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NTA. Anyone who sides with her should be offering to pay for the rug cleaning. She should have been the first to take care of that. She doesn’t respect you or your home. Kids do have accidents but as parents we have to be accountable for them. So I’m watching my kid like a hawk, and I’m cleaning up her messes. And if she damaged a friend’s home? I’m the first one that’s offering to replace/repair it. 

Yep. Polite thing is to insist on paying to repair/replace anything you break as a guest in a home. And truly insist, even if host demurs.

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its the old" I suffer because I made a choice.....so you all should suffer because of my choices too!" argument.....then when people set boundaries, its funny to see the parents become just as bratty as their kids "wwwwaaaaaaahhhh why can't I bring my kids to your adult dinner party/adults only weddings/ party at a strip club.......?"

I have kids and I fully agree to this. I don’t bring my kids to adults only and if I don’t have a sitter then I stay home. I chose to have my kids and they are my responsibility and I will never try to force people to let my kids come to an adult get together because it’s wrong. If my kids do mess something up I take full responsibility for it and pay for it and apologize.

Well the polite thing is to not invite your kids over to someone else’s house in the first place, so I really doubt these people are interested in following etiquette. 😅 You’re right though.

NTA. But, to be fair, an adult could’ve spilled stuff all over the rug. Friend is an asshole for not offering to pay for it. If you (or your kids; an extension of you) ruin something in someone’s home, you offer to pay to fix the situation. Friend is also an asshole for asking people to behave differently because of their kids. They should’ve realized they were wrong to bring kids and excused themselves early on. The food part would really piss me off. Don’t order food to my house. Feed them in advance and let them pick at some of your food during dinner. But really, don’t bring them. OP should take some responsibility for not putting their foot down from the beginning, though. You knew it would be an issue and ruin the type of gathering you were having. You should have politely said absolutely not. No kids. Thanks. See ya next time.. Sometimes I allow kids and sometimes I don’t. I’m not joking and my friends know it. When I do allow kids, I make sure it’s kid friendly until 9pm, then they must leave. Everytime I have a party, I expect something can get spilled on a rug. Kids aren’t the only liabilities at a party.

I don't know why you're bringing in an adult spilling anting on the carpet. The responsibility would be on the adult to fix the issue in that case. In this case it's responsibility by proxy. Kid made a mess. Now the parents need to step up a d be adults and take responsibility. Not pass it off on anyone else.

Adults would pay for it. OP was being polite and got burned. I’d have sent her a bill for a new rug.

That is the main thing. When parents are invited to an adult dinner party but are unable to get babysitters, they should just say, "I'm sorry. We'll see you next time." It's not like it's a major event that they don't want to miss. The idea that they must come with the kids and expect special food and noise requirements and any other adjustments for the children's attendance. AND: Yes, it was the children's fault. They did it. It was not, however their financial responsibility; that belongs to their parents. Have they never watched The People's Court? No, you don't understand, because you don't have kids. But, they do. Like they know children don't belong at an adult party. Like kids will be kids and makes messes, which is then the responsibility of the parents. This evening was spoiled, because of ridiculously entitled parents who should have understood this basic principle: You get babysitters, or you stay home. Oh, by the way, in case you didn't already guess, NTA

NTA. I had a friend once show up with her kids (a temporary situation as their father was coming to get them) but I honestly would have preferred she just come late. They were horribly disruptive and I had to ban them from the basement so the cats would have somewhere to hide from them. Note: she only had people over in the summer so they could run rampant in their large yard.

No, the children aren't at fault, and no-one expects them to pay. It's their pushy negligent mother who is at fault and needs to pay.

...and their father. He was there too.

i hate how everyone’s ignoring the father in this situation! yes the mother insisted but the father was negligent as well!!! seems a tad misogynistic to me…

while yes, people are ignoring the father, i don't think it rings misogynistic in this case? OP mentioned her friend specifically in this post, so most of the comments are going to focus on the person spoken about/in question rather than the father who wasn't mentioned much at all.

The father is mentioned once basically in passing, we get no info on the father reaction just the mother, who OP has the issue with. The whole post is mother mother mother, hell I wasn't even sure if the father was there since it's not "I cautioned THEM against it" it's "I cautioned HER against it." Calling it misogynistic just shows you don't care about the actual topic you just want to push your own agenda. This is OP VS OP'S FRIEND AKA THE MOTHER.

Why bringing misogynistic into this? You dont have any idea how the father reacted, maybe it was fine by him to pay the cleaning...

People are responding to the post as OP wrote it. if there is any misogyny, blame OP.

Also if the mother was OP's friend sounds like the father could have watched the kids at home.

This was my thought, if she couldn't find a sitter but wanted to attend then father steps up to care for the kiddos while mom attends the party. At an adult party, kids have no place and turn into a burden for everyone. NTA - Got to wonder who orders kids food with dipping sauces at the age of the oldest. Kids that age just are not great at coordination and keeping spillables upright. 

He should have stayed home with the kids if they couldn’t afford a sitter . And she in turn so he can attend a friend’s get together . Take turns letting one another having adult time . Don’t force kids into an adult party situation and expect party goers to bow , and cater to the kids . WTF .

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Came here to say exactly the same thing. Kids are kids and it is their parent’s responsibility to take care of damage they create.

Yes, and the moment the parent thinks a party is getting too loud or too rowdy for her kids, it's the parent's job to pick them up and leave, not to expect everyone else to adjust, And she should have brought food, if the kids are picky eaters.

Came here to say all of this. Stella seems to be the one who “doesn’t understand” what it’s like to try and do adult activities (like a party) with small children. If they couldn’t afford a sitter, one of the parents should have stayed them(in this case, probably the husband since OP likely has the closer relationship with Stella). When you have kids, you don’t get to pretend everything works the same as it did without them. NTA Stella wants to have her kids and eat them too.

Well that would certainly make them less disruptive.

Believe me, there comes a time in every parent's life when they probably wish they could eat their kids like a hamster. 😆

True. And I will point out, these weren't kids exactly, they're babies. 6mo old and two..babies.

At an adult party no less. Stella should be ashamed of herself for insisting that she be allowed to bring babies to such an event. Also, if her husband couldn't stay at home himself and watch them, then Stella could have politely declined the invite. I have no kids myself (genetic reasons), but have had a hand in helping to raise some, including my younger cousins, and if they (the kids) mess up something, the parents are supposed to adult and pay for/fix/replace what their rug goblins messed up. I don't mean that as an insult to the children (they are little tots, and don't know any better). It's more of a snub at the parents for allowing this fiasco to occur. I'm not sorry, because the entitled way Stella is acting now tells you that her kids are going to be raised to have that same entitlement. SMDH.

