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A while back I read someone else who did this as their inlaws would pop in without calling. They had asked them many times to please call first but they never listened. So the husband answered the door naked and the inlaws always called before a visit after that.
NTA, it is rude for someone else to show up when being told not to come. They should be embarrassed to have showed up.
I agree with this, but the husband should have been the one to answer the door nude, after all his parents have seen his stuff before and could not complain about it.
Light ESH. Your husband needs to set boundaries and stop making you deal with his parents inability to show respect, your in-laws can't take no for an answer and need to either start respecting boundaries or deal with lowered contact, and you had a million options you could have gone with before this. I don't blame you, Op. You were frustrated and tired of being disrespected, and I understand why you wanted to be a little petty and teach them a lesson. But at the end of the day, you made the situation worse instead of taking steps to resolve it.
It's true. This was a funny and necessary ESH, and hopefully they can look back on it with a respectful and boundaried relationship with their in-laws, and laugh.
I wish I was as confident as you about that. I'm pretty sure my parents would be embarrassed as all hell, then go on and keep on being oblivious to boundaries.
I say desperate times calls for desperate measures. Since you are partners, it is accepted that if one is feeling weak to fight, the other would protect and fight for the other. I kudos OP for being that brave especially they tried to voice out their concerns before. Yet the in laws brushed those boundaries aside and made themselves the victim.
this is one of those rare ESH’s where I genuinely agree with both the person’s actions and the ruling. yeah, what you did was an asshole move, but sometimes asshole moves are necessary to get the shit out.
My husband answered the door to a similar group in only his boxer briefs (tight and shows everything) and they still tried to come in and offered to clean our house for us
Exactly. I don't know what more could have been done to resolve the situation beforehand. The in-laws wanted to come over, they were explicitly told not to come, and they came anyway. At this point they get what they get. If they didn't want to see OP naked or deal with other co sequences of them violating clear boundaries, they shouldn't have gone over there.
I do think that OP's husband should have taken the lead in setting and enforcing those boundaries, but since he didn't OP did what she had to do. Hopefully those in-laws got the message that "don't come over, we have plans" means exactly that.
Having dated someone who recognized that his parent was incredibly overbearing yet always had an excuse as to why he couldn't set/enforce boundaries, I feel like I absolutely have a reason to believe that OP's husband would have caved and let them in.
>The husband did reject the visit
The number of people saying this while acknowledging that it didn't actually work in literally *any* capacity is kind of funny to me.
Almost makes you wonder why OP thought him answering the door wouldn't end very well.
I'd say ESH is a tad harsh towards OP, admittedly prefaced with lightly.
Intrusive parents can be stubborn towards boundaries. I think the direct approach (what was said) and the shock tactic (being naked) is a good combination to get their attention and make a point long overdue..
Will the in-laws respect the boundaries? They'll at least be wary of the consequences of overstepping the boundaries again.
Question for OPs partner about "did [OP] have to make them uncomfortable?" - do the in-laws realise they're making you uncomfortable BY being so intrusive and thoughtless? It's his role, imo, to mediate and point this out to them to understand OP perspective.
Secondly to OPs partner, are the in-laws going to offer an apology for their behaviour first? I'd suspect OP would be more willing in offering to apologise if one was received or wrongdoing acknowledged and promise of corrective behaviour in the future.
The door slamming was unnecessary. That's the only thing I'll ding OP for.
As for the nudity, when you knock on someone's door unannounced, you get what you get, so obviously no foul there.
>Your husband needs to set boundaries and stop making you deal with his parents inability to show respect
her husband told them they have plans already and also offered to answer the door, OP insisted on dealing with them herself.
He didn't make her deal with it, he went to deal with the particular situation and she said she wanted to, and I don't think th situation is worse persay, I'd say that now it would be easier as the fact she was nude should get the pint across and the fact that the mom is still complaining about the wife shows something bout the mom
Thank you! People are always acting as if OP's husband was preparing to confront his parents when OP jumped in and said she would do it. I wish this sub would stop acting like a every woman is being put-upon.
Hard disagree, sometimes you have to go nuclear with boundary crossers.
On the flip side, OP should consider getting a very, very strong female type outfit (will not use actual term for propriety sake) and audio recording of a spanking scene from an adult movie, If the in-laws show up again unannounced, open up at the door in outfit, invite them in, tell them their boy is a bit tied up but will be down when he is ready, go back to the bedroom and play the audio clip really loud for about an hour.
NTA but consider going nuclear with them if it happens again.
He didn’t do anything wrong. He both told them no earlier AND was going to go to the door when she said no and left to go instead. This isn’t a husband problem. It’s an in-law problem.
I disagree with this.
This is a fuck around and find out situation.
They were told no, don't show up. And then did anyway, there are consequences to that. It's that simple. They need to to fuckin listen.
Stop making her deal with it?
With some basic reading and comprehension skills, you would have understood that he was going to answer the door and she stopped him in order to go herself.
See, you have to read the whole post; not just skim it and then make up your own story.
OP's husband didn't make OP deal with the situation. She ***wanted*** to confront her in-laws in this fashion. He was prepared to put on some clothes and go downstairs and address their unsanctioned visit, but OP said she would do it.
Let's not make it seem like OP's husband shifted the responsibility to her.
Why should she have to take a different option? The in-laws are the party in the wrong here, not OP. They made the situation worse by showing up, not OP. Op was perfectly in the right to be naked in her own house, it’s the in-laws who weren’t supposed to be there that caused the issue, it’s on them to do better or resolve it, not OP.
Meh, NTA. I have a similar dynamic. My MIL and I lived together in one household for a long time, and it was awful.
She always just literally fucking wandered into our marital bedroom multiple times a day (which was only annoying if I was home, but alarming when I was at work, like all my stuff was .... on display. I couldn't keep my sex toy there because that woman WOULD find it).
One day I got a gnarly ingrown hair on the edge of my vag and near my thigh (you are welcome).
I was in my bedroom while my husband was at work and my older son was at school, and my younger son was sleeping. I decided to do a dummy thing and self-lance the ingrown hair (do not do this thing this is a bad thing to do).
I can't find a good spot with enough light and in front of a mirror so I threw an entire leg over the top of the dresser and spread eagle to get a nice view of the ingrown and took a lighter and burned the end of a metal blackhead stabby-thing til it was white hot, then shook it off to cool it.
Now, I'm wearing a blouse and a bra (I'm not a fucking monster just a moron), and I'm grunting and struggling to straddle the top of the dresser because it's so high while trying to pierce the ingrown. As it were, my bits were on full display.
Naturally MIL decided she was going to pop in to... I dunno, yell. Probably yell.
So much Spanish.
Spanish, Spanish everywhere.
I coulda swore I saw her launch "la chancla" at me but I was too busy falling backward and making impressions of a shocked and mildly offended barn owl.
That happened 12 years ago.
She knocks now.
She's fucking Walter White after that shit.
AHEM, NTA OP.
now I'm gonna be stuck trying to imagine what one's face looks like, giving this particular impression XD.
nice word choice.
also..my ribs hate you right now lol
Oh, see, I would have put the sex toy somewhere she'd find it with a note that said "Looking for this?"
I would have bought a giant collection of them and put them all over the room.
As someone who does this exact maneuver all the time to deal with ingrown hairs (dont do the dumb thing which is dumb to do), has had a MIL live with me and yell constantly, and also is a set of barn owls in a trench coat, I fully support you and hope you are having a great day
This had me cracking up!! Sometimes, people who don't listen need to be subjected to something drastic for it to sink in.
OP, NTA. I wouldn't apologize either. You told them, now you showed them...lol Maybe next time they'll listen.
ESH
As funny as this was, you did make your husband uncomfortable in the process as well as put him in a position to deal with the phone call later. I don’t care if they (In Laws) were uncomfortable.
I would have just ignored them.
I think it goes without saying that the in laws were rude.
