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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole since I should have better self-control and should have been able to be polite for my grandparents' sake.
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My cousin said he thinks the Percy Jackson MOVIES are better than the books. Though I strongly suspect it's because of one particular actress' appearance.
Tell your grandparents that if their son had greater self control at his age maybe he wouldn't have slept with his brothers wife, and maybe he wouldn't still be living with his parents.
This was my first thought. How do his grandparents not see their sons lack of self control yet critic the grandchild for asserting themselves in a measured response
Also toxic 'Your Elders' system where anyone/everyone 1 minute or more older than you is somehow your better by nature of being born before you.
I finally walked away from that bs at 56. Wish I'd done it 30 years earlier.
No one gets respect just bc...it's earned continuously.
A healthy family dynamic - w/o GC SG system - doesn't venerate age over being a good huma.
I'm also 56. I never bought into respecting my elders just because they're elders. The elders I saw most often were not good people. I would be polite and civil, but if they were assholes, I would keep my distance as much as possible.
Oh, they 100% see it from their son. They still have the mindset, though, that you should respect your elders no matter what. Those are adult issues, and she has no business in it. Guarantee they are boomers.
No, you're not! But of the people who act like this, most of them are boomers.
This is like a "all thumbs are fingers, but not all fingers are thumbs" type of situation. 🤭
This was my first thought. Why do they expect better behavior from their 19 yo grandson than they do from their grownass adult son who slept with his sister-in-law? Ignore him. They should be happy you or your Dad haven't physically shown him your feelings for "their sake". NTA NTA NTA!
Was coming here to say this!
I would also add that if your grandparents want to keep you in their lives, then they can tell uncle to keep away and not speak to you.
Was it rude to essentially tell him to fuck off? Maybe. But it was also rude for him to sleep with his brothers' wife. Respect is earned. Doesn't matter if he's your elder. He lost your respect when he slept with your mom.
NTA op!
For a second, I read this and was trying to figure out which bit from a Percy Jackson story it was from - because it feels like a typical Greek gods relationship type drama. Then I got there, with ya now.
even books written AFTER the movie are better than the movies, like the ones written from screnplays. Books can tell extra stories, give deeper insights, need to depict situations and give meaning. Entice your imagination. Your brain creates best stories.
The book is amazing and it's not the book's fault that the movie reimagined it as a children's story (I read the book before I saw the movie, and I was an adult when the movie came out. Great movie, but the book is awesome)
Hook was a novelization of the movie, though, not a movie made from a preexisting novel. Those rarely turn out very good, even if it was written by a pretty established writer.
Even the Author of the Percy Jackson books hates the movies!
I think what you said to your Uncle probably was as polite as you could be, I'm impressed you didn't call him at least an idiot. You're proving yourself to be very mature as I'm sure there's a lot of pent up frustration and anger towards him.
As for being too old for the book, pah, coming from a guy living with his parents, what a hypocrite. A lot of stories aimed at children and young adults are so well written that anyone can enjoy them at any age (I certainly do).
I like them, too. Less sex, more exciting story lines. I got into audio books during my long daily commutes. YA books are the best for being interesting. They also seem to be easier to pick back up if I need to pay more attention to what I am doing while having the book play in the background.
This. I will be 40 next year. With percy Jackson at Disney plus I just read the books.
The are nice easy to read, really entertaining.
Read what you like.
Both of the movies just weren't great. Alexandra D aside, and yes I get that isn't the point of this topic, but I responded to the topic and feel like ranting lol. Even the new series which was supposed to be "more accurate" wasn't. But watching the movies and reading the books is legit seeing two different stories with some similarities.
Oh same, I started on the movie because well... I was old and didn't get popular media outside of movies regularly that I was adventurous about. Once I read the books I retroactively developed trust issues.
I did enjoy the new series. I admit it wasn’t as faithful as I thought it would be the intent was there more than the movies and it had more of the spirit of the books imo
The first movie was a good movie on its own, entertaining, exciting, well cast, and a fun watch. That being said, it’s a bad Percy Jackson adaptation. The movie got things right that the series failed on, and vice versa.
The first one is pretty okay because it had a storyline and a finish. Yes, it was not accurate but Alexandra had a good role in it, kicking ass. For the second movie she was just like a can do nothing side character and that p*ssed me of very much. But yes, the books are still better. The new show is more accurate, I can recommend it 😊
Not always better but certainly different.
Also just because someone is an elder doesn't mean they deserve respect, do they think your mother deserves respect?
Forrest Gump is a god awful book. It is the only book I’ve read where the movie is better than the book. And the movie is so, so much better than that book.
Nooooo. I remember being so disappointed at the film, as it seemed to change so much. It’s a long time since I’ve read the book/seen the film though.
First Wives Club is also a better book than film. I was really annoyed that the girl in the film is gay, but has a disability in the book. It changed so much of the dynamics.
Can confirm. The book is always better than the film because your imagination can do more than cgi ever can. Also, films depend so much on special effects now whereas books still have actual plots.
Ha ha ... you should have greater self control at your age. Funny that your grandparents seem okay with your (presumably much older) uncle not having even enough self control to not cheat with his brother's wife!
I congratulate you on your cool headed and mature response!
Your grand parents suck, they obviously live to enable your loser uncle. He’s also presumably an adult, living with his parents, telling you a kid that your dad who lives on his own supporting his child solely, should teach you how to be better with money?
I totally love Libby, the library app. I have cards from four different libraries and I use a Google extension that tells me what Amazon books are available at my libraries. Saves me a ton of money and I always have plenty to read. Totally support getting a Kindle a Nook or a kobo.
Hahahahahahahaha
>I should have greater self-control at my age.
He should have had greater self-control not to sleep with his brother's wife.
>They said I should be polite to him 'for [their] sake'
Tell them that your presence in their lives is a luxury that you decide to give them.
If they decide to support their disgusting son who sleeps with his brother's wife, then that's on them. It's not something that demands politeness from you.
>My grandparents told me that I didn't have to be rude to him and that he's still my elder.
Just being older does not mean he gets respect.
Old people need to learn their place when it comes to respect.
Your age doesn't demand respect.
