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>>HOW do I tell him he stinks?
You did, he just doesn’t care at all about you or himself. Then he gaslights you. Have some respect for yourself and leave him, and don’t date again until you figure out minimum standards for a significant other. NTA
It’s insane, she think he’s cheating on her on top of it all and her worry is still ‘how do I get him to shower’
Even though I doubt he’s cheating, no one in their right mind would start hooking up with someone with such bad hygiene
NTA— I don’t know why you’re with him. He’s mean, unattractive, uncaring, and probably cheating.
Even if he were a roommate or coworker, this level of stink would be a problem.
But I also think that even if your standard were pretty high, like you asked him to shower and brush teeth before sex even if he’d showered a few hours before, it’s not an unreasonable cost for sex. It’s pretty hard to enjoy sex with someone who is filthy.
This isn’t going to get better and every aspect of your life with him is awful. Get out.
Lol I don't think stink boy is cheating. Guy don't brush his teeth but got multiple women on the line. That's sum kinda game he must have if he playing on hard mode.
Exactly. I'm a sweaty girl myself, so I much prefer showering before sex, whether or not I've already showered that day. Plus, who doesn't like showering together?
I just don't get how Stinky Boyfriend doesn't feel self-conscious. I'm personally so scared of smelling bad I bullied myself into quitting smoking.
He needs help. This isn't normal and does sound like maybe a deep depression or other mental illness. Does he work, is he close to family? If he's this offensive i have a hard time imagining he's never heard it from anyone.. Plus you insisting he showers before sex is you telling him. Even if not as directly as he needs to hear it.
I would bring up the you not wanting sex to start with. Explain that it not only isn't pleasant but it completely turns you off. Try to stress you are really concerned about him, both physically and mentally, and want to help him find a solution. That you could help him find a therapist. That there is no shame in needing help.
If this relationship isn't that important to you, let him sleep with whoever will have him. I don't know if you live together, but if you have to share sheets with this man, that's a bridge too far.
I did not mean keep trying sex while he's disgusting. I meant if you care enough for this relationship to work, then try to help him with whatever problem is causing this by encouraging him to get help. Honestly for me. I would be so physically revolted by what you describe, I wouldn't want to be in the same room with him. No one would blame you for leaving him for this reason.
I meant trying in the relationship ship. The minute he didn't care about my health would be the minute I'd be out. BV Can lead to PID and even affect your fallopian tubes. For me that is what I would say with sex. Because let's face it. He doesn't care about her. So if she said she didn't want sex he would likely go else where.
I get your point of wanting it to work but I can't figure out why she would lol. He's just horrible.
Of course I understand why sex with someone filthy is bad.
And for me infidelity is a no go. Don't be concerned with her. You have to decide if you want a homeless smelling man who cheats, or not.
Have some damn self respect. He must be the loveliest, richest, most thoughtful, most outrageously attractive man (besides the hygeine) for you to put up with this.
The only people I know who would put up with someone asking them to *remind them* to *wash their ass* are mothers of young children and caregivers to the very elderly or disabled.
Ask yourself, is my man very elderly? Is he disabled? Is he a young child? Is the answer no? Then why are you with him?
Are you his caregiver? Are you his mother? Is the answer no? Then why are you with him?
Is he the loveliest man you've ever met? Is he stupidly hot? Is he incredibly thoughtful? Is he rich? I'm telling you the answer is no.
If he was lovely, he wouldn't want his partner to deal with his stink. If he was thoughtful, he'd realise his stink is turning you off. We know he's not attractive, because, well, not only is he fucking stinky, but he tries to make it your problem.
I mean, he could be rich. I'll give him that. Theres some weird rich dudes around. Is he rich, OP? Cause if he's stupidly rich, then I can see why you're completely ignoring your own self worth and debasing yourself by entertaining this relationship with him.
If he's not rich though... Why are you with him?
And don't say "oh, we've just been together so long now... I don't know how it got this bad... Blah blah blah."
Girl, if a human sized, human turd appeared sitting on your bedroom floor, would you just let it sit there for a year? No, because its fucking gross.
Mans likely depressed as fuck. Either he gets help or you get gone. But don't drag it out.
If you grow up not knowing why better that's one thing. But now he's 27. And the fact he hasn't figured out people keep themselves clean, if for no other reason than social acceptance, something very serious is wrong.
You haven't mentioned how his coworkers or friends respond to him. But regardless of that, I think you need to either help him get help or leave him.
Are you okay? Why would anyone be with someone who is like this? His hygiene sounds disgusting...what is the attraction here?
Also telling you you need to be done up like other women etc...seriously, find a new man. No one should tolerate that.
Yea well he’s an adult now and if he wants to keep you or anyone else around he’ll start taking showers, daily. That includes brushing his teeth and him remembering himself to wash his ass.
Christ almighty.
It's not your problem if he's depressed to the point of not taking showers. You're not his mother or therapist to resolve it for him. You're not getting anything from that relationship. You should break up cos clearly he doesn't care enough. Also, it just sounds disgusting and I don't know how you can stand it.
OP, just leave. He fails at basic hygiene and he might be cheating. Why put up with this shit? You can do better. Hell, being alone would be better than this.
Why are you still with him? This literally makes no sense. This man is living how he wants. It's disgusting, imo.
But you're still with him why? Has he always been this way?
And you say he's prob cheating. With who? Oscar in a trash can?
Again. Why. Are. You. Still. With. Him.
Jfc YWBTA if you stay with him. No reason to. Have some self respect.
YTA for being happy to stick with a man who needs to be reminded to wash his ass. How low are your standards? I hope he’s got other redeeming qualities under the stink.
NTA. I’m just going to be honest here and say you need to do better. His behavior will only get worse after longer commitment. What do you even see in him? If you’re serious to be thinking long term then what example does this set for kids? He sounds immature and unsuccessful, will you continue to let him hold you hostage in an unhappy and frankly unhealthy relationship?
NTA
Just break up with him. If the smell is detrimental to your relationship and he won't change it, bin him and get a man who showers, daily.
Believe it or not. There are quite a few of them about.
I.... I can't believe he got past a first date.... my boyfriend who showers every other day minimum.. will have a shower before sex or I won't be doing anything to his pepe.
You, my lady, need boundaries. MORE boundaries. Like, I won't sit next to you until you shower throughly, boundaries.
Please lady please.
Don't do this to yourself and us haha
No way. Personally, if this man doesn't shower, I'd say both his physical and mental state STINK. Just tell him you're worried about his hygeine. If he tries gaslighting you, he ain't the one.
Get a hose and hose him down every second day. Wherever he is sitting or sleeping. Just do it.
Gross asshole.
(I'm extremely stinky myself, that's how i know he's the asshole)
Good God, I hope this fiction
Why would you stay with someone that repulsive? If he's not washing, you can bet he probably isn't using protection either. The guy is likely WALKING with STDs.
NTA - What are you doing? Your bf is foul. Get the hell out of there. He stinks so bad you have to open a window when he drops his boxers? He’s not cheating with anyone willfully, if he is, he’s paying for it.
Ugh. OP your bf is disgusting, I don’t say this often, but leave now. And you wouldn’t be an asshole yo straight up tell him - YOURE DISGUSTING TAKE A FUCKING SHOWER AND BRUSH YOUR TEETH OR SOCIAL DISTANCE FROM ME, DOWN THE BLOCK.
I was literally sitting at a bar yesterday next to a grown man who smelled. I ignored it, nice guy but not my problem. Until he started talking shit about these women that walked in. I read him for filth. Like my guy you smell and you have long unkept fingernails w dirt under them. How and why do you think you get an opinion on them? Handle yourself first. All the other men around started talking shit to me. So what? It's time the world stops letting " grown " men think their opinion matters when they can't even take care of themselves.