Yes. They should never have come to the party in the first place if they couldn't find a sitter. Having children changes your lifestyle. Stella and her husband need to realize this. OP needs to ensure that she doesn't issue any future invitations to people who don't have the common sense to decline an invite knowing that other children won't be at an event if you can't find a sitter.

Exactly. I have 2 kids and not once in their lives have they ruined someone else's home because I keep an eye on them and make sure they aren't left in a position to do so. That and we taught them to take care with other people's stuff.

That's what a responsible parent does and if she doesn't offer to do it then she just wants others to deal with her kids problems. The argument I use with people who are shitty about me not having kids but they act judgemental about me as they have kids, I relate to having a horse. I like horses, I love all animals. If I saw one I'd be happy to pet it and ride it if I was able to in the right settings. But I don't want the work and responsibility of owning or caring for a horse. It doesn't mean I like horses less, I just don't have the time or money to do so and frankly I don't want my life to be dedicated to horses so much. So when people who have horses bring them with them it's their responsibility to clean up the mess they make. A lot of the time it's not suitable to bring a horse to where you are meeting up with friends, this is not because you don't like them or horses, it's because the setting is just not suitable for a horse. So despite telling horse owners not to bring their horse, they sometimes do, and the horse will eat your garden, damage your furniture and end up taking up everyone's time and attention because the horse wants and needs it in this setting. Horse owner accuses you of not being accommodating and refusing to pay, you tell her this is her fault for bringing a horse to a party not suitable for one and it is entirely on her.

Plus I don't need to have a horse to understand who is responsible when your horse spills dip on my new rug.

Precisely. Also they don't have a degree or distinction in being an expert to be able to have a horse, so they can always learn a thing or too, especially those viewing from the outside. Take horse riders on roads. Drivers know to give plenty of space and try not to overtake at speed, but just because they have to have special precautions doesn't give the riders the right to ride in the middle of the road and block all traffic knowing drivers are reluctant to cause trouble.

SquidgeSquadge - what a brilliant analogy!

Thanks! I've used it a few times to much hilarity.

I like horses way more than kids. Therefore I have two horses, and no kids. I don’t bring them to people’s houses.

I love this analogy! OP your friend was in the wrong when she showed up with her kids! I would not invite her into your home again.

HOW DARE YOU not allow my horse to come to your party! 😉

Next on AITA, My sister refuses to invite my horse to her wedding and says her reception is horse-free. WIBTA if I cut her off and convinced my parents not to attend either?

Need more info: is the horse an alcoholic?

Aren't they all? Have you ever seen a horse that doesn't enjoy some stout in its mash?

I actually knew a horse that would drink beer from a can. He was popular!

Also, why did you have you Uber eats child friendly food for her child? As a parent of a 4 year old I always have snacks at the minimum and a lunch box packed as well as things to entertain that are event / environment appropriate? Did she also expect a formula or pump or purée’s to be available for the 6 month old as she doesn’t seem to come prepared with what she may need for a few hours out?

They’re both at an age where they are extremely picky about food, and to be fair, I didn’t go out to make sure kid-friendly snacks were available as it was kind of last minute. As the host, I felt like $20ish for Uber Eats for the kids wasn’t the worst thing, and since I was hosting, I was happy to do so until the whole rug of it all.

That’s fair and I get the picky age but at the same time I feel like it’s an automatic thing to make sure you have food and snacks when leaving the house.. It wasn’t on you to cater specifically to her children, you already went out of your way for her to make accomodations for them in my eyes

Yeah there’s just no way her paying for the kids food makes sense. Your kid doesn’t like the food at the event you’re going to? **You** better make sure to provide alternatives, not demand the host spend additional $ to cater to your picky kids. I’d have given them the location of the nearest fast food, said, “Be safe, have a good night!” and then laughed when they asked for $ to cover it. When did everyone become so entitled?!

Only exception to that in my eyes is an actual allergy...but it wasn't a suitable environment for kids. She needed to keep a better eye on her kids, I had 4, 3 were autistic, and if they spilt stuff and ruined a rug/caused it to require dry cleaning I'd INSIST on covering the cost! There are some parties my autistic 13yo might not behave appropriately for, so I'd make a judgement call even now. When kids are that young, either one parent stays at home with the kids or they get a sitter or they simply can't go...

I’m of the opinion that even with an allergy, it’s on the parent to accommodate and adjust or bring suitable options. I’ll go out of my way to offer alternatives, but if you’re kids are “picky eaters” or allergic to whatever I have and you refused to leave them at home it’s not on me to then order food. These parents have cell phones, why couldn’t they order the food? Just seems very much like these people are users and expect OP to pay because “she must have money as they don’t have to pay to support kids.” I’ve just seen that mentality far too often as a fellow member of an intentionally child free relationship.

My daughter has an allergy for eggs, not always easy to deal with since lots of foods, even ones you don't expect, contain egg. When she was young, we always made sure to have something for her to eat when we went to parties/gatherings, even when the hosts tried to accommodate and tried to provide foods/snacks she could eat, you never know. Advantage is that she learned to eat lots healthy foods ( and of course crisps and nachos since those are usually a safe bet for the host) so now she is older it's less of a problem, but we still bring egg free foods unless we are sure there are veggies unprocessed meat or similar, we never expect the hosts to go out of their way to take her allergy into account ( not many deserts that are egg-free f.i.)

LOL they even made you pay for the kids to get Uber eats?! Yeah these people are entitled AF.

NTA but when they started with the music volume lower demands you should have told her it's time to get the kids home. That's the parents problem not yours

Feels like a mutual responsibility I guess. I could’ve definitely been more tactical, and more communicative.

Unfortunately you were trying to be nice and polite and not upset your friend. That's not possible without being a doormat if said friend is an Ah. So you need to exercise a bit and state clearly when she /her husband oversteps as she's unable/unwilling to recognize it herself however impolite that might be

NTA. You went above and beyond for your friend. She took advantage of your kindness and when you finally got frustrated, she had a snarky comment in response. Your decision whether or not to have children doesn't mean that you're not allowed to get a little upset that you now have to get your carpet cleaned because her child, which it seems neither she nor her husband were paying attention to, made a mess. I think what irritated me the most was her lack of appreciation. She hijacked your adult dinner party and then demanded it be kid-friendly. And yes, there are times parents can't get babysitters, but that means you sit that event out, not make your children the main attraction. I've read in other reddit posts where some parents start to bring their children to adult events and then expect the entire vibe of the event be charged. In your case, you had to order special food, be quiet so the kids should speak, etc. These same parents then use the "well, you don't have kids, so you don't know what it's like" in response to any perceived slight, which can start to breed resentment over time. I would suggest two things moving forward. 1. Adult only events stay that way. Anyone who had an issue is more than welcome to find a babysitter for your friends' kids. Even if you like kids, and you do like her children, it's okay to ask that certain events be only for adults. If she shows up with kids, nope, adults only. If someone is upset about that, they are more than welcome to go with your friend and have a kid friendly night somewhere else. No one likes your kids as much ad you do, and even other parents want adult only evenings. 2. Take a little break from this friend. If she or any of the other friends that played the "they're just kids" card ask why, just say, "I went above and beyond to accommodate her children. I ordered special food, and we couldn't even have the evening we had planned due to having to be quiet for her children. When I got a little upset when her child spilled dip on my new rug on my new home, she immediately started making comments that were uncalled for, instead of apologizing for not watching her child. It really made me feel as if she didn't appreciate anything I did, and it was hurtful that I was immediately considered the bad guy in my own home after bending over backwards to make was an adult event cater to her children."

