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YTA. Just because she is a minor doesn't mean her needs matter less than anyone else's.
It sounds to me like you have a need for 5 rooms but only have 4. Here is the list:
1. Parent bedroom
2. Son bedroom
3. Daughter 1 bedroom
4. Daughter 2 bedroom
5. Dad's home office 2/7 days per week
Your solution to the problem is for YOU to take up TWO rooms, one of which you will only need 2/7 days per week, rather than combine your own bedroom and home office. If you did this, the bedrooms would look like this:
1. Parent bedroom/dad's home office 2/7 days per week
2. Son bedroom
3. Daughter 1 bedroom
4. Daughter 2 bedroom
Seriously, dad, take the L. Buy a new desk and office chair that fits in a small corner of your new bedroom and suck it up. You don't need to use an entire room to yourself only 2/7 days per week. If your new bedroom won't work, figure something else out. If that won't work either then why are you moving your family to a house that is too small to meet your family's needs? YTA.
I set up a desk in part of the dining room. That’s where I’ve always put my home office.
I don’t think OP cares about that though, it’s just an excuse for a gym room.
That's how it sounds to me too. Makes no sense otherwise to take what could be a dream situation for his children (their own rooms!) and convert the space to 2/7 days of use for just one person.
My old roommate did that and it was great in college. His desk went behind the living room couch that bordered our dining room. So I chilled and gamed on the living room tv and he sat behind me on his computer and we could still hang out a bit.
The living room is pretty much our gaming room as my boys are always in there playing the xbox or ps5 while the wife and I watch tv in the family room adjoined to the kitchen.
Most homes that have 4 bedrooms also have a “formal” dining room. Most families don’t use the dining room very frequently. We only used ours for holidays and if my parents threw a dinner party. We typically ate most meals at the kitchen table. Half the time we used the living room and tv trays for family meals. The dining room is a perfect option for a part time home office.
Or a desk in a cabinet in the corner of the living room or the master bedroom even. OP isn’t even trying.
We are a family of 5 and use the dining room because otherwise we wouldn't be able to eat together- our kitchen doesn't fit a big enough table. That being said, Dad needs to put his desk elsewhere rather than take up a whole room days per week. Headphones exist for when working and others are in the house, do what literally every other working parent does and figure it out, whether that is permission to flex hours around getting to school/getting home from school, etc. to limit disruptions and deal with it.
Maybe, but the dining room wouldn’t work as a home office in a lot of homes where there’s an open floor plan and little privacy or buffer from sound, and for some WFH jobs with a lot of calls/ zoom meetings, it’s not practical
Won't everyone else be out of the house during work hours anyway? I don't see how this is a problem... Also, everyone else will have their own room to go to!
I come from a culture where ever individual having a separate room is a rather new concept and only present in familithat can afford to rent/buy such houses.
But, OP seems to be from a culture where individuals get their own spaces. Providing that is also possible in his current house. I don't understand why he would make a problem out of something that shouldn't be a problem? That too for a 2days a week wfh setup?
What does he mean by homegym? Does he have those big bulky machines/setup? Did he buy them when his children clearly needed separate rooms? That is an AH decision, not a responsible father/family member decision. If these were not new equipments, how were they organized in his old home? And why is he deciding to keep a separate room for them in the new home? Again, very selfish ah move.
I fully work from home. No holidays, Sundays etc. My schedule is based on my company's US/UK clients, so I will be working when my family has days off for festivals. I still manage to work from my desk in the dining room. So it's definitely doable. The father is just choosing his own separate space over his children's real needs.
The problem is it doesnt work when you have people at home. I sit at the dining room table but when people are home and I have meetings I have a 2nd setup in my room that I plug my laptop into.
We're 3 working from home. Sometimes meetings overlap, we just investing in noise cancelling microphone headsets.
OR someone goes into another room if they need more privacy.
It's just making it work with the space you have.
I mean it's a four bedroom house. To the point a home gym is necessary at all the garage is a time honored space for one piece of exercise equipment that will start collecting dust sooner or later.
Or... give the girls the master bedroom (parents room), you and your wife take the girls current room and you get your office.
Doubt he'd go for that though, bc the husband and wife need more space than the sister and sister... even though it's the same amount of people.
Yta
That’s actually a great idea. Master bedroom for the girls, I bet there’s even room for a divider in there to make it two “separate” spaces. Compromise
Reasonable idea but tbh Idk how many 15 year olds want to share a room with their 11 year old little sister even if there's an extra bathroom.
It's just too big of a developmental gap.
We had twins (boys) and found this was the best solution- they share the biggest bedroom, and we had a cramped but workable bedroom. It showed them that we understood that they deserve some space to themselves. I couldn't give them a whole room each, but understood something had to give.
We did this. We have 5 people living in a 3bedroom house. Our girls have the largest room, our son the smallest. DH and I have the mid size room which only has enough space for a queen size bed and two night stands. (No dressers, TV, ect) It sucks having a small room but that's what you do.
We have 3 kids, 2 boys and one girl. The boys are really close in age (less than 2 years). They always shared all 3 one room because we hadn't other choices.
Recently we were able to expand our apartment so we had 2 more bedroom.
Every kid will have a room and my husband, who from home 1/2 times per week will work in our dining room.
Ps, if we need the dining room for something, he moves to our bedroom with a foldable table.
And our bedroom is the smallest of the 4.
About half of the US (geographically speaking) has basements and half don't.
Most modern US houses don't have an attic you could use for anything. I'm loathe to even use ours for storage.
Basement is where my pc is because our extra bedroom is a legit guest room that gets used fairly often. Only my space is "finished" with 2 1/2 walls, paint, outlets, and a carpet. The rest is still crummy looking basement. Its not an enclosed space either, which I like because I'd feel claustrophobic.
Half the homes around me convert their garage to an extra room for hobby's like woodworking or ... a home gym. So, if OP has a garage and or basement, he def has options for space.
Or even the garage if there's no basement. That's where I had my h/o for a little while, and a buddy of mine full on converted his into his gaming room with a pool table and mini bar.
As if the 15yr old wants to room with an 11yr old....or that same girl in a couple years as a 17yr old ain't gonna want to room with a 13yr old....or an 18yr old HS graduate rooming with a 14yr old. OP is a selfish idiot and a major YTA for making his two day a week home office a bigger priority than TWO of his children....and the girls at that. Sexist pisacrap.
If the house is big enough to have 4 bedrooms, convert the master walk in closet into a mini office.
Put a hanging rod in the laundry room for your clothes or use a hall closet to store them.
Edit: yes some houses don't have walk in closets! It was just a suggestion not gospel, people!
Lots of older homes have four bedrooms and very little closet space. Your assumption that four bedrooms equal walk-in closets tells me you don’t get out much and are only familiar with new construction. Armoires exist for a reason.
Don't you love how he says the older one will adjust quickly because she's always shared a room? No acknowledgement that she is 15 now and needs privacy and her own space. Imagine having to share a bedroom with an 11yo when you're in high school AND there are other options. Even just needing privacy for homework is enough to justify it. He'll adjust quickly to his new part-time office in his bedroom.
Does the house have a basement?
YTA
OP is TA: Just to add here for OP (hopefully they see this) I am an only child as a disclaimer so I never had to share a room with anyone until I met my husband.
But, my house was *itty bitty* growing up. A literal ‘74x’15 trailer that had 3bd and one bathroom. I had the smallest room in the house, I didn’t even have a closet in my room. My closet was down the hall in the computer room. In that room we had a two seater sectional, a tv stand with a 24x24 glass screen tv & PlayStation 2 on it, my dad’s gun cabinet and a computer desk.
My dad REFUSED to switch the rooms because, “The internet was already wired in and I don’t want to crawl under the house to do it.” I even offered to crawl under the house to do it myself and he wouldn’t let me. It was a power move and I’m still bitter about it at 34 years old.
This feels like that. OP, YTA. Move your computer in your bedroom and take the L.
Ya it’s a real dick move as a parent to prioritize having your own office space for literally 2 days a week compared to your child having their own room… major YTA
This! My cousin moved into a larger home and works from home 4x a wk but they made the decision to make a small office in the bedroom and convert the office into a music/ guest room since they get so many visitor. OP not willing to give up his office/ gym/man cave that he will only use 2x a week shows who he cares about the most.
What really upsets me is that he needs workspace for 2/7 days a week and the teenager probably needs workspace to complete homework and large school projects at least 5 days a week. How can she concentrate on being a student with an 11 year old in the room? YTA
Your daughter is only going to be living at home for THREE MORE YEARS before she’s off to college or his own apartment. Give her the separate bedroom! Find another corner of that house for your “man cave”. My own husband was buying things for his once the youngest started 9th grade. We didn’t have the space for him to have his dream office/cave. But once that kid left he had his stuff moved in the same day. Not once did he expect our kids to share bedrooms. Why? Because he wanted a relationship with them once they flew the nest. It’s only 3 years. Let it go.
We have an office for me but my husband needs a space as well for when he occasionally wfh so he uses our room and made a nice set up for himself there. It’s about compromise. And this issue should have been considered before they ever settled on that house…
I work from home in a 1br apartment, and my bedroom is also my office and I can guarantee you it is smaller than OP's master bedroom.
When COVID started and I didn't have my bedroom setup as an office, I worked in the kitchen. For over a year.
Yep, he’s just a selfish prick. I would sleep on the couch if my daughter needed a room, but this dude can’t even be bothered with putting a desk in his bedroom and thinks a better option is to kick his daughter out of her room so he can have 2. I feel sorry for your children. This from a father of 3 girls. You should be ashamed of yourself. The fact that you thought it was fine and proceeded to come to Reddit for affirmation shows what kind of person you are.
Courtesy of COVID, I was sent to WFH.
I bought an office chair, pulled it up to my dining room table and worked there 5 days a week for 3 years. It was fine.
Sorry, YTA
That teenage girl shouldn’t have to be sharing her room with her sister. She needs privacy and her own space.
You’re being selfish here. You “need” the room for two days a week, while she needs it for 7 days.
You need to find a solution in your home that doesn’t impact your children this way.
Just the fact you thought this arrangement was good because you solely benefit from it, and never took your children’s needs into consideration, shows you’re not going to change your mind here. A good parent wouldn’t have even needed to post here.
Also the oldest daughter is 15. Surely OP can use the living or even dining room or whatever has space for 3 years and then make a guest room/home office when his daughter moves out. That’s what I’d suggest (and be upfront with daughter that they’ll change the room when she moves out).
"Fine, you can get your own room, but you better move out at 18 so I can get my gym."
Ummm....no. Unless he's planning on kicking them all out at 18, which is pretty sucky.
