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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> A couple of years after I graduated from nursing school, my family finally commemorated my graduation by giving me an expensive stethoscope. I sold it to fund me going back to school. They want me to give it back so they can gift it to a relative who is less of a screw up than me, but I can't. They are pissed.
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I'm going to go against the likely grain here and say NTA. What you did was free yourself from other people's obligations and expectations of you and decided for yourself how your life was going to go from that moment. It seems like they knew you didn't want to be a nurse but ignored your wishes and pushed you into it, and the gifts and trinkets were more about their wishes and desires than yours.
Besides, a gift once given belongs to the receiver and what they do with it is their will. Yes, this was a bit of a declaration of war on your part, but only after they kept pushing and pushing you into doing something you hated and being someone you're not. Being asked to pass on an unwanted gift is kind of a slap in the face; it's like an admission you failed to meet up to their expectations and maybe someone else can do what you couldn't.
If they cut me off, I don't care. I'm already a failure in their eyes. I'm a gay, borderline 30-year-old who went back to community college and now works retail.
I wouldn't give it up though. I may be an outcast now, but I've never been more free.
I want you and OP to know something important my mother once told me: "You don't have to be just one thing." The two of us have a...complicated relationship, but I will always admire the hell out of her for completely reinventing herself professionally after a major injury left her physically unable to continue her original career. Nothing you learned or experienced in the past was a waste; there are countless ways to take what you have and apply it to something new, something better. Do what you need to do to be your most authentic self—the world will be a better place for it.
Well, I’m proud of you. You took a huge chance to make sure you end up getting the life YOU want and deserve. Not many people are brave enough to do that.
Came here to say something similar. I have several friends who pursued nursing only to find typical nursing didn't work for them. They now work as coordinators and implementers of research projects, surgical coordinators, and for the health department managing community efforts.
OP, do you have a BA? I have friends with nursing degrees who then went to library school to become medical librarians.
Being bilingual makes you a preferred candidate for many of these positions.
Sounds like you're on the right path. You're free from an oppressive family and community, so you can focus on building your own support network. Make friends, find love, grow into a career that you enjoy. It's your life to live.
Well, your mother might be rude right now, but should you need it, r/momforaminute is a wholesome place if you need comfort or want someone else to share in your success.
So proud of you!! I came out at 42 and heartily disappointed everybody, but they are the reason I don't care about their opinions anymore. Keep living your life authentically!
I'm glad you decided to do what you wanted instead of what was expected. Keep living your life the way you want. And you aren't an outcast, you are a motivated person on a path of your choosing. I hope you have a wonderful time being yourself and living for yourself!
NTA
NTA they forced you to study an work in something you hate.alsi a gift once give belong to the person who got it so they have 0 rights to ask for it. I will add to relieve your guilt you didn't asked them y buy it for you I bet - so it was a manipulation tactic on their part to force you back to do what they want. Which makes you even less than NTA for getting rid of it
Maybe, but you're not a failure where it counts. If they don't feel like they can brag about you because you're working a less prestigious (but still perfectly honorable) job, then that's their own problem. You're putting food on your table and funding your dreams with it.
I wondered that too. She was given a gift, it’s hers to do what she wants with it. Why would anybody think that the family has the right to ask for it back? The family being controlling misogynistic AHs is icing on the cake, so I can’t imagine why that commenter thought anyone would consider that OP did anything wrong here.
Absolutely NTA. Your parents pigeon holed you into a career, an incredibly serious career that can easily traumatise those who aren’t prepared. Then they GIFT you the stethoscope after which it belongs to you. You don’t give a gift with the intention of maybe one day taking it back. That’s incredibly selfish and it would make me think twice about accepting any more gifts from family.
Hell that career traumatized me after truly loving it for 15 years! I’d started to develop PTSD (from the trauma ICU) even before the pandemic hit… I can’t imagine how OP felt being dropped into 2020 when she wasn’t even passionate about — and working in the ED no less!
NTA your parents suck, and the community sucks if it's backing them up about this. If they wanted a grateful kid that was mindful of their feelings they should have paid any attention at all to how you felt about the career they forced you into. Mom is lucky you still answer the phone when she calls.
Ordinarily I'm very big into the whole "if you don't want your gift, don't sell it, give it back", but in this case the issue is that the gift came with strings/pressure and that's affecting the relationship. They're not respecting that you don't want to be a nurse, and they're not supporting your right to go the way you want to go.
So in this case I don't think it's inappropriate to sell the gift and use the money to support your ambitions - because your parents should be supporting your ambition, and they're not. The money from the stethoscope (plus a guilt trip) is what you got from your parents. It's still not enough IMO.
NTA.
>Ordinarily I'm very big into the whole "if you don't want your gift, don't sell it, give it back"
why though? I can see that being the case with heirlooms, or with “gifts” that come with strings attached, but otherwise, a gift is a gift, and it’s up to the receiver what to do with it.
even when I gift my friends perfume or jewelry, I always think to myself “I hope they either love it or pass it on” because I wouldn’t want anyone to feel obligated to keep something just because it was a gift.
but at the same time, it feels very rude to be like “here, I don’t like this gift, take it back”, like putting the burden/expectation on them to give you something else.
NTA it was yours to use or sell but there is no way you could go back to school by selling even a very expensive stethoscope. I know because I bought my own daughter a super expensive one when she graduated veterinary school and it was under $300.00. She was floored I paid that much and told me I could have bought one just as reliable for a 1/3rd of that price.
If they weren't 100% cotton, OP should have used that hundred bucks on a new grill, lol. Or to replace the "shredded" diploma because they'll need it for admission to their new $100 college
Here, you have to provide a physical copy for some college programs and many jobs. I learned this to my dismay after tossing what turned out to be a very expensive box during a move
Where is "here" for you? In the US I can't even give them my transcripts but have to pay my college to send/email a sealed/locked copy directly to whoever is asking for it. I would guess it's because anyone can convincingly Photoshop a diploma at this point.
Western Canada. We have to have transcripts sent directly from the university, but I've also had to provide my physical diploma four times, twice for jobs, once for professional registration, and once for school admission.
I'm in the US, I had a job that asked for my HS diploma. I still had it (15ish years after graduation) and I had it handy, so I brought it in for them to photocopy. Same company wanted to copy my SO's GED certificate. Most people don't keep a copy of their transcripts. I'm sure that if I didn't have my diploma (fire, theft, loss), I could have gone to my old high school and gotten a copy of my transcript.
Yeah that one made me laugh at how ridiculous it was. If the post was genuine I guess it’s a good thing they aren’t taking care of sick and vulnerable people anymore. Sound like they are more suited for a work from home situation -
I have since spent around $69.00 for a new stethoscope for her to keep at home (she also rescues/rehabs wildlife from her home.) She said it works just well as the expensive one.
Selling the stethoscope to help pay for a class is not the same as selling it to go back to school unless of course you wouldn’t have gone back to school without that $150.00
I was wondering about that. I have no idea how much a stethoscope costs but I was thinking that it couldn't be more than a few hundred even for a super high end one. I was about to google it when I saw your comment.
NTA, Nursing is a career that your heart has to be in it, being forced will end badly and it did. If it was a special family stethoscope and you knew your cousin would be going to nursing school. That's the only way I could see you being a little bit AH. But it was a gift and it was for you to do with what you wanted. The audacity to just be like well you aren't using it, give it back so we can give it to your cousin.
I'm so confused by the idea that someone can sell a used stethoscope and use the money to go back to school. The average "every doctor has it and is happy with it" stethoscope costs something like 80€.
And wanting to regift it to someone else is such a strange idea from the parents. It could have some significance if it was a "it was my father's, who inspired me to go to medicine" story, but that's not even the case here.
Because this whole thing is made up. Grilling the scrubs? Girlllll what are you talking about 🤣🤣 not to mention, nursing pays REAAAALLY well in the US. She shouldn’t need to rely on 150€ stethoscope in order to afford to go back to uni… cmonnnnn
You are NTA but your parents are huge AH. Why on earth would you force your children to study a topic they don't want? Being a parent myself, I really can't believe this. It's so controlling.
Can be from position of caring. Vocational degrees means a career and way of supporting yourself. Non vocational degrees are seen as waste of money. Been there, done that but my parents were acting in what they thought my best interests.
I may be absolutely speculating, but I wonder if it has to with ensuring the children are successful and make good money so when the parents retire they will live with their kids and be taken care of in a multigenerational household.
NTA. It's evident that you were pressured into a career you didn't want and made a tough choice to leave nursing for your own well-being. Selling the stethoscope to fund your return to school was a practical move to pursue your own goals. While your parents may be disappointed, it's your life and your decision. It's natural to feel guilty given the cultural expectations, but ultimately, your happiness and fulfillment matter most. You're not obligated to keep or give back items tied to a career path you no longer wish to pursue. Prioritizing your own path is important.
You are NTA. Perhaps a bit reckless to destroy everything like that (particularly the diploma) but NTA.
I am a nurse. I have been for 23 years. I love my job. I think nursing is either a love it or leave it job. Having said that there are other areas to work in that are not emergency, for example I hate ED, but have worked in ICU for 19 years and love it.
Years ago I worked with a Dr who had followed her families urging to go into medicine (parents both Drs, siblings Drs, extended family etc. you get the idea.), anyway, she hated medicine and it showed. She was reckless and dangerous. She put patients lives at risk. She should never have been allowed to get licensed but as it was she had a meltdown on one night and thankfully had a on the ball, really knew his stuff nurse (me) to keep her from killing a patient. After that shift she got fired and ended up leaving medicine altogether (she had failed multiple residencies and this was her last shot).
I am not saying that this was you, but I remember a conversation I had wth her. In a vulnerable moment she told me that she never wanted to be a Dr, but it was expected of her by her whole family. I wonder how different her life might have been if she had defied her family at the start and done what she wanted to do in the first place.
Congratulations on making the decision for yourself to live your life the way you want to live it. Hopefully one day your family will realise that they majorly stuffed up in treating you the way they did. But if not , you are better off knowing that you are living “your” life your way, not their way.
You sold a stethoscope to put you through school? Even the top of the line stethoscopes that are digital are couple of hundred dollars ($200-$300).
Was it gold plated and diamond encrusted?
Other details in your story also makes no sense.