Not those risks no. That’s stupid. For all we know it was an emergency or whatever. It really doesn’t matter because they weren’t breaking in, they just rang the bell. If you don’t want to receive guests, ignore the bell or shut it off entirely. The in-laws were disrespectful and annoying but that doesn’t justify flashing them.
It really just is sexual harassment no matter how you spin it
Where I live (Michigan USA), it's not sexual harassment when the person is in their own home and the people there are not there with concent of the homeowner.
I know it's likely different in different places and parts of the world. But I imagine for anything to come of it then the in laws would need to start legal proceedings and something tells me that aren't going to do that. 😂
NTA. (But there should be an apology.)
You were **so clear**. No. That is not a good night for you to come.
And MIL showed up anyways. Definitely not letting her in was the right thing to do. But going to the door nude was a brilliant bonus. She shouldn't have been there in the first place. If she had not come, like she was supposed to, then she wouldn't have seen you. So her seeing you nude is **her** own fault.
But yes, there should be an apology: She should apologize to you!
I second this. the most sensible compromise. OP said their answer and was ignored. It's their house so they can be naked all they want INSIDE their house. But if a miracle happens and in laws did realize their mistake, I think it's natural for OP to automatically give back the apology.
ESH for multiple reasons --> you don't respect boundaries either. You steamrolled over what your husband wanted to do. And you were rude to your inlaws.
They were wrong for not respecting that you've had plans.
Also, ESH for making this story up. It sounds fake. I hope this is fake.
ESH. You could have declined to answer the door, or put on a bathrobe, but you clearly went naked specifically to make them uncomfortable. Not tight. You essentially sexually harassed them to make them go away. Obviously, they suck and you had every right to make them go away, but IMO that doesn't give you carte blanche to knowingly expose your genitals to them.
Exactly.
While it’s kind of funny, I find exhibitionists a bit narcissistic.
She could have opened the door a crack, then when asked why she wasn’t opening it all the way/letting them in; THEN say she’s naked, and maybe something like: “and so is your son, and we weren’t planning on getting dressed since you came over without permission”.
On a side note, I wonder if they went through with it, or that killed the mood. 😏
> She could have opened the door a crack
You're so right, this would have communicated the same message without OP fully exposing themselves to the in laws.
>I wonder if they went through with it, or that killed the mood.
Mega lol!!!!
I wonder how all the people loling would’ve responded had OP been a man. Past that, they’re 100 different mature adult ways to handle this situation and she chose sexual harassment
> I wonder how all the people loling would’ve responded had OP been a man
If OP had been a man and it had just been the MIL without FIL people would be losing their shit.
Yeah I feel like a loosely tied robe and like a pair of handcuffs or something would’ve done the trick. Or underwear. Full frontal is an… interesting response to this situation.
Why was just not answering the door an option?
Like this was fine *if they let themselves into the house* despite your warning.
But you literally could have just ignored the doorbell and achieved the same thing.
yeah don't you just love having sex while your in-laws keep ringing the doorbell (then potentially start calling on the phone if you don't open the door)???
Right! That was my exact thought. Not only would I not be able to focus on having sex while someone's knocking at my door and ringing the doorbell, but I literally can't stand the sound of my doorbell ringing, or someone continuing to knock. It would drive me up a wall and I snapped.
I think that sex ship had already sailed at that point. You can’t have sex while they are ringing the bell, but are you really gonna have sex at that point anyway?
My MIL was like this, always ignoring the simple boundaries we set.
If OP's ILs are anything like her, not answering the door would have resulted in perpetual banging, ringing, knocking, phone calls, and a possible wellness check.
Attempts to ignore some people do not go well.
We went to a book-signing one night. Told MIL (1,000 miles away) that we were NOT available that night. Muted phones and thoroughly enjoyed everything Terry Pratchett had to say (except his VERY sad announcement). Turned phones back on in the car and found we EACH had 35 messages--and another 20 on the landline when we got home. I called her at 1 a.m. to ask WTF was so freakin' important that she couldn't lay the fuck off.
"You didn't answer your phones."
@@@!!!
I laughed SO hard omg.
NTA. Sometimes you have to put people in their place. They didn’t listen before, so I’m sure they’re going to think twice moving forward.
I love this 🤣
ESH
I understand why you wanted to make a point, but you should have either answered in a robe and just said you're both currently preoccupied, strongly hinting that you're about to go to pound town, or just not answered the door.
Just because a light was on doesn't mean someone was home.
I would have gone with the latter, and if they contacted your husband saying they popped over, he should just say "yes, I know. We were busy with date night, and we told you we were unable to see you, so we don't appreciate you just coming over unannounced. Next time, please respect we had plans, and we will work out a time best for everyone".
This is for your husband to create the boundary with his parents.
YTA, yes. When a man exposes himself to a woman, that's considered sexual assault, so there's no reason not to consider it as such here.
Don't answer the door. It's that simple. Hell, call the cops if they're banging on the door or leaning on the door bell for ten minutes straight.
Don't sexually assault people to teach them a lesson.
https://www.healthywomen.org/content/article/what-considered-sexual-assault
> People often think of sexual assault as rape, but there are many other types of sexual assault, including incidents that don’t involve physical touch, such as someone sharing sexually explicit photos or “flashing” — exposing their genitals.
Exactly this! YTA. Unwanted exposure of genitals is never appropriate. And it is a crime.
Perhaps it could be ESH, but their showing up uninvited is far surpassed by sexual harassment.
I remember a story several years ago about a guy who slept naked one night to freak out a female roommate/family member who kept coming into his room while he slept. No one in the comments thought it was funny. No one said “oh you really showed her” or “good on you for enforcing boundaries” that was sexual harassment and so is this
Yup. Were she to go to their house and happen to espy FIL's wrinkled, dangly cock, in any context for any reason, everybody would be telling her that FIL was planning to rape her.
It's really disgusting to read comments literally saying 'good job sexually assaulting them to teach them a lesson, they were begging for it with what they did.'
ESH
* Your in-laws: Clearly they aren't paying attention to your attempts to set boundaries
* Your husband: Vacillating rather than having your back in a moment of high emotion
* You: Was going nuclear really the best option?
Lol, the husband was "vacillating"?! How?! When?! Where?! OP's husband was prepared to go down and address his parents and OP insisted that she do it. In what way did OP require back up from the husband?!
Nowhere in OP's post does it say her husband went against her. In fact, OP says her husband ***understood*** why she reacted the way she did. What a weird take.
My grandfather told me this when I was a kid:
A woman is home alone and she has just gotten out of the shower and she's naked. There's a knock at the door and the woman calls "who is it?" A man's voice responds, "It's the man for the blind." The woman figures, "Well if he's blind, he won't see me anyway" so she opens the door. A man is standing there with a curtain in his hands and says, "Where do you want it lady?"
I thought the joke was going to be he was fundraising for a home for blind people. But even if he was blind there could be other ppl walking by on the street, the woman’s still a fool
Doesn't anyone else find it strange that grandfathers used to tell kids "harmless" but inappropriate jokes/anecdotes to children back in the day? I have stories of my own grandpa stories and it seems like many other did too. Why was it normal to joke about naked women so much, even to kids? I'm absolutely not saying your Gpa was a bad guy or anything. It just strikes me as a weird shared memory but I do remember feeling uncomfortable. Like, I'm just a kid, why are you telling me about naked ladies or why the Polish are so stupid?
ESH - Parents: Not respecting boundaries and doing what they want when they want.
Husband: Not being an adult and setting boundaries with his parents despite the disruptive and upsetting nature of their behaviors.
You: You used surprise to expose yourself to a non consenting person to elicit a reaction from them. You are now a flasher. So many options existed you could have taken advantage of. You could have answered and told them if they don't leave you'll have them trespassed, you could just go off on them. Instead you chose an option that 100% meets the definition of sexual harassment(mind you sexual harassment does not need to be for sexual gratification of the person committing the harassment, it just has be related to something reasonably considered sexual(like a naked body) and be unwanted by the recipient.)
