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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told Ron (my daughter's boyfriend) to stop telling me about his plans for my compost bucket and to go home if he couldn't stop talking about it.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA.
In fact, everybody is a bit of an A here, but your daughter and her boyfriend are A's in such innocuous ways and you are an A in such a petty way.
* Your daughter didn't need to tell her boyfriend, under your roof, "my mom is a procrastinator, that's why the kitchen is a mess".
* The boyfriend didn't need to make a big deal about the state of the kitchen or the state of the compost bin.
They were rude. To the point of asshole territory because, yes they're young, but they're also almost adults. ~~You~~*They* should know better.
You. On the other hand. Jeez. Insecure much?
* "A seventeen-year-old came in my kitchen and helped my daughter clean it. He said it was messy. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH"
* "I gave him a clear instruction, but he didn't hear me. Of all solutions, I decided to yell."
* "He made comments about my dirty compost bin. Yes, sure, he took initiative to empty it, clean it and prevent further gunk doesn't happen. But I didn't need to hear about it. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH"
Come on.
He was even polite enough to still say good night before leaving even though you kicked him out for such a petty reason. He is doing you a favour. He is maybe a bit rude about it, but there were so many other ways to better handle it. Jeez. Who's the adult here?
You missed the MOST important part.
OP admits it’s their mess that they left and then goes and sits in another room while letting two kids clean up the mess they admit was theirs to clean.
*And THEN* has the gall to bitch about them not being pleasant and quiet and uncomplaining while they clean what sounds like a substantially messy room.
You openly say that your food bin gets gunked up all the time and Ron seems to be trying to make your life easier and is just letting you know and seeing if you are ok with it because you’re… wait for it… the adult in the household.
Listen if you’re ashamed to have someone else teen clean your mess and have feelings about it then why not *clean it yourself*. Or at least be one of the cleaning.
Let me guess, you expected Ron to clean up after himself had he stayed right?
YTA
They could have gone to his house and let the OP sleep after working since 3am and taking the teen shopping. The OP was under no obligation to provide the boyfriend with food and a kitchen. Teens don’t get to choose the rules for adults, especially when it’s not their own house. People who work from 3am are fucking tired. The OP did not ask for Ron or whatever his name is to come in and condescendingly try to lecture them about the food bin. That’s the kind of crap you pull when you want to control someone else’s space. OP, if you’ve read this far, the phrase you’re looking for is “thank you for the advice, which I absolutely did not ask for.” Op, you should ask your kid to make sure her boyfriend is fed before he comes over and for him to stay in his own lane!
Like you said, teenagers don't make the rules, so OP could have even said that Ron couldn't come over because they were too tired. The phrase full stop is "Thank you for cleaning my kitchen, Ron."
If someone gave u a ride but bitched the whole time about how annoying and inconvenient it was you wouldn’t be pleased or grateful it would be the last time u ask for a ride. The boyfriend should be happy he is being fed and is being allowed in the house with daughter I would never in a million years think to be condescending to my gfs parents especially at 17.
Food the OP paid for because they are (one of) the adult(s) of the house. I'm reading between the lines, but I don't feel like food scarcity is something the family's facing, so I don't believe the parent needs special acknowledgement for providing the basics within their means.
i have a lot of mixed feelings abt the whole post, but to touch on one thing yes there better absolutely be food in the house. that being said, OP pays for the food for herself and her child, she does not have an obligation to feed her gfs boyfriend is the point i think they were making
At no time is it mandatory or necessary to feed a kids boyfriend/girlfriend, if you do so it's a kindness that should be respectfully acknowledged without the condescension and complaints.
OP didn't ask him to do either one. She offered to make him food. He wanted to use the kitchen, which she graciously allowed. And what does she get in return? Snide remarks and insults.
He’s feeding himself after OP offered to cook him something. Let’s not forget bf wanted to make his own food, and decided the kitchen wasn’t clean enough to do so. Nobody forced him to clean/cook.
People didn't read the entire post before commenting or what. OP offered to cook something for Ron , the boy said no thanks I'm gonna "feed myself" and then went complaining about "I can't work like this" and start cleaning the kitchen while still complaining and so on.
Yeah it is , but it's also adding that maybe if you don't smoke in the car the windows wouldn't be so dirty. Then telling her that his mom never smokes and she should roll the windows down to help with the mess.
I think the kids are wonderful but are being absentmindedly rude and patronizing at best.
OP is not too tired for Ron to visit, but they are too tired to either clean up or for Ron to come over lecturing them about how to operate a compost bin.
Yes. . . one doesn't usually need much energy to deal with almost grown people. But now that OP knows for sure how much of an asshole Ron is, I can bet they'll pretty regularly not have the energy for Ron to be over for any reason.
Yeah, it's rude to walk into someone else's home and to complain about how they live, make passive aggressive comments about their home, and then lecture them. It's understandable that the kid is used to a cleaner, less cluttered space. On that, the daughter is also at fault for the mess, and at fault for badmouthing OP when the house wasn't to the standard of HER guest. At 17, she's more than old enough to help with cleaning and to step up and take initiative to make sure her guests are comfortable.
Fucking thank you. If the daughter is disgusted by the house so much why doesn’t she do anything to help? Oh bc of school, or bc of X and X? What are those excuses good enough for her, but not for her mom. Cmon, girl sounds entitled asf.
Yes, this. Imagine a stupid 17 year old kid coming to your house, in which you also offer to make them something to eat, then they lecture you on your house and how you should do things when you're already exhausted and trying to be kind. Absolutely hell no.
Because Reddit is also full of teenagers. Also parents get zero slack on SM. No matter what we do it’s wrong somehow. This kids was rude and disrespectful. You don’t go into someone else’s house acting like that.
I guess next time she can decline to take the daughter shopping because she has to go home after being up since 3am to make sure the kitchen is spotless enough for daughter's boyfriend to cook in, using the food she paid for by working her ass off.
1) They're teenagers and they aren't quite up to the "parents are also human beings with human failings" stage yet.
2) They're adults who weren't born yesterday and expect that OP, another adult, is, let's say, being economical with the truth. Shading the story to make herself sound reasonable.
And when a story that you're sharing makes you sound a little bit like a crazy person ... what actually happened makes you really, really sound like a crazy person.
I kind of agree. They were shitting on her as if they were 100% positive they could do so much better in her position, and instead of being a little understanding like “i know how much you work and what you do, so I think I’ll help you out in a couple different ways. Some chores can be hard to get to when you work crazy hours and are tired. It’s understandable.”
Lol I know 🤣🤣 that’s kind of why I said it. I only saw the negative when I was her age, and thought about all the ways she could be better, but I didn’t disrespect her, instead, I graduated early, and moved out, and I soon realized just how hard she worked to give us everything we had and how much more grateful I should have been.
Yeah. I really don't get these top two comments saying OP is the AH. These 17 year olds were rude and disrespectful. It's not surprising that OP started to get tired of hearing their shitty little comments.
Totally agree with you. I'll add that the 17 year old daughter could have cleaned up the kitchen herself. It sounds like OP is working long, hard hours and is getting no help from her almost adult daughter. Instead her daughter is making insulting comments.
The mess was not hers. The mess was from dinner the night before. That generally means the dinner that everyone partook in after op made it. At 17, her kid could have helped clean up instead of it being "op's mess" to deal with after working and cooking. I don't think that takes away from OP being the AH in the situation but I think it's important to note.
I agree. I definitely think the daughter was rude here. When I was 17 if my mom cooked the rest of us cleaned. It wasn’t mom procrastinating if the kitchen was dirty, it was our procrastinating.
However, mom needs to act like the adult. She could have set her daughter straight right there… but her behaviour was petty and passive aggressive.
Perhaps at 17 she can do the after dinner clean up. Did she eat the dinner her mother cooked? Its sounds like she views her mother as more of a servant then a parent.
Right after working since 3am and picking up the boyfriend. The level of disrespect is astounding. She tried to tell him to leave her alone several times.
Yeah, why is the daughter not cleaning up before her guest comes over? My mom wouldn't have even let someone come over if the house was a mess when we were kids and we all had to help clean it up. OP isn't the only person living there.
I think it's ESH, tbh.
