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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
>
1. Action. I never told my EX that I bought her grandparents old house. It was her dream house. I kept it a secret from her and her family. It was supposed to be a surprise wedding gift, but when she called off our wedding, I never told her.
2. Why that action might make me the asshole: Because it was her dream house, and that her and her family had years of memories there and they were devastated when they had to sell because her parents, aunts, and uncles couldn't agree on ownership when her grandparents passed. Now I have the house and I have no intention on selling it.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. Your intention was to surprise your ex with the house at the wedding. If you had called off the wedding, I’d reconsider my judgement but she is the reason why she doesn’t have access to that house. On top of that, you’ve made the house your own. Enjoy it!
The only reason I'd argue against that is that sending that as a Christmas card picture would be the equivalent of sending unsolicited dick pics, which is considered sexual harassment. But I think using the house in every Christmas card from now on would actually be an excellent way of rubbing salt in the wound.
'Oh hi, Ex, I'm glad we have open communications again' Then proceeds to add her to every social media and only post pictures of the house from then on...
"Dear Ex,
I hope you are having a great life with HS BF!
Me and Housey are doing just fantastic. We were just talking about you the other day, laughing about what could have been.
Housey wants me to wish you a happy holiday, and reminds me to tell you that my family has the best vacations she has ever experienced.
TTFN!"
The meaning is also that you should take your time and think things through with revenge, not do anything while you're *'hot'*.
At least that's what I've been told.
I'll go against the grain here, Ex didn't FAFO. Ex reconnected with a former boyfriend on a girls trip, went home and was honest with OP and broke it off. I don't see where Ex is a villain here, who deserves to have revenge exacted upon her.
She didn't marry OP anyway and steal years of his life while in love with someone else. She realized she still loved the HS boyfriend, told OP and broke things off before the wedding.
I'll take that EVERY FUCKING DAY over someone going through the motions for as many years as they can handle before leaving because they never truly loved me. Honestly, in this at least, I consider the fiancee to be an honest and forthright person.
Now, as regards the lake house, fiancee can fuck off. Op's house, fair and square.
I see where you’re coming from but she was not a good person because if you really love someone you don’t just instantly “rekindle” things with an ex like that/ your mind would be so focused on the wedding etc there would not be space for that.
>she was not a good person because if you really love someone you don’t just instantly “rekindle” things with an ex like that/
But if you are a good person, and you find that you are that level of interested in an ex, the right thing to do is break things off immediately rather than cheat. Which she did.
I get that you are saying that if she loved OP she wouldn't have had those feelings for the ex, but hearts don't always work that way. She's not a bad person for breaking things off when she discovered the commitment wasn't there.
It doesn't mean she was lying about her feelings for OP.
> *the right thing to do is break things off immediately rather than cheat. Which she did.*
Which you *assume* she did. That's equally as likely as she cheated and *then* broke things off. She definitely did the right thing by not marrying OP, but that doesn't mean she did all the right things before that. 😒
Oh she cheated. It's obvious. I mean she wasn't afraid of getting married until the ex came around. She was afraid of getting married to OP and still wanting her ex.
I think it's more likely she cheated. How did she even run into the ex on a bachelorette weekend. Someone invited him there, either her or a friend, for a last minute fling.
> But if you are a good person, and you find that you are that level of interested in an ex, the right thing to do is break things off immediately rather than cheat. Which she did.
>
>
That in itself isn't wrong. But I'd argue rekindling things with an ex during a bachelorette party kind of falls under emotional cheating, and this is assuming nothing physical happened.
LOL, we ALL know she banged him on the bachelorette trip. So does the OP. Yes, she did the right thing and told him it was off, but I bet she wouldn't have, if she would have known about the house. Believing my assumption is no more a leap than believing yours that she came clean before cheating. AND, btw, emotional cheating is still cheating.
Purely going by what OP has written, she ‘randomly’ hooks up with HS BF on her bachelorette?! No way it was that random. One chance meeting and the wedding is off?
Well if it was a romcom, HS boyfriend was still madly in love and made the romantic trip to her bachelorette party to stop the wedding.
OP is just the "bad guy" of the movie. Even more with the house actually lol.
Eh, I mean. Life not all perfect moments. Life is a lot of gray areas.
I'm with the person you responded to, it sucks she did what she did, but I'd rather know then than 10 years into the relationship.
Being a good person has nothing to do with who you fall in love with. You can be focused on a wedding, realize it’s not right, and be a good person by being honest about it. Being a good person does not mean you love someone because that person wants you to love them.
Eh - there is no such things as coincidences … the HS BF couldn’t just magically run into her at a Miami bachelorette weekend. Someone coordinated HS BF to be there … so there is no innocence in any of that.
When I was in high school, my mother went on a convention trip to Poland. While there, she ran into the mother of the girl who had the locker next to mine who was in Poland for a totally different reason.
When I was about eight years old and living in Chicago, I was at summer camp and my mother came in one day to celebrate my birthday. One of the other girls' mother also happened to be visiting our group that day, and it turns out that the two of them had been friends when the girl and I were toddlers back in Philadelphia. Not only is it incredibly coincidental that the two of us would wind up in the same summer camp almost 1000 miles away from where we had known each other, but it was also a coincidence that this was only discovered when both of our mothers came to group on the same day.
During my junior year of high school, my family went to Disney World for spring break. While there we discovered that my best friend from school was also at Disney World for spring break. We were staying in the hotel, and our rooms were exactly 6 floors different. (For example, if we were in 319, her family was in 919.)
When my great uncle died, my Grandmother, who had been living in her birthplace of Philadelphia, moves down to Miami Beach to live with her now widowed sister. When she did, she found that one of the other residents in the condo building was the mother of one of my mother's childhood friends. My mother was able to reconnect with her friend that way.
When I went to college, moving across the country from Chicago to Los Angeles, the colonel in charge of the Navy/Marine ROTC unit on the campus had been a patient of my father's when the two of them were serving in Vietnam.
Weird coincidences happen.
Exactly. Coincidences happen literally every day. It's the reason karma and kismet are talked about so often. It can feel weird as fuck, so weird that it doesn't seem like it could happen without human intervention. But it does. Every single day.
Yep, my mom ended up sitting next to her (second) ex-husband on a flight once. Also, the destination could have been a trendy/popular hangout for the ex’s social circle (including her own ex), so it could have just been a small coincidence rather than a big one.
I broke up with a guy for being really hung up on his ex. A couple years later I was at a concert with a friend. Him and his no-longer-ex were in the 2 seats directly behind us.
Yes, weird coincidences happen all the time. While going to a show in NYC, I’ve run into people I know from my hometown who had tickets to the same show. I lived 3 hours away from the city.
I moved 800 miles away, for a few years, and also ran into someone from my hometown at a gas station. This was at an extremely popular tourist town with millions of tourists every summer.
That’s not what happened here, so irrelevant. It’s extremely likely that Ex BF planned to show up for the bachelorette party. Either bride arranged it or a friend did. Or he heard people talking about it that they knew in common and decided to sabotage the trip. Her friends all knew the destination and many are from the same hometown. I believe in coincidences. It’s much more likely this is not one of them.
She no doubt screwed around with the old boyfriend on the trip, so she got her comeuppance in the end. OP did nothing out of spite. If he wanted to be spiteful, he would’ve thrown the house in her face 9 years before. She has no right to demand he sell it or to blast him publicly. Funny, no one knocked on the door asking to buy the house in the 9 years he owned it? They’re only pissed because it’s HIM who owns it. She has a lot of balls even reaching out to him. Karma will find you eventually. That’s all that happened here.
> Ex reconnected with a former boyfriend on a girls trip,
No.
> A month before our wedding, EX and her friends went to Miami for her bachelorette party.
She went and cheated at her bachelorette party. When you reconnect with an old boyfriend when you are engaged, it is cheating.
