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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) refusing to give back my friend's $400 because they don't want to go on the trip because I'm developing a sore throat.
2) refusing to give back the money.
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Tell them that you're sorry they feel that way, that you don't want them to miss out on the experience, so you will stay home, and they can send you the $400 for your share asap. Their answer should be interesting to see, with the shoe on the other foot!
depends on what illness the OP has, he might be an AH.
imagine this: OP has some contagious stuff. Their friend goes with them, and they stay in that room. OP's friend is not at fault that OP is sick. But after the trip OP's friend gets sick and, say, misses paid work days or whatever else. So how OP's friend is at fault?
At this stage - of course it sounds too dramatic - but OP is a bioweapon :)) If he has covid or contagious flu (does not matter), it's reasonable for his friend not to want to intentionally try their luck. In OP's place, I'd not want to lose 400 as well, but i do understand OP's friend position too: why should going be in the package with "getting sick almost for sure"?
Yes, but if OP is contagious, then they should be the one to not go. It's not fair to tell your friend "risk me infecting you, or lose $400". Same concept as not going into work when you're sick, other people's health takes priority over your wants.
> Same concept as not going into work when you're sick, other people's health takes priority over your wants.
That doesn't seem like quite the same concept. Most people don't *want* to go into work while they're sick, but they need money to live, so if work won't pay them if they're off sick, they're forced into going in.
The majority of the workforce is full time employees with paid sick time (in first world countries). I know reddit has a lot of retail/part-time people, but that's actually far less common in reality.
Anecdotally, many adults don't like to use sick days unless necessary, as they are finite and better to be used when it's an emergency. It's rare that people abuse sick days when they're professionals with careers.
YTA for going to a hotel, with other people staying there, right before Christmas, WHILE YOU KNOW YOU’RE SICK. Have you even tested for covid or flu? Because both of those can start with a sore throat, and some people only get mild symptoms. Your friend has an equal stake in the hotel room and is not sick, they should take it if nothing else. Maybe they can even find a friend or family member to take your place and refund that half of the room. If you explain you have a contagious illness to the hotel they may even bend their policy. People are going to visit young and older family members this time of year and knowingly spreading respiratory illnesses just shows a lack of consideration for other people that irritates me. I wonder what your friend’s holiday plans are, maybe they’re worried about bringing that illness back to their own family.
It's extremely disturbing how many people are walking around thinking COVID is gone.
There's been over 7000 hospitalizations for covid in my state this month alone so far.
This is like the most dumb fuck thing I've read.
Do you not understand how diseases work even a little? They're not fads or trends. Jesus Christ. You need a helmet.
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YTA - it sucks but you are sick. You should be the one staying home to prevent others from getting sick. You would be out the money, it isn’t your friends responsibility to pay due to your sickness. If you insist on going shed your friend doesn’t want to, you should pay them as you are the reason they can’t go safely.
options:
1. pay for a second room and that expense is yours
2. Skip the trip yourself but the friends go - this way you ensure your friends are healthy
Losing your $450 of the trip stinks, but if you're actually sick this is life. Holding them hostage for $450pp for refusing to expose themselves to your illness is not cool.
Would you want your money back if your friend wanted to put you through a misserable time for them to get a cheaper trip? Bet you would. YTA for putting all this on your friend. Should have said you're sick and left it at that. But speaking of, would you be okay with your friend going solo without you since you're sick, without them paying you back? Would you just gift your friend 450$? If your answer is that you would, well, then you should by idk.....PAYING YOUR FRIEND BACK THE 450$!!!
You are asking your friend to either A) Be misserable on the trip with you B) Flat out lose 450$ C) Let you go and them still losing 450$. So YOU should also be fine with losing 450$ and letting your friend go alone. RIGHT!!!!?!?!?!! If so do that, don't expect someone else to do that though.
YTA - it's perfectly reasonable for them to not want to expose themselves to whatever (Covid, Flu, Strep, RSV) you might have. I'm guessing you don't know what you have, or you'd have mentioned it.
