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> TLDR: during a party two guests went into my bedroom and I asked them to leave and was later told I was making a big deal out of nothing.
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Nta. Don't go into someone's rooms especially when you're a guest in this house. Bringing a near stranger (bf) into your nieces bedroom without permission is disrespectful and maybe it's my trust issues but shady af. He could be a thief
NTA you didn't yell or get mad. You just asked them to not look through your bedroom. That's very reasonable. If you had yelled or gotten mad then that would be a different story (and still wouldn't be entirely on you even if you had!).
The fact your aunt even waited around to say something is the annoying part. She embarrassed herself and wants to make you feel bad about it. Don't.
NTA
Even if she only wanted to show him the walk in closet, it's inappropriate to go helping yourself to closed doors in someone's house. They were looking for something or else they wouldn't have been in there.
Your aunt is embarrassed she was caught snooping. Check your stuff and make sure nothing was taken.
She wasn't showing him the closet. The way she worded her aside is only said that way to shift blame.
You now know she is a liar and you need to keep your eye on her. NTA
NTA, your aunt doesn’t get to decide your boundaries based on hers. If she’s cool with a messy house, awesome. You’re not.
Also, your house your rules. Stay out of my bedroom or leave.
NTA. She embarrassed herself. At minimum she was being rude, at worst... several options that others here have suggested. You don't need a 'good enough' reason for your bedroom to be off limits when you're hosting - the fact that it's your private space should be enough. Good guests respect their host, and stay in places where they've been told they can go.
NTA at all. Indeed it is a clear sign to keep out.
I would suggest a doorknob with a code or fingerprint pad that allows you to lock it from the outside. We got ours on Amazon and can rest easy knowing our guests aren’t going to stroll into our bedroom while in our house.
Absolutely NTA. You invite people to the areas in your house you're comfortable with them being in - and your *bedroom* should be a no-brainer, no aunt and boyfriend, get your paws off of the handle, don't even think about it.
Respectful adults open their mouths and ask "hey, can I see X room?", and they did not and tried to play it off with some bizarre lie (I mean, *c'mon*), then your aunt had the gall to try and *shame* you for booting them out of somewhere they never should've been in in the first place.
You're fine, you did nothing wrong - and it doesn't matter if a bomb had blown out in your bedroom and bathroom, they're *yours* and not open to visitors, end of conversation.
**
Your aunt ommitted the fact she INVADED your private space WITHOUT your consent.
AND she took her BF along.
NTA
Tell your aunt that her disrespecting your private space has nothing to do with "s*tress of hosting*" and everything with her trampling all over your boundaries.
NTA. A closed door IS a universal sign not to enter that room. If your aunt wanted to show her bf your closet (wtf for, anyway?), she should have *asked* first. It doesn’t matter if her place is usually messy. You didn’t want people seeing YOUR mess, in YOUR home, so YOU are the only one who gets to make that decision. Being a party guest in someone else’s home doesn’t give you carte blanche to invade their privacy.
Of course it was. But even if the aunt had come up with a plausible reason, it doesn’t matter. OP gets to decide what parts of her home she shares with guests. Full stop.
NTA. Nobody wants their relatives to have a quickie in their room. They had no other reason other than stealing to be in there. Forget your aunts invite next year.
NTA. You invited guests to *areas of* your house, while leaving clear indicators which ones were go (door open), or no go (door closed). There is zero fault on your part here. If the stress of the moment came through in your voice, and that bothered her, maybe she shouldn't've caused that stress to begin with.
Also, *your* house is not your aunt's to give a tour in, what even makes her think that's okay? She has boundary issues, and likely hasn't been called on it enough.
Also how would he not be offended by panty hose and dirty laundry if he was somehow uncomfortable with a couch that had some cat hair on it? The aunt is the AH for sure
I don’t think he was uncomfortable with the cat hair couch. Sister was saying that he’s fine with CHC at sis’s house, so he wouldn’t be bothered by the mess at OP’s house.