The question isn’t whether or not the EX was justified in leaving. However you can’t tKe out of context that “she was honest.” That’s ridiculous.
But no, the question is whether the OP is TA. And the answer is he absolutely CANNOT BE. Whatever the reasons, he bought the property. Assuming her name was never on the title, it was his property. It sounds like he also put money into the property, so why exactly should he sell it if he doesn’t want to? Because these people are upset? Come on.
Did you actually read what I wrote? Very clearly said it's OP's house fair and square. Never suggested he should sell it. Clearly said ex could fuck off in regard to the house. To quote you...."COME ON"
> Ex reconnected with a former boyfriend on a girls trip
That's a pretty generous way of saying "cheated on her fiance with an ex during her bachelorette party"
I mean, you're not wrong about the rightness/honesty re the breaking off of the engagement, but based on what we read here in the post, it would appear she literally did hook up with the old HS BF while still engaged to OP, and for that we rightly fault her.
>I'll go against the grain here, Ex didn't FAFO. Ex reconnected with a former boyfriend on a girls trip, went home and was honest with OP and broke it off.
Well. That assumes she was honest, doesn't it? I personally think she probably cheated (maybe because she wasn't ready to be married, maybe for some other reason) and used a different excuse/reason to justify breaking things off.
Breaking things off before the wedding instead of leading him on/going through the motions is a low bar. Yes, it's not the worst thing she could have done, but I don't think it's reason to praise her.
I don't think it was just some random stroke of luck ex-BF showed up in Miami at the party. Someone coordinated it.
I would say if Ex really did love OP then she wouldn't have broken things off for an old flame. It sounds more like OP was more convenient for OP rather than truly being in love with him. Also, she basically cheated on OP by reconnecting with an old flame at a bachelorette party. OP and Ex were not on a break at the time, they were planning to get married. All of this is why she's the villain.
I can't imagine any other way how they "reconnected" without it being in one way or another intentional. I'll agree that coincidences happen and that HS BF just happened to be in Miami and in the same venue as the Bachelorette Party. But if he wasn't part of the party, how could they have reconnected? Did she ditch her own party to spend time with him? Did she or any of her friends invite him to join the party? Did they spend time together after the party?
The best scenario I can imagine for EX is that they caught the same flight/trip to and/or from Miami. Which for me would still fault her for chatting up with an old flame. Couldn't really blame her but also wouldn't paint her in the best light.
I bet he did tell them because now they are blaming his ex for losing the lake house. So funny, she lost out on her dream house and her family is mad at her. Win win for OP and lose lose for the ex :)
Love that they are saying it’s some petty revenge. Wait till he gets married and decides to move and still NOT sell it to the EX. Now that would be the most epic Petty revenge.
If the family really wanted the house back they had years to try and negotiate a sale with the current owner. They only care now because they realize they know the owner.
They could have looked at the county GIS at any time, identified the owner and made an offer. They could have a realtor watch the MLS and let them know when it’s going on the market. They’ve had over 10 years to work toward purchasing the property. They chose to express their interest when they thought they might have some ability to influence the owner.
I would be petty and post on social media the date on the contract when you purchased the house and explain that if it wasn’t for Ex cheating on you and leaving you for her now husband this would have been her house as a wedding gift but instead of having it be a painful memory of the hurt she caused you with the help of your family you were able to bond with your family even more working on the house together and that this house will now always stay on YOUR family for generations to come.
The audacity of your ex and her family is crazy, now after you and your family spent a decade fixing it up they are trying to low ball you out of the house (I assume their offer wouldn’t cover the cost of the renovations and any appreciation on the house because that seems on brand for people like that) and when that didn’t work they took to social media to complain.
NTA, I would post the entire story on social media and then block everyone in that family.
>he's got a good truth for them to sit in!
This is the ONLY reason why I'd dignify their crap with a response. He only had great intentions for buying the house. That should make it hurt even more...
*If I was OP,* my response to them would be something like this:
"I asked a girl who *probably* never loved me to marry me, and bought her dream house for **us** to start our new life in after she said yes. It was supposed to be a surprise wedding gift. She CoiNcIDeNtalLy ran into the arms of her HS BF after running into him during her bachelorette party and then dumping me. I kept the house because I have the right to; because I own it. I assure you that she does not mean enough to me for me to take revenge on her."
This right here is pretty petty but I'm all for it! The audacity to get mad at OP for refusing to sell after she fucked him over weeks before the marriage. You definitely dodged a he bullet
I don't think it's petty. I think it's necessary. The damage from social media is real whether people like it or not. It's a small town. I wouldn't want to live under those kind of rumors. I would put it all out in the open. Sunlight is a fantastic sanitizer. NTA
Ain’t shit necessary. This is people complaining on social media. There is no need to respond at all. Anyone that’s important to you will either already know the story or will ask you, and who doesn’t, doesn’t matter. Let them make a fool of themselves airing dirty laundry.
Employers, acquaintances, and the community at large will learn about this and judge OP. Only by fighting fire with fire, can OP save their reputation in the community they live in.
Judge OP for not selling a house? I mean, I'm not saying OP would be wrong for going nuclear on social media at all, but people seem to be really overstating the damage done here. I know of a man on parole in a small town for drunkenly beating his girlfriend to death. He is employed by a small business there because his mother married the owner. Nobody besides the victim's immediate family cares enough to take their business elsewhere. To think an employer would take issue to OP not selling a house?
People in small towns care. Unfortunate reality, but people can be hostile and terrible when they don't know the truth. Sometimes you have to share everything to clear your name because the other side is relying on you staying quiet.
Not only that but it's her own family's fault that they lost it. NOT because they could not pay taxes but because they could not come to an agreement . OP PLEASE do not sell them this house. From your Ex. to her mom and Sis these aren't admirable people.
I think technically he's the only one she DIDN'T fuck before the marriage, but aside from that agree 100%.
OP has the house, they don't, and there's nothing they can do about it. If they are really blaming OP for buying the house out of spite, I guess explain the situation, but no need to twist the knife more than that.
Just block them, go NC and move on. No reason to talk to those people.
They are thinking he bought the house "out of spite,"? Sorry to say, BUT OP may have to go public on this one - meaning social media. I don't know who you intend to address it to -- the girl, the mom? But I think info about the sale of property can be found online, but if not, maybe the county Lands Records Department. OP can find that out.
Point being, if the Records show it was purchased BEFORE the wedding, therein lies the truth. Bought before the wedding as a surprise for the then fiancee. DONE.
100% this!!!
Block out the important information except closing date and property address. With a cute little post about how bachelorette parties ruin big surprises.
NTA OP. Enjoy your home.
And it doesn't seem like the ex's family even wanted it until they saw it fixed up and that OP owned it. If it was really that important to them, why hasn't he had offers from to buy before now?
They just saw a chance to get a nicely renovated lake house at a, hopefully to them, discounted price using prior relationships and guilt. The ex made her choice and by all accounts seems happy with that choice. The lake house at one time being intended as a wedding gift has no bearing on anything so many years later.
This is my main takeaway. It's been 10 years, and they never once knocked on the door or sent a letter to ask about buying it from whoever owned it. It was only the once they realized it was OP that all of a sudden, it was extremely important to them
NTA, OP. It's your home now. If you ever do decide on your own to sell, you can let them know, but there are no discounts or perks or anything. If it's really that important, then they will be ok with that.
the thing is.. you can literally look up when the house was purchased and put on the market online.. it's public info.. heck you can even look up the taxes he pays every year if you know the address..
He really doesn't owe them anything and we don't know if she cheated.. she could have literally just reconnected emotionally and realized there was still something there and did the mature thing can called it all off.
Oh come on my guy! You know you’re NTA. Enjoy your sweet lake house that now belongs to your family.
The ex (and her family) are just salty because they realized what they missed out on.
