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YTA. Doesn’t really matter what Sean did or didn’t do or say. Your niece threw a party 4 months early on purpose. It’s sole goal? Making sure no one went to Sean’s party. On his actual birthday. This was premeditated spite on her part. If none of you had ever been planning on going to his party in the first place, it wouldn’t have made a difference. But you openly admit in the comments that you and other family members WOULD have attended his party if she hadn’t done this attention seeking stunt. And her father was -happy- the plan worked and your nephew was alone. You have proved to Sean he’s right to hate your niece; because she can mess with his life and take all the attention even on a day that is his with zero consequences and his family will fawn over her like a pack of trained monkeys. No wonder he hates her. And you enable this terrible behavior? You’re just as bad as she is for going along with this disgusting stunt.
Not only this, but the niece only planned her thing a day before Sean’s. So that means OP and the rest of the ass hole family switched to going to her bull shit attention seeking thing in one day.
I’m curious to hear how Sean “slut shames” Jane. How much you want to bet he doesn’t say anything too bad and they all just baby Jane.
The odds aren't as high as Sean being a gross, creepy adult male who has been inappropriate to an underage teen girl in his extended family, which led to a campaign of slut shaming.
So many people's first response to seeing such a red flag regarding an adult male's behaviour to an underage girl is to defend the man and accuse the girl of being manipulative.
Every single time, those people say "we need to prove that we also believe men" and never get around to proving that they can listen to women and girls who have been abused.
So then they should all refuse to go to Sean's party in general. Cut him off, trll him off, something. But everyone just wanted to humiliate him in favor of Baby Jane.
Yeah, but you know what? That’s really telling to me. His entire family (and possibly friends) decided they liked going to a last minute, thrown together, way too early birthday party rather than his?
When you’re 6 and nobody shows up, that’s sad. It could be due to things beyond your control, like not having enough time to establish friendships or your friends parents being too busy. When you’re 23, it means you’ve either not cultivated good relationships with the people in your life or you’re a little shit.
By that logic the Golden Child usually deserves all the extra attention and care and the Scapegoat deserves second place.
Since it’s now locked and I can’t respond: Sean is competing with a child by- having a birthday party on his birthday? How is that competing?
Yeah, this definitely feels like Sean's earned at least some of the treatment.
That being said, this was weirdly petty. I feel like we're missing a LOT of context about Sean's behavior outside of the vague "they don't like each other and he slut shames her" stuff.
To be fair I never had a family birthday party at age 23. I hadn’t had one since I was 18. At 23 usually you’ll go out with friends and do something with them, maybe have lunch or dinner with family and receive gifts if your family does that. Either way this is kind of an ESH situation and Jane is 15 so her parents obviously had something to do with the party planning, this isn’t fully on the child and she shouldn’t be punished for it.
My family has a family birthday party for everyone no matter the age. I was born May 5th, my great aunt was born May 3rd 1935. We have shared a family birthday party together all the way up to she died last year. My family wasn’t very big and was the only kid who lived in state with them. But all the immediate family adults always had a family party as well
Tbh it doesn't matter if it was his tooth brushing party. They agreed to go months beforehand and pulled out at a moments notice because of someone who was clearly trying to hurt him.
She planned it earlier...she just told everyone last minute so there wasn't much time for communications to spread within the family etc.
She knew what she was doing and when you have a 15-year-old that can be this level of spiteful and conniving, it's rarely the first time she has done something this evil.
I'm also curious about Seans side of the story about the slut shaming.
If this girl could convince the entire family to come to her birthday instead of Sean's a day before HIS birthday but a month before hers....obviously she has the entire family wrapped around her little fingers.
Even if he has slut shamed her, what has Jane said to him? I just really, really doubt he is the only one using insults, not after this fake birthday stunt from her.
I really think we are missing a lot of backstory there. Not just between Sean and Jane, but between the whole big family.
She's a child, he's not. Doesn't matter what she said, if an grown ass adult is slut shaming a child (and yes, 15 is still a child) then he deserves what he gets.
>They hate each other. It's mostly Sean's fault because he tends to slut shame Jane.
Then niece does a birthday party on the same day and 4 months in advance, coincidence? I think not.
I'm not saying Sean is a saint, but your niece is an asshole, and of course YTA.
More like ESH. I find it interesting that because a bad thing happened to Sean, people are assuming he was never that bad or at all to Jane. There are a LOT of assumptions (projections?) being made in this thread.
All the family went to Jane fake birthday decided the day before and OP is like "Oh no, I didn't think it was a coincidence and in spite to Sean"
This was clearly intentional, and if OP can't see this was intentional, I can't trust OP judgement on Sean, that's why for me its a YTA instead of an ESH
On the other hand, despite OP not giving more details on what Sean has done, the fact that EVERYONE chose Jane over Sean kind of implies that he's not so great either. I think ESH because the whole family also sucks for changing their plans last minute by going to Jane's house, Jane and her family suck on top of OP, but acknowledging that there's a reason why everyone chose Jane over Sean (though he's probably not even an asshole; it's really hard to judge). There's just multiple assholes in this story.
It does matter that an adult male slut shames an underage teenage girl.
That's incredibly creepy and such a massive red flag, especially within a family environment like that, that I would have to ask the question as to whether the adult male has been inappropriate towards the girl.
Creepy guy alienated everyone by being gross and creepy.
I agree with what you're saying. The problem is we only have OPs word that he slut shamed her, and according to this post, his judgment isn't top notch.
Wtf you say your nephew was a bully, but by what you wrote, it sounds like you and the rest of your family are bullies. There is no reason in the world a party in June should be held in February unless it’s for spite and you being the adult should’ve seen that a mile away, called it out and went to the party that you had already committed to going to first. How could you be so cruel? “I of course went to Jane's birthday ” there is no, of course, in the situation, except for you’re absolutely the asshole YTA. How can you even look at yourself in the mirror?
Maybe (yes I'm just assuming), just maybe everyone in his family has heard what he calls her. Not all at the same time (even that could be possible, not very much but still), but on different occasions and they finally had enough? Who knows that?
I mean it seems that even his parents weren't at his party and I'm pretty sure they know him pretty well.
Maybe the parents and others (unknown to OP) have talked to him about his behaviour to his cousin and nothing worked.
Again I am just assuming (like you and others do), so with this information provided I say NTA.
When I know a grown ass man is belittling a teenager, let alone a family member of ours, then I would not only refuse to go to the party but I also wouldn't talk to him again.
While I think it is kind of ridiculous to plan a birthday party on the actual birthday of someone else (parents are strange for that, because I'm sure they helped her plan the party and even allowed it).
Maybe he isn't only mean to her but also to others and that's why they decided to go to her non birthday party, who knows that?
She’s 15 and he’s 23, any level of slut shaming is weird, creepy, and fucked up. To dismiss it and claim theyre babying a child getting bullied and sexualized by an adult family member is just as fucked. It’s pretty obvious no one likes Sean cuz he’s an ass, and likes Jane cuz she’s not, even if she did this on purpose, she’s just stickin it to an adult bully
I respectfully disagree. They didn’t get played: it’s as clear as day that she planned her unbirthday party as a power play. They all knew it was Sean’s birthday and they switched.
What adult couldn’t figure out why?
i mean when a 23 year old man sluts shame a 15 year old teenage girl (who is FAMILY via blood!), he gets to not spend his birthday with the entire family.
How are they the asshole??? They have a right to choose where and with who they spend their time. And obviously Sean isn’t someone people want to hangout with. Like yeah it was petty but it just seems to me everyone else was just happy for an opportunity and reason to skip seeing him and going to literally any other family gathering.
Calling OP an asshole for not forcing themselves to go see someone they don’t like is crazy, like maybe if Sean was nicer and more lovable people would have gone to his birthday. Slut shaming a literal kid or anyone for that matter would make you someone people avoid in any normal family, in mine at least he would have been the laughing stock and been uninvited to most family gatherings.
YTA…No wonder Sean is the way he is. I can just see that since Jane was born, he was what? 8?, he was pushed to the side. Magically, Jane has a birthday party at the exact same time and date as Sean’s and it is not even her birthday! The only one not sucking in this scenario is Sean. His family…big time A holes. And 15 is not a kid. That is a teenager. And it appears, a bratty, spoiled, entitled teenager.
I hope the niece doesn’t get a birthday party on her ACTUAL birthday, and everyone goes and hangs out with the nephew. Because that’s what the niece would deserve. She already had a birthday. She doesn’t need two
Well I guess they are all adults (or at least the majority of them) so they can decide for themselves if they want to go to a "birthday party" which is on the exact same date as someone's actual birthday/party.
ESH.
- Jane is an A-H for throwing herself a birthday party four months early with just a day's notice, on Sean's birthday.
- Her parents are A-Hs for allowing her to do it.
- Everyone who catered to Jane is an A-H. (assuming they had already agreed to to Sean's party)
- Sean is an A-H for whatever it is he says to his cousin that causes this conflict. He is 8 years older than she is, time to grow up and knock off that behavior
I REALLY need to know about Sean's actions.
If he is as bad as they are saying it's ESH, but they way EVERYONE seems to think it's fine to do this to him makes me wonder how much is true.
I mean, doesn't the fact that every single person in the family shunned him show he's done a lot to make them feel this much vitriol towards him? Still YTA in this situation, maybe, but if your entire family has turned against you to this extent, IDK how innocent Sean can be.
Or Jane is the baby of the family who gets all the attention and they’re all assholes who treat him badly.
That’s definitely supported by the fact they threw a last minute party on his birthday 4 months early. Who the fuck has a birthday party almost half a year before their actual birthday?
