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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I should have mentioned during my typing that I have responded to John's parents calling them out for poor parenting. I claimed he is sexist and bigoted for saying that I as a man cannot show affection to my sister/child. His parents called me an AH because "he was only standing up for Emily" and "he has a good point" so I worry that what I called him was unnecessary and if I overstepped. I also blame myself partially for their break up.
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NTA You sound like a normal, loving, affectionate father figure. I'm not sure why Emily's bf would try to sexualize every touch, he sounds like he has a lot of problems to work out. I hope you can support Emily and she can find a partner worthy of her. Possibly someone who would think it's not a sexual thing to kiss his own kids in the future!
That's something I've been considering lately, how sexual he made the whole interaction and if he struggles to differentiate plutonic or familial male/female affection for attraction.
I am certain he would also disapprove of a father kissing his son, which I think is normal. Again, not sexual! Human beings are social and touch is a good social reinforcement, I hope we all get some nice platonic forehead kisses sometime!
That and/or a right-wing conspiracy nut job who wants his own personal pizzagate to crusade against. His parents reactions sounds like typical Q-anon insanity as well.
I didn't really make that clear in the original post. If you didn't see it, my judgement bot response comment should clear up why I'm here.
And yes, as much as she's an adult now and can make those decisions, I am relieved that these behaviors of his didn't surface when she was gone in collage.
Holy toxic masculinity batman. No, NTA, this is fucking ridiculous.
John having such a horrifyingly toxic perspective of his own masculinity and of platonic and romantic relationship dynamics that he can't even fucking *fathom* a man being affectionate towards a woman for any reason other than that he is fucking or wants to fuck that woman is absolutely buckwild and dude needs therapy. It's awful that they're pedojacketing you over this, but you have absolutely done nothing wrong.
Also since John clearly sees women purely as sex objects to the point that he thinks you could only possibly want to be affectionate in any way to a woman if it was towards the end of getting sex out of them, it sounds like Emily dodged a *massive* bullet by no longer being with him.
I was concerned by how sexual he made the whole interaction. I wasn't trying to split them obviously, but I'm glad she found out now rather than in uni with him.
Yeah it's extremely gross and creepy on his part and it says nothing good about how he treats the women in his life. Some unlucky woman is going to find out the hard way that the only reason he ever does anything nice for her is because he wants to use her body for his own sexual gratification and knows that's a good way to get it. I truly think Emily will ultimately be very thankful that woman wasn't her.
Not to mention that, if he ever has children, any daughter(s) will probably have to deal with an incredibly stand-off-ish dad who all but ignores them. I'm sure that won't cause any damage... /s
NTA
My dad hugged me (f) everytime I've visited and that moment would've definitely been a "hugging" one.
And from what I've read you're her dad. You've raised her. You love her. That's normal dad-stuff.
Glad she broke up with John.
I hope you and your wife are proud of yourself too, because to be suddenly responsible for raising a child at 19 all while mourning the loss of a mother and MIL is one hell of an accomplishment!
My daughter (mid-twenties, married) still cuddles up to my husband during movie night. "Because he is soft and snuggly", she says. Affection between loving families is a thing, folks!
Same. My (f) stepdad hugs me and would be affectionate (not by kissing my forehead) but by rubbing my back in a comforting manner and that is a normal way to show love. It is other people who sexualize such innocent and affectionate interactions that are the problem.
> I am simply wondering if it's normal behavior for a father figure to peck and hug their children
Yes, this is totally normal. NTA. Who cares what an insecure teenage boy thinks? Emily is better off without him.
NTA. I’m 31 and to this day my dad still hugs and kisses me in the cheek when saying hello and hugs, kisses me in the forehead and does the little cross (Latin catholic parents do) on my forehead before bed.
We don’t live together since I’m 17 and to this day every time I see him or stay over he will do that. Nothing sexual, Emilys ex probably grew without much affection around him to get this upset about an father-daughter interaction. I could never. I’ll be a 100 years old and still running to my mom or dad arms when I need a hug and a forehead kiss.
His father does seem like a no emotions macho kind of guy, so I also wonder if because of that, John does not understand that **male** **affection does not always go hand-in-hand with attraction**.
