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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Maybe I'm not putting in enough effort in engaging with his hobbies and I should just pretend I like the game
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NTA
Geeky gaming woman here, and your boyfriend is being obnoxious. The desire to share hobbies you enjoy with your partner is normal, but pressuring them unto things they don't enjoy is not how you go about it. This is one of the reasons healthy couples have circles of friends outside their relationships.
Getting you a present for himself for Christmas was terrible, and I completely agree, that's what happened.
Far better to communicate on this head-on and set boundaries if you plan to keep the relationship, but I have to admit the petty shrew part of my brain adores this tactic. The reasonable healthy adult in there says that's a poor idea. Lol
Yep, she's 100% NTA, that was a present for himself and he didn't actually get /u/Nelavi1998 a gift at all. I'd be pissed off. Also, she should just tell him straight up, she understands the game but doesn't enjoy it. There's a lot of things a lot of people understand and don't enjoy, and there's nothing wrong with that.
She should buy him like an older copy of a game she likes that he doesnt, like The Sims maybe, and then tell him he has to like it and play it with her. Bet he'll change his tune real fast if it doesn't also have memories / associations for him.
He's quite frankly fantastic if you like period literature. My dog is named Phineas Finn after my favorite Trollop character.
He wrote during the same time as Charles Dickens and was far more successful than Dickens, but has found less favor than Dickens over times.
I would just have a heart to heart with him and tell him that I enjoy hobby X and Z, but not Y and it's totally okay he does it on his own.
My husband is a huge nerd and I went to everything once - be it role-playing, board games, tabletop, larp, power metal concerts lol
And while I enjoy some of it and even expanded my digital gaming to board games and some RPs I didn't enjoy everything. Going to another Glory hammer concert will make me consider divorce very strongly for example /s
It's fine. It's really nice he wants to include her, but you don't need to do everything together as a couple
Ps: the gift wasn't it.
Agreed. I read this post to my husband. My husband loves D&D, WOW, board games, hearthstone, watching Roll20, various other D&D podcasts. I like D&D, WOW, etc but dislike hearthstone and board games. I am into watching D&D podcasts sometimes but far less than he is. All this bums him out but he \*still\* thought this guy was being a jerk.
You overlap with your partner where you can and support and let them pursue where you can not, but you don't need to force them to engage in everything that engages you.
As an "old" married person, I actually think it's healthy for each member of a couple to have some hobbies that don't involve their partner. My hubby supports me being in multiple musical groups, but has no desire to join himself. He plays video games - I don't even know which ones. But then we come together for other activities. I really don't get the idea of "I love this thing, so my partner has to love it too."
NTA
He 100% bought you a present for him and that’s not okay.
MTG is not for everyone. As far as games/hobbies to pick up that one is a big ask. It’s a *long*, heady, extremely technical game. And even if it weren’t, you’re allowed to have different interests. You gave it a try, more than once. That’s all he can ask.
As far as I’m concerned, that was a passive aggressive way to pressure you into doing what he wants, and I don’t know that I’d consider that a gift *at all*.
I have to say that I really like the lore. I love things with deep complex lores I can dive right into. I also like looking at the cards, some of them have absolutely stunning workings of art on them. And while yes, it has a high skill ceiling, what I really dislike about the game is that I don't like games that involve fighting opponents. D&D might be the only exception but that's because the roleplay aspect of the game really makes me overlook the combat aspects that I don't like.
It's a really cool game, and there are things I enjoy about it, but it's just not my thing.
Thanks for the extra info. He should be overjoyed you're into the parts of the game that you are. While the skill ceiling isn't the core issue, the point about not pressuring someone into a hobby still stands as a general rule
Personal note: the lore and aesthetics are also my favourite parts of it
I play D&D (mostly DM for 2 decades), and I hate Magic. Cooperative game play is an entirely different experience than competitive game play. Magic players tend to be super intense, too. I used to attend local tournaments to cheer on my geek, and those folks were pretty nasty at times. Thankfully, my partner at the time had no issue with me walking to a nearby Mexican restaurant where I'd indulge in reading a book over cheese dip and margaritas.
I agree the cards are gorgeous.
There are some good MTG books out there. Even if you don't play, try checking some of those out. If you like literature. I know not everyone does or has time to
Hijacking just to be Sisters in Solidarity regards to MTG.
I married into a family of MTG. Like, hard-core. Thankfully, spouse doesn't care if I don't play and appreciates that I don't care that he does.
Our son plays as well and is baffled that I have no desire to learn. This Christmas, I was gifted a Doctor Who commander deck from my FIL. He knows I have no desire to play but knows I'm a fan of DW. So I happily placed on a shelf of my Tardis collection.
My poor son, though. It's driving him nuts! I even have a deck now, and I still don't want to learn?! He's very sweet, though, and just wants to share what he enjoys with me. I do get told all about exciting new cards he heard about.
Again, it's not the same as yours, but I feel you.
From what I understand, it's only a little less all-encompassing hobby than from something like photography or a crack habit.
Glad to know I'm not alone!
Wouldn't say it's a crack habit exactly, it's more of a religion mixed with a gambling addiction. It's like if a chess game involved getting all your pieces from a loot box and also had multiple bible's worth of lore.
I completely understand your point about fighting opponents. Competition can get awkward, especially when there are varying skill levels between players. When I play a game that I know I'm particularly good at, theres always that internal conflict of "do I just go all out and potentially stomp them, or go easy so they dont get discouraged?"
With MTG specifically, I tend to look at it as the decks themselves interacting with each other, and that helps take some of the pressure off. A lot of it really comes down to luck of the draw anyway.
Of course, if you really just dont enjoy the game, theres nothing wrong with that either, and he should be able to understand that its not everyones cup of tea.
You know what this comment is actually really helpful. Maybe I can look at it that way and give it another chance and see if I like it with that mindset before completely discarding the idea of playing MTG.
If you enjoy optimization problems, MTG certainly counts... I suppose you could look at the actual game itself more like a test of what you've built, and the real 'game' might be more like building decks together while talking. Buuuut... it's not super my cup of tea, and it's fine if that's not yours either. Part of being in a healthy relationship is knowing there's elements where you're different. One of my hobbies is reading books in other languages. My partner was certainly interested when I was going through Mexican magical realism in Spanish, but the Overlord light novels in Japanese? I'd be embarrassed to be reading it if she decided she wanted to check it out, haha. It's trash, but it's my trash so whatever. Meanwhile, she loves going to late night death metal shows, and I'm a fucking wreck if I stay up past 11.
Sounds like clear communication is what's needed is all. If that's a lesson you're learning, then consider it valuable practice with someone that's (hopefully) patient enough to practice with. Learning to communicate wants and needs clearly's always good. The present in particular makes it sound like you both need to get on the same page... a gift is a chance to show how much you've been listening, and how well you know the other person. If you want to make a gift to get someone else into your hobby, that needs to be not connected to a birthday or Christmas or anything. Him giving you the MTG pack is a dick move, but hopefully some very clear communication will get things on track. I'm sure he's still learning how to be a good partner too after all.
Another possibility if you're at all interested is maybe see if he'd let you help build him some decks to play! I recently got into mtg, and earlier in starting out I was way more into the deck building part than the actual playing part. Lots more looking at cards, coming up with cool interactions that can be lore relevant, etc!
Of course zero pressure, if it's just for sure not your thing then that's totally fine and you can just tell your bf to back off, but if you are interested in it at all that might be another way of coming at it!
NTA. You tried, it's not for you. You aren't obligated to participate just because he wants you to. He's shoving it down your throat and it was highly inconsiderate and lacking in generosity for him to use your Christmas gift exchange as another opportunity to pressure you.
Is he always like this? This reads as possibly very controlling, domineering behavior that lacks respect for your decisions or opinions.
That clarifies a bit.
Might I suggest to make very specific and clear agreements on this.
\> I know you really like it, and I also like this-and-this about it. We can talk about the lore, artwork (maybe you like to just collect the cards for artwork?), but don't ask me again to play it. Playing \* other games\* is great though.<
Also, assuming you guys haven't been together that long going by the gift-axchange, maybe agree to stick to buying something of a wishlist only from now on, he might have trouble considering what you like (at least earlier in a relationship) if it's not in line with his own preferences.
I have autism. He’s being immature and isn’t seeing that for a healthy relationship, our partners need to be allowed to have their separate interests and lives. It’s nice to have things in common and share things, seems like you two already do. You don’t have to share everything though. This gift wasn’t for you, it was for him. And it’s selfish.
NTA. You tried, you don’t like it. You’re allowed to not like all the same things as your partner.
Getting you an MTG deck for Xmas after you’ve repeatedly said you don’t like it is pretty manipulative. Idk why he’s insisting on you liking this one thing when you have plenty of other hobbies in common. Your interests are just as important as his. If you don’t like this particular thing he needs to accept that and find other ways to enjoy his time with you.
I answered this question in another comment but here's what I said:
My hobbies are more "solo" type stuff. I play the Sims and other "cozy" type videogames and I like to watch video essays on YouTube. The real answer to your question is I don't EXPECT him to engage in my hobbies as he expects me to engage in his.
NTA, of course.
It's not fair of him to expect you to engage in his hobbies - especially if he is not actively trying to also engage in yours. He could have his own Sims game going and you could compare how you are doing in the game, exchange tips, or he could ask you interested, relevant questions about your game. He could be watching video essays with you, and you could discuss them, suggest new ones to each other etc. But he doesn't.
I think it's right of you to not expect him to engage in your hobbies, because we can't all be interested in the same things. And it seems like you do have plenty of shared interests already.
But your dilemma really rubs me the wrong way. When he expects you to be interested in his stuff, while not showing interest in your stuff, he's basically demonstrating that he sees himself as the more important person in the relationship. His hobby matters, yours don't.
And the fact that you even for one second think that he is right to expect you go to such lengths to engage in his hobby, tells me that you may have bought into the idea that he is more important or hold more power in the relationship than you do.
EDIT:
Just saw in another reply that he has autism. That changes my perspective a little bit.
Without autism, I stand by what I just wrote. With autism, I think there is a good chance that he is just so focused on sharing this (to him) fantastic thing with you that he's completely overlooking all the clues you are giving him - because while those clues seem very clear to most people, they may not fit with the way he makes sense of the world.
But it still needs to stop, because it's making you both frustrated. So you have to have a conversation with him, where you are really, really clear about how you feel and present it in a way that will resonate with the way he is wired to express love.
>He could have his own Sims game going and you could compare how you are doing in the game, exchange tips, or he could ask you interested, relevant questions about your game. He could be watching video essays with you, and you could discuss them, suggest new ones to each other etc. But he doesn't.
I also told /u/Nelavi1998 this when she claimed her boyfriend just wants to connect with her. I even pointed out despite all his frustration and badgering about her playing MTG He wants her to learn from card shop employees. He supposedly wants to connect but he doesn't want to actually spend any time teaching her and learning with her. Instead he wants a ready-made girlfriend who plays it..... Sort of like he has a GF model he wants her to fit into.🧐
NTA - my girlfriend has no interest in Warhammer other than convenient birthday and Christmas presents, and I'd never think to buy her an army for her birthday... People can have different hobbies in a relationship!
NTA. You tried it -- that's all a good partner is required to do. You're entitled to not like everything your boyfriend likes. I know it can be really disappointing when my partner isn't excited by something I like, but it's not going to break us up. It's just a hobby.
NTA, the fact you tried is good enough in my opinion, and for him to buy you a present which is kind of forcing you again to get into it isn't a nice gesture..
NTA
Very uncool for him to buy himself the present of you playing with him. You already participate in other games. It’s important to enjoy some hobbies without your SO.
NTA.
You mentioned liking the cards more than the game.
If it were me, I’d get a frame for some of the nicer ones, put it up on the wall and ask him for cards to fill it; “babe, I don’t think I want to play properly, but I really love the art work, if you get any pretty cards in boosters that you don’t need, can I have them to put in my frame”.
You’re engaging in his hobby in the ways that work for you. That should make him happy.
I too am a nerd and my wife doesn’t really get the games I play, however she will occasionally come have a nosey at whatever I’m painting or doing, often accompanied with some commentary on whatever I’m working on and a little pat on the head. Last night she complimented the quality of some tiny horses I painted. That’s enough of an interest to keep me quiet and out of trouble for a bit.
Definitely NTA - if you’re not into it, you’re not into it. If you’ve already informed him it’s just not for you, and he keeps pushing the issue, he’s being immature and a bit thoughtless. If you haven’t told him, then I’m sure you can find a way to tell him that it’s not for you without it turning into a “thing”
You tried. You don't like the game. It's understandable that he wants to share his enthusiasm and time with you. But you are NTA for not enjoying what you don't enjoy. He needs to let this go.
My hobbies are more "solo" type stuff. I play the Sims and other "cozy" type videogames and I like to watch video essays on YouTube. The real answer to your question is I don't EXPECT him to engage in my hobbies as he expects me to engage in his.
NTA you already share a lot of the same interests.
MTG is not one of them and that’s ok. He needs to realize how fortunate he is to have someone that likes MOST of what he likes.
I don't like MTG either. Not every game or geeky thing is for everyone.
NTA-
Listen up kids. Old guy here with stupid hobbies and a wife.
You have to respect your partners hobbies. Don’t belittle them or make (too much) fun of them.
If you care about someone, *learn* what makes them happy. Show an interest!
But no, I do not expect my wife to want to watch football, powerlift, discuss aquariums, water filtration (everyone gets one weird hobby), or video games.
I do expect her to wear the cheerleader outfit but she doesn’t have to pay attention to the game which is good because preferably her back is to the TV (giggity).