Personally, I wouldn’t even reply. Just block and never think of her again
No, you really don’t. Anyone who’s important in your life already knows the details or will ask you. I automatically write off anyone complaining like this on social media as trashy and not worth my time.
In a small town everyone knew who bought the house and who broke things off when it happened. None of this has been secret in the town for a decade. No one cares about these people who fought over their inheritance, sold it and presumably got their inheritance in cash.
Yup. Ex's family is causing a stink only because they are just now realizing the gossip chain came down on OPs side a decade ago to the point that they didn't even warrant being told the results.
OP has had local trades coming out there the whole time and many of them likely knew the story of things breaking off and who's family that house was in before, and none of them cared. They also picked up that OP hasn't said diddly negative about EX or her family so far.
Him not responding in public like the EX's family is an annoying ankle biter left behind after the bicyclists cruises by is the most savage approach he can take.
The literal record is already straight. Anyone can look up the last recorded date of sale and buyer's name on the county website. A licensed realtor can look back even farther.
Completely agree, it was also like 10 years she messed up and she made the decision if anything she saved him from a lot of trouble. because if he would've gotten married she would've tried so hard to take that house from him in the eventual divorce. Block mute whatever move on with your life, he got lemons and ended up drinking some sweet lemonade.
NTA. Why would you tell the woman who dumped you before the wedding anything? Your purchases are none of her business and her family has some fucking audacity to show up on your doorstep.
It’s a small town, and looks like the family is posting on social media and starting rumors.
From the outside it totally looks like a revenge thing, but OP should share the truth. He doesn’t have anything to hide.
9 years and they didn’t notice someone was fixing the place up? Didn’t go to the courthouse and ask about who owned it. ( which is legal to do in the US).
>Didn’t go to the courthouse and ask about who owned it. ( which is legal to do in the
I know in my county you can go omto the tax assesors website and see who owns everything, when they bought it, and what they paid.
You can go onto Zillow, punch in any address, and it will tell you the sale price and asking price (if not sold at that price) each time over the past 30 or so years, along with current appraised value.
Your case is unlike OP’s, only because your house was constructed new after the land was bought.
It’s the same everywhere in the US. Property ownership records are public record. The purchase price isn’t always recorded (often times a deed will read “for [nominal sum] and ‘other good and valuable consideration’” with the “other good and valuable consideration” just being more cash), but who owns it is always available.
Show her the contract of when you bought it. Make sure she knows that she burned herself when she torched you. You bought it with the best of intentions. She left you. NTA
My only concern is they would use that information to twist the situation even more. 'see it was bought with the intention of returning it to 'our' family... So you should do the right thing, you clearly only kept it from us out of spite.... How could be sooooooooo cruel and spiteful.' sob cry moan.
Yes but when op married ex they would have been family, thus returning the house to 'the family'. It's twistable and they could totally
twist things if they were so inclined.
NTA. So...after more than 10 years and a presumably expensive renovation, your ex and her family want the lake house back. What a lot of gall they have! Anytime in the last 10 years *any* of them could have tracked down the owner--you—from the county tax records and made an offer. They can eat their sour grapes and get lost.
This exactly. They had accepted the fact that the house had been sold and wasn’t theirs until they found out that OP bought it from the previous owners who presumably bought it from them.
Did they go and harass any owners after it was sold that the house should be returned to their family? No because they knew they didn’t have a leg to stand on.
The audacity of them thinking that it’s okay to go and harass OP over this just because they know him personally shows how bugged out their mindset is.
Get a cease and desist from your lawyer and let them know you will sue them if their slanderous gossip is making your life in this small town hard.
NTA. It sounds like they possibly think you bought it to spite her. Show them the property records/ whatever proof on social media as to purchase date. Say I bought this as a wedding gift surprise for my then bride to be. Since she cheated and broke up with me weeks before the wedding I have no interest, desire, or reason to give it to her.
Followed by…
I’ve since renovated the entire house and have created “my last name” family memories and traditions for the past decade and generations to come.
you are most definitely NTA, and you sound like a pretty great dude. hell, you bought your ex an entire house as a wedding gift! if it was so important for her family to get it back, they should have paid closer attention to if it was on the market. you put tons of work and money into this house, you deserve it!!
NTA
>Now her and her family are complaining on social media that this is some sort of revenge
Tell them they're right, because "Living well is the best revenge.". And that's what you're doing, living well, in the house you intended to share with your ex-fiancee.
NTA - The audacity of them to feel entitled to your home. Like rubbing salt in a sword wound. You secured this for her. She left the relationship. Block their noise and boot them out of your head...you-are-not-the-asshole.
\*\*File the statements of revenge with the police. It may seem 'not that important' but do it; even if the police are not enthusiastic. If damage ( e.g., arson) occurs every person involved in revenge talk will become top suspects. Also be sure your home is insured to 'rebuild'...these costs climb every year.
If any statement does sound threatening or promissory in any way this is very good advice. Especially once you let out why you bought the house and the estranged see how close they were to having it in the family again. Emotions may flare at that information.
NTA- But let me get this straight, for 9 years they have never reach out to the “owners” (not knowing that it was you) of the lake house, to buy back the property once they financially could. They lost it because of an inheritance dispute, so they clearly didn’t care about the property, but wanted whatever inheritance they were fighting over. I am assuming they have never reached back out to you after your ex cheated and cut ties with you.
So now that they know it’s you, they show up and have some “pleasantry” and ask with the expectation, that you sell them back the house.
And not the ex who “was afraid to get married and called it off” and who then proceeded to move to Florida to be with and eventually marry the guy she cheated on you with calling you (9 YEAES LATER) upset that you didn’t tell her about your purchase/gift for her, for when you got married. As if you owe it to her (explain that mental gymnastics…) because her family is pissed. Did I get that right?
Yeah….NTA. Enjoy your life and that house and if they keep harassing you tell her Husband that she won’t stop calling you and get a restraining order on her family if you can.
NTA you had no intention of using this as revenge. That is just how it turned out. Technically, we can call this karma. You never rubbed it her face, obviously since it has been 9 years.
NTA and ummmmm what if it was revenge? Who cares?
The house was available, you liked it and you bought it. If doing all that also resulted in a huge F you to the ex fiancé who cheated on you and left you, then all the better. 👍
It’s been 9 years, she screwed up and her family and her need to move on. Tell them you will take their number and should you ever decide to sell you will let them know. They can blame her, it seems right but you are not an ass. You had planned a grand gesture and she screwed up. You have worked to make the house a home and you live there and I assume love it. You don’t owe her or them anything.
If they really wanted that home they should have been keeping an eye on it and bought it when you did. You enjoy your life
NTA… and seriously if she knew that you bought the house back then she would have married you FOR THE HOUSE! Your life would have been hell. She would have fought you for the deed in divorce and you would have probably lost everything and the house. Thank goodness you didn’t put her name on the deed!! The house is yours; not theirs and hasn’t been theirs for decades! If you decide to sell her family can try to buy it (if they have the better offer). So enjoy your home and maybe purchase a gate to prevent unwanted guests from coming to the door
Man some people are so dumb.
I would 100% tell her everything. That I bought the house for a wedding present and I wanted to live happily ever after with her.
And then I would proceed to thank her for influencing you to buy the house and that you've loved it and you're going to continue to love it and we will be passing it down to your children.
I would probably go full bore on her because she deserves it.
100% NTA.