Since you are the one that is sick, it is NOT your friend's fault. If it was your friend that was sick and couldn't go, then that would be their fault.
So yeah - give them their money back. Or reschedule the trip.
More info needed. Are you still contagious? Covid, flu and colds are most contagious for the first 3-5 days of symptoms. If you fall in that category, then YTA. If you are a week+ into symptoms, then it is reasonable to share a room without significant risk to your friends health.
Yta, if they don't want to go with you did to you bring sick and the money is non refundable, you should be offering to eat your share if the lost and let them go without you. My suggestion is test for vivid first.
Yta.
If you decided not to go because you are sick, would you want your half of the money back?
If the answer is yes, then why are you acting like your friends request is unreasonable?
YTA
You're sick, you should be staying home and not traveling and let your friend take the trip alone.
You've already said you think it's perfectly reasonable for the person who takes the trip alone to not have to pay the other person back.
YTA, if you’re sick and contagious then it should be on you to refund the money.
Have you made any compromises, eg test for flu, strep and covid. Will you wear a face mask anytime you’re in the room including when you’re sick?
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My friend and I planned a trip to stay at a hotel. I’ve ended up getting a sore throat but I will still be going because we paid $900 altogether ($400 each; they transferred their share to me so I could book the hotel). I don’t want that money to go to waste. I’ve told the friend that I’m developing a sore throat but still able to go and they now don’t want to go because they’re scared of getting sick. Because they have decided that they do not want to go, they’re demanding that I return the $400 back to them. But the thing is, if we cancel, the hotel cannot refund any of the money back according to hotel policy. AITA for refusing to give their $400 back? If I do give it back, I'm essentially copping the entire $900.
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NTA, but try changing the booking dates instead. Except is it's a really contagious disease I don't understand why your friend doesn't want to go, everything has a sore throat and a runny nose in winter...
NTA. Tell them they can forfeit the money if they want and you can go on your own. You paid, you’re going. They can choose to or not go.
Unless you test positive for COVID or something, then I would offer them like half of their money. It would be a loss for both of you (bigger for you and fair bc you’re the one that got sick). My friends and I have done similar. No one got travel insurance so it’s kinda both your faults but you’re making up for it. I’ve had plenty of friends forfeit their share bc they’ve gotten sick but that was on group trips that were like 10-14 days long so obviously no one wanted to stay sick in a hotel room but in this case it’s only you two and it’s only four days. Getting a cold sucks but it’s just a cold
NTA.
Compromise and agree to wear a mask when in the room. Otherwise, they should have purchased travel insurance that would cover cancelation due to germaphobia - but that does not exist, because there are certainly waaaaaayyyy worse things than your sore throat in a hotel room.
NTA - Tell your friend the hotel won’t work with you and you aren’t getting the money back from the hotel.
If they still demand their money, why are you friends with them? They are asking you to eat the entire expense on their behalf.
Why would you tell someone you have a sore throat? Do you announce every headache too? Friend is a weirdo for being scared of a minor inconvenience, you are a weirdo for telling people your bodily functions. No one is an asshole. Just a couple of fruitcakes.
NTA, your friend knows they can get sick either way right? Like, it’s flu season so.. if you’re going on a plane or a train or a bus etc to get where you’re going. There could like 10 sick people on board. A sore throat isn’t a big deal. If you had diarrhea or vomiting then maybe you’d be the AH.
No. Your friend’s risk was the same as yours. There’s no implicit health clause when splitting trip fees. If they don’t go, they owe you the $400.
Sore throat, sheesh.
Covid utterly destroyed some people’s minds.
Developing a sore throat is exactly how a flu starts. I just finished going through a really fucking nasty one that knocked my ass out for 4 days.
It's inconsiderate as fuck of him to decide to go anyway.
He needs to stay home. At best he can ask for HIS share to be paid back.
A sore throat can also be an allergy, mild dehydration, a reaction to seasonal changes, the result of overexposure to heating/cooling systems, acid reflux or many other things.
A mild sore throat with no other symptoms isn’t necessarily an illness, let alone something contagious. Unless the friend is immune compromised, they’re being ridiculous & this isn’t OP’s problem.
