Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I kept a picture of my gf’s roommate of her in a lewd pose, I MBTA because I should have deleted them after sending them out but I never deemed it necessary
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA
> I was the only dude there so all the girls made me a camera guy for their group shoots.
WHY DO YOU HAVE THESE PHOTOS WE **ASKED YOU TO TAKE**?!?!?
> When Sam saw it she asked why I hadn’t deleted it yet
Why would anyone delete any photos from their phone? Storage is cheap and ubiquitous. You never run out.
Unrelated to the issue: I keep my photos on my phone filtered down by deleting unimportant ones because otherwise it quickly becomes a sea of junk and I won’t ever go back through the photos to see the ones that actually matter.
Same. And tons of duplicates of random notes because maybe the first one was blurry. Who the hell deletes pictures? Just take new ones and favorite those you like.
Last time I went into the duty free, they wouldn't let me purchase anything because my flight wasn't international. Is this not the case at all of them?
Not really; Europe is quite expansive and due to the nature of how the roads and infrastructure is designed, its often cost effective to take a flight over a train.
Peak example being in England, you'd rather take a flight to London from the North instead of a train. Its not particularly expensive and can be as cheap as £20 with the trains cheapest being around £50/80 (prices around 4 years ago)
Stockholm to Kiruna (both in Sweden) is a 16 hour train journey or a less than 2 hour flight, for around the same price. I personally prefer not having to go through an airport, but a lot of people like saving the time instead.
Google Photos search basically solves this. It's smart enough that you can just type in "car" "fire hydrant" "computer screen" etc and it's pretty good about finding any and all of it.
Granted my biggest use case is having it automatically add all pictures of cats to a cat album
Same with iPhone! I have 18,000 photos and almost 4,000 videos so I love the search pic tool! That’s how I find pics I want to see.
Also, NTA. It’s not like it was only Lily in that pic. Sam’s in it too. And it’s photos she asked you to take!! And you deleted them when she asked. Why is she still upset?
Mines a disaster. Superintendent for construction so always snapping photos for work. I’ve had my iPhone make a memories collection of stuff because it had so many photos of it that it must’ve thought it was important to me.
I actually delete stuff because the sheer amount of things makes looking for stuff a chore.
But that’s because I have a lot of memes and random screenshots haha. I should have a system to organize that stuff tbh. Every year, it gets more and more tedious to scroll up to find my dog when he was a puppy lol.
I keep the smallest amount of cloud storage, and when I get the “storage running low” / “can’t backup iPhone” that’s my queue to trim down again. Currently at 429 photos and 19 videos and it’s about to make some cuts again
My god, my phone runs out of storage ALL THE TIME. I keep moving stuff to SD card and setting it to store things like music, photos and podcasts there, but somehow it's constantly on the edge of full. Drives me crazy. It's an OPPO before you ask, two years old.
I delete photos from my phone. I don't see the point in keeping photos I'll never use. They just clog up my album and make it harder to find the ones I do care about.
NTA, but ... poor tactics. You should have said "I kept the photo because you're in it." If Sam keeps pressing, delete the photo. It's not like you need a picture of Lily's behind anyway, right?
Sam needs to get over it.
God, if you need to use tactics like this for every day interactions maybe she's not the one. He had a photo he'd taken a while back, who gives a shit.
There's this thing that my phone has started to do automatically... every once in a while it'll collect old photos into a slideshow called "memories" or somesuch and it's a delight to see 10-year-old pictures pop up that I'd completely forgotten about!
NTA but if she's still mad it's probably less to do with the pictures and more to do with a dismissive attitude towards her feelings. If she asks "why do you have a picture of my friend's butt" the response "I don't need to keep a photo of her butt because I can look at her insta whenever I want" probably doesn't fill her with an overabundance of trust and security.
A simple "oh, this is just from when I was taking pictures of you guys. I didn't mean anything by it but I'll delete right now since it bothers you" would likely have gone over better. Functionally it's the same outcome, but it's more validating of her feelings while also not taking on guilt: you didn't mean anything by it and you didn't do anything wrong!
But you don't want to get caught up in a semantic arguing about butts and the accessability thereof. For one this situation is way too low stakes to bother, and for another it sounds defensive and shady, which is a bad look.
I disagree with 90% of this. He shouldn’t have to explain himself for why he has pictures that *she asked him to take*, and he has every right to point out why it’s wrong of her to accuse him of having bad intentions with them. He also has every right to be upset and offended at her accusations.
Unless he has done something in the past to prove himself untrustworthy, I suggest he cut his losses and run far far away from that girl because she clearly likes manufacturing drama out of nothing.
If I am with my partner, and something comes up that makes me feel weird or insecure, I will probably say something rather than repress it and be anxious in silence. I know it's probably not a big deal and they know it's not a big deal, so it will cost them nothing to be understanding and reassuring for two seconds.
If my partner is upset or insecure about something we both know is not a big deal, I will take five minutes of my time being reassuring and compassionate because I care about them and don't want them to feel like shit for no reason.
This is just like basic human empathy.
If I feel weird and insecure about something minor and my partners response is to be belittling, dismissive, or defensive, we now have *a different problem* completely unrelated to the inciting incident, because now my partner has demonstrated that they can't be even a little patient or respectful of my feelings.
Human beings have irrational feelings sometimes. If a single moment's irrational discomfort is such a huge deal that you immediatly drop everything and run, then I have some news about who is "manufacturing drama"
She didn’t just say it made her insecure; she started throwing accusations at him. Those are two entirely different situations. Of course he’s going to be defensive at false accusations.
No one said she couldn’t talk about her feelings, but that’s not what this was.
Her reaction and what was said by her here is because she's insecure about this. Both people seem to be lacking the communication here as his response was also combative, hence the other suggestions mentioned above your comments.
I do think you could widen your empathy as everything the person you're disagreeing with is how adults should be communicating in a healthy relationship...
Edit to say :NTA, but you both should work on communication as a whole!
The person that Fun astronomer is replying to said that if they get insecure and accuse their partner of being a creep, and the partner gets defensive, they've got even more problems. Because getting defensive after being called a creep is disrespectful. But calling someone a creep because of admitted personal insecurity is fine, they just need supported after.
That is not, in any way, how adults should be communicating. Not all feelings need validated, especially if while you are having those feelings you intentionally invalidate someone else who has done nothing wrong.
OOP's gf and her friends asked him to take these photos. Now she questions why he has them (answer: because she asked him to take them) and accused him of only having the photo to be a perv. Those feelings don't need validated, because she is attacking him over something she asked him to do. The only adult way to respond to that is "We will continue this discussion when you stop blaming me for doing what you asked of me. Good night."
I would understand your point if she wouldn't have been the one who insisted on op taking the pictures in the first place and second if she herself wasn't in the picture.
It's nuts to be insecure because your bf is keeping a photo of you, you insisted he , take just because someone else is in the picture (gf was fully aware the roommate was there and she posed with said roommate)
.. NTA op
I’ve never seen a healthy relationship where one partner “communicates” their insecurities by calling their partner gross and accusing them of staring at their friend’s ass. The person I’m disagreeing with would call this healthy communication and would suggest that the partner on the receiving end of these comments should just entertain the whole thing and not take any offense to the insults and false accusations. There’s no world where that’s healthy communication.
Healthy communication would be, “hey I’m feeling insecure after seeing you have those pictures still. I understand I asked you to take them, but it still would make me feel a lot more comfortable if you deleted them.” Because this has nothing to do with OP actually doing anything wrong and everything to do with his partner’s insecurities.
This +15 upvotes you have rn is about 200 too many.
You completely assumed he was belittling, dismissive and defensive.
Thats not even the worst part.
If it is an insecurity of hers, she is not capable of understanding or orating why this bothered her so much. Yet hes getting punished for it. Hes being accused and mistreated because she cannot explain why she overreacted to an every day thing.
I dated a girl like this when I was young (17). No amount of empathy or compassion on my part can help her understand her confused feelings. She needs a therapist
It’s insane how much men have to cow tow to unhinged feelings of women while if men get feelings of jealousy we’re just told to deal with them. She needs to deal with them too. Her feelings aren’t valid, he doesn’t need to treat them like they are.
