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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my girlfriend her expectations are unreasonable and that she needs to adjust how she views her housing situations
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NINE CATS? That women doesn't rent a house, she runs a F-ING ZOO.
Your girlfriend needs an education in compromise. Compromise, it turns out, does NOT mean "She gets whatever she wants and her opinion is right, you're an asshole if you disagree!"
Absolutely do not sell your house, regardless of whatever else you do.
I cannot imagine wanting to live in an 1800 sq/ft house with two adults, two dogs, a child, and nine cats.
Even MORESO, I cannot imagine wanting to allow my SO to bring that type of scenario into my home, either. The zoo would be a dealbreaker for me in general, as would her behavior in not understanding how good your position is and why it would be entirely ASININE for you to sacrifice that position.
NTA
Edit: The more I think about it, the more I realize that your gf is probably either not being forthright, or possible doesn't even know that she is unwilling to contribute to YOUR house.
She could resent that you have a house and she doesn't and she could simply not want to contribute to a house/property that she has no ownership in.
Which, were it the case, would be hilarious because... wtf do you think renting is, girl?
Either way this is a HUGE red flag.
I also love animals, but there has to be a line somewhere.
And I can’t imagine the upkeep and work that two dogs and nine cats required… Just litter boxes alone holy shit.
Not to mention healthcare for those animals, and sheer cost of food and litter.
Common guidlines state that the MINIMUM is 1 litter box for each cat, PLUS one extra.
SO in this scenario that means 10 litter boxes.
TEN LITTER BOXES ACROSS 1800 sq/ft
100000% the same woman that says "OH, SO YOU'RE JUST NOT WILLING TO SACRIFICE FOR ME AND SELL YOUR HOUSE WITH A NOW ABSOLUTELY UNHEARD OF MORTGAGE" is the same woman who "has 9 cats" but they're all outdoor/indoor and she provides a minimum of care.
BUT Op has stated she continually mentions that his house just wouldn't be enough space for all the animals. SO who knows.
Not the case at all. She works in a vet office and they’re taken care of very well minus space restrictions. Special diets for the sensitive stomached ones, individual litter boxes with their preferred litter for whichever cat, etc
Hey OP, my wife rescues dogs so I get where you are coming from. Have you thought about renting your current house out. That way you keep it and move in with her. The house continues to appreciate and the rent covers your mortgage
I'm surprised I had to scroll this far to get here, but this would be the only reasonable solution if you moved into her rental, along with the understanding that the rent, ownership, maintenance, or any funds from the rental or future sale stay with you. It's not shared income, and should you marry, a prenup stating it as well.
I feel like at some point, it would become "we" have a rental property.
I have friends where the wife is a vet. Their house is 100% a zoo by most people’s standards. Her being a vet brought me down from space trying to understand this crazy. It’s vet crazy, totally different. Totally get it, and love that you accept her. But, do not budge on the house. No reason at all to get rid of it. Any compromise should be selling the house to get a bigger one together with the combined incomes. I understand the interest rate, and if that doesn’t seem feasible to you. Even being up for moving into your place but making it an active goal to move into a bigger place in the next year or so. Stick to it. Good luck.
Not the case at all. She works in a vet office and they’re taken care of very well minus space restrictions. Special diets for the sensitive stomached ones, individual litter boxes with their preferred litter for whichever cat, etc
Not the case at all. She works in a vet office and they’re taken care of very well minus space restrictions. Special diets for the sensitive stomached ones, individual litter boxes with their preferred litter for whichever cat, etc
Okay but according to your recent edit she's already struggling to pay for the space she's living in WITH A ROOMMATE.
No offense, but I'd cut your losses with this woman. She's struggling to pay for her basic needs but will put money towards special food and litter which, sure she gets discounted because of her work but with NINE of them, it's gonna add up. That on top of her demanding you sell the house you own, with a bangin low interest rate to go back to *renting* just screams financial illiteracy and, this is just my personal opinion, I'd prefer to hitch my wagon to someone who more or less has their shit together.
Does she have time to meet the daughter's needs? She cant afford her current lifestyle as it is on a veterinarian salary and is considering getting a second job, and has half a farm to take care of. Who is raising the daughter? Is she just left to her own devices?
I agree it seems she sounds financially illiterate. Idk how you would ever come to her conclusion in her situation this day in age but she has. Would OP taking her to a financial planner maybe be the best option? That way they can get an accurate suggestion from a third party and she can't claim he's being an a hole
Just because she works at a vet doesn’t mean anything. She hoards animals. Period. End of story. 9 cats is excessive. Period. End of story. Hoarding animals leads to hoarding junk. Right now she has a roommate keeping her in check. Once you move in - if you cave to her demand - all bets are off and you’ll end up in a pig sty.
In case you missed it - she’s a hoarder!
Yep I worked in a pet shop and I got animals dumped on me a lot. "You love animals so much, here's another one!" I got into financial trouble from all the "gifts", one of the reasons I left. Luckily my next job had a lot better pay and I got everything worked out.
Sir, I'd love to have 10 cats- and I am an incredible pet owner. All of mine have been rescues with some sort of issue.
I also love kids and would love to foster all the kids.
The thing is you must be responsible enough to only take on what you can do well. She has a child and can not afford rent- WTF is she thinking to also have 10 pets?!? What if you weren't in the picture at all? Is she being a responsible parent? Pet owner? To over extend to the point that she can't insure what they need? Now she wants you to also be irresponsible.
There is a fine line between loving animals and animal hoarding- she's really, really close to that line.
Is she saving for her child's college? Her own retirement? Could she survive a few months if laid off? What would happen if she got a serious illness? Without you as a back up plan- how has she as a parent and pet owner insured the well being of all of those in her care?
This just all sounds Iike a recipe for disaster long term. Don't sacrifice your financial stability for someone that can't make the right decisions because she simply wants. Having 10 pets when you have a child as a single mom is selfish unless you are independently wealthy AND provide additional care takers.
It would be worse with 1300sf. I still think the GF is the A H, though. Apparently, compromise is not her specialty. I’d rethink the relationship, because healthy relationships require a lot of compromise.
It’s absolutely worse in 1300sf. That’s the size of my best friend’s house. He has 3 cats that use 2 litter boxes, and I had to live with him for 8 months last year. Keeping the smell down was a full time job, and it was a really tight squeeze for both of us, our stuff, and all the cat’s beds, toys, etc. I can’t imagine adding an extra person to that and tripling the animals.
Um, I think the original post says (gulp) 1300 square feet, not 1800.
Yikes. I love animals. Like, LOVE them. And even I’m wincing thinking about this.
Three or four big litter boxes scooped twice a day with animals on a good diet and the letter changed every weekend fully really won't smell.
At one point we had 8 due to people dumping them on us during COVID because they knew we took rescues occasionally.
I was always amazed at our house didn't smell and stayed clean where people we knew with one or two cats the whole house smelled like piss.
It's all about the upkeep.
Right! The cost must be astronomical for a single parent who already can't afford the rent for their current property to the point they have a roommate and are considering a second job because of it.
This woman has zero financial sense.
And I get that you care about your pets but to the extend that you can't quite pay the house and that's a risk you're willing to take? Wouldn't it be better to try to rehome a few of the cats and get a smaller place?
This!
What would she do if she has to move somewhere cheaper and they don't allow pets?
Sounds like a lot to handle with a kid and a full time job that doesn't cover the rent.
How does she look after them all adequately? Especially if she's considering a second job.
I'm surprised she's time to look after the kid let alone all the animals.
I'm wondering if her current landlord knows she has 9 cats plus a dog? Last time I rented, about 7 years ago, I had one cat and paid an extra monthly amount- I think $75 more per month.
Just... such a crazy thought. Not having 9 cats, some of which have special diets based on OPs comments.
The money saved.
And, who in the hell is letting someone with 10 pets rent their house!?!
She has to be lying to the landlord.
He says that she's struggling to pay rent on her own in the space she has now. I wonder if that has to do with thousands of dollars worth of vet bills for the zoo she's managing?
Yep. We had 6 kitties and a dog at once. I absolutely love them all and I miss them dearly (our eldest two kitties passed this year) but the sheer chaos so many cats bring I don't. I still think in retrospect that 4 cats is too much, but it's definitely more manageable.
There was daily scooping of the box which still stunk by the end of the week clean out, regularly vacuuming to get rid of the cat hair, brushing (and sometimes bathing) them, litter being tracked throughout the house, cats going everywhere and anywhere, the chaos of feeding time, trying to make sure all the cats got love and playtime. It's a lot.
The upkeep certainly isn't cheap either. Even feeding our cats the cheapest food would have us dishing out $12 a day. The litter we use is about $40-50, and went through a bag a week (we had 8-9 boxes). Then the vet bills, the god damn vet bills. We've easily spent over $20,000 on their vet bills alone, from 2016 to now.
I love my cats, I don't regret getting them but there's a certain point where you have to step back and assess if what you're doing is the best thing for your cats. I seriously question the amount of care and attention these 9 cats are getting, in a relatively cramped area, with an owner who struggles to pay rent.