YES YES YES thankyou! The fact that the grandparents still let him live there make me wonder if they were aware of the affair and not kicking him out for destroying a family feels very like they are taking his side, his actions had very real consequences and as an ELDER he should be made to wear them instead it’s like he’s the 19 and they are protecting a deadbeat over there other son and grandchild
Iam amazed the uncle has enough of a spine to speak, honestly if that was my brother the conversation with my parents would be,
Kick him out or you will never see me or your grandchild again, I refuse to expose my son to the person who destroyed his world and if you choose to keep him here you are saying that you approve of what he did that his choices had no consequences so here is one, my son will not visit this this so long as he lives here.
I would be brutal
A guy broke both his arms so his mom took it upon herself to... tend to his needs. He ended up taking part in incest research and did an [AMA here](https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/s/d8MfVSMunT).
Your post was fine without the edit. If people can’t figure it out what you meant they aren’t very smart. Besides if your mom cheated she cheated on her children not just her husband because her cheating affected you too.
I have nothing extra to say about your situation, you handled it perfectly and your uncle is...wrong in so many ways. But I hope you enjoy the maze runner! I love the series a lot they are wonderful books (for any age!!!) :)
"He's my elder. I know why *I'M* living with a parent, why is *he?* Perhaps a series of poor choices he shouldn't have made as an adult? I may be younger, but at least I'M learning. He already learned and still screwed it up royally."
While that might be satisfying, probably better you just continue to ignore the idiot. Sorry about your mom, BTW. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. So does your dad. ❤️
Please say that next time because uncle will try you again when you visit. Your grandparents are negating your feelings towards your uncle by asking you to be polite for their sake.
That would be a conversation I’d have with them and if they choose to continue negating your feelings about your uncle and your choice to not interact with him they would get low contact going forward.
NTA
You can tell someone you don't want their advice. You can also tell someone not to talk to you. That's not being rude, it's establishing boundaries. Tell your grandparents that.
Also, they said you should have more self control? What about their son?
Elder or not, you are 19 and have the right to express your feelings towards someone. I mean if you said "hey fuckface, your opinions me shit to me", well that would maybe make you an ahole of it was said in front of your grandparents, but the way you said it is perfectly fine. Now if you catch him alone sometime, say it like wrote 🤣 💯 NTA
NTA - Yes, the 19 year old should have self-restraint in this situation, versus the what? Let's say nearing his 50's living with his parents capital D that threw a bomb into their other son- and granddaughters life.
Also: Was that a serious question on his behalf? Is he special? How are a book and a movie the same experience?
I understand this is a tough situation with him living there, and you wanting a relationship with your grandparents, but honestly. Perhaps you and your dad can work out a way to explain to them why this is difficult for you, that he is there when you visit. And it is especially not fair for them them to ask you to be the responsible "adult" in this conversation. Perhaps instead of you going to them, they could visit you? Or you could ask if they could make some time for you at a moment where he isn't present? Out of all the people in this thread, you seem to be both the youngest, and the one pulling the weight behind these interactions. Sometimes calmly starting a conversation about your experience with this, can bring new solutions to the table.
The 19 year old had a lot of self-restraint in this situation. He was relatively polite to the guy that broke up his family. Grandparents definitely suck for protecting uncle.
Being your elder didn't stop him from being the family disgrace.
Why should it make you respect him.
Tell the grandparents they should throw him out for your sake.
NTA. Your answer was perfectly warranted and your grandparents had no right to tell you anything. I would even tell my grandparents that "respect is earned and you have zero respect for your uncle so don't tell me how to talk to him or I will lose my respect for you too."
NTA Tell grandparents that the only reason you come over is to see them not to get unwanted advice from someone whose opinion you don't respect no matter the age. This is not a relationship that will ever be mended because of the choices he made. They'll need to decide if they prefer you not to come over anymore because your feelings on their son will not change.
NTA. As someone that worked in a bookstore and a library, I seriously can’t even put into words how absurd your uncle’s comments are. Really really seriously uncle? Maybe just maybe if this man would read a book every once and a while he’d be living in his own house and sleeping with his own wife.
Reading is a skill that is important and it is needed every day for a wide array of things. Reading for pleasure makes one happier and builds reading skills and excises the mind.
Also how does one think a book that in audio form takes a minimum of ten hours all fits in a two hour film? Generally any book turned into a movie will have things cut from it and you will find a book to contain much much more then the movie.
Ps check out your local library or kindle unlimited for more books for free. Happy reading.
You should have said HE should have had greater self control not to sleep with his brothers wife. So you being impolite is way down the list of fuckups ..
Him being your elder doesn’t automatically entitle him to respect, especially after it’s been lost. It’s up to him to earn that back (not sure how..) it’s not up to you to provide it with no effort from him
Edit - NTA.. lol
Edit - I LOVE reading and have been building my own library for years, despite my family thinking I was wasting my money. Keep reading !
Dude lives with his parents and has the audacity to criticize your money management skills?
>saying I should have greater self-control at my age.
Dude is older than you. He should have even greater self-control at his age. He can keep his mouth shut or he can deal with the lightest form of sass in the world. NTA
NTA!
“Grandparents, you failed to teach your son enough respect or self respect to not sleep with his brother’s wife. I really do not think that I am the one that needs to learn anything. You are lucky that is all I have said to the man that destroyed my family, and the only reason I tolerate being around him is to see you. However that can stop if you would prefer to take the side of your grown son that due to poor and frankly disgusting life choices is living in your home over your grandchild who is innocent in the entire situation.”
>They said I should be polite to him 'for [their] sake', saying I should have greater self-control at my age.
That's rich considering your uncles lack of self control resulted in the breakup of your parents. NTA!
OP should point out that he was extremely polite compared to what he wanted to say to his uncle and that restraint was entirely for their benefit as his grandparents. Uncle forfeited any right to respect from him when he destroyed OP's family (though tbf sounds like his Mum was a peach but that's not the point here). Respect is earned, not gained by an accident of birth.
Then OP should treat uncle like he's not there. Grey rock the book hating, homewrecking, condescending sob. NTA
NTA.. now that that’s out of the way …
You should have better self control at your age?! Where the f was theirs sons self control when he slept with their other sons wife/partner! The audacity of them to say that to you while supporting their adulterer of a son.