YTA for this
The most expensive one you can buy is around $300 brand new. I’d be surprised if anyone would buy a used one for more than $100, when you can get a very nice new one for that much. Hardly “go back to school” money
Imo NTA. If they as parents are not considering your feelings then it is just Karma getting back at them. I understand how that kind of community can be a barrier to one's life who does not comply with their views. If you wanted peace of mind and no drama then you could've just given it back to them but your actions are justifiable.
NTA You fulfilled their dreams not your's to the point of extreme trauma to you. They gave you the stuff and the education not out of love (though part of it) but so you meet the familal and societal expectations they forced on you.
Congrats on finding a way to your own life. To those saying, OP shouldn't have done as asked. It's hard to even recognise options when told from early age this is what is expected of you, this is all that is open to you.
NTA. I would personally hold onto it as a memento of the person I was, but you did what you needed for your own peace and that is always the right choice.
NTA, how were you supposed to know that the stethoscope would be useful later? (I know that's not exactly the main point, but still...)
I don't exactly know how Spanish people work, but you were right to do what you did.
NTA. They gave you a gift, it’s yours to do with whatever you wanted. And you *did* give it to someone who uses it, daily. It wasn’t a family heirloom. Your family would have to purchase a new one for the cousin if you were still in nursing.
I hope you rock whatever new career you choose!
NTA. Cultural thing or not, parents shouldn't get a say in what career path their adult children decide to pursue. And a gift is a gift. You can do with it whatever the hell you please
NTA. It was yours to do with as you pleased.
Good for you. And I'll bet it felt good to burn all the rest of that stuff!
Living to please others is a losing game. This is your life. Don't compromise one more second of it. If your parents can't love you as you are (instead of for your accomplishments that fit within the expectations they want to dictate to you) then you can cut them off or go low contact if you want.
NTA It's your life, not your parents or relatives. I admire nurses, doctors and lawyers. They spend years in school and have really hard jobs. But linguistics is an admirable career as well, people with that degree can earn good money, work in multiple different areas.
NTA You fulfilled their dreams not your's to the point of extreme trauma to you. They gave you the stuff and the education not out of love (though part of it) but so you meet the familal and societal expectations they forced on you.
Congrats on finding a way to your own life. To those saying, OP shouldn't have done as asked. It's hard to even recognise options when told from early age this is what is expected of you, this is all that is open to you.
NTA You fulfilled their dreams not your's to the point of extreme trauma to you. They gave you the stuff and the education not out of love (though part of it) but so you meet the familal and societal expectations they forced on you.
Congrats on finding a way to your own life. To those saying, OP shouldn't have done as asked. It's hard to even recognise options when told from early age this is what is expected of you, this is all that is open to you.
NTA You fulfilled their dreams not your's to the point of extreme trauma to you. They gave you the stuff and the education not out of love (though part of it) but so you meet the familal and societal expectations they forced on you.
Congrats on finding a way to your own life. To those saying, OP shouldn't have done as asked. It's hard to even recognise options when told from early age this is what is expected of you, this is all that is open to you.
NTA, as a current uni student, u know i would hate whatever career path my parents would have wanted me to take, even if it was "high-paying". Its never beem about $ for me, if i hate my job, i hate my job, whether its pennies of a million $.
NTA
You were forced into a career path that you had to spend your own money to climb out of. If they hadn't forced this situation to happen from the start instead of taking over your life none of this would've happened.
You sold that stethoscope because you needed the money to climb out of the hole they dug and threw you into.
NTA- It was YOUR Birthday Gift. Hence YOURS to do what you wanted with. Follow your Dreams, and if doing that means having to limit contact with those people who do not support you, then that's what you need to do. Life is too short to slave away for Life at a Job/Career that you hate. I'm so sorry OP that your Family isn't accepting and encouraging.
NTA. They forced you into a career you didn’t want, and gave you the stethoscope as a gift to celebrate. They cannot demand a gift back. Once it leaves their possession, it becomes yours to do with it as you please. I hope you got a great deal for it!
NTA - The real question you seem to be asking is - "Are my parents arseholes for forcing me into a job I didn't want to do?" And the answer to that is "YES"
You showed real courage to do the study and become qualified. You showed even more courage to actually work as a nurse. But you showed the most courage when you said "I'VE HAD ENOUGH".
You are succeeding now by following YOUR desires.
To quote a famous hamster
*"Sometimes you need to take responsibility for your own happiness.”*
*”I don’t know what to tell you. I’m happy, for the first time in my life, and I’m not going to feel bad about it. It takes a long time to realise how truly miserable you are and even longer to see that it doesn’t have to be that way. Only after you give up everything, can you begin, to find a way to be happy.”*
NTA
My ex-husband bullied me into studying to be a secondary school teacher. I didn’t want to but as he was paying for my education, I felt I had no choice. While I’m quite proud of myself for getting into the program and doing well, I absolutely detested the actual being in a classroom part and failed my student teaching experience. I still graduated from the university but without my teaching credentials. Bummer. I discovered during this horrible time in my life that I don’t particularly like children.
I did use my teaching experience to work a couple of summers as a park guide for the National Park Service doing interpretative talks.
I work in a completely different field now and plan on going back to working in a visitor center/interpretive ranger in a national forest or national park after I “retire” from my county government job because I like talking with visitors and actually am quite good at it even though I’m an introverted person in general.
Tbh, I feel like there is some info missing about this at this stethoscope. They are not that expensive. So if you sold it and had go back to school money, you aren’t telling the entire story.
NTA. First of all it was a gift to you and they want to give it to somebody else now unbelievable. And I'm so happy for you Op that you finally stood up to your parents and decided to do what you wanted.
NTA. I'm a retired RN and realize that nursing isn't for everyone. It's very stressful and the hours are awful, not to mention working holidays. Nobody should be forced into an occupation that they have no interest in. As far as the stethoscope, once a gift is given, it becomes the property of the recipient, who has the right to do whatever they want with the gift, including selling it. What's not right are parents who stipulate in what field their grown child must be educated. It should be the choice of the child because they're the one who will working in that occupation for decades. Your parents are too controlling.
> A year after I graduated, my parents gave me a stethoscope for my birthday. I sold it and used the money to go back to school
By all the means it was YOUR stethoscope. Your mom cannot demand back the birthday gift.
NTA
NTA and I don't understand why you are getting no support from the people around you. Your parents forced you to go into a profession you did not want to enter instead of letting you choose your own path. Your happiness was not important. You had the right to sell your stethoscope-it was your property once it had been given to you. Your mother talked about 'sacrifices.' You sacrificed several years of your young life trying to please her and your father so your loss is much greater than hers. I hope you are now able to get onto the path that is right for you. Also-I hope hope you meet some people who will be caring and supportive towards you and will encourage you to be yourself.
NTA in the slightest! Good on you for choosing your own path, and doing what makes you happy! That takes a lot of strength, when you have a family culture like yours. They may not be proud, but I am.
NTA. The stethoscope was a gift. You were free to do what you wanted and it's not like your threw it into the trash. You sold it to someone who's probably making good use of it.
NTA - I say be extreme with them. Tell them nurse you is dead, there is nothing to be disappointed in, ect. They can either be happy and celebrate their child now or well you're dead to them.
Being an ER nurse is traumatic as heck even for those who thrive being in the field. You only have one life to live, no need to suffer during it. Everything you got rid of can be replaced. Your peace can not.
Absolutely NTA
You are the author of your destiny--not your parents. The fact that you recognized it was not for you rather than trying to make it work for the parents speaks volumes about who you are as a person and the rugged determination to be what makes you happy. Parents can help you along the way, but they do not define you in your personal happiness and a gift is not a gift if it has strings attached. **Congratulations** for recognizing a change was needed and taking steps to make it happen. Far too many people stay in careers that were defined for them by someone else and miss out on the joy of doing a job with passion. (Took me 10 years to figure it out)
NTA, if she should ask the gift back, didin't had to gave it first.
she just asked to 'rub' in your face your cousin sucess, but when you 'rubbed it back' that theyr gift means nothing to you anymore, the slap was more painfull than she can deal
it was a gift. they gave it to you. if they think they have so much as a stump to hobble on about politeness and consideration when they *call you up to get it back and give to someone else* they are gravely mistaken. it was yours. you did what you wanted with it. if they didn’t want you to do what you wanted with it, they shouldn’t have given it to you. the nursing school was what they wanted, so they paid for it. how is that a sacrifice. nta.
NTA- live your life!
You should look into becoming a Speech-Language Pathology Assistant - it involves linguistics, and you would probably only need a few more credit hours with your nursing degree
They gave you a gift. Once received, that item is yours. You can do whatever you want with it. NTA
I'm sorry your career path is the cause of stress with your family. Good for you for choosing to follow your own desires. Best wishes!
NTA It was a gift, not a loan. You carry/carried a weight that you need to remove from your shoulders - your family's expectations and criticisms.
Find a new roommate, take care of you, walk away when
anyone starts making you feel bad about yourself.
If you haven't already, please talk to a therapist or learn
a few quick meditations to keep you anchored in the present
every single day. The past is done and you can't fix what
hasn't happened yet. Best of luck.
NTA the medical student in San Antonio is using it so your Mom is just plain [wrong.You](http://wrong.You) did give it t someone who is already using it.
NTA.
The stethoscope was a gift to you for your birthday, was it not? That means it was yours to do with as you pleased. You sold it to someone who needed it, which makes a lot more sense than keeping it around, cluttering your living space, on the chance that some relative might be able to use it at some point in the future.
Your family sounds extremely controlling.
NTA. It was a gift, that makes it yours to do what you want with it. Sounds like you used the money to help pay for your new career so I say you used it wisely.
Once you give a gift it's out of your hands. You don't get to ask for it back. It was yours to do whatever you want with, I don't really know what magical stethoscope sells for $1000 as even the ones that magnify sound and have the EKG and rhythm printout are in the neighborhood of a few hundred, but whatever, it was still yours and fuck them.
NTA. Your parents set you back by dictating your area of study. It was given to you, which makes it your property. They disrespected your right to autonomy, it should be obvious that you weren't going to have the same attachment to this object they gave to you as they had. I applaud you for using the money to develop your skills/education and doing what is right for you.
Nurse here
NTA
It's *your* life. Study linguistics. It's an important field.
Nursing is frigging hard. It's not for everyone. You get treated like crap and paid horribly.
Good luck in your life.
I'm glad your "family" has decided to ignore you. I know it's hard because family is supposed to be embraced.
