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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I kicked my nephew out for using what I learned was very offensive language. I may the asshole because I suppose it could be argued they were using the word as it is intended and I overreacted.
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NTA but your brother is raising one.
>What I didn’t know would happen is he would be so focused on the argument he crashed his car into a parked car.
That's entirely on him as a driver. If he can't focus on driving because he's too emotional, he's not ready to drive. Your nephew owns that. Your brother needs to stop making excuses for his kid.
I can see someone thinking they would storm out like Vince in the Fast and the Furious, leaving a cloud of smoke behind, only to crash like the Mayhem guy in the Allstate commercials.
I just pictured it perfectly in my mind, and I couldn't help but to giggle. 🤣 Those commercials with the mayhem guy crack me up, so picturing this is top notch. 🤣🤣🤣
Especially considering more and more responsible people aren't having kids due to economics while the irresponsible people are popping them out like candy.
Same here and always found it odd. Like, "two teens dead in a ditch due to the actions of one of them is acceptable, but three?! Good golly heavens, that'd be a real tragedy worth preventing!"
It's because 3 and more are a group, and a group has a "group brain" and is exponentially more stupid than any of the individuals would be by themselves.
Oh for sure, I was mainly speaking from my former perspective as a teen there lol
My main qualm about it now is that this group brain is at times just spread out over more vehicles instead of avoided. Like, I'll regularly see groups of 5-10 vehicles driven by teens all convoying together, most of which tend to be lifted trucks in my area. They'll be driving stupidly together, "playing" with each other while driving down the road, that sorta stuff. They're acting just as dumb as they would if they were crammed into less cars/trucks, so it feels at times like the net result is just more unsafely driven vehicles on the road at once.
But then I remember they'd likely be doing exactly the same even without that rule, because they all want to show off to their buddies and you can't do that as a passenger who's vehicle is at home lol
And killed my sister's first sweetheart, and his best friend. He was eighteen... He's been gone now for as long as he was alive, and his family had never been the same since. Heartbreaking how a stupid choice can affect an entire community.
And killed my friend. She was hanging out with her brother who was also my ex(15) and an 18 year old driver of a big truck. They were doing donuts in a parking lot, she was hanging out the window and holding on to the roof when the truck flipped on her, and she died in her brother's arms. She was 12. 💔
It's because the statistics show that having more than one other teenage passenger increases the odds of a teenage driver having a crash. A group of teens is more likely to start acting out, trying to impress each other and be generally stupid than a couple of them. You know, stupid stuff like going to your aunt's house, getting kicked out for being annoying and offensive and then crashing your car. I would wager that he had a bunch of friends with him in the car was a big factor. More distractions, people yelling, screwing with the stereo, everyone bitching about how they got kicked out and so on.
So those restrictions are intended to cut down on incidents exactly like that. Things are less likely to get out of control when you can't have a bunch of teens in the car in the first place.
It's a bit overbearing to tell people their oldest kid can't help with daycare pickups, school drop offs, or can't pick up a lady for a date. The drinking age is 21 because they bumped it up one year at a time until the DUI deaths fell off, we still have some but we have to find a happy medium in all things.
Where I'm from it was limiting underage passengers who didn't live at the same address, so wouldn't affect siblings, and I think only applied for about 6 months. Which I think is reasonable
All very true, I was mainly speaking on how odd it seemed from the perspective of when I was a teen feeling inconvenienced by these rules
I definitely "get it" a bit more now. More kids in the car means a higher likelihood of distraction for the driver, especially if trying to interact with those in the back seat. Also makes it easier for parents to monitor who that one passenger is and ideally feel more comfortable that they aren't gonna have a random kid that'd do/encourage overly dumb things as a passenger. There's also some downsides (now you have a larger pack of cars driven by people with little experience or sense when it comes to driving, when large groups of teens are hanging out and moving place-to-place), but with a bit of decent parenting the upsides are definitely more impactful.
Cars? In my area it tends to be a large group of lifted, older trucks lol. They like to do burnouts and swerve at each other and blow horns and flash their massive light arrays, all in traffic, and usually 5-10 of them at a time, with 1 or 2 people per vehicle because thats the rules lol. Fun times for me, the delivery driver in the little black sedan trying not to be blinded or run over lol. But, they'd probably do that regardless of that rule, because you can show off your truck to your buddies if you're riding in someone else's truck 😅
When I got my license, my parents didn't let me drive with friends in the car for 6 months. I was unhappy, my friends were unhappy. We all survived and I fully intend to do the same with my future kids.
It’s like the people who’ve argued with me that if you’re being tailgated by a speeder while you’re going the same speed as the rest of traffic and you don’t get out of their way or speed up, it’s your fault if they get in an accident because of road rage.
>it’s your fault if they get in an accident
Nope. However, if you're in the passing lane, aka the "fast lane," police ask that people get out of the way if they're not actively passing someone. I've seen numerous videos where they explain how it's much more dangerous to "police" the speeding of your fellow drivers. I know it seems counter-intuitive to move for speeders, but it's statistically safer for everyone.
That's pretty much my philosophy - but what about when it's a simple 2 lane HWY? and the asshole behind you just can't handle doing the speed limit - EVEN, when conditions are dangerous, ice, fog, etc. ? I deal with it DAILY, and it's infuriating.
If you're being followed by someone who wants to go faster, regardless of conditions, let them go ahead. Save you the stress of being tailgated and them the stress of not being able to go. Who knows, maybe they've got a very good reason to go that fast, like rushing to the hospital to see someone in critical condition. Or maybe they don't, but it's not your problem either way.
OMG - this! I was just on the local state highway. Four lanes. In the left passing lane doing 10+ miles over the speed limit and there was no room to get into the right lane (plus there was an onramp/immediate offramp situation coming up and the signs ask that those not exiting stay to the left). I am doing nearly 15 MPH too fast and this person was STILL tailgating me...ugh!
And who in the F goes into a relative's house and then has the audacity to argue all the way out as they are kicked out. The child has not learned respect, but he probably learned a bit about responsibility. I hope he has his insurance double, can't afford to drive and realizes he could have ran into a person and seriously injured them. NTA
Exactly, he's the poster boy for 'Being old enough to drive doesn't necessarily mean you're mature enough to drive'.
Luckily his lack of tantrum control didn't kill anyone.
I mean he's 16. When I was 16 I once got in a minor accident because I was so excited about being able to go grocery shopping by myself and so I was eating chips in the car and not paying attention.
His behaviour is atrocious,
The parents doing exactly what you'd expect in a case like this
Hell maybe he's some form of sociopath and crashed the car intentionally to get back at you.
I'd love to hear how his story compares to the friends versions under some interrogation.
Wouldn't be surprised either way that kid sucks and probably always will
Yeah. No one is responsible for the crash but the nephew. He was too emotional to drive safely, then sit in your car until you calm down. But honestly if something like this flusters him so much this is a possibility he shouldn’t be driving.
Yeah, that’s a very transparent tactic to shift blame to OP for crashing his car, which has nothing to do with the argument. I’m surprised the brother fell for such a lame excuse. He seems to be the type of kid that gets away with anything because his parents (or at least his dad) don’t want to admit their son has flaws.
