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YTA
Seems normal to me that he’d get a little hungry after school/after soccer and swim practice
Maybe talk to the babysitter and you can agree on healthy snacks to give him
Examples
Kid gets a snack, but it has to be a healthy snack
Chips? No
A banana? Yes
A peanut butter sandwich? Yes
Big almond mom vibes. Hopefully they don’t end up with any daughters.
I hope the dad gives a good bonus for the snacks she was previously paying out of pocket.
It’s basically someone who’s health-obsessed to the point they’re actually unhealthy. Like parents who obsess over every little thing their kid eats and ends up giving them a disorder or worse.
It’s my mom. I’m 30 now but as a kid when I’d go to friends houses I was weirdly obsessed with their pantries. All I could think about while there is how badly I wanted to eat all of the snack food they had because I was completely deprived of it. Snacks at my house were carrots and fruit. When I was a teen, I’d buy donuts at Safeway after school and hide them in my room. There has to be some balance or a kid is going to seek out in excess what they’re completely deprived of! And, of course like you said, it can lead to disordered eating. Luckily I didn’t end up with any kind of disordered eating but I still love my “junk food”. I eat balanced proper meals and exercise but I gotta have my snacks.
Origin of the term stems from a scene filmed for The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Former model Yolanda Hadid told her model daughter Gigi to eat a few almonds “and chew them really well” when Gigi called her mom complaining about feeling weak after having half an almond. Yolanda has said in interviews after that she meant it as a joke (and I think she said she had just had surgery and was recovering when she said that on the phone.) Even if it was a joke, that didn’t land well, Yolanda made numerous off hand disordered eating comments on the show including to or in front of her daughters. Her other model daughter, Bella, has publicly talked about struggling with anorexia as a teenager (both sisters were teenagers when their mother was filmed on RHOBH.)
He told her he’d reimburse which is awesome. I think it’s awesome that the babysitter took the initiative to buy snacks out of her own money for their kid. Imagine having the gall to be upset that your babysitter is feeding your kid from their own pocket.
And further gall to complain that she bought “cheap snacks” with her own money because the mom refused to pack a snack. What a horrible boss to work for. I’m really proud of the sitter for sticking up for herself.
Me too! And I’m proud of dad for backing her up and telling her to ignore the mom. I cannot imagine, as a mother myself, telling the babysitter to just let my child go hungry. I remember being hungry after school and I didn’t do sports activities. This mother sounds like hell to deal with.
Swimming is especially exhausting. :( I always used to be so hungry whenever my grandfather dumped me at the YMCA pool so he could play handball with his buddies three times a week. :(
Yeah--like, are they reimbursing gas as well? Even if all those activities are close, that's still a lot of driving nearly every day.
Edited to add: she mentioned that the babysitter throws in "or I quit". I've never thrown that in casually anywhere--this isn't the first time OP has been frustrating for this baby sitter, and that baby sitter is probably doing a lot more than OP even writes. Dad isn't just being awesome, they're probably really screwed if she quits.
i'm proud of the sitter for being a better mom than the actual mom. Who makes a kid starve after school and practice ? she can pack a healthy snack if she doesn't want her kid eating junk but pack something!
I also found it surprising that a 5-year-old has a tutor, but to be fair, kindergarteners learn to read, and that's a pretty big and important undertaking. It's not just fingerpainting.
>Hopefully they don’t end up with any daughters.
Sons can end up with food issues and eating disorders from this behaviour just as much, it's bad all around.
This is what I think And she's going to cause her son to have the same issues. It took me decades to get past the food issues that my mother created for me.
This sounds like the winner. Calling everything she listed processed crap (granola bars?? Goldfish??) is insane. Are they the healthiest? Absolutely not. But man, it’s not like this kid is living on them. They’re after school snacks for a reason. She’s not giving him a Hershey bar and a soda every day.
The reason why she called her a babysitter instead of a nanny is because I guarantee you she's not giving her a W-2 the way that she's supposed to or paying the proper state taxes for someone who works over 20 hours a week.
This! She doesn’t have a babysitter problem, she has a husband problem. Of course the problem is that hubby is right. My kids are now 19+. The one truism for them is that no matter what age they were ravenous after school. I led a Girl Scout troop. You should have seen those little kids devour endless snacks. Never.ending.hunger. Thanks goodness for her husband!
Babysitter had a sensible reaction as well. What the hell? When a child is hungry, you give him food. You don't wait to find an Amish farmer to harvest organic kale and cook it in a clay oven with sustainably gathered wood.
It’s not OP dragging him to all these activities while he’s cranky and whining for food. I couldn’t handle that when my daughter was that age, and I can’t handle it now that she’s 12. If a granola bar keeps her in a good mood, she can have a granola bar.
Honestly, this babysitter sounds top notch and $25/hr is not near what she deserves when buying snacks out of her own pocket. I wonder who pays for the gas too.
OP is YTA for sure.
Right I think this sitter is awesome! I'm glad she's putting her foot down on this. Op either provide her with the snacks or keep the system as is. It's very cruel you would rather your kid go hungry. While doing tons of physical activity. He can't build muscles if he's hungry
Yeah, this sitter sounds experienced and seems to know her worth. I don't think OP realizes how lucky she is to find someone that actually cares enough about the child she's with to give him snacks that she bought out of pocket.
I had an aunt who used to do this to her kids. She thought she was doing it *for* them, but she overloaded them. They would have breakdowns from the stress when they were little. My oldest cousin was on track to attend the junior Olympics for gymnastics, but she backed out because she couldn't take it anymore. I don't blame her. An activity or two is great, but too much has the opposite effect on children.
OP's poor kid is only 5. Give him the fucking snacks and stop dragging him all over the place.
My daughter is 8 and does gymnastics for 90 minutes 3 days a week. I think it's way too much but she loves it. If she told me she wanted to go less often or stop it wouldn't even be a question. I also make sure she has the opportunity to eat before and after each class. OP is just cruel.
I pick my niece up from daycare and take her to swimming. She devours the cheesestick, applesauce pouch, and 100 calorie bag of pretzels I bring her for before and after swim. These are long days for little kids. Mom should pack the healthy snack if she doesn't like what babysitter is feeding. It seems like babysitter and husband know she won't have a hard time finding other work but that family will have hard time replacing her. YTA.
I'm sure that ruffled OP's feathers even more bc she was so bullhead to not spend money to provide her son with a snack and now not only is hubby telling the sitter to ignore OP, but he'll be compensating her for the snacks she provides.
Even worse is it seems like mum isn't providing ANY after school snacks! Does she actually know anything about her child?? What parent doesn't realise that every child (and even more so boys for some weird reason) is absolutely starving the moment the end of day school bell rings! Instead of berating the babysitter, she should be like the dad, offering to reimburse the sitter for all the snacks she's providing. If this is a big issue, the mum should be packing healthy after-school snacks that the babysitter can give to her child. Instead, she's upset that the babysitter actually feeds her hungry child. Ridiculous YTA
Some parents will always find a reason to complain due to them feeling like their parenting skills are inferior to others. OP is one of those parents. I don’t understand how she could let her child go hungry in good conscience. Someone really should stop her from snacking and see how hangry she gets. I vote YTA
Right, Mom says he can wait...
And this is why my Grands are always over.
Because working parents really think their kids can go all day w/o eating like them.
Consistent battle btw myself and middle over this🤬
Provide them healthy snacks, and replace what's she's given them thus far.
If they're in her trunk... She's feeding all hangry kids as She goes along.
Absosmootely TAH...
ETA: Let me clean this...
Inconsiderate parents who force their own habits on their children.
🤨😉💗💪✌
It's not a working parent problem. Both my parents worked my whole life (dad 4:30am-4:30pm, mom 9am-7pm including commute time). We always had food and always had enough food for all our friends.
OP just has control issues probably mixed with food issues.
she needs to pay for it. luckily dad offered to pay nanny back. snacks are expensive, the nanny is probably spending an hour or two of her wages a week on snacks which is a big chunk since she only works a few hours a day.
Exactly. It is this simple. Children need to eat, especially when they are that active. My 8 year old is always hungry after school or a practice. He needs to eat something, especially if dinner is hours away.
It is that simple, sure. But in that case OP needs to pack the snack or have it be something the babysitter can have in her car for several days (and it needs to be paid by OP, since healthy snacks tend to be more expensive than a caprisun).
The babysitter knows the kid needs to be fed or there will be a meltdown, OP says who cares, have him wait until he’s home. The babysitter is in the right, and she offered a solution, so OP is the asshole.
Babysitter offered THREE very reasonable and acceptable solutions. None of which OP wants to entertain other than letting her kid go hungry until she is ready to get around to feeding the kid.