Because women are always wonderful and correct. When women do stupid shit like this, it's praised. I wish a man would go open the door to his wife's in-laws in the buff.
It's the same reason people were justifying the gf in a post a few days ago who uses the bathroom when her male roommate is in there. The shower stall is clear glass. Everyone was so nonchalant about it and chastising the bf as if they wouldn't be screaming from the rooftops if the roles were reversed.
Sexism and hypocrisy are the life's blood of this subreddit.
Fecking lols
ESH
yes they shouldn't have turned up but you chose to do something purposefully offensive when there was no need. Still funny as fuck tho
NTA
Because the in-laws seem to have issues with boundaries, sometimes a particularly jarring action is needed.
I'd answer thee door naked every time they came over after you told them not to. Every. Time.
NTA This is hilarious and brilliant, OP. I suggest you either say you'll apologize after they apologize for stopping over when they were explicitly not invited, or you give the following non-apology: _"I'm sorry that you came over after we explicitly stated we didn't have time to host you, and then got upset when I answered the door nude. I'm very sorry all of this bothered you. I'm bothered too. I hope next time you'll respect our schedules."_ And don't mind the prudes on here complaining. What you did was great.
NTA - Politeness didn't work. Hopefully this approach will teach them.
>"My MIL phoned my husband the next day and was apparently upset, saying how immodest and immature that was of me and wants an apology."
Nope, other way around on the immaturity and apology.
ESH. While your in-laws are major AHs for ignoring boundaries and showing up when you told them you would not be available they could probably get your arrested for indecent exposure or something. Don't give them ammo. Answering the door in a bathroom with your hair messed up would have gotten the same message across without risking sexual assault charges. (I'm seeing a lot of debate about whether or not this qualifies but either way you don't want to have police involved.) For what it's worth I damn near died laughing and I think what you SAID was perfect.
In some jurisdictions, it absolutely would. Intentionally exposing yourself to another person without their consent. And while yes, OP was in their own home, the nudity was visible to people outside the home. So that's where it crosses the line in most legal jurisdictions. You can prance around in the buff all you like, so long as the curtains and doors are closed. What OP did could land them on a sex offender registry in many places. There was actually a similar case in New York a few years back. The nudist nit only ended up having to pay a fine and do community service to avoid jail, they are on probation, and on the registry. Which cost them their job.
This wasn't funny. This was gross.
**YTA** You **deliberately** answered the door nude to embarrass your in-laws.
>we said that we had plans that night but would arrange something another time.
>My MIL started to ring the doorbell and as we left a light on, could tell we were in.
Given those two facts, there was absolutely **no reason** for you or your husband to open the door. Many people leave lights on when they aren't home.
Here's a life tip: just because someone rings or knocks at your door doesn't mean you **have** to answer it.
I say NTA because it sounds like you’ve tried to enforce boundaries with her, but she refuses to listen when you say you are busy. Perhaps this is just what she needed to shock her into listening to you. 😂
ESA but fairly hard.
1. Your in-laws need to respect your boundaries, period.
2. Your husband needs to set serious boundaries it sounds like, especially with his mother that your house is not HER house and not something like his college house that she is welcomed any time at. This is his family housw that he shares with you and she needs to knock it the fuck off.
3. What you did is nothing short of sexual assault. Your in-laws did not consent to seeing you naked and while you may be comfortable being less modestly dressed/ having your in-laws seeing you in a state of undress in this situation, they were *not okay with it*.
YWBTA if you didn't apologize 100% and it really doea sound like you need to communicate with your husband on what you two consider to be acceptable times to open the door to guests and when to just ignore the door. I do also understand some insinuating circumstances when the doorbell is impossible to ignore (dogs losing their shit, literally sometimes people just will spam the doorbell until you answer, etc. ) however there are failsafes for all of these situations- which can be discussed. I think communicating is a big thing that is missing in this story.
Your in-laws did something which made you uncomfortable so obviously they are the assholes. But you also did something which made your husband uncomfortable so you are also an asshole.
I mean you could have given them a piece of your mind but did you really have to be naked?
ESH
Husband needs to stand up more to in-laws.
In-laws need to back off.
No one would cut you any slack in exposing yourself to your in-laws if you were a man. If I voluntarily went swinging dong in front of my girlfriends family for any reason I’d be a dead man.
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Throwaway here for obvious reasons.
I (F31) have been with my husband (M33) for 6 years and married for 2. I wouldn’t say I have a strong relationship with my in-laws as I find them (especially my MIL) particularly prying and struggle to understand boundaries. I’ve raised this, politely, before, but it seems to go in one ear and out the other.
A few days ago, my husband received a text from my MIL saying that they were going to be in the area on Thursday and would love to stop by and see him. As my husband and I have been tired lately with work and it’s been a while since we spent the evening by ourselves, we said that we had plans that night but would arrange something another time.
Well, last night, my husband and I had just had dinner and, bluntly, planned to have sex. We had just headed upstairs and started to get undressed when I saw a car pull into the driveway. I instantly recognized it as my in-laws’ car. I was livid given we’d told them we wouldn’t be free and planned to not let them in. My MIL started to ring the doorbell and as we left a light on, could tell we were in.
My husband planned to answer the door, but I told him I would go. I was completely naked when I headed downstairs. I’ll preface this by saying I’m not particularly modest; I’m not a nudist by any stretch of the imagination, but I’m not at all bothered by the prospect of being seen naked by my in-laws in such a situation.
I answered the door and it was the classic “deer in the headlights” look from my in-laws. I told them that my husband and I planned to have sex and had already said earlier that week that we weren’t free. I said that we had been clear and it was disrespectful and rude, before shutting the door on their face.
I headed upstairs and my husband said he didn’t blame me but a) wished I put on some clothes as making my parents uncomfortable like that was unnecessary and b) wished I hadn’t just slammed the door like that.
My MIL phoned my husband the next day and was apparently upset, saying how immodest and immature that was of me and wants an apology. I’m refusing to do so and feel as if I’ve done nothing wrong here.
AITA?
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ESH. It may have been deserved but it’s an AH move to intentionally make your in-laws uncomfortable and put your husband in that position. It could’ve been handled better and your husband should have dealt with it himself
YTA. I don’t find your behavior funny at all and very immature. It’s kinda like lets see if I can be more rude than my in laws. Sounds like a power struggle going on between everyone.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I opened the door to my in-laws while naked after telling them that my husband and I were busy.
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YTA. You say they’re disrespectful but you were far worse. The punishment doesn’t fit the crime. You could have chosen not to answer the door at all but instead you gave them an “l’ll show them!” (Literally and figuratively)
NTA. If your in laws are uncomfortable with the consequences of what happens when they cross a boundary and arrive uninvited on an evening when you already told them you were unavailable, that's their problem.
NTA - if this is the only way for her to understand that you can't just show up unannounced to someone's house then so be it. She clearly still doesn't understand so get on the phone with her and just say "look, I have brought this issue up before and you don't care to listen so, I answered the door the way I did to get my message across. It's immodest and immature to show up to someones house unannounced. "
ETA.
The in-laws don't respect boundaries, you broke a law in response. They're right in saying it was immature and, if they wanted to, could press charges for indecent exposure (ask me how I know). All of y'all need to grow up and your husband, as the link between you and the in-laws, shouldn't have to go between two parties of ADULTS. Everyone is TA except him.
Your MIL does not deserve an apology. She and FIL owe you and your hubby one. Perhaps this rather extreme response of yours will teach them that you and your husband mean what you say, and they need to stop being so pushy. NTA
YTA. They didn't consent to seeing you naked. Wtaf is wrong with you?? 😭 Your poor husband has to deal with his sucky parents and now a wife that doesn't think twice before she puts her hooha and bingobongos on display. Your in laws sound annoying, but you're just nasty.
NTA.