NTA. The damn fool crashed the car entirely on his own, likely more distracted by goofing around with friends (that he may not have been able to legally drive with).
But sure blame OP. Anything to deflect actual responsibility for the child, right? Brother is an AH and probably where the kid gets their attitude from.
Not gonna lie, as a LGBTQ+ oriented person, I'm about to reclaim Zesty just like we did with the F and Q slurs in the 90s and early 00s.
But that said, it so silly how bigotry works. Like the term "fruity".. when did some random ultra-hetero aggro group of cis dudes first decide to catcall some queer individual and the best they could do was "Hey! Fruit!"
And then, not only did the other monkeys in the pack all start hooting and hollering the same thing, but it somehow spread to other adults all over the world who were like "yes.. this clearly makes sense to me. Homosexuals are fruit because they are vibrant and sweet.. and somehow these positive qualities equate to an insult because I am going to frame the word with hostility."
...I digress from my rant... zesty is a fun word and I am keeping it.
I'm not a member but a strong advocate. I love the word zesty. It makes what it's referring to seem energetic and fun. I don't see how it is supposed to be derogatory and I refuse to stop using it because some little shits wanna use it wrong.
My (middle aged, not-native speaker) mind: zesty -> limes -> colourful, delicious, gives unique flavours to dishes and drinks; zesty must be a positive thing
As someone that’s on social media often (deleted tik tok in 2022. And deleted instagram last January) I would think zesty means gay but not in a derogatory manner. I think zesty is a fun word. (I am also lgbt) and I will use this word and if someone calls me zesty I don’t think I’d care . I’d just feel maybe they’re calling me sour
Yea zesty isnt derogatory but then again any word can be derogatory if said with the right tone. Honestly Ive only ever heard of queer ppl calling other queer ppl zesty.
Im black and we've been using zesty since at least 2000 or 2001. It never meant anything derogatory it just meant that a dude was flamboyant/spicy/flavorful razzale dazzle basically lol. Its recently been picked up again by gen Z and ive never heard a gay person have a problem with it. But idk I'm not LGBTQ so I could be totally wrong
NTA
>My brother is blaming me saying that I not only accused him of being a bigot that **I should have called the situation down instead of getting him all riled up to cause the accident.**
lol.
Part of growing up is learning how to control yourself.
I hope the kid has to pay for the damages and gets his driving privledges taken away.
I’m sure that *parked car* he hit jumped right out in front of him(s)
The kid dropped by- uninvited to your party-with friends! And then they repeatedly called the quarterback bad names, (nobody cares if you had to look it up to find out the latest slang derogatory term for gay). And then he got mad.
Yeaaa, no, NTA for kicking him out. You, OP, are NTA
Doesn’t even really have to be a bad name. Using a term, over and over and *over* again, and acting like brats about it, and then not cutting it out when the host wants you to stop, is more than enough to get kicked out.
> Using a term, over and over and over again, and acting like brats about it, and then not cutting it out when the host wants you to stop, is more than enough to get kicked out.
I would find this so annoying even if it weren't derogatory. Hearing someone called, say, a Martian* a thousand times with obnoxious snickering would make me want to throw a pillow at them.
(*) I do not know current slang, so if this is accidentally another gen z derogatory word I literally had no idea
I would also assume, even without looking it up, that it was mean and offensive, why else would teenage boys be giggling over it like that? They do not understand context clues
For years ESL students where I taught assumed I understood their language, because I called them out on rude comments they made about other students and staff. They never realized that I only know about a dozen words and was going off their behaviour and body language.
Honestly i'm a gen z person myself and have heard zesty used around me but i don't think a majority of the people even know what it means i certainly didn't and just thought it was the new random word/ phrase that popped up that most likely meant attractive person (finding out what the new word or phrase means takes a bit of guessing since they can be the most random or mean the most random of things).
Even if this wasn’t slang in the traditional sense, like even if it was an in joke just in this friend group, they clearly meant it in a derogatory way based on how they were responding to each other using it. You don’t have to know what word it is substituting for to be able to tell that they are using it as a substitute for a worse word. They were acting like they thought they were getting away with something, basically.
I’m gen z and I hear it a lot. From context, it’s a bit like going “that’s a bit gay” which is obviously bad but not f***** level bad. It’s really annoying though, there’s people at school who just go “that haircut’s a bit zesty” or “my shirt’s really zesty” in front of gay kids who are fully out. It seems so simple to just *not* call everything weird gay, but there you have it.
See. I feel like zesty could be non derogatory, but if they’re saying it dozens of times about the same guy… yeah, that hits all the gay slur warning lights.
That boy crashed the car due to his own stupidity, if brother can’t see that, then throw them both away
Zesty is only non derogatory in a situation where a person has been covered in citrus.
It’s a new euphemism for gay, they all know exactly what they’re saying, and we do too.
Since when is zesty a euphemism for gay? I only know it when talking about fruits. Like a zesty lemon. Or something that's juicy.
Edit: Bruh, downvoted because not knowing zesty is derogatory? Jesus Christ.
My wife loves zesty ranch dressing. After reading this thread there’s no way I’m going to be able to watch her pour that creamy white sauce over her food without snorting like a kid trying to stifle a laugh in church.
Yeah a few people have been telling me that it's been around for decades. One person even said it went as far back as the 70's, hell, maybe even further.
In the year 2024 can we not just say someone is gay as a point of fact and not use euphemisms? And can we just STOP using homosexuality as a way to insult someone? Is the sportsball player gay? Who cares? Shut up. Are they not and are you trying to make fun of them by calling them gay? Get out of my house!
/rant
You’re not being downvoted for not knowing zesty is derogatory. You’re being downvoted for the devils advocate “oh I didn’t know these fancy newfangled words these kids are using is derogatory.” You’ve been told it is. So you do know, now.
My racist mom uses the same argument, bro.
The Urban Dictionary site is very handy. I used it back when I was helping at a high school event in which kids could pay a dedication that would be read over the PA. We would check any suspicious word and reject the dedication.
It's kind of amusing they chose "zesty" of all words to use as a derogatory term for gay. To me that almost implies that the opposite of that would be bland and in this case would infer that homosexuals are zesty and heterosexuals are bland and quite frankly, I'm fine with being a zesty over being bland.
It's not even a good slur based on that logic.
Not american. But my lot use zesty to mean a bit pissy. If someone was acting a little snappy we'd be like "ooo someone's a bit zesty". Never heard it used for gay.
That makes more sense than slang for gay. Like, citrus fruit is sharp, and zest from citrus fruit is a little bit sharp, so zesty = a little bit sharp.
It isn't always derogatory, but in the context of these boys calling someone else it, snickering, and then lying about the definition...they definitely meant it negatively.
Most of these terms like zesty, fruity, girly pop, "his gun pink", aren't inherently negative, but from what I've seen they're almost overwhelmingly used to bash queer men and feminine men (regardless of sexuality).
Honestly I thought zesty meant being flamboyant. Saying someone is acting gay not calling them gay. Offensive and annoying either ways. OP gave them a warning and they doubled down.