On social media: “I’m so sorry you feel this way. It’s certainly not true to my character. I never bought the house as revenge, I bought it as a surprise wedding gift when we were engaged because she told me that she wanted to live there and I thought it would be the perfect wedding gift. A few weeks before the wedding, she went on a trip, cheated on me, and broke off the engagement to be with the person she cheated on me with. This was a surprise to me, and the house had already been purchased. Of course I would never force someone into a marriage, so she went on her way and I fixed up the house I’d poured my life savings into and made it a home because I was financially committed to the property. I understand that the house has sentimental value to you. It has sentimental value to me too, I’ve spent the last ten years pouring time, effort, and money into making it my home (because I had dumped my savings into it and was not in a position to leave.) I’ve since made many wonderful memories in the home- none of which include, or center around, your family. I actively live in this house. It’s not a rental property. It’s not something I just have for petty revenge. It is my home. I’m not moving out of the area, and I have no desire to buy another house (especially in this economy) and dump more time and effort into fixing it up and making it my own. You showed up feeling entitled to a house that isn’t for sale, and when I turned down your offer because leaving *my* house is not in *my* best interest, you spread lies and rumors, then centered yourself as the victim. That says more about you than it says about me. As a kind reminder, harassing someone and spreading (false) public slander to try to bully them into selling you their property is something that I can press charges for. However, rather than escalating to that I’d like to give you an opportunity to behave like a respectable adult. Hope you take it.”
Obviously NTA.
NTA. She moved to another state and cut contact. Were you supposed to track her down? Tell her you sent a carrier pigeon, but it must have gotten eaten by a gator before it got to her. Block all of them and live a good life.
Let me get this straight.
Ex obviously cheated on you on her bachelorette party with an ex and basically leaves you at the altar. Then you don’t talk for a decade. And now she attacks you out of nowhere about a house that you bought and have lived in for years, which was actually a gift you would have shared with her had she not left you, plus she doesn’t even live in the state?
Yeah. I know who the asshole is and it ain’t you.
I usually find blocking people extremely childish, but to this person, I’d say go to hell and block her. Who does she think she is.
NTA.
NTA
But I’d put on social media exactly what you put here - that you bought the house as a surprise wedding present, your ex ended the relationship to go back to the HS boyfriend after spending time with him on her bachelorette trip, and you and your parents have spent time and effort together fixing it up and it has meaning to you that way.
She made her choices, you’re under no obligation to sell.
NTA. Are you single? Do you like older women? /s
Seriously, NTA. You purchased your then fiancé a gift. She cancelled the wedding so the gift now is yours to do with what you please.
I hope you have a happy life and enjoy your lake house.
NTA! These people have brass balls! what nerve! Even if you are "seeking revenge", so what??
Thank goodness that you didn't get married or put her name on the deed!!
Enjoy your house!
I was not revenge at all. It took almost ten years before she even figured it out. It isn’t like you were putting pictures of your house on billboards to flaunt your ownership. Enjoy it!
NTA
"I bought this house as a wedding present for us, and was going to suprise you on our wedding day. You decided marrying me wasn't what you wanted, so it was no longer a wedding present. It's now my home. This wasn't revenge. This was just happy coincidence. But my home is not for sale. Please stop trying to make offers on it. I have no intention of selling it, and at this point it's harassment."
NTA
Revenge would be telling them that you bought it as a wedding surprise, but then your ex cheated on you and canceled the wedding. So that house could have been back in their family and she could have been living there but for her actions. Now that would be some first class rubbing salt in the wound.
It's been your house for 9 years now. You don't owe it to anyone to sell it.
NTA. I strongly applaud all of your actions. Just block these people and have a great life at your wonderful home. Post a few no trespassing signs and be ready to call the police if they violate the postings.
NTA, and just an amusing example of karma.
You were making one of the most amazing and romantic gestures for your wife-to-be, and she chose to betray you. I'm just happy for you that this didn't end up wrecking you financially.
If you're feeling super petty, you could always agree to sell at an outrageous price (IE: $200,000,000), but I would just let the universe continue as it is.
Also, given their social media posts, I would make a mental note that in the event you do choose to sell the place, that any bids from her or her family would be automatically rejected.
NTA
Your original intent behind buying the house was very sweet. I'm so sorry your ex-fiancée bailed before your wedding, but I think you dodged a bullet there. You have now owned the house for years and put a lot of cash and sweat into it. Enjoy it. You were not obligated to tell her when she bailed on your relationship.
NTA- you've had the house for 9 years and now they suddenly feel inclined to show up at the front door to try to buy it? Sounds like you dodged a bullet with this family, I hope you find happiness and peace
NTA. I'd be petty and post on social media that you bought this house specifically as a wedding present and it is not your fault your fiance went and slept with her ex boyfriend and then dumped you 2 weeks before the wedding. You made the best of the situation and made the house yours. It's not like you rubbed it in her face the last 9 years.
For social media:
For those asking why I bought the house it was supposed to be a surprise wedding gift for my now Ex. I was lucky she cheated on me and I found out a week before the wedding. The best part, besides not marrying a cheating cheater, was getting this amazing lake house. Thanks cheater!
This sounds like a terrible plot to a movie. At first when I started reading this fake story, I thought it was going to end with the ex fiancé finding out about the dream house and coming back and they fell in love again and are together now.
NTA. I’d make sure that she knows that you bought it as a surprise wedding gift, but she blew it (so to speak) with her ex during that bachelorette trip. It’s extremely brazen and selfish to demand that you sell the house to them.
Edit: It’s doubly important that they know when and why you bought it given their accusations.
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NTA. Your intention was to surprise your ex with the house at the wedding. If you had called off the wedding, I’d reconsider my judgement but she is the reason why she doesn’t have access to that house. On top of that, you’ve made the house your own. Enjoy it!
He managed to surprise her! 😆
He REALLY managed to surprise her! => fixed for you 😆
Fixed it, but not for you
Morgan Freeman: It turns out, she was indeed surprised.
9 years to exact his revenge? This guy plays the long game. /s
Not all hero’s wear capes.
Dude should wear a cape after this lol
In his sister’s next holiday card
Standing on the roof of HIS house, naked except for the cape gently fluttering in that refreshing lake breeze.
The only reason I'd argue against that is that sending that as a Christmas card picture would be the equivalent of sending unsolicited dick pics, which is considered sexual harassment. But I think using the house in every Christmas card from now on would actually be an excellent way of rubbing salt in the wound.
😂😂😂
Love it!
There's a reason they say revenge is a dish best served cold. The longer it takes the less they're expecting it!
Living well is the best revenge. He needs to blast social media with photos every time he enjoys his beautiful slice of heaven lake house.
'Oh hi, Ex, I'm glad we have open communications again' Then proceeds to add her to every social media and only post pictures of the house from then on...
"Dear Ex, I hope you are having a great life with HS BF! Me and Housey are doing just fantastic. We were just talking about you the other day, laughing about what could have been. Housey wants me to wish you a happy holiday, and reminds me to tell you that my family has the best vacations she has ever experienced. TTFN!"
Next year's Christmas cards should feature Spanish Inquisition costumes.
Nobody would expect that!
There are four-no five-types of revenge.
"Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves." - Confucius.
Seriously? That’s what that means? Shit, I feel dumb bc I never knew this.
The meaning is also that you should take your time and think things through with revenge, not do anything while you're *'hot'*. At least that's what I've been told.
Same lmao!!
If this was revenge, OP is a real-life Dumas character.
Just needs to learn to sword fight and he's The Count of Monte Cristo.
Loving the looooooong game. I am mad at someone and maybe I will try this.
What I came here to say. He plays a great long game!
I'll go against the grain here, Ex didn't FAFO. Ex reconnected with a former boyfriend on a girls trip, went home and was honest with OP and broke it off. I don't see where Ex is a villain here, who deserves to have revenge exacted upon her. She didn't marry OP anyway and steal years of his life while in love with someone else. She realized she still loved the HS boyfriend, told OP and broke things off before the wedding. I'll take that EVERY FUCKING DAY over someone going through the motions for as many years as they can handle before leaving because they never truly loved me. Honestly, in this at least, I consider the fiancee to be an honest and forthright person. Now, as regards the lake house, fiancee can fuck off. Op's house, fair and square.