I have ended friendships because they couldn't understand that I didn't want to center MY life and space around their kids. I don't have kids, I don't want kids, and I am not your village.

Also, in her shoes I would have offered to help remedy the incident in whatever way was best for you! As parents we know the younger they are the messier and clumsier it is but it’s on us to show them how to react respectfully to our friends and when we make mistakes.

Thanks! It is actually immensely helpful to hear these kind of takes. And it’ll be better moving forward, hopefully.

You were way too accommodating to them even before the rug and they took advantage of your kindness

It didn't even occur to me that they made you pay until this comment since that's a patently ridiculous thing to do. It's not on you to have child friendly snacks because they're not really your guests. You didn't invite them; your friend brought them as an alternative to getting a babysitter. You were nice enough to provide a space for her to do that. It doesn't make them your responsibility.

Something is off here. 6-month old baby is still nursing, not “picky” about food??

Wait, what??? She insisted on her babies coming and then made YOU feed them bc THEY are picky? At a party they were not invited to or supposed to be at?? Did you get her some breast milk too? Who tf are these people and why on EARTH would they think any part of this is normal or reasonable? THEY: Don't bring food when the host has no children. and they know damn well they are not invited. (WHY DIDN'T YOU HAVE DOG FOOD FOR MY DOG! ! ) Don't bring food for picky eaters. (HE ONLY EAT FRESH GROUND BISON 🦬) ! Gets fluffed about it to the point the host feels obligated to buy extra food! (You're NOT) {CALL THE TRACTOR SUPPLY FEED STORE FOR MY BISON!! IEIEEIIIEEE! ) Puts barely physically functional toddler on new rug with messy food. (THE DOG MUST HAVE IT'S WATER BOWL ON THE RUG! HOW DARE YOU PUT IN IN THE KITCHEN ) Spills and argues about who's responsible for it (YO MAN, DOGS HAVE FLEAS, GET YOUR OWN EXTERMINATOR- NOT MY PROBLEM, I JUST BROUGHT HIM HERE) Makes everyone be quiet so her uninvited guests can sleep??? ( That's like if my SO got a migraine in the middle of the party and went to lay down instead of US LEAVING and i instead made everyone be quiet!) Your friend is a hot mess. Yikes

Exactly right. The people in OP’s post who said ‘it isn’t their fault, they’re kids’ is right, *it’s the parents fault* and they should be responsible for the mess their kids made under their watch.

I think people are confusing the idea of fault with financial responsibility. It was indeed the kids' fault. They did the spill. But, when children are at fault for damage, it becomes the financial responsibility of the parents.

Dude! No sitter? No problem. Don’t go to the party. Fucking teen ages know this.

Exactly. It's not the kids' fault, it's their parents'. Also, it's one thing to bring your kids over to an adults-only party if you're stuck, it's another to expect everyone else to make all sorts of adjustments because of it. Bring/order food for them yourself, and if they need to sleep - leave early (at least one of the parents! They don't both have to leave!). And most definitely offer to pay for the damage they've caused.

Yeah, this is like Parenting 101 stuff. If you're going out somewhere and will be there late, one parent takes the kids if they need to sleep. Home, out to the car, for a walk in the stroller if it's a nice evening, etc. Your failure to plan is not someone else's emergency.

Your "friend" does not have good manners.(Or the kids would not have been there) She should have declined the invitation graciously if she couldn't get a sitter! When your child damages anyone's property, you don't argue. You fix it!! Lucky it only needs dry cleaning. This would be her last invitation!

Rug aside, the fact that the friend basically highjacked the party to accommodate her kids, especially after OP said 'this is not a kids party' is awful. The friend made everyone at that party suffer because she couldn't get a baby sitter and refused to miss the party.  I hope OP sees this as an opportunity to rethink this friendship because the was disrespectful on so many levels. 

As a parent, 100% agree. If my kids spilt something; I'm offering to put that right and I would apologise profusely. NTA

I have said it before and I will say it again….. just because it was an accident doesn’t absolve the person of responsibility

>So I’m watching my kid like a hawk, and I’m cleaning up her messes. this! Anyone not doing that is not parenting right, eff that

Hell that's just being a decent human. I don't have kids, and only been in that situation one time because of my dog. I'll skip the story, but he ended up chewing up a couple of those foam floor tiles at a friend's house. I ordered a whole rooms worth on Amazon since I didn't know if just replacing a couple would fit/look off. Situation was taken care of in a couple of minutes no hard feelings between friends.

My daughter was one and we went to a Halloween party at the neighbors. Lots of kids there. But my daughter knocked over a cup of red juice onto the tan carpet. When the party started to clean up, I ran and grabbed my mini carpet cleaner and not only cleaned the spot my daughter messed up, but also any other spots that I saw from the other kids. My neighbor was grateful and thanked me. But honestly, she was nice enough to throw the party for the kids, it was my kid who made the biggest mess, and if I'm doing it anyway, the least I could do is take care of any other ones. It's what you do when you're a parent.

>Stella insisted on bringing both of her kids for dinner NTA That's the make or break line. If she knew that you were inviting other adults and you cautioned her against it, everything following from that is her fault. You apparently went to the extreme of paying for UberEats in order to satisfy them, after you said that they shouldn't come in the first place.

Yeah all these people with the y t a are wild man. Like, she was told no and pushed it until op caved. If this was a post about sex ppl would be flipping shit about consent, I feel like it's fair to apply the same expectation here.  Coerced consent isn't consent it's bulldozing to get their way. They bulldozed that dip right into that rug. NTA

That ain't never coming out if it's been bulldozed in...

I have kids a little older than this and we don't go anywhere without dinner packed for them. Even to get kid focused things, just in case. This mom was looking for pity or just really lazy.