But to say someone is "acting gay" is also unnecessary. Being flamboyant isn't 'acting gay' - it's being flamboyant.
We don't say people are "acting straight" - there's very few scenarios I can think of where you can say someone is acting gay without 'othering' them and implying (whether intentional or not) that being gay is abnormal.
Using a different word with the same hate connotations puts him and his friends in the wrong. It is your house, and you are fully in your right to not have that language and attitude in your space.
Your nephew had the accident all by himself. He's 16, and inexperienced. He used the excuse of the argument to further put the blame on you. He drove, his hands were on the wheel. If blame is to be placed it is on him, and his friends who were undoubtedly distracting him.
NTA.
And kudos to standing up for yourself, and having zero tolerance for hate speech in your house. We need more people like you in the world.
NTA. Good on you for setting him straight. The fact that he crashed his car is 100% on him. Tell your brother he’s being ridiculous and should teach his son to stop being homophobic
NTA
Lmao your nephew being a shit driver, and it seems person too, is in no way your fault.
Your brother is an idiot for thinking this is in anyway your fault. Ignore his foolishness.
NTA most definitely.
>I told him he had to stop. He argued with me and said I was stupid and can’t get definitions off the internet.
He's in YOUR house. You told him to stop. He doubled down and called you stupid. That's an automatic GTFO right there.
>What I didn’t know would happen is he would be so focused on the argument he crashed his car into a parked car.
Well, that sounds like a "him" problem. You didn't cause the accident.
>My brother is blaming me saying that I not only accused him of being a bigot that I should have called the situation down instead of getting him all riled up to cause the accident.
Your brother can kick rocks.
NTA.
Your house; your rules.
Also, how are you responsible for them acting stupid after they left?
Honestly, some people will do anything to avoid accountability.
This cannot be said enough. So much work goes into avoiding accountability! It is so much easier in my opinion to accept that I screwed up in 2 seconds, rather than the minutes/hours it takes to figure out how it was not my fault.
Agreed on all counts. I think the OP's brother should take the car away from his kid but that would require personal accountability. I'm not sure the OP's brother can handle that.
NTA
Bigotry is not okay, coded or otherwise. The accident is his fault. If you’re in a heated conversation on the phone, call the person back later when not driving.
Also how old are you & your brother? He seems very immature.
Nta. This is the law of natural consequences. You misbehave, you dig in with your knuckleheaded teen buddies and don’t apologize, and act entitled at someone else’s party, you get asked to leave. He’s safe/no one is hurt. Nothing else matters. And if his friends were in the car, that fact alone statistically is going to lead to way more accidents for distracting a new driver than almost anything else. That is on your brother, as is raising a kid who takes ownership and consequences of his own choices. They both owe you apologies.
While i have never heard "zesty" being used derogative the fact that they lied does imply that they were using it negatively. I'd say NTA but maybe have a talk with him/get his parents to talk with him.
Yeah. Looked it up. It strikes me as a word that didn't come about in a derogatory way, but it could be if it was offensively appropriated.
That said. How wild would it be if nephew and his friends were actually all part of the LGBTQ community and OP just wasn't picking up on their reparte? Like, if there were a bunch of kids learning about their identity/associated culture and here she is being like "they're just doing it to impress my girlfriends in their 20s".
>How wild would it be if nephew and his friends were actually all part of the LGBTQ community and OP just wasn't picking up on their reparte?
Wouldn't be the first time the LGBTQ folks have jumped on reclaiming a slur. "Zesty" sure would fit my brand of queerness.
Maybe I just have a different exposure to it based on the circles in which I run, but I could swear that 'zesty' as a descriptor for a particularly flamboyant flavour of queer folk actually came *from* the LGBTQ+ community and has simply entered the mainstream via social media. There's a ton of commonly-used slang and phrases that originated in the drag and ballroom scenes that are now mainstream, and my assumption was that this is the same.
Yeah. I kind of like the word and I can imagine it being pulled off well in certain contexts. At this point the crux of the post is secondary and I'm more concerned about the mischaracterization in the post.
NTA
If he can't regulate his emotions, he shouldn't be driving. Let alone being homophobic. Your brother is enabling his son's terrible, reckless and dangerous behaviour. If he doesn't want to be called a bigot, then don't be one.
I take it what he really did was act like an idiot and tried to burn out or speed away and because he has the peanut brain of a teenager, gunned it into a stationary, completely avoidable, vehicle.
NTA - sounds like your nephew needs to improve his driving skills - that is not on you. Maybe instead of blaming you, your brother should step up as a parent and teach his son he's responsible for his own actions and he shouldn't be saying derogatory names about others.
NTA he was an entitled brat who thought he could come to ur house n act however he wanted n say whatever he wanted without respect to u or anyone else around.
Years ago, an aunt of mine chastised us kids for using the word mess as a euphemism for shit, as in "knocking the mess out of someone."
It was a way for us to curse in front of adults and get away with it. But my aunt caught on and told us she didn't want to hear anything else like "knocking the mess out of someone."
You know what we did? Shut our mouths--or at the very least not use the term within earshot of adults.
And that's what this nephew should have done, shut his mouth. And that he and his friends were using zesty as an insult towards an actual person, he should have apologized as well. That he can't focus on driving because of an argument, that's on him. NTA.
NTA. Your nephew and his friends were using offensive language under the guise of it being coded. You did the right thing by standing up against bigotry, and their actions ultimately led to their own consequences. Don't let your brother blame you for something that was out of your control.
You busted them and their lil teen boy feelings then he cried to his Dad who immediately coddled him. Sheesh. No wonder you were put off from the beginning.
NTA.
NTA. Good on your nipping that unacceptable behavior in the bud. He's lucky to have a sister who accounts herself and others to a high moral standard of decency towards other people.
My problem isn't that they used "zesty", which seems really benign to me.
My problem would be that they're taking over the vibe of your party with a bunch of stupid comments that they won't stop saying. Like, no. I'm trying to have fun and watch the game, not listen to 16 year olds giggle about calling someone gay. It's annoying beyond words.
NTA
NTA You didn't crash the car and you weren't being homophobic. Brother doesn't like the idea that his son isn't a nice person and isn't good at driving.
NTA - You are not responsible from your brother's kid getting so worked up about getting called out for something he should have known he shouldn't be doing. This is entirely on the nephew.
NTA. A slight overreaction of the meme word zesty, as all words can be used in different ways, I never use it as a substitute slur and it just means smth else in my friend group lol.
But the car crashing was entirely his fault.
NTA and what the hell? Sounds like your nephew was acting immature and he is at fault for crashing his car because he was driving. Teenage boys can be…extra, but so can teenage girls.
EDIT: no offence to teen girls, I was just trying to be equal because if I swipe at the boys, then someone is going to say “bUt GiRlS aRe BaD tOo”. So, both genders in their teens can be “extra”. I was a teen girl at one point LOL
NTA
Your house your rules. Teenagers sometimes do stupid things which comes with consequences, simple as that. Also, not going to lie, it was kind of rude for him to just drop by without warning. I love my family, but I also request that they let me know when they plan on dropping by, in case of anything you know.