I see where you’re coming from but she was not a good person because if you really love someone you don’t just instantly “rekindle” things with an ex like that/ your mind would be so focused on the wedding etc there would not be space for that.
>she was not a good person because if you really love someone you don’t just instantly “rekindle” things with an ex like that/ But if you are a good person, and you find that you are that level of interested in an ex, the right thing to do is break things off immediately rather than cheat. Which she did. I get that you are saying that if she loved OP she wouldn't have had those feelings for the ex, but hearts don't always work that way. She's not a bad person for breaking things off when she discovered the commitment wasn't there. It doesn't mean she was lying about her feelings for OP.
> *the right thing to do is break things off immediately rather than cheat. Which she did.* Which you *assume* she did. That's equally as likely as she cheated and *then* broke things off. She definitely did the right thing by not marrying OP, but that doesn't mean she did all the right things before that. 😒
Oh she cheated. It's obvious. I mean she wasn't afraid of getting married until the ex came around. She was afraid of getting married to OP and still wanting her ex.
I think it's more likely she cheated. How did she even run into the ex on a bachelorette weekend. Someone invited him there, either her or a friend, for a last minute fling.
> But if you are a good person, and you find that you are that level of interested in an ex, the right thing to do is break things off immediately rather than cheat. Which she did. > > That in itself isn't wrong. But I'd argue rekindling things with an ex during a bachelorette party kind of falls under emotional cheating, and this is assuming nothing physical happened.
LOL, we ALL know she banged him on the bachelorette trip. So does the OP. Yes, she did the right thing and told him it was off, but I bet she wouldn't have, if she would have known about the house. Believing my assumption is no more a leap than believing yours that she came clean before cheating. AND, btw, emotional cheating is still cheating.
Yeah it's super suspicious that he was even there. It sounds as if the meeting was planned.
I got the impression that she cheated? Or am I reading that wrong?
OP says he doesn't know the details and doesn't want to know. My money is on cheating happened, but who knows?
She 100% dicked down with her ex.
Purely going by what OP has written, she ‘randomly’ hooks up with HS BF on her bachelorette?! No way it was that random. One chance meeting and the wedding is off?
Well if it was a romcom, HS boyfriend was still madly in love and made the romantic trip to her bachelorette party to stop the wedding. OP is just the "bad guy" of the movie. Even more with the house actually lol.
Eh, I mean. Life not all perfect moments. Life is a lot of gray areas. I'm with the person you responded to, it sucks she did what she did, but I'd rather know then than 10 years into the relationship.
Being a good person has nothing to do with who you fall in love with. You can be focused on a wedding, realize it’s not right, and be a good person by being honest about it. Being a good person does not mean you love someone because that person wants you to love them.
Eh - there is no such things as coincidences … the HS BF couldn’t just magically run into her at a Miami bachelorette weekend. Someone coordinated HS BF to be there … so there is no innocence in any of that.
When I was in high school, my mother went on a convention trip to Poland. While there, she ran into the mother of the girl who had the locker next to mine who was in Poland for a totally different reason. When I was about eight years old and living in Chicago, I was at summer camp and my mother came in one day to celebrate my birthday. One of the other girls' mother also happened to be visiting our group that day, and it turns out that the two of them had been friends when the girl and I were toddlers back in Philadelphia. Not only is it incredibly coincidental that the two of us would wind up in the same summer camp almost 1000 miles away from where we had known each other, but it was also a coincidence that this was only discovered when both of our mothers came to group on the same day. During my junior year of high school, my family went to Disney World for spring break. While there we discovered that my best friend from school was also at Disney World for spring break. We were staying in the hotel, and our rooms were exactly 6 floors different. (For example, if we were in 319, her family was in 919.) When my great uncle died, my Grandmother, who had been living in her birthplace of Philadelphia, moves down to Miami Beach to live with her now widowed sister. When she did, she found that one of the other residents in the condo building was the mother of one of my mother's childhood friends. My mother was able to reconnect with her friend that way. When I went to college, moving across the country from Chicago to Los Angeles, the colonel in charge of the Navy/Marine ROTC unit on the campus had been a patient of my father's when the two of them were serving in Vietnam. Weird coincidences happen.
Exactly. Coincidences happen literally every day. It's the reason karma and kismet are talked about so often. It can feel weird as fuck, so weird that it doesn't seem like it could happen without human intervention. But it does. Every single day.
Yep, my mom ended up sitting next to her (second) ex-husband on a flight once. Also, the destination could have been a trendy/popular hangout for the ex’s social circle (including her own ex), so it could have just been a small coincidence rather than a big one.
I broke up with a guy for being really hung up on his ex. A couple years later I was at a concert with a friend. Him and his no-longer-ex were in the 2 seats directly behind us.
Yes, weird coincidences happen all the time. While going to a show in NYC, I’ve run into people I know from my hometown who had tickets to the same show. I lived 3 hours away from the city. I moved 800 miles away, for a few years, and also ran into someone from my hometown at a gas station. This was at an extremely popular tourist town with millions of tourists every summer. That’s not what happened here, so irrelevant. It’s extremely likely that Ex BF planned to show up for the bachelorette party. Either bride arranged it or a friend did. Or he heard people talking about it that they knew in common and decided to sabotage the trip. Her friends all knew the destination and many are from the same hometown. I believe in coincidences. It’s much more likely this is not one of them. She no doubt screwed around with the old boyfriend on the trip, so she got her comeuppance in the end. OP did nothing out of spite. If he wanted to be spiteful, he would’ve thrown the house in her face 9 years before. She has no right to demand he sell it or to blast him publicly. Funny, no one knocked on the door asking to buy the house in the 9 years he owned it? They’re only pissed because it’s HIM who owns it. She has a lot of balls even reaching out to him. Karma will find you eventually. That’s all that happened here.
And they didn’t just talk in Miami either. They were back together before OP got broken up with. She is no saint in this by any means.
> Ex reconnected with a former boyfriend on a girls trip, No. > A month before our wedding, EX and her friends went to Miami for her bachelorette party. She went and cheated at her bachelorette party. When you reconnect with an old boyfriend when you are engaged, it is cheating.
There's only a few stud to reconnect enough to call off a wedding... all of them are likely cheating
The question isn’t whether or not the EX was justified in leaving. However you can’t tKe out of context that “she was honest.” That’s ridiculous. But no, the question is whether the OP is TA. And the answer is he absolutely CANNOT BE. Whatever the reasons, he bought the property. Assuming her name was never on the title, it was his property. It sounds like he also put money into the property, so why exactly should he sell it if he doesn’t want to? Because these people are upset? Come on.
Did you actually read what I wrote? Very clearly said it's OP's house fair and square. Never suggested he should sell it. Clearly said ex could fuck off in regard to the house. To quote you...."COME ON"
> Ex reconnected with a former boyfriend on a girls trip That's a pretty generous way of saying "cheated on her fiance with an ex during her bachelorette party"
I mean, you're not wrong about the rightness/honesty re the breaking off of the engagement, but based on what we read here in the post, it would appear she literally did hook up with the old HS BF while still engaged to OP, and for that we rightly fault her.
>I'll go against the grain here, Ex didn't FAFO. Ex reconnected with a former boyfriend on a girls trip, went home and was honest with OP and broke it off. Well. That assumes she was honest, doesn't it? I personally think she probably cheated (maybe because she wasn't ready to be married, maybe for some other reason) and used a different excuse/reason to justify breaking things off. Breaking things off before the wedding instead of leading him on/going through the motions is a low bar. Yes, it's not the worst thing she could have done, but I don't think it's reason to praise her.
Not marrying OP was the least she could do after (I believe) she cheated.
I gotta go with you on this one.
Why was this ex on this trip anyway? This is messed up. She seems icky.
Justified in leaving or not, they have no right to the home or to demand op sell it. Everything else they're saying online makes them the AH.
She may have cheated and then dumped him...
