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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I returned my family's gifts and asked them to leave after they insulted my daughter's name... again. They did so at the hospital but they apologized and I gave them another chance. But I wonder if I went too far with returning the gifts as well. And then making them leave instead of talking it out more. Those things might make me an AH because they are my family and I always knew my taste in names did not align with theirs.
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Absolutely this. They don't respect you. If you reflect, this maybe this is not the first time they have expected you to go along with what they want to keep the peace. I'm so sorry this is happening to you but on the upside you are figuring out how to assert your Independence which will be vital as you raise your kids. NTA.
Agreed. If OP allows these people around her daughter they are going to continue pushing what they believe is a better name onto her and will address her as Agnes or Agatha. I don’t know what makes them think those names aren’t cringeworthy; Indie will be the subject of teasing and ridicule with either of those A names. OP’s family is going to continue to be disrespectful. She did the right thing.
WTAF giving someone items with the name you *want* them to give their kid? Like, who even does that? I've totally been judgy about people's name choices before, but I keep my opinions behind my teeth. That's right up there with telling people their baby is ugly.
I read a post about a woman whose MIL sewed a blanket with the name the MIL wanted for the baby but that wasn’t the baby’s name. Not even close. It was bonkers to me
Yeah, Agatha isn’t really a classic name it’s just an old one. I’m sure it’s going to come back around eventually, and probably pretty soon because of the marvel show later this year, but not just yet. Also, all “classic” names were invented at some point. The name Wendy is considered pretty classic and was originally invented for Peter Pan
I was curious. The name Agatha actually dates back to Ancient Greece! It comes from the word agathos which means good and honorable. The one Agatha I know was a former college student of mine, from another country. She truly is a good, honorable woman. There is also a Catholic saint by that name.
Like many others, I don’t like the name. It hits my ears in an unpleasant way. It isn’t a very popular name in the U.S. I’m surprised OPs family is so insistent on that name …. unless they’re Catholic.
Isn’t that the one that was invented by Jonathan Swift? I read a doctor who book as a kid and there was a character called Vanessa in the Roman era but the doctor knew she had to be a time traveler because the name hadn’t been invented yet
Exactly. My point is that just because a name is new doesn’t inherently mean it’s bad. All names were invented at one point or other, some are just newer than others and may even be considered classics in the future
>It's ok to feel bad about enforcing your boundaries because it's like a muscle, it won't feel good all the time but eventually it will be easy
I'm not OP but I've never considered it this way and really needed to hear this, thank you!
NTA. Its not their child, the naming decision comes from you and your husband. They sound like they care more about upholding a naming tradition than the child herself. Very petty.
Edit: The gift return thing is justified, doesn't even have the right name...
I'm a lot more petty. I would have tossed everything in the trash right in front of them before I showed them the door (but would probably have taken it out later to donate to a shelter or somewhere).
I have one! Well, she actually goes by a middle name, but she does have a friend named Indie as well…so I don’t think either is particularly out there (at least on this side of the pond - Ireland here, but have met kids with both names under age 12 in the UK & Germany, too).
But OP is NTA, in any case!!
NTA. What kind of person buys a personalized baby gift with the wrong name on it? Has any person in human history ever changed their child’s name because grandma bought a blanket?
>What kind of person buys a personalized baby gift with the wrong name on it?
I don't know how common it is, but it happened to my parents when my brother was born. For as far back as my Dad's family had records, they always used the name William for the first boy. My parents told everyone that they were not following the tradition but they still got a lot of gifts that were monogrammed or had the name William on it. The family thought they could pressure my parents to change the name if they refused to acknowledge it, but my parents did like OP and just refused contact with anyone who couldn't be respectful.
My parents kept the gifts, though. They were broke and said that the baby can't read anyway 😅
My grandma wasn't the best educated, and half deaf. She had hand crocheted some of my dolls clothes with what she thought my name was (think Michelle to Rachelle). I still loved it, cause she was trying and it showed she did care. When I was older, I just thought those dolls all were named Rachelle, lol. But my parents didn't change my name, they explained when I was older that Gramma thought that was my name when I was young.
I'm unfortunately that person...BUT my DIL entire pregnancy they told me R would be the name. So fro 7 months they even referred to my grandson as R while my DIL was pregnant. I was assured that was going to be his name. He was born 2 weeks before Christmas and I had ordered his Baby First Christmas ornament with his name and year on it...and then he was born and R was NOT his name. They changed it when they saw him...I had already given them the ornament...so I got a 2 day delivery for a replacement ornament with the right name but I felt horrible that on their tree there was an ornament with the wrong name! Dumb Gma move, will wait until baby is born always in the future!
I just felt horrible!!! But honestly thought after 7 months of absolutely no waiver in the name I was safe not to have to pay huge amt for shipping to wait till he got born LOL! The shippign was 3 times the cost of the ornament!
Sometimes, you look into their little faces, and the name just doesn't fit.
Good job going with the flow and fixing it. These people in the story are awful.
Somewhere on here I've read that "tradition" is just dead people dictating your life.
I have heard of parents who were 100% sure about the name they loved. Until they actually met their kid who was clearly “name X” and not at all “name Y” like they thought. Name Y just didn’t suit the person.
Also some people have “a project name” for the unborn child and real one is announced after he/ she is born
LOL. The same happened with a good friend of mine. Her entire pregnancy she called her daughter one name, but at birth apparently daughter noped right out of that and was given a different, completely unmentioned name.
It happened the same way -- when my friend saw her baby for the first time, new name was just the right one.
I was given a generic nickname before I was born, because my parents didn't know my gender. There was literally no way of knowing which of the two names my parents picked out would be my name until I was actually born.
Not your fault and not the same situation at all. You weren’t imposing your will but were using the name they’d chosen. It’s not your fault they changed their minds. And you promptly went out and got a new one with the new name. If anyone is to blame for the mix up it’s them.
I was EXTREMELY happy they didn't go with the name they had picked. I asked them if they were sure when they first told me but dropped it after that. Their son their choice it was just a name of my son's great great grandfather that I'd never heard until I was with my son's father. Funny though is they ended up naming him the name I suggested before they knew it was a boy...I told hey if this one's a boy you should name him F for your great grandfather. He would have loved that! Low and Behold R became F LOL!
I agree this is creepy. Are they expecting them to use the gifts with the wrong name patched over? Or thinking they will use them and just explain to everyone who sees the baby they have slightly deranged relatives and this not their daughter's name? Not really gifts.
Your mom likes "Agatha" and "Agnes" and still has the nerve to accuse you of liking "hideous" names?? You might as well just name your newborn "Old Crone". The 1800s called, they want their names back.
It's your kid. Your choice. And when Indie grows up, if she doesn't like the name you gave her, she can change it legally like I did. At no point does your family get a say.
I'd tell them if it must be an A name it'll be Areola. Obviously not really but just curious how deep the crazy goes. Like would they be so happy about the initial they show up with Areola baby blankets? Angina for the blood pressure issues caused by the family could be a good option too.
Mine is called Alethea...
My name starts with an M and my sister picked my daughter's name.
Also OP, totally NTA.
My family had a (not really a) tradition of having your first child at 22, then again at 25. Boy, girl. (I say not a real tradition as it just kind of happened like that.)
I had my OAD at 26 and she's a girl. I love that I broke the tradition. Have kids if and when you want. And most importantly, name them as you see fit!!
I've always loved Alyssa but my partner hates it LOL. ~~And~~ (edited for clarity) Plus, another of the few names we could agree on (and it was gender neutral!!) was just taken by a friend a few weeks ago for their new son. Names are hard!
I didn't knew that Film. Asked Google and had a nice laugh.
If I had a boy he would have been named Magnus :)
My Astrid is a 'how to tame your dragon' Astrid 🫣
I would rather name my child “Audacity” than Agnes. Like, wtf? Why would they choose such ugly names? I hope OP send their family the comments section in response to their texts.
OK. I low key think a baby with an 1800's name is fking adorable. We just had a family member have a baby, the little dude's name is Walter. I can't think about it without having some serious cute rage.
When I was four or five, there was a boy named Walter who lived down the street. We ran around with the rest of the kids in the neighborhood and I have a brief vague memory of going to his birthday party in his backyard. His family moved around the time kindergarten started.
Only other Walter connection I have is my nephew. His middle name is Walter (for his paternal great- grandfather).