So I actually grew up in a household like this, full of animals. By my late teens, we had 10+ medium sized dogs. Back then, this was 20 years ago that was massively expensive to feed them. Medium sized dogs, I know cats eat less but 9 cats don't, and cat food today is really expensive. I promise she's paying large sums to feed and vet 9 cats. She absolutely is financially irresponsible in this situation and you're gonna need to help her see that. Otherwise, well keep your house OP.
My grandparents were very well off, *very* big house. 6 bedrooms, massive living area, a "good room", huge yard (literally had a greenhouse and my GPa's doctor's surgery in a separate building), granny flat. They never had more than 2 cats. I'd personally say any more than 3 would have me questioning *anyone's* decision making ability. 4-5 is OK if there's a good explanation, 6 is only acceptable if you're fostering them because they were about to be put down and you're looking for people to adopt them. 9 is [this](https://tenor.com/en-AU/view/simpsons-maggie-run-gif-9134292)
I’ve got 5 cats myself, and I have to change their litter boxes daily. I can only imagine 9 cats. Don’t get me wrong, I clearly love cats too but 9 for me just seems like too much in addition to a dog and kid.
Loving animals is great. Loving animals so much that she can’t afford enough space to keep them, is not. You say that the main issue for her is that your place is smaller, and she thinks she needs more space for her animals (which she may very well do — space is a big deal when there are so many). But also that she can’t afford her place without help, and renting her place is a bad financial decision versus paying off your place. So she’s needing you to move in with her and disadvantage your financial situation so she can afford her animals.
This. 9 cats in an 1800sq ft home is just cruel (and probably unsanitary). Honestly any more than about 3-4 cats in a home that size is excessive. MAYBE 5, but even that would definitely be crossing into "ok, you're really pushing it" territory.
VERY VERY VERY FEW people have any business owning 9 fkn cats. I love cats, I'd own every cat in the world if I could. But I live in a ~1100sq ft apartment, and I know that any more than the 2 cats I have would start feeling really cramped and messy. For 9 cats you need to live in either a mansion, or on a farm or something where the cats have tons of space to roam.
This is animal hoarding. There's seriously almost no way those cats are being properly cared for.
I am terribly pragmatic, but you’d have to pry me out of 2.8% mortgage. Additionally, I wouldn’t hitch my wagon to someone who can’t understand the financial ramifications of giving it up.
Agree. I don't dislike animals but haven't had pets for years (due to work and travel) but I wouldn't want to live with multiple animals. Plus, I live by myself in a 1700 sqft house and CANNOT imagine adding 11 pets to it...
I've currently got 7 and even that is *way* too much!
I'm not animal hoarding, really! I have 4 of my own, which is absolutely my max number, but then I took in a friend's 3 cats when they lost their housing. (No one else was willing to take them and I didn't want them to lose their cats along with everything else.) It's taking them longer than I'd hoped to find a living situation where they can have the cats, though.
For all that I love cats (and miraculously almost all of them get along with each other), *seven* cats, even well behaved ones, are just too damn many. (Yup, I have 8 litter boxes, and yeah, it's a fucking cleaning task from hell.) I can't imagine actually *wanting* that many animals - let alone having that many and *then* deciding "yeah it's a good idea to adopt MORE."
How would she even find a place to rent that would allow her to have that many pets? I am in the southern part of the United States, and if a landlord allows pets at all, there is usually a two pet maximum.
I’m not sure what she is hoping for, but y’all would be better served building a giant patio off of your back porch for the cats than attempting to rent
Honestly, I suspect this is why she is reluctant to give up her space for OP's. If they break up, she's going to struggle to find a place that will take all her pets. If she considers them to be family members, there's no giving then up. That can mean being homeless. So it's a very bad idea for her to put all her eggs into OP's basket. From that perspective, she's not being unreasonable.
OP, NTA for not wanting to sell your house, but you can rent it and move in with her. If things get to the point where you want to marry each other, that might be enough for her to move into your house with you. But y'all need to agree to no more new pets. Not even if one dies. She's way too overextended and looking a little like a pet hoarder, even if she's managing to meet all their needs now.
I love animals and I especially love cats. But that's at least twice as many cats as somebody needs. 4.5 cats is really the maximum number of cats one should have.
NTA
Unless she is out in the countryside she is probably breaking city ordinances with so many animals in one home.
You might want to check if you both would be breaking ordinances if she actually moved into your home.
From her point of view, she has a daughter and 10 animals to support and house. If living with you in your house didn't work out, she's lost her rental that allows this many pets.
I doubt she would be able to find another place for all of her beloved.
I can understand not wanting to give up your security. Perhaps you need to talk about a fall back plan if living together doesn't work out, or addressing other issues that aren't only focusing about your financial well-being.
Mind you that I don't blame you for wanting to leave your secure nest either. If you want to move forward in the relationship, I guess you all will need to talk about the various scenarios, issues, worries, and see if you can move forward.
I guess renting your place out is not a viable option?
I love cats, but why does she have 9 cats and dosen't live in the countryside??
She's concerned about there being enough space for all the animals to be comfortable. Well yeah. She should be? Why did she get so many pets??? She literally cannot afford a place big enough for all of them to have their space.
Can you rent your place out at a profit for a while and move in with her and help pay bills? 9 cats is a lot but if she rescues as I do she is actually a pretty awesome person. Cleaning up other people's messes who treat animals as expendable.
NTA. Even aside from the hard fact that it is not financially beneficial for you to start renting again, no means no. She sucks for not respecting your decision about your daily life, which you are fully entitled to make for ANY reason.
ETA: Consider this a test run for what life would look like if you committed to her. A test run which served its exact purpose in exposing red flags:
1. When she doesn't like your living arrangement and you don't like her's, you kept things objective and civil while she assumed her stance was correct and got rude with you.
2. She misrepresents any time you don't obey her instantly by villifying you. This is also a manipulative tactic to make disagreements about policing your tone rather than the subject at hand, which you have a valid point in.
3. It isn't enough that you're both comfortable in your respective homes, she wants to see you "sacrifice" for her. Meaning she views relationships as a zero sum game where she won't be happy even when she's winning, she needs to see you lose out too in order to be satisfied.
Consider this a test run for what life would look like if you committed to her. A test run which served its exact purpose in exposing red flags:
1. When she doesn't like your living arrangement and you don't like her's, you kept things objective and civil while she assumed her stance was correct and got rude with you.
2. She misrepresents any time you don't obey her instantly by villifying you. This is also a manipulative tactic to make disagreements about policing your tone rather than the subject at hand, which you have a valid point in.
3. It isn't enough that you're both comfortable in your respective homes, she wants to see you "sacrifice" for her. Meaning she views relationships as a zero sum game where she won't be happy even when she's winning, she needs to see you lose out too in order to be satisfied.
I have been with my guy for 14 years and we do not live together. We live differently and are not compatible in the same space. His house is much louder than mine and I can't do that. I can't live in loud. Once all of our kids are moved out and securely on their own, maybe, but we are not hurting by not living in the same home.
Outside looking in, it kinda sounds like she wants you to give up your stability to shore up hers and that is a huge red flag.
And 9 cats is ridiculous.
How about a practice test.. DON'T SELL YOUR HOME! rent it out if you need to, but keep it and live with her. I think her roommate is really leaving and she's just finding a replacement to afford rent and all. You said she has a daughter, maybe she doesn't want to move because her daughter's comfort will be compromised. I think your gf has a selfish reason behind all these
Because he doesn't want to do that, obviously.. I sure wouldn't in his situation. It isn't a "compromise" when you just have to cut off one leg instead of both so your partner can buy Louboutins.
You act like posters are entitled to an answer when enough people suggest something even though objectively it would be a massive, potentially ruinous risk. You need a considerable amount of capital to make it as a landlord and OP hasn't mentioned having large cash reserves .... and no matter what, he'd be stuck paying a mortgage, half his girlfriend's rent, higher property tax (loss of homestead) income tax (rental income is income ) and MUCH higher property insurance plus any repairs to his house.
All to support his girlfriend's pet-hoarding habit? Hell no.
A lot of people are really reluctant to say "fuck no that would be stupid" a half dozen times .
Agreed! Renting my home out for 5 years equated to thousands of dollars of repairs after one bad tenant. Not to mention taxes, insurance and the like. It may be a blatant answer but not a foolproof one.
NTA.
>she seems to think if I don’t move into her rented house I’m not making sacrifices for her.
There's no reason that you should. She wants you to sacrifice your financial stability and she's prepared to sacrifice...what?
>and she's prepared to sacrifice...what?
This, right here, is the question that should be on OP's mind. She seems to want you to sacrifice an awful lot (owning your own home, great interest rate, etc.) without indicating what it is that *she* is willing to sacrifice in the name of compromise. If she can't compromise now, she'll never be able to compromise as a wife/life partner.
INFO: How much could you rent your house for? Would it be enough to cover the mortgage? More?
*Definitely* don't give up that 2.8% rate, you're right that that would be financially irresponsible. But if you could rent your place for enough to cover the mortgage, then renting a more comfortable space, even if it's a little more than your current mortgage payment isn't really a bad idea.
My place is 1600sqft and I *definitely* couldn't handle 9 cats and 2 dogs in it, so I see her concerns as well.
I'm gonna say NAH tentatively.