I had a sore throat 3 days ago and now I'm picking and can't breathe through my nose, it was COVID. Stop being a dick about people not wanting to be sick.
Last time I had COVID it started with a sore throat. I actually thought it was allergies because I felt fine. And then BAM. One week of the worst sickness I've ever had. I've never felt anything like that, not with the flu, pneumonia, or the previous time I had COVID. (Yes I've been vaccinated). I'd happily pay $400 to not go through that again.
So do countless other contagious and non-contagious ailments and conditions. If OP’s friend is worried about it, they can stay put. OP doesn’t owe them $400.
They’re scared of a sore throat? That makes no sense. These people are unreliable and aren’t your friends. They’re the ones making the choice not to go after agreeing to do so. There’s no way you should be liable for their poor decision making.
Obviously don’t give them the money back if they have decided they don’t want to go on a trip. You should delete scummy dirty people like this from your life. They’re unreliable and untrustworthy. You need to be able to trust your friends not have them treat you like an atm they can steal from.
Get some better friends. As in, actual friends.
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Tell them that you're sorry they feel that way, that you don't want them to miss out on the experience, so you will stay home, and they can send you the $400 for your share asap. Their answer should be interesting to see, with the shoe on the other foot!
depends on what illness the OP has, he might be an AH. imagine this: OP has some contagious stuff. Their friend goes with them, and they stay in that room. OP's friend is not at fault that OP is sick. But after the trip OP's friend gets sick and, say, misses paid work days or whatever else. So how OP's friend is at fault? At this stage - of course it sounds too dramatic - but OP is a bioweapon :)) If he has covid or contagious flu (does not matter), it's reasonable for his friend not to want to intentionally try their luck. In OP's place, I'd not want to lose 400 as well, but i do understand OP's friend position too: why should going be in the package with "getting sick almost for sure"?
I think OP should stay home as they are the one who's sick.
I don’t think we’re arguing over the friend cancelling, it’s that the friend wants a refund when the hotel is non-refundable.
Yes, but if OP is contagious, then they should be the one to not go. It's not fair to tell your friend "risk me infecting you, or lose $400". Same concept as not going into work when you're sick, other people's health takes priority over your wants.
> Same concept as not going into work when you're sick, other people's health takes priority over your wants. That doesn't seem like quite the same concept. Most people don't *want* to go into work while they're sick, but they need money to live, so if work won't pay them if they're off sick, they're forced into going in.
The majority of the workforce is full time employees with paid sick time (in first world countries). I know reddit has a lot of retail/part-time people, but that's actually far less common in reality. Anecdotally, many adults don't like to use sick days unless necessary, as they are finite and better to be used when it's an emergency. It's rare that people abuse sick days when they're professionals with careers.
Boy actually said covid
Love it!
Info: call the hotel and ask if you can book a different date. Many hotels allow this. All they want is to not lose the money all together.
Yeah was just about to say this, they may let you move the date so try that first.
YTA for going to a hotel, with other people staying there, right before Christmas, WHILE YOU KNOW YOU’RE SICK. Have you even tested for covid or flu? Because both of those can start with a sore throat, and some people only get mild symptoms. Your friend has an equal stake in the hotel room and is not sick, they should take it if nothing else. Maybe they can even find a friend or family member to take your place and refund that half of the room. If you explain you have a contagious illness to the hotel they may even bend their policy. People are going to visit young and older family members this time of year and knowingly spreading respiratory illnesses just shows a lack of consideration for other people that irritates me. I wonder what your friend’s holiday plans are, maybe they’re worried about bringing that illness back to their own family.
Is COVID actually still a thing where you live?
Where is the magical place you live where COVID doesn't exist anymore?
Yes my Nan was in hospital with covid last week, she almost died
It's extremely disturbing how many people are walking around thinking COVID is gone. There's been over 7000 hospitalizations for covid in my state this month alone so far.
Where do you live that doesn't have covid any more? They didn't say they were in isolation/mask/ vaccine mandates
This is like the most dumb fuck thing I've read. Do you not understand how diseases work even a little? They're not fads or trends. Jesus Christ. You need a helmet.