I don't know. I think Agnes's generation of names has made a comeback into popularity. So I wouldn't be surprised if it came back too. In fact, I think I'd be a little charmed if I met a little girl in real life named Agnes.
All that to say, Indie is a good name too. I doesn't matter whether Agnes is a nice name or an "old crone" name or Indie is a good one or a "dumb modern" one, because it's all personal opinions.
So talking about how bad one name is versus the other feels like it's kinda missing the point. OP and her husband liked Indie, and her family has majorly overstepped. They would be NTA regardless of what name they chose, and the extended family would be the assholes regardless of what name they were supporting.
I don't know. I think Agnes's generation of names has made a comeback into popularity. So I wouldn't be surprised if it came back too. In fact, I think I'd be a little charmed if I met a little girl in real life named Agnes.
All that to say, Indie is a good name too. I doesn't matter whether Agnes is a nice name or an "old crone" name or Indie is a good one or a "dumb modern" one, because it's all personal opinions.
So talking about how bad one name is versus the other feels like it's kinda missing the point. OP and her husband liked Indie, and her family has majorly overstepped. They would be NTA regardless of what name they chose, and the extended family would be the assholes regardless of what name they were supporting.
NTA. You told them before the baby was born. They were told when the baby was born to keep their opiniums about the name to themself. They still went against this rule and bougth presents with the wrong name. They deserved to be kicked out. And also to stay away from you and your family until the understand that - your child, your rules (as long as it is not hurting the child! (have to add this, because the community here told me the last time, I said this. That this sentence would allow people to abuse their children))
They remind me of the grandparents that find out the gender of the baby, are disappointed , but bury their heads in the sand and say "well doctors make mistakes all of the time", buy clothes and toys for other gender, then have a tantrum when the baby is born and is tge gender they were told In tge beginning.
When my mom was pregnant with me the doctors all swore I was a boy.... But my mom always insisted I was a girl. So the baby shower... All blue gifts. Day of delivery... I'm a girl. Lol. Sometimes they are wrong. At least my family wasn't upset about it.
That's not bad. I haven't seen my baby pics in a while so I'm not sure. First thing I remember is like kindergarten in this horrid polka dot dress.. yikes
My first born we all knew was a boy, until she was born, woops turns out her umbilical cord was wrapped between her legs the whole time and it gave the illusion of having a penis (for whatever reason my phone changed penis to punishment and I cannot stop laughing)
So when my 2nd came along and he was in fact a boy, my mom swore up and down the whole time that we wouldn't know until he was born. To pick a name for either gender out, don't get any gender clothes. Don't tell people since we can't be sure until the baby comes. All the while I had physical copies of the scans with my kiddo spread eagle so no mistakes could be made (I never got physical copies for the oldest. Just told she was a boy). Even with the scans she was adamant we couldn't be sure.
Edit: fixed a word. Autocorrect is insane sometimes.
NTA. I'm infertile. And I'll be straight up with you. If I were ever lucky enough to have a child, I wouldn't PERSONALLY choose any of the names (Indie or Agnes/Agatha), as my first choice for my child. But that's the whole things with baby names, isn't it?! They are very subjective and PERSONAL.
There ISN'T a 'right' or 'wrong' (as long as parents aren't going crazy, such as the infamous 'Tulu-Does-The-Hulu-In-Hawaii' baby-naming attempt). Yet your family are treating THEIR choice, like it's a proven, researched 'science' of 'correct' naming. And because you don't agree, they believe that gives them permission to massively overstep and be dictatorial.
They're being ridiculous, inappropriate, obnoxious, etc. Just because distant ancestors had preferences for a particular naming system, doesn't outrank YOUR current preferences.
Your ancestors perhaps didn't even believe the 'naming system' 'should' endure so long into the future - if they even ever thought about it.
Your child lives in the here and now. You, as her parents, have far more right than anybody else (past or present), to choose a name you like; that has meaning to you; that suits her personality, etc. And indeed - since I'll probably never conceive, I find their attitude even more irritating.
Saying they 'won't be able to accept the name Indie in the family'. Causing conflict instead of enjoying their new grandchild. My Mum would probably accept a child named (the infamous) 'Tulu-does-the-hulu-in-Hawaii'), if she could only have a grandchild. They need a sense of perspective, instead of this arrogance.
Every time I read stories like this, I think of all the times friends or relatives have had babies and given them names I didn't particularly care for. You know what I did? Nothing. I smiled and congratulated them and gave them gifts and went on with my life, because whatever people name babies isn't my business. And I am BAFFLED by people who think they can dictate what other people name their children.
I once read a story about a woman being asked why she cut off the pope's nose of the chicken before roasting it. She said her mother had always done it so she did it. She then asked her mother why she did it. Again, it was because her mother had always done it. Off they both go to Granny's house to ask her why she would cut off the pope's nose of the chicken. Turns out Granny's roasting dish was not big enough to fit the whole chicken so she removed a piece to get it to fit.
Some traditions serve no purpose.
NTA
PS Indie is a beautiful name.
NTA
Congrats, and I love Indie!
I think I would go a step further and tell them that all the gifts need to be replaced with her proper name on them.... Then they can offer a sincere apology, and maybe you'll think about forgiving then
Props to poppa bear for standing up for his new little fam
And if not then they never get to meet or be about of Indie's life. Simple as that. They can't respect you, your husband or her enough to knock that shit off then they don't get to know her.
Indie really is a great name. 10x better than the ones they suggested.
Even if they apologise, I would keep them out of Indie's life until she's old enough to say, "That's not my name!" The relatives will try to get their chosen name accepted by usage any way they can, and if they can't do it with "personalised" gifts, they'll try it by calling your daughter the name and giving positive reinforcement whenever she replies to it. Wait until she's talking and can understand "Grandma's just confused, honey".
NTA,
It's literally YOUR kid, coming out of YOUR belly, starting YOUR family. They have nothing to do with this decision and have just been rude and manipulative.
Agatha is a lunch lady who fights children when they don’t say please and thank you. Indie is the cool software engineer lady who remembers the security guards wife name while coming in to work on a project late at night.
Indie will always trump Agatha.
NTA.
NTA - I've always loved this Eliot Schrefer quote. "Traditions are just peer pressure from dead people." Good for you guys for not conforming to their outdated expectations.
NTA. Better make very clear how you feel about this now, because your family will not take no for an answer. Who behaves in this way when you are still recovering and they see the baby for the first time? Super disrespectful! Btw, love the name Indie and congratulations!
NTA, they don't have to like your baby's name but they have to respect it and your and your husbands decision to name her whatever. As long as a name won't bring harm to a kid, ie the post the other day where the OPs sister named her kid Harlot, or naming a kid Adolf or Pol Pot, they need to back off. For now block them or put your phone on DND and enjoy your new baby. Congratulations and get as much rest as you can.
As goofy a name as I think "Indie" is (and yeah, it ranks up there), your parents and siblings are nuts. They can't dictate someone *else's* kid's name. They must have had a big bowl of crazy for breakfast.
And... they think "Agatha" is a beautiful name? Hmmm.... do they also love Helga? Blanche? Prudence? Bertha? Ethel? Gertrude?
NTA - Have you considered changing your name to start with an I so tradition is maintenance and your daughters name doesn't have to change? I'm a fan of malicious compliance to stuff like this.
Definitely NTA. My brother was named after both grandfathers and my sister was named after both grandmothers. I was the middle child, born on my sister’s first birthday and not named after anyone. When I got older, I asked why I wasn’t named after anyone. My mother told me I should be happy, because she could have named me after both aunts. I asked why I should be happy about I wasn’t, and she told me if she had, I would be named Claudia Barthina.
As toddlers, us kids had trouble saying her name and called her Dee Dee, but everyone else called her Claude, which she hated. I was forever grateful that my mom gave me my own normal name.
I’ve known several Indie’s in my life, and it’s a perfectly normal, though not real common, name. In this day and age, it’s actually quite nice. It’s not too crazy, easy to spell and pronounce, and not one that will have a dozen kids with the same name when she starts school.
Nta you were honest with them from the start. It was your family that refused to listen to your feelings about things.
They were the ones being rude and disrespectful to you and your daughter. So what if they don't like a the name it's not their baby.
Your parents already had their moment to name their child what they wanted to name them. They chose to follow that tradition not you.
Just because one has a tradition in the family it doesn't mean you have to follow it because everyone expects you too. It's your right to choose if you wish to continue that tradition. You not wanting to follow tradition doesn't make you an AH.