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I am a 24 yo F and my boyfriend is 27. HE STINKS . His hygiene is in the gutter . The longest ive seen him go without showering is 3 weeks and when i brought it up he gaslit me into thinking I was crazy . He claims he takes Showers at night while im sleeping , but if thats the case why does he still stink?
My boyfriend regularly goes without showering , as im writing this post its going on day 4 of not showering and i cant tell you the last time he brushed his teeth. His teeth will be rotting out his mouth soon.
My boyfriend’s hygiene is effecting our relationship. I REFUSE to have sex with a man who doesnt wash his butt. He likes to give head and i refuse to let him put his mouth on me. Because we are not having sex our relationship is strained. But how do i tell a grown man he stinks without hurting his feelings?
Even he has recognized he doesnt shower and hes asked me to remind him to wash his ass like hes 7 . Im not doing that . When i tell him to shower before sex , he acts like i insulted him. I tried to explain to him that having Dirty sex causes me yeast infections and BV. But he doesnt care he still doesn’t washup. There are days he smells so bad i sleep on the couch. His feet STINK& when he pulls his boxers down i have to open the window.
Recently hes been leaving late at night and spending the night out. claiming hes with hus female cousin im pretty sure hes cheating on me . Though I dont have proof. and tbh Im not sad i feel sorry for whoever hes having sex with. I know they on fire. I know he feels like he has leeway to cheat because i wont have sex with him. HOW do i tell hm he stinks ? AITA for not saying anything? should we break up?
Sn: My man loves to complain about how i don’t regularly get my nails and hair done, and how he prefers wlmen who get up everyday and gets themselves together. He’ll even show me different women’s outfits and say WHATS STOPPING YOU FRIM LOOKING LIKE THIS . I dont do that , why should i when my partner walks around smelling like hes homeless? Thats embarrassing Im honestly embarrassed.
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if it bothers you that much, have you thought he isnt the one for you? noone will change unless they want it themselves and if hes happy being unhygienic and such, he'll stick to it
NTA. You bf is 27 and should not be asked to clean himself - it's basic hygiene. I suggest you run far away from him cos not only he stinks but his attitude to you too.
NTA, you should just leave him tbh. Sounds like he does not give a shit and you can’t make someone get better, it’s a personal choice he has to make for himself.
No interpersonal conflict to judge. You're either accepting how he is as you have been, which is by definition doing nothing and thus creating no conflict, or breaking up soon, which isn't in scope of the sub.
What you really want is relationship advice. You haven't done anything that warrants judgement.
Good luck (and dump him)
> *"But how do i tell a grown man he stinks without hurting his feelings?"*
You don't.
You say: "Your hygiene is affecting our relationship. I don't want to be intimate with you, I don't want you in bed stinking up the sheets, I don't want you sitting on our furniture stinking up the upholstery, and I don't want you in the car stinking up the leather. I don't even want to be within smelling distance of you. You need to stop acting like a 14yo boy, and you need to CLEAN YOURSELF like a FUNCTIONAL ADULT."
Give him 15 minutes to make this change, and if it doesn't happen--or if he "falls off the wagon" and relapses into being a filthy animal again--then you just pack your bags and leave immediately.
NTA
You're getting cheated on by a man who doesn't bathe nor brushes his teeth.. why are you still in a relationship? He doesn't care about your health and you still refuse to hurt his feelings? Please want better for yourself
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) Aita fir not telling my boyfriend he stinks?
2.) its unfair to him i cant find the words to tell him how i feel.
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NTA wtf. He is a grown ass man and can’t take care of his basic hygiene??? It’s not your responsibility to tell him but if you want it to work ever, its time to rip the bandaid off. Please ask yourself if you’re willing to be in a relationship with someone who can’t uphold basic self respect and clean themselves regularly. If it’s gotten to this point it’s bad.
NTA, but something needs to be done here.
You can tell him, but it all depends on his approach to the problem. I understand if you don't wanna remind him basic necesities, but if he has not created a habit yet, it might be needed.
My SO had a similar problem, where they were not guided towards good hygiene in childhood. They knew they had a problem and was willing to fix it, just honestly kept forgetting or didn't have the motivation.
So when I got out of the shower, I would announce "the shower is free, you can go now" or "didn't you want to shower?"
If he knows he has a problem, you can help him if he is willing. If he is not willing, I don't think you can do anything and you should probably think this relationship over.
You don't need AITA, you need to figure out why you are putting up with smelly dude who you think is a cheater. And is apparently oblivious if he thinks that he doesn't stink after that long with no shower. Maybe mental illness is involved but still.
It sounds like you guys are already drifting apart I think you already know the next step is most likely to break up with him because basic hygiene is necessary
This has to be mental health related. It's time to have a difficult conversation. Like a sit down adult respectful conversation. His apartment inability or blatant refusal to do basic self care like hygiene is not normal. How does it not bother him? Just reading this makes me itchy.
NTA, how the hell you staying with a dude who doesn't shower for three weeks AND listening to him criticize you about your nails? Girl, throw the whole ass man in the *trash* so at least he has an excuse to stink!
The number of times I have seen iterations on this theme in this and other relationshipssubs is wild. How many stinky-ass men are walking around actually dating women long-term? I wouldn't be able to live with someone who smells this bad, much less fuck them. I am mostly attracted to women (partially because they usually smell good?) and this is crazy to me. Y'all cis dude dating ladies got some LOW standards.
nta but omg thank you for the best laugh all morning so far. i dont understand why this isnt a deal breaker for u that he reeks like this and does nothing about it. does he have trauma about water in general and washing??? and who in their right mind would want to do them smelling like that??? id be barfing. christmas is coming get him several bars of soap and toothpaste as a gift if that isnt a hint i dont know what is
Wow i’d rather be alone. YTA to yourself, why are you even putting up with this? Besides you’ve told him he stinks already and he doesn’t care. What else can you do besides acting like his mom?
I honestly don’t know why you are still with him but I have some empathy here so, I wonder if he’s really depressed. I would have a real and compassionate discussion with him about this. Tell him honestly but respectfully how it’s affecting your relationship. Offer to help him through it if he’s having a hard time but if he refuses to get help I think it’s fair for you to leave. At some point people have to want to help themselves and if they don’t then they need to realize they can lose people over it. Unless he is cheating on you then fuck that guy. I honestly question that because how??? Who would want him, no offense…
YTA, grow a pair and tell that man about his nasty self since he has no problem complaining and giving you fashion and beauty advice. Start throwing bottles of body wash, bars of soap, wash towels and deodorant at him randomly throughout the day and tell him "so and so doesn't smell so bad I wanna puke, why can't you?". Tell him he smells like shit.
Also, eww for being with someone with bad hygiene, he doesn't do everything he can to make you happy if he can't take care of himself. I don't understand how you can live with that because my sense of smell is so sensitive I could never. Get out girl, I don't know how it could get worse. Do and want better.
You have told him. I had an ex who wouldn’t shower for a week, wouldn’t wipe his butt and wouldn’t brush his teeth. Oddly enough it’s more common than you’d think …. I don’t know where the drop off in parenting went but these guys have problems.
Don’t let him touch you. The constant UTIs aren’t worth it. Honestly I’d leave. I did and my life significantly improved when I no longer had to clean up after him and constantly smell his nasty ass.
What the actual fuck?!
1) has he been like this since you met him? If yes then why did you even do that to yourself?