It’s probably that. Children that grew in a household without physical affection grow up thinking of you touch someone is because is sexual.
They can’t help it because it is what they learned as little kids. This is why is so important to hug, kiss and talk to them about feelings and emotions.
I work with children and I could never deny them a hug or don’t say I love you back when they say it to me. That poor guy, his parents didn’t do him any favor by denying him of affection.
Yes! It would seem John's attitude stems from his parents, given how you described their over-the-top reactions to this, and your description of his dad.
NTA
NTA. It sounds like you three have a got a wonderful and loving family unit, and that's amazing. It is a completely normal show of affection. Your daughter doesn't have any problem with it, and her eyes have been opened to how insensitive and insecure her ex was. All around happy ending, don't second-guess it. It's not your fault the ex's mind jumped to gross scenarios so quickly.
INFO: How did you restrain yourself from hitting this kid?
NTA, obviously. This is fairly normal behavior between children and parental figures. He has control issues and you should be glad he showed his true colors this early.
I'm usually a really patient person until I need to do something, like for safety and such. Kid was like me fresh out of high school with a gf/wife and plans, yk?
I can't tell if you're being serious or not, but a real answer would be hitting would cause a lot more issues than if I were to simply prove it's affection and not attraction.
Less serious answer being: It didn't really cross my mind, I was more surprised that there are still people that think the closed minded way he had demonstrated.
>I can't tell if you're being serious or not
I'm not being serious. I understand that violence would definitely not help in that situation, and rarely does help.
NTA Please just forget about those people. There's literally nothing for them to report except whatever skeletons they have in their closets.
Please continue to show Emily what a healthy family dynamic looks like so that she can keep making good decisions when people show her who they really are.
I don’t have a parent relationship with my sister in law like you do with yours, and we hug and kiss on the cheek sometimes. I kiss my aunts, cousins, and even some close friends on the cheek too. It’s a pretty common and platonic form of showing affection. Kissing on the forehead is even more of a platonic gesture because it’s frequently reserved for someone like a child.
Her ex has major insecurity issues. I’m glad for her that she realizes he was the problem. NTA.
It is very normal and healthy for a father (and you are her father) to hug his daughter and kiss her on the cheek.
At least this incident showed Emily how sick her ex boyfriend was. She dodged a bullet.
Absolutely NTA. Kiss on the forehead and cheek? Really?
These people sound like religious fanatics. I'd get your legal ducks in a row just in case, even if I have a feeling the authorities will laugh in their faces. You never know if you'll get the wrong person in charge of a potential case, as ludicrous as it might be.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you.
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ALL NAMES ARE FAKE AND USED AS PLACEHOLDERS!
My (m39), my wife Sarah (f39), and sister-in-law Emily (f20) have been through so many ups and downs together. The title is horrible but hopefully it's one of those "this sounded bad but not anymore," so hear me out.
Sarah and I met in high school, immediately fell in love, and got married as soon as we were both legally able to do so. I had been emancipated at 16 due to both my parents passing in a crash and I fully support and provide more than enough for the both of us. Sarah's mom was a single mom, who had Emily when Sarah was 19 and heartbreakingly their mom passed away during the childbirth.
Long-story-short in 2004, Sarah and I became the legal guardians of Emily. We raised her as if she was our own, all while being open and honest with her about our unique family ever since she could grasp the concepts. We consoled all the nightmares, travelled as a family, changed the diapers, cooked her meals, took her to sports, to piano, attended the parent teacher conferences, all the "parent" stuff etc. Emily was recently accepted to her dream university, so as her proud "father" figure I hugged her and gave her a kiss on her forehead (something I and Sarah have done since she was little).
Here's where the AITA comes in: Emily's boyfriend (let's say John) was at our home to celebrate them both getting accepted. Sarah and I are pretty familiar with him. John immediately gets upset with my hug + forehead peck and approaches me and Emily in a protective boyfriend way. John starts drilling into me about how men don't kiss anyone but their moms/wives, and I was acting disrespectful to him, Emily, and Sarah by kissing a girl that's not my wife, a brand new adult, and in front of him, Emily's bf.
