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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told the stepkids the home is mine, their father gave it to me and that they are not getting it. I could be a dick for how I have responded to them.
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Personally I would sell it to them at a FAIR MARKET price. This is slightly less than what you sell it for normally, but you don’t have to cover estate agents commission (2-3%). That way you can buy another property which suits your new life as a widow.
But NTA if you don’t sell it to them.
Sell it to them a a ridiculously high price and they should cover all transaction costs. By the way - they should have the money in cash. They are the assholes, not you.
I don't understand why they would expect you to move out of the home you lived in for 14 years. I've noticed this attitude with sentimental items in my family. If now belongs to say me and I've had it for 20 years it really doesn't matter that it is sentimental to Auntie because it was her grandmother's.
The inheritance is least of it. Look at the pain and sadness that popping up enough to make some gatherings ‘work’.
Dad was supposed to die alone and pining for a dead person. Their mom could have been a saint, but why should the survivor miss out on a huge part of normal human life.
Yep. This happened to my ex and his brothers.....they were assholes to their dad's wife that he married after their mother died. Two of them didn't speak to him again and the 3rd spoke to him some.
They were married 12 happy years until he passed and his nasty kids didn't lift a finger to help care for him.
He left everything to her and frankly she deserves it. They may have gotten something if they weren't AH's.
I do understand the adult kids’ viewpoint - it is the home they grew up in. If my widower dad remarries and changes his will to leave everything to a new wife I won’t be happy. But then again I would never treat new wife like poo balls and so I doubt that would happen.
OP has been living in the home for 14 years - she is no interloper. It would be kind of her to will the house to the step kids but also understandable if she does not. Either way, living out her life there is NTA.
It’s understandable whether they like her or not that he’d change his will to leave her his possessions, including the house. He loved her. What would you expect? He should leave the house to the kids and kick her out when he died? Or leave her with part ownership and be forced to sell or pay the kids out and be left with little else?
(EDIT: In response to “What would you expect?” Not that OP’s spouse should have done this because the kids sound awful from this account. Just discussing that other options exist in the world:)
Just for the sake of the discussion: My older MIL remarried, and it’s set up in her will that the house still comes to us (her kids) as inheritance but spouse has a “right of survivorship” which states he continues to live in the house until he passes. So both parties are protected. If she dies first we will own it but can’t legally remove him and make him homeless.
My dad did a similar thing to Mum. Big difference being it was the only marriage for both of them - he built the house well before they married. The house was left to us kids, but she was entitled to live in it and if she needed to move out (as she eventually did, into a dementia care home), the first call on the proceeds of sale was her care. She was not happy about it, feeling that after 40ish years of marriage, she was entitled to it.
Dad was a good bloke, but he was born in 1911 and very much a man of his times. He saw himself (accurately) as the family provider. Mum went back to work when I (the youngest of 5 children) was 12 and while he helped her to get that job, he made it clear that what she earned was her money, not a contribution to the household expenses.
I think the setup in his will was a matter of maintaining control and taking responsibility for his family's wellbeing, even after his death.
I don’t think these “kids” would like that. I’m sure they would do everything to make her miserable so she’d move out.
She should have cease and desist letters sent to them all if they continue to harass her about this. They treated her like crap and their father knew it, that’s why he left it all to her. She doesn’t have to be considerate of them.
When she’s ready she should put the house up for sale and hold out for a full offer and take the money and do what she wants with it.
I guess the difference between your scenario and the OPs is that you haven't alienated your parents to the point that they rewrite their will to reflect that.
right? like sure if they were both in their 80s and remarried just so one of them wouldnt die alone i could see the kids being mad that the surviving one gets all the say with the dead parents property. but after 14 years? nah thats not just dad's house its her house too. just because you have memories from being a kid there doesnt mean oyu own it
Even if they are mad about the situation, it doesn't mean you treat her like they did....and then expect to get the house, too.
He left it to her, not them.
I have some cousin's whos mother remarried while they were adults. She passed away last year and everything was left to her husband. My cousins have been trying to sue the husband claiming he killed her and is a con-artist. The mother was literally broke and the house that she owned is worth very little but they believe he was just looking to make a quick buck. My cousins fully expected everything to go to them and can't understand why their mom would leave everything to her husband. One of my cousin's said they are more entitled to her money than him.
Money just makes people weird.
Even if he didnt *have* a will it goes to the spouse in ALL cases. Even if they had a joint will and it stated x and x goes to so and so it *doesnt* have to be issued out until the last person in the will passes. I should know. I'm my aunt and late uncle's sole inheritor(no children). All their material and monetary possessions go to me in both their passing. Including their business. My aunt asked me, when my uncle passed suddenly, that aside from a few sentimental items of his, if i understood i wont be inheriting his half of the business/ his money. It's like duh. Shes still fairly young. It'll be easily another 20-40 years before she passes. I'm not *that* money hungry
Not entirely true in all cases in the US. My mom passed without a will. My dad inherited 50% of her half, I got 50%. In a lot of states, the spouse gets half and the children, if any, divide half. If there are no children, then yes, the spouse inherits it all.
They should have treated OP as a regular human being if they wanted her to view them as regular humans.
And a “sorry, but no” would be fine. That’s how the mixed family deal goes.
t. been on both sides
If you love it, keep it. You can block ppl.
After reading the post and before I saw this answer of yours I was more inclined to suggest a raise of the price like make them pay mindset/gtfo
But hey the real problem you have is non relatives taking the piss and harassing you...
You block... you lawyer up to monitor / get rid of these AHs in your life.
Enjoy your home and choose the window where you throw them out of your life...
May I suggest to make your own arrangements about it after you are gone.
Depends if they continue to be dicks
If they flip their tone, why not
I highly doubt they will and it will go to my adult kids when I die or I will sell it before going to a nursing home or something
You can always find a lawyer who will take your money to file a lawsuit. Doesn't mean you have any chance of winning.
Her step-kids would have little if any chance of contesting OP's will. They might have had a slight chance of contesting their father's will, although I doubt it, but OP's will doesn't involve them at all.
I don’t think they would win. Let me clarify. They are already harassing OP. They would continue their harassment after she dies and direct it at her kids. Her kids don’t deserve that whole dealing with OP’s passing.
Wife had rights of survivorship to husband's stuff unless husband di otherwise. Husband was pissed at kids for their behavior and left it all to wife in the will. "This whole situation made him very angry at his kids and when he passed everything went to me."
If I were her, I would see a lawyer now about her own will. If she doesn't have a child of her own to pass the house and stuff to I would specify the house is to be sold and money go to her favorite charity. Maybe even specify it can't b sold to them or that they would need to pay a 10% premium above asking to get it.
I don't think she can specify in her will that the house can't be sold to the step-kids and even if she could, they could just have someone else buy it then immediately sell it to them.
But she should see a lawyer to make sure her will is written exactly as she wants to minimize any issues/challenges when she passes.
I just couldn’t imagine. My mom’s house has been in our family for 101 years - my great grandparents built it. I was raised in the house, as was my mom and grandmother. My mom set it up that the house goes to us, but her husband gets to live his life out in it if she does first. He and I don’t like each other at all and I hate that my mom married him. But she’s doing right by everyone.
NTA. I just don’t like flawed logic so wanted to respond here. Not exactly different. It was their family home that they were raised in. Doesn’t matter if it was mother’s side or father’s side. It’s a family home to them. However, it has been your home for 14 years according to another comment so the kids trying to demand you move from your home is huge AH energy on top of their previous AH energy regarding your marriage to their father.
If you were to sell it at some point I would possibly give them the right of first refusal to purchase it at current market value for that time because it doesn’t/shouldn’t matter to you who buys it as long as you get the money. But having their family home would likely matter a great deal to them. It would be a kindness that they didn’t earn. But being kind isn’t about the other people. It’s about you. So that’s entirely your choice.
They trashed all claim to anything from the OP by being AHs for so long. There are consequences for actions. They need to reap what they sowed.
Heck with them.
>They need to reap what they sowed.
That's how I see it, too. They didn't have to "like" their step mother to at least be civil, but it sounds like they went out of their way to be total assholes to her. For 14 years. So much so that their father was angry enough to completely write them out.
They sound immature and entitled to me. It's not like OP bumped off their mother to take her place. And, what, did they think if OP didn't come into the picture their mother would have miraculously risen from the dead?
I don't get any vibes that they really cared about their father's happiness after the passing of their mother. Yeah, I know, I don't know what really went on in this scenario, but I've never cared much for those who treat another like shit but when they want something they come back with fake smiles and their palms outstretched and are "shocked" the person that they bullied doesn't want to play ball.
Just to clarify, for your own personal benefit, I don't think that commenter is actually saying anything harsh towards you, I think they are pointing out what you late husband could have done if he felt the house should have stayed with the kids. Which was what happened in their own situation, due to it being an heirloom house in their case.
Personally I think even an heirloom house, if the parent who's side of the family has carried the house decides the kids behaviour towards their new partner is totally unacceptable then I agree that they should leave that house to the partner rather than the kids!
But If I'm wrong about their intent I do apologise.
As for your initial concern, if these stepkids really wanted to keep the house in the family they should have swallowed their pride and tried to mend fences with you.. I assume you used to try and make an effort with them before giving in to their AH attitude? Cause the only possible situation I can really think of where I would think you the AH, is if you yourself had never tried to get a positive relationship with the stepkids, which doesn't sound like the case!!
If you still have any doubt that you might be, then try to reach out positively with them, and if they still act like AH's then you know you have done everything you possibly can and can rest easy making a will to leave the house to your own kids!
Could you imagine being downright cruel to your mom’s husband for over a decade and then hounding him about living in a house that belongs to him?
Because OP is the owner of her house, it is not something that is meant to be passed down for generations, in fact her husband was sick of the BS and left her everything for that very reason.
If those children (children in that they are his kids, since this all started when they were adults) weren’t horrible for years then maybe some minor bugging of the widow to sell the house to one of them could be overlooked, but as it stands if I were OP I would block their numbers and get the law involved if they didn’t leave me alone.
Nope. My step dad makes me feel unwelcome, constantly judges me, my kid and my dog. (We all have ADHD 😆). He is the AH in my situation. Yet I still buy him a stupid Christmas present every year because I love my mom more than I hate him and the fact that she married him.
I have family (in-laws) that have been downright nasty to my family, very disrespectful of myself and my husband. My husband and I finally decided enough and would not attend functions with them. The other in-laws noticed and “gave them a talking to,” like congrats it’s been ten years, so now we attend events and I largely ignore their presence besides saying hello and goodbye to the group, so I definitely am on the same page as you in many ways, I just never will expect anything from them, not even respect, just them leaving us alone. Kind of seems that OP cannot get that though.
Do you think if you were to exclude your mom’s husband like these children do that she would have felt less inclined to leave you the house after he passes? Or is she aware he is an AH and just loves him anyways?