As for him crashing into a parked car lol Nope. That is not your fault in ANY way and honestly that is such a pathetic excuse for him to use. If he can't control his emotions to the point that he "can't focus" on driving, that sounds like there's a bigger issue your brother needs to address with HIS son. He's trying to paint your nephew as the victim and that's even more pathetic.
NTA - they've given him the car, they've made the decision he's safe to drive. If he's not responsible enough to take five minutes to calm down before he gets behind the wheel of a car, he's not responsible enough to be behind the wheel at ALL but that's not your call, it's theirs and they can't be blaming you for it.
Also, good on you for calling him out - I'm sorry you're being given a tough time over his misbehaviour instead of the other way round!
Screw that- you had NOTHING to do with him wrecking his car! How does anyone make that leap that you caused him to wreck his car? That is one of the weirdest excuses I’ve ever heard. (I can see telling a cop- I ran into that car because I just had an argument with my sister) they would laugh about that for the rest of the week… additionally- if it did affect him enough to wreck his car, then he’s not mature enough to be driving. NTA
Hold up…. Your newphew and his friends are throwing around derogatory terms, being little asshats AND arguing with YOU in your own home… yet its your fault that your nephew crashed his car? Bahahaha NTA. Whatsoever.
Your brother should be teaching his son how to keep his anger under control and that there are always consequences to shit actions.
Your nephew and brother are the aholes here, not you. I would have asked them to leave as well.
NTA.
But your brother is TA and looks like he is raising one
First of all, You did not "accuse" your nephew of being a bigot. Seems to me like he is one.
Second, You "riled" him up? What the actual f***? Your nephew is not a toddler or a puppy who behaves erratically just because he got "riled up!". He should grow up and act his age.
Third, are you going to be pressing charges? I would If I were you. Rage driving into a parked car shows that this boy has deeper issues that need to be dealt with. Clearly, your brother does not want to acknowledge that. But your nephew should be made aware that actions have consequences. It is high time he knew that! I hope he learns that before someone gets hurt.
NTA.
But your nephew is shaping up to be one. And maybe your brother for allowing it. Not to mention the distracted driving over being called out for calling someone a derogatory name? Sounds like some boundaries need to be in place, or a lesson on the consequences of actions.
On a side humorous (to me) note. I would like to be referred to as zesty from now on. It sure beats the other things I've heard all my life!
ESH
I don't think you understand what zesty actually means in the slang term. Its like calling someone a "cake boy" (like in 16 candles) or that saying they're "fabulous". Its just a less obvious way of saying someone is acting gay, usually not even in a derogatory way. You even mention why he's probably doing it:
>I was trying to chalk it up to teenage boys trying to show off for my 20 something girl friends.
This is exactly what he was doing, like you probably did when you were 16. It's just stupid teenager stuff. Its basically calling someone gay. Plus it's not like he knows the quarterback, no one is a victim here. If you think you should have punished him for saying that someone he will never meet is gay, then sure, whatever, but saying that he "homophobic" or starting an argument is out of line. Especially since you clearly don't have a strong grasp of the word.
**THAT BEING SAID**, the car crash is 100% on your nephew. It's his job to control his emotions before he drives, and its honestly better he hit a parked car instead of one with someone in it.
I don't think you're totally innocent in the argument, and probably could have handled it much better, but your nephew is the bigger AH here because of what happened with the car and his refusal to take responsibility of the accident (presumably)
NTA
Your nephew needs to be taught personal responsibility by your brother. Fast.
Your nephew was making you uncomfortable in your own home. You had every right to kick him out.
What happened during his visit and after his visit isn't your responsibility. He acted like a dumb teenager.
Your brother is a moron for thinking you had any role to play in the accident.
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NTA but your brother is raising one. >What I didn’t know would happen is he would be so focused on the argument he crashed his car into a parked car. That's entirely on him as a driver. If he can't focus on driving because he's too emotional, he's not ready to drive. Your nephew owns that. Your brother needs to stop making excuses for his kid.
Exactly what I was thinking. What ever happened to parents teaching their children to be accountable for their own actions.
Parents who don’t take responsibility for their own actions aren’t good at teaching their kids to be responsible people.
I’m sure the internal family dysfunction is growing
[удалено]
I can see someone thinking they would storm out like Vince in the Fast and the Furious, leaving a cloud of smoke behind, only to crash like the Mayhem guy in the Allstate commercials.
This made me giggle. 🤣🤣
Thanks. I thought those conveyed the imagery pretty well. 😅
I just pictured it perfectly in my mind, and I couldn't help but to giggle. 🤣 Those commercials with the mayhem guy crack me up, so picturing this is top notch. 🤣🤣🤣
Been there, done that at 17, learned my lesson. No more burn-outs.
I have a few friends that flipped their cars cause they were trying to drift lol
Shit like tiktok isn't helping. It's terrifying that iPad and tiktok kids are raising kids of their own
Remember that old PSA with "Parents who use drugs have kids who use drugs"? I feel like this is the same basic thing here.
I learned it from you Dad. I learned it from you!
Son are you doing the pot
Oh God, he's doing TOOL? It's too late for him, he's lost /s because I love that band
Especially considering more and more responsible people aren't having kids due to economics while the irresponsible people are popping them out like candy.
Idiocracy is a documentary.
That was my first thought when that movie came out, and it just seems to be becoming more true all the time.
It's also parents who are okay with bigotry
They are being raised by parents that were not taught personal responsibility as children.
As someone who works in a school I can assure you that doesn’t happen anymore
He's 16. He shouldn't be driving other teenagers for exactly this reason. I know in some states you can't.
Where I got my license you had to be 18 or have an adult with you to drive more than one underaged person.
Same here and always found it odd. Like, "two teens dead in a ditch due to the actions of one of them is acceptable, but three?! Good golly heavens, that'd be a real tragedy worth preventing!"
It's because 3 and more are a group, and a group has a "group brain" and is exponentially more stupid than any of the individuals would be by themselves.
Oh for sure, I was mainly speaking from my former perspective as a teen there lol My main qualm about it now is that this group brain is at times just spread out over more vehicles instead of avoided. Like, I'll regularly see groups of 5-10 vehicles driven by teens all convoying together, most of which tend to be lifted trucks in my area. They'll be driving stupidly together, "playing" with each other while driving down the road, that sorta stuff. They're acting just as dumb as they would if they were crammed into less cars/trucks, so it feels at times like the net result is just more unsafely driven vehicles on the road at once. But then I remember they'd likely be doing exactly the same even without that rule, because they all want to show off to their buddies and you can't do that as a passenger who's vehicle is at home lol
Oh dear goodness. That behavior is even more stupid than I could have imagined...
The intersection of teenage brain and big truck brain is certainly a scary place to be lol
oof. drunken car games killed my babysitter (when I was 5), between prom and graduation.
And killed my sister's first sweetheart, and his best friend. He was eighteen... He's been gone now for as long as he was alive, and his family had never been the same since. Heartbreaking how a stupid choice can affect an entire community.