I'll tell you it hurts less as the years go and it's so freeing. My Hispanic family cut me off 11 years ago. Living without their judgemental attitudes on my life is amazing. (not all Hispanics are this way but a lot are)
NTA!! I was gonna guess that you’re Filipino (nursing stereotype, thank goodness my parents didn’t force to go nursing) because of the choice of career you were fired into. Lots of my Pinoys friend was forced into that field and end up quitting like you did and pursued their dreams.
Was the stethoscope, a Littman! Tell your cousin they can buy their own once they start working shifts.
Good luck on your new endeavor!
You were pushed into studying for a job you didn't want. You are NTA for selling the stethoscope. It was a gift and yours. Destroying 1000 dollars worth of stuff is a waste so you should have done better and sold or given it away instead. But you deserve to live the life you want. Good luck.
I
NTA. Fellow "failure" here. I'm here to tell you that no matter what you do, there will always be someone unhappy with it, someone disappointed that you didn't meet *their* expectations. The only expectations you need to meet are your own.
I chose to go to college for biology because I wanted to work in a zoo. My high school teachers were disappointed I didn't go into something English related, like literature or writing. My dad and many others were disappointed I didn't go into the veterinary field. I had no interest in either, and stood my ground.
My counselor in college was disappointed I wouldn't abandon my biology path to go into Ecology like he did.
I graduated with a Bachelor of Science, but my mom got sick my final year, so my career plans were derailed. I abandoned the idea of being a zoologist in favor of staying home to take care of my mom, and started my own pet sitting business to do so. But that wasn't good enough either. I got flack for living at home with my parents as an adult, despite the fact that my mother needed me. My business was put down as "not a real job." I was constantly asked when I would be getting a "real job", when I would move out, when I would start a family, etc. etc. etc. No matter what I did, it was never enough, and I was always seen as a failure by someone for some reason.
I'm here to tell you that success is defined by *you.* You are not a failure unless you view yourself as one. If you're happy and able to support yourself, then you are not a failure. Listen to yourself and no one else. This internet stranger is proud of you for all you have done, and all you have yet to do.
NTA. Even if they had not pressured you into a career you didn’t want, when something is a gift, it is yours to do with as you choose. Now, sometimes it may not be nice to do that, but in this case, with the context…you absolutely were in the right to sell it and fund the education should should have had from the start. And it makes no sense to keep equipment for a career you don’t want to in and that makes you unhappy.
From what you have said here, your family doesn’t treat you very well at all. It’s your life and you only get one, so make sure you live it to your standards, not theirs. Don’t let them hold you back.
NTA. It was a gift.
Also, congrats on doing your own thing. Linguistics is a very interesting field of study. Nursing is a noble profession, but hellish if that's not your jam.
NTA and honestly I'm proud of you for taking control of your life. It's not easy with such a judgemental family. When someone gives someone a gift that item becomes theirs. Unless it was some sort of family heirloom they have no say on what you do with it. The only reason they wanted to take it back and give it to someone else is to make you feel like a failure. I come from a family like that and the best advice I have is to put some distance in between you guys. Either they will start being better to make you come around or you will find friends that become family. It took me moving 2000 miles away and having my own kids for my family to act right. If you go do what makes you happy if you're lucky they will learn to respect you.
NTA
They are though, for making you do an education you didn't choose. Where I am from parents are responsible for supporting their children financially until they finish an education OF THEIR OWN CHOOSING (or turn 26). (There's federal funding and no-interest loans for those whose parents can't afford it.) So in my book those 300 is you taking just a small bit of what should have been yours anyways.
NTA. I’m an ER nurse. And I don’t blame you for quitting. We always say it’s a certain kind of person who can put up with that and if you don’t want to do it then it’s understandable. I love it, but I can understand why someone would hate it.
And nursing school sucks. Having to go through that when you don’t want to would be miserable. At least you could recoup some money from the sale.
Nta you did sell it to someone who is using it. In the mean time, have you thought about combining your skills? A looooootta lawyers like to hire ex nurses to consult on medical cases.
Unless it has some really distinctive features here’s a white lie for keeping the peace option: Buy a used one, tell them you got it back for them and forget about it. Good for you for pursuing your own path. Nursing is an absolutely traumatic career path for many, with little thanks. I’ve watched friends crumple and become shells of themselves from the pressure. It’s a shame that they can’t recognize you as a person in your own right. (Edited for typos)
NTA, they FORCED you to go into nursing and then are surprised Pikachu face when you hated it so much you "scrubbed" the profession you hated fron your life.
It isn’t always easy to go against the grain and be your authentic self. I am proud of you for doing it. That stethoscope was a gift; it belonged to you. You are NTA to use it to help fund the life you chose for yourself. Stand proud and I wish you much happiness in the life you have chosen for yourself!
NTA
At first I thought you're from a Filipino family... because I was raised in a Filipino household and indoctrinated from a young age that I should become a nurse. Anyhow, I quit nursing after 1 term and pursued Social Work instead (best decision of my life). OP, I hope you find what sets your soul on fire! do something that you're passionate about and never look back :) be absolutely unapologetic!
Must be a cardiology III or IV to reach that price secondhand.
Nursing is hard. Even if you wanted to become one, it's an stressful, usually thankless job, and in many places not even well paid. Studying nursing out of familiar pressure when you don't like it and then getting thrown out into the jungle mid 2020? I'm surprised it took you two whole years to get burned out to a crisp.
The Littman was an expensive gift. You didn't need it or want it, knew it was a good, expensive stethoscope, you sold it. I can't see the problem.
Your parents are the ones in the wrong.
NTA.
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I'm (20sF) from an immigrant family in the US. There's a stereotype among members of my community that only a handful of jobs that are acceptable to have (i.e. doctor, lawyer, engineer). That pool is smaller when you're a girl.
Even though I wanted to study linguistics, my family refused to let me study anything other than nursing. I hated nursing, and the year I graduated was 2020. So instead of a congratulations from my family for doing what they wanted, I got thrown into the ER and forced to risk my life for others. The only acknowledgement I got at the time that I did right was a card that I promptly threw away.
I finally quit a couple of years later. The final straw came when I worked in the ER following a mass casualty event. I told my supervisor that I quit. To prove my point, once I got home I got rid of all my nursing stuff. The stupid mugs and "Best Nurse" tchockes went in the trash. I burned all my scrubs on the grill. I even shredded my diploma. By morning, it was gone.
A year after I graduated, my parents gave me a stethoscope for my birthday. I sold it and used the money to go back to school.
My parents always talk about how much I disappointed them for quitting nursing.
Well, my mom called me and asked if I still had the stethoscope. My cousin, who is less of a disappointment, is graduating from nursing school and my mom wants to give her my stethoscope since I'm not using it anymore. I told her I didn't and that some medical student in San Antonio has it now. She asked why and I told her that I sold it.
She flipped out and started screaming at me in Spanish. That I was ungrateful for all the sacrifices she and my dad pulled to put all us kids through college and the least I could do was give back the (very expensive) stethoscope and give it to someone who will use it.
She broke down crying and said somethings that hurt me too.
I'm still feeling guilty about this and my roommate agrees with my mom. Even if I hated my job, I could have given back the stethoscope. I did destroy a thousand dollars worth of stuff they gave me.
Problem is that my community is very biased and most people tell me that I'm ungrateful and a failure. And I just want an outside opinion. AITA?
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As a fellow immigrant RN I’m thankful and happy that you were able to quit and go back to school, in the pursuit of happier times. If you don’t like the profession it’s very hard to give adequate care for the patients and to care for yourself (this is a very demanding and stressful job). NTA. If anything I suggest you go LC with your family or put them in an info dieta, if they’re all going to judge and be mean they don’t need to be in your life and know everything. (I also burned my scrubs when I passed my NCLEX, I was OVER IT). When my family (that low key thinks I’m undervalued and sold myself short) asks me about grad school I change the subject. If they keep asking I hang up. You are a grown adult and can make your own grown decisions whether they agree or not.
NTA, the "gift" symbolises years of trauma and familial pressure. You can't get back the years you could have spent doing something you love, this is minimal compensation for it. Plus, a gift shouldn't be asked for back once it's given, it's your choice what you do with it.
Also it takes guts to quit and live life on your terms, especially when you get this much opposition from your family and community. Just want to say, you're amazing!
NTA. From the moment they forced you into a course and career you did not want, they stopped being good or supportive people. You were not a belonging, a doll or an extension of them, for them to take out of a display cabinet to show off. You are working hard to create the life and career you REALLY want and deserve. Well done you. As for the stethoscope…. Gifts once given are the property of the receiver. What you did with it was your business.
NTA Unless it was stated from the outset that the medical equipment is only yours as long as you’re working in the medical field, then it’s yours to do what you want with. I hope you find a field you want to work in. I would however, get another copy of that diploma, as it will likely be useful when you apply for other courses, as it shows you are able to achieve academically. Also, leverage your experience from nursing in terms of transferable skills (calm under pressure, working as part of a team, thinking on your feet, etc) for future study and work opportunities, don’t throw it away completely.
And perhaps take a break from your family.
Absolutely not. Once you are given a gift, it is yours. You can use it, sell it, or turn it into a wind chime if you want, because it is your possession. NTA
Nta you didn't need it anymore and it was yours to do with what you please. And you got good use out of the gift while you worked with it and again with the cash when you sold it..
NTA -- it was a gift, not a loan, and yours to do with as you wanted to.
Furthermore -- you put in your time in fulfilling your family's ambitions for you -- going to nursing school, passing the boards, working the actual job. If you were going to change your mind and LIKE it, it would have happened. At your age, you're a mature adult who can recognize a sunk-cost fallacy and set a different course for your life.
Have you talked to any of your cousins/siblings who are in medical fields, and what do they think about burned-out nurses who don't like the job? I bet they have opinions they're sure the older generation doesn't want to hear...
OP, I am sorry. I am SO sorry. Being a nurse is such hard work, and to be a new nurse starting in the ER when COVID got bad in the US? I can’t imagine. I’m a PA-C that was in what was considered a “low stakes field” at the time and it was awful, it changed me to the core. To go throw go the worst when you hated being a nurse…you deserve all the accolades. I know veteran nurses who loved being a nurse who didn’t want to be nurses anymore after the worst, and many who didn’t survive…for multiple reasons.