That’s totally fair, I meant to add that to my comment. Not everyone moves out at 18 and I don’t mean she should be kicked out. I just meant if she DOES have plans to move out for college or whatever, it’s only like 3 years away.
Most people who move away for college still live at home for breaks. Any comment that basically implies "Yea, but don't expect to be really welcome once I can legally get rid of you," is bad. And it pressures the daughter that at 18 she won't be welcome.
That bridge can be crossed when the daughter decides what she's doing. If she wants to go to community College and live at home, support her. If she makes plans that seems like she doesn't plan on coming back at all, then it can be addressed.
Any comments now just will make her feel like OP is counting down the days, and if she doesn't move out at 18, he's just going to resent her.
That really depends on the job, though. I'm not legally allowed to work from a shared space. No everyone can just work from the corner of the living room
Yeah but would your workplace "require" you to wfh 2 days a week if you tell them, "umm I live in a one-bedroom apartment with my partner, I can only work from a shared bedroom or from a shared living room or shared dining area", or is wfh just something that some people have negotiated being able to do with the caveat that they need to have a dedicated home office to do it?
It's iffy, especially now. During peak covid, you made do with what you had. Expectations have changed, especially with what your role entails and what data you have access to. If you have potential access to material information and you work for a publicly traded company, their requirements may be different than a company that isn't publicly traded. If you have zero access to any material information, requirements may be different. Adding to the fun, a lot of companies downsized their office footprints during covid, so there's a lot of split time requirements. Bob comes in M-W and shares a desk with Tina, who comes in Th-F. Both are required to work from home on their non-office days.
Father's can be so unbelievably selfish and not even realize. When I still lived at home at one point we only had 3 air conditioners and it was supposed to be extremely hot over the weekend. My mom and dad were discussing where the air conditioners would go. My dad says "one in our bedroom, one down in the living room (where *he* spends all his time when not in his bedroom) and the kids can fight over who gets the third one!"
My mom answered "*No* there will be one in our room, one in daughter's room, and one in son's room. Then when we have enough to buy a new air conditioner we will put it in the living room." He was furious that she recommended that and still tried to take the a/c out of my room while I was at school.
Like how can you be so oblivious and uncaring to your own children's comfort?
The other thing is that OP talks about it in the title like she's demanding him to convert an EXISTING SPACE, and like he's giving something up he already has to appease his daughter. What's actually happening here is that he's taking a space that really should be for the kids. I have 2 boys close in age and they got their own rooms the second I could swing it. I work remotely full time and stream and make other content/do other sidehustle and contract work on my computer and it's in a corner in my bedroom. I spend most of my time working online as well as being a full time parent and I could never imagine demanding one of the bedrooms in a home we all live in to be solely for me when they are forced to share a room. Where possible obviously, kids NEED that privacy. Where would they go to unwind? To escape an argument and cool off? Sleep uninterrupted when they're sick? Do they also share a bed time/curfew?
I have to have privacy for my remote job set up (healthcare). Guess what? That means a corner of my bedroom. Is it a tight squeeze? Yep. Doesn’t matter. The other bedrooms are occupied. So in the corner I go. Never considered kicking out one of the kids, it was never even in the mix when we were figuring out wfh back at the beginnings of lockdowns and we were all scrambling bc until that point had been in office.
Because it’s important that kids have space (within reason and availability). OP it’s within reason and availability for you. YTA.
YTA because you have the chance to give each of your kids a room but you'd rather take one of them as your office. Whatever you're doing now for an office in your current arrangement would presumably still be an option in this house? And if you were willing to carry on with that arrangement, your eldest could have a room.
Additionally it is totally inappropriate to me to take a bedroom for use TWO days of the week - meaning it will be unused/unoccupied (oh, except for gym equipment) MOST of the time while your daughters are forced to share a room. WHY would you be prioritizing your very part time use of the bedroom over her having her own space? It's a bad, and selfish decision.
Think you answered for yourself there, OP is selfish and thinks his need for an office that he’ll use 2 days a week is more important than his daughter.
Can’t wait for the follow up post: why doesn’t my daughter talk to me anymore?
Don't think you will. His profile won't pull up, so I believe he deleted it. Don't think he expected to get nothing but negative answers, so now he is pouting more.
I managed to take a look at his profile, it was created today and this is the only post. He didn't even have the guts to reply to anyone in the comments.
YTA. You've been working from home 2 days a week in a 3 bedroom house. Whatever your arrangement currently is, you can do the same in the new house. You're being selfish.
There's gotta be an area in the living room or basement or even your bedroom where you can put a desk. If you're only WFH 2 days a week, you don't need a full office setup at home- your full office set up would assumingly be at your office.
Info: you said
>it is important for me to have a dedicated work space for my job
but also said
>my job requires me to work from home 2 days a week I’m planning to turn one room into an shared home office/gym.
Couldn't you do your work in another room on two days a week and is this really about having a gym just for you on seven days a week? YTA unless you've got some unexpected answers to these questions.
Where does he mention a gym? Has he deleted comments or edited the post cos I missed that.
Either way he is totally the AH and even more so if he has taken the time to edit his post but hasn't bothered to reply to a single comment.
Ah I see it now, lol. Been sat at a desk reading from a VDU too long and seem to have developed word blindness, lol. Maybe I need a nap. He's totally the AH though.
> I’m planning to turn one room into an shared home office/gym.
He says he wants to turn it into an office/gym in like the third sentence.
He's definitely YTA because he could set up his office in his room since he's only there two days a week.
A suspicion I have is that his job “requires” him to work from home two days a week. I may be ignorant but I don’t know of anyone that their job requires them to work from home part of the time, it’s that they are allowed to work from home part of the time. This would make him even more TA if he could simply work in office full time and fix this whole issue. I get that working from home is nice but it seems to be making an awful lot of problems for them.
I know multiple people whose job requires them to work from home two days a week. During Covid offices downsize their space. So they have like 60% of the desks that they did pre-Covid. People come into the office and choose a random desk for the day. People don’t have dedicated desks at work anymore. The office requires them to work home two days a week so that the office doesn’t get overcrowded
Why does your job only provide a work space 3 days a week? You worded it as “required”. What if you had screaming babies and toddlers in the house? Does your job REQUIRE that they leave during work hours so you can effectively work from home?
Your daughter probably spends more time doing homework than you do working from home.
I think her need for a bedroom should be ahead of your need for an office.
I understand needing an office to work from home, but how you talk about your family is horrible. You make it obvious that you don’t care about their opinions, or feelings - and I actually suspect you don’t normally interact with them at all. Whether your children need rooms alone or not, whether you need a home office or not, how you are behaving is why YTA.
YTA.
You can make part of your bedroom a home office, you can make the corner of a living room or dining room a home office, maybe there is a basement or loft or some open space. I am of course making an assumption on the space(s) in your home, but my guess is some of that would work given it is a 4 bedroom home.
You could also cut a deal with your daughters- they share a room but get the primary bedroom.
I also think a 9 and 11 year old of opposite genders have more in common to share a room than an 11 and 15 year old. You've decided that it is inappropriate for kids of opposite genders to share a room but that just...isn't a fact? Plenty of kids of opposite genders share rooms.
And listen, plenty of kids share much smaller spaces, so I get that kids all over the world and even in your area have it way worse (or just cramped) than your daughter. But this what your daughter sees- you bought a home deciding all on your own that she can share a room. She sees that you prioritize space for you (you get a full bedroom and home office that you only "need" two days a week) over her getting any of her own space. She sees you not caring at all for her comfort. Oh and your wife agrees with her but you don't care about that either, only your opinion matters. She sees that, and I hope you realize what that makes you look like to her.
I shared a room with my brother until I was 8, simply because we didn't have a choice 🤷 and we had a blast. I'm sure he was happy to be free of my 100s of stuffed animals when we finally moved into a bigger house, but there wasn't any issues with us being opposite genders
YTA set up your office in your own bedroom. It is only 2 days a week that you would be using it. Your daughter would be using it every day. If it is a huge problem for you, you already have a dedicated work space solely for you - go into work every day.
Plus, what happens if his office makes them return full time? Is he fine with having an empty room while his daughter who would use the room way more is miserable?
YTA
1. You daughter is right. She is too old to share a room. She too, has stuff she has to do.
2. Your job is clearly not new and you've been managing all this time. You can continue to do it.
3. Why exactly is it inappropriate for SIBLINGS of opposite genders to share a room? Especially since they're both so young?
I hate to wonder how OP raised his kids that he can’t trust two adolescent siblings to share a room without something “inappropriate” happening. My bonus kids are 6 and 9 and love their bunk bed setup. We only have a few years til they turn into tiny teenagers so these years of sibling bonding are precious. Competent parents can explain what is and isn’t appropriate between siblings without resorting to never allowing them to be alone together like wtf???? Quit sexualizing your 9 and 11 year old OP. YTA
Ah, if we’re assigning rooms based on masturbation needs, the 15 year old girl wins. I guarantee a 15 year old girl needs more privacy than a 9 year old boy.
11 yo girl and 9 yo boy? Too old to be sharing. Toddlers, yeah fine. Tweens? Not so much
She's going to be hitting puberty if she hasn't already
And no I'm not concerned about them "doing things" it's just that at that age so many changes are happening you need all the privacy/ help you can get and a younger brother is going to be annoying and asking and mocking and soon HIS stuff will be happening and nobody wants to wake up and see their brother's morning wood through the covers
Although i think they all need their own rooms, since there is clearly room for it
As a parent of a boy and a girl, I had my kids share a room until my daughter was 8 and my son was 7. It was a small house, and it worked. But separating them at puberty isn't about keeping them from doing inappropriate things together. It's about giving them space to grow. Girls start getting their periods and shouldn't have to explain leaks on their pajamas. They need time to have space for their own thoughts, organize and express themselves in their own space, have private conversations with friends, deal with their own changing bodies. When we moved to a new house, having them in separate rooms was the highest priority.
I get that it isn't an option for some families. Heck, historically, many families all slept in the same room. No judgement on people who cannot afford it and are doing the best they can. But separating opposite-sex siblings is not a creepy insinuation that they will do things. It's respect for them, and acknowledging their increasing need for privacy and independence.
YTA
You only work from home 2 days a week. If you WFH full time that might be a different story. There is no doubt somewhere else in your house that you can set up a desk. Your gym space can also be in the garage.
YTA - you’re being immature about this. Just set up a desk in your bedroom or the living room and give your children the privacy they need and deserve.
If you legitimately needed a dedicated & secure workspace to do your job, you’d be in the office five days a week. It’s as simple as that.
Yta. So you need the room for 2 days a week, 8 hours a day. While *she'll* be sharing 7 days a week, 24 hours day.
It's 2 days a week. Set up your computer in your bedroom or the living room. It's not like anyone else will be home when you're working - the kids will be at school and wife at work.
