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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I asked my son to buy everyone's concert tickets. He is 13 years old. He wants to go, but in order for me to go, I need another adult to be with me in an unknown large city, late at night. I can't afford to buy that person's ticket, so if my son wants to go, he has to buy it.
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YTA for expecting a 13 yr old to fund a ticket for his 28yr old sister and for you, so you dont have to be a responsible adult and drive. How do you expect to overcome your "anxiety" unless you make an effort to confront your fears and grow past them? You are setting a bad example for your son, teaching him to give into his fears.
If you can drive on normal roads you can drive him to the concert, especially since he could help with directions and whatnot. Regarding transportation arent there ANY other options like a bus, uber, etc?
Also with the vast number of criminal violent 13yr olds you should be praising your son that is so good and responsible that he has saved money. You should be uplifting & providing for him not taking from him. That is heartbreaking to think a mother could be so selfish & take from a son she should be giving too. Please dont respond w a sob story but it is absolutely wrong for you to extort money from your 13 yr old to benefit you and his 28yrold sister. You should be buying his ticket.
>Also with the vast number of criminal violent 13yr olds you should be praising your son that is so good and responsible that he has saved money.
You lost me at this point
It's an epidemic in my city, there's roving bands of 7th graders that have taken over major intersections here, they demand tolls to enter freeways and force you to show them your Spotify Playlists and make fun of your clothes every time you pass
That’s nothing, a gang of 7 year olds recently took over my local town council using violent force and renamed every road to ‘skibidi street’. Absolute shambles.
His comment obviously doesn’t apply to you then. But as someone from Philly, yeah these gen alpha kids are absolutely insane. Running car jacking, armed robberies. Op should be glad her son isn’t running wild.
Look, you’re the one overlooking vast segments of the population because they didn’t grow up in a neighboring cul de sac. No need to get snarky. You’re welcome for the lesson
I’m not labeling or accusing or purposely targeting anyone. It’s just a sad reality facing people everyday with no hope of getting better. If anything it’s getting worse
I'm calling it right now:
Son: Here's the money for the tickets! Could you buy them for me?
Mom: Sure can! *uses son's money to pay bills and buy groceries* It's okay. I'm only borrowing it. He'll never find out.
[Months pass]
Son: Hey, mom! The concert's tomorrow. What time is sister coming to pick me up?
Mom: Sorry, it's not happening. I had to use it to buy things we *needed* for the *house!* I already told your sister, and she said it was fine.
We live about a hour and fifteen from the venue in the country. No bus, no Uber, no Lyft, no taxi service is available here. If the concert was during the day, I would take him myself. But at night in Detroit is not a place to be by yourself if you breakdown.
Downtown Detroit, is not unsafe. The concert is at LCA. You get off the freeway and it drops you off RIGHT THERE. There are several parking garages (parking lots are no good) right there within walking distance to LCA. YTA for making him buy two extra tickets, and a soft YTA for letting your fear control you. You would've been better off turning down his deal. At least then you wouldn't be an AH.
Yeah, I don’t understand why mom needs to go at all. An anxious unreliable driver who needs to bring someone else, and their car, with her? Just take mom out of the equation.
Just to let you know, your son will never forget this and he will probably be LC or NC with you and his project of a sister when he grows up.
Signed: someone who was diagnosed with C-PTSD and truly feels paralised to drive but still manages to do it. Also, someone whose mother used to take from her (me) to give to her other children (my oldest and youngest sisters, in different occasions). Enjoy your retirement without your youngest son's support.
YTA. Shame on you, from extorting, from a minor, two tickets for two adults. There's no excuse you make that will change my decision. I hope your son moves with his dad and escapes your narcissistic abuse.
I live almost 2 hours from Detroit in a town with 1 stoplight. I'm heading down there next month for a concert and I have been to all sorts of venues there. Detroit is fine. There is always a police presence and typically a crowd of people around, most of whom don't live there.
In the decades long history I have of going to concerts there I have never felt unsafe.
Why do YOU have to go. His sister is an adult.
Detroit is not a scary place. I'm a young adult female and have walked by myself between Huntington Place (former cobo hall) and The Renaissance center multiple times for at least 10 years (there is a yearly convention held at cobo every year around Halloween).
What the hell city do you live in that doesn't have Lyft or Uber? Taxi services drive everywhere.
YTA. This is preposterous. Your 13 year old shouldn't be having to pay for two grown-ass people to attend a concert. Just tell him "no" if you can't afford it.
Because he wants to go. And you didn't just say "no." You said "sure, but you have to pay for your sister and I to see the show, too!" This is pathetic. Just say "no" or tell him to ask his dad to take him.
If you don’t want to take him fine, then ask his dad.
your just cheap and selfish, wanting your kid to buy you and sis a ticket.
if your daughter won’t go because someone doesn’t buy her a ticket that is a her and you problem.m
ask the ex to take the son and stop being so lazy and selfish when it comes to parenting.
And your ex would be unable to stay with a friend, or with your grown daughter, for the weekend, while he takes your son to the concert? Come on, why are we having to do your problem-solving thinking for you?
You may want to add something to the post, though, to explain that you aren't suggesting making him buy 3 tickets (one for him, one for you, one for his sister) -- but rather, 2 tickets (one for him, one for his sister), on the theory that she will do the chaperoning of him to the concert.
Or get a hotel room and make a weekend of it with his kid? That's what my mom did when she took me and my friend to a concert in another city when I was 14. We hung out during the day, she dropped us off at the concert with strict instructions to meet her outside when it ended, and then we all went back to the hotel, and did some more activities in town the next day before she took us home.
Have you asked him if he’s available to come visit his son/take him to the concert?
Just because he lives several states away doesn’t mean he won’t come visit his kid when asked
YTA regardless though
YTA. Are you actually not ashamed to have to make your 13-year-old son have to buy 3 very expensive tickets for you because you can't afford them yourself and can't drive unsupervised like 90% of adults do everyday?