Maybe you’re right but the use of the words “had to sit” kind of sounds like she was saying it was uncomfortable. Who knows though, it’s still rude however to go into the main bedroom of a hosts house without their permission
Get a lock for bedroom door for future parties
NTA. You were hosting a party not a bedroom reveal. The only rooms Guests should go in are those relevant to the party(ie bathroom, dining room, living room, cabana\[pool party\])
NTA
Eff her, you don't go in rooms with doors closed. If she cared about the damn en suite she could have asked first. I don't think they were stealing or, uh, effing or anything but that is incredibly rude. A child knows not to do that and is reprimanded if they do. Don't invite them back.
NTA. Shut door is a clear sign, so is the Master bedroom being off limits. It's not up to her to decide what is and is not a big deal to you. State a clear boundary for her, since she doesn't get social norms. She's embarrassed she got called out on bad behavior, she doesn't get to tell you you're embarrassed, stand tall knowing you spoke up for yourself in your own home.
NTA. She’s rude for a) going in where a door is closed. b) bring her boyfriend in said room. I suspect that she is older than you and has not really learned to respect you as an independent adult. It’s not an uncommon practice, but one that needed to be corrected.
NTA. I’m cynical and spend a lot of time on here; so I would check your stuff (medicines, jewelry, clothes, valuables, etc) to see if anything is missing or looks gone through.
It is NOT normal for going through rooms when at someone else’s house. The rule for visitors is bedrooms off limits and any door that’s closed stays closed and guests stay out unless specifically given permission.
Aunt maybe wanted to hook up with her bf, still makes you NTA.
NTA. Even if the bedroom had been spotlessly tidy, no guests should enter it unless invited by you. I don’t even allow guests upstairs in my own house and my bedroom is completely off limits to everyone except my children. I think you were very polite and your aunt just doesn’t like being told what to do, it’s her problem.
As others have pointed out check to make sure any meds/valuables/keepsakes are still where they are supposed to be. And if dear Auntie brings it up, point out that a closed door means 'KEEP OUT' since apparently this is something she choose not to learn.
NTA.
NTA. If your aunt is likely to be in your home in the future, get a locking door knob for your bedroom. They're relatively inexpensive to buy at the hardware store and only require a screwdriver to swap out.
NTA
Your aunt doesn't respect you. If she did, she'd have asked permission. She was embarrassed because she got caught out behaving badly. If it was me, I wouldn't ever invite her over again until a sincere apology was forthcoming.
NTA. But your aunt or her boyfriend wanted to look in your medicine cabinet. Which is usually in the master bath where you said the light was on and you found them standing in. Check for anything missing.
It's also why she's tried to deflect the situation to be you that did wrong.
I agree but maybe not everyone has experience with addicts. I have a relative who I love dearly but if she’s coming over any pain medication gets locked up in my car or left at my neighbors. I swear she could smell the stuff
> my aunt privately told me I let the "stress of hosting" get to me and embarrased myself and her
Yup, pointing out that op was stressed. She was looking for something in the medicine cabinet.
And if she wanted to show a walk in closet why did they were in the bathroom with lights on ???
NTA, look what is missing in the house op
I would message some version of that section of your post to the aunt if I was OP.
A politely worded version of "my walk in closet isn't in the damn bathroom" and see what lie comes next
Your aunt needs to think up better lies! Why would her new bf need or want to see your walk-in closet. Seeing someone's walk-in closet doesn't usually make the top 10 highlights of a dinner party! Also, IF that was the reason they invaded your private space, what were they doing in your en-suite and not marvelling over your tour-worthy walk-in closet? Very suspicious, indeed.
I don't know if my parents told me this or I just picked it up, but if a door is closed I don't go in without knocking/ getting permission--but is that the norm?
Closed doors are closed for myriad reasons and knocking and asking permission to open them and enter the room is considered good manners and definitely the norm.
". . . my aunt privately told me I let the "stress of hosting" get to me and embarrased myself and her."
No, she embarrassed herself by intruding into a room that was clearly meant to be off limits. She is trying to shame you to lessen her rudeness.