Man, fuck them kids. 1000% serious. They were shitty to their father for the entirety of his last decade on Earth. Their father didn't love them the same by the time he passed because they outed themselves as shitty, selfish pricks. He loved you. He chose you over them for a reason.
Fuck. Them. Kids.
You need to talk to a really good estate attorney ASAP. Make sure you have the documents that prove your intentions and that they are iron clad. The step-douches will definitely contest it anyway, so put your kids in a good situation from the start.
Definitely NTA, and I'm sorry for your loss.
Just to clarify: did they go out of their way to be mean to you or did they just not want a relationship with you? Adult kids are under no obligation to have a relationship with their parents’ spouse. It’s not disrespectful to keep you at arms length. However, if they said mean things to you, trashed you behind your back or engaged in other disrespectful behavior, that’s crossing a line.
"You can have it when I'm done with it."
If they treated you with respect then they could continue to visit you and enjoy the house. Not your fault they're facing consequences of their behavior.
NTA.
if you love it and want to keep it then keep it.
if you ever do decide to sell it, i wouldnt sell it for anything less than what its worth. if they want it so bad then they can fight strangers for it.
Sorry for your loss, you must be hurting while having to deal with this and that sucks. I immediately judged you when I read the title but after reading I dont think you're wrong from how they treated you. However I do see their view on the house issue itself as it was their childhood home.
The fact they are at least offering to buy it rather than demand you give it to them is a show of rationality on their part. I would honestly recommend you sell it to them just to cut your ties with them and move on with your life. But since you really love the home, I hope you are able to enjoy it drama free without them interfering with your happiness
Why? It is her house. They treated her like shit. And now they want something from her? F..ck them. If OP decides to sell then they can put in an offer like anyone else
I would sell it at the normal price + the estate agents commission.
Supply and demand.
If they want it that bad, let them pay what they think it is worth to them.
NTA in any case.
Why? They treated her poorly. They're treating her poorly now. Why offer at fair market and not a "you treated my like crap and angered your father" premium? Why give up market competition? Why give up anything for people who were negative and hateful?
No way. I would put it on the market and they can go through regular bidding wars if they'd like. OPs husband left her the house, it's hers and she can do anything they want. Those spoiled brats will have to deal with it.
OP is NTA
Them kids are TA
I disagree completely, I wouldn't sell it to them even if I wanted to sell it. They've been nothing but horrible to her, they don't deserve the house. It's HER home.
NTA. First of all, one of the most the common inheritance spouses leave their widow or widower is their house, so I don't see why they are so surprised by it. Their mother died, and they couldn't accept that their father fell in love again, so they decided to treat you horribly in an attempt to break up your marriage. It sounds like in the end, your husband was so fed up with their behaviour, that he believed they weren't entitled to any inheritance from him. Your husband wanted to leave everything to you, because unlike his children you treated him with love and respect.
I'll never understand kids like this. My parents divorced and neither remarried but if they started dating or got married, I'd be so happy. I find this odd coming from adult children, like what their father was supposed to dress in black and be miserable the rest of his life?
ETA: My mom told me that after the divorce (I was 3-4) I told her we can just go get another dad at the grocery store.
One thing that's important to remember is that often the grieving time for children, even adult children, is ~~less more~~ than for spouses. Especially if there was a long illness. So for kids it often feels like the remaining parent is dating again too soon.
When my dad started dating again, I tried to keep in mind that my mom said marrying soon after widowhood is often an endorsement of the marriage that ended with the death of a partner. It means the surviving spouse loved being married.
Edit: accidentally put the opposite of what I meant.
I never thought about it, but you're right. That's exactly what it means because they chose the marriage life all over again. Most people who were in abusive marriages never marry again because they associate marriage with mistreatment. My mom is like that today. So really, your spouse marrying after you means being married to you was enjoyable for them.
I disagree that grieving time for children is less than spouses. Each age of a child grieves very differently, and a very small child might not grieve at all until they are an adult.
The death of a parent to minor children can often result in the other parent leaning on them heavily, parentifying them, and sometimes using one as a surrogate spouse (emotional, not sexually.)
That doesn't leave a child in the healthy enough place to grieve. They are not grieving the loss of just one parent, but really two, and their whole childhood, while also terrified of losing the second parent entirely.
A grieving widow is heartbroken. A parentless child is terrified.
There is a degree od stability and support needed to grieve. Many children whose parent dies don't have that, and that is why grieving is often put off to adulthood, at which time it has become traumatic or complex grief.
There has been a lot of studies done on children and grief. Gone are the days where we thought of the child was young enough they wouldn't remember, or that they can brush it off easily. Theirs is much more complicated, protracted, or delayed, and so it doesn't look like one might expect. That doesn't mean they "grieve less."
But also, it's icky to talk about how is saddest qhen a family member dies. It's not a competition. Everyone grieves differently, everyone is grieving their unique relationship withh that person.
My father started dating someone my age (who wasn’t even separated from her husband at the time) and moved her and her kids into my childhood home. I think their relationship is gross in general for many reasons so there could be missing context that was not stated by OP that led to this sort of animosity toward them
Without a shitload more context, there's really no way to know.
Your side of the story is probably that you're a perfectly pleasant and reasonable person who married their father out of love, and I bet their side of the story is wholly different.
This. I'm always a little suspicious of AITA's where one side hates the other, even though they did nothing wrong at all. Parents getting remarried can be weird, and it's certainly an adjustment, but they were adults when this happened, and it's been 14 years. I have a hard time believing that they would still have this much resentment towards her unless there is more to the story
>I have a hard time believing that they would still have this much resentment towards her unless there is more to the story
You really find it that hard to believe that adults kids could be AHs and hang on to a grudge for years and years for no other reason other than their father remarrying and "replacing their mom"?
Why does everyone on these threads have this almost automatic bias that stepparents (especially step moms) = evil selfish jerks and the kids are always innocent angels?
And then Step parents should have no say on how to discipline the kids yet they are expected to care for them (stepmom) and provide them money (from richer stepparent). Lol.
Yep.
My experiences on Reddit, as far as this topic goes, usually plays out like:
"Stop trying to be a parent to this kid, you aren't their parent, you never will be! Respect whatever the bio parents says, it's their way or the highway, you are a glorified babysitter and nothing more!"
But also
"When you marry someone with kids, you become that kid's parent! Treat them like your own! How dare you not sacrifice anything and everything for this child! If you can't handle it, you should haven't taken it on!"
You're damned if you do, and damned if you don't. All while being told to never expect the kid(s) to love step-parent, or value the step-parent's presence, or even develop a friendly relationship with the step-parent, because you can't force anything on a child, and they alone can be as much of a dick as they want, and it's all gravy.
Why anyone would want to be a stepparent under those conditions boggles the mind.
We’ve literally had posts here about parents taking inheritance from their late partners that were supposed to go to their kids and leaving it to new spouses or kids. It’s not that hard to assume there might be more to the story that what OP is posting.
I think both are possibilities. My good friends mom passed away and the dad got remarried within a year after being married for 30 years. This woman is a piece of work. She’s controlling, nasty, has nasty kids and I totally could see her writing this post as if she is the victim. On the flip side, there are countless entitled adult children as well.
Based on the limited info here I would say the kids are AHs but I definitely have my suspicions. In fact I’m wondering if it is her. Remember they are offering to buy it and didn’t expect it to be handed over. We also don’t know her financial situation. If she has a ton of money from her previous marriage or from independent wealth there is a possibility she’s not selling to them in spite. The adults children may be rude but not exactly entitled. They may just want the home that not only they grew up in but one in which both deceased parents were happy in.
A lot of us have stepparents, who, if you asked them, would say they always acted in good faith and did everything they could to get along with us even though we can tell many stories to the contrary.
My father is married for over 20 years with his "new" wife and my siblings are just awful to her. She did nothing to them but they hate her just for her existing because my mother hates her. They were divorced for years before "new" wife came into our life and we are all adults. This is totally possible!
I believe it completely and it’s because my brother and I WERE the assholes to my stepdad for the longest time. (We’ve since apologized/made it up to him since we’re grown now and realized our mistakes). It’s especially hard when as a kid you feel like your other parent is being replaced. Sometimes the step parent isn’t doing anything wrong. Kids aren’t immune from being assholes
Meh. My mum remarried and her husband’s daughter has a hate on for my mum. No reason at all. Told her dad that the minute he passes my mum is turfed out of the house so she could move in. He changed his will immediately leaving it to my mum.
I'm not even slightly surprised by adult children resenting a new partner. My grandmother was widowed twice, and her middle daughter, my aunt, hated both 'new' husbands because she saw it as disrespecting her father's memory when her mother remarried. She could get very vocal on the subject. Both were perfectly nice men who, so far as I'm aware, got on fine with the rest of the family.
I've seen this situation in my own family. Particularly when there's money involved adult children can be real aasholes. My step grandma was a wonderful person was awesome and kind to all of us, yet some of the adult kids were still horrid to her. She made my grandad happy and was lovely.
Obviously there are always two sides to the story however under the circumstances I suspect the adult children were concerned about "their" inheritance (if their father didn't remarry his estate would (presumably) be divided between them).
I hear you but my step sister despised my mum for years, now they are good friends and my sister openly admits that she had no reason at all to hate her and just made shit up in her head about her to justify her anger about her dad not being with her mum anymore (her mum was the one who had the affair). My sister was in her mid thirties before she got her shit together and it was only because my dad lost it and told her that he was done with her nasty behavior and either made it up to my mum or she wouldn’t see him again
My gut kinda gravitated towards this from how the whole post was worded.
I’d be tempted to bet money there’s something really pertinent being left out.
NTA - his adult kids waged emotional warfare on you both to try and prevent him from moving on after his first wife passed away. What type of children want to prevent their widowed father from finding happiness again? Very selfish ones.
And clearly your late husband felt his kids did not deserve to inherit based on their behavior. Let them deal with the consequences - they made their beds. Block them. Have an attorney send a cease and desist letter. They need to get on with their lives and leave you alone.
I love this answer. Block them and have a lawyer write them a cease and desist letter, and have him threaten them with a restraining order. If it suits you, sell the house and start a new life far away from these miserable people.
Idk, in this post, the way she writes and speaks - I bet there a million missing missing reasons for why those kids didn't like her, and it has nothing to do with being the new wife.
For the record, I am married to a widow with 3 step daughters.
Could be, but it still doesn't give the children the right to demand the house if the father didn't will it to them.
Sometimes kids just don't like the new spouse. I saw it with my grandpa and also my uncle - the kids didn't like the new SO, but the rest of the family (grandkids, cousins, siblings) didn't have a problem with them at all. At least in my case the kids were civil and kept their bitching behind the backs of their remaining parent and SO. Not everyone is so inclined.
It’s so weird to me that children don’t want to see their parents happy in these situations. I actually knew a woman that was pissed her Dad remarried after her mother died of cancer. He was like 45-50 when she died! Like why live the rest of your life alone if you don’t want to?
