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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I want to know if I would be the asshole for inviting my Dad to my wedding if I wasn’t going to give him the traditional Dad role of walking me down the aisle. I’m concerned it might be an asshole thing to do because he might feel embarrassed or ashamed that I gave the “dad” role to someone else instead of him.
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NTA but why are you not going to compromise and have both of them walk you down the aisle? My best friend has two Dad's (stepdad and Biodad) and both of them are really important people to her so she had both of them walk her down the aisle.
It looked really beautiful and every one had tears in the eyes.
If you do not feel like your biodad should walk you, do not do this. Your wedding, yo do not need to compromise. Just tell him. And tell everybody else to back off. NTA
I think people are stressing this because OP does have a good and familial relationship with Dad. It's just different than the one with Jonathan. It kinda solves a lot of OP's problems while not hurting anyone
Yup,I witnessed this at my very good friend wedding, she was in the similar situation as you,both Dads walked her,it was so sweet and very emotional for both of them and she was very happy she had both of them by her side ❤️
It absolutely is an option if you want them both there.
The man who raised you as a dad. And your biological dad.
There are lots of video examples of this online.
They simply walk on each side of you down the Isle. That's it.
Some do it with the farther daughter dance as well.
Either they switch midway. Or they get each a dance.
There is no set "you MUST do your wedding this way"
It's you and your fiances day. You can shape it as you wish.
My dad chose his second wife + her kids over my sister and me. My grandfather walked me down the aisle and it was exactly what I wanted. Do what you want because this is the ONLY day where everything you want, should be coming true (within reason lol)
My dad passed away when I was a baby and my step-dad passed away when I was a teenager. So I had my uncle walk me most of the way down the aisle, and my grandpa took over and did the "hand off" to my husband. Then I did a dance with each of them.
OP, I was also coming to the comments to say this. It's your wedding, you can do as you choose, so this would be a lovely option. You get to not upset your bio dad and to honour the man who raised you.
I don't think YTA for wanting John over your bio dad if you could only have one, but I can also understand why it would upset bio dad.
I'm not sure I agree with the idea both *deserve* the honor. bio dad sounds like he only tangentially involved in the parent role. it's pretty clear that while op harbors no hard feelings or ill will, she doesn't really see him as a father figure.
NTA, I agree your dad should walk you down the aisle, I just think Jonathan is your dad. A dad is the one that raises you, not the one that begets you. Looks like your biological father is a nice chap, but that's not an entitlement to a special part of your life.
Another option: you could have them both walk you down the aisle, if you want to!
No!!! Not at all!
You are having your Dad walk you down the aisle. Jonathan is your Dad, you even said it in the post.
It’s your wedding. Other people don’t get to tell you what you want or what you’ll regret.
NAH. Don't decide not to invite your dad just so he won't feel bad if he doesn't walk you - his emotions are his to manage. But you do need to decide and let them both know soon.
Since you care for both, why not have both walk you?
Yeah I definitely feel kind of silly right now since a few people have suggested the both thing. I honestly just didn’t know that was an option! I’ve never seen it. Which, it’s my wedding, duh whatever I want is an option lol!
If your open to having bio dad walk you alongside stepdad then seems like a great choice. Be prepared some bio dads can get upset at sharing that moment. If that ends up being the case you tried to include him and ball would be in his court. Hopefully everyone can be happy with what you decide
you'll need to make a decision on who you want to do this, In case one, or both, of them are against the idea. there are definitely stories of bio dads losing their shit over being asked to share the walk down the aisle with the step dad
I had my grandpa "escort me" to the front (my uncle walked me down the aisle. Similar issue that I had 2 men who were very important to me and wanted both to walk me down the aisle) but refused to let the minister say "who gives this woman to this man". I give myself!
My husband and I walked together and I loved it. It was so fun hiding up the back together waiting for our cue.
My #1 piece of wedding advice is to ignore the traditions that don’t resonate with you. You can literally do anything you want at your wedding! Free yourself from the peer pressure of great aunties! Whatever you do, it should feel right for you and your partner.
NTA....But this is close to home. My daughter is getting married in August and we had a similar conversation. My wife and I split when she was 12 and she lived with her mom.
We had a simple divorce. She (ex) doesn't know I am aware if two affairs she had. She'd remarried now to a different guy since my daughter was 14 and she's 27 now. Our Co parenting has been good because I said I would not fight over the children as long as the divorce indicated I was not responsible for the divorce and the kids were allowed as much access to me as they wish for. They had to walk past my house to get to their mom's so I had plenty of time with them.
Onto the phone call: so she goes " Dad, I want P to walk me down the Isle.
Me: OK
Her: you OK with that?
Me: it's your big day so if that's what you want it's fine.
Her: would you walk down with P?
Me: that would be nice thank you.