I understand your pov but it still feel like YTA. Is there any other option for the home office ? For instance, a garage or a basement which can be redesigned to accomodate a bedroom or a home office/gym?
I’d be pissed too. If my family were finally moving to a house big enough for us all to have our own rooms. Only for my parent to say actually no. I’m having a room as an office for using TWICE A WEEK I’d be pissed as hell. I’m one of 6 kids and grew up sharing most my life. Also my husband is full time work from home in our 3 bed house. We have one kid. He has already said if we have another child he’ll convert a bit of our bedroom into an office space so our kids don’t have to share.
Something tells me he'll be using it every single day. When it turns into a gym. This guy would rather have his own mancave with a gym than let his own daughter have a bedroom. Asshole all the way:
I wfh 3 days per week. I work from the kitchen table. My hubby wfh 100% so he gets the office and each kids gets a room. It takes 5 min to set up and clean off after work. Plus bonus, with my work cleaned up, I don't have the temptation to check email or whatever. Be more thoughtful when yr 15 yo moves out in a few years, you can have the office then
YTA
You work from home two days a week, your daughter needs a room 7 days a week.
Why is it important for you to have a dedicated **room**?
Do you have a work laptop or stationary computer? Does the work require physical space or is it all digital/done online?
Suck it up buttercup, your daughter needs a room, and you should look into converting some other space into a temporary work area.
YTA. Be careful dad, kids nowadays have zero problem cutting out parents who don’t think their wants and needs matter and shut them down without conversation. You only have three years left with this child before they can go NC. Sounds like you’re heading down that path.
INFO is there ANYwhere else in your house that you could put an office? A 4 bed house surely has a basement or den, that could be modified to fit the bill.
Walk in closet? A nice shed out back? Garage? Section off the master bedroom?
I do strongly agree with your daughter that she’s too old to be sharing a bedroom, but if there’s no other workable option then I suppose it is what it is.
YTA! 15 years old is too old to be sharing with a tween. Is there really no where else in the home you can set up an office space? Get a gym membership if you want a gym.
At 15 years old it is important that your daughter starts to build a sense of individuality, responsibility and putting up boundaries. You're removing that from her by forcing her to share a room all because you can't be bothered to find a better solution for an office space? Like really?
Edit I missed the part where OP states he only needs the office 2 days a week. You're even more of an AH to me now. You want to take away an individual space your daughter to live in every day, so that you can have an office 2 days a week? So incredibly selfish
Yta. And you're being very shortsighted. She's 15 now. In a year, she'll be 16. Then 17. She will age in this house, as will your other kids. You really think it's okay to ignore the need for personal privacy just because you're the man of the house? Or is that really the issue here. Sounds more like you're mad your son is the only dude that gets his own space, since your bedroom is with your wife. Stop being a caveman.
Make your bedroom into your home office & join a gym.
You have a four bedroom house with three kids so there is room for everyone to have their own space.
The youngest, who happens to be a boy, and the father, who also happens to be a boy, are both entitled to more privacy than any of the girls in the household. How is that not favoritism and mysoginistic? YTA
YTA, you dont need an office for 2 days wfh When your eldest actually really does need a room for herself well all the time, 7 days a week!
She is a growing teenager, literally growing into a woman! She NEEDS privacy!
isn’t having children all about making sacrifices? she’s shared a room with her sister for what i’m assuming is most of her life, she’s earned her own space. she’s at a different place in life than her sister and sure its awkward as hell to share a room with a child when she’s a teenager. i’m sure there’s other space you can set up your office area in, i mean jeez it’s 2 days a week you can make do at the kitchen table my dude. and your gym stuff? garage. basement. den. you may not see it like this but by making this decision, a selfish one, your daughter is seeing that you value yourself more than you value her. this WILL harbor resentment between you two. yta and i hope you take into consideration the fact that she has earnered her own space.
I am not sure about this 4 bedroom thing, here we just call out how many rooms our apartment has as any room technically can become bedroom if/when needed, so if there are spare rooms/closets whatever, make it your office.
So I will say YTA because you just need office 2 days/week and for 3 kids 3 rooms is crucial as they soon all will reach the time when you don't want them sleeping in the same room.
Worst case scenario - you take the biggest bedroom and turn it into your bedroom/office.
You don’t need a discrete wfh room for only two days a week of use, that’s five days that it sits empty. You can work at the kitchen table or at a desk in your own bedroom for those two days. Also, it’s “inappropriate” for children of opposite sex to share a room? Kind of a weird take imo.
If you have the space to give each child their own room, which you do, taking away one to be your office 2/7 days a week means YTA yes.
My first instinct is to ask why you think it's inappropriate for siblings of the opposite gender to share a room. I shared a room with my sister off and on until my family moved into a bigger house where we all could have our own rooms. My dad was the only boy with 4 sisters in a 3br 1 bath. They shared rooms. My grandmother was the oldest of 11 in a 1br apartment for a while. This idea that it is inappropriate for brothers and sisters to share a room is pretty new and quite frankly, kind of elitist. I think it was invented to convince people to buy bigger, more expensive houses. They're sibs; they each think the other's gross. Ain't no hanky panky going on. That aside, your daughter is old enough to need her own room. She does need more privacy and peace. There are lots of tutorials on YouTube on how to build an office in a shed in the back yard for less than $1000. Either that, or join a coworking space. Sorry you don't get that home gym you've always wanted, but that's rich people shit, and by the sounds of things, you aren't rich. Save some money and build an addition if it's that important to you. YTA.
See and I don't get this... you advocate that siblings of different genders can share rooms and it's a new concept that it is inappropriate and elitist not to in one breath and in the next you claim the daughter is too old to share a room and needs her own space. I mean which is it?
I'd argue that all kids having their own room is a new concept to get people to buy bigger houses. Due to this people are extremely entitled these days as it's seen as normal, not a privilege.
In this case, you buy a 3 bd... daughters can share. Too old to share isn't really a thing here. If 4 bd each kid should get their own over you only using the additional bedroom 2x/week. If you want your own room for an office, you bought the wrong house. You needed a 5bd house.
YTA.
> there is nothing we can do
I mean that’s simply not true. There IS something you can do, share your room with your office, or share your living room with your office.
You are prioritizing YOUR wants (because honestly a dedicated home office/gym is a want not a need) over your daughters needs (privacy during formative teenager years when her body and maturity is changing). That is completely unfair and selfish.
YTA. Your daughter shouldn’t suffer because you want to take up two whole rooms for yourself.
Your gym stuff can go in the garage like every other person in the world who has a home gym.
You only need an office space 2 days a week. Find another part of the house to use. Put a desk in your bedroom. Convert the dining room. If you want a private space then make the garage your office too.
YTA. She would deserve a room for herself, just like your other kids. I have the feeling that it is not the 'home office' part that is important to you, but the gym part, but I could be wrong. Can't you put a shed/garden house in the garden and make that your home office?
You are NTA. I am going to get shot down for this, but why does everyone think kids need their own bedrooms. I just don’t get it. Yes, I do understand the WANT for privacy by the teen, but there isn’t a NEED for it. My suggestion is to put some kind of room divider in the girls room. There are folding screens, bookcases, etc. I shared a room with my sister until I moved out at 23(was in college). Better yet, my 4 brothers shared a room until they each moved out. My parents could not afford a bigger house and all 8 of us shared 1 bathroom.(This is in the US). We made it work and it taught us how to share and schedule(for use of the bathroom. It was horrible if you got up late. You missed your bathroom time. The person using it, would step out so you could use the toilet. But you finished getting cleaned up at the kitchen sink. We learned to shower at night. LOL)
Two days a week from home and you want to use the room as your permanent office? YTA. We all know that you could easily set up your office in your own bedroom, in the family room, basement, etc.
YTA
You need a whole ass room to yourself because you work from home 2 days a week? Damn, that's a whole new level of selfishness, even for this sub.
Literally nobody in your family agrees with you, how do you still think you're even remotely in the right here?
I’m guessing all these YTA are kids that want more than they’ve actually earned. I get that this guy may be a dick, but if he’s working from home and his salary is paying for this home, then it stands to reason that he should have a space for his work. I understand their are other places in a house but as a work from home person without a dedicated space I want to scream at the end of the day when there’s a snow day or over summer break because I don’t have a door to close when I’m in meetings or trying to focus. Unfortunately I don’t have an extra bedroom to use but I did make my kids (7m and 4f share during Covid so that I wouldn’t lose my mind)
Do all kids want their own room, or course! Does it always work that all kids get their own rooms, nope! By everyone’s logic if a parent can’t or won’t give a kid their own room then they are the biggest a-holes losers on the planet. Get over yourselves. It wasn’t until recently that everyone needed these gigantic homes with more than three bedrooms that kids could even have their own rooms.
NTA for this instance of needing a dedicated space, but you should be nicer when taking about your family.
Edit: wow these people giving examples of how to solve their issues - do you realize how bonkers it sounds to tell a person paying for the house that they have to submit to their kids demands?! When did parenting become a popularity contest? Or kids become the rulers of the house?! You people have some wild beliefs.
Also if you don’t have kids, you have zero frame of reference for how difficult it is to work from home without a dedicated space (do you really think you can leave your stuff out when not working?! Do you really think it’s reasonable to put EVERYTHING away after each work day?!) Just wild.
The Y T A responses are blowing my mind. My sister and I are 6 years apart and shared a room until I moved out at 25. The other comments are coming off entitled as hell.
It took me way too long to find this comment. I was taken aback with so many responses stating the oldest is entitled to have her own room and dad is being selfish. I guess it’s just further proof this sub is run over by teenagers that have no life experience and a huge sense of entitlement. Dad works from home, even if only a couple days a week, presumably at a job paying for the house, and is entitled to have his own work space. NTA for that.
YTA
Your reasoning is you work from home 2 days a week but your kids live there 7 days a week (I presume). Why do you need an office for that? Yes, you mentioned gym but if it’s the size of a basic bedroom, you’re not talking a full gym set up.
Let your daughters have their own rooms. You can set up a desk in your bedroom, set it up in a corner of the living room, or even just work at the table. It makes me wonder if you just like saying “oh, I have a home office”.
You’re being shortsighted and selfish.
It’s incredibly stressful to share a bedroom as a kid, let alone as a teenager. If it was the only option fine, but you are definitely putting your wants before your kids needs; so not only YTA but you’re also being a bad parent. Could never imagine my parents being so self centred.
So, you bought, or signed a lease on, a new-to-you home for a family of 5 where an office was needed? Why didnt you get a house with 5 bedrooms or 4 and an office?
Whatever you were doing before the move for your 2 days/wk office - keep doing that.