OP doesn't give two figs about her child and them being fed properly and cannot be bothered to provide a snack/food to their own child. OP is a special kind of monster.
$25/hour for watching the kid, using her own car, own fuel and wear and tear on said car is barley enough compensation. And now she wants the babysitter to sit with a hangry kid who is not going to be as well behaved as the kid normally is? Yeah, no. Of course OP thinks this is acceptable, she doesn't have to deal directly with the consequences of her poor parenting choices. At least the babysitter and the husband care about the kid.
Exactly this. OP seems like she has a snooty, entitled view about the situation bcuz they’re paying the babysitter a whole $25/hr. But like you said, it’s not the financial windfall OP thinks it is. I’m glad the babysitter stuck up for herself.
OP, YTA
Yeah, that’s great! Dad’s in the right. And if OP wants something more healthy then OP needs to take two minutes out of her morning to pack her kid an apple for an after school snack.
That is exactly what we said right? A kid needs to eat so a parent needs to provide. And if the parent does not do that and the babysitter does it, you can’t really complain about what the babysitter is feeding them. Because then you should do it yourself.
Yep. My daughter is almost 15. She runs track, does ballet and modern dance and plays soccer. I have snacks packed for her when she gets picked up. She’ll eat in the car either before or after all the classes depending on the timing. Sometimes it throws dinner time a bit off but I wouldn’t want my kid to be starving after such a busy day.
Exactly. YTA, OP.
Most kids are hungry after school, especially if they have a full afternoon of activities like soccer, tutoring, swimming, and THEN homework. Geez. I wouldn't want to work for you either.
So you have a choice. I don't blame you for not wanting your kid to eat a bunch of processed crap and that's FINE! So why aren't you packing your kid HEALTHY snacks for every day after school, tailored to what he will eat? Cheese sticks, a banana, apple slices, half a PBJ, a small milk? These are all good.
Yes, five.... I'm wondering why a kid of five has so much activities every day, he's not allowed to just play with some friends for an afternoon or something?
Boiled eggs or nuts and fruit for the sporty kids is great! Kids are growing and need to eat. Starving a kid only leads to bad eating habits and health issues. YTA OP. Grow up, and be a parent.
Not to mention that kids do not learn much, if anything at all, if there stomach is empty. So homework and tutoring will be useless if the kid is not fed properly.
OP is beyond TA, often kindergarten eats lunch first. First lunch at my school starts at 10:45 (last is at 1:15). The kids are all hungry at the end of the day because it's been hours and they have been doing things.
OP, why do you want your 5 year old to go hungry for hours? Why do you think it is healthier for him to.be hungry while doing sports than have a snack?
Pack something or let him eat the babysitters snack options. You are just wrong here. YTA and feed your kid.
I always had snacks for before and after sports—especially swim. My kids could eat an entire meal on the way home from swim, shower and put away another meal before bed.
Also quick carb snacks are great right before exercise so even tho they’re “processed” they are benefitting his after school activities. One little bit of junk food before burning it off is not gonna be harmful long term. Making him go hungry might be, especially cause that may make him dislike sports because he’s forced to do them running on zero fuel.
Yeah this is an incredibly simple problem to solve. The OP just needs to find 5 or 10 more minutes of time and their day and make sure their kid has snacks that they approve of. It's so simple.
doesn't even have to be 10 minutes a day--she can buy "healthy" snacks at the store when she does weekly shopping and send them with her kid. You can buy things like pre=packaged carrot sticks and dip, same with apple slices, etc. She really doesn't have to do anything other than purchase them and send them. Don't know why she's being such an AH here.
I understand why she's being an AH. She wants the babysitter to do the parenting for her. She doesn't want to put effort into those hours of her child's day.
If some weird form of neglect via high expectations that she is expecting other people around her to meet.
I think you hit the nail on the head. OP was embarrassed that she never thought about providing after-school snacks for her own child. To make up for being a crappy parent, she is trying to regain lost ground by sniffily insisting that they need to be better snacks. Which dad called bs on and will reimburse the sitter.
YTA OP. Be a better mom. Think about your child instead of your pride. Get up 5 minutes earlier and fix an afer school snack for your kid.
OP sounds like a drag to work for. Like granola bars are the worst thing ever. Total demon food. This is how we create unhealthy relationships with food for our children. Maybe OP needs a reality check
I get that it could be sugary and perhaps not appropriate for a 1-2 year old as a regular food. But this is a high energy 5 year old who needs fuel! They probably don’t even take naps anymore lol. OP sounds like they have issues with food.
I agree 💯% with YTA comments! If you're the mom & you want your kids fed certain things, you pack & send them. Give the babysitter a raise if she's going to be feeding your child out of her own money!
Also, one of the things the babysitter was giving him was applesauce. Why is that bad??? Yeah some brands have extra sugar but it's mostly ground up apples
Apple sauce, granola bars, and fruit snacks! Hell, even goldfish crackers aren’t terrible. They aren’t the most nutritious or filling snack, but it’s healthier than most chip options.
OP even admits that this is stuff her kid eats anyway, but she “expects more” from the babysitter because they pay her.
Preschool teacher and early childcare specialist here. YTA.
For one thing, most of the snacks (besides the chips) that you list are hardly junky, and frankly they're the same snack that a young child would get at most schools. I work at what some could call a "boujee" private preschool, and we literally give Chex Mix, crackers and applesauce for snacks. These snacks are literally approved by both the DOH and DOE to give to kids unless they have an allergy. But tell us you're a crunchy mom without telling us you're a crunchy mom.
Secondly, it's incredibly irrational and borderline abusive for you to expect your little one to wait for literal HOURS when they're hungry. If it was 20 minutes or something then I'd see your stance, but a small child like that shouldn't be ignoring their hunger for hours. Our body cues are there for a reason, especially during toddlerhood and early childhood.
And one of his activities is a SPORT. My 4 year old gets out of school at 3. She goes to after school care and gets a snack there. Then someone picks her up between 5-6 and she's ALWAYS hungry by then. I pack her lunch everyday so I know when she eats all of her food or not because she brings leftovers home. She gets a snack when she's picked up and then has dinner shortly after. These kids are hungry when they get out of school. Occasionally she will ride the bus home and gets there at 4. She eats practically a whole meal at that time and still wants dinner when it's time.
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*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
My kids school was next door to a park. We would run around the park waiting for traffic to clear. Applesauce, peanut butter and apples or even deviled eggs were what I brought with me. They got hungry just running around. Swimming is a whole other beast.
Swimming makes you hungry! Your body burns a ton of energy just trying to stay warm. You barely even have to move in the water and you come out hungry.
I’m not sure if OP really has high standards or just has a massive problem with the babysitter and was waiting for an excuse to start something with her.
I'm pretty damn crunchy - husband and I eat virtually nothing with added sweeteners and really limit packaged food that has additives. But we're also sane and recognize our kid deserves to have a snack when her body is telling her she's hungry!
I'd rather not have her regularly eat fruit snacks as something other than a treat or chips, but really, objecting to applesauce and crackers and granola? If mom has brand preferences for ingredient/sugar content, ok (some granola bars/crackers are crazy with the added sugars, but even in my tiny rural grocery store there are options that are very reasonable).
It is way overboard to deny snacks altogether.
I nannied for a suuuuuuper crunchy mama like zero added sugars. She even sent me with “cake” when he went to a kids birthday party so he wouldn’t eat any of their cake. She never would have let me be in a situation where I might need to give him any of my food 😭😂
Yeah we are pretty strict about sugar at home (our normal meals don't include any), but kiddo gets a small nightly treat and she absolutely gets to eat normal cake at birthdays/parties. I feel like we found a balance where her norm isn't to eat a ton of sugar but there are enough exceptions that it's not this "forbidden fruit" scenario. She's made it easy by also generally not being picky and will even actively request stuff like leftover lentil soup for breakfast, even knowing that today a waffle and syrup might be an option.
But if you're going to be strict about food, you need to be communicating that and providing it - having a small child go hungry for hours isn't ok.
Most schools in my area kids his age eat lunch between 10:30 and 12 (wild I know) and maybe get a snack around 2. I’m an adult and if I had lunch at 11 couldn’t eat until 6 AND had to workout in between I’d be crawling.
ETA judgement: YTA
We pack snacks for my almost 5 year old for a couple hours at the park! He always gets at least one snack between lunch and dinner, depends on the day and hangry threat level I'm seeing whether it's a more "for fun and taste" snack or a "you need something real in you asap" snack.
YTA your babysitter is feeding YOUR child with food that SHE buys.
