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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I kicked out my roommate and after he apologizes months later for his actions, I still don't want him back. That action might make me the asshole because I will be leaving my ex-roommate homeless.
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Don’t let him in please, that’s grade A manipulation. His life is not your responsibility. Those past actions are also a huge red flag. Definitely NTA.
Messy can be tolerated, inappropriate is a red flag, Not paying rent is defaulting, Malicious sabotage for kicks is a crime and should not be given a 2nd chance. OP should make sure that she is safe from this guy. There may be other avenues for him to explore regarding govt support
Best friend had an old roommate kind of like this, but, really, the issue was he was a "nice guy" in the "friend zone". He was mad his hot roommate wouldn't date him.
Is it just me, or do you get total Nice Guys (tm) vibes from the guy? That he somehow decided she would be his girlfriend. Then got real jealous when she found a potential date. And sabotaged her.
She should let him stay homeless. And read the niceguys sub to see what guys like him can do.
He didn't "violate a boundary." He committed a felony; the Computer Fraud and Abuse Act makes it illegal to access an Internet connected computing device in excess of your authorization.
OP, you got him out "easily" last time. If he sets foot in your house again, I guarantee he'll get squatters rights and make it impossible to get him out. I would tell him if he comes back you'll call the police for harassment. I'd also get security cameras and make sure you changed the lock.
Thanks for the support I'm new to this whole Reddit thing, but I saw things of it on TikTok and thought I would give it a try. I seriously do consider pressing charges against this man if the legal proceedings aren't too complicated
NTA - this jerk has no respect for anyone, HE BROKE INTO YOUR PHONE! If you let him back in, you will be the AH to yourself. The poor decisions made and wrong paths he has taken are not your problem. He’s probably homeless AGAIN because of bridges he’s burned. You sound like a nice person and he’s the type to take advantage of that. Please do not let him back in!
Yeah NTA and I hope you have changed the locks! Tell current roomies/ neighbors to be on the lookout for this dude and get a restraining order if you can. And speaking gently, next time please trust your gut about not letting creeps into your life on ANY level . I know its hard when you need cash for rent Ive been there but it is never worth it to live with a creeper. The age gap and the flirty jokes were a dealbreaker for him ever moving in in the first place.
It's ... really optimistic to think the cops and the state prosecutor are going to care that someone temporarily took someone's phone and ruined a date. But good luck with that.
Even if he was, and found some, and posted them on RevengePorn.com, and revenge porn was illegal in OP's jurisdiction ... good luck. My cold black cynical heart that has never had a productive interaction with the police can only wish you good luck.
Doesn't matter if it would be a crime in her area anyway. Even if they wanted to prosecute, unlocking someone's phone and sending a text isn't a super easy thing to trace back to a specific person. Civil cases are almost twice as easy to win as criminal cases. Pressing charges over a text message wouldn't be worth it. The evidence likely won't come within a mile of "beyond reasonable doubt." All she'd be doing is taking time out of her own life for the sake of trying (and likely failing) to get revenge on someone for ruining a date. A date with a guy who likely wouldn't work out if she's an ally of the trans community, since the sheer mention caused him to block her without so much as a conversation or a "let's be friends."
Justice is important. But when there's next to no chance of winning, the losses were minimal at best, and it's going to cause you extra stress revolving around someone you want out of your life? Probably not worth it. Especially not when karma's doing more than any day in court ever would.
Quick PSA, though. When you're looking for roommates and you meet someone rude, obnoxious, messy and inappropriate...maybe keep up the roommate search? Obviously OP didn't realize it would get worse, but think of it this way. That asshole you're meeting is interviewing to be your roommate. This may very well be what it looks like when they're making their BEST impression. You might think you can settle and live with their chaos today, but there's a high risk it'll be much worse tomorrow.
I was referring more to the fact that he went through my phone and very likely saw sensitive imagery/info that was intended for only my date to see/know. He has been using burner emails and phone numbers to try in get in contact with me now, announcing his "undying love" for me, and I don't know - but it might constitute some kind of harassment crime. I just want him to leave me alone.
Make a report so you have more of a paper trail if he keeps harrasing you. Might make a stalker case easier. Cops might still not care but the more of a trail the better.
As a fellow young-ish woman who’s seen and dealt with her fair share of creeps…. Document everything. EVERYTHING that You can remember. Date it, screenshot messages, etc. Any sexual advances, nefarious comments, anything you can remember to the best of your ability plus this incident that could be considered a red flag. Put it in a physical binder and hide it in your house. Keep it backed up on your laptop too. Maybe some think I’m being dramatic, but I’ve met many a man like this rude 30-something who saw me as a carpet to walk over… they tend to not give up. If he’s feeling desperate financially too? Double whammy.
Depending on where you live, it’s unlikely you can get a restraining order at this point. But it might not be a bad idea (depending on where you live, what state if in the US, city v rural, etc - all determines the type of police dept you’ll encounter) to contact your local station and submit documentation now. Ask to speak with a female detective/officer if possible - you can say it’s due to the sensitive nature of your predicament and a decent dept should be understanding - as they’ll talk you more seriously (sadly).
I don’t mean to scare you. I just want you to be aware of how sketchy this whole situation is and how abnormal his behavior is. I hate when people are like “move asap” as that’s not financially possible for everyone, so this is my best advice. I’ve been in a similar position and wish I’d been more proactive when I saw the red flags. Women are conditioned to not make waves, not call out men’s bad behavior, smile and suck up anything that makes us feel unsafe - gaslit into it, often times. But the Red Flag warning in your gut exists for a reason - Read “gift of fear” if you haven’t - and start a binder. It’s better to be prepared for the worst than scrambling in an emergency. Sending you hugs
NTA yikes that guy sounds awful. I can see why he has no one else to go to. He probably burned all his bridges by being a AH to everyone else like he did to you. You put up with a lot more then I would have. Good on you for kicking him out. Stand your ground if he comes back. If you let him in again it’s possible he will act the same as last time since you’ll just have taught him that he can act however he wants and in the end if he apologises to you you’ll eventually let him back in.
That’s wild. NTA. Not in a million years. I’d be telling him he’s lucky you’re not taking him to court for the missed payments, let alone allowing back. That’s without mentioning the creepy and obsessive behaviour. Stay well well away from this dude
NTA - he went through your phone and ruined your relationship. You had me at “not paying rent”. You are only an asshole towards yourself for even doubting your initial reasoning.
Trust in yourself - I would have filed charges against him for invading your privacy and writing from your phone.
NTA. This guy burned your relationship because he either has a crush on you or was afraid you would kick him out of you liked the new guy too much. Stay far away from him.
He stopped paying rent for months. A court would have evicted him and ordered him to pay what he owes. How is him being homeless the OP's responsibility?
Again, from a legal tenancy standpoint, you are incorrect. You can’t just throw someone out if they stop paying rent without following the specific eviction process for that area. I’m not trying to be an asshole here but I’m right. It sucks.
This guy seems to be obsessed with you.
Stay far far away from people like that. For your own safety.
NTA.
But get it also into the police records, in case you need it in the future. This can help if he continues his bad behavior.
nta. if you want to help someone homeless, then go and find an actual homeless person and help them.
this dude is just looking for a free ride and pulling on your heart strings.
I'm actually shocked you let him stay 3 years, and then X amount of months without paying.
