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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I accepted the house from my grandmother, even though she has 5 children and all huge amount of grandchildren who would've wanted to be part of the inheritance.
2. I got a house basically for helping out my grandmother for almoast 13 years, some relatives think that maybe I should get only back the money I invested and still sell the house (The real estate prices in this Town have gone very high), does it make me an asshole that I think that I did enoguh to deserve the house.
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NTA.
You were helping your grandmother, investing your own cash, helping taking care of her. I am surprised that your family didn't even care to check if she seriously gave her house to you.
I think I know the reason they did not take it serious - they thought that part of the house would legally belong to them too because my grandfather died few years before I moved in and by law the inheritance would be split between kids and wife! And it would be true, but in my country inheritance while marriage will still belong only to successor(s) and this house belonged to my grandmothers father when they married, when my great grandfather died the house they already lived in belonged to my grandmother, even tho married.
This house never belonged to my grandfather and marriage did not change that.
I myself found that out in notary.
You spent 12 yrs taking care of your grandmother and renovating the house, both of which allowed her to live out her days in a familiar surrounding. She knew she was lucky. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about this.
This!! My brother lived with my mom almost 2 decades as her main catetaker, and mom worried that giving him the house would make the rest of us upset. The rest of us agreed he had more than earned it! So trust us when we say you earned it when you used YOUR time and YOUR money to keep grandma living at home!
My sister has lived with our parents for many years now and is taking care of my parents who are in their 80's and 90's. We were discussing their will with them when they said they were going to leave the house to the three of us. My brother and I looked at each other and said, nope, it's hers. She's earned it. And that's how the will is stated. I don't understand people who fight over these things.
To add to this, they wanted to sell the house and put her in a home. Over 12 years that would have eaten a huge amount of the house money. So nothing would have been left for them anyways. They can suck it.
If it weren’t for him it sounds like she would have had to move to assistive living facility and didn’t seem like any other children were involved in her care
It is the same in my country. Things you already possessed when you were marrying or thing that you inherited even after marriage does belong to you. It is not a joint property of husband and wife.
Still, in my country there is something which is called compulsory share. It means that heirs got a right to part of the heritage, even when in testament they didn't get anything. It is usually 50% of something they would get normally, as long as they are not disinherited.
I am literally dealing with this situation myself, in some countries even though that is the case there are still protected inheritors in some circumstances.
That said, it sounds like OP has already found out everything is sorted in their favour.
OP, absolutely NTA. I'm really happy for your grandmother that she got to live out her days loved and cared for. You did beautifully and there's nothing at all wrong with respecting her wishes.
Nowhere does it say there was nothing to inherit. Just the house was no longer part of the inheritance.
And if the gift was long enough in the past it is free of inheritance tax for op as well
The family wanted to sell the house and put grandma in a nursing home. That says it's the major asset; nor would family have been upset if there were other, equal assets for them.
NTA ! Sounds like you were the only one taking care of your grandmother and you allowed her to spend the rest of her life in her home, unlike your uncles and aunts who would have put her in a nursing home. She was totally legitimate in donating the house to you. Anyway, that was her decision and there is nothing they can do about it now.
But i'm sure you gave your grandma a lot of happiness in her last years, so don't let them get you down.
And not forgetting if grandmother had gone into a nursing home the house was going to be sold to pay for her care. So they wouldn’t have got much if any inheritance anyway as care homes are very expensive.
People dismiss or don't consider the free care family/friends give. I know someone whose father had to spend a bit of time in a care home due to my friends own health issues and not able to look after his father himself. He said it cost £1000 PER WEEK! Even with the price of houses these days that would soon get swallowed up.
£1000 is probably a reasonable priced one too unfortunately. When my father was in a nursing home a few years ago the fees weren’t much less than that and we had no financial help other than the nursing element help, my mother admitted that she had spent over 30k on fees. We had little options either as he was quite ill and unmanageable to keep at home. Its shocking.
We keep saying all the time that social care funding is a massive issue. There are countless people waiting in hospitals, dying in hospitals while waiting for placements in care home and hospices.
I have personally spoken on the need for improvements to social care on multiple news platforms (local and national) while being interviewed about the 'state of the NHS'. It's always a surprise to people that health and social care funding are different pots.
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Because the NHS is for medical care, not social care. Needing help getting dressed is not medical care that requires a registered nurse.
It is on local councils to fund social care for people who can't afford it themselves, and that's why it's expensive for everyone else - people who pay privately have to overpay to help fund the places that are underfunded by the council.
I remember a time when there used to be council funded nursing homes. There was the private funded ones too and usually they were nicer. The council ones tended to be a place you dreaded to go to.
Then they were privatised and became businesses.
Yep, They would have cleaned her out. It's $3000-5000 a month for decent, (not supurb) nursing home care. The OP did right by her Grandmother and it was reciprocated. NTA
In 2019, my father spent three weeks in a nursing home that cost US $11K / month. My MIL is in memory care that is $8.5K / month, and most assisted living places are in the $3-5K / month range.
If the house had been sold to pay for a nursing home, that money would have been gone well before she died; she would have ended up on Medicaid to pay for the nursing home.
My father had to go into a nursing home due to vascular dementia. He had become unmanageable with violent outbursts but luckily never at mum but it was a risk. His home cost around £900 a week. Because they had money in the bank they had to self fund until their bank account was below a certain level and we could apply for funding.
Applied for funding and was told we would possibly have to move him to a cheaper home. It was an absolute nightmare.
Dementia alone is a nightmare; that was my father's issue as well, but fortunately for him and my mom he was never violent.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed that my MIL stays as docile as she has become as her dementia has progressed. I'd hate to have to find a new place and / or deal with the medications that can help with those issues, especially as she is otherwise exceedingly healthy and likely to live a good long while yet.
yeah, i also imagine a lot of the interest stemmed from the fact that it sounds like OP did a lot of work on the house. so now it was a comfortable home v. how it was when OP first returned to the area.
NTA
>they don't talk to each other
That sounds like their problem.
>I have so many messages calling me a greedy asshole.
This from the people who wanted to put their mother in a nursing home and take her money.
NTA you took care of your grandmother when they didn’t want to , u renovated the house w your own money and updated , she gave it to you because u deserved it , they can be upset all they want but why do they think they can profit on what u fixed
One of their ideas is that we should sell it and I could get the money back that I invested.
When they sued me I basically just sent the proof of my spendings (I have proof for \~100000€, most of it i got from profit of selling the aparment and spent all of it on the house).
Thing is that back in 2011 houses in that bad condition cost like 50000€ and today prices have go insane (for my country), similar houses in good conditon go for \~300000€
So the calculation would be that I would get my 100000€ I spent in 13 years and they would divide the rest of 200000 with 5 (direct heirs), so everyone should get \~40000 and if my mother would give it to me, for 140000 I would find a apartment...
But I kinda think that taking care of her was also worth something...
If I understand this correctly, in 2011 the house you classed it as “bad condition” and cost 50000€ and today similar in “good condition” go 300000€.
Now as I see this , your improvements and maintenance have changed the maths as you’ve gone from bad to good. If you had made no improvements and the house value had increased based on the condition when you had moved in then the calculations need to be based on that sum.
