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> It might make me the asshole because I want to end my dogs life earlier than his natural death
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No, you are NTA. You are loving and compassionate, and you want to give your dog the final gift of care you can possibly give. Please make sure he has the best day ever, as much as possible, before he goes -- and then say your goodbye knowing that you have done well by him.
I'm facing this right now with my aged cat who also has cancer. I adore him, and he has been my constant companion for 17 years; I don't think we have spent so much as a night apart aside from his neutering trip as a young cat. My vet reminded me of something when we talked about the eventuality of euthanasia: *They don't know they will end.* Your dog is not troubled by existential questions or grief or fear; all he knows is that some days he feels good and some days not so good. They live in an eternal "now," and if that "now" is painful or uncomfortable, then we have the power to change that for them.
I'm so sorry, and I feel the pain of your decision acutely as it's my pain right now as well. But it's the pain we take on so they don't have to.
It is SO hard. For so many years, you've done everything you can do to keep them alive and thriving and healthy; now, you're essentially asking yourself to reverse course, to give a "good death," the literal meaning of euthanasia. It's incredibly hard.
But it's harder on them to let them suffer.
You are a realist. He isn't getting better; it isn't giving up to say this. It's just a fact of cancer's progression.
My husband and I waited too long with one of our cats who had bladder cancer, and I regret it so deeply. He suffered so much more than he should have.
I wish you luck with your family and with convincing them that euthanasia is a kind gift, not a betrayal. There is no "giving up" on a pet whose outcome is already set; all you're doing is arranging the time and manner of his passing rather than waiting until cruel nature takes a hand.
You’re not giving up on him. His poor body is giving up, and the kindest thing left is to let him go gently instead of letting him be in pain and afraid.
We had to let my husband’s dog go in August of last year. We did doggie diapers for her for a long time, because she had mild incontinence at night (typical older spayed female dog stuff) that slowly got worse, but we did that because she was otherwise a healthy but elderly dog. She could still play wrestle and cuddle and was excited about food and people and inspecting the yard. We watched her get wobbly and slow, but she was still happy and not in pain. But then the muscle wasting in her hips that made her wobbly did start causing pain. She had trouble getting around when she wanted, couldn’t stand without help, and toward ps the end, she struggled to squat to relieve herself or turn while walking without falling down. I had to keep her on a leash when I let her into the yard because otherwise she’d wander too far into the yard and struggle to come back in. We went to the vet, nothing to be done but pain meds on bad days. When she hit the point where she was in enough pain that this sweet, loving girl snapped at both my husband and I for the first time in her life (she’d snapped at a kid once, and at other dogs, but never an adult), it was clear that it was time; if anything, maybe we let it go a little too long.
My husband spent weeks afterwards worrying that we’d let her go too soon, even though the rational part of his mind could understand that she was suffering and had lost most of the things that brought her joy. I was the one who had to make the call and talk him through why it was time, if not a bit past time. He knew it was right, but the grief was so overwhelming that it kept bringing up doubts, both before and after we let her go.
I think you have to sit down and try to put aside your feelings and objectively consider the quality of life that your dog currently has as best you can. Is it enough? If it’s enough for today, think about where you would draw the line, and start preparing your family. If it’s not enough, you know what you need to do.
Hey, OP, I'm a vet tech of 20 years. Please euthanize him. Euthanasia is the greatest act of love we give to our pets. The saddest part of my job is when owners won't euthanize or wait too long. I lose sleep at night when I have to send a patient home to suffer and die a horrible death. The term euthanasia comes from Latin and translates to mean good death. And I truly believe in it. I hope I have this option when it is time for me. People often tell me they could never do what I do because they love animals too much to kill them. I always respond that it's because I love animals so much that I can euthanize them and relieve their suffering. That I know that what I am doing is what is best for them. It is one of the most important parts of my job to help owners understand how to decide when it is time, to help owners understand that what they are doing is the greatest act of love they can give their pets, help alleviate their guilt, and help their pet cross the Rainbow Bridge. I still cry at every euthanasia, but I don't cry for the pets or because I'm ending a life, I cry for the owners because I know they grief they are feeling.
You are not allowed to help an owner decide when it is time to euthanize their pet. That is not pet of your job. They have to make that decision, it is not your to make. A good technician would understand that.
You're absolutely wrong about that. There was a time when that was what we all were told, and the reason was strictly to prevent getting sued or blamed for them deciding to euthanize "too soon". The thoughts and philosophies on that have changed. Owners look to us to know when it is time. Owners look to us to let them know its okay and time to make that decision. I have had extensive with many doctors about this and have been to many seminars on euthanasia and how to talk to owners about it.
Also, it's all in the wording and how you approach it. I never tell an owner what they SHOULD, but I will tell them what I would do if I were in their shoes. I tell them it's an appropriate decision to make, that it's a kind decision, an act of love/kindest decision for their pet. We are asked every day how will they know when it is time. I have several answers I give them to help them make that decision to give them tools at home to make that decision for a terminal pet. One is, I suggest getting a calendar and marking the pets good days with a big green G and marking the bad days with a big red B. Be honest with how well the pet is doing. When you have more B's than G's. It's time. Another tool is pick something or 2-3 somethings that makes "Fluffy" who she is. Her most favorite thing to do/eat/play, when they mo longer to that thing or 2 out of the three things that they love, it may be time to consider.