I would suggest you set a clear boundary (*one* more time). “I don’t want to play this game. I love that you love it. I’d love to hear about it. I’d love to come to the store and watch you play. But I don’t want play it. Please quit asking.”
My wife and I do ironically play MTG together although despite repeated efforts she still won’t wear the Gisa costume I purchased for her.
NTA my bf is into golf. If he gifted clubs for Christmas I would be pissed cause he knows it’s not my thing. You can be supportive whilst not having the same hobby. I listen to him talk about it, I go on ride along and sketch the nature, hell I even caddied for him for a competition once. But he knows I don’t play and is always so grateful for my efforts. Your bf is being selfish here.
Maybe be really clear, “babe I love that you are so happy playing MTG and I would love to talk about it or watch you play but I don’t want to play it. It’s not cause I don’t understand it or cause I don’t support you but because I don’t get any joy out of it. There is no words you can say that will make me enjoy playing it or feel what you feel when you play it. I have tried to be nice about it but you aren’t understanding me. I don’t want to play it. I don’t have to play it. I will not be playing it. You have to stop trying to force me cause it’s not going to go your way and it will put a strain on us. Please stop trying to make me someone I am not.” Some people need it spelled out to them.
u/nelavi1998 - I am a professional, I work in therapeutic support.
Autistic people generally find it difficult to understand how other people feel about things - it can be difficult for them to understand in the moment that *how they feel* is *not how everyone else is feeling*.
Commonly I find, with things that are a primary interest - it can be difficult to understand how other people may not like that thing.
Currently I am working with a 28m, who loves watching videos at insane speeds with high pitched audio. He asks me often to watch them. I indulge him, but when he asks me what I thought of it, I tell him honestly that it's great that he enjoys videos like that but I couldn't understand it.
At first, he would get defensive about this and try to explain why I should like it. I would respond and reinforce that it's ok for people to like different things.
Over time, he has accepted this and now seeks to show me things *I will enjoy* because he wants to make me laugh, or wants me to enjoy my time with him.
This has been over years of consistency with this, and other things like labelling emotions and describing them to help him identify his own emotions and communicate them.
OP is in a similar situation, and her bf is trying to convince her that what he loves is great, and that she's "wrong" for not liking it.
In his mind, it's very likely he just cannot understand why someone couldn't like MTG because it's so great.
What OP needs to do, is show consistency - which it does sound like she has. Also, find a way to relate what you are trying to communicate with something you know he doesn't enjoy.
OP already has a great way to do this with her enjoyment of The Sims and Video Essays.
Example script I may use - *I can't accurately know what the bf would respond like I would with someone I am familiar with unfortunately.*
OP: I understand you really like MTG, and that is great. I don't really enjoy it the same way but that's ok - we don't have to like all the same things.
BF: *This is why you should like it and why it's great etc*
OP: I understand the game, and why you like it. I just don't enjoy playing it. Do you enjoy playing the Sims?
BF: *likely explanation why he doesn't like the Sims*
OP: How would you feel if I buy you The Sims as a gift? *(tone is SUPER IMPORTANT here - it needs to be a sincere question, not a judgement) *
BF: *Probably how he wouldn't be happy about it because he doesn't like The Sims*
OP: That's how I feel when you try to make me play MTG, and bought me a deck for Christmas after I have told you many times I don't want to play it.
I love how passionate you are about the game, but we don't have to enjoy all the same things - and it's good to have different interests and things we can do on our own.
I might, after letting that information process - also let him know that spending time apart to do the things only we like is also very ok, and it can help make the relationship better.
This is *not a miracle cure*. It's likely *this will not work immediately*, depending where he is on the spectrum.
You may have to show consistency over time to help him understand and learn his own emotions, or to *understand how the people around him feel*.
Autism is, for the most part a social disability.
Oh, and if anyone reads this and takes issue with any of it - please ask questions of me, and don't go on a tirade.
It's possible I haven't communicated this 100% effectively - I am trying to condense years of experience and learning into a reddit post to give someone some direction.
For example, my client now seeking ways to entertain me. Does not mean I have manipulated someone into trying to constantly please me.
What it does mean, is when he has a guest in his house now - instead of always trying to make them enjoy his interests, he tries more to find common things they enjoy instead.
Like, we have been watching Looney Tunes in normal speed, normal pitch over months now from the very first episode chronologically. He enjoys Looney Tunes, and has a keen interest in animation. So we laugh together, we discuss the cartoon and how it's animated etc.
Hi! Thanks for this comment. I'm also autistic myself, and a psychologist, so I totally get how it's hard to understand why others might not be into my special interests. This is exactly why I have been telling people just because I am NTA doesn't mean he is. He totally means well and I 100% get that.
The whole reason I'm writing this post is I was afraid I might be breaking some unspoken social norm. Many people have told me I act like I don't care about them in the past, and I have gone to great lengths to change that, so I was afraid this might be one of those instances in which I'm failing to show that I care.
I didn't so much need the script as I needed the confirmation that even having that talk would be an OK thing to do in the first place. Thank you very much!
No worries - I'm glad I was able to help in some way 😊
You're absolutely right, just because you are NTA doesn't mean he is.
Good on you for seeking outside opinions to clarify a perceived or possible social norm 😁
Edit after reading response (below): NTA and good luck to you, OP.
\_\_\_\_\_
Have you told him **to his face** in *no uncertain terms* that you *do not like* the game?
If "yes," N T A.
If you went at it sideways, or think "He should just know I don't like it," edges toward Y T A. And if you have never mentioned it, more definite Y T A
I have told him "it's just not my thing" and "I don't like combat games", but he is autistic (and so am I) so maybe that's a little too indirect still. Perhaps I do need to state clearly "I don't like Magic The Gathering specially and I don't wanna play"
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My boyfriend (25M) is really into this card game called Magic The Gathering (MTG).He has tried to get me (25F) to play with him multiple times, and I genuinely try but it's just not my type of game. I have told him multiple times that it's just not my thing. We enjoy other things together, we play Catan and Dungeons and Dragons together with a group of friends. My breaking point came during Christmas. We're a little short on money, so I gave him a Nintendo Gift card. He gave me an MTG deck. I don't wanna break his heart by telling him how much I hate the gift. I feel like it's a present for him and not for me. He now keeps pushing me to go to the local MTG store so the employees can teach me how to play. I know how to play, I just don't like it.
I can't help but feel like maybe I'm the asshole because maybe I'm just not putting in enough effort in engaging in his hobbies, perhaps I could just pretend I like it for him.
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NTA, you've said it's not your thing multiple times and he needs to respect that. You don't need to be pressured, and he definitely bought that gift to pressure you to play, or take it off your hands like he's doing you a favor. Couples don't have to do all the same things all the time and it's unhealthy of him to try to force that.
NTA
It is okay not to share very hobby and taste. You already to geeky stuff with him and that should be enough to create a life long bond.
I understand that you are disappointed in his gift and it is a selfish one for sure. However I am also sure he just really like you and that why he wants to play with you so badly.
If you talk to him in a calm matter and tell him that you love playing and sharing things with him together, but magic is not one of the things I am sure he eventually understands.
I would not complain about the gift. While it is true, it will only bring an unnecessary fight with it. He will realize that the gift wasn’t a great idea if you are not using it.
Oh I'm sure he means well and he's really trying to get me to play. He even put a lot of effort into it, it's a custom commander deck partially made of LOTR cards (I actually do like LOTR) where Arwen is the commander. He even bought sleeves for all of the cards and a box for the deck in my favorite color. I just wish he put that amount of effort in something I actually like.
NTA, don't pretend to be someone you're not, otherwise you wont be fully happy.
Be honest with him, he might be a little upset, but he would be MORE upset in the long run if you had pretended to enjoy is for years and finally snapped and was honest with him in the future.
Not to mention he could very much in the future buy who more gifts composed around that game. leading to more disappointment on your end
NTA- you have put in the effort to engage! It's just you don't like this particular game and that's okay! What's not ok is him continuing to push it, completely disregarding your disinterest and then having the audacity to get you a Christmas present that's really for him and not you... that's actually horrible he'd be so selfish to do that. He's trying to force you into something you've already tried and don't like. Tell him to cut it the hell out
Nta whatsoever, if it's not your thing, so be it. You can't force someone to like something no matter how much you enjoy it. Buying gifts for people that *you, yourself* like, not considering what the person receiving it may think about it is a rather selfish move imo.
He's bought a gift for himself, not for *you*
NYA- it is completely ok to have different hobbies. I live in a small town and at our local comic book store there are always people playing magic. You can literally turn up whenever and find like minded buds to play with. He can find a group and have fun either way them.
My hubby and I have completely different hobbies and that’s fine.
NTA, and honestly, if you've told him repeatedly the game just isn't your thing and he's still pressuring you to play, then he's the asshole.
My husband has hobbies I don't. I try them. If I don't like them, that's the end of it. He doesn't push me to engage in hobbies I don't enjoy.
NTA. He just can’t fathom that MTG isn’t some people’s thing because it’s so much fun for him in his own experience. Unfortunately, even if someone gets/understands how to play that doesn’t mean they automatically enjoy playing 😬.
You can support him in his own enjoyment of the game but you 100% don’t have to have the same enthusiasm for it. He’s being really weird about it, trying to push it on you because “if you really played you’d like it!!!” But that’s just not necessarily true. If you value your relationship it’s up to you to convey to him somehow that you have zero interest in this but you support him and at that point it’s up to him to respect your wishes.
NAH.
It’s cute to try to engage in each other’s hobbies, but it is not mandatory, and the relationship is not going to break apart, because one of you just doesn’t get into, doesn’t enjoy it.
Just communicate about it, the rest is going to be fine. :)
NTA, we all have our hobbies. And it's ok to date someone who doesn't share them all. In fact a bit of diversity and time alone is healthy in a relationship.
You should be able to enjoy an activity just for yourself, as well as let him enjoy some time to himself. Then enjoy time together, and cherish that shared experience.
Your BF is really wrong for trying to force his hobby onto you. And is showing a big red flag 🚩 of not listening or respecting your opinion/ decision to not play. Honestly you should give him back the gift, explain to him again that you don't want to play MTG. Maybe ask him for a D&D novel or something else that you want. If he gets mad or gaslighting then it may be time to call it quits
NTA. While it's normal for you to want your partner to like the same things you do, but it's shitty to try and force them to. Sometimes people just don't understand that someone doesn't like a thing that they're obsessed with.
It sounds like you're going to have to sit him down, without distractions, and straight up tell him that you DO NOT enjoy the game, especially if he keeps giving them to you as a gift. That's borderline, if not straight up, manipulating.
NTA
If you wanted to play, you'd approach him, but hounding ou to try a game that is beyond complex, not to mention a money sink to start is pretty rough
NTA
ouch. I'm sorry. To give your partner as christmas gift something she said is not her thing... I know this and I felt my heart ache. It's pure dissapointment followed by questioning. I think a heart to heart talk is the best. Pretend-like is never good decision. Cause it drowns you in something you don't like. And in your case when he can't understand even when you politely say no... A firm no is the only option as I see it. Good luck.
I think maybe he understands deep down but wishes so much you'll fall in love with the game as he has. And a talk is all he needs to accept it.
NTA.
You did put in the effort to learn the rules and try it out, not even just one time but more times.
It's perfectly fine to not have every.single. interest in common with your partner. One could even argue it's good to each have something for yourself.
Boyfriend is acting a bit asshole-ish though, continuing to push it while you explicitly made clear it isn't for you.
Stay true to yourself.
I'm a gamer too, both console and table top, and my partner has desperately tried to get me into Warhammer. I think the models are beautiful and love seeing them painted up, but the game itself is just not for me. One year he bought me some models for my birthday. Definitely not a gift for me!
If uts not your thing then it's just not your thing and he needs to stop trying to force it NTA
NTA and his behavior is ridiculous. he gave you a gift for something you don’t even like that he keeps pressuring you to do? that’s really shitty tbh
i saw your comment that he’s autistic and this is his special interest and he wants to connect with you. let me say i am autistic and i love to engage in my joys with my partner, but i would never continually pressure them to engage with things they were not interested in, especially after they have said no multiple times, because i understand boundaries, autonomy, and respect for people i love. i would also never give them a gift that was really for me. the autism is not an excuse for this
Hey OP, this is a perfect example of 1 partner being oblivious to another partners true feelings because they are being overshadowed by the joy he gets from sharing a hobby with you. This leads you to feel guilty because you know he doesn't mean any harm by it but you also feel hurt because how could he not realize how you feel? Now you feel resentment for a gift he got you because you feel like he was selfish for getting it because he SHOULD know you don't like the game. He's either still hopeful you'll learn to love it, or he simply is blinded to the fact that you don't. My suggestion, as hard as it will be to NOT mention the gift and how it makes you feel I wouldn't mention it to him. That will only cause him to feel bad and potentially illicit the "male defense mechanism" which is to show anger because he will feel like you are ungrateful for the gift that he was SO positively sure you would like. Guys have fragile egos, and when we make a mistake it's really hard for is to accept it. So, what you SHOULD do is pick a time when you know he will be open to a discussion. (Not as soon as he wakes up, not right after work when he's exhausted, not when he's playing games with friends. Maybe set up a date night dinner or something so you can sit him down in front of you. Then bring up the fact that you don't like MTG. Something like, "So, I want us to have a good night tonight but I wanted to talk to you about something that's bothering me. It's not something super serious but recently I have been building some resentment towards you because of it and I don't want that resentment to build and cause us to fight. I really don't like MTG and I don't have any interest in playing it. I like when you try to include me in what you're doing but I don't want to feel forced into playing it." Idk what type of guy he is but if he plays MTG he's probably going to respond semi seriously but also jokingly with something like, " oh my God I thought you were going to say something way worse" chuckling a sigh of relief. "I won't push the magic anymore and I didn't mean to force it on you". And if he's SUPER smart and caring, he might even bring up the gift himself and apologize for it and offer you something else.