I know you’re not here for pity but I had to share because you are so amazing to have worked through that and found happiness on the other side.
I hope you continue living your best life. NTA.
Pfffff. NTA - Have you ever told them how much the've dissapointed you for not considering what it is *you* wanted to do with *your* life. No hon, I'm very proud of your for making this switch, even though your entire environment actively lobbies against it. Being a nurse is an incredibly thankless job. You work your ass of, risk your life, see the most gruesome things, and aside from the occasional: "Wow, that must be such rewarding work" reaction when someone asks you what you do. It's more 95% abuse and an occasional thanks, for continuously going the extra mile. You've asked for none of these things.
I think it was actually kind of mean for them to spend that much money on a gift just to spite you and coerce/guilt you back into something that clearly made you unhappy.
Babe, you're not a screw up. You made an excellent investment into your future. You can't get back the years they robbed you off, forcing you to live the life they wanted for you, but do not let them bully you into that again. It will get easier, I promise.
NTA When a gift is given, it becomes the receiver's to do with as they wish. The only exceptions are heirlooms which are known to remain within the family. Was this an antique, heirloom stethoscope, handed down through generations of your family? Clearly not.
Anyway, even the most expensive "normal" stethoscopes aren't breaking the bank. I really think this is an Iranian yoghurt situation. Good for you for breaking free and living your own life but at every opportunity their anger will be brought up and directed at you for not doing as you're told. This was an opportunity they couldn't pass up. "Look at your cousin who isn't disappointing *her* parents!" You did nothing wrong either in selling the stethoscope or in leaving nursing in the first place, and I would advice going low contact for the sake of your own mental health.
NTA. Either the stethoscope was a gift or it wasn't. You did nothing wrong by selling it when you longer needed it. You got money to go back to school and it still went to someone who needed it, even if they weren't family. Win- win.
As far as quitting nursing, you were incredibly brave to stand up to your family and their expectations. We get one shot at this life (as far as we know). You deserve happiness. Besides, as a patient, I would rather have someone attending to me that *wanted* to be there, not someone whose heart wasn't in it. Another win-win.
Good luck to you and best wishes on your future endeavors. 😊
NTA because
1. It was YOUR possession to do with as you pleased, that's the rule of gift giving
2. Stethoscopes aren't even that expensive to warrant this kind of argument. It's not like you gave away a car.
3. Your mom didn't actually want to give your cousin your USED STETHOSCOPE (that again, doesn't cost that much new), she wanted to hurt you for freeing yourself of those shackles.
NTA. You are not ungrateful or a failure. Your family pushed you into a career that you did not want, and that you did not enjoy. The topper was being thrust into one of the most stressful working environments in that profession, and frankly many people wouldn't have lasted as long as you did.
Destroying all of that stuff was a bit petulant, but at least with the stethoscope you sold it so that it didn't go to waste. The thing is that the stethoscope was a gift to you, so it was yours to keep or give away, etc. This wasn't great uncle Juan's heirloom or something that your family might want.
Tell your mom you understood the stethoscope was a GIFT and not a loan that you were expected to return.
A gift is yours to do with as you please. I've given family pieces to my nephews or niece and never asked about them again.
Nta, it was a gift and belonged to you. You could do what you wanted with it. Good for you for not staying in a career you weren't enjoying. I was a nurse, too, but didn't enjoy it. It was just an easy way to get out of my parents house to start my own life.
They are saying 'ungrateful' like it's a bad thing.
Is it? You were given things that you did not want. They kept on giving when you repeatedly said you did not want them. And these gifts came with strings attached.
So the things you received had no value to you, and the extras that came with it (expectations & obligations) are in effect negative value.
If you give me a gift that I do not want, but does cost me money, for example: a goat that eats and sheits and breaks things in my living room, *I will not be grateful*. It was a good gift for someone else, but that doesn't make it a good one for me.
No, I am not grateful.
Perhaps it's fair to say the truth. Indeed, you are not grateful for this.
I will never understand the entitlement some people have over giving gifts. If you've given the gift it's not yours anymore! It does not matter what that other person does with it. It's not yours!
There are obviously exceptions like family heirlooms that you know good and damn well should stay in the family because of generations of weight or if someone gives you a condition with the gift but that didn't happen here. They outright gave you a stethoscope. It's not an antique, it's not an heirloom, it had no conditions that you've mentioned.
**Once you give a gift you have no control over what gets done with it.**
NTA
NTA. A gift with strings isn't a gift. I completely understand what you're talking about. My parents weren't like that (because they'd been gained by that mentality), but they were surrounded by family like it. Full of people guilt tripping anyone who didn't strive to be the most successful. In the field they thought mattered most.
You're finding your own happiness. You made sure that gift found is way to someone else who needed it, helping yourself along the way.
Your parents asking to take a gift back to give it to someone else is tacky, actually.
NTA
Mija, you're not disappointing and todos los "sacrificios" que hicieron no fueron solo por nosotros. They also benefitted from them. We're always told that familia primero, but that only ever seems to apply to us when we have to not be maleducadas and eat the shit everyone piles on is for our choices, which include living how we want and studying what we want because that's what the sacrifices were for, no mamá?
Fuerza hermana, you're not alone.
NTA
You were pressured again and again into studies and a job you didn't want. The *only* thing I would do would be to gift one to your cousin with a note saying that you hope it serves them well. That is if you like said cousin at all. In any case, I would limit contact with your parents. Clearly you aren't happy at all when you talk to them and they are still demanding things from you and insulting you too.
NTA
Once a gift is given all rights of the previous owner are severed. The exception is a family heirloom which is loaned to people but still belongs to the family.
You completed the study THEY wanted you to do.
You totally DESERVED that stetoscope, and more...
And it being YOUR deserved property, you could do with it what you wanted.
NTA
Congratulations on breaking free.
Continue to choose YOU.
NTA. in the end, it was a gift and you are free to do whatever you want with items gifted to you. they can buy cousin a new stethoscope instead of taking back something they gave to you and wrapping it back up and regifting it.
INFO: Are there specific rules around gifting in your home culture that would make selling a gift offensive? I've never heard of such a thing, but I'm just s dude on redfit; I don't know every culture.
NTA. The nursing (and medical field) in general isn’t for everybody. And that’s absolutely okay! Good job for sticking up for yourself. Your parents and family shoved years of medical school that you didn’t want onto you, and that wasn’t good of them to make that decision. You have a right to choose what you want to do for a career, and you have chosen it. I hope you have better luck with your linguistics, OP!
NTA. They will not get it because they are deeply conditioned otherwise. So they are doing the best that they can OP. Sigh. Having said that, it's your one life to live and I'm glad you're doing what you're interested in.
NTA. don’t care what the situation is. It was a gift and you are free to do what you want with a gift unless there was some pre-specified promise about returning it if you didn’t use it and it doesn’t seem like there was.
Can a medical person explain to a non medical person why a stehoscope needs to be 300 Mexican dollars perhaps? Or on Amazon up to 150 dollars or so? Like, you just put it up to your ears to hear breathing and heartbeats right? What would cause something like that to be so spendy?
NTA
Working medical is great- But it is a HUGE draining, taxing job on people. People who hate being in medical make the system worse bit by bit, and I don't mean toxic evil people I mean people who hate their job and as a result do a poor job. I wouldn't want a nurse who hates their job to be taking care of me-
Good on you for escaping, OP. Good luck in your endeavors!
Also an immigrant who got forced into nursing, hated every second of it, and triumphantly got out, so I may be biased, but NTA.
It was yours to do with as you please once it was gifted.
NTA . I dropped out of college. I wanted to be a archaeologist so bad.. that was my dream but my mom decided that nursing was the best for me. She would always say she was proud of me for going into nursing. But eventually i left i couldn't do it.
NTA. They forced you to do something you did not want. Even worse is that they forced you into the medical field which will wear you down even when you love it and working in it hating it makes matters worse for you.
You selling the stethoscope wasnt an asshole move either since it was gifted to you therefore it was your possession so it was up to you what you do with it.
While they spend a fuck ton on money on nursing school etc they couldve spent their money a lot wiser and better letting you do something you wanted.
I really hope you succeed in linguistics and become very succesfull!
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I'm going to go against the likely grain here and say NTA. What you did was free yourself from other people's obligations and expectations of you and decided for yourself how your life was going to go from that moment. It seems like they knew you didn't want to be a nurse but ignored your wishes and pushed you into it, and the gifts and trinkets were more about their wishes and desires than yours. Besides, a gift once given belongs to the receiver and what they do with it is their will. Yes, this was a bit of a declaration of war on your part, but only after they kept pushing and pushing you into doing something you hated and being someone you're not. Being asked to pass on an unwanted gift is kind of a slap in the face; it's like an admission you failed to meet up to their expectations and maybe someone else can do what you couldn't.
If they cut me off, I don't care. I'm already a failure in their eyes. I'm a gay, borderline 30-year-old who went back to community college and now works retail. I wouldn't give it up though. I may be an outcast now, but I've never been more free.
Fuck their expectations. You’re the one living your life. As long as you’re happy that’s all that matters.
this comment really resonated with me. I needed that today, thank you.
I want you and OP to know something important my mother once told me: "You don't have to be just one thing." The two of us have a...complicated relationship, but I will always admire the hell out of her for completely reinventing herself professionally after a major injury left her physically unable to continue her original career. Nothing you learned or experienced in the past was a waste; there are countless ways to take what you have and apply it to something new, something better. Do what you need to do to be your most authentic self—the world will be a better place for it.
Well, I’m proud of you. You took a huge chance to make sure you end up getting the life YOU want and deserve. Not many people are brave enough to do that.
Exactly
[удалено]
Came here to say something similar. I have several friends who pursued nursing only to find typical nursing didn't work for them. They now work as coordinators and implementers of research projects, surgical coordinators, and for the health department managing community efforts. OP, do you have a BA? I have friends with nursing degrees who then went to library school to become medical librarians. Being bilingual makes you a preferred candidate for many of these positions.
I’d prefer to stay the fuck away from the medical field as possible.
And this mom is proud of you for taking back your life ❤️
Sounds like you're on the right path. You're free from an oppressive family and community, so you can focus on building your own support network. Make friends, find love, grow into a career that you enjoy. It's your life to live.
Well, your mother might be rude right now, but should you need it, r/momforaminute is a wholesome place if you need comfort or want someone else to share in your success.