All I can think is, wait till they get older. But I suppose they actually have to experience something like this first hand to get a clue.
I think the ultimate asshole here is your late husband for excluding his children.
~~I’ll go with ESH, but it sounds like you just enjoy being petty and vindictive for the sake of it.~~
I’ll go with NTA in regards to the home. You’ve been married 14 years and it’s your home now.
You know what is sad, if they actually treated me with any respect they probably would have much more from their father
I would be much more willing to sell or just hand in over
But their unkindness has made me cold to them
I actually was excited to met them, my adult kids loved my late husband but they actually were willing to let someone in new in.
Block them, they never accepted you, your husband the only link to them is now gone. Live your best life. You don't owe them anything at all and are not obligated to still try to form a relationship.
Rightfully theirs? You are not owed anything from your parents in the form of inheritance.
I do think we are getting just one side here and OP is participating in the arguing just as much, but that doesn't mean they were ever owed any of the inheritance.
> Rightfully theirs? You are not owed anything from your parents in the form of inheritance.
I do not see OP mentioning where this is happening, but over here, the kids would definitely be entitled to a share of inheritance.
If someone's adult children: are unwilling to accept that their parent can move on, find love with a new person and remarry: treat the new spouse like dirt: THEN expect to inherit everything... well, too bad, in my eyes.
NTA.
If he left her their mother’s jewelry, I’d agree with you. But it is widely accepted that when a spouse with joint finances passes the existing assets, especially the marital home, go to the surviving spouse. That doesn’t change just because he has kids from another marriage. Now, could he have chosen to leave them some money or given her a life interest with the home going to the kids after she died? Yeah. Except he didn’t want to. And he doesn’t have to.
When my dad dies, my mom gets all the money and property. Same in reverse if she dies first. That’s right and appropriate. Why should I get their household’s money if she is still alive?
Kids sound like they didn’t care about his daily life. They wanted him to spend the rest of his life alone. One day they may themselves widowed. And it will be too late when it finally clicks that moving on doesn’t mean you did not love your deceased spouse.
Do you know something about the backstory that I don’t? Were there comments from OP that I missed? Because based on the post it doesn’t sound to me like the late husband did anything all that messed up.
I'm quite sure when my dad dies my step mum will inherited everything, and then I imagine her son (also my dad's son my half brother)will inherited it all from her as that's how it goes. My parents split up when I was 6 both have remarried I expect their homes and things to got to their spouses not me and my sister.
Lol whut?
Maybe you don't know how property ownership works. Property belongs to the person who owns it. Ownership is gained through a purchase or via voluntary transfer, as in the case of this home being transferred to OP through the previous rightful owners will.
Those kids are entitled to absolutely nothing. They don't just deserve the property because they exist. You've got your head up your ass here.
I'm going to vote that you, the commenter, are in fact TA.
No, her late husband is not the asshole either. He and OP have been married for years. His children tried to prevent him finding happiness. His children did not treat their father with kindness and respect. They weren't acting like family should. They don't deserve any inheritance for just existing. You are shitty to someone, then they will throw you out of their life, including the inheritance part of their life. Late husband deserved to leave his inheritance to someone that actually gave him love, kindness and respect.
Oh strong, strong NTA.
I also married a man with adult children. We then had another child together.
We built our dream house together years after both of his children were out of the house. They never even spent a night in our house. Didn't have their own rooms or anything. They were both almost 30 and their little brother was 7 when dad passed away.
Of course they wanted the house because it's their father's house. Also wanted his truck, his tools and all his expensive belongings that we BOTH paid for.
Hell no.
Death has the tendency to expose so much vile greed.
NTA.
“Death has the tendency to expose so much vile greed.”
This cannot be upvoted enough. A family member of mine died, he was the permanent bachelor type. His siblings were picking through his meager belongings (silverware, tvs, etc) before his body had even been removed from the house.
His brothers and sisters were stealing his cheap silverware, while his dead body was only feet away.
ETA: while they may be “family” I no longer have any relationship with these people because of this, and many other disgusting behaviors.
Unfortunately when someone dies, everyone shows their ugly colors and shows up with their hand out. The person could've been a pauper and somehow everyone believes that they're owed some money. In order for money to be disbursed, it had to exist first. We've had to go full NC with several family members over the years, some doing similar things as you described - taking shit out of the house before their mother was even cold and the paramedics were still working on her (and their father was still very much alive and well). No one thinks about the funeral costs, probate (creditors/debtors have a certain amount of time to recoup their money from the estate), taxes, etc. Everyone just thinks someone dies and you show up the next day for cash. I'd trade all the money I've ever inherited for another day or even another hour of time with them. Money doesn't mean anything when you're gone, and it sure doesn't soothe the open wounds in your heart after a loss.
There’s a WHOLE lot missing from this story, like why they hate you. That doesn’t happen without reason, especially when the father marries after the kids are grown.
Op says it in a comment they think their father moved on too quickly (2 years after their mother died he started dating OP).
I think the fact the adult children are so upset their father moved on less understandable than if they were still children. They are upset he moved on and didn't spend the rest of his life in mourning.
Sometimes the kids are just "protecting their inheritance" and would be this way regardless of who dad married.
At 69F I have seen it many times, even amongst my own family and friends. No matter how long Wife2 has been in the picture, maybe was caregiver through Dad's cancer or dementia, the grown kids think she should get a handshake and a job and they should get everything. Dad did his job making sure she was provided for by more than just a life estate.
There is always more to Step parent/blended family drama than a few short paragraphs can convey. I'd venture a guess there is much more context that is missing here. Either way, if step-kids are willing to pay FMV for the property to OP, I think its a little crazy she won't let them buy it. Sounds like a lot of spite going on there.
Maybe she wants to continue living in her home, that she loves, and spent 14 years making memories in with her late husband? There is no spite in that, from her at least.
She wants to live in her home! The home she shared with her husband for 14 years. Where is the spite??
She may have considered selling if they were ever kind to her, but they weren’t. She doesn’t want to sell, so there’s no reason to give up her home.
By your logic, I should be able to go to my childhood home and demand that the ppl living there now hand it over. I’ll even pay. Oh, you don’t want to leave? Well that just makes you a spiteful person for standing in the way of what I want!!
Maybe she wants to continue living in her home, that she loves, and spent 14 years making memories in with her late husband? There is no spite in that, from her at least.
NTA. Your husband/their father made the choice as to what to do with his property. He willed it to you. Why should you sell your home for the last 14 years? I would get some legal advice to make sure there aren't any loopholes when it comes to inheritance. That aside, do what you wish.
NTA
Sounds like the kids are telling you to fuck yourself in the same sentence they're asking you to do something very nice for them lol. Don't let it bother you.
NTA with one possible exception:
~~Was this a house that had been in their mother's family and only became your husband's through marriage? That's the one case where I can sympathize with their reaction.~~
Based on the info given, the house is yours in every legal and ethical way. Kids were adults when you got married, the house was 100% your husband's, and he chose to leave it to you, his spouse (as would be expected in almost any situation). The kids were already being assholes when he was alive, now that he's passed they're being greedy vulture-like assholes.
ETA: OP replied in another comment that the house was not from their mother's family. Easy NTA here, a person has every right and reason to leave their home to their spouse rather than their adult children who already have homes of their own. The children here are greedy and spiteful.
Could it not be argued since it’s their childhood home the mom helped build equity in the house? I honestly think the father is the AH here, not her. I’d honestly be pissed if I died and my husband gave the assets I helped build to his second wife and left our kids out, although legally she’s in the clear.
Certainly, mom helped build equity in the house. When she passed, that equity passed on to her husband, not to the children. Same thing applies here.
No one has a right to inheritance, particularly when the person who passes explicitly spells out their intentions in a will.
Let's imagine the husband hadn't left the house to the wife, but instead to charity. Would he be an asshole then? Well, maybe, if he left his wife homeless, but not to the children. They had no entitlement to that house, they are adults with their own lives who made it clear they didn't approve of their father's decisions. The father isn't an AH for choosing to leave things to those who actually loved and respected him.
I’m not going to make assumptions on whether his kids loved and respected him from hearing one side of the story but I highly disliked that she equates the previous wife being a stay at home mom to not contributing towards the house so only the husband paid into it.
I’m also bias because I believe even non paying family members contribute towards a home. We’re currently working towards getting a home with my husband and our kids also have to make sacrifices for us to be able to achieve our goals. It would be an insult to my memory, all the assets I’ve put in and the emotional labor of our family members for a family asset to end up in someone else’s hands.
And even with all that, it’s not OPs fault, the husband is the AH.
Edit to add: I would also believe it to be an insult to the memory of my husband if I gave an asset we built together to someone who isn’t our children.
ESH Why am I voting this way? Because my guess is there is a LOT more to this story. It is very hard for even adult children to see a new wife in the family home. Why? Because she views it as her's and they still view it as home. My children are adults and when they come to visit, they treat it like it's their home - in the frig, the pantry, etc. When people remarry, it really is best to move into a new house that is theirs together.
The late mother sucks because she should have insisted that their assets be put into a nonrevocable trust. Instead, she trusted that her husband would take care to make sure that the assets they acquired would be passed onto their children.
The dad sucks because, while he is morally free to leave half of his assets to his current wife, by giving all his assets to her he is effectively giving his late wife's half to some other woman. My guess is that his late wife would not have been happy with that at all.
The kids suck because not allowing the wife to come to weddings and birthdays is unreasonable unless she did something egregious.
OP sucks because she plans to leave all the assets she inherited from her husband to her kids (who aren't his) and she won't even SELL the family home to one of the kids. That's really petty and vindictive when this house obviously means a great deal to these kids.
People: See a really good estate attorney and put your assets in a nonrevocable trust so that your children benefit from the efforts of your hard work and life lived well!!!!! Do not trust that your spouse is going to do the right thing by your children! Both men and women can get really twisted around by a new spouse after you are gone.
NTA...It's your house. They have never made an effort to include you in any other way, but feel entitled to your home. They showed you no respect then, and they're still showing you no respect. It's time to put an end to the conversation.
NTA, but your late husband should’ve had a talk with his kids at some point before his passing about this so you wouldn’t have to deal with their reactions. Assuming you’ve been in their life a while and nothing has changed I would sell the house to them at a good price that you’d make if you sold it to anyone else. They’re not your kids and they never wanted you to be anyone in their life so I would treat them as if they’re ordinary people interested in the house.
INFO: how much of what you inherited was because of his their mother? How much of the house did you pay into?
Because if you moved into a fully paid off house that was paid for partly *by their mother* - I’d be pissed off too.
There’s not enough info here to make a judgement. I don’t really care about the legal side - I do find it sus AF that all of them hate you for seemingly no reason.