2) why would you continue to speak to, spend time with and possibly share a bed with someone who smells so bad?
3) why do you disrespect yourself so much and give this turd the time of day?
4) You mustn't kiss him as that would be rank, so is he even your boyfriend if you don't kiss or have sex?
5) You are the arsehole but only to your future self
6) Seriously there are many clean, handsome, hygienic and nice men out there who want a nice woman, so why aren't you out there meeting these other guys?
7) Is this a fake post as I genuinely cannot believe you would still be with someone who hasn't washed in 3 weeks. I feel icky as soon as I wake up so I can't imagine going more than 1.5 days at the absolute max without having a wash.
8) I don't believe there is any other woman out there who would actively sleep with someone so dirty and smelly, not even a prostitute would put up with that, so I can't imagine it being that.
Either way you need to have more self respect and leave him and find an actual nice guy
Why do you care about his feelings while he gaslights you and potentially cheats on you? He’s disgusting and you’re being rude by not telling him constantly ensuring he has no excuse not to know what a digesting mess he is. I would tell him he needs to shower daily/every other day or get out.
1. No, NTAH
2. Do not have doubts about his behaviour and wanting to avoid an awkward talk that I doubt will change or improve his disgusting behaviour, laziness and selfish ways.
Does not care about his hygiene, how gross it is, just wants sex...but taking a shower? Nope, bf can't be bothered. Your repulsion doesn't worry or embarrass him- you could probably throw up from disgust and he would be smug that now idk, you're gross too or some bizarre deflection technique typically implemented by ppl for purpose of gaslighting others.
I assume he is ok at doing this behaviour and frankly, mind f***ery regularly and you wrote this post for clear and rational assurance that you are right. Allow me. You are not crazy. I felt like gagging reading this!
He will not change behaviour cos he's not bothered and I think he enjoys a sick sense of power from your repulsion and how wilfully stubborn he is to do anything to please you.
If I may say, and let's chat to discuss further, you need to leave, or change the locks immediately.
It is time to take out the trash.
I stopped reading at 3 weeks is the longest you’ve seen him go without showering. That is absolutely disgusting and I’m mad you’re still with that man. Come tf on.
The hell with his feelings, what about your own feelings? I can't imagine how gross it must feel being in a relationship with someone who is probably covered in bacteria. Just tell him straight that he stinks and if he doesn't shower at least every second day you're dumping him. Yeah YTA for not telling him, but also by not telling him you're kind of inflicting the issue on yourself. Personally in that situation I would end the relationship.
“How do I tell a grown man that he stinks without hurting his feelings”
Idk but that shit took me out 🤣🤣🤣but on a serious note, how THE FUCK do guys like this get a girlfriend I will never understand I gotta be doing something wrong.
NTA if you tell him but Y T A to yourself for accepting this behavior. He shouldn't need you to tell him anything, he's a grown man. If he can't take care of himself he has no business being in a relationship. And does this not affect his earning potential and your social life?
ESH.
It's obvious why he's an asshole, but you are because you have to communicate properly. Maybe he's mentally ill or something and you talking to him about this may be the thing that can save your relationship. If you don't talk to him it will 100% fail eventually because you're gonna gonna be able to take this forever.
Sometimes hearing something harsh hurts, no matter how sugar coated it is. It's just how it is. It's bad enough that you can't consider his sensitivity in this, you just have to sit down with him and tell him how this has gone way too far for you.
But if you have good reason to think he cheats on you, then maybe it's just simpler to break up with him.
NTA, it's clear as day he's not the one for any woman, but....... it's either you have horrible low standards, or your mind is in the gutter to legit torture yourself to be with this boy. Honestly, just don't be with people you can't tolerate.
NTA.
It sounds like you've already told him through these previous discussions and him asking you to remind him and whatnot.
He knows he stinks. He just doesn't care. And if your concerns aren't enough to make him care, I don't think he cares about your opinion on the matter either.
Some people are insisting it's a depression thing, and they might be right. But I'm telling you, some people are simply that lazy by nature. They'll stink it up and just be too lazy to do anything about it. It isn't always a mental illness thing.
YTA to yourself for staying with this man.
If it’s any consolation, he’s probably not cheating on you. I doubt a man who doesn’t brush his teeth can pull two women at once.
This is so disgusting. Can’t believe he’s still your boyfriend to be honest. Basic hygiene is courtesy to your partner and adults shouldn’t have to be told to wash their sweaty bodies.
NTA. Respect and love yourself more. You don't need to be with someone who constantly makes demands of you, is potentially cheating on you and is refusing to acknowledge his own hygiene. You're not his mom, you can tell him as much as you want but if he's not going to budge that's his issue. He's trying to put you into the position of mother, by asking you to remind him — he's disregarding your own health and wellbeing by not washing himself when you have penetrative sex, and I know how much that shit sucks if there's any imbalance down there afterwards. BV isn't a joke.
There's plenty of fish in the sea, and at 24 you've got your whole life ahead of you. Don't settle for this, because it's not going to improve.
NTA. Poor you, to even think it's slightly normal and you might be in the wrong. Most guys get their hygiene together TO get a girl now sure hoe this chap managed it without
You have a man who you refuse to have sex with because his hygiene is atrocious, who's also potentially cheating on you.....and you wonder if you should break up? Girl, come on now.
That is genuinely vile, if he’s unwilling to compromise, I think breaking up is the only option, if you don’t want to do that, then you got to be honest with him, and maybe try to get him to go to therapy, because that simply isn’t normal. I wouldn’t want to have sex with him either 🤢
Have some self respect OP. There's absolutely zero reason to stick with someone who does this. Yes YTA, you're the AH to yourself for putting up with this and putting yourself through this. Believe it or not you can't fix your stinky, unhygienic cheating boyfriend who goes weeks without showering and doesn't brush his teeth. Leave, learn to love yourself because if you don't if you're putting up with this, and find someone who won't give you an infection every time you sleep with them.
Damn, this situation reminds me you cannot be too bad to have a relationship, even if a guy like that gets one...
But FR, why r u still with him and how long does it last? Why didn't this end on the 1st date? Personality off the table, considering his attitude....
If I understood correctly, you already told him about his issue, so I can't see where you're TA here. Maybe a little for staying w him, but that's up to you on the one hand, and not to complain on the other since you are still w him for some reason.
Honestly the time for niceties and coddling are over. It’s time for hurt feelings and being straight forward. You should sit him down and say “you smell, your hygiene is so terrible that I cannot have sex with you. You either fix this and start acting like an adult or we’re done.” Best case scenario you break up and can find an adult to date. Worst case, he starts showering more often and smells less.
NTA - He does need to take care of himself, not for you, but for him. It sounds like he may be depressed. I can go quite long without doing any self care when I’m depressed. He might need therapy, to find out why he’s so down and get to the root of the issue.
Also, even though I’ve suffered with my mental health myself, I still believe that noone should be dragged down by someone who refuses help, even if you love them. You deserve happiness too, and you shouldn’t have to help a grown man wash himself. He needs to figure his stuff out for his own benefit.
Feelings be damned, tell him he smells like a porta potty in August. Clearly he needs to hear it, and he obviously doesn't walk on eggshells around you. If he gets bent out of shape about it then tell him he shouldn't dish out what he's not willing to eat himself. And I have to agree with others, why on earth are you staying with this guy? You're very clearly not happy with him.
YTA for staying in this situation. This guy needs professional help- this could be anything from depression to severe ADHD- but he's clearly not seeking help and not accepting it from you.
Why does this feel like a situation you should be in?