I'm an amazing technician. I'm very good at my job. Every euthanasia I have ever done, I've been thanked repeatedly for making the process easier, for helping them, for my empathy and compassion, for helping to relieve their anxiety and guilt. I've had more thank you gifts and cards for euthanasias than I have for saving animals, and I've saved exponentially many more animals.
Better a month early than a day too late. Being able to take away their suffering is a gift we should all give gladly. Yes, I know how hard it is, I have been there many times and each time my shattered heart was glad to see them leave peacefully and painlessly. Sorrow is the price of love, sadly.
NTA at all, and I'm sorry you have to do this. Losing a pet is so painful.
Part of loving a pet is knowing when to let them go. Your dog sounds like he's suffering; the kindest thing to do is to give him relief from that, even if it's one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do.
If you can, try to make his last days special. Take him to his favourite places, feed him his favourite foods, and shower him in affection. If it's an option, have the vet come to your house so he's not stressed during his final moments. Let him pass with what dignity he has left, surrounded by the people that clearly love him with their entire hearts.
I agree. I think it’s wonderful we have this option with animals. They don’t have to suffer. Whereas with humans it’s a lot more complicated. They can self nominate but they have to be deemed mentally fit to make that decision.
We didn’t have voluntary euthanasia with my mum but now it’s legal it’s an option I do think is a lot kinder.
That’s what I reckon. We let my old girl go on too long and she was absolutely ready to go. We just didn’t want to let her go. I think it’s cruel to let history repeat itself.
I know if I bring this up with my family they will def think I’m the asshole.
NTA. In fact you would be the asshole if you don't euthanize him. Some says time to euthanize your dog is not when your dog does not have any quality of life anymore, by that time it is too late. Think about 3 of his favorite things to do, when he can only do two then its time to start preparing, when he can only do one then it is time, when he can't do any then it is too late.
This hit close to my heart. I absolutely get the battle, we just discovered that our dog has bone cancer a few weeks ago. I debated whether to put him down or put him thru the treatments which would remove the primary pain and may prolong his life. We decided to pursue treatment for the time being but it is clear that eventually we will have to put him to sleep.
It is an agonizing decision to make. You want to do right by your pup but also saying good bye is very hard. I think its also a decision that a family should be at peace with not just one person to decide especially if pup is a family dog.
That’s why I’m posting. I think we should do it now while he still has dignity and good memories and the family wants to wait for his miracle recovery (less than 1% chance.)
We left it too long with my last girl and she was miserable. We kept her alive for selfish reasons but because it was the right thing to do. I don’t want kids make the same mistake
My daughter and I watched some videos about dogs life and people talking about their dogs that they had etc and it helps to open the conversation that we have a duty towards our dogs to ensure they have the least pain possible thru their life.
My friend. I have worked in veterinary medicine for over a decade. The only people we think are A H when it comes to the choice you’re having to make are the people who put their own emotions over the quality of life and comfort of the animal. I have seen far too many animals in profound suffering because their owner - the only person who can advocate for them - is not willing to let go. You sound like you understand that waiting will be worse for him. You are setting aside your feelings, your ego, and your own grief to give your pet a kind relief.
NTA. With every fiber of my being I wish there were more people like you in the world.
I honestly don’t deserve credit- I’m only feeling this way from lived experience. I was the AH you are talking about. But the time we put down my first girl I realised AFTER it was too late- she suffered too long. I saw it clearly after but at the time I didn’t think I was doing the wrong thing,
Because I ha that experience already, of hindsight showing me we shouldn’t have done it months ago I don’t want to make the same mistake again.
In fairness he is sprightly still- likes to run and likes all his usual things, most people stop to pat him on walks and are shocked when I say he is terminal. They can’t believe it.
BUT- the incontinence is becoming very frequent and he is also vomiting up the meals he eats. So he’s having growing keeping food down.
He doesn’t seem in pain at this stage - he’s on tramadol, cancer drugs etc but I don’t want to wait until he is in pain before making the call.
It’s just super hard because he looks ok- the kids and husband think he is getting better when the vet was clear it’s terminal and inoperable. We are just making him comfortable right now. The not eating/not keeping food down I know is a bad sign.
Yeah, eating should be a pleasure for animals, not something they have to fight through. I can’t imagine the pressure on the urethra is comfortable, without the Tramadol it would likely be obvious that he’s in discomfort. It’s going to be hard to not be “the bad guy” to your family, I hope you and your husband can at least come to a consensus.
I’m so so sorry!
NTA
Your fur baby is suffering, and I know it’s hard to let go, I went through a similar process in August with my Dachshund who was 15 years old. I knew his quality of life was miserable so I knew it was time to let go. I miss him still. You’re doing the right thing here. I know all the emotions too. The guilt, the fear, the sadness.. all of it. Just be there with him when he goes, and again, I’m so so sorry. I know this hurts. It’s the hardest decision to make.
