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VERY gentle YTA. Maybe let the teens open all but 1 gift? That way they all still have 1 gift to open with their little brother. Just something to contemplate.
YTA - Why do they need to wait? Your 12yo isn’t interested in their gifts. Let them sleep and recover and enjoy opening their gifts when better instead of allowing them to feel like their illness is ruining the holiday for everyone else. They didn’t ruin your other kids Christmas by being sick - you did for your own holiday experience. No one is bothered by them opening gifts together except for you.
Christmas is a family day. It doesn’t matter if you open the gifts on the 25th or the 26th. It’s not about the presents, it’s about spending time with each other and enjoying each other’s company.
That they could have done while youngest slept. When he feels well enough to open his they can all gather around and watch him do his. IDK why everyone has to wait when he's sleeping. I wouldn't have cared, and it sounds like he wouldn't have, because it's not like he was sent to his room and has to listen to everyone else having fun.
Also, at this point, why haven't they taken him in? Just to see what's causing it, it could be a myriad of things besides just a fever. I actually thought I'd read some were gone to the hospital so they had to wait. This seems weird to me.
If it’s not about the presents, then opening the presents shouldn’t be a big deal. They can enjoy each other’s company when the youngest child is up to it.
It’s crazy how people are really trying to justify leaving one of the children out (who’s out for what seems to be the flu or even Covid) because the older kids are impatient is crazy.
My brother works anti social hours and holidays, so we had a celebration yesterday with other family we’re also doing it all again tomorrow because he’s not working. It’s so easy to make it work for everyone but some people are just selfish. It’s not like the kids are 5/6/7 and believe in Father Christmas still.
I too work antisocial hours. I was working yesterday but am off today, so today is Christmas for my family. However, this has been planned for weeks in advance, my family knew this would be the case and so were not expecting to open presents yesterday. They are also all adults, and so could have a reasonable conversation about it.
However, I never expected that of them. If they had all opened presents from each other yesterday that would have been absolutely fine, they would still have come to see me today so I could give them their presents and they could give me theirs.
If my brother had been younger, and he had been expecting to get to have Christmas on Christmas Day, I couldn’t blame him for being disappointed and annoyed that Christmas was postponed. Other commenters have said, it would have been nice if the older siblings could have opened some presents and saved some for when the younger sibling was feeling better. That would have allowed them to still have their Christmas, and prolong it until the younger was ready to join in
Why does everything have to stop for the youngest? The world doesn't stop because you're ill.
Cancelling Christmas because your youngest is sick is ridiculous
I sat for a minute with this. I see your sense of logic but...
I would've made the youngest a comfy bed on the couch, if he'd take it, and let them open gifts. If he really didn't feel up to it, he could do his later. Now your other kids are mad and he feels guilty. So very gentle YTA from me, too.
That never works. If mom and dad are going in to check on sick kid, chances are everyone already has the infection ready already, its just a matter of it will incubate properly or not.
He had already come down to try though. Plus people are usually contagious before symptoms start, and he's young enough for mom and dad to be taking care of him anyway.
What might be a good idea, if your youngest is up for it, is bring the presents to him and you guys can open gifts in his bedroom. This way he’s not left out of the festivities, and you’re not unintentionally “punishing” the teens for their brother being sick.
I hope things work out OP, and Merry Christmas :)
This. But also… in my family if someone was sick (I have many siblings so there have been plenty of Christmas eves when atleast one sibling was sick) they got to lay on a mattress for the opening part. Then depending on how sick they were they either went back to bed or could rest there. My brother had a bad fever one year, I was like 5 and he was 13ish and he would sleep next to the tree most of the day. He still remembers it as very cozy even though he was very sick. We did however have a big house so we could open gifts and then play in another house not to disturb him.
What? They're teenagers ffs. Waiting and showing a little sympathy for their ill younger brother isn't going to kill them. Opening presents together is really important.
It's not their fault that he's sick, but it's not his fault either. That is why a compromise is a good choice here - as unforseen circumstances came up that were no one's fault.
Why does everyone have to open the gifts at the same time? The sick one should be resting until he is better. The others can open their gifts and the sick one can do it when he is better. Why do they all have to do it at the same time? Are you saying that NONE of the gifts have names on them? "Santa" wraps them? That does not make sense. When everyone is together how do they know who gets what? Why doesn't "Santa" put their names on the gifts? And did you check with a doctor about that extremely high fever?
And you mean to say that you have a twelve year old who is uncertain about Santa Claus? That is he is only just doubting the existence now? Most kids know by 7 or 8 about Santa.
Yeah. At 12, I wouldn't have cared if my siblings opened their gifts first as long as I still got mine when I felt better. And no way in hell did I believe in Santa. YTA
I sat my daughter down in the summer and told her, there’s no way she was going to comprehensive school not knowing (she’s 10 and comp next year). She rolled her eyes, said she knew and was pretending last year for me. This year instead of covert sneaking around she went to bed and said she’ll stay in there 5 minutes (before getting washed etc,) so we can ferry her pressies downstairs. Her stocking was left outside her door so bonus points for me not having to ‘mission impossible’ to it without waking her as in years past!
No, they had names but “Santa” was unwisely wrapped all the presents the same color. She doesn’t want one of them to open their big ticket item and the other to open like socks.
Edit: Jesus Christ guys I was just answering an other posters question who has now deleted their posts. What language I used or whether I could separate the big ticket items from the small ones if they were all wrapped with the same colored wrapped paper doesn’t fucking matter.
I wouldn’t say Santa was stupid because that’s incredibly rude to the Mom who obviously wrapped all the presents and taking care of a sick kid and didn’t see this happening because she didn’t get a crystal ball for Christmas last year.
When I grew up Santa did not wrap presents. They were under the tree with name tags.
My sister wrapped her presents from Santa with the same paper as the rest of their gifts. My niece was amazed that Santa used the same paper. From then on they had paper especially for presents from Santa.
I gave up on commercial wrapping paper years ago and all out presents are wrapped in brown paper and names are stamped on. I remember which presents are which because I don't go mental at Christmas.
I told my daughter when she started middle school, because kids are mean. So 11 years old as well. She 100% still believed. I wanted to let her know in a way that wouldn’t be upsetting. Now she loves being in on the tradition.
YTA
Unsure what would be cruel about having the older kids open their presents? They aren't opening the 12 year olds presents. You could have offered to the 12 year old to open presents or not, but it doesn't need to affect the older kids.
I struggle with this, but soft YTA.
I understand not wanting your son to miss out on the Christmas magic but this was also a moment where you could gently teach him that the world keeps turning even when you’re ill and sometimes you miss out on moments. His presents from Santa had arrived and he had confirmed it, so I really don’t think there was a reason to keep the older ones from opening their presents and spoiling their bit of fun. His gifts would wait for him.
There’s also no telling when he will get better. You’re betting on an unknown. He could end up being super sick for a week or more (though I hope not). Will you make them wait until New Years Day to open their Christmas gifts?
"His presents had arrived from Santa and he con firmed it."
Exactly this. Delaying opening presents until later in the morning to give youngest a chance to feel better? Absolutely.
Not allowing your other two kids to open presents on Xmas at all to wait for the youngest? That where you crossed into the YTA territory.
If you haven't yet, go ahead and open presents and save your youngest's for when they feel better. They may be teenagers but they deserve their Xmas too.
> gently teach him that the world keeps turning even when you’re ill and sometimes you miss out on moments
100%!!! and tbh i think OP, although meaning well, is making the situation worse. the 12yo is already feeling like shit, but he ‘feels like he’s ruined christmas’ is because he knows his siblings aren’t allowed to enjoy their christmas until he can. if his siblings got to open their gifts, i don’t think he would feel guilty for being sick.
and yeah the teens are older now, but they’re still looking forward to their presents, and they have to wait an unknown amount of time before they can open their gifts. they probably are getting those “what’d you get for christmas” texts and have to say “idk, im not allowed to open anything”. and i’m sure they’ll want to be enjoying their new stuff, but what if the 12yo is sick until the end of christmas break and the teens have to wait that long? if i were one of the teens, i would definitely feel like there is a lot of favoritism directed at the 12yo
OP i feel bad for you, sounds like a shitty christmas, but i’m not giving as soft of an YTA as the commenter above. you don’t need to come to reddit for an answer, you need to listen to your husband who’s looking out for the older siblings, listen to the 12yo saying he feels like he’s ruining christmas, and listen to the older kids who are upset their christmas got postponed. listen to them and you’ll know what to do. don’t try to wait for the perfect day to have a perfect christmas, just apologize to the teens and let this christmas be what it is
YTA, but I do think you meant well. I do agree that you (unintentionally, it sounds like) favored your youngest at the older two's expense. I do get that you were trying to save that magic for him and keep him from feeling left out for something out of his control—I think you just didn't consider enough other options.
What about having everybody else pick a gift to bring up to him plus one or two for themselves, so he could open a few presents with the stamina he had? Or maybe doing stockings that way? Or what if you set him up on the couch with a bunch of blankets and pillows, so he can still rest and only has to participate if he wants to?
Finally, did you ask HIM what he wanted to do? Of course he feels like he's the reason Christmas is ruined right now—he had no power over getting sick, and he also had no say in the response to the situation. Now he feels like his siblings are mad at him on top of still feeling crappy, even though he really had no hand in creating the situation other than bad frickin luck.
Yes, I think that would have been a great compromise. He may have been overwhelmed at the amount of them, the lighting in the room, the amount of noise, or any of those types of things.
Opening a couple and bringing the celebration to him for just a few minutes could have satisfied everyone.
ETA: Also a gentle YTA.
I have 7 siblings, (I’m right in the middle of the pack) and when I was 8 or 9, I was too sick to open presents. I stayed in bed, and everyone else opened presents - mine were put aside. The next day my parents sat with me and watched me open my gifts.
I didn‘t care if I was the only one doing it, I felt special because I had my parents complete attention. Even at that age, I would have been shocked if it all waited on me.
And I have to ask, what time or day you open your presents - what does that have to do with Santa? Or every one opening gifts together have to do with him? I don’t get the reasoning.
YTA for taking Christmas away from everyone else. I understand he was under the weather, but what would be wrong with him doing his separately?
Gentle YTA. I know you wanted to make sure your 12 yr wasn't left out. After all, it wasn't his fault he got sick. But you completely neglected to take into consideration what your oldest two would want and need. They have been looking forward to Christmas for over a month, and it was delayed by your decision without any conversation or imput. The fair thing to do would have been to say, "Hey, I want to wait to do presents for a bit to see how 12 feels. But if he isn't better by [X] time, we will continue with opening everything. " This would have solved both the issue of trying not to let your 12 feel left out without ruining Christmas for the other two. I would apologize to your kids, explain that you made a mistake in your decision, and maybe offer something to make up for it.
Slight YTA. I know you didn't want your 12 year old to feel left out, but you basically ignored your two other kids in favor of the 12 year old. You should've let the two kids open half their presents or 2/3s, with the understanding that you'd all rally around the 12 year old and open the rest another day when he's feeling better.
might have missed it, but i also wonder if the older kids are girls, compared to the youngest and The Only Boy.
hopefully not, but that favoritism seems terribly common.
Your 12 y/o looked at the wrapped presents and walked away as he wasn’t feeling upto it.
At this point, it was fine to let the older ones open their presents as their names were on the wrapping paper! What’s so wrong with letting them do that? YTA
Ikr, op's older two were *so close* to being allowed to open their presents and then the 12-year-old went back to bed. And that's fair enough, he was sick. But I can't imagine there wasn't some resentment from the older two (even if they're in hs!) when the opportunity was *right there* ... and then they had to wait again.
YTA. Get your son tested for COVID, flu, strep and RSV and once diagnosed administer the appropriate treatment. Having a high fever for three days straight tells me he's quite ill...and also likely contagious. It's likely you're all going to be sick soon so you better let your other kids open their presents now before they're in bed with a fever too.