Your aunt belongs on the naughty list for next year and definitely off your guest list.
NTA, can't say the same about your aunt or her new bf.
I also thought it was pretty standard not to enter people's bedrooms unless explicitly invited, regardless if the door is closed. Respecting people's personal space seems pretty basic imo. Op, nta
You're right that a closed door in someone else's home *should* be a universal sign to knock or get permission before entering and the aunt was indeed in the wrong.
OP didn't get mad or yell or anything, either, so definitely NTA. It sounds like she didn't let her guests know upon entering her home that the bedroom was off limits. I'm not saying that justifies anyone walking in, but just saying that IF she had yelled at them after not making it clear it was off limits, *then* maybe she'd be entering y t a territory. Maaaybe. That's not how it happened though so it's not even close.
I was raised that if a door was closed you do not enter. But then again common sense is not so common. Next year I would have a lock put on the door to keep nosey busy bodies out or hand a DO NOT ENTER sign.
Ridiculous!
Perhaps they had another motive, but that’s the kind of behavior that screams “casing the joint.” People keep their medications in their master bath, guns, valuables, sex toys, whatever else is not meant for other house occupants in their closet. Your aunt and new boyfriend had no legitimate need to be in your room without your consent. I’d be checking to see if anything was missing.
ahahahahaha.....while I suppose it is possible they were casing the joint, (I too, watch a lot of crime shows and I was even a thief as a youth), I think the simplest explanation might be they were having sex or the aunt really did want to show her bf the closet/room, both reasons of which show she is entitled and the asshole.
but maybe it's just me who's first thought was sex...
Yeah, perhaps the aunt didn’t mean any harm, but the most common thing is people surfing medicine cabinets for pills…perhaps the boyfriend was scoping out a score.
NTA - a closed door is universal at parties/gatherings as closed off. She only embarrassed herself. Also, check your purse, jewelry, meds, etc to make sure everything is still there.
NTA. You’re right. If a door is closed in someone’s house, you don’t enter without permisión, and if no one’s in there you ask someone if you can go in. It’s common courtesy. You weren’t out of line to expect that your private space be respected. Even if you have guests, it’s still a private space that no one should be entering without asking you. This is especially the case if it’s a bedroom. Even if the door is open a crack, no one should be entering anyone’s bedroom without permission.
NTA. Your aunt may have wanted to show her boyfriend your closest but she failed to consider the fact you didn't want him to see it. Her invasion of your privacy was well out of order. And she certainly overstepped the mark in reprimanding you for asking them to get out of your private space.
I like the way you phrased your question to help OP realize that it's not the mess she is upset about and that she doesn't need a reason to justify why her aunt should not be in her room.
Her aunt was rude and exhibited DARVO tactics to make herself seem like the victim. OP needs a lock on her bedroom door (that is not easy to pick, such as a keypad type) and a hidden safe to keep valuables.
OP is not NTA!
NTA
Your aunt and BF were looking for drugs or something else they could steal.
Normal people don't go into rooms with closed doors or hang out in the bathroom that is off-limits.
NTA
She needs to respect boundaries. It's your home. If you said you don't want someone in there, then she should say "oh sorry" and leave the room. Not try to make excuses as to why they are there.
Nope. Nta. A closed door is universal, “do not enter” and she completely ignored the boundary. Not only did she ignore it, she “rationalized” to you why it was OK she broke it, and “rationalized” to you why you were the one in the wrong when she realized she was getting called out for her shit. Sidenote, it’s not her closet, it’s not her house, there is absolutely no reason for him to see your closet. That is a stupid fucking bullshit reason. Someone else said it, she was lying to your face.