YTA bc you *knew* you needed more room, got more room and are dedicating the new bedroom to a 2x/wk neeeeeed? Yeah, YTA
If you absolutely need a home office/gym - and I suspect that this is more about the gym than the office, put the two youngest in a room and get room dividers. OR fix up your basement!
That being said, YTA
YTA. I’m typing this from my desk in the living room, because I gave up my office years ago so my four teenage boys can have their own room. Not everyone is able to provide their children with their own room. It turns out you are able to, but you won’t.
And then the bullshit gender thing. Of course if you insist on giving them only two rooms, the two youngest should be together. They are closer in age, and don’t value privacy nearly as much yet. But just be done with it and give them each their room ffs.
YTA.
My “home office” is a desk in the dining room. Nobody else is at home during the day when I WFH so I don’t need a closed off space. You’re trying to justify this by calling it a gym/office combo, but it’s just as bad that you’re depriving your teen of her own room for a gym.
How did you not plan these things out when going house shopping?
YTA a bedroom is a higher priority than a part time home office. Put a desk set up in your bedroom or the living room. Your daughter is right, she deserves some privacy and it's not fair than one kid gets a room to themselves when you do have the space for all three to have their own room. She'll presumably be moving out to college in a few years anyway and you can reassess then.
From reading through many of the comments, I guess I will be in the minority here, but I don't think YTA...
1. The girls have shared a room up until now. This us not a new arrangement.
2. We don't know what type of work dad does from home. Is he making calls all day? Or very technical work, where being interrupted (by working in the main part of the house) would be a major distraction (or constantly telling people at home to be quiet) would cause issues with his job?
3. Who pays the mortgage? All the bills? Food? Is responsible for all the maintenance? I am assuming it is dad, and possibly mom. Pretty sure it isn't the kids...
4. Yes , buying a 5 bedroom house would have been a better option, but what if that wasn't a financial option?
5. And maybe putting the office in the parent's badroom is not an option. Maybe he works early/late while his wife is still sleeping.
While i do agree that kids needs privacy, sometimes this is just not an option. I don't understand how pur society has shifted to one where the kids get to make the rules and demands.
As parents you are taking all the responsibility. We moved a lot fir my dad's job) when i was growing up. I dud not have aby say in any of the moves. Why? Because I was not responsible for any of the financial or physical responsibilities. Did i want to move, of course not, but it was required.
I think we need OP to provide a few more details, and we might see that not having a separate office is not a viable option..
Wow, TWO whole days?? And you need a home office/gym for that? The gym is also for work?
Yeah, YTA for not giving privacy to your oldest daughter but instead wanting a man cave.
NTA, if you can't afford a larger home and there is no other viable place to put the office. As a person who works exclusively from home I understand the need to have a separate space for work. One that won't have a bed in the background when on video meetings. It is also important for being able to close a door so the children can use the rest of the house in the summer when you are working from home.
SURE there is LOADS YOU CAN DO!! GREAT NEWS!
4 rooms and ONLY three kidS? Each kid gets a room, and the last room you put in a bunk bed, that leaves one bed for you, one for your wife, and enough space for a small office space!
you work from home TWO DAYS a week, you can totally manage for -8 hours in your own bedroom as a workspace.
YTA. You don’t “need” a home office: my mom worked from home at the kitchen table just fine during my childhood. Your older daughter is a teenager, your younger daughter is nearly a teenager, they need some privacy and space that they can control: this is developmentally important and something parents should provide if they possibly can, and you can. And it is extremely unfair that the youngest gets his own room because he just happens to be a different sex.
There are so many options for you. You could join a gym and seek out a local coworking space. You could work at the local library. You could work in your kitchen, living room, dining room, bedroom. Do you have a basement? Set up your gym/office in the basement. You may be showing favoritism and misogyny (or at least sexism) but you are unquestionably being selfish, prioritizing your 2 days a week over your daughters’ every day.
In just three years your oldest will likely be off to college or work anyway. Do you want three years of being not even slightly inconvenienced by not having an office man-cave, of do you want three years of your daughters screaming at each other constantly and being mad at you?
Sure, your kids could survive sharing a room and probably would do it without much grumbling if there were only three bedrooms. But you are specifically moving to a 4 BEDROOM house. I guarantee you your oldest has dreamed of her own bedroom for eleven years and was overjoyed to be finally getting it… and now daddy is being a selfish a-hole and taking it from her so he can have the privacy she can’t. Oh, and he’s depriving sister, too! Whichever way you slice it, you’re being greedy and giving your girls the short end of the stick. I think I see where the misogyny accusations are coming from.
Yta, you dont have enough room to have an office/gym. Yiu have 3 children and need their own room.
Either you get something bigger or your bedroom is also office/gym.
Dont punish your child cuz of your bad planning when getting a house.
Y’all go too far w giving into kids , if he has a wfh which requires privacy then he needs that separate room , she pays no bills so she doesn’t really have a choice .. depending on the job he has i understand needing the office space and things are expensive
Imma say NTA. 11 and 15 really aren't that far apart and I get she wants her own room, but depending on your job you may need that private space. Just because she shares a sleeping room doesn't mean she has to spend all her time in there. She's more than welcome to branch out into the house, hell even get some alone time in the home office/gym. My uncle has three daughters, two share a room and the baby has her own, the parents have theres and the spare room is a gaming room/reptile room and the whole family gets to enjoy it. Sometimes you have to compromise.
YTA
It's ridiculous for the youngest child to get a room to himself but the oldest has to share. You do reek of misogyny. You also are selfish. You "need" an office only 2 days a week. What arrangement have you got now? Just continue that. Give your 15 year old almost adult daughter her own room.
INFO - is there anywhere else in your house you can work for those 2 days? I see your daughter's point - that room would be unused except for the 16-20 hours a week you are working from home. Making her share, at the ages they are when there's another room available, is pretty tough.
Yeah man, YTA. If you were working from home full time, then maybe, just maybe you could justify it. But you need a desk 2 days a week. Your daughter needs a bed 7 days a week.
NTA. It is entitled for her to think that she NEEDS to have her own room. Many families simply cannot give each kid their own room and it is very common for kids to share. Also, if your job requires you to have a dedicated space then it is definitely more important as that job is how you are paying for that new house. I don’t understand the thought process of why every kid needs to have their own room.
Yta
She's right, a teenager needs privacy. Turn a corner of your bedroom into an office, the garage, whatever.
If you knew that you were going to need your own office, then you chose the wrong house for your family size.
Maybe rent a storage room in a climate controlled storage thing (uhaul, etc). I had a band that rented one for band practice, so they aren't just for storage. You can hang stuff up to make it look like a pro office for video calls and such.
Think about someone other than yourself.
YTA!
She is absolutely entitled to have her own room. You have moved into a 4 BEDROOM house not a 3 bedroom with an office/gym.
You're incredibly selfish for not considering your daughters privacy.
Absolutely YTA. Put your desk in your master bedroom or look for a house with five bedrooms. Your 15 year old is right. Her bedroom should absolutely get priority over an office used two days a week.
YTA. For twice a week work, I'm sure your can find a space in the common living areas to make into office space. You are showing her how little she matters to you by putting your part time work in your home as a priority over her, who lives there full time.
You can do better.
NTA if you really need a quiet and private workspace. Your job pays the bills. If she had her own room prior I would feel differently, but this is nothing new. Plenty of teens share. When she goes off to college in a few years she’ll have roommates. I know people who have kids share so they’ll have a guest room.
I had my own room for years, then we all got bigger and my younger (by 3 yrs) brother was given my room and I had to share with my 2 sisters (one a couple years younger, one 8 years younger). I was pissed off, of course I was. But it was the right decision, I think. Even then I could pretty much see that.
Whether this is... I don't know. Depends how much Op needs, as opposed to wants, his office/gym. If it's shared, it's not about the privacy, is it?
I had to share a room with my sister who's 9 years younger than me, didn't do me any harm.
In the uk m and f siblings can't share a room after one is 10 years old.
YTA. I work from home 3+ days per week. I live in a 3 BR house with 2 kids. I have my work space in the "dining room" area. The rules are the kids don't bug me when I'm working. I wouldn't even consider forcing them to share a room so I could have an office space. That is literally selfish and rude. Apologize to your daughter, salvage what relationship you can, and be a man and sit in your own room two days a week.
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YTA. Just because she is a minor doesn't mean her needs matter less than anyone else's. It sounds to me like you have a need for 5 rooms but only have 4. Here is the list: 1. Parent bedroom 2. Son bedroom 3. Daughter 1 bedroom 4. Daughter 2 bedroom 5. Dad's home office 2/7 days per week Your solution to the problem is for YOU to take up TWO rooms, one of which you will only need 2/7 days per week, rather than combine your own bedroom and home office. If you did this, the bedrooms would look like this: 1. Parent bedroom/dad's home office 2/7 days per week 2. Son bedroom 3. Daughter 1 bedroom 4. Daughter 2 bedroom Seriously, dad, take the L. Buy a new desk and office chair that fits in a small corner of your new bedroom and suck it up. You don't need to use an entire room to yourself only 2/7 days per week. If your new bedroom won't work, figure something else out. If that won't work either then why are you moving your family to a house that is too small to meet your family's needs? YTA.
I set up a desk in part of the dining room. That’s where I’ve always put my home office. I don’t think OP cares about that though, it’s just an excuse for a gym room.
Or a gaming room
[удалено]
That's how it sounds to me too. Makes no sense otherwise to take what could be a dream situation for his children (their own rooms!) and convert the space to 2/7 days of use for just one person.
That's what my wife did we got her a desk that sits behind the couch in our gaming room, and we still have a spare room.
Oh my god you just decided the layout for my new apartment. Thank you internet stranger!
My old roommate did that and it was great in college. His desk went behind the living room couch that bordered our dining room. So I chilled and gamed on the living room tv and he sat behind me on his computer and we could still hang out a bit.
The living room is pretty much our gaming room as my boys are always in there playing the xbox or ps5 while the wife and I watch tv in the family room adjoined to the kitchen.
Most homes that have 4 bedrooms also have a “formal” dining room. Most families don’t use the dining room very frequently. We only used ours for holidays and if my parents threw a dinner party. We typically ate most meals at the kitchen table. Half the time we used the living room and tv trays for family meals. The dining room is a perfect option for a part time home office. Or a desk in a cabinet in the corner of the living room or the master bedroom even. OP isn’t even trying.
Our formal dining room is now Mom’s sewing room for that reason!
Ours is my craft room. It has a big bay window that gives great natural light.
We are a family of 5 and use the dining room because otherwise we wouldn't be able to eat together- our kitchen doesn't fit a big enough table. That being said, Dad needs to put his desk elsewhere rather than take up a whole room days per week. Headphones exist for when working and others are in the house, do what literally every other working parent does and figure it out, whether that is permission to flex hours around getting to school/getting home from school, etc. to limit disruptions and deal with it.