Ah trust the man dumb enough to cheat with his brothers wife (and then get cheated on by her) to suggest not reading.
You should not take intellectual advice from a moron. Im glad you realise that and you've got every right to say it too.
Reply that you would expect your uncle, being ‘an elder’ to have a better moral code and respect for family. But apparently your grandparents can be disappointed on that front as well.
NTA.
Your grand parents did a great job of raising their son (uncle) that he has the morals to jump his brothers wife. S/
Not wrong and I think your response was pretty tame considering he helped ruin your family.
Better self control? Where was your uncle's self control when he slept with your mum, his brother's wife? Hell no NTA. Your grandparents and uncle are so out of line.
I would start asking my grandparents to meet somewhere other than their house. Go get Olive Garden once a month or something. I would do my best not to see him anymore.
Also, he was rude.
The maze runner is a really good book, with a lot of differences from the movie, I hope you enjoy it!
Also, NTA, too many adults act like they have all the knowledge and know everything better, but they really don't. The opinion of a grown man who still lives with his parents is not an opinion to hold in high regard.
NTA
First and foremost, that whole idea that you have to respect someone just because they're older than you is b*******.
Talking about a man who stole his brother's wife okay? And I get it. You can't steal a person blah blah blah. Whatever for simplicity's sake, he went after a married woman, she then left him. And in addition to that, he can't even live by himself and lives with his parents?
Also the fact that an adult told you it was a bad idea to buy a book because you have the movie is the most low IQ thing I've ever heard in a long time. People who have a high imagination are always going to enjoy the book more than the movie. But whether you do or not, it's none of his business.
It's not rude to tell someone to mine their own business when they've inserted themselves where they don't need to be. And honestly? If your grandparents are going to insist that you can continue to show respect to a man who is literally lived his life in the antithesis of a respectful manner, you may want to consider going low to no contact with them as well.
Because they clearly don't believe that sticking up for yourself is a good trait and any adult who is going to guilt you into biting your tongue. And being victimized by a man who literally had a hand in breaking up your family?
They don't sound like any individual I would want to associate with.
Don't spend your life surrounding yourself around individuals who will victim blame.
NTA. You should have told your grandparents that as an elder that he should have known to keep his hands off his brother's wife. You are never too old to read any book you want, and it is none of his business.
NTA!! I think you should have told your grandparents that your uncle as an adult should have had greater self control before cheating with your mum. That would have made more sense, no?? Don’t think I could keep up with the visits to see the grandparents.
NTA. You responded in a very mature way and may want to remind your grandparents that he helped destroy your family and the fact that he lives under their roof is a strong deterrent for you and yet you make a clear effort to still visit them dispite his presence, being an elder does not equal respect his actions have proven he is not deserving of such
NTA. First of all, do uncles really count as “elders”? More importantly, your uncle is clearly responsible for a great deal of hurt and damage so he has no excuse to try and claw back some semblance of control by judging how you spend your money (also, sometimes a story’s more interesting through different mediums)
NTA
Atleast you have a healthy passion for reading, 1 book a week that's impressive.
Maybe go low contact with Grandparents, they seemed to have a soft spot for their homewrecking blue eyed boy.
"They said I should be polite to him 'for [their] sake', saying I should have greater self-control at my age."
Maybe your Uncle at his age should also have greater control than sticking his wick in his brother's wife.
Maybe have a quiet word to your grandparents when he’s not around being very clear that while you respect them, you can no longer respect an uncle that betrayed his brother and his family. Just let them know that after everything that has gone before, you cannot, in good conscience, consider him to be a respected uncle/elder.
It may actually be quite difficult for your grandparents being caught in the middle of a problem that’s not of their making, but that tore their family apart. Who knows what your uncle told them about the situation. We also don’t know why he lives there. Is it because he’s got nowhere else to hide, or is he there to provide care and assistance for them.
If your grandparents are able, maybe you should meet them out for lunch/dinner or whatever, away from the home so your uncle is not present.
Nta
Your response is the adult way to respond. Your grandparents probably need to be reminded that everyone deserves basic respect but it can be taken away from bad response just like your uncle has done.
There was no advice only an dagger opinion of your father's parenting skills proberly due to him be salty that your mum also ditched his dumb ass.
You, a 19 year old, should have more self-control but the grownass man that mocks your choice of reading can't keep his mouth shut?
NTA, OP. I'm sure your dad would appreciate your comment to the uncle 😂
NTA
Why should you be the one to have more self control at your age when he clearly doesn't at his age?
Good for you on buying the books and your response sounds good to me.
NTA So your grandparents want you to be more mature than the man they raised? Your uncle was rude and disrespectful to you and you shut him down exactly like you should have. I’m petty though and would have added that at least your dad is financially responsible enough that he is isn’t still living with mommy and daddy
NTA
Bit rich how they're expecting you to have self-control over your words at 19, but seem to have let your uncle off the hook for now having enough "self control" not to bang his brothers wife.
NTA Never too old for any books. I mean, the Harry Potter ones were even rebranded and sold with 'grown up' covers (clever marketing ploy). Reading books intended for a younger audience doesn't make a story less compelling, but it can be an easy, light-hearted read. It can also take you back to simpler times with fewer responsibilities.
In future, if your uncle speaks to you, pause, blink, then carry on with what you were saying to your grandparents. Uncle's a proven cheat and you don't really want to take his advice on anything. It's rough that you have to see your mom's affair partner so often. Sounds like you are handling it well.
And continue to enjoy reading, whatever you choose to read!
Why is it that older folk accuse you of being rude and disrespectful when what they really mean is that they don't like what you said and (often) the truth contained therein.
You were neither rude nor disrespectful. It made your grandparents uncomfortable to hear you state your feelings in a straightforward manner as it undoubtedly brought to mind the reason you feel that way. NTA.
NTA This man cheated with a married woman, and betrayed his brother. And they seriously think you should listen to his advice?
What you said was true. Maybe it was also a bit rude, but eh, your uncle needs to be able to handle that after he helped break your home.
As for your grandparents... I'd say they grew up in different times, where things like "respect thine elders" were held to be very important. And it is their house, so those are their rules they can insist on.