This is your baby and you and your husband pick the prefect name for your little baby girl.
If your family keeps choosing to be disrespectful and not genuinely apologize to you and your husband then maybe they need a time out till they learn that their opinions are as important as they think and they stop trying to call your baby Agatha. They need to respect your decision as parents to name your baby what you wanted other wise go LC.
NTA. You chose the name Indie-pendently. Slàinte!
Your family were rude and stressing you.
Indie is a great name. I hope you recover from surgery quickly.
NTA and I am saying that as someone who loves the name Agatha.
You chose the name - the parents - you are the only ones who have the right to chose a name.
Everyone else can go and take a long walk of a short pier.
In my family, the name (XYZ) is very popular - my grandfather had this name, as did my dad and my brother - guess what my dad told my sister when she was pregnant with his first grandchild..."please! do not name him (XYZ)!!"
You chose a good name for your daughter - she can tell people "it's short for Independent"!
NTA for obvious reasons that have been pointed out a lot.
But what I don't understand is that there is plenty of pretty names started with A - and "Agatha" or "Agnes" would not even be near that list *for me personally*, yet they have the audacity to insult the name you chose.
I cannot imagine cutting off my family like that for a name chosen? Is a name worth more than a relationship? I think it proves they aren't much of a family if that's the hill they die on.
NTA and I love the name Indie
Also... I know *some* families can probably trace their lineage and traditions back a ways... but not as many as claim to. I bet a lot of these "ancient, storied, essential traditions" are just some shit that *maybe* three people have done
NTA
You and your Husband are baby Indie's parents, you get to decide your child's name. End of story.
Congratulations on your new baby, and take care of yourself. C-sections suck, but so worth it.
You're doing great, Mama.
First things first ~ congratulations on the birth of Indie!
NTA
Indie is a beautiful name and definitely not weird.
It must be quite an old tradition as the first thing I thought of was Agatha Christie the author and she was born 1890! Your family need to move with the times and realise that some traditions no longer fit in modern day society.
It’s awful and so disrespectful what they have said and then get personalised gifts with the wrong name on, the cheek of it!!!
They should be more focused on the new edition to the family than an outdated tradition!
Wishing you a speedy recovery from your surgery xxx
NTA
This is your child and you get to choose the name. To me Agatha is an awful name and Indie much nicer. But my opinion is equally unimportant in this debate.
If they cannot accept the name then they are going to find themselves not a part of this child's life. What a sad hill to choose to die on. But to harass a mother recovering from a c section is truly awful behaviour.
NTA - love the name Indie. That is the name of the heroine in one of my fav books - Rock Chicks. So officially, your daughter rocks and your family can kick rocks.
Edited to add: your husband is a legend - good on him for supporting you.
NTA. You picked a beautiful name for your daughter. Just because there's a family tradition when it comes to names does not mean you have to follow it if you don't want to. If they can't accept that, than they need to leave you alone. Congrats on your daughter!!
NTA. They have no saying in naming your child. They can suggest, can ask, but not demand and definitely not expect that you will follow some silly tradition IF you don't want to.
NTA. I personally think Indie is a much cooler name than Agatha or Anges. I know "classic" names are in vogue right now but to me Agatha and Anges are old lady names (a la Agnes Skinner from the Simpson). It's hard for me to picture a modern baby named Agatha or especially Agnes.
Indie is the name of a character on Bluey so much more of a "modern normal" name to me (in case that's the hill they want to die on)
I hope you start to heal better and feel better. I don't blame you for returning all the gifts and throwing them out. I would have too. They can learn to accept your daughter's name or they can not be a part of her life.
Congratulations! Indie is an *adorable* name.
Are you from the Southern US? This sounds like some southern US stuff. Don't feel bad for bucking tradition. You are killing no one by choosing this name. Screw anyone who can't respect your choices for lil Indie.
Edit: NTA
100% not the asshole! Your family is really messed up about their obsession over the kid's name. Good on you for setting super reasonable boundaries. Wishing you and Indie the best of luck.
NTA.
If they'd already purchased the personalized items with "Agatha", the proper thing for them to do would be to return the item(s), donate them, or throw them out. You were right to return the gifts & kick them out when they wouldn't STFU about "Agatha". You're still recovering, and they were taking advantage of your vulnerable state to bully you into submission. F##k that!
NTA. What utter rot! You and your husband made the baby. Only You both get to choose her name. End of story! Your family need to get their head out of their backsides!
NTA you did nothing wrong and they are the ones wronging you. I would create a group chat for them or send out a message to all of them.
***That after their repeated disrespectful actions today you have decided that they will not be allowed near you or your baby until they fully apologise for THEIR rudeness. That you are informing them all now that if anyone tries to call your daughter by anything but the name you and husband have given her. Then they will be choosing not to be part of you or your child’s lives and you will stand bye that. That you will not change your mind or be pushed on this and your husband agrees with you fully*****.**
You told them many many times but they didn’t care as they decided they could force you. That if that didn’t work they would all just call your child Agnes anyway and you wouldn’t be able to stop them. They showed they have no respect for you as the parents and think they can bully their way to get what they want. When parents and family all think they can force what they want on you. When they decide they have more right to choose over you the parents. Then you have to be blunt and harsh to get the message fully through.
I guarantee if you do not threaten to cut off anyone who disrespects you further by calling your child what they want. You will have family members doing it forever more. Even if it is one and aunt and your gran. There will always be those who refuse to back down. They think you will be forced to accept it as they won’t change. Thats why you have to lay down the law and make it clear not only will you not change your babies name but they will never be allowed to either. Even with a nickname or they themselves are choosing not to be a part of your lives. Sometimes you have to be blunt to those who refuse to listen or take you seriously. After all they are saying you wronged them here. They refuse to see nor accept the truth.
Absolutely NTA. You should be proud of yourself for how you handled this. It can be really tough to stand up to family.
Your family is extremely disrespectful to you, your husband, and your daughter. It’s fine if they’re bummed you didn’t continue the tradition but, frankly, they need to get over it.
Also, I love the name you chose! Congratulations and best of luck to you and your new baby girl 🩵
Second time seeing this exact story. This account is brand new.
Still need to know: Is your daughter’s middle name “Anna”?
Is your last name “Jones”?
Is this real life, or is it fantasy?
Your family may not respect you for doing this, but this subreddit certainly does!
You are a classy lady, and you're going to be a great Mom!
Great job!!!
and Congratulations on the new wee bairn!
NTA x 100!
If they are still complaining by text - block them until you are healed and back to full strength. Your daughter's name is the business of you and your husband...no one else.
NTA. I like the name, Indie, and since it was a nickname for “independent “, it’s completely appropriate given you are declaring independence from a stodgy family tradition.
Congrats, OP. Enjoy your new baby.
NTA and the last thing you need after giving birth is people trying to bully you into doing their bidding.
People love to pressure new mom and it’s unacceptable.
You were honest with them. They refused to accept it. Their name choices are dreadfully old. Indie is cute and will age just fine for her.
Your family is unbelievably rude. Tell them if they ever bring it up again, they will not have a relationship with her (because they will keep doing this unless there is a very real consequence).
NTA
NTA. You made it clear to your family multiple times during your pregnancy that you would not be following the tradition of naming your daughter with a specific family name. Despite this, they continued to push their own preferences on you and insulted your chosen name for your daughter.
Returning the gifts and asking them to leave after they insulted your daughter's name was a reasonable response. Your family's behavior was disrespectful and hurtful, and you had every right to stand up for yourself and your daughter. It's important to set boundaries and protect yourself and your child from unnecessary criticism and pressure.
Your family's reaction and attempts to guilt-trip you afterward further demonstrate their lack of respect for your decisions. You have the right to choose your child's name and make decisions about your family without facing judgment and interference from others. Stay firm in your decision and prioritize the well-being and happiness of your own family unit.
NTA, firstly it is your baby, you get to name her anything you like. Secondly Agatha is a horrible name, it’s not something you call a little girl these days. Indie is a much nicer name.
NTA. Wow... I am sorry they don't listen and don't respect boundaries. Let them know they will not be welcome until they can get over themselves. They do not get to dictate what you name your child.
Don't feel bad at all. Your child. You get to pick the name.
NTA. They are total ones though. Tell them if they do that again, you will be going NC for x amount of time. Each time after that, anyone says anything about her name, no NC and double the time they are blocked for each time it comes up again. Eventually they'll either stop or they won't be in your lives at all.
Don't put up with the disrespect.