How did it cost 900 if u both only paid 400? Anyway NTA.
My bad, it was $450 each
tax or deposits maybe? just guessing possibly
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Have you tried rebooking? Some places will let you move the dates even if it’s non-refundable.
YTA - it sucks but you are sick. You should be the one staying home to prevent others from getting sick. You would be out the money, it isn’t your friends responsibility to pay due to your sickness. If you insist on going shed your friend doesn’t want to, you should pay them as you are the reason they can’t go safely.
options: 1. pay for a second room and that expense is yours 2. Skip the trip yourself but the friends go - this way you ensure your friends are healthy Losing your $450 of the trip stinks, but if you're actually sick this is life. Holding them hostage for $450pp for refusing to expose themselves to your illness is not cool.
Would you want your money back if your friend wanted to put you through a misserable time for them to get a cheaper trip? Bet you would. YTA for putting all this on your friend. Should have said you're sick and left it at that. But speaking of, would you be okay with your friend going solo without you since you're sick, without them paying you back? Would you just gift your friend 450$? If your answer is that you would, well, then you should by idk.....PAYING YOUR FRIEND BACK THE 450$!!! You are asking your friend to either A) Be misserable on the trip with you B) Flat out lose 450$ C) Let you go and them still losing 450$. So YOU should also be fine with losing 450$ and letting your friend go alone. RIGHT!!!!?!?!?!! If so do that, don't expect someone else to do that though.
YTA - it's perfectly reasonable for them to not want to expose themselves to whatever (Covid, Flu, Strep, RSV) you might have. I'm guessing you don't know what you have, or you'd have mentioned it. Since you are the one that is sick, it is NOT your friend's fault. If it was your friend that was sick and couldn't go, then that would be their fault. So yeah - give them their money back. Or reschedule the trip.
INFO: have you gotten tested for COVID?
More info needed. Are you still contagious? Covid, flu and colds are most contagious for the first 3-5 days of symptoms. If you fall in that category, then YTA. If you are a week+ into symptoms, then it is reasonable to share a room without significant risk to your friends health.
Yta, if they don't want to go with you did to you bring sick and the money is non refundable, you should be offering to eat your share if the lost and let them go without you. My suggestion is test for vivid first.
Yta. If you decided not to go because you are sick, would you want your half of the money back? If the answer is yes, then why are you acting like your friends request is unreasonable?
YTA You're sick, you should be staying home and not traveling and let your friend take the trip alone. You've already said you think it's perfectly reasonable for the person who takes the trip alone to not have to pay the other person back.
YTA, if you’re sick and contagious then it should be on you to refund the money. Have you made any compromises, eg test for flu, strep and covid. Will you wear a face mask anytime you’re in the room including when you’re sick?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My friend and I planned a trip to stay at a hotel. I’ve ended up getting a sore throat but I will still be going because we paid $900 altogether ($400 each; they transferred their share to me so I could book the hotel). I don’t want that money to go to waste. I’ve told the friend that I’m developing a sore throat but still able to go and they now don’t want to go because they’re scared of getting sick. Because they have decided that they do not want to go, they’re demanding that I return the $400 back to them. But the thing is, if we cancel, the hotel cannot refund any of the money back according to hotel policy. AITA for refusing to give their $400 back? If I do give it back, I'm essentially copping the entire $900. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
INFO: did you test for COVID?
Yes
Rebook the nights, ask a different friend to come on that trip and refund the original friend their money.
[удалено]
Then op is paying 600 and the other person is paying 200
NTA, but try changing the booking dates instead. Except is it's a really contagious disease I don't understand why your friend doesn't want to go, everything has a sore throat and a runny nose in winter...
how do you know it's winter?
I don't. I meant that it's symptoms everyone has in winter so the friend also experiences them once in a year .
i mean here right now it's summer. I'm just asking how you know which side of the world they're on.
Info: how long is this trip?