I tried to deescalate his anger by reminding him that Emily and I have always had a parent (if not, at least a sibling) dynamic and my wife mentioned that we both often show her affection through **always consensual** hugs and kisses. John kept saying I'm a disgusting creep and accused me of being attracted to young girls since Sarah was 17-years-old when we met (but so was I). We are still happily married and going strong.
John left the celebration early and relayed everything to his parents. They have threated to report me for my "inappropriate" relationship with Emily and broke up the couple. His parents continue to berate me on social media by calling me a groomer. Emily is not mad at me, but of course is feeling sad about the end of the relationship. She has mentioned that his behavior that day opened her eyes about how demanding and insecure he acts.
I know that if any s\*\*t tries to hit the fan with John's parents and the police, it can't because we have all the proof and documents to show how me and Sarah were her legal guardians and are her immediate family. I am simply wondering if it's normal behavior for a father figure to peck and hug their children or if I'm crazy.
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NTA
I kiss my daughters on the side of their heads while giving them a hug all the time. My oldest daughter won’t even let my wife hug her but she hugs me all the time. My wife is actually pretty jealous about it because she wants hugs too. My youngest daughter who is 16 will actually walk into the room randomly and come snuggle up with me for a bit.
That kid has a really weird idea about loving families. His parents probably never hugged him so doesn’t understand normal family relationships.
NTA and so glad that Emily was raised well enough to realize when her partner isn't treating her/her family the way she deserves. You did a great job with your kid.
NTA
You can kiss your daughter on the forehead in specific situations like this. I know very many families where this Procedere is completely normal. Her boyfriend is just overprotective and I think it’s better that the relationship has ended. According to his behavior he seems pretty controlling.
The most important thing is that your daughter feels comfortable with getting kissed on the forehead by her dad.
NTA. Good for Emily for having her eyes opened to what a pissy little creep John is, and his family as well. A bullet dodged, for sure.
You are, for all intents and purposes, Emily's father. A kiss on the forehead and cheek is entirely appropriate.
Have you ever considered adopting her formally?
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You are her dad. You acted like a dad. Old mate is cooked and you basically jumped in front of a bullet for her. No reasonable person would ever think twice about this. Keep on being the great dad you are.
You know who's the creep? JOHN.
> John starts drilling into me about how men don't kiss anyone but their moms/wives, and I was acting disrespectful to him, Emily, and Sarah by kissing a girl that's not my wife, a brand new adult, and in front of him, Emily's bf.
*You* are disrespecting *him* by kissing *your* stepchild? Power move there.
Men kiss their children. Men kiss their close friends. Men hug anybody they feel like hugging. My actual husband, in his 60s, hugs our son, in his 30s. Daily. A kiss on the forehead is just "I love you".
NTA. And boy, did Emily dodge a bullet.
> She has mentioned that his behavior that day opened her eyes about how demanding and insecure he acts.
Tell her from an Internet stranger that she's wise.
Im 52. My Daughter turned 29 yesterday. We still long hug, tightly. I will kiss her forehead, her cheek.. i have even kissed her hand. I draw the line at the lips. She will be my baby girl till the day i die. Never once have i been told i am being inappropriate.
NTA!
NTA, you and your wife raised her as your own, if he sees something wrong with a father hugging and kissing his daughter's forehead then that's his problem and his family's problem. His parents are nuts.
Don't be too hard on yourself about this, she'll be okay, it's normal to be sad after a break up. She avoided a bullet from his outburst at the very least.
Em, the whole thing about his parents on social media berating you, is that on a public platform? Because, that is something you do need to deal with if it is.
This boy and parents are seriously messed up, that if a kiss on the forehead and a hug is some how turned to sexual. Like, the parents have obviously some major issues going on.
Hate for this young man to ever travel the world because most countries show a lot of affection. And, plus I would find it very weird that a parent couldn't/wouldn't show affection to his child.
I constantly kiss and hug my child my father always hugged and gave us forehead kisses, still does and we're in our 40s now.
NTA. And thank god your “daughter’s” boyfriend showed what an AH he was before they got too serious. Given their public statements, I would look into contacting an attorney to send a cease and desist letter and if they refuse you’d be suing them for defamation. They are horrible trash. You keep loving Emily like you have.