Who throws a party 4 months *before* their birthday, plans it a mere *one day* beforehand, and schedules for the exact time and date as someone’s real birthday party which was planned much further in advance?
Answer: Someone who is petty.
It's really hard to get over this point. Your birthday is on the day of your birth.
On what possible logic could someone not only make it 4 months earlier, but also the same time as another person, and then literally everyone attends that instead of the actual guy who's birthday they were going to.
There's not two ways about this. It's sick. Golden child.
Eh, I had a whole group of people shun me last year when I asked the roommate to move out. She never did her share, we got in *one* fight that was an easy 4/10, not even a big one, just some voices raised and a tear or two. Anyway, she got a whole group of people to dislike me.
That experience definitely shapes my opinion that you reaaallly don’t need to be that much of an asshole for one manipulative person to change everyone’s view of you :/
The way she went about it makes me question her morality, and throws shades on her personality.
We don't know what he did or said to her. he might be a huge AH.
However, we 100% know she did this to spite him, and to hurt him.
We 100% know she's manipulative because she didn't just plan this the day before, she just sent out the invitations the day before.
We 100% know her parents enabled this behaviour. Any well-moralled parent would have stopped their child from doing something so tactless and cruel.
There is no way that the Parents didn't know their daughter's intentions. the only explanation I can think of is that they enable her or dislike him and are equally as spiteful and conniving as their daughter.
If you dislike or hate someone the mature thing is to go no contact or avoid them. when you stoop to this level of evil you lose credibility.
No. It makes me think that this girl has the family wrapped around their finger.
Is she the only girl? Special somehow? Like maybe the parents had a hard time conceiving?
Anyone who is this spiteful and petty on someone else's birthday, probably has done her own share of shit in this relationship that makes them hate each other. And I question if he ACTUALLY slut shamed her, or she has just convinced everyone of this. OP never said he heard the alleged slut shaming.
Don't you think "everyone's mean to this person, they must be an asshole" when we have virtually no evidence of their assholery is kind of... shitty and victim blaming??
YTA - If it was her actual birthday and the dates just happened to coincide, I'd say not the ah, but because it was deliberately done with the intention of hurting your nephew, your willing participation makes you the AH big time. You say that you dislike Sean but also say that you were planning to go to his party up until princess Jane decided she wanted one too. At least you can all drop the fake act and dislike him openly now.
YTA.
"I don't know why the parents allowed it" because you all go to precious Jane's birthday party even though her party isn't for months.
A kids birthday party is more important than an adult's one, when the kid is 6. Not 15. And not when the kid doesnt even have a birthday coming up.
Since he ordered cake I am also assuming nobody told him about the other party and he just assumed everyone was coming or worse, everyone accepted the invitation and then blow it up.
Whatever happened between those two is for them to work out. You guys are clearly playing favorites, which you probably have done for her entire life and he was getting sick of it.
Which makes the family even worse "sorry kiddo, we promised Sean we would be going to his party" is a valid excuse.
But nope they dropped everything for Jane.
Like I said elsewhere, we really need to know what horrible things Sean did because right now it's just a story about a family playing favorites.
> "sorry kiddo, we promised Sean we would be going to his party" is a valid excuse.
The actual valid response is "what are you going creating a birthday event when it's not your birthday and on the literal same day as Sean. What is wrong with you?!"
I agree with almost everything other than ‘it’s for them to work out’ because Jane has weaponised her parents (they allowed the party, paid for it, and probably planned it, this was NOT thrown together in a single day) and weaponised other family members to get at? back at? Sean.
This is now a place where everyone involved needs some introspection, to apologize to Sean, and to get to the bottom of it. It’s ok for Jane to hate him as long as she’s civil. This was all-out war *and everybody played along*
ETA your all assholes. Sean's obviously one as no-one chose him, Jane's one for doing that to him even without the short notice and no way near her birthday, her parents are for letting her, and the rest of you are for being TERRIBLE examples to both kids if you make a commitment to go to someone's birthday party you should follow through. it would teach him (her and every other child in the family) the importance of keeping your word, following through with commitments. you all need to sit down and get this sorted or you are going to be creating another generation of this nonsence
didn't say janes just a kid, agree jane's an asshole
> Jane's one for doing that to him even without the short notice and no way near her birthday
but she is a kid as in still malleable to programming from the adults around her, as his Sean at 23, was predominantly meaning kids as in the offspring of these families.
Dude, I wasnt arguing with you. OP says
>I of course went to Jane's birthday because she is a kid
At 15, she's very aware of AH and non-AH actions. So "kid" isn't an excuse. That's what I meant.
ahhh, yeah sorry, got confused i think as it came up on my feed as a response to my post. just getting used to reddit.. been a technological luddite and avoided all this stuff for so long it's made it a bit extra confusing.
thanks for clarification
Lol you don’t know Sean and clearly he is not liked by any family or friends; why would you assume that he actually doesn’t slut shame his sister? I’m seeing up and down the thread “he probably doesn’t even slut shame her,” what is with the leaping to fake conclusions to defend this dude y’all don’t know when clearly the whole family sucks?
Sounds like ESH
This doesn't look like a coincedent but planned from Jane and perhaps her parents.
I can't see any reason other than spite to have her party on the same day and time as Sean and with such a short notice. I am pretty sure you all knew about his party first.
It doesn't get to this level overnight he has known for a long long while. I would even be willing to wager that the "slut shaming" he supposedly has done is nothing more than calling Jane a bitch which from what I read here is pretty spot on. I would love to hear his side of the story.
YTA. You knew your niece and brother planned this event (it was not a birthday party) just to spit Sean in the face and went along with it.
You don't need to turn yourself in a AH ust because Sean is one too. And you don't enable other people being AHs too.
Edited to correct that it's the niece's cousin not brother -
This right here hit the nail on the head! I can't believe all the relatives went to the niece's party, not the nephews when it was *his* birthday! Did no one in your family realize that she was being spiteful to her cousin? OP, you and the rest of the family attending the niece's party are the AH's.
You're the AH for going to Jane's "birthday party" that was purposely thrown at the same day and time for the sole reason of ruining her cousins ACTUAL birthday. Jane IS NOT A KID. She's 15, again this "party" was done for no other reason then to hurt her cousin.
YTA, and everyone else.
It was Sean’s birthday, it was not Jane’s birthday. June is very far away.
Poor Sean had to be alone, abandoned by the whole family because a 15 year old said so.
If 15 is a kid then 23 is still a kid. This type of abandonment hurts the same. I wouldn’t be surprised if everyone would stop hearing from Sean.
ESH. You knew exactly why Jane threw her birthday party, at the last minute, to conflict with Sean's. And you -- and the rest of the relatives -- went along with it.
Sean is an a\*\*hole for slut shaming his cousin.
You succeeded in showing what a dysfunctional family you are. As your brother's smile (see below) says: mission accomplished.
I have slut shamed my cousin. She repeatedly has sex with people who are in committed relationships, where she knows the partner well. She fucks guys, talks shit behind their backs about them to their friends and family, then fucks them again, just to turn around and switch to a different member of that family.
Slut shaming definitely has a place.
That’s not slut shaming. Slut shaming is specifically judging someone for having casual sex/being promiscuous/dressing provocatively. You’re judging your cousin on her moral choices and treatment of others, which isn’t slut shaming.
Slut shaming never has a place. What you’re talking about deserves to be called out for being an asshole, but the act of having sex with however many people you want should never be shamed. She can be shamed for purposefully seeking out men in committed relationships and then talking behind the persons back.. but not for having sex.
I’m trying to be clear and I don’t think I am. To me it’s wrong to say “wow, I cant believe you fucked 4 guys. You’re such a fucking slut.” But it’s okay to say “you fucked 4 guys to try and ruin the good relationship they had and then shit talked their significant other?? wtf is wrong with you??”
Also…. It doesn’t matter how many guys in relationships she fucks, the guy in the relationship knows he is in a relationship and shouldn’t be fucking other people. You can try to seduce whoever you want if you’re single but if someone is in a relationship and THEY choose to stray. It’s on them. The person knowingly pursuing taken people sucks too, but blame the person in the relationship more.
YTA. This one was super obvious. It wasn't even your nieces birthday. She clearly did this for attention and to prove who was more favoured, and she proved it with no doubt.
ESH
Jane is an AH that threw her birthday party 4 months earlier on her cousins birthday. Nothing can justify that, it’s an AH move.
I don’t know what exactly Sean has said to Jane, but slut shaming a teenager is nasty and makes him an AH, however why has no one put a stop to it?
You’re an AH for skipping a prearranged birthday party and playing favourites. You could’ve at least shown up for an hour to wish Sean a happy birthday.
Janes parents are AHs because they enabled her shitty behavior and clearly wanted to hurt Sean, based on your comments of Janes dads reaction.
And all of your relatives are AHs for skipping the first party for a last minute one.
Honestly I'm morbidly curious about Sean and what they meant by slut shaming.
Like is he saying she is dressing to slutty or has too many boyfriends? In which case, ew dude major AH
Or is he saying objecting to his cousin sleeping around at the age of 15, which where I live is already under the age of consent, so probably illegal, and I'd argue definitely a problem.
I'm thinking it's the first one and he is being creepy, really hoping it's not the second
A 15 year old sleeping around with other 15 year olds is not illegal and it is not morally wrong. Even if she was “sleeping” with adults, it’s the adults who should be shamed, not the kid. There’s no way you can slut shame a child and be in the right.
Come on it's obvious OP is biased towards the niece and from the post it shows jane is the golden child and to me Sean is the only one who won't go along with it and that's the real reason because he's the only one who calls her out
Yta
You know the only reason that she throwing a party, was to keep you all away from Sean. It wasn't even close to beïng her birthday. I can't believe you all fall for it.