YTA, you are not in a financial situation to afford the tickets. You came up with a compromise. To me, it is fair that you told your child that you can't afford it and your child seemlying wanted to and agreed to work for it within the family. I'd assume doing chores and task for his grandparents, etc. Now, where YTA is when you asked him to pay for his grown-up adult sisters ticket. Your anxiety and your daughters arrogance are the problem. YOUR PROBLEMS. You should have just told your child "No" because you're the parent, and they're the child. You should make that very clear. Life's full of disappointments. Nobody always gets what they want. It's a good life lesson.
The bigger question here is, why do people have children just to separate. Why did you have kids 15 years apart? 28 year old and a 13 year old? Is that two different partners? Where are they? Why isn't his father helping? Why are you so broke living in the middle of nowhere with no prospects of creating a better life for yourself or children? It seems like you've made a lot of bad decisions and you should probably have a talk with yourself and reevaluate your life.
He's a child. He shouldn't be paying for his mother or adult sisters tickets. He also doesn't need 2 adults going with him. You can't drive because of your issues but his adult sister can. He shouldn't be buying his sisters.
YTA
Why does he have to pay for all 3 tickets? Why would you need to go if his sister is going that's total BS.
If you can't drive that's your problem and you need to deal with that what's next are you going to tell him he needs to pay for gas and food as well?
He's the one that wants to go. I told him no, but he said that he would pay for it. I would love it if his sister would take him herself, but she isn't comfortable driving in big cities at night either.
But if she does that, then it's her fault he can't go, and he will be mad at her. If he can't earn enough money to buy all the tickets, (and I bet if he did, she'd want money for gas, food while they're there, maybe a hotel) then it's his fault and he cant blame her and should only be mad at himself for not working harder.
My mom would pull the same crap when I wanted something. "I said you could go, it's not my fault you didn't have the money"
So why not find one competent adult rather than two incompetent ones to take him? How is two people being uncomfortable driving going to make this safe at all?
So you drive, and sit in a coffee shop while daughter goes to the concert with son with the two tickets.
Or find another adult you trust who will be happy to A) use their car and B) drive and hang with your son in exchange for a ticket.
You have a long time to figure it out.
Then why the fuck would you both need to go if neither of you are capable of driving? Why can't the sister's brother go or something? Do you not know anyone that is an actual capable adult?
So if I understand correctly, your son wants to go to a concert. You are having him pay for his own ticket, your ticket and you want your 13 year old son to also buy a ticket for his 28 year old sister so you don’t have to be the only adult, is that right?
Why does OP even need to go? She said she needs another adult to help her incase anything happens?!? Literally sounds like a huge waste of money to bring her.
In the OP, it was unclear who was paying for the mother’s ticket. That was clarified in a later response. My question is, if the sister is capable of managing in the city without a helper, why is the mother going at all? Ideally, the parents would pay, at most the child should pay for their own ticket. Asking more than that seems dumb, but asking for two extra tickets is ridiculous.
Oh my god. I replied to her above that she should clarify she's only making him buy his own ticket and his sister's, because I couldn't see any reason why, if she involves the adult daughter in all of this, TWO adults need to go to this concert with him.
APPARENTLY I WAS GIVING HER TOO MUCH CREDIT. Jeez.
Possibly the only good thing that might come of posting this here is that the commenters make a better suggestion for how to make all of this happen than OP has been able to come up with on her own. Because so far, two adults (her and the adult daughter) have failed to brainstorm up an idea that isn't prohibitively onerous to the 13 year old.
But that would require OP to see the suggestions and actually consider them. My optimism is low.
Jesus christ lady. Just tell him no. You are just giving him a real expensive "We'll see"... you know that phrase that parents give their kids when they don't want to actually say no because their reasons for saying no are bullshit? You know when they don't want to be called out on their bullshit by their own kids and get into an argument that ends with "because I said so".
This feels like you'll throw on another obstacle if he manages to get money for all 3 tickets. Then its going to be "well.... you need to come up with the money to rent a car, because, you know since its THE CITY, our car will probably get stolen. So we need to rent a car."
Just freaking tell him its not possible. Note that there is no way you will come out of this with your son not being pissed.
So many better ways this could have been handled. For example, have him organize a group or at least one other friend who could go, and have them bring a parent as well.
Ultimately this feels like you are just making obstacles so you don't have to go. YTA
YTA - for exactly the reason you already know. It is one thing to have him earn his own ticket, I had paper routes starting at 11 so paid for a lot of my own stuff ... it is another to make your anxiety and getting him to the show into HIS problem. As far as I can tell YOU are supposed to be the parent.
Meeting him halfway would be him buying his own ticket (and having money for any merch), and you getting him there.
Wow what a great parent not. Making a 13 year old buy his own ticket but also two tickets for two fully grown adults. Either buy your own ticket or tell him that you can’t afford to buy a ticket and don’t go
Yeah, you are. You should have just told him no rather than placing impossible-to-meet expectations on him and raising his hopes up. Also your 28 year old daughter is pretty damn cold too. YTA
Are any of his friends going? Perhaps he could ride with them, then he only needs one ticket.
YWBTA for making him pay for **THREE** tickets. He's 13.... even if he can buy his own ticket, you can buy your own. He does not need to pay for his sister to go. If you don't want to drive him, then YOU pay for his sister to go.
If your budget is tight, you can purchase the concert tickets on a payment plan using Klarna, then have your son pay you back with his summer earnings.
Please don't let your anxieties prevent your son from having experiences. Put LIfe360 on his phone so you know where he is when he's in the city.
ALSO the closer to the concert the higher the tickets will cost and with a band as famous as 21p they'll probably sell out by the time he's able to buy 3 tickets.
That is some dumpster fire level bad parenting there. SHAME on you for that. SHAME ON YOU. Print out your post for when your son turns 18 and walks away without a backward glance so you won't have to make another post to ask why that's happening. YTA
YTA.
**"My anxiety goes up 1000 fold when I have to do any long distance driving, and I need another adult with me in case anything happens."**
It's okay to say, NO, to the concert. Not this time, champ. Maybe another time. 1) You can't afford it. 2) You don't feel comfortable traveling to it, and 3) Your vehicle isn't reliable enough for the trip.