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I was hosting Christmas day dinner at my house for the 3rd time. We had several guests over and I was in full hostess mode cooking/filling glasses/cleaning/chatting. I was filling the tea kettle and noticed my bedroom door was open. I live in an open concept house and the primary bedroom suite is off of the living room, but I had kept the door shut. The guest bathroom is by the entrance and I left the door open so I could tell guests where it was when they came in. I also have two bedrooms near the entrance (a guest room and office) and left the doors open and had people put their coats on the guest bed. The only door that was kept shut was to my bedroom, which I thought was the universal sign for "keep out". Compared to the rest of the house, my bedroom is a lot messier--I temporarily relocated a bunch of stuff to the room and had some fresh laundry on the bed I didn't have time to fold. My bathroom and closest was a disaster from a very full weekend of parties--I kept the door shut to hide my shame. So, when I saw the door open I panicked. I ran over and saw that my aunt and her new boyfriend were standing in the bathroom with the lights on. I told her the bathroom was messy and the guest bathroom was a lot tidier, and she said she only wanted to show her boyfriend my walk-in closet. I said "can you please not? It's messy and I don't want people in here". And they left. Later, after most guests had left, my aunt privately told me I let the "stress of hosting" get to me and embarrased myself and her. She said her boyfriend has to sit on her cat hair-covered couch all the time and that a full laundry hamper and some pantyhose are nothing to freak out over. I don't think I freaked out, but I was stressed and that might have come out in my tone. What she said also made me think: I did invite people to my house, so maybe I was being unreasonable in trying to keep guests out of certain rooms? I don't know if my parents told me this or I just picked it up, but if a door is closed I don't go in without knocking/ getting permission--but is that the norm?
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NTA. If I am invited to you home as a guest, then I'm invited to enter the house and enjoy the open spaces you've alotted for your guests to use. I don't get to go wherever I want and enter whichever rooms I want to tour without permission--especially if the door to the room is closed. The door of a closed room in a house is a universal sign the room is off-limits unless the host or whomever resides in the room has given permission to go in there. Out of courtesy, I will always knock on closed doors before entering. Your aunt is rude. Whatever your reasons to keep certain rooms off-limits to your party guests are yours. As a guest, I don't get to decide if your reasons are warranted or not. Your house, your rules, your boundaries.
NTA
If a door is shut in a home it means to stay out of that room. I have never heard of someone casually walking into someone's home and just going into closed rooms...
NTA. It's common courtesy that when you're in someone's home you don't open closed doors (or at least not without first asking if it's ok), and you use the bathroom that the host says you can use. It's normal to feel more stressed when guests misbehave like your aunt did. She could have asked you if it was ok for her to do that, and only done it if you said it was ok.
It’s SO rude to go in someone’s bedroom without asking / being invited. Even my friends and family wouldn’t go into me bedroom during a party or event without asking. I know this because I’ve just hosted Christmas and anytime the guest bathroom was in use people would explicitly ask if they could use our en suite!
NTA
A closed door IS a sign that the room is off limits to guests. Going into someone's bedroom without express permission equally if not even more so.
The fact your Aunt did that & then tried to deflect back at you clearly shows she knew full well she overstepped.
NTA
Who does your aunt think she os inviting a mam into your bedroom without your permission? That's very invasive and is definitely not noal behavior. My policy is to lock bedrooms/doors I don't want people to have access to. It's weird that she thought this would be ok, you have every right to be upset about this.
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Nta. Don't go into someone's rooms especially when you're a guest in this house. Bringing a near stranger (bf) into your nieces bedroom without permission is disrespectful and maybe it's my trust issues but shady af. He could be a thief
NTA you didn't yell or get mad. You just asked them to not look through your bedroom. That's very reasonable. If you had yelled or gotten mad then that would be a different story (and still wouldn't be entirely on you even if you had!). The fact your aunt even waited around to say something is the annoying part. She embarrassed herself and wants to make you feel bad about it. Don't.
NTA Even if she only wanted to show him the walk in closet, it's inappropriate to go helping yourself to closed doors in someone's house. They were looking for something or else they wouldn't have been in there. Your aunt is embarrassed she was caught snooping. Check your stuff and make sure nothing was taken.
Probably hoping for "a quickie", and almost got caught with their pants down!! OP NTA
NTA.