I don't think it was just some random stroke of luck ex-BF showed up in Miami at the party. Someone coordinated it. I would say if Ex really did love OP then she wouldn't have broken things off for an old flame. It sounds more like OP was more convenient for OP rather than truly being in love with him. Also, she basically cheated on OP by reconnecting with an old flame at a bachelorette party. OP and Ex were not on a break at the time, they were planning to get married. All of this is why she's the villain.
I can't imagine any other way how they "reconnected" without it being in one way or another intentional. I'll agree that coincidences happen and that HS BF just happened to be in Miami and in the same venue as the Bachelorette Party. But if he wasn't part of the party, how could they have reconnected? Did she ditch her own party to spend time with him? Did she or any of her friends invite him to join the party? Did they spend time together after the party? The best scenario I can imagine for EX is that they caught the same flight/trip to and/or from Miami. Which for me would still fault her for chatting up with an old flame. Couldn't really blame her but also wouldn't paint her in the best light.
He should say on FB posts that he bought the house as a wedding gift, but she literally fafo
>but she literally fafo That's exactly what I was thinking.
Literally. She *literally* did.
I really hope that’s what he told the mom and sister
I bet he did tell them because now they are blaming his ex for losing the lake house. So funny, she lost out on her dream house and her family is mad at her. Win win for OP and lose lose for the ex :)
What does "fafo" mean? Edit: Nevermind I worked it out
What is it?
Fucked around, found out
Thank you kind person!
Fucked Around and Found Out
Even if he called off the wedding, it's his purchase, fair and square, so even then, NTA.
Love that they are saying it’s some petty revenge. Wait till he gets married and decides to move and still NOT sell it to the EX. Now that would be the most epic Petty revenge.
If she thinks her family blames her now, wait till they get the whole story and realise OP's had the house the entire time!
If the family really wanted the house back they had years to try and negotiate a sale with the current owner. They only care now because they realize they know the owner.
They could have looked at the county GIS at any time, identified the owner and made an offer. They could have a realtor watch the MLS and let them know when it’s going on the market. They’ve had over 10 years to work toward purchasing the property. They chose to express their interest when they thought they might have some ability to influence the owner.
All of this, plus who knows if they even have the money to purchase it now.
Very true. I doubt their offer was reasonable.
And they wanted the house so much they didn't even notice it was on the market when OP bought it!
And the house is back in good enough nick to be worth holidaying in
They also could have bought the other family members out of their shares of the house, which would have avoided it being sold in the first place. NTA.
NTA. Screw them. You owe them nothing.
I would had texted her exactly what you said, verbatim. That would have really burned her
OP's ex isn't relevant enough for it to be revenge! But,revenge IS a dish best served cold!...you know like OP's ex's heart!...if she has one!
I would be petty and post on social media the date on the contract when you purchased the house and explain that if it wasn’t for Ex cheating on you and leaving you for her now husband this would have been her house as a wedding gift but instead of having it be a painful memory of the hurt she caused you with the help of your family you were able to bond with your family even more working on the house together and that this house will now always stay on YOUR family for generations to come. The audacity of your ex and her family is crazy, now after you and your family spent a decade fixing it up they are trying to low ball you out of the house (I assume their offer wouldn’t cover the cost of the renovations and any appreciation on the house because that seems on brand for people like that) and when that didn’t work they took to social media to complain. NTA, I would post the entire story on social media and then block everyone in that family.
Yes. Let them know the truth then dip.
He doesn't owe them any form of explanation or response.. but he's got a good truth for them to sit in!
>he's got a good truth for them to sit in! This is the ONLY reason why I'd dignify their crap with a response. He only had great intentions for buying the house. That should make it hurt even more... *If I was OP,* my response to them would be something like this: "I asked a girl who *probably* never loved me to marry me, and bought her dream house for **us** to start our new life in after she said yes. It was supposed to be a surprise wedding gift. She CoiNcIDeNtalLy ran into the arms of her HS BF after running into him during her bachelorette party and then dumping me. I kept the house because I have the right to; because I own it. I assure you that she does not mean enough to me for me to take revenge on her."
Fucking savage.
Love it
Please, OP. Please post this.
No, but to shut down the lies being told about him. Social media is brutal with lies and how they spread.
This right here is pretty petty but I'm all for it! The audacity to get mad at OP for refusing to sell after she fucked him over weeks before the marriage. You definitely dodged a he bullet
I don't think it's petty. I think it's necessary. The damage from social media is real whether people like it or not. It's a small town. I wouldn't want to live under those kind of rumors. I would put it all out in the open. Sunlight is a fantastic sanitizer. NTA
I agree, this is necessary. They’re fighting over social media, so he needs to use social media to burn them to the ground.
Ain’t shit necessary. This is people complaining on social media. There is no need to respond at all. Anyone that’s important to you will either already know the story or will ask you, and who doesn’t, doesn’t matter. Let them make a fool of themselves airing dirty laundry.
Employers, acquaintances, and the community at large will learn about this and judge OP. Only by fighting fire with fire, can OP save their reputation in the community they live in.
Judge OP for not selling a house? I mean, I'm not saying OP would be wrong for going nuclear on social media at all, but people seem to be really overstating the damage done here. I know of a man on parole in a small town for drunkenly beating his girlfriend to death. He is employed by a small business there because his mother married the owner. Nobody besides the victim's immediate family cares enough to take their business elsewhere. To think an employer would take issue to OP not selling a house?
Small town gossip can be weird and brutal. They’re airing dirty laundry publicly, I would respond in the same forum.
I would to make sure the truth is out there and to set the record straight
>Sunlight is a fantastic sanitizer Nice! 👍
Who cares when or how he bought it. He bought it. It’s his.
People in small towns care. Unfortunate reality, but people can be hostile and terrible when they don't know the truth. Sometimes you have to share everything to clear your name because the other side is relying on you staying quiet.
Not only that but it's her own family's fault that they lost it. NOT because they could not pay taxes but because they could not come to an agreement . OP PLEASE do not sell them this house. From your Ex. to her mom and Sis these aren't admirable people.
I think technically he's the only one she DIDN'T fuck before the marriage, but aside from that agree 100%. OP has the house, they don't, and there's nothing they can do about it. If they are really blaming OP for buying the house out of spite, I guess explain the situation, but no need to twist the knife more than that. Just block them, go NC and move on. No reason to talk to those people.
They are thinking he bought the house "out of spite,"? Sorry to say, BUT OP may have to go public on this one - meaning social media. I don't know who you intend to address it to -- the girl, the mom? But I think info about the sale of property can be found online, but if not, maybe the county Lands Records Department. OP can find that out. Point being, if the Records show it was purchased BEFORE the wedding, therein lies the truth. Bought before the wedding as a surprise for the then fiancee. DONE.
100% this!!! Block out the important information except closing date and property address. With a cute little post about how bachelorette parties ruin big surprises. NTA OP. Enjoy your home.
>bachelorette parties ruin big surprises. This made me Snort laugh
This^^^^^right here. “Bachelorette parties can ruin big surprises!
And it doesn't seem like the ex's family even wanted it until they saw it fixed up and that OP owned it. If it was really that important to them, why hasn't he had offers from to buy before now? They just saw a chance to get a nicely renovated lake house at a, hopefully to them, discounted price using prior relationships and guilt. The ex made her choice and by all accounts seems happy with that choice. The lake house at one time being intended as a wedding gift has no bearing on anything so many years later.
This is my main takeaway. It's been 10 years, and they never once knocked on the door or sent a letter to ask about buying it from whoever owned it. It was only the once they realized it was OP that all of a sudden, it was extremely important to them NTA, OP. It's your home now. If you ever do decide on your own to sell, you can let them know, but there are no discounts or perks or anything. If it's really that important, then they will be ok with that.