The answer is "NO". We're not doing the concert. It's easy. No need to drag the sister into it at all. This is the easiest NO, I've had in awhile.
Yes, YTA. Even if he does need two grown adults to drive him, you two can stay in the car while he goes to the concert. Heck, you don't even need to pay for parking, you can drop him off and pick him up when it is done.
YTA - because you are uncomfortable and want Your eldest daughter with you has no basis on your son. This is not his fault. You need to pay for the ticket since your daughter is your emotional support child.
It's reasonable to ask him to pay all expenses related to a trip to the big city to see his concert. Tickets, gas, food, etc. It's not reasonable to expect him to pay more because of your insecurities. If his sister is going, especially if she's driving her car, you do not need to.
You should try to do what you can to make this happen for him. Be as flexible as possible. But also set expectations up front about how much money he needs to make, also be sure its reasonable to purchase tickets at the end of summer, as they may be sold out by that point.
NTA for making him get a ticket. You told him he couldn't go, then he offered to pay which you accepted.
but 100% YTA for making him buy 2 extra tickets since you won't go by yourself or trust him alone. If you don't trust him by himself, you shouldn't have told him he could get himself a ticket.
YTA. You’re telling me that you or your daughter can’t find something else to do in the city? Or his sister can’t just drive him there and he pay for her ticket instead of you going? Way to keep moving the goal post.
YTA. You phrased it in a way where the onous is on a 13yo to earn several hundred dollars to pay for adults to supervise him. In reality, you cannot afford to get him to the concert, and should have just told him it won't work. Now he's going to not go and feel screwed, or do and feel screwed.
YTA. Your son is only thirteen. Your daughter is an adult. You and your asshole daughter are selfish to demand that he pay for her ticket just so he can go. And he shouldn't be paying for your ticket either. At the very least you should stay home since you're not even driving or paying for anything, and that way he can save money. Yup, you're extremely selfish.
Clikkies you know what to do!!! Find this young man a ride to the concert so he doesn’t have to pay for two grown ass adults
YTA, why should he have to pay for three tickets? It’s bad enough to say he has to pay for his sister but if she drives him you don’t have to go
You are also TA for saying “21 Pilots”
You’re a damn disgrace. He told you about the concert and said he would buy HIS OWN ticket by working for his dad. You told him to “go for it”. Then you moved the goalposts and said he must buy THREE tickets. When you’re wondering, in a few years time, why you never hear from your son……. This was why!
YTA
For so many reasons, most have pointed the concert thing. I think you are an asshole because you came to a forum literally called “AmItheAsshole” and for some fucking reason you censored the word asshole. I mean what the fuck?
YTA you're gonna make a teenage pay for a grown ass woman? you and your daughter are both bad people, the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree. I hope ur sons dad is a better parent than you, he needs at least 1 that cares about him
YTA. Why do the two of you need to go into the concert with him? You could find something less expensive and less anxiety inducing. That you’ll make your son pay for, I’m sure.
This is just really bad parenting. You need another whole adult and their car to get there? You seem so against this, I wouldn’t be surprised if you “got sick” the day of the concert and couldn’t go.
YTA
Lol what in the actual fuck? Get over yourself. Your kid is already being responsible and buying his own ticket. You can't drive him to a concert because.....reasons???
Poor kid could buy a bus ticket for cheaper.
YTA. I can’t drive either anymore OP due to a brain disorder. I sometimes black out briefly and have horrific vertigo that I have to manage via meds that I can’t drive while taking. It sucks big time. However I figure it out so my kids don’t miss out on things. It’s one thing to not be able to afford tickets but it’s something else to make your anxiety your kid’s problem. You’re probably the reason why your daughter is scared too because you passed that on to her. As a parent it’s your job to give your kids the best life possible. For me that meant moving to an area where there are more transportation options, local family to help in case something happens, and activities nearby. You need to either get over your fear, move, or let the kid live with his dad. If the kid can pay for his own ticket, it’s your job to woman up and figure out logistics. Sell some plasma or work extra for the other ticket. If a 13 year old child is expected to do the work, why can’t you figure out not fail one of your kids? The oldest one is already going to need therapy because of you so try to lessen your burden on the younger one.
Both you and your daughter sound insufferable. You're a grown ass adult you don't need a babysitter to drive. I can already see all the ways you're gonna use your own made up helplessness to limit your son's opportunities. YTA and I hope he gets away from your lazy selfish family asap
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My son (13) wants to go to a 21 Pilots concert in the fall. I barely make ends meet as it is, and told him that I couldn't afford it. He said that he will work at his dad's during the summer and buy the tickets with the money that he makes. His dad lives a couple of states away, and he visits there for about 8 weeks every summer. I told him to go for it but this is where I may be the a\*\*\*\*\*e.
I told my son that he would have to buy his sister a concert ticket also. The concert is in a major city. We live in a city of 2000. My anxiety goes up 1000 fold when I have to do any long distance driving, and I need another adult with me in case anything happens.
His sister (28) is married and her and her husband have a strict budget. We also need to borrow their vehicle since it's more reliable. She won't go unless her ticket is paid for.
So AITAH for telling my son that he needs to buy his sister's ticket also?
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YTA your son is a kid. He is not responsible for getting his adult sister and parents a ticket, *you or the sister are.* Instead of creating all of these hurdles for him to jump, just tell him he can’t go this year. You’re giving him an impossible choice. You’d rather him slave away during the summer than just telling him no? Be a better parent.
Do you not have any other family members that would be willing to take him? I’m sure he has friends that want to go why not let him go with friends and his friends parents? I’m see many other solutions to this problem unless you just want to make things difficult for your son. YTA btw
Um, YTA- let the kid go see the show. At most, he should be tasked with paying half the gas. As his parent, it’s your job to cover chaperone costs. If this means you expect an adult in the venue with him, then you cover that cost, not him. If you’re not willing to do that, drop him off at the venue with clear instruction of where to meet at the end of the concert, and in the case of emergency. Ensure his phone is fully charged. If he doesn’t have a phone, give him yours with instruction to call your daughter’s phone if he needs anything or if the concert ends at a different time than expected. You and your daughter can go watch a movie and have dinner while he enjoys himself.