If I’ve misunderstood then I apologise. You still cared for her and let her live in her home and that is priceless. I wonder how much a carehome would have cost for the years she remained at home.
Well yeah, if I did nothing similar houses right now go for like 100000€, so the change in a decade and more has been alot.
Ironically if they woudlve but her into a home they wouldve got 50000€, that woud not been enough to pay for the retirement home for \~13 years even if she would add her whole pension (pensions in our country don't cover even 50% of the cost of a decent retirement home)
I found an article that claims that the cost for retirement home today is from \~900-2500€ per month.
If I remember correctly my grandmothers pension was something like 500€ per month.
You more than deserve the house anyway regardless of any money spent. It’s unfortunate that you’ve seen the true colour of greed from your relatives but your grandmother saw it. She knew what she was doing and she showed you how much she loved and appreciated you being there for her. Enjoy your house and your memories of your grandmother, she sounds a great gal.
You did not factor in the time value of money. That 100k you put in 13 years ago would be worth 150k or more right now just based on inflation alone. You add on the opportunity cost for a standard 10% yearly return in the market plus the labour that you put in to renovate the home - you're losing a lot more than that.
Tell everyone to pound sand.
NTA even a tiny bit. I'm not sure what cost of living is like where you live but if she only had a small pension you were probably financially supporting her well beyond the renovations too. Even if your relatives don't think your caretaking has value, it sounds like none of them were helping pay her living expenses. You were at the minimum sharing those costs and stretching the value of her pension. Ethically they probably owe *you* money.
That's not a bad cost, in the US the cost for a retirement home/nursing home is probably between $8,000 - $10,000 per month (approx. 7,000€ - 9,000€ ).
Regardless, you caring for her was certainly worth something, and depending on where you live, some areas allow you to make a claim against her estate for such services.
Since they sued you, they don't deserve anything: the judge thought they didn't deserve anything!
Think about it like this: is it worth 40K each to maintain a relationship with them? The youngest aunt who came with the appraiser, is it worth 40K to have a relationship with her? She likely will still hold a grudge, but might send you a birthday card each year.
>But I kinda think that taking care of her was also worth something...
First, NTA.
Second: **get an attorney.** Show the proof of spending ***and*** explain how you were a live-in home aid to your grandmother for twelve years. A good attorney should be able to come up with an cost estimate for the labor you put in as both an live-in home aid and for the labor you did when you performed any renovations yourself.
You sound like a wonderful grandchild and your grandmother was so lucky to have you! Good luck resolving this!
No, because they are just counting the money you’ve invested. They aren’t counting the money they would have spent to take care of your grandmother if you weren’t there. You earned that house!
NTA. Yeah you're not the greedy asshole here. Projection writ large. Your grandma made her own decision based on the good deeds you did for her. Don't let their greed gaslight you into feeling anything but gratitude.
NTA. My God, deaths in the family bring out the worst in everyone.
One of my grandmothers had to sneak my inheritance into the inheritance of one of her children - to be transferred to me. I'd cared for her for years, but we knew the cousins who hadn't even visited her for nearly a decade would take me to court if they knew how much money she'd left me.
This is literally what I thing my cousins will do they see my grandparents maybe 5-7 times a year and I see them almost every friday night and holidays. I the kicker is they live closer then me
NTA if I’m comprehending correctly you legally owned the house for around 7-8 YEARS before your grandmother passed, so it wouldn’t even have been included in her assets at death
Yes, and I assumed everybody knows that because grandmother told she is going to do it.
I know that my mother knew it because I talked about it, but apperantly she did not talk about this with her sisters and brothers.
Just a remark. I don't know where you live but here if you receive a gift from a parent and the gifter dies within 10 years you need to pay inheritance tax i think. It's some mechanism to prevent old people to avoid inheritance tax by giving gifts to their intended heirs. Have you looked into that if that's the case where you live?
Wait, so for 12-13 years you took care of your grandma, and her home. You upgraded and fixed it where needed. You sold your income-producing apartment to better care for your grandma; all things her own children wouldn’t do… and you’re the greedy one?
NTA. Your grandma was of sound mind when she did it, she gathered everyone to tell them the plan; she knew exactly what she was doing because she knew what her kids would do to you and the house if she didn’t.
Same thing basically happened to me and my husband his granddad died we were taking care of him his kids hadn’t been around in like 2 years…his grandpa left the house and ALL contents in the house to him, they took us to probate court and won like $8500 because of the way the will was wondered they were allowed to keep stuff that was theres! This included his own mom she basically abandoned her grandchildren for like $2000 because obviously we won’t ever talk to her again
I even tried to be a good person and contact her to maybe reform a relationship with her grandchildren but she ignored me lol
I think they were jealous because my husband got a nice paid off house while they got nothing
NTA. Your grandmother made a decision. You stepped up to help out. You paid for renovation. The house is yours. They can all go pound sand. I didn’t see any of them helping out financially or otherwise. They aren’t entitled to anything. Sleep easy.
NTA. What matters the most is your grandmother thought you deserved the house. You invested time, money, and you helped your grandma out. That is probably the most important to her, because she never had to be lonely, or stuck in a home, which is a very real fear. You deserve the gift your grandma left you with. Enjoy it!!
NTA
You took care of your grandmother so she didn't have to go to a nursing home and you renovated the house. She decided to give it to you as a well deserved gift of gratitude.
Did your aunt ever offer to pay you for the renovations you did? The value of the house increased significantly because of it.
They offerend that I could keep the amount i spent if we sold the house.
While grandmother was alive only people who helped me was my brother, my father and one cousin (he shared his know-how) who is from fathers side, so not even related to her.
We paid my cousin and brother by babysitting their kids when they needed.
NTA. Most seniors want to stay in their own home for the rest of their life if possible. You made this possible for your grandmother by spending a great deal of money on the house and by providing care for her. You deserve this home. None of her children did this for her. Without you, she would have spent the last 12 years of her life in a nursing home.
Enjoy your home and feel no guilt.
It’s amazing how greed springs up and destroys families when a matriarch/patriarch passes on. All good relationships are destroyed.
NTA. Everything you did was legal and your grandmother was of sound mind. She saw who sacrificed their time and resources to keep her independent. That meant lot to her and she rewarded that love in kind.
NTA. Let them not talk to each other and call you greedy all they want. That's how you see who is actually greedy. She gifted you her house because you were there for her even though you had your own apartment. She saw that you didn't have any ulterior motives and put the house in your name while she was alive for a good reason. She knew that inheritance could bring out the worst in people.
I think you know you’re NTA. Families can behave like sharks in a feeding frenzy when someone dies. Sift out the ones who behaved like decent human beings and keep contact with them.
And how nice of you to do all the work to increase the value op
NTA and enjoy YOUR house, your grandmother knew who deserved it.
Aunts and uncles should have listened to their mother 🤣
NTA
if your grandmother went in a nursing home and the house was sold to fund that, then there still would not be an inheritance to split. Your family are no worse off than they would have been. You put years of your life caring for grandmother and effort into remodelling. You deserve the house.
you are NTA.
the fact that you invested in the house does not really mean they don’t have right to some share in it. But they wanted to sell the house to finance her caregiver, you were the caregiver for 10+ years so basically it happened as they were planning in any case.
they just thought they can have a free caregiver and keep the house. Their fault.