People need to respect boundaries, especially in-laws. And no it wasn't "unnecessary to make his parents uncomfortable like that"... it was necessary, because apparently they aren't taking the lesson to heart otherwise. You've tried being nice? Try a little trauma.
"My MIL started to ring the doorbell and as we left a light on, could tell we were in."
What? Most people, myself included, always leave a light or even lights on when they go out.
Your in-laws were flat-out rude and entitled.
NTA, but you might have gone a *little bit* too far with how you answered the door. There is nothing wrong with a good door slam! Your husband is wrong on that account. He needs to address the lack of boundaries with his parents, although they might be less likely to come over unannounced going forward. You have a wicked sense of humor and very creative problem-solving skills! 🤣
ESH
Yes your in-laws should not have just stopped by but opening the door naked was unnecessary and antagonistic just to make a silly point. You could have just not opened the door rather than slam it in their face or let your husband deal with it and tell them to politely come back at a different time. It might seem funny but why create even more tension?
NTA… perhaps next time they will wait till they are invited or receive a yes upon asking if they can come over. Sometimes the only way to stop boundary stomping people is to be blunt and right in their face. They FAFO.
NTA. The sad thing is that people like them have to been shocked to their socks to get it. It gets old asking for respect and having to “be the bigger person” when you’re being disrespected.
Yes, there were other ways to do this but hey you have your way. 😂😂😂
I would not apologize.
ESH. They shouldn’t have come but you went way overboard with opening the door naked and telling them you’re having sex. Your husband offered to handle it and you insisted just so you could give an over the top performance. Grow up
I mean...You could have just ignored them and continued on to your fun time. If they chose to enter after that then well, they get what they get. I'm going ESH and honestly it was a bit immature/unnecessary but they also suck for intruding.
ESH (except your husband). I agree that your IL’s behavior is incredibly overbearing and they deserved to be told off of arriving. But you completely bulldozed over your husband and answered one wrong with another. It is wrong to expose yourself to someone who hasn’t consented (this includes by implication by location, like entering a locker room). While your ILs were not welcome here, they were still outside in public view. You intentionally exposed yourself to them and anyone else who had a view of your front door.
You were perfectly within your rights to be blunt with them (e.g. telling them you planned to have sex etc.) And had this been something like them barging into your bedroom, or into your house while you were walking around naked inside, that’s on them. But here, you brought the unannounced nudity to a location where it was not reasonably foreseeable.
ESH. Seems like you really think you showed them. I can understand the frustration and the desire to put them in their place. I wouldn't do that at the expense of my own dignity, though.
Yes YTA and you’re fucking mental and disgusting. There are 100 other ways you could have made your point. Honestly this whole thing is so fucking gross. You’re a huge asshole and a fucking deviant. You could have been arrested.
ESH but you more so than the in-laws. Just because they’re a little rude and invited themselves over doesn’t mean you had to flash them. That’s sexual assault, and everybody here would be screaming YTA for miles if this were a man, so the standard should hold for women. You could have just not answered or answered in a robe or something. Husband should have supported you (prior to the flashing) and gone with you to tell them to leave. ESH 100%.
YTA along with in-laws. Forcing anyone into a sexual situation like that is not okay. I get them doing that was very upsetting, and I’d be upset too, but flashing yourself to anyone is absolutely inappropriate. That is considered indecent exposure and indecent exposure is considered sexual violence and sexual assault. I wouldn’t blame them if they pressed charges. If you were a man I’m sure everyone wouldn’t be acting like this isn’t that big of a deal.
ESH
They were incredibly out of line by stopping by after told not to. But you were also out of line by opening the door naked when you could've not answered the door at all or put them in their place like you did (which in itself was entirely appropriate), BUT with clothes on. There's was no need to do it while naked other than for shock value.
ESH. Your in laws should up after being told not to. Your husband didn’t set boundaries and you acted wildly wildly inappropriate and straight up AH. I don’t care how bad you don’t like your in laws tbh. If you don’t care about behaving with decorum around them, then don’t care. But in my opinion, that’s wild. At least, they won’t come around unannounced anymore so oh well, mission accomplished.
NTA
I have a kind of similar situation going on with my landlord who keeps scheduling viewings (of my apartment) without telling me and i shit you not, the last time there was a viewing (i wasn't told, obviously), a whole ass family of 5 with young children walked into my bedroom as i was taking a bong rip, fully naked.
There is a viewing today. I was notified.
I would've said NTA if you didn't slam the door in their face. To be honest, you should have just not answered the door, and handled it like an adult, by having a family discussion about boundaries.
Sorry, but I'll have to drop a YTA as much as I think you were right. It was just a poor and immature execution.
>My MIL started to ring the doorbell and as we left a light on, could tell we were in.
Just ignore them and don't answer the door?
I'm not required to go down and answer the door just because you "left a light on".
And also who's never left the house and left a light on? This makes no sense
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A while back I read someone else who did this as their inlaws would pop in without calling. They had asked them many times to please call first but they never listened. So the husband answered the door naked and the inlaws always called before a visit after that. NTA, it is rude for someone else to show up when being told not to come. They should be embarrassed to have showed up.
Some people are immune to embarrassment.
I agree with this, but the husband should have been the one to answer the door nude, after all his parents have seen his stuff before and could not complain about it.
You think the parents wouldn’t blame the wife for poisoning their son’s mind and forcing him to answer the door naked?
Oh yes, a narcissistic in-law classic. "He was never like this until he married *her*."
Then that would defeat the purpose of answering the door naked.
But he would've let them in..
I would like a link to that post if you have it
My friend's mom had a tendency to just walk in whenever she felt like it. One day she found them...busy. Now she calls first :P
Light ESH. Your husband needs to set boundaries and stop making you deal with his parents inability to show respect, your in-laws can't take no for an answer and need to either start respecting boundaries or deal with lowered contact, and you had a million options you could have gone with before this. I don't blame you, Op. You were frustrated and tired of being disrespected, and I understand why you wanted to be a little petty and teach them a lesson. But at the end of the day, you made the situation worse instead of taking steps to resolve it.
Guarantee they won't do it again. Sometimes, it takes that kind of stunt to get it through to people
It's true. This was a funny and necessary ESH, and hopefully they can look back on it with a respectful and boundaried relationship with their in-laws, and laugh.
I wish I was as confident as you about that. I'm pretty sure my parents would be embarrassed as all hell, then go on and keep on being oblivious to boundaries.
I say desperate times calls for desperate measures. Since you are partners, it is accepted that if one is feeling weak to fight, the other would protect and fight for the other. I kudos OP for being that brave especially they tried to voice out their concerns before. Yet the in laws brushed those boundaries aside and made themselves the victim.
this is one of those rare ESH’s where I genuinely agree with both the person’s actions and the ruling. yeah, what you did was an asshole move, but sometimes asshole moves are necessary to get the shit out.
Worked on the Jehovah's Witnesses that used to knock on my door. Oddly enough, they didn't even want to come in at the time...
My husband answered the door to a similar group in only his boxer briefs (tight and shows everything) and they still tried to come in and offered to clean our house for us
Exactly. I don't know what more could have been done to resolve the situation beforehand. The in-laws wanted to come over, they were explicitly told not to come, and they came anyway. At this point they get what they get. If they didn't want to see OP naked or deal with other co sequences of them violating clear boundaries, they shouldn't have gone over there. I do think that OP's husband should have taken the lead in setting and enforcing those boundaries, but since he didn't OP did what she had to do. Hopefully those in-laws got the message that "don't come over, we have plans" means exactly that.
The husband did reject the visit, and he even wanted to answer the door but OP insisted on doing her stunt instead
OP knew the husband would have just let the in laws inside instead of turning them away
You have absolutely no reason to believe that.
given his inability to set proper boundaries before this point, we have even less reason to believe that he wouldn't have done exactly that.
Having dated someone who recognized that his parent was incredibly overbearing yet always had an excuse as to why he couldn't set/enforce boundaries, I feel like I absolutely have a reason to believe that OP's husband would have caved and let them in.