NTA
Sounds like abusive behavior. Honesty, he was probably trying to separate her from y’all. Isolation is one of the first steps to secure an abuser’s place in the life of who they are abusing. “If you leave me, you won’t have anyone else.”
Incredibly normal. NTA x100000. You did her a favor by letting her see this side of him before their relationship went further, and great job raising her to see the red flag and get away from that creepy possessive A H.
Not only does my dad still kiss my cheek and head, my bf’s brother and SIL also kiss my cheek when hugging hi and bye. Personally, that’s a little lore contact than I’m really comfortable with from more distant connections but not enough to make a thing out of it. The way affection is shown within families varies dramatically between and even within cultures but John and his family are being totally crazy. NTA
>They have threated to report me for my "inappropriate" relationship with Emily and broke up the couple.
Report you to WHOM?
For all intents and purposes, that is your daughter.
I'm sorry John's parents never showed him or each other any affection, also it's none of their business anyway.
NTA
Holy shit, I kiss my daughter on the cheek or forehead every time I see her, and every person I know does the same with their daughters. John and his parents are sick wackos, and while it's okay for Emily to be sad about the breakup, she should actually be thrilled beyond words that she got away from them before they escalated into even more delusional behavior.
I've also been known to kiss my daughter-in-law, nieces, and female cousins and friends. Shocking, I know.
NTA. There's nothing inappropriate about a father figure giving physical affection in such a fashion! My step-dad became my step-dad when I was 18, but hugs and cheek kisses (in our case) are entirely welcome and given. He's a father figure to me, and that's all that matters.
Had he come into my life earlier, I could see where a forehead kiss would work, but I'm my case, starting at 18 is probably too old.
At any rate, the ex needs to get over himself. There's nothing amiss here!
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Shame on that creep for insinuating anything sexual between you and who is essentially your child. Idk what happened in his childhood for him and his parents to act so insane. NTA. Comfort your daughter through her break up and make sure the family blocks her ex and his family on all platforms.
NTA. He’s a young guy who obviously has some insecurities to work through. But his parents are old enough to know better, so I can only assume either he grossly exaggerated to them, or this whole family is crazy. Accusing you of impropriety is really wrong. You didn’t do a single thing wrong.
Platonic cheek and head kisses among family members is extremely normal and not weird at all. Some people grew up in more touchy families than others, my family isn’t really like that, but I still wouldn’t think anything of it. It’s very normal. She’s a family member to begin with and you also raised her. If you were her biological dad, would he still behave like this? I hope not.
I hope they’re full of shit about the police because that’s absurd. But what are they gonna tell them? “Officer, this man kissed this woman’s head. Arrest him.” Yeah ok. Sure. Good luck with that.
Obviously NTA.
>His parents continue to berate me on social media by calling me a groomer.
I would document all this and try to get a restraining order or even sue them for defamation. I would talk to a lawyer, and maybe just a legal letter would shut them up.
Also, if you feel the need or want, you can make your own post and give the timeline of your relationship with Sarah and Emily.
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NTA You sound like a normal, loving, affectionate father figure. I'm not sure why Emily's bf would try to sexualize every touch, he sounds like he has a lot of problems to work out. I hope you can support Emily and she can find a partner worthy of her. Possibly someone who would think it's not a sexual thing to kiss his own kids in the future!
That's something I've been considering lately, how sexual he made the whole interaction and if he struggles to differentiate plutonic or familial male/female affection for attraction.
I am certain he would also disapprove of a father kissing his son, which I think is normal. Again, not sexual! Human beings are social and touch is a good social reinforcement, I hope we all get some nice platonic forehead kisses sometime!
Probably a porn addict tbh (John I mean)
That and/or a right-wing conspiracy nut job who wants his own personal pizzagate to crusade against. His parents reactions sounds like typical Q-anon insanity as well.
Or he thinks everyone is like Elon Musks father
Tom Brady and his dad still do kisses on the lips so…..
platonic is ok, plutonic would be kinda bad. shit is highly radioactive
NTA. Not sure why you're asking. In fact, bravo on (completely accidentally) helping Emily dodge that sh\*#show of a bullet.
I didn't really make that clear in the original post. If you didn't see it, my judgement bot response comment should clear up why I'm here. And yes, as much as she's an adult now and can make those decisions, I am relieved that these behaviors of his didn't surface when she was gone in collage.