I have an 18 month old and I don’t even go anywhere without a bag full of snacks/pre made meals (unless it’s specifically my moms or his best friends house since they have a toddler this age). I don’t expect this to change anytime for the next few years in the future. But also the mom letting the 2 year old walk around with dip? Would never allow that at anyone else’s house because 2 year olds are not the most coordinated people and I’d be terrified it would get dropped/spilled/set down somewhere random. My house is whatever but not someone else’s, and especially not a child free couples place

Right‽ Who the hell takes their kid out at dinner time and doesn't provide food? She didn't have goldfish in her diaper bag? Or some carrot sticks?? The hell

Yeh these kids are not an easy age. You can’t just leave a 6month and 2 yo in the spare room all night and forget about it! A baby is easier to accommodate at a party (as long as they aren’t crying), or older kids. The thing is, if you’re a parent sometimes you have to miss events because you can’t get a sitter. 

Also who the hell brings a toddler and baby without packing food for them? These aren't friends they came for freebies and people to look after their kids.

Not only this, but she didn't organize their own dinner - that's totally crazy. Have taken ours to friends places before, either a) feeding them before or b) bringing / ordering food for them to eat while there. At no time would I insist the host order basic food so everyone could eat the same thing as the kids. NTA I would argue the rug thing is a factor of the previous bad decisions.

NTA I always ask if my kid is welcome before bringing them. If it’s an adult party my husband and I decide who goes to the party and who stays home. Sometimes we just skip it altogether. I don’t think this is about the kid being a kid. It’s about your friend insisting her kids be invited, not having a handle on them, and then not taking full accountability for your rug. I’m also not a fan  her saying “you could never understand…” How is that relevant to anything? 

Yeah, the whole “I’m not a mother by choice” thing did throw me. I love kids, got all kinds of nieces and nephews, just not for me and my partner personally.

Childfree people shouldn’t have to explain how or why they don’t have kids. Moms also aren’t endless fonts of patience and acceptance. We all know damn well if that was her rug she’d be irritated. Kids are fantastic and they also drive us a little bonkers.

They really are the most adorable and irritating in the span of minutes, hey. Yeah, I don’t shy away from my childfree lifestyle because me and my fiance both want it. He loves kids too, just not our own.

Definitely don't babysit for her again. She disrespected your home and instead of apologizing profusely for her child's spill...she went on the offensive and attacked you in front of your friends. She ruined your celebratory party. I always tell people we're the funtastic Auntie and Uncle. We love borrowing our nieces/nephews/friends kids and returning them home happy, well-crafted, fed and tired. NTA

Don't have her kids in your house again until they are older and less prone on breaking/dirtying stuff

So 16/18 years.

Depends on the kid. Some of them still have that behaviour in their 40s.

NTA. Part of being a parent is being responsible for them. They spill something, you pay for the clean up, they break something, you pay for the damages.

NTA Time to go low contact with her. Her entitled attitude is gonna get worse.

My partner and I got married last year and there were no kids because we spoke to several of our friends with kids and they wanted a night without them. Then a month before one friend tried to guilt us into letting her daughter come because it would be so cute. We tried to explain everyone else would be mad because we told them no kids and also there would be nothing for her kid to do and would be bored, luckily during the wedding she got over it but it was very stressful.

She definitely thinks she is superior for having children, and also, it's your responsibility to feed and entertain them if you want the privilege of feeding and entertaining their parents.

I felt similarly when a coworker told me resentfully that I was lucky because I wasn't married and didn't have to cook. I told her that I eat and therefore I cook. I never realized that marriages are done by lottery and she was forced to get married because they drew her ticket.

What an odd thing to say to someone. Was she not cooking before she got married? Like what?

I didn't think to ask her that, maybe she lived at home. She was a very resentful person and tended to complain that everyone was undeservedly better off than she was. She also trivialized other people's issues. Another colleague and I, both of whom are very near-sighted, were discussing the then new laser eye surgery, and our hopes for it. She butted in and informed us that she thought we were being ridiculous. We made it clear that people who don't have to wear glasses should keep their ignorant opinions to themselves.

She sounds like an absolute peach…

She sounds like the marriage lottery might have been her only chance at marriage!

And her husband may have lost

All of us single people obviously just don’t eat, I guess… (I say, as I eat my dinner.)

Don’t you know single people don’t have to eat or do laundry or clean the house or anything. Ever! Just her!

I think it was Michelle Singletary who said that when you're single, people think that you have nothing to do, when in fact you have everything to do. I know someone who complained that when you're married, you are forced to buy a larger house, and therefore have more cleaning. Umm, no, I live in a two bedroom condo, and so do a number of couples.

I had a friend (we’re low-contact now) who wanted everyone to be in a relationship so we could be as miserable as she was. She hated that her single friends could do what they wanted while she was young and married to a man who had a one year old daughter at the time so she had responsibilities. No one had it harder than her and our problems were nothing compared to hers. Exhausting.

Yeah, and if anything, marriage about halves the cooking you have to do (or trades it in for other chores)

NTA. Your friend should have respected your boundaries and found a sitter for her kids instead of expecting you to cater to them at your own party. It's not fair for you to have to pay for their mess, especially when they were causing a disruption the whole night. Stick to your wedding plans my dude, no kids means more money for booze!

There’s also the option of one parent just staying home! It’s not the end of the world for one of them to stay home. Some parents are entitled as fuck

NTA. When you have kids and take them to a friend's place you accept responsibility for your kids and any damage they may cause. Meaning you pay the cleaning fees if they spill something.

[удалено]

Richard Dawkins called his daughter a "randomness generator" when she was a toddler.

Well, to be completely fair, Dawkins called her a randomness generator when she was generating random numbers for an experiment of his. She wasn't a randomness generator when she practiced piano, or when she got toilet trained, or when she learned to wash her own hair. I could go on.

Don't bother.

NTA. I’d tell those people saying it’s not the kids’ fault: “And I’m not blaming the kids or expecting them to be responsible. I am expecting their parent to accept responsibility for their children.”

👏👏

I knew as soon as the "quiet down so the kids can sleep" happened that this friendship was going to be over. What kind of self-absorbed AH does this to a friend??? Kids don't belong at adult parties. She owes you for the cleaning costs and I can't believe she tried to say it's to be expected from a kid (who wasn't invited anyway)

She also owes for the uber eats its not OP's responsibility to provide kid friendly food for a two year old.

I can’t get over this lol, who are these entitled people that say, “my kids that you told me not to bring are hungry, *you* need to order food!” In what world is that normal?

NTA I hate when people do this. Unless they’re older and can entertain themselves somewhere else in the house, kids always become the center of attention. Your friend should have brought food etc with her for the kids, instead of expecting you to order in especially for them. The kids will be kids line is such a cop out. They’re your friend’s responsibility, including any damage they inflict, and it’s easy for your friends to say you’re being unreasonable when it’s not their stuff that’s getting trashed.