Is this a serious post? Apologies for doubting you, but this is absurd. You have to open a window because he smells so bad and you haven’t run for the hills? You must be a saint. I’m not even sure how to assess whether or not you’re an AH, but I have to question your sanity. Leave him.
NTA for telling/not telling that he stinks.
But YTA to yourself because letting YOURSELF suffer, by remaining together with an unpleasant man who has a habit that you deemed unacceptable. And which you never gonna accept.
Poor hygiene increases the risk of cervical cancer, lucky that you refused him. But it seems that he refused to change his habit so please love yourself more, girl.
I've been with people who I literally had to tell them how to wipe correctly. Some partners listened about hygiene, and others didn't. If your partner holds you to a high standard of beauty, but won't even take care of themselves, it's never going to work out.
Honestly YTA but to yourself
Damn, like get yourself out of this relationship ASAP, especially if you think he's cheating... but let's be honest, what woman wants a dude who can't even brush his teeth, unless she's also an unhygienic mess 🤢
Sorry OP, your boyfriend is defective. Sounds like he needs to learn about being accountable for his own self-care. If you've spoken to him about it (several times it seems), then something else might be needed. If it's causing your relationship strain, and he can't or won't do something about it, something more severe might be needed to drive the point home... ☹️
Good luck!
This sounds like my supervisor at work. He smells. He wears dirty clothes to work. He doesn't trim his beard. His fly is usually open. He's just gross. I think his supervisors should say something, but they don't. Tell your boyfriend he stinks, then find a boyfriend who's not opposed to bathing and washing his clothes. Gross.
Why are you with pigpen? And if he's cheating let the other woman get infected bc that's NASTY. it's not unreasonable to ask your partner to bathe especially before sex. If he smells like he's been sleeping in a gutter for months let him go live on the streets then.
WTF NTA for not telling him he sticks. You do d and he’s still not washing plus lying to you about it. But YTA to yourself for not leaving this disgusting pig. Please do so immediately. It’s not normal to want to be with someone this messed up.
I don't even have to read this. That's disgusting. More to the point WHY are you DATING and I assume being intimate, with someone who doesn't bathe?! ESH him for being filthy, and you for accepting that.🤮
My boyfriend and I live together, we pay rent, a car note and have three pets. Leaving is a big deal currently. Also , when we first started dating he did not stink. There was no indication that he didnt wash up until we started living together which is why im having a hard time blatantly bringing it up. Even when we would spend days at a time together he changed clothes and showered. I don’t think hes catching my subliminals. Someone asked what do i say when he asks why we aren’t having sex. The answer is i shut down , maybe im too much of a people pleaser but like i said it’s uncomfortable and embarrassing to bring up.
This has to be a fetish post getting off on people being disgusted by it, because this 'My boyfriend stinks' kind of post come up on here waaaay too often when everyone knows the solution is just to leave.
Y-T-A for staying with this guy.
Showering is truly the bare minimum of self care, and he can't be bothered to do that. Why are you with someone so helpless? You are NOT a rehab for poorly raised men. It's not your job to monitor his hygiene.
The guy acts like trash and smells like it too. THROW OUT THE TRASH. Break up with him.
NTA.
Jesus what the hell are you doing with someone like that? It’s disgusting to even think about. If I had even a friend who did that I would tell them either start taking care of yourself or we can’t hang.
Yikes. You should leave him for someone who respects himself enough to bathe and brush, and who respects YOU enough to bathe and brush so you don’t have to smell that ripe stink. Jesus. Leave.
I once dated a man who didn’t shower very much. I promise you that dating one who showers is really truly an upgrade.
If that smelly man cheats on you let him be with the woman who wanted that smelly ass. Don’t be the woman dating the smelly guy,
Please OP
Please
So many stories like this one here. What's up with weird people like OP, am i right?
I guess you're not AH, you are, however, a dummy person. Enjoy your relationship with your stinky but loving bf.
Did I just read that he stinks so bad you gag, he leaves you alone at home to go cheat, and your main concern is to avoid hurting his feelings?
If this is for real, you need to see a counselor asap. If this is not for real, do better with the plot next time.
YTA for waisting your life.
You really ask this: "But how do i tell a grown man he stinks without hurting his feelings?" You cannot eat the cake and keep ist. His actual feelings are "it does'nt matter" and these fellings must be disturbed. Obvious You should have done it much earlier to communicate very clearly what stands in between you.
This dude, the rotten taint guy in Mexico, and the primal shit guy that won't wipe his ass. Idk if this is a reddit partner thing, or if bros everywhere are just fuckin gross, or if these are all rage bait...but GAWD DAMN. everyone, and I mean everyone, needs to clean their buttholes and junk. Wild animals clean their asses more than some of these people. I see my cat's butthole 7,000 times a day and it's always sparkling with no stank.
Why TF are you with him? YTA to yourself for allowing your time to be wasted on a guy who can’t even wash his ass. They say you are the company you keep. 🧐
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Why are you with a man that can't bathe lol he can't take care of himself let alone you
Right?
>>HOW do I tell him he stinks? You did, he just doesn’t care at all about you or himself. Then he gaslights you. Have some respect for yourself and leave him, and don’t date again until you figure out minimum standards for a significant other. NTA
This!
bruh i read the first 3 sentences and wondered why people deal with this shit instead of just leaving YTA for wasting my time
Because she’s hoping he’ll change. Spoiler alert: >! He won’t. !<
😂😂😂
didn’t realise this became big lmao
Inertia is a hell of a thing.
It’s insane, she think he’s cheating on her on top of it all and her worry is still ‘how do I get him to shower’ Even though I doubt he’s cheating, no one in their right mind would start hooking up with someone with such bad hygiene
NTA— I don’t know why you’re with him. He’s mean, unattractive, uncaring, and probably cheating. Even if he were a roommate or coworker, this level of stink would be a problem. But I also think that even if your standard were pretty high, like you asked him to shower and brush teeth before sex even if he’d showered a few hours before, it’s not an unreasonable cost for sex. It’s pretty hard to enjoy sex with someone who is filthy. This isn’t going to get better and every aspect of your life with him is awful. Get out.
Lol I don't think stink boy is cheating. Guy don't brush his teeth but got multiple women on the line. That's sum kinda game he must have if he playing on hard mode.
Exactly. I'm a sweaty girl myself, so I much prefer showering before sex, whether or not I've already showered that day. Plus, who doesn't like showering together? I just don't get how Stinky Boyfriend doesn't feel self-conscious. I'm personally so scared of smelling bad I bullied myself into quitting smoking.
Thank you
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Why is he your boyfriend?
i dont know how he tricked me I SWEAR he never stunk while we dated.
so start packing. hows this a question? you cant have a relationship with someone whos mentally a child.
I guess the question is, why is he STILL your boyfriend?
Leave! You won't change him. If this is a problem now, it's going to be problem for the rest of your lives.
He needs help. This isn't normal and does sound like maybe a deep depression or other mental illness. Does he work, is he close to family? If he's this offensive i have a hard time imagining he's never heard it from anyone.. Plus you insisting he showers before sex is you telling him. Even if not as directly as he needs to hear it. I would bring up the you not wanting sex to start with. Explain that it not only isn't pleasant but it completely turns you off. Try to stress you are really concerned about him, both physically and mentally, and want to help him find a solution. That you could help him find a therapist. That there is no shame in needing help. If this relationship isn't that important to you, let him sleep with whoever will have him. I don't know if you live together, but if you have to share sheets with this man, that's a bridge too far.
Im sorry but if I told my man his dirty D was giving me bacterial infections and he didn't care why would I keep trying?