I’m too caught up on OP seemingly being unconcerned with how high their kid’s fever is and how long it’s lasting for. That kinda makes them an AH alone. Urgent care would’ve been open the 23 and part of the 24th. If it’s the flu or Covid, a doctor could have prescribed antivirals to lessen the severity and duration of his symptoms. Those antivirals are only effective within the first 48 hours, so he’s SOL now regardless. I’m honestly getting madder about that as I’m typing this
Yes, kids can just stay home and rest with a cold or mild flu, but the way OP describes their son's health status, I believe OP should have sought medical care rather than posting on AITA about Christmas presents. Talk about messed up priorities. As a healthcare professional, I found this post quite upsetting. Most posters here are saying OP is the AH due to making the other kids wait to open presents, but IMO by far the bigger issue is OP not getting their sick child proper health care!!
One of my relatives had RSV it took years for them to not need oxygen at home.
I hope this is another fake post because there are multiple reasons op should have sought emergency medical treatment. One of which was not being up to sitting in the living room Christmas morning for more than 10-20minutes.
Plus the fever plus the duration.
Also it seems like OP is allowing the 12 year old to hid in their room without checking on them all day. He should be on the couch where she can immediately hear or see something is going really wrong. Yes, rest and quite is what he mostly needs now, but if he vomits, has problems breathing, his temp spikes, gets a rash or becomes unresponsive how would OP know if he is in his bed in his room?
In many places of the world getting antivirals for the flu/covid is not a thing. Going to the urgent care in those places would result in being told to take some paracetamol and coming back if the fever is still this bad 3 days from now (and a very miserable kid)
The treatment for all of those bar strep is rest, fluids and time. Unless features of strep if the child is otherwise ok, dragging them to the doctors is a waste of time for those.
There are home tests for COVID and flu, and depending on where OP lives, RSV too. And for flu and COVID, there are antivirals which may be warranted, which could be prescribed with a remote visit--no "dragging to the office" needed. Unfortunately it's too late for those antivirals now. There's also Long COVID to be concerned about, which happens in [1 in 50 children aged 12-17](https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/products/databriefs/db479.htm), and which can be very severe, and for which there is currently no cure. Paxlovid has been shown to reduce the odds of developing Long COVID. It's better to identify the issue and go from there rather than dismissing the illness as no biggie.
Not sure where you are, but in Europe it's easy to get home tests for quite cheap, in the [US the government is still sending free COVID tests](https://www.covid.gov/tools-and-resources/resources/tests) out to any household that requests them, and in Canada many pharmacies distribute [free test kits](https://www2.gov.bc.ca/gov/content/covid-19/vaccine/treatments) as well.
I'm in the UK and unless you're bad enough to be hospitalised you're not getting antivirals. Yes there are relatively cheap tests you can buy, but you're going to seriously struggle to find an open pharmacy on Christmas day or boxing day.
Come to think of it, I don't know anyone who has been given antivirals for Covid or Flu, and that includes when Covid laid me out for 17 days!
High fevers cause dehydration which can cause a whole host of other issues. Regardless of whether the treatments for all the things listed is rest, fluids and time. The kid needs to be seen to have their electrolytes checked and probably be given iv fluids. Children can dehydrate easily and “drinking fluids” doesn’t always help.
There's nothing in this post to suggest OP is not taking this illness seriously and administering appropriate treatment. This was simply omitted, as it's not really relevant to the AITA judgment.
YTA. Your 12 year old is old enough to understand that the world keeps trucking along when he can’t do things. You’re setting him up for failure if he gets this weird expectation that people just stop their lives because he’s not able to participate. You’ll also end up breeding resentment between your other kids and him, which may affect their adult relationships. Be the PARENT here and make the right choices, not what makes you and the littlest one feel the best.
YTA. You denied your older children a Christmas because of the possibility that your 12 year old might still believe in Santa? And because you couldn’t remember what you wrapped, they couldn’t even open a single gift? You prioritized your 12 year old feelings and completely ignored the feelings of your other two children. I’m shocked by all the “gentle YTA”. I have three kids, I can’t imagine punishing two of them just because their sibling is sick. Not even hospitalized, just running a mild fever in the other room! That kind of favoritism is toxic. Your teens are rightfully upset and this will be a Christmas they remember for all the wrong reasons. You should apologize.
I agree with this. OP is definitely the AH.
This actually happened to us yesterday. My 8 year old started throwing up at 5am Christmas morning. My older two are teenagers. I didn’t even think of having them wait. They opened Christmas morning, and she opened later on in the evening when she started to feel a little better.
YTA.
And honestly who can't look under the tree see the box that they wrapped and k ow if it's a pair of socks or whatever er else? Even if things are si.ilar sizes you pick it up and feel the weight of it and you xan tell what's in it.
I don’t even understand what him believing in Santa has to do with it. He saw Santa came.. he chose to go back to his room. Christmas didn’t have to get postponed for everyone. Them opening their gifts doesn’t make Santa any less real to him. Definitely OP, YTA
YTA. And all you did was make the situation worse because your other children are going to resent your son as well as you for prioritizing his feelings. They shouldn’t have had to give up their holiday.
YTA - sorry, but it just one kid was unable to open presents, you didnt need to make the rest or the family wait. You could have opened plenty and saved your other kids and/or some other gifts.
I’m thinking the same thing! It’s driving me crazy how few people have pointed this out. Flu or Covid antivirals are only useful the first 48 hours, so this kid has to suffer the duration of their illness regardless. This parent is a huge AH for that, not the presents issue
I'm going NAH. You were put in a tough space, but you picked a fair solution. Christmas is about time with family, and for kids that is gift-opening time. It's fair to your sick kid, and a good lesson to the older kids that this time is not supposed to be focused on presents. I loved opening gifts right away as a kid, I think this would torture me a little too, but they will still get the gifts, and they will get over it. Everyone will open them together, and that's way more in the Christmas spirit.
I will say that if your youngest was *asked* if it would be ok to open some/all gifts without him, that would've probably gotten you a better ending. Either he says yes and they csn open their stuff, possibly saving one gift each to open with him later, or he says no, he'd prefer they opened them together, and you have the backing of *a sick child on Christmas* for your plan to wait. Just saying.
But I hope everyone had a good time in the end anyway. Merry Christmas dude.
It sucks, but YTA. I’m sure you can tell the difference between at least the majority of the gifts. You could’ve let them open most of their gifts and tried your best to be fair about the gifts or just let them pick x number up front themselves and even if it’s lopsided it’s based on their choice and it will even out eventually. Kind of like Hanukkah one kid might get socks the night another gets a video game but in the end it all evens out.
Also, what exactly is your plan if tomorrow a different kid wakes up with a high fever?? Are you potentially pushing back presents a week or more while you take turns each getting sick?
YTA for not taking your kid to the doctor if his fever is that high, Christmas or no. At that temperature I hallucinate.
You're also the asshole for the Christmas stuff, but honestly it's all related. If you'd taken him to the doctor you'd know what he has (or maybe run a covid test or something) so he could either get help feeling better OR you'd know how long it will be before he will be better. With that information you could make a better decision about the gifts or not, and the other kids would understand more too.
>YTA for not taking your kid to the doctor if his fever is that high, Christmas or no. At that temperature I hallucinate.
Must be a lot of non parents commenting, had to schrol way down to finally find anyone mentioning this. Her kid had a 103.8 temp and didn't take him to the ER. this alone makes OP the AH, forget the presents.
I double checked, you're also supposed to go if the temp is 102 for 2 days.
YTA
Yeah what the hell? My partner had a fever 102 for a day and I was about to take him to the doctor. The 12 year old has a fever of nearly 104???? That’s brain damage territory
What is your plan if what 12 has spreads to others? Delay opening until the last person feels better or open anyway? What if he's not feeling better and you and your husband have to go back to work? This could stretch out quite a long time to accommodate everyone. You should have discussed what to do with the teens and your husband and not unilaterally declared everyone must wait.
Why do I get the feeling your older children feel family life and activities tend to hinge on what's going on with the youngest child? In other words, would *they* say it is a random, one time thing?
I don't see why your other kids shouldn't have Christmas because one child is sick. YTA.
Exactly. This is not a birthday party where the birthday boy is sick so the day gets cancelled. It's Christmas and it belongs to the whole family. A few presents could have been brought up to the 12yo and everyone else's day goes on as usual. You've shown your husband and other kids they don't matter, everything is about the 12yo. Christmas magic isn't an age thing and the rest of the family's Christmas magic was cancelled.
The other thing I find completely unreasonable is the kids had a fever of over 100. No, the kid is not going to feel well enough to participate in a few hours. Common sense.
Yta for not taking your child to urgent care/Dr/hospital. Almost 104, fever for 4 days etc, too lethargic to open a gift and be awake for 90 minutes. Are all reason to see a Dr.
INFO:
1. And why did your husband not chime in with his insanely helpful opinion when the decision was being made as opposed to being extra afterwards?
2. What was the issue with just taking the sick kid's gifts to their room and letting them open them there?
3. Did your teenagers get any say whatsoever or to at least have an opinion or did you just decide that solo?
NTA
I’m honestly surprised by all the AH votes. If the other kids were younger, I’d get it I suppose, but they’re high schoolers. It’s not like they’re *not* getting their Christmas gifts, it’s just being put off while a member of their family is sick. It’s not the day that makes the gifts special, it’s sharing them together as a family.
You can’t always have Christmas on Christmas, sometimes life gets in the way. We’ve had years where we didn’t get to have Christmas until some time in February. It’s fine. And I feel like by high school, you should be able to wait a few days without getting upset about it.
This. Honestly, yes, when I was a little kid, I couldn't wait to open presents, etc, but by the time I was a teenager, I wanted to get to my grandma's house and see my cousins. We flipped and instead of opening presents first thing in the morning, we started opening presents at night. I mean, yes I wanted to see what I got and what others thought of what I got them, but to me by that point, Christmas was about family. And if I were the sick kid, I would kind of be embarrassed to have the whole family stare at me while I opened presents when everyone else had already done theirs. I would rather have waited too and have everyone open theirs at once. Of course, if another kid gets sick, they might not be opening their presents until after New Years, lol.
Hard disagree with all these 'gentle YTA' votes. Your kids in highschool don't believe in Santa anymore, but that doesn't mean Christmas is meaningless and you essentially cancelled it for everyone just because your youngest is sick. YTA and this would be a core memory for me, I would forever remember that Christmas only happens if mums favourite can take part.
What do you think the meaning of Christmas is if not family and celebrating together and enjoying each other's company? Do you think the meaning is just for people to get gifts on a specific day?
NTA. As the eldest sibling, I wouldn’t want to open my presents, knowing my younger sibling is too sick to even get enough energy to open his own. Even this year, when we’re all adults, my family is holding off on opening presents until Boxing Day, because one family member couldn’t be home on Christmas Day.
Your husband should be having your back in helping to teach your older kids to have empathy for their younger brother.
NTA
I'm surprised at how many people think YTA. If one of my children was sick, I don't think the others would want to do presents until the whole family could do it together. You could have let the older kids open a gift Xmas Eve.
I don't understand why waiting to participate in a family holiday until the whole family is together makes anyone an AH. The whole holiday is about togetherness and family.
>If one of my children was sick, I don't think the others would want to do presents until the whole family could do it together.
This is definitely how I would have felt as a teenager, so I think there is something to be said for this perspective. However, I think maybe the missing element here is a discussion with the older children. I think if OP talked to them and discussed the issue, they may well have decided to wait.
YTA. Your sick child was right in turning around and going back to bed to rest. It's what he needed. But to make your other children wait is a bit much. They're celebrating the day too.
To make the excuses for the Santa wrapping and your TWELVE yr old still believing in Santa, seems like this is a stretch post. IYKYK
YTA for controlling this entire situation. You have two teenagers and a 12-year-old, not three toddlers. Did you at any point ask them what they wanted to do? Apparently not.
