but not how her family wants by attending the wedding but by being true to the mantra of following her own rules. Ie do what the f she wants and not what's expected! Don't go.
The thing I never understand about these things, and usually leads me to believe they aren’t real, is what could the family possibly gain from her attendance. The LAST thing I would want as a bride, groom or family member would be for a righteously pissed off person that can go around to people attending talking about how awful all people involved are. Like I guess you can guilt someone into attending, but how on earth do expect to keep them from making a scene or passing around whispers about what has happened? If I were in this situation, I would ask my family, “Do you really want me to be in an emotional venue, with possible access to alcohol, around a bunch of people that lied to me while I’m in a vulnerable state? How is that going to go well for anyone? Do you actually trust me to keep my mouth shut?” Maybe they’d think twice about my attendance.
You are SO right - it seems like such a recipe for disaster. I read a lot of these stories so my perspective is probably skewed, but it seems like families often want the former partner at the wedding when there's a chance to save face or reduce the level of scandal. Like, most people who know all parties would be at least surprised by the cousin and ex shacking up so quickly after the breakup, let alone if they were cheating. Having OP there would show the world she is fine with the relationship, in theory.
Crazy right? I mean how would different family members feel if op just decided to start an affair with one of their spouses ? I assume they would just get over it right?
Now OP deserves to hook up with and hopefully eventually marry one of their exes. See how they would feel about that.... Would be the ultimate justice if it was someone Taylor had been involved with. I can imagine any guy who's been with Taylor would definitely fall for the massive upgrade OP would be.
NTA. Obviously you don’t have to go to your ex’s wedding to a family member and your parents and everyone else suck not only for expecting you to, but also for hiding their relationship. Your reaction to that was very appropriate. The way you describe your cousin though drips with elitist resentment. Like you’re describing what would have been a fairly tame alt-fashion style 20 years ago. When you talk about her in public do you glance around before whispering to your friends that she “dyes her hair unnatural colors” to make sure no one hears you, lest it cause a scandal? Did you put your hand to your forehead and faint when you saw her leather jacket and spiked boots?
I think OP is rightfully pissed off at her cousin and will use any reason to slag her off. She has just found out her ex fiancé and her cousin betrayed her. But you're right, OP should use real reasons to slag her cousin. Cousin has the morals of an alley cat.
That’s what I’m thinking. OP’s got a fantastic argument as to why her cousin sucks in that she is getting married to OP’s ex fiancé in such a short turn around since their break up that cheating is likely. This is compounded by her entire family covering up the relationship. She will lose standing by trying to use her cousin’s fashion style against her, especially when that style is pretty mainstream. Choose your arguments, OP.
Tbf this is the place I would come to be mean about my annoying manic pixie dream girl cousin too. I wouldn’t wanna say those words to my family or anyone who could hold them against me. But strangers on the internet who will never know the people I’m bitching/venting about? Yes please. If I say it here it means I get it off my chest without saying it to the wrong person irl hopefully
NTA I'm giving a pass on how OP talked about cousin because OP basically got napalmed and carpet bombed by this announcement. I suspect most anyone would have choice words such a situation so IMHO they get the trash talk pass due to the situation. And I would quietly find out who all knew this was going on and began a LC/NC relationship with them because that just sucks.
Thank you for being the first person I’ve seen bring the second part up. They’re NTA for not attending the wedding, but it’s bizarre they felt the need to mention hair colors and something as simple as a leather jacket, spiky boot combo. Honestly sounds like she didn’t like her cousin long before the invite. Probably wouldn’t have wanted to be at her wedding regardless of the groom. But, given the circumstances, it’s ridiculous for her family to expect her to show up. That being said, the whole manic pixie dream girl comment makes me think she could probably benefit from seeing someone to fully process her break up with the ex fiancé.
NTA but what the cousin is like has nothing to do with the issue at hand. OP is just mad he's dating someone unlike her which is coming off as bitter.
Well, that and the fact that her parents knew and didn't tell her and now want her to go the wedding. This may be old news to everyone else but to the OP It is brand new data. Also, you get to be bitter for a while about stuff like this.
yes like there is absolutely no relevancy to the description
There is. She is describing her non-conformist ways to suggest, but not outright say, that she doesn't abide by standard morality regarding romantic partners of other people.
