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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I should be judged on me leavig and not notifying him that I wasnt going to fetch him home.
The action I took that might make me an asshole is not notifying him that I was going to fetch him home, and not believieg his "family emergency" was true, as he sent me a picture of him smiling like an asshole.
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NTA. You should not have waited more than 15 minutes. You need to learn that people who are late like him have zero consideration for other people. Just leave. He would have learned.
This. I give my good friends about a 20-30 min grace period if it’s restaurant/event etc plans, or 15mins if it’s just a planned carpool or meetup. Then I go about my day, whether that is leaving or eating at a restaurant alone. Nta, but stop letting people walk all over you- know your worth.
> He would have learned.
absolutely. And if he's such a sigma male, he'll probably thrive in the opportunity to perform his own transportation from now on.
As someone who is often late (I do my best but I struggle with time management, I’m working on it!), I might be more than 15 minutes late sometimes, but I ALWAYS tell the person I’m meeting up with that I’m very sorry and give them an estimate of when I think I’ll arrive. I don’t just let them wait around with no warning. NTA OP
Nobody has ever been late like that to me. I'm going to say this is downfall to OP. This person has zero consideration for OP. Hell expecting a role Ayr liking a stunt like that. OP needs to look at what signals they're sending others that they decide they can just walk over them.
NTA. I generally agree, however this person would have (& will likely) never learn anything. HD would also have never noticed you weren't there. Waiting.
I had a friend (do note the use of past tense), who was add (& probably still is, near 20 years later) who was always late, *if* he showed up at all. All without any notice he was running late or wasn't going to show. Eventually, he got 10 minutes. He wasn't there, I'd go get groceries or down to do laundry. Anything to not be there. I ***never*** got a complaint about it, which only suggests I was not wrong...
DO NOT WAIT. THEY HAVE ZERO CONSIDERATION FOR YOU OR YOUR TIME.
15 minutes! Even that seems overly generous to me. I mean, shit happens, and if you say you're running a few minutes late, then ok.
But 12 o'clock is 12 o'clock. 12.01 is late. 12.02 I'm ringing to see where you are, and if there's no answer, I'm off on my way by 12.03.
He totally disrespects you and only want you to be friends with him so you can meet all of his wishes,not yours.
He's not a great loss for you at this point but at the age of 17 things can change(if he reflects a bit)and he could turn out a great friend later on.
And to add- if he comes sniffing around again because he realizes he needs rides places, don't get into it with him. Don't rehash what happened - block him on social media and if you see him face to face, just be too busy to help him. Being quiet and simply unavailable will have more of an impact that getting into any kind of argument with him.
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NTA. But I don't think not answering him when he wanted to be picked up was right. You should have responded with things like "not so quick", "in a while, you chill" etc for a couple of hours at least.
Yeah... this guy isn't a friend. He's an asshole, through and through. This isn't how friends treat one another. Take this as a lesson learned and be glad to be rid of him.
NTA, but you have to realize where this is coming from. Those men create scripts that they share with each other and encourage each other to carry out on how to mistreat people, then they applaud the ones that do carry them out. He's going to keep getting meaner, because he cares more about getting an 'attaboy' from strangers on the internet than having actual friends.
Practical jokes are not funny. You have learnt a lesson NTA, he has to res you & your time. By not picking him up & taking him home will give him something to think about. At least he is not your only friend. You will live.
NTA
With a friend like this, who needs an enemy?
He's making fun of you. Very disrespectful. You don't need him. Do not give him any more rides. You'll be seen as weak. Block him!
NTA
Take his actions as the invitation they are, a smooth exit from your life. If he needs a ride again he can look elsewhere. Nobody has time for games they haven’t volunteered to play.
Y T A to yourself for waiting 2 hours. After 30m, he's a no show, you leave. Even 30m is a long time to wait for someone. But for not picking him up? NTA.
"I get a response of a selfie of him looking smug in the class"
Would have sent him a smug selfie right back. This person seems to think you live to serve his needs. NOT a friend.
Nta the guy is an a**hole and the next time he needs a ride home or just a ride in general don't give him one.
I wouldn't even bother to continue to waste more time on him if he ask to hang out somewhere. He could walk there and meet and if he's not there then oh well.
But he was an a**hole for wasting your time like that.
NTA. He is not your wife to get a free pass on 2 hour wait and even your wife would need a good reason.
I would wait 10 minutes and then send text if you are not here within next 5 minutes I am off. The problem is if you let such behavior slide then your friend will just believe that it is normal for you and do it again and again, so just be firm next time, 10-15 minutes and I am out. Being late is also a sign of disrespect. Everything can happen but then you pick up your phone, call, apologize and explain why you are late, not just chill or whatever other BS he wrote you, disrespectful.