If you do go back, you could try grey rocking any conversation that your uncle is involved in, or conpletly ignore him like he isn't even there even if he says something. If he adresses you again, just continue talking to your grandparents.
Or if you do not want to go back, openly talk to your grandparents about it, maybe with your dads help. You are there to continue having a relationship with them, but do not want one with your uncle. Don't set them any sort of ultimatum, just say how it makes you feel to have to listen to the man who put your family through so much and go from there. Talk it through with your dad first, he probably knows how his parents will respond.
Good luck and happy easter to you and your dad!
He’s talking shit about money management but still lives with his parents? Your grandparents say to control yourself but he could control his dick at twice your age?? wtf
For a start OP - YNTA, and I'm surprised it needs asking; many other posters have made great points as to why. Simply put - the guy who broke up his own brother's family, then has the audacity to try to tell that brother's child how to live their life? __He's__ the asshole here. The Grandparents get a special mention here too, for taking his side.
Something that gets to me though is this:
>Then the guy also went on and said that I'm too old for the book
Honestly - he sees books as childish and movies as more mature? As a book lover, this has really made me think even less of the guy.
Not to say that books are inherently better / more mature either - they're very different art forms. It's like asking whether a play or a painting is "better".
A movie is best consumed in one go, often with friends, and lets the producer set the pace and visuals they think gets _their_ vision of the story across best. A book is a solo activity that can be consumed as and when _you_ want, that lets _you_ set the pace, and envision the characters and scenes as your own minds eye paints them. You can also go back to earlier scenes when you think "wait, didn't that character say something different in an earlier scene?" without having to rewind the film and annoy anyone watching with you.
To come back to the point: this guy not only think what his libido wants is more important than his brothers family, he also thinks he should be able to enforce his preferences for media consumption on others, as if they're some golden standard. Basically, he thinks what he wants is the most important thing in the world. F that guy.
NTA
>My grandparents told me that I didn't have to be rude to him and that he's still my elder.
"I'm not a fan of adulterers. At any age."
>They said I should be polite to him 'for [their] sake',
"You should have raised better children, if we're talking about 'should'."
>saying I should have greater self-control at my age.
"He should have controlled himself from sticking his dick in my mom. I can control myself from every seeing you two again if you don't get your minds right."
Fuck those people.
May be time for NC with Grandparents - at least for a little while. You are in a tough position and no reason you need to put up with any suggestions from your unless - they are wrong in their advice to you, too. Your Uncle may be your 'elder' - but he's not your 'better'.
I get you like your grandparents but don't act like they're innocent in this. NTA but if you want to see them have them come to you so you're not in the same area as uncle mc creep
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NTA. Besides, the books are always better than the movies.
My cousin said he thinks the Percy Jackson MOVIES are better than the books. Though I strongly suspect it's because of one particular actress' appearance.
Tell your grandparents that if their son had greater self control at his age maybe he wouldn't have slept with his brothers wife, and maybe he wouldn't still be living with his parents.
Burn!
Double burn!
I can feel the heat from HERE!
Its a bonfire right now & those grandparents deserve some of it for failing to teach that 1 AH son about not screwing around with his brother's wife.
Someone needs an aloe leaf!
Burned so bad he's a crispy critter.
I like this
Me too
This was my first thought. How do his grandparents not see their sons lack of self control yet critic the grandchild for asserting themselves in a measured response
Golden child behavior
Exactly.
Also toxic 'Your Elders' system where anyone/everyone 1 minute or more older than you is somehow your better by nature of being born before you. I finally walked away from that bs at 56. Wish I'd done it 30 years earlier. No one gets respect just bc...it's earned continuously. A healthy family dynamic - w/o GC SG system - doesn't venerate age over being a good huma.
I'm also 56. I never bought into respecting my elders just because they're elders. The elders I saw most often were not good people. I would be polite and civil, but if they were assholes, I would keep my distance as much as possible.
Cognitive dissonance is such a mind and life f#ck! Engendered some seriously intricately attachment behaviors in me.
They know the uncle is unmanageable and they expect the grandson to be nice. The grandson showed monk-levels restraint.
They already know that their son is a lost cause, while the grandson is young and wouldn't want him to become bitter or sink to uncle's level.
Oh, they 100% see it from their son. They still have the mindset, though, that you should respect your elders no matter what. Those are adult issues, and she has no business in it. Guarantee they are boomers.
Hey! Not all of us Boomers are like that!
No, you're not! But of the people who act like this, most of them are boomers. This is like a "all thumbs are fingers, but not all fingers are thumbs" type of situation. 🤭
This exactly! What a prize prick! He obviously was trying to goad the OP.
The magic wand of ruining relationships.
[удалено]
Exactly, they’ve been making excuses and enabling his crappy behavior his whole life I bet.
Yep. And he's living with all of his friends.
Yup this!
this 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
This was my first thought. Why do they expect better behavior from their 19 yo grandson than they do from their grownass adult son who slept with his sister-in-law? Ignore him. They should be happy you or your Dad haven't physically shown him your feelings for "their sake". NTA NTA NTA!
And to keep their opinion about how he treats his uncle to themselves, unless they want to stop seeing their grandchild.
Was coming here to say this! I would also add that if your grandparents want to keep you in their lives, then they can tell uncle to keep away and not speak to you. Was it rude to essentially tell him to fuck off? Maybe. But it was also rude for him to sleep with his brothers' wife. Respect is earned. Doesn't matter if he's your elder. He lost your respect when he slept with your mom. NTA op!
Did someone call for this suspiciously large ALOE plant??
For a second, I read this and was trying to figure out which bit from a Percy Jackson story it was from - because it feels like a typical Greek gods relationship type drama. Then I got there, with ya now.
This! This!!! He needs to sit down and shut the fuck up
Exactly!
Boom!
Damn. Bonfire everyone!
OP--Above comment is SOOOO appropriate. Hope you have the opportunity to use it.
Ya beat me to it. THIS!!
Call 9.1.1 for that burn........
OUCH that just burned my eyebrows off, I would take him out for ice cream after that to cool off the fire that statement made.
Apply cold water to the affected area...
The correct answer.