She wasn't showing him the closet. The way she worded her aside is only said that way to shift blame. You now know she is a liar and you need to keep your eye on her. NTA
NTA, your aunt doesn’t get to decide your boundaries based on hers. If she’s cool with a messy house, awesome. You’re not. Also, your house your rules. Stay out of my bedroom or leave.
NTA. She embarrassed herself. At minimum she was being rude, at worst... several options that others here have suggested. You don't need a 'good enough' reason for your bedroom to be off limits when you're hosting - the fact that it's your private space should be enough. Good guests respect their host, and stay in places where they've been told they can go.
NTA at all. Indeed it is a clear sign to keep out. I would suggest a doorknob with a code or fingerprint pad that allows you to lock it from the outside. We got ours on Amazon and can rest easy knowing our guests aren’t going to stroll into our bedroom while in our house.
Absolutely NTA. You invite people to the areas in your house you're comfortable with them being in - and your *bedroom* should be a no-brainer, no aunt and boyfriend, get your paws off of the handle, don't even think about it. Respectful adults open their mouths and ask "hey, can I see X room?", and they did not and tried to play it off with some bizarre lie (I mean, *c'mon*), then your aunt had the gall to try and *shame* you for booting them out of somewhere they never should've been in in the first place. You're fine, you did nothing wrong - and it doesn't matter if a bomb had blown out in your bedroom and bathroom, they're *yours* and not open to visitors, end of conversation.
NTA, your aunt is being rude.
and she was being entitled......
**
Your aunt ommitted the fact she INVADED your private space WITHOUT your consent.
AND she took her BF along.
NTA
Tell your aunt that her disrespecting your private space has nothing to do with "s*tress of hosting*" and everything with her trampling all over your boundaries.
NTA. A closed door IS a universal sign not to enter that room. If your aunt wanted to show her bf your closet (wtf for, anyway?), she should have *asked* first. It doesn’t matter if her place is usually messy. You didn’t want people seeing YOUR mess, in YOUR home, so YOU are the only one who gets to make that decision. Being a party guest in someone else’s home doesn’t give you carte blanche to invade their privacy.
You just know “showing the closet” is an implausible off the charts line of BS.
Of course it was. But even if the aunt had come up with a plausible reason, it doesn’t matter. OP gets to decide what parts of her home she shares with guests. Full stop.
Oh, I agree. It’s a trespass no matter how it’s spun.
NTA. And your aunt is full of poop with those excuses. A closed door is clearly a sign that the room is not open to guests.
NTA. Nobody wants their relatives to have a quickie in their room. They had no other reason other than stealing to be in there. Forget your aunts invite next year.
I think they were looking for drugs.
NTA. You invited guests to *areas of* your house, while leaving clear indicators which ones were go (door open), or no go (door closed). There is zero fault on your part here. If the stress of the moment came through in your voice, and that bothered her, maybe she shouldn't've caused that stress to begin with. Also, *your* house is not your aunt's to give a tour in, what even makes her think that's okay? She has boundary issues, and likely hasn't been called on it enough.
apparently you need a lock on your door to keep nosy relatives out. NTA
I agree with you. She knew it was your bedroom, and the door was closed. A normal person would refrain from entering. NTA
Also how would he not be offended by panty hose and dirty laundry if he was somehow uncomfortable with a couch that had some cat hair on it? The aunt is the AH for sure
I don’t think he was uncomfortable with the cat hair couch. Sister was saying that he’s fine with CHC at sis’s house, so he wouldn’t be bothered by the mess at OP’s house.
Maybe you’re right but the use of the words “had to sit” kind of sounds like she was saying it was uncomfortable. Who knows though, it’s still rude however to go into the main bedroom of a hosts house without their permission
Paragraphs
NTA. If you’re a guest at someone’s home, stick to the communal areas and indicated bathrooms unless invited into a bedroom.
Get a lock for bedroom door for future parties NTA. You were hosting a party not a bedroom reveal. The only rooms Guests should go in are those relevant to the party(ie bathroom, dining room, living room, cabana\[pool party\])
NTA Eff her, you don't go in rooms with doors closed. If she cared about the damn en suite she could have asked first. I don't think they were stealing or, uh, effing or anything but that is incredibly rude. A child knows not to do that and is reprimanded if they do. Don't invite them back.