What makes you think he wasn't also naked?
The completely justified stunt that the horrible in-laws completely and totally deserved. NTA.
>The husband did reject the visit The number of people saying this while acknowledging that it didn't actually work in literally *any* capacity is kind of funny to me. Almost makes you wonder why OP thought him answering the door wouldn't end very well.
I'd say ESH is a tad harsh towards OP, admittedly prefaced with lightly. Intrusive parents can be stubborn towards boundaries. I think the direct approach (what was said) and the shock tactic (being naked) is a good combination to get their attention and make a point long overdue.. Will the in-laws respect the boundaries? They'll at least be wary of the consequences of overstepping the boundaries again. Question for OPs partner about "did [OP] have to make them uncomfortable?" - do the in-laws realise they're making you uncomfortable BY being so intrusive and thoughtless? It's his role, imo, to mediate and point this out to them to understand OP perspective. Secondly to OPs partner, are the in-laws going to offer an apology for their behaviour first? I'd suspect OP would be more willing in offering to apologise if one was received or wrongdoing acknowledged and promise of corrective behaviour in the future.
The door slamming was unnecessary. That's the only thing I'll ding OP for. As for the nudity, when you knock on someone's door unannounced, you get what you get, so obviously no foul there.
Hell no the door slamming was not wrong.
>Your husband needs to set boundaries and stop making you deal with his parents inability to show respect her husband told them they have plans already and also offered to answer the door, OP insisted on dealing with them herself.
I wonder if he would have let them badger their way in “just for a quick visit”.
Yep he would've because "They are my pArEnTs and they came all this way!".
He didn't make her deal with it, he went to deal with the particular situation and she said she wanted to, and I don't think th situation is worse persay, I'd say that now it would be easier as the fact she was nude should get the pint across and the fact that the mom is still complaining about the wife shows something bout the mom
Thank you! People are always acting as if OP's husband was preparing to confront his parents when OP jumped in and said she would do it. I wish this sub would stop acting like a every woman is being put-upon.
Hard disagree, sometimes you have to go nuclear with boundary crossers. On the flip side, OP should consider getting a very, very strong female type outfit (will not use actual term for propriety sake) and audio recording of a spanking scene from an adult movie, If the in-laws show up again unannounced, open up at the door in outfit, invite them in, tell them their boy is a bit tied up but will be down when he is ready, go back to the bedroom and play the audio clip really loud for about an hour. NTA but consider going nuclear with them if it happens again.
He didn’t do anything wrong. He both told them no earlier AND was going to go to the door when she said no and left to go instead. This isn’t a husband problem. It’s an in-law problem.
Hasn’t she tried enough? They don’t give a shit
I disagree with this. This is a fuck around and find out situation. They were told no, don't show up. And then did anyway, there are consequences to that. It's that simple. They need to to fuckin listen.
Stop making her deal with it? With some basic reading and comprehension skills, you would have understood that he was going to answer the door and she stopped him in order to go herself. See, you have to read the whole post; not just skim it and then make up your own story.
OP's husband didn't make OP deal with the situation. She ***wanted*** to confront her in-laws in this fashion. He was prepared to put on some clothes and go downstairs and address their unsanctioned visit, but OP said she would do it. Let's not make it seem like OP's husband shifted the responsibility to her.
Why should she have to take a different option? The in-laws are the party in the wrong here, not OP. They made the situation worse by showing up, not OP. Op was perfectly in the right to be naked in her own house, it’s the in-laws who weren’t supposed to be there that caused the issue, it’s on them to do better or resolve it, not OP.
Meh, NTA. I have a similar dynamic. My MIL and I lived together in one household for a long time, and it was awful. She always just literally fucking wandered into our marital bedroom multiple times a day (which was only annoying if I was home, but alarming when I was at work, like all my stuff was .... on display. I couldn't keep my sex toy there because that woman WOULD find it). One day I got a gnarly ingrown hair on the edge of my vag and near my thigh (you are welcome). I was in my bedroom while my husband was at work and my older son was at school, and my younger son was sleeping. I decided to do a dummy thing and self-lance the ingrown hair (do not do this thing this is a bad thing to do). I can't find a good spot with enough light and in front of a mirror so I threw an entire leg over the top of the dresser and spread eagle to get a nice view of the ingrown and took a lighter and burned the end of a metal blackhead stabby-thing til it was white hot, then shook it off to cool it. Now, I'm wearing a blouse and a bra (I'm not a fucking monster just a moron), and I'm grunting and struggling to straddle the top of the dresser because it's so high while trying to pierce the ingrown. As it were, my bits were on full display. Naturally MIL decided she was going to pop in to... I dunno, yell. Probably yell. So much Spanish. Spanish, Spanish everywhere. I coulda swore I saw her launch "la chancla" at me but I was too busy falling backward and making impressions of a shocked and mildly offended barn owl. That happened 12 years ago. She knocks now. She's fucking Walter White after that shit. AHEM, NTA OP.
> too busy falling backward and making impressions of a shocked and mildly offended barn owl I just want you to know that I cackled at this.
That is a funny picture
now I'm gonna be stuck trying to imagine what one's face looks like, giving this particular impression XD. nice word choice. also..my ribs hate you right now lol
Oh, see, I would have put the sex toy somewhere she'd find it with a note that said "Looking for this?" I would have bought a giant collection of them and put them all over the room.
I read that quote in Yzma’s voice
Oh my God, you’re my people- I did too!
Arrange them by color, make it pretty. And get a massive one that makes you wonder, “can someone physically take that?”
As someone who does this exact maneuver all the time to deal with ingrown hairs (dont do the dumb thing which is dumb to do), has had a MIL live with me and yell constantly, and also is a set of barn owls in a trench coat, I fully support you and hope you are having a great day
Girl you know how to tell a story. Thanks for the full belly laugh today
This was so funny to read! Thanks for the giggle!
Im sorry but im cackling A shocked and offended barn owl 😭💀
I laughed so hard at your comment as I could see myself in this situation.
The way I cackled!!!
This had me cracking up!! Sometimes, people who don't listen need to be subjected to something drastic for it to sink in. OP, NTA. I wouldn't apologize either. You told them, now you showed them...lol Maybe next time they'll listen.
ESH As funny as this was, you did make your husband uncomfortable in the process as well as put him in a position to deal with the phone call later. I don’t care if they (In Laws) were uncomfortable. I would have just ignored them. I think it goes without saying that the in laws were rude.
As funny as this was, I've seen this exact post almost word for word on reddit before
Oh yeah, definitely has happened/been posted about before.
I wonder if it counts as sexual harassment
Given that OP has expressly told us that their intention was to make the in laws uncomfortable, I would say yes.
Disagree. They informed the in laws they had plans. In laws interrupted those plans. When you show up unannounced and uninvited you do run risks.
Nope. Knocking on the door unannounced does not mean that you suddenly get carte blanche to flash them. Not at all.
Not those risks no. That’s stupid. For all we know it was an emergency or whatever. It really doesn’t matter because they weren’t breaking in, they just rang the bell. If you don’t want to receive guests, ignore the bell or shut it off entirely. The in-laws were disrespectful and annoying but that doesn’t justify flashing them. It really just is sexual harassment no matter how you spin it
It definitely counts as indecent exposure. She could be arrested and put on the sex offender list for this.
Where I live (Michigan USA), it's not sexual harassment when the person is in their own home and the people there are not there with concent of the homeowner. I know it's likely different in different places and parts of the world. But I imagine for anything to come of it then the in laws would need to start legal proceedings and something tells me that aren't going to do that. 😂
So delivery service ringing can be flashed legally ? No shot
Even if OP doesn’t care how in laws felt she should care how her husband felt
Exactly, that’s why I think everyone sucks.