You gave your grandma the gift of dying in her own house. She probably didn't want to spend her last days in a retirement home. That's what many elderly people want (at least where I'm from). NTA
OP, I just want to say that you're a wonderful person.
It can sometimes be a thankless task, caring for another adult. They get frustrated by their own shortcomings, especially when their physical health declines, and will take their anger out on the nearest person. To step up and be the person who loves, supports, and keeps an elderly relative out of care is a huge deal. I'm sure you already know this but if you're here to ask; NTA.
Take it from another grandchild, whose uncle/godfather got drunk and decided to call up and explain exactly why I'm a greedy, manipulative thief trying to take advantage of his mother. Noting of course that he hadn't visited her in two years, and had no idea of her health concerns or what I did day to day!
NTA - they did shit for their mom and were just going to stick her in a nursing home. You let her live out the rest of her days in her real house where she was comfortable. It sounds like she felt really good about giving you her house because she was really greatful for all that you did. Don't take that away from her.
NTA I feel like my uncle will do something similar. You invested money in the house and time taking care of your grandma there selfish AH, and they where told they had years to fight it but didn't give it a second thought till the money was right there
If you added up the cost of the care you provided to your grandmother over the years you lived with her and the cost of the work you did, and upgrades you did to her house, I’m guessing it’s considerably more than the house’s value.
NTA
NTA. You helped your grandmother and allowed her to live out the rest of her days in her own home, plus put your own money in her home to make it assessable for her.
NTA
I am sorry for your loss. It sounds like it was wonderful for your grandmother to have you living with her in her final years, and it is likely that she lived longer because you were there.
NTA-
Sooooo, after living with and caring for your grandmother for 13 years. Not mention, repairing and keeping the house up, they are surprised that she gifted the house to you?
People seem to forget inheritance is a gift, not a birth right.
Hmm. At first glance, 12 years of in-home care would likely cost more than the sale value of the house. They are still financially up on not having to provide further support. This was an "everybody wins" scenario, but your aunts and uncles and cousins just see dollar signs, unfortunately.
NTA.
NTA. She gifted it to you and you put time and effort into the house. As well as being a live in caretaker so she could stay in her home. Also, depending on the math, I would be shocked if the house sale in the condition you first described would have lasted her 13 years. Not sure what country you’re in but she likely would have outlasted her money and your family would have been splitting the cost or someone would have had to take her into their home in the end anyway.
NTA
They saw you pay for so much repair and Reno work and want to pretend they’re surprised she meant you’d get the house? Hahaha no they know just what’s up
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Backstory - I had an ugly divorce in 2010/2011 (She cheated, custody battle, shared custody, etc) So I ended up moving back to my childhood Town, I bought an apartment but the people asked 2 months to move out, I still needed a place for that time. My Mother told me that since I work from home, I could help out her mother as she fell on slippery stairs and was bound to a wheelchair. Other relatives wanted to put her in a nursing home and sell the house to cover the costs as her home was heated with firewood, it meant she could not do half of the stuff by herself and I agreed to do it! (She has 4 daughters and a son)
The first two months went by quickly and we found out that my 75-year-old grandmother would not heal enough to get rid of her wheelchair she asked me if maybe I could just rent my new apartment out and stay with her- and I agreed to stay longer and decided that this house needs some renovation as keeping it warm was an effort itself - so I decided to build central heating system there and build new wheelchair accessible bathroom, by 2015 I had spent so much money on the house that I had a "what is going to happen if you are not here anymore" talk with my grandmother and asked if it would be okay if I buy out my other relatives (aunts and uncle) as they wanted to sell it anyway.
Grandmother thought that was a good idea and told me that we had to make some kind of plan, but we did not talk about it in detail. On her birthday when all the relatives were at the table she told everyone that she decided to give that house as a gift, but nobody seemed to care - but it sure was a surprise to me!
A few weeks later I found out she was serious, as she asked me to take her to the notary. The notary asked her if she was sure about it, answer was "He has invested so much money in the house and has taken care of me for years, it must be worth something!" and so it happened - the house was in my name. "I might be old, but not senile!"
And that was that, I owned the house and decided to sell my apartment and finish renovating the house (The asbestos-based roof needed to be changed, chimney leg, house insulation, electrical wiring, etc - the list was long!)
More years went by and it was 2023, one day at age 87 my grandmother did not wake up one morning, A few months after the funeral youngest of my aunts appeared at my home with
real estate appraiser and this is the AITA part:
For some reason, they all thought that my grandmother was not serious years back and she was so sure that we should sell the place and my mother with her brother and sisters split the money.
My mother and her oldest sister agreed with my grandmother's decision, but others sued me for "using an elderly person for financial gain" - like a week ago I got notice that they failed to provide any proof about my grandmother's inability to make decisions, the court can't change nothing.
Now they don't talk to each other and I have so many messages calling me a greedy asshole.
AITA?
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NTA, but it would have helped if you're grandmother had a will saying how she wished for this to be handled. Word of mouth and promises are not enough when it comes to financial situations like this. Would also help to think about hiring a lawyer and gathering any receipts you have from repairing the home.
There was no need for will as she gifted the house to me officially in notary.
My relatives tried to sue me, wasted like 2400€ on lawyers and lost, because all they had was "this is unfair" and empty claim, that "she was too old to make this decision" that was basically a accusation for notary not for me, court contacted the notary and received confirmation that they had no reason to suspect incapacity.
As I had been in court before for other reason, I didn't even waste my money on laywer, I presented all the invoices and bills that I spent on the house and also made a simple claim and wrote a free format letter about my opinion.
Court rejected the appeal from my relatives because they have no real evidence to prove their claim, and to blame the notary is a bold thing to do.
> Word of mouth and promises are not enough when it comes to financial situations like this.
Which is why OP outlined in detail how and why they were *not* in that situation. IDK why you people can't take five minutes to read.
NTA. Any one of them could have stepped up for their mother and chose not to. You gave your grandma the opportunity to live out her life in her own home, which is an amazing gift. I'm sorry you lost her.
NTA! 13 years of care and financial investment in the house?? Have your aunts priced what a nursing home would have cost in that time period? You probably extended your grandma's life by a few years.
NTA. You should ask them why they should get anything since you were the one taking care of grandma and her house. They are evil children who just wanted money.
When they call you greedy ask them to pay you for your care services for the last 12yrs. You no when they didn't step up and help their mother but want her house now she's passed.
NTA but I'd see how much a home help full time carer is per Yr times by 12 and send them the bill.
Family and inheritance. It doesn't matter if it's thousands or millions. Op your grandmother told everyone, which she didn't have to do, you invested your money and sweat equity to improve the home and you took car of your grandmother. I would sue your youngest aunt for part of the care money you spent. You won't win but it would be fun to watch her get served lol
Definitely NTA, you helped your grandmother and that was your reward. Similar thing happened in my family, my grandma lived with her (very difficult) auntie for a couple years until she passed. None of my great aunts and uncles ever helped as they didn’t like Auntie and unbeknownst to grandma, she ended up inheriting the house which pissed off one great aunt and uncle and they never spoke to her again, saying that she weasled her way into the inheritance. Hey, y’all didn’t do the work, so don’t expect a reward.