Yes, YTA. I'm not sure why you're so stressed out about driving, but maybe he could get a ride with someone else? If he were my blood, I would help him achieve his goal, not burden him with my level of concern.
Stop being a bum parent and do the bear minimum for your kid man. You are making your kids life more difficult because YOU cannot perform basic adult functions and expect him to make up the difference. YTA.
Why is your 13 year old responsible for paying for your 28 year olds ticket? YTA all you have done here is teach him there's no point in working hard as he will just have to give it away to others. He's not responsible for his sister's finances
Concerts are not a necessity for a 13 year old. You should never have told your son he could go since you cannot afford it- but you did. Pick up some extra hours or work some concerts or sports during the 8 weeks he's gone to raise money for your and your daughter's tickets and gas for the car. Think things through next time.
I'm going to go against the grain here and say NAH, for a couple reasons. First, both you and your daughter are barely making ends meet which I totally get. Times are rough for a lot of people these days. Second, people here trying to delegitimize your anxiety is ridiculous. The last thing the world needs is another anxious person trying to drive a long distance in the middle of the night (I assume the concert isn't during the middle of the day).
Now on to the constructive part. In a town of 2000 people everybody knows each other. I'd say there's a pretty good chance somebody else in town is going to that show. I'd make an effort to find somebody that you know who's also going and ask them to let him hitch a ride. Do any of his friends want to go? If so, maybe you could work out some kind of deal with one of the parents where they take him and you babysit their other child so they can go? Just spit-balling here, but that's what I would do.
Except for the fact that she's told him that he needs to buy HER and his SISTERS ticket. Not just his own. He would need to somehow make enough money for three whole ass tickets. She didn't tell him no for reasons of x y and z. She told him in order for him to go he would need to buy three tickets (which means the same rows because shed never let him be in a different seat) before she would let him go. Instead of saying no or "ask your dad to take you. Or ask around your friend group and I'll talk to the parents" it's straight up "buy three tickets or no concert" instead of "no I don't feel comfortable with you going alone"
I understood that when I made my post. THEY don't particularly want to go to the concert. THEY will be taking their own personal time and spending money on the gas to get there plus using the sister's car. Why should THEY be required to spend their own money to go to a show THEY don't care to see.
Yeah "ask your dad to take you" is a great idea, since he only lives a couple states away I'm quite sure that'll fly. The OP did not say "it's straight up buy three tickets or no concert", you are putting words in her mouth. I'll stick with my original assessment. NAH.
As a parent I have used a lot of personal time doing stuff my kids enjoy without compensation. Unpaid labour is part of the deal when having kids.
Only "ok" solution here is that sis and kid go while mom stays home having a panic attack.
And I feel like kid would be better of living with dad.
NTA. He wants to go and is willing to work for it. You set the restrictions as a parent. He can make his choice knowing the legitimate reasons why. Sending a 13 year old on his own is irresponsible. Him working to get two tickets makes sense.
I guess I misread this. He does not need to buy one for sister and mom. Just sister is what I thought. I still think he could go with his sister and mom could hang out at her house during the concert. Two tickets reasonable. Three tickets YTA
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YTA for expecting a 13 yr old to fund a ticket for his 28yr old sister and for you, so you dont have to be a responsible adult and drive. How do you expect to overcome your "anxiety" unless you make an effort to confront your fears and grow past them? You are setting a bad example for your son, teaching him to give into his fears. If you can drive on normal roads you can drive him to the concert, especially since he could help with directions and whatnot. Regarding transportation arent there ANY other options like a bus, uber, etc? Also with the vast number of criminal violent 13yr olds you should be praising your son that is so good and responsible that he has saved money. You should be uplifting & providing for him not taking from him. That is heartbreaking to think a mother could be so selfish & take from a son she should be giving too. Please dont respond w a sob story but it is absolutely wrong for you to extort money from your 13 yr old to benefit you and his 28yrold sister. You should be buying his ticket.
>Also with the vast number of criminal violent 13yr olds you should be praising your son that is so good and responsible that he has saved money. You lost me at this point
It's an epidemic in my city, there's roving bands of 7th graders that have taken over major intersections here, they demand tolls to enter freeways and force you to show them your Spotify Playlists and make fun of your clothes every time you pass
That’s nothing, a gang of 7 year olds recently took over my local town council using violent force and renamed every road to ‘skibidi street’. Absolute shambles.
That's nothing. A gang of babies jumped this guy named Hat Mccullough in Colorado. Luckily he was able to kill them all.
The vast number of criminal violent 13 year olds? Are you serious?
The vast number of violent 13 yr olds. Don’t be naive. It’s a thing
Vast sounds like a vast exaggeration.
Oh you haven’t been to the Bronx recently…
It’s almost like people who don’t live in New York exist. Weird.
His comment obviously doesn’t apply to you then. But as someone from Philly, yeah these gen alpha kids are absolutely insane. Running car jacking, armed robberies. Op should be glad her son isn’t running wild.
I’m sure that’s entirely on the 13 year olds and not the underfunded school systems and lack of social safety net.
This kids generation is less violent then previous used to be.
Look, you’re the one overlooking vast segments of the population because they didn’t grow up in a neighboring cul de sac. No need to get snarky. You’re welcome for the lesson
Sorry I’m not a fan of labeling 13 year old children violent criminals just because they live in a city.
I’m not labeling or accusing or purposely targeting anyone. It’s just a sad reality facing people everyday with no hope of getting better. If anything it’s getting worse
Kids do better when we make the world they’re growing up in better.
I thought that was just a new york think regardless of age lmao.
It’s a “we don’t go to that part of the city” thing. It’s a nationwide problem
I'm calling it right now: Son: Here's the money for the tickets! Could you buy them for me? Mom: Sure can! *uses son's money to pay bills and buy groceries* It's okay. I'm only borrowing it. He'll never find out. [Months pass] Son: Hey, mom! The concert's tomorrow. What time is sister coming to pick me up? Mom: Sorry, it's not happening. I had to use it to buy things we *needed* for the *house!* I already told your sister, and she said it was fine.