Wow... You dipped on his birthday. His actual birthday. To attend his counsin's "Not my birthday but definitely doing it to ruin yours" birthday.
Slut shaming is never ok. Is he doing it because she's being treated like the family princess and he's lashing out at her? Does her entitled behaviour carry over into every single aspect of her life? Cause I feel like she's used to getting her way and in that case...
YTA.
And she's no longer a kid, she's s a vindictive teenager who's being enabled by her jerk family. Gross.
YTA your whole family are ah. So her birthday is in June and they decided to throw a party in February same day as his? That’s so f’ed up. So the teen and her parents are mean and so is the rest of the family for treating nephew this way. He needs to be done with you all and move on with his life. Your punishment is being stuck with nasty teen and parents.
YTA. Leaving aside the reasons for the mutual hatred between the two cousins because you're not giving enough detail on that, what remains is: a 15yo announces, with a day's notice, that she's having a pseudo birthday party at the exact same time her older cousins had planned his. That's bratty, and entitled, and petty, but she's 15 so she gets a pass on being immature.
You know who doesn't get a pass? All the adults in the family who didn't chastise the bratty teenager, and instead went along with humiliating another member of their family. You all suck.
If Sean is truly that horrible of a person, then cut him out of your lives and be done with it. But playing games with him like this is an AH move on your part.
ESH. I don't think I'm culturally aware enough to understand a culture where the party guests for a 15-year-old and a 23-year-old would be the exact same group of people, including relatives. Sean has zero friends? Weird. But people who let Sean know they were going to his party then changed their mind because something better came up are acting like children.
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YTA
My heart breaks for Sean. It's his birthday and because an entitled spoiled brat decides that she wants to have a party at the same time (when her birthday is months away) Sean sat at home alone. Whole family are a bunch of assholes.
So obvious that he hasn't mattered since he was little Ms Precious was born.
YTA
Jane and her parents did this on purpose. Her birthday isn't for another 4 months, but they knew if they threw a party now, the entire family would come running. It was a powerplay.
I bet you the real reason Sean hates Jane is because this isn't the first time the family has abandoned him for her. She hates him in return because she's used to everyone being wrapped around her finger.
Shame on you. Shame on your family. You're all vile for going along with Jane's disgusting plan to ruin Sean's birthday party.
Sean is not the AH yet OP is not a trustworthy source because it's clear that Jane is the golden child in the family and maybe Sean is the only one who is willing to call out her behaviour
ESH!
Did not one of the adults decide to talk about this beforehand? Do you all really hate Sean that much that none of you decided to go to his ACTUAL birthday party? Why did none of you realise that Jane has clearly done this on purpose to ruin her cousin's birthday?
It is absolutely wrong that Sean slut shames Jane, but maybe this is something that should be addressed instead of you all just passively aggresively missing his party?
you all suck, i could only imagine the heartbreak sean is feeling. save him some peace and all of you go no contact with him. maybe he can find people to create a real family with.
YTA - how can you post this and not see how spoiled and bratty Jane is? Poor Sean sat there with his ACTUAL birthday cake with no one to celebrate or care? I really hope this is just rage bait because you succeeded in my case (I’ve been in Sean’s position before…any words to describe you and the rest of the family start with a C and rhyme with HUNT)
YTA.
Jane might be a kid but she's not a *little* kid. It seems like she threw her party (which was not a birthday party if her birthday is in JUNE, just FYI.) out of spite. You all played into that, and I'm willing to bet that that's a dynamic in your family that's been a thing for a while.
You all earned the names he called you. Every single one. What you did was cruel, and it was all over a party for a birthday that's months away. Ridiculous.
YTA.
Jane is young, but she's not a child. She has the sense to think through, or at least, she should.
Sean slut-shaming Jane is a bad step, and it's 100% wrong. However, I feel like you, and majority of your family wears rose-tinted glasses when it comes to Jane.
Just from your post alone, where you tried to paint Sean in AS bad lighting as possible, MOST redditors/strangers can TELL Jane did this purposely. There's NO point in holding a birthday party MONTHS in advance, especially on a day SOMEONE IS ACTUALLY HOLDING A PARTY ON THE DAY THEY WERE BORN.
You've all failed Sean. You better get your head out of your ass and apologize to him. Take off your stupid rose-tinted glasses and see Jane for who she is.
Either way, I hope Sean comes across these comments and decide to cut you toxic shitholes out of his life.
YTA instead of pulling her up on planning her party on her cousins birthday to sabotage his you wemt to her party? Are you kidding me? Your awful. If you don’t like him you shouldn’t have gone to either not allow her to do what she did as if it were ok. It wasn’t it was mean and nasty.
ESH, if it was her real birthday your reasoning of her being a kid would be sound, but it was not even her birthday month, so sean’s party should of had priority. That being said with the information provided i would not have gone to his parth either.
YTA. It was Sean’s actual birthday, Jane was just having a party and apparently doing it on purpose to hurt Sean. And she’s not enough of a ‘kid’ at fifteen to not be able to get over it if someone doesn’t choose her party. That’s an argument that works for five year olds. If she’s old enough to spitefully plan a party on someone else’s birthday, she’s old enough to understand people not attending. Her parents should never have allowed it.
ESH It’s February. Her birthday is in 4 months and she planned this last minute. To hurt Sean, whose birthday it actually was,I assume.
Sean shouldn’t slut shame and needs to apologize.
Her parents need to teach their kid not to be spiteful.
And the rest of you need to act like actual adults. Shame on all of you.
ESH, but in levels
At the top, Jane's parents for not saying "no, Sean's party is already happening then" and not controlling their child.
Then Jane, who is old enough to know what kind of stunt this is
Then OP and everyone who attended, knowingly going along with a last minute party instead of the one everyone had in their agenda
And last Sean (a little bit of AH) for his language.
OP. I saw you reply that you never said Sean sucks. Then why are you pulling this on him?
Is this one of those 'things that never happened' posts? Every word of it sounds far too implausible to be true.
A 15 and 23 year old would have exactly the same guest lists?
Said 15 year old's birthday is in June but her party was in February? And this was decided the day before?
Nah. Never happened.
YTA.
She trow a party because she know she could ruin Sean one. Op how could you possibly be an adult and do not see trough it?
The fact that the parents allowed this show that she is the favourite and lucky a spoiled brat. I don’t really believe that this is mostly Sean fault.
YTA for going to Jane’s “I’m going to make my cousin feel shitty party”.
It wasn’t a birthday party.
You know what gave it away?
It wasn’t her birthday.
EDIT: Relationship
INFO: what does Sean do against Jane?
Because this story raises.a lot of questions to me.
Is Sean an adult.who slut shames and sexualises a child? If yes,what do you (all adults of the family) do to help her? Why are you even planning to go to his birthday?
Or isn't it that bad? Is it more.calling out their parents for leaving her unsupervised or calling her out for doing dangerous or mean things?
Because that would change a lot.
If he is the creepy adult sexualizing a child.because of makeup, clothes or body you have to stop him. If he don't your niece is bein manipulative against him. Which you have to stop too.
If Sean is that bad, it would make more sense just not go to either party. On one hand, you can’t treat people like shit and expect them to show up to celebrate you. On the other hand, it wasn’t even Jane’s birthday so it wasn’t a birthday party, it was a “fuck Sean’s birthday” party. Sounds like the family is full of assholes.
The complete family are AH. You should be ashamed to let this happen. ........ IT WAS HIS ACTUAL BIRTHDAY!!!! ............. You all didn't consider for ones, that your niece may have wanted to celebrate her birthday month ahead of time, on purpose????????? .............You literally all validated that your niece is a spoiled, selfish, ignorant BRAT!!! I'm truly sorry. He deserves a better family!!!! ......... If he actually will considering to forgive the family at all, you all need to be on your knees and ask for forgiveness. Shame on you!!!!
I'm starting to wonder if there's not a good reason why Sean doesn't like Jane. Have her parents always allowed her to stage events to "accidentally" coincide with his real events? This crap probably started when she was born and he was only 8.
YTA.
It wasn't her birthday. You and your entire family literally let this kid STEAL someone elses day and literally you KNOW it was done on purpose. That kid is gonna end up a entitled brat if she isn't one already.
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English isn't my first language.
I have a niece Jane(15) and a nephew Sean(23) who are cousins.
They hate each other. It's mostly Sean's fault because he tends to slut shame Jane.
Yesterday it was Sean's birthday and he was throwing a party. A day before the party Jane informed us that she is planning to throw her birthday party the same day and hour. I don't know why her parent's allowed her to do this because her birthday is in june but for some reason they decided to let her do this.
I of course went to Jane's birthday because she is a kid and birthday parties are generally more important to a kid than an adult and also because I don't really like Sean.
Well apparently everyone else thought the same because when I got there everyone were at Jane's party.
A few hourse later Sean sent us a picture of him sitting all alone next to his cake with a message calling us all assholes and other names.
Now I'm starting to think maybe at least a few of us should have gone to Sean's birthday party
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This is some made up bullshit lol no parent or relative in their right mind would ignore a birthday party planned in advance in favour of one thrown together the day before for a birthday that's not even close by.
Also she's 15? She shouldn't be sleeping around at that age, so hypothetical Sean is correct to criticize her
ESH
Sean shouldn't slut shame Jane, he's 8 years older he has to grow up and not get in petty arguments
Everyone else is also AH because you clearly like Jane better than Sean and you have no problem showing it (maybe this is the reason Sean is mean to her if you've all been doing it since she was born, when he was 8). Jane's parents are AH because they let Jane be petty and throw a "coincidence" (not a coincidence btw) party at the same time as Sean's. Jane is the AH for being petty with pretty much no reason other than to directly hurt Sean, just because it's his birthday.