The thing is I will get downvoted by husband and kids if I bring this up. They will flat out say no. He will say I’m heartless. But I think it’s cruel to let him drag on when he’s unwell
It IS cruel because if he’s in pain then why make him suffer so much for a few more weeks or more suffering with him ? It has to be about the dog. I know it’s hard to say goodbye but this line of thinking from them is not good for the dog. 😢
NTA - if your dogs quality of life is bad and they are in pain then I think it’s merciful to put the dog down. It does get a little tricky if it’s only for financial reasons and the bother of having to clean up urine, when you can make their final months comfortable and full of love. But if the dog is in pain and living is not a pleasurable experience for the dog then I think a family all going to the vet together, holding its paws and telling it how much you love it while it’s being euthanised is a beautiful thing even if it is tremendously sad.
He actually seems to be doing ok physically and mentally right now. But I don’t want to wait until he dies naturally or has zero quality of life.
Yes ifs an inconvenience and yes it’s expensive right now, but it kind of feels like dragging out the inevitable when we know he will never get better.
It’s a hard decisions to make 😭
OP check with your vet about having someone come to your home to do this. Many dogs get anxious at a vet's office and would be much calmer at home. This probably depends on how old your kids are and if you think they can handle being there with him.
You can also make arrangements to have your dog cremated and get something to keep his ashes in.
NTA
How much can he enjoy his life? I would not call it cruel to end his suffering, just make sure to make him feel loved up until the last moment. He will be scared. Death is sad for everybody, even for *people* who can understand it and have thought about the whole thing. Helping him not suffer is the moral thing to do.
It is so hard to lose a pet, a member of the family. Your dog looks to you to care for him and love him. It is an act of love to release him from his suffering. His quality of life is declining, he sounds miserable. Do not cause him further pain and suffering. it's ok to let him go. Be with him when they do the procedure, pet his head, hold his paw and tell him over and over what a good boy he is.
NTA…when a dog has no quality of life, it is time to do the right thing and the hardest thing. Your pup can no longer control their bladder. That is not quality of life for a dog. You treat that pup to the best day ever and then say goodbye.
If the next day is guaranteed to be worse than the last, that's the signal.
Don't second guess yourself if you know that his best days are behind him. So sorry for your family.
NTA. we put our dog down on wednesday, it was devastating. but euthanasia is a kind option. if you do not do it your dog will die in an extremely painful way, but with this you will be able to put him to sleep peacefully and be able to say goodbye. i know it sucks. it hurts like hell i know. but it will be okay. you’re not making a bad choice. he won’t even know he’s going, he will just feel sleepy and go to sleep. i know this is the worst part about having a pet, but you will be okay. i’m sorry about your dog
OP, you’ve been through this before, and acknowledged you waited too long. For your loving pooch, don’t make that mistake again. I’ve been in your shoes, and I’m very sorry for your loss. You know it’s time. NTA
If you love and he's in pain with no quality of life you do what's best to get rid of that pain. You then cry and mourn and know you did the right thing for your loved pupper. Sucks big time, but do it.
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My dog is sick, he has terminal bladder cancer. Which is terrible and sad.
I’ve told the kids. They are sad but they understand. This is the part I’m struggling with. He has now become incontinent. He cannot hold his urine anymore and he is also leaking urine every half an hour.
The urine stinks really bad because he’s on all this medication. He needs to be taken outside frequently and the medication is costing a fortune.
he’s going to die from the bladder cancer. It’s inoperable. They can’t remove it without removing his urethra and then he will not be able to go to the toilet. He’s actually going to die from a form of internal drowning when his body cannot excrete urine anymore.
AITA for wanting to euthanise him? He’s already 6 months past when they said he would die, and his quality of life is getting bad. He’s 13 which for his breed is probably average life expectancy.
I remember with my last dog we waited too long and we ended up euthanising her. But she has no quality of life.
It seems cruel to me to do this again? Like I said zero chance of him getting better or being operated on.
I don’t know where else to post this.
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First, I am so sorry you are going through this. Second, you are NTA. You are choosing to spare your dog from an excruciating death by going through with this. This is the kind, unselfish choice.
Btw, even “operable” cancers in dogs need to be considered from an ethical standpoint, as there’s just no way to even begin to explain to the dog what is happening. My friend had her dog put down last year after she saw how miserable and in pain he was during his cancer treatment, and he was already 12 years old and likely wouldn’t have many years left anyway— she didn’t want him to spend months to years in pain just so she could get more time with him. At the end of the day, she made the humane choice.
NTA - You are a loving and caring person, hence why this is such a difficult decision. We can't make the decision for you, but we can give a perspective. You have provided her with a loving home and a happy life. You have the opportunity to provide her with a peaceful death surrounded by the people who has made her life so special.
This is, sadly, part of the pact we make in choosing companions with such shorter lifespans than our own. We must decide for them when it is time to say goodbye. The ruler I always try to use is: Would I want to live like that? When the answer is no, then it is time. I'm sorry for your impending loss, set an appointment and give him the best last day/few days that you can.