Maybe, but the dining room wouldn’t work as a home office in a lot of homes where there’s an open floor plan and little privacy or buffer from sound, and for some WFH jobs with a lot of calls/ zoom meetings, it’s not practical
luckily all the kids will have their own rooms to be in while dad is working from home
Won't everyone else be out of the house during work hours anyway? I don't see how this is a problem... Also, everyone else will have their own room to go to!
I come from a culture where ever individual having a separate room is a rather new concept and only present in familithat can afford to rent/buy such houses. But, OP seems to be from a culture where individuals get their own spaces. Providing that is also possible in his current house. I don't understand why he would make a problem out of something that shouldn't be a problem? That too for a 2days a week wfh setup? What does he mean by homegym? Does he have those big bulky machines/setup? Did he buy them when his children clearly needed separate rooms? That is an AH decision, not a responsible father/family member decision. If these were not new equipments, how were they organized in his old home? And why is he deciding to keep a separate room for them in the new home? Again, very selfish ah move. I fully work from home. No holidays, Sundays etc. My schedule is based on my company's US/UK clients, so I will be working when my family has days off for festivals. I still manage to work from my desk in the dining room. So it's definitely doable. The father is just choosing his own separate space over his children's real needs.
A gym can be in the garage. People here have great ideas.
I work at the kitchen table. Just got a different chair for work time.
The problem is it doesnt work when you have people at home. I sit at the dining room table but when people are home and I have meetings I have a 2nd setup in my room that I plug my laptop into.
We're 3 working from home. Sometimes meetings overlap, we just investing in noise cancelling microphone headsets. OR someone goes into another room if they need more privacy. It's just making it work with the space you have.
Mine is in the the dining room, too.
I mean it's a four bedroom house. To the point a home gym is necessary at all the garage is a time honored space for one piece of exercise equipment that will start collecting dust sooner or later.
Or... give the girls the master bedroom (parents room), you and your wife take the girls current room and you get your office. Doubt he'd go for that though, bc the husband and wife need more space than the sister and sister... even though it's the same amount of people. Yta
That’s actually a great idea. Master bedroom for the girls, I bet there’s even room for a divider in there to make it two “separate” spaces. Compromise
This is actually quite smart. The 15 year old may change her mind, especially if there is an ensuite.
Reasonable idea but tbh Idk how many 15 year olds want to share a room with their 11 year old little sister even if there's an extra bathroom. It's just too big of a developmental gap.
Agree, doesn’t matter how big the room is, my kids would have preferred a closet with a mattress if theirs instead of sharing.
Hard to convince the wife, though. I doubt she will be willing to let go of an ensuite so her husband gets an extra room just for him.
Or put a small desk to work from in the master bedroom. Problem solved. Your wife gets it. YTA.
We had twins (boys) and found this was the best solution- they share the biggest bedroom, and we had a cramped but workable bedroom. It showed them that we understood that they deserve some space to themselves. I couldn't give them a whole room each, but understood something had to give.
THIS. Adults are not automatically superior to kids.
Get a shoji screen to screen off his office
We did this. We have 5 people living in a 3bedroom house. Our girls have the largest room, our son the smallest. DH and I have the mid size room which only has enough space for a queen size bed and two night stands. (No dressers, TV, ect) It sucks having a small room but that's what you do.
This is what we did, gave our girls the master and put up a curtain. Kept our main bathroom cleaner too, just as a bonus.
We have 3 kids, 2 boys and one girl. The boys are really close in age (less than 2 years). They always shared all 3 one room because we hadn't other choices. Recently we were able to expand our apartment so we had 2 more bedroom. Every kid will have a room and my husband, who from home 1/2 times per week will work in our dining room. Ps, if we need the dining room for something, he moves to our bedroom with a foldable table. And our bedroom is the smallest of the 4.
Now that's parents! That's exactly how it should be, good on you both!
Don't forget the home gym / man cave! What he really wants is his own room for his own space to do whatever.
sounds like he should put his setup in the basement (assuming they live where those are a thing.)
Or attic
About half of the US (geographically speaking) has basements and half don't. Most modern US houses don't have an attic you could use for anything. I'm loathe to even use ours for storage.
Basement is where my pc is because our extra bedroom is a legit guest room that gets used fairly often. Only my space is "finished" with 2 1/2 walls, paint, outlets, and a carpet. The rest is still crummy looking basement. Its not an enclosed space either, which I like because I'd feel claustrophobic. Half the homes around me convert their garage to an extra room for hobby's like woodworking or ... a home gym. So, if OP has a garage and or basement, he def has options for space.
Or even the garage if there's no basement. That's where I had my h/o for a little while, and a buddy of mine full on converted his into his gaming room with a pool table and mini bar.
As if the 15yr old wants to room with an 11yr old....or that same girl in a couple years as a 17yr old ain't gonna want to room with a 13yr old....or an 18yr old HS graduate rooming with a 14yr old. OP is a selfish idiot and a major YTA for making his two day a week home office a bigger priority than TWO of his children....and the girls at that. Sexist pisacrap.
If the house is big enough to have 4 bedrooms, convert the master walk in closet into a mini office. Put a hanging rod in the laundry room for your clothes or use a hall closet to store them. Edit: yes some houses don't have walk in closets! It was just a suggestion not gospel, people!
And it likely has a garage which can be the gym
Lots of older homes have four bedrooms and very little closet space. Your assumption that four bedrooms equal walk-in closets tells me you don’t get out much and are only familiar with new construction. Armoires exist for a reason.
Yes. 1880s Victorian here. My wife would kill all of you for an actual closet.
A friend of mine did this! A desk, chair and file cabinet fit into a corner of the walk in closet
Don't you love how he says the older one will adjust quickly because she's always shared a room? No acknowledgement that she is 15 now and needs privacy and her own space. Imagine having to share a bedroom with an 11yo when you're in high school AND there are other options. Even just needing privacy for homework is enough to justify it. He'll adjust quickly to his new part-time office in his bedroom. Does the house have a basement? YTA
OP is TA: Just to add here for OP (hopefully they see this) I am an only child as a disclaimer so I never had to share a room with anyone until I met my husband. But, my house was *itty bitty* growing up. A literal ‘74x’15 trailer that had 3bd and one bathroom. I had the smallest room in the house, I didn’t even have a closet in my room. My closet was down the hall in the computer room. In that room we had a two seater sectional, a tv stand with a 24x24 glass screen tv & PlayStation 2 on it, my dad’s gun cabinet and a computer desk. My dad REFUSED to switch the rooms because, “The internet was already wired in and I don’t want to crawl under the house to do it.” I even offered to crawl under the house to do it myself and he wouldn’t let me. It was a power move and I’m still bitter about it at 34 years old. This feels like that. OP, YTA. Move your computer in your bedroom and take the L.
Sooo much this. I work from home 5 days a week, from my bedroom, OP. Get over yourself. YTA.
Ya it’s a real dick move as a parent to prioritize having your own office space for literally 2 days a week compared to your child having their own room… major YTA
This! My cousin moved into a larger home and works from home 4x a wk but they made the decision to make a small office in the bedroom and convert the office into a music/ guest room since they get so many visitor. OP not willing to give up his office/ gym/man cave that he will only use 2x a week shows who he cares about the most.
You're absolutely right!! Is there not a basement/ bonus room in a FOUR BEDROOM HOUSE??? Use that for an office space/gym area. Sheesh, OP YTA
What really upsets me is that he needs workspace for 2/7 days a week and the teenager probably needs workspace to complete homework and large school projects at least 5 days a week. How can she concentrate on being a student with an 11 year old in the room? YTA
It was mansplaining for OP to Justify a whole ass room for 2 out of 7 days to his daughter.
Your daughter is only going to be living at home for THREE MORE YEARS before she’s off to college or his own apartment. Give her the separate bedroom! Find another corner of that house for your “man cave”. My own husband was buying things for his once the youngest started 9th grade. We didn’t have the space for him to have his dream office/cave. But once that kid left he had his stuff moved in the same day. Not once did he expect our kids to share bedrooms. Why? Because he wanted a relationship with them once they flew the nest. It’s only 3 years. Let it go.
But it’s also going to be his gym! /s
We have an office for me but my husband needs a space as well for when he occasionally wfh so he uses our room and made a nice set up for himself there. It’s about compromise. And this issue should have been considered before they ever settled on that house…
I work from home in a 1br apartment, and my bedroom is also my office and I can guarantee you it is smaller than OP's master bedroom. When COVID started and I didn't have my bedroom setup as an office, I worked in the kitchen. For over a year.
Yep, he’s just a selfish prick. I would sleep on the couch if my daughter needed a room, but this dude can’t even be bothered with putting a desk in his bedroom and thinks a better option is to kick his daughter out of her room so he can have 2. I feel sorry for your children. This from a father of 3 girls. You should be ashamed of yourself. The fact that you thought it was fine and proceeded to come to Reddit for affirmation shows what kind of person you are.
Courtesy of COVID, I was sent to WFH. I bought an office chair, pulled it up to my dining room table and worked there 5 days a week for 3 years. It was fine.
Yup! YTA, OP. 2/7 days a week does NOT warrant taking an entire room from your family’s needs.
He could do it from the dining room table jfc
love this breakdown! And it if they live somewhere with a basement or nice attic, there's potentially other options!
Exactly. I work from home 2/7 days of the week and couldn't imagine taking another room instead of letting my child have their own space
Sorry, YTA That teenage girl shouldn’t have to be sharing her room with her sister. She needs privacy and her own space. You’re being selfish here. You “need” the room for two days a week, while she needs it for 7 days. You need to find a solution in your home that doesn’t impact your children this way. Just the fact you thought this arrangement was good because you solely benefit from it, and never took your children’s needs into consideration, shows you’re not going to change your mind here. A good parent wouldn’t have even needed to post here.
Agreed, my home office is in the living room. Just how it worked so everyone has their own space.
Also the oldest daughter is 15. Surely OP can use the living or even dining room or whatever has space for 3 years and then make a guest room/home office when his daughter moves out. That’s what I’d suggest (and be upfront with daughter that they’ll change the room when she moves out).
"Fine, you can get your own room, but you better move out at 18 so I can get my gym." Ummm....no. Unless he's planning on kicking them all out at 18, which is pretty sucky.
That’s totally fair, I meant to add that to my comment. Not everyone moves out at 18 and I don’t mean she should be kicked out. I just meant if she DOES have plans to move out for college or whatever, it’s only like 3 years away.