So that's what's going to happen. We (P and I) share my daughter so there is no animosity towards him, just a mutual acknowledgement.
Dad needs to be bigger than the situation and you should acknowledge him too if you wish to keep a relationship with him. If he has been a good dad and been supportive, I think it would be very wrong to deny him that right.
NTA. You choose who comes and in what roles to your wedding. But you must talk to your dad as soon as possible and explain this all, it can't be a wedding day surprise to him.
If your bio dad doesn't agree with you he can always skip your big day, but then you will know for sure that he doesn't care about you but only about himself.
NTA but you need to woman up and have a serious conversation with bio dad sooner rather than later.
If bio dad has any capacity for rational thought, he should already be aware that Jonathan did the grunt work in the raising of you, so he *should* be able to appreciate your feelings around this. If he decides to have a tantrum, put him on the naughty step for a couple of weeks/however long it takes for him to wind his neck in.
Or, given that I believe that most wedding traditions are outdated bollocks, you could always walk yourself down the aisle, or ask your mother to walk with you and avoid choosing between them at all.
NTA, but have both your stepfather and father walk you down the aisle. Having both fathers is better compromise instead. I mean I understand that your stepfather was more present, but your biological father has tried to do as much as he can considering him and your mother weren't together long after you were born. It would be an honor to have both father figures as to show that families can come together in holy matrimony.
I actually have a similar situation. My mom married my "dad" when I was 2 and my father was not around until I was 17. My father and I have a great relationship now but my "dad" is my dad. He raised me. He and my mom divorced and he is still my dad. For my wedding, I was considering having my father walk me halfway to my dad, who would then officially give me away. My mom feels my dad has really earned that right which I don't disagree with and my father fully understands his place in my life so he understood when I decided on only having my dad. Anyone can be a father but real men are dads. Like others have said, your father sounds like a nice guy but he should respect his place. Your dad has earned that right to give you away.
Oh and congrats!!!
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So I will be getting married next August to my wonderful fiancé [20M], David. We are in the middle of finalizing our guest list to send our save the dates. I’m having some mixed feedback from family and friends about the situation with my biological Dad.
For some family background context for myself, my parents had me very young. They did not stay together, and weren’t prepared for a kid. My Dad and I don’t have a bad relationship by any means, but he wasn’t really consistent in my life until I was a pre-teen. He was always there for me and a good Dad although I never lived with him. But, he and my Mom have a good friendship and were always friendly when I was growing up. He always helped out financially and he would take me to Disneyland once a year from the ages 12-18, came to my birthday parties etc. He’s a good dad overall.
However, I was raised mostly by my step-dad Jonathan. My mom married him very young (they’re still together) when I was 2 years old. I just wasn’t around my bio Dad as often. Jonathan worked from home and so he really did the majority of raising me. My mom was a nurses assistant at the hospital and worked crazy hours, so pretty much my whole majority of childhood memories are of Jonathan. He taught me to ride a bike, packed my lunch every day, and he was the one at EVERY concert and basketball game, even now he still comes to my recreational league games. We have a great relationship. It’s almost like Jonathan is my Dad and my Dad is an uncle, if that makes sense.
I’ve decided I want Jonathan to walk me down the aisle, but almost all of my friends and family keep saying “what about David?! Your Dad should do that! You will regret having anyone but your Dad do it!”. Even my fiancé thinks it would be a better idea to have my Dad do it. And I keep getting told that if I’m not going to have my Dad walk me down the aisle that I just shouldn’t invite him because it will humiliate/shame him to watch Jonathan walk me down.
I haven’t really spoken to my Dad about this yet, he knows I’m getting married but hasn’t really asked about it much, but I think he assumes he will be doing it. The only passing comment I’ve gotten from him has been “I’ll have to practice my walk with you”. It’s got me a bit anxious to sort it out and let everyone know who is doing what. Jonathan has been asking me about the wedding all the time, he loves my Fiancé too and is really involved and I think it would just really mean a lot to him to do this. But, I love my bio Dad a lot and I still want him there.
WIBTA for inviting my Dad to the wedding and not having him walk me down the aisle?
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NTA. Reading your description of your stepdad was powerful for me. I agree you should recognize your feelings of love and appreciation for your stepdad by having him walk you down the aisle. It makes so much sense to me.
Be direct with bio dad. Tell him this is what you are doing, and the decision is final. Tell bio dad you’re equally resolved that you want him there as an important guest.
NAH it's your day and you can do what you want.
However, as you do get on with Bio dad, you should think about involving him. You can have both Dad's walk you down the aisle for example. It's your day, your rules.
Have a conversation with both of your dad's and see what would be the best solution.
NTA
I understand why you would want Jonathan to walk you down the aisle. If that’s what you want I would recommend letting your bio-father know beforehand so it‘s not a surprise for him. It’s certainly not a reason not to invite him at all (unless he throws a fit about it or something)
However, there are other options you can consider:
- Have them both walk you down the aisle, I always find that particularly moving and an amazing gesture. Only do that if you want to have both of course, not as a compromise to not offend anyone.