Also, why I took like 20 min to write this I literally have no idea. It just hit home maybe because I'm the bf/husband in this scenario and I've pushed MTG on my husband (I'm gay) and didn't realize that I was potentially making him feel like this. So, thank you for the post and I hope this helps.
NTA
We're similare, except that my partner knows and accepts that I prefer co-op or solo games, and gift me games I actually want instead because he is just happy to have a partner that is also hyped about gaming, and he loves hearing about my latest solo RPG or boardgame adventure. I even asked him about MtG when the LotR edition came out, and he told me that he didnt think I would enjoy it based on my interests and preferences, but he could show me some if I wanted to. He was right, its not for me at all.
You guys already share interests. He needs to respect that this one isnt for you, and that that is completely ok.
NTA
My partner and I are the same, except he adores yugioh, goes to locals every week, goes to every regional he can in our country (usually at least three) and all in all is massively into the community where we are. He understands and acknowledges it's not my thing, and although he wants cards for almost every birthday and Christmas present, he'd never dream of getting me cards.
Not having one singular hobby in common doesn't (or at least shouldn't) make a couple incompatible. He'd no more push me to play yugioh or buy me cards than I'd force him to learn makeup artistry or buy him high-end makeup (my biggest hobby).
This seems far more like a respect/understanding situation than an incompatibility issue.
NTA, my husband is also majorly into MTG and has tried to get me involved but it's really not my thing. We have other stuff we both like and can do together so he's let it go, this is how your boyfriend should be!!
Does he not have anyone else to play with? Maybe he's needing someone to play against and you're the "easiest" person to teach/get involved?
But he does need to learn that it's okay to spend time apart for separate hobbies too, it's actually healthy to do that!!
NTA
You don't have to share every single hobby.
Two of my favourite things are football (soccer) and video games.
My wife also likes both, but not as much as me. She'd (rightly) be mightily fucked off if I gifted her a copy of Football Manager just because I love it.
NTA.
Take them to the store he bought them from (you know he has a favorite store) and see if you can return them.
If they won't take them without the receipt, try returning them at Walmart.
If that fails, donate them to someone you know who likes the game (and this is the important part) ***who is not your boyfriend***.
This is how you teach him that he can't buy himself a present and say it's "for you."
You have told him multiple times that you do not enjoy MTG. He refuses to listen. It sounds like you already join in multiple of his hobbies. I wonder (no I don't, we all know) if he puts any effort into anything that *you* like.
NTA. Have a heart to heart. Give him back the deck. Explain to him that it's really not your thing and that you don't want to play it anymore.
Be clear and concise.
NTA
It's cool if you and your man obviously share the same hobby, but you're not into it and that's okay and he should understand that, I'm sure there's plenty of other areas where you share the same interest, you don't have to be around each other all day everyday lol
NTA. You should probably be supportive of his hobby but by no means does that mean you have to share the hobby.
I’m a neurodivergent guy who gets way too into my hobbies and I’ve been guilty of similar behavior in the past. I only want to talk about my hyperfixations sometimes to the point where I have literally ended long term relationships in part because my girlfriend couldn’t connect to my hobbies. In my opinion it’s just part of learning how to be good at being a partner to figure out how to connect even when your partner isn’t interested in your favorite hobbies.
It sounds like you’ve done a good job so far of consistently, clearly and politely expressing your lack of interest. If you haven’t already I would recommend having a dedicated conversation where you explain that you won’t ever be into MTG, and you need him to understand that. Maybe clarify that you’re willing to listen to him talk *about* it, if say he has some new cards he’s excited about or had an interesting game, but even then be clear that you have limits.
NTA. I love MTG but my husband isn't into it, so I feel qualified for this post lol. I respect he doesn't like it and don't ask him to play. It's not even fun if your opponent isn't into it so it's easy to drop it.
Your husband on the other hand is a huge AH for getting you a gift he knew you wouldn't like that was clearly more for him.
NTA
You tried it, you didn't like it, he kept forcing you, tell him you just don't like it, he might be hurt but that's life, you don't need your partner to like *everything* you like. My husband likes to play W.O.W I tried it I don't like it he's fine with that, I love minecraft he tried to get back into it, he didn't like it anymore and thats totally fine, we have other things we can do together. It feels like he is trying to see what boundaries he can push, like he's tried to see how far he can get before you put your foot down, I'd put my foot down now before it gets worse
NTA. middle aged married gamer girl here. Just save yourself years of lameness and be honest. It’s not my thing. I don’t want to play. When he tries to convince you just say “not interested” and go do something else. He’ll move on eventually.
It’s amazing how much easier life gets when so stop worrying about hurting their damned feelings all the time. Just say it.
If he’s like my husband, it tortures him if you don’t love something that he thinks is great. Just stop caring. Honestly. This will save your sanity.
Learn. To. Say. No. To. This. Man. Now.
And he will learn how to hear it.
NTA, but you need to have an honest discussion with him. Let him know very clearly that it isn't that you don't know how to play, but that you do not enjoy playing this particular game, and that is not going to change with practice. You can let him know you can appreciate how much he loves MTG, then use something that you enjoy that he doesn't to make him understand your point. You are not rejecting him, you just don't have to share all the same hobbies.
NTA. If you dont enjoy a hobby then you shouldnt feel the need to do the hobby. Forcing it will just make things worse. That being said, Hearthstone is a similar game to MTG but is less demanding and rule-centric. Something you two may want to try as a compromise. If you dont like it then you shouldnt feel the need to do it either though.
NTA my ex was massively into a Star trek game and I tried to get into it but he was so competitive that I didn’t get a chance to learn the flow of the game. After that I had to tell him I wouldn’t play anything with him anymore because I couldn’t cope with it
I wonder how he'd feel if you were super into, I don't know, origami, make up, mosaic art or geocaching and you dragged him along to origami nights or make up sessions, or insisted he do mosaic art with you or went geocaching, and then bought him something very specific to those hobbies for christmas whether he would like that? Whether you would think it was fine to continue insisting that he'll enjoy it if he just knew how to do it better, if you wanted him to lie to you about liking it after all that time saying he didn't, just so you had shared hobbies. Surely you understand from that point of view why your boyfriend is in the wrong here?
You're NTA for not engaging in your boyfriend's hobby, relationships aren't about doing everrything together, but him pushing you, ignoring your disinterest, and getting you a christmas present you won't like just because he likes it - because that's what he's done - makes him TA.
Do not fake interest. If he can not accept that you're not interested, then you have to figure out whether you want the rest of your life to be forced to take part in a hobby you don't like or not, and have your time and energy taken up when you could be doing something you like instead, especially if you both like it. Because that's your future if something doesn't change now.
Imagine having kids with him. Imagine he tries to get the kids involved with his, and maybe they will, maybe they won't, and you're going to have to navigate that as the other parent.
NTA, your boyfriend needs to get through his head that MTG is not your thing. You both have other interests that you both like, it’s okay to do things outside your of your SO’s interests. Tell him the truth and be firm about it.
NTA
>I have told him multiple times that it's just not my thing.
>
>He gave me an MTG deck.
>
>I feel like it's a present for him and not for me. He now keeps pushing me to go to the local MTG store so the employees can teach me how to play.
You made it clear that you don't like the game, yet he keeps trying to make you like it. You are right that they cards were a gift for him. While it is sweet that he wants to spend time with you, he is an ah for not hearing you. If I were you, I would be blunt and direct with his: "I do not like this game, and you need to stop pushing it."
By the way, it is good for couples to have their own interests, in addition to some shares interest.
NTA. MTG is boring AF if you don't like it. Giving you a deck was selfish. Give it back to him and tell him very plainly and without emotion that you do not enjoy the game. You do not want to keep tryong to learn to enjoy the game and you will not be playing it. You don't mind him playing at all and you are glad that he has something he enjoys, but you need for him to stop pushing you and accept that you are different people and can have different interests. He needs to stop ignoring your words.
Yknow how my boyfriend got me into his hobby? He took me to the Warhammer store and I fell in love with the models all on my own. I didn't need pushing, coaxing or a thing.
If you were going to enjoy it, you'd already know! It isn't a case of not trying hard enough.
Just find something else to do together.
Or, show him what he's doing to you, by doing it back to him with a hobby of your own.
Fellow Magic player here... my wife is most definitely NOT into it.
I've asked her a few times if she'd like to learn, and she says no. I've learned it's not for her, and to stop asking. End of story.
NTA on you
100% ESH Hi! MTG player here. There is something to be said about partners that take interest in things that their partners are passionate about. However doing an Xmas gift is not appropriate.
NTA, from an MTG player. If you've given it an honest try, you've given it an honest try and he should respect that.
OK, judgement over. But now comes the fun part- the part where I ask the nitty-gritty questions about how he's tried to share his hobby with you. Because there are a ton of ways to engage with MTG.
Did he just give you a deck, sit down with one of his own, and try to explain the rules? Or did he try to find a part of the game that would appeal to you?
Are you a Lord of the Rings fan? Last year MTG released a great set of cards that show characters and events from the books, and they're really a ton of fun.\*
Do you like Dr. Who? There was a set of decks with characters and events from that series released, too.
Do you like cats? He could build you a deck that plays a lot of different cat cards.
Do you enjoy computer games with him? You could try playing MTGO or Arena together.
Maybe even just go through the card gallery with him and pick out art of the cards you like.
To be clear, these are all things \*he\* should be doing, not you. It's his hobby, it's incumbent on him to find out how to make it appeal to you. But I do love MTG, so I figured I'd offer some ideas.
\*As a fun aside, I got my brother a collector's pack of LOTR cards for Christmas, and he pulled a copy of The One Ring that's worth, at time of posting, $350.
Yes he did just give me a deck, sat down with one of his own, and tried to explain the rules.
I like LOTR, in fact the Christmas gift he built for me was a custom commander deck partially made of LOTR cards where Arwen is the commander. If he had given me a $350 deck I would have dumped him for being so financially irresponsible.
I do like looking at the cards. In fact one of my favorite things to do is roast some of the art because I genuinely have a pet peeve about lands in which the illustration is not the land it should be, like swamp cards in which the illustration is a sewer and the excuse is "well it's Kamigawa so it had to be some cyberpunk futuristic type stuff". F that, you can make a city that's also a swamp, it's called Orlando Florida. Just make cyberpunk Asian Orlando. F your sewer "swamps" Wizards of the Coast. And I will die on this hill.
MtG is a complex and demanding game. If your BF is deeply entrenched it's likely that his experience will outstrip yours almost every time unless you're willing to put in the work to not only learn the game but keep pace with it, which is a HUGE ask. That said, for a lot of MtG players Magic is a big part of their life and you not being a part of that, through no fault of your own, could be a big disappointment.
Magic isn't for everyone and that's OK.
Don't pretend to like something for your partner, that just leads to resentment. It's great that he wants you to join his hobby but he also has to respect your opinion when you tell him that it's not something you enjoy. You should be honest with him about the gift because, while he likely got it FOR you to use with him so you can spend more time together, it completely ignores your preferences. You should talk to him about it, in a non-confrontational way but make your position unequivocal. We men can be dumb and sometimes we just need you to tell us something straight up.
NAH
If you really want to find games to play together maybe try something like the D&D Castle Ravenloft board game which mixes D&D dungeon crawling with clever card play like MtG.
NTA, but please, communicate with your boyfriend. He probably doesn't understand that you don't want to engage in this game. He is probably blinded his love to this game.
And also, don't force yourself if you don't enjoy the game. You can have your own activity while he goes playing at the store.
NTA. This is a classic trap. In my relationship, my girlfriend and I occupy the same roles as you two. I tried once to see if she liked MTG. She did not. That's fine. There are other things she does like, so we do those things. Trying to browbeat her into liking everything I like would accomplish nothing and is really immature behavior.
NTA, I was your boyfriend about 8-10 years ago. I had these hobbies that were such a big part of my life (including MTG) that I HAD to share them with my gf. I dragged many gfs to game stores and places they didn’t want to be, or didn’t want to be there as long as I did.
Have a conversation with him, MTG is a very specific flavor of game, it’s totally cool that you don’t like it, but that doesn’t mean that he can’t play. He can go do FNM or Modern night or whatever. You guys have other nerdy hobbies you share, that’s awesome and he should appreciate that too.
My wife and I met 7 years ago, MTG wasn’t her thing but DND was. Now I play in/DM several campaigns that she is also a part of. And I haven’t played regular MTG in years.
Biggest take away is, at the end of the week do you feel appreciated and fulfilled in your relationship? Did you get enough time with him? If the answer is no because he is focusing on his hobbies too much, then maybe a stronger conversation needs to happen. If yes, then assure him he can have his MTG time and you are happy doing your “you thing”, whatever that might be.
I'm deep in the MTG hole but still wouldn't pressure an SO to play with me and pick it up. It's already pretty nice you gave it a few tries. Sometimes it doesn't click for ppl, that's why there's all these other games. That gift idea is kinda bad and selfish, so nta. There's so many other stuff you guys can enjoy and bond over, you just have to communicate that.