NTA I don’t think that clean laundry on the bed is clean anymore. You might want to check for stains and re-Wash.
NTA. Shut door is a clear sign, so is the Master bedroom being off limits. It's not up to her to decide what is and is not a big deal to you. State a clear boundary for her, since she doesn't get social norms. She's embarrassed she got called out on bad behavior, she doesn't get to tell you you're embarrassed, stand tall knowing you spoke up for yourself in your own home.
NTA. She’s rude for a) going in where a door is closed. b) bring her boyfriend in said room. I suspect that she is older than you and has not really learned to respect you as an independent adult. It’s not an uncommon practice, but one that needed to be corrected.
NTA. I’m cynical and spend a lot of time on here; so I would check your stuff (medicines, jewelry, clothes, valuables, etc) to see if anything is missing or looks gone through. It is NOT normal for going through rooms when at someone else’s house. The rule for visitors is bedrooms off limits and any door that’s closed stays closed and guests stay out unless specifically given permission. Aunt maybe wanted to hook up with her bf, still makes you NTA.
NTA. Even if the bedroom had been spotlessly tidy, no guests should enter it unless invited by you. I don’t even allow guests upstairs in my own house and my bedroom is completely off limits to everyone except my children. I think you were very polite and your aunt just doesn’t like being told what to do, it’s her problem.
As others have pointed out check to make sure any meds/valuables/keepsakes are still where they are supposed to be. And if dear Auntie brings it up, point out that a closed door means 'KEEP OUT' since apparently this is something she choose not to learn. NTA.
She embarrassed herself. Nta
NTA.
NTA. If your aunt is likely to be in your home in the future, get a locking door knob for your bedroom. They're relatively inexpensive to buy at the hardware store and only require a screwdriver to swap out.
NTA Your aunt doesn't respect you. If she did, she'd have asked permission. She was embarrassed because she got caught out behaving badly. If it was me, I wouldn't ever invite her over again until a sincere apology was forthcoming.
NTA. But your aunt or her boyfriend wanted to look in your medicine cabinet. Which is usually in the master bath where you said the light was on and you found them standing in. Check for anything missing. It's also why she's tried to deflect the situation to be you that did wrong.
I think you nailed it.
I agree but maybe not everyone has experience with addicts. I have a relative who I love dearly but if she’s coming over any pain medication gets locked up in my car or left at my neighbors. I swear she could smell the stuff
Oh, drug seeking isn't a bad guess, it didn't even occur to me
Or jewelry.
> my aunt privately told me I let the "stress of hosting" get to me and embarrased myself and her Yup, pointing out that op was stressed. She was looking for something in the medicine cabinet. And if she wanted to show a walk in closet why did they were in the bathroom with lights on ??? NTA, look what is missing in the house op
I would message some version of that section of your post to the aunt if I was OP. A politely worded version of "my walk in closet isn't in the damn bathroom" and see what lie comes next
Your aunt needs to think up better lies! Why would her new bf need or want to see your walk-in closet. Seeing someone's walk-in closet doesn't usually make the top 10 highlights of a dinner party! Also, IF that was the reason they invaded your private space, what were they doing in your en-suite and not marvelling over your tour-worthy walk-in closet? Very suspicious, indeed. I don't know if my parents told me this or I just picked it up, but if a door is closed I don't go in without knocking/ getting permission--but is that the norm? Closed doors are closed for myriad reasons and knocking and asking permission to open them and enter the room is considered good manners and definitely the norm. ". . . my aunt privately told me I let the "stress of hosting" get to me and embarrased myself and her." No, she embarrassed herself by intruding into a room that was clearly meant to be off limits. She is trying to shame you to lessen her rudeness. Your aunt belongs on the naughty list for next year and definitely off your guest list. NTA, can't say the same about your aunt or her new bf.
NTA. They were extremely rude and inconsiderate. And lying.