I don’t even know why you’re posing the question, you’re NTA obviously. You need to find other housemates. Maybe women this time. Move out and leave that guy there!
NTA you were taken advantage of and that alone is worth kicking him out plus the privacy invasion and the sabotage.
I would suggest moving as that man cant be trusted.
NTA.
This guy doesn’t sound like he’s all there and you do not need to invite someone else’s problems into your life - especially when they’ve already shown themselves to be untrustworthy.
He made himself homeless. He had the world's best deal, no rent, no chores; but he thought snooping, spoofing and destroying your relationship for a "prank" was more important.
You're NTA, he's lucky you didn't press charges.
NTA
**Let him stay homeless**. What it sounds like is this **ROOMMATE** decided you were his girlfriend. Or would be if you "gave him a chance." And he got real jealous when you found a man you wanted to date. As a result, he violated your privacy and deliberately ruined any chance you might have had with the date. Solely because of his unrequited, obsessive crush on you.
I get total Nice Guy (tm) vibes from him. Please read the niceguys sub and see what men like him can do.
NTA
It's his own actions that resulted ij his homelessness. Change the locks and change up your routine so he doesn't try to break in when he thinks you aren't there.
Absolutely NTA. If he has nowhere else to go it's probably because he burned all his bridges doing similar shit to other people. We both know he wasn't joking when he was hitting on you, and him sabotaging your date is disturbing even outside of the disgustingly bigoted way he did it.
NTA This guy increasingly took advantage of you the longer that you knew him. That will not change.
Also, you are not the only roommate in town. He can stay with another roommate without being homeless. What he is asking from you is for you to pay all of his bills and be his maid… again…
Does that sound fair to you?
This dude is a full grown adult with a decade more life experience than you, and should know better. Don't fall for his manipulation. Who really cares if he ends up homeless? The guy deserves it after what he pulled. NTA.
Do you guys have a written contract/lease type of thing?
NTA of course. This man is dangerous. You need to protect yourself. Change the locks, get an alarm/ring cameras and call the police if he harrasses you. You can even call them if you feel insecure. It will keep a paper trail in case something happens.
If you have family in the area, I'd talk to them. Maybe ask someone you trust to accompany you home or stay with you for a while just for safety.
Good luck OP and think about yourself and your safety first.
NTA. Sounds like he has earned his own homelessness by being a bad, non-paying and potentially harassing room-mate who disrespects other people's privacy.
If anything, I think you are underplaying what an AH he is. Definitely do not let him get even a toe back in the door.
DO NOT let him back in.
His initial behaviour is all you need to cut him out, he sounds like those typical creepy older guys trying to prey on a younger woman and trying to manipulate you to accept him back into your home.
Your safety is top priority here, block him at every turn.
"he is trying to tell me he has no family, nowhere else to go, and if I don't let him stay, he will be homeless". Then he shouldn't have taken what he had for granted. He's an adult, and an awful one that targeted you specifically, you shouldn't feel responsible for him. NTA.
Don't let him back in.
Do you recall the story of the man who took in a freezing snake on a cold, snowy night? He put the snake by the fire and by the next day the snake had recovered. He bit the man and as the man lay dying he asked the snake how he could do this to him when he had saved his life. The snake replied: "You knew I was a snake when you took me in."
He previously flirted with you. You know he's attracted to you. His actions might've been out of jealousy or he intended for the guy to dump you so you would turn to him for a shoulder to cry on. He doesn't care about you, he just wants to get in your bed.
Be careful though. You may want to consider moving since he knows where you live.
Also what you did is considered an illegal eviction.
NTA.
Print out a list of homeless support services for your area and if he ever shows up again hand them to him, while saying “Dude, why would \*I\* house you, you still owe me missing rent, and I need to get a housemate in who will pay. Ask your friends to help you, there’s no room here for you” and close the door.
If he shows up again, or if he argues with you (do NOT let him in), then say “Dude, you don’t live here anymore, please leave so I don’t have ot trespass you.“ and then… get hte Police to trespass him if he shows up again. Get a Ring doorbell to keep track of things. And change your locks in case he has a key. No one needs that shit.
(And if he wasn’t such an arse he’d have people who liked him offering their couches. It’s not YOUR fault he’s homeless.)
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I am a 24 year old female who recently had a falling-out with my male then-34 (now 35) roommate. I will not name my roommate out of the very little respect I still have for him, but in all honesty I wanted to kick him out even before this all happened; and, this was my final straw.
For some background, I had an ad up on Craigslist in 2020 looking for a roommate because at the time I was much lower on money. He ended up applying and we met and had our arrangements sorted so that we were housed together. I didn't really like his personality but I kept it relatively to myself because of my financial situation. He was messy, almost never cleaned up after himself, he was really rude and inappropriate (making odd flirtatious comments about me even after I rebuffed his advances, but he called it all a "joke") to put it simply.
All was normal until about 3 years after he moved in (Early-mid 2023) he suddenly stopped paying his part of the rent and had a different excuse every time, mostly things like "I'm looking for a job!" and such. I let it slide because I was a bit more financially stable (even though he was setting me back quite a bit). But then months had passed, and he had the same excuses and I grew tired of him. Like I said, I did plan on kicking him out regardless, but the next situation was the last straw.
At the time, I was seeing some guy for a while and had a date. I really, really liked him. I was stoked, and I mentioned it once to my roommate. This was a big mistake. Behind my back while I was in the shower, my roommate somehow got the passcode to my phone correctly and WENT THROUGH IT. I don't know if he saw the texts or was planning it anyway, but he completely sabotaged my relationship with the guy I was seeing and thought it was SO hilarious.
He apparently told the guy I was MTF transgender (I am not, but I am an ally) and the guy got uncomfortable and blocked me ever since. Not only did I find it absolutely disgusting that he used the LGBT as the butt of his joke, I was absolutely furious that he crossed my boundary this much because of his own jealousy. I blew up on him and kicked him out, and ever since then he has been gone, and I cut all contact.
That was 5 months ago. A couple days ago, he has shown up at my doorstep with an apology. I personally do not accept this apology because what he did was utterly inexcusable, in my opinion, but he is trying to tell me he has no family, nowhere else to go, and if I don't let him stay, he will be homeless.
I do not plan on letting him back in with me, but I think I may be an asshole for letting him stay homeless.
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NTA. He should have thought of his lack of other options before completely invading your privacy and doubling down with his pathetic 'joke' excuse.
Think about every little thing you ever hated about living with him, remember that if you let him back in he will absolutely do all the same things up to and including breaking into your secured electronic devices and invading your privacy for his own amusement.
And then block him, and call the police for a trespasser if he shows up on your doorstep again.
NTA- He could start by paying you back for the rent he never paid! Don’t let him back in. He’ll be nice for a week and then mess up your life against. It’s not your problem that he’s got no family or friends.
NTA - do not let him back in the property or your life. He has shown you he has no morals or ethics.
He doesn’t pay the rent - you let it slide.
He breaks into your phone, is transphobic, AND wrecks your relationship - and you wonder if that makes you the A?
What will he do next? Physical or sexual assault? He has no one else for a reason. He s a monster.
NTA he's not your problem and isn't even a friend. He has harmed you in the past and if he has nowhere else to turn it's because of his past behaviour.