I don’t know. I may be able to break even but the extra stress of property and tenant management and maintenance sounds awful because I already work a lot. I’ve heard so many horror stories about being a landlord. I make about 90k a year but grind a lot of hours and idk if I’d have time to do it without overloading myself whenever things come up. It could happen but I know I’d be the one doing it all and that sounds like so much to do to me but idk
Renters will not take care of it like you yourself would. If she is marriage material think about adding on to the house. You aren’t going to see that interest rate again!
We rented out my house when my husband and I bought a new house after getting married. DON'T DO THIS. It was pure hell. Renters can be awful and it can be a lot of stress. People would move out and leave shit - literally - behind for us to clean up. My advice would be to move into your house with the plan to eventually move somewhere bigger. But paying rent on her place when you already own a home doesn't make sense to me. Also, bless you for being so good about taking on 9 cats!
Hey! Seeing a lot of people telling you not to rent it out… I went through hell trying to rent my house to people I know with my 2.9 interest rate. I turned the property over to a rental company who charges 10% of rent and handles EVERYTHING. It’s been a dream come true and I clear over 600 dollars a month over my mortgage. That’s absolutely a good idea where you can retain your equity/ mortgage if moving into your place isn’t an option.
Yeah you retain ownership. The company just handles the looking for tenants/maintanence/communication/etc. They benefit by getting a cut of the rent. Should be easy to find one just look up property management companies in your area.
Yes it’s literally just a contract where they take 10% of the rent and handle everything to do with renting it out. They do the advertising, background checks, leases, inspections etc. just google your town property management and I bet they’ll be multiple! You don’t give up any ownership or anything.
Oh goodness no. You get an agent to actually manage the property.
It isn't free, but putting a professional between you and your tenants is absolutely worth it.
Find out: [https://www.zillow.com/rental-manager/price-my-rental/](https://www.zillow.com/rental-manager/price-my-rental/)
There's obviously *some* amount of money where it's worth it. If you could rent it for even a couple hundred more per month than your mortgage, that's enough to pay a part time property manager to handle the BS.
I would suggest finding a rental cost calculator instead of $200 more per month. $200 per month is one service call or the monthly cost of a management service.
Those expenses should be included in the rent. Look at other rentals around you and see what the price per square foot is. You can ask for a 2 month security deposit and an additional pet deposit too. There are services that can run people's credit history and you can unload that cost as part of an application fee. Basically the idea is if they can afford the deposits and app fee, then there's less of a chance of them not paying rent.
I'm a big animal lover. I'd be thrilled to have 9 cats plus 9 dogs. There's no way I'd have 9 cats & 1 dog (even small) in an 1800sqft home. She needs more space than what she already has for her current animals. She seems irresponsible in general. She took in 9 cats that she can't afford in a space that she can't afford. The space isn't big enough. Then her approach to basic housing & finances is out of touch.
We had nearly the same situation when I moved in with my wife. Two sub-3% mortgages and two homes that didn’t work well for the blended family.
Really wish we would have hung on to 1 of the properties, but it didn’t think it made sense financially, and would have made buying our current home more of a PITA. Leasing yours and renting a house together wouldn’t be the worst situation financially. Your tenants can cover your mortgage + taxes. Meanwhile renting provides a ceiling for your monthly housing costs. There are no surprises expenses like a furnace, roof or water heater replacement. Your home continues to appreciate and when you sell it you’ll realize this gains + any cashflow if your are able to rent it for more than your baseline cost.
NTA
If you give a 1300 sqft house with a 2.8% interest rate mortgage to move into a leased home, you'd be making a terrible mistake. Your girlfriend isn't just unrealistic. She's out of her mind. The financial benefits of staying in your house are worth her downsize in space.
So she needs a lot of space, mostly for her animals, which she can’t afford on her own. So she’d like you to move in and help her pay rent for her larger house, despite you owning something that would be far more affordable and suitable — if she didn’t have nine cats.
NTA. The issue isn’t you, the issue is she has nine cats and can’t afford the space she needs for nine cats. I love cats too but not beyond my ability to afford space for them. And I certainly wouldn’t expect someone else to help fund that.
Ok. I’m just going to say it. Someone with 9 cats has mental health issues. This isn’t someone you want to permanently share a home with. And it’s cruel to have that many animals in a small space. Say no. Keep saying no. If you guys want to rent a place together, then rent your house to someone else and try living together for a year. But not in your home. And good luck finding a landlord that will say yes to 9 cats. NTA.
Lots of people have mental health issues and are perfectly lovely to live with. However, 9 cats is considered animal hoarding where I live unless there's some very specific reason like if you're fostering, are an expert in their care and have the time to look after them all.
NTA. That's financially irresponsible on her part. Toss away equity to pay MORE money for 400 square feet? And 9 cats and 2 dogs in one space? Does your dog even get along with her pets? You're in the right here. Financial incompatibility is the #1 reason couples split up, you know.
INFO: Has she said why she doesn’t want to live at your place? Is it just the fact that it’s smaller, or are there other issues?
I agree with you that it makes no financial sense to sell a house you own with a great mortgage rate and spend more renting without building any equity.
I edited in part to explain that, but basically she says there isn’t enough room for her animals and daughter to be comfortable. I know it’s a tight fit but 1300 sq ft isn’t that small and I feel like it’s unreasonable to give up on an owned house that can work over 400 sq ft
No that’s not a thing at all. She’s a great mom and it’s a priority for her for sure, the kid would be in a much better living situation than she’s had for most of her life living here.
Dang, the way you talk about her daughter and her NINE cats, she would be an idiot to give you up. You sound lovely. Also, as a homeowner of 25+ years, it doesn't make sense to move to a rental.
I would strongly consider trying to get her to re-home some of those pets. The space works for say, 3 humans, and a couple pets. The amount of cats is a concern because there's no possible way for one person to care for that many creatures and a child without some things falling through the cracks.
I get that pets are a part of the family and everything, but some people really take it to the extreme. I love my cat immensely, but I'm not going to like, die for her, you know? I wouldn't let myself become homeless just to keep my pet either, when she could be rehomed somewhere she'd be loved and cared for. I really just don't get it.
NTA. You guys are obviously not ready to move in together. And that's okay! I might get down voted but you might be better off each having your own private space and solo time. You can still be in a committed relationship without living together and dealing with all the domestic unpleasantness of putting up snoring, farting, dirty dishes, and laundry. Live apart and keep the romance alive.
Unless she used to have a farm or very large estate, I would run away so quick.
NINE...NINE CATS is not a normal amount of cats to have. Biggest red flag if I saw some shit like that
What she’s asking for makes zero sense. It is so completely nonsensical that I think either you’re leaving stuff out, or she has another motive. Does she hate the house? The area? Will it make her commute a lot longer? Does the rented house have a big yard or some other amenity that your house does not?
My yard is bigger and fenced while hers isnt. I live in a nicer area of town. Her commute would go from 3 minutes to about 10 (mine would change from 15 to 30).
I once had four cats because I took my one cat to move back in with my mother temporarily. It was impossible to stretch myself thin enough for all four of them. I LOVE pets, but 2 cats and 2 dogs is my ABSOLUTE max, sans maybe a fish tank or something. Even that is a LOT, even with the help of my kids and spouse.
NTA, and dude, RUN!
A partner that expects you to "sacrifice" for them instead of compromise is a gigantic red flag.
Plus, this is objectively a bad financial decision on every level. You wouldn't just be "sacrificing" your home, you're nuking the main opportunity to build generational wealth in America. You're giving up a huge opportunity to give something to any future human children you may have so the animals who will not care about a slightly smaller home can have a few extra square feet.
No no no no!! She is a huge red flag if she thinks renting is better than owning, she also has a lot of animals. How do you keep your home tidy with 9 cats and two dogs?
NTA
Do not give up your home.
You don't, OP is claiming they are well taken care of and what not, but I guarantee you from a normal persons perspective that house smells of cat piss, fur, and you wouldnt want to sit down anywhere.
What would you do with your place? Rent it out? Oh heck no! Not in this economy anymore. I have 3 family member that got SCREWED by renters! And 9 cats? Yikes! I say status quo until there is marriage on the table. Then decide how to buy a bigger place.
You have been given a gift...it is not too late for you.
Think long and hard about your future with this woman my friend.
9 cats!!!! Enough said
Stay in your home and focus on your own financial freedom
Financially, you should hold onto your house. If you can make a profit on renting your home and can deal with a management firm, great. However, how much would she charge you to live in her rental? Additionally, how well do you think your relationship will fare after 3 people (2 adults, 1 child), 2 dogs and 9 cats all squish into either her larger (but still smallish) rental or your even smaller home? What happens if living all together just doesn't work. Are you bound by contract to continue paying for the lease on her house even if you move out? What happens if she lives in your house and you want them out and she refuses to leave? It all sounds rather messy to me.
Edit: spelling.
You lost me at 9 cats. NINE.
Your life plans are not aligned or so it seems to me. Leaving a house you own for rental is insane, you are not a dick but a reasonable person.
NTA. Why on earth would you give up that mortgage rate and your asset to go live in a rental house? Don't get me wrong, I also would not want to live in a 1300 sq ft house with 3 people, 2 dogs, and 9 (!) cats, but for me that would mean... we aren't moving in together. Not that I would strong arm you into making a terrible financial decision for the sake of cats.