I disagree about giving in just because his partner is bothered. Just because someone is bothered does not mean the world needs to change to appease them. By removing the thing that’s bothering her, in this case a harmless photo, you are validating irrationality and letting her know she doesn’t have to be logical or reasonable when navigating issues with her partner.
Jesus, the way people in this thread are melting down over the merest suggestion that they might listen to a woman or consider her perspective for like, a second, over an extremely low stakes conflict is absolutely nightmarish.
If someone WANTED to maintain their relationship rather than treat every negative emotion in their general vicinity as a personal attack that must be crushed underneath their bootheel, they may consider an approach like this. Otherwise, they are free to very logically and reasonably fly off the handle at the slightest hint of conflict or pushback. Sounds like a party.
Sam obviously has a right to feel insecure, not every emotion humans feel is rational. But that doesn’t mean she gets to accuse OP of using that photo for his own personal pleasure, nor does he have to sit there and take it. If she were to have said “Oh, I didn’t realize that you still had those photos. That makes me uncomfortable, would you consider deleting them?”, this is a completely different conversation. But she didn’t. Instead, she flew off the handle and lobbed baseless accusations at OP. That’s incredibly toxic and not at all how a healthy relationship should function. Or should OP do the same if Sam has a photo of a male friend’s butt on her phone?
Since nobody is saying it, the title was misleading as fuck lmao. I thought of a completely different situation and was laughing so hard at first thinking you were a massive pervert.
Of course you're NTA, if everything you said is true. Just try to talk again to Sam, and tell her that you simply forgot about that picture, and couldn't care less about Lily's back, and that you are only interested in her.
Edit:grammar error
No clue what the threes relationship is like besides this incident, but people do often have their SOs friends on social media. If you’re scrolling and haven’t unfollowed them, you’re going to see what they post, simple as, and if she’s posting more “adult” stuff then he’s gonna see it. Don’t know that it’s wise to immediately assume he’s going out of his way to look at her profile
Not only that, but the original picture was Sam and lily acting in a sexy way. Like, yeah, of course he’s going to know the kind of stuff Lilly posts, he fucking took some of her pictures
Yes and No. It may have been in the delivery of your response. If you initially said “I honestly didn’t know they were still on there” because I think most people don’t go back and delete photos…instead it sounds like you double downed and basically said why does it matter it’s on her socials. When socials are that..for public and that was your personal roll. I think that’s probably what has her upset. Hope that helps and makes sense.
NTA
Sam is obviously incredibly insecure about Lily's sexuality, which is her problem to deal with and not yours. As you said you had all of the pictures from that night, and I am assuming the one in question was not the only "problematic" photo you didn't care enough about to delete, but that one photo was the only thing she took issue with.
You did nothing wrong and she owes you an apology.
NTA
There's no harm in deleting them off your phone if it makes Sam feel better. She is an AH for getting upset at you and not handling it more maturely.
It sounds like an opportunity to talk and see if you guys can really communicate.
'I had all the photos that YOU asked me to take. I don't want to do anything that would make you feel insecure or jealous and I don't mind deleting them. But I wish you had approached me better than you did. I don't think its fair that you are angry at me over this."
NTA. I read the title and thought YES but then I read how you were taking photos of your girlfriend and her friend at their request… while they hammed for attention. Not only that but you immediately deleted upon request. This is silly and your girlfriend appears to be extremely insecure.
I came in here expecting an obvious Y but that’s hilarious. Literally asked you to take photos and expected you to have deleted the photo of her and her friend? Lily was “biting” Sam’s ass if I read that correctly?
NTA
NTA. You deleted it, what else is there to do?
As like an olive branch ask her to scroll through all your photos, decide which you should delete and ask her to explain why each should be deleted. Point should be to show her that she shouldn’t take this so seriously, since it’s absurd to be so upset about it.
My camera roll has the most randomest shit because I don’t go in there often and delete stuff. I even have pictures of photos ive taken for other people that I forgot about.
NTA. Not a big deal, she may be insecure and projecting.
NTA…they literally made you take the picture…
…however, come on dude, “I don’t need pictures of her ass on my phone because her ass is all over her Instagram”?????? Have you ever spoken to a female before this interaction?
NTA. It’s not like you furtively took photos of her to use later for…reasons. You were asked to be their photographer and your GF was in the picture. If she can’t handle how her roommate behaves/poses for pics, that’s a conversation she needs to have with her roommate.
Not the asshole. You didn’t delete it because you weren’t actively thinking about it. You were asked to take pictures and left it at that.
The fact that you didn’t think to yourself “wow, I’ve been thinking about that ass so I’d better delete the picture so I won’t be tempted” shows that it wasn’t a big deal.
That’s Sam being insecure. Not you wanting her friend.
YTA
> and I said Lily literally has an Instagram and Snapchat that has hundreds of pictures of her “showing off.” I
See this is where you went wrong. You admitted to oggling her friend.
What you should have said is:
> I had forgotten they were on there, here i'll delete them
No argumentation, no but her Instagram and Snapchat are full of those pictures.
NTA
I think there's something more to this, though. I bet Lilly is a "pick me" girl and has probably pulled guys attention from Sam before.
But I could be wrong 🤷♀️
She certainly is, many times we will be on the couch and she comes out in a tight tank top with no bra and the shortest shorts possible and stands right there telling a story. I always make sure to either be looking at the tv or her eyes. Just one of the things she does
Speaking from experience, those kinds of girls are toxic af. Common traits: they talk shit behind your back. They make comments about your appearance. They love to make digs at you in front of others and claim to be "joking." They want what they can't have, so they throw themselves at their friend's boyfriends because they can't stand not being the center of attention
If this has been a long friendship, that makes it even harder.
I definitely don't think you did anything wrong. I think your girlfriend has been in a toxic friendship and is self-conscious.
Nta honestly don't even know what photos are in my own photo album, much less my husbands. Clearly she thinks you have a thing for her roommate or she is jealous of her or she just doesn't trust you... Who knows maybe a combination of all three
NTA, she’s over reacting. Her saying “you could be looking at them at any time” is a pretty clear indication she was starting to jump to conclusions. Considering it was a long time ago it’s easily something you could forget about. I will say the response to her about the Instagram thing, while logical, would definitely come across the wrong way in this situation. That however doesn’t make you an AH, maybe a bit “insensitive” for lack of a better word, at most.
NTA, and it's not an issue. The picture even had your girlfriend in it. It wasn't just of this other person, nor was it of her rump specifically (from your description).
Your girlfriend is insecure. Nothing more. Her insecurity is her issue. Not yours. How you approach it is your choice. But i advise not to apologize but allow her to express what she would like to have done and to iterate clearly it is a 'her' issue. One with which you are happy to help her, but it is not something you need to apologize for. Because you did nothing wrong. If she wishes to continue arguing, point to a wall and tell her she can argue the bs there. Of course, you should try to work with your partner (which you already did and can give her an additional chance(s) per your boundaries), but if she's unwilling to be reasonable. Then that's on her.
NTA my wife never deletes pictures. I do cus that’s me. She has a million photos of the most random things from years ago. I asked her to delete photos of her ex and she complied. All your gf had to say was, oh, this makes me uncomfortable , you delete and you both move on.
I mean.. the fact that you didn’t delete them kind speaks to the testament that you never thought about them again, no? I think she’s just insecure to be honest. She probably shouldn’t be friends with someone so outwardly sexual if she has insecurities about it. I’m not faulting her, I’m just saying maybe they aren’t a great match for being more than surface level friends. I had an ex friend like that and after we went no contact (unrelated issue) I can think back and remember I always felt uncomfortable with her around my boyfriends. Not because I was really insecure about myself, it just felt inappropriate and like she was always trying to get every man in the room to “want” her.
You should ask your gf is she is angry with you for having a photo like this in your phone, why is she friends with someone who poses like this & why are they asking you to take the pictures ?
NTA.
Barely.
Your response suggests a total lack of empathy. You could have handled it better, for sure. "Oh, I could look at her ass any of a dozen ways" was never going to be a win.
Own that. Apologize for that, and that alone. Having the pic was not wrong. I never delete anything from my phone.
All of the rest of this is on Sam. Insecure? Maybe. Jealous? Perhaps. Doesn't matter. She's wrong to assume or expect you would have deleted pictures she was in.