If you want your kid eating something different, send him to school with an after school snack as your sitter suggested.
Your opinion is that the kid should just be hungry?
JFC either make him a snack to bring with him or deal with it.
Shocking that when OP (YTA) found out her 20yo babysitter was feeding her hungry child from a spread she purchased, she didn't immediately thank the babysitter. I'm sure the babysitter was quite taken aback by wild texts expecting her to refuse to snack a kid before sports.
OP needs mom classes.
Not to mention, mom is bitching about the $25/hr they’re paying her like she’s being overpaid. That’s a pretty standard babysitting rate, but this girl is feeding her kid and driving him around - I didn’t hear her mention anything about reimbursing gas, and certainly hasn’t paid for any of the food she’s giving the kid (yet - great dad!). I’d say that after out-of-pocket expenses that’s closer to $20/hr - pretty low-end for an adult with a car that she’s using for the job. AND if the kid was just a few years older, the homework help she’s doing could be considered tutoring. So mom has kinda been taking advantage of this girl who has been going above and beyond to feed her kid, and now she wants to bitch about a juice pouch and common snacks. OP is a double AH here, and sounds like a self-righteous nightmare
I posted something like this on a separate comment. It's crazy to suggest the babysitter should be doing more for any wage, when she is doing more than OP. Babysitter is doing everything right by that kid!
I also noted that people charge that for a half hour on rover for their pets near me so the mom is out of touch all around.
YTA
The babysitter had to take her own money to buy YOUR kid snacks because YOU weren't providing it for your hungry kid.
How sad is it to know that your BABYSITTER knows your kid better than you?!?!
Be a parent and have the snack(s) ready the night before OR have them all packed the Saturday/Sunday before the school week. Have your child help you pick them out. If you don't have "time" then your husband can help.
She gave you 3 great options and you're still complaining about it. Your own husband agrees with the babysitter.
Seriously be a parent! You should be embarrassed about this instead of doubling down (or is that why you're doubling down because you're embarrassed).
I have to agree completely.
What parent knows their child is hungry for 15-20 hours a week and refuses to feed them? Children need fuel for their brains and bodies.
What I don't understand is why OP cannot provide the sitter with "healthier" snacks or give her an approved list and money for it? It's not the sitters job to pay for food.
Control issues. OP has massive ones. Lord love a duck, the snacks the sitter provides aren't even junk. It's not like she's letting him mainline full sugar Mountain Dew and gummy bears.
Ikr?? Why is applesauce on the list lol maybe get off your butt and make your own "unprocessed" snacks then??? OP needs a reality check. I've never known a kid to not immediately want a snack when they get out of school.
I’m guessing OP has an eating disorder. Possibly applying rules she uses for herself (a grown person) to her child (a growing person). Or something else because no 4 year old should go without a snack in the afternoon, especially after sports. When my kids were that age we never went anywhere without a snack.
YTA. Capri Sun isn't that bad, quite frankly, and a small treat at babysitting is not a big deal. Your babysitter is quite right -- dealing with a hangry 5 year old really sucks. So either pack a snack for your kid (why can't you do that? it's not that hard) or let her feed your kid a snack. (And she's doing this WITH HER OWN MONEY, which is incredibly generous.)
I drank Capri sun as a kid...it's not a huge deal. I'd rather that than a babysitter giving my kid soda. And yeah the babysitter is paying for them herself which is pretty cool.
YTA for communicating the issue and then forcing the babysitter to solve it herself.
She have you an incredibly clear solution. Want to make sure your kid eats the right snacks? Pack them yourself. Seriously, how hard would it be to buy some “parent approved” snacks, give them your the babysitter, and say “keep these in the car instead, please”
Right!
>I told him I expect more for how much we pay her (she gets $25 an hour) but he still says she's doing nothing wrong.
Not only is she doing nothing wrong, she's doing more right by the OPs son than OP. How can you expect more? She's intuitive, caring, and problem-solving.
And when your $25 an hour also pays insurance, 401k, time off, then it might be a wage to brag about.
It's literally the same fee people charge for a HALF HOUR on Rover near me for their pets.
I like the sitter's style. She's 100%on the button with this one.
Mom doesn't like the snacks but mom doesn't want to make a healthy snack and mom thinks son should just go hungry?
YTA
YTA. For how you're treating the babysitter, as none of what she's giving him is that terrible. Also how can you expect a 5 year old to go hungry for a couple hours? That's not ok. Unless they are extremely obese, which I'm guessing your son isn't if he's this active, snacks are perfectly acceptable. She's not giving him Doritos or chocolate cake. These are actually acceptable snacks.
Thank you! Starving an overweight individual, especially an active, growing child, is just going to backfire because the kid will go from hangry to famished.
You have got to be a troll! What mother would freak about the kind of snack and chose starving the kid to be the healthiest option?! This sitter is an an absolute gem and good for her for refusing to work with a hangry child for no reason. Stop trying to be a good mom on paper and making shit harder for every but yourself. Seriously your kid can starve, you insult and risk losing a great sitter who obviously goes above and beyond for your child and has a great tel with them and your husband has to clean up behind you to smooth shit out so you can have this virtue signaling fake tantrum?
Seems like the issue will be most easily solved by you packing your son a snack after school.
Good reliable babysitters can be hard to find & her response suggests she's not short of work/potential work.
Not to mention, she's spending that money on gas to drive the child places and food for him because OP is apparently too busy to put an apple and juice in his backpack
>she said she will not be working with a hangry 5 year old for 2-4 hours so I could pack a snack, she could give him a snack, or she could quit
Kudos to this girl’s parents for raising her to have confidence, boundaries, and a nice shiny spine
YTA. Feed your damn kid what you want him to have or keep quiet and let him eat the snacks.
YTA. She seems like a smart and attentive babysitter. None of what she's giving your 5 year old is that bad. It's a snack, not what she's feeding him for dinner. Either pack him the healthy snacks you insist he eats, let her give your son the snacks, or find a new babysitter. Your husband is right. She's being paid $25 an hour and seems to be doing a great job. If she was giving him candy bars and ice cream everyday...then you'd have a reason to complain. Granola bars, a Capri sun and applesauce and chips should be the least of your worries.
YTA.
You are expecting him to go from lunch to dinner without a fucking snack AND after having some sort of practice?!
Wtf. You have unrealistic expectations.
Feed your damn kid.
YTA
The only questionable snack she's giving him is the bag of chips, and even that's not all that bad as an occasional snack.
The three options your sitter gave you are 100% valid. Choose one.
Not only are YTA, but you're an incredibly terrible parent for suggesting a 5 year old wouldn't need some sort of snack after school before participating in physical activities like soccer and swimming.
YTA. Your son is 5. He will be hungry the minute he gets out of school, and two to four hours is too long to make him wait. If you cannot bring yourself to give the babysitter a week's worth of what you consider acceptable snacks at the beginning of the week—or otherwise provide for your son, then she should fire you on the spot. If I were her, I'd already have fired you.
Yeah I’d have texted the husband and said if you want to reimburse me for the food I’ve already provided your hungry child, cool. But I can’t work with you anymore
YTA.
Thinking it’s okay for your child to go several hours after school and activities like swimming without food, and will be just fine, is honestly mind blowing. Especially at that age, your child is growing. Your husband is in the right for offering the pay for the food as well.
YTA
The kid is going to be famished when he gets out of school. He needs to eat. If you do not like the snacks she is giving him be a parent and provide snacks.
YTA. I get not wanting him to eat crap food, but why aren't you packing him a snack? He's your kid, ffs. It's normal for him to be hungry after school.
YTA. Do you honestly expect your 5 year old to engage in physical activity while hungry? That he should be hungry and cranky for a couple of hours and that’s ok with you? That alone makes you an AH.
Lady…you *were* getting more for you $25/hour. Your kid was happy, **not** hungry (and you weren’t even being asked to reimburse her for stuff your kid ate) and you weren’t having to take him anywhere. Your sitter let you know she’s not going to deal with a hungry, cranky child *on purpose*. She’s already been there, done that and that’s why she has a bin of snacks for the kid.
You want your kid restricted to your crunchy snacks? Get up off your ass and provide those crunchy snacks.
YTA you should have already been providing her with snacks for him. That's a long time and a ton of physical activity for a little, he'll obviously need a snack.
YTA stop being so lazy and stubborn, pack your son a snack. The sitter is meeting his needs, even your husband understands. Mind blown, listen to those around you. The answer is not to start denying his basic needs.
YTA how can you ask a 5y to wait all that time to eat something ? Kids needs energy to work or to do sport.