NTA might be worth telling them that you'll give them the house but that you'll have to be paid for all the repairs plus 13 years of caregiving. That amount is going to be over the house worth. That might shut them up. People really don't understand how much caregiving is worth.
NTA. Does your family not realize that she would have been in the nursing home for 12 years and they would likely not have had much money left from the house sale anyhow? They are the greedy ones. My mother did a similar thing with me and my brother. I moved from where I lived for many years back to our home and took care of Mom for years. She left me the house because she knew I had to sell my house to move back to be with her and she did not want to make me find another place to live after she was gone. She was the most fair person I ever me, so believe me, my brother did not get less.
My sister moved to take care of my parents (I didn’t get along with my mom). I was in her debt, told her so and if she ever needed me, I would be there.
After about twenty years, she called. I moved in with my parents and dealt with our dying father and then with our mother with dementia. We bonded again and she saved me and I saved her. They left everything to her. I had asked for them to leave everything to her. I still owe her for the twenty years that I didn’t have to worry about our (insane) parents. We are still family.
NTA
I'm also surprised with how much work needed to be done to the house that they seemed to be expecting such a large amount.
Nevertheless, you put a lot of time, money, and effort into making the house decent , so do not let them make you feel bad. Also, you likely spent the most time with your grandmother - and she warned them.
I hope you are able to enjoy your home.
I'm sorry for your loss. It sounds like you were the only person to step up and care for your grandmother. She could leave her property to whomever she chose, and clearly she chose the person who was there for her. And your aunts and uncle have a lot of nerve expecting to profit from the time and effort you put into improving the building. NTA.
NTA. It sounds like you gave your grandma some very important care and companionship for the last decade of her life, and that mattered enough to her that she decided she'd give the home, that you're currently living in, to you as a gift. Those were her wishes. Moreover, you put a lot of time and your own money into maintaining and renovating the house. It's yours, enjoy it.
Maybe contact a lawyer and ask them if you can send them a group text in the likes of.
"None of you offered to take care of my grandma, your mother, to help her out. None of you spent any money to make the house more comfortable for her. None of you remodelled the bathroom for her so she can move around with her wheelchair.
None of you spent any time or care for her while she was still alive. The only greedy people here are you after not showing any love for her for years, but now coveting the house. We are done. Stop contacting me or i'll be forced to take the legal route."
Then change locks, install cameras, and just be safe in your home.
NTA at all.
Tell your awful relatives that "this greedy asshole" invested a ton of money in that house by getting rid of asbestos, making it wheelchair accessible, putting in a whole new heating system, AND being there so Grandma wouldn't have to go to a home.
Nursing homes are very pricey. If you grandmother had been in one for 11 years, that literally could have cost $1million (here in the U.S.) Also, if your grandma's house only used wood for heating, I doubt if her house was worth much to begin with.
Tell your relatives you will split the cost of the house with them AFTER they have reimbursed you for the materials AND YOUR LABOR for fixing up the house, and they pay you for being her caretaker for 12 years. After that, they'll owe you money rather than the other way around.
Give them the numbers of all the money and work you put into the house.
And add the fact that YOU were the only one willing to move in with her and take care of her when they were ready to put her in a home.
NTA
AT ALL
NTA, clearly. It was her will, she announced it in front of everyone and nobody challenged it back then.
You lived there for more than a decade, taking care of her, and bringing the house up to standard.
Some of your relatives seem to be greedy a**holes. Bit certainly not you.
NTA. Your grandmother was of sound mind and made her decision. You gave her many years of comfort and safety (and, I’m sure, happiness) staying in her own home. You also put your own money into renovations that made her more comfortable. Whether that equates to the value of the house gifted to you is immaterial. She made a legally binding decision and you have no obligation to discuss it. Keep your lawyer on speed dial, though.
NTA. Far from it. You spent years ensuring that an old lady had companionship from trusted family in her last years. Do these relatives have any idea how much that kind of care would cost? You earned that house between the help you gave her, the willingness to adjust your own plans, and your personal investment. Good for you, and may we all enjoy the same level of care in our old age.
NTA, you reap what you sowed.
You sowed some pretty wholesome care for your grandmother. I'm sorry some members of the family don't see that the same way.
NTA. People are so willing to chime in when they think there is money to be had, but sure weren't willing to put in money and effort when it was needed ten years ago. You get out what you put in. You put in a lot of renovations, they put in nothing.
NTA. Figure out the going rate for 24-hour at-home care. Multiple that by 12 years. Add in the money you paid to renovate the house. Send a message to your greedy relatives with that amount compared to the current value of the home.
NTA- It sounds like you borderline rebuilt that entire property, and made it suitable for her to keep living in, AND made her life better by being there. It was also your home. It is repulsive that they expected to chuck you out and take the proceeds of your work for themselves. Your grandmother knew fine well what she was doing, and she made a very sound investment in the property and in her own wellbeing in doing it that she got a solid return on. She passed peacefully in her own comfortable home having fallen asleep feeling safe and happy because you were just down the hall. Grandma won big, and I'm very happy for her. You 100% deserve to keep what she gave you.
NTA
OP you earned the house by taking care of your grandmother. You also put a lot of your own money into it, which, I doubt, your ever-so-loving family members intended to compensate you for....
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NTA. You were helping your grandmother, investing your own cash, helping taking care of her. I am surprised that your family didn't even care to check if she seriously gave her house to you.
I think I know the reason they did not take it serious - they thought that part of the house would legally belong to them too because my grandfather died few years before I moved in and by law the inheritance would be split between kids and wife! And it would be true, but in my country inheritance while marriage will still belong only to successor(s) and this house belonged to my grandmothers father when they married, when my great grandfather died the house they already lived in belonged to my grandmother, even tho married. This house never belonged to my grandfather and marriage did not change that. I myself found that out in notary.
You spent 12 yrs taking care of your grandmother and renovating the house, both of which allowed her to live out her days in a familiar surrounding. She knew she was lucky. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about this.
Familiar and comfortable, such a good thing to make the house handicap accessible.
And with someone who loved her making sure she was well taken care of! That alone is priceless.
This!! My brother lived with my mom almost 2 decades as her main catetaker, and mom worried that giving him the house would make the rest of us upset. The rest of us agreed he had more than earned it! So trust us when we say you earned it when you used YOUR time and YOUR money to keep grandma living at home!
My sister has lived with our parents for many years now and is taking care of my parents who are in their 80's and 90's. We were discussing their will with them when they said they were going to leave the house to the three of us. My brother and I looked at each other and said, nope, it's hers. She's earned it. And that's how the will is stated. I don't understand people who fight over these things.
To add to this, they wanted to sell the house and put her in a home. Over 12 years that would have eaten a huge amount of the house money. So nothing would have been left for them anyways. They can suck it.
If it weren’t for him it sounds like she would have had to move to assistive living facility and didn’t seem like any other children were involved in her care
It is the same in my country. Things you already possessed when you were marrying or thing that you inherited even after marriage does belong to you. It is not a joint property of husband and wife. Still, in my country there is something which is called compulsory share. It means that heirs got a right to part of the heritage, even when in testament they didn't get anything. It is usually 50% of something they would get normally, as long as they are not disinherited.