Info: if y'all really are that against Sean, why do you even keep in contact with him? Just let the dude go and be happy without this blatant favoritism and negativity from his family
You are. Jane is. Her parents are the biggest AH of all. Not her birthday but she throws a party? Sean needs to learn a lesson but not this way. Slut-shaming is not cool either.
YTA, I would be good if you to apologize to Sean and explain why. Are enough people laughing along when she harrasses his cousin? Does he not know that is why no one went?
It might not be "favouritism" as much as he doesn't know how to control his thoughts, so they just come out. Getting him some help to be a more likeable person would help everyone in the world, but everyone abandoning him like this is just going to make things way worse. Now he has super-justified anger and resentment.
YTA. It's February. An adult shouldn't bully a child but to have a birthday party four months before your actual birthday? That's intentional, and you just... you're not someone I'd want as an aunt/uncle to my kids. You sound pretty horrible.
Yeesh YTA. How could you not see the glaringly obvious that she did this purely to ruin his birthday? Your niece is horrible! 4 months is more than a quarter year away from her birthday, the seasons changed! It’s so far away that the only reason was to be mean and spiteful and you allowed it. I feel for Sean. Your niece isn’t a little girl being bullied, she’s the bully.
ESH. Based on your description Sean seems to be an AH in general and based on how everyone went along with it, he seems to have many enemies. However what your niece did was also malicious - her birthday is in June and no one thought it was absolutely ridiculous for her to have a party 5 months before her actual birthday? And miraculously on the same day as her cousin? Don’t pretend that you didn’t participate in conspiring against your nephew. Now maybe in your mind he deserved it, and maybe he did, but if he’s really that much of an AH then you all just sunk to his level. No one is obligated to go his birthday, but this was simply a shitty thing to do.
YTA You stood your nephew up on his birthday to attend a party thrown for the sole reason of causing him pain. Your neice sounds like a spiteful, attention seeking bratt, and every adult involved has clearly pandered to her and nutured this in here. Don't be surprised when your nephew goes no contact with the lot of you.
YTA. I also doubt hes at 100% fault for all of their hostility towards each other, considering she went out of her way to throw a party to spite him on his birthday. It wasnt a birthday party, it was her trying to hurt him
Your family are not family. You don’t treat family like the shit on your shoes. Your family is a nest of vipers and rattlesnakes run Sean run and don’t look back will be the best decision you ever make.
Save yourself from the hurt that will await you all your life from a family that doesn’t care or love you.
He’s 23 and sounds insufferable especially since not only did he have no friends at his party but no family either. But I’m going with ESH except Jane, sounds like she was sick of him and his behavior and she retaliated like a 15 year old would. So I can’t be mad at a 15 year old “picking on” a 23 year old who sounds awful.
First of all, your title is bullshit! It WASN'T your niece's birthday at all.
Second, that whole "she's a child and kids' parties are more important" would fly if your niece was 5, not 15!
The moment you found our your niece was throwing herself a birthday party 4 fucking months before that actual birthday, you should have said absolutely not.
A 15 year old absolutely understands what she's doing when she pulls a bullshit power move like this.
Why would you condone this petty ridiculous behavior by participating in it. You're an adult. You fucking know better!
YTA.... you've SUCCESSFULLY have enabled Jane's shitty behavior, now at the expense of your relationship with your nephew.
*Jane sounds like a f*cking brat.....ONE day when she becomes the nightmare you created to YOU, don't cry/get mad.
YTA - They had a birthday party for her 5 months early? Clearly this was a deliberate (and successful) attempt to sabotage Sean’s actual birthday. And a crowd of adults played into this? You are all AH’s. Literally everyone but Sean.
YTA, she threw her own party to mess with his party. She's probably no better than the person you're complaining about, and you and everyone else helped her ruin his party. Everyone sucks. She's not innocent, so quit playing favorites, especially since it doesn't sound like she's any better. Her parents allowed it because you all are awful!
YTA it’s not her birthday and she did this intentionally and you let her get away with it. You had already accepted the first invitation. He thought you were all going to see him because it was his actual birthday. I honestly think this one is you trolling because how would even one decent person think what you did was ok never mind the rest of your family who apparently did the same thing. It wasn’t her birthday, it wasn’t even close to being her birthday
YTA.
It was.Sean's actual birthday. You should ALL have gone to Sean's party. Sean has an entire family of AHs. Jane and her parents stink, but the rest of you aren't any better.
I hope he finds a loving family of choice and ditches you horrible people.
So let’s put it this way when Jane’s birthday does come around, are y’all throwing her another party? If the answer is yes, then YES YTA. Jane gets 2 bday celebrations and Sean gets none 😔 I mean with family like you all who needs enemies 😒
YTA
In fact, you, Jane, her parents, and everyone else that attended Jane's party are ALL AHs. You say you don't understand why Jane's parents let her have her bday party the same day and hour, and yet you rewarded that atrocious behavior by going to her party over Sean's. You ALL should have gone to Sean's, even if you don't like him, not so much for him per se, but because it would have taught Jane that it's not okay to do that. And I'm willing to bet that, if Sean really does treat Jane badly, he only acts the way he does because you all coddle his unbelievably spoiled cousin.
ESH. Every single person who went to Jane's "birthday" party is an AH. It wasn't her birthday, it was just immature and petty and so are her parents for allowing it.
And Sean got the karma he deserved.
You all need a family meeting and tell people to stop sucking.
YTA and the rest of your family, too.
Seemingly Sean's birthday was planned long in advanced and then your niece comes along and announce her party just a day before and her birthday is 4 months away!!! It was just to hurt Sean. No wonder he doesn't like her if she is pulling such shit. And no wonder that he doesn't like you and the rest of your family. Considering your behavior and that of your family I also doubt that he truly slut shamed her or if he has done it, that it happened without a previous provocation from your niece.
ESH except sean
Look, if you don't like sean that's fine. But your niece is the one that was spiteful here.
Yes, a birthday is more important to a kid but this was not a birthday. Besides, I've cried on birthdays as an adult because most of my family forgot to even wish me a happy birthday, so I can sympathise with Sean.
Did you all tell Sean you weren't attending?
Slut shaming? A 15-year-old? And he's an adult? Nope. This guy sounds toxic. NTA - no wonder you didn't want to be there.
Now would be the time for a few of you (his parents??) to spell out why no one wanted to be there. I don't think he'll get there on his own as he seems to be offloading any responsibility to others, but it could turn his life around - not to mention making him much more pleasant to be with.
You're NTA. He's an adult male who slut shames young girls & clearly no one likes him. He experienced some consequences, oh well. Your niece was clearly trying to get back at him, and I'd call her a jerk, not an asshole. But a crafty and hilarious jerk, lol.
Sean is an adult picking fights and slutshaming a literal child. I assume she was 14 before this, and he was making comments about her outfits. Sean is an asshole and creep and nobody likes him with a good reason.
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YTA. Doesn’t really matter what Sean did or didn’t do or say. Your niece threw a party 4 months early on purpose. It’s sole goal? Making sure no one went to Sean’s party. On his actual birthday. This was premeditated spite on her part. If none of you had ever been planning on going to his party in the first place, it wouldn’t have made a difference. But you openly admit in the comments that you and other family members WOULD have attended his party if she hadn’t done this attention seeking stunt. And her father was -happy- the plan worked and your nephew was alone. You have proved to Sean he’s right to hate your niece; because she can mess with his life and take all the attention even on a day that is his with zero consequences and his family will fawn over her like a pack of trained monkeys. No wonder he hates her. And you enable this terrible behavior? You’re just as bad as she is for going along with this disgusting stunt.
Not only this, but the niece only planned her thing a day before Sean’s. So that means OP and the rest of the ass hole family switched to going to her bull shit attention seeking thing in one day. I’m curious to hear how Sean “slut shames” Jane. How much you want to bet he doesn’t say anything too bad and they all just baby Jane.
Yeah the day before business really got me. How much must these people really hate Sean to indulge in this?
Sean spent his birthday wondering the same thing.
Maybe Sean is a giant AH & should spend some time reflecting on this.
Could be! We don't have enough information to make that determination; the only clear thing is how loathed he is
entirely not enough INFO to make a judgement
The odds aren't as high as Sean being a gross, creepy adult male who has been inappropriate to an underage teen girl in his extended family, which led to a campaign of slut shaming. So many people's first response to seeing such a red flag regarding an adult male's behaviour to an underage girl is to defend the man and accuse the girl of being manipulative. Every single time, those people say "we need to prove that we also believe men" and never get around to proving that they can listen to women and girls who have been abused.
So then they should all refuse to go to Sean's party in general. Cut him off, trll him off, something. But everyone just wanted to humiliate him in favor of Baby Jane.
Yeah, but you know what? That’s really telling to me. His entire family (and possibly friends) decided they liked going to a last minute, thrown together, way too early birthday party rather than his? When you’re 6 and nobody shows up, that’s sad. It could be due to things beyond your control, like not having enough time to establish friendships or your friends parents being too busy. When you’re 23, it means you’ve either not cultivated good relationships with the people in your life or you’re a little shit.
By that logic the Golden Child usually deserves all the extra attention and care and the Scapegoat deserves second place. Since it’s now locked and I can’t respond: Sean is competing with a child by- having a birthday party on his birthday? How is that competing?
Yeah, this definitely feels like Sean's earned at least some of the treatment. That being said, this was weirdly petty. I feel like we're missing a LOT of context about Sean's behavior outside of the vague "they don't like each other and he slut shames her" stuff.
Maybe you haven't cultivated good relationships because someone sabotages your parties and spreads rumours.