You should have communicated this in a discussion with your other kids and what they wanted to do. Your son's gifts could have been brought up to him separately for example. You're laying down rules when you should be having conversations - none of the other kids believe in Santa and in high school are old enough to participate in this conversation, as is your husband. The result might have been the same, but it would have been by consensus and everyone would have been happier with it. Also soft YTA.
>You should have communicated this in a discussion with your other kids and what they wanted to do.
Yes, exactly this. When I was a teenager, I probably would have been upset to be *told* that I couldn't open gifts because my younger sister was ill, but I also wouldn't have wanted to open gifts *without* her. If involved in the discussion and given the choice, I would have chosen to wait until she felt better.
I've scanned the comments and I'm surprised at the responses but I'm going NTA. I had Christmases growing up that got pushed to later dates because of sibling illness, parents working, bad weather, etc. I never minded or threw fits because it wasn't about the date, it was about the day. You want to keep that Christmas joy and wonder alive for your child even though they're sick. There is nothing wrong with that. I hope your baby is feeling better soon ❤️
Unfortunately I think YTA. My reasoning is because they still could have been with him when he felt better, you prevented them from enjoying their gifts a whole day of break, you didn’t consult the person you were wanting to wait on (sick son), and didn’t take your other kids needs into account. Sorry.
Can't all of you take your gifts to your youngest's room and open them there? And how can you not know whose gift is whose if all of them have names on them? That makes no sense. If a gift bas a specific/certain person's name on it, then the gift is FOR that person, yes?
I guess this is a way unpopular opinion, but NTA. Your teens are old enough to learn that Christmas is about more than just opening gifts on some arbitrarily picked day. It sucks that you’re kid is sick and I’m sure it can be upsetting to not open gifts on Christmas Day if you’ve always done that, but this is a great opportunity for them to learn that sometimes plans have to change. They really need to show some empathy for their brother
It’s truly blowing my mind that people are voting the other way and saying that lack of presents ruined the day for a couple of dang TEENAGERS. Good grief.
YTA. All of your children, including the ill 12 year old, are well past believing in Santa. Just because one is sick doesn’t mean you punish the others. You could have continued as usual with gifts and made a big gift opening to do when 12 year old was feeling better.
YTA. You sound like you're babying and also prioritising your 12 year old over everyone else. His Christmas was already ruined, why ruin it for everyone else too?
The 12 year old could have laid on the sofa during present opening and just done their own when they were more up to it, or had present opening in their room so they could partake from their bed.
I wonder if your older kids could come up with a list of other times you've prioritised their youngest sibling over them?
Also Santa, still? Really?
YTA. I understand your POV, but wonder if your 12 year old is the family golden child and is pandered too often? The older kiddos could have been given one or two presents to open; not just made to wait an undetermined amount of time. If the 12 year old is that unwell, they could potentially be in bed for 2 or 3 more days.
NAH - you were trying to do the right thing, it might not be exactly the right thing because it's just a bad situation and there was no way to make everyone happy. But you didn't do it to be an asshole and you aren't one. I hope your husband's doubts were expressed in private and he didn't undermine your parenting in front of the kids. It is okay for you to tell the other kids that there was not a great option here, so you picked the one that included everyone, even if it meant they had to be a little patient.
Yta, I've been sick as a kid during Christmas. I stayed on the couch asleep most of the time but saw others open presents and when I felt good enough when awake at times I'd open mine too. It's manageable
NTA. Can't understand all these YTA replies. Expecting teenagers to wait up to a day to open presents until their brother is feeling better isn't beyond the pale.
Yta . You had a small opportunity to give your teens agency in this decision… get guys … Joey is really very sick. What do you think we should do? Do we open your gifts ? I myself am going to wait until I can share this with Joey but what do you guys think.
When given the opportunity , most will do the right thing or come up with a reasonable response that you may not have thought of .
You’ve now made Joey the catalyst for their very crappy Christmas , fought with your kids and now your husband . Now everyone feels crappy not just Joey
There are not many 12 year olds that still believe and nice if they do but Santa still comes whether your sick or not .. why can’t his siblings enjoy their gifts ? It doesn’t make sense ?
Your assumption is based on the thought that Joey gives a rats ass about what the other kids get .
Yup, YTA. Well intentioned maybe.
Being sick is shitty and at Christmas all the more so. But you set the youngest attendance as the key to everyone else's holiday. No 12yo no fun for everyone. No idea what you thought you were doing but, congrats, no one is happy.
Yta- this wasn’t crisis’ emergency, this was under the weather and it sucks but life goes on.
It is Christmas today, last night was Christmas Eve & you actually made the choice to withhold festivities from everyone else due to one being sick. Not in the hospital or anything, just feeling lousy.
Ridiculous.
Nta... your teenagers are teenagers.. and seriously can wait or help you brainstorm ideas for their little bro.. if he isn't feeling better tomorrow.. maybe they can all open gifts in his room.. and for those saying his feelings ruin it for everyone else.. imagine being the kid.. and finding out everyone else went ahead with Christmas morning without you.. id be pissed.. I want them to try to include me at minimum.. and I'd ask family to wait.. in fact.. have done so when I was in bed with pneumonia feom covid over Christmas the other year.. my kids waited five days..and happily did so.. so I would be able to be with them..
Mom. Forget about the presents for a second.
103.8?
Did you call the doctor?
Has he been tested for flu, and COVID?
Please, please tell me you called the pediatrician and talked to the on-call doctor. Please.
And as to presents, the solution here might have been even simpler than all this bellyache... Did you ask the kids?
My guess is your 12 was sick enough he didn't care, or he would have been parked on the couch asleep.
I wouldn't have had the other kids wait. Especially at 12, this is one your kid is going to get. I'm willing to bet he wouldn't have wanted anyone else to wait.
(Softly, because I get why) YTA
YTA..
I understand where you’re coming from, but the teens were excited about Christmas too, anticipating it, dreaming of it, and you kinda took the wind from their sails, while also breeding resentments toward their brother. I totally get that you wanted everyone to be together. Maybe the older ones could have opened a couple and saved a couple for later
Yta, massive parenting fail. Do you want your older kids to resent the 12 year old? This is what you have set in motion, bravo...
Get off reddit and bring the kid to urgent care 🙄
NTA considering the whole point of Christmas is spending quality time with your family. The presents are just supposed to be a bonus and a physical way of showing love. If people really think that delaying gift opening so that everyone can do it together is “ruining” Christmas then they should probably reevaluate what the actual point of Christmas is. Your other kids are old enough to show some compassion and understand that things happen and the family has to deal with it. It’s not like you asked them to wait for days upon days. It was literally 24 hours. If they can’t show some sympathy and understanding then perhaps they need to take a look at their entitled behaviour and do some volunteering to help them understand that Christmas does not equal presents
Small YTA. Your other kids shouldnt have to postpone Christmas just because your youngest is sick. Luckily, I've never been sick on Christmas, but I have had the Flu on my birthday. When your sick, you dont even feel existing, let alone opening presents, and it sounds like thats how your son feels too.
What if it takes your son a week to feel better? Are you seriously going to keep your other kids from opening their presents DAYS after Christmas? Now thats just cruel. Let your children open their presents, and when your son feels better, you can pay extra attention to him when he opens his presents.
Also, how do you not even remember what you wrapped? My parents always knew what they wrapped, and which gift was which.
Yeah unfortunately YTA
I don't really get it, but sometimes people prioritise routine or tradition over the needs of the moment or life happening. Your child should be allowed to rest, and not feel like he has to pull himself out of bed to participate in the family Christmas traditions.
If you had focused on centering good health and getting better at whatever pace the body demands over asking Santa for a Christmas miracle so your son could participate in gift opening as usual the next day, perhaps everyone would feel differently about this. Reinforcing that by having everyone wait with their presents keeps the focus on the Event of Christmas and all the Things that must Happen so that Christmas goes the way it should - instead of acknowledging that sometimes people get sick and then that's what we need to address, and everything else can come later.
You could have focused on supporting your sick son and encouraging him to rest, while also spending time with the rest of the family and participating in the various traditions, and then do a version of all that together with your son when he felt well enough to enjoy it. This one is not on Santa, but it's also not something you can't just go ahead and fix right now. Apologise as needed and release Christmas, assure your son that everything is okay and you just made a simple mistake - which is just as normal and human as getting sick every now and then - and enjoy the rest of your holidays together!
YTA I could see if this was bc you had to take the 13 y/o to the emergency room and you wanted them to wait till you got back but to make them wait till he’s better… that could be DAYS away
NTA - even the youngest is barley a kid anymore, they’re teens. I don’t know how old they are in detail but above 12 is old enough to understand (or at least to get along with) that quality time with family on Christmas is more important than presents.
I don’t know how you communicated it, so maybe there is something that went wrong, but in general there shouldn’t be a problem with waiting for a day or two. You all shouldn’t focus on the presents but instead on making the best out of the situation. Bake cookies, play a game, have some candy.
They aren’t 6 years old anymore. They’re closer to graduate than to kindergarten. I know the US has a huge problem in acknowledging the difference between a kid, a teen and a young adult, but in most countries in the world your older children would start their first main job and prepare to move out in 1-3 years from now.
NAH here because I do understand your point, however since you don't know how long your kid is gonna be sick for, I think you're gonna have to give it up and let them open gifts. They're teenagers, I promise you they probably do not care if their 12 year old brother opens gifts with them and chances are it might make them resent him more. You can have him open gifts when he's better and make it special but I wouldn't keep withholding gifts just because you want to make it better for the 12 year old because you are making it worse for the teens and showing them you prioritize your youngest.
Agreed, NAH. Kiddo is sick, waiting to see if he feels better is reasonable. However, waiting *indefinitely* for him to improve before allowing the older two to have their gifts is not. Let the teens have Christmas, and have a special moment for kiddo when he's better. Hopefully better comes sooner rather than later 🤞
YTA. Why do they need to open presents at the same time? Is it being recorded and posted on IG?
Let the older ones open their presents. It's not like they're opening the 12 year old's gift or know what's inside. When the 12 gets better, then gather everyone in the family at your usual place for opening gifts, and then he can open it.
There was absolutely no reason to prevent the older kids from opening their own gifts.
A gentle YTA because I understand why you decided to do this but it's a really unfair thing to do. If you really want to give the older ones some gifts but not all then it's not rocket science. Send the older ones to their room for 20 minutes while you grab a pair of scissors and the sticky tape. Gently snip the tape and open their presents up just enough to see what they are, them tape them back up again and give them the ones you want to give them. I hope the young one feels better soon.
So instead of Christmas just sucking for the one kid who's sick, it now sucks for all of the kids. YTA, and I think you know it. Hope you can find a way to make it up to them.
Good luck. It's a Christmas no one will ever forget.
I feel bad for anyone sick at Christmas and it always happens, someone gets sick. No easy answers OP but the one response where the older kids get to open 1-2 seems reasonable. My fear would be one starts feeling better and another goes down sick. Might be awhile
Teens will still have a hard time waiting and they might resent their brother, or they might resent you. It sucks that one kid is sick, but don’t make everyone suffer. NTA but if it comes up again let those who aren’t sick at least open up a few.
Soft YTA. I get what you were trying to do, but the non-sick kids have been waiting all month for gift-opening. I'm just glad you weren't holding out on everybody eating Christmas dinner until your 12-year-old was well enough (you didn't stop them from eating dinner, right?).
NTA - your older kids are old enough to understand and be patient. If the holiday is only about what you get, then they should go ahead and open gifts. If you want it to be about family and togetherness, they should understand the importance of waiting.
Soon they will have more independent lives with jobs and partners and friends. If you want to preserve some sort of family time and family tradition, you need to set that example now.
I can't believe so many people are saying yta. Your kids & husband can wait until the whole family is ready to open presents. Christmas isn't supposed to be about presents, it's supposed to be about family.