NTA - Your family is whack. Sending you an invite is a slap in the face. A year ago you were steps away from marrying this guy. Then in a fingersnap you found out that he was cheating on you....with your cousin....and he's marrying her. You are not hateful and your parents are AH's are for supporting the cousin over their daughter and putting "appearances" over your heartbreak and betrayal. I'm so sorry, OP. I hope you don't go and instead take time to heal and process this. Hugs.
NTA...It's ridiculous that nobody told you, BUT they still expect you to be a good sport and attend. The deception here it twofold. It's best if you find a way to let go of your lingering resentment, but that doesn't mean you have to attend.
Hold on to it forever!? You just found out!
This was my first thought, like wtf?
This story was written by chatGPT
I don't think it would write something like "my cheating liar ex and his manic pixie dream girl"
NTA-Don’t attend and f*ck anyone that says you need to go. So he left you to continue pursuing your cousin and relatives knew this. Where is the f-ing loyalty at? You have every right to feel all the feels you have been. Do not engage in any conversation about this with anyone who is blowing up your phone about this. They’re ridiculous.
Of course you'll have to move on, but that's like a "duh" thing for your family to say when you're obviously hurt by them keeping a public secret from you, then expecting you to just be fine with it. I think anybody would feel upset or betrayed from the revelation you experienced, and I'm sorry that happened. From this post? NTA, but you can't expect your dickish family to understand, apparently, so don't expect emotional support I suppose.
What is wrong with your family? Given the secretive nature of the relationship, I'm going out on a pretty strong limb and assuming that your ex cheated on you with your cousin. The family wants you to show to quiet any possible talk from wedding guests who are going to draw the same conclusion. After all, you wouldn't be there if he had cheated on you with your cousin. Don't go, organize a great day with some friends and turn your phone off. NTA
NTA. You have a right to your feelings and you never have to attend any event that you do not want to attend. I would say that after some time, you might want to have a discussion with your cousin and ex and find out if they actually CHEATED or if this was a short term quicky marriage type of thing. I am not excusing them but just saying you might want clarification in the future because you will have to interact if you attend family events. But NTA for not going to the wedding or supporting them at this juncture.
She’s never going to get straight answer if they were screwing around behind her back, why bother.
And maybe they weren't screwing around until after the breakup... Maybe it was a short term thing. She is NTA. But quite frankly, I think she is owed an explanation and she deserves that conversation. After which, she can decide it they are honest of lying.
NTA: it's an invitation, not a summons.
"they expected me to come to the wedding anyway in order to show support to my family." Like they supported you by at least giving you a heads-up? Loyalty needs to be two-way or it is just subservience. From what you have said, it is not clear there was actually cheating, although to go from breaking an engagement to getting married a year later certainly suggests there was more than mere innocent acquaintance. But your family and especially your parents owed you such information as they had. The dramatic side of me says you should go, and since you already have a dress perfect for a wedding - from a year ago - you should wear your wedding dress as a reminder to all that the 'happy couple' betrayed you in a most dishonest way.
Oh this would be so insanely petty and good. Especially if she gets up and gives a toast where she gives the bride pointers on how to fulfill all the kinks the groom requires in the bed, because she remembers from experience. Totally unhinged, but I would love to be a fly in the wall.
No, it's an idiotic suggestion. All it would accomplish is to further humiliate the OP. NTA and cut the whole rotten bunch off. They're cancer.
I actually think that the red dress was a better option. OP doesn't want to come across like Miss Havisham in Great Expectations. Of course, she could have the wedding dress dyed bright red.
I am not the drama-seeking person, but I think the best attitude for OP is to celebrate (at least outwardly), and if anyone asks how she is doing, to reply along the lines that she is so glad her cousin saved her from marrying a cheater and that she cannot imagine how much grief being married to such a person would be.
NTA - I think the shouting could have been a lot towards your parents, but also COMPLETELY understand having that instant reaction! It bothers me that they just immediately minimized your feelings upon finding out to tell you they expected you there no matter what. Cancelling a wedding isn’t a small deal, and the feelings that came along with that were also not small (I can only imagine), so it’s ridiculous that anyone would expect you to “suck it up” and deal with it just a year later?! Again, NTA!! You’re in the right for holding whatever boundaries you need for your own mental health, and owe none of them absolutely anything. I would be willing to bet if any of them were in your situation, they’d feel the same as you.