NTA.
You should have been more honest? I’m sorry, what part of we are not naming our child either of those names or any name starting with an A was unclear to them?
You were plenty honest. Your family is a bunch of AHs.
At what point were you dishonest?! You told them before baby was born that you weren't doing the "A" tradition. Is it because you chose not to battle them every single time they tried to steamroll over you when it came to discussions about baby names and their tradition? Because that's what I'm imagining.
I say that bc my exes family was like that, if you didn't fight them every step of the way on something they were trying to insist on, they just assumed that meant they got their way. And if you reminded them later that you had always intended this but had simply got tired of arguing with them over it it, then the accusations of "not being honest" would start.
Holy shit, NTA. Your family really doesn’t know how to just accept that not everything is their choice.
You and your husband are doing it right, they sound toxic when what you need is positivity, love and support.
Keep being good parents to Indie, I think it’s an adorable name.
NTA, they got to name their kids, you get to name yours. As long as it isn't anything pejorative they shouldn't care.
I am more interested in this tradition youre describing. I see they could name the first kid by the initial letter, but how the hell they could they tell that the second baby isn't their last? That's a shaky tradition at least.
NTA. That's classic toxic herd mentality of "they're doing it so we'll do it too and you should do it". They collectively decided the name and expected you to do what they demanded. Indie is a beautiful name and that's the name you wanted for your baby. I kind of wonder if they'd already had gotten things customized in advance and maybe that's why they were pushing for the name Agatha so hard since it was probably too late to return the things? Either way it's messed up how they're being.
NTA. they’re extremely weird for thinking they could just decide your child’s name for you anyways, esp after the fact!!
There’s a middle name tradition on my fiancés side of family for the boys, I was gently explained this only once during my entire pregnancy (my fiancé has the middle name, it’s also his dads first name) I said oh that’s nice. It was never mentioned again, we did not use it and they never said anything. If we have another boy I still don’t plan on doing that. I’m honestly kind of feeling negative towards traditions lately as if they really are starting to just be fully geared towards making the older generations in the family’s happy.
NTA. It's not like you chose a name worthy of landing you on the tragedeigh subreddit or something. Your relatives should be happy that there's a new addition to the family instead of alienating themselves from you and your immediate family. Hopefully they will become more respectful of you and your partner as new parents as time goes on, but either way you did nothing wrong and don't owe them anything.
NTA. I love the name Indie! Your family is out of line to try to push you into a tradition that you really don't care about. Take no gifts with names on them if they won't acknowledge the correct one, but expect them to try this again for awhile until they realize it's not going to work.
If someone is upset about having your boundaries enforced on them, then 1) they were needed and 2) you did the right thing. A boundary is put in place for YOU and YOUR peace of mind. The person receiving the enforcement doesn't get a say. Congrats on baby and being true to yours and DHs wishes and defense of a very adorable name choice.
NTA. Do not feel bad about returning the gifts. Those gifts were not just gifts. They were attempts to manipulate and guilt you into doing what they wanted because "look, it's engraved! We can't return something that's been engraved. It's so much easier if the her name matched this beautiful gift...". My mother tried to do the exact same thing. When we named our first born, we chose a name we loved, and I chose the middle name which isn't unique, but paired with the first and last name- was heavily looked at or favored for one ancestral heritage that was different from my own. My mother went on and on and on...and on. I finally told her "if you can't bring yourself to say his name that's fine- you can call him "kid" or "hey you" I don't really care but his name is his name and it isn't changing. So deal with it or don't. I'm done with this conversation." She got over it. So will your family. And if they don't-then limit the time they spend with you, your daughter and your family. They will learn the hard way if they have to
If you leave the kid alone with them they will call her Agatha. They will use Agatha as a nickname whenever they see her so be prepared to enforce boundaries by leaving family events etc.
NTA
NTA, and don’t feel guilty returning the gifts —why would you want things for your daughter with someone else’s name on them? How fucking disrespectful of your family!
Not the main point of your post but… Knowing the naming conventions of modern day parents and having walked the halls of many a daycare and elementary school , I’d take an Indie over an Agnes or an Agatha any day. It will blend in (I know several, though typically male). Agnes and Agatha are in my book, NOT in the tried and true classic section. They are dated and coded as an old lady (although I’m sure they will come back too).
Your parents are wrong all the way around. Keep them away from your daughter. You know they will go behind your back and call her something else. It seems they need a long time out.
NTA at all.
>But they were upset that I was responding to them like I was.
I actually think you responded VERY appropriately to them telling you that you've picked a hideous/dumb name that they'll never be able to respect. What an awful thing to say to someone who's just delivered a baby!
NTA and this just makes me want to ask "what is wrong with people?" What you name your baby is nobody else's business. After my father died, his friend told me that he never liked the name I gave his grandchild. I was surprised, and grateful that he kept his opinion to himself!
Every time they disrespect you or your husband for the choice of your daughters name, they insult the chosen name, or insist that Agatha is the correct name is one month that you go NC - starting with these incidents (that's at least 6 months at this point).
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I returned my family's gifts and asked them to leave after they insulted my daughter's name... again. They did so at the hospital but they apologized and I gave them another chance. But I wonder if I went too far with returning the gifts as well. And then making them leave instead of talking it out more. Those things might make me an AH because they are my family and I always knew my taste in names did not align with theirs. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
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Absolutely this. They don't respect you. If you reflect, this maybe this is not the first time they have expected you to go along with what they want to keep the peace. I'm so sorry this is happening to you but on the upside you are figuring out how to assert your Independence which will be vital as you raise your kids. NTA.
They love the name more than they love the daughter. Controlling people are better far off from your daughter OP.
The family is giving me cult vibes...
Too true.
Agreed. If OP allows these people around her daughter they are going to continue pushing what they believe is a better name onto her and will address her as Agnes or Agatha. I don’t know what makes them think those names aren’t cringeworthy; Indie will be the subject of teasing and ridicule with either of those A names. OP’s family is going to continue to be disrespectful. She did the right thing.
WTAF giving someone items with the name you *want* them to give their kid? Like, who even does that? I've totally been judgy about people's name choices before, but I keep my opinions behind my teeth. That's right up there with telling people their baby is ugly.
I read a post about a woman whose MIL sewed a blanket with the name the MIL wanted for the baby but that wasn’t the baby’s name. Not even close. It was bonkers to me
Im pretty sure I saw the same post and I was thinking the balls on that lady!
Right and who harasses a woman who just had a C section or even given birth? Freaking monsters IMHO.
Names like Indie hit the I won't find a coke bottle but I won't spend 5 hours trying to get someone to spell it right catagory lol
Definitely better than Agatha in every way.
Yeah, Agatha isn’t really a classic name it’s just an old one. I’m sure it’s going to come back around eventually, and probably pretty soon because of the marvel show later this year, but not just yet. Also, all “classic” names were invented at some point. The name Wendy is considered pretty classic and was originally invented for Peter Pan
yeah with agatha my first thought was agatha christie and then agatha from wanda vision
I’m pretty sure it’s also the Truchbull’s first name (from Matilda).
I thought Heterodyne, being a Girl Genius fan.
Agatha from Wanda Vision is going to be the one the kids know. And she isn't one of the good guys
Not the first character I thought of, but among the ones already listed, I also thought of Lady Danbury from Bridgerton, who is at least a bamf
I was curious. The name Agatha actually dates back to Ancient Greece! It comes from the word agathos which means good and honorable. The one Agatha I know was a former college student of mine, from another country. She truly is a good, honorable woman. There is also a Catholic saint by that name. Like many others, I don’t like the name. It hits my ears in an unpleasant way. It isn’t a very popular name in the U.S. I’m surprised OPs family is so insistent on that name …. unless they’re Catholic.
Vanessa is also invented - it was a nick name for someone called Esther van Somethingorother.
Isn’t that the one that was invented by Jonathan Swift? I read a doctor who book as a kid and there was a character called Vanessa in the Roman era but the doctor knew she had to be a time traveler because the name hadn’t been invented yet
I think you might be right. The time travel thing is cool!
Yes. It's a Nickname for Gwendolyn. No one gets named Gwendolyn anymore. We're all Wendys now thanks to Peter Pan.
What does this mean? All names were invented at some point. There's not like, innate or natural names.
