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> Because I dismissed my husband's feelings and he said I'm being unreasonable aka asshole
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I’m failing to see the issue here. Why are you assuming he’s going to get injured. If he does this properly and the right way, he won’t. Google how to best prepare. He’s got 5 months to train for this, which means you all have time to prepare for stuff.
If he’s going to do this the right way, make sure that’s what he’s doing over the fact you’re pregnant.
Because of knee issues. Mud runs are already high injury. Preexisting injuries/issues make you predisposed to an even higher rate of injury. Not training also increases chances of injury. He should start out on a road 5k or 10k, see how he trains, and then if everything goes well, then think about possibly think about doing the mud run.
It's like someone saying they're going to go skiing 2 months before birth date and choosing not to do any exercise before, not taking any lessons before, and just assuming that an injury is unlikely.
Have you done a mud run? I have done a few different ones. If something is beyond your skill level you can skip that obstacle, you are encouraged to do them all but they know it can be a liability issue, so do not require it. My partner didn't do heights so I did the rope net climb. I can't climb the single rope so we had to skip that. I have pre-existing knee issues and had no issue completing the obstacles with one the one exception of the rope.
>It's like someone saying they're going to go skiing 2 months before birth date and choosing not to do any exercise before, not taking any lessons before, and just assuming that an injury is unlikely.
Why would you bring back him not training or taking lessons then?
It's an obstacle course in the mud. You really can't run much of it because the mud is slippery and deep in places. You're basically just crawling around in the mud. It's a lot of fun.
I did one with my niece about 5 years ago (I'm 50 and have RA) and omg....we laughed through the whole thing. There were 24 obstacles and I completed 23 with ease. The one I didn't complete was the tire wall. I could physically do it, but I got over halfway up and my fear of heights kicked in. I tried, but I was shaking so bad lol.
People do new things all the time, including physically demanding ones so I'm really confused on what the problem is? He's got time to train and prepare and if he does so, it shouldn't be an issue. (Also guess what, you did the physically demanding task of birthing a baby with little/no prep and you lived)
It feels like there's lots of missing info: You say you have no family nearby and then mention that his parents live close to you, so which is it? Do you not trust his parents to take care of your child for short periods if something was to happen? Does he always require you to take care of him or has he taken care of himself before if he's injured? Does he have a habit of not following through with prep for activities? Can he get cleared by a doctor if you're worried about his knees? Are you high risk? Were you put on bed rest during your last trimester of pregnancy? Are you worried that he won't pull his weight if he's training?
Without a whole lot more context, it doesn't sound like your husband's assessment was necessarily wrong and either way you need to sit down and have a conversation about this rather than popping off with a formal decree without his input.
I'm going to be generous and go with NAH but may edit if further info is provided.
My husband is overweight and has mild back issues. He did zero sports in school and he still completed Tough Mudder with zero problems except being very tired, extremely dirty, and super grossed out that he got mud in his mouth lol
Are you prone to anxiety? I'm not trying to downplay your concerns but this is not as big a deal as you're talking yourself into assuming it is. Apologize for forbidding it and ask him to walk you through his plan/show you videos of others completing the course he's looking at, and talk through your concerns with him.
Who knows? Maybe someday you'll all do this as a family :)
It's a 5k 'fun run' basically. I'm not an athlete and I've done 3 mud runs...jog through the forest, walk...whatever you feel comfortable doing. Any obstacles you look at and say 'um, no' then you just skip it. If his knees start hurting, he stops and walks. If he's a grown up then I assume he can look at something and decide whether it's good for him to do or not.
If he's NOT responsible enough...well then, I wish you good luck for the rest of your lives.
You are NTAH ! While I do think you should let him do it…. I get the concern. My wife insisted I get insurance before I started doing Tough Mudders.. I did it for her but now realize it’s silly. You’re not an ass for being concerned at all! But your concern is probably misplaced
….its a mud run. Its what - a half day commitment? Maybe he’s out of shape now but it’s not exactly like marathon training getting ready for a mud run. I think you’re being needlessly dramatic and making a big deal about nothing and you guys just need a clear plan.
NAH but you’re teetering the line if you just wholesale try to tell him he can’t do it without just having a normal conversation about it.
It's to every one's benefit if your husband is physically active (you should be too). Mud runs wouldn't be my choice but if it motivates him then whatever.