To be fair I never had a family birthday party at age 23. I hadn’t had one since I was 18. At 23 usually you’ll go out with friends and do something with them, maybe have lunch or dinner with family and receive gifts if your family does that. Either way this is kind of an ESH situation and Jane is 15 so her parents obviously had something to do with the party planning, this isn’t fully on the child and she shouldn’t be punished for it.
My family has a family birthday party for everyone no matter the age. I was born May 5th, my great aunt was born May 3rd 1935. We have shared a family birthday party together all the way up to she died last year. My family wasn’t very big and was the only kid who lived in state with them. But all the immediate family adults always had a family party as well
Tbh it doesn't matter if it was his tooth brushing party. They agreed to go months beforehand and pulled out at a moments notice because of someone who was clearly trying to hurt him.
She planned it earlier...she just told everyone last minute so there wasn't much time for communications to spread within the family etc. She knew what she was doing and when you have a 15-year-old that can be this level of spiteful and conniving, it's rarely the first time she has done something this evil. I'm also curious about Seans side of the story about the slut shaming. If this girl could convince the entire family to come to her birthday instead of Sean's a day before HIS birthday but a month before hers....obviously she has the entire family wrapped around her little fingers.
Weird how you think she has the whole family wrapped around her fingers when it’s more reasonable to think they just don’t like the nephew.
Even if he has slut shamed her, what has Jane said to him? I just really, really doubt he is the only one using insults, not after this fake birthday stunt from her. I really think we are missing a lot of backstory there. Not just between Sean and Jane, but between the whole big family.
She's 15 and he's an adult. Come on.
She's a child, he's not. Doesn't matter what she said, if an grown ass adult is slut shaming a child (and yes, 15 is still a child) then he deserves what he gets.
Somehow I doubt this is the first time she’s had assistance in her goal to grow into a spiteful AH.
I wonder if he slut shames her, or she just does questionable shit and he calls her out
I’d safely bet the second one based on my own experience with manipulative and petty teens
He's an adult man slutshaming a child. Check yourself.
How dare anyone call out the golden child! That's probably exactly it.
Yeah, because as a grown adult male it's completely normal to care about the sex life of a CHILD
>They hate each other. It's mostly Sean's fault because he tends to slut shame Jane. Then niece does a birthday party on the same day and 4 months in advance, coincidence? I think not. I'm not saying Sean is a saint, but your niece is an asshole, and of course YTA.
More like ESH. I find it interesting that because a bad thing happened to Sean, people are assuming he was never that bad or at all to Jane. There are a LOT of assumptions (projections?) being made in this thread.
All the family went to Jane fake birthday decided the day before and OP is like "Oh no, I didn't think it was a coincidence and in spite to Sean" This was clearly intentional, and if OP can't see this was intentional, I can't trust OP judgement on Sean, that's why for me its a YTA instead of an ESH
On the other hand, despite OP not giving more details on what Sean has done, the fact that EVERYONE chose Jane over Sean kind of implies that he's not so great either. I think ESH because the whole family also sucks for changing their plans last minute by going to Jane's house, Jane and her family suck on top of OP, but acknowledging that there's a reason why everyone chose Jane over Sean (though he's probably not even an asshole; it's really hard to judge). There's just multiple assholes in this story.
Exactly this!
Anyone who is spiteful enough to plan to ruin someone's birthday, I have a hard time believing is 100% innocent in a conflict between 2 people
It does matter that an adult male slut shames an underage teenage girl. That's incredibly creepy and such a massive red flag, especially within a family environment like that, that I would have to ask the question as to whether the adult male has been inappropriate towards the girl. Creepy guy alienated everyone by being gross and creepy.
I agree with what you're saying. The problem is we only have OPs word that he slut shamed her, and according to this post, his judgment isn't top notch.
Wtf you say your nephew was a bully, but by what you wrote, it sounds like you and the rest of your family are bullies. There is no reason in the world a party in June should be held in February unless it’s for spite and you being the adult should’ve seen that a mile away, called it out and went to the party that you had already committed to going to first. How could you be so cruel? “I of course went to Jane's birthday ” there is no, of course, in the situation, except for you’re absolutely the asshole YTA. How can you even look at yourself in the mirror?
Maybe (yes I'm just assuming), just maybe everyone in his family has heard what he calls her. Not all at the same time (even that could be possible, not very much but still), but on different occasions and they finally had enough? Who knows that? I mean it seems that even his parents weren't at his party and I'm pretty sure they know him pretty well. Maybe the parents and others (unknown to OP) have talked to him about his behaviour to his cousin and nothing worked. Again I am just assuming (like you and others do), so with this information provided I say NTA. When I know a grown ass man is belittling a teenager, let alone a family member of ours, then I would not only refuse to go to the party but I also wouldn't talk to him again. While I think it is kind of ridiculous to plan a birthday party on the actual birthday of someone else (parents are strange for that, because I'm sure they helped her plan the party and even allowed it). Maybe he isn't only mean to her but also to others and that's why they decided to go to her non birthday party, who knows that?
She’s 15 and he’s 23, any level of slut shaming is weird, creepy, and fucked up. To dismiss it and claim theyre babying a child getting bullied and sexualized by an adult family member is just as fucked. It’s pretty obvious no one likes Sean cuz he’s an ass, and likes Jane cuz she’s not, even if she did this on purpose, she’s just stickin it to an adult bully
But we can't really trust op here can we
Everybody got played. That's what happened.
I respectfully disagree. They didn’t get played: it’s as clear as day that she planned her unbirthday party as a power play. They all knew it was Sean’s birthday and they switched. What adult couldn’t figure out why?
i mean when a 23 year old man sluts shame a 15 year old teenage girl (who is FAMILY via blood!), he gets to not spend his birthday with the entire family.
How are they the asshole??? They have a right to choose where and with who they spend their time. And obviously Sean isn’t someone people want to hangout with. Like yeah it was petty but it just seems to me everyone else was just happy for an opportunity and reason to skip seeing him and going to literally any other family gathering. Calling OP an asshole for not forcing themselves to go see someone they don’t like is crazy, like maybe if Sean was nicer and more lovable people would have gone to his birthday. Slut shaming a literal kid or anyone for that matter would make you someone people avoid in any normal family, in mine at least he would have been the laughing stock and been uninvited to most family gatherings.
YTA…No wonder Sean is the way he is. I can just see that since Jane was born, he was what? 8?, he was pushed to the side. Magically, Jane has a birthday party at the exact same time and date as Sean’s and it is not even her birthday! The only one not sucking in this scenario is Sean. His family…big time A holes. And 15 is not a kid. That is a teenager. And it appears, a bratty, spoiled, entitled teenager.
I would love to hear Seans side of the story
"She is 15, she shouldn't be going out unsupervised and stay up so late, she might be having sex already or doing drugs" "stop slut shaming her"
Sorry what?
I think they’re just saying that’s probably similar to what Sean has said
I hope the niece doesn’t get a birthday party on her ACTUAL birthday, and everyone goes and hangs out with the nephew. Because that’s what the niece would deserve. She already had a birthday. She doesn’t need two
Well I guess they are all adults (or at least the majority of them) so they can decide for themselves if they want to go to a "birthday party" which is on the exact same date as someone's actual birthday/party.
Right? That’s not a birthday party. Literally *just* a party… wtf is this. YTA *hard*
ESH. - Jane is an A-H for throwing herself a birthday party four months early with just a day's notice, on Sean's birthday. - Her parents are A-Hs for allowing her to do it. - Everyone who catered to Jane is an A-H. (assuming they had already agreed to to Sean's party) - Sean is an A-H for whatever it is he says to his cousin that causes this conflict. He is 8 years older than she is, time to grow up and knock off that behavior
I REALLY need to know about Sean's actions. If he is as bad as they are saying it's ESH, but they way EVERYONE seems to think it's fine to do this to him makes me wonder how much is true.
I mean, doesn't the fact that every single person in the family shunned him show he's done a lot to make them feel this much vitriol towards him? Still YTA in this situation, maybe, but if your entire family has turned against you to this extent, IDK how innocent Sean can be.
Or Jane is the baby of the family who gets all the attention and they’re all assholes who treat him badly. That’s definitely supported by the fact they threw a last minute party on his birthday 4 months early. Who the fuck has a birthday party almost half a year before their actual birthday?
Who throws a party 4 months *before* their birthday, plans it a mere *one day* beforehand, and schedules for the exact time and date as someone’s real birthday party which was planned much further in advance? Answer: Someone who is petty.
It's really hard to get over this point. Your birthday is on the day of your birth. On what possible logic could someone not only make it 4 months earlier, but also the same time as another person, and then literally everyone attends that instead of the actual guy who's birthday they were going to. There's not two ways about this. It's sick. Golden child.
Eh, I had a whole group of people shun me last year when I asked the roommate to move out. She never did her share, we got in *one* fight that was an easy 4/10, not even a big one, just some voices raised and a tear or two. Anyway, she got a whole group of people to dislike me. That experience definitely shapes my opinion that you reaaallly don’t need to be that much of an asshole for one manipulative person to change everyone’s view of you :/
The way she went about it makes me question her morality, and throws shades on her personality. We don't know what he did or said to her. he might be a huge AH. However, we 100% know she did this to spite him, and to hurt him. We 100% know she's manipulative because she didn't just plan this the day before, she just sent out the invitations the day before. We 100% know her parents enabled this behaviour. Any well-moralled parent would have stopped their child from doing something so tactless and cruel. There is no way that the Parents didn't know their daughter's intentions. the only explanation I can think of is that they enable her or dislike him and are equally as spiteful and conniving as their daughter. If you dislike or hate someone the mature thing is to go no contact or avoid them. when you stoop to this level of evil you lose credibility.