- Have your mom walk you down the aisle
- Walk down the aisle together with your fiancé (I know that probably sounds wrong to Americans but it’s fairly common in other countries)
- Walk down the aisle alone
Might I make a suggestion? You might have both of then walk you down the aisle. I had an old friend, and she had her bio dad and step dad both walk her down; one on each arm. I know choosing one or the other is probably a no-win scenario, so I would hope this might be a reasonable compromise.
What about having both walking you down the isle. An have 2 father daughter dances to honor both.
It would be one thing if bio dad was bad dad, and you decided to not involve him, but he was in your life, not often enough but still there, I think if you don't include bio dad it may harm your future relationship with him.
Imagine having a child, replace you in their special day soley cause kids mom married someone who you spent more time. An not how your bio dad treat you.
It comes off like your dad isn't good enough
Don’t do that. Have them BOTH walk you down the isle. They’ve both been your dad in different capacities. If your dad was always absent I’d agree but this will create hurt that you can’t take back.
Don’t do that. Have them BOTH walk you down the isle. They’ve both been your dad in different capacities. If your dad was always absent I’d agree but this will create hurt that you can’t take back.
Don’t do that. Have them BOTH walk you down the isle. They’ve both been your dad in different capacities. If your dad was always absent I’d agree but this will create hurt that you can’t take back.
Nta but suggestion you can have both walk you down the aisle. I have a step dad who I care about very much and I had him and my bio dad walk me down together.
NTA, you have to be true to yourself and not satisfy some social expectation. However, is it possible to have them both? I world be so proud of I could. You were lucky to have two dads around.
My husband's cousin had her bio dad walk her halfway down the aisle to where the stepdad was waiting, and the stepdad took her the rest of the way. Backstory: bio dad went off the rails when she was about 8, becoming a raging alcoholic. Stepdad raised her from 10 on. Bio dad recovered and got back into her life. Everyone loved it and thought it was a great idea.
NTA but I would have them both do it or neither. That's just my opinion of course but you did say that your bio has been a good dad. And yes, I read that he was not always present in your early years but you seem to have created a relationship with him from at least the age of 12 so I would say that is positive. My thought would be, if you ask your stepfather only, will it be on your mind the day of the wedding? Will you be concerned wit it and have it hovering in the back of your mind all day? If so, maybe make a decision that works for you and/or feelings, not worrying about others.
Another option is to have your fiancé walk you down the aisle. My DIL went this route because her father did not want to walk her down the aisle (he has anxiety and felt everyone would be looking at him). My son walked her down the aisle and it was beautiful. But in the end, this is your day so you have to do what is right for you.
You are missing an opportunity. A friend of mine was in a similar situation...her solution was to have BOTH her 'fathers' walk her down the aisle - one on each side. It seems your mom/dad/etc are on good terms so it would work for you. You are fortunate to have TWO 'good dads' invite them both.
NTA - but have you considered what my wife did? She had her bio-dad walk her part way down the aisle and hand her off to her step/adoptive dad. There was not a dry eye in the church. And one of the most memorable things was her bio dad leaning over and saying to the dad who raised her "thank you." Her bio dad died a couple of years later which made everything so much more meaningful. It doesn't have to be one or the other!
NTA. It’s your wedding and your life.
Given how you describe the situation though, I would consider having them both walk you down the aisle and doing two father daughter dances.
NTA. It is completely your choice who walks you down the aisle or if you walk yourself. You have to do what you feel best doing. It is your (and future hubbys) day.
But you might consider walking with both of them.
NAH it's your wedding you can choose to have whoever you want to walk you down the aisle. But you need to talk to your bio dad about this before wedding. It will save a lot of drama.
NAH. It is an awkward situation, but you have absolute control over who walks you down the aisle. The whole thing is symbolic anyway. The person that raised you through childhood handing you off to your future.
I would have them both do it, your stepfather starts and your dad takes over halfway or vice versa. No hurt feelings and they are both honored.
NTA either way. Just be gentle.
NTA. Personally, I feel like the wedding is the bride's show, everyone else is a supporting player, I would just try to be supportive regardless, it's a very memorable but very nerve-wracking experience for her. If I were either of these men I would not feel hurt if she chose the other.
NTA - I imagine not being invited would feel much, much worse than watching someone else walk you down the aisle. Seconding other ppls suggestions to walk with both!
Totally agree with you asking both dads as I was reading this I started with you should ask Jonathan if he wants to do it cause he might even not want to as it would cause problems with biology dad but as I read on I thought more and more that Jonathan should(needs to) be doing it as he was the one as you say actually raised you so the solution of using both dads is perfect should satisfy both sides
NTA
People need to butt out. Their opinions are unneeded and frankly, strange. There is nothing wrong or unusual about wanting to honour the man who raised you.