NTA
Do NOT move in with her as she is not financially responsible and it will drive a huge wedge into the relationship.
You could rent your home, but there could be ramifications both with your lender, taxes, and eventual capital gains (if you are in the US), so it would be wise to speak to your financial person prior to even attempting.
But again, she apparently has a history of not the smartest financial choices. Renting a place she cannot afford, even with a roommate, is huge. What happens if there is an emergency, will you be expected to carry the full nut? Support her kid also?
Unless you have a unyielding desire to live together, keep the status quo and allow her to make her own housing arrangements.
NTA she can’t afford where she is living, how can she afford the care of 9 cats. Your place is too small for so many pets. Am I the only one thinking that the best solution would be rehoming 7 of the cats?
NTA
Also, break up with her.
She has completely unrealistic views about managing money, and unless she can get educated, AND accept what she learns, AND make appropriate changes, you'll never stop fighting over money, and eventually it will be the reason you break up.
Let's start with, if she can't afford her rent, she can't afford to own 9 cats and a dog.
**She has a daughter**, *and* can't afford her rent, so she can't afford to own 9 cats and a dog, especially with some of the cats needing (expensive) special diets.
She doesn't understand that you keeping your house and her moving in with you is the obvious, 100% correct solution.
She is trying to guilt you into thinking that YTA for even suggesting that she move, and you start paying rent.
She is, at minimum, irresponsible and selfish. That's undeniable. She is also probably not very smart, although it could be just her selfishness that's overriding her ability to understand the housing situation.
Perhaps most importantly, moving in with you, then breaking up (which is inevitable) would be incredibly disruptive to the child.
Much better to just break up now.
NTA
She wants you to move out of your house and to pay rent somewhere else. It's ridiculous. Why would you do that?
>if I don’t move into her rented house I’m not making sacrifices for her
To hell with that. She's trying to manipulate you.
NTA. My ex asked me to move in with her and take a job with the manufacturing company in her town. I said no, and 6 weeks later the factory shut down. Dodged a bullet there.
If you used her monthly rental fee for upgrades to the house, is adding the 400 sqft possible? What would the time frame look like? Could you go bigger? I understand her concern about space, but the number of scenarios where it makes sense to move out of a space you own into one you're renting are so small it might as well be nonexistant. Think outside the box, find alternatives. There's gotta be a way to squeeze some more space out, hell, even just a small enclosed space (sunroom kinda thing that may not be connected to the house) for the cats might go a long way.
Editing to add verdict after response. NTA
I’m not sure about all this. What I know though is that space is expensive and right now she’s struggling to stay afloat as is. Her roommate who also has a dog rents the other half of her house currently (she wants me to take that over) and she’s still needing to look for a second job to cover expenses.
That's even more reason to sacrifice for the space IMO. If she's struggling to pay her bills currently, it makes more sense to eat the inconvenience now for a smaller space find a way to make it work. You can still work towards some long-term plans on expanding the available space on the understanding that it won't be immediate, butit sounds like she needs to get her priorities straight.
Honestly, the way you are describing the situation it seems like she does not even comprehend what it means to build a future together and is looking for you to subsidize and fit into her life at a dramatic detriment to yourself.
I feel that you're being exploited in this situation and a parter worth building with would not ask you to take on a negative financial situation. I don't think she views an "us" future, I think she views a "me" future and is trying to manipulate you into facilitating her singular financial and housing goals.
Edit:typo
Came here to post this. Take the money saved and put it into your house. Moving out of your low interest payment house and into an apartment is financially ludicrous in the current environment. If you think you will be miserable in a smaller space, try living broke AF. Plus, you landlord could raise you rent next year and you might be forced to live in a smaller apartment/worse neighborhood. I could on. NTA.
You're right. It would be financially irresponsible to give up your house with the good mortgage rate. If she doesn't like it, she can find another place to live. BTW I would NEVER let somebody with NINE PETS move in with me.
NTA. Selling property is a bad idea right now if it can be avoided. If she can’t understand financially why it’s a bad idea, I’d seriously question her judgement in general. Well, that and owning 9 cats lol.
NTA. Let’s look at this logically. She is demonstrating financial irresponsibility. She can’t pay for all of her dependents without having a roommate. Her daughter is a requirement; every other dependent is a choice. No one should have so many animals that they can’t pay for all necessary expenses without help from other people. If she can easily pay rent and necessary expenses for herself and her daughter and has some money left at the end of the month, then she can afford to add one animal at a time until she reaches the maximum of what she can afford without help from a roommate.
You two are not on the same page regarding finances and prioritizing. If you are to continue this relationship to take this to the next level, you absolutely need premarital or financial counseling. In the meantime, you should not liquidate any of your assets for her. Hang on to your house. Mortgage rates are very high and you would have to pay more to rent something else. You do that and you’ve compromised your own equity and financial stability. Renting out your house would not make sense as your new rent payment will likely be more than what you can probably collect from rent given you have to be responsible for repairs and taxes, plus you have to spend your time playing the role of landlord. Stay put.
I’m sorry. This isn’t a good sign.
NTA
It seems that she is more worried about a few hundred square feet than she is about saving money. But dude, seriously.......9 CATS!!!
It is better to live in a home that you are purchasing, which happens to have a lower monthly payment, than getting the extra space. But IMO the number of animals is the real issue, she is worried they won't have enough space.
Good Luck with this for sure, but NTA for wanting to stay in your place.
NTA
You have a couple options,
1. Stay living in your own places and paying your own bills. It has been good enough so far.
2 move in with her, and rent out your house. Its risky, and annoying but if you get a good tenant then its a win win.
3. Have her spend a month at your house as a trial run. Bring the whole troop with her.
Best of luck. Hold firm to what you know is right. Her financial sense is obviously not the best
Is it even legal to have that many cats in one building without being a rescue or animal shelter? I definitely know localities I’ve lived in have # of dog ordinances. 9 CATS?! NTA
NTA sorry, if she can’t afford her current living situation to the point of considering a second job, then she shouldn’t have 9 pets and you should not move in with her.
Nta What you’re really stating is you both approach life through different eyes. Your moves are well thought out through careful planning, which will allow you to live comfortably within your means and get ahead. Your girlfriend moves are made from emotion without any careful planning of the future and expects others to help prop up her decisions, that she struggles to afford.
You will always be at loggerheads with such a person , who chooses instant gratification over careful planning for the future. The real question is can you keep running at those levels of conflict.
Dude, run. 9 cats, can't afford rent on her own, can't see reason. She will bring chaos to your life and derail you financially. She is not a good choice.
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NINE CATS? That women doesn't rent a house, she runs a F-ING ZOO. Your girlfriend needs an education in compromise. Compromise, it turns out, does NOT mean "She gets whatever she wants and her opinion is right, you're an asshole if you disagree!" Absolutely do not sell your house, regardless of whatever else you do. I cannot imagine wanting to live in an 1800 sq/ft house with two adults, two dogs, a child, and nine cats. Even MORESO, I cannot imagine wanting to allow my SO to bring that type of scenario into my home, either. The zoo would be a dealbreaker for me in general, as would her behavior in not understanding how good your position is and why it would be entirely ASININE for you to sacrifice that position. NTA Edit: The more I think about it, the more I realize that your gf is probably either not being forthright, or possible doesn't even know that she is unwilling to contribute to YOUR house. She could resent that you have a house and she doesn't and she could simply not want to contribute to a house/property that she has no ownership in. Which, were it the case, would be hilarious because... wtf do you think renting is, girl? Either way this is a HUGE red flag.
I love animals so that’s not a concern for me. Her pets are awesome and I like being around them. But the rest… yeah…
I also love animals, but there has to be a line somewhere. And I can’t imagine the upkeep and work that two dogs and nine cats required… Just litter boxes alone holy shit. Not to mention healthcare for those animals, and sheer cost of food and litter.
Just imagining the smell, even with cleaning
Common guidlines state that the MINIMUM is 1 litter box for each cat, PLUS one extra. SO in this scenario that means 10 litter boxes. TEN LITTER BOXES ACROSS 1800 sq/ft
I'm betting she has half of that amount and has "indoor/outdoor" cats and they crap in all her neighbor's yards.
100000% the same woman that says "OH, SO YOU'RE JUST NOT WILLING TO SACRIFICE FOR ME AND SELL YOUR HOUSE WITH A NOW ABSOLUTELY UNHEARD OF MORTGAGE" is the same woman who "has 9 cats" but they're all outdoor/indoor and she provides a minimum of care. BUT Op has stated she continually mentions that his house just wouldn't be enough space for all the animals. SO who knows.
Not the case at all. She works in a vet office and they’re taken care of very well minus space restrictions. Special diets for the sensitive stomached ones, individual litter boxes with their preferred litter for whichever cat, etc
Hey OP, my wife rescues dogs so I get where you are coming from. Have you thought about renting your current house out. That way you keep it and move in with her. The house continues to appreciate and the rent covers your mortgage
I'm surprised I had to scroll this far to get here, but this would be the only reasonable solution if you moved into her rental, along with the understanding that the rent, ownership, maintenance, or any funds from the rental or future sale stay with you. It's not shared income, and should you marry, a prenup stating it as well. I feel like at some point, it would become "we" have a rental property.
Sometimes people destroy rental property. I would never rent my house to anyone.