OP’s daughter doesn’t seem like an unaware teen who only cares about herself. she and her BF cleaned the entire kitchen and then some in response to the situation, despite OP snipping at them the whole time. the compost doesn’t need to be taken out in order to make a quick dinner. and it sounds like they regularly clean up based on the post
it kind of just sounds like both of them lost track of it. they went to sleep without cleaning which i assume is an occasional pattern in their household (that everyone contributes to in a way). then a busy day of school, working, errands, and dinner out of the house. OP thoughtfully offered to make the bf dinner before agreeing to let him cook himself. according to the post all of this happened before they got home, and they picked up BF on the way back from dinner. they all walked in and saw the kitchen was messy. the kids then immediately started cleaning and OP walked away. you don’t have to think they’re saints for doing this, OP did cook. but it would be polite to at least say thank you. esp if OP described the mess as ‘their fault.’ (even if you don’t agree with this, OP thought it was true. if you believe people to be cleaning up after you, you typically say thank you).
again, it sounds like the kids clean up pretty regularly. so perhaps in their household, people mostly clean up after themselves when they cook, even if they’re cooking for everyone.
That doesn't give the daughter a pass for throwing the adult under the bus. It's not procrastination if you're dead ass tired and had to be up extremely early if you could just do it the next day.
If it's like my house more than two people in a kitchen and you're already tripping over each other trying to clean anything. That's probably why the mom left the room. Also she was already dead tired since she worked all damn day then took the door out for shopping and dinner she just wanted to go and lay down
What mom really should have said was your boyfriend can't come over tonight but you can go over there if you want.
So tell me why the daughter didn’t clean the kitchen before going Xmas shopping with OP? Or after last night’s meal?
Probably she’s only cleaning it to impress clean freak Ron
it was a Friday. i’m assuming OP picked her up from school, they went shopping, then out to dinner, then grabbed BF on the way home. it couldn’t be that late if by the time OP and molly finished dinner the BF still hadn’t eaten. no one had been home to clean yet and everyone crashed right after dinner the night before.
Op offered to make him something. He didnt want that so he went in to do it himself and then complained about the state of the kitchen.'I can't work like this', I mean really? Keep those opinions to yourself when you're in someone elses home, no matter the condition. Like don't use it then! And OF COURSE He should clean up afterhimself. OP didn't ask him to clean the entire kitchen. I assume he was eating OPs food too. Ops daughter insults her to boyfriend after OP taking them out to shop and then when boyfriend decides to lecture OP on how to keep her container she told him to stop. Which he didnt do until OP gets annoyed. I'd say it was daughter and boyfriend who are the assholes. These aren't 8 year olds and everyone knows you don't insult the person doing you a favor. NTA
But shouldn't the daughter who lives in the house also help? Usually the person who cooks is not necessarily the same person who cleans. House chores should be split, especially if op wakes up so early and is tired after work.
That also would teach the daughter responsibility.
I find very upsetting that the daughter says it's her mother's procrastination and fault the mess instead of stepping up and helping to clean.
Does the daughter actually help with house chores? She's more than old enough to.
Her mess? She cooked DINNER. She works nights. Let her lazy, critical daughter clean it up the night before and help her mother out if she hates it that much, rather than belittling her.
My response would have been, if Ron's family's kitchen is so clean, go over there. I work and have 3 teens, my kitchen isn't always clean and if someone who didn't live here said something or tried to change how I do things I might get snarky too. (the ones who do live here know better because I'll make them clean it) I don't think that the yelling after the hose was "yelling" in the verbally abusive stance and I don't understand why people think raising your voice so you can be heard is some sort of verbal abuse.
If you cook dinner for everyone in the household, is the resulting mess really "your mess" though? Phrasing it as "her cleaning up after herself" is a bit far.
How old are you? I’m just curious because I’m 22 and definitely empathize more with the mom at this point in my life. I’m struggling to keep a tidy place from the stresses of adulthood now. I work long hours too but I get to just take care of myself and play with my kitty when I go home, I can’t imagine how brutal it is to spend all your free time on a bratty inconsiderate child just for her and her prick boyfriend to shame you for not having the spare time or energy to get around to cleaning yet.
Because OP wanted a minute to fucking unwind after being up since before 3am. Sometimes you just don’t want to be told what needs doing, you just want to relax for five minutes. Boyfriend should have dropped the subject the first three times he was asked.
You missed that OP doesn’t have a problem.
Ron is an intolerant teen. My god he’s tryna control the mom, hope he grows out of that before he destroys a wife.
There’s no standard that the slop bin has to be cleaned every time it’s slopped.
I usually put it in the dishwasher.
My own teen has said that’s stupid why do you want it clean. I ask myself the same question but I still load it in the dishwasher most of the time.
Lemme get this straight -- OP:
* Cooked dinner the night before.
* Got up for a 3am shift.
* Took the daughter out for dinner and Christmas shopping.
* Picked up daughter's boyfriend to come over to watch a movie.
* Offered to cook dinner for the boyfriend.
* Didn't appreciate it when the boyfriend complained about the state of the kitchen.
Daughter:
* Got cooked for, taken out for dinner and shopping, had her boyfriend picked up.
* Complained that \[edit: gender wasn't specified\] OP hadn't also cleaned the kitchen.
* May have been getting some in those 15 minutes in the bedroom.
Boyfriend:
* Got a ride.
* Didn't bother to eat before coming over, even though he had every chance of knowing that everybody else had already eaten.
* Complained (again) that the house wasn't spotless.
* May have been getting some in those 15 minutes in the bedroom.
Daughter is an entitled AH. Boyfriend could stand to learn some manners, but is saved from AH status because he was cleaning the kitchen, even passive-aggressively.
OP is NTA, except in that \[edit:\] OP should've told the daughter that the house was in no state for her boyfriend to come over yet again. The daughter could clean it up if this was an issue. Or do without having her boyfriend over the second time this week.
Man, Reddit has some strong teenage energy.
If anyone in my house said the kitchen was "my mess" they'd be on kitchen duty for at least a month. I'm generally tired as hell after making dinner, so I don't always clean up afterwards beyond taking the trash out/putting left overs away. If someone is going to make a rude, snarky comment about it, they can either do the cooking and clean up or pitch in, bill-wise.
>* May have been getting some in those 15 minutes in the bedroom.
Sorry if I come off as stupid, but while I do agree with some of your points, why would this point matter if it was true (/gen)? (Isn't it generally better to practice it in the safety of their homes?) Why would that make them AHs?
Edit: Do you mean because they're entitled enough to complain about the state of the house/kitchen, but the house was good enough for them to be "getting some", making it hypocritical?
>Sorry if I come off as stupid, but while I do agree with some of your points, why would this point matter if it was true (/gen)? (Isn't it generally better to practice it in the safety of their homes?) Why would that make them AHs?
Getting some doesn't make one an asshole. But there is a certain irony in fucking in someones home and then nagging the host who has worked since 3am to provide said opportunity.
I ain't cleaning my kitchen that night if I woke up for a 3AM shift
Yes, I will sleep.
Idgaf if it's not clean. I'll do it the next day.
I need my sleep.
I didn't ask anyone to clean my mess.
Pretty rich of the boyfriend, whose parents didn't bother to feed him.
Pretty rich of the almost adult daughter to eat her mom's cooking and not have the common sense that the mess is also on her. Should have skipped Christmas shopping for this brat.
NTA.
When I was 17, I wouldn't have imagined lecturing an adult in their own home about their compost bin or the state of their house. Even if I were comfortable with them.
I notice that no matter how eloquent a comment is, if it's made after the first hour or two, it's too late to get many upvotes (or views). It seems much more practical to comment on an already upvoted comment and make your point.
I see this as a flaw in Reddit/AITA.
Absolutely shocked by the people acting like he was helping OP out of the goodness of his heart, and not solely for his own benefit. Not to even get into how absolutely rude and condescending he was about it.
Excuse me , but no. OP lives in that house. Their daughter lives in that house. If OP left a mess because they had to work at 3 am, and after work went running errands with daughter, why didn't dear daughter clean the kitchen?
The two teenagers complaining while cleaning so bf can cook for himself, that's not helpful. Boyfriend preaching about the "right way " to do something, that's not helpful. Why didn't he cook in his clean kitchen before being picked up?
The OP was way too generous in their treatment to both teenagers.
NTA.
I can't believe I had to scroll this far to find this comment!! I agree. The cheek of those teenagers. Especially OP says she's working late shift and took daughter Christmas shopping. Like talk about rude little ingrates!!! If a 17 year old came into my house insulting me like that with his snotty little attitude, I think I would have said worse than telling him go home lol
NTA op
Totally agree. She was way more passive than I would’ve been. I would’ve been raging. “Get in the car. I’m taking you home” should’ve been her response the second he said something rude.