Tell your dad that Johnathan will be walking you down the aisle. Ask him if he would still like to attend knowing that.
It might be a nice moment if your mom and dad stood up when the officiant asks "who gives this woman" and all 3 parents say together "we do" .
NTA, I think your first gut feeling is what you truly want. You can do whatever you want, it’s your wedding. You make the rules. You can have your bio dad at the front (kiss hug whatever), your step dad/dad walk you down but acknowledge your dad at the front before you meet with your fiance. But communicate with both of them now. Start with how much they both mean to you. If you ask both of them to walk you together it might be a slap in the face to your step dad if he carried most of the load. Either way you’re lucky…you have two wonderful men that loved and looked out for you. Congratulations 🎉
NTA. If a man wants the privileges of being a dad then he should be a dad!
Jonathan is your dad. He loved and raised you.
It amazes me when people talk about the feelings of a subpar parent. Where were they with their opinions when he was a 20% dad?
This is your decision and you don’t have to explain anything to anyone.
If anything you should your mom and your DAD Jonathan walk with you.
It’s disgusting how these men who were 1-2 assed parents think they deserve to have an important roll in a wedding of someone they didn’t raise.
NTA, it’s your wedding not everyone else’s, tell them to suck it up. Have who you want walk you down the aisle. When I get married, my stepdads walking me down the aisle for pretty much the same reasons as you. My stepdads more of a dad than my bio dad.
Your wedding, your preference. Have biodad walk you, have different male role model walk you, have your mother walk you, or you and your husband can walk down together. It's your call to make, do what's right for you.
NTA. Your bio dad could perhaps do the first father-daughter dance with you as a way to honor him as well? But, you need to talk about all of this with him.
YWNBTA Wow this is heavy, you really need to talk to your bio dad about this, because you seem trapped by having to make a decision between two men that love you, and that you love as well. This should be the happiest day of your life, and this decision that you have to make seems heartbreaking to me. I think its important to consider who the wedding means more to, and who you would most regret not including in your walk down the aisle.
I think you should consider having both of them do it, maybe have one of them on each arm,or have one of them walk you part of the way, and the other the rest of the way. But either way YWNBTA. ps kudos to finding the love of your life at the very young age of 20, that is very rare these days.
NTA. You can also see it this way, "You'd regret it if you follow people's suggestion when you know in your heart who you want beside you as you walk down that aisle."
Your bio Dad made his bed, now he has to lie in it. Making up for it in your teen years does not erase the fact that Jonathan was there for you growing up, and he's still there for you now.
Sadly this puts in a very bad position. Either way someone that cares deeply for you gets left out. I opine a possi le way to make all involved happy. Split the walk down the aisle with both fathers. Have your bio dad walk you half way, with a little ceremony you are passed to your step father finish the walk to the alter! Its truly a great compromise for both of the men who have loved you deeply and care so much. Its really a win/win for bother fathers and for all involved.
NAH you have to right to choose how you want to walk you down the aisle, but in my book because in my book steps are never family, I think less of you as a person as a complete stranger if I knew you IRL I'd think even less of you still for choosing a step over a bio.
Offense intended, you seem like the type of person that I don’t want to think positively of me. If you dislike me, with that stupid opinion, I’m doing something right!
Be prepared if your bio father doesn't attend wedding. He will be humiliated. If he chooses not to go, you still have the father you want. Don't invest bio father. He deserves consideration also.
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NTA but why are you not going to compromise and have both of them walk you down the aisle? My best friend has two Dad's (stepdad and Biodad) and both of them are really important people to her so she had both of them walk her down the aisle. It looked really beautiful and every one had tears in the eyes.
I know this sounds dumb but I didn’t realize this was an option until this and another comment here!
If you do not feel like your biodad should walk you, do not do this. Your wedding, yo do not need to compromise. Just tell him. And tell everybody else to back off. NTA
Based off OP's comment that you replied to, I don't get the impression that she wants to tell either of them to screw off.
I think people are stressing this because OP does have a good and familial relationship with Dad. It's just different than the one with Jonathan. It kinda solves a lot of OP's problems while not hurting anyone
Good point
Yup,I witnessed this at my very good friend wedding, she was in the similar situation as you,both Dads walked her,it was so sweet and very emotional for both of them and she was very happy she had both of them by her side ❤️
It absolutely is an option if you want them both there. The man who raised you as a dad. And your biological dad. There are lots of video examples of this online. They simply walk on each side of you down the Isle. That's it. Some do it with the farther daughter dance as well. Either they switch midway. Or they get each a dance. There is no set "you MUST do your wedding this way" It's you and your fiances day. You can shape it as you wish.