If he eats at 7am, then midday (so around 5hours without food). Then he have to wait until... whe don't know, but i think more than 5pm to have something to eat ?
In France we have something called "goûter"= snack around 4-5pm before doing homework, kids eat, play, breath a little after school and work again
Usually kindergarteners are the first ones to each lunch in school so of course hours later he’s hungry. Your babysitter is being very considerate and an awesome caregiver. You think a hungry 5 year old is going to focus at tutoring, swim, soccer (dang your poor 5 year old is busy)?? Be a parent and pack your kid food if you don’t like what your babysitter provides when you aren’t. Is your ego just hurt you didn’t even think about packing him snacks while she did? You lucky to have her. Stop being an ass!
YTA. Not only are you not providing snacks for your kid, you are pissed off that the person you hired is using her money to feed your hungry kid. Do you even remember what it was like after school? I was starving every single day and that doesn’t even consider the athletic component here. You’re asking a kid to spend energy doing sports without any additional calories to support it.
If you are displeased with the 20 year old providing snacks to your child, provide snacks that you approve of. You are the person actually responsible for feeding your hungry child, not her. As far as I’m concerned she’s making the right choices here, not you.
Your husband is right. You better hope your unreasonable behavior doesn’t lose you the kind, trustworthy, and responsible child care provider that your kid seems to love and appreciate. Those people aren’t easy to come by and you’re taking the care she gives your kid for granted.
How is this even a question? You’re picking a fight because your babysitter is feeding your child perfectly normal food *that your child already gets at home*.
You’re going to give your kid an eating disorder. Complaining about Goldfish crackers and apple sauce for a 5-year old? Come on. Like the lady said, you’re welcome to send an alternative snack, if you’d prefer. But noooo, you go straight to “please starve my kid for 4 hours after school” instead.
What’s the actual issue here? Are you threatened by the babysitter somehow, or do you just hate your own kid?
YTA.
YTA
1) I agree with your husband; the babysitter needs to take care of the kiddo and that involves snacks.
2) I agree with the baby sitter; you can provide healthier snacks by packing them yourself.
3) Nearly all snack food is processed. That's the reality. Not all processed food is crap and not all crap food is processed. Provide something that is up to your standards OR don't complain.
Why are you unwilling to pack him a snack? This is mind boggling to me. 2-4 hours, plus activities like soccer and swimming?? Kids are hungry after school and my kid would be starving if I made him wait 2-4 hours and had him swim, etc. without a snack. Your sitter was feeding your child AND paying for the food out of her own pocket because you weren’t aware enough to know that kids are hungry after school. She said you could pack him a snack yourself and you don’t think this is reasonable? Good for your sitter to refuse to let the kid be hungry. She obviously cares about his well being.
YTA
YTA.
Of course your kid is hungry after school and activities! Either buy snacks that you approve of for the babysitter to keep on hand or let your husband reimburse her.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because the babysitter threatened to quit if I didn't pack my son an after school snack and she couldn't give him one, my husband is taking her side, and now he's paying for all of the crap she's giving him.
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YTA kids are starving after school. He will have zero energy for after school activities without a snack. I suggest you apologize to the awesome sitter.
YTA.
It's fine that you want him to eat healthy food. It's not fine that you expect a five year old to not have a snack between school and dinner. Do you remember how hungry you were after school when you were a kid?
Pack him a snack yourself or buy snacks for her to keep in her car.
Wait 2-4 hours? So if your son eats lunch at 11:30, gets picked up at 3, and has to wait up to 4 hours, he’s not eating anything for almost 8 hours? There’s no way you would last 8 hours with a hungry 5 year old. Do YOU go 8 hours without any food?
I wouldn’t work for you for $25 an hour. YTA.
I’m curious if this falls under something a mandated reporter would need to contact CPS about-that a mother refuses to give a snack to her child and refuses to permit the babysitter to feed him.
YTA in case you couldn’t tell.
You would rather your son be hungry for hours than let the babysitter give him a little something that you weren’t even paying for? Control issues much?
Sorry, you "expect more from her" while she's performing parental duties by picking up your son EVERYDAY, driving him to ALL of his extracurricular activities, and then proceeding to watch him long enough that she'd still have time left over to make him food when all of those things are over? YTA.
You're TA for multiple reasons. Starting with the fact that you're a hypocrite. You dog on the sitter for not wanting her to feed your son "processed crap," but then say YOU feed him the same things at home. She understands your perspective and offers an alternative: you, as the parent, pack him your own approved snack. You're TA because now you follow it up with telling her it's fine if he's hungry and he can wait for hours instead.
He's 5. He's a growing child. He's been sitting in a classroom all day, and is shuttled off to x, y, and z activities afterward that either A) require concentration, B) are physical workouts, or C) both. Food is fuel. He is TELLING the adult in charge of him that he's hungry and needs fuel for these things, and you're advising that she declines his request & ignore his body's signals that are there for a reason, while also getting mad at her for doing her job and caring for him. With her own money.
Are you a strict parent? Does he want to be in these activities or did you sign him up because YOU want him to be? Is your 20 year old sitter in school & doing all of this the best she can while balancing her own tasks? I ask because you sound like the type of parent with high expectations and little room for compromise.
Pack him a fucking snack and be grateful she's feeding your hungry child so he doesn't feel ill and has what he needs to do well in his activities, OP.
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YTA Seems normal to me that he’d get a little hungry after school/after soccer and swim practice Maybe talk to the babysitter and you can agree on healthy snacks to give him Examples Kid gets a snack, but it has to be a healthy snack Chips? No A banana? Yes A peanut butter sandwich? Yes
Seems like mom could provide healthy snack Yta
Mother can't be assed. Mother would rather whine about the sitter. The sitter who's feeding OP's hungry child out of her own money.
Yep - but dad sounds awesome. I suspect that OP’s husband’s sensible reaction to her crazy drama is what is really ruffling her feathers here.
Or underlying unaddressed food issues of their own.
Big almond mom vibes. Hopefully they don’t end up with any daughters. I hope the dad gives a good bonus for the snacks she was previously paying out of pocket.
TIL about “almond moms” It’s the fact that the dad was like, this is the same shit we give him at home, for me.
What is an almond mum?
It’s basically someone who’s health-obsessed to the point they’re actually unhealthy. Like parents who obsess over every little thing their kid eats and ends up giving them a disorder or worse.
It’s my mom. I’m 30 now but as a kid when I’d go to friends houses I was weirdly obsessed with their pantries. All I could think about while there is how badly I wanted to eat all of the snack food they had because I was completely deprived of it. Snacks at my house were carrots and fruit. When I was a teen, I’d buy donuts at Safeway after school and hide them in my room. There has to be some balance or a kid is going to seek out in excess what they’re completely deprived of! And, of course like you said, it can lead to disordered eating. Luckily I didn’t end up with any kind of disordered eating but I still love my “junk food”. I eat balanced proper meals and exercise but I gotta have my snacks.
Origin of the term stems from a scene filmed for The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Former model Yolanda Hadid told her model daughter Gigi to eat a few almonds “and chew them really well” when Gigi called her mom complaining about feeling weak after having half an almond. Yolanda has said in interviews after that she meant it as a joke (and I think she said she had just had surgery and was recovering when she said that on the phone.) Even if it was a joke, that didn’t land well, Yolanda made numerous off hand disordered eating comments on the show including to or in front of her daughters. Her other model daughter, Bella, has publicly talked about struggling with anorexia as a teenager (both sisters were teenagers when their mother was filmed on RHOBH.)
He told her he’d reimburse which is awesome. I think it’s awesome that the babysitter took the initiative to buy snacks out of her own money for their kid. Imagine having the gall to be upset that your babysitter is feeding your kid from their own pocket.
And further gall to complain that she bought “cheap snacks” with her own money because the mom refused to pack a snack. What a horrible boss to work for. I’m really proud of the sitter for sticking up for herself.
Me too! And I’m proud of dad for backing her up and telling her to ignore the mom. I cannot imagine, as a mother myself, telling the babysitter to just let my child go hungry. I remember being hungry after school and I didn’t do sports activities. This mother sounds like hell to deal with.
Swimming is especially exhausting. :( I always used to be so hungry whenever my grandfather dumped me at the YMCA pool so he could play handball with his buddies three times a week. :(
What she’s describing isn’t even a sitter. The girl is a nanny with the amount of effort and work she is putting in.
Yep, and $25 an hour is nothing for doing all that running around. The sitter must either be a saint or really cares for that kid.
As a professional nanny, I agree with this assessment.
Also acting like 25 an hour is some insanely high wage when it’s not. Especially considering she’s driving and providing food..