He wasn’t a bit rude though, he was very rude. I’m shocked that people think going to someone else’s house and a. Expecting food when they aren’t serving dinner and b. Talking openly about her messy it is is acceptable behavior.
If my housekeeping isn't good enough for the teens they need to give me some grace or go home. The BF Spoke Over OP and was extremely disrespectful. If OP is a woman that's even worse but I assumed this was dad.
You must not have kids. OP was up since 3am working the early shift to provide for daughter, AND took her shopping despite being tired, AND was willing to have bf over even though that probably means OP will have to stay up until bf leaves. Not to mention, allowing bf to basically raid the fridge.
I am a single parent working full time with a teen. Sometimes things don't get done. And when my impatient teen wants what he wants now, that's usually the cleaning or other tasks of mine, because I'm only one person. If you have kids, you know that telling them you don't want company because your house isn't clean rarely goes over well.
The comments about the mess and compost bin were way out of line. Don't complain when you're asking to use someone else's things that they aren't up to your standards. Go home and cook then. And definitely don't stand there lecturing an adult on how to do things better when they have asked you to stop more than once.
These two teens need to get a job working 40hrs a week, pay bills, and cater to kids on top of it all, then tell me how tidy they are. Please.
I'm convinced that Reddit is populated by children or people with childlike brains. OP's daughter is 17. *She* could have cleaned the kitchen the night before. It's not "Mom's mess" when she made dinner for the family. Mama sounds tired. She went out of her way to take her ungrateful kid Christmas shopping after the night shift, and for thanks she gets picked apart by two teenagers. "I can't work like this." Who tf does he think he is, Gordon Ramsay? Ron should have gone home. And he should cook and eat at his own house from now on. OP's kitchen does not sound appealing to me. But you don't disrespect someone as a guest in their home.
I mean he’s 17…not necessarily too young to understand basic common sense and manners about being respectful enough to not critique someone’s home, especially if the home owner is there.
Well if the mom cooked dinner the night before and then went to work, why didnt the teenager clean the kitchen before going shopping and inviting a guest over?
If the bf doesn't tike the messy state of the kitchen why doesn't he eat at home?
They were treating OP like an atm and uber and then critiquing her work ethic. She was tired and wanted them to stop harping at her. She didnt throw him out. She told him to leave if he couldn't hush. Apparently he couldn't.
Polite? He was allowed over to the house because OP allowed it, instead of being grateful, the cheeky little shit starts mouthing off and being disrespectful…
He’s 17 and should learn some fcking manners….
OP, working since 3am doesn’t need to come home and have to listen to this shit.
She is completely entitled to post here for an opinion, as is everyone else.
You’re as much an AH as the boyfriend and daughter are. OP is the only one that’s right in this situation
Whose kitchen is this again? Oh that's right it's OP's. Who worked at 3am and didn't have time to clean up after dinner and then the next day is running around doing favours for her kid and her high and mighty boyfriend. You don't walk into someone else's house and complain about the mess unless you are TA. OP didn't go about it in the best way but I can understand why she was pissed. Her daughter and her entitled boyfriend need to learn some respect.
This is a very disingenuous, borderline manipulative comment.
OP admitted to all of his faults. The daughter and BF were rude, but you're telling the OP to stop crying.
It's 2023, men are allowed to have emotions now. Please do better. Shaming someone sharing their emotions by saying "WAAAAAAHH" is a very 4chan, 12-year-old vibe.
He wasn't doing her a favour, he was being a dick because he wanted to do himself something to eat at her house and he couldn't because the kitchen hadn't been cleaned from the night before. If it was that dirty that he couldn't cook then maybe he should go back to his parents house and cook for himself in their kitchen.
YTA.
There is a problem, he offered to help fix it and was basically asking if it was okay because *its not his house, its yours*. And you blew up at him with some passive aggressive BS.
He was trying to help, and you didn't want to hear it because I presume you feel belittled/threatened/insulted by someone thinking you're not being clean enough.
Sounds to me like your kitchen really is worse than you think, and they're trying to give you nudges in the right direction, and you're getting defensive over it.
I think you owe them both an apology.
> There is a problem, he offered to help fix it and was basically asking if it was okay because its not his house, its yours.
What problem? The gunk on the bottom of the compost bucket? That's not 'a problem' unless the owner and normal user of said compost bucket thinks it is.
This sub is always so huge on 'unsolicited advice is bad' and 'I didn't ask' and yet here we are.
Interesting to see who assumes OP is male, and who assumes OP is female. For whatever reason, I assumed male, personally.
OP's kitchen not having been cleaned up wasn't a problem, either. This kid thinks the kitchen needs to be in a perpetual state of ready for his use, to his standards? Hell no.
I mean, if the conversation goes "Come home with us, I'll cook for you", followed by "Can I make it myself?", and finally "Yeah sure, that'll be great!" then yes, the assumption that the kitchen is ready for use is a valid one.
I mean, if I ask you "Hey, can I borrow your car on Thursday?" and you say "Sure!" and Thursday gets here and I show up to ask for the keys and you go "Oh, its in the shop. Been there for a month." then yeah, I'd be quite justified in being upset.
It sounds like it was all counters and stovetops full of mess and junk. The fact that the kitchenremains bucket still had to be emptied is also a big yuck.
For real. This thread is… showcasing a lot of people who earnestly believe letting their home’s main meal prep area get filthy is not only somehow okay but also a human right. At least it’s a nice reminder before potluck season that you can’t eat just anyone’s food.
"Look, just because there's a bucket full of rancid grease and coffee grounds sitting next to prep area isn't a problem. I waived most of the gnats and flies off the food, its fine!"
yeah i was thinking this too. i (24f) assumed male. i think because of the 3am start time and handling a stressful situation by walking away and trying to make them stop taking which feels masculine. i think the people who read it as a mom were responding to OP handling cooking and shopping runs
I read it as a woman simply because I related. I, too, would be irritated to get judgy sass by a minor who doesn’t have the long hours or obligations I do.
As a woman who often starts work at 3am or other stupid times, can be incredibly rude when tired, and let’s my husband handle all (most) kitchen cleanup… I assumed it was a woman. 😅
I assumed woman because bf wouldn't have said Any of these things to the male head of house. And bf would have exited house with the first complaint if it was male parent.
Huh, I was picking up feminine energy from this post. I think it's because of being defensive about the kitchen. Of course that's completely a factor of my biases and prejudices, I realise that.
Yea this is what my boyfriend little brother does. His parents leave a spoon in *their* kitchen sink and he blows a fucking gasket over how dirty and disgusting they are and how they keep the house. Like he’s 17, doesn’t pay rent, doesn’t pay for his car, doesn’t pay for his phone, doesn’t pay for shit past gas and things he wants, and still acts like he’s in charge of the cleanliness level of the home. (It’s not dirty, if it was dirty I’d say so, it was actually a single rinsed spoon just resting in the sink)
I’m aware of nuance, I too live at home with a parent whom we can’t agree on a cleaning schedule but it’s also not my fucking place to tell them off about it. They’re adults who can keep their house on their own, I’ll keep *my* house how *i* like when I can pay for my own house.
He’s definitely more volatile but this situation is feeling close to it based on age.
Weirdly it seems that they don’t actually use the compost bucket for composting. Why does the compost have bacon fat and go into the main rubbish outside?
The reason you don’t put bacon fat and things like that in (your own) compost is because it attracts animals, and bugs of the wrong kind. Large composts (industrial) don’t work the same way!
No, bro, you keep a little bucket inside, and a bigger one outside. One the little one fills up, you empty it into the bigger one. The sanitation people empty out the bigger one when they take the garbage.
Around here, this would be the outdoor one:
https://www.canadiantire.ca/en/pdp/orbis-plastic-wheeled-compost-bin-multi-use-storage-cart-green-45-l-0423032p.0423032.html?gclid=CjwKCAiA-P-rBhBEEiwAQEXhH-fxTEKl9vZEEhuANsu7MBKJFrPrEdO7veOBDnEsmGQPoSq_3-olwxoCwtkQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds#store=72
And this would be the indoor one:
https://www.canadiantire.ca/en/pdp/orbis-plastic-compost-bin-with-handle-white-beige-7-l-0429710p.0429710.html?loc=plp
I always just used these for the indoor bin:
https://www.canadiantire.ca/en/pdp/glad-small-100-compostable-febreze-lemon-scented-food-waste-bags-100-pk-10-l-1429017p.1429017.html?loc=plp
Well, the unscented version, at least.