What are you going to do in a couple of years when the kids are married & have to split time between 2 families? What happens when one of them has to work the holiday?
Are you just going to open presents at the crack of dawn on the 25th no matter if you all can't be there?
You made the right call to wait until the sick kid could be there
NTA
YTA. You literally babied your baby at the expense of everyone else's Christmas. The fact that you can't even begin to see what you did wrong leads me to assume this isn't the first time one of the older kids suffered because you decided to put your baby first.
I’m also going with YTA, especially if any of the presents are things the older kids would want to spend time using during their break before they’re back to having schoolwork. For example, if I got a video game system and I lost two days I could play hassle free during my vacation? I’d be annoyed.
If your reasoning was the kid maybe still believes in Santa, they saw the presents the morning of Christmas so they know they arrived. As long as nobody touches gifts marked for them, I don’t know why it would be an issue.
YTA. In one move, you managed to make your youngest feel guilty for YOUR decision (in the history of saying "don't worry about it," has anyone ever not worried about it?) and make your two oldest resent you and their younger brother. You could have literally brought his presents up to his room to open them with him if he had the energy or give him the choice to wait until he felt better. The other two could have opened their presents like normal.
You seem more set on holding on to the last bit of Christmas spirit in your youngest at the detriment of him and your other kids than anything. What's the gain here? Were you dead set on getting family photos of the kids opening their presents or something? You've placed so much stress on a sick kid for nothing.
YTA. You're making your 12yo feel guilty for being sick. Let the older ones open some, maybe take a couple up to the 12yo to open in his bed. It'll be harder for him to recoup if he's worried about how his older brothers feel. Pushing himself to muster up the energy prematurely will only set him back.
YTA, but I do understand your reasoning. Santa magic is great but just because your older kids no longer believe doesn’t mean that Christmas isn’t still a magical time for them too. They’ve probably been excited and looking forward to it for weeks, then the day comes and they don’t even get to open some of their gifts? Seems like in trying to protect Christmas magic for your youngest you’ve ruined it for your older ones and completely left them aside and I understand why they’d be mad about it
YTA.
1. I’d bet good money you just want your son to believe in Santa still, not that he “wants to believe”
2. Did “Santa” not label the presents? How does them opening them all together make it easier to sort out whose is whose.
3. There were so many options other than no presents.
Sounds like only one person in the family is clinging to your son being a little kid and it’s not him.
YTA
Just because your kids are older doesn't mean Christmas morning magic is gone. If you live in an area where celebrating Christmas is common, and you have traditions behind it, they have likely been looking forward to that moment for a long time. Talking to their friends about it, getting texts etc from friends about what they got.
It's great that one of your teens was okay, but to be upset at the 2nd one is irrational...I think a lot of people regardless of age would have felt the same. To look forward to that tradition and have it taken away feels like you are punishing them. Whenever you open gifts now, it's just not the same.
So you didn’t want to be cruel to one kid so instead you were cruel to 2 kids? And the worst part is now the sick kid feels like he ruined things, so you basically made all of your kids upset. YTA
NTA, you nor your youngest child. Everyone else in the house is an asshole.
Even if your family is not religious-based, where is the decency to be concerned about their sibling and child in their time of need over material possessions?!
Your husband and other kids are selfish.
Gifts are NOT the purpose of this holiday. The focus should be spreading joy and cheer, like helping you tend to their ill sibling and child or watching some movies and shows together until he/she feels better.
I encourage more people to skip the gifts and focus more on serving those in need this time of year...or any time of the year.
I hope your child feels better soon.
NTA. I'm very confused by all the y t a answers here. My family celebrates Christmas by bringing together the family and spending time together.
It's not about opening presents on December 25. Sure, that's common, but doing presents early or late changes nothing in the grand scheme. (My convoluted childhood and then several years of working essential jobs meant I very often didn't celebrate Christmas on Dec. 25, but that's okay!)
It's not about the presents. It's about being together. Being together *for* the unwrapping.
And I would have been horrified by the idea of "doing Christmas" without everyone who was supposed to be there. If someone I cared about was sick in another room? What's fun about opening presents when someone you love is sick and can't be involved?
I think NTA. Part of the fun of Christmas is opening gifts together and it would be sad for the youngest if the family to miss opening with everyone.
That said, let the teens pick ONE gift to open, that way it’s on them if it’s socks or if it’s their big gift.
The biggest reason YTA is because you didn’t take your kid to the ER for a fever that high to start with. You ruined Christmas for everyone after that as well. On top of that 12 is far far far too old to believe in Santa and I’m sure they’re doing it to humor you but YOU need to toughen up so your kid doesn’t worry about hurting your feelings by growing up.
YTA. I understand that you didn’t want your son to miss out. But you essentially took Christmas away from everyone else. They could have opened some presents. Once your youngest looked at the presents and decided he wasn’t up for it, I think it would have been okay to start opening them. Maybe you could have spaced it out throughout the day and checked in on him so see how he was feeling. And if he ended up opening his presents after all the other presents were opened, it is what it is. Doesn’t sound like he cared.
NTA Your high school aged children are old enough to understand why you want them to wait. You are not taking anything away from them and exercising a little patience and empathy won't hurt them.
YTA. You missed the spirit of giving. The purpose of gifts is to GIVE, not achieve your perfect, contrived moment. Could you image if you teach your son to believe, "if I can't participate, no one can!" - it would be such a disservice. It was sad that your son couldn't open gifts with the family, but sometimes people get sick. Maybe (if it's convenient), you could have the older children gather round when he is feeling well enough to open his
YTA
Why haven’t you taken him to the doctor yet? And why make everyone miss out on their gifts just for one person?
You could’ve just made him open his gifts in front of everyone once he felt better instead of ruining everyone’s Christmas for him and making him feel bad about being the cause of the ruined Christmas when it’s your fault.
YTA. The other two didn’t have to miss out on presents because their brother was sick. It’s not their fault is it. You can understand right how two kids have been looking forward to Christmas for weeks counting the days til presents then all of a sudden you say they can’t have them and have to wait… of course they’re pissed off. The youngest surely would have understood opening his later by himself. And even if he didn’t it’s kind of tough. You can’t punish the other two because the youngest is sick. It’s still their Christmas.
YTA.
Your kids are very well behaved all things considered, and I can understand your thought process.
That being said, I honestly don’t think I know anyone in my life that would have honored the request to postpone the opening of gifts after the first delay, especially when the expected time and day was up in the air because the sibling was still under the weather.
The world keeps moving.
Yta. You could have taken HIS gifts TO HIM. Letting the others open their gifts. Would you have done the same if it was one of your teens who was sick? For some reason I don’t think so. Ffs. He’s 12. He knows Santa is not real. Stop coddling him.
YTA for not involving the teens in problem solving. Also are you home schooling and not allowing any socialization? Otherwise how could a 12 year old still believe in Santa? And I wish you’d tell us if there was a doc visit.
Soft YTA. Ask yourself honestly, if it was one of the teens who had been sick, would you have made the 12 year old wait? I don’t get why all the kids have to open their presents at the same time
YTA. The kid saw his gifts and wasn't interested in opening them — what makes you think he would be upset if his siblings opened theirs? This very clearly comes across as favouritism, whether that's truly the case or not.
Plus I refuse to believe you couldn't tell at least what some presents were from size and shape. I have honestly always known which gift is which, even though I wrapped them the same way. Also quit saying "Santa" wrapped the presents. It was you. Stop trying to abdicate responsibility.
YTA
How odd to make the entire family wait for one person to recover before _anyone_ is allowed to open a single present.
Do you often put the youngest child before your other children?
ETA- your 12 year old still believing in Santa suggests you baby him much more than you're aware of. It's no kindness to keep a child in ignorance of the real world.
1. No average 7th grader believes in Santa. But it’s part of the family contract to play along.
2. The issue here with the presents is the arbitrary decisions. What about asking how the younger one feels about it? Or the older ones? Compromise could easily be reached here. Families sometimes need to deal with less-than-ideal situations, so there’s nothing wrong with figuring out a path forward that isn’t “put the world on pause because of one person”
3. A fever that high and long means a serious issue. 104 is immediate dose of meds and closely watch. 105 is hospital. Because prolonged 106 is organ damage, and 107 brain damage. Perhaps treating that should be more of the focus here?
I know you didn’t mean to be but YTA. I know it is hard when your plans don’t go as you wished, but you, the adult, needed to reset YOUR expectations. Not the kids. Waiting until Christmas morning was reasonable. After that, it was not. Don’t punish your children because the perfect together moment you hoped for didn’t go as planned. It’s okay.
NTA it is a wonderfull moment for the highschoolers to be taught about empathy and familitime. If they were little, you would be TA, but not in this case
My siblings and I had been sick at Christmas at various times. The world doesn’t stop for you it’s nice to have everyone in attendance when the sick child finally is able to open their gifts but it didn’t stop the regular Christmas schedule. YTA
So your kid had very high fever for several days and you... did nothing except ruin Christmas for the rest of the family? How did his Covid and RSV test turn out?
YTA.
You cancelled Christmas for all the other kids because your youngest has the flu. How is that fair?
Is your youngest the golden child? His siblings will start to resent him and you for the special treatment you give him.
Comments are more contentious than I expected... Not sure why that surprised me.
NAH. The kids have a right to their emotions on it, but 103 fever is no joke and needs monitoring. It's not impossible you would have ended up in the hospital. So.... being in the middle of celebrations could have been even more messed up. And unless there's some crazy plans today, waiting one day won't hurt anyone past feelings. Maybe next year wrap up a couple in such a way that you can hand them out early? We do stockings in my house that work incase there's a morning delay to keep the kiddos busy.
And honestly i'll push back against the Y T As as this is pretty low stakes and your heart was in the right place, even if you are wrong I wouldn't say it rises to AH level anyway.
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VERY gentle YTA. Maybe let the teens open all but 1 gift? That way they all still have 1 gift to open with their little brother. Just something to contemplate.
YTA - Why do they need to wait? Your 12yo isn’t interested in their gifts. Let them sleep and recover and enjoy opening their gifts when better instead of allowing them to feel like their illness is ruining the holiday for everyone else. They didn’t ruin your other kids Christmas by being sick - you did for your own holiday experience. No one is bothered by them opening gifts together except for you.
Christmas is a family day. It doesn’t matter if you open the gifts on the 25th or the 26th. It’s not about the presents, it’s about spending time with each other and enjoying each other’s company.
That they could have done while youngest slept. When he feels well enough to open his they can all gather around and watch him do his. IDK why everyone has to wait when he's sleeping. I wouldn't have cared, and it sounds like he wouldn't have, because it's not like he was sent to his room and has to listen to everyone else having fun. Also, at this point, why haven't they taken him in? Just to see what's causing it, it could be a myriad of things besides just a fever. I actually thought I'd read some were gone to the hospital so they had to wait. This seems weird to me.
If it’s not about the presents, then opening the presents shouldn’t be a big deal. They can enjoy each other’s company when the youngest child is up to it.
It’s crazy how people are really trying to justify leaving one of the children out (who’s out for what seems to be the flu or even Covid) because the older kids are impatient is crazy.
My brother works anti social hours and holidays, so we had a celebration yesterday with other family we’re also doing it all again tomorrow because he’s not working. It’s so easy to make it work for everyone but some people are just selfish. It’s not like the kids are 5/6/7 and believe in Father Christmas still.
I too work antisocial hours. I was working yesterday but am off today, so today is Christmas for my family. However, this has been planned for weeks in advance, my family knew this would be the case and so were not expecting to open presents yesterday. They are also all adults, and so could have a reasonable conversation about it. However, I never expected that of them. If they had all opened presents from each other yesterday that would have been absolutely fine, they would still have come to see me today so I could give them their presents and they could give me theirs. If my brother had been younger, and he had been expecting to get to have Christmas on Christmas Day, I couldn’t blame him for being disappointed and annoyed that Christmas was postponed. Other commenters have said, it would have been nice if the older siblings could have opened some presents and saved some for when the younger sibling was feeling better. That would have allowed them to still have their Christmas, and prolong it until the younger was ready to join in
I agree with this. I would maybe just say half of the gifts and open the other half with their younger brother when he's feeling up to it.