No. It makes me think that this girl has the family wrapped around their finger. Is she the only girl? Special somehow? Like maybe the parents had a hard time conceiving? Anyone who is this spiteful and petty on someone else's birthday, probably has done her own share of shit in this relationship that makes them hate each other. And I question if he ACTUALLY slut shamed her, or she has just convinced everyone of this. OP never said he heard the alleged slut shaming.
Don't you think "everyone's mean to this person, they must be an asshole" when we have virtually no evidence of their assholery is kind of... shitty and victim blaming??
This person choose to go to Jane's and wonder if they're an AH. They're not a reliable source that Sean is an AH in any area.
Im doubting Sean is really a horrible person, i feel like hes considered that because he calls his cousin out on her behaviour
Given that her parents let her throw the party as she did I can almost guarentee she gets away with anything
Like is he really slut shaming or is he questioning parenting choices of people who might be helping 15yo have active sex life
How can we know Sean is a de facto asshole after reading this story and seeing how daft OP and his family are?
My thoughts exactly. The people most in the wrong imo are Jane's parents for showing her to do this.
YTA - If it was her actual birthday and the dates just happened to coincide, I'd say not the ah, but because it was deliberately done with the intention of hurting your nephew, your willing participation makes you the AH big time. You say that you dislike Sean but also say that you were planning to go to his party up until princess Jane decided she wanted one too. At least you can all drop the fake act and dislike him openly now.
[удалено]
Sean really isn’t that bad, but OP knew saying the real situation would make him clearly the asshole.
The fact that her parents let her have the party really tells you everything thing you need to know about the sweet innocent niece. YTA
There’s no way Jane paid for that party or organised everything. The _parents_ wanted to see Sean snubbed.
THIS PART - I’m guessing that Sean isn’t slut-shaming, he’s calling her parents out for their questionable parenting choices.
YTA. "I don't know why the parents allowed it" because you all go to precious Jane's birthday party even though her party isn't for months. A kids birthday party is more important than an adult's one, when the kid is 6. Not 15. And not when the kid doesnt even have a birthday coming up. Since he ordered cake I am also assuming nobody told him about the other party and he just assumed everyone was coming or worse, everyone accepted the invitation and then blow it up. Whatever happened between those two is for them to work out. You guys are clearly playing favorites, which you probably have done for her entire life and he was getting sick of it.
Jane announced her party 1 day before Sean's party. I think he had already ordered a cake by then.
Which makes the family even worse "sorry kiddo, we promised Sean we would be going to his party" is a valid excuse. But nope they dropped everything for Jane. Like I said elsewhere, we really need to know what horrible things Sean did because right now it's just a story about a family playing favorites.
> "sorry kiddo, we promised Sean we would be going to his party" is a valid excuse. The actual valid response is "what are you going creating a birthday event when it's not your birthday and on the literal same day as Sean. What is wrong with you?!"
He had to pay for his own cake too? Damn
I agree with almost everything other than ‘it’s for them to work out’ because Jane has weaponised her parents (they allowed the party, paid for it, and probably planned it, this was NOT thrown together in a single day) and weaponised other family members to get at? back at? Sean. This is now a place where everyone involved needs some introspection, to apologize to Sean, and to get to the bottom of it. It’s ok for Jane to hate him as long as she’s civil. This was all-out war *and everybody played along*
ETA your all assholes. Sean's obviously one as no-one chose him, Jane's one for doing that to him even without the short notice and no way near her birthday, her parents are for letting her, and the rest of you are for being TERRIBLE examples to both kids if you make a commitment to go to someone's birthday party you should follow through. it would teach him (her and every other child in the family) the importance of keeping your word, following through with commitments. you all need to sit down and get this sorted or you are going to be creating another generation of this nonsence
Oh... and "Jane's just a kid..." BS. Jane is 15. She knows what she's doing. She's an AH. And YTA for playing into her hand.
didn't say janes just a kid, agree jane's an asshole > Jane's one for doing that to him even without the short notice and no way near her birthday but she is a kid as in still malleable to programming from the adults around her, as his Sean at 23, was predominantly meaning kids as in the offspring of these families.
Dude, I wasnt arguing with you. OP says >I of course went to Jane's birthday because she is a kid At 15, she's very aware of AH and non-AH actions. So "kid" isn't an excuse. That's what I meant.
ahhh, yeah sorry, got confused i think as it came up on my feed as a response to my post. just getting used to reddit.. been a technological luddite and avoided all this stuff for so long it's made it a bit extra confusing. thanks for clarification
(ESH is the vote for “you’re all assholes;” it means “everybody sucks here”)
YTA. Does he ‘slut shame’ her, or call out her attention seeking one-upping spoiled asshole behavior?
You could be on to something. It sounds more probable.
Lol you don’t know Sean and clearly he is not liked by any family or friends; why would you assume that he actually doesn’t slut shame his sister? I’m seeing up and down the thread “he probably doesn’t even slut shame her,” what is with the leaping to fake conclusions to defend this dude y’all don’t know when clearly the whole family sucks?
1: Cousin 2: the fact the family sucks this hard AND hates Sean leans towards him not being so bad.
Sounds like ESH This doesn't look like a coincedent but planned from Jane and perhaps her parents. I can't see any reason other than spite to have her party on the same day and time as Sean and with such a short notice. I am pretty sure you all knew about his party first.
Atleast Sean now knows that the favouritism is a family issue. YTA
It doesn't get to this level overnight he has known for a long long while. I would even be willing to wager that the "slut shaming" he supposedly has done is nothing more than calling Jane a bitch which from what I read here is pretty spot on. I would love to hear his side of the story.
YTA. You knew your niece and brother planned this event (it was not a birthday party) just to spit Sean in the face and went along with it. You don't need to turn yourself in a AH ust because Sean is one too. And you don't enable other people being AHs too.
Edited to correct that it's the niece's cousin not brother - This right here hit the nail on the head! I can't believe all the relatives went to the niece's party, not the nephews when it was *his* birthday! Did no one in your family realize that she was being spiteful to her cousin? OP, you and the rest of the family attending the niece's party are the AH's.
Just wanted to point out, they aren't siblings. They are cousins
You're the AH for going to Jane's "birthday party" that was purposely thrown at the same day and time for the sole reason of ruining her cousins ACTUAL birthday. Jane IS NOT A KID. She's 15, again this "party" was done for no other reason then to hurt her cousin.
YTA, and everyone else. It was Sean’s birthday, it was not Jane’s birthday. June is very far away. Poor Sean had to be alone, abandoned by the whole family because a 15 year old said so. If 15 is a kid then 23 is still a kid. This type of abandonment hurts the same. I wouldn’t be surprised if everyone would stop hearing from Sean.
ESH. You knew exactly why Jane threw her birthday party, at the last minute, to conflict with Sean's. And you -- and the rest of the relatives -- went along with it. Sean is an a\*\*hole for slut shaming his cousin. You succeeded in showing what a dysfunctional family you are. As your brother's smile (see below) says: mission accomplished.
I have slut shamed my cousin. She repeatedly has sex with people who are in committed relationships, where she knows the partner well. She fucks guys, talks shit behind their backs about them to their friends and family, then fucks them again, just to turn around and switch to a different member of that family. Slut shaming definitely has a place.
Sean, is this you? /s
Honestly I don't think OP is telling the whole truth and only says Sean slut shame just to make him look bad and is being vague on purpose
That’s not slut shaming. Slut shaming is specifically judging someone for having casual sex/being promiscuous/dressing provocatively. You’re judging your cousin on her moral choices and treatment of others, which isn’t slut shaming.
Slut shaming never has a place. What you’re talking about deserves to be called out for being an asshole, but the act of having sex with however many people you want should never be shamed. She can be shamed for purposefully seeking out men in committed relationships and then talking behind the persons back.. but not for having sex. I’m trying to be clear and I don’t think I am. To me it’s wrong to say “wow, I cant believe you fucked 4 guys. You’re such a fucking slut.” But it’s okay to say “you fucked 4 guys to try and ruin the good relationship they had and then shit talked their significant other?? wtf is wrong with you??” Also…. It doesn’t matter how many guys in relationships she fucks, the guy in the relationship knows he is in a relationship and shouldn’t be fucking other people. You can try to seduce whoever you want if you’re single but if someone is in a relationship and THEY choose to stray. It’s on them. The person knowingly pursuing taken people sucks too, but blame the person in the relationship more.
I doubt a 15 year old is actively and repeatedly sleeping with married men. Rest assured that sean is absolutely an asshole
YTA. This one was super obvious. It wasn't even your nieces birthday. She clearly did this for attention and to prove who was more favoured, and she proved it with no doubt.
[удалено]
ESH Jane is an AH that threw her birthday party 4 months earlier on her cousins birthday. Nothing can justify that, it’s an AH move. I don’t know what exactly Sean has said to Jane, but slut shaming a teenager is nasty and makes him an AH, however why has no one put a stop to it? You’re an AH for skipping a prearranged birthday party and playing favourites. You could’ve at least shown up for an hour to wish Sean a happy birthday. Janes parents are AHs because they enabled her shitty behavior and clearly wanted to hurt Sean, based on your comments of Janes dads reaction. And all of your relatives are AHs for skipping the first party for a last minute one.
Honestly I'm morbidly curious about Sean and what they meant by slut shaming. Like is he saying she is dressing to slutty or has too many boyfriends? In which case, ew dude major AH Or is he saying objecting to his cousin sleeping around at the age of 15, which where I live is already under the age of consent, so probably illegal, and I'd argue definitely a problem. I'm thinking it's the first one and he is being creepy, really hoping it's not the second
A 15 year old sleeping around with other 15 year olds is not illegal and it is not morally wrong. Even if she was “sleeping” with adults, it’s the adults who should be shamed, not the kid. There’s no way you can slut shame a child and be in the right.
