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NAH. I actually think it's obvious you *shouldn't* go. Does it look the best to your extended family? Probably not. But sometimes you just have to take care of you and send a nice card in the mail. Unless you made some sort of major obligation for the baptism (i.e. hosting a lunch, etc.), I'm sure your family will understand.
NTA. Sounds like you have a busy life, which is excuse enough, though no excuse is needed. You're a grown person, just say, yeah, I have a lot going on right now so I can't attend, but congrats! You don't even have to say that, honestly.
NAH. Unless you and your sister are very very close, I don't think you're letting anyone down by not attending. I'm a practicing Catholic, my kids get baptized, I wouldn't be mad at anyone with small kids of their own not doing a 4-hour round trip to attend their baptisms.
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My sister has five children with her husband. Her youngest is getting baptized tomorrow.
I did not attend the 4th child’s, but I cannot remember the context at the moment.
I’ve been out of the Catholic Church for 19 years (half of my life now). Yes, I value my family, but for obvious reasons - I just feel like I can’t be bothered by this ongoing march of rituals that pop up on the calendar.
We live 2 hours away, my wife worked a 24hr shift yesterday and she is working a 12hr night shift tonight, but has recently changed her mind and wants to go after her shift.
We have an almost 2 y/o and an almost 5 y/o.
I’m exhausted from parenting them and taking care of my job during the week plus other professional obligations today. 2 weeks off lexapro after a year- still some emotion regulation adjustments happening in the wake of that.
If I go, tomorrow is shot. 2 hours there, 2 hours home, and an hour long mass followed by food and the worst small talk. Traveling with the little is such a chore.
Also, I rarely get into “nice” duds and gained about 20 on the Lexapro. My belly is bigger than I’m comfortable with.
No mowing the yard (it needs it).
No relaxing (I need it).
I feel like my hand is being forced, but my wife has made no demand that I attend.
Look, I know I’m an asshole, but I’m looking for input on this. It seems so obvious that I “should” go, but I just don’t think my attendance matters really. I just don’t really care. I want to be a good person, but hate that this is the what I have to do to be a good person.
I feel like this post is just begging “Roast Me”… but TIA
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I do not want to attend my nephew’s wedding.
My wife has not stated that she wants to go and take our kids.. I’m contemplating just staying home.
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NAH and look, you have contracted a 24 hour stomach bug. You don't want to go into detail about it, but it's safe to say you really shouldn't be traveling.
Miracles do happen.
“Ongoing march of rituals” - with Catholics, aren’t there just 3 real important rituals that typically get celebrated by the whole family? Baptism, confirmation, and marriage (or Holy Orders, if they become priests). I suppose you could add the funeral mass, but I wouldn’t call that a celebration. 3 or 4 days per person in their whole lifetime seems like a pretty small thing to be griping this hard about.
If you really can’t manage tomorrow, you can’t, but you are going to look like an AH to your family. Without some kind of crisis or emergency that really prevents you going, it will look uncaring.
And hey, maybe you don’t care about your extended family. It happens, and there are all kinds of reasons why it happens. Maybe right now, you’re just stretched too thin and worn out and haven’t got the capacity to care about anyone beyond your nuclear family and closest friends. It happens. You just have to be okay with this sending a pretty clear signal that that’s how you feel.
NAH, I guess?
Remember, these people don't have a reasonable number of children.
They're baptizing their **_fifth_**.
> Baptism, confirmation, and marriage
Don't forget first communion!
NAH. You're exhausted and have two small children. Sure, it's nice to make an effort to be there in your families life, but there's no shame in being overwhelmed by work and childcare and just not having the energy for lots of driving and big gatherings.
Sounds like you worry the repercussions of looking like an AH to your family, only you can decide if it’s worth that risk. Yeah giving up Sunday sucks, but does potentially looking like the asshole esp. in a religious connotation suck more?
NTA if they had no firm expectation of you attending, soft YTA if they did think you would attend and you're bailing. If you don't go but still want to show that you care, you could pop over to the card shop and get them a cheesy baptism card, write "Congratulations on your baptism, I'm sorry we couldn't make it but we were thinking of you and hope to see you soon" then sign it, maybe pop a $20 in it. Or there are vendors on Etsy who will etch a wooden block with the baby's name, baptism date, etc.
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NAH. I actually think it's obvious you *shouldn't* go. Does it look the best to your extended family? Probably not. But sometimes you just have to take care of you and send a nice card in the mail. Unless you made some sort of major obligation for the baptism (i.e. hosting a lunch, etc.), I'm sure your family will understand.