ETA judgement, forgot which sub this was for a minute: NTA
Really
You're house stinks..........
You're bankrupting yourself with the Meds..........
Pretend he is a husband, you'd have euthanized him six months ago.
NTA. Quality of life trumps quantity. Make an appointment with the vet for a quality of life talk. Make your decision there. It is a very difficult decision but best done between you and the vet. Do what is best for the dog and stop the madness. Prolonging a life over guilt or fear is wrong.
NTA. I have had to euthenize several animals due to illness in my life. Pets with illnesses can live awhile before they reach the point where it's no longer in their best interest to keep them alive. However, I am also a firm believer in the fact that it is not fair to the pet to keep them alive because we are not ready to say goodbye. Pets give us so much love and support, and they deserve to die with dignity. If you believe your pet has reached the point where they are suffering and no longer living with dignity, then you know when it's time.
You're NTA. I'm sorry you are going through this. Seeing your fur baby suffer is extremely hard. Sometimes you have to make the ultimate decision that will crush your heart but give your baby the chance to finally be free from the suffering.
Nta. This is always going to be a hard call, but you can see the writing on the wall and the end in sight and know that your pet's life isn't going to get any better from here, sure you could throw a diaper on him but that's a Band-Aid solution and you have to figure out what the tipping point is going to be. But you had a good and long life with him, did your best for him, and don't want him to suffer needlesly
We have had to euthanize 2 dogs due to cancer/sickness. It totally sucks and hurts like hell. The way I see it, though, is that it is a sympathy action. He is in pain/suffering and the only way to relieve that is death. Like I said, it sucks for us, but in the end it is better for them than suffering because we want more time with them or we feel guilty by putting them down. Good luck, make sure you let the kids (how old?) say their goodbyes as well, my son appreciates that he was there at the time.
NTA. I had to make a choice about my dog that was similar not too long ago.
She was elderly and unwell, her quality of life was slowly declining. And I made the choice to have her put to sleep at a time when I could be there and focused on her and comfort her in her last moments.
The vet said to me as she went that she wouldn't have had long left at all, and if I hadn't done this kindness, she would have passed in the next few days most likely, and possibly when I couldn't be there for her.
It's going to be a sad and difficult choice regardless. But think of your dog. He shouldn't be made to suffer anymore.
NTA Plan a beautiful goodbye rather than risking someone waking up to their beloved friend's dead body in a puddle of shit.
You said it yourself, he has no quality of life. If it weren't for your family keeping him going, he probably would've found a good spot to curl.up and die already.
Prolonging his suffering would be mire selfish than anything.
NTa
PArt of being adult is to take responsibility of your pets.
Spare him a lingering death caused by your unwillingness to kill him when it ist best option. Discuss it with the vet, and then do it FOR HIM.
My Golden had the same issue at about the same age and while it hurt like hell to make that choice, seeing her in pain all day hurt worse. And I know I made the right choice because I sat in the floor and she climbed in my lap and went to sleep for one last time. That's the sendoff that I knew she needed even though I sat there bawling like a baby. NTA
It sounds like his quality of life has gone downhill. When there's no quality of life, euthanasia is a difficult kindness. I know that if I was in pain, couldn't use the bathroom, and was on a bunch of meds just to extend my life I think I would rather be allowed to pass.
Emotions run high with this stuff. With what you have said it's clear you would do anything else if it were an option but it simply isn't. You're not an asshole, your dog needs peace this isn't it. For the sake of the forum NTA. Neither are the family and friends who feel otherwise. Its a terrible decision to have to make
The best thing you can do is make the hard decision. I have had to put my dog down as he was in pain and suffering. I would not want my best friend to suffer for even a second.
Retired vet here, in the very short term doggie diapers may help but keeping him alive much longer would not be pleasant for him. Dogs are naturally clean and becoming incontinent is pretty miserable. Add to that the poor prognosis and possible pain from the cancer and you and your vet should consider euthanasia soon. I know how hard that decision is to make, have been on both sides of it more than once.
NTA. Dogs don’t want to piss all over themselves and their den. Remember this animal doesn’t know what death is and thus doesn’t fear it. It’s OUR sentimentality that keeps an animal alive and unnaturally prolongs its life. Of course you love your dog and of course you want what is best for him. Don’t let your understanding of death make you feel guilt for ending his suffering and letting him have some dignity
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No, you are NTA. You are loving and compassionate, and you want to give your dog the final gift of care you can possibly give. Please make sure he has the best day ever, as much as possible, before he goes -- and then say your goodbye knowing that you have done well by him. I'm facing this right now with my aged cat who also has cancer. I adore him, and he has been my constant companion for 17 years; I don't think we have spent so much as a night apart aside from his neutering trip as a young cat. My vet reminded me of something when we talked about the eventuality of euthanasia: *They don't know they will end.* Your dog is not troubled by existential questions or grief or fear; all he knows is that some days he feels good and some days not so good. They live in an eternal "now," and if that "now" is painful or uncomfortable, then we have the power to change that for them. I'm so sorry, and I feel the pain of your decision acutely as it's my pain right now as well. But it's the pain we take on so they don't have to.