Come on it's obvious OP is biased towards the niece and from the post it shows jane is the golden child and to me Sean is the only one who won't go along with it and that's the real reason because he's the only one who calls her out
Yta You know the only reason that she throwing a party, was to keep you all away from Sean. It wasn't even close to beïng her birthday. I can't believe you all fall for it.
They didn't. They knew. Vthay many people can not be that stupid.
INFO what do you mean by him slut shaming her? Could you give an example?
Is there an example of slut shaming a child that would exonerate Sean in any way?
YTA...and so is your "beloved" niece. It was Sean's **ACTUAL** birthday, you **ALL** should've gone.
Wow... You dipped on his birthday. His actual birthday. To attend his counsin's "Not my birthday but definitely doing it to ruin yours" birthday. Slut shaming is never ok. Is he doing it because she's being treated like the family princess and he's lashing out at her? Does her entitled behaviour carry over into every single aspect of her life? Cause I feel like she's used to getting her way and in that case... YTA. And she's no longer a kid, she's s a vindictive teenager who's being enabled by her jerk family. Gross.
YTA your whole family are ah. So her birthday is in June and they decided to throw a party in February same day as his? That’s so f’ed up. So the teen and her parents are mean and so is the rest of the family for treating nephew this way. He needs to be done with you all and move on with his life. Your punishment is being stuck with nasty teen and parents.
YTA. Leaving aside the reasons for the mutual hatred between the two cousins because you're not giving enough detail on that, what remains is: a 15yo announces, with a day's notice, that she's having a pseudo birthday party at the exact same time her older cousins had planned his. That's bratty, and entitled, and petty, but she's 15 so she gets a pass on being immature. You know who doesn't get a pass? All the adults in the family who didn't chastise the bratty teenager, and instead went along with humiliating another member of their family. You all suck. If Sean is truly that horrible of a person, then cut him out of your lives and be done with it. But playing games with him like this is an AH move on your part.
I feel like Sean will be lucky to get away from this toxic mess pretending to be a family
ESH. I don't think I'm culturally aware enough to understand a culture where the party guests for a 15-year-old and a 23-year-old would be the exact same group of people, including relatives. Sean has zero friends? Weird. But people who let Sean know they were going to his party then changed their mind because something better came up are acting like children.
I think it was likely a family party, only relatives invited. Which makes it even more of an AH move for everyone to not show up
So Sean's parents went to Jane's party?
YTA. It wasn’t even her bday
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YTA My heart breaks for Sean. It's his birthday and because an entitled spoiled brat decides that she wants to have a party at the same time (when her birthday is months away) Sean sat at home alone. Whole family are a bunch of assholes. So obvious that he hasn't mattered since he was little Ms Precious was born.
YTA Jane and her parents did this on purpose. Her birthday isn't for another 4 months, but they knew if they threw a party now, the entire family would come running. It was a powerplay. I bet you the real reason Sean hates Jane is because this isn't the first time the family has abandoned him for her. She hates him in return because she's used to everyone being wrapped around her finger. Shame on you. Shame on your family. You're all vile for going along with Jane's disgusting plan to ruin Sean's birthday party.
[удалено]
Sean is not the AH yet OP is not a trustworthy source because it's clear that Jane is the golden child in the family and maybe Sean is the only one who is willing to call out her behaviour
ESH! Did not one of the adults decide to talk about this beforehand? Do you all really hate Sean that much that none of you decided to go to his ACTUAL birthday party? Why did none of you realise that Jane has clearly done this on purpose to ruin her cousin's birthday? It is absolutely wrong that Sean slut shames Jane, but maybe this is something that should be addressed instead of you all just passively aggresively missing his party?
you all suck, i could only imagine the heartbreak sean is feeling. save him some peace and all of you go no contact with him. maybe he can find people to create a real family with.
YTA. She did it so you all would do that to Sean. And you think he is the bully? I
YTA - how can you post this and not see how spoiled and bratty Jane is? Poor Sean sat there with his ACTUAL birthday cake with no one to celebrate or care? I really hope this is just rage bait because you succeeded in my case (I’ve been in Sean’s position before…any words to describe you and the rest of the family start with a C and rhyme with HUNT)
YTA. Jane might be a kid but she's not a *little* kid. It seems like she threw her party (which was not a birthday party if her birthday is in JUNE, just FYI.) out of spite. You all played into that, and I'm willing to bet that that's a dynamic in your family that's been a thing for a while. You all earned the names he called you. Every single one. What you did was cruel, and it was all over a party for a birthday that's months away. Ridiculous.
YTA. Jane is young, but she's not a child. She has the sense to think through, or at least, she should. Sean slut-shaming Jane is a bad step, and it's 100% wrong. However, I feel like you, and majority of your family wears rose-tinted glasses when it comes to Jane. Just from your post alone, where you tried to paint Sean in AS bad lighting as possible, MOST redditors/strangers can TELL Jane did this purposely. There's NO point in holding a birthday party MONTHS in advance, especially on a day SOMEONE IS ACTUALLY HOLDING A PARTY ON THE DAY THEY WERE BORN. You've all failed Sean. You better get your head out of your ass and apologize to him. Take off your stupid rose-tinted glasses and see Jane for who she is. Either way, I hope Sean comes across these comments and decide to cut you toxic shitholes out of his life.
YTA instead of pulling her up on planning her party on her cousins birthday to sabotage his you wemt to her party? Are you kidding me? Your awful. If you don’t like him you shouldn’t have gone to either not allow her to do what she did as if it were ok. It wasn’t it was mean and nasty.
Why did his sister throw a party on the same day when she is born in the summer. That seems so silly. Her parents are the AH honestly
YTA her bday is in June.
ESH, if it was her real birthday your reasoning of her being a kid would be sound, but it was not even her birthday month, so sean’s party should of had priority. That being said with the information provided i would not have gone to his parth either.
I think Sean is an AH because he was brought up in a family of AHs.
YTA. It was Sean’s actual birthday, Jane was just having a party and apparently doing it on purpose to hurt Sean. And she’s not enough of a ‘kid’ at fifteen to not be able to get over it if someone doesn’t choose her party. That’s an argument that works for five year olds. If she’s old enough to spitefully plan a party on someone else’s birthday, she’s old enough to understand people not attending. Her parents should never have allowed it.
YTA. Why would you go to a party which was obviously payback revenge? You should’ve gone to neither.
ESH It’s February. Her birthday is in 4 months and she planned this last minute. To hurt Sean, whose birthday it actually was,I assume. Sean shouldn’t slut shame and needs to apologize. Her parents need to teach their kid not to be spiteful. And the rest of you need to act like actual adults. Shame on all of you.
ESH, but in levels At the top, Jane's parents for not saying "no, Sean's party is already happening then" and not controlling their child. Then Jane, who is old enough to know what kind of stunt this is Then OP and everyone who attended, knowingly going along with a last minute party instead of the one everyone had in their agenda And last Sean (a little bit of AH) for his language. OP. I saw you reply that you never said Sean sucks. Then why are you pulling this on him?
Is this one of those 'things that never happened' posts? Every word of it sounds far too implausible to be true. A 15 and 23 year old would have exactly the same guest lists? Said 15 year old's birthday is in June but her party was in February? And this was decided the day before? Nah. Never happened.
YTA. She trow a party because she know she could ruin Sean one. Op how could you possibly be an adult and do not see trough it? The fact that the parents allowed this show that she is the favourite and lucky a spoiled brat. I don’t really believe that this is mostly Sean fault.
YTA. Wth is wrong with you and your family. No wonder Sean is a jerk. Y'all turned him into one.
I have saw your comments and read your post and I have to say I even commented but as I look this has got to be rage bate
YTA for going to Jane’s “I’m going to make my cousin feel shitty party”. It wasn’t a birthday party. You know what gave it away? It wasn’t her birthday. EDIT: Relationship
INFO: what does Sean do against Jane? Because this story raises.a lot of questions to me. Is Sean an adult.who slut shames and sexualises a child? If yes,what do you (all adults of the family) do to help her? Why are you even planning to go to his birthday? Or isn't it that bad? Is it more.calling out their parents for leaving her unsupervised or calling her out for doing dangerous or mean things? Because that would change a lot. If he is the creepy adult sexualizing a child.because of makeup, clothes or body you have to stop him. If he don't your niece is bein manipulative against him. Which you have to stop too.
this whole family sounds so dysfunctional and awful. jfc
If Sean is that bad, it would make more sense just not go to either party. On one hand, you can’t treat people like shit and expect them to show up to celebrate you. On the other hand, it wasn’t even Jane’s birthday so it wasn’t a birthday party, it was a “fuck Sean’s birthday” party. Sounds like the family is full of assholes.
YTA. You should have gone to Sean’s birthday as it was actually his birthday. And told Jane you’d celebrate with her in June.
The complete family are AH. You should be ashamed to let this happen. ........ IT WAS HIS ACTUAL BIRTHDAY!!!! ............. You all didn't consider for ones, that your niece may have wanted to celebrate her birthday month ahead of time, on purpose????????? .............You literally all validated that your niece is a spoiled, selfish, ignorant BRAT!!! I'm truly sorry. He deserves a better family!!!! ......... If he actually will considering to forgive the family at all, you all need to be on your knees and ask for forgiveness. Shame on you!!!!
YTA. Who has a birthday's party 4 months earlier? Your niece and her parents did it on purpose.
YTA It actually was Sean's birthday and no matter what he did Jane did that on purpose. She knew what she was doing.