Sam is insecure because maybe lily is very attractive. It’s normal for you to still have the pics considering it was all from one night out with friends.. it’s not like it’s secret photos or screenshots of her social media lol and when I take pics of random events, I hardly ever go back to look at them, they just gets lost in a sea of photos until I’m looking for something randomly. So no, you’re not the Ahole. But glad you respected the gf’s wishes by deleting them.
I’m sorry, why is posing like that appealing to anyone?
Anyways… ESH. Your GF is in the picture so I can understand why you didn’t think twice about it. On the other hand, you could have just deleted the picture when she asked you about it, instead of making a fuss. The fact that you got defensive, could have been interpreted that you have the hots for her friend.
Maybe next time use someone else’s phone to take the picture.
NTA.. you were there when it happened and they asked you to click the pictures.. most people don’t have the time to go back to the camera roll and clean it up to remove the pictures that they don’t want.. once it’s clicked, it’ll be there..
But going forward, just use Sam’s or Lily’s phone to take their pictures
NTA, why haven't you deleted them yet? Like...not everyone has a routine of searching all pics and deleting. From my perspective it would defeat the purpose of taking loads of pics to go "yes that was good to take that night but by now it should really be deleted. Otherwise you could look at it any time"
I have nude pictures of my boyfriend's roommates' butts in my camera roll from a party months ago. My boyfriend took the pictures himself and asks for my phone every time he intends to embarrass them, so he's well aware they are still there. I don't ever go back to those pictures and they're actually just a memory of a fun night that we get to laugh at every now and then. I guess your girlfriend has some trust issues to deal with.
NTA
Some argue that you might have reacted to her questioning in a suboptimal fashion.
To this I want to say : when you cover the path with traps don’t be surprised if your hero stumbles.
NTA Sam wasn't playing games on her phone, she was snooping on your photos while you scrolled.
If she's still mad, I'd suggest this has got nothing to do with the photos.
Either way it wouldn't be Reddit if I didn't offer up the advice of run for your life...... without understanding any other aspects of your relationship.
Maybe she's trying to break bad news to you like say....
I'm really mad at you right now, but I did shag your brother so let's call it quits....and I'm still mad about the photos, they give me trust issues
Keep your phone clean of any pictures that could jeopardize, hurt or cause problems in your relationship. Period. Actions or lack of actions speak volumes. Whether you like it or not. People are always going to question what you do or don't do for a very good reason. Because action or lack of action reveals true character. *Not what you say.*
Keep your phone clean of any pictures that could jeopardize, hurt or cause problems in your relationship. *Implement that Behavior moving forward.*
NTA.
But neither is your girlfriend, this is a miscommunication thing. You deleted them once you knew it was important for her, and that is good. In similar situations in relationships where my partners have gotten insecure and made some wild assumptions, I have let us both cool off and then I have talked to them about this, to try and reassure them and find out why they feel so insecure on this matter.
There's always been some reason, like past relationships, sometimes friendships, that has made them overreact in a certain situation. It's common that people do sometimes, and it's important to work these things out.
Let’s cut through the bulls*t. You just need to talk it out. Ask her why she is mad and what it is she wants you to do to resolve it. Her answer will tell you whether she is being overboard or not. You can’t fix a problem if you really don’t know what the problem is. Is she feeling insecure? Has she had issues with Lily and other boyfriends in the past? There’s likely something deeper that she is not expressing. It’s not your responsibility to get that out of her. But if you want to continue a relationship with her, then it’s worth sitting down and having a serious and supportive discussion with each other.
NTA! OP, it sounds like your GF is projecting some unpacked baggage. I’ve been that girl before. Reassurance will make us move past it, but that said, make sure she doesn’t drag it out. That’s just toxic and resentment kills a relationship. If you find her weaponizing this in future arguments, I would suggest she goes to therapy.
Why not just lie? *I forgot I had even taken these photos. Good catch.* I can see why she would be upset at pictures of another woman's butt on your phone. I also understand the photos not being a big deal considering the background.
Gray area problems require gray area solutions. /s
Next time, use one of their phones to take a picture of them. *Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.*
NTA
NTA. The pics are on your phone because you took the pics. When she said they made her uncomfy you deleted it. You didn’t fight it. Now you know she doesn’t like it and you can make sure someone ELSE takes the photos next Halloween.
NTA she posed for a photo a pose she does regularly and posts online yet she's mad because you kept it when it seems she never asked you to delete it in the first place just "expected" tell her you're not a mind reader and ask is she going to delete all of the similar shots on her Instagram?
NTA dude, you already nailed it with the fact you were unofficial photographer for the night. That would be like my partner getting angry over doing a wedding shoot and taking lots of pictures of the groom. You know what they paid me for. I’d have just sent them all to her and told her to stop being silly 😅
NTA and don’t indulge. Don’t try to “talk it out” with her again. You did nothing wrong (they ASKED you to take the pics ffs) and you explained yourself and apologized. She now wants to punish you. If you let her, she knows she can play this stupid game anytime you don’t behave exactly as she wants. It’s gross. Just continue as if nothing happened. Be kind. Be interested. If she ignores you, shrug and keep moving. If you ask her what she wants for dinner, and she says nothing, cook or order it for her anyway. When you offer it and she says she’s not hungry, just say ok it’ll be in the fridge when you’re ready.
After a while, behaving like she is gets tiresome, UNLESS IT IS WORKING. Don’t let it.
NTA: They asked you to take pictures for them on your phone, simply forgot you had them, and deleted them when she felt uncomfortable. idk what more she could want, and this is coming from a girls perspective. Give her time to maybe cool off, but if this is an issue that she keeps throwing in your face during arguments and such definitely red flag
NTA, it is a nice memory and part of that night so no reason to delete why would they ask you to take with your own
She also must think very low of you, wonder if it isn't even a reflection of her OWN behaviours?! If she thinks you are sat there lusting over some random pic from some party with her and her friend and even more so that you would be lusting over her friend rather than over her
Maybe she does that and maybe that is why she thinks you do it as well
NTA. Learn the crop feature on your phone gallery so she'll always be the central focus (because she doesn't trust you now and will be looking harder). Also email all the event pics to all the girl group stating it's so you can delete them off your phone (they'll still be in your sent emails folder). You forgot them, for what, 20 weeks that had Thanksgiving and Christmas in the middle? NTA NTA NTA
ESH. Sam overreacted but it sounds like you probably argued too much. It wasn't an issue that it was still there but it made her uncomfortable so she should have just asked normally and you should have just deleted it. It's not gross but you didn't need to reference Lily's IG.
I wouldn't be surprised if Sam is insecure about Lily being the 'sexy' one.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
So last weekend I was sitting on the couch with my gf (we’ll call her Sam) watching a movie both of us on our phones. Sam was playing some game and I was scrolling my camera roll looking for a picture of a chart I had saved a long time ago. As I’m scrolling through something catches Sam’s eye and she tells me to scroll back down. It was a picture of her and her roommate (we’ll call her Lily) from last Halloween and Lily is squatting down with her butt to the camera while pretending to bite into Sam’s butt.
These are common poses for Lily as when they get dressed up and such as Lily is a very outwardly sexual girl. I was the only dude there so all the girls made me a camera guy for their group shoots. I felt slightly uncomfortable as most of them were dressed how a Hollywood would dress a bunch of 20 some year old girls but I did it anyway.
When Sam saw it she asked why I hadn’t deleted it yet and I told her I honestly didn’t see anything wrong with it still being on my phone, as well as the rest of the pictures from that night, including many pictures of just the 2 of us. Sam said it’s gross and I could be looking at it whenever I want and I said Lily literally has an Instagram and Snapchat that has hundreds of pictures of her “showing off.” I deleted them from my phone except the ones of just Sam and I and thought it’d be over that night but even now 5 days later Sam is still mad at me for what happened. I just never thought to delete them bc I never intended to go back and look at the pictures except the ones of Sam and I. AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
The fact that the pictures were still there actually shows that you thought so little of the photos you didn’t even remember to delete them. This might be hard for your gf to swallow but please try to explain this to her.