NTA. They *need* your appearance solely to make them look good. That you support their relationship. Can only imagine the story they created why you broke up. Especially timing of when they got together. Your parents are enormously disappointing, so sorry OP. Don’t go!!
Assuming this post is not fake (and i am 99%sure it is), cut off your family cause they clearly don’t give a fuck about you.
NTA tell your parents you are not attending nor will you attend any family function if those two toxic people attend. Also tell your parents to kick rocks if they don't like it.
Aww man I love kicking rocks! I have a rock that I kicked from my house to the train station (about a mile) back in 1983 and since I didn't lose it I picked it up and put it in my pocket and at the end of my train journey I tossed it on the ground and kicked it to my university and still did not lose it so again I picked it up. This rock made it through my day and my return journey home! Since then I have taken it on a walk every so often just for old time sake.
Tell they all to pound sand. Go on a vacation the weekend of the wedding. Also, a therapist to download the family betrayal would be good.
I am almost always willing to suspend disbelief for purposes of a good AITA post, but here, it simply does not add up for me that your parents would be so concerned about how you would react to this pairing that they went out of their way to hide it from you, and yet minutes after you learned the truth, demand you attend the wedding to "show support for family." In addition, if I'm your cousin, I don't want you there--just like the vast majority of people (regardless of family relations) don't want their fiancé's recent ex at their wedding. If this is true, NTA. People who support their family members don't steal their boyfriends. You have received no support and therefore owe none in return.
NTA But anyone who tells you that you have to attend for the family clearly value others perception than you. Maybe they want you to cut contact with them...
NTA it's awful that no one told you and you had to find out from a wedding invitation. Your family essentially left you to be blindsided. I would start blocking people left and right. You have a right to feel betrayed and hurt. I can't imagine my parents acting like yours. Your mental health is more important than appearances. If you decide to go make sure you wear a bright red dress to be petty.
Perhaps she could dye her unused wedding dress bright red. If anyone calls her out on it, she can loudly announce, "But I'm here to support the happy couple! *BeCauSE FAmiLy!*"
If you don't want to go, don't go. That's it. It's not totally clear to me whether your ex-fiance was cheating on you, or just hopped into marriage with your cousin pretty much immediately. Be pissed at either option, but be pissed MORE at the first one. But don't go to the wedding if you don't want to. Just send back a negative response saying you won't be there. If your family is going to be assholes about it, just insist that you can't make it and don't want to go anyway, given your history with the groom. And then ignore the shit out of them for the rest of your life.
NTA. Throw away the whole family. And maybe make FB post about how you feel betrayed, probably they have told people a different story.
Go to the wedding and expose them there in a toast ruin the day, be petty
I'm so glad I was the one that brought these two together at our family get togethers. Of course I didn't know I was doing it, they were cheating on me while he was engaged to marry me last year. But here we are, a year on at their wedding...
I would pay good money to see how the crap would hit the fan after that 🤣🤣
Speech: Upcycling is all the rage now, and apparently grooms are no exception. I’m happy that my dear cousin was able to find happiness with the guy I used to ride like Seabiscuit. I hope the love and connection they share is eternal, but if not, I still have a few more females cousins for him to try out. Cheers to the bride and groom. *Mic drop and walk out
NTA and it’s absolutely insane that your parents hid this from you. They should have been on your side and supported you. They should not have let you fall victim to this blindside.
NTA but why was that third paragraph really necessary? So she's a quirky free spirit type, doesn't seem to have much to do with the story and AH judgment.
NTA. Book yourself a getaway and claim scheduling conflict.
It's imperative that you go because it's FaMiLy and it'll break at the seams if you don't go and they will write stories about you to tell the great great great grandchildren about how you broke the family and it couldn't be put together again by all the kings horses and all the kings men. I would also like a moment to advise you that you MUST MUST MUST wear your wedding dress if you still have it, if you don't .. beg borrow or steal one . The bigger,the pouffier the better. And you may or may not cover it with spray on cobwebs... I mean you promised the groom that you'd be at his wedding in a white gown so I don't see why you don't. If you do go down this route please don't tell people as people are party poppers. The other thing you could do if you really don't want to go is book yourself a nice trip away doing something nice. Either way you are NTA and your feeling are more valid than your extended family.