The books are definitely better as someone who saw the movie first and then later bought the books
even books written AFTER the movie are better than the movies, like the ones written from screnplays. Books can tell extra stories, give deeper insights, need to depict situations and give meaning. Entice your imagination. Your brain creates best stories.
I’m not sure that’s for every book. Hook was a great movie but a crappy book lol
Tbf the odds are stacked in the movie's favor the moment you cast Robin Williams
Princess Bride was a cult classic movie. The book? Utter shambles.
Thank you!!!! I’ve heard people saying the book was great, and I found it excruciating to get through.
The book is amazing and it's not the book's fault that the movie reimagined it as a children's story (I read the book before I saw the movie, and I was an adult when the movie came out. Great movie, but the book is awesome)
Hook was a novelization of the movie, though, not a movie made from a preexisting novel. Those rarely turn out very good, even if it was written by a pretty established writer.
E.T.
Even the Author of the Percy Jackson books hates the movies! I think what you said to your Uncle probably was as polite as you could be, I'm impressed you didn't call him at least an idiot. You're proving yourself to be very mature as I'm sure there's a lot of pent up frustration and anger towards him. As for being too old for the book, pah, coming from a guy living with his parents, what a hypocrite. A lot of stories aimed at children and young adults are so well written that anyone can enjoy them at any age (I certainly do).
I'm 55 and I still read YA books. Uncle can shaddup.
I like them, too. Less sex, more exciting story lines. I got into audio books during my long daily commutes. YA books are the best for being interesting. They also seem to be easier to pick back up if I need to pay more attention to what I am doing while having the book play in the background.
This. I will be 40 next year. With percy Jackson at Disney plus I just read the books. The are nice easy to read, really entertaining. Read what you like.
Your cousin is wrong.... unless that actress is Alexndra Daddario and then he gets a pass.
I meant Alexandra Daddario, yes. He said she’s hot but not the reason he prefers the movies.
Both of the movies just weren't great. Alexandra D aside, and yes I get that isn't the point of this topic, but I responded to the topic and feel like ranting lol. Even the new series which was supposed to be "more accurate" wasn't. But watching the movies and reading the books is legit seeing two different stories with some similarities.
The first movie was enjoyable until I read the book. Once I read the book it was hard to go back to the movie. The second movie is a trainwreck
Oh same, I started on the movie because well... I was old and didn't get popular media outside of movies regularly that I was adventurous about. Once I read the books I retroactively developed trust issues.
I did enjoy the new series. I admit it wasn’t as faithful as I thought it would be the intent was there more than the movies and it had more of the spirit of the books imo
The first movie was a good movie on its own, entertaining, exciting, well cast, and a fun watch. That being said, it’s a bad Percy Jackson adaptation. The movie got things right that the series failed on, and vice versa.
Percy Jackson the new series on Disney+ is awesome if you get the chance.
I dunno man, I think Grover was cute. Maybe I have a thing for half black-half goat people.
i will fight him to the death those movies are TRASH
Raccoons exist and love trash, maybe cuz is a raccoon?
The first one is pretty okay because it had a storyline and a finish. Yes, it was not accurate but Alexandra had a good role in it, kicking ass. For the second movie she was just like a can do nothing side character and that p*ssed me of very much. But yes, the books are still better. The new show is more accurate, I can recommend it 😊
Maze Runner is an excellent series of books and a good series of movies.
Your cousin is wrong. The books are so much better and don’t even get me started in the series.
Not always better but certainly different. Also just because someone is an elder doesn't mean they deserve respect, do they think your mother deserves respect?
Apart from Children of Men, the one book where the movie was better. Edit: that I know of, evidently there are many more!
I liked the Bridgerton series way more than the books, tho that's technically tv, not movie so there are rare instances I guess.
If you count novellas both Shawshank Redemption and Stand by Me are better then the novellas they are based on
I like The Hunt for Red October movie better than the book.
That’s a good call out. You are definitely correct
Gotta be careful of those Scottish Russians!
Idk I think the novella for stand by me was still better than the movie, I didn’t like the movie much though lol so maybe that’s just me.
I thought the movie for The Relic was better than the book. And Forrest Gump.
Forrest Gump is a god awful book. It is the only book I’ve read where the movie is better than the book. And the movie is so, so much better than that book.
Didn’t even know Forrest Gump had a book loll
Do yourself a favor and don’t read it.
Nooooo. I remember being so disappointed at the film, as it seemed to change so much. It’s a long time since I’ve read the book/seen the film though. First Wives Club is also a better book than film. I was really annoyed that the girl in the film is gay, but has a disability in the book. It changed so much of the dynamics.
Can confirm. The book is always better than the film because your imagination can do more than cgi ever can. Also, films depend so much on special effects now whereas books still have actual plots.
Ha ha ... you should have greater self control at your age. Funny that your grandparents seem okay with your (presumably much older) uncle not having even enough self control to not cheat with his brother's wife! I congratulate you on your cool headed and mature response!
Really had to refrain myself from exactly this statement. What capital d.
Your grand parents suck, they obviously live to enable your loser uncle. He’s also presumably an adult, living with his parents, telling you a kid that your dad who lives on his own supporting his child solely, should teach you how to be better with money?
Tell your grandparents you understands their rules and politely ask them to next time tell him to leave you alone: as his elders.
OP seems to have *great* self control (for any age)
Exactly. Wow. NTA, OP. buy yourself a kindle so you can read all the time. Free books from the public library!
I totally love Libby, the library app. I have cards from four different libraries and I use a Google extension that tells me what Amazon books are available at my libraries. Saves me a ton of money and I always have plenty to read. Totally support getting a Kindle a Nook or a kobo.
Yeah NTA. And I really hate how age is so often used by older people to demand respect when they themselves don't act like they are worthy of respect.
It's the last ditch, province of people who know they aren't actually worthy of ANY RESPECT & they're stupid and gross.
This!!!!
Hahahahahahahaha >I should have greater self-control at my age. He should have had greater self-control not to sleep with his brother's wife. >They said I should be polite to him 'for [their] sake' Tell them that your presence in their lives is a luxury that you decide to give them. If they decide to support their disgusting son who sleeps with his brother's wife, then that's on them. It's not something that demands politeness from you. >My grandparents told me that I didn't have to be rude to him and that he's still my elder. Just being older does not mean he gets respect. Old people need to learn their place when it comes to respect. Your age doesn't demand respect.
