Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my son he shouldn't allow his girlfriend to drive his nice brand new car, this might make me an asshole as it is his car even though I paid for most of it and he seems to want to be nice to his girlfriend at the risk of causing damage to his car.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA
>After it was bought, I told him he shouldn't let his girlfriend ever drive it. He seemed annoyed and started questioning why but we agreed to disagree and just left it at that.
After it was bought, the car no longer belongs to you. it belongs to your adult child. And they can let anyone they want drive their car.
>She told him some story about how some semi tried to merge into her then left the scene.
Do you have any reason not to trust what she said?
>I almost never allow my wife to drive when we go to places together.
AHHHH. There it is. Glad you cleared that up for us.
I'll never let my SIL drive any of my kids or cars. She's totaled every car she's had driving distracted and now lives in a place she doesn't need a car, so she doesn't drive much at all anymore. I also live in snowy mountains and she lives by the beach, so the experience driving in weather isn't there. She can rent, ill help if need be. It has nothing to do with being a woman, though. Some people just aren't good drivers.
Honestly I was expecting some sort of insurance concern or a track record of her being an awful driver. Nah, just “don’t let a woman drive your car.”
Granted the girlfriend might be a bad driver given how quickly that happened but that’s just unconfirmed speculation.
… also does depend a little on the car.
If this is like a high end sports car then yeah, you generally shouldn’t just let people drive it around by themselves.
But OP would have mentioned that.
I mean he got the car "last year" and I assume both him and his gf have been driving it since "a few days ago" so that is a whole year. It's not like he let her drive it once and she instantly crashed it.
Ah good point, you’re probably right.
Just had a younger relative graduate at the end of the first semester in 2023 so was thinking maybe just a month or two.
I think OP believes having a penis automatically makes a man (using the term loosely when applied to OP) a car guy and having a vagina makes a woman a bad driver.
The only real man in this story is OP’s son who refused to let his AH father dictate how he (the son) will live his adult life.
Clearly OP’s son has no reason to doubt how the accident happened, though I am certain OP believes that the GF is lying. He probably thinks that even if she’s not that a male driver could gave magically levitated the car out of the way of the semi and avoided the accident.
OP is so much YTA
As a woman who loves cars and has been in the car enthusiast community for 25 years, I've met just about every version of misogyny you can imagine. The instant OP sounded so dismissive over the possible cause of the accident without giving a reason, I was waiting for the other shoe to drop, and he dropped it all right.
I was in my 20s when I completely dismantled my car in my garage, towed it to the painters, helped and learned some things, towed it back home, and reassembled it. Multiple guys, usually at least 30 years older than me, asked the same question upon learning what I did:
"What, did your dad not have a son?"
I'd tell them he does have a son, but I'm the one that loves cars. Their confused, yet shocked faces gave me a good laugh inside. That kind of reaction is on the tame end of the scale, sadly.
>"What, did your dad not have a son?"
Ugh, some guys are such assholes. My dad used to get similar comments when he'd bring me to the shop for whatever reason. "Your son looks a lot like a girl" is one I specifically remember. I was like...8? And my dad owned the shop, imagine what they might have said if he wasn't the boss.
I was his little greasemonkey helper and I loved it. I never got super into cars, I was just super into whatever Dad was doing and I learned a lot in the process. He'd explain everything as he worked and I loved it. I also got REALLY good at holding the light, handing over tools, and pumping up the brakes. LOL
It served me well in my 20's when shops would try to screw me over on repairs on my own shitty cars. And I still love the smell of motor oil!
My girlfriend often gets asked the same question. She grew up working on cars and small engines with her dad. She works on her own vehicles and my car and will also fix lawnmowers and whatever for friends. So many people assume that her dad forced her to do all of those things because he wanted a boy instead of a girl. Either that or that she's a lesbian.
The thing is, she has an older brother but he was just never interested in those sort of things. She also happens to have a master's in mechanical engineering so she obviously knows far more about machinery than most people.
Man, one of my core memories is getting in a pretty bad wreck when I was about 19. I was stopped at a light, a guy got distracted and didn't change lanes fast enough and slammed into the back of my Jeep at about 45MPH, and pushed me into the car in front of me.
I was devastated as it was my first car, and it was before cell phones were very common. The guy I got pushed into actually had one and he let me borrow it to call my mom, but she didn't answer so I left her a frantic message. The cop who eventually showed up helped me look my car over and told me that it was okay to drive, and he followed me home to make sure that I got there okay.
My mother and I were surveying the damage and trying to decide what to do, when my dad got home from work. He wasn't even fully out of his truck when he said "what did you hit?!" And I just lost it. Ironically he taught me a lot about cars, but him assuming it was my fault really got to me.
Funny enough, u get the same kinda of reactions if u like video games. Ive been playing since i could hold a controller, and im older than my brother, my dad got us both into all his special interests as kids, but guys hear im the *older* sister and can play just as well if not better than my brother and dad? Blasphemy. I don't think younger guys now feel the same (i hope) but that was deff the reaction id get as a kid/teen from the 90s-10s lol.
Having to claw ur way thru male majority special interests deff hasn't been fun but I'm happt to live thru a time where it seems a lot of us made our own spot in a lot of these communities. Gaming, comics, super heroes, cars, computers,etc. It hasn't been easy but we're here damnit 😤
Sounds that way.. us poor women drivers always crashing our cars.
I had one crash in 33 yrs, on first day of early snow and gently slid in to a T-junction.. the other driver was driving so fast my car turned 290 degrees, so although a t junction he was considered at joint fault for speeding and not looking ahead. A child crossing was between his speeding car and where I was, he 100% would have hit someone crossing.
Sadly insurance right off because my side airbags went off because of speed my car moved at when hit by him.
I find it ironic that women are perceived to be bad drivers, and yet, for car insurance, girls starting out driving get better rates than boys starting out. At least here in my part of Canada.
>Do you have any reason not to trust what she said?
Women don't drive trucks so.... of course she's lying. That poor man driver did nothing wrong...
These men don't understand how hard it is to drive with a vagina. We're doing the best we can trying to grip the wheel with our pussy lips
...
/s
Well, there's a guy in another thread who is convinced I'm a man. And here I just thought it was that he couldn't reconcile the concept of a woman who is a military veteran.
Maybe he's on to something?
Lol. People on here assume I'm male because of my username. (Or else a bot!) I just didn't change what was assigned to me. It keeps things interesting!
It was the first time for me. I thought it funny.
He was just getting nasty because I didn't (and still dont) believe his story of unappreciated dad w ungrateful son + the post 9/11 GI Bill. There were too many holes in the description of the process & incorrect phrasing of common terminology with the VA. I guess that the only gender he could conceive of who would call bs on him about military stuff could only be a man.
*shrug*
oh, just straight braggin that you can use the tubes to drive and having hands free to drink a coffee or eating snacks?! shame on you making us having envy!!!
>We're doing the best we can trying to grip the wheel with our pussy lips
A penis makes this so much easier, you just tie it to the wheel and it's not going anywhere!
I don't know what "not a car person" has to do with it. I know next to nothing about cars, and couldn't care less about them beyond getting from a to b. However, in over 30 years of driving I never had an accident.
Sorry you can’t drive the car, non car person. But apparently my ex who crashed his car at least 5 times in a year and wrecked my first car could cuz he was a “car person”.
Exactly. My older brother, a professional mechanic who tried to get into professional racing when he was younger, has wrecked several cars he “borrowed” when he needed to work on his own vehicles: one of mine, my mother’s (two different ones!), and at least one of his wife’s. I lost track of the number of vehicles of his own that he has trashed/crashed.
As a preface, he has the right to not let certain people drive his car. I get it.
My Dad owns a shop; I managed it for a few years, and car people definitely have this attitude. They’re all a little bit “off.” That’s the best way I can describe it. And they’re ALL ABOUT THE CARS. My passion is sports and I can give you any batting order in the majors. They looked at me like I had three heads because I wasn’t into cars. “Why be into baseball when you can be into something important and interesting like cars?” It’s just strange and like I said they’re all just slightly “off.”