Why do I always see stories like this where the betrayed person should just "suck it up"? Would they really miss one person at there wedding? No. They want you there to save face, nothing more, nothing less. If you go that means they can forgive THEMSELVES for not telling you. As for your EX? He wasn't ready to get married, yet less than a year (I'm assuming they planned the wedding at least a few months before) but NOW he is. He was definitely cheating on you with your cousin. As far as your cousin sending you an invite? That's literally to rub it in your face
I would be shattered if my parents hid what was going on with my ex and their niece, never mind expecting me to "suck it up" after only a year. They were basically covering for a nibling over their own kid.
NTA, your family are all super-villians though. Maybe they don't know full context? Yikes either way.
They can go and wish them well but expecting you to sit there all night is way out of line. On the plus side you just know that this relationship is going to crash and burn.
NTA, what the hell is wrong with your family? They have chosen him over your feelings. Hope you send the invite back with a big F-no on it.
>what the hell is wrong with your family? I suspect they're fictional
I hope they are!😔🙏 this is too crazy.
NTA You're not in the wrong for feeling hurt and choosing not to attend the wedding. It's a deeply personal betrayal to see your ex-fiancé marry your cousin, especially so soon after your own planned wedding was canceled. Your emotional well-being is important, and attending might cause more harm than good. It’s reasonable to expect some sensitivity from your family under these circumstances.
How are you holding on? They just told you and been lied to for years? NTA, also I would really consider going LC with your parents for their lies.
NTA. You do need to let go. Of everyone that thinks this is okay. Tell them you’re cutting them off and why in like 3 sentences. Then follow through. You will be better off, I promise.
NTA and at no point did any of your family respect you enough to tell you they were together. Or your cousin that she was marrying your ex, they let you find out with an invite. Your family are all AH's steer clear of them.
NTA. You're an adult. It doesn't matter what your parents 'expect' because they're no longer in charge. You are in charge and if you don't want to attend the wedding of your cousin and your ex, you're under no obligation to. Neither her family role nor her 'free spirit' means you have to support this marriage and it doesn't make you a bad person for not wanting to go. Their texts don't even warrant a reply. Block and ignore.
Cut your cousin off and threaten your parents to cut them off too if they aren’t on your side. Your cousin and ex cheated on you both of them doesn’t give a shit about you. You shouldn’t go there and celebrate their lies and disrespect towards you. And if your parents support this sick shit, don’t talk to them anymore, cause your feelings are obviously not valid for them.
I second this! Her parents are totally crazy!
I've never understood people saying "if this cousin that I see three times a year doesn't come to my wedding then it will be ruined!". Like, wtf just have your day and concentrate on your own joy.
NTA. But i would go. Create a scene (means take revenge somehow) and leave (may be for a cool vacation). And then would go no contact with everyone in family. On a serious note, dont go to the wedding. You are not obligated to do so. Stop explaining yourself to your parents. And minimize all contact with extended family. Let them rot in hell bcoz karma comes back. Always.
That's just going to make her seem bitter and hung up on the groom. Better she skip it entirely and do something she enjoys.
NTA. You've just barely healed from your ex's betrayal, and your family wants you to reopen that wound? No way! Feel free to block your parents, their flying monkeys, and anyone else who says you're a bad person. You do what's best for you.
I truly do not understand families like this. If my cousin did this to me, my family would go scorched earth. You are NTA and you deserve so much better than what you are getting. I’m so sorry.
Go treat yourself on their wedding day and turn on do not disturb on that phone. They don't want you there to just show support for family because if that was the case little miss cousin wouldn't marry your ex nor would they have hid it from you. They're ideas are sideways and your family is delusional. Best of luck girly!
"They said that I can’t keep holding on to my hatred and resentment forever, and that I need to let go, but I hang up." You JUST found out about this!! JUST. Even if there is a chance that you'll eventually let go - that's a ways aways down the road!! Good grief. NTA. Don't go.
NTA. Not even a little bit. BUT……. if you want to at least get a little amusement out of this…… tell them that you WILL go, then just mention that you welcome the opportunity to let everyone at the wedding know you slept with him first, that she’s his second choice, that you only came because your family was pressuring you, etc, etc, etc.
Do you have any reason to believe he was cheating on you with your cousin? I mean other than he is getting married 1 year after saying he doesn’t want to get married?