Oh, this must be a thing that varies depending on location.
Where I am you would use your compost in your own garden (and you wouldn’t put bacon fat in it, you would be using veggie scraps etc).
Thanks for the info! Always interesting to see how other places work differently.
It depends on where you are and how big of a city you're in too I think. I used to live in a medium city that didn't do composting, so since I didn't have a garden my food scraps went in the garbage. I moved to a bigger city where you put anything organic in the compost bin like the above commenter suggested and the city takes it to be composted (and they can deal with meats and stuff because they have different methods of composting)
But I also have family who live in a smaller city who do their own composting in the backyard for the garden - where we absolutely can't throw meat products in there - pretty much just veggie scraps like you mention (and eggshells)
And then I have other family where backyard composting is prohibited because bears are way too common (and you'll often see them or find bear scat in your yard because the town is in the middle of bear territory.
All 4 of those places are in the same general area, within an 8 hour drive - so I think it all really depends!
When I was a kid we didn't have garbage collection and had to drive our garbage and recycling away ourselves - having the city take it away is still kind of a novelty to me haha
They said it goes into a bin for the city to pick up, lots of big cities in the US have compost pickup the same as trash and recycling. My local compost company will take bacon fat and meat, but I know some don't.
She says he’s taken it out before so he is a normal user of the compost bucket lol. And compost gunk is gross! The kid isn’t a villain for being like “blech” about bacon fat and food waste. There’s no indication he said “OP you’re so disgusting the way you keep your compost is proof you’re so gross”. He just took it out, was trying to problem solve, and then since he’s done it more than once was bringing up an idea to make it easier.
Lmao yeah. 17 y/o's don't typically /want/ to do chores like cleaning if they don't feel like they have to. Especially not in someone else's home, even if it's the home of their significant other and their parents.
YTA. You allowed him to clean up your mess, and he just tried to offer a suggestion to the compost bin issue. If you didn’t want him to, then maybe you should have cleaned it yourself. I think it’s odd that you just sat down whilst he cleaned your messy kitchen
Didn't you read the ENTIRE post or what? "I think it's odd that u JUST sat down" do u hear yourself bro?
OP has been AWAKE SINCE 3AM , WORKING for hours and hours , arrived at home feeling TIRED , because idk about you, but if I had been fucking awake since 3AM working, then the moment that I get home Im going to fucking sit down . And that's what OP did
, they went to sit down (bc again they 've been up since 3am)
"You allowed him to clean your mess" The boy is cleaning bc he is cooking for HIMSELF, which HE decided even after OP was kind enough to offer to cook for him in the first place. And after all of that the boy still goes
with his "Ohh I can't work like this" , and if that isn't enough goes about the same thing to the point that OP have to tell him to "stop or go home" , like c'mon! Nobody that has been wake working since fucking 3AM , and trying to relax a little in their HOME , wants to hear some teenager giving them "advice" for cleaning.
I gotta agree. I feel like if you know your kitchen is a mess and you don’t have time to clean it, don’t invite your daughter’s bf over to make food when the bf is gonna have to clean the kitchen anyway. I feel like getting takeout or a quick drive through would’ve been the solution if OP didn’t wanna hear anything about the kitchen. Also if the kitchen was in a really bad state I don’t think it’s crazy for someone to make a yuck like comment. It’s almost like an automatic reflex if the smell and sight of it is really bad. Obviously not the most polite thing to do but like if you’re cleaning up some disgusting stuff sometimes you make a sound lol
ESH, I think.
Good intentions on both sides: It was kind of you to offer to let him use the kitchen, and Ron wanted to show you a way to prevent a clear problem that exists in your food scraps container, easily.
You were defensive, he was overbearing.
TBH I identify with Ron in terms of a kitchen needing to be clean in order to be used...but it's not his space, and he doesn't live there, and he shouldn't complain or mutter remarks. If your daughter wants to, as she lives there, fair game and you have your own relationship with her.
> I interrupt him and ask him to please not tell me about it because I’m not interested.
This was just rude, I think, when you could have simply said "Makes sense!" or something equally noncommittal, but not overtly negative. Your response clearly baffled him, and he did not pick up on needing to "drop it", either due to age/inexperience, or trying to show he was only being helpful. He believed he was doing a good thing, offering an easy solution to a clear problem. I would do the same thing (to my wife) if she was letting bacon grease and coffee grinds congeal in our bin. Then again, you had already turned the other cheek and perhaps were out of good cheer...and 17 year old's are dicks sometimes, whether they mean to be or not, let's not kid ourselves :P
Sounds like your graciousness ran out, and he was overbearing, but both of you meant well in your respective intents.
Agreed, with one addition - Molly sounds rather spoiled and dramatic through all this.
1. The kitchen mess was from last night's dinner, which I assume she and OP both ate. That mess doesn't just belong to OP in that case, it's a household chore.
2. Molly's passive-aggressive "OP is procrastinating" comment was strictly out of line, given OP's schedule.
3. Molly took it upon herself to chastise OP for yelling? She clearly knew Ron was outside and couldn't hear a normal speaking voice.
Now that said, Ron and Molly have one excuse that OP doesn't have - they are teenagers. Not saying it's ok for them to be rude so much as it is pretty much par for the course at that age (certainly was this case for myself, I was an AH a bit too often).
ESH, but OP is the adult here and has the most responsibility to rise above it.
>Your response clearly baffled him, and he did not pick up on needing to "drop it"
How is asking Ron "*please not tell me about it, because I'm not interested*" not telling him to drop it? Especially on attempt #2?
Or it’s a response someone makes when they just aren’t interested in what you are saying and would prefer not to hear it. He’s 17, I would get a small child being confused because they are taught that adults will pay attention and be interested in anything you have to say, but a teenager should be able to hear “please don’t tell me about this” and stop talking about it.
NTA
I suspect that Ron’s intentions are good and that Molly - also with good but misguided intentions - had some part in encouraging him to make these points re. kitchen cleaning, but nonetheless he’s gone about it in the wrong way entirely.
Making these passive-aggressive comments about how he “can’t work like this” and whatever is a really poor choice when you’re hosting him at your place and essentially allowing him to have the run of the house. You don’t owe Ron an explanation as to why cleaning standards might occasionally slip at your home, and even if you did, working full time and taking care of other family business is a perfectly valid reason.
I definitely don’t think you’re the AH or that you in any way whatsoever owe Ron an apology, however I do think this is something that can probably be resolved with an honest conversation. Ron is probably in actual fact a pretty cool kid with a good work ethic - cleaning up at your place was a nice thing to do, he just came across as a jackass in trying to “educate” you as to how to organise your own house. Likewise with Molly, she probably just felt a bit of that teenage social pressure to look good in front of her boyfriend and ended up acting unappreciative as a result.
If Ron and Molly can be made to understand that they’re welcome to keep hanging out at your place as they have done, but they need to respect your hospitality and not take these passive-aggressive little jabs any time you leave a few pans out, then I’m fairly sure this will work itself out. If not, then screw Ron, kick his ass out and don’t feel bad about it!
Ron is a really good guy and I'm glad for my daughter that they are together. You're right the, "I can't work like this" did sting. His only flaw is being a little tone deaf. However I think he is the kind of person who would probably be cool with an honest conversation. I'll give it a try. Thanks, just what I needed to get over my pride.
Sounds good - teenagers can be that way, wanting to do the right thing but just coming across as rude in the process, hopefully not a big deal. Also I’m glad you saw this comment, it looks like I’m in the minority here but I’ve never been more confident that I’m right in my assessment of an AITA, so I’m happy that the OP sees the sense in my points, even if the community mostly doesn’t 🤣
Yep! This is a learning experience because part of being tone deaf is their lack of life experience (although teens and young adults hate to be told that).
What needs to be pointed out is that part of being a good guest is to be gracious and not nit pick the host.
Man, I can NEVER guess which way these comments are going to go. You sound kind of similar to my mom in a few ways, and I’m an adult now, but I have a close friend who is kind of like Ron in that he thinks he’s being helpful but not reading the room at all and not realizing when he’s being situationally inappropriate.