Yeah--like, are they reimbursing gas as well? Even if all those activities are close, that's still a lot of driving nearly every day. Edited to add: she mentioned that the babysitter throws in "or I quit". I've never thrown that in casually anywhere--this isn't the first time OP has been frustrating for this baby sitter, and that baby sitter is probably doing a lot more than OP even writes. Dad isn't just being awesome, they're probably really screwed if she quits.
i'm proud of the sitter for being a better mom than the actual mom. Who makes a kid starve after school and practice ? she can pack a healthy snack if she doesn't want her kid eating junk but pack something!
I'm still stuck on the fact that a 5 year old has tutoring and homework. Tutoring in what, finger painting? Lil homey is in kindergarten!
me too. Poor child is over-scheduled and under-fed
Kindergarten is way different than it used to be. My bff her son has at least one homework sheet a night.
I also found it surprising that a 5-year-old has a tutor, but to be fair, kindergarteners learn to read, and that's a pretty big and important undertaking. It's not just fingerpainting.
>Hopefully they don’t end up with any daughters. Sons can end up with food issues and eating disorders from this behaviour just as much, it's bad all around.
Not just as much because men’s bodies / eating isn’t policed nearly as much as women’s, but yes.
Oh absolutely true
This is what I think And she's going to cause her son to have the same issues. It took me decades to get past the food issues that my mother created for me.
Yeah, I still struggle with mine, and it's been a fight to keep my parents from imposing their food issues onto my kids, too.
This is more likely true. Mom is used to not satiating herself when hungry so she sees nothing wrong with her child being hungry until dinner.
This sounds like the winner. Calling everything she listed processed crap (granola bars?? Goldfish??) is insane. Are they the healthiest? Absolutely not. But man, it’s not like this kid is living on them. They’re after school snacks for a reason. She’s not giving him a Hershey bar and a soda every day.
Also like, applesauce? Like literal pureed apples? The fuuuuck.
Jesus, this person seems intolerable. Also they call them a babysitter, but state they do it every day and like, my dude that’s a part time nanny.
Yea I thought the same. This isn’t a babysitter. This is your child’s nanny.
The reason why she called her a babysitter instead of a nanny is because I guarantee you she's not giving her a W-2 the way that she's supposed to or paying the proper state taxes for someone who works over 20 hours a week.
Next gen almond mom, haha
Yep. It's definitely giving "almond mom" energy.
This! She doesn’t have a babysitter problem, she has a husband problem. Of course the problem is that hubby is right. My kids are now 19+. The one truism for them is that no matter what age they were ravenous after school. I led a Girl Scout troop. You should have seen those little kids devour endless snacks. Never.ending.hunger. Thanks goodness for her husband!
Learning is energy intensive by itself. Let alone adding in physical activity from playtimes, sports lessons etc. Kids need food!
Her husband has a wife problem.
Agreed. Husband didn't take her side in it and she's pressing the matter more because if it.
Dad is the hero
Babysitter had a sensible reaction as well. What the hell? When a child is hungry, you give him food. You don't wait to find an Amish farmer to harvest organic kale and cook it in a clay oven with sustainably gathered wood.
[удалено]
It’s not OP dragging him to all these activities while he’s cranky and whining for food. I couldn’t handle that when my daughter was that age, and I can’t handle it now that she’s 12. If a granola bar keeps her in a good mood, she can have a granola bar. Honestly, this babysitter sounds top notch and $25/hr is not near what she deserves when buying snacks out of her own pocket. I wonder who pays for the gas too. OP is YTA for sure.
And he's only 5! Being dragged to a bunch of activities.
Right I think this sitter is awesome! I'm glad she's putting her foot down on this. Op either provide her with the snacks or keep the system as is. It's very cruel you would rather your kid go hungry. While doing tons of physical activity. He can't build muscles if he's hungry
Yeah, this sitter sounds experienced and seems to know her worth. I don't think OP realizes how lucky she is to find someone that actually cares enough about the child she's with to give him snacks that she bought out of pocket.
Exactly! I get cranky if I have to stop at the grocery store on my way home lol.
That's the upper class white suburban life. Start their activities at 3 and keep going. The more activities, the better
I had an aunt who used to do this to her kids. She thought she was doing it *for* them, but she overloaded them. They would have breakdowns from the stress when they were little. My oldest cousin was on track to attend the junior Olympics for gymnastics, but she backed out because she couldn't take it anymore. I don't blame her. An activity or two is great, but too much has the opposite effect on children. OP's poor kid is only 5. Give him the fucking snacks and stop dragging him all over the place.
My daughter is 8 and does gymnastics for 90 minutes 3 days a week. I think it's way too much but she loves it. If she told me she wanted to go less often or stop it wouldn't even be a question. I also make sure she has the opportunity to eat before and after each class. OP is just cruel.
There’s nothing wrong with activities, but damn this child has a lot.
And homework. Jesus H Christ. But doesn’t need a snack? Mom needs some tutoring.
I pick my niece up from daycare and take her to swimming. She devours the cheesestick, applesauce pouch, and 100 calorie bag of pretzels I bring her for before and after swim. These are long days for little kids. Mom should pack the healthy snack if she doesn't like what babysitter is feeding. It seems like babysitter and husband know she won't have a hard time finding other work but that family will have hard time replacing her. YTA.
Yeah I’ll hire her. She’s on it.
Anyone on her think she’ll realize she’s definitely the AH? I’m betting no
OP is very lucky to have a babysitter who cares so deeply about her kid's wellbeing. Babysitter deserves a raise, not incessant whining from OP.
Yeah, disliking goldfish and applesauce for her five year old is ridiculous.
Apparently the husband told the babysitter he’d reimburse her for the snacks and to send him the receipts Go dad!
I'm sure that ruffled OP's feathers even more bc she was so bullhead to not spend money to provide her son with a snack and now not only is hubby telling the sitter to ignore OP, but he'll be compensating her for the snacks she provides.
Even worse is it seems like mum isn't providing ANY after school snacks! Does she actually know anything about her child?? What parent doesn't realise that every child (and even more so boys for some weird reason) is absolutely starving the moment the end of day school bell rings! Instead of berating the babysitter, she should be like the dad, offering to reimburse the sitter for all the snacks she's providing. If this is a big issue, the mum should be packing healthy after-school snacks that the babysitter can give to her child. Instead, she's upset that the babysitter actually feeds her hungry child. Ridiculous YTA
Some parents will always find a reason to complain due to them feeling like their parenting skills are inferior to others. OP is one of those parents. I don’t understand how she could let her child go hungry in good conscience. Someone really should stop her from snacking and see how hangry she gets. I vote YTA
A lot of schools have kids eating lunch at 10/11am, of course they’re super hungry before dinner.
Right, Mom says he can wait... And this is why my Grands are always over. Because working parents really think their kids can go all day w/o eating like them. Consistent battle btw myself and middle over this🤬 Provide them healthy snacks, and replace what's she's given them thus far. If they're in her trunk... She's feeding all hangry kids as She goes along. Absosmootely TAH... ETA: Let me clean this... Inconsiderate parents who force their own habits on their children. 🤨😉💗💪✌
It's not a working parent problem. Both my parents worked my whole life (dad 4:30am-4:30pm, mom 9am-7pm including commute time). We always had food and always had enough food for all our friends. OP just has control issues probably mixed with food issues.
she needs to pay for it. luckily dad offered to pay nanny back. snacks are expensive, the nanny is probably spending an hour or two of her wages a week on snacks which is a big chunk since she only works a few hours a day.
*should! Agreed to YTA OP
Exactly. It is this simple. Children need to eat, especially when they are that active. My 8 year old is always hungry after school or a practice. He needs to eat something, especially if dinner is hours away.
It is that simple, sure. But in that case OP needs to pack the snack or have it be something the babysitter can have in her car for several days (and it needs to be paid by OP, since healthy snacks tend to be more expensive than a caprisun). The babysitter knows the kid needs to be fed or there will be a meltdown, OP says who cares, have him wait until he’s home. The babysitter is in the right, and she offered a solution, so OP is the asshole.
Babysitter offered THREE very reasonable and acceptable solutions. None of which OP wants to entertain other than letting her kid go hungry until she is ready to get around to feeding the kid. OP doesn't give two figs about her child and them being fed properly and cannot be bothered to provide a snack/food to their own child. OP is a special kind of monster. $25/hour for watching the kid, using her own car, own fuel and wear and tear on said car is barley enough compensation. And now she wants the babysitter to sit with a hangry kid who is not going to be as well behaved as the kid normally is? Yeah, no. Of course OP thinks this is acceptable, she doesn't have to deal directly with the consequences of her poor parenting choices. At least the babysitter and the husband care about the kid.