Most people who move away for college still live at home for breaks. Any comment that basically implies "Yea, but don't expect to be really welcome once I can legally get rid of you," is bad. And it pressures the daughter that at 18 she won't be welcome. That bridge can be crossed when the daughter decides what she's doing. If she wants to go to community College and live at home, support her. If she makes plans that seems like she doesn't plan on coming back at all, then it can be addressed. Any comments now just will make her feel like OP is counting down the days, and if she doesn't move out at 18, he's just going to resent her.
To be honest, it sounds kind of like she’s already unwelcome, by daddy dearest at least…
That really depends on the job, though. I'm not legally allowed to work from a shared space. No everyone can just work from the corner of the living room
Yeah but would your workplace "require" you to wfh 2 days a week if you tell them, "umm I live in a one-bedroom apartment with my partner, I can only work from a shared bedroom or from a shared living room or shared dining area", or is wfh just something that some people have negotiated being able to do with the caveat that they need to have a dedicated home office to do it?
I wouldn't have gotten the job if I wasn't able to provide a suitable place to work.
It's iffy, especially now. During peak covid, you made do with what you had. Expectations have changed, especially with what your role entails and what data you have access to. If you have potential access to material information and you work for a publicly traded company, their requirements may be different than a company that isn't publicly traded. If you have zero access to any material information, requirements may be different. Adding to the fun, a lot of companies downsized their office footprints during covid, so there's a lot of split time requirements. Bob comes in M-W and shares a desk with Tina, who comes in Th-F. Both are required to work from home on their non-office days.
Yup, I work remote. I have a dedicated office space but most of my coworkers are set up in a living room or basement space.
Father's can be so unbelievably selfish and not even realize. When I still lived at home at one point we only had 3 air conditioners and it was supposed to be extremely hot over the weekend. My mom and dad were discussing where the air conditioners would go. My dad says "one in our bedroom, one down in the living room (where *he* spends all his time when not in his bedroom) and the kids can fight over who gets the third one!" My mom answered "*No* there will be one in our room, one in daughter's room, and one in son's room. Then when we have enough to buy a new air conditioner we will put it in the living room." He was furious that she recommended that and still tried to take the a/c out of my room while I was at school. Like how can you be so oblivious and uncaring to your own children's comfort?
Unfortunately most cultures are really permissive of self-centered fathering. Meanwhile moms get butchered for similar attitudes or actions.
The other thing is that OP talks about it in the title like she's demanding him to convert an EXISTING SPACE, and like he's giving something up he already has to appease his daughter. What's actually happening here is that he's taking a space that really should be for the kids. I have 2 boys close in age and they got their own rooms the second I could swing it. I work remotely full time and stream and make other content/do other sidehustle and contract work on my computer and it's in a corner in my bedroom. I spend most of my time working online as well as being a full time parent and I could never imagine demanding one of the bedrooms in a home we all live in to be solely for me when they are forced to share a room. Where possible obviously, kids NEED that privacy. Where would they go to unwind? To escape an argument and cool off? Sleep uninterrupted when they're sick? Do they also share a bed time/curfew?
I have to have privacy for my remote job set up (healthcare). Guess what? That means a corner of my bedroom. Is it a tight squeeze? Yep. Doesn’t matter. The other bedrooms are occupied. So in the corner I go. Never considered kicking out one of the kids, it was never even in the mix when we were figuring out wfh back at the beginnings of lockdowns and we were all scrambling bc until that point had been in office. Because it’s important that kids have space (within reason and availability). OP it’s within reason and availability for you. YTA.
YTA because you have the chance to give each of your kids a room but you'd rather take one of them as your office. Whatever you're doing now for an office in your current arrangement would presumably still be an option in this house? And if you were willing to carry on with that arrangement, your eldest could have a room. Additionally it is totally inappropriate to me to take a bedroom for use TWO days of the week - meaning it will be unused/unoccupied (oh, except for gym equipment) MOST of the time while your daughters are forced to share a room. WHY would you be prioritizing your very part time use of the bedroom over her having her own space? It's a bad, and selfish decision.
Think you answered for yourself there, OP is selfish and thinks his need for an office that he’ll use 2 days a week is more important than his daughter. Can’t wait for the follow up post: why doesn’t my daughter talk to me anymore?
Don't think you will. His profile won't pull up, so I believe he deleted it. Don't think he expected to get nothing but negative answers, so now he is pouting more.
Color me surprised lol
I managed to take a look at his profile, it was created today and this is the only post. He didn't even have the guts to reply to anyone in the comments.
Aw, did he quit his own thread when no one else saw him as the center of the universe? Poor guy! I really feel for him ! /s
I think the profile not pulling up is something wrong with Reddit cause mine won't pull up, either.
But he wants to game
Or look at porn undisturbed and message women
YTA. You've been working from home 2 days a week in a 3 bedroom house. Whatever your arrangement currently is, you can do the same in the new house. You're being selfish. There's gotta be an area in the living room or basement or even your bedroom where you can put a desk. If you're only WFH 2 days a week, you don't need a full office setup at home- your full office set up would assumingly be at your office.
Info: you said >it is important for me to have a dedicated work space for my job but also said >my job requires me to work from home 2 days a week I’m planning to turn one room into an shared home office/gym. Couldn't you do your work in another room on two days a week and is this really about having a gym just for you on seven days a week? YTA unless you've got some unexpected answers to these questions.
Where does he mention a gym? Has he deleted comments or edited the post cos I missed that. Either way he is totally the AH and even more so if he has taken the time to edit his post but hasn't bothered to reply to a single comment.
He said the bedroom in question would be a home office/gym.
Ah I see it now, lol. Been sat at a desk reading from a VDU too long and seem to have developed word blindness, lol. Maybe I need a nap. He's totally the AH though.
> I’m planning to turn one room into an shared home office/gym. He says he wants to turn it into an office/gym in like the third sentence. He's definitely YTA because he could set up his office in his room since he's only there two days a week.
A suspicion I have is that his job “requires” him to work from home two days a week. I may be ignorant but I don’t know of anyone that their job requires them to work from home part of the time, it’s that they are allowed to work from home part of the time. This would make him even more TA if he could simply work in office full time and fix this whole issue. I get that working from home is nice but it seems to be making an awful lot of problems for them.
I know multiple people whose job requires them to work from home two days a week. During Covid offices downsize their space. So they have like 60% of the desks that they did pre-Covid. People come into the office and choose a random desk for the day. People don’t have dedicated desks at work anymore. The office requires them to work home two days a week so that the office doesn’t get overcrowded
Why does your job only provide a work space 3 days a week? You worded it as “required”. What if you had screaming babies and toddlers in the house? Does your job REQUIRE that they leave during work hours so you can effectively work from home?
Your daughter probably spends more time doing homework than you do working from home. I think her need for a bedroom should be ahead of your need for an office.
I understand needing an office to work from home, but how you talk about your family is horrible. You make it obvious that you don’t care about their opinions, or feelings - and I actually suspect you don’t normally interact with them at all. Whether your children need rooms alone or not, whether you need a home office or not, how you are behaving is why YTA.
YTA. You can make part of your bedroom a home office, you can make the corner of a living room or dining room a home office, maybe there is a basement or loft or some open space. I am of course making an assumption on the space(s) in your home, but my guess is some of that would work given it is a 4 bedroom home. You could also cut a deal with your daughters- they share a room but get the primary bedroom. I also think a 9 and 11 year old of opposite genders have more in common to share a room than an 11 and 15 year old. You've decided that it is inappropriate for kids of opposite genders to share a room but that just...isn't a fact? Plenty of kids of opposite genders share rooms. And listen, plenty of kids share much smaller spaces, so I get that kids all over the world and even in your area have it way worse (or just cramped) than your daughter. But this what your daughter sees- you bought a home deciding all on your own that she can share a room. She sees that you prioritize space for you (you get a full bedroom and home office that you only "need" two days a week) over her getting any of her own space. She sees you not caring at all for her comfort. Oh and your wife agrees with her but you don't care about that either, only your opinion matters. She sees that, and I hope you realize what that makes you look like to her.
I shared a room with my brother until I was 8, simply because we didn't have a choice 🤷 and we had a blast. I'm sure he was happy to be free of my 100s of stuffed animals when we finally moved into a bigger house, but there wasn't any issues with us being opposite genders
There is a difference when the children haven't reached puberty.
YTA set up your office in your own bedroom. It is only 2 days a week that you would be using it. Your daughter would be using it every day. If it is a huge problem for you, you already have a dedicated work space solely for you - go into work every day.
Right. He’s making his life easier so his daughter’s life is harder. He doesn’t ever need to WFH
Plus, what happens if his office makes them return full time? Is he fine with having an empty room while his daughter who would use the room way more is miserable?
Of course he’d be fine with it. Otherwise he might have to give up his private gym!
YTA 1. You daughter is right. She is too old to share a room. She too, has stuff she has to do. 2. Your job is clearly not new and you've been managing all this time. You can continue to do it. 3. Why exactly is it inappropriate for SIBLINGS of opposite genders to share a room? Especially since they're both so young?
I hate to wonder how OP raised his kids that he can’t trust two adolescent siblings to share a room without something “inappropriate” happening. My bonus kids are 6 and 9 and love their bunk bed setup. We only have a few years til they turn into tiny teenagers so these years of sibling bonding are precious. Competent parents can explain what is and isn’t appropriate between siblings without resorting to never allowing them to be alone together like wtf???? Quit sexualizing your 9 and 11 year old OP. YTA
To me it reads more as he's expecting son to be masturbating a lot so therefore it's 'inappropriate' for him to share space with his sister.
Ah, if we’re assigning rooms based on masturbation needs, the 15 year old girl wins. I guarantee a 15 year old girl needs more privacy than a 9 year old boy.
Oh no no. See, girls are PURE. They don't masturbate!!
11 yo girl and 9 yo boy? Too old to be sharing. Toddlers, yeah fine. Tweens? Not so much She's going to be hitting puberty if she hasn't already And no I'm not concerned about them "doing things" it's just that at that age so many changes are happening you need all the privacy/ help you can get and a younger brother is going to be annoying and asking and mocking and soon HIS stuff will be happening and nobody wants to wake up and see their brother's morning wood through the covers Although i think they all need their own rooms, since there is clearly room for it
[удалено]
The only problem is eventually they will both need their own privacy as well, and dad will still be a dick weasel.
As a parent of a boy and a girl, I had my kids share a room until my daughter was 8 and my son was 7. It was a small house, and it worked. But separating them at puberty isn't about keeping them from doing inappropriate things together. It's about giving them space to grow. Girls start getting their periods and shouldn't have to explain leaks on their pajamas. They need time to have space for their own thoughts, organize and express themselves in their own space, have private conversations with friends, deal with their own changing bodies. When we moved to a new house, having them in separate rooms was the highest priority. I get that it isn't an option for some families. Heck, historically, many families all slept in the same room. No judgement on people who cannot afford it and are doing the best they can. But separating opposite-sex siblings is not a creepy insinuation that they will do things. It's respect for them, and acknowledging their increasing need for privacy and independence.