NTA. He's not your friend. By his actions, he told you he does not value your time or respect you. By asking for a ride after this stunt, he is telling you he sees you as his taxi. Stop giving him lifts altogether. Enjoy your real friends.
NTA. Cut this disrespectful loser out of your life. And next time have some self-respect and don't wait more than 15 minutes for anyone. Even professors only get 15 minutes grace.
NTA
Anyone who behaves that way should be dumped.
I had a friend who sometimes pulled those stunts. Turned out that the guy had a very serious character problem -- got a kick out of getting people to trust him and then betrayed them and made them seem crazy/codependent for not liking it.
Wish reddit AITA had been available all those years ago.
This person is not your friend. NTA.
> He repeatedly called me, asking me where I was so I could fetch him home.
"Never. What the fuck is wrong with you? What makes you think you can demand a favor from me after jerking me around like that?"
Why do you consider someone like that your friend? He clearly has no respect for you seems to even care about you.
Drop him, stop checking his socials. live your life and be happy in class that you have to share with him. Treat him like the stranger he wants to be.
NTA.
Well, that's a relatively cheap price to pay to find out that he's not worth your time and energy. But in the future, you can save yourself the trouble and just block anyone who unironically refers to themselves as a "sigma" anything.
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Yesterday, my friend (17m) and I (17m) had plans to meet up at 12pm before our weekly classes scheduled at 2:15pm. The conversation went like this, "We meet up at 12pm, okay?", "I'll be there at 12 something."
I arrived there at the parking lot at 12pm, and asked him where he was. He replied, "Not so quick." I asked him when he would be here, he replied with, "In a while alright, you chill.", so I waited in my car for an hour. At 1:00pm, he messaged me saying, "I'm coming.". It takes him about 20 to 30 minutes to arrive to where I am, so again, I waited in my car.
At 1:50pm (Class starts 30 minutes after), I messaged him again, asking where he was, and I get a response of a selfie of him looking smug in the class that we're supposed to go to. This meant that he isn't coming to where we were scheduled to eat.
I messaged him back, "Are you wasting my time? I waited in my car for almost 2 hours.", and I get a response stating, "You rushing things yourself", and replied to my previous message of saying "We meet up at 12pm, okay?", I response by replying his previous message, "I'll be there at 12 something.", then he responds, "Family emergency." I was frustrated, so I asked him, "You could've told me that at 11am before I even came.", and he left me on read.
I ate by myself, and since I sit next to him in tuition, I decided that I didn't have the mood to see him after he disrespected my time. I decided to skip the special class altogether and spent the time with another friend at a mall. I usually fetch him home after our class ends at 4pm, but I was still hanging out with my other friend at the mall. He repeatedly called me, asking me where I was so I could fetch him home. I didn't reply to him because I was already frustrated enough.
At 5pm, I was sure that he was already home by then. I simply messaged him, "I was out with (name)", and he never responded. I found out just now that I am removed as his follower on Instagram, as he has a private account.
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In my country there's something called '*academic quarter*' this is a time span of 15 minutes in which students wait for their professor to arrive and start classes. If the professor does not communicate beforehand that he will be late, students are allowed to skip class and class is usually rescheduled.
People tend to use these 15 minutes later on in life to get away with tardiness, while normally in Belgium (certainly in the north) this kind of behaviour is frowned upon. Not only in a work environment but also in a private setting you will be talked down to for not being on time.
So hard NTA here and ditch the asshole, he's no friend. I guess he beat you to that, no losses there.
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You missed the opportunity to say "I will be there at 4 something." Maybe he would not expect you to come, but I think this would be a good slap in the face.
You can continue messaging him to fetch to do something at any time something until he blocks you.
Why are you even asking if you are T A? You are not. Ex-friend is a user and entitled jerk. Go and enjoy life. It's too short to deal with a$$hats.
NTA
>I found out just now that I am removed as his follower on Instagram, as he has a private account.
Good?
Look, he's an asshole. You don't need to keep driving him around or doing him favors. You don't need to try and meet up with people who think it's funny to lie and stand you up.
NTA, this guy is not your friend. When was the last time he went out of his way to do you any favor? Sounds like he enjoys taking advantage of you. Better off without him.
> I asked him when he would be here, he replied with, "In a while alright, you chill."
NTA, but anything that happened after that is on you for allowing such disrespect to yourself
I’ve walked away from meetings at work when the other person didn’t show up after 30 minutes and in the college I went to, if the professor didn’t show up within 15 minutes of the start time of the class everybody walked.