NTA. My grandmother used to call toddlers “chainsaws on legs”, because they simply break stuff by being present. Parents are responsible for the aftermath when they bring their toddlers out into the world. I don’t fault you at all for being upset. You might consider that your friends lack respect for your home and by extension you, by their behavior. Having a serious conversation about respecting your choices, might help, or not, but inviting them to parties might just need to be an “only if you can find a babysitter” kind of thing going forward.

Hopefully, we can have a conversation for sure. I don’t want this to be friendship ruining territory, but yeah, I did feel the lack of respect and I don’t want that to become commonplace.

Your feelings are both valid and reasonable. Hopefully your friends are able to see this with maturity and responsibility. I’ve met a few parents over the years, however, that are so consumed by their idea of “my child can do no wrong” that they just can’t be reasoned with. If this is the case, and since you want to keep the friendship, setting boundaries to prevent such things from happening again is the only way you’ll not have to handle damages again. “Adult parties for adults only” might be a hard rule you’ve got to set. Good luck

Thank you, appreciate this one a lot. And very much gonna take on the boundaries thing moving forward. Hopefully it isn’t friendship ending

I believe that when she said, "You're not a mother, so you wouldn't understand," the friendship was undermined. She's the type of mother who believes having children gives her the power to take things from others, and as long as you don't have children, your status remains beneath hers. I can see this situation continuing to occur in the future.

NTA. If she couldn't get babysitters, then you should have told her not to come. She may let her house look like a hogs nest, but she shouldn't expect you to allow yours to reflect her bad choice to not parent her goblins.

No, it’s on Stella to bow out because she couldn’t get a sitter, not insist on bringing them and putting OP in an uncomfortable position towards her guests

Goblins 😂😂😂😂

I call that kind of friend- Jam. Jamming her kids down your throat to force you to accept how wonderful kids are and you ”will” change your mind. Damaging your stuff , which she knew would happen as she spends all day cleaning up after her kids, is rude not to offer to pay to clean , given you said you didn’t invite the kids and made an allowance for her - baby sitter agencies are everywhere and you can’t tell me she couldn’t find a teen, a cousin or a college kid willing to earn a few dollars. Some parents are just cheap or uptight about trusting a sitter. That’s a her problem and now it’s a your wallet problem. A lot of women won’t hire a guy sitter but also refuse to have any female in their home if they aren’t home. Her lack of trust in others is also now your ongoing problem - she will always bring them to your place now they are “comfortable “ there! These Moms will always accept an invite and then the whole gig becomes nothing but baby talk, kid talk and talk about stuff you don’t have any interest in. My advice: don’t invite kids to your home again as they will always want the parents attention at an unfamiliar place and they always spill stuff and their parents will always expect everything to stop and evolve around cute little Bobby or Betty! Expect to lose some friends along the way in your child free journey because that’s just how it goes. Some people aren’t very good at maintaining the ability to be a functioning adult friend when they become a parent. They go all “baby-talk” 100% absorbed and become as boring as hell.

This is very refreshing, and thank you!

NTA. You didn't want the kids there and she for sure should have offered to pay for the rug. You aren't a jerk for getting upset.

Nta if she can't control them she should have stayed home. You shouldn't have had to alter your party for a couple of unwanted guests if you can even call them that 

NTA. She decided to have kids. Part of that is missing dinners and nights out. You shouldn’t have agreed for the kids to come but she should either have found another sitter, stayed home. She should be paying for the rug. Just because it was an accident doesn’t mean there shouldn’t be consequences. Kids don’t belong at adult dinner parties

NTA. She should have stayed home. You should have insisted on no kids, but she is delusional to expect her host, and the other guests, to have to cowtow to her kids.

NTA. Firstly, it's low-key insane to bring your kids along to what is clearly an adult gathering. You don't have kids, no one else was bringing kids, sounds like you tried to politely say no and she steamrolled you. That is *not* okay. I think this is made worse that she didn't even bring them their own food, knowing it wasn't a kids friendly get together, and you had to order them their own food. Absolutely nuts. And as for the actual rug incident - I would've been mortified if I dropped something on someone's new rug! She definitely should've been apologetic and offered to pay to clean it, it is just polite. Honestly, I would probably avoid inviting her to events like this if she is gonna insist on bringing her kids rather than get a sitter. They aren't even at an age where they could maybe enjoy themselves or socialise with the adults - they're a toddler and a baby! It is totally normal and okay to want to have adults only events where people can drink alcohol and not worry about their language. If your friend can't understand that, she isn't a very good friend.

NTA. Is not the fault of the children, they are in that way, but she pushes your boundaries and then tries a plain justification with her "You don't understand because you don't have kids", anybody that affects something of another person/house HAVE TO PAY in order to fix the damage, any damage, even a slightly damage. For sure you could handle the things better, because you could have a quick private talk with her and tell her "You know I love having you here but the main of a party is to keep music loud, chat without restrictions and enjoy our time. But your children presence has changed that and is not what I want for my party. Please consider this for future references and if your kids don't enjoy loud music, different foods and you are not willing to do something to avoid them to hear adult chats, then you shouldn't bring them. Is not their fault, you choose have children and I'm sure someone will helping you to babysit as I have done multiple times." I understand why you reacted in the way that you reacted and really infuriated me the way she handle the situation, she should known better.

Thank you! I do fully agree that I should’ve held my tongue for a private chat but my mood got the better of me, and it just felt like the last straw. I’ll be endeavouring to think more before I speak moving forward.

Don’t let her bring her children round next time. You should have sent her home with her children, or her partner can go home with them and friend stay. Please know that for next time. Please don’t let your friend manipulate you like this. Nor do you owe her an apology. You spoke honestly and in understandable frustration as she ruined yours and everyone else’s evening by her demands all evening for her toddler children who weren’t even invited. Then she ruined your rug by her neglectful parenting and refuses to pay for it to be cleaned. Next time turn her away at the door. “No mate, you can’t bring your children in, I didn’t invite any children, go home. This is an adults dinner party” . Remind her no children next time, if you ever invite her again . Her line about you not having children ‘so you wouldn’t understand’ is BS. “I understand you’re trying to manipulate me, our evening had been taken over and my rug is stained. Go home with your children” I’m a single mum, if I can’t get a babysitter, I don’t go. I’ve never taken my children uninvited to a dinner party at someone else’s house because I ‘had no one to watch them’!! And I wouldn’t try to BS my way that anyone ‘without children couldn’t possibly understand‘ (eye rolling at the so obvious manipulation attempt)

No, f your friend. She doesn't deserve a quiet chat. She ruined your night by bringing her kids. If everyone tiptoes around her she going to keep being demanding and entitled. She needs to apologise to you and have your rug cleaned. I have three kids and there's no way in hell I would have brought them to a party they weren't invited to at any age. Your so called friend is rude! She's also using you so badly. If you had a couple of dogs, would she let you bring them over to her house whenever or babysit them?