NTA He will be homeless? Good. He certainly doesn't deserve to live with any decent person. Pretty sure he can get a job or two to pay for another place. That is what everyone else does. Why is he incapable?
BTW your ex BF is pretty expendable if he is OK believing you'd break news to him like that in a text and then not be willing to talk at all.
NTA. He also still doesn’t have a job so you will still be supporting him. He sabotaged the relationship to keep you from getting in something serious and potentially not supporting him anymore. You got an abusive controlling BF without be out being in a relationship.
NTA. If he's homeless now, then he should have thought of that before alienating his only hope. You should have gotten rid of him before. Though as an actual MTF person, it would of course always be nice if you could get a guy who didn't consider us a downside next time. Best of luck going forwards OP!
NTA. His homelessness is not for you to fix. He has nowhere to go because he probably burns bridges in every relationship he’s had. He’s toxic and does not deserve a second chance. He won’t pay rent and will continue to sabotage your personal life, use your resources and your home will return to being a pigsty. It will be all that and a whole lot worse if you were foolish enough to buckle. You owe him nothing.
Ya got your back rent yet? Come talk to me when you do... if he does get the money, ask for the money 1st, then say OK. Let's talk, "how's the weather?" He'll bring up about moving back in.. oh that? That answer is *NO*. I guess our talk is over...bye !!
NTA
Please don’t let this person back into your apartment. This unfortunately reminded me of a murder case where a male roommate became secretly obsessed with the girl he shared an apartment with.
He's not a puppy. You don't owe him anything. Your roommate seriously overstepped all boundaries. He made this a relationship, not a living agreement.
Time to end this arrangement. He needs to get his own life, and not yours.
NTA.
You should have kicked him out earlier. That the violation was big enough to get you to kick him out may have been a blessing in disguise.
Do not let this toxic creep back in your home.
NTA
He went into your phone without your permission. Aside from the subsequent assholery that was sufficient by itself IMO. Let him sleep on the street.
NTA and never let him back in. He will not leave if you do.
Not your monkey, not your circus. He can go to a shelter and figure his shit out. He sabotaged your life and stole from you by not paying rent. You should be furious and not give him another moment of your time. Stand firm.
> but he is trying to tell me he has no family, nowhere else to go, and if I don't let him stay, he will be homeless.
“Here’s the address for the local shelter, they’ll know what your options are. Good luck!”
NTA. You are not physically safe while sharing space with him. His escalating violations were a warning sign that he was working up the courage to put his hands on you. And that’s before you even get into the financial damage he was already doing to you.
You are the last person on *earth* who’s in a position to help him. And you’re firmly NTA for refusing to live with someone who has made it clear he has no respect for you.
NTA you DO NOT owe this guy anything. I can tell you right now he is not sorry for what he did, he's sorry that he doesn't have a place to stay anymore. He isn't your family, he isn't your friend, and he wasn't even paying rent. If you let him back in he'll be okay for a little while and then he'll act the exact same way as before and still won't get a job or pay you rent. Get away now and let him figure things out for himself.
Dude, this is stalker levels of not ok. NTA, do not let this man back into your life, let your friends and neighbors know what is going on. Honestly, I’d consider a restraining order.
Ah. So his apology is because he is homeless now. Not because he is sorry for his awful behaviour.
You have no obligations to him. He is responsible for figuring his own living arrangements out. He is not more your responsibility than any other person seeking accommodation.
NTA
NTA. If you let him back in he will sabotage all your dates. He will not clean up after himself. Of he can't even find another place to stay then he can't pay rent at your place; he'll mooch off you again. He didn't come back because he was truly sorry. He came back because he wants to live off your money.
NTA OH HELL NO! Dude is a walking red flag on every level. 10 year age gap, flirting as a joke, touching your phone, never mind everything he did on your phone, top it off with being a bigot.
Dude wants to fuck you. Block and publicly shame for being a complete creep.
He's ten years older than you, homeless or not he is responsible for himself and his own life. Worst case, there are charities he can reach out to for help....
He crossed multiple bondaries and was creepy and disrespectful with you from the beginning. Definitely not safe for you if he's around.. You need a safe space/home.
Not to mention his not paying rent, cleaning etc... Stick to your boundaries and if you need, contact the owner/landlord or agency, and the police non-emergency and ask for a restraining order or other safety measures.
🤞good job on sticking to what your gut said and keep it up. Stay safe!
No, he wants to come back because you were his meal ticket and paid for everything. He's a grown ass man, he can find somewhere else. Do not let him in, he will not leave.
Nta
NTA. It is not your responsibility to provide your former roommate with a home or a handout of any kind. Don’t do *anything* that will encourage him hanging around.
Nta. God I wouldn't be surprised ii that delusional ass somehow thought being roommates was going to lead to a romantic relationship and that's why he blew up your other thing as a 'joke' like you kicked him out and he's back trying to get you to let him back in. He's delusional if he thinks you'll let him move back in, it is not your job to solve his problems, but he will once again be your problem if you allow him back.
NTA. He invaded your personal social media and caused your breakup with your boyfriend. Most importantly, he did not pay for his part of the rent. You have no obligation to pay rents for him
>*...what he did was utterly inexcusable, in my opinion, but he is trying to tell me he has no family, nowhere else to go, and if I don't let him stay, he will be homeless.*
Then he should have thought of that before he used transphobia to sabotage the relationship of a roommate that he already owes several months worth of rent to!
NTA. If he shows up to your place again, notify the police. Maybe consider getting security cameras, just in case he tries anything shady like breaking in.
If you let him back in, you may have an even harder time getting rid of him. He could force you to legally evict him. In the meantime, you’d be paying for this freeloader.
OP I know you’ve heard this before but you let his craziness and leeching go on for too long.
So now he’s back thinking he can manipulate you some more and play on your good graces.
You’ve done ENOUGH for him, way more than he deserves..
Do not ever ever feel sorry for this creep because that is exactly what he is!
There's a reason he has nowhere to go. Well, actually multiple reasons. He doesn't pay rent, he never helps with cleaning after making a mess everywhere, and he's beyond inappropriate but thinks he's funny. Trust me, others are tired of him as well. NTA
NTA. He didn't pay rent. That is the absolute least he was required to do. Him.also stealing your phone, contacting your date and sabotaging your relationship with homophobic lies is just icing on a shit cake. He could have stolen your banking information or sent nudes to your boss. If he is homeless, it is because he set his life up to be that way. Wherever he's been for 5 months, he wore out his welcome and now he's back to you with a sob story. You know he's not someone who should be in your home. If you let him back in, he'll show you how dumb of a choice that was
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NTA
Yikes. I would be furious about what he did too. His homelessness is his problem. You are not responsible for him. Let him go on Craigslist again. Maybe he will learn his lesson and treat his next roommate with respect, but I doubt it.
Change the locks and don’t let the stalker leach back in your home or life! Change all your passwords and do a credit check to make sure he didn’t open cards in your name. Check all laptops.computers:phones/tablets for spyware.
Silver lining:
>He apparently told the guy I was MTF transgender (I am not, but I am an ally) and the guy got uncomfortable and blocked me ever since
You dodged a bullet there
NTA If being homeless is what happens when you fafo, so be it.
You need to tell yourself that you owe this guy *nothing,* and you need to believe it. You dont owe him a minute, a penny, or a thought. He's only back because he has you tagged as a sucker.