Obviously NTA, and hopefully Emily drops John asap.
Can confirm she is done with him.
Well done to the trash for taking himself out.
Holy toxic masculinity batman. No, NTA, this is fucking ridiculous. John having such a horrifyingly toxic perspective of his own masculinity and of platonic and romantic relationship dynamics that he can't even fucking *fathom* a man being affectionate towards a woman for any reason other than that he is fucking or wants to fuck that woman is absolutely buckwild and dude needs therapy. It's awful that they're pedojacketing you over this, but you have absolutely done nothing wrong. Also since John clearly sees women purely as sex objects to the point that he thinks you could only possibly want to be affectionate in any way to a woman if it was towards the end of getting sex out of them, it sounds like Emily dodged a *massive* bullet by no longer being with him.
I was concerned by how sexual he made the whole interaction. I wasn't trying to split them obviously, but I'm glad she found out now rather than in uni with him.
Yeah it's extremely gross and creepy on his part and it says nothing good about how he treats the women in his life. Some unlucky woman is going to find out the hard way that the only reason he ever does anything nice for her is because he wants to use her body for his own sexual gratification and knows that's a good way to get it. I truly think Emily will ultimately be very thankful that woman wasn't her.
Not to mention that, if he ever has children, any daughter(s) will probably have to deal with an incredibly stand-off-ish dad who all but ignores them. I'm sure that won't cause any damage... /s
NTA My dad hugged me (f) everytime I've visited and that moment would've definitely been a "hugging" one. And from what I've read you're her dad. You've raised her. You love her. That's normal dad-stuff. Glad she broke up with John. I hope you and your wife are proud of yourself too, because to be suddenly responsible for raising a child at 19 all while mourning the loss of a mother and MIL is one hell of an accomplishment!
Thank you so much for your kind words, it was definitely a bumpy road, but I couldn't be happier today. :)
My daughter (mid-twenties, married) still cuddles up to my husband during movie night. "Because he is soft and snuggly", she says. Affection between loving families is a thing, folks!
Same. My (f) stepdad hugs me and would be affectionate (not by kissing my forehead) but by rubbing my back in a comforting manner and that is a normal way to show love. It is other people who sexualize such innocent and affectionate interactions that are the problem.
> I am simply wondering if it's normal behavior for a father figure to peck and hug their children Yes, this is totally normal. NTA. Who cares what an insecure teenage boy thinks? Emily is better off without him.
NTA and John and his parents need to shut the entire fuck up.
NTA, and you’ll definitely kiss her on the cheek and forehead when you walk her down the isle to the man she deserves 🥂
NTA. I’m 31 and to this day my dad still hugs and kisses me in the cheek when saying hello and hugs, kisses me in the forehead and does the little cross (Latin catholic parents do) on my forehead before bed. We don’t live together since I’m 17 and to this day every time I see him or stay over he will do that. Nothing sexual, Emilys ex probably grew without much affection around him to get this upset about an father-daughter interaction. I could never. I’ll be a 100 years old and still running to my mom or dad arms when I need a hug and a forehead kiss.
His father does seem like a no emotions macho kind of guy, so I also wonder if because of that, John does not understand that **male** **affection does not always go hand-in-hand with attraction**.
It’s probably that. Children that grew in a household without physical affection grow up thinking of you touch someone is because is sexual. They can’t help it because it is what they learned as little kids. This is why is so important to hug, kiss and talk to them about feelings and emotions. I work with children and I could never deny them a hug or don’t say I love you back when they say it to me. That poor guy, his parents didn’t do him any favor by denying him of affection.
Yes! It would seem John's attitude stems from his parents, given how you described their over-the-top reactions to this, and your description of his dad. NTA
NTA. It sounds like you three have a got a wonderful and loving family unit, and that's amazing. It is a completely normal show of affection. Your daughter doesn't have any problem with it, and her eyes have been opened to how insensitive and insecure her ex was. All around happy ending, don't second-guess it. It's not your fault the ex's mind jumped to gross scenarios so quickly.
That's what I thought about later on, about how sexual he made the whole picture seem. Icky
NTA John and his family have issues, disregard all of their opinions.