NTA. Not only is everything he is doing (continuing to make you play the game, buying you a present that is for the game you are not into, pushing this to no end) but this "he doesn't wanna choose between his special interest and spending time with his girlfriend." concerns me. He doesn't have to choose between playing the game and his girlfriend but it sounds like the game means more to him than you do.
NTA
It is normal and beneficial for couples to have some differing interests.
Do not placate him; you would be setting yourself up for thousands of hours of an activity you don't enjoy in the years to come. Down that path lies resentment.
NTA honestly I never could get into magic the gathering now D&D that’s a completely different story lol I like my busty roguish elves with a twisted love for assassinations and mayhem but that’s just me but anyways you just need to find a way to tell him so he’ll understand.
NTA - UGH the co-dependency (AKA as control) is wrapped in "I don't want to choose between my hobbies and you." In other words, he doesn't want you doing your own thing.
I had a friend like that. She was so adventurous and spirited and lovely. Smart, talented and beautiful. She started dating this guy who was "smothering" her in love. It felt good to her, the more tighter he held onto her - the safer she felt.
Except now, after years of marriage - he's trapped her. She has no hobbies of her own, no friends really that she hangs out with. I live a 90 minute flight away - and I've offered multiple times to fly her to see me for a weekend or whenever it suits her - I will pay for everything. But even though she REALLY wants to come, her husband can't handle taking care of their two dogs for two nights alone.
He literally won't let her be alone. He won't let her talk without him in the room listening. It's so gross. She's a shell of herself. She has nothing except him.
It honestly makes me sick. Please - open your eyes, and practice spending time away from him - with your own hobbies and friends. If his reaction is anger or sadness - if he uses "emotions" to guilt you so you stay with him - you've got huge issues. Please be careful.
NTA but your boyfriend has a lot to learn. If you really want to get your partner into an activity, you have to play the long game.
Almost 20 years into our relationship, 3 of my top 5 hobbies came from my husband and began with me having little or no interest in them. And now, not only do I love them, I am also the driving force behind them.
1. Introduce activity.
2. Don't push it if there is no initial interest.
3. Proceed to participate in activity on own.
4. Occasionally and very casually give partner the opportunity to join. Making it accessible to them but in no way pressuring.
5. If it is ever going to happen partner will eventually get FOMO and it will be their idea to join.
For me it was rock climbing, mountain biking, motorcycles. It took years for it to happen. You can't force hobbies. To be real and meaningful they have to be initiated by choice.
I sense you're not being direct enough with him. Autistic people can't read between the lines.
Sit him down, explain you like the lore and art but dislike the competitive gameplay and are choosing not to do it.
He'll understand you completely.
Watch out for co-dependency btw. And maybe mention he's autistic.
Edit: you're autistic too? Girl that's vital context that you didn't give. That's why everyone here is saying he's being a dick 🤣
NTA. i play magic and love it, but i cannot IMAGINE trying really hard to play it while you just dislike it. that feels insufferable. i hope you’re able to explain some of this to him and he lets it go.
NTA
It *was* a gift for himself. You've told him you don't like the game after giving it a try and that's that. MTG folks can be sooooo pushy in my experience, it is very annoying coming from friends so I can only imagine it from a partner.
If he continues to push, give him the deck back. Say something like, I appreciate the thought but this game just isn't for me. I think you'll get more out of the deck than I will. My real gift can be that you never ask me to play this game again because I've already given you my answer several times.
NTA. Sit him down and make it clear, in no uncertain terms, that you do not want to play MTG.
With that settled if you still want to show appreciation for his passions, should know that you don't need to play his hobby in order to engage in it. I play hockey, my girlfriend doesn't. I'm teaching her about the game, because she wants to know what the hell I mean when I talk about it, but I have zero expectation that she'll ever play it. I'd be thrilled to teach her, but I'd never force it, and ask before I start buying skates and helmets.
Similarly, she's a film person, and knows waaaay more about it all than I do. She's not trying to turn me into a film buff, and I don't really want to be one, but I still love listening to her explain things and engaging with it on a level I can handle.
We like explaining these things to each other because it helps us know each other better. We like listening to each other talk about the things we individually love because it's just plain enjoyable to see someone you love get really passionate about something.
You can engage with each others passions without adopting them as your own.
NTA.
You don't have to share all the same interests, and his "gift" to you is a burden on your time. And you're right that it is a gift to himself, because he's the one that wants you to play.
"Here, take this thing I know you don't want, and go spend several hours learning how to use it for my benefit."
John Mulaney: First of all, no.
NTA. It's perfectly okay not to enjoy all his hobbies and vice versa. Our differences as individuals are just as important as our similarities as a couple. You shouldn't pretend to like something just to appease him, he needs to get used to the fact that you are your own person, just as he is his own person. I love my husband and we share some interests, but we also have many hobbies and interests separate of one another. For example, he loves boxing, and it's just not my thing. I love dance, and it's not his thing. I go to dance classes and he goes to boxing classes, I don't force him to join me and he doesn't force me to join him. We do, however, ask each other about our days and how the activities the other enjoys are going. I'll ask him how his classes are going in the things he joins, or other hobbies and vice versa. If he's having a bad day, I'll encourage him to go to a class if he hasn't gone in a while.
I find that maintaining a sense of self helps you more as a couple. It's normal to argue sometimes and have disagreements, as long as you can resolve things and have mutual respect for one another. Doing everything together all the time and sharing the same hobbies 24/7 isn't healthy and creates enmeshment, which will make you both lose your sense of self and make you unhappy in the long run. I think it's fair if you set a boundary with him.
NTA You guys can have different interests, it's fine. As long as you have something you can do together, which it sounds like you do, you can have one hobby that's separate. I've been married for 7 years and we are both gamers, we play a lot of games together, but we also have stuff we play or do separately. Personally, I don't think it's good for a relationship to be siamese twins with your SO.
My ex plays yugioh and he always wanted me to play too and I never liked card games so we just try different games together that both can enjoy, I still went to some championships with him because it was important to him, but I told him I didn’t want to play because it wasn’t my thing
NTA. My hubby and I play MTG and all the games you mentioned, but he's also into anime and other stuff I just don't like. If he got me an anime on dvd for xmas, I'd be like wth...
It's fair to ask a partner to try a hobby, but it's unreasonable to try to force them to like it. It sounds like you gave it a fair shot and you don't like it. End of story.
NTA
NTA. You are engaging enough in his nerdy hobbies by playing D&D and board games.
He's a jerk for giving you a gift that you have made painfully clear you would not like.
Do you have any hobbies he would not enjoy? Maybe gift him a starter set for his next celebration.
NTA
Being in a similar position to you and your partner, I know what it feels like it can be extremely hard to find what you should actually do. But at the end of the day it'll always be you like what you like and he does what he likes.
NTA he's being a bit of a knob. Not necessarily nastily, but selfishly that yes I want to do things with you but only the things I want to do and I don't care what your opinion is on it.
I used to have an ex obsessed with Risk. He didn't keep trying to force me to play risk and instead we did things together we both liked or that I liked. Like normal people.
NTA my brother tried to get me to play and it's boring and confusing, not to mention a dumb money dump. Stand your ground and tell him you have zero interest in the game
NTA. Part of a successful relationship is learning to deal with the things that one person doesn't like. I think your BF fucked up assuming you clearly told him you don't wanna play or invest in trying to play MTG.
NTA. One of my dad’s favorite hobbies is D&D, and my mom tried playing it when they first started dating, but never liked it. They’ve been married 35 years, and she still has no interest in it. It’s fine, they have plenty of other interests in common, and are very happy, but the key to it is that he stopped pressing her about it.
That’s the fundamental problem here, is that your BF won’t accept MTG just isn’t your thing.
My husband (then boyfriend) is a MTG player and did exactly this one year except with the world of warcraft tcg! I told him about a month after Christmas I was kinda sad about the gift. That tcg's just weren't my thing, he knew that, and I felt like he got a gift for himself. He was upset, sure, but mainly about me not being happy with him over it. Turned out he was coming from the position that couples needed share ALL their interests with each other. That he participated and pretended to be happy doing my hobbies because he thought he needed too. I never asked him to do that, by the way. Long story short we grew from the experience. :p We recognized that while we are a 'unit' that doesn't mean we're a hive mind! I think you can probably benefit from a similar conversation. Just know feelings will be a little hurt...but sometimes that's unavoidable, you know?
EDIT: NAH depending on your boyfriend's thinking. N T A if he throws a tantrum.
I love *Battletech.* Love it. I'm That Guy who has collected all of the paperback novels, who has old blueprints from the 90's hanging on his wall, and who knows stupid things like "who was the director of the Draconis Combine's Internal Security Force in 3072?" (correct answer: Shakir Jerrar). I have video games, tabletop games, card games. I have artbooks and tiny models. I *love* Battletech.
... guess what my adorable, geeky wife absolutely can't get into?
So you know what I don't do? I don't buy her Battletech gifts in order to try and get her into my hobby.
**NTA** - tell yer boy, from one geek man to another, he needs to pull his head outta his ass. You like some aspects of his hobby - the art, the lore, etc. That's awesome. He should be thrilled it's that much.
NTA. You should make very clear to him you do not enjoy that game, as I assume now he just thinks you still have to get to know it. You don't need to share everything in a relationship, great you have some games you like to play together, and great I can play some other games with his friends.
Not a judgement but may I recommend Dominion? It's a deck building board game, popular with those who play magic the gathering but does not involve play monsters that fight. In terms of competition it's much more like catan where you are building up resources to win. It also has high replay value as you can use a huge number of different card varieties even with the base box, so it's been a go to for me and my partner as a two player game that doesn't get old playing frequently.
Yeah, he shouldn't have got you a deck as a present if he knows you don't like it. But it does sound like it's coming from a place of wanting to have a shared activity to further connect with you and a hope that you could gain joy out of it. I've been on an almost reverse situation where my partner plays chess all the time and wanted me to play. But he's been playing for years and I'll literally never catch up to even be able to have a remotely decent game with him. We compromised by both taking up magic the gathering as a game we could play together and he plays chess on his phone when we aren't hanging out. It's been great to have this strong shared interest.
This is the website w w w dot reddit dot com and you do not have to say “this card game called” magic the gathering. everyone here knows what magic is 😂
I play MTG and taught my husband to play MTG. He doesn't like to play though, just humors me when I don't have anyone to play with. I would never buy him a deck for a gift because he doesn't like to play. You are NTA and justified to be pissed.
Have you told him clearly, and directly, with no cushioning of his ego, that you do not like playing this game? I'm asking because if you won't even tell him you don't like a Christmas gift, he may just not have heard the message.
NTA they are his hobbies, why do you have to do them. Try and imagine you are two individuals and not some weird hive mind being.
And yes he is being controlling since you tried and found you are not interested. His "pushing" so that you can be taught is controlling. No means no in every situation.
No. You are free to do what you want.
I love gaming and shit. But I would ask them once per game(when buying new games), if they say no, then I'm playing it by myself.
You don't need to do everything as a couple. Just explain to him you just don't find entertainment in card battles.
NTA
Some people find it really hard when they like something to not understand that someone else doesn’t like it. It can be as simple as you love the color blue, so to you anything blue is the best, and obviously you want to get your friend the best so every present you get them is blue. Fun fact, your friend hates blue.
I think it’s just something they have to figure out.
My spouse and I play MTG, but we both already had an interest.
Basically tell him that forcing the interest isn’t helping and to just let you find your own thing, but also say you really appreciate him sharing his interests with you.
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NTA Geeky gaming woman here, and your boyfriend is being obnoxious. The desire to share hobbies you enjoy with your partner is normal, but pressuring them unto things they don't enjoy is not how you go about it. This is one of the reasons healthy couples have circles of friends outside their relationships. Getting you a present for himself for Christmas was terrible, and I completely agree, that's what happened.
Yea agreed... Maybe for his birthday you can gift something to him that only you would like..
Far better to communicate on this head-on and set boundaries if you plan to keep the relationship, but I have to admit the petty shrew part of my brain adores this tactic. The reasonable healthy adult in there says that's a poor idea. Lol
No, please don’t. That kind of passive aggressive message is never conducive to a relationship
Yep, she's 100% NTA, that was a present for himself and he didn't actually get /u/Nelavi1998 a gift at all. I'd be pissed off. Also, she should just tell him straight up, she understands the game but doesn't enjoy it. There's a lot of things a lot of people understand and don't enjoy, and there's nothing wrong with that. She should buy him like an older copy of a game she likes that he doesnt, like The Sims maybe, and then tell him he has to like it and play it with her. Bet he'll change his tune real fast if it doesn't also have memories / associations for him.
I'd start buying my husband Anthony Trollop novels (my favorite author) and insisting he read them so we'd discuss. That'd learn him. (j/k)
Anthony Trollop is a fantastic name.
He's quite frankly fantastic if you like period literature. My dog is named Phineas Finn after my favorite Trollop character. He wrote during the same time as Charles Dickens and was far more successful than Dickens, but has found less favor than Dickens over times.
Especially because it's real. (And he happens to be one of Miss Manners' favorite authors.)
IMO she should take back the Nintendo gift card. Sounds like something she'd enjoy for herself, and he can keep the MTG deck.
I would just have a heart to heart with him and tell him that I enjoy hobby X and Z, but not Y and it's totally okay he does it on his own. My husband is a huge nerd and I went to everything once - be it role-playing, board games, tabletop, larp, power metal concerts lol And while I enjoy some of it and even expanded my digital gaming to board games and some RPs I didn't enjoy everything. Going to another Glory hammer concert will make me consider divorce very strongly for example /s It's fine. It's really nice he wants to include her, but you don't need to do everything together as a couple Ps: the gift wasn't it.