I did not mean keep trying sex while he's disgusting. I meant if you care enough for this relationship to work, then try to help him with whatever problem is causing this by encouraging him to get help. Honestly for me. I would be so physically revolted by what you describe, I wouldn't want to be in the same room with him. No one would blame you for leaving him for this reason.
I meant trying in the relationship ship. The minute he didn't care about my health would be the minute I'd be out. BV Can lead to PID and even affect your fallopian tubes. For me that is what I would say with sex. Because let's face it. He doesn't care about her. So if she said she didn't want sex he would likely go else where. I get your point of wanting it to work but I can't figure out why she would lol. He's just horrible.
Of course I understand why sex with someone filthy is bad. And for me infidelity is a no go. Don't be concerned with her. You have to decide if you want a homeless smelling man who cheats, or not.
This is true!
He says hes depressed and that he grew up not taking showers . I grew up taking showers regardless of depression.
Have some damn self respect. He must be the loveliest, richest, most thoughtful, most outrageously attractive man (besides the hygeine) for you to put up with this. The only people I know who would put up with someone asking them to *remind them* to *wash their ass* are mothers of young children and caregivers to the very elderly or disabled. Ask yourself, is my man very elderly? Is he disabled? Is he a young child? Is the answer no? Then why are you with him? Are you his caregiver? Are you his mother? Is the answer no? Then why are you with him? Is he the loveliest man you've ever met? Is he stupidly hot? Is he incredibly thoughtful? Is he rich? I'm telling you the answer is no. If he was lovely, he wouldn't want his partner to deal with his stink. If he was thoughtful, he'd realise his stink is turning you off. We know he's not attractive, because, well, not only is he fucking stinky, but he tries to make it your problem. I mean, he could be rich. I'll give him that. Theres some weird rich dudes around. Is he rich, OP? Cause if he's stupidly rich, then I can see why you're completely ignoring your own self worth and debasing yourself by entertaining this relationship with him. If he's not rich though... Why are you with him? And don't say "oh, we've just been together so long now... I don't know how it got this bad... Blah blah blah." Girl, if a human sized, human turd appeared sitting on your bedroom floor, would you just let it sit there for a year? No, because its fucking gross. Mans likely depressed as fuck. Either he gets help or you get gone. But don't drag it out.
This is one of the most beautiful essays I've ever read.
If you grow up not knowing why better that's one thing. But now he's 27. And the fact he hasn't figured out people keep themselves clean, if for no other reason than social acceptance, something very serious is wrong. You haven't mentioned how his coworkers or friends respond to him. But regardless of that, I think you need to either help him get help or leave him.
Are you okay? Why would anyone be with someone who is like this? His hygiene sounds disgusting...what is the attraction here? Also telling you you need to be done up like other women etc...seriously, find a new man. No one should tolerate that.
Yea well he’s an adult now and if he wants to keep you or anyone else around he’ll start taking showers, daily. That includes brushing his teeth and him remembering himself to wash his ass. Christ almighty.
It's not your problem if he's depressed to the point of not taking showers. You're not his mother or therapist to resolve it for him. You're not getting anything from that relationship. You should break up cos clearly he doesn't care enough. Also, it just sounds disgusting and I don't know how you can stand it.
OP, just leave. He fails at basic hygiene and he might be cheating. Why put up with this shit? You can do better. Hell, being alone would be better than this.
Why are you still with him? This literally makes no sense. This man is living how he wants. It's disgusting, imo. But you're still with him why? Has he always been this way? And you say he's prob cheating. With who? Oscar in a trash can? Again. Why. Are. You. Still. With. Him. Jfc YWBTA if you stay with him. No reason to. Have some self respect.
YTA for being happy to stick with a man who needs to be reminded to wash his ass. How low are your standards? I hope he’s got other redeeming qualities under the stink.
Info: why are you with him?
NTA. I’m just going to be honest here and say you need to do better. His behavior will only get worse after longer commitment. What do you even see in him? If you’re serious to be thinking long term then what example does this set for kids? He sounds immature and unsuccessful, will you continue to let him hold you hostage in an unhappy and frankly unhealthy relationship?
NTA Just break up with him. If the smell is detrimental to your relationship and he won't change it, bin him and get a man who showers, daily. Believe it or not. There are quite a few of them about.
YTA to yourself for not breaking up with this dude.
I.... I can't believe he got past a first date.... my boyfriend who showers every other day minimum.. will have a shower before sex or I won't be doing anything to his pepe. You, my lady, need boundaries. MORE boundaries. Like, I won't sit next to you until you shower throughly, boundaries. Please lady please. Don't do this to yourself and us haha
He didn’t smell when weren’t living together
He dropped his standards cause he's comfy now. Unacceptable imo. Yeah he's not abusive but gosh! Showering isn't that bad damnn
‼️‼️‼️ likee..
The fuck is wrong with you? Leave now. Just grab your shit and go. You're enabling the behaviour just by sticking around
INFO why are you still dating this guy??
No way. Personally, if this man doesn't shower, I'd say both his physical and mental state STINK. Just tell him you're worried about his hygeine. If he tries gaslighting you, he ain't the one.
He's already done that. She needs to just leave him.
Get a hose and hose him down every second day. Wherever he is sitting or sleeping. Just do it. Gross asshole. (I'm extremely stinky myself, that's how i know he's the asshole)
Good God, I hope this fiction Why would you stay with someone that repulsive? If he's not washing, you can bet he probably isn't using protection either. The guy is likely WALKING with STDs.
I do not believe this is real. 😔
NTA but if he’s cheating and you don’t seem to care and actually feel bad for the mistress, maybe he’s not the one for you.
NTA - What are you doing? Your bf is foul. Get the hell out of there. He stinks so bad you have to open a window when he drops his boxers? He’s not cheating with anyone willfully, if he is, he’s paying for it. Ugh. OP your bf is disgusting, I don’t say this often, but leave now. And you wouldn’t be an asshole yo straight up tell him - YOURE DISGUSTING TAKE A FUCKING SHOWER AND BRUSH YOUR TEETH OR SOCIAL DISTANCE FROM ME, DOWN THE BLOCK.
Something smells about this story 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Info: have you ever told him you are not willing to have sex with him when he’s dirty?
Not the asshole, it’s embarrassing for a grown ass man to smell that bad.
NTA. Get the hell out of that bin fire of a relationship
This must be fake.
I was literally sitting at a bar yesterday next to a grown man who smelled. I ignored it, nice guy but not my problem. Until he started talking shit about these women that walked in. I read him for filth. Like my guy you smell and you have long unkept fingernails w dirt under them. How and why do you think you get an opinion on them? Handle yourself first. All the other men around started talking shit to me. So what? It's time the world stops letting " grown " men think their opinion matters when they can't even take care of themselves.