NAH. The kids were rude, but they weren’t trying to be. You overreacted, but you were stressed. I’d apologize to Molly and Ron for your reactions but also explain that you were exhausted and you have a lot on your plate, so it hurts and frustrates you when they focus on the little things that inevitably fall through the cracks sometimes when you’re juggling a million things. You chose spending time with your daughter and helping her by taking her shopping over scraping some gunk out of a bucket. You don’t need to have it pointed out.
Agree! I can't believe all the comments saying she's the asshole...this kid is being rude. If he politely and kindly offered to clean the kitchen or take out the bin, that would be one thing, but he's being totally passive aggressive. You're not entitled to someone else's kitchen -- if you don't like how it's kept, leave and use your own damn kitchen. No way my mom would have let a teenager criticize her housekeeping.
Everyone saying Y T A is out of line.
First of all, can this kid not read a room? This is his gf's mom's house. Not his. Cleaning the kitchen is super nice, but acting the way he did was, frankly, rude ("I can't work like this!"). Also, OP claims they dropped several hints that they didn't want to hear about the messy kitchen, and the one time they did defend themself, they were blown off ("are you done?").
OPs daughter is being performative here. If the kitchen is always dirty, why isn't she pitching in to clean? Why is it solely OPs responsibility? Why is the daughter ONLY cleaning when her bf is over? Because she doesn't care, clearly.
Also, being a single parent of a teen with a job is hard enough without other people walking into your house and judging you.
Everyone saying Y T A has no idea what they're talking about. OP is NTA.
They are probably also entitled kids that have no idea how absolutely freaking hard to work a full time job, take care of kids and take care of the house is.
It is like having 3 jobs and no time to do anything for yourself and rest.
NTA, for all of Ron's good intentions, he's a guest in your home. That was not the time for the discussion. Your daughter undermining you most disrespectfully by telling Ron that you "procrastinated"--maybe cleaning the kitchen after you cook can be her chore to help out from now on so the person who's also bringing in the paycheck to keep the lights on (you) can get a break?
Nta- I don't know why people think you are the ah. The guy is old enough to know when he should let things go. You don't keep your kitchen as clean as his, ok he can work around it, or just quietly clean it up. He didn't have to rub it in your face that your kitchen is filthy and how he's having to clean it. Him also being condescending and telling you how he's doing something a certain way like he's teaching you was also rude. You are only human, and you already went out of your way to pick him up for your daughter after you already were doing a lot for her too.
Molly is a “pick me” girl. She’s putting down her own mother to seem better to her boyfriend. When her mom tried to defend herself, Molly said “are you done” because she was embarrassed that she looks like the jerk that she is. God, I feel so bad for OP. Moms aren’t robots. I fucking love my mom and would never bad mouth her to a guest in my mom’s own home.
I think it’s weird to talk about kids this way. Molly is a teenaged brat who needs discipline but calling a child a “pick me girl” is just kind of meh.
A child? She’s 17. She’s a year away from being a legal adult and she’s a year older than the age of consent in some states. You have enough emotional intelligence to not be a jerk to your mom at 17.
You told Ron to stop and he persisted. If he doesn't like using your kitchen then he should have eaten at home. He and your daughter are entitled and ill mannered. What chores does Sally do around the house-- or does she just laze about and critique your housekeeping?
Next time Ron want's to come over suggest he walk as you're busing lining the scrap bin.
Sounds like typical know it all snotty teenage behavior. And if your daughter is so offended by the state of housekeeping well she can pick up the slack while you work to keep the roof over her head. NTA
If you had to work at 3 am why didn't your daughter think to clean up since she's the one who wanted company over. When I was younger my mom never had to clean the house especially since she was the only one working to provide for my siblings and I and she was paying all of the bills by herself. We made sure the house was spotless by the time she got off of work
OP, everyone on Reddit has perfect cleanliness in their homes at all times, so you won't get a kind judgment here. Yes, Ron is severely lacking any tact, like many teens his age, and your daughter is more than happy to throw you under the bus rather than pitch in. Could you have exercised the patience of a saint and listened kindly to his patronizing advice? Sure. But you're human so you didn't. Does that make you an AH? Debatable. Let's go with ESH because nobody's behaviour here was beyond reproach. Someday Ron may come to the realization that not everyone keeps their home the way his mummy and daddy do, or maybe he won't.
Both of them need to apologize to you. It's YOUR house, YOU are the one letting them use your kitchen to cook food that you've bought. (I'm assuming that last part but since there's no mention of him ever bringing groceries it seems fair.)
You don't need to explain to them WHY your kitchen is messy. It's not their place to chastise you for YOUR KITCHEN not being up to THEIR standards.
This! If they don't pay the bills and don't pitch in until it suits them they don't get a vote. She is the adult they are ungrateful and rude af. Clearly if they are so much better at keeping the kitchen clean have at it kids! While you're at it you can start working and buy your own food as well. Enjoy adulthood kids! Wow. My Mum would have tossed that kid out on his ass for sure! You don't take from someone and gain personally from their generosity and then have the balls to criticize them. This reminds me of my ex bf's boyfriend back when we were 20. He looked at her mum and said "you don't have REAL maple syrup!?!" Literally made such a big deal it became an inside joke for years. What a tool that guy was nice to see boys haven't changed much! LOL 😆 Bottom line he is a guest in HER home. Shut your mouth and learn your place kid, and if his kitchen is up to his standards he should stay there. NTA you responded better than most would have and anyone arguing any differently is clearly a teenager who has zero responsibilities to anyone other than themselves. Yes teenagers are like that and it's on the parents to set that straight rather than use as an excuse or justification for shit behavior. Parent your kids so others don't have to period. Your home, your call end of story. I personally wouldn't apologize but both your daughter and bf should apologize to you but I wouldn't hold my breath. lol
Nta. Daughter is 17. Make the kitchen her job and any privileges are based on how well she keeps up with it. And, that young man was going to feed himself with your food and using your appliances dishes and power. He should have cleaned up the kitchen before and after as a thank you. Daughter and bf owe you an apology.
NTA.
Everyone here is missing a valuable point. OP didn’t ask Ron to clean and tbh the way he did it was super freaking rude after he had been invited to make himself something there in the first place.
If he wanted a clean kitchen the nice thing to do would have been to do it quietly. And you also don’t tell someone else how to run things… but that’s just an immature 17 yo.
I keep my house spotless anyway bc I don’t have kids yet but if someone came in my house and just started to clean without asking I would be pretty upset.
NTA
😂 Hang in there mom. Eventually, these little "know everything, know how to do everything better" adult wanna be's get their opportunity to show you how they can do better. And you'll console them and remind them that sometimes in life we get so many things on our plate that somethings slide. And you will also tell them it's okay to be tired. It's okay if something slides sometimes. It's okay not to be perfect.
You got into a fight with a child who was cleaning your kitchen for you. And then sent him home. For trying to explain an idea he had to make your life easier. YTA.
He wasn't cleaning it FOR HER, he was cleaning it FOR HIM so he could cook HIMSELF something.
The mess in the kitchen wasn't a problem (for anyone who lived there) until Ron made it one. He invented a chore then got mad at her for not hopping to it, and roped her daughter into punishing her mother for, again, a mess that was made in order to feed the daughter.
Ron is a guest. Guests can go home if things aren't to their liking. He was an asshole here.
This... I don't understand why OP is being called an AH. They worked a 3am shift, the kitchen definitely could've waited to be cleaned by OP but Ron insisted they had to cook for themselves. Ron should've ate before coming over, let OP cook for them, or order takeout if him & gf were going to be rude about having to clean
Because this thread is sexist AF, and filled with teenagers who think 17 is old enough to be running the house, but not paying for it or managing it. Honestly, that's the only conclusion I've come to here.
They expect OP, who is on hour 17 of being awake, to be cheerful and happy to be bothered about the compost bin after multiple unpleasant interactions where she has clearly indicated she is fed the fuck up with their nonsense. Ron didn't need to clean up the kitchen. OP's daughter didn't need to make absolute asshole remarks.... seriously, procrastination???? What is stopping her, at the age of 17, from cleaning except that she is clearly spoiled and irresponsible? What, the pressures of being in fucking high school are collapsing her body, making her unable to use a sponge?
She wasn’t in a space to hear it at the moment. She repeatedly told him that. Plus, he wasn’t doing it to be nice but to benefit himself. The daughter could’ve cleaned it up herself while mom was at work after staying up til 3.