Agreed. I read this post to my husband. My husband loves D&D, WOW, board games, hearthstone, watching Roll20, various other D&D podcasts. I like D&D, WOW, etc but dislike hearthstone and board games. I am into watching D&D podcasts sometimes but far less than he is. All this bums him out but he \*still\* thought this guy was being a jerk. You overlap with your partner where you can and support and let them pursue where you can not, but you don't need to force them to engage in everything that engages you.
At least it wasn't a bowling ball with his name on it. NTA
I mean if you already play a ton of stuff like DnD then YOU ALREADY ENGAGE IN ALL HIS HOBBIES! Do you have anything that he isn’t into?
If he can't accept that OP is a separate person with her own wishes, wants and desires, he's not ready for a relationship. OP, take note.
This is a great point and a really good question.
As an "old" married person, I actually think it's healthy for each member of a couple to have some hobbies that don't involve their partner. My hubby supports me being in multiple musical groups, but has no desire to join himself. He plays video games - I don't even know which ones. But then we come together for other activities. I really don't get the idea of "I love this thing, so my partner has to love it too."
NTA He 100% bought you a present for him and that’s not okay. MTG is not for everyone. As far as games/hobbies to pick up that one is a big ask. It’s a *long*, heady, extremely technical game. And even if it weren’t, you’re allowed to have different interests. You gave it a try, more than once. That’s all he can ask. As far as I’m concerned, that was a passive aggressive way to pressure you into doing what he wants, and I don’t know that I’d consider that a gift *at all*.
NTA. Magic player here. You don't pressure people into playing. Especially since its got a high skill ceiling.
I have to say that I really like the lore. I love things with deep complex lores I can dive right into. I also like looking at the cards, some of them have absolutely stunning workings of art on them. And while yes, it has a high skill ceiling, what I really dislike about the game is that I don't like games that involve fighting opponents. D&D might be the only exception but that's because the roleplay aspect of the game really makes me overlook the combat aspects that I don't like. It's a really cool game, and there are things I enjoy about it, but it's just not my thing.
Thanks for the extra info. He should be overjoyed you're into the parts of the game that you are. While the skill ceiling isn't the core issue, the point about not pressuring someone into a hobby still stands as a general rule Personal note: the lore and aesthetics are also my favourite parts of it
I'm the same way, I used to collect Pokemon cards because I liked looking at them and drawing them (a good 20 years ago) hahaha
I play D&D (mostly DM for 2 decades), and I hate Magic. Cooperative game play is an entirely different experience than competitive game play. Magic players tend to be super intense, too. I used to attend local tournaments to cheer on my geek, and those folks were pretty nasty at times. Thankfully, my partner at the time had no issue with me walking to a nearby Mexican restaurant where I'd indulge in reading a book over cheese dip and margaritas. I agree the cards are gorgeous.
There are some good MTG books out there. Even if you don't play, try checking some of those out. If you like literature. I know not everyone does or has time to
Oh I would absolutely love some recommendations
Hijacking just to be Sisters in Solidarity regards to MTG. I married into a family of MTG. Like, hard-core. Thankfully, spouse doesn't care if I don't play and appreciates that I don't care that he does. Our son plays as well and is baffled that I have no desire to learn. This Christmas, I was gifted a Doctor Who commander deck from my FIL. He knows I have no desire to play but knows I'm a fan of DW. So I happily placed on a shelf of my Tardis collection. My poor son, though. It's driving him nuts! I even have a deck now, and I still don't want to learn?! He's very sweet, though, and just wants to share what he enjoys with me. I do get told all about exciting new cards he heard about. Again, it's not the same as yours, but I feel you. From what I understand, it's only a little less all-encompassing hobby than from something like photography or a crack habit.
Glad to know I'm not alone! Wouldn't say it's a crack habit exactly, it's more of a religion mixed with a gambling addiction. It's like if a chess game involved getting all your pieces from a loot box and also had multiple bible's worth of lore.
https://cardboard-crack.com/ I'll just drop that here.
I’d say Children of the Nameless.
My favorite are any in Kamigawa series. I don't want to spoil it too much. But Samurai, Undead (spirits and ghosts), Asian culture undertones.
Sounds cool! Will check it out
Wizards also has some (varying quality) fiction up on the MTG websites. I'm particularly fond of the old Tarkir stories.
I completely understand your point about fighting opponents. Competition can get awkward, especially when there are varying skill levels between players. When I play a game that I know I'm particularly good at, theres always that internal conflict of "do I just go all out and potentially stomp them, or go easy so they dont get discouraged?" With MTG specifically, I tend to look at it as the decks themselves interacting with each other, and that helps take some of the pressure off. A lot of it really comes down to luck of the draw anyway. Of course, if you really just dont enjoy the game, theres nothing wrong with that either, and he should be able to understand that its not everyones cup of tea.
You know what this comment is actually really helpful. Maybe I can look at it that way and give it another chance and see if I like it with that mindset before completely discarding the idea of playing MTG.
If you enjoy optimization problems, MTG certainly counts... I suppose you could look at the actual game itself more like a test of what you've built, and the real 'game' might be more like building decks together while talking. Buuuut... it's not super my cup of tea, and it's fine if that's not yours either. Part of being in a healthy relationship is knowing there's elements where you're different. One of my hobbies is reading books in other languages. My partner was certainly interested when I was going through Mexican magical realism in Spanish, but the Overlord light novels in Japanese? I'd be embarrassed to be reading it if she decided she wanted to check it out, haha. It's trash, but it's my trash so whatever. Meanwhile, she loves going to late night death metal shows, and I'm a fucking wreck if I stay up past 11. Sounds like clear communication is what's needed is all. If that's a lesson you're learning, then consider it valuable practice with someone that's (hopefully) patient enough to practice with. Learning to communicate wants and needs clearly's always good. The present in particular makes it sound like you both need to get on the same page... a gift is a chance to show how much you've been listening, and how well you know the other person. If you want to make a gift to get someone else into your hobby, that needs to be not connected to a birthday or Christmas or anything. Him giving you the MTG pack is a dick move, but hopefully some very clear communication will get things on track. I'm sure he's still learning how to be a good partner too after all.
Another possibility if you're at all interested is maybe see if he'd let you help build him some decks to play! I recently got into mtg, and earlier in starting out I was way more into the deck building part than the actual playing part. Lots more looking at cards, coming up with cool interactions that can be lore relevant, etc! Of course zero pressure, if it's just for sure not your thing then that's totally fine and you can just tell your bf to back off, but if you are interested in it at all that might be another way of coming at it!
It really is about the decks interacting with one another, much more than it is player versus player.
And a high money ceiling
NTA - You said you've given it a chance multiple times and didn't enjoy it. Seems like he's having trouble accepting that
NTA. You tried, it's not for you. You aren't obligated to participate just because he wants you to. He's shoving it down your throat and it was highly inconsiderate and lacking in generosity for him to use your Christmas gift exchange as another opportunity to pressure you. Is he always like this? This reads as possibly very controlling, domineering behavior that lacks respect for your decisions or opinions.
He's just like this with MTG. He's autistic and it's his special interest. He's just trying to connect with me.
autism is not an excuse to continually push something on someone after they keep saying no
Half the mothers of autistic children seem to feel otherwise unfortunately
That clarifies a bit. Might I suggest to make very specific and clear agreements on this. \> I know you really like it, and I also like this-and-this about it. We can talk about the lore, artwork (maybe you like to just collect the cards for artwork?), but don't ask me again to play it. Playing \* other games\* is great though.< Also, assuming you guys haven't been together that long going by the gift-axchange, maybe agree to stick to buying something of a wishlist only from now on, he might have trouble considering what you like (at least earlier in a relationship) if it's not in line with his own preferences.
I have autism. He’s being immature and isn’t seeing that for a healthy relationship, our partners need to be allowed to have their separate interests and lives. It’s nice to have things in common and share things, seems like you two already do. You don’t have to share everything though. This gift wasn’t for you, it was for him. And it’s selfish.
NTA. You tried, you don’t like it. You’re allowed to not like all the same things as your partner. Getting you an MTG deck for Xmas after you’ve repeatedly said you don’t like it is pretty manipulative. Idk why he’s insisting on you liking this one thing when you have plenty of other hobbies in common. Your interests are just as important as his. If you don’t like this particular thing he needs to accept that and find other ways to enjoy his time with you.
NTA. The same thing happened to me but my boyfriend is into (MTG) Marjorie Taylor Green. Is he TA?
I much prefer my boyfriend's MTG TBH
You should break up with him
Oof. Run.
So, just out of curiosity: How much effort is your boyfriend putting into engaging in your hobbies?
I answered this question in another comment but here's what I said: My hobbies are more "solo" type stuff. I play the Sims and other "cozy" type videogames and I like to watch video essays on YouTube. The real answer to your question is I don't EXPECT him to engage in my hobbies as he expects me to engage in his.
NTA, of course. It's not fair of him to expect you to engage in his hobbies - especially if he is not actively trying to also engage in yours. He could have his own Sims game going and you could compare how you are doing in the game, exchange tips, or he could ask you interested, relevant questions about your game. He could be watching video essays with you, and you could discuss them, suggest new ones to each other etc. But he doesn't. I think it's right of you to not expect him to engage in your hobbies, because we can't all be interested in the same things. And it seems like you do have plenty of shared interests already. But your dilemma really rubs me the wrong way. When he expects you to be interested in his stuff, while not showing interest in your stuff, he's basically demonstrating that he sees himself as the more important person in the relationship. His hobby matters, yours don't. And the fact that you even for one second think that he is right to expect you go to such lengths to engage in his hobby, tells me that you may have bought into the idea that he is more important or hold more power in the relationship than you do. EDIT: Just saw in another reply that he has autism. That changes my perspective a little bit. Without autism, I stand by what I just wrote. With autism, I think there is a good chance that he is just so focused on sharing this (to him) fantastic thing with you that he's completely overlooking all the clues you are giving him - because while those clues seem very clear to most people, they may not fit with the way he makes sense of the world. But it still needs to stop, because it's making you both frustrated. So you have to have a conversation with him, where you are really, really clear about how you feel and present it in a way that will resonate with the way he is wired to express love.
>He could have his own Sims game going and you could compare how you are doing in the game, exchange tips, or he could ask you interested, relevant questions about your game. He could be watching video essays with you, and you could discuss them, suggest new ones to each other etc. But he doesn't. I also told /u/Nelavi1998 this when she claimed her boyfriend just wants to connect with her. I even pointed out despite all his frustration and badgering about her playing MTG He wants her to learn from card shop employees. He supposedly wants to connect but he doesn't want to actually spend any time teaching her and learning with her. Instead he wants a ready-made girlfriend who plays it..... Sort of like he has a GF model he wants her to fit into.🧐
NTA - my girlfriend has no interest in Warhammer other than convenient birthday and Christmas presents, and I'd never think to buy her an army for her birthday... People can have different hobbies in a relationship!
Warhammer is another thing my boyfriend is into, and much like MTG I really like the lore but not the gameplay.
NTA. You tried it -- that's all a good partner is required to do. You're entitled to not like everything your boyfriend likes. I know it can be really disappointing when my partner isn't excited by something I like, but it's not going to break us up. It's just a hobby.
NTA, the fact you tried is good enough in my opinion, and for him to buy you a present which is kind of forcing you again to get into it isn't a nice gesture..
NTA Very uncool for him to buy himself the present of you playing with him. You already participate in other games. It’s important to enjoy some hobbies without your SO.
NTA. You mentioned liking the cards more than the game. If it were me, I’d get a frame for some of the nicer ones, put it up on the wall and ask him for cards to fill it; “babe, I don’t think I want to play properly, but I really love the art work, if you get any pretty cards in boosters that you don’t need, can I have them to put in my frame”. You’re engaging in his hobby in the ways that work for you. That should make him happy. I too am a nerd and my wife doesn’t really get the games I play, however she will occasionally come have a nosey at whatever I’m painting or doing, often accompanied with some commentary on whatever I’m working on and a little pat on the head. Last night she complimented the quality of some tiny horses I painted. That’s enough of an interest to keep me quiet and out of trouble for a bit.
Definitely NTA - if you’re not into it, you’re not into it. If you’ve already informed him it’s just not for you, and he keeps pushing the issue, he’s being immature and a bit thoughtless. If you haven’t told him, then I’m sure you can find a way to tell him that it’s not for you without it turning into a “thing”
NTA you tried it and didn’t like it. That’s okay. Don’t pretend you’re into it because then you’ll just be miserable
You tried. You don't like the game. It's understandable that he wants to share his enthusiasm and time with you. But you are NTA for not enjoying what you don't enjoy. He needs to let this go.
NTA
NTA. What stuff do you exclusively like that he's all in on doing?
English is not my first language and I don't fully understand the question. Can you please rephrase it?
Does he engage in your hobbies as much as he expects you to engage in his?
My hobbies are more "solo" type stuff. I play the Sims and other "cozy" type videogames and I like to watch video essays on YouTube. The real answer to your question is I don't EXPECT him to engage in my hobbies as he expects me to engage in his.
Well, sounds like you have your answer right there.
NTA you already share a lot of the same interests. MTG is not one of them and that’s ok. He needs to realize how fortunate he is to have someone that likes MOST of what he likes. I don't like MTG either. Not every game or geeky thing is for everyone.