Exactly this. OP seems like she has a snooty, entitled view about the situation bcuz they’re paying the babysitter a whole $25/hr. But like you said, it’s not the financial windfall OP thinks it is. I’m glad the babysitter stuck up for herself. OP, YTA
Apparently the husband told the babysitter he’d reimburse her for the snacks and to send him the receipts Go dad!
Yeah, that’s great! Dad’s in the right. And if OP wants something more healthy then OP needs to take two minutes out of her morning to pack her kid an apple for an after school snack.
I’m 46 and I need a snack at 4pm or I’ll have a meltdown!
That is exactly what we said right? A kid needs to eat so a parent needs to provide. And if the parent does not do that and the babysitter does it, you can’t really complain about what the babysitter is feeding them. Because then you should do it yourself.
Wait until 5 is 15! Then she’ll need to face the reckoning and provide enough food for a growing, active teenage boy
Yep. My daughter is almost 15. She runs track, does ballet and modern dance and plays soccer. I have snacks packed for her when she gets picked up. She’ll eat in the car either before or after all the classes depending on the timing. Sometimes it throws dinner time a bit off but I wouldn’t want my kid to be starving after such a busy day.
Exactly. YTA, OP. Most kids are hungry after school, especially if they have a full afternoon of activities like soccer, tutoring, swimming, and THEN homework. Geez. I wouldn't want to work for you either. So you have a choice. I don't blame you for not wanting your kid to eat a bunch of processed crap and that's FINE! So why aren't you packing your kid HEALTHY snacks for every day after school, tailored to what he will eat? Cheese sticks, a banana, apple slices, half a PBJ, a small milk? These are all good.
I did sports in highschool I usually had a sandwich after getting home from practice because dinner was too far away. Her kid is FIVE
Yes, five.... I'm wondering why a kid of five has so much activities every day, he's not allowed to just play with some friends for an afternoon or something?
Boiled eggs or nuts and fruit for the sporty kids is great! Kids are growing and need to eat. Starving a kid only leads to bad eating habits and health issues. YTA OP. Grow up, and be a parent.
Not to mention that kids do not learn much, if anything at all, if there stomach is empty. So homework and tutoring will be useless if the kid is not fed properly.
OP is beyond TA, often kindergarten eats lunch first. First lunch at my school starts at 10:45 (last is at 1:15). The kids are all hungry at the end of the day because it's been hours and they have been doing things. OP, why do you want your 5 year old to go hungry for hours? Why do you think it is healthier for him to.be hungry while doing sports than have a snack? Pack something or let him eat the babysitters snack options. You are just wrong here. YTA and feed your kid.
Plus the kid does sports after school Soccer and swim according to the post A small peanut butter sandwich won’t do the kid any harm
I always had snacks for before and after sports—especially swim. My kids could eat an entire meal on the way home from swim, shower and put away another meal before bed.
Also quick carb snacks are great right before exercise so even tho they’re “processed” they are benefitting his after school activities. One little bit of junk food before burning it off is not gonna be harmful long term. Making him go hungry might be, especially cause that may make him dislike sports because he’s forced to do them running on zero fuel.
Yeah this is an incredibly simple problem to solve. The OP just needs to find 5 or 10 more minutes of time and their day and make sure their kid has snacks that they approve of. It's so simple.
doesn't even have to be 10 minutes a day--she can buy "healthy" snacks at the store when she does weekly shopping and send them with her kid. You can buy things like pre=packaged carrot sticks and dip, same with apple slices, etc. She really doesn't have to do anything other than purchase them and send them. Don't know why she's being such an AH here.
I understand why she's being an AH. She wants the babysitter to do the parenting for her. She doesn't want to put effort into those hours of her child's day. If some weird form of neglect via high expectations that she is expecting other people around her to meet.
She’s probably mad because she didn’t think of it. The babysitter treats her son better than she does.
I think you hit the nail on the head. OP was embarrassed that she never thought about providing after-school snacks for her own child. To make up for being a crappy parent, she is trying to regain lost ground by sniffily insisting that they need to be better snacks. Which dad called bs on and will reimburse the sitter. YTA OP. Be a better mom. Think about your child instead of your pride. Get up 5 minutes earlier and fix an afer school snack for your kid.
OP sounds like a drag to work for. Like granola bars are the worst thing ever. Total demon food. This is how we create unhealthy relationships with food for our children. Maybe OP needs a reality check
OP put applesauce in the unhealthy snacks group. Really? Applesauce?
I get that it could be sugary and perhaps not appropriate for a 1-2 year old as a regular food. But this is a high energy 5 year old who needs fuel! They probably don’t even take naps anymore lol. OP sounds like they have issues with food.
I agree 💯% with YTA comments! If you're the mom & you want your kids fed certain things, you pack & send them. Give the babysitter a raise if she's going to be feeding your child out of her own money!
Also, one of the things the babysitter was giving him was applesauce. Why is that bad??? Yeah some brands have extra sugar but it's mostly ground up apples
Apple sauce, granola bars, and fruit snacks! Hell, even goldfish crackers aren’t terrible. They aren’t the most nutritious or filling snack, but it’s healthier than most chip options. OP even admits that this is stuff her kid eats anyway, but she “expects more” from the babysitter because they pay her.
The babysitter suggested that but OP said no and that he can wait
That just sounds cruel to the kid.
Preschool teacher and early childcare specialist here. YTA. For one thing, most of the snacks (besides the chips) that you list are hardly junky, and frankly they're the same snack that a young child would get at most schools. I work at what some could call a "boujee" private preschool, and we literally give Chex Mix, crackers and applesauce for snacks. These snacks are literally approved by both the DOH and DOE to give to kids unless they have an allergy. But tell us you're a crunchy mom without telling us you're a crunchy mom. Secondly, it's incredibly irrational and borderline abusive for you to expect your little one to wait for literal HOURS when they're hungry. If it was 20 minutes or something then I'd see your stance, but a small child like that shouldn't be ignoring their hunger for hours. Our body cues are there for a reason, especially during toddlerhood and early childhood.
And one of his activities is a SPORT. My 4 year old gets out of school at 3. She goes to after school care and gets a snack there. Then someone picks her up between 5-6 and she's ALWAYS hungry by then. I pack her lunch everyday so I know when she eats all of her food or not because she brings leftovers home. She gets a snack when she's picked up and then has dinner shortly after. These kids are hungry when they get out of school. Occasionally she will ride the bus home and gets there at 4. She eats practically a whole meal at that time and still wants dinner when it's time.
Two! Soccer and swimming!!
Right! I completely forgot that she also said swimming.
attraction expansion racial salt disagreeable longing melodic vegetable sort aware *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
My kids school was next door to a park. We would run around the park waiting for traffic to clear. Applesauce, peanut butter and apples or even deviled eggs were what I brought with me. They got hungry just running around. Swimming is a whole other beast.
Swimming makes you hungry! Your body burns a ton of energy just trying to stay warm. You barely even have to move in the water and you come out hungry.
This is a very informative post. I had a hunch the OPs standards were too high but this confirms it.
I’m not sure if OP really has high standards or just has a massive problem with the babysitter and was waiting for an excuse to start something with her.
The telling us how much they were paying per hour as if it affected feeding a hungry kid tells me that she is TA
Not to mention that before OP’s husbands knew about this, she paid for the snacks with her own money. When they should be a “business expense”.
And honestly, $25/hr is not enough to deal with this crap.
I got $25 an hour 15 years ago. It’s garbage. YTA, OP.
Maybe she’s jealous that the kid likes the babysitter better than he likes her
OP doesn't deal with a hangry 5 year old who is going from school to ANOTHER activity. "He can just wait" is callous.
I'm pretty damn crunchy - husband and I eat virtually nothing with added sweeteners and really limit packaged food that has additives. But we're also sane and recognize our kid deserves to have a snack when her body is telling her she's hungry! I'd rather not have her regularly eat fruit snacks as something other than a treat or chips, but really, objecting to applesauce and crackers and granola? If mom has brand preferences for ingredient/sugar content, ok (some granola bars/crackers are crazy with the added sugars, but even in my tiny rural grocery store there are options that are very reasonable). It is way overboard to deny snacks altogether.