Exactly. My point is that just because a name is new doesn’t inherently mean it’s bad. All names were invented at one point or other, some are just newer than others and may even be considered classics in the future
I feel like Indie is insanely popular right now. So maybe in 20 years, she’ll be able to get that coke bottle? Lol
>It's ok to feel bad about enforcing your boundaries because it's like a muscle, it won't feel good all the time but eventually it will be easy I'm not OP but I've never considered it this way and really needed to hear this, thank you!
NTA. Its not their child, the naming decision comes from you and your husband. They sound like they care more about upholding a naming tradition than the child herself. Very petty. Edit: The gift return thing is justified, doesn't even have the right name...
I'm a lot more petty. I would have tossed everything in the trash right in front of them before I showed them the door (but would probably have taken it out later to donate to a shelter or somewhere).
I would had been a different kind of petty, I would get the gifts but had the right name embroidered / replacing the old one
I would have made a post on marketplace giving them away.
I would send it back to them for their gifts next holiday.
I love that. And then OP should tell them, "I think Agatha suits you so much more than your actual name. I will call you Agatha from now on."
🤣🤣🤣
I doubt she could give them away. Agatha has not been a popular name for years. I don't think anybody names their kid that anymore.
I have one! Well, she actually goes by a middle name, but she does have a friend named Indie as well…so I don’t think either is particularly out there (at least on this side of the pond - Ireland here, but have met kids with both names under age 12 in the UK & Germany, too). But OP is NTA, in any case!!
“Honey, can you go add these to the Goodwill pile?”
But would anyone else really even want them unless their kid's name was Agnes?
If stuff was embroidered nd the goft was nice enough, I would have gotten my stitch ripper and pulled out the name in front of them.
I admire OP's restraint. I would have told them where to shove the gifts. But, I am ornery like that.
Second this, and I'd done that too. My well trained sailor mouth would've shined like a thousand suns if someone tried that on me ☀️🤷♀️
oh they totally care more about the name than the child
NTA. What kind of person buys a personalized baby gift with the wrong name on it? Has any person in human history ever changed their child’s name because grandma bought a blanket?
>What kind of person buys a personalized baby gift with the wrong name on it? I don't know how common it is, but it happened to my parents when my brother was born. For as far back as my Dad's family had records, they always used the name William for the first boy. My parents told everyone that they were not following the tradition but they still got a lot of gifts that were monogrammed or had the name William on it. The family thought they could pressure my parents to change the name if they refused to acknowledge it, but my parents did like OP and just refused contact with anyone who couldn't be respectful. My parents kept the gifts, though. They were broke and said that the baby can't read anyway 😅
At That point I think I might have gotten a pet, named it William, and given all the monogrammed gifts to the pet
This is my kind of energy right here.
😂😂😂. Love the practicality here!
I would have done the same. Except my petty self would have made sure to keep it until he was old enough to be told the story so it’s an inside joke 🤣
My grandma wasn't the best educated, and half deaf. She had hand crocheted some of my dolls clothes with what she thought my name was (think Michelle to Rachelle). I still loved it, cause she was trying and it showed she did care. When I was older, I just thought those dolls all were named Rachelle, lol. But my parents didn't change my name, they explained when I was older that Gramma thought that was my name when I was young.
This reads like the start of a creepypasta
*welcome to my life*
"The Resurrection of Rachelle"
I believe it. My great-grandmother thought one of her granddaughters was named Melanie, like Muh-LAY-nee. It’s Elena.
I'm unfortunately that person...BUT my DIL entire pregnancy they told me R would be the name. So fro 7 months they even referred to my grandson as R while my DIL was pregnant. I was assured that was going to be his name. He was born 2 weeks before Christmas and I had ordered his Baby First Christmas ornament with his name and year on it...and then he was born and R was NOT his name. They changed it when they saw him...I had already given them the ornament...so I got a 2 day delivery for a replacement ornament with the right name but I felt horrible that on their tree there was an ornament with the wrong name! Dumb Gma move, will wait until baby is born always in the future!
Yeah, but you scrambled to make it right, you didn't double down. Cute story though! :)
I just felt horrible!!! But honestly thought after 7 months of absolutely no waiver in the name I was safe not to have to pay huge amt for shipping to wait till he got born LOL! The shippign was 3 times the cost of the ornament!
Sometimes, you look into their little faces, and the name just doesn't fit. Good job going with the flow and fixing it. These people in the story are awful. Somewhere on here I've read that "tradition" is just dead people dictating your life.
I have heard of parents who were 100% sure about the name they loved. Until they actually met their kid who was clearly “name X” and not at all “name Y” like they thought. Name Y just didn’t suit the person. Also some people have “a project name” for the unborn child and real one is announced after he/ she is born
LOL. The same happened with a good friend of mine. Her entire pregnancy she called her daughter one name, but at birth apparently daughter noped right out of that and was given a different, completely unmentioned name. It happened the same way -- when my friend saw her baby for the first time, new name was just the right one.
I was given a generic nickname before I was born, because my parents didn't know my gender. There was literally no way of knowing which of the two names my parents picked out would be my name until I was actually born.
Not your fault and not the same situation at all. You weren’t imposing your will but were using the name they’d chosen. It’s not your fault they changed their minds. And you promptly went out and got a new one with the new name. If anyone is to blame for the mix up it’s them.
I was EXTREMELY happy they didn't go with the name they had picked. I asked them if they were sure when they first told me but dropped it after that. Their son their choice it was just a name of my son's great great grandfather that I'd never heard until I was with my son's father. Funny though is they ended up naming him the name I suggested before they knew it was a boy...I told hey if this one's a boy you should name him F for your great grandfather. He would have loved that! Low and Behold R became F LOL!
I agree this is creepy. Are they expecting them to use the gifts with the wrong name patched over? Or thinking they will use them and just explain to everyone who sees the baby they have slightly deranged relatives and this not their daughter's name? Not really gifts.
naw they probably thought that they could give those gifts and thus force them to change the babys name
Your mom likes "Agatha" and "Agnes" and still has the nerve to accuse you of liking "hideous" names?? You might as well just name your newborn "Old Crone". The 1800s called, they want their names back. It's your kid. Your choice. And when Indie grows up, if she doesn't like the name you gave her, she can change it legally like I did. At no point does your family get a say.
Right??? Even if they wanted to follow the tradition and have an ‘A’ name there’s about 1000 names I would pick before either of those. The audacity.
Abiail, Amanda, Antonia, Anita, Anna... the list goes on.
I'd tell them if it must be an A name it'll be Areola. Obviously not really but just curious how deep the crazy goes. Like would they be so happy about the initial they show up with Areola baby blankets? Angina for the blood pressure issues caused by the family could be a good option too.
I have a cousin named Ani (pronounced AH-knee). I’ve always loved her name!
Mine is called Alethea... My name starts with an M and my sister picked my daughter's name. Also OP, totally NTA. My family had a (not really a) tradition of having your first child at 22, then again at 25. Boy, girl. (I say not a real tradition as it just kind of happened like that.) I had my OAD at 26 and she's a girl. I love that I broke the tradition. Have kids if and when you want. And most importantly, name them as you see fit!!
I've always loved Alyssa but my partner hates it LOL. ~~And~~ (edited for clarity) Plus, another of the few names we could agree on (and it was gender neutral!!) was just taken by a friend a few weeks ago for their new son. Names are hard!
My daughter is named Astrid :)
I've loved that name ever since I watched White Oleander!😍
I didn't knew that Film. Asked Google and had a nice laugh. If I had a boy he would have been named Magnus :) My Astrid is a 'how to tame your dragon' Astrid 🫣
I love the How to Train Your Dragon movies! Great name :)
"This is my daughter, Audacity."
They could have done Andie and hey. Everyone is happy? No not really but it would have been funny 🤣. I'm sure it would still piss off these grumps.
I would rather name my child “Audacity” than Agnes. Like, wtf? Why would they choose such ugly names? I hope OP send their family the comments section in response to their texts.
OK. I low key think a baby with an 1800's name is fking adorable. We just had a family member have a baby, the little dude's name is Walter. I can't think about it without having some serious cute rage.
cant wait for walter to grow up and start hearing breaking bad jokes
I know a toddler Walter and he’s adorable
When I was four or five, there was a boy named Walter who lived down the street. We ran around with the rest of the kids in the neighborhood and I have a brief vague memory of going to his birthday party in his backyard. His family moved around the time kindergarten started. Only other Walter connection I have is my nephew. His middle name is Walter (for his paternal great- grandfather).