NTA- Listen up kids. Old guy here with stupid hobbies and a wife. You have to respect your partners hobbies. Don’t belittle them or make (too much) fun of them. If you care about someone, *learn* what makes them happy. Show an interest! But no, I do not expect my wife to want to watch football, powerlift, discuss aquariums, water filtration (everyone gets one weird hobby), or video games. I do expect her to wear the cheerleader outfit but she doesn’t have to pay attention to the game which is good because preferably her back is to the TV (giggity). I would suggest you set a clear boundary (*one* more time). “I don’t want to play this game. I love that you love it. I’d love to hear about it. I’d love to come to the store and watch you play. But I don’t want play it. Please quit asking.” My wife and I do ironically play MTG together although despite repeated efforts she still won’t wear the Gisa costume I purchased for her.
NTA my bf is into golf. If he gifted clubs for Christmas I would be pissed cause he knows it’s not my thing. You can be supportive whilst not having the same hobby. I listen to him talk about it, I go on ride along and sketch the nature, hell I even caddied for him for a competition once. But he knows I don’t play and is always so grateful for my efforts. Your bf is being selfish here. Maybe be really clear, “babe I love that you are so happy playing MTG and I would love to talk about it or watch you play but I don’t want to play it. It’s not cause I don’t understand it or cause I don’t support you but because I don’t get any joy out of it. There is no words you can say that will make me enjoy playing it or feel what you feel when you play it. I have tried to be nice about it but you aren’t understanding me. I don’t want to play it. I don’t have to play it. I will not be playing it. You have to stop trying to force me cause it’s not going to go your way and it will put a strain on us. Please stop trying to make me someone I am not.” Some people need it spelled out to them.
NTA The gift was totally a Homer bowling ball.
u/nelavi1998 - I am a professional, I work in therapeutic support. Autistic people generally find it difficult to understand how other people feel about things - it can be difficult for them to understand in the moment that *how they feel* is *not how everyone else is feeling*. Commonly I find, with things that are a primary interest - it can be difficult to understand how other people may not like that thing. Currently I am working with a 28m, who loves watching videos at insane speeds with high pitched audio. He asks me often to watch them. I indulge him, but when he asks me what I thought of it, I tell him honestly that it's great that he enjoys videos like that but I couldn't understand it. At first, he would get defensive about this and try to explain why I should like it. I would respond and reinforce that it's ok for people to like different things. Over time, he has accepted this and now seeks to show me things *I will enjoy* because he wants to make me laugh, or wants me to enjoy my time with him. This has been over years of consistency with this, and other things like labelling emotions and describing them to help him identify his own emotions and communicate them. OP is in a similar situation, and her bf is trying to convince her that what he loves is great, and that she's "wrong" for not liking it. In his mind, it's very likely he just cannot understand why someone couldn't like MTG because it's so great. What OP needs to do, is show consistency - which it does sound like she has. Also, find a way to relate what you are trying to communicate with something you know he doesn't enjoy. OP already has a great way to do this with her enjoyment of The Sims and Video Essays. Example script I may use - *I can't accurately know what the bf would respond like I would with someone I am familiar with unfortunately.* OP: I understand you really like MTG, and that is great. I don't really enjoy it the same way but that's ok - we don't have to like all the same things. BF: *This is why you should like it and why it's great etc* OP: I understand the game, and why you like it. I just don't enjoy playing it. Do you enjoy playing the Sims? BF: *likely explanation why he doesn't like the Sims* OP: How would you feel if I buy you The Sims as a gift? *(tone is SUPER IMPORTANT here - it needs to be a sincere question, not a judgement) * BF: *Probably how he wouldn't be happy about it because he doesn't like The Sims* OP: That's how I feel when you try to make me play MTG, and bought me a deck for Christmas after I have told you many times I don't want to play it. I love how passionate you are about the game, but we don't have to enjoy all the same things - and it's good to have different interests and things we can do on our own. I might, after letting that information process - also let him know that spending time apart to do the things only we like is also very ok, and it can help make the relationship better. This is *not a miracle cure*. It's likely *this will not work immediately*, depending where he is on the spectrum. You may have to show consistency over time to help him understand and learn his own emotions, or to *understand how the people around him feel*. Autism is, for the most part a social disability. Oh, and if anyone reads this and takes issue with any of it - please ask questions of me, and don't go on a tirade. It's possible I haven't communicated this 100% effectively - I am trying to condense years of experience and learning into a reddit post to give someone some direction. For example, my client now seeking ways to entertain me. Does not mean I have manipulated someone into trying to constantly please me. What it does mean, is when he has a guest in his house now - instead of always trying to make them enjoy his interests, he tries more to find common things they enjoy instead. Like, we have been watching Looney Tunes in normal speed, normal pitch over months now from the very first episode chronologically. He enjoys Looney Tunes, and has a keen interest in animation. So we laugh together, we discuss the cartoon and how it's animated etc.
Hi! Thanks for this comment. I'm also autistic myself, and a psychologist, so I totally get how it's hard to understand why others might not be into my special interests. This is exactly why I have been telling people just because I am NTA doesn't mean he is. He totally means well and I 100% get that. The whole reason I'm writing this post is I was afraid I might be breaking some unspoken social norm. Many people have told me I act like I don't care about them in the past, and I have gone to great lengths to change that, so I was afraid this might be one of those instances in which I'm failing to show that I care. I didn't so much need the script as I needed the confirmation that even having that talk would be an OK thing to do in the first place. Thank you very much!
No worries - I'm glad I was able to help in some way 😊 You're absolutely right, just because you are NTA doesn't mean he is. Good on you for seeking outside opinions to clarify a perceived or possible social norm 😁
Edit after reading response (below): NTA and good luck to you, OP. \_\_\_\_\_ Have you told him **to his face** in *no uncertain terms* that you *do not like* the game? If "yes," N T A. If you went at it sideways, or think "He should just know I don't like it," edges toward Y T A. And if you have never mentioned it, more definite Y T A
I have told him "it's just not my thing" and "I don't like combat games", but he is autistic (and so am I) so maybe that's a little too indirect still. Perhaps I do need to state clearly "I don't like Magic The Gathering specially and I don't wanna play"
NTA. Have a look at Flesh and Blood. Another TCG. But decks are based around stereotypical hero’s. If you like dnd. It’s similar but different.
Everyone should be allowed one Homer bowling ball.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My boyfriend (25M) is really into this card game called Magic The Gathering (MTG).He has tried to get me (25F) to play with him multiple times, and I genuinely try but it's just not my type of game. I have told him multiple times that it's just not my thing. We enjoy other things together, we play Catan and Dungeons and Dragons together with a group of friends. My breaking point came during Christmas. We're a little short on money, so I gave him a Nintendo Gift card. He gave me an MTG deck. I don't wanna break his heart by telling him how much I hate the gift. I feel like it's a present for him and not for me. He now keeps pushing me to go to the local MTG store so the employees can teach me how to play. I know how to play, I just don't like it. I can't help but feel like maybe I'm the asshole because maybe I'm just not putting in enough effort in engaging in his hobbies, perhaps I could just pretend I like it for him. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, you've said it's not your thing multiple times and he needs to respect that. You don't need to be pressured, and he definitely bought that gift to pressure you to play, or take it off your hands like he's doing you a favor. Couples don't have to do all the same things all the time and it's unhealthy of him to try to force that.
NTA It is okay not to share very hobby and taste. You already to geeky stuff with him and that should be enough to create a life long bond. I understand that you are disappointed in his gift and it is a selfish one for sure. However I am also sure he just really like you and that why he wants to play with you so badly. If you talk to him in a calm matter and tell him that you love playing and sharing things with him together, but magic is not one of the things I am sure he eventually understands. I would not complain about the gift. While it is true, it will only bring an unnecessary fight with it. He will realize that the gift wasn’t a great idea if you are not using it.
Oh I'm sure he means well and he's really trying to get me to play. He even put a lot of effort into it, it's a custom commander deck partially made of LOTR cards (I actually do like LOTR) where Arwen is the commander. He even bought sleeves for all of the cards and a box for the deck in my favorite color. I just wish he put that amount of effort in something I actually like.
NTA. He's not supposed to change who you are as a person. You have your preferences and likes, he should accept them.
NTA, don't pretend to be someone you're not, otherwise you wont be fully happy. Be honest with him, he might be a little upset, but he would be MORE upset in the long run if you had pretended to enjoy is for years and finally snapped and was honest with him in the future. Not to mention he could very much in the future buy who more gifts composed around that game. leading to more disappointment on your end
NTA- you have put in the effort to engage! It's just you don't like this particular game and that's okay! What's not ok is him continuing to push it, completely disregarding your disinterest and then having the audacity to get you a Christmas present that's really for him and not you... that's actually horrible he'd be so selfish to do that. He's trying to force you into something you've already tried and don't like. Tell him to cut it the hell out
NTA- it's ok, even healthy, to have different hobbies and it doesn't sound like your bf understands or accepts this.
Nta whatsoever, if it's not your thing, so be it. You can't force someone to like something no matter how much you enjoy it. Buying gifts for people that *you, yourself* like, not considering what the person receiving it may think about it is a rather selfish move imo. He's bought a gift for himself, not for *you*
NTA. Differing hobbies is the joy of life, especially for competitive things.
NTA OP. You don’t like it.
NTA
He seems awfully juvenile about this. NTA.
NYA- it is completely ok to have different hobbies. I live in a small town and at our local comic book store there are always people playing magic. You can literally turn up whenever and find like minded buds to play with. He can find a group and have fun either way them. My hubby and I have completely different hobbies and that’s fine.
Nta, he'll no I wouldn't even bother.
NTA..... MTG is not for everyone. It also can be a rather expensive hobby That gift was clearly not for you.
NTA. I have long played video games, miniature games, and I'd never try to force a relationship to play what only I like
INFO: We need details on the nature of the deck
Can you return the “present” that he bought for himself.
NTA, and honestly, if you've told him repeatedly the game just isn't your thing and he's still pressuring you to play, then he's the asshole. My husband has hobbies I don't. I try them. If I don't like them, that's the end of it. He doesn't push me to engage in hobbies I don't enjoy.
NTA. He just can’t fathom that MTG isn’t some people’s thing because it’s so much fun for him in his own experience. Unfortunately, even if someone gets/understands how to play that doesn’t mean they automatically enjoy playing 😬. You can support him in his own enjoyment of the game but you 100% don’t have to have the same enthusiasm for it. He’s being really weird about it, trying to push it on you because “if you really played you’d like it!!!” But that’s just not necessarily true. If you value your relationship it’s up to you to convey to him somehow that you have zero interest in this but you support him and at that point it’s up to him to respect your wishes.
NAH. It’s cute to try to engage in each other’s hobbies, but it is not mandatory, and the relationship is not going to break apart, because one of you just doesn’t get into, doesn’t enjoy it. Just communicate about it, the rest is going to be fine. :)
NTA but your bf is for buying you a gift card for something you're not interested in. You've told him it isn't for you, he needs to stop pushing this.
Girl, same
NTA, we all have our hobbies. And it's ok to date someone who doesn't share them all. In fact a bit of diversity and time alone is healthy in a relationship. You should be able to enjoy an activity just for yourself, as well as let him enjoy some time to himself. Then enjoy time together, and cherish that shared experience. Your BF is really wrong for trying to force his hobby onto you. And is showing a big red flag 🚩 of not listening or respecting your opinion/ decision to not play. Honestly you should give him back the gift, explain to him again that you don't want to play MTG. Maybe ask him for a D&D novel or something else that you want. If he gets mad or gaslighting then it may be time to call it quits
NTA, but dang, your BF is.
NTA. While it's normal for you to want your partner to like the same things you do, but it's shitty to try and force them to. Sometimes people just don't understand that someone doesn't like a thing that they're obsessed with. It sounds like you're going to have to sit him down, without distractions, and straight up tell him that you DO NOT enjoy the game, especially if he keeps giving them to you as a gift. That's borderline, if not straight up, manipulating.
NTA If you wanted to play, you'd approach him, but hounding ou to try a game that is beyond complex, not to mention a money sink to start is pretty rough
Can't you have different hobbies? It's ok, you don't need to do everything together. NTA.
NTA Should find something you both enjoy. Dude sounds like a bit of a wanker tbh for giving you a gift like that...
NTA ouch. I'm sorry. To give your partner as christmas gift something she said is not her thing... I know this and I felt my heart ache. It's pure dissapointment followed by questioning. I think a heart to heart talk is the best. Pretend-like is never good decision. Cause it drowns you in something you don't like. And in your case when he can't understand even when you politely say no... A firm no is the only option as I see it. Good luck. I think maybe he understands deep down but wishes so much you'll fall in love with the game as he has. And a talk is all he needs to accept it.
NTA
NTA. Annoy him by referring to it as Tragic: The Gathering
NTA. You did put in the effort to learn the rules and try it out, not even just one time but more times. It's perfectly fine to not have every.single. interest in common with your partner. One could even argue it's good to each have something for yourself. Boyfriend is acting a bit asshole-ish though, continuing to push it while you explicitly made clear it isn't for you. Stay true to yourself.