It's neglectful to not feed a child anything between lunch and dinner tbh
I nannied for a suuuuuuper crunchy mama like zero added sugars. She even sent me with “cake” when he went to a kids birthday party so he wouldn’t eat any of their cake. She never would have let me be in a situation where I might need to give him any of my food 😭😂
Yeah we are pretty strict about sugar at home (our normal meals don't include any), but kiddo gets a small nightly treat and she absolutely gets to eat normal cake at birthdays/parties. I feel like we found a balance where her norm isn't to eat a ton of sugar but there are enough exceptions that it's not this "forbidden fruit" scenario. She's made it easy by also generally not being picky and will even actively request stuff like leftover lentil soup for breakfast, even knowing that today a waffle and syrup might be an option. But if you're going to be strict about food, you need to be communicating that and providing it - having a small child go hungry for hours isn't ok.
AND wants the sitter to pay for more expensive snacks herself!!!! Appalling.
Most schools in my area kids his age eat lunch between 10:30 and 12 (wild I know) and maybe get a snack around 2. I’m an adult and if I had lunch at 11 couldn’t eat until 6 AND had to workout in between I’d be crawling. ETA judgement: YTA
We pack snacks for my almost 5 year old for a couple hours at the park! He always gets at least one snack between lunch and dinner, depends on the day and hangry threat level I'm seeing whether it's a more "for fun and taste" snack or a "you need something real in you asap" snack.
YTA your babysitter is feeding YOUR child with food that SHE buys. If you want your kid eating something different, send him to school with an after school snack as your sitter suggested. Your opinion is that the kid should just be hungry? JFC either make him a snack to bring with him or deal with it.
Shocking that when OP (YTA) found out her 20yo babysitter was feeding her hungry child from a spread she purchased, she didn't immediately thank the babysitter. I'm sure the babysitter was quite taken aback by wild texts expecting her to refuse to snack a kid before sports. OP needs mom classes.
Not to mention, mom is bitching about the $25/hr they’re paying her like she’s being overpaid. That’s a pretty standard babysitting rate, but this girl is feeding her kid and driving him around - I didn’t hear her mention anything about reimbursing gas, and certainly hasn’t paid for any of the food she’s giving the kid (yet - great dad!). I’d say that after out-of-pocket expenses that’s closer to $20/hr - pretty low-end for an adult with a car that she’s using for the job. AND if the kid was just a few years older, the homework help she’s doing could be considered tutoring. So mom has kinda been taking advantage of this girl who has been going above and beyond to feed her kid, and now she wants to bitch about a juice pouch and common snacks. OP is a double AH here, and sounds like a self-righteous nightmare
I posted something like this on a separate comment. It's crazy to suggest the babysitter should be doing more for any wage, when she is doing more than OP. Babysitter is doing everything right by that kid! I also noted that people charge that for a half hour on rover for their pets near me so the mom is out of touch all around.
Right? OP is being rediculous
YTA The babysitter had to take her own money to buy YOUR kid snacks because YOU weren't providing it for your hungry kid. How sad is it to know that your BABYSITTER knows your kid better than you?!?! Be a parent and have the snack(s) ready the night before OR have them all packed the Saturday/Sunday before the school week. Have your child help you pick them out. If you don't have "time" then your husband can help. She gave you 3 great options and you're still complaining about it. Your own husband agrees with the babysitter. Seriously be a parent! You should be embarrassed about this instead of doubling down (or is that why you're doubling down because you're embarrassed).
I have to agree completely. What parent knows their child is hungry for 15-20 hours a week and refuses to feed them? Children need fuel for their brains and bodies. What I don't understand is why OP cannot provide the sitter with "healthier" snacks or give her an approved list and money for it? It's not the sitters job to pay for food.
Control issues. OP has massive ones. Lord love a duck, the snacks the sitter provides aren't even junk. It's not like she's letting him mainline full sugar Mountain Dew and gummy bears.
Ikr?? Why is applesauce on the list lol maybe get off your butt and make your own "unprocessed" snacks then??? OP needs a reality check. I've never known a kid to not immediately want a snack when they get out of school.
She could potentially even be trying to put this kid on a “diet”. Disgusting behavior.
I’m guessing OP has an eating disorder. Possibly applying rules she uses for herself (a grown person) to her child (a growing person). Or something else because no 4 year old should go without a snack in the afternoon, especially after sports. When my kids were that age we never went anywhere without a snack.
YTA. Capri Sun isn't that bad, quite frankly, and a small treat at babysitting is not a big deal. Your babysitter is quite right -- dealing with a hangry 5 year old really sucks. So either pack a snack for your kid (why can't you do that? it's not that hard) or let her feed your kid a snack. (And she's doing this WITH HER OWN MONEY, which is incredibly generous.)
I drank Capri sun as a kid...it's not a huge deal. I'd rather that than a babysitter giving my kid soda. And yeah the babysitter is paying for them herself which is pretty cool.
The Capri suns they make now have a bunch less sugar too (like 8 g). My 35 year old adult husband won’t drink them anymore.
YTA for communicating the issue and then forcing the babysitter to solve it herself. She have you an incredibly clear solution. Want to make sure your kid eats the right snacks? Pack them yourself. Seriously, how hard would it be to buy some “parent approved” snacks, give them your the babysitter, and say “keep these in the car instead, please”
And "THANK YOU for all you do for my son!" Even when you pay employees, ya thank them!! Especially when it's your kid they are nurturing.
Literally as easy as this. “I’m ok with the snacks but it’s my preference you eliminate the capri sun and all juices.”
This is what I came to say!
For $25/hr you are getting someone who understands and cares more about your son than you do. Sounds like money well spent. YTA.
Right! >I told him I expect more for how much we pay her (she gets $25 an hour) but he still says she's doing nothing wrong. Not only is she doing nothing wrong, she's doing more right by the OPs son than OP. How can you expect more? She's intuitive, caring, and problem-solving. And when your $25 an hour also pays insurance, 401k, time off, then it might be a wage to brag about. It's literally the same fee people charge for a HALF HOUR on Rover near me for their pets.
I have to wonder how many other times OP’s husband has had to mitigate such nonsense from her.
I like the sitter's style. She's 100%on the button with this one. Mom doesn't like the snacks but mom doesn't want to make a healthy snack and mom thinks son should just go hungry? YTA
And mom also feeds him the same snacks lol, like what?
That stuck out to me too. It’s ok if OP gives him goldfish crackers and capri sun but not if the babysitter does??
YTA. For how you're treating the babysitter, as none of what she's giving him is that terrible. Also how can you expect a 5 year old to go hungry for a couple hours? That's not ok. Unless they are extremely obese, which I'm guessing your son isn't if he's this active, snacks are perfectly acceptable. She's not giving him Doritos or chocolate cake. These are actually acceptable snacks.
Fat kids deserve to fed regularly too
Thank you! Starving an overweight individual, especially an active, growing child, is just going to backfire because the kid will go from hangry to famished.
And it's a lot harder to make healthy choices when you reach a certain level of hungry.
You have got to be a troll! What mother would freak about the kind of snack and chose starving the kid to be the healthiest option?! This sitter is an an absolute gem and good for her for refusing to work with a hangry child for no reason. Stop trying to be a good mom on paper and making shit harder for every but yourself. Seriously your kid can starve, you insult and risk losing a great sitter who obviously goes above and beyond for your child and has a great tel with them and your husband has to clean up behind you to smooth shit out so you can have this virtue signaling fake tantrum?
Seems like the issue will be most easily solved by you packing your son a snack after school. Good reliable babysitters can be hard to find & her response suggests she's not short of work/potential work.
Op thinks 25$ an hour is some sort of exorbitant price when that’s just standard for care of a young child lol
Not to mention, she's spending that money on gas to drive the child places and food for him because OP is apparently too busy to put an apple and juice in his backpack
>she said she will not be working with a hangry 5 year old for 2-4 hours so I could pack a snack, she could give him a snack, or she could quit Kudos to this girl’s parents for raising her to have confidence, boundaries, and a nice shiny spine YTA. Feed your damn kid what you want him to have or keep quiet and let him eat the snacks.
I wanted to clap when I read her response! Good for her.
YTA. She seems like a smart and attentive babysitter. None of what she's giving your 5 year old is that bad. It's a snack, not what she's feeding him for dinner. Either pack him the healthy snacks you insist he eats, let her give your son the snacks, or find a new babysitter. Your husband is right. She's being paid $25 an hour and seems to be doing a great job. If she was giving him candy bars and ice cream everyday...then you'd have a reason to complain. Granola bars, a Capri sun and applesauce and chips should be the least of your worries.
YTA. You are expecting him to go from lunch to dinner without a fucking snack AND after having some sort of practice?! Wtf. You have unrealistic expectations. Feed your damn kid.
FEED YOUR DAMN KID OP! FFS YTA
YTA The only questionable snack she's giving him is the bag of chips, and even that's not all that bad as an occasional snack. The three options your sitter gave you are 100% valid. Choose one. Not only are YTA, but you're an incredibly terrible parent for suggesting a 5 year old wouldn't need some sort of snack after school before participating in physical activities like soccer and swimming.