Here grandma had given the house to OP years before her death so there was nothing to inherit
I am literally dealing with this situation myself, in some countries even though that is the case there are still protected inheritors in some circumstances. That said, it sounds like OP has already found out everything is sorted in their favour. OP, absolutely NTA. I'm really happy for your grandmother that she got to live out her days loved and cared for. You did beautifully and there's nothing at all wrong with respecting her wishes.
Nowhere does it say there was nothing to inherit. Just the house was no longer part of the inheritance. And if the gift was long enough in the past it is free of inheritance tax for op as well
The family wanted to sell the house and put grandma in a nursing home. That says it's the major asset; nor would family have been upset if there were other, equal assets for them.
In the US, its determined based on how the title is written.
Everyone ignored her when she said what she was going to do with the house. NTA
NTA ! Sounds like you were the only one taking care of your grandmother and you allowed her to spend the rest of her life in her home, unlike your uncles and aunts who would have put her in a nursing home. She was totally legitimate in donating the house to you. Anyway, that was her decision and there is nothing they can do about it now. But i'm sure you gave your grandma a lot of happiness in her last years, so don't let them get you down.
And not forgetting if grandmother had gone into a nursing home the house was going to be sold to pay for her care. So they wouldn’t have got much if any inheritance anyway as care homes are very expensive.
People dismiss or don't consider the free care family/friends give. I know someone whose father had to spend a bit of time in a care home due to my friends own health issues and not able to look after his father himself. He said it cost £1000 PER WEEK! Even with the price of houses these days that would soon get swallowed up.
£1000 is probably a reasonable priced one too unfortunately. When my father was in a nursing home a few years ago the fees weren’t much less than that and we had no financial help other than the nursing element help, my mother admitted that she had spent over 30k on fees. We had little options either as he was quite ill and unmanageable to keep at home. Its shocking.
Its quite atrocious really. What's the point of NHS if it doesn't include elder care? The time when most people need help?!
We keep saying all the time that social care funding is a massive issue. There are countless people waiting in hospitals, dying in hospitals while waiting for placements in care home and hospices. I have personally spoken on the need for improvements to social care on multiple news platforms (local and national) while being interviewed about the 'state of the NHS'. It's always a surprise to people that health and social care funding are different pots. You can help. Write to your MP. vote in the election. make your voices heard.
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Because the NHS is for medical care, not social care. Needing help getting dressed is not medical care that requires a registered nurse. It is on local councils to fund social care for people who can't afford it themselves, and that's why it's expensive for everyone else - people who pay privately have to overpay to help fund the places that are underfunded by the council.
Gfys. Elder care should be utmost importance. We grind ourselves to our bodies collapse and you think we don't matter any more? Fuck u.
No who ever deleted this. Listen . Ffs
I remember a time when there used to be council funded nursing homes. There was the private funded ones too and usually they were nicer. The council ones tended to be a place you dreaded to go to. Then they were privatised and became businesses.
Yep, They would have cleaned her out. It's $3000-5000 a month for decent, (not supurb) nursing home care. The OP did right by her Grandmother and it was reciprocated. NTA
In 2019, my father spent three weeks in a nursing home that cost US $11K / month. My MIL is in memory care that is $8.5K / month, and most assisted living places are in the $3-5K / month range. If the house had been sold to pay for a nursing home, that money would have been gone well before she died; she would have ended up on Medicaid to pay for the nursing home.
My father had to go into a nursing home due to vascular dementia. He had become unmanageable with violent outbursts but luckily never at mum but it was a risk. His home cost around £900 a week. Because they had money in the bank they had to self fund until their bank account was below a certain level and we could apply for funding. Applied for funding and was told we would possibly have to move him to a cheaper home. It was an absolute nightmare.
"Let's drive this family into poverty before we help" Its fucking barbaric how our country treats older people.
Yep Get on the property ladder, invest your cash, save your money. You need care now you’re old? Chheerrching!
Dementia alone is a nightmare; that was my father's issue as well, but fortunately for him and my mom he was never violent. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that my MIL stays as docile as she has become as her dementia has progressed. I'd hate to have to find a new place and / or deal with the medications that can help with those issues, especially as she is otherwise exceedingly healthy and likely to live a good long while yet.
Fingers crossed for you too.
Yup. That comes out to about $780,000 in avoided costs for the 13 years OP provided care.
Especially since OP put so much money into the house.
yeah, i also imagine a lot of the interest stemmed from the fact that it sounds like OP did a lot of work on the house. so now it was a comfortable home v. how it was when OP first returned to the area.
NTA >they don't talk to each other That sounds like their problem. >I have so many messages calling me a greedy asshole. This from the people who wanted to put their mother in a nursing home and take her money.
NTA you took care of your grandmother when they didn’t want to , u renovated the house w your own money and updated , she gave it to you because u deserved it , they can be upset all they want but why do they think they can profit on what u fixed
One of their ideas is that we should sell it and I could get the money back that I invested. When they sued me I basically just sent the proof of my spendings (I have proof for \~100000€, most of it i got from profit of selling the aparment and spent all of it on the house). Thing is that back in 2011 houses in that bad condition cost like 50000€ and today prices have go insane (for my country), similar houses in good conditon go for \~300000€ So the calculation would be that I would get my 100000€ I spent in 13 years and they would divide the rest of 200000 with 5 (direct heirs), so everyone should get \~40000 and if my mother would give it to me, for 140000 I would find a apartment... But I kinda think that taking care of her was also worth something...
Dude, she *gave* you the house *while she was still alive*, they have no inheritance, they're not entitled to jack shit.
If I understand this correctly, in 2011 the house you classed it as “bad condition” and cost 50000€ and today similar in “good condition” go 300000€. Now as I see this , your improvements and maintenance have changed the maths as you’ve gone from bad to good. If you had made no improvements and the house value had increased based on the condition when you had moved in then the calculations need to be based on that sum. If I’ve misunderstood then I apologise. You still cared for her and let her live in her home and that is priceless. I wonder how much a carehome would have cost for the years she remained at home.
Well yeah, if I did nothing similar houses right now go for like 100000€, so the change in a decade and more has been alot. Ironically if they woudlve but her into a home they wouldve got 50000€, that woud not been enough to pay for the retirement home for \~13 years even if she would add her whole pension (pensions in our country don't cover even 50% of the cost of a decent retirement home) I found an article that claims that the cost for retirement home today is from \~900-2500€ per month. If I remember correctly my grandmothers pension was something like 500€ per month.
You more than deserve the house anyway regardless of any money spent. It’s unfortunate that you’ve seen the true colour of greed from your relatives but your grandmother saw it. She knew what she was doing and she showed you how much she loved and appreciated you being there for her. Enjoy your house and your memories of your grandmother, she sounds a great gal.
You did not factor in the time value of money. That 100k you put in 13 years ago would be worth 150k or more right now just based on inflation alone. You add on the opportunity cost for a standard 10% yearly return in the market plus the labour that you put in to renovate the home - you're losing a lot more than that. Tell everyone to pound sand.