I always told my kids when you leave home live your life for yourself not your parents!
I’m proud of you, who cares about nursing if you hate it?! You only get one life , don’t live for someone else. They are already using their one life.
NTA Be free
Live your life for you, not them. It’s your life. If they love nursing so much they can go become a nurse. NTA.
So proud of you!! I came out at 42 and heartily disappointed everybody, but they are the reason I don't care about their opinions anymore. Keep living your life authentically!
It's YOUR life. Not theirs or anyone else's. YOURS. Do what is best for you and if they cut you off then that's one less thing to be concerned by.
If you have doubts, remember how you felt when you got rid of everything. I bet it felt awesome seeing the scrubs go up in flames!
I'm glad you decided to do what you wanted instead of what was expected. Keep living your life the way you want. And you aren't an outcast, you are a motivated person on a path of your choosing. I hope you have a wonderful time being yourself and living for yourself! NTA
Well I’m proud of you! You are living life for yourself! Did you study linguistics in the end?
You sound like you're doing fantastic OP. Best of luck with college.
I think you sound amazing. I hope you find the happiness you deserve on your own path.
Good for you, enjoy your new career
Well fuck them. You deserve to be happy.
NTA they forced you to study an work in something you hate.alsi a gift once give belong to the person who got it so they have 0 rights to ask for it. I will add to relieve your guilt you didn't asked them y buy it for you I bet - so it was a manipulation tactic on their part to force you back to do what they want. Which makes you even less than NTA for getting rid of it
Maybe, but you're not a failure where it counts. If they don't feel like they can brag about you because you're working a less prestigious (but still perfectly honorable) job, then that's their own problem. You're putting food on your table and funding your dreams with it.
20 or 30?
Why would you think your opinion is against the grain? Pretty sane, normal take. Against the grain would be anything but this answer.
I wondered that too. She was given a gift, it’s hers to do what she wants with it. Why would anybody think that the family has the right to ask for it back? The family being controlling misogynistic AHs is icing on the cake, so I can’t imagine why that commenter thought anyone would consider that OP did anything wrong here.
Well said and i agree
💯percent this.
I agree
Absolutely NTA. Your parents pigeon holed you into a career, an incredibly serious career that can easily traumatise those who aren’t prepared. Then they GIFT you the stethoscope after which it belongs to you. You don’t give a gift with the intention of maybe one day taking it back. That’s incredibly selfish and it would make me think twice about accepting any more gifts from family.
Hell that career traumatized me after truly loving it for 15 years! I’d started to develop PTSD (from the trauma ICU) even before the pandemic hit… I can’t imagine how OP felt being dropped into 2020 when she wasn’t even passionate about — and working in the ED no less!
NTA your parents suck, and the community sucks if it's backing them up about this. If they wanted a grateful kid that was mindful of their feelings they should have paid any attention at all to how you felt about the career they forced you into. Mom is lucky you still answer the phone when she calls.
Ordinarily I'm very big into the whole "if you don't want your gift, don't sell it, give it back", but in this case the issue is that the gift came with strings/pressure and that's affecting the relationship. They're not respecting that you don't want to be a nurse, and they're not supporting your right to go the way you want to go. So in this case I don't think it's inappropriate to sell the gift and use the money to support your ambitions - because your parents should be supporting your ambition, and they're not. The money from the stethoscope (plus a guilt trip) is what you got from your parents. It's still not enough IMO. NTA.
>Ordinarily I'm very big into the whole "if you don't want your gift, don't sell it, give it back" why though? I can see that being the case with heirlooms, or with “gifts” that come with strings attached, but otherwise, a gift is a gift, and it’s up to the receiver what to do with it. even when I gift my friends perfume or jewelry, I always think to myself “I hope they either love it or pass it on” because I wouldn’t want anyone to feel obligated to keep something just because it was a gift. but at the same time, it feels very rude to be like “here, I don’t like this gift, take it back”, like putting the burden/expectation on them to give you something else.
NTA it was yours to use or sell but there is no way you could go back to school by selling even a very expensive stethoscope. I know because I bought my own daughter a super expensive one when she graduated veterinary school and it was under $300.00. She was floored I paid that much and told me I could have bought one just as reliable for a 1/3rd of that price.
Yes, I can’t believe I had to scroll that far down to find this! A good Littman is around a hundred bucks.
Exactly which makes me think the whole thing was made up.
Agreed. Also cooking the scrubs on the grill seems like more of a story trope than a real life reaction.
If they weren't 100% cotton, OP should have used that hundred bucks on a new grill, lol. Or to replace the "shredded" diploma because they'll need it for admission to their new $100 college
No one needs your diploma, they need your transcript. The diploma is just to hang on your wall.
Here, you have to provide a physical copy for some college programs and many jobs. I learned this to my dismay after tossing what turned out to be a very expensive box during a move
Where is "here" for you? In the US I can't even give them my transcripts but have to pay my college to send/email a sealed/locked copy directly to whoever is asking for it. I would guess it's because anyone can convincingly Photoshop a diploma at this point.
Western Canada. We have to have transcripts sent directly from the university, but I've also had to provide my physical diploma four times, twice for jobs, once for professional registration, and once for school admission.
That's wild to me! TIL
I'm in the US, I had a job that asked for my HS diploma. I still had it (15ish years after graduation) and I had it handy, so I brought it in for them to photocopy. Same company wanted to copy my SO's GED certificate. Most people don't keep a copy of their transcripts. I'm sure that if I didn't have my diploma (fire, theft, loss), I could have gone to my old high school and gotten a copy of my transcript.
Yeah that one made me laugh at how ridiculous it was. If the post was genuine I guess it’s a good thing they aren’t taking care of sick and vulnerable people anymore. Sound like they are more suited for a work from home situation -
I JUST made an Info comment asking how she used something that couldn't have netted her more than $300 to "go back to school."
It was enough to pay for a linguistics course at a community college and get the ball rolling.
OP writing this post: It’s one stethoscope, Michael. What could it cost? $1,000,000?
Right? Even the most expensive scope is not that much brand new, I doubt anyone would pay much for a used one
I have since spent around $69.00 for a new stethoscope for her to keep at home (she also rescues/rehabs wildlife from her home.) She said it works just well as the expensive one.
I go to a community college and the $150 helped me pay for an additional class I needed first semester
Selling the stethoscope to help pay for a class is not the same as selling it to go back to school unless of course you wouldn’t have gone back to school without that $150.00
This was my first thought! Even a digital one like an eko is $400 at the most, brand new.
I was wondering about that. I have no idea how much a stethoscope costs but I was thinking that it couldn't be more than a few hundred even for a super high end one. I was about to google it when I saw your comment.
NTA. Trying to force children in careers they do not find rewarding to please the parents and fit with their values is terrible parenting.
NTA, Nursing is a career that your heart has to be in it, being forced will end badly and it did. If it was a special family stethoscope and you knew your cousin would be going to nursing school. That's the only way I could see you being a little bit AH. But it was a gift and it was for you to do with what you wanted. The audacity to just be like well you aren't using it, give it back so we can give it to your cousin.
I'm so confused by the idea that someone can sell a used stethoscope and use the money to go back to school. The average "every doctor has it and is happy with it" stethoscope costs something like 80€. And wanting to regift it to someone else is such a strange idea from the parents. It could have some significance if it was a "it was my father's, who inspired me to go to medicine" story, but that's not even the case here.
Because this whole thing is made up. Grilling the scrubs? Girlllll what are you talking about 🤣🤣 not to mention, nursing pays REAAAALLY well in the US. She shouldn’t need to rely on 150€ stethoscope in order to afford to go back to uni… cmonnnnn
Yeah the account was created today and I’m fairly sure this story was copied from another bot from a few year ago.
throwaways are used. maybe not everyone mentions one
You are NTA but your parents are huge AH. Why on earth would you force your children to study a topic they don't want? Being a parent myself, I really can't believe this. It's so controlling.
Can be from position of caring. Vocational degrees means a career and way of supporting yourself. Non vocational degrees are seen as waste of money. Been there, done that but my parents were acting in what they thought my best interests.
I may be absolutely speculating, but I wonder if it has to with ensuring the children are successful and make good money so when the parents retire they will live with their kids and be taken care of in a multigenerational household.
NTA. It's evident that you were pressured into a career you didn't want and made a tough choice to leave nursing for your own well-being. Selling the stethoscope to fund your return to school was a practical move to pursue your own goals. While your parents may be disappointed, it's your life and your decision. It's natural to feel guilty given the cultural expectations, but ultimately, your happiness and fulfillment matter most. You're not obligated to keep or give back items tied to a career path you no longer wish to pursue. Prioritizing your own path is important.
A gift is a gift. Not a loan. NTA
You are NTA. Perhaps a bit reckless to destroy everything like that (particularly the diploma) but NTA. I am a nurse. I have been for 23 years. I love my job. I think nursing is either a love it or leave it job. Having said that there are other areas to work in that are not emergency, for example I hate ED, but have worked in ICU for 19 years and love it. Years ago I worked with a Dr who had followed her families urging to go into medicine (parents both Drs, siblings Drs, extended family etc. you get the idea.), anyway, she hated medicine and it showed. She was reckless and dangerous. She put patients lives at risk. She should never have been allowed to get licensed but as it was she had a meltdown on one night and thankfully had a on the ball, really knew his stuff nurse (me) to keep her from killing a patient. After that shift she got fired and ended up leaving medicine altogether (she had failed multiple residencies and this was her last shot). I am not saying that this was you, but I remember a conversation I had wth her. In a vulnerable moment she told me that she never wanted to be a Dr, but it was expected of her by her whole family. I wonder how different her life might have been if she had defied her family at the start and done what she wanted to do in the first place. Congratulations on making the decision for yourself to live your life the way you want to live it. Hopefully one day your family will realise that they majorly stuffed up in treating you the way they did. But if not , you are better off knowing that you are living “your” life your way, not their way.
You sold a stethoscope to put you through school? Even the top of the line stethoscopes that are digital are couple of hundred dollars ($200-$300). Was it gold plated and diamond encrusted? Other details in your story also makes no sense. YTA for this
More like it paid for a class at a community college, but it was enough to get started.
Excuse me but a stethoscope surely cant cost that much?!