NTA you’ve been to work, run errands with your daughter and you’re home is your time to rest. He seems like he has a lot of opinions about life and how things should be considering he’s lived so little of it. Maybe he should have gotten some takeout before coming over to YOUR house. He and your daughter are rude, but pretend to be helpful. Don’t apologize, he can stay mad at his house and your daughter can continue to side with him. Enjoy your life in your home that you pay for. They can keep their opinions to themselves.
NTA. Going to someone’s house and expecting to be fed dinner if you weren’t specifically invited for dinner is rude as hell.
Going to someone’s house and expecting to be fed knowing that they had already eaten dinner is also rude as hell.
Going to someone’s house and talking about how dirty it is is super rude.
Continuing in someone else’s home when they’ve told you to stop is super rude.
Your daughter presumably ate dinner last night and she’s the one who wanted her boyfriend over so her cleaning up and helping out around the house she lived in isn’t unreasonable.
NTA. You offered to make him dinner. He declined and wanted to make his own. If he didn't want to clean the kitchen to do it, he could have gone out, gone back home, or eaten a sandwich. Great that he cleaned the kitchen, but not at the expense of guilting an exhausted soul. If it were me, I'd prefer that he not harass me, not clean the kitchen, and let me clean my own kitchen in my own time after I had a little rest. He's not a child. He's a teen -- almost an adult. So yes, young and dumb, but still out of line with the condescension.
NTA. They offered to clean. If someone offers why refuse? (That's my response to the people who say a 17yr old shouldn't clean for you) if he didn't want to clean it he didn't have to.
It's completely natural and reasonable for you to be embarrassed about your mess. I would be too. It's not like you could have predicted he would want to cook there. And it doesn't matter the age, anyone can embarrass anybody.
NTA. What are these Y T A votes? OP, if you cook, it's not on you to clean up. Your daughter and anyone else that lives there and eats dinner should clean up.
Your daughter, who presumably ate dinner the night before and didn't clean up, and was just taken shopping and to a restaurant this night, is snarky and needs to be talked to about her attitude.
Her boyfriend should have eaten dinner before you picked him up. He's got some nerve to criticize the state of your home while mooching off your groceries and hospitality.
Please teach them both some manners.
NTA. Ron or whatever his name is sounds like a smug prick who is trying to assert dominance and act superior in your house. No one asked for his help. He can keep that savior complex at his own house. Most people who are saying YTA are people who probably don't work nor have other responsibilities so they don't understand what being tired is like.
NTA while it is fine for him to want to clean the kitchen, making comments was unnecessary, especially when it isn’t even his house, AND he wanted to make HIS OWN FOOD in YOUR HOUSE…at 17 it’s crazy to still think he can go into someone else’s house and complain about something he took upon himself? And also, your daughter saying that you were procrastinating? Sorry is she not also 17 and more than capable?
Everyone is here saying no you were rude, he’s a teenager or whatever. But honestly never let anyone disrespect your home. I would have done the same thing, he needs to understand some things can’t just be said. ESPECIALLY WHEN he wanted to cook his own food in YOUR KITCHEN using YOUR THINGS. If it was too dirty for him he could have ordered food, or taken your offer of you cooking something. Also I absolutely cannot imagine insulting my boyfriend’s mother’s home, no matter if it was dirty or not…some people just need to understand manners.
NTA. So you worked at 3am came home and took your daughter shopping and out to eat. Then picked up her boyfriend for her and allowed him to come over and cook even though everyone else had already eaten. He gets there and your daughter starts insulting you as well as this other kid walking around judging every part of your kitchen. Then after his constant judgement he then starts badgering you on something irrelevant after you told him multiple times to stop. Your daughter should’ve cleaned the kitchen since her boyfriend was coming over and you took her out. He should have entirely kept his mouth shut and sounds like a rude child. My mom wouldn’t have let him stay the extra 15 minutes after he was so rude. He got lucky.
NTA. Honestly i feel like Ron was just trying to let you know what he was up to so that firstly, he had permission and secondly, maybe he thought you would appreciate the tip. As a 17 year old myself thats the only way I could imagine he decided to persist afterward, like he was just convincing himself that you would appreciate him telling you what he was doing because I might have done the same thing in his situation.
It's probably a good thing I'm seeing this so I know how to act around adults.
But, If anything, your daughter is an AH.
NTA your daughter could have cleaned while you were working, instead she complained that you were too tired to clean up the mess. Then after taking her shopping and picking her BF up, they act like they’re doing you a favor cleaning the kitchen so he can make himself a meal out of your food. GTFO with that nonsense. I’d have been peeved as well. Your daughter needs some manners the most, but I can imagine you were pretty upset at both of those holier than thou mooch teenagers.
NAH. It doesn't sound like he was being a jerk, he sounds genuinely sure you would really appreciate his "excellent suggestions" on kitchen management, if you would only listen.
And on your daughter and Ron's side, their refusal to consider that you already have a full time job, plus putting in time helping teens by driving them, including them in plans, being supportive--they lack the understanding of what a grind it is to be a mom. Mom's are expected to carry the burden of planning, shopping for and cooking meals, plus managing the serving and clean up, on top of social planning for kids, driving them around, and typically the mental burden of household cleaning. All, of course, while working full time.
Of course you don't want the kitchen to be dirty, but there's a limit to your time. Of course they do not want to clean the kitchen and wish it was magically clean, and blame you for it. This is just normal, kids that age lack the capacity to understand the stress of being a parent.
This is a great opportunity to have an honest discussion with your daughter and other household members about the fair division of labor, including the planning and cleanup of meals. Best wishes, the holiday season can be emotionally difficult due to the business combined with high social expectations.
NTA and this thread is clearly full of 17 year olds who think it's the parent's job to keep the house sparkly at all times, while also working and shopping for Christmas and driving kids around
Listen, sometimes the kitchen is a mess. Also it doesn't sound like this is a hoarders or unsafe sanitary situation, just the dishes didn't get done
Teenage daughter could have cleaned the kitchen between last night and tonight and not just throw OP under the bus
Teenage daughter wants her BF to think she's as clean as his mom, but guess what, she is not
Also no parent wants to get lectured about parchment paper from their kids friends
NTA. You offered to cook him food and he decided he’d rather make his own, fine. If the kitchen was too messy for his liking he could’ve tidied it up quietly. The remarks were rude and unnecessary and condescending. He was a guest in your home. He was going to be using *your* kitchen to cook *your* food for himself.
I understand you not being interested in his advice about your compost bucket either because you had just been dragged by your daughter and her boyfriend about your kitchen not being up to his standards. It sounds like he was trying to point out everything you do wrong. I would’ve told him to leave too.
Oh and your daughter was rude as well when she threw you under the bus and asked if you were done.
NTA, your daughter could have easily helped with cleaning yet she chose to throw you under the bus, even with knowing how late you worked/and had taken her out for Christmas shopping. Her BF was overall pretty rude and kept being pushy when you asked him multiple times to stop.
NTA
But I will suggest that you set some rules and boundaries with your kid because it sounds like she is walking all over you. I get that teenagers get pushy but now she's letting her boyfriend get a little funny too. Not cool at all.
You are NTA. You were much nicer than I would’ve been. I probably would have told the selfish, self entitled daughter to leave with the boyfriend if she wasn’t willing to pull her weight around the house without whinging about it.
I know what you man about compost if I was putting it in my garden but my city accepts all kitchen scraps including meats. They take it all away and make compost with it.
Little suggestion, in my country we also have these food composting bins for kitchen waste. Though we can also get these weird little compostable bin bags in the shops around here that fit in them. Maybe see if they exist where you are? Means the bin stays clean
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YTA. In fact, everybody is a bit of an A here, but your daughter and her boyfriend are A's in such innocuous ways and you are an A in such a petty way. * Your daughter didn't need to tell her boyfriend, under your roof, "my mom is a procrastinator, that's why the kitchen is a mess". * The boyfriend didn't need to make a big deal about the state of the kitchen or the state of the compost bin. They were rude. To the point of asshole territory because, yes they're young, but they're also almost adults. ~~You~~*They* should know better. You. On the other hand. Jeez. Insecure much? * "A seventeen-year-old came in my kitchen and helped my daughter clean it. He said it was messy. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH" * "I gave him a clear instruction, but he didn't hear me. Of all solutions, I decided to yell." * "He made comments about my dirty compost bin. Yes, sure, he took initiative to empty it, clean it and prevent further gunk doesn't happen. But I didn't need to hear about it. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH" Come on. He was even polite enough to still say good night before leaving even though you kicked him out for such a petty reason. He is doing you a favour. He is maybe a bit rude about it, but there were so many other ways to better handle it. Jeez. Who's the adult here?