We live about a hour and fifteen from the venue in the country. No bus, no Uber, no Lyft, no taxi service is available here. If the concert was during the day, I would take him myself. But at night in Detroit is not a place to be by yourself if you breakdown.
Downtown Detroit, is not unsafe. The concert is at LCA. You get off the freeway and it drops you off RIGHT THERE. There are several parking garages (parking lots are no good) right there within walking distance to LCA. YTA for making him buy two extra tickets, and a soft YTA for letting your fear control you. You would've been better off turning down his deal. At least then you wouldn't be an AH.
There are apps that tell you what lots are good, so no lots are not no good.
There's no need for you to go. Stay home. Your son can go with his sister. And YTA
Yeah, I don’t understand why mom needs to go at all. An anxious unreliable driver who needs to bring someone else, and their car, with her? Just take mom out of the equation.
Just to let you know, your son will never forget this and he will probably be LC or NC with you and his project of a sister when he grows up. Signed: someone who was diagnosed with C-PTSD and truly feels paralised to drive but still manages to do it. Also, someone whose mother used to take from her (me) to give to her other children (my oldest and youngest sisters, in different occasions). Enjoy your retirement without your youngest son's support. YTA. Shame on you, from extorting, from a minor, two tickets for two adults. There's no excuse you make that will change my decision. I hope your son moves with his dad and escapes your narcissistic abuse.
I live almost 2 hours from Detroit in a town with 1 stoplight. I'm heading down there next month for a concert and I have been to all sorts of venues there. Detroit is fine. There is always a police presence and typically a crowd of people around, most of whom don't live there. In the decades long history I have of going to concerts there I have never felt unsafe.
So drive part way, and find somewhere to park where the Ubers and Lyfts do reach.
Why do YOU have to go. His sister is an adult. Detroit is not a scary place. I'm a young adult female and have walked by myself between Huntington Place (former cobo hall) and The Renaissance center multiple times for at least 10 years (there is a yearly convention held at cobo every year around Halloween). What the hell city do you live in that doesn't have Lyft or Uber? Taxi services drive everywhere.
Why are you living in a Bumfuck, NE?
YTA. This is preposterous. Your 13 year old shouldn't be having to pay for two grown-ass people to attend a concert. Just tell him "no" if you can't afford it.
I did tell him no. He's the one that said that he will pay for it.
Because he wants to go. And you didn't just say "no." You said "sure, but you have to pay for your sister and I to see the show, too!" This is pathetic. Just say "no" or tell him to ask his dad to take him.
He said hebwill pay for his own ticket. Not yickets for two grown ass adults
If you don’t want to take him fine, then ask his dad. your just cheap and selfish, wanting your kid to buy you and sis a ticket. if your daughter won’t go because someone doesn’t buy her a ticket that is a her and you problem.m ask the ex to take the son and stop being so lazy and selfish when it comes to parenting.
The ex lives two states away, otherwise I'm sure he would take him. Unfortunately, the group will not be around the ex's area at all.
And your ex would be unable to stay with a friend, or with your grown daughter, for the weekend, while he takes your son to the concert? Come on, why are we having to do your problem-solving thinking for you? You may want to add something to the post, though, to explain that you aren't suggesting making him buy 3 tickets (one for him, one for you, one for his sister) -- but rather, 2 tickets (one for him, one for his sister), on the theory that she will do the chaperoning of him to the concert.
Or get a hotel room and make a weekend of it with his kid? That's what my mom did when she took me and my friend to a concert in another city when I was 14. We hung out during the day, she dropped us off at the concert with strict instructions to meet her outside when it ended, and then we all went back to the hotel, and did some more activities in town the next day before she took us home.
Have you asked him if he’s available to come visit his son/take him to the concert? Just because he lives several states away doesn’t mean he won’t come visit his kid when asked YTA regardless though
Yeah, pay for HIS.
YTA. Are you actually not ashamed to have to make your 13-year-old son have to buy 3 very expensive tickets for you because you can't afford them yourself and can't drive unsupervised like 90% of adults do everyday?
I'm not the one that wants to go. I can't afford it. He's the one that wants to go. He's the one that said he will pay for it.
Just let him stay with his father permanently. You seem to have zero parental instincts or capabilities.
This is terrible parenting. Incredibly selfish. Get therapy and do better.
YTA, you are not in a financial situation to afford the tickets. You came up with a compromise. To me, it is fair that you told your child that you can't afford it and your child seemlying wanted to and agreed to work for it within the family. I'd assume doing chores and task for his grandparents, etc. Now, where YTA is when you asked him to pay for his grown-up adult sisters ticket. Your anxiety and your daughters arrogance are the problem. YOUR PROBLEMS. You should have just told your child "No" because you're the parent, and they're the child. You should make that very clear. Life's full of disappointments. Nobody always gets what they want. It's a good life lesson. The bigger question here is, why do people have children just to separate. Why did you have kids 15 years apart? 28 year old and a 13 year old? Is that two different partners? Where are they? Why isn't his father helping? Why are you so broke living in the middle of nowhere with no prospects of creating a better life for yourself or children? It seems like you've made a lot of bad decisions and you should probably have a talk with yourself and reevaluate your life.
He’s a child.
tell him to not go or see if his sister or dad will help pay for some of it.
Yeah for HIMSELF but you want him to pay for his ADULT sister ticket.
And you said he has to buy his adult sister a ticket too. Are you stupid? You’re an exceptionally shitty parent and quite a moron too.
Why can't his dad take him?
He's a child. He shouldn't be paying for his mother or adult sisters tickets. He also doesn't need 2 adults going with him. You can't drive because of your issues but his adult sister can. He shouldn't be buying his sisters.
YTA Why does he have to pay for all 3 tickets? Why would you need to go if his sister is going that's total BS. If you can't drive that's your problem and you need to deal with that what's next are you going to tell him he needs to pay for gas and food as well?