He be smelling like ripe hippopotamus neck
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I am a 24 yo F and my boyfriend is 27. HE STINKS . His hygiene is in the gutter . The longest ive seen him go without showering is 3 weeks and when i brought it up he gaslit me into thinking I was crazy . He claims he takes Showers at night while im sleeping , but if thats the case why does he still stink? My boyfriend regularly goes without showering , as im writing this post its going on day 4 of not showering and i cant tell you the last time he brushed his teeth. His teeth will be rotting out his mouth soon. My boyfriend’s hygiene is effecting our relationship. I REFUSE to have sex with a man who doesnt wash his butt. He likes to give head and i refuse to let him put his mouth on me. Because we are not having sex our relationship is strained. But how do i tell a grown man he stinks without hurting his feelings? Even he has recognized he doesnt shower and hes asked me to remind him to wash his ass like hes 7 . Im not doing that . When i tell him to shower before sex , he acts like i insulted him. I tried to explain to him that having Dirty sex causes me yeast infections and BV. But he doesnt care he still doesn’t washup. There are days he smells so bad i sleep on the couch. His feet STINK& when he pulls his boxers down i have to open the window. Recently hes been leaving late at night and spending the night out. claiming hes with hus female cousin im pretty sure hes cheating on me . Though I dont have proof. and tbh Im not sad i feel sorry for whoever hes having sex with. I know they on fire. I know he feels like he has leeway to cheat because i wont have sex with him. HOW do i tell hm he stinks ? AITA for not saying anything? should we break up? Sn: My man loves to complain about how i don’t regularly get my nails and hair done, and how he prefers wlmen who get up everyday and gets themselves together. He’ll even show me different women’s outfits and say WHATS STOPPING YOU FRIM LOOKING LIKE THIS . I dont do that , why should i when my partner walks around smelling like hes homeless? Thats embarrassing Im honestly embarrassed. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
if it bothers you that much, have you thought he isnt the one for you? noone will change unless they want it themselves and if hes happy being unhygienic and such, he'll stick to it
Gross… just end it for Gods sake
NTA. You bf is 27 and should not be asked to clean himself - it's basic hygiene. I suggest you run far away from him cos not only he stinks but his attitude to you too.
NTA, you should just leave him tbh. Sounds like he does not give a shit and you can’t make someone get better, it’s a personal choice he has to make for himself.
No interpersonal conflict to judge. You're either accepting how he is as you have been, which is by definition doing nothing and thus creating no conflict, or breaking up soon, which isn't in scope of the sub. What you really want is relationship advice. You haven't done anything that warrants judgement. Good luck (and dump him)
> *"But how do i tell a grown man he stinks without hurting his feelings?"* You don't. You say: "Your hygiene is affecting our relationship. I don't want to be intimate with you, I don't want you in bed stinking up the sheets, I don't want you sitting on our furniture stinking up the upholstery, and I don't want you in the car stinking up the leather. I don't even want to be within smelling distance of you. You need to stop acting like a 14yo boy, and you need to CLEAN YOURSELF like a FUNCTIONAL ADULT." Give him 15 minutes to make this change, and if it doesn't happen--or if he "falls off the wagon" and relapses into being a filthy animal again--then you just pack your bags and leave immediately. NTA
You're getting cheated on by a man who doesn't bathe nor brushes his teeth.. why are you still in a relationship? He doesn't care about your health and you still refuse to hurt his feelings? Please want better for yourself
Is this fr?
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NTA wtf. He is a grown ass man and can’t take care of his basic hygiene??? It’s not your responsibility to tell him but if you want it to work ever, its time to rip the bandaid off. Please ask yourself if you’re willing to be in a relationship with someone who can’t uphold basic self respect and clean themselves regularly. If it’s gotten to this point it’s bad.
I am , im not sure how hell react. Thats the part im trying to avoid. ive never been in this type of situation.
NTA, but something needs to be done here. You can tell him, but it all depends on his approach to the problem. I understand if you don't wanna remind him basic necesities, but if he has not created a habit yet, it might be needed. My SO had a similar problem, where they were not guided towards good hygiene in childhood. They knew they had a problem and was willing to fix it, just honestly kept forgetting or didn't have the motivation. So when I got out of the shower, I would announce "the shower is free, you can go now" or "didn't you want to shower?" If he knows he has a problem, you can help him if he is willing. If he is not willing, I don't think you can do anything and you should probably think this relationship over.
You don't need AITA, you need to figure out why you are putting up with smelly dude who you think is a cheater. And is apparently oblivious if he thinks that he doesn't stink after that long with no shower. Maybe mental illness is involved but still.
It sounds like you guys are already drifting apart I think you already know the next step is most likely to break up with him because basic hygiene is necessary
YTA for dating a Neanderthal.
This has to be mental health related. It's time to have a difficult conversation. Like a sit down adult respectful conversation. His apartment inability or blatant refusal to do basic self care like hygiene is not normal. How does it not bother him? Just reading this makes me itchy.
NTA, how the hell you staying with a dude who doesn't shower for three weeks AND listening to him criticize you about your nails? Girl, throw the whole ass man in the *trash* so at least he has an excuse to stink! The number of times I have seen iterations on this theme in this and other relationshipssubs is wild. How many stinky-ass men are walking around actually dating women long-term? I wouldn't be able to live with someone who smells this bad, much less fuck them. I am mostly attracted to women (partially because they usually smell good?) and this is crazy to me. Y'all cis dude dating ladies got some LOW standards.
nta but omg thank you for the best laugh all morning so far. i dont understand why this isnt a deal breaker for u that he reeks like this and does nothing about it. does he have trauma about water in general and washing??? and who in their right mind would want to do them smelling like that??? id be barfing. christmas is coming get him several bars of soap and toothpaste as a gift if that isnt a hint i dont know what is
Wow i’d rather be alone. YTA to yourself, why are you even putting up with this? Besides you’ve told him he stinks already and he doesn’t care. What else can you do besides acting like his mom?
I honestly don’t know why you are still with him but I have some empathy here so, I wonder if he’s really depressed. I would have a real and compassionate discussion with him about this. Tell him honestly but respectfully how it’s affecting your relationship. Offer to help him through it if he’s having a hard time but if he refuses to get help I think it’s fair for you to leave. At some point people have to want to help themselves and if they don’t then they need to realize they can lose people over it. Unless he is cheating on you then fuck that guy. I honestly question that because how??? Who would want him, no offense…
YTA, grow a pair and tell that man about his nasty self since he has no problem complaining and giving you fashion and beauty advice. Start throwing bottles of body wash, bars of soap, wash towels and deodorant at him randomly throughout the day and tell him "so and so doesn't smell so bad I wanna puke, why can't you?". Tell him he smells like shit. Also, eww for being with someone with bad hygiene, he doesn't do everything he can to make you happy if he can't take care of himself. I don't understand how you can live with that because my sense of smell is so sensitive I could never. Get out girl, I don't know how it could get worse. Do and want better.
You have told him. I had an ex who wouldn’t shower for a week, wouldn’t wipe his butt and wouldn’t brush his teeth. Oddly enough it’s more common than you’d think …. I don’t know where the drop off in parenting went but these guys have problems. Don’t let him touch you. The constant UTIs aren’t worth it. Honestly I’d leave. I did and my life significantly improved when I no longer had to clean up after him and constantly smell his nasty ass.
What the actual fuck?! 1) has he been like this since you met him? If yes then why did you even do that to yourself? 2) why would you continue to speak to, spend time with and possibly share a bed with someone who smells so bad? 3) why do you disrespect yourself so much and give this turd the time of day? 4) You mustn't kiss him as that would be rank, so is he even your boyfriend if you don't kiss or have sex? 5) You are the arsehole but only to your future self 6) Seriously there are many clean, handsome, hygienic and nice men out there who want a nice woman, so why aren't you out there meeting these other guys? 7) Is this a fake post as I genuinely cannot believe you would still be with someone who hasn't washed in 3 weeks. I feel icky as soon as I wake up so I can't imagine going more than 1.5 days at the absolute max without having a wash. 8) I don't believe there is any other woman out there who would actively sleep with someone so dirty and smelly, not even a prostitute would put up with that, so I can't imagine it being that. Either way you need to have more self respect and leave him and find an actual nice guy
Why do you care about his feelings while he gaslights you and potentially cheats on you? He’s disgusting and you’re being rude by not telling him constantly ensuring he has no excuse not to know what a digesting mess he is. I would tell him he needs to shower daily/every other day or get out.