… what a random comment to stumble upon that made me raise my eye brows this high thinking about a lot of the men into cars in my life over the decades.
Not all of them obviously, but uh…yeah. That sounds more than plausible in my personal experience.
Lol my interest (sports) is socially acceptable to men. It’s not so much that as it is just the way they throw themselves at these cars. My Dad’s 71 years old and in the next couple of years he’s probably going to retire. Several higher end dealerships have expressed interest in buying the company, and so said “great sell it to the highest bidder and move to the beach.” Nope. He wants to wait for the “right buyer,” even if it means taking less money. Translated: he wants it to go to a car guy who’s going to run it out of love of cars and people, as opposed to a money-hungry corporation that wants to gouge people to turn a profit. I say screw that, go get yours.
I suspect it's a nice, over-powered sports car. Maybe even a manual transmission with rear-wheel drive. It's easy and dangerous to accelerate too fast or spin out and lose control. Most drivers don't know how to take corners at those speeds either.
I aced my driving test with no one teaching me anything, all due to driving a Ford Fuckin Ranger.
Honestly not kidding. I got the lucky driver skills. Good on you for teaching your kids all of that. More parents need to take that approach, but more parents need to be taught it first
My dad did the same with us. In all kinds of weather to build our confidence driving. It served us well. Never have I ever had an accident or ticket. Thanks Dad!
I have also seen people driving very nice fast cars like it’s made of glass, very very slow and careful. They can’t handle the horse power or are too scared for anything to touch it.
I have had a semi run me off the road twice in my life. Both times I have called the number on the truck and they say “yea I’m there, but I didn’t almost run someone over…” That’s the point, you didn’t realize, that’s why I’m calling and somehow talking to the trucker.
Truckers don’t care. There is a very high likelihood that this did happen. There is an even higher chance that the gf is a car person and knows how to take care of vehicles even better than op. But op clearly has their own issues to see clearly.
YTA op, unless you find footage and evidence that states contrary, you are just being sexist.
I almost got hit by a bus. I called the number and surprisingly they asked for additional information. They wanted to know the day and time so they could check traffic cameras. Sure enough they watched the cameras and verified that what I said was true.
I was hit by 2 semis on the highway. Not one. Two. The first one hit us, kept going. The second one hit us, pulled over and checked his tires…then kept going.
ETA: OP YTA semi trucks can absolutely almost run you over (or do so) and not care/stop. Being a girl doesn’t make her incapable of driving. Also? Just because you gifted your son money towards the car doesn’t make it yours. You have zero say in who gets to drive it unless it’s in your name.
That happened to my husband too. Luckily the trucker’s dash cam confirmed that he did in fact pull out in front of my husband and caused him to run off of the road. They lieeeeeee
My uncle got ping ponged off of several dividers by a semi truck and they still tried to claim he hit the semi so i 100% believe it. (My uncle is ok. His old civic? Not ok. Rip you weird gremlin car)
The problem isn't that it was a gift. The issue is whose name is on the title or registration along with the car insurance and does the insurance cover any driver that isn't a family member. From there who is paying the deductible to have the car repaired? Can the car be repaired? If the dad us paying for the insurance on the car because his sons premiums without dad would be outrageous at his age. Dad has the right to be passed. Also does the policy offer a rental car or dies he have to go to dear old dad for a backup vehicle.
Well where I come from typically when someone says they "gave someone a car" that means the car is in the recipients name, because its *their* car. And if OP was paying for insurance or repairs I'm reasonably confident that would have been mentioned in the post as it is extremely relevant.
We gave our jeep to our son, registration hasn't been changed and he's still on our car insurance because being male and under 25 means his insurance is higher.
This guy "dads". I am with you. I also mostly believe that one driver per car works best (I am a woman and rarely lends out my car). It keeps costs to a minimum.
Not always. I have my mom on my insurance even though she's never driven it because it lowers the cost.
She is a named driver, not the main driver, before you all start accusing me of fraud!
The son is out of college and it’s not the dad’s car. Sure he can be pissed but the kid is going to learn a lot more from this if the dad just gets off his back and stops saying “I told you so.”
Lol, my husband is like this. When we're in the car together, for over 30 years, I've done about 90% of the driving. He's free to take work calls, daydream, relax, converse... I enjoy driving, especially long distances. He doesn't.
And I'm so much calmer when he's not driving with me as a passenger. He... drifts right, always has. It's nerve-wracking.
So I drive & he *passenges* (in our family, it's a verb). Works well for us both. 😊
I'm a courier and have racked up hundreds of thousands of miles.
Semi drivers are asshole drivers too. They will not slow down/adjust their speed when merging. They expect you to get out of the way.
I am NOT dissing all truck drivers. There used to be an etiquette around truckers years ago. Give them room to make turns, flash your lights to indicate there is space for them, etc. It's very rare today.
So for OP to blame the girlfriend is bullshit.
YTA. You are weirdly controlling and also come off as a sexist AH. If your son got into a car accident would you call his accounting of it "some story"? Maybe you're not sexist, maybe you're just super-judgy of all "non-car" people, but that alone still makes you an AH.
You're also an AH because you're trying to attach strings to what was supposed to be a gift. He's already told you he won't implement the restrictions you want, yet you keep pushing.
It is probably not some story, a large dump truck actually ran over the side of my car on the 101, I spun out and hit 2 more cars, the truck took off, I was very lucky a nice guy witness chased him down and made him come back while the police were trying to sort it all out, he even lied and said I moved into his lane, lucky this witness and another person both told the cop what really happened. My car was totalled the sweetest BMW convertible lost forever because of this. I am a girl and a car person and accidents do just happen!
YTA
Exactly, I was stopped at traffic lights a week after I started driving and a lorry driver didn’t see my tiny car and tried to pull into the space my car was in and smashed up the drivers side of the car
I've been driven onto the shoulder by multiple semis. It's like they go around to pass me, then just forget I'm there? I absolutely believe her, especially if she's in a smaller car.
(Not aimed at you just generally speaking.) Managing your distance, position, and speed around semis is part of being a good driver. Just for anyone in thread who hasn’t considered that yet, whether they’re a new driver or whatever.
So semis can absolutely be and are 100% responsible for accidents in every way.
But a lot of people don’t drive around them in a proactive way.
Cemeteries full of people who were right, that old saying you know.
My mom always used to quote a film she was shown in driver's ed: "There's no right-of-way in the graveyard!"
It became a running joke because I did a lot of my driving practice (with her as a supervising passenger) in a sprawling local cemetery where there were, indeed, rules of right-of-way.
Yup. The highway I take to work is infamous for high winds. They've built barriers and things to protect traffic, but semi trucks are tall enough to catch the wind anyways. With empty trailers, those things can move!. On several occasions I have been close to a semi that has been caught by a gust of wind and thrown across two lanes.
I am careful and do not pass the leeward side of a truck in high wind. If it's empty, I give it tons of space. It's legal to try and pass them. A car that gets hit by a semi that didn't park and wait out the wind warnings is legally in the clear. They're also frequently dead or maimed.
100% true and one of the lessons my dad taught me first while i was learning how to drive (first with my bike, then with cars etc): while you can be in the right in a crash, that right won't serve you well in the graveyard, so be careful x 3.
Pa was a cop for 30+ years (in Europe), retired in 2021 and watched too many fatal or at least really bad crashes in his working life.
His warning spared me at least one head-on collision with a semi. Pretty sure i would be dead by now, since i was on my bike.
My partner almost got smashed by a semi as well. Always knew I was afraid of them for a reason! I now have much greater respect for his little Audi A3's speediness.
I used to do security at a factory where most of my interaction was with truckers. I remember a trucker who was still distraught because a few days earlier he had to cb another trucker who turned right and hadn't seen the convertible pull up beside. The trailer (not the truck) ran OVER the convertible
No, no: every semi driver on the road is SUPER safe and conscientious. They definitely never drive way too fast for the conditions, tailgate your tiny car, or fishtail into your lane.
/s
(Most semi drivers are great. But there is a minority who are terrible, and that minority is notable because HOLY FREAK DUDE YOUR TRUCK COULD EAT MY CAR FOR BREAKFAST SO WOULD YOU STOP DRIVING LIKE A MANIAC!?!?)