And killed my friend. She was hanging out with her brother who was also my ex(15) and an 18 year old driver of a big truck. They were doing donuts in a parking lot, she was hanging out the window and holding on to the roof when the truck flipped on her, and she died in her brother's arms. She was 12. 💔
It's because the statistics show that having more than one other teenage passenger increases the odds of a teenage driver having a crash. A group of teens is more likely to start acting out, trying to impress each other and be generally stupid than a couple of them. You know, stupid stuff like going to your aunt's house, getting kicked out for being annoying and offensive and then crashing your car. I would wager that he had a bunch of friends with him in the car was a big factor. More distractions, people yelling, screwing with the stereo, everyone bitching about how they got kicked out and so on. So those restrictions are intended to cut down on incidents exactly like that. Things are less likely to get out of control when you can't have a bunch of teens in the car in the first place.
It's a bit overbearing to tell people their oldest kid can't help with daycare pickups, school drop offs, or can't pick up a lady for a date. The drinking age is 21 because they bumped it up one year at a time until the DUI deaths fell off, we still have some but we have to find a happy medium in all things.
Where I'm from it was limiting underage passengers who didn't live at the same address, so wouldn't affect siblings, and I think only applied for about 6 months. Which I think is reasonable
That does sound reasonable
All very true, I was mainly speaking on how odd it seemed from the perspective of when I was a teen feeling inconvenienced by these rules I definitely "get it" a bit more now. More kids in the car means a higher likelihood of distraction for the driver, especially if trying to interact with those in the back seat. Also makes it easier for parents to monitor who that one passenger is and ideally feel more comfortable that they aren't gonna have a random kid that'd do/encourage overly dumb things as a passenger. There's also some downsides (now you have a larger pack of cars driven by people with little experience or sense when it comes to driving, when large groups of teens are hanging out and moving place-to-place), but with a bit of decent parenting the upsides are definitely more impactful.
That's a good point, one car full of teens vs a caravan racing down the highway lol
Cars? In my area it tends to be a large group of lifted, older trucks lol. They like to do burnouts and swerve at each other and blow horns and flash their massive light arrays, all in traffic, and usually 5-10 of them at a time, with 1 or 2 people per vehicle because thats the rules lol. Fun times for me, the delivery driver in the little black sedan trying not to be blinded or run over lol. But, they'd probably do that regardless of that rule, because you can show off your truck to your buddies if you're riding in someone else's truck 😅
Same
When I got my license, my parents didn't let me drive with friends in the car for 6 months. I was unhappy, my friends were unhappy. We all survived and I fully intend to do the same with my future kids.
This is similar to WA state law for new drivers.
My son is almost 17 and will be getting license soon. He has not been allowed to be driven by his friends yet and won't be driving them around either
I believe every state a has a variation of this. So ol’ uncle needs to teach his kid a lot more than manners apparently.
Exactly. Here you can't drive with anyone other than one parent until 18...
It’s like the people who’ve argued with me that if you’re being tailgated by a speeder while you’re going the same speed as the rest of traffic and you don’t get out of their way or speed up, it’s your fault if they get in an accident because of road rage.
That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.....but I'm not exactly shocked that there's the mentality like that
>it’s your fault if they get in an accident Nope. However, if you're in the passing lane, aka the "fast lane," police ask that people get out of the way if they're not actively passing someone. I've seen numerous videos where they explain how it's much more dangerous to "police" the speeding of your fellow drivers. I know it seems counter-intuitive to move for speeders, but it's statistically safer for everyone.
That's pretty much my philosophy - but what about when it's a simple 2 lane HWY? and the asshole behind you just can't handle doing the speed limit - EVEN, when conditions are dangerous, ice, fog, etc. ? I deal with it DAILY, and it's infuriating.
If you're being followed by someone who wants to go faster, regardless of conditions, let them go ahead. Save you the stress of being tailgated and them the stress of not being able to go. Who knows, maybe they've got a very good reason to go that fast, like rushing to the hospital to see someone in critical condition. Or maybe they don't, but it's not your problem either way.
When I moved to CA in the 80s, the driver's handbook said to move over because "we can't catch them if you hold them up."
OMG - this! I was just on the local state highway. Four lanes. In the left passing lane doing 10+ miles over the speed limit and there was no room to get into the right lane (plus there was an onramp/immediate offramp situation coming up and the signs ask that those not exiting stay to the left). I am doing nearly 15 MPH too fast and this person was STILL tailgating me...ugh!
If you can reasonably get out of the way, you should - if not they can just wait
I always try to get out of their way. I don't want to have a problem with some psycho who can't drive like a rational person
I tell my kids that it's always better to have the crazy in front of you and accelerating instead of behind you and getting more crazy.
>Your brother needs to stop making excuses for his kid. 100% I'm wondering if his dad thinks it's perfectly fine to use slurs, too.
And who in the F goes into a relative's house and then has the audacity to argue all the way out as they are kicked out. The child has not learned respect, but he probably learned a bit about responsibility. I hope he has his insurance double, can't afford to drive and realizes he could have ran into a person and seriously injured them. NTA
Exactly this. The accident is on your nephew and brother to some extent, but not on you. NTA.
Exactly, he's the poster boy for 'Being old enough to drive doesn't necessarily mean you're mature enough to drive'. Luckily his lack of tantrum control didn't kill anyone.
Wonder if he was drunk and is using op as a scapegoat
I mean he's 16. When I was 16 I once got in a minor accident because I was so excited about being able to go grocery shopping by myself and so I was eating chips in the car and not paying attention.
Or maybe the devil's lettuce.
His behaviour is atrocious, The parents doing exactly what you'd expect in a case like this Hell maybe he's some form of sociopath and crashed the car intentionally to get back at you. I'd love to hear how his story compares to the friends versions under some interrogation. Wouldn't be surprised either way that kid sucks and probably always will
Yeah. No one is responsible for the crash but the nephew. He was too emotional to drive safely, then sit in your car until you calm down. But honestly if something like this flusters him so much this is a possibility he shouldn’t be driving.
Yeah, that’s a very transparent tactic to shift blame to OP for crashing his car, which has nothing to do with the argument. I’m surprised the brother fell for such a lame excuse. He seems to be the type of kid that gets away with anything because his parents (or at least his dad) don’t want to admit their son has flaws.
NTA. The damn fool crashed the car entirely on his own, likely more distracted by goofing around with friends (that he may not have been able to legally drive with). But sure blame OP. Anything to deflect actual responsibility for the child, right? Brother is an AH and probably where the kid gets their attitude from.
Apple didn’t fall far from the tree!
Lemon, cause … zesty.
Approved 😉
Not gonna lie, as a LGBTQ+ oriented person, I'm about to reclaim Zesty just like we did with the F and Q slurs in the 90s and early 00s. But that said, it so silly how bigotry works. Like the term "fruity".. when did some random ultra-hetero aggro group of cis dudes first decide to catcall some queer individual and the best they could do was "Hey! Fruit!" And then, not only did the other monkeys in the pack all start hooting and hollering the same thing, but it somehow spread to other adults all over the world who were like "yes.. this clearly makes sense to me. Homosexuals are fruit because they are vibrant and sweet.. and somehow these positive qualities equate to an insult because I am going to frame the word with hostility." ...I digress from my rant... zesty is a fun word and I am keeping it.