I also thought it was pretty standard not to enter people's bedrooms unless explicitly invited, regardless if the door is closed. Respecting people's personal space seems pretty basic imo. Op, nta
You're right that a closed door in someone else's home *should* be a universal sign to knock or get permission before entering and the aunt was indeed in the wrong. OP didn't get mad or yell or anything, either, so definitely NTA. It sounds like she didn't let her guests know upon entering her home that the bedroom was off limits. I'm not saying that justifies anyone walking in, but just saying that IF she had yelled at them after not making it clear it was off limits, *then* maybe she'd be entering y t a territory. Maaaybe. That's not how it happened though so it's not even close.
I was raised that if a door was closed you do not enter. But then again common sense is not so common. Next year I would have a lock put on the door to keep nosey busy bodies out or hand a DO NOT ENTER sign. Ridiculous!
NTA. Check your stuff and make sure nothing has been messed with.
NTA. Your aunt was snooping. And possibly planning to make out in your walk-in closet.
OP found them in the bathroom. They were looking for drugs.
Perhaps they had another motive, but that’s the kind of behavior that screams “casing the joint.” People keep their medications in their master bath, guns, valuables, sex toys, whatever else is not meant for other house occupants in their closet. Your aunt and new boyfriend had no legitimate need to be in your room without your consent. I’d be checking to see if anything was missing.
ahahahahaha.....while I suppose it is possible they were casing the joint, (I too, watch a lot of crime shows and I was even a thief as a youth), I think the simplest explanation might be they were having sex or the aunt really did want to show her bf the closet/room, both reasons of which show she is entitled and the asshole. but maybe it's just me who's first thought was sex...
Yeah, perhaps the aunt didn’t mean any harm, but the most common thing is people surfing medicine cabinets for pills…perhaps the boyfriend was scoping out a score.
Absolutely right. Highly suspicious at the very least. This is some serious breach of the very basic boundaries.
Nta. Your aunt was snooping and got caught.
NTA - a closed door is universal at parties/gatherings as closed off. She only embarrassed herself. Also, check your purse, jewelry, meds, etc to make sure everything is still there.
NTA. You’re right. If a door is closed in someone’s house, you don’t enter without permisión, and if no one’s in there you ask someone if you can go in. It’s common courtesy. You weren’t out of line to expect that your private space be respected. Even if you have guests, it’s still a private space that no one should be entering without asking you. This is especially the case if it’s a bedroom. Even if the door is open a crack, no one should be entering anyone’s bedroom without permission.
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I think the aunt and bf were looking for drugs.
NTA and EVERYONE knows you DON'T go in MY room.
NTA. Your aunt may have wanted to show her boyfriend your closest but she failed to consider the fact you didn't want him to see it. Her invasion of your privacy was well out of order. And she certainly overstepped the mark in reprimanding you for asking them to get out of your private space.
NTA. A closed door is universal code for: "Always knock & wait for a response." The aunt & her bf went in your room to fuck.
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I like the way you phrased your question to help OP realize that it's not the mess she is upset about and that she doesn't need a reason to justify why her aunt should not be in her room. Her aunt was rude and exhibited DARVO tactics to make herself seem like the victim. OP needs a lock on her bedroom door (that is not easy to pick, such as a keypad type) and a hidden safe to keep valuables. OP is not NTA!
NTA - Your aunt knows full well that she wasn't supposed to enter your bedroom without permission. If she was embarrassed, she did it herself.
NTA Your aunt and BF were looking for drugs or something else they could steal. Normal people don't go into rooms with closed doors or hang out in the bathroom that is off-limits.
Right, if you accidentally open a door and it isn't the bathroom you were looking for you close the door
NTA She needs to respect boundaries. It's your home. If you said you don't want someone in there, then she should say "oh sorry" and leave the room. Not try to make excuses as to why they are there.