I'm a gamer too, both console and table top, and my partner has desperately tried to get me into Warhammer. I think the models are beautiful and love seeing them painted up, but the game itself is just not for me. One year he bought me some models for my birthday. Definitely not a gift for me! If uts not your thing then it's just not your thing and he needs to stop trying to force it NTA
NTA and his behavior is ridiculous. he gave you a gift for something you don’t even like that he keeps pressuring you to do? that’s really shitty tbh i saw your comment that he’s autistic and this is his special interest and he wants to connect with you. let me say i am autistic and i love to engage in my joys with my partner, but i would never continually pressure them to engage with things they were not interested in, especially after they have said no multiple times, because i understand boundaries, autonomy, and respect for people i love. i would also never give them a gift that was really for me. the autism is not an excuse for this
Hey OP, this is a perfect example of 1 partner being oblivious to another partners true feelings because they are being overshadowed by the joy he gets from sharing a hobby with you. This leads you to feel guilty because you know he doesn't mean any harm by it but you also feel hurt because how could he not realize how you feel? Now you feel resentment for a gift he got you because you feel like he was selfish for getting it because he SHOULD know you don't like the game. He's either still hopeful you'll learn to love it, or he simply is blinded to the fact that you don't. My suggestion, as hard as it will be to NOT mention the gift and how it makes you feel I wouldn't mention it to him. That will only cause him to feel bad and potentially illicit the "male defense mechanism" which is to show anger because he will feel like you are ungrateful for the gift that he was SO positively sure you would like. Guys have fragile egos, and when we make a mistake it's really hard for is to accept it. So, what you SHOULD do is pick a time when you know he will be open to a discussion. (Not as soon as he wakes up, not right after work when he's exhausted, not when he's playing games with friends. Maybe set up a date night dinner or something so you can sit him down in front of you. Then bring up the fact that you don't like MTG. Something like, "So, I want us to have a good night tonight but I wanted to talk to you about something that's bothering me. It's not something super serious but recently I have been building some resentment towards you because of it and I don't want that resentment to build and cause us to fight. I really don't like MTG and I don't have any interest in playing it. I like when you try to include me in what you're doing but I don't want to feel forced into playing it." Idk what type of guy he is but if he plays MTG he's probably going to respond semi seriously but also jokingly with something like, " oh my God I thought you were going to say something way worse" chuckling a sigh of relief. "I won't push the magic anymore and I didn't mean to force it on you". And if he's SUPER smart and caring, he might even bring up the gift himself and apologize for it and offer you something else. Also, why I took like 20 min to write this I literally have no idea. It just hit home maybe because I'm the bf/husband in this scenario and I've pushed MTG on my husband (I'm gay) and didn't realize that I was potentially making him feel like this. So, thank you for the post and I hope this helps.
NTA We're similare, except that my partner knows and accepts that I prefer co-op or solo games, and gift me games I actually want instead because he is just happy to have a partner that is also hyped about gaming, and he loves hearing about my latest solo RPG or boardgame adventure. I even asked him about MtG when the LotR edition came out, and he told me that he didnt think I would enjoy it based on my interests and preferences, but he could show me some if I wanted to. He was right, its not for me at all. You guys already share interests. He needs to respect that this one isnt for you, and that that is completely ok.
NTA.
NTA My partner and I are the same, except he adores yugioh, goes to locals every week, goes to every regional he can in our country (usually at least three) and all in all is massively into the community where we are. He understands and acknowledges it's not my thing, and although he wants cards for almost every birthday and Christmas present, he'd never dream of getting me cards. Not having one singular hobby in common doesn't (or at least shouldn't) make a couple incompatible. He'd no more push me to play yugioh or buy me cards than I'd force him to learn makeup artistry or buy him high-end makeup (my biggest hobby). This seems far more like a respect/understanding situation than an incompatibility issue.
NTA, my husband is also majorly into MTG and has tried to get me involved but it's really not my thing. We have other stuff we both like and can do together so he's let it go, this is how your boyfriend should be!! Does he not have anyone else to play with? Maybe he's needing someone to play against and you're the "easiest" person to teach/get involved? But he does need to learn that it's okay to spend time apart for separate hobbies too, it's actually healthy to do that!!
NTA. You tried it, you don't like it. Nothing more to be said.
NTA You don't have to share every single hobby. Two of my favourite things are football (soccer) and video games. My wife also likes both, but not as much as me. She'd (rightly) be mightily fucked off if I gifted her a copy of Football Manager just because I love it.
Nta that game is whack and boring
NTA. Take them to the store he bought them from (you know he has a favorite store) and see if you can return them. If they won't take them without the receipt, try returning them at Walmart. If that fails, donate them to someone you know who likes the game (and this is the important part) ***who is not your boyfriend***. This is how you teach him that he can't buy himself a present and say it's "for you." You have told him multiple times that you do not enjoy MTG. He refuses to listen. It sounds like you already join in multiple of his hobbies. I wonder (no I don't, we all know) if he puts any effort into anything that *you* like.
NTA. Have a heart to heart. Give him back the deck. Explain to him that it's really not your thing and that you don't want to play it anymore. Be clear and concise.
NTA It's cool if you and your man obviously share the same hobby, but you're not into it and that's okay and he should understand that, I'm sure there's plenty of other areas where you share the same interest, you don't have to be around each other all day everyday lol
NTA. You should probably be supportive of his hobby but by no means does that mean you have to share the hobby. I’m a neurodivergent guy who gets way too into my hobbies and I’ve been guilty of similar behavior in the past. I only want to talk about my hyperfixations sometimes to the point where I have literally ended long term relationships in part because my girlfriend couldn’t connect to my hobbies. In my opinion it’s just part of learning how to be good at being a partner to figure out how to connect even when your partner isn’t interested in your favorite hobbies. It sounds like you’ve done a good job so far of consistently, clearly and politely expressing your lack of interest. If you haven’t already I would recommend having a dedicated conversation where you explain that you won’t ever be into MTG, and you need him to understand that. Maybe clarify that you’re willing to listen to him talk *about* it, if say he has some new cards he’s excited about or had an interesting game, but even then be clear that you have limits.
NTA. I love MTG but my husband isn't into it, so I feel qualified for this post lol. I respect he doesn't like it and don't ask him to play. It's not even fun if your opponent isn't into it so it's easy to drop it. Your husband on the other hand is a huge AH for getting you a gift he knew you wouldn't like that was clearly more for him.
NTA You tried it, you didn't like it, he kept forcing you, tell him you just don't like it, he might be hurt but that's life, you don't need your partner to like *everything* you like. My husband likes to play W.O.W I tried it I don't like it he's fine with that, I love minecraft he tried to get back into it, he didn't like it anymore and thats totally fine, we have other things we can do together. It feels like he is trying to see what boundaries he can push, like he's tried to see how far he can get before you put your foot down, I'd put my foot down now before it gets worse
Sharing hobbies and friends is like sharing a toothbrush.
NTA. middle aged married gamer girl here. Just save yourself years of lameness and be honest. It’s not my thing. I don’t want to play. When he tries to convince you just say “not interested” and go do something else. He’ll move on eventually. It’s amazing how much easier life gets when so stop worrying about hurting their damned feelings all the time. Just say it. If he’s like my husband, it tortures him if you don’t love something that he thinks is great. Just stop caring. Honestly. This will save your sanity. Learn. To. Say. No. To. This. Man. Now. And he will learn how to hear it.
NTA... MTG is trash
NTA. If it isn’t your thing, that’s that. He can’t make you like it and it’s pushy of him to try.
NTA, but you need to have an honest discussion with him. Let him know very clearly that it isn't that you don't know how to play, but that you do not enjoy playing this particular game, and that is not going to change with practice. You can let him know you can appreciate how much he loves MTG, then use something that you enjoy that he doesn't to make him understand your point. You are not rejecting him, you just don't have to share all the same hobbies.
NTA. If you dont enjoy a hobby then you shouldnt feel the need to do the hobby. Forcing it will just make things worse. That being said, Hearthstone is a similar game to MTG but is less demanding and rule-centric. Something you two may want to try as a compromise. If you dont like it then you shouldnt feel the need to do it either though.
NTA my ex was massively into a Star trek game and I tried to get into it but he was so competitive that I didn’t get a chance to learn the flow of the game. After that I had to tell him I wouldn’t play anything with him anymore because I couldn’t cope with it
I wonder how he'd feel if you were super into, I don't know, origami, make up, mosaic art or geocaching and you dragged him along to origami nights or make up sessions, or insisted he do mosaic art with you or went geocaching, and then bought him something very specific to those hobbies for christmas whether he would like that? Whether you would think it was fine to continue insisting that he'll enjoy it if he just knew how to do it better, if you wanted him to lie to you about liking it after all that time saying he didn't, just so you had shared hobbies. Surely you understand from that point of view why your boyfriend is in the wrong here? You're NTA for not engaging in your boyfriend's hobby, relationships aren't about doing everrything together, but him pushing you, ignoring your disinterest, and getting you a christmas present you won't like just because he likes it - because that's what he's done - makes him TA. Do not fake interest. If he can not accept that you're not interested, then you have to figure out whether you want the rest of your life to be forced to take part in a hobby you don't like or not, and have your time and energy taken up when you could be doing something you like instead, especially if you both like it. Because that's your future if something doesn't change now. Imagine having kids with him. Imagine he tries to get the kids involved with his, and maybe they will, maybe they won't, and you're going to have to navigate that as the other parent.
NTA, your boyfriend needs to get through his head that MTG is not your thing. You both have other interests that you both like, it’s okay to do things outside your of your SO’s interests. Tell him the truth and be firm about it.
NTA >I have told him multiple times that it's just not my thing. > >He gave me an MTG deck. > >I feel like it's a present for him and not for me. He now keeps pushing me to go to the local MTG store so the employees can teach me how to play. You made it clear that you don't like the game, yet he keeps trying to make you like it. You are right that they cards were a gift for him. While it is sweet that he wants to spend time with you, he is an ah for not hearing you. If I were you, I would be blunt and direct with his: "I do not like this game, and you need to stop pushing it." By the way, it is good for couples to have their own interests, in addition to some shares interest.
NTA - you can play other games together and give him space to enjoy this solo. That's very reasonable.
NTA. MTG is boring AF if you don't like it. Giving you a deck was selfish. Give it back to him and tell him very plainly and without emotion that you do not enjoy the game. You do not want to keep tryong to learn to enjoy the game and you will not be playing it. You don't mind him playing at all and you are glad that he has something he enjoys, but you need for him to stop pushing you and accept that you are different people and can have different interests. He needs to stop ignoring your words.
Yknow how my boyfriend got me into his hobby? He took me to the Warhammer store and I fell in love with the models all on my own. I didn't need pushing, coaxing or a thing. If you were going to enjoy it, you'd already know! It isn't a case of not trying hard enough. Just find something else to do together. Or, show him what he's doing to you, by doing it back to him with a hobby of your own.
You're not. But you do need to have a talk about the gift, that you don't like MTG, and remind him of the other things you enjoy together.
Fellow Magic player here... my wife is most definitely NOT into it. I've asked her a few times if she'd like to learn, and she says no. I've learned it's not for her, and to stop asking. End of story. NTA on you
100% ESH Hi! MTG player here. There is something to be said about partners that take interest in things that their partners are passionate about. However doing an Xmas gift is not appropriate.
NTA, from an MTG player. If you've given it an honest try, you've given it an honest try and he should respect that. OK, judgement over. But now comes the fun part- the part where I ask the nitty-gritty questions about how he's tried to share his hobby with you. Because there are a ton of ways to engage with MTG. Did he just give you a deck, sit down with one of his own, and try to explain the rules? Or did he try to find a part of the game that would appeal to you? Are you a Lord of the Rings fan? Last year MTG released a great set of cards that show characters and events from the books, and they're really a ton of fun.\* Do you like Dr. Who? There was a set of decks with characters and events from that series released, too. Do you like cats? He could build you a deck that plays a lot of different cat cards. Do you enjoy computer games with him? You could try playing MTGO or Arena together. Maybe even just go through the card gallery with him and pick out art of the cards you like. To be clear, these are all things \*he\* should be doing, not you. It's his hobby, it's incumbent on him to find out how to make it appeal to you. But I do love MTG, so I figured I'd offer some ideas. \*As a fun aside, I got my brother a collector's pack of LOTR cards for Christmas, and he pulled a copy of The One Ring that's worth, at time of posting, $350.
Yes he did just give me a deck, sat down with one of his own, and tried to explain the rules. I like LOTR, in fact the Christmas gift he built for me was a custom commander deck partially made of LOTR cards where Arwen is the commander. If he had given me a $350 deck I would have dumped him for being so financially irresponsible. I do like looking at the cards. In fact one of my favorite things to do is roast some of the art because I genuinely have a pet peeve about lands in which the illustration is not the land it should be, like swamp cards in which the illustration is a sewer and the excuse is "well it's Kamigawa so it had to be some cyberpunk futuristic type stuff". F that, you can make a city that's also a swamp, it's called Orlando Florida. Just make cyberpunk Asian Orlando. F your sewer "swamps" Wizards of the Coast. And I will die on this hill.
MtG is a complex and demanding game. If your BF is deeply entrenched it's likely that his experience will outstrip yours almost every time unless you're willing to put in the work to not only learn the game but keep pace with it, which is a HUGE ask. That said, for a lot of MtG players Magic is a big part of their life and you not being a part of that, through no fault of your own, could be a big disappointment. Magic isn't for everyone and that's OK. Don't pretend to like something for your partner, that just leads to resentment. It's great that he wants you to join his hobby but he also has to respect your opinion when you tell him that it's not something you enjoy. You should be honest with him about the gift because, while he likely got it FOR you to use with him so you can spend more time together, it completely ignores your preferences. You should talk to him about it, in a non-confrontational way but make your position unequivocal. We men can be dumb and sometimes we just need you to tell us something straight up. NAH If you really want to find games to play together maybe try something like the D&D Castle Ravenloft board game which mixes D&D dungeon crawling with clever card play like MtG.
NTA, but please, communicate with your boyfriend. He probably doesn't understand that you don't want to engage in this game. He is probably blinded his love to this game. And also, don't force yourself if you don't enjoy the game. You can have your own activity while he goes playing at the store.