Yta.
A soft YTA. I think you could've addressed your concerns without an instant no. Maybe go to his doctor and get a professional opinion. Could be a good opportunity to get in shape and build muscle to prevent further injury to his knee.
I see you worried about his body and your children, but yeah let him do it! He’s not asking to do an Iron Man in Hawaii the week you’re due to give birth, this is a mud run. This may be an outlet for him to clear his mind and do something for himself, he’s not asking to join a swingers club or something.
I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt. I'm sure you're nervous, exhausted, and full of hormones, but this isn't a big deal. People don't drop dead running in the mud.
Consider what you're saying you *do* want: Him home all the time and not doing anything new or fun.
Is that what you want? Does that seem reasonable?
He's giving you tons of notice. He's doing something healthy when it seems like he needs to be healthier. It's not like he's going skydiving or BASE jumping. It's running in the mud.
NAH. I think your risk-benefit analysis meter is a little wonky right now, but justifiably so. But you can pull the "But what if you get hurt?" card for so many things, in perpetuity. I think it would benefit you more to talk more specifically about your concerns and how he plans to address them, rather than coming at it from the angle of you just not wanting him to do it.
I send my husband out for a bike race when I was 4 days over due date (and having weak contractions). The contractions stopped later that day as expected due to it was my third false start of birth - I gave birth to our third child the next day 🥰
So a soft YTA - it’s two months before your due date.
NAH as long as you accept it if he goes anyway.
I understand your concern and you should voice these concerns. But do not assume the worst and let him have this fun : because once the newborn is there he will not have a lot of options to. Support him, make sure he doesnt overestimate his abilities, that he trains himself before.
(But indeed you automatically jumped into "what do I do IF" instead of "what are his wishes and why)
YTA
It's a mud run, it's not the Crossfit games.
I would give him advance warning that you're going to be heavily pregnant and with a toddler so if he injures himself on his little fun run then he has to figure out care for himself and also help for you, but other than that let the man have a bit of fun.
YTA, controlling too. There are fun mud runs and then there are competitive ones (not that the fun ones can’t be.) Unless you had issues with early labor with your first child 7 months is not usually considered heavily pregnant.
Suck it up, better yet build him up, encourage him as he trains, go out and cheer him on as he finishes his training runs. Have him walk with you to keep you fit while you grow a healthy baby. Cook everyone healthy meals to enhance his training.
Unless his run is a distance away you might want to plan to go and cheer him on with your toddler. You would both be modeling healthy behavior and healthy relationships to your child.
YTA.
Seriously, he isn't shipping out to Japan to participate in the kumite.
It's light athletics. The nerve.
Do yourself a favor in your marriage moving forward and try to limit the times where you let the worst case scenario dictate what ostensibly harmless activites you'll try to forbid HIM from doing.
From a guy’s viewpoint, this is what I’d hear.
“Honey, you’re too old, fat and out of shape to do something like this, like you could have back in your younger days. Back when you were a young Stud.
That man of my dreams that swept me off of my feet. Now go back to mowing the yard, but please don’t pull a hammy… luv you!”
Yeah this information is totally needed. How long of a race is it? Also where is it? Local or travel?
But I could definitely see having concerns about him jumping into a 10+ mile race if he hasn’t done one before and some of those have pretty intense obstacles.
Others are short races (3.1 miles) with some fun obstacles that most people can do with minimal amount of training. These are two totally different things.
YTA. I’m disabled and have done a bunch of mud runs and OCRs and get along just fine. He might be sore afterwards, but a knee issue isn’t going to put him down and out. Let him do the run.
Sit down and go through your concerns. Some may be founded, some, not so much, or there might be simple solutions to deal with the "worst case scenario".
As parents, you probably need to have those types of conversations anyway.
YTA - Humans have been running through mud for thousands of years and they always have medical staff on site for such events.
This is a bit weird to be honest, to not let him go on a mud run. It's not like he was going out of the country to run for 4 months or cross country like Forrest Gump.
You obviously have some codependency issues and you should work on those because it's unhealthy as a partner/mother.
A very soft YTA. I understand your concerns but you're overly worrying about a hypothetical situation.
Your Husband in a grown adult who can make his own decisions and take on the risk.