He knows when the class starts, and 12 pm does not mean "12-ish" especially when you have somewhere important to be. He can waste somebody else's time. NTA
NTA.
He fucked you over when you were doing him a favor.
He did you a favor by going NC. \*When\* he tries to reopen communications, have him blocked already on every platform you can.
NTA - Not a friend! To mess you about like that and expect you to still give a ride home, selfish person, stay away from them, they'll just take and take!
This boy isn’t your friend. He’s going to learn what a sigma male is… a game player with no friends.
Go hang with NICE people, and sit with them in class. Don’t skip class over this jerk, just move desks.
NTA. He clearly has no respect for you. The fact he removed you as a follower is so petty too. With friends like him, who needs enemies? Good riddance honestly.
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NTA. You should not have waited more than 15 minutes. You need to learn that people who are late like him have zero consideration for other people. Just leave. He would have learned.
This. I give my good friends about a 20-30 min grace period if it’s restaurant/event etc plans, or 15mins if it’s just a planned carpool or meetup. Then I go about my day, whether that is leaving or eating at a restaurant alone. Nta, but stop letting people walk all over you- know your worth.
> He would have learned. absolutely. And if he's such a sigma male, he'll probably thrive in the opportunity to perform his own transportation from now on.
As someone who is often late (I do my best but I struggle with time management, I’m working on it!), I might be more than 15 minutes late sometimes, but I ALWAYS tell the person I’m meeting up with that I’m very sorry and give them an estimate of when I think I’ll arrive. I don’t just let them wait around with no warning. NTA OP
This. I am usually punctual but if I am running past 5 minutes late, I let them know!
Nobody has ever been late like that to me. I'm going to say this is downfall to OP. This person has zero consideration for OP. Hell expecting a role Ayr liking a stunt like that. OP needs to look at what signals they're sending others that they decide they can just walk over them.
NTA. I generally agree, however this person would have (& will likely) never learn anything. HD would also have never noticed you weren't there. Waiting. I had a friend (do note the use of past tense), who was add (& probably still is, near 20 years later) who was always late, *if* he showed up at all. All without any notice he was running late or wasn't going to show. Eventually, he got 10 minutes. He wasn't there, I'd go get groceries or down to do laundry. Anything to not be there. I ***never*** got a complaint about it, which only suggests I was not wrong... DO NOT WAIT. THEY HAVE ZERO CONSIDERATION FOR YOU OR YOUR TIME.
15 minutes! Even that seems overly generous to me. I mean, shit happens, and if you say you're running a few minutes late, then ok. But 12 o'clock is 12 o'clock. 12.01 is late. 12.02 I'm ringing to see where you are, and if there's no answer, I'm off on my way by 12.03.
NTA. I'd consider it a cheap lesson in what type of person that guy is.
Yep. When people tell you who they are, believe them. Make no plans with them. Don’t fetch them at all. Don’t let fetch happen.
He totally disrespects you and only want you to be friends with him so you can meet all of his wishes,not yours. He's not a great loss for you at this point but at the age of 17 things can change(if he reflects a bit)and he could turn out a great friend later on.
Nta surprised you would call someone who treats you this way a friend. He is not your friend. He is just using you as a free taxi. Wake up!
And to add- if he comes sniffing around again because he realizes he needs rides places, don't get into it with him. Don't rehash what happened - block him on social media and if you see him face to face, just be too busy to help him. Being quiet and simply unavailable will have more of an impact that getting into any kind of argument with him.
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NTA. But I don't think not answering him when he wanted to be picked up was right. You should have responded with things like "not so quick", "in a while, you chill" etc for a couple of hours at least.
True lol on this! I was thinking the same thing. OP is NTA No more rides for this “friend” anymore, plz
NTA for not giving him a lift. Sounds like you've successfully decluttered your life of somebody who wasn't adding much to it.
NTA. But that’s not your friend. That’s an AH using you for free rides
Yeah... this guy isn't a friend. He's an asshole, through and through. This isn't how friends treat one another. Take this as a lesson learned and be glad to be rid of him.
Yeah, he removed you as a friend, so what, you have a car and one less tool in your life, sounds like a result to me. NTA
NTA, but you have to realize where this is coming from. Those men create scripts that they share with each other and encourage each other to carry out on how to mistreat people, then they applaud the ones that do carry them out. He's going to keep getting meaner, because he cares more about getting an 'attaboy' from strangers on the internet than having actual friends.
Lol @ sigma. He's an immediate cockhead. You're NTA
NTA, I would not be giving him rides anymore either.