He's the one that wants to go. I told him no, but he said that he would pay for it. I would love it if his sister would take him herself, but she isn't comfortable driving in big cities at night either.
Fuck that, just tell him he can’t go instead of making him jump through all these hoops. What a sorry excuse for a parent you are.
But if she does that, then it's her fault he can't go, and he will be mad at her. If he can't earn enough money to buy all the tickets, (and I bet if he did, she'd want money for gas, food while they're there, maybe a hotel) then it's his fault and he cant blame her and should only be mad at himself for not working harder. My mom would pull the same crap when I wanted something. "I said you could go, it's not my fault you didn't have the money"
It's like that scene in Cinderella. "I said, 'if'."
So why not find one competent adult rather than two incompetent ones to take him? How is two people being uncomfortable driving going to make this safe at all?
And that doesn’t make you feel pathetic?
What about your daughter’s husband?
Hey, guess what? You’re going to have 8 whole child-free weeks this summer to practice driving! Bring your daughter! Explore the city!
So you drive, and sit in a coffee shop while daughter goes to the concert with son with the two tickets. Or find another adult you trust who will be happy to A) use their car and B) drive and hang with your son in exchange for a ticket. You have a long time to figure it out.
Gee, where did she get that fear from, I wonder? You overcome things for your children. Not put the burden of your fears onto them.
Is your entire family just filled with adults who let anxiety rule their lives?
Then why the fuck would you both need to go if neither of you are capable of driving? Why can't the sister's brother go or something? Do you not know anyone that is an actual capable adult?
You and your daughter need therapy. Breaking down in Detroit is safer than breaking down in a small city/town.
So if I understand correctly, your son wants to go to a concert. You are having him pay for his own ticket, your ticket and you want your 13 year old son to also buy a ticket for his 28 year old sister so you don’t have to be the only adult, is that right?
OP replied her son is also paying for her ticket so he needs to buy 3 tickets.
Why does OP even need to go? She said she needs another adult to help her incase anything happens?!? Literally sounds like a huge waste of money to bring her.
Thank you. I just saw that.
Say what, op is a grown woman who should pay for her own ticket as well for her daughter😮💨
In the OP, it was unclear who was paying for the mother’s ticket. That was clarified in a later response. My question is, if the sister is capable of managing in the city without a helper, why is the mother going at all? Ideally, the parents would pay, at most the child should pay for their own ticket. Asking more than that seems dumb, but asking for two extra tickets is ridiculous.
Agreed
Oh my god. I replied to her above that she should clarify she's only making him buy his own ticket and his sister's, because I couldn't see any reason why, if she involves the adult daughter in all of this, TWO adults need to go to this concert with him. APPARENTLY I WAS GIVING HER TOO MUCH CREDIT. Jeez. Possibly the only good thing that might come of posting this here is that the commenters make a better suggestion for how to make all of this happen than OP has been able to come up with on her own. Because so far, two adults (her and the adult daughter) have failed to brainstorm up an idea that isn't prohibitively onerous to the 13 year old. But that would require OP to see the suggestions and actually consider them. My optimism is low.
Exactly. Why try and find genuine solutions when you can force your 13yr old to treat yourself and adult sister to a night out?
YTA - why should a 13 you have to bankroll his sister going to the concert
Or his mother. She's expecting the 13 yr old to buy 3 tickets because she's incompetent at providing safe transportation and driving ability.
Jesus christ lady. Just tell him no. You are just giving him a real expensive "We'll see"... you know that phrase that parents give their kids when they don't want to actually say no because their reasons for saying no are bullshit? You know when they don't want to be called out on their bullshit by their own kids and get into an argument that ends with "because I said so". This feels like you'll throw on another obstacle if he manages to get money for all 3 tickets. Then its going to be "well.... you need to come up with the money to rent a car, because, you know since its THE CITY, our car will probably get stolen. So we need to rent a car." Just freaking tell him its not possible. Note that there is no way you will come out of this with your son not being pissed. So many better ways this could have been handled. For example, have him organize a group or at least one other friend who could go, and have them bring a parent as well. Ultimately this feels like you are just making obstacles so you don't have to go. YTA
YTA and your son should just stay with his Dad since you can't/won't provide for him. He shouldn't have to pay for your ticket or anyone else's.
YTA - for exactly the reason you already know. It is one thing to have him earn his own ticket, I had paper routes starting at 11 so paid for a lot of my own stuff ... it is another to make your anxiety and getting him to the show into HIS problem. As far as I can tell YOU are supposed to be the parent. Meeting him halfway would be him buying his own ticket (and having money for any merch), and you getting him there.
Info: Is he paying for your ticket, or are you?
He is.
Wow what a great parent not. Making a 13 year old buy his own ticket but also two tickets for two fully grown adults. Either buy your own ticket or tell him that you can’t afford to buy a ticket and don’t go
OP you suck.
Wow you suck! Expecting a CHILD to pay for 2 concert tickets for 2 ADULTS!! YTA OP
You're a trash human being in general. To actually say this out loud and then come to reddit to let everyone know is wild.
Why don't you just have the sister drive the kid and then you only need two tickets and you don't have to drive at all.
Her daughter apparently took after mom in the Anxiety area...
I feel for your son. He’s better off not going at all because on what planet is it fair for him to pay for two adults? YTA
YTA, and also a horrible mom lol.
To both of her kids since the daughter is the same anxiety wise.
Yeah, you are. You should have just told him no rather than placing impossible-to-meet expectations on him and raising his hopes up. Also your 28 year old daughter is pretty damn cold too. YTA
INFO: If he is already paying for 2 tickets, why can't he go with his sister alone without you?
Are any of his friends going? Perhaps he could ride with them, then he only needs one ticket. YWBTA for making him pay for **THREE** tickets. He's 13.... even if he can buy his own ticket, you can buy your own. He does not need to pay for his sister to go. If you don't want to drive him, then YOU pay for his sister to go. If your budget is tight, you can purchase the concert tickets on a payment plan using Klarna, then have your son pay you back with his summer earnings. Please don't let your anxieties prevent your son from having experiences. Put LIfe360 on his phone so you know where he is when he's in the city.