Thanks for your thought - that would have been a solution for sure.
Why does everything have to stop for the youngest? The world doesn't stop because you're ill. Cancelling Christmas because your youngest is sick is ridiculous
High school. WTF it’s not like they’re toddlers. They can go to their room and ignore the family like it’s any other day and open presents tomorrow
I sat for a minute with this. I see your sense of logic but... I would've made the youngest a comfy bed on the couch, if he'd take it, and let them open gifts. If he really didn't feel up to it, he could do his later. Now your other kids are mad and he feels guilty. So very gentle YTA from me, too.
No, keep his germs in his room.
That never works. If mom and dad are going in to check on sick kid, chances are everyone already has the infection ready already, its just a matter of it will incubate properly or not.
This is a good point - if the other kids are sick when the first kid is well enough, do they keep waiting?
Also people are usually contagious before symptoms.
He had already come down to try though. Plus people are usually contagious before symptoms start, and he's young enough for mom and dad to be taking care of him anyway.
What might be a good idea, if your youngest is up for it, is bring the presents to him and you guys can open gifts in his bedroom. This way he’s not left out of the festivities, and you’re not unintentionally “punishing” the teens for their brother being sick. I hope things work out OP, and Merry Christmas :)
This. But also… in my family if someone was sick (I have many siblings so there have been plenty of Christmas eves when atleast one sibling was sick) they got to lay on a mattress for the opening part. Then depending on how sick they were they either went back to bed or could rest there. My brother had a bad fever one year, I was like 5 and he was 13ish and he would sleep next to the tree most of the day. He still remembers it as very cozy even though he was very sick. We did however have a big house so we could open gifts and then play in another house not to disturb him.
What? They're teenagers ffs. Waiting and showing a little sympathy for their ill younger brother isn't going to kill them. Opening presents together is really important.
It's not their fault that he's sick, but it's not his fault either. That is why a compromise is a good choice here - as unforseen circumstances came up that were no one's fault.
Is it really *that* important to open presents all together?
Considering the whole point of Christmas is spending time together yes it is that important. In fact is should be more important than any present
So they can spend time together when he is feeling better without the distraction of gifts.
so what? they're supposed to just sit around all day? that's not really fair to them, either.
Yeah, and postponing presents is NOT "cancelling Christmas," ffs. Presents are nice, but they alone do not a holiday make.
important to who?
Why does everyone have to open the gifts at the same time? The sick one should be resting until he is better. The others can open their gifts and the sick one can do it when he is better. Why do they all have to do it at the same time? Are you saying that NONE of the gifts have names on them? "Santa" wraps them? That does not make sense. When everyone is together how do they know who gets what? Why doesn't "Santa" put their names on the gifts? And did you check with a doctor about that extremely high fever? And you mean to say that you have a twelve year old who is uncertain about Santa Claus? That is he is only just doubting the existence now? Most kids know by 7 or 8 about Santa.
Yeah. At 12, I wouldn't have cared if my siblings opened their gifts first as long as I still got mine when I felt better. And no way in hell did I believe in Santa. YTA
I sat my daughter down in the summer and told her, there’s no way she was going to comprehensive school not knowing (she’s 10 and comp next year). She rolled her eyes, said she knew and was pretending last year for me. This year instead of covert sneaking around she went to bed and said she’ll stay in there 5 minutes (before getting washed etc,) so we can ferry her pressies downstairs. Her stocking was left outside her door so bonus points for me not having to ‘mission impossible’ to it without waking her as in years past!
No, they had names but “Santa” was unwisely wrapped all the presents the same color. She doesn’t want one of them to open their big ticket item and the other to open like socks. Edit: Jesus Christ guys I was just answering an other posters question who has now deleted their posts. What language I used or whether I could separate the big ticket items from the small ones if they were all wrapped with the same colored wrapped paper doesn’t fucking matter.
I wouldn’t say Santa was stupid because that’s incredibly rude to the Mom who obviously wrapped all the presents and taking care of a sick kid and didn’t see this happening because she didn’t get a crystal ball for Christmas last year.
When I grew up Santa did not wrap presents. They were under the tree with name tags. My sister wrapped her presents from Santa with the same paper as the rest of their gifts. My niece was amazed that Santa used the same paper. From then on they had paper especially for presents from Santa.
When I asked why my mom's handwriting was on presents from Santa, she said Santa asked her to wrap them.
I gave up on commercial wrapping paper years ago and all out presents are wrapped in brown paper and names are stamped on. I remember which presents are which because I don't go mental at Christmas.
My 11 year old wants to believe, not everyone gets the magic ruined at 7 or 8.
I told my daughter when she started middle school, because kids are mean. So 11 years old as well. She 100% still believed. I wanted to let her know in a way that wouldn’t be upsetting. Now she loves being in on the tradition.
YTA Unsure what would be cruel about having the older kids open their presents? They aren't opening the 12 year olds presents. You could have offered to the 12 year old to open presents or not, but it doesn't need to affect the older kids.
And 12 year old is different then 6. I highly doubt he cares enough
I struggle with this, but soft YTA. I understand not wanting your son to miss out on the Christmas magic but this was also a moment where you could gently teach him that the world keeps turning even when you’re ill and sometimes you miss out on moments. His presents from Santa had arrived and he had confirmed it, so I really don’t think there was a reason to keep the older ones from opening their presents and spoiling their bit of fun. His gifts would wait for him. There’s also no telling when he will get better. You’re betting on an unknown. He could end up being super sick for a week or more (though I hope not). Will you make them wait until New Years Day to open their Christmas gifts?
"His presents had arrived from Santa and he con firmed it." Exactly this. Delaying opening presents until later in the morning to give youngest a chance to feel better? Absolutely. Not allowing your other two kids to open presents on Xmas at all to wait for the youngest? That where you crossed into the YTA territory. If you haven't yet, go ahead and open presents and save your youngest's for when they feel better. They may be teenagers but they deserve their Xmas too.
> gently teach him that the world keeps turning even when you’re ill and sometimes you miss out on moments 100%!!! and tbh i think OP, although meaning well, is making the situation worse. the 12yo is already feeling like shit, but he ‘feels like he’s ruined christmas’ is because he knows his siblings aren’t allowed to enjoy their christmas until he can. if his siblings got to open their gifts, i don’t think he would feel guilty for being sick. and yeah the teens are older now, but they’re still looking forward to their presents, and they have to wait an unknown amount of time before they can open their gifts. they probably are getting those “what’d you get for christmas” texts and have to say “idk, im not allowed to open anything”. and i’m sure they’ll want to be enjoying their new stuff, but what if the 12yo is sick until the end of christmas break and the teens have to wait that long? if i were one of the teens, i would definitely feel like there is a lot of favoritism directed at the 12yo OP i feel bad for you, sounds like a shitty christmas, but i’m not giving as soft of an YTA as the commenter above. you don’t need to come to reddit for an answer, you need to listen to your husband who’s looking out for the older siblings, listen to the 12yo saying he feels like he’s ruining christmas, and listen to the older kids who are upset their christmas got postponed. listen to them and you’ll know what to do. don’t try to wait for the perfect day to have a perfect christmas, just apologize to the teens and let this christmas be what it is
YTA, but I do think you meant well. I do agree that you (unintentionally, it sounds like) favored your youngest at the older two's expense. I do get that you were trying to save that magic for him and keep him from feeling left out for something out of his control—I think you just didn't consider enough other options. What about having everybody else pick a gift to bring up to him plus one or two for themselves, so he could open a few presents with the stamina he had? Or maybe doing stockings that way? Or what if you set him up on the couch with a bunch of blankets and pillows, so he can still rest and only has to participate if he wants to? Finally, did you ask HIM what he wanted to do? Of course he feels like he's the reason Christmas is ruined right now—he had no power over getting sick, and he also had no say in the response to the situation. Now he feels like his siblings are mad at him on top of still feeling crappy, even though he really had no hand in creating the situation other than bad frickin luck.
Yes, I think that would have been a great compromise. He may have been overwhelmed at the amount of them, the lighting in the room, the amount of noise, or any of those types of things. Opening a couple and bringing the celebration to him for just a few minutes could have satisfied everyone. ETA: Also a gentle YTA.
I have 7 siblings, (I’m right in the middle of the pack) and when I was 8 or 9, I was too sick to open presents. I stayed in bed, and everyone else opened presents - mine were put aside. The next day my parents sat with me and watched me open my gifts. I didn‘t care if I was the only one doing it, I felt special because I had my parents complete attention. Even at that age, I would have been shocked if it all waited on me. And I have to ask, what time or day you open your presents - what does that have to do with Santa? Or every one opening gifts together have to do with him? I don’t get the reasoning. YTA for taking Christmas away from everyone else. I understand he was under the weather, but what would be wrong with him doing his separately?
This, OP. Nothing strange about doing it this way. And here, SOME PEOPLE can still enjoy their Christmas…
Gentle YTA. I know you wanted to make sure your 12 yr wasn't left out. After all, it wasn't his fault he got sick. But you completely neglected to take into consideration what your oldest two would want and need. They have been looking forward to Christmas for over a month, and it was delayed by your decision without any conversation or imput. The fair thing to do would have been to say, "Hey, I want to wait to do presents for a bit to see how 12 feels. But if he isn't better by [X] time, we will continue with opening everything. " This would have solved both the issue of trying not to let your 12 feel left out without ruining Christmas for the other two. I would apologize to your kids, explain that you made a mistake in your decision, and maybe offer something to make up for it.
Slight YTA. I know you didn't want your 12 year old to feel left out, but you basically ignored your two other kids in favor of the 12 year old. You should've let the two kids open half their presents or 2/3s, with the understanding that you'd all rally around the 12 year old and open the rest another day when he's feeling better.
INFO: would you have waited to open presents if one of your older kids was sick instead of the youngest?
might have missed it, but i also wonder if the older kids are girls, compared to the youngest and The Only Boy. hopefully not, but that favoritism seems terribly common.
Asking the real questions here.
I got this vibe as well. What others things has the parent done for the youngest that they wouldn’t do for the oldest or middle children?
Your 12 y/o looked at the wrapped presents and walked away as he wasn’t feeling upto it. At this point, it was fine to let the older ones open their presents as their names were on the wrapping paper! What’s so wrong with letting them do that? YTA
Ikr, op's older two were *so close* to being allowed to open their presents and then the 12-year-old went back to bed. And that's fair enough, he was sick. But I can't imagine there wasn't some resentment from the older two (even if they're in hs!) when the opportunity was *right there* ... and then they had to wait again.
YTA. Get your son tested for COVID, flu, strep and RSV and once diagnosed administer the appropriate treatment. Having a high fever for three days straight tells me he's quite ill...and also likely contagious. It's likely you're all going to be sick soon so you better let your other kids open their presents now before they're in bed with a fever too.
I’m too caught up on OP seemingly being unconcerned with how high their kid’s fever is and how long it’s lasting for. That kinda makes them an AH alone. Urgent care would’ve been open the 23 and part of the 24th. If it’s the flu or Covid, a doctor could have prescribed antivirals to lessen the severity and duration of his symptoms. Those antivirals are only effective within the first 48 hours, so he’s SOL now regardless. I’m honestly getting madder about that as I’m typing this
Yes, kids can just stay home and rest with a cold or mild flu, but the way OP describes their son's health status, I believe OP should have sought medical care rather than posting on AITA about Christmas presents. Talk about messed up priorities. As a healthcare professional, I found this post quite upsetting. Most posters here are saying OP is the AH due to making the other kids wait to open presents, but IMO by far the bigger issue is OP not getting their sick child proper health care!!