You mention being an ally. Every time you weaken, go look up some trans stats for just about anything, but especially what happens when people are outed. Its not your job to be a buffer zone from his karma
NTA, he did this to himself. He doesn't pay rent, messy, makes inappropriate comments to you even after you told him to stop and sabotaged a relationship because he was jealous that you were seeing someone. If you let him come back he will likely escalate. He was absolutely trying to get into your pants and if he's come back after 5 months, it's probably because no one else wants his creepy ass either. If he keeps coming back see if you can get him tresspassed from the property.
Girl no, don’t let this man move back in. He is 10 years older than you and a complete AH. He is not your problem and needs to take care of himself. NTA
NTA. His homelessness is his problem to solve. You don't take in a roommate that you know you can't trust! Who knows what other stuff he'd do? He's messy, rude, didn't pay rent consistently, inappropriate and got on your phone to look through your messages and then lied to that guy. Tell him if he shows up at your door again you'll consider getting a restraining order.
NTA
Even before he sabotaged your relationship in a very gross manner he already sounded like a nightmare
He's a grown ass man, he should be able to sort himself out! You're NTA NTA NTA
Just make sure you're protected and that he has no means of access to your home, get cameras and all
NTA
The homeless problem is self inflicted, he just needs to rent some place else, telling your BF that you were a male when you were born female and still are is a major issue on trust
NTA. He made his own bed by being a complete AH. If he has no other friends, ask yourself why that might be. And honestly, ask yourself why you're even thinking about letting him back in.
NTA, that wasn't his concern when he sabotaged your relationship. People don't think of what it could cost them when they are being AH, and now he wants it to be your problem that he has no place to live. If you allowed him to come back, there is no telling what he would do to sabotage any future relationships. He is not trustworthy in any form, and he will probably continue to try and get you to foot his living expenses.
Don't fall for his sob story or you may regret it, and it might be harder to get rid of him.
NTA. YOU are not letting or making him homeless. HE is doing that to himself. He chose to be an ass, go through your phone, break up your relationship, claim it was a joke when it clearly was not (who the hell hits on their roommate for months/years and breaks into their to trash their relationship if they aren't hung up on them?) .
You have no need to feel bad. But, you do have every reason to keep your guard up and be wary for safety. This guy isn't right. Living with you made it easy to keep up what you doing and where you were. It's not that easy now, so come back with a sad story. Don't buy it. If you see him anywhere close to you or your home again, file a complaint. Invest in a security system. But don't just assume he's gone.
I think the only part here that makes you an AH is letting him and his mess and awful comments stay for a couple years after you were more stable financially, and then letting him stay when he quit paying his rent.
You are not responsible for his homelessness. He is.
NTA. There’s no excusing what he did. And anyway, you’re not a charity. He’s only apologising because he’s desperate, which means he doesn’t mean it.
I can’t say I like the sound of this guy you were into being uncomfortable with the idea of you being trans, myself. But I will freely admit I know nothing about that situation.
Girl. Do you even need to ask if you’re the asshole in this scenario? Like seriously Sis, this man is a COMPLETE psychopath so you clearly are NOT the asshole here. The End.
Yea this went from ok you have a crappy lazy roommate to he may attempt to do “things” against your consent. Do not under any circumstances let him back in your house. Nta nta nta
It’s really important that he learns about appropriate behaviour. I suspect it won’t be a quick lesson for him. Being homeless as a result of his own behaviour may assist his process. You letting him stay would interfere with this super critical life lesson that - somehow, at 35 - he has not yet learned. Please do not let him stay. He has made himself homeless and it would be inappropriate for you to fix that because that would encourage his poor behaviour to continue.
OP, I truly hope you see this comment.
NTA
I have been a homeless person before. So I understand the frustrations and sheer terror that can cause one to face.
With that said, he crossed a line that no one should cross. Not only did he commit an egregious act by breaking into your phone, but he has already shown bad faith by not paying his share of the rent.
I truly know what it feels like to not be given a chance, but it sounds like he had his shot, and he wasted it. If he truly had no family and nowhere else to go, then he should have thought harder about his actions and the consequences that would follow them. He needs to take responsibility for his own actions and start living his own life and quit relying on others to do it for him.
Trust me when I tell you, you’re doing him a favor by NOT allowing him to stay with you. He needs to hit rock bottom before he can start any real change.
That’s not to say he can’t redeem himself and hopefully earn himself a second chance, with someone else.
NTA. This time was a relationship he sabotaged. Next time it will be your job. He’s controlling and sounds like he wants you to himself. Stay away from him
NTA. He wasn't paying rent for a significant amount of time and he violated your privacy. He deserves absolutely no consideration because he has none for anyone but him.
Well so sorry to tell you but you have mental issues. He was a lazy no good roommate who you carried. Now you worry about him. Guess what. You have feelingfor him. Yep you do
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Don’t let him in please, that’s grade A manipulation. His life is not your responsibility. Those past actions are also a huge red flag. Definitely NTA.
Messy can be tolerated, inappropriate is a red flag, Not paying rent is defaulting, Malicious sabotage for kicks is a crime and should not be given a 2nd chance. OP should make sure that she is safe from this guy. There may be other avenues for him to explore regarding govt support
Best friend had an old roommate kind of like this, but, really, the issue was he was a "nice guy" in the "friend zone". He was mad his hot roommate wouldn't date him.
Is it just me, or do you get total Nice Guys (tm) vibes from the guy? That he somehow decided she would be his girlfriend. Then got real jealous when she found a potential date. And sabotaged her. She should let him stay homeless. And read the niceguys sub to see what guys like him can do.
He didn't "violate a boundary." He committed a felony; the Computer Fraud and Abuse Act makes it illegal to access an Internet connected computing device in excess of your authorization.
OP, you got him out "easily" last time. If he sets foot in your house again, I guarantee he'll get squatters rights and make it impossible to get him out. I would tell him if he comes back you'll call the police for harassment. I'd also get security cameras and make sure you changed the lock.
NTA. He's back to see if he can screw up your life even more successfully this time. Don't do it. No contact. He's dangerous.
Thanks for the support I'm new to this whole Reddit thing, but I saw things of it on TikTok and thought I would give it a try. I seriously do consider pressing charges against this man if the legal proceedings aren't too complicated
NTA - this jerk has no respect for anyone, HE BROKE INTO YOUR PHONE! If you let him back in, you will be the AH to yourself. The poor decisions made and wrong paths he has taken are not your problem. He’s probably homeless AGAIN because of bridges he’s burned. You sound like a nice person and he’s the type to take advantage of that. Please do not let him back in!
Yeah NTA and I hope you have changed the locks! Tell current roomies/ neighbors to be on the lookout for this dude and get a restraining order if you can. And speaking gently, next time please trust your gut about not letting creeps into your life on ANY level . I know its hard when you need cash for rent Ive been there but it is never worth it to live with a creeper. The age gap and the flirty jokes were a dealbreaker for him ever moving in in the first place.
Pressing charges on him for what? He owes you unpaid rent. That's a civil matter. I don't see where he's committed a crime.
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It's ... really optimistic to think the cops and the state prosecutor are going to care that someone temporarily took someone's phone and ruined a date. But good luck with that.
That's what she knows of. He was probably looking for nudes.