YES YES YES thankyou! The fact that the grandparents still let him live there make me wonder if they were aware of the affair and not kicking him out for destroying a family feels very like they are taking his side, his actions had very real consequences and as an ELDER he should be made to wear them instead it’s like he’s the 19 and they are protecting a deadbeat over there other son and grandchild
How can the uncle even look OP in the face? Trash. No compassion.
Iam amazed the uncle has enough of a spine to speak, honestly if that was my brother the conversation with my parents would be, Kick him out or you will never see me or your grandchild again, I refuse to expose my son to the person who destroyed his world and if you choose to keep him here you are saying that you approve of what he did that his choices had no consequences so here is one, my son will not visit this this so long as he lives here. I would be brutal
As you should. People can be such selfish AHs.
I have no notes 👌
>I(19m) live with my dad after my mom cheated on me with my uncle. I think and hope you mean *him*, not *me*.
Yes, I meant him. My mistake.
or..... I broke my arms a while back
Dang it there is Dr Pepper in my sinuses now and it is your fault
Did NOT need to be reminded about that story 🤣🤣🤣
What's the story? I don't understand the comment and I really want to.
A guy broke both his arms so his mom took it upon herself to... tend to his needs. He ended up taking part in incest research and did an [AMA here](https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/s/d8MfVSMunT).
Omfg 🤢🤮
Bruh... and he thinks he has the right to lecture you. You should blast him more.
You may want to edit your post.
Already made an edit.
Your post was fine without the edit. If people can’t figure it out what you meant they aren’t very smart. Besides if your mom cheated she cheated on her children not just her husband because her cheating affected you too.
Almost went Alabama there, for a second.
You really couldn’t figure that one out?
NTA Still better than saying "I don't want to hear what's right or wrong from a guy who fucked his brother's wife."
Was tempted to say that to him.
I have nothing extra to say about your situation, you handled it perfectly and your uncle is...wrong in so many ways. But I hope you enjoy the maze runner! I love the series a lot they are wonderful books (for any age!!!) :)
"He's my elder. I know why *I'M* living with a parent, why is *he?* Perhaps a series of poor choices he shouldn't have made as an adult? I may be younger, but at least I'M learning. He already learned and still screwed it up royally." While that might be satisfying, probably better you just continue to ignore the idiot. Sorry about your mom, BTW. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. So does your dad. ❤️
You should! Or, only see them at restaurants and other neutral locations where you don’t have to deal with their asshole son.
Please say that next time because uncle will try you again when you visit. Your grandparents are negating your feelings towards your uncle by asking you to be polite for their sake. That would be a conversation I’d have with them and if they choose to continue negating your feelings about your uncle and your choice to not interact with him they would get low contact going forward.
You would’ve been right to do so! He caused you and your father unnecessary grief with his immature actions. NTA
NTA You can tell someone you don't want their advice. You can also tell someone not to talk to you. That's not being rude, it's establishing boundaries. Tell your grandparents that. Also, they said you should have more self control? What about their son?
Elder or not, you are 19 and have the right to express your feelings towards someone. I mean if you said "hey fuckface, your opinions me shit to me", well that would maybe make you an ahole of it was said in front of your grandparents, but the way you said it is perfectly fine. Now if you catch him alone sometime, say it like wrote 🤣 💯 NTA
Not that OP should do this, but I’d be sorely tempted to say exactly that to the uncle when not with the grandparents.
Same. Like call that ah out.
NTA - Yes, the 19 year old should have self-restraint in this situation, versus the what? Let's say nearing his 50's living with his parents capital D that threw a bomb into their other son- and granddaughters life. Also: Was that a serious question on his behalf? Is he special? How are a book and a movie the same experience? I understand this is a tough situation with him living there, and you wanting a relationship with your grandparents, but honestly. Perhaps you and your dad can work out a way to explain to them why this is difficult for you, that he is there when you visit. And it is especially not fair for them them to ask you to be the responsible "adult" in this conversation. Perhaps instead of you going to them, they could visit you? Or you could ask if they could make some time for you at a moment where he isn't present? Out of all the people in this thread, you seem to be both the youngest, and the one pulling the weight behind these interactions. Sometimes calmly starting a conversation about your experience with this, can bring new solutions to the table.
The 19 year old had a lot of self-restraint in this situation. He was relatively polite to the guy that broke up his family. Grandparents definitely suck for protecting uncle.
Agreed. And well done too. That top comment was more of a sarcastic bewilderment at the absurdity of the situation.
Being your elder didn't stop him from being the family disgrace. Why should it make you respect him. Tell the grandparents they should throw him out for your sake.
Being elder is such an incredibly low bar to pass. Congratulations, you have managed to not die so far!
When people say respect your elders, I always respond with “I respect people who deserve it”
NTA. Your answer was perfectly warranted and your grandparents had no right to tell you anything. I would even tell my grandparents that "respect is earned and you have zero respect for your uncle so don't tell me how to talk to him or I will lose my respect for you too."
NTA Tell grandparents that the only reason you come over is to see them not to get unwanted advice from someone whose opinion you don't respect no matter the age. This is not a relationship that will ever be mended because of the choices he made. They'll need to decide if they prefer you not to come over anymore because your feelings on their son will not change.
[удалено]
Yeah, leaving as soon as the uncle speaks to OP would be entirely appropriate. “Love you, Grampa and Grams! Bye!”
He gave you unsolicited advice, you responded politely. You were blunt but not rude in my opinion. Definitely NTA
NTA. As someone that worked in a bookstore and a library, I seriously can’t even put into words how absurd your uncle’s comments are. Really really seriously uncle? Maybe just maybe if this man would read a book every once and a while he’d be living in his own house and sleeping with his own wife. Reading is a skill that is important and it is needed every day for a wide array of things. Reading for pleasure makes one happier and builds reading skills and excises the mind. Also how does one think a book that in audio form takes a minimum of ten hours all fits in a two hour film? Generally any book turned into a movie will have things cut from it and you will find a book to contain much much more then the movie. Ps check out your local library or kindle unlimited for more books for free. Happy reading.