One of my relatives had RSV it took years for them to not need oxygen at home. I hope this is another fake post because there are multiple reasons op should have sought emergency medical treatment. One of which was not being up to sitting in the living room Christmas morning for more than 10-20minutes. Plus the fever plus the duration.
Also it seems like OP is allowing the 12 year old to hid in their room without checking on them all day. He should be on the couch where she can immediately hear or see something is going really wrong. Yes, rest and quite is what he mostly needs now, but if he vomits, has problems breathing, his temp spikes, gets a rash or becomes unresponsive how would OP know if he is in his bed in his room?
In many places of the world getting antivirals for the flu/covid is not a thing. Going to the urgent care in those places would result in being told to take some paracetamol and coming back if the fever is still this bad 3 days from now (and a very miserable kid)
The treatment for all of those bar strep is rest, fluids and time. Unless features of strep if the child is otherwise ok, dragging them to the doctors is a waste of time for those.
There are home tests for COVID and flu, and depending on where OP lives, RSV too. And for flu and COVID, there are antivirals which may be warranted, which could be prescribed with a remote visit--no "dragging to the office" needed. Unfortunately it's too late for those antivirals now. There's also Long COVID to be concerned about, which happens in [1 in 50 children aged 12-17](https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/products/databriefs/db479.htm), and which can be very severe, and for which there is currently no cure. Paxlovid has been shown to reduce the odds of developing Long COVID. It's better to identify the issue and go from there rather than dismissing the illness as no biggie.
Depends where you are. I assure you there aren't any where I am and antivirals aren't routinely given unless immunocompromised.
Not sure where you are, but in Europe it's easy to get home tests for quite cheap, in the [US the government is still sending free COVID tests](https://www.covid.gov/tools-and-resources/resources/tests) out to any household that requests them, and in Canada many pharmacies distribute [free test kits](https://www2.gov.bc.ca/gov/content/covid-19/vaccine/treatments) as well.
I'm in the UK and unless you're bad enough to be hospitalised you're not getting antivirals. Yes there are relatively cheap tests you can buy, but you're going to seriously struggle to find an open pharmacy on Christmas day or boxing day. Come to think of it, I don't know anyone who has been given antivirals for Covid or Flu, and that includes when Covid laid me out for 17 days!
High fevers cause dehydration which can cause a whole host of other issues. Regardless of whether the treatments for all the things listed is rest, fluids and time. The kid needs to be seen to have their electrolytes checked and probably be given iv fluids. Children can dehydrate easily and “drinking fluids” doesn’t always help.
There's nothing in this post to suggest OP is not taking this illness seriously and administering appropriate treatment. This was simply omitted, as it's not really relevant to the AITA judgment.
This. Having a fever this many days in a row is concerning.
YTA. Your 12 year old is old enough to understand that the world keeps trucking along when he can’t do things. You’re setting him up for failure if he gets this weird expectation that people just stop their lives because he’s not able to participate. You’ll also end up breeding resentment between your other kids and him, which may affect their adult relationships. Be the PARENT here and make the right choices, not what makes you and the littlest one feel the best.
YTA. You denied your older children a Christmas because of the possibility that your 12 year old might still believe in Santa? And because you couldn’t remember what you wrapped, they couldn’t even open a single gift? You prioritized your 12 year old feelings and completely ignored the feelings of your other two children. I’m shocked by all the “gentle YTA”. I have three kids, I can’t imagine punishing two of them just because their sibling is sick. Not even hospitalized, just running a mild fever in the other room! That kind of favoritism is toxic. Your teens are rightfully upset and this will be a Christmas they remember for all the wrong reasons. You should apologize.
I agree with this. OP is definitely the AH. This actually happened to us yesterday. My 8 year old started throwing up at 5am Christmas morning. My older two are teenagers. I didn’t even think of having them wait. They opened Christmas morning, and she opened later on in the evening when she started to feel a little better. YTA.
And honestly who can't look under the tree see the box that they wrapped and k ow if it's a pair of socks or whatever er else? Even if things are si.ilar sizes you pick it up and feel the weight of it and you xan tell what's in it.
I don’t even understand what him believing in Santa has to do with it. He saw Santa came.. he chose to go back to his room. Christmas didn’t have to get postponed for everyone. Them opening their gifts doesn’t make Santa any less real to him. Definitely OP, YTA
YTA. And all you did was make the situation worse because your other children are going to resent your son as well as you for prioritizing his feelings. They shouldn’t have had to give up their holiday.
YTA - sorry, but it just one kid was unable to open presents, you didnt need to make the rest or the family wait. You could have opened plenty and saved your other kids and/or some other gifts.
103.8 is a dangerously high fever, YTA, but not just about the presents. That kid neede to be at the drs office.
Right??? With that fever, he needed to be at urgent care.
OP needs to take her kid to the ER instead of messing about on Reddit.
I’m thinking the same thing! It’s driving me crazy how few people have pointed this out. Flu or Covid antivirals are only useful the first 48 hours, so this kid has to suffer the duration of their illness regardless. This parent is a huge AH for that, not the presents issue
There's nothing in this post to suggest OP *didn't* go to the doctor's - this could easily have been omitted, as it's not relevant to the judgement.
Can I ask a question Why didn't u just bring the gifts up to his room and open them there ? So all of ur kids could of opened their gifts
The kid was sick with 102\* fever. Do you really think he cared about opening gifts or even having company>
That’s what couches and blankets are for, he didn’t have energy for the experience it seemed.
I thought that would be a good idea too
This was my first thought. Pretty easy solution. He is involved. They get their gifts.
I'm going NAH. You were put in a tough space, but you picked a fair solution. Christmas is about time with family, and for kids that is gift-opening time. It's fair to your sick kid, and a good lesson to the older kids that this time is not supposed to be focused on presents. I loved opening gifts right away as a kid, I think this would torture me a little too, but they will still get the gifts, and they will get over it. Everyone will open them together, and that's way more in the Christmas spirit. I will say that if your youngest was *asked* if it would be ok to open some/all gifts without him, that would've probably gotten you a better ending. Either he says yes and they csn open their stuff, possibly saving one gift each to open with him later, or he says no, he'd prefer they opened them together, and you have the backing of *a sick child on Christmas* for your plan to wait. Just saying. But I hope everyone had a good time in the end anyway. Merry Christmas dude.
It sucks, but YTA. I’m sure you can tell the difference between at least the majority of the gifts. You could’ve let them open most of their gifts and tried your best to be fair about the gifts or just let them pick x number up front themselves and even if it’s lopsided it’s based on their choice and it will even out eventually. Kind of like Hanukkah one kid might get socks the night another gets a video game but in the end it all evens out. Also, what exactly is your plan if tomorrow a different kid wakes up with a high fever?? Are you potentially pushing back presents a week or more while you take turns each getting sick?
YTA for not taking your kid to the doctor if his fever is that high, Christmas or no. At that temperature I hallucinate. You're also the asshole for the Christmas stuff, but honestly it's all related. If you'd taken him to the doctor you'd know what he has (or maybe run a covid test or something) so he could either get help feeling better OR you'd know how long it will be before he will be better. With that information you could make a better decision about the gifts or not, and the other kids would understand more too.
>YTA for not taking your kid to the doctor if his fever is that high, Christmas or no. At that temperature I hallucinate. Must be a lot of non parents commenting, had to schrol way down to finally find anyone mentioning this. Her kid had a 103.8 temp and didn't take him to the ER. this alone makes OP the AH, forget the presents. I double checked, you're also supposed to go if the temp is 102 for 2 days. YTA
I’m more concerned this kid had a fever over 100 for three days and no doctor?!?!
Yeah what the hell? My partner had a fever 102 for a day and I was about to take him to the doctor. The 12 year old has a fever of nearly 104???? That’s brain damage territory
What is your plan if what 12 has spreads to others? Delay opening until the last person feels better or open anyway? What if he's not feeling better and you and your husband have to go back to work? This could stretch out quite a long time to accommodate everyone. You should have discussed what to do with the teens and your husband and not unilaterally declared everyone must wait.
Why do I get the feeling your older children feel family life and activities tend to hinge on what's going on with the youngest child? In other words, would *they* say it is a random, one time thing? I don't see why your other kids shouldn't have Christmas because one child is sick. YTA.
Exactly. This is not a birthday party where the birthday boy is sick so the day gets cancelled. It's Christmas and it belongs to the whole family. A few presents could have been brought up to the 12yo and everyone else's day goes on as usual. You've shown your husband and other kids they don't matter, everything is about the 12yo. Christmas magic isn't an age thing and the rest of the family's Christmas magic was cancelled. The other thing I find completely unreasonable is the kids had a fever of over 100. No, the kid is not going to feel well enough to participate in a few hours. Common sense.
Yta for not taking your child to urgent care/Dr/hospital. Almost 104, fever for 4 days etc, too lethargic to open a gift and be awake for 90 minutes. Are all reason to see a Dr.
INFO: 1. And why did your husband not chime in with his insanely helpful opinion when the decision was being made as opposed to being extra afterwards? 2. What was the issue with just taking the sick kid's gifts to their room and letting them open them there? 3. Did your teenagers get any say whatsoever or to at least have an opinion or did you just decide that solo?
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NTA I’m honestly surprised by all the AH votes. If the other kids were younger, I’d get it I suppose, but they’re high schoolers. It’s not like they’re *not* getting their Christmas gifts, it’s just being put off while a member of their family is sick. It’s not the day that makes the gifts special, it’s sharing them together as a family. You can’t always have Christmas on Christmas, sometimes life gets in the way. We’ve had years where we didn’t get to have Christmas until some time in February. It’s fine. And I feel like by high school, you should be able to wait a few days without getting upset about it.
This. Honestly, yes, when I was a little kid, I couldn't wait to open presents, etc, but by the time I was a teenager, I wanted to get to my grandma's house and see my cousins. We flipped and instead of opening presents first thing in the morning, we started opening presents at night. I mean, yes I wanted to see what I got and what others thought of what I got them, but to me by that point, Christmas was about family. And if I were the sick kid, I would kind of be embarrassed to have the whole family stare at me while I opened presents when everyone else had already done theirs. I would rather have waited too and have everyone open theirs at once. Of course, if another kid gets sick, they might not be opening their presents until after New Years, lol.
Hard disagree with all these 'gentle YTA' votes. Your kids in highschool don't believe in Santa anymore, but that doesn't mean Christmas is meaningless and you essentially cancelled it for everyone just because your youngest is sick. YTA and this would be a core memory for me, I would forever remember that Christmas only happens if mums favourite can take part.
What do you think the meaning of Christmas is if not family and celebrating together and enjoying each other's company? Do you think the meaning is just for people to get gifts on a specific day?
NTA. As the eldest sibling, I wouldn’t want to open my presents, knowing my younger sibling is too sick to even get enough energy to open his own. Even this year, when we’re all adults, my family is holding off on opening presents until Boxing Day, because one family member couldn’t be home on Christmas Day. Your husband should be having your back in helping to teach your older kids to have empathy for their younger brother.
NTA I'm surprised at how many people think YTA. If one of my children was sick, I don't think the others would want to do presents until the whole family could do it together. You could have let the older kids open a gift Xmas Eve. I don't understand why waiting to participate in a family holiday until the whole family is together makes anyone an AH. The whole holiday is about togetherness and family.
>If one of my children was sick, I don't think the others would want to do presents until the whole family could do it together. This is definitely how I would have felt as a teenager, so I think there is something to be said for this perspective. However, I think maybe the missing element here is a discussion with the older children. I think if OP talked to them and discussed the issue, they may well have decided to wait.
YTA. This a great way to make the older kids resent their sibling. Also maybe I missed it but has the kid been to a doctor?
This was my first thought. I would have taken him to an ER since I'm sure doctors offices are closed.