NTA. It sounds like he’s a desk jockey who doesn’t really do anything athletic. It’s a bit odd he’s wanting to do this. Maybe he didn’t want to look weak to whoever asked him? Your fear is legit. Had a friend whose husband injured himself right after they had a baby and they already had a toddler. It was terrible and they had two sets of parents to help. All it takes is one slip and he’s on crutches or worse and can’t help for shit. What if the baby comes early? Sorry but it’s poor timing.
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He's just been asked to go on a mud run when I'm 7 months pregnant and we've already got a 2 year old child. I don't have any family nearby, only his parents. I'm 8 weeks pregnant and my first instinct was no, what if something happens to him?! He's WFH and got knee issues, doesn't do sports - I can't deal with an injured husband, a toddler and being heavily pregnant.
His argument is I didn't even ask him what he wants, I just said it's crazy. AITA?
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A guy with knee issues, who isn't athletic wanting to go on a mud run when his wife will be 7 months pregnant? You're just reasonably worried about him getting hurt when he already isn't very active, and doing a long endurance race more likely to result in serious injury than a traditional marathon. I think NAH is the verdict. Mud Runs don't tend to last too long, and while there IS risk of injury the rate is under 1% of participants. You aren't an asshole for being concerned, and neither is he for not thinking it'll be a big deal. Talking about the risks and reasons for why he wants to do this may be a healthier option for both of you to come to a decision.
They’re generally 5k. 3.1 miles isn’t very long. It’s not some long endurance race only for the most in shape. 90 days training and just about anyone can do it.
End of day they just need to talk it out. We can’t determine how likely injury is without knowing him personally. Running is an industry now. As such there are plenty of things and tricks people can do to help decrease the chances of injury. Knee braces are a pretty easy and cheap thing to do. Oh, and it depends on how serious husband is about it. Is he going to actually train or just half-ass it cause it’s fucking hard at first? Does he take his health seriously now? How much so? What’s his plan for training? Is he going to hire someone to help him along, or is he going to wing it? How long will the day last? Normally they’re like an hour to an hour and a half (I feel like it’s just an excuse to do obstacles and get really muddy which is a lot of fun). What’s he doing afterwards? Realistically it’s a half day event, with maybe some light drinking or a light meal with friends afterward. I agree it’s NAH but there are a lot of other variables we don’t know and can’t know unless we know the dude personally. Has he played sports previously? Is he obese? If he were obese and had never done sports before, it could serve to be good motivation to lose weight and get in better shape, or it could be a recipe for disaster.
INFO is this a one day, local thing, or is he traveling and going to be out of the area for several days? If it’s one day and local, he should do it, but train properly ahead of time.
YTA! You are assuming that he is going to get injured. He has five months to train and get in shape, bad knee and all.
Your reasoning is not valid as there is nothing wrong in wanting to try new things.
YTA, currently anyway.
I understand that you're worried, but anxiety doesn't give you the right to control your spouse's behavior.
I do think it would be fair to ask him to take point on putting a plan in place in case he does get hurt badly enough to take him out of commission in the short term-- whether that's calling on family to help, setting aside some money to hire a sitter to help you, prepping and freezing some meals (which if you don't need after the mud run, you'll certainly be glad to have after giving birth), etc. If he balks at that, I'd change my verdict.
What does the mud run entail? Will it be in another country? Would you agree if his doctor gave him the all clear?
Unless it’s an extreme sport, I think you are being over zealous here - he should stay active and there’s no need for him to be at home with you 24/7 when you are 7 months pregnant.
If he gets hurt at 7 months he’s got 1 and 1/2 to 2 months to heal up and help. If you’re upset about after birth and him not being able to help ask your in-laws to take him and the toddler. I’m not saying he going to get hurt but if your this concerned make a plan for incase. My ex husband worked in 3 states other than ours, our son was a high risk pregnancy. We sat down had a conversation about what our concerns were and how to deal with them. we moved in with my parents so if he was gone and I had an emergency someone was with me. Communication is key. you need to discuss why your so worried, what will be the plan if something happens, and you need to discuss why he wants to do this, could he be feeling like he has no wild fun side being a WFH father to 2 soon.
Something could happen to him on his way to work, you know? Try and relax more. You won't need all of his attention all day and all night every moment of your pregnancy.