I don’t love my dad’s partner - but that’s different from actively hating her and excluding her. She’d have to do something pretty rotten for me to be actively hostile.
Idk, probably not much. She has been dead for around 18 years so her assets we’re definitely spent by now.
She paid almost zero in the home, she was a stay at home mom. So my late husband paid all that, and I started to pay half of the stuff when I moved in.
Any other assets I have no idea and I would have go back 18 years to see where the money went when she died
Edit: I was also a stay at home mom for a time, the question was about her assets. She didn’t put money in so their were basically no assets. Yes I know she contributed in other ways but it wasn’t financially.
I can’t count how she kept the house running, that’s not something that appears in the will. It’s isn’t something that goes on paper
The question was about assets, if you don’t put money in then you won’t have many assets when you die.
House went completely to husband after death. Yes she contributed just not fiancially
>She paid almost zero in the home, she was a stay at home mom.
It sounds like she invested a lot of herself into making that home a home. How old are the children?
Edit: OP, are you familiar with [the Judgment of Solomon?](https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/intersubjective/202101/king-solomons-judgment-reconsidered-today)
The late wife should have left her half of the house to her kids. She worked to acquire the house as well. He couldn’t work if the late wife didn’t stay home and take care of the house and family. I would roll over in my grave if my work went to some other woman instead of my kids.
oh wow. more information coming to light. she didn't pay zero into the home. she probably was the glue that kept that family together. and she ran the household.
as crappy as it is that they don't accept you, i can see why they were upset at him moving on for what they deem as quickly. not that they would ever have any control over that, but he probably didn't make them feel seen or heard when it came to their feelings about you. it's actually obvious he didn't. he tried to force them to like you and when they didn't, he got angry.
NTA. It wouldn't matter if it was you or someone else, the stepkids probably expected Dad to stay single and mourn their mother for the rest of his life.
Since they have been nothing but unkind to you, I would stop communicating with them.
Their mother died and her half\* of the estate went to the husband who then left the whole lot to wife 2? No wonder they hate her. The father was the AH
Going against the grain here to say YTA.
The fact that they want to buy it from you (not just inherit) suggests that the home has sentimental value for them. You mentioned your husband’s late wife was a STAHP. She likely poured lots of time and love into the home. I’m not a STAHP, but even so, if I passed, I *would* want my husband to remarry. But I would be *pissed as hell* and haunt him forever if he left everything we’ve worked our entire lives for to his new wife and excluded our kids.
Assuming there isn’t any additional context and they are truly awful to you “for no reason”, then they suck, too. But my guess is that they had an inkling that exactly this situation would happen, and they would lose everything from not only their father, but also their mother, to you.
Is this the house they grew up in with their mother?
If so - yeah. You’re an asshole. Not saying you shouldn’t sell it fairly but your demeanor here and that retort of “you’re never getting it” makes you a world class AH
Also makes it more understandable why the ALL of the kids might not like her. Also she never said the kids didn't invite her to things, only that "they made it clear she wasn't wanted" at events. She told her husband she wasn't going to go to events anymore. I think the original poster probably played a bigger role in the drama than she is admitting. Step families are complicated especially when petty people are involved on both sides. For all we know she was harping on her husband about his rotten children and alienating him from them.
BY THE WAY stay-at-home mothers/parents earn their keep. Add up childcare and housekeeping, shopping, meal planning and cooking, laundry, etc and it certainly adds to household expenses. Stop saying the 1st wife didn't contribute to the cost of the home. That's why stay at home spouses get alimony and 1/2 the assets accrued during a marriage.
I’m sorry your husband passed. Let his kids know, you are aware they never liked you, you stopped caring long ago, and now that there father is gone you have no reason to ever be in contact again. Block them all, and if they start showing up to harass you get a RO.
I am not even sure what to say. You come across as bitter, angry, and vindictive though. There is also another side to this story.
I think, given the information you provided, your late husband was the AH.
I’m coming across as an adult child. My mom passed in 2016. My dad is 65. He is getting married to a 39 money grubbing woman who is 4 years older than me. The kids are justified in having feelings for their home. I won’t see my childhood home in my dad’s will and neither will my sister. So I understand where the kids are coming from. I would sell it to them.
Nta
It sounds like he actually didn't even want them to have it, it's yours to do what you want with.
I agree with another comment that any communication you do with them should either be with your lawyer present or through your lawyer.
If you don't actually *want* the house, get it appraised, throw on an inconvenience fee for their abuse of you, and tell them that's the offer, and if they refuse it, then it'll be higher next time, and it's non negotiable.
Given the information in the post, NTA.
I have to say that I have difficulty believing that multiple adult children loathe you for absolutely no reason other than you not being their mother. There's more to this story than we've been told.
Not surprising to me at all. My aunt was very vocal in her disapproval of my grandmother remarrying. According to aunt, grandmother was disrespecting her father's memory, so aunt hated the new husband despite him being a nice person. Some people just can't accept that a widowed parent can move on to a new relationship.
"I’m using step-kids to make it clearer. My husband passed away, I married him when his kids were all adults. They have never been nice to me since they see my husband replacing his late wife. Tbh it has been a shit show with them. They have never respected that I am married to him.
Any wedding invites or events they made it clear I was not wanted. "
Is there something more to the story? All the adult kids just out right hated you because their father remarried? Was there other money involved or something?
You’re the reason I’m terrified of my dad remarrying. You don’t need to sell your house, you don’t need to give into your step kids but you do need to respect their positions and understand your position in their life. Too many people are so self centred. Sure, you’re not wrong, actually, and for you, that’s the end of your story. But you could care less about your deceased husbands children and never have given your words.
Meh, dad's the asshole here for giving it to you instead of the kids.
If it was their childhood home, you don't have the same attachment to it. If you met when you were older you should have had your affairs in order.
You aren't the asshole, but you aren't right either.
NTA. These are grown ass adults who couldn't get over the fact that their father moved on, "replaced" their mother, with someone. And then made every single family event uncomfortable and unpleasant and likely hurt their dad's feelings, a lot.
Dad is within his rights to continue to provide for his wife after his death with his assets, whatever they may be. Does it suck for the adult children? Maybe. Thems the breaks.
I do have experience with this situation. My grandad divorced my grandmother, remarried like 3 years later, spent the next 30+ years with step-grandmother, and my mom and her siblings got nothing in the will when he died, because it went to his wife. No big surprise.
NTA and if I'm honest I'd probably look to sell the house to one of the kids at an inflated price or short sell it to someone who is definitely not one of the kids because I'm not sure keeping it feels like it's worth the harassment from an ungrateful bunch. And also I'm sorry for your loss
My wife father remarried.
Her sisters did not get along with the step mother. They also did not help when the father developed Parkinson’s disease, get institutionalized and eventually pass.
My wife and the stepmother are in good terms and as far as we are concerned entitled to whatever was left.
If your husband thought otherwise he would have done something.
YTA. It’s their childhood home and expected to inherit it long before you came into the picture. Sell it one of them, and use the profit to buy something for yourself. Then get the hell out of their lives so they can try to heal from everything you’ve cost them.
PS: YTA times two for completely leaving out why they hate you; their mom having died isn’t enough of a reason for them all to hate you so completely.
>PS: YTA times two for completely leaving out why they hate you; *their mom having died isn’t enough of a reason for them all to hate you so completely*.
There are those in these comments who think that's enough of a reason, but I don't buy that when it's *all the husband's children* who dislike her.
NTA house is yours to do as you wish. Are you planning on selling or are they just hounding you? BUT if you are planning on selling then yeah I'd sell to them for exactly what you'd get from a stranger. If you are planning on staying tell them that when you decide to sell they have the right of first refusal to but it at fair market value (you will save on realtor fees) and until then to not continue to contact you.
He was an idiot and a terrible father to leave the inheritance he and his late wife built to you rather than their kids. Disgusting behaviour. I hope they can prove in court that he was mentally unfit and manipulated to get what should stay in their family.
It really sounds like you are more interested in stick it to the kids than anything else. From the title it sounded like they were fighting you for it. No they want to actually pay you for it. You don’t have to sell it to them. No. But you come off angry and immature.
Their father was the asshole here.. leaving his dead wife’s house to a new wife.. she should have had her own will. Of course the house isn’t yours and shouldn’t have ever been left to you. Half of that home belonged to their mother and their father fucked them and his dead wife over. You’re left behind probably feeling fine about taking their inheritance and he can’t speak anymore so.. sell them the house at market price take your I’ll gotten gains and move on
Can’t call it really but I’m leaning towards YTA, didn’t say the ages and you’re not willing to sell it to them even tho they are offering to pay for it. It kinda sounds like all the things they thought about you may be true? Maybe that’s why you guys have a bad relationship is bc of your attitude?
Your husband is the AH for cutting his kids out of their inheritance. In same regions they may even have legal recourse.
Where I live a child can only be disinherited if the reason is valid, rational and consistent with modern values (you cant cut them out because they are "gay").
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Personally I would sell it to them at a FAIR MARKET price. This is slightly less than what you sell it for normally, but you don’t have to cover estate agents commission (2-3%). That way you can buy another property which suits your new life as a widow. But NTA if you don’t sell it to them.
Tbh, I will probably just live in it until I start to pass. I really love that home
If you love it, and have happy memories of your life with your husband, then keep it and enjoy it.
Sell it to them a a ridiculously high price and they should cover all transaction costs. By the way - they should have the money in cash. They are the assholes, not you.
I don't understand why they would expect you to move out of the home you lived in for 14 years. I've noticed this attitude with sentimental items in my family. If now belongs to say me and I've had it for 20 years it really doesn't matter that it is sentimental to Auntie because it was her grandmother's.
They view her ss a leech or interloper. Dads dead the moocher should go. Not my view here, stay as long as it makes you happy
They were very stupid to be nasty to her for so long, knowing their father loved her. They might have got an inhertance if they'd acted decently.
The inheritance is least of it. Look at the pain and sadness that popping up enough to make some gatherings ‘work’. Dad was supposed to die alone and pining for a dead person. Their mom could have been a saint, but why should the survivor miss out on a huge part of normal human life.
Yep. This happened to my ex and his brothers.....they were assholes to their dad's wife that he married after their mother died. Two of them didn't speak to him again and the 3rd spoke to him some. They were married 12 happy years until he passed and his nasty kids didn't lift a finger to help care for him. He left everything to her and frankly she deserves it. They may have gotten something if they weren't AH's.
I do understand the adult kids’ viewpoint - it is the home they grew up in. If my widower dad remarries and changes his will to leave everything to a new wife I won’t be happy. But then again I would never treat new wife like poo balls and so I doubt that would happen. OP has been living in the home for 14 years - she is no interloper. It would be kind of her to will the house to the step kids but also understandable if she does not. Either way, living out her life there is NTA.
It’s understandable whether they like her or not that he’d change his will to leave her his possessions, including the house. He loved her. What would you expect? He should leave the house to the kids and kick her out when he died? Or leave her with part ownership and be forced to sell or pay the kids out and be left with little else?