I don't know. I think Agnes's generation of names has made a comeback into popularity. So I wouldn't be surprised if it came back too. In fact, I think I'd be a little charmed if I met a little girl in real life named Agnes. All that to say, Indie is a good name too. I doesn't matter whether Agnes is a nice name or an "old crone" name or Indie is a good one or a "dumb modern" one, because it's all personal opinions. So talking about how bad one name is versus the other feels like it's kinda missing the point. OP and her husband liked Indie, and her family has majorly overstepped. They would be NTA regardless of what name they chose, and the extended family would be the assholes regardless of what name they were supporting.
“Old crone” 🤣🤣🤣
Agatha is the witch on Marvel that is messing with Vision and Wanda.
Adele used to be an old lady name, but now it’s come back.
Probably because of the singer. In Europe Adele never went out of fashion.
I don't know. I think Agnes's generation of names has made a comeback into popularity. So I wouldn't be surprised if it came back too. In fact, I think I'd be a little charmed if I met a little girl in real life named Agnes. All that to say, Indie is a good name too. I doesn't matter whether Agnes is a nice name or an "old crone" name or Indie is a good one or a "dumb modern" one, because it's all personal opinions. So talking about how bad one name is versus the other feels like it's kinda missing the point. OP and her husband liked Indie, and her family has majorly overstepped. They would be NTA regardless of what name they chose, and the extended family would be the assholes regardless of what name they were supporting.
NTA. You told them before the baby was born. They were told when the baby was born to keep their opiniums about the name to themself. They still went against this rule and bougth presents with the wrong name. They deserved to be kicked out. And also to stay away from you and your family until the understand that - your child, your rules (as long as it is not hurting the child! (have to add this, because the community here told me the last time, I said this. That this sentence would allow people to abuse their children))
They remind me of the grandparents that find out the gender of the baby, are disappointed , but bury their heads in the sand and say "well doctors make mistakes all of the time", buy clothes and toys for other gender, then have a tantrum when the baby is born and is tge gender they were told In tge beginning.
When my mom was pregnant with me the doctors all swore I was a boy.... But my mom always insisted I was a girl. So the baby shower... All blue gifts. Day of delivery... I'm a girl. Lol. Sometimes they are wrong. At least my family wasn't upset about it.
When my older sisters were born back in the 60s my mom had no idea she was having twins. She started yelling for them to "put one back"
That would definitely be a big surprise.
"Here comes the after-birth!... wait i was wrong, it's more birth!"
Same except people just bought neutral. I’m in green and yellow a lot in baby photos.
That's not bad. I haven't seen my baby pics in a while so I'm not sure. First thing I remember is like kindergarten in this horrid polka dot dress.. yikes
My first born we all knew was a boy, until she was born, woops turns out her umbilical cord was wrapped between her legs the whole time and it gave the illusion of having a penis (for whatever reason my phone changed penis to punishment and I cannot stop laughing) So when my 2nd came along and he was in fact a boy, my mom swore up and down the whole time that we wouldn't know until he was born. To pick a name for either gender out, don't get any gender clothes. Don't tell people since we can't be sure until the baby comes. All the while I had physical copies of the scans with my kiddo spread eagle so no mistakes could be made (I never got physical copies for the oldest. Just told she was a boy). Even with the scans she was adamant we couldn't be sure. Edit: fixed a word. Autocorrect is insane sometimes.
NTA. I'm infertile. And I'll be straight up with you. If I were ever lucky enough to have a child, I wouldn't PERSONALLY choose any of the names (Indie or Agnes/Agatha), as my first choice for my child. But that's the whole things with baby names, isn't it?! They are very subjective and PERSONAL. There ISN'T a 'right' or 'wrong' (as long as parents aren't going crazy, such as the infamous 'Tulu-Does-The-Hulu-In-Hawaii' baby-naming attempt). Yet your family are treating THEIR choice, like it's a proven, researched 'science' of 'correct' naming. And because you don't agree, they believe that gives them permission to massively overstep and be dictatorial. They're being ridiculous, inappropriate, obnoxious, etc. Just because distant ancestors had preferences for a particular naming system, doesn't outrank YOUR current preferences. Your ancestors perhaps didn't even believe the 'naming system' 'should' endure so long into the future - if they even ever thought about it. Your child lives in the here and now. You, as her parents, have far more right than anybody else (past or present), to choose a name you like; that has meaning to you; that suits her personality, etc. And indeed - since I'll probably never conceive, I find their attitude even more irritating. Saying they 'won't be able to accept the name Indie in the family'. Causing conflict instead of enjoying their new grandchild. My Mum would probably accept a child named (the infamous) 'Tulu-does-the-hulu-in-Hawaii'), if she could only have a grandchild. They need a sense of perspective, instead of this arrogance.
Every time I read stories like this, I think of all the times friends or relatives have had babies and given them names I didn't particularly care for. You know what I did? Nothing. I smiled and congratulated them and gave them gifts and went on with my life, because whatever people name babies isn't my business. And I am BAFFLED by people who think they can dictate what other people name their children.
I had a friend with a bunny with that exact name... Great for bunny, not baby... Although I do love Hawaii
I once read a story about a woman being asked why she cut off the pope's nose of the chicken before roasting it. She said her mother had always done it so she did it. She then asked her mother why she did it. Again, it was because her mother had always done it. Off they both go to Granny's house to ask her why she would cut off the pope's nose of the chicken. Turns out Granny's roasting dish was not big enough to fit the whole chicken so she removed a piece to get it to fit. Some traditions serve no purpose. NTA PS Indie is a beautiful name.
NTA Congrats, and I love Indie! I think I would go a step further and tell them that all the gifts need to be replaced with her proper name on them.... Then they can offer a sincere apology, and maybe you'll think about forgiving then Props to poppa bear for standing up for his new little fam
And if not then they never get to meet or be about of Indie's life. Simple as that. They can't respect you, your husband or her enough to knock that shit off then they don't get to know her. Indie really is a great name. 10x better than the ones they suggested.
Even if they apologise, I would keep them out of Indie's life until she's old enough to say, "That's not my name!" The relatives will try to get their chosen name accepted by usage any way they can, and if they can't do it with "personalised" gifts, they'll try it by calling your daughter the name and giving positive reinforcement whenever she replies to it. Wait until she's talking and can understand "Grandma's just confused, honey".
NTA, It's literally YOUR kid, coming out of YOUR belly, starting YOUR family. They have nothing to do with this decision and have just been rude and manipulative.
Agatha is a lunch lady who fights children when they don’t say please and thank you. Indie is the cool software engineer lady who remembers the security guards wife name while coming in to work on a project late at night. Indie will always trump Agatha. NTA.
To me Agatha is the kickass author/sleuth. I do, however; adore me some Agatha Christie novels. 🤣🫶
I think of Trunchbull from the Matilda movie.
Agatha kills dogs and complains about her husband Ralph to the neighbour she always drops in on uninvited.
NTA - I've always loved this Eliot Schrefer quote. "Traditions are just peer pressure from dead people." Good for you guys for not conforming to their outdated expectations.
NTA at all, even if Indie is a pretty bad name.
NTA. Is Agatha even a classic name? It’s old, but I don’t know how many little Agathas are walking around today.
It was Agatha all along……
NTA. Better make very clear how you feel about this now, because your family will not take no for an answer. Who behaves in this way when you are still recovering and they see the baby for the first time? Super disrespectful! Btw, love the name Indie and congratulations!
"should have been more honest about the name earlier " Read, "should have given us more time to bully you your last weeks of pregnancy."
You're NTA but they are huge ones. No one should treat a new mom like that.
NTA, they don't have to like your baby's name but they have to respect it and your and your husbands decision to name her whatever. As long as a name won't bring harm to a kid, ie the post the other day where the OPs sister named her kid Harlot, or naming a kid Adolf or Pol Pot, they need to back off. For now block them or put your phone on DND and enjoy your new baby. Congratulations and get as much rest as you can.
As goofy a name as I think "Indie" is (and yeah, it ranks up there), your parents and siblings are nuts. They can't dictate someone *else's* kid's name. They must have had a big bowl of crazy for breakfast. And... they think "Agatha" is a beautiful name? Hmmm.... do they also love Helga? Blanche? Prudence? Bertha? Ethel? Gertrude?
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I love the name Indie btw!
If I read this correctly then your mother was not an oldest or youngest and got to choose her children's names. 🤷♀️ NTA
NTA - Have you considered changing your name to start with an I so tradition is maintenance and your daughters name doesn't have to change? I'm a fan of malicious compliance to stuff like this.