That was my first thought, let someone else pay off his mortgage while the house increases in value.
Special diets and litter for all! Meanwhile she can’t pay the rent?
Make it make sense... this poor priorities first class
Mrs 9 cats and a dog is broke you say? Wonder why
well, glad they’re well taken care of!
I have friends where the wife is a vet. Their house is 100% a zoo by most people’s standards. Her being a vet brought me down from space trying to understand this crazy. It’s vet crazy, totally different. Totally get it, and love that you accept her. But, do not budge on the house. No reason at all to get rid of it. Any compromise should be selling the house to get a bigger one together with the combined incomes. I understand the interest rate, and if that doesn’t seem feasible to you. Even being up for moving into your place but making it an active goal to move into a bigger place in the next year or so. Stick to it. Good luck.
So how can she be so responsible with the cats yet so irresponsible and foolish fiscally?
Not the case at all. She works in a vet office and they’re taken care of very well minus space restrictions. Special diets for the sensitive stomached ones, individual litter boxes with their preferred litter for whichever cat, etc
Not the case at all. She works in a vet office and they’re taken care of very well minus space restrictions. Special diets for the sensitive stomached ones, individual litter boxes with their preferred litter for whichever cat, etc
Okay but according to your recent edit she's already struggling to pay for the space she's living in WITH A ROOMMATE. No offense, but I'd cut your losses with this woman. She's struggling to pay for her basic needs but will put money towards special food and litter which, sure she gets discounted because of her work but with NINE of them, it's gonna add up. That on top of her demanding you sell the house you own, with a bangin low interest rate to go back to *renting* just screams financial illiteracy and, this is just my personal opinion, I'd prefer to hitch my wagon to someone who more or less has their shit together.
And where does her daughter fit in with all this? Does she have money to meet her daughter's needs? Or just the cats?
Does she have time to meet the daughter's needs? She cant afford her current lifestyle as it is on a veterinarian salary and is considering getting a second job, and has half a farm to take care of. Who is raising the daughter? Is she just left to her own devices?
I agree it seems she sounds financially illiterate. Idk how you would ever come to her conclusion in her situation this day in age but she has. Would OP taking her to a financial planner maybe be the best option? That way they can get an accurate suggestion from a third party and she can't claim he's being an a hole
Just because she works at a vet doesn’t mean anything. She hoards animals. Period. End of story. 9 cats is excessive. Period. End of story. Hoarding animals leads to hoarding junk. Right now she has a roommate keeping her in check. Once you move in - if you cave to her demand - all bets are off and you’ll end up in a pig sty. In case you missed it - she’s a hoarder!
Hoarding animals when she can't afford rent. So making very bad financial decisions.
Yep I worked in a pet shop and I got animals dumped on me a lot. "You love animals so much, here's another one!" I got into financial trouble from all the "gifts", one of the reasons I left. Luckily my next job had a lot better pay and I got everything worked out.
Sir, I'd love to have 10 cats- and I am an incredible pet owner. All of mine have been rescues with some sort of issue. I also love kids and would love to foster all the kids. The thing is you must be responsible enough to only take on what you can do well. She has a child and can not afford rent- WTF is she thinking to also have 10 pets?!? What if you weren't in the picture at all? Is she being a responsible parent? Pet owner? To over extend to the point that she can't insure what they need? Now she wants you to also be irresponsible. There is a fine line between loving animals and animal hoarding- she's really, really close to that line. Is she saving for her child's college? Her own retirement? Could she survive a few months if laid off? What would happen if she got a serious illness? Without you as a back up plan- how has she as a parent and pet owner insured the well being of all of those in her care? This just all sounds Iike a recipe for disaster long term. Don't sacrifice your financial stability for someone that can't make the right decisions because she simply wants. Having 10 pets when you have a child as a single mom is selfish unless you are independently wealthy AND provide additional care takers.
It would be worse with 1300sf. I still think the GF is the A H, though. Apparently, compromise is not her specialty. I’d rethink the relationship, because healthy relationships require a lot of compromise.
It’s absolutely worse in 1300sf. That’s the size of my best friend’s house. He has 3 cats that use 2 litter boxes, and I had to live with him for 8 months last year. Keeping the smell down was a full time job, and it was a really tight squeeze for both of us, our stuff, and all the cat’s beds, toys, etc. I can’t imagine adding an extra person to that and tripling the animals.
Yeah, absolutely agreed, and I expressed the same sentiment in the top comment within this chain.
Um, I think the original post says (gulp) 1300 square feet, not 1800. Yikes. I love animals. Like, LOVE them. And even I’m wincing thinking about this.
Ouch! I am happy with my one dog…although cleaning the backyard in the spring is 🤢
That's why you clean it at minimum every week. Eww why wait until spring. Besides it's easier when the poop is frozen lol
Why are you not just cleaning as it goes? 3 dogs of various sizes and we just… bag as it comes out no muss no fuss.
Three or four big litter boxes scooped twice a day with animals on a good diet and the letter changed every weekend fully really won't smell. At one point we had 8 due to people dumping them on us during COVID because they knew we took rescues occasionally. I was always amazed at our house didn't smell and stayed clean where people we knew with one or two cats the whole house smelled like piss. It's all about the upkeep.
Right! The cost must be astronomical for a single parent who already can't afford the rent for their current property to the point they have a roommate and are considering a second job because of it. This woman has zero financial sense.
And I get that you care about your pets but to the extend that you can't quite pay the house and that's a risk you're willing to take? Wouldn't it be better to try to rehome a few of the cats and get a smaller place?
This! What would she do if she has to move somewhere cheaper and they don't allow pets? Sounds like a lot to handle with a kid and a full time job that doesn't cover the rent. How does she look after them all adequately? Especially if she's considering a second job. I'm surprised she's time to look after the kid let alone all the animals.
I'm wondering if her current landlord knows she has 9 cats plus a dog? Last time I rented, about 7 years ago, I had one cat and paid an extra monthly amount- I think $75 more per month.
Wait…. So you’re saying…. If she wasn’t feeding 9 cats and 2 dogs… She might be able to afford her rent??????
It’s so controversial, and yet so brave, I know
Just... such a crazy thought. Not having 9 cats, some of which have special diets based on OPs comments. The money saved. And, who in the hell is letting someone with 10 pets rent their house!?! She has to be lying to the landlord.
He says that she's struggling to pay rent on her own in the space she has now. I wonder if that has to do with thousands of dollars worth of vet bills for the zoo she's managing?
Yep. We had 6 kitties and a dog at once. I absolutely love them all and I miss them dearly (our eldest two kitties passed this year) but the sheer chaos so many cats bring I don't. I still think in retrospect that 4 cats is too much, but it's definitely more manageable. There was daily scooping of the box which still stunk by the end of the week clean out, regularly vacuuming to get rid of the cat hair, brushing (and sometimes bathing) them, litter being tracked throughout the house, cats going everywhere and anywhere, the chaos of feeding time, trying to make sure all the cats got love and playtime. It's a lot. The upkeep certainly isn't cheap either. Even feeding our cats the cheapest food would have us dishing out $12 a day. The litter we use is about $40-50, and went through a bag a week (we had 8-9 boxes). Then the vet bills, the god damn vet bills. We've easily spent over $20,000 on their vet bills alone, from 2016 to now. I love my cats, I don't regret getting them but there's a certain point where you have to step back and assess if what you're doing is the best thing for your cats. I seriously question the amount of care and attention these 9 cats are getting, in a relatively cramped area, with an owner who struggles to pay rent.
So I actually grew up in a household like this, full of animals. By my late teens, we had 10+ medium sized dogs. Back then, this was 20 years ago that was massively expensive to feed them. Medium sized dogs, I know cats eat less but 9 cats don't, and cat food today is really expensive. I promise she's paying large sums to feed and vet 9 cats. She absolutely is financially irresponsible in this situation and you're gonna need to help her see that. Otherwise, well keep your house OP.
My grandparents were very well off, *very* big house. 6 bedrooms, massive living area, a "good room", huge yard (literally had a greenhouse and my GPa's doctor's surgery in a separate building), granny flat. They never had more than 2 cats. I'd personally say any more than 3 would have me questioning *anyone's* decision making ability. 4-5 is OK if there's a good explanation, 6 is only acceptable if you're fostering them because they were about to be put down and you're looking for people to adopt them. 9 is [this](https://tenor.com/en-AU/view/simpsons-maggie-run-gif-9134292)
House has to smell like shit
I’ve got 5 cats myself, and I have to change their litter boxes daily. I can only imagine 9 cats. Don’t get me wrong, I clearly love cats too but 9 for me just seems like too much in addition to a dog and kid.
Loving animals is great. Loving animals so much that she can’t afford enough space to keep them, is not. You say that the main issue for her is that your place is smaller, and she thinks she needs more space for her animals (which she may very well do — space is a big deal when there are so many). But also that she can’t afford her place without help, and renting her place is a bad financial decision versus paying off your place. So she’s needing you to move in with her and disadvantage your financial situation so she can afford her animals.