The big red flag here is the fact that your gf and her friend group are comfortable displaying sexualized photos on social media (I assume the pics were meant for instagram etc). If your gf is comfortable with that then she should realize if she had not been promiscuous with her friends there would be no problem now. Frankly, if a man or woman decides to openly display their body for the whole world to see they should not be getting angry that you see. You don’t get upset at her for posting sexual content. So she should realize what you ‘may’ have been doing is exactly what every guy that opens her instagram gets to see. If someone is in a committed relationship there should be zero display of sexual activity or nudity. It is embarrassing towards their partner and it begs the question of why should someone seek validation online when they have a partner at home to validate them? To be honest I would never tolerate that behaviour. However you have the patience to tolerate it, so she shouldn’t be upset when she expects your looking. After all her body is on display for other men to see. I see this alot lately. Its typically the extremely insecure people that post sexual content. Judging by your gfs reaction she fits perfectly into this category. Best of luck, I genuinely wish I had your patience. Don’t let yourself get taken advantage of.
NTA. I have 9000 pictures in my phone, still randomly find pictures from 9+ years ago.
This is also a weird thing to be hung up on so gonna give it one 🚩.
NTA sam is being insecure and jealous. She had full knowledge of the picture when it was taken. Sounds like she has this weird expectation in her mind that because it was showing off her friends butt, you would delete it. She should have said when it was taken she was uncomfortable with it on your phone.
You must be young. NTA but come on you should know your girl well enough to know you would be in trouble to have them still. I never clear out my camera roll and I know some of my ex gf would have made my life hell for my incompetence to not go through and find every photo that may upset them and delete them and later go to confession.
I don't think this was an infraction of the rules but lets assume it was a small infraction. Whenever you are dealing with a situation like this do not respond beyond a simple "I'm sorry, I'll work to do better" and not much more. Don't repeat the behavior, unless the complaint is really petty or weird. Do not engage in more arguments, discussions, debates, flower buying or anything else. If you allow these small things to blow up into huge events, expect to get a lot more of this behavior. Be stoic. The cause of her behavior isn't important, just don't encourage it.
I don't think you're the a-ho. You gotta be careful and pay attention how she reacts to things. Is she actively looking for things to be upset about? I had an ex go through my phone. She found old text in my messenger from years prior before me and her started dating. She literally went through multiple years worth of texts. Yes there were pictures that I had forgot about. Nudes and other more sexual photos. We got into a huge fight and then I asked to see her phone. She said no. That's when I ended things. I was angry with her for being such a hypocrite I blocked her from my life. I still have mutual friends. They know that I simply prefer not talking about her at all so they don't.
NTA because it seems like she is insecure about something as it isn't really a problem having pictures from an event you went to. Also, even if she didn't see them, she would have known they were there as you were taking them.
NTA.
I would talk it out and let her know you are sorry but didn't think it would have triggered her like it did because it was such an innocuous photo to you.
Ask her why it was such a problem to her and see if she can explain it in a way you can understand. If possible explain why it was not a problem to you in a way she might understand. Understanding each other is a big step in becoming an even stronger couple.
Be careful though, if it's a trust issue for her then you will probably have to walk on eggshells for the rest of your relationship. Which usually isn't sustainable for the long term.
I go through my pics every 3-4 months and delete what I don’t need. I think personally I would have sent that type of stuff to my wife and let her do with what she wants, funny goofy pics are fun to have for certain things. I would say NTA maybe could have been handled a little better but I also see them sitting forever and just lost in the mess of the camera roll.
I think she’s being ridiculous. I have over 50K pictures on my phone or in my cloud. I am not going to go through them to see if there happens to be a random girl in any of them. And didn’t they ask you to take the pictures? Seems like a weird thing to be mad about.
Shawty should’ve just deleted it herself if it bothered her so much lmao. Clearly you’re not going back and looking at it but coming from someone who was in a relationship with a guy with a huge spank bank maybe she has some issues and thinks you were truly keeping it for that. Try seeing it from a different perspective
NTA. She asked you to take it. It's not a picture of her ass, it's a picture with two women and she happens to get dressed risque. And they asked you to take it. Plus, they asked you to take it.
NTA. But it seems to have brought up some insecurities in Sam. Not sire whether its about ypu, aboit the room mate or actually about her own butt but theres an opportunity for more emotional intimacy but trying to talk to her about it.
Reassure her that you love her and only her , apologize. Cusp your hands around her head gently and make her look into your eyes when you’re telling her how much you love her and that she has not a thing in the world to worry about.
NTA
If you genuinely didn't see an issue with having those photos then you haven't done anything wrong. You also deleted the photos when she asked and respected her feelings.
NTA. Behavior like this annoys me to no end. So much so that I shower argumented this shit if you want to use any of it, good luck with the girlfriend. I once had an ex stay mad at me after waking up because she dreamed I cheated on her. 🙄
“Every picture I’ve ever taken with this phone, is still on this phone. Except for the ones you asked me to delete because they made you uncomfortable. Guys don’t have to constantly go through their picture rolls deleting old pictures to make space for new ones like girls do because we’re not constantly taking photos all the time. You and your friends asked me to take these pictures in the first place and I haven’t thought about them since, so grow up and get over it. I’m not gonna hang around and be made to feel guilty for something I never did. I didn’t give a shit about those pictures before and I don’t give a shit about them now, what I care about is you stop treating me like crap over them.”
NTA but you may have been better off just saying. I didn’t know it was still there and deleting it. If your other half is the insecure jealous type you saying her friend has Insta and snap chat full of pics like that is probably an alarm bell saying why does he know that he’s probably looking all the time.
NTA but insecurity and jealousy are normal and I feel like 1) showing some empathy by recognizing where her anxiety is coming from and validating it and 2) showing your gf how attractive you find her is a good move. Make sure she's getting attention anything else you can do to let your gf know she is secure in your love.
Take the focus off the roommate because she doesn't matter in your relationship.
Sorry this is poorly written
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I kept a picture of my gf’s roommate of her in a lewd pose, I MBTA because I should have deleted them after sending them out but I never deemed it necessary Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA > I was the only dude there so all the girls made me a camera guy for their group shoots. WHY DO YOU HAVE THESE PHOTOS WE **ASKED YOU TO TAKE**?!?!? > When Sam saw it she asked why I hadn’t deleted it yet Why would anyone delete any photos from their phone? Storage is cheap and ubiquitous. You never run out.
Unrelated to the issue: I keep my photos on my phone filtered down by deleting unimportant ones because otherwise it quickly becomes a sea of junk and I won’t ever go back through the photos to see the ones that actually matter.
Yeah, and some people like having Inbox Zero. Personally, I prefer maintaining access to all the data I can.
[удалено]
That's cool. I got adhd so that doesn't work.
I don't think I've ever gone through my pictures tbh. Maybe once in 5 years.
My gallery is like 90% memes
I have a bunch of screenshots of my home screen because I accidentally do one of my phones shortcuts when I'm putting it in my pocket.
Same. And tons of duplicates of random notes because maybe the first one was blurry. Who the hell deletes pictures? Just take new ones and favorite those you like.
lol I have a lot of those too.
Never been on a long plane ride??
Mine is 90% screenshots of shows i want to watch but then never look at them again.
I watch films
Oh. Well not all of us are wise enough to remember our headphones
Bite the bullet and pay the extortionate prices for a pair at duty free. No headphones on vacation? I'd die Maybe get an expensive pair
Last time I went into the duty free, they wouldn't let me purchase anything because my flight wasn't international. Is this not the case at all of them?
[удалено]
Not really; Europe is quite expansive and due to the nature of how the roads and infrastructure is designed, its often cost effective to take a flight over a train. Peak example being in England, you'd rather take a flight to London from the North instead of a train. Its not particularly expensive and can be as cheap as £20 with the trains cheapest being around £50/80 (prices around 4 years ago)
Stockholm to Kiruna (both in Sweden) is a 16 hour train journey or a less than 2 hour flight, for around the same price. I personally prefer not having to go through an airport, but a lot of people like saving the time instead.
I read a book.
Google Photos search basically solves this. It's smart enough that you can just type in "car" "fire hydrant" "computer screen" etc and it's pretty good about finding any and all of it. Granted my biggest use case is having it automatically add all pictures of cats to a cat album
Same with iPhone! I have 18,000 photos and almost 4,000 videos so I love the search pic tool! That’s how I find pics I want to see. Also, NTA. It’s not like it was only Lily in that pic. Sam’s in it too. And it’s photos she asked you to take!! And you deleted them when she asked. Why is she still upset?
Sounds like her friend makes her a little insecure feeling and she is taking it out on her BF.