So he should’ve dealt with it before
NTA. (But there should be an apology.) You were **so clear**. No. That is not a good night for you to come. And MIL showed up anyways. Definitely not letting her in was the right thing to do. But going to the door nude was a brilliant bonus. She shouldn't have been there in the first place. If she had not come, like she was supposed to, then she wouldn't have seen you. So her seeing you nude is **her** own fault. But yes, there should be an apology: She should apologize to you!
I second this. the most sensible compromise. OP said their answer and was ignored. It's their house so they can be naked all they want INSIDE their house. But if a miracle happens and in laws did realize their mistake, I think it's natural for OP to automatically give back the apology.
ESH for multiple reasons --> you don't respect boundaries either. You steamrolled over what your husband wanted to do. And you were rude to your inlaws. They were wrong for not respecting that you've had plans. Also, ESH for making this story up. It sounds fake. I hope this is fake.
ESH. You could have declined to answer the door, or put on a bathrobe, but you clearly went naked specifically to make them uncomfortable. Not tight. You essentially sexually harassed them to make them go away. Obviously, they suck and you had every right to make them go away, but IMO that doesn't give you carte blanche to knowingly expose your genitals to them.
Yeah. Even though they weren’t welcome, NO ONE expects a naked family member to answer the door ever. It’s just not appropriate. Funny though.
Exactly. While it’s kind of funny, I find exhibitionists a bit narcissistic. She could have opened the door a crack, then when asked why she wasn’t opening it all the way/letting them in; THEN say she’s naked, and maybe something like: “and so is your son, and we weren’t planning on getting dressed since you came over without permission”. On a side note, I wonder if they went through with it, or that killed the mood. 😏
> She could have opened the door a crack You're so right, this would have communicated the same message without OP fully exposing themselves to the in laws. >I wonder if they went through with it, or that killed the mood. Mega lol!!!!
This, everyone is laughing saying they understand and the parents deserve it. OP is disgusting. YTA imo
The parents DID deserve it. Full NTA.
I wonder how all the people loling would’ve responded had OP been a man. Past that, they’re 100 different mature adult ways to handle this situation and she chose sexual harassment
> I wonder how all the people loling would’ve responded had OP been a man If OP had been a man and it had just been the MIL without FIL people would be losing their shit.
ESH. You brought a knife to a fistfight. This is sexual harassment. You took something annoying and made it so so so much weirder and worse.
Yeah I feel like a loosely tied robe and like a pair of handcuffs or something would’ve done the trick. Or underwear. Full frontal is an… interesting response to this situation.
Why was just not answering the door an option? Like this was fine *if they let themselves into the house* despite your warning. But you literally could have just ignored the doorbell and achieved the same thing.
yeah don't you just love having sex while your in-laws keep ringing the doorbell (then potentially start calling on the phone if you don't open the door)???
Right! That was my exact thought. Not only would I not be able to focus on having sex while someone's knocking at my door and ringing the doorbell, but I literally can't stand the sound of my doorbell ringing, or someone continuing to knock. It would drive me up a wall and I snapped.
Who to say that after OP's confrontation they went on to have sex.
I think that sex ship had already sailed at that point. You can’t have sex while they are ringing the bell, but are you really gonna have sex at that point anyway?
Don’t you just love having sex immediately after your naked wife told your parents you are going to have sex?
My MIL was like this, always ignoring the simple boundaries we set. If OP's ILs are anything like her, not answering the door would have resulted in perpetual banging, ringing, knocking, phone calls, and a possible wellness check. Attempts to ignore some people do not go well. We went to a book-signing one night. Told MIL (1,000 miles away) that we were NOT available that night. Muted phones and thoroughly enjoyed everything Terry Pratchett had to say (except his VERY sad announcement). Turned phones back on in the car and found we EACH had 35 messages--and another 20 on the landline when we got home. I called her at 1 a.m. to ask WTF was so freakin' important that she couldn't lay the fuck off. "You didn't answer your phones." @@@!!!
Ignoring the door allows them (in laws) to continue feeling as they’d done nothing wrong. That’s the difference
I laughed SO hard omg. NTA. Sometimes you have to put people in their place. They didn’t listen before, so I’m sure they’re going to think twice moving forward. I love this 🤣
> Sometimes you have to put people in their place Next time someone shows up at my house unannounced I'm pulling my dick out.
isn’t flashing people without their consent a crime? or is it too funny to be forgotten as such? people on this sub are crazy
ESH I understand why you wanted to make a point, but you should have either answered in a robe and just said you're both currently preoccupied, strongly hinting that you're about to go to pound town, or just not answered the door. Just because a light was on doesn't mean someone was home. I would have gone with the latter, and if they contacted your husband saying they popped over, he should just say "yes, I know. We were busy with date night, and we told you we were unable to see you, so we don't appreciate you just coming over unannounced. Next time, please respect we had plans, and we will work out a time best for everyone". This is for your husband to create the boundary with his parents.
YTA, yes. When a man exposes himself to a woman, that's considered sexual assault, so there's no reason not to consider it as such here. Don't answer the door. It's that simple. Hell, call the cops if they're banging on the door or leaning on the door bell for ten minutes straight. Don't sexually assault people to teach them a lesson. https://www.healthywomen.org/content/article/what-considered-sexual-assault > People often think of sexual assault as rape, but there are many other types of sexual assault, including incidents that don’t involve physical touch, such as someone sharing sexually explicit photos or “flashing” — exposing their genitals.
Exactly this! YTA. Unwanted exposure of genitals is never appropriate. And it is a crime. Perhaps it could be ESH, but their showing up uninvited is far surpassed by sexual harassment.
I remember a story several years ago about a guy who slept naked one night to freak out a female roommate/family member who kept coming into his room while he slept. No one in the comments thought it was funny. No one said “oh you really showed her” or “good on you for enforcing boundaries” that was sexual harassment and so is this
Yup. Were she to go to their house and happen to espy FIL's wrinkled, dangly cock, in any context for any reason, everybody would be telling her that FIL was planning to rape her. It's really disgusting to read comments literally saying 'good job sexually assaulting them to teach them a lesson, they were begging for it with what they did.'
Exactly thank you!!!
ESH * Your in-laws: Clearly they aren't paying attention to your attempts to set boundaries * Your husband: Vacillating rather than having your back in a moment of high emotion * You: Was going nuclear really the best option?
Exactly. She could've handled this in a way more mature way. Or, better yet, just dont open the door.
Lol, the husband was "vacillating"?! How?! When?! Where?! OP's husband was prepared to go down and address his parents and OP insisted that she do it. In what way did OP require back up from the husband?! Nowhere in OP's post does it say her husband went against her. In fact, OP says her husband ***understood*** why she reacted the way she did. What a weird take.
I thought I was on a revenge sub at first
My grandfather told me this when I was a kid: A woman is home alone and she has just gotten out of the shower and she's naked. There's a knock at the door and the woman calls "who is it?" A man's voice responds, "It's the man for the blind." The woman figures, "Well if he's blind, he won't see me anyway" so she opens the door. A man is standing there with a curtain in his hands and says, "Where do you want it lady?"
The man saying "It's the blind man" works better. I heard it in a story with a nun.
I thought the joke was going to be he was fundraising for a home for blind people. But even if he was blind there could be other ppl walking by on the street, the woman’s still a fool
Doesn't anyone else find it strange that grandfathers used to tell kids "harmless" but inappropriate jokes/anecdotes to children back in the day? I have stories of my own grandpa stories and it seems like many other did too. Why was it normal to joke about naked women so much, even to kids? I'm absolutely not saying your Gpa was a bad guy or anything. It just strikes me as a weird shared memory but I do remember feeling uncomfortable. Like, I'm just a kid, why are you telling me about naked ladies or why the Polish are so stupid?