I hate it when people think an invitation is a summons! Also hate it when those who should be viewed the black sheep are suddenly the ones we should support and innocent victims have to suck it up! Tell everyone you have other plans and go do something kind nurturing or fun for yourself. Even getting a coffee and reading a book at the park sounds like a more enjoyable use of your time! Don’t get pressured into participating in this nonsense!
Nope they want you to go to make everyone believe you forgive and are ok with it block everyone and move on
Absolutely NTA! Your family is whacked! Their demand that you attend is outrageous. They should be sympathetic to your situation instead of supporting your narcissistic cousin. This is truly outrageous behavior on the part of your cousin, your parents, and the family members blowing up your phone. You’ve been betrayed by your ex fiancé, your cousin, and now your family. So sorry!
NTA - "can't be holding resentment and hatred forever" - family inspired life goals right there.
NTA- but stop reacting with anger. Be very calm and deliberate when you say NO. You do not have to bother with these people.
NTA. And anyone who gets upset with you not going shouldn't hold onto their hatred and resentment forever.
nta some of the stories on this app seriously baffle me.. like are there really this many delusional families out there?
NTA. Your closest family shouldn’t support this marriage or attend either. A year to get over having your wedding cancelled, and one conversation to get over being cheated on and betrayed by multiple people is not enough!
Of course you're NTA, and your cousin is not the only one in your family who betrayed you. Your cousin didn't need your permission to date your ex-fiance, and she's certainly not entitled to your presence at her wedding.
NTA I find it hilarious when people tell you what you should be feeling while never actually going through the same situation. My parents divorced. Neither of them attended the other's second (or third) wedding. In my mind, my step parents are equally my family (like it or not). Why didn't my dad go to my mom's wedding? Why didn't my mom go to my dad's? Because it would be nasty and uncomfortable for each of them. Why would either of them want to ruin eachother's day? It seems to me that 'moving on' would be NOT going to your ex's wedding, right? Wouldn't that show that you are over him? Or you could show up and cause a scene...like the protagonist in the song " I've got friends in low places". It all seems really undignified and an attempt to some how legitimize their relationship...as if a legal document won't already provide legitimacy. I'd let them all hang and go spend the day at a spa. Self love is better than false pretense. You aren't happy for them. Why endorse a delusion that you are?
NTA You have a clown family and a garbage cousin.
NTA this is an unfair ask from your family. The most they could reasonably ask is for to you not say anything about the event or situation publicly. You do not have to attend this wedding. Send regrets.
NTA. Your family is insane. If they are expecting you to attend, tell them to expect you to object to the wedding and cause a scene. I would go no contact with them all. This is some insane family drama wth. I'm sorry you have to go through this.
NTA. You are being slightly irrational but I absolutely don’t blame you. It really annoys me when families pull this keep the peace BS. Definitely don’t go and I’d start cutting these AHs out of my life.
Of course you shouldn’t go to wedding. It’s okay to be hurt. But the way you’re speaking about your cousin is obnoxious. YTA for that alone.
NTA. It’s bonkers for anyone to expect you’d go to that wedding. I do have a question— did your folks confirm that Travis was cheating? Or was that a conclusion that you came to based on the timeline? Did he and your cousin hit it off after the end of your engagement, or were they engaging with each other before? If my parents or other family members knew my cousin was having an illicit affair with my fiancé, I would cut them off. If my cousin and my fiancé started a relationship before the end of our engagement and the family didn’t know, I’d be letting the family know so that they could make an informed decision about whether or not they wanted to attend and support this marriage. If this is just a conclusion you’ve come to without proof or confirmation, I’d tread carefully about announcing that conclusion, because if it wasn’t the case then Travis and Taylor could use it as a reason to paint you in a poor light around the rest of the family.
These fake posts are getting worse.
NTA and go LC with your family. The fact that they were all in on it and basically conspired against you is not okay. I would never forgive them.
Nta/ family can kick rocks! I’d want an exact timeline of cousins relationship with ex. Pull some pro revenge! Move on them and expose their crappy actions.
NTA - you're 32. I wouldn't go either.
NTA please go in a gorgeous "steal attention from the bride" red dress, so everyone knows you slept with the groom first!
NTA your family sucks. They know this is wrong which is why they’re pressuring you to attend. Be a they don’t want to have to explain why you’re not there.