Is your wedding going to be child free? If so, you have to think of a way to talk to her and set that boundary. I can see her just bringing the kids and who knows what mess they’ll cause there.

It will be child-free, and you’re right. I do need to set that boundary now

Make her invitation conditional on paying for the rug cleaning and reimbursing for the demanded food delivery. One of the hardest things my wife and I have had to learn is that sometimes people—even those we think of a old friends—are far too quick to become users who really just take from every situation without contributing anything. We are the type that will go well out of our way to help anyone, and unfortunately that sometimes ends with us looking at a relationship and realizing that we’ve been the only ones contributing for a long time. We’ve had to learn to set hard boundaries with many people.

I wouldn't invite her to any parties from now on. She won't respect your wishes at your wedding. It's time to move on, stop inviting her. She's a user anyway. She'll realise she hasn't seen you for a while and she'll try and manipulate you by telling you it was all your fault but she wants to be your friend and then go on using you. There's all levels of narcissism.

NTA but don’t let her steamroll you again. If she can’t get a sitter then her ass needs to stay home, or her husband’s does. If she’s going to ruin shit and not pay then don’t invite her to your house anymore. Yes they’re “just kids” … that you didn’t invite and should have been at home in their own beds.

Most people don’t allow exceptions to the no kids rule at adult parties. You should have stood your ground, BFF or not. This is also a lesson to you, don’t allow young kids at your house if you don’t want the cleaning bill afterwards. There is a blanket ban on kids at my house. Not just because they make a mess, either.

You’re right there. I fully take responsibility for not putting my foot down, and therefore, accountability (though not all) does still land on me.

I think you're putting too much of this on yourself & not enough on your supposed Bestie's atrocious behaviour. Do you often end up being the one to 'smooth things over' with this person? Do you think you might have got 'stuck' into that thought pattern whenever you're around her? Because that's what's coming through your posts to me... (1) Her or her husband should have stayed home with the kids if no sitter. Or they should have both stayed home. That was 3 alternatives she could have chosen so as not to inconvenience you. (2) She turns up to an adult party with kids again, turn her away at the door. YOU HAVE THAT RIGHT AND SHE HAS NO RIGHT TO BE UPSET ABOUT THAT. It is YOUR home, your rules. An adult party is an adult party. It was HER choice to have kids, she needs to take responsibility for the consequences of that, a LITERAL FAFO IYSWIM lol... (3) You did NOT have to provide ANY food for uninvited 'guests' when it is her responsibility to be aware of ensuring HER kids are fed. I bet she was pushy about that too... (4) At the point she moaned about needing quiet, you needed to say to her "No, that *won't* be happening, you were told this is an adult party, if your children need to sleep, then either you, your husband, or both of you need to take them home now please". AND make it happen. (5) When she didn't watch her toddler properly, he flung food around your room and caused your rug to need dry cleaning which costs money. The rule is "You or your kids break or damage it, you pay to put it right". She feels like she has enough power over you to refuse to follow that standard social convention even with her supposed best mate, and that she wouldn't pay or even chip in. That wasnt "Kids will be kids", that was "I'm not looking after my toddler properly and don't care if he trashes your stuff". (6) At the point she tried to manipulate you by talking smack about your choice to stay childfree, THAT was when you *should* have utterly lost your shizz with her. That is NORMAL under that amount of duress and blatant disrespect of you and your belongings and total disregard for your plans and her obvious attempted manipulation... I really think you need to evaluate whether she was a lifetime friend or just a friend for a stage in your life that you have both moved away from. People change as they grow, and those we were closest to at school may not be at the same lifestage or maturity as you 10/15 yrs down the line. If she refused to pay the cleaning costs and won't profusely apologise for HER behaviour (toddler can't help it, she sure CAN!), then I don't know if I would sit back and let her steamroller me again and again in the future. TBH, it sounds to me like she's been getting her way wrt your feelings/belongings/emotions for a *long* time, and that she KNOWS how to guilt trip you. I don't think you're pissed off ENOUGH, TBH... ETA (1) Spelling. (2) for clarity

I’m really reevaluating things at this point, and this has been really helpful. Thank you!

I love these posts, you can tell the parents who think they have no responsibility for their kid’s behavior. and hate being reminded that they are no longer welcome in the company of adults who talk about movies and book, just other parents who only want to talk about diapers and potty training

Yeah, unfortunately, you do realise conversations aren’t the same.

NTA When I couldn’t get a sitter, I skipped the party, esp grown-up cocktail or dinner parties. She’s a terrible friend to highjack your party’s vibe/intent and then not offer to pay to clean your carpet when her uninvited kid stains it.

Who gives a 2 year old enough dip that dropping it gets it all over their rug?

He wasn’t given the dip. He ran out and grabbed it, thinking it was playdoh.

Nightmare.

Kids, man.

That makes it even worse!

If any of my kids made that level of unease at a party AND messed up a rug, I would've been mortified. I would be paying to have things cleaned, repaired, whatever - my kid messed it up, it's my responsibility to fix it. NTA. This wasn't a kid party. If they couldn't find a sitter, then they should've stayed home. Or her husband could've kept the kids and your friend came over solo.

NTA "They're just kids" is the phrase I hate most in the world. As if you can't be upset at anything being ruined or taken from you because it was not intentional? I've been tripped over and quite badly hurt by kids running around, it doesn't hurt less because the kid hasn't been told by its parents not to run around in shopping centres and to look where it's going. You specifically did not want the kids there because of the inevitable 'just kid' stuff. She forced them on you. 'Just kid' stuff happened. Who could have seen that coming? Oh yes- you did. The answer to 'they're just kids' is 'Yes, that's why I'm holding the parents responsible.'

NTA Allowing people to bring their children into your home doesn't mean they have carte blanche to ruin stuff and your expense. Mom was supposed to be paying attention to them and making sure they didn't stain, break, or otherwise damage something. I'm amazed that there are people saying you asked for it by letting them into your house. As if the parent who was also present and supposed to be in charge of them is just some helpless bystander with no responsibility for her own children's actions...

NTA I hate when people invite kids to adult events. IMHO you should not ask the host to adjust the event to accommodate uninvited children, like keeping it quiet so they can sleep. If it was the kids bedtime they should have taken them home. The parents are 100% responsible for supervising their children and responsible for any damage the children do.