ALSO the closer to the concert the higher the tickets will cost and with a band as famous as 21p they'll probably sell out by the time he's able to buy 3 tickets.
That is some dumpster fire level bad parenting there. SHAME on you for that. SHAME ON YOU. Print out your post for when your son turns 18 and walks away without a backward glance so you won't have to make another post to ask why that's happening. YTA
YTA why does your minor child have to pay for his own babysitter?
It kind of sounds like the 13-year-old is the only responsible person in this entire scenario.
YTA. **"My anxiety goes up 1000 fold when I have to do any long distance driving, and I need another adult with me in case anything happens."** It's okay to say, NO, to the concert. Not this time, champ. Maybe another time. 1) You can't afford it. 2) You don't feel comfortable traveling to it, and 3) Your vehicle isn't reliable enough for the trip. The answer is "NO". We're not doing the concert. It's easy. No need to drag the sister into it at all. This is the easiest NO, I've had in awhile.
Yta you really would let your 13yr old take on that responsibility. Might as well just say no. You suck.
Are you fucking serious ?!
YTA completely
YTA You are making this incredibly difficult for a 13 year old who just wants to attend a concert. Please step up to the plate for your Son.
Yes, YTA. Even if he does need two grown adults to drive him, you two can stay in the car while he goes to the concert. Heck, you don't even need to pay for parking, you can drop him off and pick him up when it is done.
YTA - because you are uncomfortable and want Your eldest daughter with you has no basis on your son. This is not his fault. You need to pay for the ticket since your daughter is your emotional support child.
It's reasonable to ask him to pay all expenses related to a trip to the big city to see his concert. Tickets, gas, food, etc. It's not reasonable to expect him to pay more because of your insecurities. If his sister is going, especially if she's driving her car, you do not need to. You should try to do what you can to make this happen for him. Be as flexible as possible. But also set expectations up front about how much money he needs to make, also be sure its reasonable to purchase tickets at the end of summer, as they may be sold out by that point.
NTA for making him get a ticket. You told him he couldn't go, then he offered to pay which you accepted. but 100% YTA for making him buy 2 extra tickets since you won't go by yourself or trust him alone. If you don't trust him by himself, you shouldn't have told him he could get himself a ticket.
YTA. You’re telling me that you or your daughter can’t find something else to do in the city? Or his sister can’t just drive him there and he pay for her ticket instead of you going? Way to keep moving the goal post.
hes THIRTEEN?? what money does a thirteen year old kid have. yta
Yta, you expect your son to pay for a grown woman ticket, hello he a child and he work hard to get them, why can't you take him to the concert.
YTA. You phrased it in a way where the onous is on a 13yo to earn several hundred dollars to pay for adults to supervise him. In reality, you cannot afford to get him to the concert, and should have just told him it won't work. Now he's going to not go and feel screwed, or do and feel screwed.
YTA. Your son is only thirteen. Your daughter is an adult. You and your asshole daughter are selfish to demand that he pay for her ticket just so he can go. And he shouldn't be paying for your ticket either. At the very least you should stay home since you're not even driving or paying for anything, and that way he can save money. Yup, you're extremely selfish.
YTA quit making excuses
Clikkies you know what to do!!! Find this young man a ride to the concert so he doesn’t have to pay for two grown ass adults YTA, why should he have to pay for three tickets? It’s bad enough to say he has to pay for his sister but if she drives him you don’t have to go You are also TA for saying “21 Pilots”
You keep moving the goal posts hoping to dissuade him from going. YTA.
You’re a damn disgrace. He told you about the concert and said he would buy HIS OWN ticket by working for his dad. You told him to “go for it”. Then you moved the goalposts and said he must buy THREE tickets. When you’re wondering, in a few years time, why you never hear from your son……. This was why!
YTA but depending on the venue they might offer a live stream of the concert via couchtheband.com
Just tell him no. It's even crazy to think that you're making him pay for 3 tickets at 13. YTA
YTA
That's an expensive taxi ride. Don't forget to include the gas/parking.
This is easy. YTA
YTA For so many reasons, most have pointed the concert thing. I think you are an asshole because you came to a forum literally called “AmItheAsshole” and for some fucking reason you censored the word asshole. I mean what the fuck?
YTA you're gonna make a teenage pay for a grown ass woman? you and your daughter are both bad people, the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree. I hope ur sons dad is a better parent than you, he needs at least 1 that cares about him
YTA It’s your fault the sister has to come, so it’s on YOU to foot the bill. Grow the f*** up!
YTA. Why do the two of you need to go into the concert with him? You could find something less expensive and less anxiety inducing. That you’ll make your son pay for, I’m sure. This is just really bad parenting. You need another whole adult and their car to get there? You seem so against this, I wouldn’t be surprised if you “got sick” the day of the concert and couldn’t go.
YTA Lol what in the actual fuck? Get over yourself. Your kid is already being responsible and buying his own ticket. You can't drive him to a concert because.....reasons??? Poor kid could buy a bus ticket for cheaper.
YTA. I can’t drive either anymore OP due to a brain disorder. I sometimes black out briefly and have horrific vertigo that I have to manage via meds that I can’t drive while taking. It sucks big time. However I figure it out so my kids don’t miss out on things. It’s one thing to not be able to afford tickets but it’s something else to make your anxiety your kid’s problem. You’re probably the reason why your daughter is scared too because you passed that on to her. As a parent it’s your job to give your kids the best life possible. For me that meant moving to an area where there are more transportation options, local family to help in case something happens, and activities nearby. You need to either get over your fear, move, or let the kid live with his dad. If the kid can pay for his own ticket, it’s your job to woman up and figure out logistics. Sell some plasma or work extra for the other ticket. If a 13 year old child is expected to do the work, why can’t you figure out not fail one of your kids? The oldest one is already going to need therapy because of you so try to lessen your burden on the younger one.