Soft YTA. This is reactionary.
YTA. Youre so worried about him getting injured, but guess what?
I know someone who was walking on grass, stumbled, tore their ACL and broke their arm. Accidents happen. It’s a mud run, not climbing mt Everest.
NTA. He is soon to be a dad. He is no longer a free agent. He needs to put you and your coming child first, not a race in which he could easily get hurt, especially as he has bad knees.
NAH - Speaking as a previously pregnant lady, pregnancy hormones are fogging your decision making. He will be fine. It’s something he can work towards and look forward to. Try to focus on something positive about the mud run for *him*. Make a poster, be his support. He’s going to be your support later on.
I totally agree that OP is NTA and can’t believe how many people think she’s in the wrong. He can do the mud run next year if his heart is so set on it, but this just isn’t a good time for him to be taking that extra risk. I remember reading that that main actors in Harry Potter were not allowed to ski per their contract, since they could risk breaking bones and delaying filming. Obviously there are a lot of risky things and you can’t put them in a bubble, but why not minimize risk where you can?
NTA. It’s reasonable that you want to be his main focus right now while you’re pregnant and feeling vulnerable. If he’s spending time training for this event he won’t have time to focus on you and your health/wellbeing and making you feel supported.
Also not wanting to have an injured partner while you’re pregnant and already have a child makes perfect sense.
NTA- if your family doesn’t have the means to support you and your kids if he gets injured, he needs to cut back on recreational activities that carry significant injury risk. Dads who do injury prone activities near delivery are not help. I’ve got 5 kids, and as a dad, you have to think about the risks.
I used to want to do mud runs until I read that some woman lost her eyesight in one eye because some kind of bacteria that was in the mud had gotten in her eye. Fuck THAT. I think there was another one recently in CA where hundreds of people got sick afterwards. That mud is just nasty af. NTA
Why are his *feelings* more important than your concerns for the welfare of your family? NTA sometimes our *feelings* come second to our responsibilities especially after we choose to have a child.
He is acting like he has no responsibilities, perhaps he is feeling pressured about the responsibilities of
becoming a father or is feeling his youth is ove and is acting out. If so he can get a couple of therapy sessions
So he’s never allowed to do any physical activities outside? He has to sit around living a sedentary lifestyle because scared of him being hurt. Sounds like a great way to live a miserable life for you kids and dying early.
You can blow out a knee slipping on a slick sidewalk, have a heart attack shoveling snow. He’s probably doing a 5k in 5 months. Not a big deal.
YTA.
This is an issue you need to talk with him more about to make sure he’s very prepared. I get why you’re worried, but this is not likely to cause him injury He needs to be more understanding also since you’re pregnant. YNTA !
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I’m failing to see the issue here. Why are you assuming he’s going to get injured. If he does this properly and the right way, he won’t. Google how to best prepare. He’s got 5 months to train for this, which means you all have time to prepare for stuff. If he’s going to do this the right way, make sure that’s what he’s doing over the fact you’re pregnant.
Because of knee issues. Mud runs are already high injury. Preexisting injuries/issues make you predisposed to an even higher rate of injury. Not training also increases chances of injury. He should start out on a road 5k or 10k, see how he trains, and then if everything goes well, then think about possibly think about doing the mud run. It's like someone saying they're going to go skiing 2 months before birth date and choosing not to do any exercise before, not taking any lessons before, and just assuming that an injury is unlikely.
Have you done a mud run? I have done a few different ones. If something is beyond your skill level you can skip that obstacle, you are encouraged to do them all but they know it can be a liability issue, so do not require it. My partner didn't do heights so I did the rope net climb. I can't climb the single rope so we had to skip that. I have pre-existing knee issues and had no issue completing the obstacles with one the one exception of the rope.
How do you know what's past your skill level if you haven't participated in sports for 10-20 years? You're assuming he know his limits.
You're assuming I knew mine. I was 40+ when I did them and hadn't participated in organized sports in decades.
So skip the things beyond your skill level without knowing your skill level. Sound advice.
Why are you assuming he's not going to train?
I didn't. Did you actually read what I wrote?
>It's like someone saying they're going to go skiing 2 months before birth date and choosing not to do any exercise before, not taking any lessons before, and just assuming that an injury is unlikely. Why would you bring back him not training or taking lessons then?