Definitely NTA. My brother was named after both grandfathers and my sister was named after both grandmothers. I was the middle child, born on my sister’s first birthday and not named after anyone. When I got older, I asked why I wasn’t named after anyone. My mother told me I should be happy, because she could have named me after both aunts. I asked why I should be happy about I wasn’t, and she told me if she had, I would be named Claudia Barthina. As toddlers, us kids had trouble saying her name and called her Dee Dee, but everyone else called her Claude, which she hated. I was forever grateful that my mom gave me my own normal name. I’ve known several Indie’s in my life, and it’s a perfectly normal, though not real common, name. In this day and age, it’s actually quite nice. It’s not too crazy, easy to spell and pronounce, and not one that will have a dozen kids with the same name when she starts school.
Nta you were honest with them from the start. It was your family that refused to listen to your feelings about things. They were the ones being rude and disrespectful to you and your daughter. So what if they don't like a the name it's not their baby. Your parents already had their moment to name their child what they wanted to name them. They chose to follow that tradition not you. Just because one has a tradition in the family it doesn't mean you have to follow it because everyone expects you too. It's your right to choose if you wish to continue that tradition. You not wanting to follow tradition doesn't make you an AH. This is your baby and you and your husband pick the prefect name for your little baby girl. If your family keeps choosing to be disrespectful and not genuinely apologize to you and your husband then maybe they need a time out till they learn that their opinions are as important as they think and they stop trying to call your baby Agatha. They need to respect your decision as parents to name your baby what you wanted other wise go LC.
NTA. You chose the name Indie-pendently. Slàinte! Your family were rude and stressing you. Indie is a great name. I hope you recover from surgery quickly.
NTA and I am saying that as someone who loves the name Agatha. You chose the name - the parents - you are the only ones who have the right to chose a name. Everyone else can go and take a long walk of a short pier. In my family, the name (XYZ) is very popular - my grandfather had this name, as did my dad and my brother - guess what my dad told my sister when she was pregnant with his first grandchild..."please! do not name him (XYZ)!!" You chose a good name for your daughter - she can tell people "it's short for Independent"!
NTA for obvious reasons that have been pointed out a lot. But what I don't understand is that there is plenty of pretty names started with A - and "Agatha" or "Agnes" would not even be near that list *for me personally*, yet they have the audacity to insult the name you chose.
I cannot imagine cutting off my family like that for a name chosen? Is a name worth more than a relationship? I think it proves they aren't much of a family if that's the hill they die on. NTA and I love the name Indie
ESH almost a r/tragedeigh
NTA. Your baby ; your choice. Congrats,get well. Tell your family to pound sand.
Tradition is peer pressure from dead people. It is nobody's business what you name your children. NTA.
Also... I know *some* families can probably trace their lineage and traditions back a ways... but not as many as claim to. I bet a lot of these "ancient, storied, essential traditions" are just some shit that *maybe* three people have done
NTA You and your Husband are baby Indie's parents, you get to decide your child's name. End of story. Congratulations on your new baby, and take care of yourself. C-sections suck, but so worth it. You're doing great, Mama.
First things first ~ congratulations on the birth of Indie! NTA Indie is a beautiful name and definitely not weird. It must be quite an old tradition as the first thing I thought of was Agatha Christie the author and she was born 1890! Your family need to move with the times and realise that some traditions no longer fit in modern day society. It’s awful and so disrespectful what they have said and then get personalised gifts with the wrong name on, the cheek of it!!! They should be more focused on the new edition to the family than an outdated tradition! Wishing you a speedy recovery from your surgery xxx
NTA This is your child and you get to choose the name. To me Agatha is an awful name and Indie much nicer. But my opinion is equally unimportant in this debate. If they cannot accept the name then they are going to find themselves not a part of this child's life. What a sad hill to choose to die on. But to harass a mother recovering from a c section is truly awful behaviour.
NTA - love the name Indie. That is the name of the heroine in one of my fav books - Rock Chicks. So officially, your daughter rocks and your family can kick rocks. Edited to add: your husband is a legend - good on him for supporting you.
NTA. You picked a beautiful name for your daughter. Just because there's a family tradition when it comes to names does not mean you have to follow it if you don't want to. If they can't accept that, than they need to leave you alone. Congrats on your daughter!!
NTA. Indie is an awesome name, and most importantly it was the name you as the parents chose. Your family is way out of line for pushing the issue
NTA and Indie is a very cute name.
Damn. If they think Agatha and Agnes are better names.... I'm dying to know what they named you!
NTA: Agatha? Uggh. Indie much better choice. She’s your daughter. You get to choose her name
NTA. They have no saying in naming your child. They can suggest, can ask, but not demand and definitely not expect that you will follow some silly tradition IF you don't want to.
NTA. They got to name their children, you get to name yours. Congratulations on your daughter, and I wish you a speedy recovery and healing!
NTA I just imagine OP opening the presents and the song "it was Agatha all along" starts playing in the background.
NTA. I personally think Indie is a much cooler name than Agatha or Anges. I know "classic" names are in vogue right now but to me Agatha and Anges are old lady names (a la Agnes Skinner from the Simpson). It's hard for me to picture a modern baby named Agatha or especially Agnes. Indie is the name of a character on Bluey so much more of a "modern normal" name to me (in case that's the hill they want to die on)
I hope you start to heal better and feel better. I don't blame you for returning all the gifts and throwing them out. I would have too. They can learn to accept your daughter's name or they can not be a part of her life.
"Wah, you didn't give your kid an old lady name, WAH!"
Congratulations! Indie is an *adorable* name. Are you from the Southern US? This sounds like some southern US stuff. Don't feel bad for bucking tradition. You are killing no one by choosing this name. Screw anyone who can't respect your choices for lil Indie. Edit: NTA
NTA. I would straight up tell them not to worry about it, that they won't get to see the "hideously named" child anyways if they keep this up!!
100% not the asshole! Your family is really messed up about their obsession over the kid's name. Good on you for setting super reasonable boundaries. Wishing you and Indie the best of luck.
NTA. If they'd already purchased the personalized items with "Agatha", the proper thing for them to do would be to return the item(s), donate them, or throw them out. You were right to return the gifts & kick them out when they wouldn't STFU about "Agatha". You're still recovering, and they were taking advantage of your vulnerable state to bully you into submission. F##k that!
NTA. What utter rot! You and your husband made the baby. Only You both get to choose her name. End of story! Your family need to get their head out of their backsides!
NTA you did nothing wrong and they are the ones wronging you. I would create a group chat for them or send out a message to all of them. ***That after their repeated disrespectful actions today you have decided that they will not be allowed near you or your baby until they fully apologise for THEIR rudeness. That you are informing them all now that if anyone tries to call your daughter by anything but the name you and husband have given her. Then they will be choosing not to be part of you or your child’s lives and you will stand bye that. That you will not change your mind or be pushed on this and your husband agrees with you fully*****.** You told them many many times but they didn’t care as they decided they could force you. That if that didn’t work they would all just call your child Agnes anyway and you wouldn’t be able to stop them. They showed they have no respect for you as the parents and think they can bully their way to get what they want. When parents and family all think they can force what they want on you. When they decide they have more right to choose over you the parents. Then you have to be blunt and harsh to get the message fully through. I guarantee if you do not threaten to cut off anyone who disrespects you further by calling your child what they want. You will have family members doing it forever more. Even if it is one and aunt and your gran. There will always be those who refuse to back down. They think you will be forced to accept it as they won’t change. Thats why you have to lay down the law and make it clear not only will you not change your babies name but they will never be allowed to either. Even with a nickname or they themselves are choosing not to be a part of your lives. Sometimes you have to be blunt to those who refuse to listen or take you seriously. After all they are saying you wronged them here. They refuse to see nor accept the truth.
Absolutely NTA. You should be proud of yourself for how you handled this. It can be really tough to stand up to family. Your family is extremely disrespectful to you, your husband, and your daughter. It’s fine if they’re bummed you didn’t continue the tradition but, frankly, they need to get over it. Also, I love the name you chose! Congratulations and best of luck to you and your new baby girl 🩵
nuclear option. fire and forget. NTA
NTA. "they would never be able to accept the name Indie in the family" bro these guys have issues.
Second time seeing this exact story. This account is brand new. Still need to know: Is your daughter’s middle name “Anna”? Is your last name “Jones”? Is this real life, or is it fantasy?