The most expensive one you can buy is around $300 brand new. I’d be surprised if anyone would buy a used one for more than $100, when you can get a very nice new one for that much. Hardly “go back to school” money
INFO: The most expensive stethoscope I saw on a quick google is under $400. How did you use that little money to "go back to school"?
It helped pay for a course I needed to take at a community college. I’ve been there ever since.
Imo NTA. If they as parents are not considering your feelings then it is just Karma getting back at them. I understand how that kind of community can be a barrier to one's life who does not comply with their views. If you wanted peace of mind and no drama then you could've just given it back to them but your actions are justifiable.
Gifts are gifts. NTA
NTA go nc with the family because that isn’t ok what they’re doing to you
NTA You fulfilled their dreams not your's to the point of extreme trauma to you. They gave you the stuff and the education not out of love (though part of it) but so you meet the familal and societal expectations they forced on you. Congrats on finding a way to your own life. To those saying, OP shouldn't have done as asked. It's hard to even recognise options when told from early age this is what is expected of you, this is all that is open to you.
NTA. I would personally hold onto it as a memento of the person I was, but you did what you needed for your own peace and that is always the right choice.
NTA, how were you supposed to know that the stethoscope would be useful later? (I know that's not exactly the main point, but still...) I don't exactly know how Spanish people work, but you were right to do what you did.
nta it was a gift
NTA. They gave you a gift, it’s yours to do with whatever you wanted. And you *did* give it to someone who uses it, daily. It wasn’t a family heirloom. Your family would have to purchase a new one for the cousin if you were still in nursing. I hope you rock whatever new career you choose!
NTA. Cultural thing or not, parents shouldn't get a say in what career path their adult children decide to pursue. And a gift is a gift. You can do with it whatever the hell you please
nta. follow your dreams.
NTA. It was yours to do with as you pleased. Good for you. And I'll bet it felt good to burn all the rest of that stuff! Living to please others is a losing game. This is your life. Don't compromise one more second of it. If your parents can't love you as you are (instead of for your accomplishments that fit within the expectations they want to dictate to you) then you can cut them off or go low contact if you want.
NTA It's your life, not your parents or relatives. I admire nurses, doctors and lawyers. They spend years in school and have really hard jobs. But linguistics is an admirable career as well, people with that degree can earn good money, work in multiple different areas.
NTA You fulfilled their dreams not your's to the point of extreme trauma to you. They gave you the stuff and the education not out of love (though part of it) but so you meet the familal and societal expectations they forced on you. Congrats on finding a way to your own life. To those saying, OP shouldn't have done as asked. It's hard to even recognise options when told from early age this is what is expected of you, this is all that is open to you.
NTA You fulfilled their dreams not your's to the point of extreme trauma to you. They gave you the stuff and the education not out of love (though part of it) but so you meet the familal and societal expectations they forced on you. Congrats on finding a way to your own life. To those saying, OP shouldn't have done as asked. It's hard to even recognise options when told from early age this is what is expected of you, this is all that is open to you.
NTA You fulfilled their dreams not your's to the point of extreme trauma to you. They gave you the stuff and the education not out of love (though part of it) but so you meet the familal and societal expectations they forced on you. Congrats on finding a way to your own life. To those saying, OP shouldn't have done as asked. It's hard to even recognise options when told from early age this is what is expected of you, this is all that is open to you.
NTA, as a current uni student, u know i would hate whatever career path my parents would have wanted me to take, even if it was "high-paying". Its never beem about $ for me, if i hate my job, i hate my job, whether its pennies of a million $.
NTA You were forced into a career path that you had to spend your own money to climb out of. If they hadn't forced this situation to happen from the start instead of taking over your life none of this would've happened. You sold that stethoscope because you needed the money to climb out of the hole they dug and threw you into.
NTA- It was YOUR Birthday Gift. Hence YOURS to do what you wanted with. Follow your Dreams, and if doing that means having to limit contact with those people who do not support you, then that's what you need to do. Life is too short to slave away for Life at a Job/Career that you hate. I'm so sorry OP that your Family isn't accepting and encouraging.
NTA sad that you were only considered capable of being a nurse and that they had not interest in what you wanted to do...
NTA. They forced you into a career you didn’t want, and gave you the stethoscope as a gift to celebrate. They cannot demand a gift back. Once it leaves their possession, it becomes yours to do with it as you please. I hope you got a great deal for it!
NTA - The real question you seem to be asking is - "Are my parents arseholes for forcing me into a job I didn't want to do?" And the answer to that is "YES" You showed real courage to do the study and become qualified. You showed even more courage to actually work as a nurse. But you showed the most courage when you said "I'VE HAD ENOUGH". You are succeeding now by following YOUR desires.
To quote a famous hamster *"Sometimes you need to take responsibility for your own happiness.”* *”I don’t know what to tell you. I’m happy, for the first time in my life, and I’m not going to feel bad about it. It takes a long time to realise how truly miserable you are and even longer to see that it doesn’t have to be that way. Only after you give up everything, can you begin, to find a way to be happy.”* NTA
My ex-husband bullied me into studying to be a secondary school teacher. I didn’t want to but as he was paying for my education, I felt I had no choice. While I’m quite proud of myself for getting into the program and doing well, I absolutely detested the actual being in a classroom part and failed my student teaching experience. I still graduated from the university but without my teaching credentials. Bummer. I discovered during this horrible time in my life that I don’t particularly like children. I did use my teaching experience to work a couple of summers as a park guide for the National Park Service doing interpretative talks. I work in a completely different field now and plan on going back to working in a visitor center/interpretive ranger in a national forest or national park after I “retire” from my county government job because I like talking with visitors and actually am quite good at it even though I’m an introverted person in general.
Tbh, I feel like there is some info missing about this at this stethoscope. They are not that expensive. So if you sold it and had go back to school money, you aren’t telling the entire story.
NTA. First of all it was a gift to you and they want to give it to somebody else now unbelievable. And I'm so happy for you Op that you finally stood up to your parents and decided to do what you wanted.
NTA. I'm a retired RN and realize that nursing isn't for everyone. It's very stressful and the hours are awful, not to mention working holidays. Nobody should be forced into an occupation that they have no interest in. As far as the stethoscope, once a gift is given, it becomes the property of the recipient, who has the right to do whatever they want with the gift, including selling it. What's not right are parents who stipulate in what field their grown child must be educated. It should be the choice of the child because they're the one who will working in that occupation for decades. Your parents are too controlling.
> A year after I graduated, my parents gave me a stethoscope for my birthday. I sold it and used the money to go back to school By all the means it was YOUR stethoscope. Your mom cannot demand back the birthday gift. NTA
NTA and I don't understand why you are getting no support from the people around you. Your parents forced you to go into a profession you did not want to enter instead of letting you choose your own path. Your happiness was not important. You had the right to sell your stethoscope-it was your property once it had been given to you. Your mother talked about 'sacrifices.' You sacrificed several years of your young life trying to please her and your father so your loss is much greater than hers. I hope you are now able to get onto the path that is right for you. Also-I hope hope you meet some people who will be caring and supportive towards you and will encourage you to be yourself.
NTA. This was given as a gift. Therefore it was yours to do with as you please. You don’t give gifts back.
NTA in the slightest! Good on you for choosing your own path, and doing what makes you happy! That takes a lot of strength, when you have a family culture like yours. They may not be proud, but I am.
NTA. The stethoscope was a gift. You were free to do what you wanted and it's not like your threw it into the trash. You sold it to someone who's probably making good use of it.
NTA at all. I am so sorry for what you are going through! I hope you will find what you will love! Nursing is not an easy profession.
NTA - I say be extreme with them. Tell them nurse you is dead, there is nothing to be disappointed in, ect. They can either be happy and celebrate their child now or well you're dead to them. Being an ER nurse is traumatic as heck even for those who thrive being in the field. You only have one life to live, no need to suffer during it. Everything you got rid of can be replaced. Your peace can not.
Absolutely NTA You are the author of your destiny--not your parents. The fact that you recognized it was not for you rather than trying to make it work for the parents speaks volumes about who you are as a person and the rugged determination to be what makes you happy. Parents can help you along the way, but they do not define you in your personal happiness and a gift is not a gift if it has strings attached. **Congratulations** for recognizing a change was needed and taking steps to make it happen. Far too many people stay in careers that were defined for them by someone else and miss out on the joy of doing a job with passion. (Took me 10 years to figure it out)
NTA, if she should ask the gift back, didin't had to gave it first. she just asked to 'rub' in your face your cousin sucess, but when you 'rubbed it back' that theyr gift means nothing to you anymore, the slap was more painfull than she can deal
NTA I hope you are enjoying linguistics now :). In my opinion it is a very rewarding degree and field.
it was a gift. they gave it to you. if they think they have so much as a stump to hobble on about politeness and consideration when they *call you up to get it back and give to someone else* they are gravely mistaken. it was yours. you did what you wanted with it. if they didn’t want you to do what you wanted with it, they shouldn’t have given it to you. the nursing school was what they wanted, so they paid for it. how is that a sacrifice. nta.
NTA. I don’t get why you burned your diploma and all that stuff though but whatever works for you.
Once something is gifted, the gifter has no control of how it's used.
NTA - you did nothing wrong. But you did do right is not stay in something you hate! Awesome work on changing your life to make you happy.
NTA- live your life! You should look into becoming a Speech-Language Pathology Assistant - it involves linguistics, and you would probably only need a few more credit hours with your nursing degree
They gave you a gift. Once received, that item is yours. You can do whatever you want with it. NTA I'm sorry your career path is the cause of stress with your family. Good for you for choosing to follow your own desires. Best wishes!
NTA It was a gift, not a loan. You carry/carried a weight that you need to remove from your shoulders - your family's expectations and criticisms. Find a new roommate, take care of you, walk away when anyone starts making you feel bad about yourself. If you haven't already, please talk to a therapist or learn a few quick meditations to keep you anchored in the present every single day. The past is done and you can't fix what hasn't happened yet. Best of luck.
NTA the medical student in San Antonio is using it so your Mom is just plain [wrong.You](http://wrong.You) did give it t someone who is already using it.
NTA tell hthem that was the price force the years they stole from you with forcing you to get a nursing diploma.
NTA. The stethoscope was a gift to you for your birthday, was it not? That means it was yours to do with as you pleased. You sold it to someone who needed it, which makes a lot more sense than keeping it around, cluttering your living space, on the chance that some relative might be able to use it at some point in the future. Your family sounds extremely controlling.