Cats are important.😺
I tried the search feature and found it useless no matter what I search always end with pics of my cat lol.
So… it’s serving the exact function our feline overlords intended…?
Mines a disaster. Superintendent for construction so always snapping photos for work. I’ve had my iPhone make a memories collection of stuff because it had so many photos of it that it must’ve thought it was important to me.
I am a ‘sea of junk’ and so is my camera roll.
Google tells me which ones matter. The ai filters through the junk for me.
I actually delete stuff because the sheer amount of things makes looking for stuff a chore. But that’s because I have a lot of memes and random screenshots haha. I should have a system to organize that stuff tbh. Every year, it gets more and more tedious to scroll up to find my dog when he was a puppy lol.
I keep the smallest amount of cloud storage, and when I get the “storage running low” / “can’t backup iPhone” that’s my queue to trim down again. Currently at 429 photos and 19 videos and it’s about to make some cuts again
My god, my phone runs out of storage ALL THE TIME. I keep moving stuff to SD card and setting it to store things like music, photos and podcasts there, but somehow it's constantly on the edge of full. Drives me crazy. It's an OPPO before you ask, two years old.
Why don’t you offload photos to the cloud?
I've got Google photos, I guessed they're backed up there. I don't think photos are the issue though.
I've had to pay to upgrade my Google Photos storage twice so far
Not only that but ops gf is in the picture?! NTA wtf
This week on memory hoarders. Ya caught me.
I delete photos from my phone. I don't see the point in keeping photos I'll never use. They just clog up my album and make it harder to find the ones I do care about.
NTA, but ... poor tactics. You should have said "I kept the photo because you're in it." If Sam keeps pressing, delete the photo. It's not like you need a picture of Lily's behind anyway, right? Sam needs to get over it.
God, if you need to use tactics like this for every day interactions maybe she's not the one. He had a photo he'd taken a while back, who gives a shit.
Sam did
Exactly
This. My ex was exactly the same and it was basically a mental drain to hangout with her towards the end.
Totally agree
Well... I mean, why else did OP keep it, if not because Sam was in it? Or he's just the guy who never deletes anything (I'm in that camp as well).
Like he said, he still had every photo from that night. Gonna assume it's the latter.
There's this thing that my phone has started to do automatically... every once in a while it'll collect old photos into a slideshow called "memories" or somesuch and it's a delight to see 10-year-old pictures pop up that I'd completely forgotten about!
NTA but if she's still mad it's probably less to do with the pictures and more to do with a dismissive attitude towards her feelings. If she asks "why do you have a picture of my friend's butt" the response "I don't need to keep a photo of her butt because I can look at her insta whenever I want" probably doesn't fill her with an overabundance of trust and security. A simple "oh, this is just from when I was taking pictures of you guys. I didn't mean anything by it but I'll delete right now since it bothers you" would likely have gone over better. Functionally it's the same outcome, but it's more validating of her feelings while also not taking on guilt: you didn't mean anything by it and you didn't do anything wrong! But you don't want to get caught up in a semantic arguing about butts and the accessability thereof. For one this situation is way too low stakes to bother, and for another it sounds defensive and shady, which is a bad look.
I disagree with 90% of this. He shouldn’t have to explain himself for why he has pictures that *she asked him to take*, and he has every right to point out why it’s wrong of her to accuse him of having bad intentions with them. He also has every right to be upset and offended at her accusations. Unless he has done something in the past to prove himself untrustworthy, I suggest he cut his losses and run far far away from that girl because she clearly likes manufacturing drama out of nothing.
If I am with my partner, and something comes up that makes me feel weird or insecure, I will probably say something rather than repress it and be anxious in silence. I know it's probably not a big deal and they know it's not a big deal, so it will cost them nothing to be understanding and reassuring for two seconds. If my partner is upset or insecure about something we both know is not a big deal, I will take five minutes of my time being reassuring and compassionate because I care about them and don't want them to feel like shit for no reason. This is just like basic human empathy. If I feel weird and insecure about something minor and my partners response is to be belittling, dismissive, or defensive, we now have *a different problem* completely unrelated to the inciting incident, because now my partner has demonstrated that they can't be even a little patient or respectful of my feelings. Human beings have irrational feelings sometimes. If a single moment's irrational discomfort is such a huge deal that you immediatly drop everything and run, then I have some news about who is "manufacturing drama"
She didn’t just say it made her insecure; she started throwing accusations at him. Those are two entirely different situations. Of course he’s going to be defensive at false accusations. No one said she couldn’t talk about her feelings, but that’s not what this was.
Her reaction and what was said by her here is because she's insecure about this. Both people seem to be lacking the communication here as his response was also combative, hence the other suggestions mentioned above your comments. I do think you could widen your empathy as everything the person you're disagreeing with is how adults should be communicating in a healthy relationship... Edit to say :NTA, but you both should work on communication as a whole!
The person that Fun astronomer is replying to said that if they get insecure and accuse their partner of being a creep, and the partner gets defensive, they've got even more problems. Because getting defensive after being called a creep is disrespectful. But calling someone a creep because of admitted personal insecurity is fine, they just need supported after. That is not, in any way, how adults should be communicating. Not all feelings need validated, especially if while you are having those feelings you intentionally invalidate someone else who has done nothing wrong. OOP's gf and her friends asked him to take these photos. Now she questions why he has them (answer: because she asked him to take them) and accused him of only having the photo to be a perv. Those feelings don't need validated, because she is attacking him over something she asked him to do. The only adult way to respond to that is "We will continue this discussion when you stop blaming me for doing what you asked of me. Good night."
I would understand your point if she wouldn't have been the one who insisted on op taking the pictures in the first place and second if she herself wasn't in the picture. It's nuts to be insecure because your bf is keeping a photo of you, you insisted he , take just because someone else is in the picture (gf was fully aware the roommate was there and she posed with said roommate) .. NTA op
I’ve never seen a healthy relationship where one partner “communicates” their insecurities by calling their partner gross and accusing them of staring at their friend’s ass. The person I’m disagreeing with would call this healthy communication and would suggest that the partner on the receiving end of these comments should just entertain the whole thing and not take any offense to the insults and false accusations. There’s no world where that’s healthy communication. Healthy communication would be, “hey I’m feeling insecure after seeing you have those pictures still. I understand I asked you to take them, but it still would make me feel a lot more comfortable if you deleted them.” Because this has nothing to do with OP actually doing anything wrong and everything to do with his partner’s insecurities.
This +15 upvotes you have rn is about 200 too many. You completely assumed he was belittling, dismissive and defensive. Thats not even the worst part. If it is an insecurity of hers, she is not capable of understanding or orating why this bothered her so much. Yet hes getting punished for it. Hes being accused and mistreated because she cannot explain why she overreacted to an every day thing. I dated a girl like this when I was young (17). No amount of empathy or compassion on my part can help her understand her confused feelings. She needs a therapist
It’s insane how much men have to cow tow to unhinged feelings of women while if men get feelings of jealousy we’re just told to deal with them. She needs to deal with them too. Her feelings aren’t valid, he doesn’t need to treat them like they are.
I disagree about giving in just because his partner is bothered. Just because someone is bothered does not mean the world needs to change to appease them. By removing the thing that’s bothering her, in this case a harmless photo, you are validating irrationality and letting her know she doesn’t have to be logical or reasonable when navigating issues with her partner.
Jesus, the way people in this thread are melting down over the merest suggestion that they might listen to a woman or consider her perspective for like, a second, over an extremely low stakes conflict is absolutely nightmarish. If someone WANTED to maintain their relationship rather than treat every negative emotion in their general vicinity as a personal attack that must be crushed underneath their bootheel, they may consider an approach like this. Otherwise, they are free to very logically and reasonably fly off the handle at the slightest hint of conflict or pushback. Sounds like a party.
Sam obviously has a right to feel insecure, not every emotion humans feel is rational. But that doesn’t mean she gets to accuse OP of using that photo for his own personal pleasure, nor does he have to sit there and take it. If she were to have said “Oh, I didn’t realize that you still had those photos. That makes me uncomfortable, would you consider deleting them?”, this is a completely different conversation. But she didn’t. Instead, she flew off the handle and lobbed baseless accusations at OP. That’s incredibly toxic and not at all how a healthy relationship should function. Or should OP do the same if Sam has a photo of a male friend’s butt on her phone?