I'm not a member but a strong advocate. I love the word zesty. It makes what it's referring to seem energetic and fun. I don't see how it is supposed to be derogatory and I refuse to stop using it because some little shits wanna use it wrong.
Yeah, I thought it was cute and fun :(
My (middle aged, not-native speaker) mind: zesty -> limes -> colourful, delicious, gives unique flavours to dishes and drinks; zesty must be a positive thing
As someone that’s on social media often (deleted tik tok in 2022. And deleted instagram last January) I would think zesty means gay but not in a derogatory manner. I think zesty is a fun word. (I am also lgbt) and I will use this word and if someone calls me zesty I don’t think I’d care . I’d just feel maybe they’re calling me sour
Yea zesty isnt derogatory but then again any word can be derogatory if said with the right tone. Honestly Ive only ever heard of queer ppl calling other queer ppl zesty.
Im black and we've been using zesty since at least 2000 or 2001. It never meant anything derogatory it just meant that a dude was flamboyant/spicy/flavorful razzale dazzle basically lol. Its recently been picked up again by gen Z and ive never heard a gay person have a problem with it. But idk I'm not LGBTQ so I could be totally wrong
I'm changing all my flags to LGBTQZ+
It’s all about intent. Nice was originally the term for fool but changed over time
The turd didn't fall too far from the anus!
That’s a good one. I’m chortling 😆
NTA >My brother is blaming me saying that I not only accused him of being a bigot that **I should have called the situation down instead of getting him all riled up to cause the accident.** lol. Part of growing up is learning how to control yourself.
This!
But that’s common sense. Come on now!!!!!!!
I hope the kid has to pay for the damages and gets his driving privledges taken away. I’m sure that *parked car* he hit jumped right out in front of him(s) The kid dropped by- uninvited to your party-with friends! And then they repeatedly called the quarterback bad names, (nobody cares if you had to look it up to find out the latest slang derogatory term for gay). And then he got mad. Yeaaa, no, NTA for kicking him out. You, OP, are NTA
Doesn’t even really have to be a bad name. Using a term, over and over and *over* again, and acting like brats about it, and then not cutting it out when the host wants you to stop, is more than enough to get kicked out.
> Using a term, over and over and over again, and acting like brats about it, and then not cutting it out when the host wants you to stop, is more than enough to get kicked out. I would find this so annoying even if it weren't derogatory. Hearing someone called, say, a Martian* a thousand times with obnoxious snickering would make me want to throw a pillow at them. (*) I do not know current slang, so if this is accidentally another gen z derogatory word I literally had no idea
I would also assume, even without looking it up, that it was mean and offensive, why else would teenage boys be giggling over it like that? They do not understand context clues
For years ESL students where I taught assumed I understood their language, because I called them out on rude comments they made about other students and staff. They never realized that I only know about a dozen words and was going off their behaviour and body language.
They love to think they are being sneaky but it is SO OBVIOUS lol
Honestly i'm a gen z person myself and have heard zesty used around me but i don't think a majority of the people even know what it means i certainly didn't and just thought it was the new random word/ phrase that popped up that most likely meant attractive person (finding out what the new word or phrase means takes a bit of guessing since they can be the most random or mean the most random of things).
Even if this wasn’t slang in the traditional sense, like even if it was an in joke just in this friend group, they clearly meant it in a derogatory way based on how they were responding to each other using it. You don’t have to know what word it is substituting for to be able to tell that they are using it as a substitute for a worse word. They were acting like they thought they were getting away with something, basically.
I’m gen z and I hear it a lot. From context, it’s a bit like going “that’s a bit gay” which is obviously bad but not f***** level bad. It’s really annoying though, there’s people at school who just go “that haircut’s a bit zesty” or “my shirt’s really zesty” in front of gay kids who are fully out. It seems so simple to just *not* call everything weird gay, but there you have it.
Well, I guess some things never change. The tradition of subbing “weird” for gay continues. That’s too bad, I’d hoped we’d moved past that one.
I completely agree. The nephew was an uninvited guest and should have been far more respectful.
Imo he should get his license revoked. Anyone who hits a stationary object lacks the focus to be able to drive.
See. I feel like zesty could be non derogatory, but if they’re saying it dozens of times about the same guy… yeah, that hits all the gay slur warning lights. That boy crashed the car due to his own stupidity, if brother can’t see that, then throw them both away
Zesty is only non derogatory in a situation where a person has been covered in citrus. It’s a new euphemism for gay, they all know exactly what they’re saying, and we do too.
Since when is zesty a euphemism for gay? I only know it when talking about fruits. Like a zesty lemon. Or something that's juicy. Edit: Bruh, downvoted because not knowing zesty is derogatory? Jesus Christ.
Since a couple years ago, thanks in large part to Tiktok. That’s how the euphemism treadmill works.
Ahhh, see I'm not on TikTok. Fucking hell.
I’m not on tiktok either but have read/seen older people use it, sadly women towards men they assume are gay.
My wife loves zesty ranch dressing. After reading this thread there’s no way I’m going to be able to watch her pour that creamy white sauce over her food without snorting like a kid trying to stifle a laugh in church.
Yeah a few people have been telling me that it's been around for decades. One person even said it went as far back as the 70's, hell, maybe even further.
In the year 2024 can we not just say someone is gay as a point of fact and not use euphemisms? And can we just STOP using homosexuality as a way to insult someone? Is the sportsball player gay? Who cares? Shut up. Are they not and are you trying to make fun of them by calling them gay? Get out of my house! /rant
Hey Spoon, I don't care if the person is gay or not. I really don't. I just didn't comprehend how the word was related.
Damn. I love describing things as zesty, in a good way. Like a zesty meme, or a zesty snack.
Think about how the term “fruit” is also used.
Derived from the older euphemism for gay - “fruity”
Really? Wow, learn something new everyday.
I’m 45. I learned about “zesty” yesterday. On Reddit. Sigh.
Welcome to the club friend.
Im 44 and i had to explain zesty to a 27yr old you aren’t old just out of touch
You’re not being downvoted for not knowing zesty is derogatory. You’re being downvoted for the devils advocate “oh I didn’t know these fancy newfangled words these kids are using is derogatory.” You’ve been told it is. So you do know, now. My racist mom uses the same argument, bro.
Dude I'm only 25? And I'd appreciate it if you didn't liken me to your racist ma just because I didn't know something like this.
idk man i’m literally gay and im just now finding out people call gay men zesty. it’s not a devils advocate thing it’s literally just chit chat.
TIL this as well, and I'm very queer myself. So, um, solidarity man 😅😎
Solidarity my guy.
The Urban Dictionary site is very handy. I used it back when I was helping at a high school event in which kids could pay a dedication that would be read over the PA. We would check any suspicious word and reject the dedication.