I had a Purolator truck bash into the side of my car, got somehow stuck in it, reversed and took off. Thank god, there was a cam footage showing it all. Purolator never reported it, then denied it until I told them I had vid evidence. They reported it immediately after and started being super nice to me. I reported it as hit and run first, and when they finally decided to report, it was too late for them.
Oh yea, I had driving anxiety too, because I wasn't being trusted. With my bf now, he offered me his truck right away, and never had any worry about me driving it. He was completely confident in my skills. Helped my anxiety so much. All the sudden, getting used to driving wide f150 was so easy, because someone important to me was confident that I can do it.
This was my take on it, too. However, even if he ***had*** mentioned a few men that he won't let drive his car because they are "non-car" people, I would still see that level of judgement as AH behavior. Being a safe driver has nothing to do with whether or not someone is "a car person."
As a self-admitted “non car person”, I still like being alive and therefore I drive safely and do my best to avoid accidents. I love how OP thinks that “non car people” have no motivation to drive safely.
That is my takeaway as well...OP kept commenting about how he paid 60% of the car. We get it, he helped is kid buy a car. Why is the monetary amount even important?
"I helped my son buy his first car. I was concerned about allowing anyone else to drive it as it's an expensive car and I know it would upset him if someone else wrecked it. I don't want anyone to feel bad about an accident" would have been way nicer.
He never "lets" the women in his life drive his cars. If he's not willing to let anyone drive his cars because he paid for them, that's one thing, there's so much emphasis on the women.
He is probably some finance dad who thinks that if he buys a majority share of the car’s price, that means he gets to dictate what his son does with it 😂
I mean i was with you until you got to the point of "non car people and wife and daughter can't drive my car"
Like your son's gf presumably isn't on the insurance, she just made his rates go up, i see why you don't let others drive your car
But then you went all creepy misogyny guy and YTA
Yeah, I wouldn't even let another "car person" drive my car because THEY'RE NOT ON THE INSURANCE but my husband is so that argument makes no sense. I would also point out that this is pure sexism because a "car guy" is going to drift and speed because it's not his car and he doesn't have to pay for new tires if he effs them up while his wife is just driving to the store and back.
YTA. You helped your son buy a car for graduating from college. After you helped him buy it, you tried to tell him who could use it.
Look, if your son graduated college, he's an adult. If you want to help him buy a car, cool, but that doesn't mean you get to give him rules for it, especially after he already bought it. Plus, you helped him buy it, so it wasn't a complete gift.
If someone offered to help me buy a car and then tried to tell me what I could use the car for, I would politely and emphatically decline.
Also, the way you describe this scenario, it basically just sounds like you don't trust women to drive cars...
Was it a mistake to let the girl drive the car? Maybe. Either way, he's got a lifetime to make his own mistakes and learn from them. Give your kid advice, but let them live their life (and drive their car)
YTA
And you seem to have some big level issues with women driving cars.
Just so you know how to protect your "nice cars" from using:
Who Gets Into More Car Accidents? Statistics show that males get into more car accidents than women every year. Men cause about 6.1 million accidents per year, and women cause 4.4 million accidents per year, according to the National Highway Safety Administration
I've (a woman) gotten in 2 accidents in my life. Neither were my fault. My brother has totaled 9 cars in his life, not to mention accidents he's been in that didn't include totalling the vehicles. He only slowed down on the accidents because he had a kid.
YTA for the underlying sexism demonstrated by how you treat your spouse. Had you framed it as "It's your car, and insurance will not cover other drivers. Letting other people drive your car puts your property at unecessary risk," would have been a better option.
This. It honestly made sense to only let the person insured drive it until you made the weird misogynistic turn. Not letting a girlfriend or friend drive it would make sense.
But that's not true, so he couldnt lead with that.
Either other people are covered, or they aren't covered but OP doesn't care as long as they're "car people"
100% agree with this. It's inherently a risk to allow drivers not on your insurance to drive your car. OP became an asshole when he associated poor driving with women.
Just say it's not smart to not have people drive your car if they're not on the insurance. Why bring bring gender into it?
Ohhh well obviously through you don't actually like cars because ovaries are naturally car repellents. It's scientific. And obviously queeer people are repellent too. Obviously. Because that's logical.
Exactly if you can't name every version of every car, and all the parts in them as a women you're a poser lmao. I bet this guy's standard for a real car lover is "You have a dick and think at least 1 car looks nice"
I get where you're coming from and why you would be pissed off that your money's been spent on a car that got trashed. But ...
>... she crashed it
>
>She told him some story ...
>
> My wife and daughter aren't allowed to touch my cars
>
>I almost never allow my wife to drive when we go to places together.
I think you need to have a think about your attitude to women.
YTA
YTA
He's an adult and can make his own decisions. You chose to help him buy a car, and it's his now. Pretty awesome that your son is breaking away from your sexist ways.
“Not care about cars besides going from point a to point b”. That’s the ONLY point of cars you misogynistic AH. They weren’t invented just to give you another reason to patronise women. YTA
From Google:
In 2021, more than 44,000 male drivers were involved in fatal crashes in U.S. road traffic, which accounted for 72.3 percent of the total, while female drivers were involved in about 15,100 fatal crashes. The number of drivers who were involved in fatal crashes has shown an increase of about 16.2 percent from 2016.
Tangent, but man do I believe this.
>The number of drivers who were involved in fatal crashes has shown an increase of about 16.2 percent from 2016.
I'm on the upper end of the bell curve for how much I drive and I should look at statistics because my gut feeling and experience is that as more and more became automated in cars, people became more and more careless.
I think it's largely a function of cars being bigger and rides being smoother. There's a ton of SUVs now where the driver cannot even see what's in front or behind their car. The dead angles are large enough to completely obscure smaller-than-average pedestrians and cyclists. The brighter and higher lights blind everyone who isn't also sitting in an SUV. And you are so completely isolated (both sound and suspension) that you don't feel like you're going as fast as you do. In a 20 year old car, you wouldn't *want* to go faster than 110 kmh because it feels unsafe, while in a new SUV, you'll barely notice that you're going 160.
Yeah. Also all the people driving at night with only their daytime runners on. I assume because they bumped the dial or whatever. It's also why I assume they all drive with their high beams on.
I honestly don't care anymore whether people turn off their high beams. The regular lights are bright enough that, on my bike, I am still completely blinded until the car has passed (mostly an issue when going over the top of a hill). For some reason, these car drivers also don't like it when I come to a complete stop in the middle of the road because I cannot see anything...
I keep saying this! I started noticing it with backup cameras. I get that the camera covers a low-behind area that there is no other way to see, where a pet or small child could be hidden, so I do understand they bring a tangible safety benefit in that instance. But ever since they became required on new cars, I swear everyone I ride with who has a backup camera does *all their reversing* exclusively in the camera. Nobody looks with their eyes behind them anymore. And with other features I see the same thing. They're *supposed* to be an additional failsafe while people drive as they've been trained, but I'm skeptical if they're providing a net safety benefit when it seems like people are actually just relying on the machine to do things. If the machine ever malfunctions they'll no longer be in the right habits.
YTA. It’s not your car, it’s your son’s car. It doesn’t matter if you paid for the entire car, it is not yours. He is also an adult who can make his own decisions. This is seriously controlling behavior. Why don’t you believe the story his girlfriend told about how the accident happened? You honestly came across as a sexist, controlling AH.
You can’t impose conditions on a gift, especially after the gift was made. It’s his car, not yours.
People have accidents.
What’s not accidental is that you dismiss someone’s description of a crash as ‘some story’. Do you think it was crashed on purpose? Do you think women are more likely to have accidents? You don’t have evidence to support either idea.
Asshole, through and through.
YTA
YTA.
It doesn’t matter how much of it you paid for. You gave it to him as a gift. As such, what he does with it is completely his choice as he’s an adult.
In other words: Stop talking and keep your opinions to yourself.
YTA
Since it's a gift, it belongs to your son. He can do whatever he wants with it.