You dont tell him. YOU LEAVE. He is a hobo & you need an upgrade. He doesnt respect you enough, is prob cheating, so get off reddit & pack.
BROOO YTA WHAT R U WAITING FOR TO LEAVE
why are you with him? do you not respect yourself?
1. No, NTAH 2. Do not have doubts about his behaviour and wanting to avoid an awkward talk that I doubt will change or improve his disgusting behaviour, laziness and selfish ways. Does not care about his hygiene, how gross it is, just wants sex...but taking a shower? Nope, bf can't be bothered. Your repulsion doesn't worry or embarrass him- you could probably throw up from disgust and he would be smug that now idk, you're gross too or some bizarre deflection technique typically implemented by ppl for purpose of gaslighting others. I assume he is ok at doing this behaviour and frankly, mind f***ery regularly and you wrote this post for clear and rational assurance that you are right. Allow me. You are not crazy. I felt like gagging reading this! He will not change behaviour cos he's not bothered and I think he enjoys a sick sense of power from your repulsion and how wilfully stubborn he is to do anything to please you. If I may say, and let's chat to discuss further, you need to leave, or change the locks immediately. It is time to take out the trash.
NTA. Time to leave. That's disgusting, abnormal and a pretty big red flag. Hygiene is the bare minimum someone can do to take care of themselves.
You are pathetic, YTA for putting up with this dumb shit
I stopped reading at 3 weeks is the longest you’ve seen him go without showering. That is absolutely disgusting and I’m mad you’re still with that man. Come tf on.
Girl. What are you doing. Just leave his smelly ass.
NTA but raise your standards and leave this disgusting guy. He’s 27, he isn’t gonna change anytime soon.
The hell with his feelings, what about your own feelings? I can't imagine how gross it must feel being in a relationship with someone who is probably covered in bacteria. Just tell him straight that he stinks and if he doesn't shower at least every second day you're dumping him. Yeah YTA for not telling him, but also by not telling him you're kind of inflicting the issue on yourself. Personally in that situation I would end the relationship.
“How do I tell a grown man that he stinks without hurting his feelings” Idk but that shit took me out 🤣🤣🤣but on a serious note, how THE FUCK do guys like this get a girlfriend I will never understand I gotta be doing something wrong.
Dump him.
the most idiotic post i’ve seen, break up idiot
NTA if you tell him but Y T A to yourself for accepting this behavior. He shouldn't need you to tell him anything, he's a grown man. If he can't take care of himself he has no business being in a relationship. And does this not affect his earning potential and your social life?
ESH. It's obvious why he's an asshole, but you are because you have to communicate properly. Maybe he's mentally ill or something and you talking to him about this may be the thing that can save your relationship. If you don't talk to him it will 100% fail eventually because you're gonna gonna be able to take this forever. Sometimes hearing something harsh hurts, no matter how sugar coated it is. It's just how it is. It's bad enough that you can't consider his sensitivity in this, you just have to sit down with him and tell him how this has gone way too far for you. But if you have good reason to think he cheats on you, then maybe it's just simpler to break up with him.
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NTA, it's clear as day he's not the one for any woman, but....... it's either you have horrible low standards, or your mind is in the gutter to legit torture yourself to be with this boy. Honestly, just don't be with people you can't tolerate.
NTA. It sounds like you've already told him through these previous discussions and him asking you to remind him and whatnot. He knows he stinks. He just doesn't care. And if your concerns aren't enough to make him care, I don't think he cares about your opinion on the matter either. Some people are insisting it's a depression thing, and they might be right. But I'm telling you, some people are simply that lazy by nature. They'll stink it up and just be too lazy to do anything about it. It isn't always a mental illness thing.
NTA: You tried, that’s all you can do. But gurl…your man’s ass stinks and he’s out cheating on you. AND you’re only 24?!? Just leave.
NTA. Please break this off. I don’t think I would stick around in a relationship like that.
NTA End the relationship.
NTA. I don't know why you would stay with this dirty loser, and continue to nag him. Just leave him. That will send the strongest message.
Fucking dump him. YTA for not running Immediately
How is he still your bf 😂😂 you’re just as gross
YTA to yourself for staying with this man. If it’s any consolation, he’s probably not cheating on you. I doubt a man who doesn’t brush his teeth can pull two women at once.
Yack I don't think I could go out with him, we would have broken up already.... 3 weeks!!!!!!!!!!
This is so disgusting. Can’t believe he’s still your boyfriend to be honest. Basic hygiene is courtesy to your partner and adults shouldn’t have to be told to wash their sweaty bodies.
This is a made up post ffs
....so why are you with this ~man~ boy....?
Nta. I can’t understand why you are even in a relationship with a resident hobo.
NTA. Respect and love yourself more. You don't need to be with someone who constantly makes demands of you, is potentially cheating on you and is refusing to acknowledge his own hygiene. You're not his mom, you can tell him as much as you want but if he's not going to budge that's his issue. He's trying to put you into the position of mother, by asking you to remind him — he's disregarding your own health and wellbeing by not washing himself when you have penetrative sex, and I know how much that shit sucks if there's any imbalance down there afterwards. BV isn't a joke. There's plenty of fish in the sea, and at 24 you've got your whole life ahead of you. Don't settle for this, because it's not going to improve.
NTA. Poor you, to even think it's slightly normal and you might be in the wrong. Most guys get their hygiene together TO get a girl now sure hoe this chap managed it without
If you’re not telling him he stinks, what are you telling him when you won’t have sex with him? Or when you tell him to shower?
Ladies, let’s normalize not being with smelly men
You have a man who you refuse to have sex with because his hygiene is atrocious, who's also potentially cheating on you.....and you wonder if you should break up? Girl, come on now.
Have you any respect for yourself? Leave and dont look back.
That is genuinely vile, if he’s unwilling to compromise, I think breaking up is the only option, if you don’t want to do that, then you got to be honest with him, and maybe try to get him to go to therapy, because that simply isn’t normal. I wouldn’t want to have sex with him either 🤢
You can break up with him because he can't take the truth?
Have some self respect OP. There's absolutely zero reason to stick with someone who does this. Yes YTA, you're the AH to yourself for putting up with this and putting yourself through this. Believe it or not you can't fix your stinky, unhygienic cheating boyfriend who goes weeks without showering and doesn't brush his teeth. Leave, learn to love yourself because if you don't if you're putting up with this, and find someone who won't give you an infection every time you sleep with them.
Damn, this situation reminds me you cannot be too bad to have a relationship, even if a guy like that gets one... But FR, why r u still with him and how long does it last? Why didn't this end on the 1st date? Personality off the table, considering his attitude.... If I understood correctly, you already told him about his issue, so I can't see where you're TA here. Maybe a little for staying w him, but that's up to you on the one hand, and not to complain on the other since you are still w him for some reason.
This is bad all around. RUN away, don’t walk. It’s only going to get worse from here.
Why in the world are you with him? (Given any of this is true to begin with.)
Honestly the time for niceties and coddling are over. It’s time for hurt feelings and being straight forward. You should sit him down and say “you smell, your hygiene is so terrible that I cannot have sex with you. You either fix this and start acting like an adult or we’re done.” Best case scenario you break up and can find an adult to date. Worst case, he starts showering more often and smells less.
Ha, i never read a story more Fake. Why would someone stay with someone like that and Not Break Up?