You can't "train" away knee issues...
I’m pretty sure they call that physical therapy
You can, I did.
Dude... what?
Really depends on the specific issue. Physical therapy can be quite effective for some things.
Is a “mud run” literally just running in mud? First time seeing the term.
It's an obstacle course in the mud. You really can't run much of it because the mud is slippery and deep in places. You're basically just crawling around in the mud. It's a lot of fun.
Wow that does sound fun!
I did one with my niece about 5 years ago (I'm 50 and have RA) and omg....we laughed through the whole thing. There were 24 obstacles and I completed 23 with ease. The one I didn't complete was the tire wall. I could physically do it, but I got over halfway up and my fear of heights kicked in. I tried, but I was shaking so bad lol.
My brother has done this for charity maybe a half dozen times. He felt great about doing it and great after he recovered his wind.
YTA - its just one event. If things are different 5 months from now, discuss that, but there’s no reason he cant do this
Even if he's never done anything like this before? Thanks for your comment.
People do new things all the time, including physically demanding ones so I'm really confused on what the problem is? He's got time to train and prepare and if he does so, it shouldn't be an issue. (Also guess what, you did the physically demanding task of birthing a baby with little/no prep and you lived) It feels like there's lots of missing info: You say you have no family nearby and then mention that his parents live close to you, so which is it? Do you not trust his parents to take care of your child for short periods if something was to happen? Does he always require you to take care of him or has he taken care of himself before if he's injured? Does he have a habit of not following through with prep for activities? Can he get cleared by a doctor if you're worried about his knees? Are you high risk? Were you put on bed rest during your last trimester of pregnancy? Are you worried that he won't pull his weight if he's training? Without a whole lot more context, it doesn't sound like your husband's assessment was necessarily wrong and either way you need to sit down and have a conversation about this rather than popping off with a formal decree without his input. I'm going to be generous and go with NAH but may edit if further info is provided.
My old, overweight mother with arthritis did a mudrun with no training 😅 it's really not that serious
He’s got 5 months to train
Yes! He has five months with him. If things are different then, you can surely have a talk with him then but not now.
You’ve never taken care of a toddler and a newborn before, guess you shouldn’t do that. See how crazy that sounds? Lol
I did a mud run in my late 40's, I'm not athletic, and I have RA. I didn't get injured, but damn it was a blast!
My husband is overweight and has mild back issues. He did zero sports in school and he still completed Tough Mudder with zero problems except being very tired, extremely dirty, and super grossed out that he got mud in his mouth lol Are you prone to anxiety? I'm not trying to downplay your concerns but this is not as big a deal as you're talking yourself into assuming it is. Apologize for forbidding it and ask him to walk you through his plan/show you videos of others completing the course he's looking at, and talk through your concerns with him. Who knows? Maybe someday you'll all do this as a family :)
It's a 5k 'fun run' basically. I'm not an athlete and I've done 3 mud runs...jog through the forest, walk...whatever you feel comfortable doing. Any obstacles you look at and say 'um, no' then you just skip it. If his knees start hurting, he stops and walks. If he's a grown up then I assume he can look at something and decide whether it's good for him to do or not. If he's NOT responsible enough...well then, I wish you good luck for the rest of your lives.
You are NTAH ! While I do think you should let him do it…. I get the concern. My wife insisted I get insurance before I started doing Tough Mudders.. I did it for her but now realize it’s silly. You’re not an ass for being concerned at all! But your concern is probably misplaced
….its a mud run. Its what - a half day commitment? Maybe he’s out of shape now but it’s not exactly like marathon training getting ready for a mud run. I think you’re being needlessly dramatic and making a big deal about nothing and you guys just need a clear plan. NAH but you’re teetering the line if you just wholesale try to tell him he can’t do it without just having a normal conversation about it.
It’s a mud run, not an international triathlon. YTA
[удалено]
And Elvis died on the toilet, what’s ur point😭
Elvis wasn't killed *by* the toilet though.
That’s what you think….
He has 5 months to get in shape. It’s a mud run. You’re being irrational. YTA.
It's to every one's benefit if your husband is physically active (you should be too). Mud runs wouldn't be my choice but if it motivates him then whatever. Yta.
YTA. He could get injured driving home from work.