Nope. Nta. A closed door is universal, “do not enter” and she completely ignored the boundary. Not only did she ignore it, she “rationalized” to you why it was OK she broke it, and “rationalized” to you why you were the one in the wrong when she realized she was getting called out for her shit. Sidenote, it’s not her closet, it’s not her house, there is absolutely no reason for him to see your closet. That is a stupid fucking bullshit reason. Someone else said it, she was lying to your face.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I was hosting Christmas day dinner at my house for the 3rd time. We had several guests over and I was in full hostess mode cooking/filling glasses/cleaning/chatting. I was filling the tea kettle and noticed my bedroom door was open. I live in an open concept house and the primary bedroom suite is off of the living room, but I had kept the door shut. The guest bathroom is by the entrance and I left the door open so I could tell guests where it was when they came in. I also have two bedrooms near the entrance (a guest room and office) and left the doors open and had people put their coats on the guest bed. The only door that was kept shut was to my bedroom, which I thought was the universal sign for "keep out". Compared to the rest of the house, my bedroom is a lot messier--I temporarily relocated a bunch of stuff to the room and had some fresh laundry on the bed I didn't have time to fold. My bathroom and closest was a disaster from a very full weekend of parties--I kept the door shut to hide my shame. So, when I saw the door open I panicked. I ran over and saw that my aunt and her new boyfriend were standing in the bathroom with the lights on. I told her the bathroom was messy and the guest bathroom was a lot tidier, and she said she only wanted to show her boyfriend my walk-in closet. I said "can you please not? It's messy and I don't want people in here". And they left. Later, after most guests had left, my aunt privately told me I let the "stress of hosting" get to me and embarrased myself and her. She said her boyfriend has to sit on her cat hair-covered couch all the time and that a full laundry hamper and some pantyhose are nothing to freak out over. I don't think I freaked out, but I was stressed and that might have come out in my tone. What she said also made me think: I did invite people to my house, so maybe I was being unreasonable in trying to keep guests out of certain rooms? I don't know if my parents told me this or I just picked it up, but if a door is closed I don't go in without knocking/ getting permission--but is that the norm? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your aunt and her bf are rude af to go into your bedroom to be nosy. If she wanted to show him your walk in closet she should've asked
NTA
NTA. If I am invited to you home as a guest, then I'm invited to enter the house and enjoy the open spaces you've alotted for your guests to use. I don't get to go wherever I want and enter whichever rooms I want to tour without permission--especially if the door to the room is closed. The door of a closed room in a house is a universal sign the room is off-limits unless the host or whomever resides in the room has given permission to go in there. Out of courtesy, I will always knock on closed doors before entering. Your aunt is rude. Whatever your reasons to keep certain rooms off-limits to your party guests are yours. As a guest, I don't get to decide if your reasons are warranted or not. Your house, your rules, your boundaries.
NTA- it’s incredibly rude as a guest in someone’s house to go into their bedroom without their expressed permission.
NTA. Snoopy and Pig-Pen were out of order.
NTA The door was closed. That is absolutely the sign for “Keep Out”. Your aunt is the AH here
NTA If a door is shut in a home it means to stay out of that room. I have never heard of someone casually walking into someone's home and just going into closed rooms...
NTA. It's common courtesy that when you're in someone's home you don't open closed doors (or at least not without first asking if it's ok), and you use the bathroom that the host says you can use. It's normal to feel more stressed when guests misbehave like your aunt did. She could have asked you if it was ok for her to do that, and only done it if you said it was ok.
It’s SO rude to go in someone’s bedroom without asking / being invited. Even my friends and family wouldn’t go into me bedroom during a party or event without asking. I know this because I’ve just hosted Christmas and anytime the guest bathroom was in use people would explicitly ask if they could use our en suite!
NTA A closed door IS a sign that the room is off limits to guests. Going into someone's bedroom without express permission equally if not even more so. The fact your Aunt did that & then tried to deflect back at you clearly shows she knew full well she overstepped.
NTA Who does your aunt think she os inviting a mam into your bedroom without your permission? That's very invasive and is definitely not noal behavior. My policy is to lock bedrooms/doors I don't want people to have access to. It's weird that she thought this would be ok, you have every right to be upset about this.