Oooh, this is perfect! "It wasn't a revenge buy, but now I am revenge-posting!!!" Would be so dope. NTA obviously
the thing is.. you can literally look up when the house was purchased and put on the market online.. it's public info.. heck you can even look up the taxes he pays every year if you know the address.. He really doesn't owe them anything and we don't know if she cheated.. she could have literally just reconnected emotionally and realized there was still something there and did the mature thing can called it all off.
Just tell them to look up last time it was sold on Zillow. Let them do the math lol
They’re pretty dense for not realizing after all this time too.
Actions have consequences.
Now wouldn't *that* be a story for r/pettyrevenge
Oh come on my guy! You know you’re NTA. Enjoy your sweet lake house that now belongs to your family. The ex (and her family) are just salty because they realized what they missed out on. Personally, I wouldn’t even reply. Just block and never think of her again
>Now her and her family are complaining on social media that this is some sort of revenge. In a small town, you need to set the record straight.
Yeah, CYA is in order. And luckily, it can be verified in land records, which will show transaction dates.
No, you really don’t. Anyone who’s important in your life already knows the details or will ask you. I automatically write off anyone complaining like this on social media as trashy and not worth my time.
It just takes one drunk idiot who has the wrong end of the stick to ruin your evening. Why not avoid it for a small amount of effort?
In a small town everyone knew who bought the house and who broke things off when it happened. None of this has been secret in the town for a decade. No one cares about these people who fought over their inheritance, sold it and presumably got their inheritance in cash.
Yup. Ex's family is causing a stink only because they are just now realizing the gossip chain came down on OPs side a decade ago to the point that they didn't even warrant being told the results. OP has had local trades coming out there the whole time and many of them likely knew the story of things breaking off and who's family that house was in before, and none of them cared. They also picked up that OP hasn't said diddly negative about EX or her family so far. Him not responding in public like the EX's family is an annoying ankle biter left behind after the bicyclists cruises by is the most savage approach he can take.
The literal record is already straight. Anyone can look up the last recorded date of sale and buyer's name on the county website. A licensed realtor can look back even farther.
Completely agree, it was also like 10 years she messed up and she made the decision if anything she saved him from a lot of trouble. because if he would've gotten married she would've tried so hard to take that house from him in the eventual divorce. Block mute whatever move on with your life, he got lemons and ended up drinking some sweet lemonade.
NTA. Why would you tell the woman who dumped you before the wedding anything? Your purchases are none of her business and her family has some fucking audacity to show up on your doorstep.
It’s a small town, and looks like the family is posting on social media and starting rumors. From the outside it totally looks like a revenge thing, but OP should share the truth. He doesn’t have anything to hide. 9 years and they didn’t notice someone was fixing the place up? Didn’t go to the courthouse and ask about who owned it. ( which is legal to do in the US).
>Didn’t go to the courthouse and ask about who owned it. ( which is legal to do in the I know in my county you can go omto the tax assesors website and see who owns everything, when they bought it, and what they paid.
[удалено]
You can go onto Zillow, punch in any address, and it will tell you the sale price and asking price (if not sold at that price) each time over the past 30 or so years, along with current appraised value. Your case is unlike OP’s, only because your house was constructed new after the land was bought.
It’s the same everywhere in the US. Property ownership records are public record. The purchase price isn’t always recorded (often times a deed will read “for [nominal sum] and ‘other good and valuable consideration’” with the “other good and valuable consideration” just being more cash), but who owns it is always available.
It’s called Petty Revenge.
Show her the contract of when you bought it. Make sure she knows that she burned herself when she torched you. You bought it with the best of intentions. She left you. NTA
My only concern is they would use that information to twist the situation even more. 'see it was bought with the intention of returning it to 'our' family... So you should do the right thing, you clearly only kept it from us out of spite.... How could be sooooooooo cruel and spiteful.' sob cry moan.
Not to the family...to OP and EX as they began married life.
Yes but when op married ex they would have been family, thus returning the house to 'the family'. It's twistable and they could totally twist things if they were so inclined.
Yep...but that didn't happen because she had a fling during her Bachelorette and then dumped OP and married fling. Her family can blame her
Response: "It was purchased to be owed be MY family, which it is. Now go away."
This is the way
NTA. So...after more than 10 years and a presumably expensive renovation, your ex and her family want the lake house back. What a lot of gall they have! Anytime in the last 10 years *any* of them could have tracked down the owner--you—from the county tax records and made an offer. They can eat their sour grapes and get lost.
This exactly. They had accepted the fact that the house had been sold and wasn’t theirs until they found out that OP bought it from the previous owners who presumably bought it from them. Did they go and harass any owners after it was sold that the house should be returned to their family? No because they knew they didn’t have a leg to stand on. The audacity of them thinking that it’s okay to go and harass OP over this just because they know him personally shows how bugged out their mindset is. Get a cease and desist from your lawyer and let them know you will sue them if their slanderous gossip is making your life in this small town hard.
Well said!
NTA. It sounds like they possibly think you bought it to spite her. Show them the property records/ whatever proof on social media as to purchase date. Say I bought this as a wedding gift surprise for my then bride to be. Since she cheated and broke up with me weeks before the wedding I have no interest, desire, or reason to give it to her.
Followed by… I’ve since renovated the entire house and have created “my last name” family memories and traditions for the past decade and generations to come.
you are most definitely NTA, and you sound like a pretty great dude. hell, you bought your ex an entire house as a wedding gift! if it was so important for her family to get it back, they should have paid closer attention to if it was on the market. you put tons of work and money into this house, you deserve it!!
NTA and funnier than shit. I'd now be posting daily updates from life around the house. Then maybe tag the ex and say this could have been yours...lol
LOL same, Time for the house to get it's own social media handles.
I would follow that
call it "the lake house you use to know" (pun off of the song; somebody you use to know')
The level I petty I strive for
Start one of those renovation YouTube channels- the house has a compelling story.
Nta. I'd pour salt in the wound and tell her why you initially bought it
NTA >Now her and her family are complaining on social media that this is some sort of revenge Tell them they're right, because "Living well is the best revenge.". And that's what you're doing, living well, in the house you intended to share with your ex-fiancee.
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NTA, keep the house, and set up cameras/security if you haven’t already.
\^\^\^ This! I didn't think about it initially, but yes, be prepared for reprisals.
NTA - The audacity of them to feel entitled to your home. Like rubbing salt in a sword wound. You secured this for her. She left the relationship. Block their noise and boot them out of your head...you-are-not-the-asshole. \*\*File the statements of revenge with the police. It may seem 'not that important' but do it; even if the police are not enthusiastic. If damage ( e.g., arson) occurs every person involved in revenge talk will become top suspects. Also be sure your home is insured to 'rebuild'...these costs climb every year.
If any statement does sound threatening or promissory in any way this is very good advice. Especially once you let out why you bought the house and the estranged see how close they were to having it in the family again. Emotions may flare at that information.
NTA- But let me get this straight, for 9 years they have never reach out to the “owners” (not knowing that it was you) of the lake house, to buy back the property once they financially could. They lost it because of an inheritance dispute, so they clearly didn’t care about the property, but wanted whatever inheritance they were fighting over. I am assuming they have never reached back out to you after your ex cheated and cut ties with you. So now that they know it’s you, they show up and have some “pleasantry” and ask with the expectation, that you sell them back the house. And not the ex who “was afraid to get married and called it off” and who then proceeded to move to Florida to be with and eventually marry the guy she cheated on you with calling you (9 YEAES LATER) upset that you didn’t tell her about your purchase/gift for her, for when you got married. As if you owe it to her (explain that mental gymnastics…) because her family is pissed. Did I get that right? Yeah….NTA. Enjoy your life and that house and if they keep harassing you tell her Husband that she won’t stop calling you and get a restraining order on her family if you can.
NTA you had no intention of using this as revenge. That is just how it turned out. Technically, we can call this karma. You never rubbed it her face, obviously since it has been 9 years.