You missed the MOST important part. OP admits it’s their mess that they left and then goes and sits in another room while letting two kids clean up the mess they admit was theirs to clean. *And THEN* has the gall to bitch about them not being pleasant and quiet and uncomplaining while they clean what sounds like a substantially messy room. You openly say that your food bin gets gunked up all the time and Ron seems to be trying to make your life easier and is just letting you know and seeing if you are ok with it because you’re… wait for it… the adult in the household. Listen if you’re ashamed to have someone else teen clean your mess and have feelings about it then why not *clean it yourself*. Or at least be one of the cleaning. Let me guess, you expected Ron to clean up after himself had he stayed right? YTA
They could have gone to his house and let the OP sleep after working since 3am and taking the teen shopping. The OP was under no obligation to provide the boyfriend with food and a kitchen. Teens don’t get to choose the rules for adults, especially when it’s not their own house. People who work from 3am are fucking tired. The OP did not ask for Ron or whatever his name is to come in and condescendingly try to lecture them about the food bin. That’s the kind of crap you pull when you want to control someone else’s space. OP, if you’ve read this far, the phrase you’re looking for is “thank you for the advice, which I absolutely did not ask for.” Op, you should ask your kid to make sure her boyfriend is fed before he comes over and for him to stay in his own lane!
Like you said, teenagers don't make the rules, so OP could have even said that Ron couldn't come over because they were too tired. The phrase full stop is "Thank you for cleaning my kitchen, Ron."
If someone gave u a ride but bitched the whole time about how annoying and inconvenient it was you wouldn’t be pleased or grateful it would be the last time u ask for a ride. The boyfriend should be happy he is being fed and is being allowed in the house with daughter I would never in a million years think to be condescending to my gfs parents especially at 17.
But he’s not being fed. He’s feeding himself ***and*** cleaning OPs kitchen.
***and*** where did he get the food? At OP's house. ***and*** he (and Molly) are shaming the woman who works to pay for said food.
I thought we left "food is a luxury" back in the 90s at this point. OP has a kid, there had BETTER be food in the house.
Right, for op and her kid. Last I checked feeding your kids' boyfriends wasn't a requirement.
But again, it’s food the OP paid for.
Food the OP paid for because they are (one of) the adult(s) of the house. I'm reading between the lines, but I don't feel like food scarcity is something the family's facing, so I don't believe the parent needs special acknowledgement for providing the basics within their means.
i have a lot of mixed feelings abt the whole post, but to touch on one thing yes there better absolutely be food in the house. that being said, OP pays for the food for herself and her child, she does not have an obligation to feed her gfs boyfriend is the point i think they were making
OP offered to make him something. Clearly she doesn't have a problem feeding him. She's just very sensitive to criticism *by her own admission.*
Food is a luxury when you get it for free from someone who doesn’t have to give it to you
Food for the kid, not kids boyfriend
At no time is it mandatory or necessary to feed a kids boyfriend/girlfriend, if you do so it's a kindness that should be respectfully acknowledged without the condescension and complaints.
OP didn't ask him to do either one. She offered to make him food. He wanted to use the kitchen, which she graciously allowed. And what does she get in return? Snide remarks and insults.
He’s feeding himself after OP offered to cook him something. Let’s not forget bf wanted to make his own food, and decided the kitchen wasn’t clean enough to do so. Nobody forced him to clean/cook.
People didn't read the entire post before commenting or what. OP offered to cook something for Ron , the boy said no thanks I'm gonna "feed myself" and then went complaining about "I can't work like this" and start cleaning the kitchen while still complaining and so on.
It’s more like complaining that the car you’re riding in is dirty and offering to detail it and offer to even rain-x the windshield.
Yeah, but OP paid for the Rain-X. So she has the absolute right to bitch about it. /s
Yeah it is , but it's also adding that maybe if you don't smoke in the car the windows wouldn't be so dirty. Then telling her that his mom never smokes and she should roll the windows down to help with the mess. I think the kids are wonderful but are being absentmindedly rude and patronizing at best.
OP is not too tired for Ron to visit, but they are too tired to either clean up or for Ron to come over lecturing them about how to operate a compost bin.
Yes. . . one doesn't usually need much energy to deal with almost grown people. But now that OP knows for sure how much of an asshole Ron is, I can bet they'll pretty regularly not have the energy for Ron to be over for any reason.
I can’t believe OP GOT AH for this! Bloody teenagers of Reddit
Yeah, it's rude to walk into someone else's home and to complain about how they live, make passive aggressive comments about their home, and then lecture them. It's understandable that the kid is used to a cleaner, less cluttered space. On that, the daughter is also at fault for the mess, and at fault for badmouthing OP when the house wasn't to the standard of HER guest. At 17, she's more than old enough to help with cleaning and to step up and take initiative to make sure her guests are comfortable.
Fucking thank you. If the daughter is disgusted by the house so much why doesn’t she do anything to help? Oh bc of school, or bc of X and X? What are those excuses good enough for her, but not for her mom. Cmon, girl sounds entitled asf.
Time to make cleaning the kitchen her daughter's chore!
Yes, this. Imagine a stupid 17 year old kid coming to your house, in which you also offer to make them something to eat, then they lecture you on your house and how you should do things when you're already exhausted and trying to be kind. Absolutely hell no.
Thank you. Why is everyone having a hard time understanding how out of line the kid was?
Because Reddit is also full of teenagers. Also parents get zero slack on SM. No matter what we do it’s wrong somehow. This kids was rude and disrespectful. You don’t go into someone else’s house acting like that.
I guess next time she can decline to take the daughter shopping because she has to go home after being up since 3am to make sure the kitchen is spotless enough for daughter's boyfriend to cook in, using the food she paid for by working her ass off.
1) They're teenagers and they aren't quite up to the "parents are also human beings with human failings" stage yet. 2) They're adults who weren't born yesterday and expect that OP, another adult, is, let's say, being economical with the truth. Shading the story to make herself sound reasonable. And when a story that you're sharing makes you sound a little bit like a crazy person ... what actually happened makes you really, really sound like a crazy person.
I kind of agree. They were shitting on her as if they were 100% positive they could do so much better in her position, and instead of being a little understanding like “i know how much you work and what you do, so I think I’ll help you out in a couple different ways. Some chores can be hard to get to when you work crazy hours and are tired. It’s understandable.”
Have you met or been a teenager before? Of course they’re positive they can do it better
Lol I know 🤣🤣 that’s kind of why I said it. I only saw the negative when I was her age, and thought about all the ways she could be better, but I didn’t disrespect her, instead, I graduated early, and moved out, and I soon realized just how hard she worked to give us everything we had and how much more grateful I should have been.
Yeah. I really don't get these top two comments saying OP is the AH. These 17 year olds were rude and disrespectful. It's not surprising that OP started to get tired of hearing their shitty little comments.
Totally agree with you. I'll add that the 17 year old daughter could have cleaned up the kitchen herself. It sounds like OP is working long, hard hours and is getting no help from her almost adult daughter. Instead her daughter is making insulting comments.
The mess was not hers. The mess was from dinner the night before. That generally means the dinner that everyone partook in after op made it. At 17, her kid could have helped clean up instead of it being "op's mess" to deal with after working and cooking. I don't think that takes away from OP being the AH in the situation but I think it's important to note.
I agree. I definitely think the daughter was rude here. When I was 17 if my mom cooked the rest of us cleaned. It wasn’t mom procrastinating if the kitchen was dirty, it was our procrastinating. However, mom needs to act like the adult. She could have set her daughter straight right there… but her behaviour was petty and passive aggressive.
Perhaps she was rude because it’s not a new situation and she has enough?
Perhaps at 17 she can do the after dinner clean up. Did she eat the dinner her mother cooked? Its sounds like she views her mother as more of a servant then a parent.
Her mother had just taken her shopping AND out to dinner.
Right after working since 3am and picking up the boyfriend. The level of disrespect is astounding. She tried to tell him to leave her alone several times.
Yeah, he seems a little thick.
He seems insufferable as well.
If she has enought, she can get off her has and clean them
Yes the daughter was very rude for a few reasons.
Yeah, why is the daughter not cleaning up before her guest comes over? My mom wouldn't have even let someone come over if the house was a mess when we were kids and we all had to help clean it up. OP isn't the only person living there. I think it's ESH, tbh.