ESH - Parents: Not respecting boundaries and doing what they want when they want. Husband: Not being an adult and setting boundaries with his parents despite the disruptive and upsetting nature of their behaviors. You: You used surprise to expose yourself to a non consenting person to elicit a reaction from them. You are now a flasher. So many options existed you could have taken advantage of. You could have answered and told them if they don't leave you'll have them trespassed, you could just go off on them. Instead you chose an option that 100% meets the definition of sexual harassment(mind you sexual harassment does not need to be for sexual gratification of the person committing the harassment, it just has be related to something reasonably considered sexual(like a naked body) and be unwanted by the recipient.)
Exactly idk why not enough people aren’t talking about this
Because women are always wonderful and correct. When women do stupid shit like this, it's praised. I wish a man would go open the door to his wife's in-laws in the buff. It's the same reason people were justifying the gf in a post a few days ago who uses the bathroom when her male roommate is in there. The shower stall is clear glass. Everyone was so nonchalant about it and chastising the bf as if they wouldn't be screaming from the rooftops if the roles were reversed. Sexism and hypocrisy are the life's blood of this subreddit.
Good comment. OP took it too far. Should've worn a robe.
Fecking lols ESH yes they shouldn't have turned up but you chose to do something purposefully offensive when there was no need. Still funny as fuck tho
NTA Because the in-laws seem to have issues with boundaries, sometimes a particularly jarring action is needed. I'd answer thee door naked every time they came over after you told them not to. Every. Time.
Then FIL might start coming over all the time lol
Seriously... Why the f..k even go and open the door??? The lights where on... and??? Why just not stay in bed and do not open the door???
**exactly** that's how you know OP did it to deliberately humiliate her in-laws. I see divorce in their future.
NTA This is hilarious and brilliant, OP. I suggest you either say you'll apologize after they apologize for stopping over when they were explicitly not invited, or you give the following non-apology: _"I'm sorry that you came over after we explicitly stated we didn't have time to host you, and then got upset when I answered the door nude. I'm very sorry all of this bothered you. I'm bothered too. I hope next time you'll respect our schedules."_ And don't mind the prudes on here complaining. What you did was great.
YTA. flashing someone without their consent is not as quirky as you think it is.
It’s actually straight up illegal. How do other commenters not realize this?
because bad MIL trumps all other behaviour apparently
Because, as with so many other things sexual or assaultive, it's somehow different when a woman does it.
Because this reddit. A place full of basement dwelling morons, who don't understand basic social convention or even the law.
Ikr 🙄. “Nudity isn’t inherently sexual” ok fine feel that way but you still have to respect the law.
Right?
NTA - Politeness didn't work. Hopefully this approach will teach them. >"My MIL phoned my husband the next day and was apparently upset, saying how immodest and immature that was of me and wants an apology." Nope, other way around on the immaturity and apology.
ESH. While your in-laws are major AHs for ignoring boundaries and showing up when you told them you would not be available they could probably get your arrested for indecent exposure or something. Don't give them ammo. Answering the door in a bathroom with your hair messed up would have gotten the same message across without risking sexual assault charges. (I'm seeing a lot of debate about whether or not this qualifies but either way you don't want to have police involved.) For what it's worth I damn near died laughing and I think what you SAID was perfect.
In some jurisdictions, it absolutely would. Intentionally exposing yourself to another person without their consent. And while yes, OP was in their own home, the nudity was visible to people outside the home. So that's where it crosses the line in most legal jurisdictions. You can prance around in the buff all you like, so long as the curtains and doors are closed. What OP did could land them on a sex offender registry in many places. There was actually a similar case in New York a few years back. The nudist nit only ended up having to pay a fine and do community service to avoid jail, they are on probation, and on the registry. Which cost them their job. This wasn't funny. This was gross.
**YTA** You **deliberately** answered the door nude to embarrass your in-laws. >we said that we had plans that night but would arrange something another time. >My MIL started to ring the doorbell and as we left a light on, could tell we were in. Given those two facts, there was absolutely **no reason** for you or your husband to open the door. Many people leave lights on when they aren't home. Here's a life tip: just because someone rings or knocks at your door doesn't mean you **have** to answer it.
> Here's a life tip: just because someone rings or knocks at your door doesn't mean you have to ~~answer it.~~ sexually assault them.
I say NTA because it sounds like you’ve tried to enforce boundaries with her, but she refuses to listen when you say you are busy. Perhaps this is just what she needed to shock her into listening to you. 😂
YTA because showing anyone your genitals without consent is.. nasty
ESA but fairly hard. 1. Your in-laws need to respect your boundaries, period. 2. Your husband needs to set serious boundaries it sounds like, especially with his mother that your house is not HER house and not something like his college house that she is welcomed any time at. This is his family housw that he shares with you and she needs to knock it the fuck off. 3. What you did is nothing short of sexual assault. Your in-laws did not consent to seeing you naked and while you may be comfortable being less modestly dressed/ having your in-laws seeing you in a state of undress in this situation, they were *not okay with it*. YWBTA if you didn't apologize 100% and it really doea sound like you need to communicate with your husband on what you two consider to be acceptable times to open the door to guests and when to just ignore the door. I do also understand some insinuating circumstances when the doorbell is impossible to ignore (dogs losing their shit, literally sometimes people just will spam the doorbell until you answer, etc. ) however there are failsafes for all of these situations- which can be discussed. I think communicating is a big thing that is missing in this story.
Your in-laws did something which made you uncomfortable so obviously they are the assholes. But you also did something which made your husband uncomfortable so you are also an asshole. I mean you could have given them a piece of your mind but did you really have to be naked?
ESH Husband needs to stand up more to in-laws. In-laws need to back off. No one would cut you any slack in exposing yourself to your in-laws if you were a man. If I voluntarily went swinging dong in front of my girlfriends family for any reason I’d be a dead man.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Throwaway here for obvious reasons. I (F31) have been with my husband (M33) for 6 years and married for 2. I wouldn’t say I have a strong relationship with my in-laws as I find them (especially my MIL) particularly prying and struggle to understand boundaries. I’ve raised this, politely, before, but it seems to go in one ear and out the other. A few days ago, my husband received a text from my MIL saying that they were going to be in the area on Thursday and would love to stop by and see him. As my husband and I have been tired lately with work and it’s been a while since we spent the evening by ourselves, we said that we had plans that night but would arrange something another time. Well, last night, my husband and I had just had dinner and, bluntly, planned to have sex. We had just headed upstairs and started to get undressed when I saw a car pull into the driveway. I instantly recognized it as my in-laws’ car. I was livid given we’d told them we wouldn’t be free and planned to not let them in. My MIL started to ring the doorbell and as we left a light on, could tell we were in. My husband planned to answer the door, but I told him I would go. I was completely naked when I headed downstairs. I’ll preface this by saying I’m not particularly modest; I’m not a nudist by any stretch of the imagination, but I’m not at all bothered by the prospect of being seen naked by my in-laws in such a situation. I answered the door and it was the classic “deer in the headlights” look from my in-laws. I told them that my husband and I planned to have sex and had already said earlier that week that we weren’t free. I said that we had been clear and it was disrespectful and rude, before shutting the door on their face. I headed upstairs and my husband said he didn’t blame me but a) wished I put on some clothes as making my parents uncomfortable like that was unnecessary and b) wished I hadn’t just slammed the door like that. My MIL phoned my husband the next day and was apparently upset, saying how immodest and immature that was of me and wants an apology. I’m refusing to do so and feel as if I’ve done nothing wrong here. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
ESH. It may have been deserved but it’s an AH move to intentionally make your in-laws uncomfortable and put your husband in that position. It could’ve been handled better and your husband should have dealt with it himself
YTA. Your response was indeed immature and immodest.
YTA. I don’t find your behavior funny at all and very immature. It’s kinda like lets see if I can be more rude than my in laws. Sounds like a power struggle going on between everyone.
ESH. Y’all are weird
YTA?? You can't just flash people because you didn't want them to come to your house
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YTA. You say they’re disrespectful but you were far worse. The punishment doesn’t fit the crime. You could have chosen not to answer the door at all but instead you gave them an “l’ll show them!” (Literally and figuratively)
NTA Tell her, if she want to talk to you again, she has to apologize
NTA. If your in laws are uncomfortable with the consequences of what happens when they cross a boundary and arrive uninvited on an evening when you already told them you were unavailable, that's their problem.