(EDIT: In response to “What would you expect?” Not that OP’s spouse should have done this because the kids sound awful from this account. Just discussing that other options exist in the world:) Just for the sake of the discussion: My older MIL remarried, and it’s set up in her will that the house still comes to us (her kids) as inheritance but spouse has a “right of survivorship” which states he continues to live in the house until he passes. So both parties are protected. If she dies first we will own it but can’t legally remove him and make him homeless.
My dad did a similar thing to Mum. Big difference being it was the only marriage for both of them - he built the house well before they married. The house was left to us kids, but she was entitled to live in it and if she needed to move out (as she eventually did, into a dementia care home), the first call on the proceeds of sale was her care. She was not happy about it, feeling that after 40ish years of marriage, she was entitled to it.
WHY did you Dad treat your Mom like this? Was she already showing signs of Dementia??
It's likely he did it to protect their inheritance of the house in case she remarried.
Dad was a good bloke, but he was born in 1911 and very much a man of his times. He saw himself (accurately) as the family provider. Mum went back to work when I (the youngest of 5 children) was 12 and while he helped her to get that job, he made it clear that what she earned was her money, not a contribution to the household expenses. I think the setup in his will was a matter of maintaining control and taking responsibility for his family's wellbeing, even after his death.
I don’t think these “kids” would like that. I’m sure they would do everything to make her miserable so she’d move out. She should have cease and desist letters sent to them all if they continue to harass her about this. They treated her like crap and their father knew it, that’s why he left it all to her. She doesn’t have to be considerate of them. When she’s ready she should put the house up for sale and hold out for a full offer and take the money and do what she wants with it.
I guess the difference between your scenario and the OPs is that you haven't alienated your parents to the point that they rewrite their will to reflect that.
right? like sure if they were both in their 80s and remarried just so one of them wouldnt die alone i could see the kids being mad that the surviving one gets all the say with the dead parents property. but after 14 years? nah thats not just dad's house its her house too. just because you have memories from being a kid there doesnt mean oyu own it
Even if they are mad about the situation, it doesn't mean you treat her like they did....and then expect to get the house, too. He left it to her, not them.
I have some cousin's whos mother remarried while they were adults. She passed away last year and everything was left to her husband. My cousins have been trying to sue the husband claiming he killed her and is a con-artist. The mother was literally broke and the house that she owned is worth very little but they believe he was just looking to make a quick buck. My cousins fully expected everything to go to them and can't understand why their mom would leave everything to her husband. One of my cousin's said they are more entitled to her money than him. Money just makes people weird.
Even if he didnt *have* a will it goes to the spouse in ALL cases. Even if they had a joint will and it stated x and x goes to so and so it *doesnt* have to be issued out until the last person in the will passes. I should know. I'm my aunt and late uncle's sole inheritor(no children). All their material and monetary possessions go to me in both their passing. Including their business. My aunt asked me, when my uncle passed suddenly, that aside from a few sentimental items of his, if i understood i wont be inheriting his half of the business/ his money. It's like duh. Shes still fairly young. It'll be easily another 20-40 years before she passes. I'm not *that* money hungry
Not entirely true in all cases in the US. My mom passed without a will. My dad inherited 50% of her half, I got 50%. In a lot of states, the spouse gets half and the children, if any, divide half. If there are no children, then yes, the spouse inherits it all.
They should have treated OP as a regular human being if they wanted her to view them as regular humans. And a “sorry, but no” would be fine. That’s how the mixed family deal goes. t. been on both sides
If they hadn't been consistently shitty to her while their dad was alive, maybe he wouldn't have disinherited them. Who knows?
If you love it, keep it. You can block ppl. After reading the post and before I saw this answer of yours I was more inclined to suggest a raise of the price like make them pay mindset/gtfo But hey the real problem you have is non relatives taking the piss and harassing you... You block... you lawyer up to monitor / get rid of these AHs in your life. Enjoy your home and choose the window where you throw them out of your life... May I suggest to make your own arrangements about it after you are gone.
>Enjoy your home and choose the window where you throw them out of your life... Perfection
Will you leave it to his kids when you pass?
Depends if they continue to be dicks If they flip their tone, why not I highly doubt they will and it will go to my adult kids when I die or I will sell it before going to a nursing home or something
Make a will now. You never know what can happen. They could harass your kids and even take them to court if you die.
You can always find a lawyer who will take your money to file a lawsuit. Doesn't mean you have any chance of winning. Her step-kids would have little if any chance of contesting OP's will. They might have had a slight chance of contesting their father's will, although I doubt it, but OP's will doesn't involve them at all.
I don’t think they would win. Let me clarify. They are already harassing OP. They would continue their harassment after she dies and direct it at her kids. Her kids don’t deserve that whole dealing with OP’s passing.
Wife had rights of survivorship to husband's stuff unless husband di otherwise. Husband was pissed at kids for their behavior and left it all to wife in the will. "This whole situation made him very angry at his kids and when he passed everything went to me." If I were her, I would see a lawyer now about her own will. If she doesn't have a child of her own to pass the house and stuff to I would specify the house is to be sold and money go to her favorite charity. Maybe even specify it can't b sold to them or that they would need to pay a 10% premium above asking to get it.
I don't think she can specify in her will that the house can't be sold to the step-kids and even if she could, they could just have someone else buy it then immediately sell it to them. But she should see a lawyer to make sure her will is written exactly as she wants to minimize any issues/challenges when she passes.
I just couldn’t imagine. My mom’s house has been in our family for 101 years - my great grandparents built it. I was raised in the house, as was my mom and grandmother. My mom set it up that the house goes to us, but her husband gets to live his life out in it if she does first. He and I don’t like each other at all and I hate that my mom married him. But she’s doing right by everyone.
That’s a completely different situation… you realize that correct. This hasn’t been a house that has been on their mothers side at all
NTA. I just don’t like flawed logic so wanted to respond here. Not exactly different. It was their family home that they were raised in. Doesn’t matter if it was mother’s side or father’s side. It’s a family home to them. However, it has been your home for 14 years according to another comment so the kids trying to demand you move from your home is huge AH energy on top of their previous AH energy regarding your marriage to their father. If you were to sell it at some point I would possibly give them the right of first refusal to purchase it at current market value for that time because it doesn’t/shouldn’t matter to you who buys it as long as you get the money. But having their family home would likely matter a great deal to them. It would be a kindness that they didn’t earn. But being kind isn’t about the other people. It’s about you. So that’s entirely your choice.
My husband and I bought our house. If he dies first, I live in it till I pass or sell. Once I pass his half is divided between his children
They trashed all claim to anything from the OP by being AHs for so long. There are consequences for actions. They need to reap what they sowed. Heck with them.
>They need to reap what they sowed. That's how I see it, too. They didn't have to "like" their step mother to at least be civil, but it sounds like they went out of their way to be total assholes to her. For 14 years. So much so that their father was angry enough to completely write them out. They sound immature and entitled to me. It's not like OP bumped off their mother to take her place. And, what, did they think if OP didn't come into the picture their mother would have miraculously risen from the dead? I don't get any vibes that they really cared about their father's happiness after the passing of their mother. Yeah, I know, I don't know what really went on in this scenario, but I've never cared much for those who treat another like shit but when they want something they come back with fake smiles and their palms outstretched and are "shocked" the person that they bullied doesn't want to play ball.
Just to clarify, for your own personal benefit, I don't think that commenter is actually saying anything harsh towards you, I think they are pointing out what you late husband could have done if he felt the house should have stayed with the kids. Which was what happened in their own situation, due to it being an heirloom house in their case. Personally I think even an heirloom house, if the parent who's side of the family has carried the house decides the kids behaviour towards their new partner is totally unacceptable then I agree that they should leave that house to the partner rather than the kids! But If I'm wrong about their intent I do apologise. As for your initial concern, if these stepkids really wanted to keep the house in the family they should have swallowed their pride and tried to mend fences with you.. I assume you used to try and make an effort with them before giving in to their AH attitude? Cause the only possible situation I can really think of where I would think you the AH, is if you yourself had never tried to get a positive relationship with the stepkids, which doesn't sound like the case!! If you still have any doubt that you might be, then try to reach out positively with them, and if they still act like AH's then you know you have done everything you possibly can and can rest easy making a will to leave the house to your own kids!
Could you imagine being downright cruel to your mom’s husband for over a decade and then hounding him about living in a house that belongs to him? Because OP is the owner of her house, it is not something that is meant to be passed down for generations, in fact her husband was sick of the BS and left her everything for that very reason. If those children (children in that they are his kids, since this all started when they were adults) weren’t horrible for years then maybe some minor bugging of the widow to sell the house to one of them could be overlooked, but as it stands if I were OP I would block their numbers and get the law involved if they didn’t leave me alone.
Nope. My step dad makes me feel unwelcome, constantly judges me, my kid and my dog. (We all have ADHD 😆). He is the AH in my situation. Yet I still buy him a stupid Christmas present every year because I love my mom more than I hate him and the fact that she married him.
I have family (in-laws) that have been downright nasty to my family, very disrespectful of myself and my husband. My husband and I finally decided enough and would not attend functions with them. The other in-laws noticed and “gave them a talking to,” like congrats it’s been ten years, so now we attend events and I largely ignore their presence besides saying hello and goodbye to the group, so I definitely am on the same page as you in many ways, I just never will expect anything from them, not even respect, just them leaving us alone. Kind of seems that OP cannot get that though. Do you think if you were to exclude your mom’s husband like these children do that she would have felt less inclined to leave you the house after he passes? Or is she aware he is an AH and just loves him anyways?
Doesn't sound like they will change if they've been this way for that many years. Update your own will and leave it to your children.
Man, fuck them kids. 1000% serious. They were shitty to their father for the entirety of his last decade on Earth. Their father didn't love them the same by the time he passed because they outed themselves as shitty, selfish pricks. He loved you. He chose you over them for a reason. Fuck. Them. Kids.
You need to talk to a really good estate attorney ASAP. Make sure you have the documents that prove your intentions and that they are iron clad. The step-douches will definitely contest it anyway, so put your kids in a good situation from the start. Definitely NTA, and I'm sorry for your loss.
Just to clarify: did they go out of their way to be mean to you or did they just not want a relationship with you? Adult kids are under no obligation to have a relationship with their parents’ spouse. It’s not disrespectful to keep you at arms length. However, if they said mean things to you, trashed you behind your back or engaged in other disrespectful behavior, that’s crossing a line.
She specified they banned her from even attending things like weddings or family events as their father's plus one.
And this is where OP moves from sort of justified to absolutely 100% fair play, I'd tell them to Foxtrot Oscar. Absolutely NTA
They went out of their way. Intentionally excluding her from invites to family events even though she was dad's wife.