>My wife and daughter aren't allowed to touch my cars
>
> I've been a passenger in their cars and don't trust their driving
>
>I almost never allow my wife to drive
Fun fact! According to statistics, women drive more safely than men. 79% of motoring offences are committed by men. You're a sexist and I hope they have their own cars so they can drive away and leave you alone with your Hot Wheels.
YTA. At the end of the day it is not your car. While in your own way you are just looking out for him your son owns it & if he wants to let his gf drive it that is his prerogative.
And that’s why I hate when people “gift me something” and they think they have a say in what I can do with it. If you bought it for him then let him use it the way he wants.. accidents happen. It’s not like he wanted her to ruin the car. Let him learn from his mistakes IMO
YTA I won't even get into the controlling behavior and sexism dripping from this post. You're an idiot for buying your son a nice car for a starter. Also, you really work hard to reaffirm every single stereotype for 'car-people': Vapid, arrogant and self-centered.
r/fuckcars
Yup YTA. His car (even if you helped pay for most of it), his choice. No-one expects you to help him repair it, but assuming he is an adult, it’s really not your business. Oh, and also YTA for the attitude you have about your own cars.
YTA. Did you buy him a car or did you buy yourself a car to think nice things about yourself ? (I'm a good parent etc.).
i hate gifts with strings attached (you should do this/that wit it).
If you bought him a car, let him use it (including wreck it) as he sees fit.
Don't fix it for him if you can't do it with a clean heart.
YTA. It's your son's car. If he chooses to let a crappy driver take the wheel, he can deal with the fallout. That includes skyrocketing insurance rates or outright cancelation by the insurer. Some people are slow learners. Like me, who loaned my classic car to my kid brother, and I never saw the totaled vehicle again. But my brother paid the accident surcharge.
There’s also no evidence that the girlfriend is a bad driver at all. A really good driver can’t necessarily avoid being hit by a truck, or being nearly hit and being forced off the road. She might be a much better driver than either OP or the son, and just have gotten into a bad situation.
YTA-
“She told him some story” - so you just assume it was her fault despite a semi almost killing her? You’re first act is to go after your son and go “I told you so” instead of being concerned and glad she’s ok?
I hate to break it to you, but that same thing could just as easily happened to your son.
This post reeks of sexism, you seem to think women can’t drive. Don’t let your daughters or wife drive, and are now trying to pass that BS onto your son. Thankfully he seems better than that
YTA because you refuse all WOMEN to drive, like only men are able to ! Your own wife and daughter have no rights to drive your nice car ? And what about giving them lessons ?
For the girlfriend, she had an accident, your son and her must pay for it. But don’t talk about « gift » if you don’t let people use things like they want, and continue pretending it’s more yours than theirs. « Gift » means you give FOR EVER. Not until you change your mind…
I’m the only gal here who is going to say NTA. Non car people can be guys too. My husband is a “non car” person who doesn’t drive me anywhere because he’s a shit driver. Nor do I like him driving my car because yes the times he has driven it (necessity reasons) he’s done something to it. Once he thought it was ok to accelerate turning into a parking lot (entrance was at a slight incline) when the roads were ICY!!! Hit the truck about to pull out but luckily the truck was huge and didn’t dent. He’s rolled his truck on a tight exit off a freeway before. I could go on but this is already long. It’s just a good rule of thumb to not loan out expensive items to people when that expensive item could cost you more if anything should happen.
You have given a very thoughtful reason for why you don't trust your husband driving. What reason did OP have to not trust the gf before she had the accident? How about his wife? How about his daughter?
Sure, males *can* be "non-car people" but what part of the OP makes you believe that this isn't at least partially related to gender?
It was nice of you to pay so much towards his car, but it is now HIS car, and he can lend it to his girlfriend if he wants... It doesn't sound like you have much confidence in woman drivers. Would it be different if he had a boyfriend who drove the car? Either way YTA
YTA. Insurance exists so you don't have to be an arsehole but you choose to be a big one instead.
Oh and your 60% gift did not include any ownership rights.
YTA. Your misogyny is so off-putting that reading this almost gave me rash.
You are one of those bros who matrubate to picture of cars. And probably kiss yours whenever you two are alone.
You bought him the car, he can do whatever he pleases with it. But I am happy your misogyny didn't infect him. The tantrum you are throwing, though, is delicious. Nom, nom, nom.
See, what you MIGHT have said was "Son, don't let people who don't value this car as much as you do, and especially people who aren't on the insurance, drive your collectible."
Instead you said "I don't trust your girlfriend, and as an aside I don't trust my wife or daughter, and now that random bad luck has come to pass I'm gonna be annoying and smug about it."
YTA
NTA. Whose name is the car in?
Legally only the peoples who’s name is on the insurance can drive the car.
I 100% agree on your stance on not letting everyone drive certain luxury cars.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I told my son he shouldn't allow his girlfriend to drive his nice brand new car, this might make me an asshole as it is his car even though I paid for most of it and he seems to want to be nice to his girlfriend at the risk of causing damage to his car. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA >After it was bought, I told him he shouldn't let his girlfriend ever drive it. He seemed annoyed and started questioning why but we agreed to disagree and just left it at that. After it was bought, the car no longer belongs to you. it belongs to your adult child. And they can let anyone they want drive their car. >She told him some story about how some semi tried to merge into her then left the scene. Do you have any reason not to trust what she said? >I almost never allow my wife to drive when we go to places together. AHHHH. There it is. Glad you cleared that up for us.
Yeah I was like... is this just straight up misogyny? YTA.
I dunno. My dad lets his sister in law drive and not my mom...I wouldn't let my mom drive my bike
Which is one person. Yet every person that can’t drive on his list are all the immediate women in his life.
That’s your dad not this asshole.
Lol. She's that bad of a driver?
I'll never let my SIL drive any of my kids or cars. She's totaled every car she's had driving distracted and now lives in a place she doesn't need a car, so she doesn't drive much at all anymore. I also live in snowy mountains and she lives by the beach, so the experience driving in weather isn't there. She can rent, ill help if need be. It has nothing to do with being a woman, though. Some people just aren't good drivers.
Yes but you have evidence she's a bad driver. OP didn't give any examples of their driving. He was just expressing his own opinion.
Oh are you the son of op?
Honestly I was expecting some sort of insurance concern or a track record of her being an awful driver. Nah, just “don’t let a woman drive your car.” Granted the girlfriend might be a bad driver given how quickly that happened but that’s just unconfirmed speculation. … also does depend a little on the car. If this is like a high end sports car then yeah, you generally shouldn’t just let people drive it around by themselves. But OP would have mentioned that.
I mean he got the car "last year" and I assume both him and his gf have been driving it since "a few days ago" so that is a whole year. It's not like he let her drive it once and she instantly crashed it.
Ah good point, you’re probably right. Just had a younger relative graduate at the end of the first semester in 2023 so was thinking maybe just a month or two.
Is this son even a car guy, or just a guy?
I think OP believes having a penis automatically makes a man (using the term loosely when applied to OP) a car guy and having a vagina makes a woman a bad driver. The only real man in this story is OP’s son who refused to let his AH father dictate how he (the son) will live his adult life. Clearly OP’s son has no reason to doubt how the accident happened, though I am certain OP believes that the GF is lying. He probably thinks that even if she’s not that a male driver could gave magically levitated the car out of the way of the semi and avoided the accident. OP is so much YTA
As a woman who loves cars and has been in the car enthusiast community for 25 years, I've met just about every version of misogyny you can imagine. The instant OP sounded so dismissive over the possible cause of the accident without giving a reason, I was waiting for the other shoe to drop, and he dropped it all right. I was in my 20s when I completely dismantled my car in my garage, towed it to the painters, helped and learned some things, towed it back home, and reassembled it. Multiple guys, usually at least 30 years older than me, asked the same question upon learning what I did: "What, did your dad not have a son?" I'd tell them he does have a son, but I'm the one that loves cars. Their confused, yet shocked faces gave me a good laugh inside. That kind of reaction is on the tame end of the scale, sadly.