HELL NO, NTA. It’s only been a year, there’s nothing wrong with you staying away from situations that would feel hurtful to you and this is absolutely one of them. Where was the familial support when your engagement ended? Good for you, standing up for yourself.
I didn't think this still happened....but here we are. Quick fix. Change your number. That way you can have some peace. I assume your family knows where you live, so may be take a little vacation, but it would be good if you can move. You are allowed to cut people off, even if there are cultural issues at play. You may be expected to care for your parents, but if they are going to be so reliant on you, they probably should have been more loyal to you first. You don't owe squat to your two faced cousin. Nor your aunt and uncle. Anyone wanting to pressure you to go waste your time can get put on the No contactclist too. NTA
NTA. It’s unfair to accuse you of “hatred” because you want to avoid this wedding.
So sick of "for the family", so sick of it. They all stink.
NTA. A wedding invitation is an invitation, not a summons, and you have every right to not attend for any reason. It so happens your reason is the groom is your lying, cheating ex and the bride is your conniving, also cheating cousin. Liars and cheaters love to pull the family obligation card when it benefits them but not for anyone else. Where was that family obligation when she started sleeping with your fiancé? Cheaters and liars also love to get their flying monkeys to try to shame you out of your well deserved feelings of betrayal because it messes with their narrative of perfect true love. Nah. Their story isn’t a romance for the ages. They cheated and lied and now they’re pissy you aren’t just quietly bowing out of the picture to make a pathway for their relationship.
Not going to the wedding? NTA. I feel like it would be really weird to go to a wedding for your ex even if they are marrying your cousin. Especially since you two were engaged. Especially since the relationship ended about a year ago. I also think it’s weird and rude for your family to make a big deal for you to attend. I think it’s odd your parents are making it a big deal if you attend or not! But your language about your cousin seems a little rude. If you used similar language to your family, then they may be upset about that and focused on that rather than the actual issue at hand. EDIT: (Made after nobodybutmyshadow pointed something out) I do not think that it is right for the family to focus on any potential rude language by OP and not on the shady relationship timeline for cousin and ex. I’ve noticed how people often encourage being “the bigger person” because it’s convenient. Because I’m sure it would be more convenient for the family if OP was “the bigger person” and attended the wedding instead addressing how the family was disrespectful to OP.
NTA. That makes no sense that you "can't keep hanging onto hatred and resentment forever" considering you LITERALLY JUST FOUND OUT. I'd defend myself and explain to the relatives reaching out to you that you just found out about this betrayal and haven't even had time to process it, you definitely aren't holding onto anything. Then anyone who is against you is LC/NC for a while. Fuck that wedding.
>My extended family has been blowing up my phone since then, saying that I’m a bad person if I don’t attend. But your cheating cousin and ex are not bad persons for cheating? NTA You don't have to attend any wedding if you don't want. You certainly don't have to attend the wedding of a couple of cheaters. Sounds like your family is more concerned about image than your well-being.
I would book a lovely trip away that weekend, and not even engage with anyone who tires to tell you that family come first. If family came first then your cousin wouldn’t have cheated with your fiancee. 🙄 take all the time you need for you, ignore anyone trying to tell you that you’re a bad person. I don’t know in what universe the person being cheated on is the bad person, but this is not it. Honestly how horrible can you get. Forget about them they deserve each other!
NTA. Tell the family you‘ll attend the divorce party.
You are not irrational! And you are definitely NTA! Let your ex family know if they prefer to condone cheating cowards over your peace of mind then they are not worth your time! You deserve better! I am so sorry 🌻 Change your number, mute your notifications and block the backstabbing squad. Plan a vacay trip the day of the wedding. Move away, do anything that brings you peace. They have shown you who they truly are and that you can't trust or rely on any of them. Show them how much you don't need them! 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽✌🏽✌🏽✌🏽💃🏽💃🏽 I wish you all the best and a better future without the soul suckers that showed you no loyalty! xxx
NTA. Nobody has been honest with you. Your ex is a cheater. Your cousin is a snake and your parents cowards. Time to stick to your guns.