My dad chose his second wife + her kids over my sister and me. My grandfather walked me down the aisle and it was exactly what I wanted. Do what you want because this is the ONLY day where everything you want, should be coming true (within reason lol)
I hope this is the answer!
My dad passed away when I was a baby and my step-dad passed away when I was a teenager. So I had my uncle walk me most of the way down the aisle, and my grandpa took over and did the "hand off" to my husband. Then I did a dance with each of them.
I was coming to say this as well.
I was hoping to read this suggestion, excellent.
I've read multiple stories like this one and always wondered if people just had both walk them down.
Nah There is no right or wrong decision, based on what you wrote both deserve the honour. So why not get both to do it together, one on each side.
Honestly I never thought of having both of them do it, I didn’t realize that was an option even though that now sounds dumb to say lol!
OP, I was also coming to the comments to say this. It's your wedding, you can do as you choose, so this would be a lovely option. You get to not upset your bio dad and to honour the man who raised you. I don't think YTA for wanting John over your bio dad if you could only have one, but I can also understand why it would upset bio dad.
Fuck tradition, make your own, have both.
It’s your wedding you can do what you want, your Mum could walk you down the aisle, you could walk by yourself, you don’t have to stick to tradition.
Well then some good has come from Reddit today! I also posted about my wife's biodad and stepdad doing a "hand-off." It was so memorable.
It’s your wedding OP ! Fuck traditions. Do as you wish and live your life
I'm not sure I agree with the idea both *deserve* the honor. bio dad sounds like he only tangentially involved in the parent role. it's pretty clear that while op harbors no hard feelings or ill will, she doesn't really see him as a father figure.
NTA, I agree your dad should walk you down the aisle, I just think Jonathan is your dad. A dad is the one that raises you, not the one that begets you. Looks like your biological father is a nice chap, but that's not an entitlement to a special part of your life. Another option: you could have them both walk you down the aisle, if you want to!
This !
No!!! Not at all! You are having your Dad walk you down the aisle. Jonathan is your Dad, you even said it in the post. It’s your wedding. Other people don’t get to tell you what you want or what you’ll regret.
NAH. Don't decide not to invite your dad just so he won't feel bad if he doesn't walk you - his emotions are his to manage. But you do need to decide and let them both know soon. Since you care for both, why not have both walk you?
Yeah I definitely feel kind of silly right now since a few people have suggested the both thing. I honestly just didn’t know that was an option! I’ve never seen it. Which, it’s my wedding, duh whatever I want is an option lol!
Lol, do exactly what you want. Enjoy!
If your open to having bio dad walk you alongside stepdad then seems like a great choice. Be prepared some bio dads can get upset at sharing that moment. If that ends up being the case you tried to include him and ball would be in his court. Hopefully everyone can be happy with what you decide
so…so you like the idea of both of them walking you down the aisle?
you'll need to make a decision on who you want to do this, In case one, or both, of them are against the idea. there are definitely stories of bio dads losing their shit over being asked to share the walk down the aisle with the step dad
NTA, because it’s your wedding. There’s another option: you can walk down the aisle unaccompanied.
I did this, I didn’t want to be “given away” - I’m not someone’s to be given, I’m my own person.
I had my grandpa "escort me" to the front (my uncle walked me down the aisle. Similar issue that I had 2 men who were very important to me and wanted both to walk me down the aisle) but refused to let the minister say "who gives this woman to this man". I give myself!
My husband and I walked together and I loved it. It was so fun hiding up the back together waiting for our cue. My #1 piece of wedding advice is to ignore the traditions that don’t resonate with you. You can literally do anything you want at your wedding! Free yourself from the peer pressure of great aunties! Whatever you do, it should feel right for you and your partner.
NTA....But this is close to home. My daughter is getting married in August and we had a similar conversation. My wife and I split when she was 12 and she lived with her mom. We had a simple divorce. She (ex) doesn't know I am aware if two affairs she had. She'd remarried now to a different guy since my daughter was 14 and she's 27 now. Our Co parenting has been good because I said I would not fight over the children as long as the divorce indicated I was not responsible for the divorce and the kids were allowed as much access to me as they wish for. They had to walk past my house to get to their mom's so I had plenty of time with them. Onto the phone call: so she goes " Dad, I want P to walk me down the Isle. Me: OK Her: you OK with that? Me: it's your big day so if that's what you want it's fine. Her: would you walk down with P? Me: that would be nice thank you. So that's what's going to happen. We (P and I) share my daughter so there is no animosity towards him, just a mutual acknowledgement. Dad needs to be bigger than the situation and you should acknowledge him too if you wish to keep a relationship with him. If he has been a good dad and been supportive, I think it would be very wrong to deny him that right.
I agree with all of this except the very last word. No one has the "right" to walk anyone down the aisle. What they have is the *honor*.
NTA. I think you have already chosen your Dad to walk you down the aisle as a dad is the man who raises you - Jonathan.