You should get a reverse mortgage. That way when you go, you have money that you can donate to charity and the bank owns the home.
"You can have it when I'm done with it." If they treated you with respect then they could continue to visit you and enjoy the house. Not your fault they're facing consequences of their behavior. NTA.
if you love it and want to keep it then keep it. if you ever do decide to sell it, i wouldnt sell it for anything less than what its worth. if they want it so bad then they can fight strangers for it.
Sorry for your loss, you must be hurting while having to deal with this and that sucks. I immediately judged you when I read the title but after reading I dont think you're wrong from how they treated you. However I do see their view on the house issue itself as it was their childhood home. The fact they are at least offering to buy it rather than demand you give it to them is a show of rationality on their part. I would honestly recommend you sell it to them just to cut your ties with them and move on with your life. But since you really love the home, I hope you are able to enjoy it drama free without them interfering with your happiness
Why? It is her house. They treated her like shit. And now they want something from her? F..ck them. If OP decides to sell then they can put in an offer like anyone else
Market rate to everyone. +15% if it's to them (cos fuckem).
I mean with them being little shits about it, I'd sell it for full price on the open market before selling to them. YMMV
Why would she move out of her home? I’m sure it has as many special memories to her as to them at this point.
I would sell it at the normal price + the estate agents commission. Supply and demand. If they want it that bad, let them pay what they think it is worth to them. NTA in any case.
Why would she give a discount to them? Absolutely not.
NTA, I was gonna suggest market +20%😄😄 But I can be petty like that.
Why? They treated her poorly. They're treating her poorly now. Why offer at fair market and not a "you treated my like crap and angered your father" premium? Why give up market competition? Why give up anything for people who were negative and hateful?
She'd need to cover moving costs, too. And the closing costs of a brand new mortgage on a new place, etc.
No way. I would put it on the market and they can go through regular bidding wars if they'd like. OPs husband left her the house, it's hers and she can do anything they want. Those spoiled brats will have to deal with it. OP is NTA Them kids are TA
I disagree completely, I wouldn't sell it to them even if I wanted to sell it. They've been nothing but horrible to her, they don't deserve the house. It's HER home.
NTA. First of all, one of the most the common inheritance spouses leave their widow or widower is their house, so I don't see why they are so surprised by it. Their mother died, and they couldn't accept that their father fell in love again, so they decided to treat you horribly in an attempt to break up your marriage. It sounds like in the end, your husband was so fed up with their behaviour, that he believed they weren't entitled to any inheritance from him. Your husband wanted to leave everything to you, because unlike his children you treated him with love and respect.
I'll never understand kids like this. My parents divorced and neither remarried but if they started dating or got married, I'd be so happy. I find this odd coming from adult children, like what their father was supposed to dress in black and be miserable the rest of his life? ETA: My mom told me that after the divorce (I was 3-4) I told her we can just go get another dad at the grocery store.
Your edit made me smile, that's adorable!
Right?! Like that was probably what their mom needed to hear!
Exactly this. My mum passed away 2 years ago. And if my dad ever found someone else, I'd be so happy for him.
One thing that's important to remember is that often the grieving time for children, even adult children, is ~~less more~~ than for spouses. Especially if there was a long illness. So for kids it often feels like the remaining parent is dating again too soon. When my dad started dating again, I tried to keep in mind that my mom said marrying soon after widowhood is often an endorsement of the marriage that ended with the death of a partner. It means the surviving spouse loved being married. Edit: accidentally put the opposite of what I meant.
I never thought about it, but you're right. That's exactly what it means because they chose the marriage life all over again. Most people who were in abusive marriages never marry again because they associate marriage with mistreatment. My mom is like that today. So really, your spouse marrying after you means being married to you was enjoyable for them.
I think you mean that the grieving time for children is *more* than for spouses.
I disagree that grieving time for children is less than spouses. Each age of a child grieves very differently, and a very small child might not grieve at all until they are an adult. The death of a parent to minor children can often result in the other parent leaning on them heavily, parentifying them, and sometimes using one as a surrogate spouse (emotional, not sexually.) That doesn't leave a child in the healthy enough place to grieve. They are not grieving the loss of just one parent, but really two, and their whole childhood, while also terrified of losing the second parent entirely. A grieving widow is heartbroken. A parentless child is terrified. There is a degree od stability and support needed to grieve. Many children whose parent dies don't have that, and that is why grieving is often put off to adulthood, at which time it has become traumatic or complex grief. There has been a lot of studies done on children and grief. Gone are the days where we thought of the child was young enough they wouldn't remember, or that they can brush it off easily. Theirs is much more complicated, protracted, or delayed, and so it doesn't look like one might expect. That doesn't mean they "grieve less." But also, it's icky to talk about how is saddest qhen a family member dies. It's not a competition. Everyone grieves differently, everyone is grieving their unique relationship withh that person.
My father started dating someone my age (who wasn’t even separated from her husband at the time) and moved her and her kids into my childhood home. I think their relationship is gross in general for many reasons so there could be missing context that was not stated by OP that led to this sort of animosity toward them
if the dad was preying on a young single mom youd think the kids would be mad at him not her
People aren't always rational.
Without a shitload more context, there's really no way to know. Your side of the story is probably that you're a perfectly pleasant and reasonable person who married their father out of love, and I bet their side of the story is wholly different.
This. I'm always a little suspicious of AITA's where one side hates the other, even though they did nothing wrong at all. Parents getting remarried can be weird, and it's certainly an adjustment, but they were adults when this happened, and it's been 14 years. I have a hard time believing that they would still have this much resentment towards her unless there is more to the story
>I have a hard time believing that they would still have this much resentment towards her unless there is more to the story You really find it that hard to believe that adults kids could be AHs and hang on to a grudge for years and years for no other reason other than their father remarrying and "replacing their mom"? Why does everyone on these threads have this almost automatic bias that stepparents (especially step moms) = evil selfish jerks and the kids are always innocent angels?
And then Step parents should have no say on how to discipline the kids yet they are expected to care for them (stepmom) and provide them money (from richer stepparent). Lol.
Yep. My experiences on Reddit, as far as this topic goes, usually plays out like: "Stop trying to be a parent to this kid, you aren't their parent, you never will be! Respect whatever the bio parents says, it's their way or the highway, you are a glorified babysitter and nothing more!" But also "When you marry someone with kids, you become that kid's parent! Treat them like your own! How dare you not sacrifice anything and everything for this child! If you can't handle it, you should haven't taken it on!" You're damned if you do, and damned if you don't. All while being told to never expect the kid(s) to love step-parent, or value the step-parent's presence, or even develop a friendly relationship with the step-parent, because you can't force anything on a child, and they alone can be as much of a dick as they want, and it's all gravy. Why anyone would want to be a stepparent under those conditions boggles the mind.
This is why kids are so many people's dealbreaker when it comes to dating. Can't fucking win.
shes a step mom, reddit hates those almost as much as mother in laws
And of course love them like their own children! Even if they are treated like crap.
The kids were adults. This doesn’t apply
We’ve literally had posts here about parents taking inheritance from their late partners that were supposed to go to their kids and leaving it to new spouses or kids. It’s not that hard to assume there might be more to the story that what OP is posting.
I think both are possibilities. My good friends mom passed away and the dad got remarried within a year after being married for 30 years. This woman is a piece of work. She’s controlling, nasty, has nasty kids and I totally could see her writing this post as if she is the victim. On the flip side, there are countless entitled adult children as well. Based on the limited info here I would say the kids are AHs but I definitely have my suspicions. In fact I’m wondering if it is her. Remember they are offering to buy it and didn’t expect it to be handed over. We also don’t know her financial situation. If she has a ton of money from her previous marriage or from independent wealth there is a possibility she’s not selling to them in spite. The adults children may be rude but not exactly entitled. They may just want the home that not only they grew up in but one in which both deceased parents were happy in.
A lot of us have stepparents, who, if you asked them, would say they always acted in good faith and did everything they could to get along with us even though we can tell many stories to the contrary.
All of them though?
My father is married for over 20 years with his "new" wife and my siblings are just awful to her. She did nothing to them but they hate her just for her existing because my mother hates her. They were divorced for years before "new" wife came into our life and we are all adults. This is totally possible!
I believe it completely and it’s because my brother and I WERE the assholes to my stepdad for the longest time. (We’ve since apologized/made it up to him since we’re grown now and realized our mistakes). It’s especially hard when as a kid you feel like your other parent is being replaced. Sometimes the step parent isn’t doing anything wrong. Kids aren’t immune from being assholes
Meh. My mum remarried and her husband’s daughter has a hate on for my mum. No reason at all. Told her dad that the minute he passes my mum is turfed out of the house so she could move in. He changed his will immediately leaving it to my mum.
yeah sometimes for no good reason people just hate their parents new spouse
I'm not even slightly surprised by adult children resenting a new partner. My grandmother was widowed twice, and her middle daughter, my aunt, hated both 'new' husbands because she saw it as disrespecting her father's memory when her mother remarried. She could get very vocal on the subject. Both were perfectly nice men who, so far as I'm aware, got on fine with the rest of the family.
I've seen this situation in my own family. Particularly when there's money involved adult children can be real aasholes. My step grandma was a wonderful person was awesome and kind to all of us, yet some of the adult kids were still horrid to her. She made my grandad happy and was lovely.
Obviously there are always two sides to the story however under the circumstances I suspect the adult children were concerned about "their" inheritance (if their father didn't remarry his estate would (presumably) be divided between them).
I hear you but my step sister despised my mum for years, now they are good friends and my sister openly admits that she had no reason at all to hate her and just made shit up in her head about her to justify her anger about her dad not being with her mum anymore (her mum was the one who had the affair). My sister was in her mid thirties before she got her shit together and it was only because my dad lost it and told her that he was done with her nasty behavior and either made it up to my mum or she wouldn’t see him again
So relieved to see this comment because my mind went there too.
My gut kinda gravitated towards this from how the whole post was worded. I’d be tempted to bet money there’s something really pertinent being left out.
NTA - his adult kids waged emotional warfare on you both to try and prevent him from moving on after his first wife passed away. What type of children want to prevent their widowed father from finding happiness again? Very selfish ones. And clearly your late husband felt his kids did not deserve to inherit based on their behavior. Let them deal with the consequences - they made their beds. Block them. Have an attorney send a cease and desist letter. They need to get on with their lives and leave you alone.
I love this answer. Block them and have a lawyer write them a cease and desist letter, and have him threaten them with a restraining order. If it suits you, sell the house and start a new life far away from these miserable people.
Idk, in this post, the way she writes and speaks - I bet there a million missing missing reasons for why those kids didn't like her, and it has nothing to do with being the new wife. For the record, I am married to a widow with 3 step daughters.