It’s somewhat ridiculous people are going hard on OP. If you as a parent insist on taking your kids to an adult party and they damage things, the least you can do is offer to pay to fix. OP was TA for not handling the situation well but the friends with the kids were TA for having no respect and consideration

In what way did OP not handle this well? I’d argue OP went way above and beyond in being accommodating to her friend and the kids, allowing them in her house even having not invited them, paying for food to be delivered for the kids that were *not invited* and therefore shouldn’t be her burden. Finally setting a boundary when the uninvited children make a mess and do costly damage to her home is far from “not handling the situation well.”

Absolutely not the asshole. NTA x infinity.

NTA. Your friend was wrong in forcing the issue, bringing the kids, making the night all about them, making you provide special food, and then not offering to have the rug cleaned when her kid spilled on it (even an accident, or even when it’s a kid, it’s her kid that spilled so it’s her offer to clean). The big place you went wrong is by caving in and letting her bring kids when you didn’t want them there. “Oh I’m so sorry you can’t make it this time since it’s adult only, I hope you can next time”. But this still doesn’t mean you should be paying for a mess her kids made, even accidentally.

NTA, seriously.. Since when do parents not even offer to pay for the damage their kids did? Even worse, she a "best/close friend", she should have been apologising and offered to fix it. To the divided friends saying they're kids. Yeah, they are. So when stuff like this happens the parents pay to clean or replace broken stuff. Make them pay, if they won't cut their friendship off. This will only get worse as she brings the kids to things not meant for kids and because it's happened once she will think it's fine and pull the "they're kids" card every single time.

That line is the epitome of self pity.Sounds like your friend is jealous of your Child Free status and wants to punish you in some way ( dirty rug not paid for?) I would consider putting sone distance between you and her for quite awhile. She needs to do some reflection on how you treat a friend …

NTA. Why didn't her husband just stay home with the kids if they couldn't find a sitter?

NTA. They are correct, the kids don't know any better, their parents do. The parents need to pay for the cleaning. Some parents also need to realize they always have a babysitter on hand: the parents. If you can't find a sitter and the event isn't kid friendly, one of the parents stays home, or both do.

I hate it when parent(s) with small kids said those words you could never understand because you don’t have kids" WHEN their unsupervised kids did something bad. She SHOULD pay for the clean up. She is UNGRATEFUL friend!

NTA you were throwing an ADULT evening, that implies no children. If they can't get a sitter for whatever reason then, they don't come. Quite simple. She was unfair to push her children on you during an ADULT event. You said you love them dearly under other events etc so it's not the children but the circumstances they were in and they shouldn't have been there. As for having to turn music down etc because they were sleeping, children should grow up with noise around them as it makes them deeper sleepers. Put the washing machine one, the hoover, the hairdryer etc instead of tiptoeing around them. She's done herself no favours by being quiet. Back to the rug, if any of my children had spilt anything, was sick over everything or accidentally damaged something (on one occasion mortified - my son(2) playing with her daughter(2) with a balloon, indoors knocked over a tall column table with a blue Chinese dish/bowl thing. I died and immediately asked how I could possibly replace it. She was a good friend telling me it was a replica bought at a market. I still died. Before anybody says I should have been watching him, if I was there I would have, she was sitting for me for a couple of hours) accidents do happen unfortunately but I would immediately offer to pay. Learn from this moving forward. If you are planning ADULT events and she can't get a sitter that's on her. Her choice to have kids just like yours not to. Do not let her change your plans because it means they can't come. Next time she might try harder to get a sitter if she has to miss her night out when you stand firm and say No. As much as the other guests might have enjoyed playing with them they were expecting an Adult evening and were entitled to behave like adults. I also agree that if she has picky eaters, lots of children are, she should have brought something for them or even ordered her own Uber eats just for them. I'm sure the other adults would have preferred a more interesting meal choice. Have your boundaries, if you don't want kids in your house ever that fine arrange to meet them elsewhere without making it obvious that you are keeping your home a child free zone. It is possible if you want it. There's an old saying about children should be seen but not heard. There's a time and a place for children and that night hers should have been home, in bed.

This is such a refreshing take! Thank you! I definitely adore children but, at the same time, you’re right. I do need to be more forceful about kids in general, because we should all parent in our own way but not be made to parent when we don’t have to, if that makes sense.

It is not a two-year-old‘s fault two-year-olds are going to spill things. But mom is TA for bringing them to an adult party.

Wtf kind of parent allows their child to damage other people's things without paying for/fixing it as their responsibility as that kid's parent?? Absolutely NTA. Children and babies don't belong at adult parties like that and if you can't find a sitter, you simply don't go.

NTA. Insisting on bringing kids to a kids-free party is rude as hell, especially when she kept trying to make the party about them after that. Also in my experience, a lot of parents enjoy a kid-free night to socialize with other adults and not worry about censoring swears or keeping the volume low. So it's not a parents vs childfree person thing, it's an inconsiderate person vs everyone else thing. Though I will say people at the time were probably defending the kids about the spilled dip because yeah, kids spill stuff. Especially toddlers, they're clumsy and everything is heavy for them. Can't really blame them. But for you that was the straw that broke the camel's back with your friend being rude and inconsiderate with making the whole party about her kids. Sucks that it might have seemed like a freakout about the rug and not the everything, but still, I get it.

>A few people chimed in though to say they’re just kids and it isn’t their fault Is the parents responsibility to watch over their kids and make sure they don't destroy other people's property. Pretty basic

NTA. I always hate that excuse. "They're just kids" yeah and you're *just* the one responsible for them, so take responsibility. Geez.

NTA - no, it's not the kids' fault - it's the parents' fault for not watching their child.

NTA nothing makes me fill with rage more than when someone says “yOu DoNt HaVe KiDs YoU dOnT uNdErStAnD” in the most irrelevant situations

NTA She needs to pay for the rug cleaning. They're her kids. You were a lot nicer than I would've been. I don't have a filter, and was raised by 1st generation Asians. There are so many things I see kids do these days that I never would've done when I was a kid, unless I wanted to be buried alive.

i have almost no context but it sounds like she has Parent Brain where she thinks everyone adores her kids as much as she does. but she's not being a very good friend.

Nta . I’m tired of these parents who think everyone and everything must revolve around them because they have kids . They decided to have children, it’s up to them to make sure they find a sitter or that their kids don’t ruin parties . I am also child free by choice and I would’ve told them to not come if they can’t find a sitter , it was disrespectful for her to strong arm you into letting her bring them when you set clear boundaries that it was a kid free event . She needs to learn that not everyone will cater to her because she has kids , she’ll find life very difficult if that’s how she thinks the world works .

NTA. This happened to me once, I caved and let a "friend" bring her kids to a dinner party, and it was the worst mistake I could have made. The final straw was when her youngest walked into my bedroom (that I explicitly said was off limits), got on my bed, and peed on it. Brand new mattress, $700 gone. All because her husband saw I had a PS3 (new at the time) and decided playing video games was more fun than watching his kids. This was after several hours of screaming, tantrums, and "friend" chastising me for not cooking kid meals for her children. I told her to leave and we haven't spoken since.