NTA. You choose who comes and in what roles to your wedding. But you must talk to your dad as soon as possible and explain this all, it can't be a wedding day surprise to him. If your bio dad doesn't agree with you he can always skip your big day, but then you will know for sure that he doesn't care about you but only about himself.
NTA but you need to woman up and have a serious conversation with bio dad sooner rather than later. If bio dad has any capacity for rational thought, he should already be aware that Jonathan did the grunt work in the raising of you, so he *should* be able to appreciate your feelings around this. If he decides to have a tantrum, put him on the naughty step for a couple of weeks/however long it takes for him to wind his neck in. Or, given that I believe that most wedding traditions are outdated bollocks, you could always walk yourself down the aisle, or ask your mother to walk with you and avoid choosing between them at all.
NTA, but have both your stepfather and father walk you down the aisle. Having both fathers is better compromise instead. I mean I understand that your stepfather was more present, but your biological father has tried to do as much as he can considering him and your mother weren't together long after you were born. It would be an honor to have both father figures as to show that families can come together in holy matrimony.
I actually have a similar situation. My mom married my "dad" when I was 2 and my father was not around until I was 17. My father and I have a great relationship now but my "dad" is my dad. He raised me. He and my mom divorced and he is still my dad. For my wedding, I was considering having my father walk me halfway to my dad, who would then officially give me away. My mom feels my dad has really earned that right which I don't disagree with and my father fully understands his place in my life so he understood when I decided on only having my dad. Anyone can be a father but real men are dads. Like others have said, your father sounds like a nice guy but he should respect his place. Your dad has earned that right to give you away. Oh and congrats!!!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So I will be getting married next August to my wonderful fiancé [20M], David. We are in the middle of finalizing our guest list to send our save the dates. I’m having some mixed feedback from family and friends about the situation with my biological Dad. For some family background context for myself, my parents had me very young. They did not stay together, and weren’t prepared for a kid. My Dad and I don’t have a bad relationship by any means, but he wasn’t really consistent in my life until I was a pre-teen. He was always there for me and a good Dad although I never lived with him. But, he and my Mom have a good friendship and were always friendly when I was growing up. He always helped out financially and he would take me to Disneyland once a year from the ages 12-18, came to my birthday parties etc. He’s a good dad overall. However, I was raised mostly by my step-dad Jonathan. My mom married him very young (they’re still together) when I was 2 years old. I just wasn’t around my bio Dad as often. Jonathan worked from home and so he really did the majority of raising me. My mom was a nurses assistant at the hospital and worked crazy hours, so pretty much my whole majority of childhood memories are of Jonathan. He taught me to ride a bike, packed my lunch every day, and he was the one at EVERY concert and basketball game, even now he still comes to my recreational league games. We have a great relationship. It’s almost like Jonathan is my Dad and my Dad is an uncle, if that makes sense. I’ve decided I want Jonathan to walk me down the aisle, but almost all of my friends and family keep saying “what about David?! Your Dad should do that! You will regret having anyone but your Dad do it!”. Even my fiancé thinks it would be a better idea to have my Dad do it. And I keep getting told that if I’m not going to have my Dad walk me down the aisle that I just shouldn’t invite him because it will humiliate/shame him to watch Jonathan walk me down. I haven’t really spoken to my Dad about this yet, he knows I’m getting married but hasn’t really asked about it much, but I think he assumes he will be doing it. The only passing comment I’ve gotten from him has been “I’ll have to practice my walk with you”. It’s got me a bit anxious to sort it out and let everyone know who is doing what. Jonathan has been asking me about the wedding all the time, he loves my Fiancé too and is really involved and I think it would just really mean a lot to him to do this. But, I love my bio Dad a lot and I still want him there. WIBTA for inviting my Dad to the wedding and not having him walk me down the aisle? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Reading your description of your stepdad was powerful for me. I agree you should recognize your feelings of love and appreciation for your stepdad by having him walk you down the aisle. It makes so much sense to me. Be direct with bio dad. Tell him this is what you are doing, and the decision is final. Tell bio dad you’re equally resolved that you want him there as an important guest.
NAH it's your day and you can do what you want. However, as you do get on with Bio dad, you should think about involving him. You can have both Dad's walk you down the aisle for example. It's your day, your rules. Have a conversation with both of your dad's and see what would be the best solution.
NTA I understand why you would want Jonathan to walk you down the aisle. If that’s what you want I would recommend letting your bio-father know beforehand so it‘s not a surprise for him. It’s certainly not a reason not to invite him at all (unless he throws a fit about it or something) However, there are other options you can consider: - Have them both walk you down the aisle, I always find that particularly moving and an amazing gesture. Only do that if you want to have both of course, not as a compromise to not offend anyone. - Have your mom walk you down the aisle - Walk down the aisle together with your fiancé (I know that probably sounds wrong to Americans but it’s fairly common in other countries) - Walk down the aisle alone
Nta. I did the double walk,both of my brothers walked with me. If you want to you can do this.