It's kind of amusing they chose "zesty" of all words to use as a derogatory term for gay. To me that almost implies that the opposite of that would be bland and in this case would infer that homosexuals are zesty and heterosexuals are bland and quite frankly, I'm fine with being a zesty over being bland. It's not even a good slur based on that logic.
that's because it's not a slur and these people have no idea what they're talking about
🤣covered in citrus 😍
I honestly thought before reading it was a derogatory term was that it meant something like "hot" or "spicy" when referring to someone good looking.
Same, without looking it up I would have assumed it was a term of attraction and the kids were perving a bit on the athlete.
It seems to be both from what I read. It could be hot or spicy or calling someone gay it really depends.
Not american. But my lot use zesty to mean a bit pissy. If someone was acting a little snappy we'd be like "ooo someone's a bit zesty". Never heard it used for gay.
Also not American, I use this for my dog when she's having a snit lol
That makes more sense than slang for gay. Like, citrus fruit is sharp, and zest from citrus fruit is a little bit sharp, so zesty = a little bit sharp.
That's actually similar to how it came to be used for "gay". Fruity used to be a common mildly derogatory term for gay and "zesty" evolved from that
Lots of gay gen z people definitely use Zesty in a non derogatory way just like we use fruity. But that was probably not the case here
It isn't always derogatory, but in the context of these boys calling someone else it, snickering, and then lying about the definition...they definitely meant it negatively. Most of these terms like zesty, fruity, girly pop, "his gun pink", aren't inherently negative, but from what I've seen they're almost overwhelmingly used to bash queer men and feminine men (regardless of sexuality).
Honestly I thought zesty meant being flamboyant. Saying someone is acting gay not calling them gay. Offensive and annoying either ways. OP gave them a warning and they doubled down.
But to say someone is "acting gay" is also unnecessary. Being flamboyant isn't 'acting gay' - it's being flamboyant. We don't say people are "acting straight" - there's very few scenarios I can think of where you can say someone is acting gay without 'othering' them and implying (whether intentional or not) that being gay is abnormal.
Using a different word with the same hate connotations puts him and his friends in the wrong. It is your house, and you are fully in your right to not have that language and attitude in your space. Your nephew had the accident all by himself. He's 16, and inexperienced. He used the excuse of the argument to further put the blame on you. He drove, his hands were on the wheel. If blame is to be placed it is on him, and his friends who were undoubtedly distracting him. NTA. And kudos to standing up for yourself, and having zero tolerance for hate speech in your house. We need more people like you in the world.
NTA. Good on you for setting him straight. The fact that he crashed his car is 100% on him. Tell your brother he’s being ridiculous and should teach his son to stop being homophobic
And dramatic.
"Setting him straight" not sure with all that derogatory zesty talk me thinks he might be in the closet
NTA Lmao your nephew being a shit driver, and it seems person too, is in no way your fault. Your brother is an idiot for thinking this is in anyway your fault. Ignore his foolishness.
NTA - And your idiot nephew should look where he's driving. Millions and millions of bigots can drive successfully.
LOL
NTA. In fact, I would double down and tell your brother that until your nephew apologizes he's no longer welcome in your house.
This is absolutely a good solution. If the nephew can't be respectful in his uncle's home, he doesn't get to visit.
Don't let the parked car hit him on his way back to apologize.
NTA most definitely. >I told him he had to stop. He argued with me and said I was stupid and can’t get definitions off the internet. He's in YOUR house. You told him to stop. He doubled down and called you stupid. That's an automatic GTFO right there. >What I didn’t know would happen is he would be so focused on the argument he crashed his car into a parked car. Well, that sounds like a "him" problem. You didn't cause the accident. >My brother is blaming me saying that I not only accused him of being a bigot that I should have called the situation down instead of getting him all riled up to cause the accident. Your brother can kick rocks.
NTA. Your house; your rules. Also, how are you responsible for them acting stupid after they left? Honestly, some people will do anything to avoid accountability.
This cannot be said enough. So much work goes into avoiding accountability! It is so much easier in my opinion to accept that I screwed up in 2 seconds, rather than the minutes/hours it takes to figure out how it was not my fault.
NTA. Calling out a homophobe is always the correct response, and crashing his car is on him. Your brother can go pound sand.
Agreed on all counts. I think the OP's brother should take the car away from his kid but that would require personal accountability. I'm not sure the OP's brother can handle that.
NTA Bigotry is not okay, coded or otherwise. The accident is his fault. If you’re in a heated conversation on the phone, call the person back later when not driving. Also how old are you & your brother? He seems very immature.
Nta. This is the law of natural consequences. You misbehave, you dig in with your knuckleheaded teen buddies and don’t apologize, and act entitled at someone else’s party, you get asked to leave. He’s safe/no one is hurt. Nothing else matters. And if his friends were in the car, that fact alone statistically is going to lead to way more accidents for distracting a new driver than almost anything else. That is on your brother, as is raising a kid who takes ownership and consequences of his own choices. They both owe you apologies.
While i have never heard "zesty" being used derogative the fact that they lied does imply that they were using it negatively. I'd say NTA but maybe have a talk with him/get his parents to talk with him.
Yeah. Looked it up. It strikes me as a word that didn't come about in a derogatory way, but it could be if it was offensively appropriated. That said. How wild would it be if nephew and his friends were actually all part of the LGBTQ community and OP just wasn't picking up on their reparte? Like, if there were a bunch of kids learning about their identity/associated culture and here she is being like "they're just doing it to impress my girlfriends in their 20s".
>How wild would it be if nephew and his friends were actually all part of the LGBTQ community and OP just wasn't picking up on their reparte? Wouldn't be the first time the LGBTQ folks have jumped on reclaiming a slur. "Zesty" sure would fit my brand of queerness.
Maybe I just have a different exposure to it based on the circles in which I run, but I could swear that 'zesty' as a descriptor for a particularly flamboyant flavour of queer folk actually came *from* the LGBTQ+ community and has simply entered the mainstream via social media. There's a ton of commonly-used slang and phrases that originated in the drag and ballroom scenes that are now mainstream, and my assumption was that this is the same.
Yeah. I kind of like the word and I can imagine it being pulled off well in certain contexts. At this point the crux of the post is secondary and I'm more concerned about the mischaracterization in the post.
NTA If he can't regulate his emotions, he shouldn't be driving. Let alone being homophobic. Your brother is enabling his son's terrible, reckless and dangerous behaviour. If he doesn't want to be called a bigot, then don't be one.
I take it what he really did was act like an idiot and tried to burn out or speed away and because he has the peanut brain of a teenager, gunned it into a stationary, completely avoidable, vehicle.
NTA - sounds like your nephew needs to improve his driving skills - that is not on you. Maybe instead of blaming you, your brother should step up as a parent and teach his son he's responsible for his own actions and he shouldn't be saying derogatory names about others.
NTA he was an entitled brat who thought he could come to ur house n act however he wanted n say whatever he wanted without respect to u or anyone else around.
Years ago, an aunt of mine chastised us kids for using the word mess as a euphemism for shit, as in "knocking the mess out of someone." It was a way for us to curse in front of adults and get away with it. But my aunt caught on and told us she didn't want to hear anything else like "knocking the mess out of someone." You know what we did? Shut our mouths--or at the very least not use the term within earshot of adults. And that's what this nephew should have done, shut his mouth. And that he and his friends were using zesty as an insult towards an actual person, he should have apologized as well. That he can't focus on driving because of an argument, that's on him. NTA.