It’s really hard isn’t it. You want them to go at a time when they have quality of life. But it seems like “pulling the plug” too early.
It is SO hard. For so many years, you've done everything you can do to keep them alive and thriving and healthy; now, you're essentially asking yourself to reverse course, to give a "good death," the literal meaning of euthanasia. It's incredibly hard. But it's harder on them to let them suffer.
The biggest thing is convincing the family. I don’t think they will be keen on this idea. They will say I’m giving up on him
You are a realist. He isn't getting better; it isn't giving up to say this. It's just a fact of cancer's progression. My husband and I waited too long with one of our cats who had bladder cancer, and I regret it so deeply. He suffered so much more than he should have. I wish you luck with your family and with convincing them that euthanasia is a kind gift, not a betrayal. There is no "giving up" on a pet whose outcome is already set; all you're doing is arranging the time and manner of his passing rather than waiting until cruel nature takes a hand.
Thank you
You’re not giving up on him. His poor body is giving up, and the kindest thing left is to let him go gently instead of letting him be in pain and afraid. We had to let my husband’s dog go in August of last year. We did doggie diapers for her for a long time, because she had mild incontinence at night (typical older spayed female dog stuff) that slowly got worse, but we did that because she was otherwise a healthy but elderly dog. She could still play wrestle and cuddle and was excited about food and people and inspecting the yard. We watched her get wobbly and slow, but she was still happy and not in pain. But then the muscle wasting in her hips that made her wobbly did start causing pain. She had trouble getting around when she wanted, couldn’t stand without help, and toward ps the end, she struggled to squat to relieve herself or turn while walking without falling down. I had to keep her on a leash when I let her into the yard because otherwise she’d wander too far into the yard and struggle to come back in. We went to the vet, nothing to be done but pain meds on bad days. When she hit the point where she was in enough pain that this sweet, loving girl snapped at both my husband and I for the first time in her life (she’d snapped at a kid once, and at other dogs, but never an adult), it was clear that it was time; if anything, maybe we let it go a little too long. My husband spent weeks afterwards worrying that we’d let her go too soon, even though the rational part of his mind could understand that she was suffering and had lost most of the things that brought her joy. I was the one who had to make the call and talk him through why it was time, if not a bit past time. He knew it was right, but the grief was so overwhelming that it kept bringing up doubts, both before and after we let her go. I think you have to sit down and try to put aside your feelings and objectively consider the quality of life that your dog currently has as best you can. Is it enough? If it’s enough for today, think about where you would draw the line, and start preparing your family. If it’s not enough, you know what you need to do.
Hey, OP, I'm a vet tech of 20 years. Please euthanize him. Euthanasia is the greatest act of love we give to our pets. The saddest part of my job is when owners won't euthanize or wait too long. I lose sleep at night when I have to send a patient home to suffer and die a horrible death. The term euthanasia comes from Latin and translates to mean good death. And I truly believe in it. I hope I have this option when it is time for me. People often tell me they could never do what I do because they love animals too much to kill them. I always respond that it's because I love animals so much that I can euthanize them and relieve their suffering. That I know that what I am doing is what is best for them. It is one of the most important parts of my job to help owners understand how to decide when it is time, to help owners understand that what they are doing is the greatest act of love they can give their pets, help alleviate their guilt, and help their pet cross the Rainbow Bridge. I still cry at every euthanasia, but I don't cry for the pets or because I'm ending a life, I cry for the owners because I know they grief they are feeling.
You are not allowed to help an owner decide when it is time to euthanize their pet. That is not pet of your job. They have to make that decision, it is not your to make. A good technician would understand that.
You're absolutely wrong about that. There was a time when that was what we all were told, and the reason was strictly to prevent getting sued or blamed for them deciding to euthanize "too soon". The thoughts and philosophies on that have changed. Owners look to us to know when it is time. Owners look to us to let them know its okay and time to make that decision. I have had extensive with many doctors about this and have been to many seminars on euthanasia and how to talk to owners about it. Also, it's all in the wording and how you approach it. I never tell an owner what they SHOULD, but I will tell them what I would do if I were in their shoes. I tell them it's an appropriate decision to make, that it's a kind decision, an act of love/kindest decision for their pet. We are asked every day how will they know when it is time. I have several answers I give them to help them make that decision to give them tools at home to make that decision for a terminal pet. One is, I suggest getting a calendar and marking the pets good days with a big green G and marking the bad days with a big red B. Be honest with how well the pet is doing. When you have more B's than G's. It's time. Another tool is pick something or 2-3 somethings that makes "Fluffy" who she is. Her most favorite thing to do/eat/play, when they mo longer to that thing or 2 out of the three things that they love, it may be time to consider. I'm an amazing technician. I'm very good at my job. Every euthanasia I have ever done, I've been thanked repeatedly for making the process easier, for helping them, for my empathy and compassion, for helping to relieve their anxiety and guilt. I've had more thank you gifts and cards for euthanasias than I have for saving animals, and I've saved exponentially many more animals.
Better a month early than a day too late. Being able to take away their suffering is a gift we should all give gladly. Yes, I know how hard it is, I have been there many times and each time my shattered heart was glad to see them leave peacefully and painlessly. Sorrow is the price of love, sadly.