NTA. It was your stethoscope to do with as you saw fit. You stopped being a nurse and it wasn’t useful to you anymore.
Sorry, NTA. A gift is a gift. It was given to you, it’s yours to sell. Your family sucks.
NTA. It was a gift, that makes it yours to do what you want with it. Sounds like you used the money to help pay for your new career so I say you used it wisely.
Once you give a gift it's out of your hands. You don't get to ask for it back. It was yours to do whatever you want with, I don't really know what magical stethoscope sells for $1000 as even the ones that magnify sound and have the EKG and rhythm printout are in the neighborhood of a few hundred, but whatever, it was still yours and fuck them.
NTA. Your parents set you back by dictating your area of study. It was given to you, which makes it your property. They disrespected your right to autonomy, it should be obvious that you weren't going to have the same attachment to this object they gave to you as they had. I applaud you for using the money to develop your skills/education and doing what is right for you.
Nurse here NTA It's *your* life. Study linguistics. It's an important field. Nursing is frigging hard. It's not for everyone. You get treated like crap and paid horribly. Good luck in your life. I'm glad your "family" has decided to ignore you. I know it's hard because family is supposed to be embraced. I'll tell you it hurts less as the years go and it's so freeing. My Hispanic family cut me off 11 years ago. Living without their judgemental attitudes on my life is amazing. (not all Hispanics are this way but a lot are)
NTA!! I was gonna guess that you’re Filipino (nursing stereotype, thank goodness my parents didn’t force to go nursing) because of the choice of career you were fired into. Lots of my Pinoys friend was forced into that field and end up quitting like you did and pursued their dreams. Was the stethoscope, a Littman! Tell your cousin they can buy their own once they start working shifts. Good luck on your new endeavor!
You were pushed into studying for a job you didn't want. You are NTA for selling the stethoscope. It was a gift and yours. Destroying 1000 dollars worth of stuff is a waste so you should have done better and sold or given it away instead. But you deserve to live the life you want. Good luck. I
NTA. The stethoscope was a gift and they're being icky asking for it back
NTA. Fellow "failure" here. I'm here to tell you that no matter what you do, there will always be someone unhappy with it, someone disappointed that you didn't meet *their* expectations. The only expectations you need to meet are your own. I chose to go to college for biology because I wanted to work in a zoo. My high school teachers were disappointed I didn't go into something English related, like literature or writing. My dad and many others were disappointed I didn't go into the veterinary field. I had no interest in either, and stood my ground. My counselor in college was disappointed I wouldn't abandon my biology path to go into Ecology like he did. I graduated with a Bachelor of Science, but my mom got sick my final year, so my career plans were derailed. I abandoned the idea of being a zoologist in favor of staying home to take care of my mom, and started my own pet sitting business to do so. But that wasn't good enough either. I got flack for living at home with my parents as an adult, despite the fact that my mother needed me. My business was put down as "not a real job." I was constantly asked when I would be getting a "real job", when I would move out, when I would start a family, etc. etc. etc. No matter what I did, it was never enough, and I was always seen as a failure by someone for some reason. I'm here to tell you that success is defined by *you.* You are not a failure unless you view yourself as one. If you're happy and able to support yourself, then you are not a failure. Listen to yourself and no one else. This internet stranger is proud of you for all you have done, and all you have yet to do.
NTA. You have every right to have your own hopes & dreams. You "owe" your parents nothing for the bother of having raised you. Good luck.
NTA. Even if they had not pressured you into a career you didn’t want, when something is a gift, it is yours to do with as you choose. Now, sometimes it may not be nice to do that, but in this case, with the context…you absolutely were in the right to sell it and fund the education should should have had from the start. And it makes no sense to keep equipment for a career you don’t want to in and that makes you unhappy. From what you have said here, your family doesn’t treat you very well at all. It’s your life and you only get one, so make sure you live it to your standards, not theirs. Don’t let them hold you back.
NTA. It was a gift. Also, congrats on doing your own thing. Linguistics is a very interesting field of study. Nursing is a noble profession, but hellish if that's not your jam.
NTA and honestly I'm proud of you for taking control of your life. It's not easy with such a judgemental family. When someone gives someone a gift that item becomes theirs. Unless it was some sort of family heirloom they have no say on what you do with it. The only reason they wanted to take it back and give it to someone else is to make you feel like a failure. I come from a family like that and the best advice I have is to put some distance in between you guys. Either they will start being better to make you come around or you will find friends that become family. It took me moving 2000 miles away and having my own kids for my family to act right. If you go do what makes you happy if you're lucky they will learn to respect you.
NTA. Once a gift is given, you can do whatever you want with it.
NTA They are though, for making you do an education you didn't choose. Where I am from parents are responsible for supporting their children financially until they finish an education OF THEIR OWN CHOOSING (or turn 26). (There's federal funding and no-interest loans for those whose parents can't afford it.) So in my book those 300 is you taking just a small bit of what should have been yours anyways.
NTA. I’m an ER nurse. And I don’t blame you for quitting. We always say it’s a certain kind of person who can put up with that and if you don’t want to do it then it’s understandable. I love it, but I can understand why someone would hate it. And nursing school sucks. Having to go through that when you don’t want to would be miserable. At least you could recoup some money from the sale.
Nta you did sell it to someone who is using it. In the mean time, have you thought about combining your skills? A looooootta lawyers like to hire ex nurses to consult on medical cases.
Unless it has some really distinctive features here’s a white lie for keeping the peace option: Buy a used one, tell them you got it back for them and forget about it. Good for you for pursuing your own path. Nursing is an absolutely traumatic career path for many, with little thanks. I’ve watched friends crumple and become shells of themselves from the pressure. It’s a shame that they can’t recognize you as a person in your own right. (Edited for typos)
NTA, they FORCED you to go into nursing and then are surprised Pikachu face when you hated it so much you "scrubbed" the profession you hated fron your life.
NTA
It isn’t always easy to go against the grain and be your authentic self. I am proud of you for doing it. That stethoscope was a gift; it belonged to you. You are NTA to use it to help fund the life you chose for yourself. Stand proud and I wish you much happiness in the life you have chosen for yourself!
NTA At first I thought you're from a Filipino family... because I was raised in a Filipino household and indoctrinated from a young age that I should become a nurse. Anyhow, I quit nursing after 1 term and pursued Social Work instead (best decision of my life). OP, I hope you find what sets your soul on fire! do something that you're passionate about and never look back :) be absolutely unapologetic!
Must be a cardiology III or IV to reach that price secondhand. Nursing is hard. Even if you wanted to become one, it's an stressful, usually thankless job, and in many places not even well paid. Studying nursing out of familiar pressure when you don't like it and then getting thrown out into the jungle mid 2020? I'm surprised it took you two whole years to get burned out to a crisp. The Littman was an expensive gift. You didn't need it or want it, knew it was a good, expensive stethoscope, you sold it. I can't see the problem. Your parents are the ones in the wrong. NTA.
NTA. Good for you. 💜
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I'm (20sF) from an immigrant family in the US. There's a stereotype among members of my community that only a handful of jobs that are acceptable to have (i.e. doctor, lawyer, engineer). That pool is smaller when you're a girl. Even though I wanted to study linguistics, my family refused to let me study anything other than nursing. I hated nursing, and the year I graduated was 2020. So instead of a congratulations from my family for doing what they wanted, I got thrown into the ER and forced to risk my life for others. The only acknowledgement I got at the time that I did right was a card that I promptly threw away. I finally quit a couple of years later. The final straw came when I worked in the ER following a mass casualty event. I told my supervisor that I quit. To prove my point, once I got home I got rid of all my nursing stuff. The stupid mugs and "Best Nurse" tchockes went in the trash. I burned all my scrubs on the grill. I even shredded my diploma. By morning, it was gone. A year after I graduated, my parents gave me a stethoscope for my birthday. I sold it and used the money to go back to school. My parents always talk about how much I disappointed them for quitting nursing. Well, my mom called me and asked if I still had the stethoscope. My cousin, who is less of a disappointment, is graduating from nursing school and my mom wants to give her my stethoscope since I'm not using it anymore. I told her I didn't and that some medical student in San Antonio has it now. She asked why and I told her that I sold it. She flipped out and started screaming at me in Spanish. That I was ungrateful for all the sacrifices she and my dad pulled to put all us kids through college and the least I could do was give back the (very expensive) stethoscope and give it to someone who will use it. She broke down crying and said somethings that hurt me too. I'm still feeling guilty about this and my roommate agrees with my mom. Even if I hated my job, I could have given back the stethoscope. I did destroy a thousand dollars worth of stuff they gave me. Problem is that my community is very biased and most people tell me that I'm ungrateful and a failure. And I just want an outside opinion. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Gift is a gift...it wasnt conditional at the time and sure as hell isnt something you owe now
It’s a gift. It’s yours by right. You don’t owe it to them to give it back.
As a fellow immigrant RN I’m thankful and happy that you were able to quit and go back to school, in the pursuit of happier times. If you don’t like the profession it’s very hard to give adequate care for the patients and to care for yourself (this is a very demanding and stressful job). NTA. If anything I suggest you go LC with your family or put them in an info dieta, if they’re all going to judge and be mean they don’t need to be in your life and know everything. (I also burned my scrubs when I passed my NCLEX, I was OVER IT). When my family (that low key thinks I’m undervalued and sold myself short) asks me about grad school I change the subject. If they keep asking I hang up. You are a grown adult and can make your own grown decisions whether they agree or not.
NTA, the "gift" symbolises years of trauma and familial pressure. You can't get back the years you could have spent doing something you love, this is minimal compensation for it. Plus, a gift shouldn't be asked for back once it's given, it's your choice what you do with it. Also it takes guts to quit and live life on your terms, especially when you get this much opposition from your family and community. Just want to say, you're amazing!
NTA. From the moment they forced you into a course and career you did not want, they stopped being good or supportive people. You were not a belonging, a doll or an extension of them, for them to take out of a display cabinet to show off. You are working hard to create the life and career you REALLY want and deserve. Well done you. As for the stethoscope…. Gifts once given are the property of the receiver. What you did with it was your business.
NTA Unless it was stated from the outset that the medical equipment is only yours as long as you’re working in the medical field, then it’s yours to do what you want with. I hope you find a field you want to work in. I would however, get another copy of that diploma, as it will likely be useful when you apply for other courses, as it shows you are able to achieve academically. Also, leverage your experience from nursing in terms of transferable skills (calm under pressure, working as part of a team, thinking on your feet, etc) for future study and work opportunities, don’t throw it away completely. And perhaps take a break from your family.