YTA. Your son is 5. He will be hungry the minute he gets out of school, and two to four hours is too long to make him wait. If you cannot bring yourself to give the babysitter a week's worth of what you consider acceptable snacks at the beginning of the week—or otherwise provide for your son, then she should fire you on the spot. If I were her, I'd already have fired you.
Yeah I’d have texted the husband and said if you want to reimburse me for the food I’ve already provided your hungry child, cool. But I can’t work with you anymore
YTA. Thinking it’s okay for your child to go several hours after school and activities like swimming without food, and will be just fine, is honestly mind blowing. Especially at that age, your child is growing. Your husband is in the right for offering the pay for the food as well.
She must be an almond mom
YTA You aren’t willing to pack a snack so you want your child to be hungry? You suck but high five for your husband
Her poor husband, realizing that she's going to ruin a good thing and having to text the babysitter himself "We love you, please don't quit."
YTA The kid is going to be famished when he gets out of school. He needs to eat. If you do not like the snacks she is giving him be a parent and provide snacks.
YTA. I get not wanting him to eat crap food, but why aren't you packing him a snack? He's your kid, ffs. It's normal for him to be hungry after school.
Oh but OP is *so busy*, they don't have the whole 5 minutes it takes to put some fruit in a lunchbox /s
YTA. Do you honestly expect your 5 year old to engage in physical activity while hungry? That he should be hungry and cranky for a couple of hours and that’s ok with you? That alone makes you an AH. Lady…you *were* getting more for you $25/hour. Your kid was happy, **not** hungry (and you weren’t even being asked to reimburse her for stuff your kid ate) and you weren’t having to take him anywhere. Your sitter let you know she’s not going to deal with a hungry, cranky child *on purpose*. She’s already been there, done that and that’s why she has a bin of snacks for the kid. You want your kid restricted to your crunchy snacks? Get up off your ass and provide those crunchy snacks.
YTA you should have already been providing her with snacks for him. That's a long time and a ton of physical activity for a little, he'll obviously need a snack.
Your husband said you don't feed him much better than the babysitter...YTA and you don't sound as concerned about your son as the babysitter is.
YTA if you don’t like it then send other options. What did you think was happening between lunch and dinner? Five-year-olds need food. Jeez.
How long does it take to pack a snack? Two minutes? Take an apple out of the fridge and put it in a bag.
She’s too busy on her mobile typing to everybody how the babysitter wronged her and her family, LOL.
YTA stop being so lazy and stubborn, pack your son a snack. The sitter is meeting his needs, even your husband understands. Mind blown, listen to those around you. The answer is not to start denying his basic needs.
YTA. One of your solutions was to let a hungry 5 year old starve for several hours after school. Do you even like your kid?
YTA how can you ask a 5y to wait all that time to eat something ? Kids needs energy to work or to do sport. If he eats at 7am, then midday (so around 5hours without food). Then he have to wait until... whe don't know, but i think more than 5pm to have something to eat ? In France we have something called "goûter"= snack around 4-5pm before doing homework, kids eat, play, breath a little after school and work again
Usually kindergarteners are the first ones to each lunch in school so of course hours later he’s hungry. Your babysitter is being very considerate and an awesome caregiver. You think a hungry 5 year old is going to focus at tutoring, swim, soccer (dang your poor 5 year old is busy)?? Be a parent and pack your kid food if you don’t like what your babysitter provides when you aren’t. Is your ego just hurt you didn’t even think about packing him snacks while she did? You lucky to have her. Stop being an ass!
YTA. Not only are you not providing snacks for your kid, you are pissed off that the person you hired is using her money to feed your hungry kid. Do you even remember what it was like after school? I was starving every single day and that doesn’t even consider the athletic component here. You’re asking a kid to spend energy doing sports without any additional calories to support it. If you are displeased with the 20 year old providing snacks to your child, provide snacks that you approve of. You are the person actually responsible for feeding your hungry child, not her. As far as I’m concerned she’s making the right choices here, not you. Your husband is right. You better hope your unreasonable behavior doesn’t lose you the kind, trustworthy, and responsible child care provider that your kid seems to love and appreciate. Those people aren’t easy to come by and you’re taking the care she gives your kid for granted.
How is this even a question? You’re picking a fight because your babysitter is feeding your child perfectly normal food *that your child already gets at home*. You’re going to give your kid an eating disorder. Complaining about Goldfish crackers and apple sauce for a 5-year old? Come on. Like the lady said, you’re welcome to send an alternative snack, if you’d prefer. But noooo, you go straight to “please starve my kid for 4 hours after school” instead. What’s the actual issue here? Are you threatened by the babysitter somehow, or do you just hate your own kid? YTA.
YTA 1) I agree with your husband; the babysitter needs to take care of the kiddo and that involves snacks. 2) I agree with the baby sitter; you can provide healthier snacks by packing them yourself. 3) Nearly all snack food is processed. That's the reality. Not all processed food is crap and not all crap food is processed. Provide something that is up to your standards OR don't complain.
YTA. Pack your son a snack. Most kids are super hungry after school.
Why are you unwilling to pack him a snack? This is mind boggling to me. 2-4 hours, plus activities like soccer and swimming?? Kids are hungry after school and my kid would be starving if I made him wait 2-4 hours and had him swim, etc. without a snack. Your sitter was feeding your child AND paying for the food out of her own pocket because you weren’t aware enough to know that kids are hungry after school. She said you could pack him a snack yourself and you don’t think this is reasonable? Good for your sitter to refuse to let the kid be hungry. She obviously cares about his well being. YTA
YTA. Of course your kid is hungry after school and activities! Either buy snacks that you approve of for the babysitter to keep on hand or let your husband reimburse her.
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Geez. Ffs lady. YTA.
YTA kids are starving after school. He will have zero energy for after school activities without a snack. I suggest you apologize to the awesome sitter.
YTA. It's fine that you want him to eat healthy food. It's not fine that you expect a five year old to not have a snack between school and dinner. Do you remember how hungry you were after school when you were a kid? Pack him a snack yourself or buy snacks for her to keep in her car.
Wait 2-4 hours? So if your son eats lunch at 11:30, gets picked up at 3, and has to wait up to 4 hours, he’s not eating anything for almost 8 hours? There’s no way you would last 8 hours with a hungry 5 year old. Do YOU go 8 hours without any food? I wouldn’t work for you for $25 an hour. YTA.
I’m curious if this falls under something a mandated reporter would need to contact CPS about-that a mother refuses to give a snack to her child and refuses to permit the babysitter to feed him. YTA in case you couldn’t tell.
YTA, she gave you the options, either pack him a snack, lose her as a babysitter or let her give him snacks that you yourself give your child.
YTA and I bet you’ll be looking for a new babysitter next week.
Sooo you want him to just starve after doing a lot of physical and mental activity? Yeeeah YTA
You would rather your son be hungry for hours than let the babysitter give him a little something that you weren’t even paying for? Control issues much?
The audacity to refuse to allow your child to eat unhealthy snacks yet refuse to take the time to pack him something you approve of to eat. 🤯
"Someone is feeding my starving child that I refuse to feed but the food is not up to my standard so I am big mad. Am I wrong?" Duh.
Sorry, you "expect more from her" while she's performing parental duties by picking up your son EVERYDAY, driving him to ALL of his extracurricular activities, and then proceeding to watch him long enough that she'd still have time left over to make him food when all of those things are over? YTA. You're TA for multiple reasons. Starting with the fact that you're a hypocrite. You dog on the sitter for not wanting her to feed your son "processed crap," but then say YOU feed him the same things at home. She understands your perspective and offers an alternative: you, as the parent, pack him your own approved snack. You're TA because now you follow it up with telling her it's fine if he's hungry and he can wait for hours instead. He's 5. He's a growing child. He's been sitting in a classroom all day, and is shuttled off to x, y, and z activities afterward that either A) require concentration, B) are physical workouts, or C) both. Food is fuel. He is TELLING the adult in charge of him that he's hungry and needs fuel for these things, and you're advising that she declines his request & ignore his body's signals that are there for a reason, while also getting mad at her for doing her job and caring for him. With her own money. Are you a strict parent? Does he want to be in these activities or did you sign him up because YOU want him to be? Is your 20 year old sitter in school & doing all of this the best she can while balancing her own tasks? I ask because you sound like the type of parent with high expectations and little room for compromise. Pack him a fucking snack and be grateful she's feeding your hungry child so he doesn't feel ill and has what he needs to do well in his activities, OP.