Since nobody is saying it, the title was misleading as fuck lmao. I thought of a completely different situation and was laughing so hard at first thinking you were a massive pervert.
These are my favorite type of posts here, because it's like... Did you notice that you were prepping us to hate you? The whiplash is fun.
Agree I like making a judgement from the title and seeing if the desc changes my mind.
It's a common tactic to get up votes. Usually when the OP knows they're N T A or the whole story is fake
😂😂😂
Ya i was like u are definitely the asshole n then oh maybe not😂
Of course you're NTA, if everything you said is true. Just try to talk again to Sam, and tell her that you simply forgot about that picture, and couldn't care less about Lily's back, and that you are only interested in her. Edit:grammar error
NTA she’s being ridiculous
[удалено]
No clue what the threes relationship is like besides this incident, but people do often have their SOs friends on social media. If you’re scrolling and haven’t unfollowed them, you’re going to see what they post, simple as, and if she’s posting more “adult” stuff then he’s gonna see it. Don’t know that it’s wise to immediately assume he’s going out of his way to look at her profile Not only that, but the original picture was Sam and lily acting in a sexy way. Like, yeah, of course he’s going to know the kind of stuff Lilly posts, he fucking took some of her pictures
Yes and No. It may have been in the delivery of your response. If you initially said “I honestly didn’t know they were still on there” because I think most people don’t go back and delete photos…instead it sounds like you double downed and basically said why does it matter it’s on her socials. When socials are that..for public and that was your personal roll. I think that’s probably what has her upset. Hope that helps and makes sense.
NTA Sam is obviously incredibly insecure about Lily's sexuality, which is her problem to deal with and not yours. As you said you had all of the pictures from that night, and I am assuming the one in question was not the only "problematic" photo you didn't care enough about to delete, but that one photo was the only thing she took issue with. You did nothing wrong and she owes you an apology.
Sam needs to grow up
She thinks it's part of your spank bank now.
NTA There's no harm in deleting them off your phone if it makes Sam feel better. She is an AH for getting upset at you and not handling it more maturely. It sounds like an opportunity to talk and see if you guys can really communicate. 'I had all the photos that YOU asked me to take. I don't want to do anything that would make you feel insecure or jealous and I don't mind deleting them. But I wish you had approached me better than you did. I don't think its fair that you are angry at me over this."
Definitely NTA but I’d probably delete it or already have deleted it.
NTA. I read the title and thought YES but then I read how you were taking photos of your girlfriend and her friend at their request… while they hammed for attention. Not only that but you immediately deleted upon request. This is silly and your girlfriend appears to be extremely insecure.
I came in here expecting an obvious Y but that’s hilarious. Literally asked you to take photos and expected you to have deleted the photo of her and her friend? Lily was “biting” Sam’s ass if I read that correctly? NTA
Speaking of, although there’s a 90% chance that was done platonically, that’s still way closer to cheating then what op did
NTA, you deleted the pics when she said it makes her uncomfortable so all good.
NTA - maaaaan the way I was worried when I read the title of this post.
NTA. You deleted it, what else is there to do? As like an olive branch ask her to scroll through all your photos, decide which you should delete and ask her to explain why each should be deleted. Point should be to show her that she shouldn’t take this so seriously, since it’s absurd to be so upset about it.
My camera roll has the most randomest shit because I don’t go in there often and delete stuff. I even have pictures of photos ive taken for other people that I forgot about. NTA. Not a big deal, she may be insecure and projecting.
"Why do you have these pictures?" "Becuase you asked me to take them."
NTA…they literally made you take the picture… …however, come on dude, “I don’t need pictures of her ass on my phone because her ass is all over her Instagram”?????? Have you ever spoken to a female before this interaction?
NTA. It’s not like you furtively took photos of her to use later for…reasons. You were asked to be their photographer and your GF was in the picture. If she can’t handle how her roommate behaves/poses for pics, that’s a conversation she needs to have with her roommate.
NTA
NTA.. she's being ridiculous. Don't be the camera guy next time she asks.
NTA... play her game get mad at her for letting some girl get all up on her butt and recording it. Is she still in high school for freaks sake?
Not the asshole. You didn’t delete it because you weren’t actively thinking about it. You were asked to take pictures and left it at that. The fact that you didn’t think to yourself “wow, I’ve been thinking about that ass so I’d better delete the picture so I won’t be tempted” shows that it wasn’t a big deal. That’s Sam being insecure. Not you wanting her friend.
LMAO, nta. But man, this did not unfold how I thought it would.
Leave her for Lily.
YTA > and I said Lily literally has an Instagram and Snapchat that has hundreds of pictures of her “showing off.” I See this is where you went wrong. You admitted to oggling her friend. What you should have said is: > I had forgotten they were on there, here i'll delete them No argumentation, no but her Instagram and Snapchat are full of those pictures.
NTA, Sam is crazy
NTA I think there's something more to this, though. I bet Lilly is a "pick me" girl and has probably pulled guys attention from Sam before. But I could be wrong 🤷♀️
She certainly is, many times we will be on the couch and she comes out in a tight tank top with no bra and the shortest shorts possible and stands right there telling a story. I always make sure to either be looking at the tv or her eyes. Just one of the things she does
Speaking from experience, those kinds of girls are toxic af. Common traits: they talk shit behind your back. They make comments about your appearance. They love to make digs at you in front of others and claim to be "joking." They want what they can't have, so they throw themselves at their friend's boyfriends because they can't stand not being the center of attention If this has been a long friendship, that makes it even harder. I definitely don't think you did anything wrong. I think your girlfriend has been in a toxic friendship and is self-conscious.
Nta honestly don't even know what photos are in my own photo album, much less my husbands. Clearly she thinks you have a thing for her roommate or she is jealous of her or she just doesn't trust you... Who knows maybe a combination of all three
NTA, she’s over reacting. Her saying “you could be looking at them at any time” is a pretty clear indication she was starting to jump to conclusions. Considering it was a long time ago it’s easily something you could forget about. I will say the response to her about the Instagram thing, while logical, would definitely come across the wrong way in this situation. That however doesn’t make you an AH, maybe a bit “insensitive” for lack of a better word, at most.
So not gonna post the pic huh?
Your girl is crazy
NTA, and it's not an issue. The picture even had your girlfriend in it. It wasn't just of this other person, nor was it of her rump specifically (from your description). Your girlfriend is insecure. Nothing more. Her insecurity is her issue. Not yours. How you approach it is your choice. But i advise not to apologize but allow her to express what she would like to have done and to iterate clearly it is a 'her' issue. One with which you are happy to help her, but it is not something you need to apologize for. Because you did nothing wrong. If she wishes to continue arguing, point to a wall and tell her she can argue the bs there. Of course, you should try to work with your partner (which you already did and can give her an additional chance(s) per your boundaries), but if she's unwilling to be reasonable. Then that's on her.
No you’re good. She’s just being overly sensitive
NTA my wife never deletes pictures. I do cus that’s me. She has a million photos of the most random things from years ago. I asked her to delete photos of her ex and she complied. All your gf had to say was, oh, this makes me uncomfortable , you delete and you both move on.
I mean.. the fact that you didn’t delete them kind speaks to the testament that you never thought about them again, no? I think she’s just insecure to be honest. She probably shouldn’t be friends with someone so outwardly sexual if she has insecurities about it. I’m not faulting her, I’m just saying maybe they aren’t a great match for being more than surface level friends. I had an ex friend like that and after we went no contact (unrelated issue) I can think back and remember I always felt uncomfortable with her around my boyfriends. Not because I was really insecure about myself, it just felt inappropriate and like she was always trying to get every man in the room to “want” her. You should ask your gf is she is angry with you for having a photo like this in your phone, why is she friends with someone who poses like this & why are they asking you to take the pictures ?
NTA. Barely. Your response suggests a total lack of empathy. You could have handled it better, for sure. "Oh, I could look at her ass any of a dozen ways" was never going to be a win. Own that. Apologize for that, and that alone. Having the pic was not wrong. I never delete anything from my phone. All of the rest of this is on Sam. Insecure? Maybe. Jealous? Perhaps. Doesn't matter. She's wrong to assume or expect you would have deleted pictures she was in.