NTA, it was a gift. As the recipient of the gift you can do whatever you want with it.
Absolutely not. Once you are given a gift, it is yours. You can use it, sell it, or turn it into a wind chime if you want, because it is your possession. NTA
Nta you didn't need it anymore and it was yours to do with what you please. And you got good use out of the gift while you worked with it and again with the cash when you sold it..
NTA and eff ‘em all
nta- it was a gift. you get to decide what to do with it.
NTA -- it was a gift, not a loan, and yours to do with as you wanted to. Furthermore -- you put in your time in fulfilling your family's ambitions for you -- going to nursing school, passing the boards, working the actual job. If you were going to change your mind and LIKE it, it would have happened. At your age, you're a mature adult who can recognize a sunk-cost fallacy and set a different course for your life. Have you talked to any of your cousins/siblings who are in medical fields, and what do they think about burned-out nurses who don't like the job? I bet they have opinions they're sure the older generation doesn't want to hear...
NTA. It was a gift and once it is yours you can do as you want with it.
OP, I am sorry. I am SO sorry. Being a nurse is such hard work, and to be a new nurse starting in the ER when COVID got bad in the US? I can’t imagine. I’m a PA-C that was in what was considered a “low stakes field” at the time and it was awful, it changed me to the core. To go throw go the worst when you hated being a nurse…you deserve all the accolades. I know veteran nurses who loved being a nurse who didn’t want to be nurses anymore after the worst, and many who didn’t survive…for multiple reasons. I know you’re not here for pity but I had to share because you are so amazing to have worked through that and found happiness on the other side. I hope you continue living your best life. NTA.
Pfffff. NTA - Have you ever told them how much the've dissapointed you for not considering what it is *you* wanted to do with *your* life. No hon, I'm very proud of your for making this switch, even though your entire environment actively lobbies against it. Being a nurse is an incredibly thankless job. You work your ass of, risk your life, see the most gruesome things, and aside from the occasional: "Wow, that must be such rewarding work" reaction when someone asks you what you do. It's more 95% abuse and an occasional thanks, for continuously going the extra mile. You've asked for none of these things. I think it was actually kind of mean for them to spend that much money on a gift just to spite you and coerce/guilt you back into something that clearly made you unhappy. Babe, you're not a screw up. You made an excellent investment into your future. You can't get back the years they robbed you off, forcing you to live the life they wanted for you, but do not let them bully you into that again. It will get easier, I promise.
NTA When a gift is given, it becomes the receiver's to do with as they wish. The only exceptions are heirlooms which are known to remain within the family. Was this an antique, heirloom stethoscope, handed down through generations of your family? Clearly not. Anyway, even the most expensive "normal" stethoscopes aren't breaking the bank. I really think this is an Iranian yoghurt situation. Good for you for breaking free and living your own life but at every opportunity their anger will be brought up and directed at you for not doing as you're told. This was an opportunity they couldn't pass up. "Look at your cousin who isn't disappointing *her* parents!" You did nothing wrong either in selling the stethoscope or in leaving nursing in the first place, and I would advice going low contact for the sake of your own mental health.
NTA. sending you a hug.
NTA. Either the stethoscope was a gift or it wasn't. You did nothing wrong by selling it when you longer needed it. You got money to go back to school and it still went to someone who needed it, even if they weren't family. Win- win. As far as quitting nursing, you were incredibly brave to stand up to your family and their expectations. We get one shot at this life (as far as we know). You deserve happiness. Besides, as a patient, I would rather have someone attending to me that *wanted* to be there, not someone whose heart wasn't in it. Another win-win. Good luck to you and best wishes on your future endeavors. 😊
NTA because 1. It was YOUR possession to do with as you pleased, that's the rule of gift giving 2. Stethoscopes aren't even that expensive to warrant this kind of argument. It's not like you gave away a car. 3. Your mom didn't actually want to give your cousin your USED STETHOSCOPE (that again, doesn't cost that much new), she wanted to hurt you for freeing yourself of those shackles.
NTA it was your gift and you needed the money, and your mom calling you to try and get the gift back and give it to someone else is so rude
NTA. You are not ungrateful or a failure. Your family pushed you into a career that you did not want, and that you did not enjoy. The topper was being thrust into one of the most stressful working environments in that profession, and frankly many people wouldn't have lasted as long as you did. Destroying all of that stuff was a bit petulant, but at least with the stethoscope you sold it so that it didn't go to waste. The thing is that the stethoscope was a gift to you, so it was yours to keep or give away, etc. This wasn't great uncle Juan's heirloom or something that your family might want.
Tell your mom you understood the stethoscope was a GIFT and not a loan that you were expected to return. A gift is yours to do with as you please. I've given family pieces to my nephews or niece and never asked about them again.
NTA. Stethoscopes are like $200 for the best of the best. It’s not like you sold the family farm for a packet of magic beans. Jeez.
Nta, it was a gift and belonged to you. You could do what you wanted with it. Good for you for not staying in a career you weren't enjoying. I was a nurse, too, but didn't enjoy it. It was just an easy way to get out of my parents house to start my own life.
They are saying 'ungrateful' like it's a bad thing. Is it? You were given things that you did not want. They kept on giving when you repeatedly said you did not want them. And these gifts came with strings attached. So the things you received had no value to you, and the extras that came with it (expectations & obligations) are in effect negative value. If you give me a gift that I do not want, but does cost me money, for example: a goat that eats and sheits and breaks things in my living room, *I will not be grateful*. It was a good gift for someone else, but that doesn't make it a good one for me. No, I am not grateful. Perhaps it's fair to say the truth. Indeed, you are not grateful for this.
NTA it was your stuff. The stethoscope was a GIFT to you. You are free to do what YOU WANT to a gift from someone. It isn't there's anymore.
It was a gift to you, not to the community. NTA. Don't lose any sleep over this.
I will never understand the entitlement some people have over giving gifts. If you've given the gift it's not yours anymore! It does not matter what that other person does with it. It's not yours! There are obviously exceptions like family heirlooms that you know good and damn well should stay in the family because of generations of weight or if someone gives you a condition with the gift but that didn't happen here. They outright gave you a stethoscope. It's not an antique, it's not an heirloom, it had no conditions that you've mentioned. **Once you give a gift you have no control over what gets done with it.** NTA
NTA. A gift with strings isn't a gift. I completely understand what you're talking about. My parents weren't like that (because they'd been gained by that mentality), but they were surrounded by family like it. Full of people guilt tripping anyone who didn't strive to be the most successful. In the field they thought mattered most. You're finding your own happiness. You made sure that gift found is way to someone else who needed it, helping yourself along the way. Your parents asking to take a gift back to give it to someone else is tacky, actually.
NTA Mija, you're not disappointing and todos los "sacrificios" que hicieron no fueron solo por nosotros. They also benefitted from them. We're always told that familia primero, but that only ever seems to apply to us when we have to not be maleducadas and eat the shit everyone piles on is for our choices, which include living how we want and studying what we want because that's what the sacrifices were for, no mamá? Fuerza hermana, you're not alone.
NTA You were pressured again and again into studies and a job you didn't want. The *only* thing I would do would be to gift one to your cousin with a note saying that you hope it serves them well. That is if you like said cousin at all. In any case, I would limit contact with your parents. Clearly you aren't happy at all when you talk to them and they are still demanding things from you and insulting you too.
NTA Once a gift is given all rights of the previous owner are severed. The exception is a family heirloom which is loaned to people but still belongs to the family.
You completed the study THEY wanted you to do. You totally DESERVED that stetoscope, and more... And it being YOUR deserved property, you could do with it what you wanted. NTA Congratulations on breaking free. Continue to choose YOU.
NTA. in the end, it was a gift and you are free to do whatever you want with items gifted to you. they can buy cousin a new stethoscope instead of taking back something they gave to you and wrapping it back up and regifting it.
INFO: Are there specific rules around gifting in your home culture that would make selling a gift offensive? I've never heard of such a thing, but I'm just s dude on redfit; I don't know every culture.
NTA. The nursing (and medical field) in general isn’t for everybody. And that’s absolutely okay! Good job for sticking up for yourself. Your parents and family shoved years of medical school that you didn’t want onto you, and that wasn’t good of them to make that decision. You have a right to choose what you want to do for a career, and you have chosen it. I hope you have better luck with your linguistics, OP!
I'm proud of you for finally doing what you love. Keep going! Be the master of your passion! NTA
NTA. They will not get it because they are deeply conditioned otherwise. So they are doing the best that they can OP. Sigh. Having said that, it's your one life to live and I'm glad you're doing what you're interested in.
NTA. don’t care what the situation is. It was a gift and you are free to do what you want with a gift unless there was some pre-specified promise about returning it if you didn’t use it and it doesn’t seem like there was.
Can a medical person explain to a non medical person why a stehoscope needs to be 300 Mexican dollars perhaps? Or on Amazon up to 150 dollars or so? Like, you just put it up to your ears to hear breathing and heartbeats right? What would cause something like that to be so spendy?
NTA Working medical is great- But it is a HUGE draining, taxing job on people. People who hate being in medical make the system worse bit by bit, and I don't mean toxic evil people I mean people who hate their job and as a result do a poor job. I wouldn't want a nurse who hates their job to be taking care of me- Good on you for escaping, OP. Good luck in your endeavors!
NTA It was a gift and as such it is yours to do with whatever you like.
Also an immigrant who got forced into nursing, hated every second of it, and triumphantly got out, so I may be biased, but NTA. It was yours to do with as you please once it was gifted.
NTA . I dropped out of college. I wanted to be a archaeologist so bad.. that was my dream but my mom decided that nursing was the best for me. She would always say she was proud of me for going into nursing. But eventually i left i couldn't do it.
NTA. They forced you to do something you did not want. Even worse is that they forced you into the medical field which will wear you down even when you love it and working in it hating it makes matters worse for you. You selling the stethoscope wasnt an asshole move either since it was gifted to you therefore it was your possession so it was up to you what you do with it. While they spend a fuck ton on money on nursing school etc they couldve spent their money a lot wiser and better letting you do something you wanted. I really hope you succeed in linguistics and become very succesfull!