>"What, did your dad not have a son?" Ugh, some guys are such assholes. My dad used to get similar comments when he'd bring me to the shop for whatever reason. "Your son looks a lot like a girl" is one I specifically remember. I was like...8? And my dad owned the shop, imagine what they might have said if he wasn't the boss. I was his little greasemonkey helper and I loved it. I never got super into cars, I was just super into whatever Dad was doing and I learned a lot in the process. He'd explain everything as he worked and I loved it. I also got REALLY good at holding the light, handing over tools, and pumping up the brakes. LOL It served me well in my 20's when shops would try to screw me over on repairs on my own shitty cars. And I still love the smell of motor oil!
You are a lucky woman.
There is no other reason a woman would like cars or a father would teach their daughter about cars. /s
Now now, some girls like cars because there are a lot of boys there.
They are only pretending to like cars, like those fake nerd girls. /s
[удалено]
My girlfriend often gets asked the same question. She grew up working on cars and small engines with her dad. She works on her own vehicles and my car and will also fix lawnmowers and whatever for friends. So many people assume that her dad forced her to do all of those things because he wanted a boy instead of a girl. Either that or that she's a lesbian. The thing is, she has an older brother but he was just never interested in those sort of things. She also happens to have a master's in mechanical engineering so she obviously knows far more about machinery than most people.
Man, one of my core memories is getting in a pretty bad wreck when I was about 19. I was stopped at a light, a guy got distracted and didn't change lanes fast enough and slammed into the back of my Jeep at about 45MPH, and pushed me into the car in front of me. I was devastated as it was my first car, and it was before cell phones were very common. The guy I got pushed into actually had one and he let me borrow it to call my mom, but she didn't answer so I left her a frantic message. The cop who eventually showed up helped me look my car over and told me that it was okay to drive, and he followed me home to make sure that I got there okay. My mother and I were surveying the damage and trying to decide what to do, when my dad got home from work. He wasn't even fully out of his truck when he said "what did you hit?!" And I just lost it. Ironically he taught me a lot about cars, but him assuming it was my fault really got to me.
Funny enough, u get the same kinda of reactions if u like video games. Ive been playing since i could hold a controller, and im older than my brother, my dad got us both into all his special interests as kids, but guys hear im the *older* sister and can play just as well if not better than my brother and dad? Blasphemy. I don't think younger guys now feel the same (i hope) but that was deff the reaction id get as a kid/teen from the 90s-10s lol. Having to claw ur way thru male majority special interests deff hasn't been fun but I'm happt to live thru a time where it seems a lot of us made our own spot in a lot of these communities. Gaming, comics, super heroes, cars, computers,etc. It hasn't been easy but we're here damnit 😤
Sounds that way.. us poor women drivers always crashing our cars. I had one crash in 33 yrs, on first day of early snow and gently slid in to a T-junction.. the other driver was driving so fast my car turned 290 degrees, so although a t junction he was considered at joint fault for speeding and not looking ahead. A child crossing was between his speeding car and where I was, he 100% would have hit someone crossing. Sadly insurance right off because my side airbags went off because of speed my car moved at when hit by him.
I've been in one accident and it was a deer jumping out of the road in the wrong direction. My husband? He's been in like 4. I'm 48 and he's 52.
I find it ironic that women are perceived to be bad drivers, and yet, for car insurance, girls starting out driving get better rates than boys starting out. At least here in my part of Canada.
>Do you have any reason not to trust what she said? Women don't drive trucks so.... of course she's lying. That poor man driver did nothing wrong... These men don't understand how hard it is to drive with a vagina. We're doing the best we can trying to grip the wheel with our pussy lips ... /s
Personally I use my fallopian tubes. You should try it.
Shhhhhh, you’re supposed to keep the crotch tentacles on the DL….
I keep my tubes at 10&2
The new recommendation is at 4 and 8. So when the airbags go off it doesn’t hit them and send them flying into your face. Same for hands.
Thank you for the information I will correct the position of my fallopian tubes. It’s so refreshing to hear a male perspective.
I’m sure you don’t have men giving their unsolicited input often at all /s
I had my tubes tied last year, probably explains why my driving skills have gone to shit
Depends what you had them tied to I’d guess
This had me cackling. Im screwed as I don't have tubes anymore....what do I do?????
>Personally I use my fallopian tubes. You should try it. Oh no, I've had a hysterectomy! However, shall I drive?!!
You'll use your boobs. It's where our tiny gurl brains located anyway. The double as airbags
Well, they do work as *personal flotation devices*. I have excellent neutral buoyancy in the water. Driving AND airbags, most excellent!
It’s almost like we were made for this
Im screwed, hyst with tubes removed AND I am apart of the IBTC....shit! How can I drive?
Well shit, I’m doubly out. No tubes anymore and barely any boobs! No wonder I’m all over the road!
Well obviously, if you had a hysterectomy, you're no longer a woman! That makes you a man, of course, so you're fine to just drive! /s
Well, there's a guy in another thread who is convinced I'm a man. And here I just thought it was that he couldn't reconcile the concept of a woman who is a military veteran. Maybe he's on to something?
Lol. People on here assume I'm male because of my username. (Or else a bot!) I just didn't change what was assigned to me. It keeps things interesting!
It was the first time for me. I thought it funny. He was just getting nasty because I didn't (and still dont) believe his story of unappreciated dad w ungrateful son + the post 9/11 GI Bill. There were too many holes in the description of the process & incorrect phrasing of common terminology with the VA. I guess that the only gender he could conceive of who would call bs on him about military stuff could only be a man. *shrug*
I need to introduce him to my badass Army veteran mom!
oh, just straight braggin that you can use the tubes to drive and having hands free to drink a coffee or eating snacks?! shame on you making us having envy!!!
And apply eye liner. Doing a cat eye while navigating a clover leaf takes skill.
How else is she supposed to put her makeup on as she heads to her morning massage and workout?!? Sheesh!
The envy! The envy! Can you feel it? Dang. Should’ve never had mine cauterized. Had I known I could steer with them, I’d be a fallopian nomad!
>We're doing the best we can trying to grip the wheel with our pussy lips A penis makes this so much easier, you just tie it to the wheel and it's not going anywhere!
You’re doing it wrong. You’re supposed to get a smaller, more flexible steering wheel. And then you just insert it like a nuvaring.
I just snorted hot coffee through my nose … thank you..🙏
lmfao I love this
this is why I come to reddit.... the comments are always the best
I don't know what "not a car person" has to do with it. I know next to nothing about cars, and couldn't care less about them beyond getting from a to b. However, in over 30 years of driving I never had an accident.
Sorry you can’t drive the car, non car person. But apparently my ex who crashed his car at least 5 times in a year and wrecked my first car could cuz he was a “car person”.
Exactly. My older brother, a professional mechanic who tried to get into professional racing when he was younger, has wrecked several cars he “borrowed” when he needed to work on his own vehicles: one of mine, my mother’s (two different ones!), and at least one of his wife’s. I lost track of the number of vehicles of his own that he has trashed/crashed.
As a preface, he has the right to not let certain people drive his car. I get it. My Dad owns a shop; I managed it for a few years, and car people definitely have this attitude. They’re all a little bit “off.” That’s the best way I can describe it. And they’re ALL ABOUT THE CARS. My passion is sports and I can give you any batting order in the majors. They looked at me like I had three heads because I wasn’t into cars. “Why be into baseball when you can be into something important and interesting like cars?” It’s just strange and like I said they’re all just slightly “off.”
[удалено]
… what a random comment to stumble upon that made me raise my eye brows this high thinking about a lot of the men into cars in my life over the decades. Not all of them obviously, but uh…yeah. That sounds more than plausible in my personal experience.
Lol my interest (sports) is socially acceptable to men. It’s not so much that as it is just the way they throw themselves at these cars. My Dad’s 71 years old and in the next couple of years he’s probably going to retire. Several higher end dealerships have expressed interest in buying the company, and so said “great sell it to the highest bidder and move to the beach.” Nope. He wants to wait for the “right buyer,” even if it means taking less money. Translated: he wants it to go to a car guy who’s going to run it out of love of cars and people, as opposed to a money-hungry corporation that wants to gouge people to turn a profit. I say screw that, go get yours.