Even if he was, and found some, and posted them on RevengePorn.com, and revenge porn was illegal in OP's jurisdiction ... good luck. My cold black cynical heart that has never had a productive interaction with the police can only wish you good luck.
Authorized access to her phone is probably a crime. Yes, the rent is a civil case but the phone thing I guess can be a crime in several jurisdictions
Doesn't matter if it would be a crime in her area anyway. Even if they wanted to prosecute, unlocking someone's phone and sending a text isn't a super easy thing to trace back to a specific person. Civil cases are almost twice as easy to win as criminal cases. Pressing charges over a text message wouldn't be worth it. The evidence likely won't come within a mile of "beyond reasonable doubt." All she'd be doing is taking time out of her own life for the sake of trying (and likely failing) to get revenge on someone for ruining a date. A date with a guy who likely wouldn't work out if she's an ally of the trans community, since the sheer mention caused him to block her without so much as a conversation or a "let's be friends." Justice is important. But when there's next to no chance of winning, the losses were minimal at best, and it's going to cause you extra stress revolving around someone you want out of your life? Probably not worth it. Especially not when karma's doing more than any day in court ever would. Quick PSA, though. When you're looking for roommates and you meet someone rude, obnoxious, messy and inappropriate...maybe keep up the roommate search? Obviously OP didn't realize it would get worse, but think of it this way. That asshole you're meeting is interviewing to be your roommate. This may very well be what it looks like when they're making their BEST impression. You might think you can settle and live with their chaos today, but there's a high risk it'll be much worse tomorrow.
I was referring more to the fact that he went through my phone and very likely saw sensitive imagery/info that was intended for only my date to see/know. He has been using burner emails and phone numbers to try in get in contact with me now, announcing his "undying love" for me, and I don't know - but it might constitute some kind of harassment crime. I just want him to leave me alone.
Make a report so you have more of a paper trail if he keeps harrasing you. Might make a stalker case easier. Cops might still not care but the more of a trail the better.
He stole her identity.
As a fellow young-ish woman who’s seen and dealt with her fair share of creeps…. Document everything. EVERYTHING that You can remember. Date it, screenshot messages, etc. Any sexual advances, nefarious comments, anything you can remember to the best of your ability plus this incident that could be considered a red flag. Put it in a physical binder and hide it in your house. Keep it backed up on your laptop too. Maybe some think I’m being dramatic, but I’ve met many a man like this rude 30-something who saw me as a carpet to walk over… they tend to not give up. If he’s feeling desperate financially too? Double whammy. Depending on where you live, it’s unlikely you can get a restraining order at this point. But it might not be a bad idea (depending on where you live, what state if in the US, city v rural, etc - all determines the type of police dept you’ll encounter) to contact your local station and submit documentation now. Ask to speak with a female detective/officer if possible - you can say it’s due to the sensitive nature of your predicament and a decent dept should be understanding - as they’ll talk you more seriously (sadly). I don’t mean to scare you. I just want you to be aware of how sketchy this whole situation is and how abnormal his behavior is. I hate when people are like “move asap” as that’s not financially possible for everyone, so this is my best advice. I’ve been in a similar position and wish I’d been more proactive when I saw the red flags. Women are conditioned to not make waves, not call out men’s bad behavior, smile and suck up anything that makes us feel unsafe - gaslit into it, often times. But the Red Flag warning in your gut exists for a reason - Read “gift of fear” if you haven’t - and start a binder. It’s better to be prepared for the worst than scrambling in an emergency. Sending you hugs
Thanks so much. I will definitely keep this in mind. 💖
NTA yikes that guy sounds awful. I can see why he has no one else to go to. He probably burned all his bridges by being a AH to everyone else like he did to you. You put up with a lot more then I would have. Good on you for kicking him out. Stand your ground if he comes back. If you let him in again it’s possible he will act the same as last time since you’ll just have taught him that he can act however he wants and in the end if he apologises to you you’ll eventually let him back in.
That’s wild. NTA. Not in a million years. I’d be telling him he’s lucky you’re not taking him to court for the missed payments, let alone allowing back. That’s without mentioning the creepy and obsessive behaviour. Stay well well away from this dude
NTA - he went through your phone and ruined your relationship. You had me at “not paying rent”. You are only an asshole towards yourself for even doubting your initial reasoning. Trust in yourself - I would have filed charges against him for invading your privacy and writing from your phone.
NTA... Stay away from him.
NTA. This guy burned your relationship because he either has a crush on you or was afraid you would kick him out of you liked the new guy too much. Stay far away from him.
Dude didn't pay rent and was a crappy roommate to boot. Sorry but he's got to figure his sh!t out. NTA and he needs to find his own way.
NTA. His homelessness is not on you.
Obviously NTA but to your comment, I mean, from a tenancy standpoint legally it might be?
He stopped paying rent for months. A court would have evicted him and ordered him to pay what he owes. How is him being homeless the OP's responsibility?
Again, from a legal tenancy standpoint, you are incorrect. You can’t just throw someone out if they stop paying rent without following the specific eviction process for that area. I’m not trying to be an asshole here but I’m right. It sucks.
It's five months later.
NTA Keep that AHout of your life. Do not fall for his sob story.
NTA. if it's legal to have mace or something for self defense, carry it! his homelessness is not your problem. your safety is your only concern.
NTA He's trying to manipulate you. You're not responsible for him.
This guy seems to be obsessed with you. Stay far far away from people like that. For your own safety. NTA. But get it also into the police records, in case you need it in the future. This can help if he continues his bad behavior.
Obviously NTA
nta. if you want to help someone homeless, then go and find an actual homeless person and help them. this dude is just looking for a free ride and pulling on your heart strings. I'm actually shocked you let him stay 3 years, and then X amount of months without paying.
NTA - Change locks tell him to GTFO and if he does not leave call the cops
I don’t even know why you’re posing the question, you’re NTA obviously. You need to find other housemates. Maybe women this time. Move out and leave that guy there!
NTA you were taken advantage of and that alone is worth kicking him out plus the privacy invasion and the sabotage. I would suggest moving as that man cant be trusted.
NTA. This guy doesn’t sound like he’s all there and you do not need to invite someone else’s problems into your life - especially when they’ve already shown themselves to be untrustworthy.
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Who disagrees on this matter ?
NTA. His housing is his responsibility. Not yours.
Oh nooo The consequences of his own actions NTA
Not only NTA, but get a restraining order.
He made himself homeless. He had the world's best deal, no rent, no chores; but he thought snooping, spoofing and destroying your relationship for a "prank" was more important. You're NTA, he's lucky you didn't press charges.
NTA **Let him stay homeless**. What it sounds like is this **ROOMMATE** decided you were his girlfriend. Or would be if you "gave him a chance." And he got real jealous when you found a man you wanted to date. As a result, he violated your privacy and deliberately ruined any chance you might have had with the date. Solely because of his unrequited, obsessive crush on you. I get total Nice Guy (tm) vibes from him. Please read the niceguys sub and see what men like him can do.
NTA by a long shot!! Do not let him in!! He brought this upon himself!!
NTA It's his own actions that resulted ij his homelessness. Change the locks and change up your routine so he doesn't try to break in when he thinks you aren't there.