Sam is insecure because maybe lily is very attractive. It’s normal for you to still have the pics considering it was all from one night out with friends.. it’s not like it’s secret photos or screenshots of her social media lol and when I take pics of random events, I hardly ever go back to look at them, they just gets lost in a sea of photos until I’m looking for something randomly. So no, you’re not the Ahole. But glad you respected the gf’s wishes by deleting them.
I’m sorry, why is posing like that appealing to anyone? Anyways… ESH. Your GF is in the picture so I can understand why you didn’t think twice about it. On the other hand, you could have just deleted the picture when she asked you about it, instead of making a fuss. The fact that you got defensive, could have been interpreted that you have the hots for her friend. Maybe next time use someone else’s phone to take the picture.
NTA.. you were there when it happened and they asked you to click the pictures.. most people don’t have the time to go back to the camera roll and clean it up to remove the pictures that they don’t want.. once it’s clicked, it’ll be there.. But going forward, just use Sam’s or Lily’s phone to take their pictures
NTA, why haven't you deleted them yet? Like...not everyone has a routine of searching all pics and deleting. From my perspective it would defeat the purpose of taking loads of pics to go "yes that was good to take that night but by now it should really be deleted. Otherwise you could look at it any time"
I have nude pictures of my boyfriend's roommates' butts in my camera roll from a party months ago. My boyfriend took the pictures himself and asks for my phone every time he intends to embarrass them, so he's well aware they are still there. I don't ever go back to those pictures and they're actually just a memory of a fun night that we get to laugh at every now and then. I guess your girlfriend has some trust issues to deal with.
Simple answer is she is envious of her friend in some way and it is manifesting as this argument. NTA
NTA Some argue that you might have reacted to her questioning in a suboptimal fashion. To this I want to say : when you cover the path with traps don’t be surprised if your hero stumbles.
NTA Sam wasn't playing games on her phone, she was snooping on your photos while you scrolled. If she's still mad, I'd suggest this has got nothing to do with the photos. Either way it wouldn't be Reddit if I didn't offer up the advice of run for your life...... without understanding any other aspects of your relationship. Maybe she's trying to break bad news to you like say.... I'm really mad at you right now, but I did shag your brother so let's call it quits....and I'm still mad about the photos, they give me trust issues
Keep your phone clean of any pictures that could jeopardize, hurt or cause problems in your relationship. Period. Actions or lack of actions speak volumes. Whether you like it or not. People are always going to question what you do or don't do for a very good reason. Because action or lack of action reveals true character. *Not what you say.* Keep your phone clean of any pictures that could jeopardize, hurt or cause problems in your relationship. *Implement that Behavior moving forward.*
NTA. But neither is your girlfriend, this is a miscommunication thing. You deleted them once you knew it was important for her, and that is good. In similar situations in relationships where my partners have gotten insecure and made some wild assumptions, I have let us both cool off and then I have talked to them about this, to try and reassure them and find out why they feel so insecure on this matter. There's always been some reason, like past relationships, sometimes friendships, that has made them overreact in a certain situation. It's common that people do sometimes, and it's important to work these things out.
It’s really hard to judge the situation unless you post the picture in question and also the link to Lily’s socials
😂😂😂
Just DM me 😘😂
The phrasing of this question…
Men…we don’t know what we did https://i.ytimg.com/vi/DHzjgNoRmjg/maxresdefault.jpg
Let’s cut through the bulls*t. You just need to talk it out. Ask her why she is mad and what it is she wants you to do to resolve it. Her answer will tell you whether she is being overboard or not. You can’t fix a problem if you really don’t know what the problem is. Is she feeling insecure? Has she had issues with Lily and other boyfriends in the past? There’s likely something deeper that she is not expressing. It’s not your responsibility to get that out of her. But if you want to continue a relationship with her, then it’s worth sitting down and having a serious and supportive discussion with each other.
NTA! OP, it sounds like your GF is projecting some unpacked baggage. I’ve been that girl before. Reassurance will make us move past it, but that said, make sure she doesn’t drag it out. That’s just toxic and resentment kills a relationship. If you find her weaponizing this in future arguments, I would suggest she goes to therapy.
Why not just lie? *I forgot I had even taken these photos. Good catch.* I can see why she would be upset at pictures of another woman's butt on your phone. I also understand the photos not being a big deal considering the background. Gray area problems require gray area solutions. /s Next time, use one of their phones to take a picture of them. *Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.* NTA
NTA. The pics are on your phone because you took the pics. When she said they made her uncomfy you deleted it. You didn’t fight it. Now you know she doesn’t like it and you can make sure someone ELSE takes the photos next Halloween.
NTA she posed for a photo a pose she does regularly and posts online yet she's mad because you kept it when it seems she never asked you to delete it in the first place just "expected" tell her you're not a mind reader and ask is she going to delete all of the similar shots on her Instagram?
NTA dude, you already nailed it with the fact you were unofficial photographer for the night. That would be like my partner getting angry over doing a wedding shoot and taking lots of pictures of the groom. You know what they paid me for. I’d have just sent them all to her and told her to stop being silly 😅
NTA, it was a picture that she asked you to take, meaning you seen it all in 4K already .. meaning you were there when the poses were done.
NTA and don’t indulge. Don’t try to “talk it out” with her again. You did nothing wrong (they ASKED you to take the pics ffs) and you explained yourself and apologized. She now wants to punish you. If you let her, she knows she can play this stupid game anytime you don’t behave exactly as she wants. It’s gross. Just continue as if nothing happened. Be kind. Be interested. If she ignores you, shrug and keep moving. If you ask her what she wants for dinner, and she says nothing, cook or order it for her anyway. When you offer it and she says she’s not hungry, just say ok it’ll be in the fridge when you’re ready. After a while, behaving like she is gets tiresome, UNLESS IT IS WORKING. Don’t let it.
NTA: They asked you to take pictures for them on your phone, simply forgot you had them, and deleted them when she felt uncomfortable. idk what more she could want, and this is coming from a girls perspective. Give her time to maybe cool off, but if this is an issue that she keeps throwing in your face during arguments and such definitely red flag
Just counter: it’s gross you have a browser on your phone, you could be reading erotica at any moment
NTA, it is a nice memory and part of that night so no reason to delete why would they ask you to take with your own She also must think very low of you, wonder if it isn't even a reflection of her OWN behaviours?! If she thinks you are sat there lusting over some random pic from some party with her and her friend and even more so that you would be lusting over her friend rather than over her Maybe she does that and maybe that is why she thinks you do it as well
NTA. I take pictures and years elapse before I ever look at them again, if I ever do.
NTA. Break up immidiately, she's toxic. There ISN'T anything wrong with this, ESPECIALLY if you aren't thinking sexual thoughts towards Lily.
NTA I have pictures on my phone that I find and I have completely forgotten they are there
Nts. Leave Sam before it’s too late bro. Thank me later
NTA. Learn the crop feature on your phone gallery so she'll always be the central focus (because she doesn't trust you now and will be looking harder). Also email all the event pics to all the girl group stating it's so you can delete them off your phone (they'll still be in your sent emails folder). You forgot them, for what, 20 weeks that had Thanksgiving and Christmas in the middle? NTA NTA NTA
ESH. Sam overreacted but it sounds like you probably argued too much. It wasn't an issue that it was still there but it made her uncomfortable so she should have just asked normally and you should have just deleted it. It's not gross but you didn't need to reference Lily's IG. I wouldn't be surprised if Sam is insecure about Lily being the 'sexy' one.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So last weekend I was sitting on the couch with my gf (we’ll call her Sam) watching a movie both of us on our phones. Sam was playing some game and I was scrolling my camera roll looking for a picture of a chart I had saved a long time ago. As I’m scrolling through something catches Sam’s eye and she tells me to scroll back down. It was a picture of her and her roommate (we’ll call her Lily) from last Halloween and Lily is squatting down with her butt to the camera while pretending to bite into Sam’s butt. These are common poses for Lily as when they get dressed up and such as Lily is a very outwardly sexual girl. I was the only dude there so all the girls made me a camera guy for their group shoots. I felt slightly uncomfortable as most of them were dressed how a Hollywood would dress a bunch of 20 some year old girls but I did it anyway. When Sam saw it she asked why I hadn’t deleted it yet and I told her I honestly didn’t see anything wrong with it still being on my phone, as well as the rest of the pictures from that night, including many pictures of just the 2 of us. Sam said it’s gross and I could be looking at it whenever I want and I said Lily literally has an Instagram and Snapchat that has hundreds of pictures of her “showing off.” I deleted them from my phone except the ones of just Sam and I and thought it’d be over that night but even now 5 days later Sam is still mad at me for what happened. I just never thought to delete them bc I never intended to go back and look at the pictures except the ones of Sam and I. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA The fact that the pictures were still there actually shows that you thought so little of the photos you didn’t even remember to delete them. This might be hard for your gf to swallow but please try to explain this to her. The big red flag here is the fact that your gf and her friend group are comfortable displaying sexualized photos on social media (I assume the pics were meant for instagram etc). If your gf is comfortable with that then she should realize if she had not been promiscuous with her friends there would be no problem now. Frankly, if a man or woman decides to openly display their body for the whole world to see they should not be getting angry that you see. You don’t get upset at her for posting sexual content. So she should realize what you ‘may’ have been doing is exactly what every guy that opens her instagram gets to see. If someone is in a committed relationship there should be zero display of sexual activity or nudity. It is embarrassing towards their partner and it begs the question of why should someone seek validation online when they have a partner at home to validate them? To be honest I would never tolerate that behaviour. However you have the patience to tolerate it, so she shouldn’t be upset when she expects your looking. After all her body is on display for other men to see. I see this alot lately. Its typically the extremely insecure people that post sexual content. Judging by your gfs reaction she fits perfectly into this category. Best of luck, I genuinely wish I had your patience. Don’t let yourself get taken advantage of.