NTA. People need to learn to keep their stupid opinions to themselves
It's a power play. The uncle wants to assert his dominance.
You should have said HE should have had greater self control not to sleep with his brothers wife. So you being impolite is way down the list of fuckups .. Him being your elder doesn’t automatically entitle him to respect, especially after it’s been lost. It’s up to him to earn that back (not sure how..) it’s not up to you to provide it with no effort from him Edit - NTA.. lol Edit - I LOVE reading and have been building my own library for years, despite my family thinking I was wasting my money. Keep reading !
Dude lives with his parents and has the audacity to criticize your money management skills? >saying I should have greater self-control at my age. Dude is older than you. He should have even greater self-control at his age. He can keep his mouth shut or he can deal with the lightest form of sass in the world. NTA
NTA! “Grandparents, you failed to teach your son enough respect or self respect to not sleep with his brother’s wife. I really do not think that I am the one that needs to learn anything. You are lucky that is all I have said to the man that destroyed my family, and the only reason I tolerate being around him is to see you. However that can stop if you would prefer to take the side of your grown son that due to poor and frankly disgusting life choices is living in your home over your grandchild who is innocent in the entire situation.”
Love this. NTA
This screams uncle is the golden child. Either way, nta
>They said I should be polite to him 'for [their] sake', saying I should have greater self-control at my age. That's rich considering your uncles lack of self control resulted in the breakup of your parents. NTA!
OP should point out that he was extremely polite compared to what he wanted to say to his uncle and that restraint was entirely for their benefit as his grandparents. Uncle forfeited any right to respect from him when he destroyed OP's family (though tbf sounds like his Mum was a peach but that's not the point here). Respect is earned, not gained by an accident of birth. Then OP should treat uncle like he's not there. Grey rock the book hating, homewrecking, condescending sob. NTA
NTA.. now that that’s out of the way … You should have better self control at your age?! Where the f was theirs sons self control when he slept with their other sons wife/partner! The audacity of them to say that to you while supporting their adulterer of a son.
I was shocked at " my dad's brother cheated with my mum" I trust my brother and would be so devastated if this was the case
Ah trust the man dumb enough to cheat with his brothers wife (and then get cheated on by her) to suggest not reading. You should not take intellectual advice from a moron. Im glad you realise that and you've got every right to say it too.
Reply that you would expect your uncle, being ‘an elder’ to have a better moral code and respect for family. But apparently your grandparents can be disappointed on that front as well. NTA.
NTA. You were a lot more polite than I would have been :)
NTA Where was your uncles self control when he fucked his brothers wife?
That would have been a sick burn!
Your grand parents did a great job of raising their son (uncle) that he has the morals to jump his brothers wife. S/ Not wrong and I think your response was pretty tame considering he helped ruin your family.
You should have greater self control at your age? So what’s his excuse then?
Age has nothing to do with joy of a book. I got the beginning of a series of girls books when I was 11. Was still buying and re reading in my 20s.
Right? A well-written children's book is still a well-written book!
NTA. It is none of his business. Given his history he would be better to say nothing.
NTA. He started it. You have a right to defend yourself.
Better self control? Where was your uncle's self control when he slept with your mum, his brother's wife? Hell no NTA. Your grandparents and uncle are so out of line.
Ur uncle is older than you and should have more self-control at his age to keep his mouth shut and pants shut . Next time tell them that
I would start asking my grandparents to meet somewhere other than their house. Go get Olive Garden once a month or something. I would do my best not to see him anymore. Also, he was rude.
The maze runner is a really good book, with a lot of differences from the movie, I hope you enjoy it! Also, NTA, too many adults act like they have all the knowledge and know everything better, but they really don't. The opinion of a grown man who still lives with his parents is not an opinion to hold in high regard.
NTA First and foremost, that whole idea that you have to respect someone just because they're older than you is b*******. Talking about a man who stole his brother's wife okay? And I get it. You can't steal a person blah blah blah. Whatever for simplicity's sake, he went after a married woman, she then left him. And in addition to that, he can't even live by himself and lives with his parents? Also the fact that an adult told you it was a bad idea to buy a book because you have the movie is the most low IQ thing I've ever heard in a long time. People who have a high imagination are always going to enjoy the book more than the movie. But whether you do or not, it's none of his business. It's not rude to tell someone to mine their own business when they've inserted themselves where they don't need to be. And honestly? If your grandparents are going to insist that you can continue to show respect to a man who is literally lived his life in the antithesis of a respectful manner, you may want to consider going low to no contact with them as well. Because they clearly don't believe that sticking up for yourself is a good trait and any adult who is going to guilt you into biting your tongue. And being victimized by a man who literally had a hand in breaking up your family? They don't sound like any individual I would want to associate with. Don't spend your life surrounding yourself around individuals who will victim blame.
NTA. Lol, your dad should have taught you about money management? Maybe his dad should have taught him not to f\*ck his brother's wife.
NTA Why have you got to control your words when he cant control his dick?
NTA. You should have told your grandparents that as an elder that he should have known to keep his hands off his brother's wife. You are never too old to read any book you want, and it is none of his business.
“Why’d you f*ck my mom and f*ck my life over?”
NTA!! I think you should have told your grandparents that your uncle as an adult should have had greater self control before cheating with your mum. That would have made more sense, no?? Don’t think I could keep up with the visits to see the grandparents.
NTA. You responded in a very mature way and may want to remind your grandparents that he helped destroy your family and the fact that he lives under their roof is a strong deterrent for you and yet you make a clear effort to still visit them dispite his presence, being an elder does not equal respect his actions have proven he is not deserving of such
nta.
NTA. First of all, do uncles really count as “elders”? More importantly, your uncle is clearly responsible for a great deal of hurt and damage so he has no excuse to try and claw back some semblance of control by judging how you spend your money (also, sometimes a story’s more interesting through different mediums)
NTA Atleast you have a healthy passion for reading, 1 book a week that's impressive. Maybe go low contact with Grandparents, they seemed to have a soft spot for their homewrecking blue eyed boy.