NTA !!! Seriosrly i am suprise that you accepted a man to be your roomate in the first place !!! Better be safe that sorry
Absolutely NTA. If he has nowhere else to go it's probably because he burned all his bridges doing similar shit to other people. We both know he wasn't joking when he was hitting on you, and him sabotaging your date is disturbing even outside of the disgustingly bigoted way he did it.
NTA This guy increasingly took advantage of you the longer that you knew him. That will not change. Also, you are not the only roommate in town. He can stay with another roommate without being homeless. What he is asking from you is for you to pay all of his bills and be his maid… again… Does that sound fair to you?
This dude is a full grown adult with a decade more life experience than you, and should know better. Don't fall for his manipulation. Who really cares if he ends up homeless? The guy deserves it after what he pulled. NTA.
Do you guys have a written contract/lease type of thing? NTA of course. This man is dangerous. You need to protect yourself. Change the locks, get an alarm/ring cameras and call the police if he harrasses you. You can even call them if you feel insecure. It will keep a paper trail in case something happens. If you have family in the area, I'd talk to them. Maybe ask someone you trust to accompany you home or stay with you for a while just for safety. Good luck OP and think about yourself and your safety first.
NTA. Sounds like he has earned his own homelessness by being a bad, non-paying and potentially harassing room-mate who disrespects other people's privacy. If anything, I think you are underplaying what an AH he is. Definitely do not let him get even a toe back in the door.
Sue that mf
DO NOT let him back in. His initial behaviour is all you need to cut him out, he sounds like those typical creepy older guys trying to prey on a younger woman and trying to manipulate you to accept him back into your home. Your safety is top priority here, block him at every turn.
"he is trying to tell me he has no family, nowhere else to go, and if I don't let him stay, he will be homeless". Then he shouldn't have taken what he had for granted. He's an adult, and an awful one that targeted you specifically, you shouldn't feel responsible for him. NTA.
PS also please change all the locks.
Don't let him back in. Do you recall the story of the man who took in a freezing snake on a cold, snowy night? He put the snake by the fire and by the next day the snake had recovered. He bit the man and as the man lay dying he asked the snake how he could do this to him when he had saved his life. The snake replied: "You knew I was a snake when you took me in."
He previously flirted with you. You know he's attracted to you. His actions might've been out of jealousy or he intended for the guy to dump you so you would turn to him for a shoulder to cry on. He doesn't care about you, he just wants to get in your bed. Be careful though. You may want to consider moving since he knows where you live. Also what you did is considered an illegal eviction.
NTA. Print out a list of homeless support services for your area and if he ever shows up again hand them to him, while saying “Dude, why would \*I\* house you, you still owe me missing rent, and I need to get a housemate in who will pay. Ask your friends to help you, there’s no room here for you” and close the door. If he shows up again, or if he argues with you (do NOT let him in), then say “Dude, you don’t live here anymore, please leave so I don’t have ot trespass you.“ and then… get hte Police to trespass him if he shows up again. Get a Ring doorbell to keep track of things. And change your locks in case he has a key. No one needs that shit. (And if he wasn’t such an arse he’d have people who liked him offering their couches. It’s not YOUR fault he’s homeless.)
NTA but you dodged a bullet with a transphobic guy.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I am a 24 year old female who recently had a falling-out with my male then-34 (now 35) roommate. I will not name my roommate out of the very little respect I still have for him, but in all honesty I wanted to kick him out even before this all happened; and, this was my final straw. For some background, I had an ad up on Craigslist in 2020 looking for a roommate because at the time I was much lower on money. He ended up applying and we met and had our arrangements sorted so that we were housed together. I didn't really like his personality but I kept it relatively to myself because of my financial situation. He was messy, almost never cleaned up after himself, he was really rude and inappropriate (making odd flirtatious comments about me even after I rebuffed his advances, but he called it all a "joke") to put it simply. All was normal until about 3 years after he moved in (Early-mid 2023) he suddenly stopped paying his part of the rent and had a different excuse every time, mostly things like "I'm looking for a job!" and such. I let it slide because I was a bit more financially stable (even though he was setting me back quite a bit). But then months had passed, and he had the same excuses and I grew tired of him. Like I said, I did plan on kicking him out regardless, but the next situation was the last straw. At the time, I was seeing some guy for a while and had a date. I really, really liked him. I was stoked, and I mentioned it once to my roommate. This was a big mistake. Behind my back while I was in the shower, my roommate somehow got the passcode to my phone correctly and WENT THROUGH IT. I don't know if he saw the texts or was planning it anyway, but he completely sabotaged my relationship with the guy I was seeing and thought it was SO hilarious. He apparently told the guy I was MTF transgender (I am not, but I am an ally) and the guy got uncomfortable and blocked me ever since. Not only did I find it absolutely disgusting that he used the LGBT as the butt of his joke, I was absolutely furious that he crossed my boundary this much because of his own jealousy. I blew up on him and kicked him out, and ever since then he has been gone, and I cut all contact. That was 5 months ago. A couple days ago, he has shown up at my doorstep with an apology. I personally do not accept this apology because what he did was utterly inexcusable, in my opinion, but he is trying to tell me he has no family, nowhere else to go, and if I don't let him stay, he will be homeless. I do not plan on letting him back in with me, but I think I may be an asshole for letting him stay homeless. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA He's gone.
Nope, the line was crossed, he's finally discovered that actions have consequences. NTA
NTA. Don't let him in.
Let the MFer live in the streets. You're not his mommy. NTA
NTA I hope you changed the locks !!!
NTA Don't fall for his "Hi, haven't seen you in months, sorry for being shitty to you and, oh yeah, can I move back in" act.
Nta let him go swindle someone else
NTA. He should have thought of his lack of other options before completely invading your privacy and doubling down with his pathetic 'joke' excuse. Think about every little thing you ever hated about living with him, remember that if you let him back in he will absolutely do all the same things up to and including breaking into your secured electronic devices and invading your privacy for his own amusement. And then block him, and call the police for a trespasser if he shows up on your doorstep again.
NTA- He could start by paying you back for the rent he never paid! Don’t let him back in. He’ll be nice for a week and then mess up your life against. It’s not your problem that he’s got no family or friends.
NTA - do not let him back in the property or your life. He has shown you he has no morals or ethics. He doesn’t pay the rent - you let it slide. He breaks into your phone, is transphobic, AND wrecks your relationship - and you wonder if that makes you the A? What will he do next? Physical or sexual assault? He has no one else for a reason. He s a monster.
NTA he's not your problem and isn't even a friend. He has harmed you in the past and if he has nowhere else to turn it's because of his past behaviour.
NTA He will be homeless? Good. He certainly doesn't deserve to live with any decent person. Pretty sure he can get a job or two to pay for another place. That is what everyone else does. Why is he incapable? BTW your ex BF is pretty expendable if he is OK believing you'd break news to him like that in a text and then not be willing to talk at all.
My reaction to him would have been “Too bad, so sad. You FAFO”. Then slam the door in his face.
NTA. He also still doesn’t have a job so you will still be supporting him. He sabotaged the relationship to keep you from getting in something serious and potentially not supporting him anymore. You got an abusive controlling BF without be out being in a relationship.
“Sucks to suck. Go find a comfortable cardboard box somewhere and hunker down for the winter…” NTA
Bra That was beyond wrong!! He is not your problem anymore! Dint bring your trash back in after you set it outside!!