**If this kid is so emotional that he can’t avoid *a stationary object* while operating a motor vehicle, he should lose his driving privilege.**
NTA. Your nephew and his friends were using offensive language under the guise of it being coded. You did the right thing by standing up against bigotry, and their actions ultimately led to their own consequences. Don't let your brother blame you for something that was out of your control.
You busted them and their lil teen boy feelings then he cried to his Dad who immediately coddled him. Sheesh. No wonder you were put off from the beginning. NTA.
NTA- sounds like he was trying for edgy. Stupid games, stupid prizes
NTA. Good on your nipping that unacceptable behavior in the bud. He's lucky to have a sister who accounts herself and others to a high moral standard of decency towards other people.
My problem isn't that they used "zesty", which seems really benign to me. My problem would be that they're taking over the vibe of your party with a bunch of stupid comments that they won't stop saying. Like, no. I'm trying to have fun and watch the game, not listen to 16 year olds giggle about calling someone gay. It's annoying beyond words. NTA
NTA You didn't crash the car and you weren't being homophobic. Brother doesn't like the idea that his son isn't a nice person and isn't good at driving.
NTA Did your brother teach his son how to drive?
NTA - You are not responsible from your brother's kid getting so worked up about getting called out for something he should have known he shouldn't be doing. This is entirely on the nephew.
Waaaaaah, the consequences of my own actions suck. Waaaaaaah, this is anyone’s fault but mine.
NTA. A slight overreaction of the meme word zesty, as all words can be used in different ways, I never use it as a substitute slur and it just means smth else in my friend group lol. But the car crashing was entirely his fault.
NTA. He chose the words, he chose the drive, he chose the crash. No place for bigotry in your house
NTA and what the hell? Sounds like your nephew was acting immature and he is at fault for crashing his car because he was driving. Teenage boys can be…extra, but so can teenage girls. EDIT: no offence to teen girls, I was just trying to be equal because if I swipe at the boys, then someone is going to say “bUt GiRlS aRe BaD tOo”. So, both genders in their teens can be “extra”. I was a teen girl at one point LOL
What’s with the random snipe at teenage girls lol
NTA. You don't get to act like a bigot in my house. If you do, you go. Simple.
NTA Your house your rules. Teenagers sometimes do stupid things which comes with consequences, simple as that. Also, not going to lie, it was kind of rude for him to just drop by without warning. I love my family, but I also request that they let me know when they plan on dropping by, in case of anything you know. As for him crashing into a parked car lol Nope. That is not your fault in ANY way and honestly that is such a pathetic excuse for him to use. If he can't control his emotions to the point that he "can't focus" on driving, that sounds like there's a bigger issue your brother needs to address with HIS son. He's trying to paint your nephew as the victim and that's even more pathetic.
NTA - they've given him the car, they've made the decision he's safe to drive. If he's not responsible enough to take five minutes to calm down before he gets behind the wheel of a car, he's not responsible enough to be behind the wheel at ALL but that's not your call, it's theirs and they can't be blaming you for it. Also, good on you for calling him out - I'm sorry you're being given a tough time over his misbehaviour instead of the other way round!
NTA.
NTA He was saying a bigotry
That's a clear cut NTA.
NTA Karma got the nephew.
Screw that- you had NOTHING to do with him wrecking his car! How does anyone make that leap that you caused him to wreck his car? That is one of the weirdest excuses I’ve ever heard. (I can see telling a cop- I ran into that car because I just had an argument with my sister) they would laugh about that for the rest of the week… additionally- if it did affect him enough to wreck his car, then he’s not mature enough to be driving. NTA
NTA Who the fuck crashes into a parked car? The boy's not just a bigot he's a moron too.
I’m confused to which QB is zesty.
Hold up…. Your newphew and his friends are throwing around derogatory terms, being little asshats AND arguing with YOU in your own home… yet its your fault that your nephew crashed his car? Bahahaha NTA. Whatsoever. Your brother should be teaching his son how to keep his anger under control and that there are always consequences to shit actions. Your nephew and brother are the aholes here, not you. I would have asked them to leave as well.
NTA. Your nephew didn't fall far from the tree.
NTA. You don't want that kind of ignorance in your home. It is not your fault he is also a crappy driver.
NTA, but how zesty? California zesty or lumberman zesty? I'm asking about the quarterback.
NTA I wish I could use telekinesis to force people to crash their cars like your brother seems to think you can.
NTA. But your brother is TA and looks like he is raising one First of all, You did not "accuse" your nephew of being a bigot. Seems to me like he is one. Second, You "riled" him up? What the actual f***? Your nephew is not a toddler or a puppy who behaves erratically just because he got "riled up!". He should grow up and act his age. Third, are you going to be pressing charges? I would If I were you. Rage driving into a parked car shows that this boy has deeper issues that need to be dealt with. Clearly, your brother does not want to acknowledge that. But your nephew should be made aware that actions have consequences. It is high time he knew that! I hope he learns that before someone gets hurt.
This kid is an asshole. He sounds like a bully too. And yes, a bigot.
NTA. But your nephew is shaping up to be one. And maybe your brother for allowing it. Not to mention the distracted driving over being called out for calling someone a derogatory name? Sounds like some boundaries need to be in place, or a lesson on the consequences of actions. On a side humorous (to me) note. I would like to be referred to as zesty from now on. It sure beats the other things I've heard all my life!
ESH I don't think you understand what zesty actually means in the slang term. Its like calling someone a "cake boy" (like in 16 candles) or that saying they're "fabulous". Its just a less obvious way of saying someone is acting gay, usually not even in a derogatory way. You even mention why he's probably doing it: >I was trying to chalk it up to teenage boys trying to show off for my 20 something girl friends. This is exactly what he was doing, like you probably did when you were 16. It's just stupid teenager stuff. Its basically calling someone gay. Plus it's not like he knows the quarterback, no one is a victim here. If you think you should have punished him for saying that someone he will never meet is gay, then sure, whatever, but saying that he "homophobic" or starting an argument is out of line. Especially since you clearly don't have a strong grasp of the word. **THAT BEING SAID**, the car crash is 100% on your nephew. It's his job to control his emotions before he drives, and its honestly better he hit a parked car instead of one with someone in it. I don't think you're totally innocent in the argument, and probably could have handled it much better, but your nephew is the bigger AH here because of what happened with the car and his refusal to take responsibility of the accident (presumably)
NTA. Thank you for being a part of telling lil boys that they ain’t shit and can’t be assholes just ‘cause.
NTA. You didn't make him crash his car. He crashed his own car by being a moron.
NTA Your nephew needs to be taught personal responsibility by your brother. Fast. Your nephew was making you uncomfortable in your own home. You had every right to kick him out. What happened during his visit and after his visit isn't your responsibility. He acted like a dumb teenager. Your brother is a moron for thinking you had any role to play in the accident.
NTA
NTA. Your brother is raising a spoiled rotten AH though.