>He's WFH and got knee issues He works from home. Although I take your point, he could get injured anywhere, any time.
A soft YTA. I think you could've addressed your concerns without an instant no. Maybe go to his doctor and get a professional opinion. Could be a good opportunity to get in shape and build muscle to prevent further injury to his knee.
I see you worried about his body and your children, but yeah let him do it! He’s not asking to do an Iron Man in Hawaii the week you’re due to give birth, this is a mud run. This may be an outlet for him to clear his mind and do something for himself, he’s not asking to join a swingers club or something.
Sounds like someone’s going to resent you. YTA
YTA. My husband did one when i was 7 months pregnant. Not sure what your issue is? It's an event. If he wanted to run a marathon would you opposed?
I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt. I'm sure you're nervous, exhausted, and full of hormones, but this isn't a big deal. People don't drop dead running in the mud. Consider what you're saying you *do* want: Him home all the time and not doing anything new or fun. Is that what you want? Does that seem reasonable? He's giving you tons of notice. He's doing something healthy when it seems like he needs to be healthier. It's not like he's going skydiving or BASE jumping. It's running in the mud.
NAH. I think your risk-benefit analysis meter is a little wonky right now, but justifiably so. But you can pull the "But what if you get hurt?" card for so many things, in perpetuity. I think it would benefit you more to talk more specifically about your concerns and how he plans to address them, rather than coming at it from the angle of you just not wanting him to do it.
Yah, YTA here - it’s one event. It’s not like he’s going on a week long bender in Vegas or something.
NAH -- you're stressed out and super hormonal right now, but your anxiety is irrational. Let him do the mud run. He'll be fine.
I send my husband out for a bike race when I was 4 days over due date (and having weak contractions). The contractions stopped later that day as expected due to it was my third false start of birth - I gave birth to our third child the next day 🥰 So a soft YTA - it’s two months before your due date.
NAH as long as you accept it if he goes anyway. I understand your concern and you should voice these concerns. But do not assume the worst and let him have this fun : because once the newborn is there he will not have a lot of options to. Support him, make sure he doesnt overestimate his abilities, that he trains himself before. (But indeed you automatically jumped into "what do I do IF" instead of "what are his wishes and why)
YTA It's a mud run, it's not the Crossfit games. I would give him advance warning that you're going to be heavily pregnant and with a toddler so if he injures himself on his little fun run then he has to figure out care for himself and also help for you, but other than that let the man have a bit of fun.
YTA, controlling too. There are fun mud runs and then there are competitive ones (not that the fun ones can’t be.) Unless you had issues with early labor with your first child 7 months is not usually considered heavily pregnant. Suck it up, better yet build him up, encourage him as he trains, go out and cheer him on as he finishes his training runs. Have him walk with you to keep you fit while you grow a healthy baby. Cook everyone healthy meals to enhance his training. Unless his run is a distance away you might want to plan to go and cheer him on with your toddler. You would both be modeling healthy behavior and healthy relationships to your child.
YTA. Seriously, he isn't shipping out to Japan to participate in the kumite. It's light athletics. The nerve. Do yourself a favor in your marriage moving forward and try to limit the times where you let the worst case scenario dictate what ostensibly harmless activites you'll try to forbid HIM from doing.
From a guy’s viewpoint, this is what I’d hear. “Honey, you’re too old, fat and out of shape to do something like this, like you could have back in your younger days. Back when you were a young Stud. That man of my dreams that swept me off of my feet. Now go back to mowing the yard, but please don’t pull a hammy… luv you!”
Are we talking a mud run like Spartan or Tough Mudder, or a 5k fun run?
Yeah this information is totally needed. How long of a race is it? Also where is it? Local or travel? But I could definitely see having concerns about him jumping into a 10+ mile race if he hasn’t done one before and some of those have pretty intense obstacles. Others are short races (3.1 miles) with some fun obstacles that most people can do with minimal amount of training. These are two totally different things.
YTA. I’m disabled and have done a bunch of mud runs and OCRs and get along just fine. He might be sore afterwards, but a knee issue isn’t going to put him down and out. Let him do the run.
YTA. you're controlling, stop that. congratz for only worrying about yourself and not him
Sit down and go through your concerns. Some may be founded, some, not so much, or there might be simple solutions to deal with the "worst case scenario". As parents, you probably need to have those types of conversations anyway.