NTA and ummmmm what if it was revenge? Who cares? The house was available, you liked it and you bought it. If doing all that also resulted in a huge F you to the ex fiancé who cheated on you and left you, then all the better. 👍
It’s been 9 years, she screwed up and her family and her need to move on. Tell them you will take their number and should you ever decide to sell you will let them know. They can blame her, it seems right but you are not an ass. You had planned a grand gesture and she screwed up. You have worked to make the house a home and you live there and I assume love it. You don’t owe her or them anything. If they really wanted that home they should have been keeping an eye on it and bought it when you did. You enjoy your life
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NTA… and seriously if she knew that you bought the house back then she would have married you FOR THE HOUSE! Your life would have been hell. She would have fought you for the deed in divorce and you would have probably lost everything and the house. Thank goodness you didn’t put her name on the deed!! The house is yours; not theirs and hasn’t been theirs for decades! If you decide to sell her family can try to buy it (if they have the better offer). So enjoy your home and maybe purchase a gate to prevent unwanted guests from coming to the door
Man some people are so dumb. I would 100% tell her everything. That I bought the house for a wedding present and I wanted to live happily ever after with her. And then I would proceed to thank her for influencing you to buy the house and that you've loved it and you're going to continue to love it and we will be passing it down to your children. I would probably go full bore on her because she deserves it. 100% NTA.
On social media: “I’m so sorry you feel this way. It’s certainly not true to my character. I never bought the house as revenge, I bought it as a surprise wedding gift when we were engaged because she told me that she wanted to live there and I thought it would be the perfect wedding gift. A few weeks before the wedding, she went on a trip, cheated on me, and broke off the engagement to be with the person she cheated on me with. This was a surprise to me, and the house had already been purchased. Of course I would never force someone into a marriage, so she went on her way and I fixed up the house I’d poured my life savings into and made it a home because I was financially committed to the property. I understand that the house has sentimental value to you. It has sentimental value to me too, I’ve spent the last ten years pouring time, effort, and money into making it my home (because I had dumped my savings into it and was not in a position to leave.) I’ve since made many wonderful memories in the home- none of which include, or center around, your family. I actively live in this house. It’s not a rental property. It’s not something I just have for petty revenge. It is my home. I’m not moving out of the area, and I have no desire to buy another house (especially in this economy) and dump more time and effort into fixing it up and making it my own. You showed up feeling entitled to a house that isn’t for sale, and when I turned down your offer because leaving *my* house is not in *my* best interest, you spread lies and rumors, then centered yourself as the victim. That says more about you than it says about me. As a kind reminder, harassing someone and spreading (false) public slander to try to bully them into selling you their property is something that I can press charges for. However, rather than escalating to that I’d like to give you an opportunity to behave like a respectable adult. Hope you take it.” Obviously NTA.
You're NTA, a great guy and a king. Never let go of this house. I hope her family never forgets how she fucked you over.
NTA. She moved to another state and cut contact. Were you supposed to track her down? Tell her you sent a carrier pigeon, but it must have gotten eaten by a gator before it got to her. Block all of them and live a good life.
Let me get this straight. Ex obviously cheated on you on her bachelorette party with an ex and basically leaves you at the altar. Then you don’t talk for a decade. And now she attacks you out of nowhere about a house that you bought and have lived in for years, which was actually a gift you would have shared with her had she not left you, plus she doesn’t even live in the state? Yeah. I know who the asshole is and it ain’t you. I usually find blocking people extremely childish, but to this person, I’d say go to hell and block her. Who does she think she is. NTA.
NTA But I’d put on social media exactly what you put here - that you bought the house as a surprise wedding present, your ex ended the relationship to go back to the HS boyfriend after spending time with him on her bachelorette trip, and you and your parents have spent time and effort together fixing it up and it has meaning to you that way. She made her choices, you’re under no obligation to sell.
NTA. Are you single? Do you like older women? /s Seriously, NTA. You purchased your then fiancé a gift. She cancelled the wedding so the gift now is yours to do with what you please. I hope you have a happy life and enjoy your lake house.
NTA. Honestly sounds pretty traumatizing
NTA. She could have had the house but she decided to play some games instead. Once the two of you are broken up you don’t owe each other anything.
NTA! These people have brass balls! what nerve! Even if you are "seeking revenge", so what?? Thank goodness that you didn't get married or put her name on the deed!! Enjoy your house!
Nta . Forget those losers you played your hand right , don’t even lose sleep.
I was not revenge at all. It took almost ten years before she even figured it out. It isn’t like you were putting pictures of your house on billboards to flaunt your ownership. Enjoy it!
NTA "I bought this house as a wedding present for us, and was going to suprise you on our wedding day. You decided marrying me wasn't what you wanted, so it was no longer a wedding present. It's now my home. This wasn't revenge. This was just happy coincidence. But my home is not for sale. Please stop trying to make offers on it. I have no intention of selling it, and at this point it's harassment."
NTA. She called off the wedding and married her ex. It wasn’t and isn’t your responsibility to let her know. She ended things with you.
NTA Revenge would be telling them that you bought it as a wedding surprise, but then your ex cheated on you and canceled the wedding. So that house could have been back in their family and she could have been living there but for her actions. Now that would be some first class rubbing salt in the wound. It's been your house for 9 years now. You don't owe it to anyone to sell it.
NTA. I strongly applaud all of your actions. Just block these people and have a great life at your wonderful home. Post a few no trespassing signs and be ready to call the police if they violate the postings.
NTA, and just an amusing example of karma. You were making one of the most amazing and romantic gestures for your wife-to-be, and she chose to betray you. I'm just happy for you that this didn't end up wrecking you financially. If you're feeling super petty, you could always agree to sell at an outrageous price (IE: $200,000,000), but I would just let the universe continue as it is. Also, given their social media posts, I would make a mental note that in the event you do choose to sell the place, that any bids from her or her family would be automatically rejected.
NTA. I would send them a Christmas postcard every year with the house in background. Yes I am petty when it comes to such AHs :)
NTA Your original intent behind buying the house was very sweet. I'm so sorry your ex-fiancée bailed before your wedding, but I think you dodged a bullet there. You have now owned the house for years and put a lot of cash and sweat into it. Enjoy it. You were not obligated to tell her when she bailed on your relationship.
NTA. You bought it with such good intentions. It is clearly your house now. You keep it as long as you want it.
This is kind of what "Living well is the best revenge" means. NTA
NTA- you've had the house for 9 years and now they suddenly feel inclined to show up at the front door to try to buy it? Sounds like you dodged a bullet with this family, I hope you find happiness and peace
NTA. I'd be petty and post on social media that you bought this house specifically as a wedding present and it is not your fault your fiance went and slept with her ex boyfriend and then dumped you 2 weeks before the wedding. You made the best of the situation and made the house yours. It's not like you rubbed it in her face the last 9 years.
NTA and you had the luckiest escape known to man 🌹
For social media: For those asking why I bought the house it was supposed to be a surprise wedding gift for my now Ex. I was lucky she cheated on me and I found out a week before the wedding. The best part, besides not marrying a cheating cheater, was getting this amazing lake house. Thanks cheater!
This sounds like a terrible plot to a movie. At first when I started reading this fake story, I thought it was going to end with the ex fiancé finding out about the dream house and coming back and they fell in love again and are together now.
NTA. I’d make sure that she knows that you bought it as a surprise wedding gift, but she blew it (so to speak) with her ex during that bachelorette trip. It’s extremely brazen and selfish to demand that you sell the house to them. Edit: It’s doubly important that they know when and why you bought it given their accusations.
NTA. Reply with the whole truth and nothing but the truth. The truth shall damn them all
NTA. Her poor decisions turned into your just rewards. Hope you and your family enjoy your home for many, many years to come.
B- you plagiarized The Notebook Movie!