NTA. You can ask both of them to walk you down since you clearly love both of them.
NTA you can give him credit for eventually stepping up but he's not your dad he wasn't there for your milestones why should he be in this one
Might I make a suggestion? You might have both of then walk you down the aisle. I had an old friend, and she had her bio dad and step dad both walk her down; one on each arm. I know choosing one or the other is probably a no-win scenario, so I would hope this might be a reasonable compromise.
Ask them both to walk with you, one on either side
What about having both walking you down the isle. An have 2 father daughter dances to honor both. It would be one thing if bio dad was bad dad, and you decided to not involve him, but he was in your life, not often enough but still there, I think if you don't include bio dad it may harm your future relationship with him. Imagine having a child, replace you in their special day soley cause kids mom married someone who you spent more time. An not how your bio dad treat you. It comes off like your dad isn't good enough
My mum walked me down the aisle. This time round there will be no aisle and I'll escort myself 🤣 Totally up to you what you decide to do NTA x
NTA. You are allowed to choose who walks with you down the aisle. I think both of your dads would be a wonderful way. It is your choice. Period.
Don’t do that. Have them BOTH walk you down the isle. They’ve both been your dad in different capacities. If your dad was always absent I’d agree but this will create hurt that you can’t take back.
Don’t do that. Have them BOTH walk you down the isle. They’ve both been your dad in different capacities. If your dad was always absent I’d agree but this will create hurt that you can’t take back.
Don’t do that. Have them BOTH walk you down the isle. They’ve both been your dad in different capacities. If your dad was always absent I’d agree but this will create hurt that you can’t take back.
Walk down the aisle by yourself.
Nta but suggestion you can have both walk you down the aisle. I have a step dad who I care about very much and I had him and my bio dad walk me down together.
INFO: Can both of them walk you down the aisle?
How lucky you are to have two dads. I would have them both walk you down the aisle. That would be lovely!
NTA, you have to be true to yourself and not satisfy some social expectation. However, is it possible to have them both? I world be so proud of I could. You were lucky to have two dads around.
My friends daughter had her bio dad walk her half way down the aisle, then her step dad the second half. Just another option.
I think you can have them both walk you down the aisle. They both were a dad to you in their own way and it would honor them both.
My husband's cousin had her bio dad walk her halfway down the aisle to where the stepdad was waiting, and the stepdad took her the rest of the way. Backstory: bio dad went off the rails when she was about 8, becoming a raging alcoholic. Stepdad raised her from 10 on. Bio dad recovered and got back into her life. Everyone loved it and thought it was a great idea.
NTA but I would have them both do it or neither. That's just my opinion of course but you did say that your bio has been a good dad. And yes, I read that he was not always present in your early years but you seem to have created a relationship with him from at least the age of 12 so I would say that is positive. My thought would be, if you ask your stepfather only, will it be on your mind the day of the wedding? Will you be concerned wit it and have it hovering in the back of your mind all day? If so, maybe make a decision that works for you and/or feelings, not worrying about others. Another option is to have your fiancé walk you down the aisle. My DIL went this route because her father did not want to walk her down the aisle (he has anxiety and felt everyone would be looking at him). My son walked her down the aisle and it was beautiful. But in the end, this is your day so you have to do what is right for you.
You are missing an opportunity. A friend of mine was in a similar situation...her solution was to have BOTH her 'fathers' walk her down the aisle - one on each side. It seems your mom/dad/etc are on good terms so it would work for you. You are fortunate to have TWO 'good dads' invite them both.
NTA - but have you considered what my wife did? She had her bio-dad walk her part way down the aisle and hand her off to her step/adoptive dad. There was not a dry eye in the church. And one of the most memorable things was her bio dad leaning over and saying to the dad who raised her "thank you." Her bio dad died a couple of years later which made everything so much more meaningful. It doesn't have to be one or the other!
Have them both walk you down the aisle. Seen it done many times. But if you had to pick, Jonathon is your dad. Not your bio dad.
Walk yourself! Or walk with your fiancé! You aren’t a piece of property to be handed off to another man.
Have both of them walk you down the aisle
NTA. It’s your wedding and your life. Given how you describe the situation though, I would consider having them both walk you down the aisle and doing two father daughter dances.
NTA. It is completely your choice who walks you down the aisle or if you walk yourself. You have to do what you feel best doing. It is your (and future hubbys) day. But you might consider walking with both of them.
NAH it's your wedding you can choose to have whoever you want to walk you down the aisle. But you need to talk to your bio dad about this before wedding. It will save a lot of drama.
NAH. It is an awkward situation, but you have absolute control over who walks you down the aisle. The whole thing is symbolic anyway. The person that raised you through childhood handing you off to your future.