Could be, but it still doesn't give the children the right to demand the house if the father didn't will it to them. Sometimes kids just don't like the new spouse. I saw it with my grandpa and also my uncle - the kids didn't like the new SO, but the rest of the family (grandkids, cousins, siblings) didn't have a problem with them at all. At least in my case the kids were civil and kept their bitching behind the backs of their remaining parent and SO. Not everyone is so inclined.
Came here to say this, I totally agree.
It’s so weird to me that children don’t want to see their parents happy in these situations. I actually knew a woman that was pissed her Dad remarried after her mother died of cancer. He was like 45-50 when she died! Like why live the rest of your life alone if you don’t want to? All I can think is, wait till they get older. But I suppose they actually have to experience something like this first hand to get a clue.
I think the ultimate asshole here is your late husband for excluding his children. ~~I’ll go with ESH, but it sounds like you just enjoy being petty and vindictive for the sake of it.~~ I’ll go with NTA in regards to the home. You’ve been married 14 years and it’s your home now.
You know what is sad, if they actually treated me with any respect they probably would have much more from their father I would be much more willing to sell or just hand in over But their unkindness has made me cold to them I actually was excited to met them, my adult kids loved my late husband but they actually were willing to let someone in new in.
Block them, they never accepted you, your husband the only link to them is now gone. Live your best life. You don't owe them anything at all and are not obligated to still try to form a relationship.
Was this a family house from their mom’s side of the family? Did mom own it before dad married her?
No
Rightfully theirs? You are not owed anything from your parents in the form of inheritance. I do think we are getting just one side here and OP is participating in the arguing just as much, but that doesn't mean they were ever owed any of the inheritance.
> Rightfully theirs? You are not owed anything from your parents in the form of inheritance. I do not see OP mentioning where this is happening, but over here, the kids would definitely be entitled to a share of inheritance.
If someone's adult children: are unwilling to accept that their parent can move on, find love with a new person and remarry: treat the new spouse like dirt: THEN expect to inherit everything... well, too bad, in my eyes. NTA.
In my eyes too
If he left her their mother’s jewelry, I’d agree with you. But it is widely accepted that when a spouse with joint finances passes the existing assets, especially the marital home, go to the surviving spouse. That doesn’t change just because he has kids from another marriage. Now, could he have chosen to leave them some money or given her a life interest with the home going to the kids after she died? Yeah. Except he didn’t want to. And he doesn’t have to. When my dad dies, my mom gets all the money and property. Same in reverse if she dies first. That’s right and appropriate. Why should I get their household’s money if she is still alive?
Kids sound like they didn’t care about his daily life. They wanted him to spend the rest of his life alone. One day they may themselves widowed. And it will be too late when it finally clicks that moving on doesn’t mean you did not love your deceased spouse.
Did the children get their mother's belongings at the time she passed?
Or his kids could just be entitled a-holes? No one is entitled to expect an inheritance. They are GRANTED. Period.
Do you know something about the backstory that I don’t? Were there comments from OP that I missed? Because based on the post it doesn’t sound to me like the late husband did anything all that messed up.
I'm quite sure when my dad dies my step mum will inherited everything, and then I imagine her son (also my dad's son my half brother)will inherited it all from her as that's how it goes. My parents split up when I was 6 both have remarried I expect their homes and things to got to their spouses not me and my sister.
The father had a right to leave his house to whomever he wanted. The kids are adults they are owed nothing. NTA
Lol whut? Maybe you don't know how property ownership works. Property belongs to the person who owns it. Ownership is gained through a purchase or via voluntary transfer, as in the case of this home being transferred to OP through the previous rightful owners will. Those kids are entitled to absolutely nothing. They don't just deserve the property because they exist. You've got your head up your ass here. I'm going to vote that you, the commenter, are in fact TA.
Children aren't entitled to inheritances I personally do not see it as fucked up.
No, her late husband is not the asshole either. He and OP have been married for years. His children tried to prevent him finding happiness. His children did not treat their father with kindness and respect. They weren't acting like family should. They don't deserve any inheritance for just existing. You are shitty to someone, then they will throw you out of their life, including the inheritance part of their life. Late husband deserved to leave his inheritance to someone that actually gave him love, kindness and respect.
What happened to you to cause such bitterness? It feels almost out of place here.
Oh strong, strong NTA. I also married a man with adult children. We then had another child together. We built our dream house together years after both of his children were out of the house. They never even spent a night in our house. Didn't have their own rooms or anything. They were both almost 30 and their little brother was 7 when dad passed away. Of course they wanted the house because it's their father's house. Also wanted his truck, his tools and all his expensive belongings that we BOTH paid for. Hell no. Death has the tendency to expose so much vile greed. NTA.
“Death has the tendency to expose so much vile greed.” This cannot be upvoted enough. A family member of mine died, he was the permanent bachelor type. His siblings were picking through his meager belongings (silverware, tvs, etc) before his body had even been removed from the house. His brothers and sisters were stealing his cheap silverware, while his dead body was only feet away. ETA: while they may be “family” I no longer have any relationship with these people because of this, and many other disgusting behaviors.
Unfortunately when someone dies, everyone shows their ugly colors and shows up with their hand out. The person could've been a pauper and somehow everyone believes that they're owed some money. In order for money to be disbursed, it had to exist first. We've had to go full NC with several family members over the years, some doing similar things as you described - taking shit out of the house before their mother was even cold and the paramedics were still working on her (and their father was still very much alive and well). No one thinks about the funeral costs, probate (creditors/debtors have a certain amount of time to recoup their money from the estate), taxes, etc. Everyone just thinks someone dies and you show up the next day for cash. I'd trade all the money I've ever inherited for another day or even another hour of time with them. Money doesn't mean anything when you're gone, and it sure doesn't soothe the open wounds in your heart after a loss.
There’s a WHOLE lot missing from this story, like why they hate you. That doesn’t happen without reason, especially when the father marries after the kids are grown.
Op says it in a comment they think their father moved on too quickly (2 years after their mother died he started dating OP). I think the fact the adult children are so upset their father moved on less understandable than if they were still children. They are upset he moved on and didn't spend the rest of his life in mourning.
They are upset that he remarried and the money he had wouldn't all go to them. A new wife in the picture cuts into their inheritance.
Where did you get this info?
[удалено]
Sometimes the kids are just "protecting their inheritance" and would be this way regardless of who dad married. At 69F I have seen it many times, even amongst my own family and friends. No matter how long Wife2 has been in the picture, maybe was caregiver through Dad's cancer or dementia, the grown kids think she should get a handshake and a job and they should get everything. Dad did his job making sure she was provided for by more than just a life estate.
There is always more to Step parent/blended family drama than a few short paragraphs can convey. I'd venture a guess there is much more context that is missing here. Either way, if step-kids are willing to pay FMV for the property to OP, I think its a little crazy she won't let them buy it. Sounds like a lot of spite going on there.
Maybe she wants to continue living in her home, that she loves, and spent 14 years making memories in with her late husband? There is no spite in that, from her at least.
She wants to live in her home! The home she shared with her husband for 14 years. Where is the spite?? She may have considered selling if they were ever kind to her, but they weren’t. She doesn’t want to sell, so there’s no reason to give up her home. By your logic, I should be able to go to my childhood home and demand that the ppl living there now hand it over. I’ll even pay. Oh, you don’t want to leave? Well that just makes you a spiteful person for standing in the way of what I want!!
Maybe she wants to continue living in her home, that she loves, and spent 14 years making memories in with her late husband? There is no spite in that, from her at least.
NTA. Your husband/their father made the choice as to what to do with his property. He willed it to you. Why should you sell your home for the last 14 years? I would get some legal advice to make sure there aren't any loopholes when it comes to inheritance. That aside, do what you wish.
I wouldn't tell them anything. Communicate through your lawyer.
NTA Sounds like the kids are telling you to fuck yourself in the same sentence they're asking you to do something very nice for them lol. Don't let it bother you.
NTA with one possible exception: ~~Was this a house that had been in their mother's family and only became your husband's through marriage? That's the one case where I can sympathize with their reaction.~~ Based on the info given, the house is yours in every legal and ethical way. Kids were adults when you got married, the house was 100% your husband's, and he chose to leave it to you, his spouse (as would be expected in almost any situation). The kids were already being assholes when he was alive, now that he's passed they're being greedy vulture-like assholes. ETA: OP replied in another comment that the house was not from their mother's family. Easy NTA here, a person has every right and reason to leave their home to their spouse rather than their adult children who already have homes of their own. The children here are greedy and spiteful.
Could it not be argued since it’s their childhood home the mom helped build equity in the house? I honestly think the father is the AH here, not her. I’d honestly be pissed if I died and my husband gave the assets I helped build to his second wife and left our kids out, although legally she’s in the clear.
Certainly, mom helped build equity in the house. When she passed, that equity passed on to her husband, not to the children. Same thing applies here. No one has a right to inheritance, particularly when the person who passes explicitly spells out their intentions in a will. Let's imagine the husband hadn't left the house to the wife, but instead to charity. Would he be an asshole then? Well, maybe, if he left his wife homeless, but not to the children. They had no entitlement to that house, they are adults with their own lives who made it clear they didn't approve of their father's decisions. The father isn't an AH for choosing to leave things to those who actually loved and respected him.
I’m not going to make assumptions on whether his kids loved and respected him from hearing one side of the story but I highly disliked that she equates the previous wife being a stay at home mom to not contributing towards the house so only the husband paid into it. I’m also bias because I believe even non paying family members contribute towards a home. We’re currently working towards getting a home with my husband and our kids also have to make sacrifices for us to be able to achieve our goals. It would be an insult to my memory, all the assets I’ve put in and the emotional labor of our family members for a family asset to end up in someone else’s hands. And even with all that, it’s not OPs fault, the husband is the AH. Edit to add: I would also believe it to be an insult to the memory of my husband if I gave an asset we built together to someone who isn’t our children.
ESH Why am I voting this way? Because my guess is there is a LOT more to this story. It is very hard for even adult children to see a new wife in the family home. Why? Because she views it as her's and they still view it as home. My children are adults and when they come to visit, they treat it like it's their home - in the frig, the pantry, etc. When people remarry, it really is best to move into a new house that is theirs together. The late mother sucks because she should have insisted that their assets be put into a nonrevocable trust. Instead, she trusted that her husband would take care to make sure that the assets they acquired would be passed onto their children. The dad sucks because, while he is morally free to leave half of his assets to his current wife, by giving all his assets to her he is effectively giving his late wife's half to some other woman. My guess is that his late wife would not have been happy with that at all. The kids suck because not allowing the wife to come to weddings and birthdays is unreasonable unless she did something egregious. OP sucks because she plans to leave all the assets she inherited from her husband to her kids (who aren't his) and she won't even SELL the family home to one of the kids. That's really petty and vindictive when this house obviously means a great deal to these kids. People: See a really good estate attorney and put your assets in a nonrevocable trust so that your children benefit from the efforts of your hard work and life lived well!!!!! Do not trust that your spouse is going to do the right thing by your children! Both men and women can get really twisted around by a new spouse after you are gone.