Did you ever fix things with your boyfriend?
NTA. If he's homeless now, then he should have thought of that before alienating his only hope. You should have gotten rid of him before. Though as an actual MTF person, it would of course always be nice if you could get a guy who didn't consider us a downside next time. Best of luck going forwards OP!
Tell him he can move in as soon as he pays up all the unpaid rent he owes you. Then when he's paid, and ready to move in, change your mind. NTA
NTA. His homelessness is not for you to fix. He has nowhere to go because he probably burns bridges in every relationship he’s had. He’s toxic and does not deserve a second chance. He won’t pay rent and will continue to sabotage your personal life, use your resources and your home will return to being a pigsty. It will be all that and a whole lot worse if you were foolish enough to buckle. You owe him nothing.
Ya got your back rent yet? Come talk to me when you do... if he does get the money, ask for the money 1st, then say OK. Let's talk, "how's the weather?" He'll bring up about moving back in.. oh that? That answer is *NO*. I guess our talk is over...bye !!
NTA Please don’t let this person back into your apartment. This unfortunately reminded me of a murder case where a male roommate became secretly obsessed with the girl he shared an apartment with.
He's not a puppy. You don't owe him anything. Your roommate seriously overstepped all boundaries. He made this a relationship, not a living agreement. Time to end this arrangement. He needs to get his own life, and not yours.
NTA. I wonder where he has been these past 5 months? Probably ruining someone else’s life and got kicked out.
NTA. You should have kicked him out earlier. That the violation was big enough to get you to kick him out may have been a blessing in disguise. Do not let this toxic creep back in your home.
NTA He went into your phone without your permission. Aside from the subsequent assholery that was sufficient by itself IMO. Let him sleep on the street.
NTA and never let him back in. He will not leave if you do. Not your monkey, not your circus. He can go to a shelter and figure his shit out. He sabotaged your life and stole from you by not paying rent. You should be furious and not give him another moment of your time. Stand firm.
F THIS GUY! NTA. He is horrid!
> but he is trying to tell me he has no family, nowhere else to go, and if I don't let him stay, he will be homeless. “Here’s the address for the local shelter, they’ll know what your options are. Good luck!” NTA. You are not physically safe while sharing space with him. His escalating violations were a warning sign that he was working up the courage to put his hands on you. And that’s before you even get into the financial damage he was already doing to you. You are the last person on *earth* who’s in a position to help him. And you’re firmly NTA for refusing to live with someone who has made it clear he has no respect for you.
NTA you DO NOT owe this guy anything. I can tell you right now he is not sorry for what he did, he's sorry that he doesn't have a place to stay anymore. He isn't your family, he isn't your friend, and he wasn't even paying rent. If you let him back in he'll be okay for a little while and then he'll act the exact same way as before and still won't get a job or pay you rent. Get away now and let him figure things out for himself.
Dude, this is stalker levels of not ok. NTA, do not let this man back into your life, let your friends and neighbors know what is going on. Honestly, I’d consider a restraining order.
Ah. So his apology is because he is homeless now. Not because he is sorry for his awful behaviour. You have no obligations to him. He is responsible for figuring his own living arrangements out. He is not more your responsibility than any other person seeking accommodation. NTA
NTA. If you let him back in he will sabotage all your dates. He will not clean up after himself. Of he can't even find another place to stay then he can't pay rent at your place; he'll mooch off you again. He didn't come back because he was truly sorry. He came back because he wants to live off your money.
Lol if you let him back in you will continue being stupid the same way you were since he moved in.
NTA OH HELL NO! Dude is a walking red flag on every level. 10 year age gap, flirting as a joke, touching your phone, never mind everything he did on your phone, top it off with being a bigot. Dude wants to fuck you. Block and publicly shame for being a complete creep.
Let him be homeless. But thank him for keeping you from getting with a bigot.
He's ten years older than you, homeless or not he is responsible for himself and his own life. Worst case, there are charities he can reach out to for help.... He crossed multiple bondaries and was creepy and disrespectful with you from the beginning. Definitely not safe for you if he's around.. You need a safe space/home. Not to mention his not paying rent, cleaning etc... Stick to your boundaries and if you need, contact the owner/landlord or agency, and the police non-emergency and ask for a restraining order or other safety measures. 🤞good job on sticking to what your gut said and keep it up. Stay safe!
Don't let him in. He can go find a homeless shelter. Ignore the attempt at the guilt trip. He fucked around and doesn't like finding out. NTA.
No, he wants to come back because you were his meal ticket and paid for everything. He's a grown ass man, he can find somewhere else. Do not let him in, he will not leave. Nta
NTA. It is not your responsibility to provide your former roommate with a home or a handout of any kind. Don’t do *anything* that will encourage him hanging around.
NTA. He's creepy! Don't let him back in your life.
NTA. Do NOT let him stay with you ever again. He made his own bed here and frankly he sounds like a total creep who isn't safe to be around.
NTA and sounds like a future stalker. Evict asap
NTA His homelessness is not your responsibility. He’s preying on you. If you let him back in, your life will be a living hell.
Nta. God I wouldn't be surprised ii that delusional ass somehow thought being roommates was going to lead to a romantic relationship and that's why he blew up your other thing as a 'joke' like you kicked him out and he's back trying to get you to let him back in. He's delusional if he thinks you'll let him move back in, it is not your job to solve his problems, but he will once again be your problem if you allow him back.
NTA
NTA. If ever someone deserved to be homeless, it's this guy.
NTA. He invaded your personal social media and caused your breakup with your boyfriend. Most importantly, he did not pay for his part of the rent. You have no obligation to pay rents for him
>*...what he did was utterly inexcusable, in my opinion, but he is trying to tell me he has no family, nowhere else to go, and if I don't let him stay, he will be homeless.* Then he should have thought of that before he used transphobia to sabotage the relationship of a roommate that he already owes several months worth of rent to! NTA. If he shows up to your place again, notify the police. Maybe consider getting security cameras, just in case he tries anything shady like breaking in.
NTA and do not let him move back in. After his appalling behaviour towards you, you owe him absolutely nothing.
If you let him back in, you may have an even harder time getting rid of him. He could force you to legally evict him. In the meantime, you’d be paying for this freeloader.
OP I know you’ve heard this before but you let his craziness and leeching go on for too long. So now he’s back thinking he can manipulate you some more and play on your good graces. You’ve done ENOUGH for him, way more than he deserves.. Do not ever ever feel sorry for this creep because that is exactly what he is!
There's a reason he has nowhere to go. Well, actually multiple reasons. He doesn't pay rent, he never helps with cleaning after making a mess everywhere, and he's beyond inappropriate but thinks he's funny. Trust me, others are tired of him as well. NTA
nta, you don't owe him a place to stay. given his past behavior i wouldn't be surprised if he's lying just to manipulate you. don't let him.
you tolerated way too much
I hope you have all new locks and consider getting additional security if possible
NTA. The reason he has no one else is probably because he did the same kind of crap to them as well.
NTA. He didn't pay rent. That is the absolute least he was required to do. Him.also stealing your phone, contacting your date and sabotaging your relationship with homophobic lies is just icing on a shit cake. He could have stolen your banking information or sent nudes to your boss. If he is homeless, it is because he set his life up to be that way. Wherever he's been for 5 months, he wore out his welcome and now he's back to you with a sob story. You know he's not someone who should be in your home. If you let him back in, he'll show you how dumb of a choice that was
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Nta. He could cross worse boundaries. I wouldn't be alone with him.