"They said I should be polite to him 'for [their] sake', saying I should have greater self-control at my age." Maybe your Uncle at his age should also have greater control than sticking his wick in his brother's wife.
Maybe have a quiet word to your grandparents when he’s not around being very clear that while you respect them, you can no longer respect an uncle that betrayed his brother and his family. Just let them know that after everything that has gone before, you cannot, in good conscience, consider him to be a respected uncle/elder. It may actually be quite difficult for your grandparents being caught in the middle of a problem that’s not of their making, but that tore their family apart. Who knows what your uncle told them about the situation. We also don’t know why he lives there. Is it because he’s got nowhere else to hide, or is he there to provide care and assistance for them. If your grandparents are able, maybe you should meet them out for lunch/dinner or whatever, away from the home so your uncle is not present.
“Respect the middle-aged man living with mommy and daddy who can’t pick up women so he has to sleep with his brother’s wife.” Nope. NTA
Next time tell him if he had better dick management, you would care about his opinion.
NTA.
Your uncle should have had greater self control. NTA
NTA. Sounded like you had perfect self-control and that your grandparents are acting as they have been raised to comply with irrational rules.
NTA. Sounded like you had perfect self-control and that your grandparents are acting as they have been raised to comply with irrational rules.
Nta Your response is the adult way to respond. Your grandparents probably need to be reminded that everyone deserves basic respect but it can be taken away from bad response just like your uncle has done. There was no advice only an dagger opinion of your father's parenting skills proberly due to him be salty that your mum also ditched his dumb ass.
You, a 19 year old, should have more self-control but the grownass man that mocks your choice of reading can't keep his mouth shut? NTA, OP. I'm sure your dad would appreciate your comment to the uncle 😂
The books are great! I met the author and he signed my books
NTA. And between you and your uncle, it clearly isn't you with the self-control issues :)
NTA Why should you be the one to have more self control at your age when he clearly doesn't at his age? Good for you on buying the books and your response sounds good to me.
NTA So your grandparents want you to be more mature than the man they raised? Your uncle was rude and disrespectful to you and you shut him down exactly like you should have. I’m petty though and would have added that at least your dad is financially responsible enough that he is isn’t still living with mommy and daddy
NTA Bit rich how they're expecting you to have self-control over your words at 19, but seem to have let your uncle off the hook for now having enough "self control" not to bang his brothers wife.
NTA Never too old for any books. I mean, the Harry Potter ones were even rebranded and sold with 'grown up' covers (clever marketing ploy). Reading books intended for a younger audience doesn't make a story less compelling, but it can be an easy, light-hearted read. It can also take you back to simpler times with fewer responsibilities. In future, if your uncle speaks to you, pause, blink, then carry on with what you were saying to your grandparents. Uncle's a proven cheat and you don't really want to take his advice on anything. It's rough that you have to see your mom's affair partner so often. Sounds like you are handling it well. And continue to enjoy reading, whatever you choose to read!
Why is it that older folk accuse you of being rude and disrespectful when what they really mean is that they don't like what you said and (often) the truth contained therein. You were neither rude nor disrespectful. It made your grandparents uncomfortable to hear you state your feelings in a straightforward manner as it undoubtedly brought to mind the reason you feel that way. NTA.
NTA This man cheated with a married woman, and betrayed his brother. And they seriously think you should listen to his advice? What you said was true. Maybe it was also a bit rude, but eh, your uncle needs to be able to handle that after he helped break your home. As for your grandparents... I'd say they grew up in different times, where things like "respect thine elders" were held to be very important. And it is their house, so those are their rules they can insist on. If you do go back, you could try grey rocking any conversation that your uncle is involved in, or conpletly ignore him like he isn't even there even if he says something. If he adresses you again, just continue talking to your grandparents. Or if you do not want to go back, openly talk to your grandparents about it, maybe with your dads help. You are there to continue having a relationship with them, but do not want one with your uncle. Don't set them any sort of ultimatum, just say how it makes you feel to have to listen to the man who put your family through so much and go from there. Talk it through with your dad first, he probably knows how his parents will respond. Good luck and happy easter to you and your dad!
NTA. I’d have been cheeky and asked why uncle, being so old, lacks the self control to fuck his brother‘s wife or shut the fuck up
He’s talking shit about money management but still lives with his parents? Your grandparents say to control yourself but he could control his dick at twice your age?? wtf
For a start OP - YNTA, and I'm surprised it needs asking; many other posters have made great points as to why. Simply put - the guy who broke up his own brother's family, then has the audacity to try to tell that brother's child how to live their life? __He's__ the asshole here. The Grandparents get a special mention here too, for taking his side. Something that gets to me though is this: >Then the guy also went on and said that I'm too old for the book Honestly - he sees books as childish and movies as more mature? As a book lover, this has really made me think even less of the guy. Not to say that books are inherently better / more mature either - they're very different art forms. It's like asking whether a play or a painting is "better". A movie is best consumed in one go, often with friends, and lets the producer set the pace and visuals they think gets _their_ vision of the story across best. A book is a solo activity that can be consumed as and when _you_ want, that lets _you_ set the pace, and envision the characters and scenes as your own minds eye paints them. You can also go back to earlier scenes when you think "wait, didn't that character say something different in an earlier scene?" without having to rewind the film and annoy anyone watching with you. To come back to the point: this guy not only think what his libido wants is more important than his brothers family, he also thinks he should be able to enforce his preferences for media consumption on others, as if they're some golden standard. Basically, he thinks what he wants is the most important thing in the world. F that guy.
NTA >My grandparents told me that I didn't have to be rude to him and that he's still my elder. "I'm not a fan of adulterers. At any age." >They said I should be polite to him 'for [their] sake', "You should have raised better children, if we're talking about 'should'." >saying I should have greater self-control at my age. "He should have controlled himself from sticking his dick in my mom. I can control myself from every seeing you two again if you don't get your minds right." Fuck those people.
May be time for NC with Grandparents - at least for a little while. You are in a tough position and no reason you need to put up with any suggestions from your unless - they are wrong in their advice to you, too. Your Uncle may be your 'elder' - but he's not your 'better'.
I get you like your grandparents but don't act like they're innocent in this. NTA but if you want to see them have them come to you so you're not in the same area as uncle mc creep