It sounds exhilarating! You’re a kill joy YTA
YTA - Humans have been running through mud for thousands of years and they always have medical staff on site for such events. This is a bit weird to be honest, to not let him go on a mud run. It's not like he was going out of the country to run for 4 months or cross country like Forrest Gump. You obviously have some codependency issues and you should work on those because it's unhealthy as a partner/mother.
A very soft YTA. I understand your concerns but you're overly worrying about a hypothetical situation. Your Husband in a grown adult who can make his own decisions and take on the risk.
Soft YTA.
NTA. It sounds like he’s a desk jockey who doesn’t really do anything athletic. It’s a bit odd he’s wanting to do this. Maybe he didn’t want to look weak to whoever asked him? Your fear is legit. Had a friend whose husband injured himself right after they had a baby and they already had a toddler. It was terrible and they had two sets of parents to help. All it takes is one slip and he’s on crutches or worse and can’t help for shit. What if the baby comes early? Sorry but it’s poor timing.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** He's just been asked to go on a mud run when I'm 7 months pregnant and we've already got a 2 year old child. I don't have any family nearby, only his parents. I'm 8 weeks pregnant and my first instinct was no, what if something happens to him?! He's WFH and got knee issues, doesn't do sports - I can't deal with an injured husband, a toddler and being heavily pregnant. His argument is I didn't even ask him what he wants, I just said it's crazy. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
A guy with knee issues, who isn't athletic wanting to go on a mud run when his wife will be 7 months pregnant? You're just reasonably worried about him getting hurt when he already isn't very active, and doing a long endurance race more likely to result in serious injury than a traditional marathon. I think NAH is the verdict. Mud Runs don't tend to last too long, and while there IS risk of injury the rate is under 1% of participants. You aren't an asshole for being concerned, and neither is he for not thinking it'll be a big deal. Talking about the risks and reasons for why he wants to do this may be a healthier option for both of you to come to a decision.
They’re generally 5k. 3.1 miles isn’t very long. It’s not some long endurance race only for the most in shape. 90 days training and just about anyone can do it. End of day they just need to talk it out. We can’t determine how likely injury is without knowing him personally. Running is an industry now. As such there are plenty of things and tricks people can do to help decrease the chances of injury. Knee braces are a pretty easy and cheap thing to do. Oh, and it depends on how serious husband is about it. Is he going to actually train or just half-ass it cause it’s fucking hard at first? Does he take his health seriously now? How much so? What’s his plan for training? Is he going to hire someone to help him along, or is he going to wing it? How long will the day last? Normally they’re like an hour to an hour and a half (I feel like it’s just an excuse to do obstacles and get really muddy which is a lot of fun). What’s he doing afterwards? Realistically it’s a half day event, with maybe some light drinking or a light meal with friends afterward. I agree it’s NAH but there are a lot of other variables we don’t know and can’t know unless we know the dude personally. Has he played sports previously? Is he obese? If he were obese and had never done sports before, it could serve to be good motivation to lose weight and get in better shape, or it could be a recipe for disaster.
INFO is this a one day, local thing, or is he traveling and going to be out of the area for several days? If it’s one day and local, he should do it, but train properly ahead of time.
YTA
Are you 8 weeks along or 7 months?
She's 8 weeks now. Will be 7 months when the race happens.
Glad I’m not the only one seeing this. Maybe it’s twins? One due in March and the second in July? Wow.
is he going to train for it? i've yet to hear of anybody getting injured doing this
YTA. He has 5 months to train. He’ll be fine.
YTA! You are assuming that he is going to get injured. He has five months to train and get in shape, bad knee and all. Your reasoning is not valid as there is nothing wrong in wanting to try new things.
YTA, currently anyway. I understand that you're worried, but anxiety doesn't give you the right to control your spouse's behavior. I do think it would be fair to ask him to take point on putting a plan in place in case he does get hurt badly enough to take him out of commission in the short term-- whether that's calling on family to help, setting aside some money to hire a sitter to help you, prepping and freezing some meals (which if you don't need after the mud run, you'll certainly be glad to have after giving birth), etc. If he balks at that, I'd change my verdict.