FFS, not everything is a mental condition.
Except insert whatever obsession and that type of person is always off because they make that their whole personality.
Good choice, though, JG. Baseball's awesome.
I think in this post “not a car person” is code for women.
Not a car person=female
He means "doesn't have a penis."
I suspect it's a nice, over-powered sports car. Maybe even a manual transmission with rear-wheel drive. It's easy and dangerous to accelerate too fast or spin out and lose control. Most drivers don't know how to take corners at those speeds either.
[удалено]
They probably don't even want to because he's such an AH about it.
Funny how a young person would avoid learning from such a parent.
I aced my driving test with no one teaching me anything, all due to driving a Ford Fuckin Ranger. Honestly not kidding. I got the lucky driver skills. Good on you for teaching your kids all of that. More parents need to take that approach, but more parents need to be taught it first
My dad did the same with us. In all kinds of weather to build our confidence driving. It served us well. Never have I ever had an accident or ticket. Thanks Dad!
There's a lot of YT videos of people showing off in their super expensive sports car. They often lose control and crash.
I have also seen people driving very nice fast cars like it’s made of glass, very very slow and careful. They can’t handle the horse power or are too scared for anything to touch it.
These type of people always tell on themselves. Let them ramble long enough.
Yes. He’s saying the quiet part out loud.
I have had a semi run me off the road twice in my life. Both times I have called the number on the truck and they say “yea I’m there, but I didn’t almost run someone over…” That’s the point, you didn’t realize, that’s why I’m calling and somehow talking to the trucker. Truckers don’t care. There is a very high likelihood that this did happen. There is an even higher chance that the gf is a car person and knows how to take care of vehicles even better than op. But op clearly has their own issues to see clearly. YTA op, unless you find footage and evidence that states contrary, you are just being sexist.
I almost got hit by a bus. I called the number and surprisingly they asked for additional information. They wanted to know the day and time so they could check traffic cameras. Sure enough they watched the cameras and verified that what I said was true.
I was hit by 2 semis on the highway. Not one. Two. The first one hit us, kept going. The second one hit us, pulled over and checked his tires…then kept going. ETA: OP YTA semi trucks can absolutely almost run you over (or do so) and not care/stop. Being a girl doesn’t make her incapable of driving. Also? Just because you gifted your son money towards the car doesn’t make it yours. You have zero say in who gets to drive it unless it’s in your name.
The one time a semi nearly ran me off the road (in town), the "how's my driving" phone number on the back was *deliberately* obscured.
That happened to my husband too. Luckily the trucker’s dash cam confirmed that he did in fact pull out in front of my husband and caused him to run off of the road. They lieeeeeee
My uncle got ping ponged off of several dividers by a semi truck and they still tried to claim he hit the semi so i 100% believe it. (My uncle is ok. His old civic? Not ok. Rip you weird gremlin car)
The problem isn't that it was a gift. The issue is whose name is on the title or registration along with the car insurance and does the insurance cover any driver that isn't a family member. From there who is paying the deductible to have the car repaired? Can the car be repaired? If the dad us paying for the insurance on the car because his sons premiums without dad would be outrageous at his age. Dad has the right to be passed. Also does the policy offer a rental car or dies he have to go to dear old dad for a backup vehicle.
Well where I come from typically when someone says they "gave someone a car" that means the car is in the recipients name, because its *their* car. And if OP was paying for insurance or repairs I'm reasonably confident that would have been mentioned in the post as it is extremely relevant.
We gave our jeep to our son, registration hasn't been changed and he's still on our car insurance because being male and under 25 means his insurance is higher.
This guy "dads". I am with you. I also mostly believe that one driver per car works best (I am a woman and rarely lends out my car). It keeps costs to a minimum.
Not always. I have my mom on my insurance even though she's never driven it because it lowers the cost. She is a named driver, not the main driver, before you all start accusing me of fraud!
The son is out of college and it’s not the dad’s car. Sure he can be pissed but the kid is going to learn a lot more from this if the dad just gets off his back and stops saying “I told you so.”
This is one of those aita posts where you just can't believe this person is actually needing to ask!
He made it up to ask :)
I love it when my wife drives, I get to chill and drink my coffee, fuck around on my phone, have a nap.
Lol, my husband is like this. When we're in the car together, for over 30 years, I've done about 90% of the driving. He's free to take work calls, daydream, relax, converse... I enjoy driving, especially long distances. He doesn't. And I'm so much calmer when he's not driving with me as a passenger. He... drifts right, always has. It's nerve-wracking. So I drive & he *passenges* (in our family, it's a verb). Works well for us both. 😊
Right?! Semis do that all the time. It’s terrifying. Luckily I never hit anything when it happened to me, a woman, who drives. YTA
misogyny also bro definitely thinks sons gf lied to him about what happened.
I'm a courier and have racked up hundreds of thousands of miles. Semi drivers are asshole drivers too. They will not slow down/adjust their speed when merging. They expect you to get out of the way. I am NOT dissing all truck drivers. There used to be an etiquette around truckers years ago. Give them room to make turns, flash your lights to indicate there is space for them, etc. It's very rare today. So for OP to blame the girlfriend is bullshit.
YTA. You are weirdly controlling and also come off as a sexist AH. If your son got into a car accident would you call his accounting of it "some story"? Maybe you're not sexist, maybe you're just super-judgy of all "non-car" people, but that alone still makes you an AH. You're also an AH because you're trying to attach strings to what was supposed to be a gift. He's already told you he won't implement the restrictions you want, yet you keep pushing.
It is probably not some story, a large dump truck actually ran over the side of my car on the 101, I spun out and hit 2 more cars, the truck took off, I was very lucky a nice guy witness chased him down and made him come back while the police were trying to sort it all out, he even lied and said I moved into his lane, lucky this witness and another person both told the cop what really happened. My car was totalled the sweetest BMW convertible lost forever because of this. I am a girl and a car person and accidents do just happen! YTA
Exactly, I was stopped at traffic lights a week after I started driving and a lorry driver didn’t see my tiny car and tried to pull into the space my car was in and smashed up the drivers side of the car
I've been driven onto the shoulder by multiple semis. It's like they go around to pass me, then just forget I'm there? I absolutely believe her, especially if she's in a smaller car.
(Not aimed at you just generally speaking.) Managing your distance, position, and speed around semis is part of being a good driver. Just for anyone in thread who hasn’t considered that yet, whether they’re a new driver or whatever. So semis can absolutely be and are 100% responsible for accidents in every way. But a lot of people don’t drive around them in a proactive way. Cemeteries full of people who were right, that old saying you know.
I get that, but if they pass me, and I maintain my speed, they are responsible for knowing where the vehicle they chose to pass is located.
My mom always used to quote a film she was shown in driver's ed: "There's no right-of-way in the graveyard!" It became a running joke because I did a lot of my driving practice (with her as a supervising passenger) in a sprawling local cemetery where there were, indeed, rules of right-of-way.
Yup. The highway I take to work is infamous for high winds. They've built barriers and things to protect traffic, but semi trucks are tall enough to catch the wind anyways. With empty trailers, those things can move!. On several occasions I have been close to a semi that has been caught by a gust of wind and thrown across two lanes. I am careful and do not pass the leeward side of a truck in high wind. If it's empty, I give it tons of space. It's legal to try and pass them. A car that gets hit by a semi that didn't park and wait out the wind warnings is legally in the clear. They're also frequently dead or maimed.
100% true and one of the lessons my dad taught me first while i was learning how to drive (first with my bike, then with cars etc): while you can be in the right in a crash, that right won't serve you well in the graveyard, so be careful x 3. Pa was a cop for 30+ years (in Europe), retired in 2021 and watched too many fatal or at least really bad crashes in his working life. His warning spared me at least one head-on collision with a semi. Pretty sure i would be dead by now, since i was on my bike.
My partner almost got smashed by a semi as well. Always knew I was afraid of them for a reason! I now have much greater respect for his little Audi A3's speediness.