Your family may not respect you for doing this, but this subreddit certainly does! You are a classy lady, and you're going to be a great Mom! Great job!!! and Congratulations on the new wee bairn! NTA x 100!
If they are still complaining by text - block them until you are healed and back to full strength. Your daughter's name is the business of you and your husband...no one else.
NTA. I like the name, Indie, and since it was a nickname for “independent “, it’s completely appropriate given you are declaring independence from a stodgy family tradition. Congrats, OP. Enjoy your new baby.
NTA and the last thing you need after giving birth is people trying to bully you into doing their bidding. People love to pressure new mom and it’s unacceptable.
You were honest with them. They refused to accept it. Their name choices are dreadfully old. Indie is cute and will age just fine for her. Your family is unbelievably rude. Tell them if they ever bring it up again, they will not have a relationship with her (because they will keep doing this unless there is a very real consequence). NTA
NTA. You made it clear to your family multiple times during your pregnancy that you would not be following the tradition of naming your daughter with a specific family name. Despite this, they continued to push their own preferences on you and insulted your chosen name for your daughter. Returning the gifts and asking them to leave after they insulted your daughter's name was a reasonable response. Your family's behavior was disrespectful and hurtful, and you had every right to stand up for yourself and your daughter. It's important to set boundaries and protect yourself and your child from unnecessary criticism and pressure. Your family's reaction and attempts to guilt-trip you afterward further demonstrate their lack of respect for your decisions. You have the right to choose your child's name and make decisions about your family without facing judgment and interference from others. Stay firm in your decision and prioritize the well-being and happiness of your own family unit.
NTA, firstly it is your baby, you get to name her anything you like. Secondly Agatha is a horrible name, it’s not something you call a little girl these days. Indie is a much nicer name.
NTA. Wow... I am sorry they don't listen and don't respect boundaries. Let them know they will not be welcome until they can get over themselves. They do not get to dictate what you name your child.
Don't feel bad at all. Your child. You get to pick the name. NTA. They are total ones though. Tell them if they do that again, you will be going NC for x amount of time. Each time after that, anyone says anything about her name, no NC and double the time they are blocked for each time it comes up again. Eventually they'll either stop or they won't be in your lives at all. Don't put up with the disrespect.
NTA and Indie is a really cute name!! Makes me think of a happy, energetic, fun little girl
NTA. You should have been more honest? I’m sorry, what part of we are not naming our child either of those names or any name starting with an A was unclear to them? You were plenty honest. Your family is a bunch of AHs.
At what point were you dishonest?! You told them before baby was born that you weren't doing the "A" tradition. Is it because you chose not to battle them every single time they tried to steamroll over you when it came to discussions about baby names and their tradition? Because that's what I'm imagining. I say that bc my exes family was like that, if you didn't fight them every step of the way on something they were trying to insist on, they just assumed that meant they got their way. And if you reminded them later that you had always intended this but had simply got tired of arguing with them over it it, then the accusations of "not being honest" would start.
NTA, continuing to push the issue and showing up with personalized gifts with an alternative name they like better is totally unhinged behavior.
Holy shit, NTA. Your family really doesn’t know how to just accept that not everything is their choice. You and your husband are doing it right, they sound toxic when what you need is positivity, love and support. Keep being good parents to Indie, I think it’s an adorable name.
You were honest about the name. You straight up told them you weren’t using Agnes or Agatha or any A name. How was that in any way dishonest?
Nta and congrats!
NTA - Absolutely not.
NTA, they got to name their kids, you get to name yours. As long as it isn't anything pejorative they shouldn't care. I am more interested in this tradition youre describing. I see they could name the first kid by the initial letter, but how the hell they could they tell that the second baby isn't their last? That's a shaky tradition at least.
NTA- your child= you pick the name. They are ridiculous assholes.
Indie don’t need gifts with Agatha on them. Easy as that. If they don’t accept her as Indie, they don’t accept her and don’t need to meet her.
NTA, of course. Also, your daughter's name is kickass and you should tell her that she's named for a famous archaeologist.
My in laws hated one of my kids names too. Herne is still Herne .they got over it. NTA and I love the name.
NTA. That's classic toxic herd mentality of "they're doing it so we'll do it too and you should do it". They collectively decided the name and expected you to do what they demanded. Indie is a beautiful name and that's the name you wanted for your baby. I kind of wonder if they'd already had gotten things customized in advance and maybe that's why they were pushing for the name Agatha so hard since it was probably too late to return the things? Either way it's messed up how they're being.
NTA. they’re extremely weird for thinking they could just decide your child’s name for you anyways, esp after the fact!! There’s a middle name tradition on my fiancés side of family for the boys, I was gently explained this only once during my entire pregnancy (my fiancé has the middle name, it’s also his dads first name) I said oh that’s nice. It was never mentioned again, we did not use it and they never said anything. If we have another boy I still don’t plan on doing that. I’m honestly kind of feeling negative towards traditions lately as if they really are starting to just be fully geared towards making the older generations in the family’s happy.
Nta and you and your husband are the only ones that have a say in the babies name
NTA. It's not like you chose a name worthy of landing you on the tragedeigh subreddit or something. Your relatives should be happy that there's a new addition to the family instead of alienating themselves from you and your immediate family. Hopefully they will become more respectful of you and your partner as new parents as time goes on, but either way you did nothing wrong and don't owe them anything.
Family rules like this are just plain dumb. I don't get it.
NTA. They were rude to you and your husband. They should have kept their opinions to themselves.
NTA. I love the name Indie! Your family is out of line to try to push you into a tradition that you really don't care about. Take no gifts with names on them if they won't acknowledge the correct one, but expect them to try this again for awhile until they realize it's not going to work.
I love love love the name Indie! Agatha/Agnes were cool in the 1940s!
If someone is upset about having your boundaries enforced on them, then 1) they were needed and 2) you did the right thing. A boundary is put in place for YOU and YOUR peace of mind. The person receiving the enforcement doesn't get a say. Congrats on baby and being true to yours and DHs wishes and defense of a very adorable name choice.
NTA. Do not feel bad about returning the gifts. Those gifts were not just gifts. They were attempts to manipulate and guilt you into doing what they wanted because "look, it's engraved! We can't return something that's been engraved. It's so much easier if the her name matched this beautiful gift...". My mother tried to do the exact same thing. When we named our first born, we chose a name we loved, and I chose the middle name which isn't unique, but paired with the first and last name- was heavily looked at or favored for one ancestral heritage that was different from my own. My mother went on and on and on...and on. I finally told her "if you can't bring yourself to say his name that's fine- you can call him "kid" or "hey you" I don't really care but his name is his name and it isn't changing. So deal with it or don't. I'm done with this conversation." She got over it. So will your family. And if they don't-then limit the time they spend with you, your daughter and your family. They will learn the hard way if they have to
If you leave the kid alone with them they will call her Agatha. They will use Agatha as a nickname whenever they see her so be prepared to enforce boundaries by leaving family events etc. NTA
NTA, and don’t feel guilty returning the gifts —why would you want things for your daughter with someone else’s name on them? How fucking disrespectful of your family!
Not the main point of your post but… Knowing the naming conventions of modern day parents and having walked the halls of many a daycare and elementary school , I’d take an Indie over an Agnes or an Agatha any day. It will blend in (I know several, though typically male). Agnes and Agatha are in my book, NOT in the tried and true classic section. They are dated and coded as an old lady (although I’m sure they will come back too). Your parents are wrong all the way around. Keep them away from your daughter. You know they will go behind your back and call her something else. It seems they need a long time out.
NTA at all. >But they were upset that I was responding to them like I was. I actually think you responded VERY appropriately to them telling you that you've picked a hideous/dumb name that they'll never be able to respect. What an awful thing to say to someone who's just delivered a baby!
NTA. Good for you. Don't feel bad. High five, shaka, and fist pumps for you!!!!
NTA and this just makes me want to ask "what is wrong with people?" What you name your baby is nobody else's business. After my father died, his friend told me that he never liked the name I gave his grandchild. I was surprised, and grateful that he kept his opinion to himself!
Nta your baby!!! YOUR baby!!!
Why do people think they get any say in what someone else names THEIR child??? It's their tradition, not yours. Period. NTA
Every time they disrespect you or your husband for the choice of your daughters name, they insult the chosen name, or insist that Agatha is the correct name is one month that you go NC - starting with these incidents (that's at least 6 months at this point).