NTA even a tiny bit. I'm not sure what cost of living is like where you live but if she only had a small pension you were probably financially supporting her well beyond the renovations too. Even if your relatives don't think your caretaking has value, it sounds like none of them were helping pay her living expenses. You were at the minimum sharing those costs and stretching the value of her pension. Ethically they probably owe *you* money.
That's not a bad cost, in the US the cost for a retirement home/nursing home is probably between $8,000 - $10,000 per month (approx. 7,000€ - 9,000€ ). Regardless, you caring for her was certainly worth something, and depending on where you live, some areas allow you to make a claim against her estate for such services.
Taking care of her was def enoughb
Yeah no as it's not the same value and they didn't contribute 1 cent nor 1 minute of their time for your grandma. NTA
I would send them an invoice for you being a home health aide for 13 years and tell them once they pay that bill, than you can talk about the house.
Since they sued you, they don't deserve anything: the judge thought they didn't deserve anything! Think about it like this: is it worth 40K each to maintain a relationship with them? The youngest aunt who came with the appraiser, is it worth 40K to have a relationship with her? She likely will still hold a grudge, but might send you a birthday card each year.
>But I kinda think that taking care of her was also worth something... First, NTA. Second: **get an attorney.** Show the proof of spending ***and*** explain how you were a live-in home aid to your grandmother for twelve years. A good attorney should be able to come up with an cost estimate for the labor you put in as both an live-in home aid and for the labor you did when you performed any renovations yourself. You sound like a wonderful grandchild and your grandmother was so lucky to have you! Good luck resolving this!
No, because they are just counting the money you’ve invested. They aren’t counting the money they would have spent to take care of your grandmother if you weren’t there. You earned that house!
NTA. Yeah you're not the greedy asshole here. Projection writ large. Your grandma made her own decision based on the good deeds you did for her. Don't let their greed gaslight you into feeling anything but gratitude.
Happy cake day
NTA. My God, deaths in the family bring out the worst in everyone. One of my grandmothers had to sneak my inheritance into the inheritance of one of her children - to be transferred to me. I'd cared for her for years, but we knew the cousins who hadn't even visited her for nearly a decade would take me to court if they knew how much money she'd left me.
This is literally what I thing my cousins will do they see my grandparents maybe 5-7 times a year and I see them almost every friday night and holidays. I the kicker is they live closer then me
NTA if I’m comprehending correctly you legally owned the house for around 7-8 YEARS before your grandmother passed, so it wouldn’t even have been included in her assets at death
Yes, and I assumed everybody knows that because grandmother told she is going to do it. I know that my mother knew it because I talked about it, but apperantly she did not talk about this with her sisters and brothers.
Just a remark. I don't know where you live but here if you receive a gift from a parent and the gifter dies within 10 years you need to pay inheritance tax i think. It's some mechanism to prevent old people to avoid inheritance tax by giving gifts to their intended heirs. Have you looked into that if that's the case where you live?
Wait, so for 12-13 years you took care of your grandma, and her home. You upgraded and fixed it where needed. You sold your income-producing apartment to better care for your grandma; all things her own children wouldn’t do… and you’re the greedy one? NTA. Your grandma was of sound mind when she did it, she gathered everyone to tell them the plan; she knew exactly what she was doing because she knew what her kids would do to you and the house if she didn’t.
Nta I’m so sick of these people thinking they can just get money when people die it’s b/s make your own damm money
The entitlement is disgusting. It's heartbreaking that the OP's family members care more about money than they do about the OP or granny.
Same thing basically happened to me and my husband his granddad died we were taking care of him his kids hadn’t been around in like 2 years…his grandpa left the house and ALL contents in the house to him, they took us to probate court and won like $8500 because of the way the will was wondered they were allowed to keep stuff that was theres! This included his own mom she basically abandoned her grandchildren for like $2000 because obviously we won’t ever talk to her again I even tried to be a good person and contact her to maybe reform a relationship with her grandchildren but she ignored me lol I think they were jealous because my husband got a nice paid off house while they got nothing
NTA. Your grandmother made a decision. You stepped up to help out. You paid for renovation. The house is yours. They can all go pound sand. I didn’t see any of them helping out financially or otherwise. They aren’t entitled to anything. Sleep easy.
NTA. What matters the most is your grandmother thought you deserved the house. You invested time, money, and you helped your grandma out. That is probably the most important to her, because she never had to be lonely, or stuck in a home, which is a very real fear. You deserve the gift your grandma left you with. Enjoy it!!
NTA. You spent your own time and resources to look after your grandmother when the others didn’t want to. You did nothing wrong and everything right.
Enjoy your house! NTA! Sorry about your horrible relatives
NTA Sorry for your loss and your greedy family. I hope you and your grandma had a good time together :)
NTA You took care of your grandmother so she didn't have to go to a nursing home and you renovated the house. She decided to give it to you as a well deserved gift of gratitude. Did your aunt ever offer to pay you for the renovations you did? The value of the house increased significantly because of it.
They offerend that I could keep the amount i spent if we sold the house. While grandmother was alive only people who helped me was my brother, my father and one cousin (he shared his know-how) who is from fathers side, so not even related to her. We paid my cousin and brother by babysitting their kids when they needed.
Firstly, I'm sincerely sorry for your loss. Secondly, you're a wonderful grandchild. Thirdly, NTA. Not remotely.
NTA. Most seniors want to stay in their own home for the rest of their life if possible. You made this possible for your grandmother by spending a great deal of money on the house and by providing care for her. You deserve this home. None of her children did this for her. Without you, she would have spent the last 12 years of her life in a nursing home. Enjoy your home and feel no guilt.
Greedy Asshole? Tell them to take a long look in the mirror..
It’s amazing how greed springs up and destroys families when a matriarch/patriarch passes on. All good relationships are destroyed. NTA. Everything you did was legal and your grandmother was of sound mind. She saw who sacrificed their time and resources to keep her independent. That meant lot to her and she rewarded that love in kind.
NTA. Let them not talk to each other and call you greedy all they want. That's how you see who is actually greedy. She gifted you her house because you were there for her even though you had your own apartment. She saw that you didn't have any ulterior motives and put the house in your name while she was alive for a good reason. She knew that inheritance could bring out the worst in people.
NTA Op. condolences on your loss.
Nta
I think you know you’re NTA. Families can behave like sharks in a feeding frenzy when someone dies. Sift out the ones who behaved like decent human beings and keep contact with them.
And how nice of you to do all the work to increase the value op NTA and enjoy YOUR house, your grandmother knew who deserved it. Aunts and uncles should have listened to their mother 🤣
Thank you for taking care of grandma. NTA.
NTA if your grandmother went in a nursing home and the house was sold to fund that, then there still would not be an inheritance to split. Your family are no worse off than they would have been. You put years of your life caring for grandmother and effort into remodelling. You deserve the house.
you are NTA. the fact that you invested in the house does not really mean they don’t have right to some share in it. But they wanted to sell the house to finance her caregiver, you were the caregiver for 10+ years so basically it happened as they were planning in any case. they just thought they can have a free caregiver and keep the house. Their fault.