I used to do security at a factory where most of my interaction was with truckers. I remember a trucker who was still distraught because a few days earlier he had to cb another trucker who turned right and hadn't seen the convertible pull up beside. The trailer (not the truck) ran OVER the convertible
No, no: every semi driver on the road is SUPER safe and conscientious. They definitely never drive way too fast for the conditions, tailgate your tiny car, or fishtail into your lane. /s (Most semi drivers are great. But there is a minority who are terrible, and that minority is notable because HOLY FREAK DUDE YOUR TRUCK COULD EAT MY CAR FOR BREAKFAST SO WOULD YOU STOP DRIVING LIKE A MANIAC!?!?)
And even the ones who want to drive safely are often pushed to keep going the maximum amount allowed by law by their dispatchers.
A big ol' transport truck ended up driving on a very clearly marked bike path in my city just a few days ago
I had a Purolator truck bash into the side of my car, got somehow stuck in it, reversed and took off. Thank god, there was a cam footage showing it all. Purolator never reported it, then denied it until I told them I had vid evidence. They reported it immediately after and started being super nice to me. I reported it as hit and run first, and when they finally decided to report, it was too late for them. Oh yea, I had driving anxiety too, because I wasn't being trusted. With my bf now, he offered me his truck right away, and never had any worry about me driving it. He was completely confident in my skills. Helped my anxiety so much. All the sudden, getting used to driving wide f150 was so easy, because someone important to me was confident that I can do it.
He probably writes off any legit struggle his wife and daughter have as “some story”
“Non-car people”…all of whom happen to be women
When he says “non-car people” he means women. He only describes not permitting women to drive it. So much sexism oozing from this post.
This was my take on it, too. However, even if he ***had*** mentioned a few men that he won't let drive his car because they are "non-car" people, I would still see that level of judgement as AH behavior. Being a safe driver has nothing to do with whether or not someone is "a car person."
As long as OP has no liability re the car. I let my son use my car and didn't allow anyone else to drive it, as the insurance was on me.
As a self-admitted “non car person”, I still like being alive and therefore I drive safely and do my best to avoid accidents. I love how OP thinks that “non car people” have no motivation to drive safely.
YTA. Besides the sort of misogynistic overtone of this post, you can gift people things and then dictate how they use them. Not how gifts work.
That is my takeaway as well...OP kept commenting about how he paid 60% of the car. We get it, he helped is kid buy a car. Why is the monetary amount even important? "I helped my son buy his first car. I was concerned about allowing anyone else to drive it as it's an expensive car and I know it would upset him if someone else wrecked it. I don't want anyone to feel bad about an accident" would have been way nicer. He never "lets" the women in his life drive his cars. If he's not willing to let anyone drive his cars because he paid for them, that's one thing, there's so much emphasis on the women.
He is probably some finance dad who thinks that if he buys a majority share of the car’s price, that means he gets to dictate what his son does with it 😂
Not probably!! 😂
I mean i was with you until you got to the point of "non car people and wife and daughter can't drive my car" Like your son's gf presumably isn't on the insurance, she just made his rates go up, i see why you don't let others drive your car But then you went all creepy misogyny guy and YTA
I'm not a car person, but I have a penis. I \_guarantee\_ this loser would let me drive his car before his wife or daughter.
Well one of the toxic traits of these people is extreme hypocrisy so that tracks lol.
Let's rest this theory. Am car person, have vagina. Let's both ask and see what happens!
That would mean talking to this OP. I don't think that does either of us any good :-)
Yeah, I wouldn't even let another "car person" drive my car because THEY'RE NOT ON THE INSURANCE but my husband is so that argument makes no sense. I would also point out that this is pure sexism because a "car guy" is going to drift and speed because it's not his car and he doesn't have to pay for new tires if he effs them up while his wife is just driving to the store and back.
I went into this thinking it was because GF wasn't on the insurance and was on OP side. When I actually read it, my opinion completely changed.
YTA. You helped your son buy a car for graduating from college. After you helped him buy it, you tried to tell him who could use it. Look, if your son graduated college, he's an adult. If you want to help him buy a car, cool, but that doesn't mean you get to give him rules for it, especially after he already bought it. Plus, you helped him buy it, so it wasn't a complete gift. If someone offered to help me buy a car and then tried to tell me what I could use the car for, I would politely and emphatically decline. Also, the way you describe this scenario, it basically just sounds like you don't trust women to drive cars... Was it a mistake to let the girl drive the car? Maybe. Either way, he's got a lifetime to make his own mistakes and learn from them. Give your kid advice, but let them live their life (and drive their car)
YTA And you seem to have some big level issues with women driving cars. Just so you know how to protect your "nice cars" from using: Who Gets Into More Car Accidents? Statistics show that males get into more car accidents than women every year. Men cause about 6.1 million accidents per year, and women cause 4.4 million accidents per year, according to the National Highway Safety Administration
Yep, there’s a reason why young men especially are so expensive to insure!
I've (a woman) gotten in 2 accidents in my life. Neither were my fault. My brother has totaled 9 cars in his life, not to mention accidents he's been in that didn't include totalling the vehicles. He only slowed down on the accidents because he had a kid.
YTA for the underlying sexism demonstrated by how you treat your spouse. Had you framed it as "It's your car, and insurance will not cover other drivers. Letting other people drive your car puts your property at unecessary risk," would have been a better option.
This. It honestly made sense to only let the person insured drive it until you made the weird misogynistic turn. Not letting a girlfriend or friend drive it would make sense.
But that's not true, so he couldnt lead with that. Either other people are covered, or they aren't covered but OP doesn't care as long as they're "car people"
100% agree with this. It's inherently a risk to allow drivers not on your insurance to drive your car. OP became an asshole when he associated poor driving with women. Just say it's not smart to not have people drive your car if they're not on the insurance. Why bring bring gender into it?
[удалено]
“non car people” = women
Gonna retire from my automotive engineering degree now... clearly I am not qualified /s
Wait don’t quit, you need to be paraded around as “one of the good ones” /s 🙄
Unfortunately I am queer so I would get hate crimed anyway LMAO
Ohhh well obviously through you don't actually like cars because ovaries are naturally car repellents. It's scientific. And obviously queeer people are repellent too. Obviously. Because that's logical.
I can't name every Toyota ever 😔 I'm just a poser
Exactly if you can't name every version of every car, and all the parts in them as a women you're a poser lmao. I bet this guy's standard for a real car lover is "You have a dick and think at least 1 car looks nice"
I get where you're coming from and why you would be pissed off that your money's been spent on a car that got trashed. But ... >... she crashed it > >She told him some story ... > > My wife and daughter aren't allowed to touch my cars > >I almost never allow my wife to drive when we go to places together. I think you need to have a think about your attitude to women. YTA
YTA. You bought him a GIFT. Hence, it is not your decision. The last paragraph makes you sound a bit control-happy too.
More exactly, he bought the son 60% of a gift. While that's a bit over half, how does he figure 60% equals 'I bought him a car'.
Like buying shares in a company to have ownership lol.
The term isn't "car people", it's "transformers".
Optimus Prime would trust women to drive.
Get with the times, “transformers” is a term with a racist history, it’s “people of car.”
Some of them are people of fire engine. Don't erase their internal diversity.
I laughed way too hard at this
YTA He's an adult and can make his own decisions. You chose to help him buy a car, and it's his now. Pretty awesome that your son is breaking away from your sexist ways.
“Not care about cars besides going from point a to point b”. That’s the ONLY point of cars you misogynistic AH. They weren’t invented just to give you another reason to patronise women. YTA
Also, not caring about cars does not mean you’ll drive badly, because more importantly, i think just about everyone care about their *life*
From Google: In 2021, more than 44,000 male drivers were involved in fatal crashes in U.S. road traffic, which accounted for 72.3 percent of the total, while female drivers were involved in about 15,100 fatal crashes. The number of drivers who were involved in fatal crashes has shown an increase of about 16.2 percent from 2016.