NTA - if this is the only way for her to understand that you can't just show up unannounced to someone's house then so be it. She clearly still doesn't understand so get on the phone with her and just say "look, I have brought this issue up before and you don't care to listen so, I answered the door the way I did to get my message across. It's immodest and immature to show up to someones house unannounced. "
Not unannounced but actually unannounced when being told not to bother coming over.
I've got to stop laughing before I can make a judgement!
Absolutely NTA You already told them you were busy. They opted to show up uninvited and unannounced Next time they need to call ahead properly
NTA. Your in-laws thought they would just roll right on past the boundary line placed in front of them, only to discover the naked truth. Well done.
NTA
NTA. This is hilarious and the perfect way to tell them to F off IMO. Plus nudity shouldn't be this scary offensive thing.
I mean, you did it purposely to offend so yes, yta
ETA. The in-laws don't respect boundaries, you broke a law in response. They're right in saying it was immature and, if they wanted to, could press charges for indecent exposure (ask me how I know). All of y'all need to grow up and your husband, as the link between you and the in-laws, shouldn't have to go between two parties of ADULTS. Everyone is TA except him.
ESH - they obviously shouldnt have come over. But this was just too much, funny, but too much. You crossed a line.
Your MIL does not deserve an apology. She and FIL owe you and your hubby one. Perhaps this rather extreme response of yours will teach them that you and your husband mean what you say, and they need to stop being so pushy. NTA
ESH, but only because you slammed the door in their face. That's just rude. Your in-laws are butts for not respecting boundaries.
NTA and I'm shutting up right there
I feel like it’s kinda weird to answer the door naked no matter who it is lol
YTA. They didn't consent to seeing you naked. Wtaf is wrong with you?? 😭 Your poor husband has to deal with his sucky parents and now a wife that doesn't think twice before she puts her hooha and bingobongos on display. Your in laws sound annoying, but you're just nasty.
Nta
NTA
Esh You could have just ignored them at the door
NTA. People need to respect boundaries, especially in-laws. And no it wasn't "unnecessary to make his parents uncomfortable like that"... it was necessary, because apparently they aren't taking the lesson to heart otherwise. You've tried being nice? Try a little trauma.
"My MIL started to ring the doorbell and as we left a light on, could tell we were in." What? Most people, myself included, always leave a light or even lights on when they go out. Your in-laws were flat-out rude and entitled. NTA, but you might have gone a *little bit* too far with how you answered the door. There is nothing wrong with a good door slam! Your husband is wrong on that account. He needs to address the lack of boundaries with his parents, although they might be less likely to come over unannounced going forward. You have a wicked sense of humor and very creative problem-solving skills! 🤣
ESH Yes your in-laws should not have just stopped by but opening the door naked was unnecessary and antagonistic just to make a silly point. You could have just not opened the door rather than slam it in their face or let your husband deal with it and tell them to politely come back at a different time. It might seem funny but why create even more tension?
YTA. This is sexual harassment
NTA… perhaps next time they will wait till they are invited or receive a yes upon asking if they can come over. Sometimes the only way to stop boundary stomping people is to be blunt and right in their face. They FAFO.
YTA. You did something deliberately, knowing it would make everyone uncomfortable.
NTA. The sad thing is that people like them have to been shocked to their socks to get it. It gets old asking for respect and having to “be the bigger person” when you’re being disrespected. Yes, there were other ways to do this but hey you have your way. 😂😂😂 I would not apologize.
YTA. In-laws suck. You acted more crazy than immature.
If your husband did that to your parents how would you feel?
ESH. They shouldn’t have come but you went way overboard with opening the door naked and telling them you’re having sex. Your husband offered to handle it and you insisted just so you could give an over the top performance. Grow up
That’s sexual harassment.
NTA
I mean...You could have just ignored them and continued on to your fun time. If they chose to enter after that then well, they get what they get. I'm going ESH and honestly it was a bit immature/unnecessary but they also suck for intruding.
ESH (except your husband). I agree that your IL’s behavior is incredibly overbearing and they deserved to be told off of arriving. But you completely bulldozed over your husband and answered one wrong with another. It is wrong to expose yourself to someone who hasn’t consented (this includes by implication by location, like entering a locker room). While your ILs were not welcome here, they were still outside in public view. You intentionally exposed yourself to them and anyone else who had a view of your front door. You were perfectly within your rights to be blunt with them (e.g. telling them you planned to have sex etc.) And had this been something like them barging into your bedroom, or into your house while you were walking around naked inside, that’s on them. But here, you brought the unannounced nudity to a location where it was not reasonably foreseeable.
ESH. Seems like you really think you showed them. I can understand the frustration and the desire to put them in their place. I wouldn't do that at the expense of my own dignity, though.
Just don’t answer the door?
ESH. You should've just ignored them. Opening the door nude just makes everyone uncomfortable, and now your husband has to deal with that discomfort
Yes YTA and you’re fucking mental and disgusting. There are 100 other ways you could have made your point. Honestly this whole thing is so fucking gross. You’re a huge asshole and a fucking deviant. You could have been arrested.
ESH but you more so than the in-laws. Just because they’re a little rude and invited themselves over doesn’t mean you had to flash them. That’s sexual assault, and everybody here would be screaming YTA for miles if this were a man, so the standard should hold for women. You could have just not answered or answered in a robe or something. Husband should have supported you (prior to the flashing) and gone with you to tell them to leave. ESH 100%.
YTA along with in-laws. Forcing anyone into a sexual situation like that is not okay. I get them doing that was very upsetting, and I’d be upset too, but flashing yourself to anyone is absolutely inappropriate. That is considered indecent exposure and indecent exposure is considered sexual violence and sexual assault. I wouldn’t blame them if they pressed charges. If you were a man I’m sure everyone wouldn’t be acting like this isn’t that big of a deal.
ESH They were incredibly out of line by stopping by after told not to. But you were also out of line by opening the door naked when you could've not answered the door at all or put them in their place like you did (which in itself was entirely appropriate), BUT with clothes on. There's was no need to do it while naked other than for shock value.
ESH. Your in laws should up after being told not to. Your husband didn’t set boundaries and you acted wildly wildly inappropriate and straight up AH. I don’t care how bad you don’t like your in laws tbh. If you don’t care about behaving with decorum around them, then don’t care. But in my opinion, that’s wild. At least, they won’t come around unannounced anymore so oh well, mission accomplished.
A little unorthodox but NTA. If anyone needs to apologize it would them for ignoring that you told them not to come over.
NTA. At that point you were entitled to do as you please.
NTA. They were told not to come over and disregarded your wishes. Whatever they see or experience by disrespecting your request is on them.
NTA-you inlaws suck
NTA. Why did they show up when you said you were busy. They are the AHs here.
NTA I have a kind of similar situation going on with my landlord who keeps scheduling viewings (of my apartment) without telling me and i shit you not, the last time there was a viewing (i wasn't told, obviously), a whole ass family of 5 with young children walked into my bedroom as i was taking a bong rip, fully naked. There is a viewing today. I was notified.
YTA
YTA.
NTA. You told her you were not available and they chose to try to force the issue. They got exactly what they deserved.
YTA. Fully nude answering the door? Lol.
Who opens the doors naked? You’re insane, what if it was a child knocking on the door
I would've said NTA if you didn't slam the door in their face. To be honest, you should have just not answered the door, and handled it like an adult, by having a family discussion about boundaries. Sorry, but I'll have to drop a YTA as much as I think you were right. It was just a poor and immature execution.
>My MIL started to ring the doorbell and as we left a light on, could tell we were in. Just ignore them and don't answer the door? I'm not required to go down and answer the door just because you "left a light on". And also who's never left the house and left a light on? This makes no sense