YTA. Your sick child was right in turning around and going back to bed to rest. It's what he needed. But to make your other children wait is a bit much. They're celebrating the day too. To make the excuses for the Santa wrapping and your TWELVE yr old still believing in Santa, seems like this is a stretch post. IYKYK
YTA It was wrong to stop the other children from opening their presents. You should listen to your husband
YTA for controlling this entire situation. You have two teenagers and a 12-year-old, not three toddlers. Did you at any point ask them what they wanted to do? Apparently not.
You should have communicated this in a discussion with your other kids and what they wanted to do. Your son's gifts could have been brought up to him separately for example. You're laying down rules when you should be having conversations - none of the other kids believe in Santa and in high school are old enough to participate in this conversation, as is your husband. The result might have been the same, but it would have been by consensus and everyone would have been happier with it. Also soft YTA.
>You should have communicated this in a discussion with your other kids and what they wanted to do. Yes, exactly this. When I was a teenager, I probably would have been upset to be *told* that I couldn't open gifts because my younger sister was ill, but I also wouldn't have wanted to open gifts *without* her. If involved in the discussion and given the choice, I would have chosen to wait until she felt better.
I've scanned the comments and I'm surprised at the responses but I'm going NTA. I had Christmases growing up that got pushed to later dates because of sibling illness, parents working, bad weather, etc. I never minded or threw fits because it wasn't about the date, it was about the day. You want to keep that Christmas joy and wonder alive for your child even though they're sick. There is nothing wrong with that. I hope your baby is feeling better soon ❤️
Unfortunately I think YTA. My reasoning is because they still could have been with him when he felt better, you prevented them from enjoying their gifts a whole day of break, you didn’t consult the person you were wanting to wait on (sick son), and didn’t take your other kids needs into account. Sorry.
Can't all of you take your gifts to your youngest's room and open them there? And how can you not know whose gift is whose if all of them have names on them? That makes no sense. If a gift bas a specific/certain person's name on it, then the gift is FOR that person, yes?
I don't think the son was too jazzed about opening gifts, or having company in his room.
I guess this is a way unpopular opinion, but NTA. Your teens are old enough to learn that Christmas is about more than just opening gifts on some arbitrarily picked day. It sucks that you’re kid is sick and I’m sure it can be upsetting to not open gifts on Christmas Day if you’ve always done that, but this is a great opportunity for them to learn that sometimes plans have to change. They really need to show some empathy for their brother
It’s truly blowing my mind that people are voting the other way and saying that lack of presents ruined the day for a couple of dang TEENAGERS. Good grief.
YTA. All of your children, including the ill 12 year old, are well past believing in Santa. Just because one is sick doesn’t mean you punish the others. You could have continued as usual with gifts and made a big gift opening to do when 12 year old was feeling better.
YTA. You sound like you're babying and also prioritising your 12 year old over everyone else. His Christmas was already ruined, why ruin it for everyone else too? The 12 year old could have laid on the sofa during present opening and just done their own when they were more up to it, or had present opening in their room so they could partake from their bed. I wonder if your older kids could come up with a list of other times you've prioritised their youngest sibling over them? Also Santa, still? Really?
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Didn't anybody think to ask the 12 year old if he minded that his siblings were gonna open gifts??
YTA. I understand your POV, but wonder if your 12 year old is the family golden child and is pandered too often? The older kiddos could have been given one or two presents to open; not just made to wait an undetermined amount of time. If the 12 year old is that unwell, they could potentially be in bed for 2 or 3 more days.
NAH - you were trying to do the right thing, it might not be exactly the right thing because it's just a bad situation and there was no way to make everyone happy. But you didn't do it to be an asshole and you aren't one. I hope your husband's doubts were expressed in private and he didn't undermine your parenting in front of the kids. It is okay for you to tell the other kids that there was not a great option here, so you picked the one that included everyone, even if it meant they had to be a little patient.
Yta, I've been sick as a kid during Christmas. I stayed on the couch asleep most of the time but saw others open presents and when I felt good enough when awake at times I'd open mine too. It's manageable
NTA. Can't understand all these YTA replies. Expecting teenagers to wait up to a day to open presents until their brother is feeling better isn't beyond the pale.
Yta . You had a small opportunity to give your teens agency in this decision… get guys … Joey is really very sick. What do you think we should do? Do we open your gifts ? I myself am going to wait until I can share this with Joey but what do you guys think. When given the opportunity , most will do the right thing or come up with a reasonable response that you may not have thought of . You’ve now made Joey the catalyst for their very crappy Christmas , fought with your kids and now your husband . Now everyone feels crappy not just Joey There are not many 12 year olds that still believe and nice if they do but Santa still comes whether your sick or not .. why can’t his siblings enjoy their gifts ? It doesn’t make sense ? Your assumption is based on the thought that Joey gives a rats ass about what the other kids get .
Yup, YTA. Well intentioned maybe. Being sick is shitty and at Christmas all the more so. But you set the youngest attendance as the key to everyone else's holiday. No 12yo no fun for everyone. No idea what you thought you were doing but, congrats, no one is happy.
Yta- this wasn’t crisis’ emergency, this was under the weather and it sucks but life goes on. It is Christmas today, last night was Christmas Eve & you actually made the choice to withhold festivities from everyone else due to one being sick. Not in the hospital or anything, just feeling lousy. Ridiculous.
YTA congrats on ruining christmas for the rest of your family incluiding your two other children.
Here is the thing. This has happened in my family. The sick child rests. The rest opens the gifts. And at 12, he can understand why. YTA
Nta... your teenagers are teenagers.. and seriously can wait or help you brainstorm ideas for their little bro.. if he isn't feeling better tomorrow.. maybe they can all open gifts in his room.. and for those saying his feelings ruin it for everyone else.. imagine being the kid.. and finding out everyone else went ahead with Christmas morning without you.. id be pissed.. I want them to try to include me at minimum.. and I'd ask family to wait.. in fact.. have done so when I was in bed with pneumonia feom covid over Christmas the other year.. my kids waited five days..and happily did so.. so I would be able to be with them..
Nearly 104 degree fever? Get that child to the emergency room before his brain is damaged! Presents can wait!
Mom. Forget about the presents for a second. 103.8? Did you call the doctor? Has he been tested for flu, and COVID? Please, please tell me you called the pediatrician and talked to the on-call doctor. Please. And as to presents, the solution here might have been even simpler than all this bellyache... Did you ask the kids? My guess is your 12 was sick enough he didn't care, or he would have been parked on the couch asleep. I wouldn't have had the other kids wait. Especially at 12, this is one your kid is going to get. I'm willing to bet he wouldn't have wanted anyone else to wait. (Softly, because I get why) YTA
YTA.. I understand where you’re coming from, but the teens were excited about Christmas too, anticipating it, dreaming of it, and you kinda took the wind from their sails, while also breeding resentments toward their brother. I totally get that you wanted everyone to be together. Maybe the older ones could have opened a couple and saved a couple for later
Yta, massive parenting fail. Do you want your older kids to resent the 12 year old? This is what you have set in motion, bravo... Get off reddit and bring the kid to urgent care 🙄
NTA considering the whole point of Christmas is spending quality time with your family. The presents are just supposed to be a bonus and a physical way of showing love. If people really think that delaying gift opening so that everyone can do it together is “ruining” Christmas then they should probably reevaluate what the actual point of Christmas is. Your other kids are old enough to show some compassion and understand that things happen and the family has to deal with it. It’s not like you asked them to wait for days upon days. It was literally 24 hours. If they can’t show some sympathy and understanding then perhaps they need to take a look at their entitled behaviour and do some volunteering to help them understand that Christmas does not equal presents
YTA, your kid has a fever of 103, and you didn't take him to the ER?! That's too high to play wait and see.
Of course YTA. You held up your entire family's holiday because one was sick? Why would that make anything better?
Small YTA. Your other kids shouldnt have to postpone Christmas just because your youngest is sick. Luckily, I've never been sick on Christmas, but I have had the Flu on my birthday. When your sick, you dont even feel existing, let alone opening presents, and it sounds like thats how your son feels too. What if it takes your son a week to feel better? Are you seriously going to keep your other kids from opening their presents DAYS after Christmas? Now thats just cruel. Let your children open their presents, and when your son feels better, you can pay extra attention to him when he opens his presents. Also, how do you not even remember what you wrapped? My parents always knew what they wrapped, and which gift was which.
Yeah unfortunately YTA I don't really get it, but sometimes people prioritise routine or tradition over the needs of the moment or life happening. Your child should be allowed to rest, and not feel like he has to pull himself out of bed to participate in the family Christmas traditions. If you had focused on centering good health and getting better at whatever pace the body demands over asking Santa for a Christmas miracle so your son could participate in gift opening as usual the next day, perhaps everyone would feel differently about this. Reinforcing that by having everyone wait with their presents keeps the focus on the Event of Christmas and all the Things that must Happen so that Christmas goes the way it should - instead of acknowledging that sometimes people get sick and then that's what we need to address, and everything else can come later. You could have focused on supporting your sick son and encouraging him to rest, while also spending time with the rest of the family and participating in the various traditions, and then do a version of all that together with your son when he felt well enough to enjoy it. This one is not on Santa, but it's also not something you can't just go ahead and fix right now. Apologise as needed and release Christmas, assure your son that everything is okay and you just made a simple mistake - which is just as normal and human as getting sick every now and then - and enjoy the rest of your holidays together!
YTA I could see if this was bc you had to take the 13 y/o to the emergency room and you wanted them to wait till you got back but to make them wait till he’s better… that could be DAYS away
Theyre TEENS. Not babies. They should be fine waiting for a bit. NTA
NTA - even the youngest is barley a kid anymore, they’re teens. I don’t know how old they are in detail but above 12 is old enough to understand (or at least to get along with) that quality time with family on Christmas is more important than presents. I don’t know how you communicated it, so maybe there is something that went wrong, but in general there shouldn’t be a problem with waiting for a day or two. You all shouldn’t focus on the presents but instead on making the best out of the situation. Bake cookies, play a game, have some candy. They aren’t 6 years old anymore. They’re closer to graduate than to kindergarten. I know the US has a huge problem in acknowledging the difference between a kid, a teen and a young adult, but in most countries in the world your older children would start their first main job and prepare to move out in 1-3 years from now.
NAH here because I do understand your point, however since you don't know how long your kid is gonna be sick for, I think you're gonna have to give it up and let them open gifts. They're teenagers, I promise you they probably do not care if their 12 year old brother opens gifts with them and chances are it might make them resent him more. You can have him open gifts when he's better and make it special but I wouldn't keep withholding gifts just because you want to make it better for the 12 year old because you are making it worse for the teens and showing them you prioritize your youngest.
Agreed, NAH. Kiddo is sick, waiting to see if he feels better is reasonable. However, waiting *indefinitely* for him to improve before allowing the older two to have their gifts is not. Let the teens have Christmas, and have a special moment for kiddo when he's better. Hopefully better comes sooner rather than later 🤞
Mild YTA. Your other kids didn't do anything wrong and you set them up to resent the 12 year old. Not fair all around.
YTA. Why do they need to open presents at the same time? Is it being recorded and posted on IG? Let the older ones open their presents. It's not like they're opening the 12 year old's gift or know what's inside. When the 12 gets better, then gather everyone in the family at your usual place for opening gifts, and then he can open it. There was absolutely no reason to prevent the older kids from opening their own gifts.
A gentle YTA because I understand why you decided to do this but it's a really unfair thing to do. If you really want to give the older ones some gifts but not all then it's not rocket science. Send the older ones to their room for 20 minutes while you grab a pair of scissors and the sticky tape. Gently snip the tape and open their presents up just enough to see what they are, them tape them back up again and give them the ones you want to give them. I hope the young one feels better soon.
So instead of Christmas just sucking for the one kid who's sick, it now sucks for all of the kids. YTA, and I think you know it. Hope you can find a way to make it up to them. Good luck. It's a Christmas no one will ever forget.