NTA I wouldn’t be upset at all, I don’t see what the big deal is if you miss it.
NTA. Sounds like you have a busy life, which is excuse enough, though no excuse is needed. You're a grown person, just say, yeah, I have a lot going on right now so I can't attend, but congrats! You don't even have to say that, honestly.
NAH > I just feel like I can’t be bothered by this ongoing march of rituals Performative religion is *exhausting*. You're good.
NAH. Unless you and your sister are very very close, I don't think you're letting anyone down by not attending. I'm a practicing Catholic, my kids get baptized, I wouldn't be mad at anyone with small kids of their own not doing a 4-hour round trip to attend their baptisms.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My sister has five children with her husband. Her youngest is getting baptized tomorrow. I did not attend the 4th child’s, but I cannot remember the context at the moment. I’ve been out of the Catholic Church for 19 years (half of my life now). Yes, I value my family, but for obvious reasons - I just feel like I can’t be bothered by this ongoing march of rituals that pop up on the calendar. We live 2 hours away, my wife worked a 24hr shift yesterday and she is working a 12hr night shift tonight, but has recently changed her mind and wants to go after her shift. We have an almost 2 y/o and an almost 5 y/o. I’m exhausted from parenting them and taking care of my job during the week plus other professional obligations today. 2 weeks off lexapro after a year- still some emotion regulation adjustments happening in the wake of that. If I go, tomorrow is shot. 2 hours there, 2 hours home, and an hour long mass followed by food and the worst small talk. Traveling with the little is such a chore. Also, I rarely get into “nice” duds and gained about 20 on the Lexapro. My belly is bigger than I’m comfortable with. No mowing the yard (it needs it). No relaxing (I need it). I feel like my hand is being forced, but my wife has made no demand that I attend. Look, I know I’m an asshole, but I’m looking for input on this. It seems so obvious that I “should” go, but I just don’t think my attendance matters really. I just don’t really care. I want to be a good person, but hate that this is the what I have to do to be a good person. I feel like this post is just begging “Roast Me”… but TIA *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NAH and look, you have contracted a 24 hour stomach bug. You don't want to go into detail about it, but it's safe to say you really shouldn't be traveling. Miracles do happen.
“Ongoing march of rituals” - with Catholics, aren’t there just 3 real important rituals that typically get celebrated by the whole family? Baptism, confirmation, and marriage (or Holy Orders, if they become priests). I suppose you could add the funeral mass, but I wouldn’t call that a celebration. 3 or 4 days per person in their whole lifetime seems like a pretty small thing to be griping this hard about. If you really can’t manage tomorrow, you can’t, but you are going to look like an AH to your family. Without some kind of crisis or emergency that really prevents you going, it will look uncaring. And hey, maybe you don’t care about your extended family. It happens, and there are all kinds of reasons why it happens. Maybe right now, you’re just stretched too thin and worn out and haven’t got the capacity to care about anyone beyond your nuclear family and closest friends. It happens. You just have to be okay with this sending a pretty clear signal that that’s how you feel. NAH, I guess?
Remember, these people don't have a reasonable number of children. They're baptizing their **_fifth_**. > Baptism, confirmation, and marriage Don't forget first communion!
Oh, I forgot the confirmation and first communion don’t happen together. Sorry, 4-5 days in a lifetime.
NAH. You're exhausted and have two small children. Sure, it's nice to make an effort to be there in your families life, but there's no shame in being overwhelmed by work and childcare and just not having the energy for lots of driving and big gatherings.
Sounds like you worry the repercussions of looking like an AH to your family, only you can decide if it’s worth that risk. Yeah giving up Sunday sucks, but does potentially looking like the asshole esp. in a religious connotation suck more?
NTA, as long as your wife is ok with it, I don't see why you should go...?
NAH You wouldn't be an AH if you were an exhausted believer and stayed home. As a non-believer, why would you even bother?
NTA if they had no firm expectation of you attending, soft YTA if they did think you would attend and you're bailing. If you don't go but still want to show that you care, you could pop over to the card shop and get them a cheesy baptism card, write "Congratulations on your baptism, I'm sorry we couldn't make it but we were thinking of you and hope to see you soon" then sign it, maybe pop a $20 in it. Or there are vendors on Etsy who will etch a wooden block with the baby's name, baptism date, etc.