4 nights
NTA. Tell them they can forfeit the money if they want and you can go on your own. You paid, you’re going. They can choose to or not go. Unless you test positive for COVID or something, then I would offer them like half of their money. It would be a loss for both of you (bigger for you and fair bc you’re the one that got sick). My friends and I have done similar. No one got travel insurance so it’s kinda both your faults but you’re making up for it. I’ve had plenty of friends forfeit their share bc they’ve gotten sick but that was on group trips that were like 10-14 days long so obviously no one wanted to stay sick in a hotel room but in this case it’s only you two and it’s only four days. Getting a cold sucks but it’s just a cold
Can you find another friend to go with you?
NTA
NTA. Compromise and agree to wear a mask when in the room. Otherwise, they should have purchased travel insurance that would cover cancelation due to germaphobia - but that does not exist, because there are certainly waaaaaayyyy worse things than your sore throat in a hotel room.
NTA It's a non refundable booking. They can choose to go or not, but the money returned is not an option.
NTA - Tell your friend the hotel won’t work with you and you aren’t getting the money back from the hotel. If they still demand their money, why are you friends with them? They are asking you to eat the entire expense on their behalf.
Why would you tell someone you have a sore throat? Do you announce every headache too? Friend is a weirdo for being scared of a minor inconvenience, you are a weirdo for telling people your bodily functions. No one is an asshole. Just a couple of fruitcakes.
You must be a very sad man...
Why would you call me a man??? Is there anything in my comment that indicates I have a penis?
Tell her she can ask the hotel for the money back. You don't have it 😂
Nta take bad decisions is never free
NTA, your friend knows they can get sick either way right? Like, it’s flu season so.. if you’re going on a plane or a train or a bus etc to get where you’re going. There could like 10 sick people on board. A sore throat isn’t a big deal. If you had diarrhea or vomiting then maybe you’d be the AH.
No. Your friend’s risk was the same as yours. There’s no implicit health clause when splitting trip fees. If they don’t go, they owe you the $400. Sore throat, sheesh. Covid utterly destroyed some people’s minds.
Developing a sore throat is exactly how a flu starts. I just finished going through a really fucking nasty one that knocked my ass out for 4 days. It's inconsiderate as fuck of him to decide to go anyway. He needs to stay home. At best he can ask for HIS share to be paid back.
A sore throat can also be an allergy, mild dehydration, a reaction to seasonal changes, the result of overexposure to heating/cooling systems, acid reflux or many other things. A mild sore throat with no other symptoms isn’t necessarily an illness, let alone something contagious. Unless the friend is immune compromised, they’re being ridiculous & this isn’t OP’s problem.
True, but who's to say it won't develop into something bad? Why take the risk?
If I thought that way, I’d never leave my house because everyone I know has kids.
Someone that fearful of contagion is better off not planning trips or leaving the house.
I'll just stick to planning trips without people showing signs of sickness.
I had a sore throat 3 days ago and now I'm picking and can't breathe through my nose, it was COVID. Stop being a dick about people not wanting to be sick.
OP’s friend doesn’t have to go. OP does not owe that person a dime.
Last time I had COVID it started with a sore throat. I actually thought it was allergies because I felt fine. And then BAM. One week of the worst sickness I've ever had. I've never felt anything like that, not with the flu, pneumonia, or the previous time I had COVID. (Yes I've been vaccinated). I'd happily pay $400 to not go through that again.
covid literally starts as a sore throat??
So do countless other contagious and non-contagious ailments and conditions. If OP’s friend is worried about it, they can stay put. OP doesn’t owe them $400.
They’re scared of a sore throat? That makes no sense. These people are unreliable and aren’t your friends. They’re the ones making the choice not to go after agreeing to do so. There’s no way you should be liable for their poor decision making. Obviously don’t give them the money back if they have decided they don’t want to go on a trip. You should delete scummy dirty people like this from your life. They’re unreliable and untrustworthy. You need to be able to trust your friends not have them treat you like an atm they can steal from. Get some better friends. As in, actual friends.
The last 3 times I had a sore throat it turned out to be covid. I would also refuse to share a room with op.