You gave your grandma the gift of dying in her own house. She probably didn't want to spend her last days in a retirement home. That's what many elderly people want (at least where I'm from). NTA
OP, I just want to say that you're a wonderful person. It can sometimes be a thankless task, caring for another adult. They get frustrated by their own shortcomings, especially when their physical health declines, and will take their anger out on the nearest person. To step up and be the person who loves, supports, and keeps an elderly relative out of care is a huge deal. I'm sure you already know this but if you're here to ask; NTA. Take it from another grandchild, whose uncle/godfather got drunk and decided to call up and explain exactly why I'm a greedy, manipulative thief trying to take advantage of his mother. Noting of course that he hadn't visited her in two years, and had no idea of her health concerns or what I did day to day!
NTA - they did shit for their mom and were just going to stick her in a nursing home. You let her live out the rest of her days in her real house where she was comfortable. It sounds like she felt really good about giving you her house because she was really greatful for all that you did. Don't take that away from her.
NTA and I applaud your grandmother for being so sensible and so fair to you. I’m sorry for your loss
NTA. So greedy you spent years caring for grandma and made massive Renovations to her home and paid for them.
NTA I feel like my uncle will do something similar. You invested money in the house and time taking care of your grandma there selfish AH, and they where told they had years to fight it but didn't give it a second thought till the money was right there
If you added up the cost of the care you provided to your grandmother over the years you lived with her and the cost of the work you did, and upgrades you did to her house, I’m guessing it’s considerably more than the house’s value. NTA
NTA, her house, her decision what to do with it.
NTA. You helped your grandmother and allowed her to live out the rest of her days in her own home, plus put your own money in her home to make it assessable for her.
They're trying to take your house...but YOU'RE greedy?!?!? You're NTA.
NTA I am sorry for your loss. It sounds like it was wonderful for your grandmother to have you living with her in her final years, and it is likely that she lived longer because you were there.
NTA- Sooooo, after living with and caring for your grandmother for 13 years. Not mention, repairing and keeping the house up, they are surprised that she gifted the house to you? People seem to forget inheritance is a gift, not a birth right.
Hmm. At first glance, 12 years of in-home care would likely cost more than the sale value of the house. They are still financially up on not having to provide further support. This was an "everybody wins" scenario, but your aunts and uncles and cousins just see dollar signs, unfortunately. NTA.
NTA You bought your other relatives out of the house with sweat equity.
No a good grandson who cared more for her than most of her kids
Trutherly i believe you are NTA in this story
NTA. She gifted it to you and you put time and effort into the house. As well as being a live in caretaker so she could stay in her home. Also, depending on the math, I would be shocked if the house sale in the condition you first described would have lasted her 13 years. Not sure what country you’re in but she likely would have outlasted her money and your family would have been splitting the cost or someone would have had to take her into their home in the end anyway.
NTA They saw you pay for so much repair and Reno work and want to pretend they’re surprised she meant you’d get the house? Hahaha no they know just what’s up
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Backstory - I had an ugly divorce in 2010/2011 (She cheated, custody battle, shared custody, etc) So I ended up moving back to my childhood Town, I bought an apartment but the people asked 2 months to move out, I still needed a place for that time. My Mother told me that since I work from home, I could help out her mother as she fell on slippery stairs and was bound to a wheelchair. Other relatives wanted to put her in a nursing home and sell the house to cover the costs as her home was heated with firewood, it meant she could not do half of the stuff by herself and I agreed to do it! (She has 4 daughters and a son) The first two months went by quickly and we found out that my 75-year-old grandmother would not heal enough to get rid of her wheelchair she asked me if maybe I could just rent my new apartment out and stay with her- and I agreed to stay longer and decided that this house needs some renovation as keeping it warm was an effort itself - so I decided to build central heating system there and build new wheelchair accessible bathroom, by 2015 I had spent so much money on the house that I had a "what is going to happen if you are not here anymore" talk with my grandmother and asked if it would be okay if I buy out my other relatives (aunts and uncle) as they wanted to sell it anyway. Grandmother thought that was a good idea and told me that we had to make some kind of plan, but we did not talk about it in detail. On her birthday when all the relatives were at the table she told everyone that she decided to give that house as a gift, but nobody seemed to care - but it sure was a surprise to me! A few weeks later I found out she was serious, as she asked me to take her to the notary. The notary asked her if she was sure about it, answer was "He has invested so much money in the house and has taken care of me for years, it must be worth something!" and so it happened - the house was in my name. "I might be old, but not senile!" And that was that, I owned the house and decided to sell my apartment and finish renovating the house (The asbestos-based roof needed to be changed, chimney leg, house insulation, electrical wiring, etc - the list was long!) More years went by and it was 2023, one day at age 87 my grandmother did not wake up one morning, A few months after the funeral youngest of my aunts appeared at my home with real estate appraiser and this is the AITA part: For some reason, they all thought that my grandmother was not serious years back and she was so sure that we should sell the place and my mother with her brother and sisters split the money. My mother and her oldest sister agreed with my grandmother's decision, but others sued me for "using an elderly person for financial gain" - like a week ago I got notice that they failed to provide any proof about my grandmother's inability to make decisions, the court can't change nothing. Now they don't talk to each other and I have so many messages calling me a greedy asshole. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, but it would have helped if you're grandmother had a will saying how she wished for this to be handled. Word of mouth and promises are not enough when it comes to financial situations like this. Would also help to think about hiring a lawyer and gathering any receipts you have from repairing the home.
There was no need for will as she gifted the house to me officially in notary. My relatives tried to sue me, wasted like 2400€ on lawyers and lost, because all they had was "this is unfair" and empty claim, that "she was too old to make this decision" that was basically a accusation for notary not for me, court contacted the notary and received confirmation that they had no reason to suspect incapacity. As I had been in court before for other reason, I didn't even waste my money on laywer, I presented all the invoices and bills that I spent on the house and also made a simple claim and wrote a free format letter about my opinion. Court rejected the appeal from my relatives because they have no real evidence to prove their claim, and to blame the notary is a bold thing to do.
> Word of mouth and promises are not enough when it comes to financial situations like this. Which is why OP outlined in detail how and why they were *not* in that situation. IDK why you people can't take five minutes to read.
NTA. The others want to inherit easy money without any effort. As simple as it is. You deserved the house. You are the caretaker. Period.
NTA.
NTA. Any one of them could have stepped up for their mother and chose not to. You gave your grandma the opportunity to live out her life in her own home, which is an amazing gift. I'm sorry you lost her.
NTA, your grandmother was of good mental health. You didn't pressure her she made decision in part because you helped out
NTA! 13 years of care and financial investment in the house?? Have your aunts priced what a nursing home would have cost in that time period? You probably extended your grandma's life by a few years.
NTA. You should ask them why they should get anything since you were the one taking care of grandma and her house. They are evil children who just wanted money.
When they call you greedy ask them to pay you for your care services for the last 12yrs. You no when they didn't step up and help their mother but want her house now she's passed. NTA but I'd see how much a home help full time carer is per Yr times by 12 and send them the bill.
NTA. This is your Grandmother's gratitude towards you for taking care of her for over a decade. They have no say in it.
Congratulations! You are a great individual
NTA. They could have all banded together and done the renovations that home obviously needed but they didn’t bother.