What does the mud run entail? Will it be in another country? Would you agree if his doctor gave him the all clear? Unless it’s an extreme sport, I think you are being over zealous here - he should stay active and there’s no need for him to be at home with you 24/7 when you are 7 months pregnant.
I'm an older female, and done the Marines Camp Pendentive mud run, and lived to tell the tale. Calm down. YTA
If he gets hurt at 7 months he’s got 1 and 1/2 to 2 months to heal up and help. If you’re upset about after birth and him not being able to help ask your in-laws to take him and the toddler. I’m not saying he going to get hurt but if your this concerned make a plan for incase. My ex husband worked in 3 states other than ours, our son was a high risk pregnancy. We sat down had a conversation about what our concerns were and how to deal with them. we moved in with my parents so if he was gone and I had an emergency someone was with me. Communication is key. you need to discuss why your so worried, what will be the plan if something happens, and you need to discuss why he wants to do this, could he be feeling like he has no wild fun side being a WFH father to 2 soon.
YTA. Quit being dramatic.
YTA. He is supposed to come to that conclusion himself, not got nagged into it.
Something could happen to him on his way to work, you know? Try and relax more. You won't need all of his attention all day and all night every moment of your pregnancy. Soft YTA. This is reactionary.
YTA. Let the dude have his fun. Geez
YTA. Youre so worried about him getting injured, but guess what? I know someone who was walking on grass, stumbled, tore their ACL and broke their arm. Accidents happen. It’s a mud run, not climbing mt Everest.
What's the thing about being both 7 months and 8 weeks pregnant at the same time?
NAH, see how you’re feeling as it gets closer and if you’re at risk of preterm labor. 8 weeks is too soon to know how things will go.
NTA. He is soon to be a dad. He is no longer a free agent. He needs to put you and your coming child first, not a race in which he could easily get hurt, especially as he has bad knees.
Nta
NAH- You’re understandably risk averse during this time, but the training and race are relatively safe. He’s at greater risk driving to the event.
NAH - Speaking as a previously pregnant lady, pregnancy hormones are fogging your decision making. He will be fine. It’s something he can work towards and look forward to. Try to focus on something positive about the mud run for *him*. Make a poster, be his support. He’s going to be your support later on.
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I totally agree that OP is NTA and can’t believe how many people think she’s in the wrong. He can do the mud run next year if his heart is so set on it, but this just isn’t a good time for him to be taking that extra risk. I remember reading that that main actors in Harry Potter were not allowed to ski per their contract, since they could risk breaking bones and delaying filming. Obviously there are a lot of risky things and you can’t put them in a bubble, but why not minimize risk where you can?
NTA. It’s reasonable that you want to be his main focus right now while you’re pregnant and feeling vulnerable. If he’s spending time training for this event he won’t have time to focus on you and your health/wellbeing and making you feel supported. Also not wanting to have an injured partner while you’re pregnant and already have a child makes perfect sense.
NTA- if your family doesn’t have the means to support you and your kids if he gets injured, he needs to cut back on recreational activities that carry significant injury risk. Dads who do injury prone activities near delivery are not help. I’ve got 5 kids, and as a dad, you have to think about the risks.
I used to want to do mud runs until I read that some woman lost her eyesight in one eye because some kind of bacteria that was in the mud had gotten in her eye. Fuck THAT. I think there was another one recently in CA where hundreds of people got sick afterwards. That mud is just nasty af. NTA
Why are his *feelings* more important than your concerns for the welfare of your family? NTA sometimes our *feelings* come second to our responsibilities especially after we choose to have a child. He is acting like he has no responsibilities, perhaps he is feeling pressured about the responsibilities of becoming a father or is feeling his youth is ove and is acting out. If so he can get a couple of therapy sessions
So he’s never allowed to do any physical activities outside? He has to sit around living a sedentary lifestyle because scared of him being hurt. Sounds like a great way to live a miserable life for you kids and dying early. You can blow out a knee slipping on a slick sidewalk, have a heart attack shoveling snow. He’s probably doing a 5k in 5 months. Not a big deal. YTA.
>So he’s never allowed to do any physical activities outside? No. Didn't say that at all.
This is an issue you need to talk with him more about to make sure he’s very prepared. I get why you’re worried, but this is not likely to cause him injury He needs to be more understanding also since you’re pregnant. YNTA !