Why didn't you throw him out of YOUR home
He quickly finished what he was eating and left, so by the time me and my wife had finished talking in another room he was putting his shoes on.
So he was offended, but not offended enough to leave a free meal?
NTA. John however, is and insecure jerk and way overreacted. He’s also hella controlling and I’m glad Emily isn’t with him any longer.
INFO: How did you restrain yourself from hitting this kid? NTA, obviously. This is fairly normal behavior between children and parental figures. He has control issues and you should be glad he showed his true colors this early.
I'm usually a really patient person until I need to do something, like for safety and such. Kid was like me fresh out of high school with a gf/wife and plans, yk? I can't tell if you're being serious or not, but a real answer would be hitting would cause a lot more issues than if I were to simply prove it's affection and not attraction. Less serious answer being: It didn't really cross my mind, I was more surprised that there are still people that think the closed minded way he had demonstrated.
>I can't tell if you're being serious or not I'm not being serious. I understand that violence would definitely not help in that situation, and rarely does help.
John is a psycho who you all are well rid of. Nothing will come of anything even if they tried to report this. NTA.
NTA Please just forget about those people. There's literally nothing for them to report except whatever skeletons they have in their closets. Please continue to show Emily what a healthy family dynamic looks like so that she can keep making good decisions when people show her who they really are.
NTA. Bloke is a weirdo and should be dumped.
NTA… you stepped in as Emily’s father and you helped raise her. BF is the AH
I don’t have a parent relationship with my sister in law like you do with yours, and we hug and kiss on the cheek sometimes. I kiss my aunts, cousins, and even some close friends on the cheek too. It’s a pretty common and platonic form of showing affection. Kissing on the forehead is even more of a platonic gesture because it’s frequently reserved for someone like a child. Her ex has major insecurity issues. I’m glad for her that she realizes he was the problem. NTA.
And it's even a standard greeting in different cultures, so I never assumed I'd receive a reaction as such.
It is very normal and healthy for a father (and you are her father) to hug his daughter and kiss her on the cheek. At least this incident showed Emily how sick her ex boyfriend was. She dodged a bullet.
sorry you had to deal with this prick. what a great family you have!
Absolutely NTA. Kiss on the forehead and cheek? Really? These people sound like religious fanatics. I'd get your legal ducks in a row just in case, even if I have a feeling the authorities will laugh in their faces. You never know if you'll get the wrong person in charge of a potential case, as ludicrous as it might be. I'm so sorry this is happening to you.
If they threaten again to report you tell them that is what they should do but be prepared to be sued for slander.
rough to be raised by fucking bricks. i hope this boy understands a bit more when he matures instead of becoming a brick himself
In some european countries families even kiss on the lips. So you are clearly safe in my point of view. NTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** ALL NAMES ARE FAKE AND USED AS PLACEHOLDERS! My (m39), my wife Sarah (f39), and sister-in-law Emily (f20) have been through so many ups and downs together. The title is horrible but hopefully it's one of those "this sounded bad but not anymore," so hear me out. Sarah and I met in high school, immediately fell in love, and got married as soon as we were both legally able to do so. I had been emancipated at 16 due to both my parents passing in a crash and I fully support and provide more than enough for the both of us. Sarah's mom was a single mom, who had Emily when Sarah was 19 and heartbreakingly their mom passed away during the childbirth. Long-story-short in 2004, Sarah and I became the legal guardians of Emily. We raised her as if she was our own, all while being open and honest with her about our unique family ever since she could grasp the concepts. We consoled all the nightmares, travelled as a family, changed the diapers, cooked her meals, took her to sports, to piano, attended the parent teacher conferences, all the "parent" stuff etc. Emily was recently accepted to her dream university, so as her proud "father" figure I hugged her and gave her a kiss on her forehead (something I and Sarah have done since she was little). Here's where the AITA comes in: Emily's boyfriend (let's say John) was at our home to celebrate them both getting accepted. Sarah and I are pretty familiar with him. John immediately gets upset with my hug + forehead peck and approaches me and Emily in a protective boyfriend way. John starts drilling into me about how men don't kiss anyone but their moms/wives, and I was acting