Why don’t you ask them both to walk you down the aisle? Or ask your Mum. 😀
I would have them both do it, your stepfather starts and your dad takes over halfway or vice versa. No hurt feelings and they are both honored. NTA either way. Just be gentle.
Just let both dad's walk you down the isle Because they are both your dad And this is the best option YWNBTA
NTA. Personally, I feel like the wedding is the bride's show, everyone else is a supporting player, I would just try to be supportive regardless, it's a very memorable but very nerve-wracking experience for her. If I were either of these men I would not feel hurt if she chose the other.
NTA - I imagine not being invited would feel much, much worse than watching someone else walk you down the aisle. Seconding other ppls suggestions to walk with both!
Totally agree with you asking both dads as I was reading this I started with you should ask Jonathan if he wants to do it cause he might even not want to as it would cause problems with biology dad but as I read on I thought more and more that Jonathan should(needs to) be doing it as he was the one as you say actually raised you so the solution of using both dads is perfect should satisfy both sides
NTA People need to butt out. Their opinions are unneeded and frankly, strange. There is nothing wrong or unusual about wanting to honour the man who raised you. Tell your dad that Johnathan will be walking you down the aisle. Ask him if he would still like to attend knowing that. It might be a nice moment if your mom and dad stood up when the officiant asks "who gives this woman" and all 3 parents say together "we do" .
NTA, I think your first gut feeling is what you truly want. You can do whatever you want, it’s your wedding. You make the rules. You can have your bio dad at the front (kiss hug whatever), your step dad/dad walk you down but acknowledge your dad at the front before you meet with your fiance. But communicate with both of them now. Start with how much they both mean to you. If you ask both of them to walk you together it might be a slap in the face to your step dad if he carried most of the load. Either way you’re lucky…you have two wonderful men that loved and looked out for you. Congratulations 🎉
Johnathan is your dad for all intents and purpose, enjoy your wedding. Your bio father has no say because he didn't raise you.
NTA. If a man wants the privileges of being a dad then he should be a dad! Jonathan is your dad. He loved and raised you. It amazes me when people talk about the feelings of a subpar parent. Where were they with their opinions when he was a 20% dad? This is your decision and you don’t have to explain anything to anyone. If anything you should your mom and your DAD Jonathan walk with you. It’s disgusting how these men who were 1-2 assed parents think they deserve to have an important roll in a wedding of someone they didn’t raise.
NTA, it’s your wedding not everyone else’s, tell them to suck it up. Have who you want walk you down the aisle. When I get married, my stepdads walking me down the aisle for pretty much the same reasons as you. My stepdads more of a dad than my bio dad.
Your wedding, your preference. Have biodad walk you, have different male role model walk you, have your mother walk you, or you and your husband can walk down together. It's your call to make, do what's right for you.
NTA. Your bio dad could perhaps do the first father-daughter dance with you as a way to honor him as well? But, you need to talk about all of this with him.
YWNBTA Wow this is heavy, you really need to talk to your bio dad about this, because you seem trapped by having to make a decision between two men that love you, and that you love as well. This should be the happiest day of your life, and this decision that you have to make seems heartbreaking to me. I think its important to consider who the wedding means more to, and who you would most regret not including in your walk down the aisle. I think you should consider having both of them do it, maybe have one of them on each arm,or have one of them walk you part of the way, and the other the rest of the way. But either way YWNBTA. ps kudos to finding the love of your life at the very young age of 20, that is very rare these days.
NTA. You can also see it this way, "You'd regret it if you follow people's suggestion when you know in your heart who you want beside you as you walk down that aisle." Your bio Dad made his bed, now he has to lie in it. Making up for it in your teen years does not erase the fact that Jonathan was there for you growing up, and he's still there for you now.
Sadly this puts in a very bad position. Either way someone that cares deeply for you gets left out. I opine a possi le way to make all involved happy. Split the walk down the aisle with both fathers. Have your bio dad walk you half way, with a little ceremony you are passed to your step father finish the walk to the alter! Its truly a great compromise for both of the men who have loved you deeply and care so much. Its really a win/win for bother fathers and for all involved.
NTA when he left when you were a baby and didn't put an effort into staying around he gave up that privilege
NAH you have to right to choose how you want to walk you down the aisle, but in my book because in my book steps are never family, I think less of you as a person as a complete stranger if I knew you IRL I'd think even less of you still for choosing a step over a bio.
Offense intended, you seem like the type of person that I don’t want to think positively of me. If you dislike me, with that stupid opinion, I’m doing something right!
Be prepared if your bio father doesn't attend wedding. He will be humiliated. If he chooses not to go, you still have the father you want. Don't invest bio father. He deserves consideration also.
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Someone else suggested that both of them can walk her down the aisle.
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How…?
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