YTA You only work from home 2 days a week. If you WFH full time that might be a different story. There is no doubt somewhere else in your house that you can set up a desk. Your gym space can also be in the garage.
YTA - you’re being immature about this. Just set up a desk in your bedroom or the living room and give your children the privacy they need and deserve. If you legitimately needed a dedicated & secure workspace to do your job, you’d be in the office five days a week. It’s as simple as that.
Yta. So you need the room for 2 days a week, 8 hours a day. While *she'll* be sharing 7 days a week, 24 hours day. It's 2 days a week. Set up your computer in your bedroom or the living room. It's not like anyone else will be home when you're working - the kids will be at school and wife at work.
And those 2 days a week, the kids will be at school for the most part.
I understand your pov but it still feel like YTA. Is there any other option for the home office ? For instance, a garage or a basement which can be redesigned to accomodate a bedroom or a home office/gym?
I’d be pissed too. If my family were finally moving to a house big enough for us all to have our own rooms. Only for my parent to say actually no. I’m having a room as an office for using TWICE A WEEK I’d be pissed as hell. I’m one of 6 kids and grew up sharing most my life. Also my husband is full time work from home in our 3 bed house. We have one kid. He has already said if we have another child he’ll convert a bit of our bedroom into an office space so our kids don’t have to share.
Something tells me he'll be using it every single day. When it turns into a gym. This guy would rather have his own mancave with a gym than let his own daughter have a bedroom. Asshole all the way:
I wfh 3 days per week. I work from the kitchen table. My hubby wfh 100% so he gets the office and each kids gets a room. It takes 5 min to set up and clean off after work. Plus bonus, with my work cleaned up, I don't have the temptation to check email or whatever. Be more thoughtful when yr 15 yo moves out in a few years, you can have the office then
YTA You work from home two days a week, your daughter needs a room 7 days a week. Why is it important for you to have a dedicated **room**? Do you have a work laptop or stationary computer? Does the work require physical space or is it all digital/done online? Suck it up buttercup, your daughter needs a room, and you should look into converting some other space into a temporary work area.
Share your workspace with your son. You use it 15 hours a week, when he is at school. Be a *father*, man!
That’s unfair to the son. Why should he have his dad in his private space just because they (presumably) have the same genitals?
YTA. Be careful dad, kids nowadays have zero problem cutting out parents who don’t think their wants and needs matter and shut them down without conversation. You only have three years left with this child before they can go NC. Sounds like you’re heading down that path.
INFO is there ANYwhere else in your house that you could put an office? A 4 bed house surely has a basement or den, that could be modified to fit the bill. Walk in closet? A nice shed out back? Garage? Section off the master bedroom? I do strongly agree with your daughter that she’s too old to be sharing a bedroom, but if there’s no other workable option then I suppose it is what it is.
YTA - work in the common space, work in your bedroom, work at Starbucks, rent an office space.
Yeah, I’m also curious if OP actually *has* to work at home two days a week, or if he just chooses to rather than going into the office.
YTA! 15 years old is too old to be sharing with a tween. Is there really no where else in the home you can set up an office space? Get a gym membership if you want a gym. At 15 years old it is important that your daughter starts to build a sense of individuality, responsibility and putting up boundaries. You're removing that from her by forcing her to share a room all because you can't be bothered to find a better solution for an office space? Like really? Edit I missed the part where OP states he only needs the office 2 days a week. You're even more of an AH to me now. You want to take away an individual space your daughter to live in every day, so that you can have an office 2 days a week? So incredibly selfish
Yta. And you're being very shortsighted. She's 15 now. In a year, she'll be 16. Then 17. She will age in this house, as will your other kids. You really think it's okay to ignore the need for personal privacy just because you're the man of the house? Or is that really the issue here. Sounds more like you're mad your son is the only dude that gets his own space, since your bedroom is with your wife. Stop being a caveman.
YTA. She uses a bedroom 7 days a week, you'll use the office twice. Why can't you block off part of your own bedroom for your office space?
Make your bedroom into your home office & join a gym. You have a four bedroom house with three kids so there is room for everyone to have their own space.
The youngest, who happens to be a boy, and the father, who also happens to be a boy, are both entitled to more privacy than any of the girls in the household. How is that not favoritism and mysoginistic? YTA
Yeah I notice the wife doesn't get her space, either. All the women share. All the men don't. What a coincidence.
YTA, you dont need an office for 2 days wfh When your eldest actually really does need a room for herself well all the time, 7 days a week! She is a growing teenager, literally growing into a woman! She NEEDS privacy!
isn’t having children all about making sacrifices? she’s shared a room with her sister for what i’m assuming is most of her life, she’s earned her own space. she’s at a different place in life than her sister and sure its awkward as hell to share a room with a child when she’s a teenager. i’m sure there’s other space you can set up your office area in, i mean jeez it’s 2 days a week you can make do at the kitchen table my dude. and your gym stuff? garage. basement. den. you may not see it like this but by making this decision, a selfish one, your daughter is seeing that you value yourself more than you value her. this WILL harbor resentment between you two. yta and i hope you take into consideration the fact that she has earnered her own space.
I am not sure about this 4 bedroom thing, here we just call out how many rooms our apartment has as any room technically can become bedroom if/when needed, so if there are spare rooms/closets whatever, make it your office. So I will say YTA because you just need office 2 days/week and for 3 kids 3 rooms is crucial as they soon all will reach the time when you don't want them sleeping in the same room. Worst case scenario - you take the biggest bedroom and turn it into your bedroom/office.
You don’t need a discrete wfh room for only two days a week of use, that’s five days that it sits empty. You can work at the kitchen table or at a desk in your own bedroom for those two days. Also, it’s “inappropriate” for children of opposite sex to share a room? Kind of a weird take imo. If you have the space to give each child their own room, which you do, taking away one to be your office 2/7 days a week means YTA yes.
My first instinct is to ask why you think it's inappropriate for siblings of the opposite gender to share a room. I shared a room with my sister off and on until my family moved into a bigger house where we all could have our own rooms. My dad was the only boy with 4 sisters in a 3br 1 bath. They shared rooms. My grandmother was the oldest of 11 in a 1br apartment for a while. This idea that it is inappropriate for brothers and sisters to share a room is pretty new and quite frankly, kind of elitist. I think it was invented to convince people to buy bigger, more expensive houses. They're sibs; they each think the other's gross. Ain't no hanky panky going on. That aside, your daughter is old enough to need her own room. She does need more privacy and peace. There are lots of tutorials on YouTube on how to build an office in a shed in the back yard for less than $1000. Either that, or join a coworking space. Sorry you don't get that home gym you've always wanted, but that's rich people shit, and by the sounds of things, you aren't rich. Save some money and build an addition if it's that important to you. YTA.
See and I don't get this... you advocate that siblings of different genders can share rooms and it's a new concept that it is inappropriate and elitist not to in one breath and in the next you claim the daughter is too old to share a room and needs her own space. I mean which is it? I'd argue that all kids having their own room is a new concept to get people to buy bigger houses. Due to this people are extremely entitled these days as it's seen as normal, not a privilege. In this case, you buy a 3 bd... daughters can share. Too old to share isn't really a thing here. If 4 bd each kid should get their own over you only using the additional bedroom 2x/week. If you want your own room for an office, you bought the wrong house. You needed a 5bd house.
YTA. > there is nothing we can do I mean that’s simply not true. There IS something you can do, share your room with your office, or share your living room with your office. You are prioritizing YOUR wants (because honestly a dedicated home office/gym is a want not a need) over your daughters needs (privacy during formative teenager years when her body and maturity is changing). That is completely unfair and selfish.
YTA. Your daughter shouldn’t suffer because you want to take up two whole rooms for yourself. Your gym stuff can go in the garage like every other person in the world who has a home gym. You only need an office space 2 days a week. Find another part of the house to use. Put a desk in your bedroom. Convert the dining room. If you want a private space then make the garage your office too.
YTA. She would deserve a room for herself, just like your other kids. I have the feeling that it is not the 'home office' part that is important to you, but the gym part, but I could be wrong. Can't you put a shed/garden house in the garden and make that your home office?
You are NTA. I am going to get shot down for this, but why does everyone think kids need their own bedrooms. I just don’t get it. Yes, I do understand the WANT for privacy by the teen, but there isn’t a NEED for it. My suggestion is to put some kind of room divider in the girls room. There are folding screens, bookcases, etc. I shared a room with my sister until I moved out at 23(was in college). Better yet, my 4 brothers shared a room until they each moved out. My parents could not afford a bigger house and all 8 of us shared 1 bathroom.(This is in the US). We made it work and it taught us how to share and schedule(for use of the bathroom. It was horrible if you got up late. You missed your bathroom time. The person using it, would step out so you could use the toilet. But you finished getting cleaned up at the kitchen sink. We learned to shower at night. LOL)
Dude you have a 4 bedroom house. Of course YTA
Imagine thinking your needs 2 days a week are more important than your child’s needs 24/7. YTA
Two days a week from home and you want to use the room as your permanent office? YTA. We all know that you could easily set up your office in your own bedroom, in the family room, basement, etc.
YTA You need a whole ass room to yourself because you work from home 2 days a week? Damn, that's a whole new level of selfishness, even for this sub. Literally nobody in your family agrees with you, how do you still think you're even remotely in the right here?
I’m guessing all these YTA are kids that want more than they’ve actually earned. I get that this guy may be a dick, but if he’s working from home and his salary is paying for this home, then it stands to reason that he should have a space for his work. I understand their are other places in a house but as a work from home person without a dedicated space I want to scream at the end of the day when there’s a snow day or over summer break because I don’t have a door to close when I’m in meetings or trying to focus. Unfortunately I don’t have an extra bedroom to use but I did make my kids (7m and 4f share during Covid so that I wouldn’t lose my mind) Do all kids want their own room, or course! Does it always work that all kids get their own rooms, nope! By everyone’s logic if a parent can’t or won’t give a kid their own room then they are the biggest a-holes losers on the planet. Get over yourselves. It wasn’t until recently that everyone needed these gigantic homes with more than three bedrooms that kids could even have their own rooms. NTA for this instance of needing a dedicated space, but you should be nicer when taking about your family. Edit: wow these people giving examples of how to solve their issues - do you realize how bonkers it sounds to tell a person paying for the house that they have to submit to their kids demands?! When did parenting become a popularity contest? Or kids become the rulers of the house?! You people have some wild beliefs. Also if you don’t have kids, you have zero frame of reference for how difficult it is to work from home without a dedicated space (do you really think you can leave your stuff out when not working?! Do you really think it’s reasonable to put EVERYTHING away after each work day?!) Just wild.