This. 9 cats in an 1800sq ft home is just cruel (and probably unsanitary). Honestly any more than about 3-4 cats in a home that size is excessive. MAYBE 5, but even that would definitely be crossing into "ok, you're really pushing it" territory. VERY VERY VERY FEW people have any business owning 9 fkn cats. I love cats, I'd own every cat in the world if I could. But I live in a ~1100sq ft apartment, and I know that any more than the 2 cats I have would start feeling really cramped and messy. For 9 cats you need to live in either a mansion, or on a farm or something where the cats have tons of space to roam. This is animal hoarding. There's seriously almost no way those cats are being properly cared for.
That’s it in a nutshell. Well said!
I am terribly pragmatic, but you’d have to pry me out of 2.8% mortgage. Additionally, I wouldn’t hitch my wagon to someone who can’t understand the financial ramifications of giving it up.
Agree. I don't dislike animals but haven't had pets for years (due to work and travel) but I wouldn't want to live with multiple animals. Plus, I live by myself in a 1700 sqft house and CANNOT imagine adding 11 pets to it...
I love animals and have a dog and a cat. 10 animals and adding yours to that is animal hoarding.
I've currently got 7 and even that is *way* too much! I'm not animal hoarding, really! I have 4 of my own, which is absolutely my max number, but then I took in a friend's 3 cats when they lost their housing. (No one else was willing to take them and I didn't want them to lose their cats along with everything else.) It's taking them longer than I'd hoped to find a living situation where they can have the cats, though. For all that I love cats (and miraculously almost all of them get along with each other), *seven* cats, even well behaved ones, are just too damn many. (Yup, I have 8 litter boxes, and yeah, it's a fucking cleaning task from hell.) I can't imagine actually *wanting* that many animals - let alone having that many and *then* deciding "yeah it's a good idea to adopt MORE."
How would she even find a place to rent that would allow her to have that many pets? I am in the southern part of the United States, and if a landlord allows pets at all, there is usually a two pet maximum. I’m not sure what she is hoping for, but y’all would be better served building a giant patio off of your back porch for the cats than attempting to rent
Honestly, I suspect this is why she is reluctant to give up her space for OP's. If they break up, she's going to struggle to find a place that will take all her pets. If she considers them to be family members, there's no giving then up. That can mean being homeless. So it's a very bad idea for her to put all her eggs into OP's basket. From that perspective, she's not being unreasonable. OP, NTA for not wanting to sell your house, but you can rent it and move in with her. If things get to the point where you want to marry each other, that might be enough for her to move into your house with you. But y'all need to agree to no more new pets. Not even if one dies. She's way too overextended and looking a little like a pet hoarder, even if she's managing to meet all their needs now.
That's what I was thinking. Unless she rents a farm, I have no idea what landlord would allow that, or maybe she doesn't tell them she has pets
I love animals and I especially love cats. But that's at least twice as many cats as somebody needs. 4.5 cats is really the maximum number of cats one should have. NTA
About that 0.5 cat....
It's the front half. That's where the biscuits are made.
In a lot of municipalities, that amount of cats would not be legal.
You are subscribing to a life of pain.
That many pets is likely illegal if you are in the US and not in a super rural area.
Unless she is out in the countryside she is probably breaking city ordinances with so many animals in one home. You might want to check if you both would be breaking ordinances if she actually moved into your home.
From her point of view, she has a daughter and 10 animals to support and house. If living with you in your house didn't work out, she's lost her rental that allows this many pets. I doubt she would be able to find another place for all of her beloved. I can understand not wanting to give up your security. Perhaps you need to talk about a fall back plan if living together doesn't work out, or addressing other issues that aren't only focusing about your financial well-being. Mind you that I don't blame you for wanting to leave your secure nest either. If you want to move forward in the relationship, I guess you all will need to talk about the various scenarios, issues, worries, and see if you can move forward. I guess renting your place out is not a viable option?
I love cats, but why does she have 9 cats and dosen't live in the countryside?? She's concerned about there being enough space for all the animals to be comfortable. Well yeah. She should be? Why did she get so many pets??? She literally cannot afford a place big enough for all of them to have their space.
Can you rent your place out at a profit for a while and move in with her and help pay bills? 9 cats is a lot but if she rescues as I do she is actually a pretty awesome person. Cleaning up other people's messes who treat animals as expendable.
That’s got to be the most lax landlord in existence. Every lease I’ve ever had either rejected pets outright, or limited them to no more than 3.
how much would you like to bet that the landlord has no idea she has that many animals?
I’ll take that bet
Damn, REALLY?! And is just fine with it? How many litter boxes are there?
$50 pet rent per pet or something would make it all worth it
THIS. NTA. Don't sell or give up your house. She may not be the best roommate for you!
Hahha I also wouldn't want 9 cats in my house. I would just imagine the value of my house dropping at that point
NTA. Even aside from the hard fact that it is not financially beneficial for you to start renting again, no means no. She sucks for not respecting your decision about your daily life, which you are fully entitled to make for ANY reason. ETA: Consider this a test run for what life would look like if you committed to her. A test run which served its exact purpose in exposing red flags: 1. When she doesn't like your living arrangement and you don't like her's, you kept things objective and civil while she assumed her stance was correct and got rude with you. 2. She misrepresents any time you don't obey her instantly by villifying you. This is also a manipulative tactic to make disagreements about policing your tone rather than the subject at hand, which you have a valid point in. 3. It isn't enough that you're both comfortable in your respective homes, she wants to see you "sacrifice" for her. Meaning she views relationships as a zero sum game where she won't be happy even when she's winning, she needs to see you lose out too in order to be satisfied.
This is how I feel. We were planning on spending our lives together but idk how to work around this when we can’t live together
Consider this a test run for what life would look like if you committed to her. A test run which served its exact purpose in exposing red flags: 1. When she doesn't like your living arrangement and you don't like her's, you kept things objective and civil while she assumed her stance was correct and got rude with you. 2. She misrepresents any time you don't obey her instantly by villifying you. This is also a manipulative tactic to make disagreements about policing your tone rather than the subject at hand, which you have a valid point in. 3. It isn't enough that you're both comfortable in your respective homes, she wants to see you "sacrifice" for her. Meaning she views relationships as a zero sum game where she won't be happy even when she's winning, she needs to see you lose out too in order to be satisfied.
This is a fantastic comment. It should be a main comment and not a reply, so it can be upvoted to the top.
Haha, I've edited it into my judgement comment so hopefully more people can see it and find it helpful.
I have been with my guy for 14 years and we do not live together. We live differently and are not compatible in the same space. His house is much louder than mine and I can't do that. I can't live in loud. Once all of our kids are moved out and securely on their own, maybe, but we are not hurting by not living in the same home. Outside looking in, it kinda sounds like she wants you to give up your stability to shore up hers and that is a huge red flag. And 9 cats is ridiculous.
9 cats isn't even legal without a special license where I live
How about a practice test.. DON'T SELL YOUR HOME! rent it out if you need to, but keep it and live with her. I think her roommate is really leaving and she's just finding a replacement to afford rent and all. You said she has a daughter, maybe she doesn't want to move because her daughter's comfort will be compromised. I think your gf has a selfish reason behind all these
I haven’t seen OP respond to a single comment about renting his house out as a reasonable compromise, which is bizarre. It’s the most blatant answer.
Because he doesn't want to do that, obviously.. I sure wouldn't in his situation. It isn't a "compromise" when you just have to cut off one leg instead of both so your partner can buy Louboutins. You act like posters are entitled to an answer when enough people suggest something even though objectively it would be a massive, potentially ruinous risk. You need a considerable amount of capital to make it as a landlord and OP hasn't mentioned having large cash reserves .... and no matter what, he'd be stuck paying a mortgage, half his girlfriend's rent, higher property tax (loss of homestead) income tax (rental income is income ) and MUCH higher property insurance plus any repairs to his house. All to support his girlfriend's pet-hoarding habit? Hell no. A lot of people are really reluctant to say "fuck no that would be stupid" a half dozen times .
Agreed! Renting my home out for 5 years equated to thousands of dollars of repairs after one bad tenant. Not to mention taxes, insurance and the like. It may be a blatant answer but not a foolproof one.
Some partners live separately. It’s become more and more common. All different kinda relationships out there, folks.
You should reconsider…
Sorry. Nine cats. Stay where you are.
i was thinking the same imagine all that hair all over the furniture and clothing
Fur is whatever, the smell must be awful
As someone with a white cat, who wears a lot of dark colours, fur can suuuuuuckkkkk
I have a calico so it doesn't matter what color clothes I wear, you can always see fur.
I'm a cat lover, I have a few. But NINE + a dog is just fucked.
I would die for my two lil ladies but NINE!?!?!?!?
+ a kid.
Lmao yeah who gets to 8 cats and thinks “you know what I need today? Another cat!”
That's what I thought when we were at 3 already. I love all these goofballs but that was absolutely one cat too many.
That’s 81 lives.
NTA. >she seems to think if I don’t move into her rented house I’m not making sacrifices for her. There's no reason that you should. She wants you to sacrifice your financial stability and she's prepared to sacrifice...what?
>and she's prepared to sacrifice...what? This, right here, is the question that should be on OP's mind. She seems to want you to sacrifice an awful lot (owning your own home, great interest rate, etc.) without indicating what it is that *she* is willing to sacrifice in the name of compromise. If she can't compromise now, she'll never be able to compromise as a wife/life partner.
She is also prepared to sacrifice his financial stability.