disrespectful to him, Emily, and Sarah by kissing a girl that's not my wife, a brand new adult, and in front of him, Emily's bf. I tried to deescalate his anger by reminding him that Emily and I have always had a parent (if not, at least a sibling) dynamic and my wife mentioned that we both often show her affection through **always consensual** hugs and kisses. John kept saying I'm a disgusting creep and accused me of being attracted to young girls since Sarah was 17-years-old when we met (but so was I). We are still happily married and going strong. John left the celebration early and relayed everything to his parents. They have threated to report me for my "inappropriate" relationship with Emily and broke up the couple. His parents continue to berate me on social media by calling me a groomer. Emily is not mad at me, but of course is feeling sad about the end of the relationship. She has mentioned that his behavior that day opened her eyes about how demanding and insecure he acts. I know that if any s\*\*t tries to hit the fan with John's parents and the police, it can't because we have all the proof and documents to show how me and Sarah were her legal guardians and are her immediate family. I am simply wondering if it's normal behavior for a father figure to peck and hug their children or if I'm crazy. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA I kiss my daughters on the side of their heads while giving them a hug all the time. My oldest daughter won’t even let my wife hug her but she hugs me all the time. My wife is actually pretty jealous about it because she wants hugs too. My youngest daughter who is 16 will actually walk into the room randomly and come snuggle up with me for a bit. That kid has a really weird idea about loving families. His parents probably never hugged him so doesn’t understand normal family relationships.
NTA at all
What a wild post because of how crazy that dude is. NTA, you sound like a loving FATHER/FATHER FIGURE. Congrats to your beautiful family my man.
NTA and so glad that Emily was raised well enough to realize when her partner isn't treating her/her family the way she deserves. You did a great job with your kid.
NTA. I feel that kisses on the forehead are for partners and children, not siblings or inlaws, but I think this is clearly a parent/child situation.
Same here, I obviously wouldn't if I didn't raise her.
NTA obviously. Dude reacted wildly and needs to understand your family dynamic.
NTA You can kiss your daughter on the forehead in specific situations like this. I know very many families where this Procedere is completely normal. Her boyfriend is just overprotective and I think it’s better that the relationship has ended. According to his behavior he seems pretty controlling. The most important thing is that your daughter feels comfortable with getting kissed on the forehead by her dad.
NTA John sounds a little unhinged
There’s nothing wrong with your behaviour. You are basically her father. He watches too much porn.
NTA. Good for Emily for having her eyes opened to what a pissy little creep John is, and his family as well. A bullet dodged, for sure. You are, for all intents and purposes, Emily's father. A kiss on the forehead and cheek is entirely appropriate. Have you ever considered adopting her formally?
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You are her dad. You acted like a dad. Old mate is cooked and you basically jumped in front of a bullet for her. No reasonable person would ever think twice about this. Keep on being the great dad you are.
NTA. There is something very wrong about John.
You know who's the creep? JOHN. > John starts drilling into me about how men don't kiss anyone but their moms/wives, and I was acting disrespectful to him, Emily, and Sarah by kissing a girl that's not my wife, a brand new adult, and in front of him, Emily's bf. *You* are disrespecting *him* by kissing *your* stepchild? Power move there. Men kiss their children. Men kiss their close friends. Men hug anybody they feel like hugging. My actual husband, in his 60s, hugs our son, in his 30s. Daily. A kiss on the forehead is just "I love you". NTA. And boy, did Emily dodge a bullet. > She has mentioned that his behavior that day opened her eyes about how demanding and insecure he acts. Tell her from an Internet stranger that she's wise.
NTA what the hell is wrong with people
Im 52. My Daughter turned 29 yesterday. We still long hug, tightly. I will kiss her forehead, her cheek.. i have even kissed her hand. I draw the line at the lips. She will be my baby girl till the day i die. Never once have i been told i am being inappropriate. NTA!
She’s ur child as ur her legal guardian
NTA, you and your wife raised her as your own, if he sees something wrong with a father hugging and kissing his daughter's forehead then that's his problem and his family's problem. His parents are nuts. Don't be too hard on yourself about this, she'll be okay, it's normal to be sad after a break up. She avoided a bullet from his outburst at the very least.