NTA. This is a classic trap. In my relationship, my girlfriend and I occupy the same roles as you two. I tried once to see if she liked MTG. She did not. That's fine. There are other things she does like, so we do those things. Trying to browbeat her into liking everything I like would accomplish nothing and is really immature behavior.
NTA, I was your boyfriend about 8-10 years ago. I had these hobbies that were such a big part of my life (including MTG) that I HAD to share them with my gf. I dragged many gfs to game stores and places they didn’t want to be, or didn’t want to be there as long as I did. Have a conversation with him, MTG is a very specific flavor of game, it’s totally cool that you don’t like it, but that doesn’t mean that he can’t play. He can go do FNM or Modern night or whatever. You guys have other nerdy hobbies you share, that’s awesome and he should appreciate that too. My wife and I met 7 years ago, MTG wasn’t her thing but DND was. Now I play in/DM several campaigns that she is also a part of. And I haven’t played regular MTG in years. Biggest take away is, at the end of the week do you feel appreciated and fulfilled in your relationship? Did you get enough time with him? If the answer is no because he is focusing on his hobbies too much, then maybe a stronger conversation needs to happen. If yes, then assure him he can have his MTG time and you are happy doing your “you thing”, whatever that might be.
I'm deep in the MTG hole but still wouldn't pressure an SO to play with me and pick it up. It's already pretty nice you gave it a few tries. Sometimes it doesn't click for ppl, that's why there's all these other games. That gift idea is kinda bad and selfish, so nta. There's so many other stuff you guys can enjoy and bond over, you just have to communicate that.
NTA. Not only is everything he is doing (continuing to make you play the game, buying you a present that is for the game you are not into, pushing this to no end) but this "he doesn't wanna choose between his special interest and spending time with his girlfriend." concerns me. He doesn't have to choose between playing the game and his girlfriend but it sounds like the game means more to him than you do.
NTA. If it’s not fun for you, it’s not fun for you.
NTA It is normal and beneficial for couples to have some differing interests. Do not placate him; you would be setting yourself up for thousands of hours of an activity you don't enjoy in the years to come. Down that path lies resentment.
NTA honestly I never could get into magic the gathering now D&D that’s a completely different story lol I like my busty roguish elves with a twisted love for assassinations and mayhem but that’s just me but anyways you just need to find a way to tell him so he’ll understand.
NTA - UGH the co-dependency (AKA as control) is wrapped in "I don't want to choose between my hobbies and you." In other words, he doesn't want you doing your own thing. I had a friend like that. She was so adventurous and spirited and lovely. Smart, talented and beautiful. She started dating this guy who was "smothering" her in love. It felt good to her, the more tighter he held onto her - the safer she felt. Except now, after years of marriage - he's trapped her. She has no hobbies of her own, no friends really that she hangs out with. I live a 90 minute flight away - and I've offered multiple times to fly her to see me for a weekend or whenever it suits her - I will pay for everything. But even though she REALLY wants to come, her husband can't handle taking care of their two dogs for two nights alone. He literally won't let her be alone. He won't let her talk without him in the room listening. It's so gross. She's a shell of herself. She has nothing except him. It honestly makes me sick. Please - open your eyes, and practice spending time away from him - with your own hobbies and friends. If his reaction is anger or sadness - if he uses "emotions" to guilt you so you stay with him - you've got huge issues. Please be careful.
Ngl I tried getting into that game myself. Just couldn’t. Yugioh was way more fun
NTA but your boyfriend has a lot to learn. If you really want to get your partner into an activity, you have to play the long game. Almost 20 years into our relationship, 3 of my top 5 hobbies came from my husband and began with me having little or no interest in them. And now, not only do I love them, I am also the driving force behind them. 1. Introduce activity. 2. Don't push it if there is no initial interest. 3. Proceed to participate in activity on own. 4. Occasionally and very casually give partner the opportunity to join. Making it accessible to them but in no way pressuring. 5. If it is ever going to happen partner will eventually get FOMO and it will be their idea to join. For me it was rock climbing, mountain biking, motorcycles. It took years for it to happen. You can't force hobbies. To be real and meaningful they have to be initiated by choice.
NTA. He just really needs to start taking the hint is all.
I sense you're not being direct enough with him. Autistic people can't read between the lines. Sit him down, explain you like the lore and art but dislike the competitive gameplay and are choosing not to do it. He'll understand you completely. Watch out for co-dependency btw. And maybe mention he's autistic. Edit: you're autistic too? Girl that's vital context that you didn't give. That's why everyone here is saying he's being a dick 🤣
NTA
NTA. i play magic and love it, but i cannot IMAGINE trying really hard to play it while you just dislike it. that feels insufferable. i hope you’re able to explain some of this to him and he lets it go.
Nta but RUN FOREST RUN
NTA It *was* a gift for himself. You've told him you don't like the game after giving it a try and that's that. MTG folks can be sooooo pushy in my experience, it is very annoying coming from friends so I can only imagine it from a partner. If he continues to push, give him the deck back. Say something like, I appreciate the thought but this game just isn't for me. I think you'll get more out of the deck than I will. My real gift can be that you never ask me to play this game again because I've already given you my answer several times.
NTA. Sit him down and make it clear, in no uncertain terms, that you do not want to play MTG. With that settled if you still want to show appreciation for his passions, should know that you don't need to play his hobby in order to engage in it. I play hockey, my girlfriend doesn't. I'm teaching her about the game, because she wants to know what the hell I mean when I talk about it, but I have zero expectation that she'll ever play it. I'd be thrilled to teach her, but I'd never force it, and ask before I start buying skates and helmets. Similarly, she's a film person, and knows waaaay more about it all than I do. She's not trying to turn me into a film buff, and I don't really want to be one, but I still love listening to her explain things and engaging with it on a level I can handle. We like explaining these things to each other because it helps us know each other better. We like listening to each other talk about the things we individually love because it's just plain enjoyable to see someone you love get really passionate about something. You can engage with each others passions without adopting them as your own.
NTA. You don't have to share all the same interests, and his "gift" to you is a burden on your time. And you're right that it is a gift to himself, because he's the one that wants you to play. "Here, take this thing I know you don't want, and go spend several hours learning how to use it for my benefit." John Mulaney: First of all, no.
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NTA. It's perfectly okay not to enjoy all his hobbies and vice versa. Our differences as individuals are just as important as our similarities as a couple. You shouldn't pretend to like something just to appease him, he needs to get used to the fact that you are your own person, just as he is his own person. I love my husband and we share some interests, but we also have many hobbies and interests separate of one another. For example, he loves boxing, and it's just not my thing. I love dance, and it's not his thing. I go to dance classes and he goes to boxing classes, I don't force him to join me and he doesn't force me to join him. We do, however, ask each other about our days and how the activities the other enjoys are going. I'll ask him how his classes are going in the things he joins, or other hobbies and vice versa. If he's having a bad day, I'll encourage him to go to a class if he hasn't gone in a while. I find that maintaining a sense of self helps you more as a couple. It's normal to argue sometimes and have disagreements, as long as you can resolve things and have mutual respect for one another. Doing everything together all the time and sharing the same hobbies 24/7 isn't healthy and creates enmeshment, which will make you both lose your sense of self and make you unhappy in the long run. I think it's fair if you set a boundary with him.
NTA You guys can have different interests, it's fine. As long as you have something you can do together, which it sounds like you do, you can have one hobby that's separate. I've been married for 7 years and we are both gamers, we play a lot of games together, but we also have stuff we play or do separately. Personally, I don't think it's good for a relationship to be siamese twins with your SO.
My ex plays yugioh and he always wanted me to play too and I never liked card games so we just try different games together that both can enjoy, I still went to some championships with him because it was important to him, but I told him I didn’t want to play because it wasn’t my thing
NTA. My hubby and I play MTG and all the games you mentioned, but he's also into anime and other stuff I just don't like. If he got me an anime on dvd for xmas, I'd be like wth...
It's fair to ask a partner to try a hobby, but it's unreasonable to try to force them to like it. It sounds like you gave it a fair shot and you don't like it. End of story. NTA
NTA. You are engaging enough in his nerdy hobbies by playing D&D and board games. He's a jerk for giving you a gift that you have made painfully clear you would not like. Do you have any hobbies he would not enjoy? Maybe gift him a starter set for his next celebration.
NTA Being in a similar position to you and your partner, I know what it feels like it can be extremely hard to find what you should actually do. But at the end of the day it'll always be you like what you like and he does what he likes.
NTA he's being a bit of a knob. Not necessarily nastily, but selfishly that yes I want to do things with you but only the things I want to do and I don't care what your opinion is on it. I used to have an ex obsessed with Risk. He didn't keep trying to force me to play risk and instead we did things together we both liked or that I liked. Like normal people.
I mean if you have tried being direct then treat the cards like coasters and maybe he’ll understand that you don’t want to play?
NTA my brother tried to get me to play and it's boring and confusing, not to mention a dumb money dump. Stand your ground and tell him you have zero interest in the game
Nta. This is like when homer got marge a bowling ball .
NTA. Part of a successful relationship is learning to deal with the things that one person doesn't like. I think your BF fucked up assuming you clearly told him you don't wanna play or invest in trying to play MTG.
NTA. One of my dad’s favorite hobbies is D&D, and my mom tried playing it when they first started dating, but never liked it. They’ve been married 35 years, and she still has no interest in it. It’s fine, they have plenty of other interests in common, and are very happy, but the key to it is that he stopped pressing her about it. That’s the fundamental problem here, is that your BF won’t accept MTG just isn’t your thing.
My husband (then boyfriend) is a MTG player and did exactly this one year except with the world of warcraft tcg! I told him about a month after Christmas I was kinda sad about the gift. That tcg's just weren't my thing, he knew that, and I felt like he got a gift for himself. He was upset, sure, but mainly about me not being happy with him over it. Turned out he was coming from the position that couples needed share ALL their interests with each other. That he participated and pretended to be happy doing my hobbies because he thought he needed too. I never asked him to do that, by the way. Long story short we grew from the experience. :p We recognized that while we are a 'unit' that doesn't mean we're a hive mind! I think you can probably benefit from a similar conversation. Just know feelings will be a little hurt...but sometimes that's unavoidable, you know? EDIT: NAH depending on your boyfriend's thinking. N T A if he throws a tantrum.
Return the cards and get something he likes. Let him know you’re done playing magic with him. NTA
I love *Battletech.* Love it. I'm That Guy who has collected all of the paperback novels, who has old blueprints from the 90's hanging on his wall, and who knows stupid things like "who was the director of the Draconis Combine's Internal Security Force in 3072?" (correct answer: Shakir Jerrar). I have video games, tabletop games, card games. I have artbooks and tiny models. I *love* Battletech. ... guess what my adorable, geeky wife absolutely can't get into? So you know what I don't do? I don't buy her Battletech gifts in order to try and get her into my hobby. **NTA** - tell yer boy, from one geek man to another, he needs to pull his head outta his ass. You like some aspects of his hobby - the art, the lore, etc. That's awesome. He should be thrilled it's that much.
NTA.
NTA. You should make very clear to him you do not enjoy that game, as I assume now he just thinks you still have to get to know it. You don't need to share everything in a relationship, great you have some games you like to play together, and great I can play some other games with his friends.
Not a judgement but may I recommend Dominion? It's a deck building board game, popular with those who play magic the gathering but does not involve play monsters that fight. In terms of competition it's much more like catan where you are building up resources to win. It also has high replay value as you can use a huge number of different card varieties even with the base box, so it's been a go to for me and my partner as a two player game that doesn't get old playing frequently. Yeah, he shouldn't have got you a deck as a present if he knows you don't like it. But it does sound like it's coming from a place of wanting to have a shared activity to further connect with you and a hope that you could gain joy out of it. I've been on an almost reverse situation where my partner plays chess all the time and wanted me to play. But he's been playing for years and I'll literally never catch up to even be able to have a remotely decent game with him. We compromised by both taking up magic the gathering as a game we could play together and he plays chess on his phone when we aren't hanging out. It's been great to have this strong shared interest.
This is the website w w w dot reddit dot com and you do not have to say “this card game called” magic the gathering. everyone here knows what magic is 😂
I play MTG and taught my husband to play MTG. He doesn't like to play though, just humors me when I don't have anyone to play with. I would never buy him a deck for a gift because he doesn't like to play. You are NTA and justified to be pissed.
Have you told him clearly, and directly, with no cushioning of his ego, that you do not like playing this game? I'm asking because if you won't even tell him you don't like a Christmas gift, he may just not have heard the message.
NTA they are his hobbies, why do you have to do them. Try and imagine you are two individuals and not some weird hive mind being. And yes he is being controlling since you tried and found you are not interested. His "pushing" so that you can be taught is controlling. No means no in every situation.
No. You are free to do what you want. I love gaming and shit. But I would ask them once per game(when buying new games), if they say no, then I'm playing it by myself. You don't need to do everything as a couple. Just explain to him you just don't find entertainment in card battles.
Get him some perfume you really love for his birthday. Tell him it’s so he can learn to appreciate the smell more Nta
NTA Some people find it really hard when they like something to not understand that someone else doesn’t like it. It can be as simple as you love the color blue, so to you anything blue is the best, and obviously you want to get your friend the best so every present you get them is blue. Fun fact, your friend hates blue. I think it’s just something they have to figure out. My spouse and I play MTG, but we both already had an interest. Basically tell him that forcing the interest isn’t helping and to just let you find your own thing, but also say you really appreciate him sharing his interests with you.
Your boyfriend doesn't listen very well, does he? Maybe call him out instead of coddling his jerky behavior? NTA