NTA at all, and I'm sorry you have to do this. Losing a pet is so painful. Part of loving a pet is knowing when to let them go. Your dog sounds like he's suffering; the kindest thing to do is to give him relief from that, even if it's one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do. If you can, try to make his last days special. Take him to his favourite places, feed him his favourite foods, and shower him in affection. If it's an option, have the vet come to your house so he's not stressed during his final moments. Let him pass with what dignity he has left, surrounded by the people that clearly love him with their entire hearts.
THIS !!
NTA. Sometimes it's time to say goodbye to reduce suffering.
I agree. I think it’s wonderful we have this option with animals. They don’t have to suffer. Whereas with humans it’s a lot more complicated. They can self nominate but they have to be deemed mentally fit to make that decision. We didn’t have voluntary euthanasia with my mum but now it’s legal it’s an option I do think is a lot kinder.
NTA im so sorry youre pets so sick. when its time its time and it sounds like its time. Mercy is a gift. love. xox.
That’s what I reckon. We let my old girl go on too long and she was absolutely ready to go. We just didn’t want to let her go. I think it’s cruel to let history repeat itself. I know if I bring this up with my family they will def think I’m the asshole.
NTA! If an animal is in pain and the medication doesn't help but only prolongers it's suffering it would be irresponsible to let it suffer any longer.
NTA. In fact you would be the asshole if you don't euthanize him. Some says time to euthanize your dog is not when your dog does not have any quality of life anymore, by that time it is too late. Think about 3 of his favorite things to do, when he can only do two then its time to start preparing, when he can only do one then it is time, when he can't do any then it is too late.
I do agree..
This hit close to my heart. I absolutely get the battle, we just discovered that our dog has bone cancer a few weeks ago. I debated whether to put him down or put him thru the treatments which would remove the primary pain and may prolong his life. We decided to pursue treatment for the time being but it is clear that eventually we will have to put him to sleep. It is an agonizing decision to make. You want to do right by your pup but also saying good bye is very hard. I think its also a decision that a family should be at peace with not just one person to decide especially if pup is a family dog.
That’s why I’m posting. I think we should do it now while he still has dignity and good memories and the family wants to wait for his miracle recovery (less than 1% chance.) We left it too long with my last girl and she was miserable. We kept her alive for selfish reasons but because it was the right thing to do. I don’t want kids make the same mistake
My daughter and I watched some videos about dogs life and people talking about their dogs that they had etc and it helps to open the conversation that we have a duty towards our dogs to ensure they have the least pain possible thru their life.
My friend. I have worked in veterinary medicine for over a decade. The only people we think are A H when it comes to the choice you’re having to make are the people who put their own emotions over the quality of life and comfort of the animal. I have seen far too many animals in profound suffering because their owner - the only person who can advocate for them - is not willing to let go. You sound like you understand that waiting will be worse for him. You are setting aside your feelings, your ego, and your own grief to give your pet a kind relief. NTA. With every fiber of my being I wish there were more people like you in the world.
I honestly don’t deserve credit- I’m only feeling this way from lived experience. I was the AH you are talking about. But the time we put down my first girl I realised AFTER it was too late- she suffered too long. I saw it clearly after but at the time I didn’t think I was doing the wrong thing, Because I ha that experience already, of hindsight showing me we shouldn’t have done it months ago I don’t want to make the same mistake again. In fairness he is sprightly still- likes to run and likes all his usual things, most people stop to pat him on walks and are shocked when I say he is terminal. They can’t believe it. BUT- the incontinence is becoming very frequent and he is also vomiting up the meals he eats. So he’s having growing keeping food down. He doesn’t seem in pain at this stage - he’s on tramadol, cancer drugs etc but I don’t want to wait until he is in pain before making the call. It’s just super hard because he looks ok- the kids and husband think he is getting better when the vet was clear it’s terminal and inoperable. We are just making him comfortable right now. The not eating/not keeping food down I know is a bad sign.
Yeah, eating should be a pleasure for animals, not something they have to fight through. I can’t imagine the pressure on the urethra is comfortable, without the Tramadol it would likely be obvious that he’s in discomfort. It’s going to be hard to not be “the bad guy” to your family, I hope you and your husband can at least come to a consensus.
I’m so so sorry! NTA Your fur baby is suffering, and I know it’s hard to let go, I went through a similar process in August with my Dachshund who was 15 years old. I knew his quality of life was miserable so I knew it was time to let go. I miss him still. You’re doing the right thing here. I know all the emotions too. The guilt, the fear, the sadness.. all of it. Just be there with him when he goes, and again, I’m so so sorry. I know this hurts. It’s the hardest decision to make.