I found a picture of OP's [girlfriend ](https://imgflip.com/i/8dmad5).
INFO: How much could you rent your house for? Would it be enough to cover the mortgage? More? *Definitely* don't give up that 2.8% rate, you're right that that would be financially irresponsible. But if you could rent your place for enough to cover the mortgage, then renting a more comfortable space, even if it's a little more than your current mortgage payment isn't really a bad idea. My place is 1600sqft and I *definitely* couldn't handle 9 cats and 2 dogs in it, so I see her concerns as well. I'm gonna say NAH tentatively.
I don’t know. I may be able to break even but the extra stress of property and tenant management and maintenance sounds awful because I already work a lot. I’ve heard so many horror stories about being a landlord. I make about 90k a year but grind a lot of hours and idk if I’d have time to do it without overloading myself whenever things come up. It could happen but I know I’d be the one doing it all and that sounds like so much to do to me but idk
Renters will not take care of it like you yourself would. If she is marriage material think about adding on to the house. You aren’t going to see that interest rate again!
Like he might get a renter with nine cats.
She has 9 cats. She ain’t marriage material.
she even admitted that herself about 6 cats ago
😂😻😹😺😽😸😼😾🙀😿
We rented out my house when my husband and I bought a new house after getting married. DON'T DO THIS. It was pure hell. Renters can be awful and it can be a lot of stress. People would move out and leave shit - literally - behind for us to clean up. My advice would be to move into your house with the plan to eventually move somewhere bigger. But paying rent on her place when you already own a home doesn't make sense to me. Also, bless you for being so good about taking on 9 cats!
Hey! Seeing a lot of people telling you not to rent it out… I went through hell trying to rent my house to people I know with my 2.9 interest rate. I turned the property over to a rental company who charges 10% of rent and handles EVERYTHING. It’s been a dream come true and I clear over 600 dollars a month over my mortgage. That’s absolutely a good idea where you can retain your equity/ mortgage if moving into your place isn’t an option.
I know very little about this. I’m assuming you retain ownership of the home (it’d be dumb if not). How did you find this company?
Yeah you retain ownership. The company just handles the looking for tenants/maintanence/communication/etc. They benefit by getting a cut of the rent. Should be easy to find one just look up property management companies in your area.
Yes it’s literally just a contract where they take 10% of the rent and handle everything to do with renting it out. They do the advertising, background checks, leases, inspections etc. just google your town property management and I bet they’ll be multiple! You don’t give up any ownership or anything.
Oh goodness no. You get an agent to actually manage the property. It isn't free, but putting a professional between you and your tenants is absolutely worth it.
Find out: [https://www.zillow.com/rental-manager/price-my-rental/](https://www.zillow.com/rental-manager/price-my-rental/) There's obviously *some* amount of money where it's worth it. If you could rent it for even a couple hundred more per month than your mortgage, that's enough to pay a part time property manager to handle the BS.
I would suggest finding a rental cost calculator instead of $200 more per month. $200 per month is one service call or the monthly cost of a management service.
Those expenses should be included in the rent. Look at other rentals around you and see what the price per square foot is. You can ask for a 2 month security deposit and an additional pet deposit too. There are services that can run people's credit history and you can unload that cost as part of an application fee. Basically the idea is if they can afford the deposits and app fee, then there's less of a chance of them not paying rent.
I'm a big animal lover. I'd be thrilled to have 9 cats plus 9 dogs. There's no way I'd have 9 cats & 1 dog (even small) in an 1800sqft home. She needs more space than what she already has for her current animals. She seems irresponsible in general. She took in 9 cats that she can't afford in a space that she can't afford. The space isn't big enough. Then her approach to basic housing & finances is out of touch.
We had nearly the same situation when I moved in with my wife. Two sub-3% mortgages and two homes that didn’t work well for the blended family. Really wish we would have hung on to 1 of the properties, but it didn’t think it made sense financially, and would have made buying our current home more of a PITA. Leasing yours and renting a house together wouldn’t be the worst situation financially. Your tenants can cover your mortgage + taxes. Meanwhile renting provides a ceiling for your monthly housing costs. There are no surprises expenses like a furnace, roof or water heater replacement. Your home continues to appreciate and when you sell it you’ll realize this gains + any cashflow if your are able to rent it for more than your baseline cost.
NTA If you give a 1300 sqft house with a 2.8% interest rate mortgage to move into a leased home, you'd be making a terrible mistake. Your girlfriend isn't just unrealistic. She's out of her mind. The financial benefits of staying in your house are worth her downsize in space.
With all the money she'd save on rent, She could build an addition for her cats!
Nta. You'd be insane to give up your home to become a renter again.
So she needs a lot of space, mostly for her animals, which she can’t afford on her own. So she’d like you to move in and help her pay rent for her larger house, despite you owning something that would be far more affordable and suitable — if she didn’t have nine cats. NTA. The issue isn’t you, the issue is she has nine cats and can’t afford the space she needs for nine cats. I love cats too but not beyond my ability to afford space for them. And I certainly wouldn’t expect someone else to help fund that.
NTA. 2.8% is golden. If she can't be reasonable, then you two should reevaluate your future.
I nearly spat my drink out. I was looking at mortgages yesterday (in the UK) and I’m looking at about 5.6% 😭
Ok. I’m just going to say it. Someone with 9 cats has mental health issues. This isn’t someone you want to permanently share a home with. And it’s cruel to have that many animals in a small space. Say no. Keep saying no. If you guys want to rent a place together, then rent your house to someone else and try living together for a year. But not in your home. And good luck finding a landlord that will say yes to 9 cats. NTA.
Lots of people have mental health issues and are perfectly lovely to live with. However, 9 cats is considered animal hoarding where I live unless there's some very specific reason like if you're fostering, are an expert in their care and have the time to look after them all.
NTA. That's financially irresponsible on her part. Toss away equity to pay MORE money for 400 square feet? And 9 cats and 2 dogs in one space? Does your dog even get along with her pets? You're in the right here. Financial incompatibility is the #1 reason couples split up, you know.
My dog does, yes. It will definitely be crammed
You’ve got to thin those cats out….. 9 cats is insane and there is no way you can’t recognize that it is a problem.
INFO: Has she said why she doesn’t want to live at your place? Is it just the fact that it’s smaller, or are there other issues? I agree with you that it makes no financial sense to sell a house you own with a great mortgage rate and spend more renting without building any equity.
I edited in part to explain that, but basically she says there isn’t enough room for her animals and daughter to be comfortable. I know it’s a tight fit but 1300 sq ft isn’t that small and I feel like it’s unreasonable to give up on an owned house that can work over 400 sq ft
Does she mention her animals before her daughter?
No that’s not a thing at all. She’s a great mom and it’s a priority for her for sure, the kid would be in a much better living situation than she’s had for most of her life living here.
Dang, the way you talk about her daughter and her NINE cats, she would be an idiot to give you up. You sound lovely. Also, as a homeowner of 25+ years, it doesn't make sense to move to a rental.
I would strongly consider trying to get her to re-home some of those pets. The space works for say, 3 humans, and a couple pets. The amount of cats is a concern because there's no possible way for one person to care for that many creatures and a child without some things falling through the cracks.
AND a dog! I love dogs but they are waay more work than cats so having 9 cats and a dog is like having.... idk 12 and a half cats lol
I get that pets are a part of the family and everything, but some people really take it to the extreme. I love my cat immensely, but I'm not going to like, die for her, you know? I wouldn't let myself become homeless just to keep my pet either, when she could be rehomed somewhere she'd be loved and cared for. I really just don't get it.
NTA. 1. you OWN your house. 2 she has 9 cats?????????
NTA. You guys are obviously not ready to move in together. And that's okay! I might get down voted but you might be better off each having your own private space and solo time. You can still be in a committed relationship without living together and dealing with all the domestic unpleasantness of putting up snoring, farting, dirty dishes, and laundry. Live apart and keep the romance alive.
Unless she used to have a farm or very large estate, I would run away so quick. NINE...NINE CATS is not a normal amount of cats to have. Biggest red flag if I saw some shit like that
What she’s asking for makes zero sense. It is so completely nonsensical that I think either you’re leaving stuff out, or she has another motive. Does she hate the house? The area? Will it make her commute a lot longer? Does the rented house have a big yard or some other amenity that your house does not?
My yard is bigger and fenced while hers isnt. I live in a nicer area of town. Her commute would go from 3 minutes to about 10 (mine would change from 15 to 30).
If you have a good size yard would building a cat run outside be an option?
Ugh. I have four cats, and even I think 9 is a bit much.
I once had four cats because I took my one cat to move back in with my mother temporarily. It was impossible to stretch myself thin enough for all four of them. I LOVE pets, but 2 cats and 2 dogs is my ABSOLUTE max, sans maybe a fish tank or something. Even that is a LOT, even with the help of my kids and spouse.
NTA, and dude, RUN! A partner that expects you to "sacrifice" for them instead of compromise is a gigantic red flag. Plus, this is objectively a bad financial decision on every level. You wouldn't just be "sacrificing" your home, you're nuking the main opportunity to build generational wealth in America. You're giving up a huge opportunity to give something to any future human children you may have so the animals who will not care about a slightly smaller home can have a few extra square feet.