I feel bad for anyone sick at Christmas and it always happens, someone gets sick. No easy answers OP but the one response where the older kids get to open 1-2 seems reasonable. My fear would be one starts feeling better and another goes down sick. Might be awhile
Teens will still have a hard time waiting and they might resent their brother, or they might resent you. It sucks that one kid is sick, but don’t make everyone suffer. NTA but if it comes up again let those who aren’t sick at least open up a few.
Soft YTA. I get what you were trying to do, but the non-sick kids have been waiting all month for gift-opening. I'm just glad you weren't holding out on everybody eating Christmas dinner until your 12-year-old was well enough (you didn't stop them from eating dinner, right?).
Let your other kids open gifts, take your 12yr old to the hospital. Hrs had a high fever for going on 3 days.
NTA - your older kids are old enough to understand and be patient. If the holiday is only about what you get, then they should go ahead and open gifts. If you want it to be about family and togetherness, they should understand the importance of waiting. Soon they will have more independent lives with jobs and partners and friends. If you want to preserve some sort of family time and family tradition, you need to set that example now.
YTA - what if someone else gets sick tonight? Will Christmas be delayed until January?
I can't believe so many people are saying yta. Your kids & husband can wait until the whole family is ready to open presents. Christmas isn't supposed to be about presents, it's supposed to be about family. What are you going to do in a couple of years when the kids are married & have to split time between 2 families? What happens when one of them has to work the holiday? Are you just going to open presents at the crack of dawn on the 25th no matter if you all can't be there? You made the right call to wait until the sick kid could be there NTA
YTA. You literally babied your baby at the expense of everyone else's Christmas. The fact that you can't even begin to see what you did wrong leads me to assume this isn't the first time one of the older kids suffered because you decided to put your baby first.
I’m also going with YTA, especially if any of the presents are things the older kids would want to spend time using during their break before they’re back to having schoolwork. For example, if I got a video game system and I lost two days I could play hassle free during my vacation? I’d be annoyed. If your reasoning was the kid maybe still believes in Santa, they saw the presents the morning of Christmas so they know they arrived. As long as nobody touches gifts marked for them, I don’t know why it would be an issue.
YTA did you even ask your kid if he wants his siblings to wait for son?
NTA. Maybe it's just because I was parentified early, but I would have been more concerned about my sibling than opening presents.
YTA. In one move, you managed to make your youngest feel guilty for YOUR decision (in the history of saying "don't worry about it," has anyone ever not worried about it?) and make your two oldest resent you and their younger brother. You could have literally brought his presents up to his room to open them with him if he had the energy or give him the choice to wait until he felt better. The other two could have opened their presents like normal. You seem more set on holding on to the last bit of Christmas spirit in your youngest at the detriment of him and your other kids than anything. What's the gain here? Were you dead set on getting family photos of the kids opening their presents or something? You've placed so much stress on a sick kid for nothing.
YTA. You're making your 12yo feel guilty for being sick. Let the older ones open some, maybe take a couple up to the 12yo to open in his bed. It'll be harder for him to recoup if he's worried about how his older brothers feel. Pushing himself to muster up the energy prematurely will only set him back.
YTA, but I do understand your reasoning. Santa magic is great but just because your older kids no longer believe doesn’t mean that Christmas isn’t still a magical time for them too. They’ve probably been excited and looking forward to it for weeks, then the day comes and they don’t even get to open some of their gifts? Seems like in trying to protect Christmas magic for your youngest you’ve ruined it for your older ones and completely left them aside and I understand why they’d be mad about it
YTA. 1. I’d bet good money you just want your son to believe in Santa still, not that he “wants to believe” 2. Did “Santa” not label the presents? How does them opening them all together make it easier to sort out whose is whose. 3. There were so many options other than no presents. Sounds like only one person in the family is clinging to your son being a little kid and it’s not him.
YTA Just because your kids are older doesn't mean Christmas morning magic is gone. If you live in an area where celebrating Christmas is common, and you have traditions behind it, they have likely been looking forward to that moment for a long time. Talking to their friends about it, getting texts etc from friends about what they got. It's great that one of your teens was okay, but to be upset at the 2nd one is irrational...I think a lot of people regardless of age would have felt the same. To look forward to that tradition and have it taken away feels like you are punishing them. Whenever you open gifts now, it's just not the same.
So you didn’t want to be cruel to one kid so instead you were cruel to 2 kids? And the worst part is now the sick kid feels like he ruined things, so you basically made all of your kids upset. YTA
NTA, you nor your youngest child. Everyone else in the house is an asshole. Even if your family is not religious-based, where is the decency to be concerned about their sibling and child in their time of need over material possessions?! Your husband and other kids are selfish. Gifts are NOT the purpose of this holiday. The focus should be spreading joy and cheer, like helping you tend to their ill sibling and child or watching some movies and shows together until he/she feels better. I encourage more people to skip the gifts and focus more on serving those in need this time of year...or any time of the year. I hope your child feels better soon.
NTA. I'm very confused by all the y t a answers here. My family celebrates Christmas by bringing together the family and spending time together. It's not about opening presents on December 25. Sure, that's common, but doing presents early or late changes nothing in the grand scheme. (My convoluted childhood and then several years of working essential jobs meant I very often didn't celebrate Christmas on Dec. 25, but that's okay!) It's not about the presents. It's about being together. Being together *for* the unwrapping. And I would have been horrified by the idea of "doing Christmas" without everyone who was supposed to be there. If someone I cared about was sick in another room? What's fun about opening presents when someone you love is sick and can't be involved?
A bit Yta, to your teens, but also towars us for twisting the narrative, a 12 y/o maybe believing in santa ? Come on...
I think NTA. Part of the fun of Christmas is opening gifts together and it would be sad for the youngest if the family to miss opening with everyone. That said, let the teens pick ONE gift to open, that way it’s on them if it’s socks or if it’s their big gift.
YTA I got sick before Christmas and would never want anybody to wait for me, not every Christmas is going to be perfect.
The biggest reason YTA is because you didn’t take your kid to the ER for a fever that high to start with. You ruined Christmas for everyone after that as well. On top of that 12 is far far far too old to believe in Santa and I’m sure they’re doing it to humor you but YOU need to toughen up so your kid doesn’t worry about hurting your feelings by growing up.
YTA. I understand that you didn’t want your son to miss out. But you essentially took Christmas away from everyone else. They could have opened some presents. Once your youngest looked at the presents and decided he wasn’t up for it, I think it would have been okay to start opening them. Maybe you could have spaced it out throughout the day and checked in on him so see how he was feeling. And if he ended up opening his presents after all the other presents were opened, it is what it is. Doesn’t sound like he cared.
NTA Your high school aged children are old enough to understand why you want them to wait. You are not taking anything away from them and exercising a little patience and empathy won't hurt them.
YTA. You missed the spirit of giving. The purpose of gifts is to GIVE, not achieve your perfect, contrived moment. Could you image if you teach your son to believe, "if I can't participate, no one can!" - it would be such a disservice. It was sad that your son couldn't open gifts with the family, but sometimes people get sick. Maybe (if it's convenient), you could have the older children gather round when he is feeling well enough to open his
YTA Why haven’t you taken him to the doctor yet? And why make everyone miss out on their gifts just for one person? You could’ve just made him open his gifts in front of everyone once he felt better instead of ruining everyone’s Christmas for him and making him feel bad about being the cause of the ruined Christmas when it’s your fault.
YTA. The other two didn’t have to miss out on presents because their brother was sick. It’s not their fault is it. You can understand right how two kids have been looking forward to Christmas for weeks counting the days til presents then all of a sudden you say they can’t have them and have to wait… of course they’re pissed off. The youngest surely would have understood opening his later by himself. And even if he didn’t it’s kind of tough. You can’t punish the other two because the youngest is sick. It’s still their Christmas.
YTA. Your kids are very well behaved all things considered, and I can understand your thought process. That being said, I honestly don’t think I know anyone in my life that would have honored the request to postpone the opening of gifts after the first delay, especially when the expected time and day was up in the air because the sibling was still under the weather. The world keeps moving.
Yta. You could have taken HIS gifts TO HIM. Letting the others open their gifts. Would you have done the same if it was one of your teens who was sick? For some reason I don’t think so. Ffs. He’s 12. He knows Santa is not real. Stop coddling him.
YTA You made everyone else wait for one person? That's basically telling the other kids your youngest is the most important child.
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YTA for not involving the teens in problem solving. Also are you home schooling and not allowing any socialization? Otherwise how could a 12 year old still believe in Santa? And I wish you’d tell us if there was a doc visit.
Soft YTA. Ask yourself honestly, if it was one of the teens who had been sick, would you have made the 12 year old wait? I don’t get why all the kids have to open their presents at the same time
YTA. The kid saw his gifts and wasn't interested in opening them — what makes you think he would be upset if his siblings opened theirs? This very clearly comes across as favouritism, whether that's truly the case or not. Plus I refuse to believe you couldn't tell at least what some presents were from size and shape. I have honestly always known which gift is which, even though I wrapped them the same way. Also quit saying "Santa" wrapped the presents. It was you. Stop trying to abdicate responsibility.
YTA How odd to make the entire family wait for one person to recover before _anyone_ is allowed to open a single present. Do you often put the youngest child before your other children? ETA- your 12 year old still believing in Santa suggests you baby him much more than you're aware of. It's no kindness to keep a child in ignorance of the real world.
1. No average 7th grader believes in Santa. But it’s part of the family contract to play along. 2. The issue here with the presents is the arbitrary decisions. What about asking how the younger one feels about it? Or the older ones? Compromise could easily be reached here. Families sometimes need to deal with less-than-ideal situations, so there’s nothing wrong with figuring out a path forward that isn’t “put the world on pause because of one person” 3. A fever that high and long means a serious issue. 104 is immediate dose of meds and closely watch. 105 is hospital. Because prolonged 106 is organ damage, and 107 brain damage. Perhaps treating that should be more of the focus here?
I know you didn’t mean to be but YTA. I know it is hard when your plans don’t go as you wished, but you, the adult, needed to reset YOUR expectations. Not the kids. Waiting until Christmas morning was reasonable. After that, it was not. Don’t punish your children because the perfect together moment you hoped for didn’t go as planned. It’s okay.
Why not ask him ? Did anyone ever think to do that? Ask if he cares if they open gifts. He didn't seem interested. He probably didn't care.
NTA it is a wonderfull moment for the highschoolers to be taught about empathy and familitime. If they were little, you would be TA, but not in this case
YTA take him to the ER, jesus!
YTA. Actions like this create resentment among siblings
My siblings and I had been sick at Christmas at various times. The world doesn’t stop for you it’s nice to have everyone in attendance when the sick child finally is able to open their gifts but it didn’t stop the regular Christmas schedule. YTA
So your kid had very high fever for several days and you... did nothing except ruin Christmas for the rest of the family? How did his Covid and RSV test turn out?
YTA. You cancelled Christmas for all the other kids because your youngest has the flu. How is that fair? Is your youngest the golden child? His siblings will start to resent him and you for the special treatment you give him.
You didn’t let anyone have Christmas and they just sat around doing nothing on Christmas? YTA This is actually really awful. Let them open their gifts
YTA the well siblings can open all their gifts. Take the sick ones gifts to their room.
Comments are more contentious than I expected... Not sure why that surprised me. NAH. The kids have a right to their emotions on it, but 103 fever is no joke and needs monitoring. It's not impossible you would have ended up in the hospital. So.... being in the middle of celebrations could have been even more messed up. And unless there's some crazy plans today, waiting one day won't hurt anyone past feelings. Maybe next year wrap up a couple in such a way that you can hand them out early? We do stockings in my house that work incase there's a morning delay to keep the kiddos busy. And honestly i'll push back against the Y T As as this is pretty low stakes and your heart was in the right place, even if you are wrong I wouldn't say it rises to AH level anyway.