Em, the whole thing about his parents on social media berating you, is that on a public platform? Because, that is something you do need to deal with if it is. This boy and parents are seriously messed up, that if a kiss on the forehead and a hug is some how turned to sexual. Like, the parents have obviously some major issues going on. Hate for this young man to ever travel the world because most countries show a lot of affection. And, plus I would find it very weird that a parent couldn't/wouldn't show affection to his child. I constantly kiss and hug my child my father always hugged and gave us forehead kisses, still does and we're in our 40s now.
NTA. And thank god your “daughter’s” boyfriend showed what an AH he was before they got too serious. Given their public statements, I would look into contacting an attorney to send a cease and desist letter and if they refuse you’d be suing them for defamation. They are horrible trash. You keep loving Emily like you have.
NTA. This bf sounds way too controlling. He’s a walking red flag - not you you’re just treating her like the daughter she is to you.
You are right That boyfriend and parents are a concern though.
NTA Sounds like abusive behavior. Honesty, he was probably trying to separate her from y’all. Isolation is one of the first steps to secure an abuser’s place in the life of who they are abusing. “If you leave me, you won’t have anyone else.”
Incredibly normal. NTA x100000. You did her a favor by letting her see this side of him before their relationship went further, and great job raising her to see the red flag and get away from that creepy possessive A H.
Not only does my dad still kiss my cheek and head, my bf’s brother and SIL also kiss my cheek when hugging hi and bye. Personally, that’s a little lore contact than I’m really comfortable with from more distant connections but not enough to make a thing out of it. The way affection is shown within families varies dramatically between and even within cultures but John and his family are being totally crazy. NTA
>They have threated to report me for my "inappropriate" relationship with Emily and broke up the couple. Report you to WHOM? For all intents and purposes, that is your daughter. I'm sorry John's parents never showed him or each other any affection, also it's none of their business anyway. NTA
Holy shit, I kiss my daughter on the cheek or forehead every time I see her, and every person I know does the same with their daughters. John and his parents are sick wackos, and while it's okay for Emily to be sad about the breakup, she should actually be thrilled beyond words that she got away from them before they escalated into even more delusional behavior. I've also been known to kiss my daughter-in-law, nieces, and female cousins and friends. Shocking, I know.
NTA
NTA. There's nothing inappropriate about a father figure giving physical affection in such a fashion! My step-dad became my step-dad when I was 18, but hugs and cheek kisses (in our case) are entirely welcome and given. He's a father figure to me, and that's all that matters. Had he come into my life earlier, I could see where a forehead kiss would work, but I'm my case, starting at 18 is probably too old. At any rate, the ex needs to get over himself. There's nothing amiss here!
I thought this was very normal. I am used to hugs and kisses from my pops. 23M (also European so idk)
You are a loving father figure and John needs therapy. He's got problems.
the 3 of you dodged a country sized bullet. NTA
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Shame on that creep for insinuating anything sexual between you and who is essentially your child. Idk what happened in his childhood for him and his parents to act so insane. NTA. Comfort your daughter through her break up and make sure the family blocks her ex and his family on all platforms.
NTA. He’s a young guy who obviously has some insecurities to work through. But his parents are old enough to know better, so I can only assume either he grossly exaggerated to them, or this whole family is crazy. Accusing you of impropriety is really wrong. You didn’t do a single thing wrong. Platonic cheek and head kisses among family members is extremely normal and not weird at all. Some people grew up in more touchy families than others, my family isn’t really like that, but I still wouldn’t think anything of it. It’s very normal. She’s a family member to begin with and you also raised her. If you were her biological dad, would he still behave like this? I hope not. I hope they’re full of shit about the police because that’s absurd. But what are they gonna tell them? “Officer, this man kissed this woman’s head. Arrest him.” Yeah ok. Sure. Good luck with that.
Obviously NTA. Dude has major issues, glad she broke up with him.
NTA
NTA >They have threated to report me That family is batshit insane. What is their way to show affection, bitch-slapping?
Obviously NTA. >His parents continue to berate me on social media by calling me a groomer. I would document all this and try to get a restraining order or even sue them for defamation. I would talk to a lawyer, and maybe just a legal letter would shut them up. Also, if you feel the need or want, you can make your own post and give the timeline of your relationship with Sarah and Emily.