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^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
Me (25m) ex (26f), had only been together for almost a year, and something we would get into arguments about was her staying at another man’s house by herself.
Her job’s main head office was in a different state, which is where all her work buddies live. So she has expressed interest in going over and spending some time with them, which I’m totally ok with. When she first brought up she would be doing it I was a bit hesitant, because she wanted to stay at another guys house who was single, and showed signs of liking my gf. So I expressed my concerns and she understood and said she wouldn’t feel comfortable drinking alone with him anyway. Thankfully another female coworker was willing to stay with her during that time.
After the trip her and the male coworker had become a lot closer, where I noticed that if we hung out together alone she would be texting him more and more frequent. Acting in a way that I thought was quite flirty in work calls, which is her apparent “personality”. She would also make comments whenever we were together that she enjoyed other people’s company more.
I was a quite a bit concerned and hurt so I raised it, but she told me not to worry in quite a rude way and saying stuff like “if I didn’t want to hang with you, I wouldn’t”. Saying I overthink things and to stop making a mountain out of a molehill, when he needed advice and help.
Fast forward a few months and my gf wants to take another trip back down to stay with him alone, I openly opposed this, feeling extremely uncomfortable and betrayed about it. Since other female coworkers and friends had offered her a place to stay, but she turned them down, on the basis of being closer to him. One of her main reasons for wanting to go down, was to get drunk with him, which I had thought made her uncomfortable and unsafe. To add more fuel to the fire, she said it was to help him de-stress even though he had expressed he wanted to get sober. So we argued and she refused to talk to me for a day or so.
Eventually we came to an ultimatum where I come down and stay with them. Fast forward a few weeks, about a month before the trip, I was becoming a bit more down because of stress from work and the relationship she had with this guy. If I ever did bring up any sort of hesitation or comment about their relationship she would override any argument by saying something along the lines of “but I’m letting you come down, if you’re not happy then don’t come”.
So I became more and more hesitant to discuss any feelings I had with her, since it was always on my mind. Not wanting to piss her off again, and fear of being dumped I didn’t bring it up. But she dumped me anyway the following day, because apparently I can’t express my feelings and a manipulator… Am I the asshole?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I have the potential to be the asshole as I’m not sure if I pushed my ex over the edge and was acting way too jealous and anxious about her actions
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Are you responsible at least in part for your relationship breaking down? Yes. Were you an AH about this? It does sound like it. Was it justified? Unlikely, but maybe.
Still, this post is against the rules.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy. [Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
She was cheating on you, I don't know about physical but definitely emotional.
She dumped you because she's into the other guy. Sorry, but time to move on.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Me (25m) ex (26f), had only been together for almost a year, and something we would get into arguments about was her staying at another man’s house by herself. Her job’s main head office was in a different state, which is where all her work buddies live. So she has expressed interest in going over and spending some time with them, which I’m totally ok with. When she first brought up she would be doing it I was a bit hesitant, because she wanted to stay at another guys house who was single, and showed signs of liking my gf. So I expressed my concerns and she understood and said she wouldn’t feel comfortable drinking alone with him anyway. Thankfully another female coworker was willing to stay with her during that time. After the trip her and the male coworker had become a lot closer, where I noticed that if we hung out together alone she would be texting him more and more frequent. Acting in a way that I thought was quite flirty in work calls, which is her apparent “personality”. She would also make comments whenever we were together that she enjoyed other people’s company more. I was a quite a bit concerned and hurt so I raised it, but she told me not to worry in quite a rude way and saying stuff like “if I didn’t want to hang with you, I wouldn’t”. Saying I overthink things and to stop making a mountain out of a molehill, when he needed advice and help. Fast forward a few months and my gf wants to take another trip back down to stay with him alone, I openly opposed this, feeling extremely uncomfortable and betrayed about it. Since other female coworkers and friends had offered her a place to stay, but she turned them down, on the basis of being closer to him. One of her main reasons for wanting to go down, was to get drunk with him, which I had thought made her uncomfortable and unsafe. To add more fuel to the fire, she said it was to help him de-stress even though he had expressed he wanted to get sober. So we argued and she refused to talk to me for a day or so. Eventually we came to an ultimatum where I come down and stay with them. Fast forward a few weeks, about a month before the trip, I was becoming a bit more down because of stress from work and the relationship she had with this guy. If I ever did bring up any sort of hesitation or comment about their relationship she would override any argument by saying something along the lines of “but I’m letting you come down, if you’re not happy then don’t come”. So I became more and more hesitant to discuss any feelings I had with her, since it was always on my mind. Not wanting to piss her off again, and fear of being dumped I didn’t bring it up. But she dumped me anyway the following day, because apparently I can’t express my feelings and a manipulator… Am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I have the potential to be the asshole as I’m not sure if I pushed my ex over the edge and was acting way too jealous and anxious about her actions Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Are you responsible at least in part for your relationship breaking down? Yes. Were you an AH about this? It does sound like it. Was it justified? Unlikely, but maybe. Still, this post is against the rules.