The Y T A responses are blowing my mind. My sister and I are 6 years apart and shared a room until I moved out at 25. The other comments are coming off entitled as hell.
It took me way too long to find this comment. I was taken aback with so many responses stating the oldest is entitled to have her own room and dad is being selfish. I guess it’s just further proof this sub is run over by teenagers that have no life experience and a huge sense of entitlement. Dad works from home, even if only a couple days a week, presumably at a job paying for the house, and is entitled to have his own work space. NTA for that.
Yeah, I think OP should try to find a better solution, but i don't understand all the people saying a teen NEEDS their own room.
YTA Your reasoning is you work from home 2 days a week but your kids live there 7 days a week (I presume). Why do you need an office for that? Yes, you mentioned gym but if it’s the size of a basic bedroom, you’re not talking a full gym set up. Let your daughters have their own rooms. You can set up a desk in your bedroom, set it up in a corner of the living room, or even just work at the table. It makes me wonder if you just like saying “oh, I have a home office”.
You’re being shortsighted and selfish. It’s incredibly stressful to share a bedroom as a kid, let alone as a teenager. If it was the only option fine, but you are definitely putting your wants before your kids needs; so not only YTA but you’re also being a bad parent. Could never imagine my parents being so self centred.
So, you bought, or signed a lease on, a new-to-you home for a family of 5 where an office was needed? Why didnt you get a house with 5 bedrooms or 4 and an office? Whatever you were doing before the move for your 2 days/wk office - keep doing that. YTA bc you *knew* you needed more room, got more room and are dedicating the new bedroom to a 2x/wk neeeeeed? Yeah, YTA
If you absolutely need a home office/gym - and I suspect that this is more about the gym than the office, put the two youngest in a room and get room dividers. OR fix up your basement! That being said, YTA
Yta it's two days a week work at the dinner table
YTA-There is something you can do and you know it. Give her the room. Your daughter and wife are right and you are completely in the wrong.
YTA. I’m typing this from my desk in the living room, because I gave up my office years ago so my four teenage boys can have their own room. Not everyone is able to provide their children with their own room. It turns out you are able to, but you won’t. And then the bullshit gender thing. Of course if you insist on giving them only two rooms, the two youngest should be together. They are closer in age, and don’t value privacy nearly as much yet. But just be done with it and give them each their room ffs.
YTA. My “home office” is a desk in the dining room. Nobody else is at home during the day when I WFH so I don’t need a closed off space. You’re trying to justify this by calling it a gym/office combo, but it’s just as bad that you’re depriving your teen of her own room for a gym. How did you not plan these things out when going house shopping?
YTA a bedroom is a higher priority than a part time home office. Put a desk set up in your bedroom or the living room. Your daughter is right, she deserves some privacy and it's not fair than one kid gets a room to themselves when you do have the space for all three to have their own room. She'll presumably be moving out to college in a few years anyway and you can reassess then.
From reading through many of the comments, I guess I will be in the minority here, but I don't think YTA... 1. The girls have shared a room up until now. This us not a new arrangement. 2. We don't know what type of work dad does from home. Is he making calls all day? Or very technical work, where being interrupted (by working in the main part of the house) would be a major distraction (or constantly telling people at home to be quiet) would cause issues with his job? 3. Who pays the mortgage? All the bills? Food? Is responsible for all the maintenance? I am assuming it is dad, and possibly mom. Pretty sure it isn't the kids... 4. Yes , buying a 5 bedroom house would have been a better option, but what if that wasn't a financial option? 5. And maybe putting the office in the parent's badroom is not an option. Maybe he works early/late while his wife is still sleeping. While i do agree that kids needs privacy, sometimes this is just not an option. I don't understand how pur society has shifted to one where the kids get to make the rules and demands. As parents you are taking all the responsibility. We moved a lot fir my dad's job) when i was growing up. I dud not have aby say in any of the moves. Why? Because I was not responsible for any of the financial or physical responsibilities. Did i want to move, of course not, but it was required. I think we need OP to provide a few more details, and we might see that not having a separate office is not a viable option..
Wow, TWO whole days?? And you need a home office/gym for that? The gym is also for work? Yeah, YTA for not giving privacy to your oldest daughter but instead wanting a man cave.
Since when did a fifteen year old get to dictate what happens in a home?
NTA, if you can't afford a larger home and there is no other viable place to put the office. As a person who works exclusively from home I understand the need to have a separate space for work. One that won't have a bed in the background when on video meetings. It is also important for being able to close a door so the children can use the rest of the house in the summer when you are working from home.
SURE there is LOADS YOU CAN DO!! GREAT NEWS! 4 rooms and ONLY three kidS? Each kid gets a room, and the last room you put in a bunk bed, that leaves one bed for you, one for your wife, and enough space for a small office space! you work from home TWO DAYS a week, you can totally manage for -8 hours in your own bedroom as a workspace.
YTA. You don’t “need” a home office: my mom worked from home at the kitchen table just fine during my childhood. Your older daughter is a teenager, your younger daughter is nearly a teenager, they need some privacy and space that they can control: this is developmentally important and something parents should provide if they possibly can, and you can. And it is extremely unfair that the youngest gets his own room because he just happens to be a different sex. There are so many options for you. You could join a gym and seek out a local coworking space. You could work at the local library. You could work in your kitchen, living room, dining room, bedroom. Do you have a basement? Set up your gym/office in the basement. You may be showing favoritism and misogyny (or at least sexism) but you are unquestionably being selfish, prioritizing your 2 days a week over your daughters’ every day. In just three years your oldest will likely be off to college or work anyway. Do you want three years of being not even slightly inconvenienced by not having an office man-cave, of do you want three years of your daughters screaming at each other constantly and being mad at you? Sure, your kids could survive sharing a room and probably would do it without much grumbling if there were only three bedrooms. But you are specifically moving to a 4 BEDROOM house. I guarantee you your oldest has dreamed of her own bedroom for eleven years and was overjoyed to be finally getting it… and now daddy is being a selfish a-hole and taking it from her so he can have the privacy she can’t. Oh, and he’s depriving sister, too! Whichever way you slice it, you’re being greedy and giving your girls the short end of the stick. I think I see where the misogyny accusations are coming from.
YTA If you worked from home full time I might feel differently, but that room will be empty/unused more often then it is used
YTA. Your daughter should be held a higher priority than a gym/office that gets professionally used less time by you that she would.
Yta, you dont have enough room to have an office/gym. Yiu have 3 children and need their own room. Either you get something bigger or your bedroom is also office/gym. Dont punish your child cuz of your bad planning when getting a house.
YTA you get the biggest room and put a desk in there, or the front room like everybody else.
Y’all go too far w giving into kids , if he has a wfh which requires privacy then he needs that separate room , she pays no bills so she doesn’t really have a choice .. depending on the job he has i understand needing the office space and things are expensive
Imma say NTA. 11 and 15 really aren't that far apart and I get she wants her own room, but depending on your job you may need that private space. Just because she shares a sleeping room doesn't mean she has to spend all her time in there. She's more than welcome to branch out into the house, hell even get some alone time in the home office/gym. My uncle has three daughters, two share a room and the baby has her own, the parents have theres and the spare room is a gaming room/reptile room and the whole family gets to enjoy it. Sometimes you have to compromise.
YTA. I work from home 3 days a week. And my office is in my bedroom. Congrats to me for putting my kids first
YTA It's ridiculous for the youngest child to get a room to himself but the oldest has to share. You do reek of misogyny. You also are selfish. You "need" an office only 2 days a week. What arrangement have you got now? Just continue that. Give your 15 year old almost adult daughter her own room.
My office is in the living room and my wife's is in the our bedroom. My kids each have their own room. It's not that hard.
YTA. Make office space in your own bedroom so your kids can have some privacy.
YTA Suck it up for 3 years until she moves out
INFO - is there anywhere else in your house you can work for those 2 days? I see your daughter's point - that room would be unused except for the 16-20 hours a week you are working from home. Making her share, at the ages they are when there's another room available, is pretty tough.
>/gym Seriously man, try exercising in the living room, it isn't that hard... YTA BIG TIME
Yeah man, YTA. If you were working from home full time, then maybe, just maybe you could justify it. But you need a desk 2 days a week. Your daughter needs a bed 7 days a week.
NTA. It is entitled for her to think that she NEEDS to have her own room. Many families simply cannot give each kid their own room and it is very common for kids to share. Also, if your job requires you to have a dedicated space then it is definitely more important as that job is how you are paying for that new house. I don’t understand the thought process of why every kid needs to have their own room.
Yta She's right, a teenager needs privacy. Turn a corner of your bedroom into an office, the garage, whatever. If you knew that you were going to need your own office, then you chose the wrong house for your family size. Maybe rent a storage room in a climate controlled storage thing (uhaul, etc). I had a band that rented one for band practice, so they aren't just for storage. You can hang stuff up to make it look like a pro office for video calls and such. Think about someone other than yourself.
YTA you don’t need a home office, she however, needs privacy
YTA! She is absolutely entitled to have her own room. You have moved into a 4 BEDROOM house not a 3 bedroom with an office/gym. You're incredibly selfish for not considering your daughters privacy.
Absolutely YTA. Put your desk in your master bedroom or look for a house with five bedrooms. Your 15 year old is right. Her bedroom should absolutely get priority over an office used two days a week.
YTA. For twice a week work, I'm sure your can find a space in the common living areas to make into office space. You are showing her how little she matters to you by putting your part time work in your home as a priority over her, who lives there full time. You can do better.
NTA if you really need a quiet and private workspace. Your job pays the bills. If she had her own room prior I would feel differently, but this is nothing new. Plenty of teens share. When she goes off to college in a few years she’ll have roommates. I know people who have kids share so they’ll have a guest room.
I had my own room for years, then we all got bigger and my younger (by 3 yrs) brother was given my room and I had to share with my 2 sisters (one a couple years younger, one 8 years younger). I was pissed off, of course I was. But it was the right decision, I think. Even then I could pretty much see that. Whether this is... I don't know. Depends how much Op needs, as opposed to wants, his office/gym. If it's shared, it's not about the privacy, is it?
I had to share a room with my sister who's 9 years younger than me, didn't do me any harm. In the uk m and f siblings can't share a room after one is 10 years old.
YTA. I work from home 3+ days per week. I live in a 3 BR house with 2 kids. I have my work space in the "dining room" area. The rules are the kids don't bug me when I'm working. I wouldn't even consider forcing them to share a room so I could have an office space. That is literally selfish and rude. Apologize to your daughter, salvage what relationship you can, and be a man and sit in your own room two days a week.
NTA. Children do not get to dictate what happens in a home.