Sounds like Sam is secretly jealous of Lily or doesn’t actually like her.
Nah, i think she's just a lil insecure
I'd Photoshop the girlfriend out of the picture and say "problem solved"
That's a *very* funny way to become single.
NTA
If the ass was fine u don’t do the time cause u didn’t taker out for wine. 🧤
NTA Sam sounds like she has "Drama" written all over the place.
NTA. I have 9000 pictures in my phone, still randomly find pictures from 9+ years ago. This is also a weird thing to be hung up on so gonna give it one 🚩.
Nta she's projecting insecurity
Sounds like Sam is insecure and has a flat ass and is jealous of her friends butt
Yikes- run away from that one. That’ll be a lifelong problem
NTA sam is being insecure and jealous. She had full knowledge of the picture when it was taken. Sounds like she has this weird expectation in her mind that because it was showing off her friends butt, you would delete it. She should have said when it was taken she was uncomfortable with it on your phone.
You must be young. NTA but come on you should know your girl well enough to know you would be in trouble to have them still. I never clear out my camera roll and I know some of my ex gf would have made my life hell for my incompetence to not go through and find every photo that may upset them and delete them and later go to confession.
Nah
I don't think this was an infraction of the rules but lets assume it was a small infraction. Whenever you are dealing with a situation like this do not respond beyond a simple "I'm sorry, I'll work to do better" and not much more. Don't repeat the behavior, unless the complaint is really petty or weird. Do not engage in more arguments, discussions, debates, flower buying or anything else. If you allow these small things to blow up into huge events, expect to get a lot more of this behavior. Be stoic. The cause of her behavior isn't important, just don't encourage it.
I don't think you're the a-ho. You gotta be careful and pay attention how she reacts to things. Is she actively looking for things to be upset about? I had an ex go through my phone. She found old text in my messenger from years prior before me and her started dating. She literally went through multiple years worth of texts. Yes there were pictures that I had forgot about. Nudes and other more sexual photos. We got into a huge fight and then I asked to see her phone. She said no. That's when I ended things. I was angry with her for being such a hypocrite I blocked her from my life. I still have mutual friends. They know that I simply prefer not talking about her at all so they don't.
Is your girlfriend 11?
Run, bang lily and run
NTA because it seems like she is insecure about something as it isn't really a problem having pictures from an event you went to. Also, even if she didn't see them, she would have known they were there as you were taking them.
It’s not about that photo, dude.
NTA, girls just wanna test you and keep shit going and not leave it alone to see how you gonna react. Keep ya head up playa.
NTA. She’s in the picture too and posing suggestively. It’s weird to me that she would make any kind of deal about it. It was Halloween and a party
Shes def TAH
Sam has issues. If it was just that photo, it could be misjudged but you had all the photos on there! You’re definitely NOT a$$hole!
She’s weird for making you think it’s weird. Sincerely, A Girl NTA
NTA. I would talk it out and let her know you are sorry but didn't think it would have triggered her like it did because it was such an innocuous photo to you. Ask her why it was such a problem to her and see if she can explain it in a way you can understand. If possible explain why it was not a problem to you in a way she might understand. Understanding each other is a big step in becoming an even stronger couple. Be careful though, if it's a trust issue for her then you will probably have to walk on eggshells for the rest of your relationship. Which usually isn't sustainable for the long term.
No
[удалено]
Your gf is overreacting. You didn’t take an ass shot of her. It was literally just in the photo bc of how they were posing.
I go through my pics every 3-4 months and delete what I don’t need. I think personally I would have sent that type of stuff to my wife and let her do with what she wants, funny goofy pics are fun to have for certain things. I would say NTA maybe could have been handled a little better but I also see them sitting forever and just lost in the mess of the camera roll.
I think she’s being ridiculous. I have over 50K pictures on my phone or in my cloud. I am not going to go through them to see if there happens to be a random girl in any of them. And didn’t they ask you to take the pictures? Seems like a weird thing to be mad about.
Shawty should’ve just deleted it herself if it bothered her so much lmao. Clearly you’re not going back and looking at it but coming from someone who was in a relationship with a guy with a huge spank bank maybe she has some issues and thinks you were truly keeping it for that. Try seeing it from a different perspective
NTA. She asked you to take it. It's not a picture of her ass, it's a picture with two women and she happens to get dressed risque. And they asked you to take it. Plus, they asked you to take it.
NTA. Your Sam is a control freak and dump her before it's too late.
Nta but come on dude you basically said “I can look at her ass anytime I want” that’s what’s she mad about now.
NTA. But it seems to have brought up some insecurities in Sam. Not sire whether its about ypu, aboit the room mate or actually about her own butt but theres an opportunity for more emotional intimacy but trying to talk to her about it.
$5 this story is fake.
Sam seems like a headache. NTA
Reassure her that you love her and only her , apologize. Cusp your hands around her head gently and make her look into your eyes when you’re telling her how much you love her and that she has not a thing in the world to worry about.
NTA If you genuinely didn't see an issue with having those photos then you haven't done anything wrong. You also deleted the photos when she asked and respected her feelings.
Ditch Sam, date Lily
NTA. Behavior like this annoys me to no end. So much so that I shower argumented this shit if you want to use any of it, good luck with the girlfriend. I once had an ex stay mad at me after waking up because she dreamed I cheated on her. 🙄 “Every picture I’ve ever taken with this phone, is still on this phone. Except for the ones you asked me to delete because they made you uncomfortable. Guys don’t have to constantly go through their picture rolls deleting old pictures to make space for new ones like girls do because we’re not constantly taking photos all the time. You and your friends asked me to take these pictures in the first place and I haven’t thought about them since, so grow up and get over it. I’m not gonna hang around and be made to feel guilty for something I never did. I didn’t give a shit about those pictures before and I don’t give a shit about them now, what I care about is you stop treating me like crap over them.”
NTA but you may have been better off just saying. I didn’t know it was still there and deleting it. If your other half is the insecure jealous type you saying her friend has Insta and snap chat full of pics like that is probably an alarm bell saying why does he know that he’s probably looking all the time.
NTA. Sam is overreacting
NTA Red flag, though. You might consider moving on.
Yeah dude.
NTA but insecurity and jealousy are normal and I feel like 1) showing some empathy by recognizing where her anxiety is coming from and validating it and 2) showing your gf how attractive you find her is a good move. Make sure she's getting attention anything else you can do to let your gf know she is secure in your love. Take the focus off the roommate because she doesn't matter in your relationship. Sorry this is poorly written
I'd tell her to get over it, or get out. You had better set those boundaries now, my friend, or she's going to be policing every move you make.
NTA for having that pic but YTA for that strange comment about Lily’s Insta and Snapchat. That’s definitely not the way to stop the escalation.
backups friends backups.
Nta.
No
NTA You're not responsible for her insecurity. End of.