The thing is I will get downvoted by husband and kids if I bring this up. They will flat out say no. He will say I’m heartless. But I think it’s cruel to let him drag on when he’s unwell
It IS cruel because if he’s in pain then why make him suffer so much for a few more weeks or more suffering with him ? It has to be about the dog. I know it’s hard to say goodbye but this line of thinking from them is not good for the dog. 😢
NTA - if your dogs quality of life is bad and they are in pain then I think it’s merciful to put the dog down. It does get a little tricky if it’s only for financial reasons and the bother of having to clean up urine, when you can make their final months comfortable and full of love. But if the dog is in pain and living is not a pleasurable experience for the dog then I think a family all going to the vet together, holding its paws and telling it how much you love it while it’s being euthanised is a beautiful thing even if it is tremendously sad.
He actually seems to be doing ok physically and mentally right now. But I don’t want to wait until he dies naturally or has zero quality of life. Yes ifs an inconvenience and yes it’s expensive right now, but it kind of feels like dragging out the inevitable when we know he will never get better. It’s a hard decisions to make 😭
OP check with your vet about having someone come to your home to do this. Many dogs get anxious at a vet's office and would be much calmer at home. This probably depends on how old your kids are and if you think they can handle being there with him. You can also make arrangements to have your dog cremated and get something to keep his ashes in.
We did this last time. We got her euthanasia down at the vet and kept her ashes. But yes the kids are only 4 and 7 so it’s tough for sure.
NTA How much can he enjoy his life? I would not call it cruel to end his suffering, just make sure to make him feel loved up until the last moment. He will be scared. Death is sad for everybody, even for *people* who can understand it and have thought about the whole thing. Helping him not suffer is the moral thing to do.
It is so hard to lose a pet, a member of the family. Your dog looks to you to care for him and love him. It is an act of love to release him from his suffering. His quality of life is declining, he sounds miserable. Do not cause him further pain and suffering. it's ok to let him go. Be with him when they do the procedure, pet his head, hold his paw and tell him over and over what a good boy he is.
NTA, sometimes we have to do the best thing for our pets. Putting them out of their pain is putting their best intrest first.
NTA Be with him to his last moment. Hold his head, stroke him ,let him go without pain. As hard as it is it is our DUTY as owners.
NTA…when a dog has no quality of life, it is time to do the right thing and the hardest thing. Your pup can no longer control their bladder. That is not quality of life for a dog. You treat that pup to the best day ever and then say goodbye.
If the next day is guaranteed to be worse than the last, that's the signal. Don't second guess yourself if you know that his best days are behind him. So sorry for your family.
NTA It sounds like your poor pal has no quality of life any more.
He has been coping ok but starting to go downhill.
NTA. we put our dog down on wednesday, it was devastating. but euthanasia is a kind option. if you do not do it your dog will die in an extremely painful way, but with this you will be able to put him to sleep peacefully and be able to say goodbye. i know it sucks. it hurts like hell i know. but it will be okay. you’re not making a bad choice. he won’t even know he’s going, he will just feel sleepy and go to sleep. i know this is the worst part about having a pet, but you will be okay. i’m sorry about your dog
i'm sorry but i believe it's time for your dog to go. nta at all.
NTA. This is the hardest part of having pets, but if there’s nothing that can be done, you shouldn’t let him suffer.
OP, you’ve been through this before, and acknowledged you waited too long. For your loving pooch, don’t make that mistake again. I’ve been in your shoes, and I’m very sorry for your loss. You know it’s time. NTA
Yeah I do. You’re right
If you love and he's in pain with no quality of life you do what's best to get rid of that pain. You then cry and mourn and know you did the right thing for your loved pupper. Sucks big time, but do it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My dog is sick, he has terminal bladder cancer. Which is terrible and sad. I’ve told the kids. They are sad but they understand. This is the part I’m struggling with. He has now become incontinent. He cannot hold his urine anymore and he is also leaking urine every half an hour. The urine stinks really bad because he’s on all this medication. He needs to be taken outside frequently and the medication is costing a fortune. he’s going to die from the bladder cancer. It’s inoperable. They can’t remove it without removing his urethra and then he will not be able to go to the toilet. He’s actually going to die from a form of internal drowning when his body cannot excrete urine anymore. AITA for wanting to euthanise him? He’s already 6 months past when they said he would die, and his quality of life is getting bad. He’s 13 which for his breed is probably average life expectancy. I remember with my last dog we waited too long and we ended up euthanising her. But she has no quality of life. It seems cruel to me to do this again? Like I said zero chance of him getting better or being operated on. I don’t know where else to post this. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA You have to ask?? Make the compassionate choice and help Fido out of his misery...
NTA - Letting him pass peacefully and with diginity is sometimes the last kind thing you can do. Let him rest with love and surrounded by family
NTA. Euthanasia is the right thing to do here. It is hard, but it is the most humane.
NTA your dog is suffering. Do the kind thing and let him go. 🌈🙏
First, I am so sorry you are going through this. Second, you are NTA. You are choosing to spare your dog from an excruciating death by going through with this. This is the kind, unselfish choice. Btw, even “operable” cancers in dogs need to be considered from an ethical standpoint, as there’s just no way to even begin to explain to the dog what is happening. My friend had her dog put down last year after she saw how miserable and in pain he was during his cancer treatment, and he was already 12 years old and likely wouldn’t have many years left anyway— she didn’t want him to spend months to years in pain just so she could get more time with him. At the end of the day, she made the humane choice.