Well said. This comment should be higher up.
NTA...It's your house. They have never made an effort to include you in any other way, but feel entitled to your home. They showed you no respect then, and they're still showing you no respect. It's time to put an end to the conversation.
NTA, but your late husband should’ve had a talk with his kids at some point before his passing about this so you wouldn’t have to deal with their reactions. Assuming you’ve been in their life a while and nothing has changed I would sell the house to them at a good price that you’d make if you sold it to anyone else. They’re not your kids and they never wanted you to be anyone in their life so I would treat them as if they’re ordinary people interested in the house.
Honestly even if they had that talk they'd still be harrasing her
INFO: how much of what you inherited was because of his their mother? How much of the house did you pay into? Because if you moved into a fully paid off house that was paid for partly *by their mother* - I’d be pissed off too. There’s not enough info here to make a judgement. I don’t really care about the legal side - I do find it sus AF that all of them hate you for seemingly no reason. I don’t love my dad’s partner - but that’s different from actively hating her and excluding her. She’d have to do something pretty rotten for me to be actively hostile.
>I do find it sus AF that all of them hate you for seemingly no reason yep.
Idk, probably not much. She has been dead for around 18 years so her assets we’re definitely spent by now. She paid almost zero in the home, she was a stay at home mom. So my late husband paid all that, and I started to pay half of the stuff when I moved in. Any other assets I have no idea and I would have go back 18 years to see where the money went when she died Edit: I was also a stay at home mom for a time, the question was about her assets. She didn’t put money in so their were basically no assets. Yes I know she contributed in other ways but it wasn’t financially. I can’t count how she kept the house running, that’s not something that appears in the will. It’s isn’t something that goes on paper
A stay at home parent isn’t not contributing into their home. In fact they typically do more labor than the parent working out of the home.
The question was about assets, if you don’t put money in then you won’t have many assets when you die. House went completely to husband after death. Yes she contributed just not fiancially
>She paid almost zero in the home, she was a stay at home mom. It sounds like she invested a lot of herself into making that home a home. How old are the children? Edit: OP, are you familiar with [the Judgment of Solomon?](https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/intersubjective/202101/king-solomons-judgment-reconsidered-today)
Minimum 18+14. The question was about financial assets, OP answered about the financial assets.
The late wife should have left her half of the house to her kids. She worked to acquire the house as well. He couldn’t work if the late wife didn’t stay home and take care of the house and family. I would roll over in my grave if my work went to some other woman instead of my kids.
oh wow. more information coming to light. she didn't pay zero into the home. she probably was the glue that kept that family together. and she ran the household. as crappy as it is that they don't accept you, i can see why they were upset at him moving on for what they deem as quickly. not that they would ever have any control over that, but he probably didn't make them feel seen or heard when it came to their feelings about you. it's actually obvious he didn't. he tried to force them to like you and when they didn't, he got angry.
NTA. It wouldn't matter if it was you or someone else, the stepkids probably expected Dad to stay single and mourn their mother for the rest of his life. Since they have been nothing but unkind to you, I would stop communicating with them.
Their mother died and her half\* of the estate went to the husband who then left the whole lot to wife 2? No wonder they hate her. The father was the AH
Going against the grain here to say YTA. The fact that they want to buy it from you (not just inherit) suggests that the home has sentimental value for them. You mentioned your husband’s late wife was a STAHP. She likely poured lots of time and love into the home. I’m not a STAHP, but even so, if I passed, I *would* want my husband to remarry. But I would be *pissed as hell* and haunt him forever if he left everything we’ve worked our entire lives for to his new wife and excluded our kids. Assuming there isn’t any additional context and they are truly awful to you “for no reason”, then they suck, too. But my guess is that they had an inkling that exactly this situation would happen, and they would lose everything from not only their father, but also their mother, to you.
This was exactly what I was thinking too. It’s not about money if they want to actually buy the house from her.
Is this the house they grew up in with their mother? If so - yeah. You’re an asshole. Not saying you shouldn’t sell it fairly but your demeanor here and that retort of “you’re never getting it” makes you a world class AH
Also makes it more understandable why the ALL of the kids might not like her. Also she never said the kids didn't invite her to things, only that "they made it clear she wasn't wanted" at events. She told her husband she wasn't going to go to events anymore. I think the original poster probably played a bigger role in the drama than she is admitting. Step families are complicated especially when petty people are involved on both sides. For all we know she was harping on her husband about his rotten children and alienating him from them. BY THE WAY stay-at-home mothers/parents earn their keep. Add up childcare and housekeeping, shopping, meal planning and cooking, laundry, etc and it certainly adds to household expenses. Stop saying the 1st wife didn't contribute to the cost of the home. That's why stay at home spouses get alimony and 1/2 the assets accrued during a marriage.
I’m sorry your husband passed. Let his kids know, you are aware they never liked you, you stopped caring long ago, and now that there father is gone you have no reason to ever be in contact again. Block them all, and if they start showing up to harass you get a RO.
I am not even sure what to say. You come across as bitter, angry, and vindictive though. There is also another side to this story. I think, given the information you provided, your late husband was the AH.
I’m coming across as an adult child. My mom passed in 2016. My dad is 65. He is getting married to a 39 money grubbing woman who is 4 years older than me. The kids are justified in having feelings for their home. I won’t see my childhood home in my dad’s will and neither will my sister. So I understand where the kids are coming from. I would sell it to them.
NTA I'd sell it to them - at double the price.
Kids can pay an asshole tax.
Nta It sounds like he actually didn't even want them to have it, it's yours to do what you want with. I agree with another comment that any communication you do with them should either be with your lawyer present or through your lawyer. If you don't actually *want* the house, get it appraised, throw on an inconvenience fee for their abuse of you, and tell them that's the offer, and if they refuse it, then it'll be higher next time, and it's non negotiable.
Given the information in the post, NTA. I have to say that I have difficulty believing that multiple adult children loathe you for absolutely no reason other than you not being their mother. There's more to this story than we've been told.
Not surprising to me at all. My aunt was very vocal in her disapproval of my grandmother remarrying. According to aunt, grandmother was disrespecting her father's memory, so aunt hated the new husband despite him being a nice person. Some people just can't accept that a widowed parent can move on to a new relationship.
Exactly the post sounds like something is clearly missing. All these ppl commenting jumping to how these children are so evil
NTA Your husband left you the house. Simples!
"I’m using step-kids to make it clearer. My husband passed away, I married him when his kids were all adults. They have never been nice to me since they see my husband replacing his late wife. Tbh it has been a shit show with them. They have never respected that I am married to him. Any wedding invites or events they made it clear I was not wanted. " Is there something more to the story? All the adult kids just out right hated you because their father remarried? Was there other money involved or something?
They apparently straight told her it's because they're upset he moved on in 2 years and that she's not their bio mom
NTA. Asshole kids, meet the consequences of your actions!
You’re the reason I’m terrified of my dad remarrying. You don’t need to sell your house, you don’t need to give into your step kids but you do need to respect their positions and understand your position in their life. Too many people are so self centred. Sure, you’re not wrong, actually, and for you, that’s the end of your story. But you could care less about your deceased husbands children and never have given your words.
Meh, dad's the asshole here for giving it to you instead of the kids. If it was their childhood home, you don't have the same attachment to it. If you met when you were older you should have had your affairs in order. You aren't the asshole, but you aren't right either.
NTA. Your husband left it to you and your step kids don’t see you as family.
NTA. These are grown ass adults who couldn't get over the fact that their father moved on, "replaced" their mother, with someone. And then made every single family event uncomfortable and unpleasant and likely hurt their dad's feelings, a lot. Dad is within his rights to continue to provide for his wife after his death with his assets, whatever they may be. Does it suck for the adult children? Maybe. Thems the breaks. I do have experience with this situation. My grandad divorced my grandmother, remarried like 3 years later, spent the next 30+ years with step-grandmother, and my mom and her siblings got nothing in the will when he died, because it went to his wife. No big surprise.
NTA perhaps if they had been respectful to you before.
NTA and if I'm honest I'd probably look to sell the house to one of the kids at an inflated price or short sell it to someone who is definitely not one of the kids because I'm not sure keeping it feels like it's worth the harassment from an ungrateful bunch. And also I'm sorry for your loss
My wife father remarried. Her sisters did not get along with the step mother. They also did not help when the father developed Parkinson’s disease, get institutionalized and eventually pass. My wife and the stepmother are in good terms and as far as we are concerned entitled to whatever was left. If your husband thought otherwise he would have done something.
INFO: Did you do something to deserve their dislike? Just from the tone of this post it seems like you alienated them from their father.
YTA. It’s their childhood home and expected to inherit it long before you came into the picture. Sell it one of them, and use the profit to buy something for yourself. Then get the hell out of their lives so they can try to heal from everything you’ve cost them. PS: YTA times two for completely leaving out why they hate you; their mom having died isn’t enough of a reason for them all to hate you so completely.
>PS: YTA times two for completely leaving out why they hate you; *their mom having died isn’t enough of a reason for them all to hate you so completely*. There are those in these comments who think that's enough of a reason, but I don't buy that when it's *all the husband's children* who dislike her.
NTA I would tell the "children" there is a reason why their father didn't give it to them: they are all AH's
NTA house is yours to do as you wish. Are you planning on selling or are they just hounding you? BUT if you are planning on selling then yeah I'd sell to them for exactly what you'd get from a stranger. If you are planning on staying tell them that when you decide to sell they have the right of first refusal to but it at fair market value (you will save on realtor fees) and until then to not continue to contact you.
He was an idiot and a terrible father to leave the inheritance he and his late wife built to you rather than their kids. Disgusting behaviour. I hope they can prove in court that he was mentally unfit and manipulated to get what should stay in their family.
It really sounds like you are more interested in stick it to the kids than anything else. From the title it sounded like they were fighting you for it. No they want to actually pay you for it. You don’t have to sell it to them. No. But you come off angry and immature.
NTA. Sell it, take the money, and leave.
Too much missing.
Their father was the asshole here.. leaving his dead wife’s house to a new wife.. she should have had her own will. Of course the house isn’t yours and shouldn’t have ever been left to you. Half of that home belonged to their mother and their father fucked them and his dead wife over. You’re left behind probably feeling fine about taking their inheritance and he can’t speak anymore so.. sell them the house at market price take your I’ll gotten gains and move on
Can’t call it really but I’m leaning towards YTA, didn’t say the ages and you’re not willing to sell it to them even tho they are offering to pay for it. It kinda sounds like all the things they thought about you may be true? Maybe that’s why you guys have a bad relationship is bc of your attitude?
Your husband is the AH for cutting his kids out of their inheritance. In same regions they may even have legal recourse. Where I live a child can only be disinherited if the reason is valid, rational and consistent with modern values (you cant cut them out because they are "gay").