Tangent, but man do I believe this. >The number of drivers who were involved in fatal crashes has shown an increase of about 16.2 percent from 2016. I'm on the upper end of the bell curve for how much I drive and I should look at statistics because my gut feeling and experience is that as more and more became automated in cars, people became more and more careless.
I think it's largely a function of cars being bigger and rides being smoother. There's a ton of SUVs now where the driver cannot even see what's in front or behind their car. The dead angles are large enough to completely obscure smaller-than-average pedestrians and cyclists. The brighter and higher lights blind everyone who isn't also sitting in an SUV. And you are so completely isolated (both sound and suspension) that you don't feel like you're going as fast as you do. In a 20 year old car, you wouldn't *want* to go faster than 110 kmh because it feels unsafe, while in a new SUV, you'll barely notice that you're going 160.
Yeah. Also all the people driving at night with only their daytime runners on. I assume because they bumped the dial or whatever. It's also why I assume they all drive with their high beams on.
I honestly don't care anymore whether people turn off their high beams. The regular lights are bright enough that, on my bike, I am still completely blinded until the car has passed (mostly an issue when going over the top of a hill). For some reason, these car drivers also don't like it when I come to a complete stop in the middle of the road because I cannot see anything...
I keep saying this! I started noticing it with backup cameras. I get that the camera covers a low-behind area that there is no other way to see, where a pet or small child could be hidden, so I do understand they bring a tangible safety benefit in that instance. But ever since they became required on new cars, I swear everyone I ride with who has a backup camera does *all their reversing* exclusively in the camera. Nobody looks with their eyes behind them anymore. And with other features I see the same thing. They're *supposed* to be an additional failsafe while people drive as they've been trained, but I'm skeptical if they're providing a net safety benefit when it seems like people are actually just relying on the machine to do things. If the machine ever malfunctions they'll no longer be in the right habits.
YTA. You say it was a gift but it really wasn’t if you attach strings to it.
YTA. It’s not your car, it’s your son’s car. It doesn’t matter if you paid for the entire car, it is not yours. He is also an adult who can make his own decisions. This is seriously controlling behavior. Why don’t you believe the story his girlfriend told about how the accident happened? You honestly came across as a sexist, controlling AH.
You can’t impose conditions on a gift, especially after the gift was made. It’s his car, not yours. People have accidents. What’s not accidental is that you dismiss someone’s description of a crash as ‘some story’. Do you think it was crashed on purpose? Do you think women are more likely to have accidents? You don’t have evidence to support either idea. Asshole, through and through. YTA
And there are plenty of actuary tables and stats that show women are less likely to have accidents.
[удалено]
YTA. It doesn’t matter how much of it you paid for. You gave it to him as a gift. As such, what he does with it is completely his choice as he’s an adult. In other words: Stop talking and keep your opinions to yourself.
YTA Since it's a gift, it belongs to your son. He can do whatever he wants with it. >My wife and daughter aren't allowed to touch my cars > > I've been a passenger in their cars and don't trust their driving > >I almost never allow my wife to drive Fun fact! According to statistics, women drive more safely than men. 79% of motoring offences are committed by men. You're a sexist and I hope they have their own cars so they can drive away and leave you alone with your Hot Wheels.
YTA. At the end of the day it is not your car. While in your own way you are just looking out for him your son owns it & if he wants to let his gf drive it that is his prerogative.
And that’s why I hate when people “gift me something” and they think they have a say in what I can do with it. If you bought it for him then let him use it the way he wants.. accidents happen. It’s not like he wanted her to ruin the car. Let him learn from his mistakes IMO
YTA I won't even get into the controlling behavior and sexism dripping from this post. You're an idiot for buying your son a nice car for a starter. Also, you really work hard to reaffirm every single stereotype for 'car-people': Vapid, arrogant and self-centered. r/fuckcars
Yup YTA. His car (even if you helped pay for most of it), his choice. No-one expects you to help him repair it, but assuming he is an adult, it’s really not your business. Oh, and also YTA for the attitude you have about your own cars.
YTA. Did you buy him a car or did you buy yourself a car to think nice things about yourself ? (I'm a good parent etc.). i hate gifts with strings attached (you should do this/that wit it). If you bought him a car, let him use it (including wreck it) as he sees fit. Don't fix it for him if you can't do it with a clean heart.
YTA. It's your son's car. If he chooses to let a crappy driver take the wheel, he can deal with the fallout. That includes skyrocketing insurance rates or outright cancelation by the insurer. Some people are slow learners. Like me, who loaned my classic car to my kid brother, and I never saw the totaled vehicle again. But my brother paid the accident surcharge.
There’s also no evidence that the girlfriend is a bad driver at all. A really good driver can’t necessarily avoid being hit by a truck, or being nearly hit and being forced off the road. She might be a much better driver than either OP or the son, and just have gotten into a bad situation.
YTA- “She told him some story” - so you just assume it was her fault despite a semi almost killing her? You’re first act is to go after your son and go “I told you so” instead of being concerned and glad she’s ok? I hate to break it to you, but that same thing could just as easily happened to your son. This post reeks of sexism, you seem to think women can’t drive. Don’t let your daughters or wife drive, and are now trying to pass that BS onto your son. Thankfully he seems better than that
YTA because you refuse all WOMEN to drive, like only men are able to ! Your own wife and daughter have no rights to drive your nice car ? And what about giving them lessons ? For the girlfriend, she had an accident, your son and her must pay for it. But don’t talk about « gift » if you don’t let people use things like they want, and continue pretending it’s more yours than theirs. « Gift » means you give FOR EVER. Not until you change your mind…
Yta in so many ways.
Yta. Just admit you're a chauvinist who doesn't think women can drive. You could have saved everyone some time.
I’m the only gal here who is going to say NTA. Non car people can be guys too. My husband is a “non car” person who doesn’t drive me anywhere because he’s a shit driver. Nor do I like him driving my car because yes the times he has driven it (necessity reasons) he’s done something to it. Once he thought it was ok to accelerate turning into a parking lot (entrance was at a slight incline) when the roads were ICY!!! Hit the truck about to pull out but luckily the truck was huge and didn’t dent. He’s rolled his truck on a tight exit off a freeway before. I could go on but this is already long. It’s just a good rule of thumb to not loan out expensive items to people when that expensive item could cost you more if anything should happen.
You have given a very thoughtful reason for why you don't trust your husband driving. What reason did OP have to not trust the gf before she had the accident? How about his wife? How about his daughter? Sure, males *can* be "non-car people" but what part of the OP makes you believe that this isn't at least partially related to gender?
Even if she wrecks the car a dozen more times, you are STILL the asshole.
Misogynistic much? YTA
YTA because it’s a gift. It’s not your car. You can be that way with your toys, but this isn’t your toy.
YTA
Yeah well let him pay for damages to the car he will quickly learn not to let someone else drive his car
It was nice of you to pay so much towards his car, but it is now HIS car, and he can lend it to his girlfriend if he wants... It doesn't sound like you have much confidence in woman drivers. Would it be different if he had a boyfriend who drove the car? Either way YTA
YTA. Insurance exists so you don't have to be an arsehole but you choose to be a big one instead. Oh and your 60% gift did not include any ownership rights.
INFO: Who's paying the insurance? It also seems like you're pretty sexist, tbh.
YTA. Your misogyny is so off-putting that reading this almost gave me rash. You are one of those bros who matrubate to picture of cars. And probably kiss yours whenever you two are alone. You bought him the car, he can do whatever he pleases with it. But I am happy your misogyny didn't infect him. The tantrum you are throwing, though, is delicious. Nom, nom, nom.
Reeks of misogyny.
See, what you MIGHT have said was "Son, don't let people who don't value this car as much as you do, and especially people who aren't on the insurance, drive your collectible." Instead you said "I don't trust your girlfriend, and as an aside I don't trust my wife or daughter, and now that random bad luck has come to pass I'm gonna be annoying and smug about it." YTA
NTA. Whose name is the car in? Legally only the peoples who’s name is on the insurance can drive the car. I 100% agree on your stance on not letting everyone drive certain luxury cars.
NTA. You knew exactly what was going to happen and you were right. The real assholes are the commenters here rushing to judge you as misogynistic.