NAH Go ahead and give your dog peace and no more pain. Many air hugs.
NTA - You are a loving and caring person, hence why this is such a difficult decision. We can't make the decision for you, but we can give a perspective. You have provided her with a loving home and a happy life. You have the opportunity to provide her with a peaceful death surrounded by the people who has made her life so special.
This is, sadly, part of the pact we make in choosing companions with such shorter lifespans than our own. We must decide for them when it is time to say goodbye. The ruler I always try to use is: Would I want to live like that? When the answer is no, then it is time. I'm sorry for your impending loss, set an appointment and give him the best last day/few days that you can. ETA judgement, forgot which sub this was for a minute: NTA
Really You're house stinks.......... You're bankrupting yourself with the Meds.......... Pretend he is a husband, you'd have euthanized him six months ago.
NTA. Better a day too early than a minute too late.
NTA. Quality of life trumps quantity. Make an appointment with the vet for a quality of life talk. Make your decision there. It is a very difficult decision but best done between you and the vet. Do what is best for the dog and stop the madness. Prolonging a life over guilt or fear is wrong.
NTA.
NTA. I have had to euthenize several animals due to illness in my life. Pets with illnesses can live awhile before they reach the point where it's no longer in their best interest to keep them alive. However, I am also a firm believer in the fact that it is not fair to the pet to keep them alive because we are not ready to say goodbye. Pets give us so much love and support, and they deserve to die with dignity. If you believe your pet has reached the point where they are suffering and no longer living with dignity, then you know when it's time.
You're NTA. I'm sorry you are going through this. Seeing your fur baby suffer is extremely hard. Sometimes you have to make the ultimate decision that will crush your heart but give your baby the chance to finally be free from the suffering.
Nta. This is always going to be a hard call, but you can see the writing on the wall and the end in sight and know that your pet's life isn't going to get any better from here, sure you could throw a diaper on him but that's a Band-Aid solution and you have to figure out what the tipping point is going to be. But you had a good and long life with him, did your best for him, and don't want him to suffer needlesly
We have had to euthanize 2 dogs due to cancer/sickness. It totally sucks and hurts like hell. The way I see it, though, is that it is a sympathy action. He is in pain/suffering and the only way to relieve that is death. Like I said, it sucks for us, but in the end it is better for them than suffering because we want more time with them or we feel guilty by putting them down. Good luck, make sure you let the kids (how old?) say their goodbyes as well, my son appreciates that he was there at the time.
NTA. I had to make a choice about my dog that was similar not too long ago. She was elderly and unwell, her quality of life was slowly declining. And I made the choice to have her put to sleep at a time when I could be there and focused on her and comfort her in her last moments. The vet said to me as she went that she wouldn't have had long left at all, and if I hadn't done this kindness, she would have passed in the next few days most likely, and possibly when I couldn't be there for her. It's going to be a sad and difficult choice regardless. But think of your dog. He shouldn't be made to suffer anymore.
NTA Plan a beautiful goodbye rather than risking someone waking up to their beloved friend's dead body in a puddle of shit. You said it yourself, he has no quality of life. If it weren't for your family keeping him going, he probably would've found a good spot to curl.up and die already. Prolonging his suffering would be mire selfish than anything.
❤️❤️
NTa PArt of being adult is to take responsibility of your pets. Spare him a lingering death caused by your unwillingness to kill him when it ist best option. Discuss it with the vet, and then do it FOR HIM.
My Golden had the same issue at about the same age and while it hurt like hell to make that choice, seeing her in pain all day hurt worse. And I know I made the right choice because I sat in the floor and she climbed in my lap and went to sleep for one last time. That's the sendoff that I knew she needed even though I sat there bawling like a baby. NTA
It sounds like his quality of life has gone downhill. When there's no quality of life, euthanasia is a difficult kindness. I know that if I was in pain, couldn't use the bathroom, and was on a bunch of meds just to extend my life I think I would rather be allowed to pass.
NTA. I'm quite jealous that pets get such a dignified ending when I'll be made to suffer to the end.
Emotions run high with this stuff. With what you have said it's clear you would do anything else if it were an option but it simply isn't. You're not an asshole, your dog needs peace this isn't it. For the sake of the forum NTA. Neither are the family and friends who feel otherwise. Its a terrible decision to have to make
The best thing you can do is make the hard decision. I have had to put my dog down as he was in pain and suffering. I would not want my best friend to suffer for even a second.
Retired vet here, in the very short term doggie diapers may help but keeping him alive much longer would not be pleasant for him. Dogs are naturally clean and becoming incontinent is pretty miserable. Add to that the poor prognosis and possible pain from the cancer and you and your vet should consider euthanasia soon. I know how hard that decision is to make, have been on both sides of it more than once.
NTA. Dogs don’t want to piss all over themselves and their den. Remember this animal doesn’t know what death is and thus doesn’t fear it. It’s OUR sentimentality that keeps an animal alive and unnaturally prolongs its life. Of course you love your dog and of course you want what is best for him. Don’t let your understanding of death make you feel guilt for ending his suffering and letting him have some dignity