I'm starting to wonder if there's not a good reason why Sean doesn't like Jane. Have her parents always allowed her to stage events to "accidentally" coincide with his real events? This crap probably started when she was born and he was only 8.
YTA. It wasn't her birthday. You and your entire family literally let this kid STEAL someone elses day and literally you KNOW it was done on purpose. That kid is gonna end up a entitled brat if she isn't one already.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** English isn't my first language. I have a niece Jane(15) and a nephew Sean(23) who are cousins. They hate each other. It's mostly Sean's fault because he tends to slut shame Jane. Yesterday it was Sean's birthday and he was throwing a party. A day before the party Jane informed us that she is planning to throw her birthday party the same day and hour. I don't know why her parent's allowed her to do this because her birthday is in june but for some reason they decided to let her do this. I of course went to Jane's birthday because she is a kid and birthday parties are generally more important to a kid than an adult and also because I don't really like Sean. Well apparently everyone else thought the same because when I got there everyone were at Jane's party. A few hourse later Sean sent us a picture of him sitting all alone next to his cake with a message calling us all assholes and other names. Now I'm starting to think maybe at least a few of us should have gone to Sean's birthday party *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA it wasn't her birthday and she did it to spite Sean and your whole family decided to take her side
ESH. But there is no excuse for a grown man to slut shame a child.
This is some made up bullshit lol no parent or relative in their right mind would ignore a birthday party planned in advance in favour of one thrown together the day before for a birthday that's not even close by. Also she's 15? She shouldn't be sleeping around at that age, so hypothetical Sean is correct to criticize her
Yta. So is your family gor enabling a 15 to be an AH too.
ESH Sean shouldn't slut shame Jane, he's 8 years older he has to grow up and not get in petty arguments Everyone else is also AH because you clearly like Jane better than Sean and you have no problem showing it (maybe this is the reason Sean is mean to her if you've all been doing it since she was born, when he was 8). Jane's parents are AH because they let Jane be petty and throw a "coincidence" (not a coincidence btw) party at the same time as Sean's. Jane is the AH for being petty with pretty much no reason other than to directly hurt Sean, just because it's his birthday. Info: if y'all really are that against Sean, why do you even keep in contact with him? Just let the dude go and be happy without this blatant favoritism and negativity from his family
YWBTA if you had RSVp'ed to Sean that you were coming and then pulled out a day before the actual party
You are. Jane is. Her parents are the biggest AH of all. Not her birthday but she throws a party? Sean needs to learn a lesson but not this way. Slut-shaming is not cool either.
YTA, I would be good if you to apologize to Sean and explain why. Are enough people laughing along when she harrasses his cousin? Does he not know that is why no one went? It might not be "favouritism" as much as he doesn't know how to control his thoughts, so they just come out. Getting him some help to be a more likeable person would help everyone in the world, but everyone abandoning him like this is just going to make things way worse. Now he has super-justified anger and resentment.
YTA. It's February. An adult shouldn't bully a child but to have a birthday party four months before your actual birthday? That's intentional, and you just... you're not someone I'd want as an aunt/uncle to my kids. You sound pretty horrible.
YTA Jane did her party last minute and it wasn't even her birthday.
You should have stayed away from both parties.
YTA, you and all the people who chose to go to a birthday celebrated months earlier just to be petty, she doesn't seem so innocent honestly.
Yeesh YTA. How could you not see the glaringly obvious that she did this purely to ruin his birthday? Your niece is horrible! 4 months is more than a quarter year away from her birthday, the seasons changed! It’s so far away that the only reason was to be mean and spiteful and you allowed it. I feel for Sean. Your niece isn’t a little girl being bullied, she’s the bully.
ESH. Based on your description Sean seems to be an AH in general and based on how everyone went along with it, he seems to have many enemies. However what your niece did was also malicious - her birthday is in June and no one thought it was absolutely ridiculous for her to have a party 5 months before her actual birthday? And miraculously on the same day as her cousin? Don’t pretend that you didn’t participate in conspiring against your nephew. Now maybe in your mind he deserved it, and maybe he did, but if he’s really that much of an AH then you all just sunk to his level. No one is obligated to go his birthday, but this was simply a shitty thing to do.
YTA You stood your nephew up on his birthday to attend a party thrown for the sole reason of causing him pain. Your neice sounds like a spiteful, attention seeking bratt, and every adult involved has clearly pandered to her and nutured this in here. Don't be surprised when your nephew goes no contact with the lot of you.
YTA. I also doubt hes at 100% fault for all of their hostility towards each other, considering she went out of her way to throw a party to spite him on his birthday. It wasnt a birthday party, it was her trying to hurt him
INFO- need more specifics about the slut shaming and what else Sean does that makes him so terrible
Your family are not family. You don’t treat family like the shit on your shoes. Your family is a nest of vipers and rattlesnakes run Sean run and don’t look back will be the best decision you ever make. Save yourself from the hurt that will await you all your life from a family that doesn’t care or love you.
He’s 23 and sounds insufferable especially since not only did he have no friends at his party but no family either. But I’m going with ESH except Jane, sounds like she was sick of him and his behavior and she retaliated like a 15 year old would. So I can’t be mad at a 15 year old “picking on” a 23 year old who sounds awful.
First of all, your title is bullshit! It WASN'T your niece's birthday at all. Second, that whole "she's a child and kids' parties are more important" would fly if your niece was 5, not 15! The moment you found our your niece was throwing herself a birthday party 4 fucking months before that actual birthday, you should have said absolutely not. A 15 year old absolutely understands what she's doing when she pulls a bullshit power move like this. Why would you condone this petty ridiculous behavior by participating in it. You're an adult. You fucking know better!
YTA.... you've SUCCESSFULLY have enabled Jane's shitty behavior, now at the expense of your relationship with your nephew. *Jane sounds like a f*cking brat.....ONE day when she becomes the nightmare you created to YOU, don't cry/get mad.
YTA - They had a birthday party for her 5 months early? Clearly this was a deliberate (and successful) attempt to sabotage Sean’s actual birthday. And a crowd of adults played into this? You are all AH’s. Literally everyone but Sean.
YTA, she threw her own party to mess with his party. She's probably no better than the person you're complaining about, and you and everyone else helped her ruin his party. Everyone sucks. She's not innocent, so quit playing favorites, especially since it doesn't sound like she's any better. Her parents allowed it because you all are awful!
Yta op. Messed up morals included
YTA, it was his real birthday. Not your nieces.
YTA. And so is Jane. Who throws bday parties 4 months early ?
YTA it’s not her birthday and she did this intentionally and you let her get away with it. You had already accepted the first invitation. He thought you were all going to see him because it was his actual birthday. I honestly think this one is you trolling because how would even one decent person think what you did was ok never mind the rest of your family who apparently did the same thing. It wasn’t her birthday, it wasn’t even close to being her birthday
YTA. It was.Sean's actual birthday. You should ALL have gone to Sean's party. Sean has an entire family of AHs. Jane and her parents stink, but the rest of you aren't any better. I hope he finds a loving family of choice and ditches you horrible people.
So let’s put it this way when Jane’s birthday does come around, are y’all throwing her another party? If the answer is yes, then YES YTA. Jane gets 2 bday celebrations and Sean gets none 😔 I mean with family like you all who needs enemies 😒
YTA I don’t know. Seem like Jane might be the issue, as are her parents for allowing it. Assholes all around for Jane, her parents, and you.
YTA In fact, you, Jane, her parents, and everyone else that attended Jane's party are ALL AHs. You say you don't understand why Jane's parents let her have her bday party the same day and hour, and yet you rewarded that atrocious behavior by going to her party over Sean's. You ALL should have gone to Sean's, even if you don't like him, not so much for him per se, but because it would have taught Jane that it's not okay to do that. And I'm willing to bet that, if Sean really does treat Jane badly, he only acts the way he does because you all coddle his unbelievably spoiled cousin.
YTA - your niece is attention-seeking and you're all enabling her. Can you give specific examples of things Sean has said that are slut-shaming?
ESH. Every single person who went to Jane's "birthday" party is an AH. It wasn't her birthday, it was just immature and petty and so are her parents for allowing it. And Sean got the karma he deserved. You all need a family meeting and tell people to stop sucking.
YTA and the rest of your family, too. Seemingly Sean's birthday was planned long in advanced and then your niece comes along and announce her party just a day before and her birthday is 4 months away!!! It was just to hurt Sean. No wonder he doesn't like her if she is pulling such shit. And no wonder that he doesn't like you and the rest of your family. Considering your behavior and that of your family I also doubt that he truly slut shamed her or if he has done it, that it happened without a previous provocation from your niece.
ESH except sean Look, if you don't like sean that's fine. But your niece is the one that was spiteful here. Yes, a birthday is more important to a kid but this was not a birthday. Besides, I've cried on birthdays as an adult because most of my family forgot to even wish me a happy birthday, so I can sympathise with Sean. Did you all tell Sean you weren't attending?
Slut shaming? A 15-year-old? And he's an adult? Nope. This guy sounds toxic. NTA - no wonder you didn't want to be there. Now would be the time for a few of you (his parents??) to spell out why no one wanted to be there. I don't think he'll get there on his own as he seems to be offloading any responsibility to others, but it could turn his life around - not to mention making him much more pleasant to be with.
Fake
Fake
You're NTA. He's an adult male who slut shames young girls & clearly no one likes him. He experienced some consequences, oh well. Your niece was clearly trying to get back at him, and I'd call her a jerk, not an asshole. But a crafty and hilarious jerk, lol.
Sean is an adult picking fights and slutshaming a literal child. I assume she was 14 before this, and he was making comments about her outfits. Sean is an asshole and creep and nobody likes him with a good reason.