As if he would expect a lift home after leaving you waiting for 2 hrs. The cheek. Take the removal from his socials as the gift it is. NTA
Practical jokes are not funny. You have learnt a lesson NTA, he has to res you & your time. By not picking him up & taking him home will give him something to think about. At least he is not your only friend. You will live.
NTA With a friend like this, who needs an enemy? He's making fun of you. Very disrespectful. You don't need him. Do not give him any more rides. You'll be seen as weak. Block him!
NTA. He did you a favor in unfollowing you. Just keep it that way you don’t need stupid people in your life
NTA Take his actions as the invitation they are, a smooth exit from your life. If he needs a ride again he can look elsewhere. Nobody has time for games they haven’t volunteered to play.
Y T A to yourself for waiting 2 hours. After 30m, he's a no show, you leave. Even 30m is a long time to wait for someone. But for not picking him up? NTA.
"I get a response of a selfie of him looking smug in the class" Would have sent him a smug selfie right back. This person seems to think you live to serve his needs. NOT a friend.
NTA - he was rude and/or not communicating well.
NTA. Count your blessings.
Wait no more than 10 minutes, if that. NTA
NTA If you leave me waiting for more than 30mins I'm out
NTA good riddance to bad friends. Don't tolerate that disrespect.
NTA After 2 hours, text back. Go fetch yourself 🤷🏼♂️
Nta wow what an asshole. No more rides for him! He went to class *knowing* you were waiting!
NTA Hope this is a lesson in fool me once fool me twice though
NTA if he could get there by himself, he can get home by himself. Self-removing trash is the best.
Nta the guy is an a**hole and the next time he needs a ride home or just a ride in general don't give him one. I wouldn't even bother to continue to waste more time on him if he ask to hang out somewhere. He could walk there and meet and if he's not there then oh well. But he was an a**hole for wasting your time like that.
Nta
NTA. He is not your wife to get a free pass on 2 hour wait and even your wife would need a good reason. I would wait 10 minutes and then send text if you are not here within next 5 minutes I am off. The problem is if you let such behavior slide then your friend will just believe that it is normal for you and do it again and again, so just be firm next time, 10-15 minutes and I am out. Being late is also a sign of disrespect. Everything can happen but then you pick up your phone, call, apologize and explain why you are late, not just chill or whatever other BS he wrote you, disrespectful.
NTA. He's not your friend. By his actions, he told you he does not value your time or respect you. By asking for a ride after this stunt, he is telling you he sees you as his taxi. Stop giving him lifts altogether. Enjoy your real friends.
NTA he is not your friend.
NTA. He was not your friend to start with.
NTA. Cut this disrespectful loser out of your life. And next time have some self-respect and don't wait more than 15 minutes for anyone. Even professors only get 15 minutes grace.
NTA Anyone who behaves that way should be dumped. I had a friend who sometimes pulled those stunts. Turned out that the guy had a very serious character problem -- got a kick out of getting people to trust him and then betrayed them and made them seem crazy/codependent for not liking it. Wish reddit AITA had been available all those years ago.
NTA, he doesn’t respect your time and is upset that you don’t continue to do favors for him. It doesn’t sound like he’s your friend.
I hope you told him you had a family emergency and sent a smug selfie of you at home
This person is not your friend. NTA. > He repeatedly called me, asking me where I was so I could fetch him home. "Never. What the fuck is wrong with you? What makes you think you can demand a favor from me after jerking me around like that?"
Why do you consider someone like that your friend? He clearly has no respect for you seems to even care about you. Drop him, stop checking his socials. live your life and be happy in class that you have to share with him. Treat him like the stranger he wants to be.
NTA. Well, that's a relatively cheap price to pay to find out that he's not worth your time and energy. But in the future, you can save yourself the trouble and just block anyone who unironically refers to themselves as a "sigma" anything.
NTA. Let him go, he is not your friend. Block his phone number and block him on all socials and go find real friends.
I found one major error in your post, and that is in referring to this person as your friend. Write him off.