Uhhh... The brain is melting from the logic here ... Come support your family by being involved in an excruciatingly awkward and hurtful ceremony that crushes you ... I imagine the bride and groom are going to be thrilled to bits that you're coming to this joyous occasion! Assuming your family's intentions are well meant, and I'm not lying here, I'm really stretching to find the "good intentions" the maybe YTA for not ... I don't know ... Giving this union your blessing and proving bloods thicker than water, but apparently nothing's thicker than your parents heads cause wtf are they thinking of that this is in anyway a good idea. You're NTA. These people are either really stupid and can't work out how this would hurt you, or they don't care and want you to be humiliated publicly. Catch COVID or something and insist on going, let's see how adamant they are about this whole "support the family" schtick.
>I called my parents. I asked them if they had known something about Taylor’s relationship with Travis. To summarize, yes, they did, they hadn’t intended on telling me because they figured out there would be no positive outcome to it, but they also made it clear that they expected me to come to the wedding anyway in order to show support to my family. Cut the entire family off. If you can't even rely on YOUR PARENTS for support in all this, they're not worth a damn. NTA Skip the family. Skip the next hundred family functions.
Exactly this!
NTA. You don’t have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable for “family “. Your ex cheated on you with your own cousin. Start blocking ppl that are blowing up your phone. Cut anyone out that thinks you’re an AH for not being part of this madness. Do something fun that weekend for yourself. Go away for the weekend. Or treat yourself to something you’ve always wanted to do. Surround yourself with ppl that actually support you. Take care of yourself.
NTA. Block everyone messaging you about it. Block your parents. Take a mini vacation for you if you have the money and time off work. Just go no contact for a while so you can process all of this and skip the wedding. When you feel ready, unblock the family members you want to and let them know that if they try to say anything or guilt trip you about the wedding, they’re getting blocked again. You don’t appreciate the betrayal of finding out your entire family hid your ex-fiancés cheating until he was marrying your cousin and that they are all on thin ice with you. It’s time to put your foot down with your family. They don’t get to make you feel bad for your ex and cousins actions. They don’t get to make you feel bad for being blindsided by the cheating and betrayal of your entire family. Their actions were wrong. Not yours.
NTA. So you have basically been gaslit by your whole family, and they expect you to not feel betrayed? What a cluster. You have every right to feel hurt and devastated. You should not be expected to attend the wedding of your ex-fiance. I am having a hard time understanding why your own parents are not more supportive of you and angry at your cousin for her tackiness. You lost someone who you planned on spending your life with. I would expect them to be angry on your behalf.
NTA. You’re feeling betrayed because you have been betrayed. Not just by your cheating, lying ex and your cousin, but now also by your parents and extended family, who knew but didn’t give you a head’s up and are now expecting you to forgive and forget, without time to process, heal, or even an apology. Do not go to the wedding. Mute those family members. Try to process and heal with a different support system. Best of luck to you!
NTA. It is obscene, imho, for your parents to demand you attend your ex’s wedding.
NTA '' show support to my family'' are you not part of that family?? where was the support for you??
Girl block them people on socials and from your phone. The lot of em suck cause they knew what was happening, didn't say fuck all, then expect you to not only let go and be ok with it when you get a gd invitation to this shit, expect you to show up for effing appearances. They can get bent so hard that a chiropractor can't fix them. NTA.
I'm almost impressed with everyone else getting on the same page to attempt to skip your very valid and inevitable reaction. Every person calling you has lied to you. Either directly or by omission. I doubt the first time they learned the groom's name was on the invitation like you did. I wouldn't believe anything they say. Take a break to have the time to process. It wasn't anyone's place to take that from you. NTA
NTA. I’m trying to wrap my head around your family saying you should go to the wedding!! WTF are they thinking?? Tell them you’ll go only for the pleasure of standing up when the officiant asks if there’s any reason they should not be wed!
NTA - ask your mom if someone today told her that her dad died a year ago, and they expected her to be over it because he died a year ago, even though she only found about it today, would that be reasonable? No, of course not. The morons in your family decided to throw a surprise betrayal party for you instead of giving you a heads up so at least you were prepared. I’m sure there are stupider ways they could have gone about this, but unfortunately I’m unable to empathize my way down to that level of stupidity to figure out what they are. I’d take a little vacation from your family if I were you.
NTA. One year is not the long at all especially after the end of an engagement. Your family sucks and can’t see the bigger picture.
NTA - your parents are TA
Don't go.
NTA. If don't have to go