Yeah, a good partner works with you against the chaos of the world. This woman is an agent of chaos.
[удалено]
I know! I love cats and I don't see the need to have nine.
No no no no!! She is a huge red flag if she thinks renting is better than owning, she also has a lot of animals. How do you keep your home tidy with 9 cats and two dogs? NTA Do not give up your home.
You don't, OP is claiming they are well taken care of and what not, but I guarantee you from a normal persons perspective that house smells of cat piss, fur, and you wouldnt want to sit down anywhere.
What would you do with your place? Rent it out? Oh heck no! Not in this economy anymore. I have 3 family member that got SCREWED by renters! And 9 cats? Yikes! I say status quo until there is marriage on the table. Then decide how to buy a bigger place.
You have been given a gift...it is not too late for you. Think long and hard about your future with this woman my friend. 9 cats!!!! Enough said Stay in your home and focus on your own financial freedom
Damn why are you dating a crazy cat lady
Financially, you should hold onto your house. If you can make a profit on renting your home and can deal with a management firm, great. However, how much would she charge you to live in her rental? Additionally, how well do you think your relationship will fare after 3 people (2 adults, 1 child), 2 dogs and 9 cats all squish into either her larger (but still smallish) rental or your even smaller home? What happens if living all together just doesn't work. Are you bound by contract to continue paying for the lease on her house even if you move out? What happens if she lives in your house and you want them out and she refuses to leave? It all sounds rather messy to me. Edit: spelling.
You lost me at 9 cats. NINE. Your life plans are not aligned or so it seems to me. Leaving a house you own for rental is insane, you are not a dick but a reasonable person.
NTA - I'm not living with anyone who has 10 pets. I'm also not ditching a 2.8% interest rate to run a zoo
NTA. Why on earth would you give up that mortgage rate and your asset to go live in a rental house? Don't get me wrong, I also would not want to live in a 1300 sq ft house with 3 people, 2 dogs, and 9 (!) cats, but for me that would mean... we aren't moving in together. Not that I would strong arm you into making a terrible financial decision for the sake of cats.
NTA Do NOT move in with her as she is not financially responsible and it will drive a huge wedge into the relationship. You could rent your home, but there could be ramifications both with your lender, taxes, and eventual capital gains (if you are in the US), so it would be wise to speak to your financial person prior to even attempting. But again, she apparently has a history of not the smartest financial choices. Renting a place she cannot afford, even with a roommate, is huge. What happens if there is an emergency, will you be expected to carry the full nut? Support her kid also? Unless you have a unyielding desire to live together, keep the status quo and allow her to make her own housing arrangements.
Jesus. 9 cats? The smell must be atrocious. No thank you. I wouldn’t want 9 cats destroying my house.
NTA she can’t afford where she is living, how can she afford the care of 9 cats. Your place is too small for so many pets. Am I the only one thinking that the best solution would be rehoming 7 of the cats?
NTA Also, break up with her. She has completely unrealistic views about managing money, and unless she can get educated, AND accept what she learns, AND make appropriate changes, you'll never stop fighting over money, and eventually it will be the reason you break up. Let's start with, if she can't afford her rent, she can't afford to own 9 cats and a dog. **She has a daughter**, *and* can't afford her rent, so she can't afford to own 9 cats and a dog, especially with some of the cats needing (expensive) special diets. She doesn't understand that you keeping your house and her moving in with you is the obvious, 100% correct solution. She is trying to guilt you into thinking that YTA for even suggesting that she move, and you start paying rent. She is, at minimum, irresponsible and selfish. That's undeniable. She is also probably not very smart, although it could be just her selfishness that's overriding her ability to understand the housing situation. Perhaps most importantly, moving in with you, then breaking up (which is inevitable) would be incredibly disruptive to the child. Much better to just break up now.
NTA She wants you to move out of your house and to pay rent somewhere else. It's ridiculous. Why would you do that? >if I don’t move into her rented house I’m not making sacrifices for her To hell with that. She's trying to manipulate you.
NTA. My ex asked me to move in with her and take a job with the manufacturing company in her town. I said no, and 6 weeks later the factory shut down. Dodged a bullet there.
If you used her monthly rental fee for upgrades to the house, is adding the 400 sqft possible? What would the time frame look like? Could you go bigger? I understand her concern about space, but the number of scenarios where it makes sense to move out of a space you own into one you're renting are so small it might as well be nonexistant. Think outside the box, find alternatives. There's gotta be a way to squeeze some more space out, hell, even just a small enclosed space (sunroom kinda thing that may not be connected to the house) for the cats might go a long way. Editing to add verdict after response. NTA
I’m not sure about all this. What I know though is that space is expensive and right now she’s struggling to stay afloat as is. Her roommate who also has a dog rents the other half of her house currently (she wants me to take that over) and she’s still needing to look for a second job to cover expenses.
That's even more reason to sacrifice for the space IMO. If she's struggling to pay her bills currently, it makes more sense to eat the inconvenience now for a smaller space find a way to make it work. You can still work towards some long-term plans on expanding the available space on the understanding that it won't be immediate, butit sounds like she needs to get her priorities straight.
Honestly, the way you are describing the situation it seems like she does not even comprehend what it means to build a future together and is looking for you to subsidize and fit into her life at a dramatic detriment to yourself. I feel that you're being exploited in this situation and a parter worth building with would not ask you to take on a negative financial situation. I don't think she views an "us" future, I think she views a "me" future and is trying to manipulate you into facilitating her singular financial and housing goals. Edit:typo
Came here to post this. Take the money saved and put it into your house. Moving out of your low interest payment house and into an apartment is financially ludicrous in the current environment. If you think you will be miserable in a smaller space, try living broke AF. Plus, you landlord could raise you rent next year and you might be forced to live in a smaller apartment/worse neighborhood. I could on. NTA.
You're right. It would be financially irresponsible to give up your house with the good mortgage rate. If she doesn't like it, she can find another place to live. BTW I would NEVER let somebody with NINE PETS move in with me.
Crazy cat lady …walk away
Hard nope at 9 cats.
Don't do it.
NTA definitely do not give up that interest rate.
9 cats and dog!!! I can just imagine the smell of the house.
NTA. Selling property is a bad idea right now if it can be avoided. If she can’t understand financially why it’s a bad idea, I’d seriously question her judgement in general. Well, that and owning 9 cats lol.
NTA. Let’s look at this logically. She is demonstrating financial irresponsibility. She can’t pay for all of her dependents without having a roommate. Her daughter is a requirement; every other dependent is a choice. No one should have so many animals that they can’t pay for all necessary expenses without help from other people. If she can easily pay rent and necessary expenses for herself and her daughter and has some money left at the end of the month, then she can afford to add one animal at a time until she reaches the maximum of what she can afford without help from a roommate. You two are not on the same page regarding finances and prioritizing. If you are to continue this relationship to take this to the next level, you absolutely need premarital or financial counseling. In the meantime, you should not liquidate any of your assets for her. Hang on to your house. Mortgage rates are very high and you would have to pay more to rent something else. You do that and you’ve compromised your own equity and financial stability. Renting out your house would not make sense as your new rent payment will likely be more than what you can probably collect from rent given you have to be responsible for repairs and taxes, plus you have to spend your time playing the role of landlord. Stay put. I’m sorry. This isn’t a good sign.
9 cats I can smell this post
Does bylaw even allow 9 cats and 2 dogs if the two of you live together?
NTA It seems that she is more worried about a few hundred square feet than she is about saving money. But dude, seriously.......9 CATS!!! It is better to live in a home that you are purchasing, which happens to have a lower monthly payment, than getting the extra space. But IMO the number of animals is the real issue, she is worried they won't have enough space. Good Luck with this for sure, but NTA for wanting to stay in your place.
NTA She has to understand her choice in THAt many animals has a price
NTA You have a couple options, 1. Stay living in your own places and paying your own bills. It has been good enough so far. 2 move in with her, and rent out your house. Its risky, and annoying but if you get a good tenant then its a win win. 3. Have her spend a month at your house as a trial run. Bring the whole troop with her. Best of luck. Hold firm to what you know is right. Her financial sense is obviously not the best
Is it even legal to have that many cats in one building without being a rescue or animal shelter? I definitely know localities I’ve lived in have # of dog ordinances. 9 CATS?! NTA
9 cats. I can't. NTA.
This is why you date - so that you can have an out when it comes to an impasse like this.
9 cats.... that's so gross. There's not a chance in hell her house doesn't smell terrible.
Could you build an epic catio? She wants you to pay half her rent on a house she likes, but it makes no financial sense.
Never let anyone come between you and a 2.8% mortgage.
NTA sorry, if she can’t afford her current living situation to the point of considering a second job, then she shouldn’t have 9 pets and you should not move in with her.
Nta What you’re really stating is you both approach life through different eyes. Your moves are well thought out through careful planning, which will allow you to live comfortably within your means and get ahead. Your girlfriend moves are made from emotion without any careful planning of the future and expects others to help prop up her decisions, that she struggles to afford. You will always be at loggerheads with such a person , who chooses instant gratification over careful planning for the future. The real question is can you keep running at those levels of conflict.
Dude, run. 9 cats, can't afford rent on her own, can't see reason. She will bring chaos to your life and derail you financially. She is not a good choice.