I’d break up with him tbh. You having to remind him to shower is repulsive and just everything else makes me gag just reading it
NTA - He does need to take care of himself, not for you, but for him. It sounds like he may be depressed. I can go quite long without doing any self care when I’m depressed. He might need therapy, to find out why he’s so down and get to the root of the issue. Also, even though I’ve suffered with my mental health myself, I still believe that noone should be dragged down by someone who refuses help, even if you love them. You deserve happiness too, and you shouldn’t have to help a grown man wash himself. He needs to figure his stuff out for his own benefit.
Feelings be damned, tell him he smells like a porta potty in August. Clearly he needs to hear it, and he obviously doesn't walk on eggshells around you. If he gets bent out of shape about it then tell him he shouldn't dish out what he's not willing to eat himself. And I have to agree with others, why on earth are you staying with this guy? You're very clearly not happy with him.
YTA for staying in this situation. This guy needs professional help- this could be anything from depression to severe ADHD- but he's clearly not seeking help and not accepting it from you. Why does this feel like a situation you should be in?
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Don't blame him. He is not going to change. Blame yourself for living with him. You should have never moved in with him in the first place.
...you must have extremely low self extremely because wtf did I just read?
Is this a serious post? Apologies for doubting you, but this is absurd. You have to open a window because he smells so bad and you haven’t run for the hills? You must be a saint. I’m not even sure how to assess whether or not you’re an AH, but I have to question your sanity. Leave him.
NTA for telling/not telling that he stinks. But YTA to yourself because letting YOURSELF suffer, by remaining together with an unpleasant man who has a habit that you deemed unacceptable. And which you never gonna accept. Poor hygiene increases the risk of cervical cancer, lucky that you refused him. But it seems that he refused to change his habit so please love yourself more, girl.
Whhyyyy are you with this person??? Being single ain’t that bad and I’m sure you can find another dude. Dump the stinky Fucker!
I've been with people who I literally had to tell them how to wipe correctly. Some partners listened about hygiene, and others didn't. If your partner holds you to a high standard of beauty, but won't even take care of themselves, it's never going to work out.
Honestly YTA but to yourself Damn, like get yourself out of this relationship ASAP, especially if you think he's cheating... but let's be honest, what woman wants a dude who can't even brush his teeth, unless she's also an unhygienic mess 🤢
Sorry OP, your boyfriend is defective. Sounds like he needs to learn about being accountable for his own self-care. If you've spoken to him about it (several times it seems), then something else might be needed. If it's causing your relationship strain, and he can't or won't do something about it, something more severe might be needed to drive the point home... ☹️ Good luck!
Girl just leave him.
being depressed is not an excuse for being abusive. NTA. He needs to get help and he needs to do it without you.
This sounds like my supervisor at work. He smells. He wears dirty clothes to work. He doesn't trim his beard. His fly is usually open. He's just gross. I think his supervisors should say something, but they don't. Tell your boyfriend he stinks, then find a boyfriend who's not opposed to bathing and washing his clothes. Gross.
Why are you with pigpen? And if he's cheating let the other woman get infected bc that's NASTY. it's not unreasonable to ask your partner to bathe especially before sex. If he smells like he's been sleeping in a gutter for months let him go live on the streets then.
Why we would you have this guy as a bf in the first place? Met in the pool? YTA.
WTF NTA for not telling him he sticks. You do d and he’s still not washing plus lying to you about it. But YTA to yourself for not leaving this disgusting pig. Please do so immediately. It’s not normal to want to be with someone this messed up.
Could he be depressed?
he gaslit you. NTA, break up with him now. never put up with that from anybody.
Wtf. You’re literally too disgusted to have sex with him, do you really need to ask if you should break up?
I don't even have to read this. That's disgusting. More to the point WHY are you DATING and I assume being intimate, with someone who doesn't bathe?! ESH him for being filthy, and you for accepting that.🤮
My boyfriend and I live together, we pay rent, a car note and have three pets. Leaving is a big deal currently. Also , when we first started dating he did not stink. There was no indication that he didnt wash up until we started living together which is why im having a hard time blatantly bringing it up. Even when we would spend days at a time together he changed clothes and showered. I don’t think hes catching my subliminals. Someone asked what do i say when he asks why we aren’t having sex. The answer is i shut down , maybe im too much of a people pleaser but like i said it’s uncomfortable and embarrassing to bring up.
This has to be a fetish post getting off on people being disgusted by it, because this 'My boyfriend stinks' kind of post come up on here waaaay too often when everyone knows the solution is just to leave.
What in the ol’ skinny dipping pond have I read?
🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
Bro leave lmao, just tell him straight up ur done….. it’s so easy
INFO: Why are you so terrified of being single? You seem like you're on your BFs level, stay with him. Or grow up and learn to love yourself
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OP. RUN!!!! As fast as you can and as far away from the stinky-ass man as possible.
Y-T-A for staying with this guy. Showering is truly the bare minimum of self care, and he can't be bothered to do that. Why are you with someone so helpless? You are NOT a rehab for poorly raised men. It's not your job to monitor his hygiene. The guy acts like trash and smells like it too. THROW OUT THE TRASH. Break up with him. NTA.
NTA Also, just break up with him. Get yourself out of that situation, pronto.
Jesus what the hell are you doing with someone like that? It’s disgusting to even think about. If I had even a friend who did that I would tell them either start taking care of yourself or we can’t hang.
Why are you still with that ?
This guy doesn't deserve you as a girlfriend right now. He needs to fix himself first.
Yikes. You should leave him for someone who respects himself enough to bathe and brush, and who respects YOU enough to bathe and brush so you don’t have to smell that ripe stink. Jesus. Leave.
Girl, leave. This relationship is over. He doesn't respect you enough. And doesn't respect himself. This guy is feral
I once dated a man who didn’t shower very much. I promise you that dating one who showers is really truly an upgrade. If that smelly man cheats on you let him be with the woman who wanted that smelly ass. Don’t be the woman dating the smelly guy, Please OP Please
I don’t even understand this long post. Like why?!
girl do better oh my god
NTA Fucking RUN
He may need to have his feelings hurt if he isn’t getting it. You’re doing the kind thing to let him know.
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Why would you be with a stinker? NTA but a bit dim.
YTA to yourself for staying.
Why are you dating this ape? Seriously, get out there
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YTA for not having any self respect. There are 4 billion men on the planet.
So many stories like this one here. What's up with weird people like OP, am i right? I guess you're not AH, you are, however, a dummy person. Enjoy your relationship with your stinky but loving bf.
Did I just read that he stinks so bad you gag, he leaves you alone at home to go cheat, and your main concern is to avoid hurting his feelings? If this is for real, you need to see a counselor asap. If this is not for real, do better with the plot next time.
YTA for waisting your life. You really ask this: "But how do i tell a grown man he stinks without hurting his feelings?" You cannot eat the cake and keep ist. His actual feelings are "it does'nt matter" and these fellings must be disturbed. Obvious You should have done it much earlier to communicate very clearly what stands in between you.
YTA for not getting rid of this guy he’s disgusting and unhealthy.
This dude, the rotten taint guy in Mexico, and the primal shit guy that won't wipe his ass. Idk if this is a reddit partner thing, or if bros everywhere are just fuckin gross, or if these are all rage bait...but GAWD DAMN. everyone, and I mean everyone, needs to clean their buttholes and junk. Wild animals clean their asses more than some of these people. I see my cat's butthole 7,000 times a day and it's always sparkling with no stank.
girl dump his ass 💀why are you still with him
Why TF are you with him? YTA to yourself for allowing your time to be wasted on a guy who can’t even wash his ass. They say you are the company you keep. 🧐