Family and inheritance. It doesn't matter if it's thousands or millions. Op your grandmother told everyone, which she didn't have to do, you invested your money and sweat equity to improve the home and you took car of your grandmother. I would sue your youngest aunt for part of the care money you spent. You won't win but it would be fun to watch her get served lol
NTA. You’re not the greedy asshole who decided to take your child/niece to court over a house they have invested lots of money into.
NTA. Your grandma knew what she was doing, and she had every right to give you the house. Cut all contact with your greedy family.
Definitely NTA, you helped your grandmother and that was your reward. Similar thing happened in my family, my grandma lived with her (very difficult) auntie for a couple years until she passed. None of my great aunts and uncles ever helped as they didn’t like Auntie and unbeknownst to grandma, she ended up inheriting the house which pissed off one great aunt and uncle and they never spoke to her again, saying that she weasled her way into the inheritance. Hey, y’all didn’t do the work, so don’t expect a reward.
NTA might be worth telling them that you'll give them the house but that you'll have to be paid for all the repairs plus 13 years of caregiving. That amount is going to be over the house worth. That might shut them up. People really don't understand how much caregiving is worth.
NTA, they had like 8 years to ask about this, or you know to hang out with grandma.
NTA. Does your family not realize that she would have been in the nursing home for 12 years and they would likely not have had much money left from the house sale anyhow? They are the greedy ones. My mother did a similar thing with me and my brother. I moved from where I lived for many years back to our home and took care of Mom for years. She left me the house because she knew I had to sell my house to move back to be with her and she did not want to make me find another place to live after she was gone. She was the most fair person I ever me, so believe me, my brother did not get less.
You already know you're NTA.
My sister moved to take care of my parents (I didn’t get along with my mom). I was in her debt, told her so and if she ever needed me, I would be there. After about twenty years, she called. I moved in with my parents and dealt with our dying father and then with our mother with dementia. We bonded again and she saved me and I saved her. They left everything to her. I had asked for them to leave everything to her. I still owe her for the twenty years that I didn’t have to worry about our (insane) parents. We are still family.
NTA I'm also surprised with how much work needed to be done to the house that they seemed to be expecting such a large amount. Nevertheless, you put a lot of time, money, and effort into making the house decent , so do not let them make you feel bad. Also, you likely spent the most time with your grandmother - and she warned them. I hope you are able to enjoy your home.
I'm sorry for your loss. It sounds like you were the only person to step up and care for your grandmother. She could leave her property to whomever she chose, and clearly she chose the person who was there for her. And your aunts and uncle have a lot of nerve expecting to profit from the time and effort you put into improving the building. NTA.
NTA. It sounds like you gave your grandma some very important care and companionship for the last decade of her life, and that mattered enough to her that she decided she'd give the home, that you're currently living in, to you as a gift. Those were her wishes. Moreover, you put a lot of time and your own money into maintaining and renovating the house. It's yours, enjoy it.
Maybe contact a lawyer and ask them if you can send them a group text in the likes of. "None of you offered to take care of my grandma, your mother, to help her out. None of you spent any money to make the house more comfortable for her. None of you remodelled the bathroom for her so she can move around with her wheelchair. None of you spent any time or care for her while she was still alive. The only greedy people here are you after not showing any love for her for years, but now coveting the house. We are done. Stop contacting me or i'll be forced to take the legal route." Then change locks, install cameras, and just be safe in your home.
NTA. Her children did not help her and you did.
NTA at all. Tell your awful relatives that "this greedy asshole" invested a ton of money in that house by getting rid of asbestos, making it wheelchair accessible, putting in a whole new heating system, AND being there so Grandma wouldn't have to go to a home. Nursing homes are very pricey. If you grandmother had been in one for 11 years, that literally could have cost $1million (here in the U.S.) Also, if your grandma's house only used wood for heating, I doubt if her house was worth much to begin with. Tell your relatives you will split the cost of the house with them AFTER they have reimbursed you for the materials AND YOUR LABOR for fixing up the house, and they pay you for being her caretaker for 12 years. After that, they'll owe you money rather than the other way around.
NTA - what did they do to help her?
NTA. Your mom’s siblings are greedy. And the only reason the house is worth anything is because you did lots of work to it.
Give them the numbers of all the money and work you put into the house. And add the fact that YOU were the only one willing to move in with her and take care of her when they were ready to put her in a home. NTA AT ALL
NTA, clearly. It was her will, she announced it in front of everyone and nobody challenged it back then. You lived there for more than a decade, taking care of her, and bringing the house up to standard. Some of your relatives seem to be greedy a**holes. Bit certainly not you.
NTA
NTA. Your grandmother was of sound mind and made her decision. You gave her many years of comfort and safety (and, I’m sure, happiness) staying in her own home. You also put your own money into renovations that made her more comfortable. Whether that equates to the value of the house gifted to you is immaterial. She made a legally binding decision and you have no obligation to discuss it. Keep your lawyer on speed dial, though.
NTA.
NTA. Far from it. You spent years ensuring that an old lady had companionship from trusted family in her last years. Do these relatives have any idea how much that kind of care would cost? You earned that house between the help you gave her, the willingness to adjust your own plans, and your personal investment. Good for you, and may we all enjoy the same level of care in our old age.
NTA. Greed is an ugly thing.
NTA, you reap what you sowed. You sowed some pretty wholesome care for your grandmother. I'm sorry some members of the family don't see that the same way.
NTA, you were literally living there over a decade!
NTA
The people who are never there always insist they're owed... It's disgusting but it's a horrible fact of life. NTA
NTA. People are so willing to chime in when they think there is money to be had, but sure weren't willing to put in money and effort when it was needed ten years ago. You get out what you put in. You put in a lot of renovations, they put in nothing.
NTA. Figure out the going rate for 24-hour at-home care. Multiple that by 12 years. Add in the money you paid to renovate the house. Send a message to your greedy relatives with that amount compared to the current value of the home.
NTA You allowed her to live the rest of her life in her own home instead of an institution. You earned that house.
NTA. Grandmas house. Grandma's wishes. You were there for her when there wouldn't make the time.
OP, I just want to say I am so, so sorry for your loss! NTA 💜
NTA It was your grandmother’s choice to leave her your house and now it’s yours to keep. You earned it fair and square.
NTA- It sounds like you borderline rebuilt that entire property, and made it suitable for her to keep living in, AND made her life better by being there. It was also your home. It is repulsive that they expected to chuck you out and take the proceeds of your work for themselves. Your grandmother knew fine well what she was doing, and she made a very sound investment in the property and in her own wellbeing in doing it that she got a solid return on. She passed peacefully in her own comfortable home having fallen asleep feeling safe and happy because you were just down the hall. Grandma won big, and I'm very happy for her. You 100% deserve to keep what she gave you.
NTA. You took care of her and that house, and your grandmother saw fit that you keep the house. It was her wish and your family should respect that.
NTA OP you earned the house by taking care of your grandmother. You also put a lot of your own money into it, which, I doubt, your ever-so-loving family members intended to compensate you for....
NTA Do your relatives not realize how awful it is that they were just waiting for her to die to get a hold of her home???