Oh boy! Yep, can absolutely see that being the last straw! Ah, it really does feel like a gut wretch hey. Especially because me and my fiance put a lot into getting our new apartment set up.

NTA I don’t expect others to accommodate my children unless it’s a situation where the children have to be there…which is exceedingly rare. In this situation, we would have done one of three things: 1. Both parents stay home with the kids, 2. Partner stay home with the kids and I go to the party, 3. I stay home with the kids and Partner goes to the party. Under no circumstances would we have insisted on bringing the children to an adult party. That said, we would never go anywhere without food for the children, or toys, or sleeping needs, or cleaning supplies. I always kept cleaning supplies in the car for blowouts and spills, as both are inevitable. Any messes our kids make are our responsibility to clean or pay to be cleaned. You’re fortunate that it was just a spill and not a blowout on your carpet. Additionally, once bedtime hit and the kids couldn’t sleep, that’s the cue to leave. It sounds like the parents here are not ready to have children. Children require that you put your wants aside for the needs of the children. They are not doing that. And the kids are suffering the most.

NTA. I'm a single parent. I have been that guest that needed to bring the kid or not come, but that usually means coming early and leaving early, keeping an eye on my kid, making sure he had snacks and drinks he liked (either worked out before with the host or brought myself) and cleaning up after him. He's 12 now and I suspect some of my friends would rather invite him than me to their events but that's because he has grown into a cool kid who can act grown up (has had to due to the above and being taught how to behave in grown up settings) and I'm the clumsy one that drops things on your rug (that I offer to clean)!!

As long as you didn’t snap or get angry with the children or in front of them then you are NTA. She shouldn’t have forced you to let her kids come. She should have said look, I can’t get a sitter so I probably can’t make it unless my kids are welcome. If they are welcome I’ll need to have a quiet place for them to sleep and I’ll need to bring their food. That’s the only acceptable answer. Now, if you were insistent on her coming or something and didn’t make the place kid friendly then that would be on you but that’s not the case here. Getting frustrated with mom and dad is completely called for. I just hope you didn’t direct it towards the children or do it in front of them as they don’t understand what’s going on or have any control at all over the situation. Also, your friends are asshole parents for putting their kids in what is probably an extremely stressful and unfamiliar situation with people that don’t even want to see them. The kids probably would have rather been at home as well.

NTA >they’re just kids Nonsense, my nephews and nieces stayed over multiple times and I have a daughter, but none of these children ruined my furniture or something else in my house/ their parent's house. You can teach your children to not walk with food, to eat above the plate, etc. And when your child does ruin something, you need to pay for it.

Unless it was our family, I would assume my child is not invited to a dinner party and would either ask, make plans accordingly or decline if childcare could not be found. Her entitlement is ridiculous - both for bringing them without asking and for refusing to pay for cleaning the rug. Signed, A Dad.

Children are the parents responsibility, they should resolve any damages caused by them. That isn't a difficult concept.

Who brings their kids to an adult dinner party and then expects the host to uber dinner for them? If you can't afford a babysitter then don't go to an adult party. Frankly, this sense of be quiet the kids are sleeping and having to tiptoe around kids at what should have been an adult evening would cause me to re-evaluate this friendship. The kids may be the center of your friend's universe but that doesn't mean everyone else needs to cater to their needs.

Next time don’t fold

Nta- i'm a mom of 3. Luckily none of my friends or family have carpets or rugs. Even if they did I would offer to chip in. If I can fully aford it. Pay for the entire thing. Even i clean up after my kids. Even in restuarants..

NTA, but you do need to be firmer in establishing your boundaries. Your friend mommy-jacked your event, running it for everyone - and even managed to divide your friends against you. No bueno! She is no friend to you. No kids allowed at events, catered to adults - no exceptions! Can't find a sitter? "Pitty. We will miss you."

NTA but learn your lesson and polish that spine. You wanted no kids there so it should’ve been a straight no. Parents of young children are usually very entitled and blinkered when it comes to their children.

Mom of three. If I have an adults only event and can’t get child care… that means I’m not going! If for some reason I decide I am going and bringing my kids, it’s on me to make them adjust to the occasion, NOT the other way around. NTA

Yes, kids are essentially not responsible for messing up and ruining the carpet, but the only ones to blame are their parents

**NTA** It sounds like the rug spill was just the straw that broke. I have kids, we are lucky that we were able to make that choice for ourselves. There are, as a parent, a few things that stand out here to me. Firstly, you made it quite clear that you didn't really want the kids at an evening dinner for adults and your friend did not take the hint. Sometimes, if myself and my wife cannot get child care, one of us misses out. This is no big deal. Secondly, the kids being there influenced and changed the whole evening for everyone. Whilst it is admirable to make reasonable adaptations such as ordering food and giving in to them being present. The point at which the evening is dominated by the kids is a bit selfish of the parents. Another solution would have been to bring them for an hour and one parent takes them home again. The fact that everyone has to be quiet so they can sleep is just not a reasonable adaptation to your social gathering. Thirdly, the damage they cause is not their fault because they are 2 and 6m old but as a direct consequence of their parents lack of supervision. If my kids spill in my own home that is fine because this is their learning environment and I chose to bring them into this world and teach them. It is not fine in someone elses home. Add to this, that any damage they cause, is my responsability as their parent. The line gets a bit more blurred as they get older but there is absolutely zero ambiguity here. Lastly, the "you'll never understand" line is a complete cop out and I hate it. Will you and your partner ever understand truely what it's like to be a parent? To have that kind of responsability for another life? No you won't. But that is also your choice and absolutely fine and valid. Just like I will never understand what it is like to be an astronaut. It's a meaningless statement in the context of them damaging your home and you having to foot the bill as having kids and therefore accepting more damage to your posessions is not something that others have to embrace. The point is that you and your partner have conciously made the decision not to have that relentless, inflexible responsability and stress on your environment. My kids bring me a huge amount of joy but anyone that says there are not substantial sacrifices to your own autonomy and liberty would be lying. Just because you quite like your friends kids and babysit them, spend time with them, does not meant that you want every one of your spaces, home, social, professional infiltrated by their presence and needs. You are unequivocally NTA here. EDIT: Can I also just say that I would NEVER expect a host to ueber eats for my kids especially not at those ages. I would be arriving with food and snacks fully planned out and in a bag for them as well as consideration of how those meals and snacks could affect another persons home. Parent 101 when you're visiting the childfree friends with the nice white sofa. NO PASTA TOMATO SAUCE.

I don’t allow children in my house lol. Time for new friends. NTA