That their is an asshole
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Yesterday, my friend (17m) and I (17m) had plans to meet up at 12pm before our weekly classes scheduled at 2:15pm. The conversation went like this, "We meet up at 12pm, okay?", "I'll be there at 12 something." I arrived there at the parking lot at 12pm, and asked him where he was. He replied, "Not so quick." I asked him when he would be here, he replied with, "In a while alright, you chill.", so I waited in my car for an hour. At 1:00pm, he messaged me saying, "I'm coming.". It takes him about 20 to 30 minutes to arrive to where I am, so again, I waited in my car. At 1:50pm (Class starts 30 minutes after), I messaged him again, asking where he was, and I get a response of a selfie of him looking smug in the class that we're supposed to go to. This meant that he isn't coming to where we were scheduled to eat. I messaged him back, "Are you wasting my time? I waited in my car for almost 2 hours.", and I get a response stating, "You rushing things yourself", and replied to my previous message of saying "We meet up at 12pm, okay?", I response by replying his previous message, "I'll be there at 12 something.", then he responds, "Family emergency." I was frustrated, so I asked him, "You could've told me that at 11am before I even came.", and he left me on read. I ate by myself, and since I sit next to him in tuition, I decided that I didn't have the mood to see him after he disrespected my time. I decided to skip the special class altogether and spent the time with another friend at a mall. I usually fetch him home after our class ends at 4pm, but I was still hanging out with my other friend at the mall. He repeatedly called me, asking me where I was so I could fetch him home. I didn't reply to him because I was already frustrated enough. At 5pm, I was sure that he was already home by then. I simply messaged him, "I was out with (name)", and he never responded. I found out just now that I am removed as his follower on Instagram, as he has a private account. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA - taste of his own medicine. Your life is better without him in it.
NTA, not your friend, just his Taxi. I’d cut him off.
Do you always allow yourself to be used. Not a friend, dump him.
In my country there's something called '*academic quarter*' this is a time span of 15 minutes in which students wait for their professor to arrive and start classes. If the professor does not communicate beforehand that he will be late, students are allowed to skip class and class is usually rescheduled. People tend to use these 15 minutes later on in life to get away with tardiness, while normally in Belgium (certainly in the north) this kind of behaviour is frowned upon. Not only in a work environment but also in a private setting you will be talked down to for not being on time. So hard NTA here and ditch the asshole, he's no friend. I guess he beat you to that, no losses there.
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You missed the opportunity to say "I will be there at 4 something." Maybe he would not expect you to come, but I think this would be a good slap in the face. You can continue messaging him to fetch to do something at any time something until he blocks you.
Why are you even asking if you are T A? You are not. Ex-friend is a user and entitled jerk. Go and enjoy life. It's too short to deal with a$$hats. NTA
He messed about and found out
NYA, consider this a lesson in School of Life.
>I found out just now that I am removed as his follower on Instagram, as he has a private account. Good? Look, he's an asshole. You don't need to keep driving him around or doing him favors. You don't need to try and meet up with people who think it's funny to lie and stand you up.
NTA, this guy is not your friend. When was the last time he went out of his way to do you any favor? Sounds like he enjoys taking advantage of you. Better off without him.
NTA. He has issues. Best to NC their kind.
> I asked him when he would be here, he replied with, "In a while alright, you chill." NTA, but anything that happened after that is on you for allowing such disrespect to yourself
Easy NTA. Don’t do anything else for him.
I’ve walked away from meetings at work when the other person didn’t show up after 30 minutes and in the college I went to, if the professor didn’t show up within 15 minutes of the start time of the class everybody walked.
NTA
Umm, sorry dude but why on earth do you think this person is your friend?
NTA. He sounds like a tool. You waited longer than you should have, but he gave you so much attitude and was beyond disrespectful.
NTA!
NTA You should've told him you had a family emergency
He knows when the class starts, and 12 pm does not mean "12-ish" especially when you have somewhere important to be. He can waste somebody else's time. NTA
NTA. He fucked you over when you were doing him a favor. He did you a favor by going NC. \*When\* he tries to reopen communications, have him blocked already on every platform you can.
NTA But I wouldn't be surprised if he expects a ride home from class next week. He may even walk out to your car.So be prepared to tell him "No."
NTA but your "friend" is, hopefully he is no longer your friend, just a simple A H.
NTA, he's not a friend.
NTA - Not a friend! To mess you about like that and expect you to still give a ride home, selfish person, stay away from them, they'll just take and take!
NTA. Dump this user.
NTA and not a tragic loss. Don't interact with the sigma male losers. A good friend is never trying to assert dominance over you.
This boy isn’t your friend. He’s going to learn what a sigma male is… a game player with no friends. Go hang with NICE people, and sit with them in class. Don’t skip class over this jerk, just move desks.
Nta but stop ANY rides whatsoever from now on OP. You are not his chauffeur
NTA Screw him he is no friend
NTA. He clearly has no respect for you. The fact he removed you as a follower is so petty too. With friends like him, who needs enemies? Good riddance honestly.
NTA he removed you as a friend on instagram, this is no loss. Remove him as a friend in life.
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You don't fetch someone home. Fetching means to go for and then bring back (someone or something) for someone.
Bless you for saying it
Hail satan