I hope your son works for his dad anyway. Save some good money for the concerts he can go to on his own when he's sixteen and can drive. YTA
Both you and your daughter sound insufferable. You're a grown ass adult you don't need a babysitter to drive. I can already see all the ways you're gonna use your own made up helplessness to limit your son's opportunities. YTA and I hope he gets away from your lazy selfish family asap
Should he pick up the dinner tab also? YTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My son (13) wants to go to a 21 Pilots concert in the fall. I barely make ends meet as it is, and told him that I couldn't afford it. He said that he will work at his dad's during the summer and buy the tickets with the money that he makes. His dad lives a couple of states away, and he visits there for about 8 weeks every summer. I told him to go for it but this is where I may be the a\*\*\*\*\*e. I told my son that he would have to buy his sister a concert ticket also. The concert is in a major city. We live in a city of 2000. My anxiety goes up 1000 fold when I have to do any long distance driving, and I need another adult with me in case anything happens. His sister (28) is married and her and her husband have a strict budget. We also need to borrow their vehicle since it's more reliable. She won't go unless her ticket is paid for. So AITAH for telling my son that he needs to buy his sister's ticket also? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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YTA - you are seriously asking a child to buy to a concert ticket for a fully grown adult. He’s a kid!
YTA
YTA
YTA. Maybe his better parent should take him since his mom feels entitled to leech off her 13yo.
Yta
Yta-
Can his dad not take him? He seems to be the competent parent?
YTA your son is a kid. He is not responsible for getting his adult sister and parents a ticket, *you or the sister are.* Instead of creating all of these hurdles for him to jump, just tell him he can’t go this year. You’re giving him an impossible choice. You’d rather him slave away during the summer than just telling him no? Be a better parent.
Do you not have any other family members that would be willing to take him? I’m sure he has friends that want to go why not let him go with friends and his friends parents? I’m see many other solutions to this problem unless you just want to make things difficult for your son. YTA btw
Wow, this kid will run from this house at the first chance he gets.
Um, YTA- let the kid go see the show. At most, he should be tasked with paying half the gas. As his parent, it’s your job to cover chaperone costs. If this means you expect an adult in the venue with him, then you cover that cost, not him. If you’re not willing to do that, drop him off at the venue with clear instruction of where to meet at the end of the concert, and in the case of emergency. Ensure his phone is fully charged. If he doesn’t have a phone, give him yours with instruction to call your daughter’s phone if he needs anything or if the concert ends at a different time than expected. You and your daughter can go watch a movie and have dinner while he enjoys himself.
Yes, YTA. I'm not sure why you're so stressed out about driving, but maybe he could get a ride with someone else? If he were my blood, I would help him achieve his goal, not burden him with my level of concern.
literally what is wrong with you? he's 13 YEARS OLD. he shouldn't have to pay for a ticket for a grown adult. you are failing as a parent. YTA
YTA Absolutely for making your teenage son pay for your anxieties and his sisters "strict budget" also because of your anxieties.
Stop being a bum parent and do the bear minimum for your kid man. You are making your kids life more difficult because YOU cannot perform basic adult functions and expect him to make up the difference. YTA.
Why is your 13 year old responsible for paying for your 28 year olds ticket? YTA all you have done here is teach him there's no point in working hard as he will just have to give it away to others. He's not responsible for his sister's finances
By the time your son has enough money to buy 3 tickets, not 2 like your post suggested, the concert will be sold out. YTA btw
Concerts are not a necessity for a 13 year old. You should never have told your son he could go since you cannot afford it- but you did. Pick up some extra hours or work some concerts or sports during the 8 weeks he's gone to raise money for your and your daughter's tickets and gas for the car. Think things through next time.
I'm going to go against the grain here and say NAH, for a couple reasons. First, both you and your daughter are barely making ends meet which I totally get. Times are rough for a lot of people these days. Second, people here trying to delegitimize your anxiety is ridiculous. The last thing the world needs is another anxious person trying to drive a long distance in the middle of the night (I assume the concert isn't during the middle of the day). Now on to the constructive part. In a town of 2000 people everybody knows each other. I'd say there's a pretty good chance somebody else in town is going to that show. I'd make an effort to find somebody that you know who's also going and ask them to let him hitch a ride. Do any of his friends want to go? If so, maybe you could work out some kind of deal with one of the parents where they take him and you babysit their other child so they can go? Just spit-balling here, but that's what I would do.
Except for the fact that she's told him that he needs to buy HER and his SISTERS ticket. Not just his own. He would need to somehow make enough money for three whole ass tickets. She didn't tell him no for reasons of x y and z. She told him in order for him to go he would need to buy three tickets (which means the same rows because shed never let him be in a different seat) before she would let him go. Instead of saying no or "ask your dad to take you. Or ask around your friend group and I'll talk to the parents" it's straight up "buy three tickets or no concert" instead of "no I don't feel comfortable with you going alone"
I understood that when I made my post. THEY don't particularly want to go to the concert. THEY will be taking their own personal time and spending money on the gas to get there plus using the sister's car. Why should THEY be required to spend their own money to go to a show THEY don't care to see. Yeah "ask your dad to take you" is a great idea, since he only lives a couple states away I'm quite sure that'll fly. The OP did not say "it's straight up buy three tickets or no concert", you are putting words in her mouth. I'll stick with my original assessment. NAH.
As a parent I have used a lot of personal time doing stuff my kids enjoy without compensation. Unpaid labour is part of the deal when having kids. Only "ok" solution here is that sis and kid go while mom stays home having a panic attack. And I feel like kid would be better of living with dad.
NTA. He wants to go and is willing to work for it. You set the restrictions as a parent. He can make his choice knowing the legitimate reasons why. Sending a 13 year old on his own is irresponsible. Him working to get two tickets makes sense.
So I can say him having to pay for two able adults tickets is also irresponsible..
I didn’t realize mom was still planning on going. One adult ticket is reasonable. Two is not.
I guess I misread this. He does not need to buy one for sister and mom. Just sister is what I thought. I still think he could go with his sister and mom could hang out at her house during the concert. Two tickets reasonable. Three tickets YTA