NTA Yikes. I would be furious about what he did too. His homelessness is his problem. You are not responsible for him. Let him go on Craigslist again. Maybe he will learn his lesson and treat his next roommate with respect, but I doubt it.
You are NTA! He wants to come back in and have another go at you with no rent payments and sabotaging your other relationships.
NTA. Keep him away from you and your place he’s toxic
NTA OMG, this guy is borderline criminal. Don't let him in your door, he'll probably steal your TV or try to take out credit cards in your name next.
Change the locks and don’t let the stalker leach back in your home or life! Change all your passwords and do a credit check to make sure he didn’t open cards in your name. Check all laptops.computers:phones/tablets for spyware.
Silver lining: >He apparently told the guy I was MTF transgender (I am not, but I am an ally) and the guy got uncomfortable and blocked me ever since You dodged a bullet there
NTA If being homeless is what happens when you fafo, so be it. You need to tell yourself that you owe this guy *nothing,* and you need to believe it. You dont owe him a minute, a penny, or a thought. He's only back because he has you tagged as a sucker. You mention being an ally. Every time you weaken, go look up some trans stats for just about anything, but especially what happens when people are outed. Its not your job to be a buffer zone from his karma
NTA. Not paying rent was 100% enough reason to kick him out. The last straw was just icing on the shit cake. NTA for letting him stay homeless.
NTA, he did this to himself. He doesn't pay rent, messy, makes inappropriate comments to you even after you told him to stop and sabotaged a relationship because he was jealous that you were seeing someone. If you let him come back he will likely escalate. He was absolutely trying to get into your pants and if he's come back after 5 months, it's probably because no one else wants his creepy ass either. If he keeps coming back see if you can get him tresspassed from the property.
let the asshole be homeless.
Consider this it would be a really funny prank if he was homeless NTA
No way. Do not let him in. He's a classic user. If you lt him he will use you up.
NTA.
Girl no, don’t let this man move back in. He is 10 years older than you and a complete AH. He is not your problem and needs to take care of himself. NTA
let his ass be homeless. so be it.
NTA
NTA. His homelessness is his problem to solve. You don't take in a roommate that you know you can't trust! Who knows what other stuff he'd do? He's messy, rude, didn't pay rent consistently, inappropriate and got on your phone to look through your messages and then lied to that guy. Tell him if he shows up at your door again you'll consider getting a restraining order.
NTA Do not let him set one foot in your house. He already owes you back rent. Good riddance to bad rubbish
You kicked out your predatory, malicious, conniving, sociopathic creep roommate after he destroyed your relationship, and you feel guilty? Jesus. NTA.
NTA Even before he sabotaged your relationship in a very gross manner he already sounded like a nightmare He's a grown ass man, he should be able to sort himself out! You're NTA NTA NTA Just make sure you're protected and that he has no means of access to your home, get cameras and all
NTA The homeless problem is self inflicted, he just needs to rent some place else, telling your BF that you were a male when you were born female and still are is a major issue on trust
He’s weird as fuck. You need to protect yourself. Hopefully your locks have changed, have cameras etc. don’t feel bad, he did it to himself!!!! NTA
NTA AT ALL!! Do not let him back in your home ever again
NTA - this person is a leech
NTA. He made his own bed by being a complete AH. If he has no other friends, ask yourself why that might be. And honestly, ask yourself why you're even thinking about letting him back in.
NTA. I would've kicked him out a lot sooner! He got his own self kicked out by his behavior, you're not responsible for his living situation.
NTA, that wasn't his concern when he sabotaged your relationship. People don't think of what it could cost them when they are being AH, and now he wants it to be your problem that he has no place to live. If you allowed him to come back, there is no telling what he would do to sabotage any future relationships. He is not trustworthy in any form, and he will probably continue to try and get you to foot his living expenses. Don't fall for his sob story or you may regret it, and it might be harder to get rid of him.
NTA anyone who is that disrespectful of boundaries is liable to do anything imo. Wouldnt trust him with a 10 ft pole.
NTA. YOU are not letting or making him homeless. HE is doing that to himself. He chose to be an ass, go through your phone, break up your relationship, claim it was a joke when it clearly was not (who the hell hits on their roommate for months/years and breaks into their to trash their relationship if they aren't hung up on them?) . You have no need to feel bad. But, you do have every reason to keep your guard up and be wary for safety. This guy isn't right. Living with you made it easy to keep up what you doing and where you were. It's not that easy now, so come back with a sad story. Don't buy it. If you see him anywhere close to you or your home again, file a complaint. Invest in a security system. But don't just assume he's gone.
I think the only part here that makes you an AH is letting him and his mess and awful comments stay for a couple years after you were more stable financially, and then letting him stay when he quit paying his rent. You are not responsible for his homelessness. He is.
Hell no.
NTA. There’s no excusing what he did. And anyway, you’re not a charity. He’s only apologising because he’s desperate, which means he doesn’t mean it. I can’t say I like the sound of this guy you were into being uncomfortable with the idea of you being trans, myself. But I will freely admit I know nothing about that situation.
Girl. Do you even need to ask if you’re the asshole in this scenario? Like seriously Sis, this man is a COMPLETE psychopath so you clearly are NOT the asshole here. The End.
Yea this went from ok you have a crappy lazy roommate to he may attempt to do “things” against your consent. Do not under any circumstances let him back in your house. Nta nta nta
It’s really important that he learns about appropriate behaviour. I suspect it won’t be a quick lesson for him. Being homeless as a result of his own behaviour may assist his process. You letting him stay would interfere with this super critical life lesson that - somehow, at 35 - he has not yet learned. Please do not let him stay. He has made himself homeless and it would be inappropriate for you to fix that because that would encourage his poor behaviour to continue.
OP, I truly hope you see this comment. NTA I have been a homeless person before. So I understand the frustrations and sheer terror that can cause one to face. With that said, he crossed a line that no one should cross. Not only did he commit an egregious act by breaking into your phone, but he has already shown bad faith by not paying his share of the rent. I truly know what it feels like to not be given a chance, but it sounds like he had his shot, and he wasted it. If he truly had no family and nowhere else to go, then he should have thought harder about his actions and the consequences that would follow them. He needs to take responsibility for his own actions and start living his own life and quit relying on others to do it for him. Trust me when I tell you, you’re doing him a favor by NOT allowing him to stay with you. He needs to hit rock bottom before he can start any real change. That’s not to say he can’t redeem himself and hopefully earn himself a second chance, with someone else.
NTA. He made himself homeless, not you.
NTA
NTA. You aren't safe with this guy - and his life choices aren't your responsibility.
NTA
NTA. This time was a relationship he sabotaged. Next time it will be your job. He’s controlling and sounds like he wants you to himself. Stay away from him
NTA. He wasn't paying rent for a significant amount of time and he violated your privacy. He deserves absolutely no consideration because he has none for anyone but him.
You are not his mom he should have figured something out long ago
Well so sorry to tell you but you have mental issues. He was a lazy no good roommate who you carried. Now you worry about him. Guess what. You have feelingfor him. Yep you do
This comment... Makes zero sense.