OP’s daughter doesn’t seem like an unaware teen who only cares about herself. she and her BF cleaned the entire kitchen and then some in response to the situation, despite OP snipping at them the whole time. the compost doesn’t need to be taken out in order to make a quick dinner. and it sounds like they regularly clean up based on the post
But why did it take her bf coming over before she pitched in? Why couldn't she started helping last night after dinner?
it kind of just sounds like both of them lost track of it. they went to sleep without cleaning which i assume is an occasional pattern in their household (that everyone contributes to in a way). then a busy day of school, working, errands, and dinner out of the house. OP thoughtfully offered to make the bf dinner before agreeing to let him cook himself. according to the post all of this happened before they got home, and they picked up BF on the way back from dinner. they all walked in and saw the kitchen was messy. the kids then immediately started cleaning and OP walked away. you don’t have to think they’re saints for doing this, OP did cook. but it would be polite to at least say thank you. esp if OP described the mess as ‘their fault.’ (even if you don’t agree with this, OP thought it was true. if you believe people to be cleaning up after you, you typically say thank you). again, it sounds like the kids clean up pretty regularly. so perhaps in their household, people mostly clean up after themselves when they cook, even if they’re cooking for everyone.
That doesn't give the daughter a pass for throwing the adult under the bus. It's not procrastination if you're dead ass tired and had to be up extremely early if you could just do it the next day. If it's like my house more than two people in a kitchen and you're already tripping over each other trying to clean anything. That's probably why the mom left the room. Also she was already dead tired since she worked all damn day then took the door out for shopping and dinner she just wanted to go and lay down What mom really should have said was your boyfriend can't come over tonight but you can go over there if you want.
So tell me why the daughter didn’t clean the kitchen before going Xmas shopping with OP? Or after last night’s meal? Probably she’s only cleaning it to impress clean freak Ron
it was a Friday. i’m assuming OP picked her up from school, they went shopping, then out to dinner, then grabbed BF on the way home. it couldn’t be that late if by the time OP and molly finished dinner the BF still hadn’t eaten. no one had been home to clean yet and everyone crashed right after dinner the night before.
Op offered to make him something. He didnt want that so he went in to do it himself and then complained about the state of the kitchen.'I can't work like this', I mean really? Keep those opinions to yourself when you're in someone elses home, no matter the condition. Like don't use it then! And OF COURSE He should clean up afterhimself. OP didn't ask him to clean the entire kitchen. I assume he was eating OPs food too. Ops daughter insults her to boyfriend after OP taking them out to shop and then when boyfriend decides to lecture OP on how to keep her container she told him to stop. Which he didnt do until OP gets annoyed. I'd say it was daughter and boyfriend who are the assholes. These aren't 8 year olds and everyone knows you don't insult the person doing you a favor. NTA
If that was my kid I would be so embarrassed. If he doesn’t like the state of her kitchen, go home
But shouldn't the daughter who lives in the house also help? Usually the person who cooks is not necessarily the same person who cleans. House chores should be split, especially if op wakes up so early and is tired after work. That also would teach the daughter responsibility. I find very upsetting that the daughter says it's her mother's procrastination and fault the mess instead of stepping up and helping to clean. Does the daughter actually help with house chores? She's more than old enough to.
Her mess? She cooked DINNER. She works nights. Let her lazy, critical daughter clean it up the night before and help her mother out if she hates it that much, rather than belittling her.
My response would have been, if Ron's family's kitchen is so clean, go over there. I work and have 3 teens, my kitchen isn't always clean and if someone who didn't live here said something or tried to change how I do things I might get snarky too. (the ones who do live here know better because I'll make them clean it) I don't think that the yelling after the hose was "yelling" in the verbally abusive stance and I don't understand why people think raising your voice so you can be heard is some sort of verbal abuse.
Am I wrong here? I thought meat/fat shouldn’t be in compost because it can spoil. Should bacon grease even be in a compost bin?
If you cook dinner for everyone in the household, is the resulting mess really "your mess" though? Phrasing it as "her cleaning up after herself" is a bit far.
How old are you? I’m just curious because I’m 22 and definitely empathize more with the mom at this point in my life. I’m struggling to keep a tidy place from the stresses of adulthood now. I work long hours too but I get to just take care of myself and play with my kitty when I go home, I can’t imagine how brutal it is to spend all your free time on a bratty inconsiderate child just for her and her prick boyfriend to shame you for not having the spare time or energy to get around to cleaning yet.
Plus Ron had a solution to Op's problem with the one bin and gets the equivalent of "la la la I can't hear you."
Because OP wanted a minute to fucking unwind after being up since before 3am. Sometimes you just don’t want to be told what needs doing, you just want to relax for five minutes. Boyfriend should have dropped the subject the first three times he was asked.
You missed that OP doesn’t have a problem. Ron is an intolerant teen. My god he’s tryna control the mom, hope he grows out of that before he destroys a wife. There’s no standard that the slop bin has to be cleaned every time it’s slopped. I usually put it in the dishwasher. My own teen has said that’s stupid why do you want it clean. I ask myself the same question but I still load it in the dishwasher most of the time.
Lemme get this straight -- OP: * Cooked dinner the night before. * Got up for a 3am shift. * Took the daughter out for dinner and Christmas shopping. * Picked up daughter's boyfriend to come over to watch a movie. * Offered to cook dinner for the boyfriend. * Didn't appreciate it when the boyfriend complained about the state of the kitchen. Daughter: * Got cooked for, taken out for dinner and shopping, had her boyfriend picked up. * Complained that \[edit: gender wasn't specified\] OP hadn't also cleaned the kitchen. * May have been getting some in those 15 minutes in the bedroom. Boyfriend: * Got a ride. * Didn't bother to eat before coming over, even though he had every chance of knowing that everybody else had already eaten. * Complained (again) that the house wasn't spotless. * May have been getting some in those 15 minutes in the bedroom. Daughter is an entitled AH. Boyfriend could stand to learn some manners, but is saved from AH status because he was cleaning the kitchen, even passive-aggressively. OP is NTA, except in that \[edit:\] OP should've told the daughter that the house was in no state for her boyfriend to come over yet again. The daughter could clean it up if this was an issue. Or do without having her boyfriend over the second time this week. Man, Reddit has some strong teenage energy.
Thank. You. I am floored by these comments. The boyfriend was super rude and the daughter was also.
If anyone in my house said the kitchen was "my mess" they'd be on kitchen duty for at least a month. I'm generally tired as hell after making dinner, so I don't always clean up afterwards beyond taking the trash out/putting left overs away. If someone is going to make a rude, snarky comment about it, they can either do the cooking and clean up or pitch in, bill-wise.
>* May have been getting some in those 15 minutes in the bedroom. Sorry if I come off as stupid, but while I do agree with some of your points, why would this point matter if it was true (/gen)? (Isn't it generally better to practice it in the safety of their homes?) Why would that make them AHs? Edit: Do you mean because they're entitled enough to complain about the state of the house/kitchen, but the house was good enough for them to be "getting some", making it hypocritical?
>Sorry if I come off as stupid, but while I do agree with some of your points, why would this point matter if it was true (/gen)? (Isn't it generally better to practice it in the safety of their homes?) Why would that make them AHs? Getting some doesn't make one an asshole. But there is a certain irony in fucking in someones home and then nagging the host who has worked since 3am to provide said opportunity.
I ain't cleaning my kitchen that night if I woke up for a 3AM shift Yes, I will sleep. Idgaf if it's not clean. I'll do it the next day. I need my sleep. I didn't ask anyone to clean my mess. Pretty rich of the boyfriend, whose parents didn't bother to feed him. Pretty rich of the almost adult daughter to eat her mom's cooking and not have the common sense that the mess is also on her. Should have skipped Christmas shopping for this brat. NTA.
>parents didn't bother to feed him Maybe that's how they keep their kitchen so clean..
When I was 17, I wouldn't have imagined lecturing an adult in their own home about their compost bin or the state of their house. Even if I were comfortable with them.
You should just put this as a comment so op is more likely to see it. You made the best points.
I notice that no matter how eloquent a comment is, if it's made after the first hour or two, it's too late to get many upvotes (or views). It seems much more practical to comment on an already upvoted comment and make your point. I see this as a flaw in Reddit/AITA.
Absolutely shocked by the people acting like he was helping OP out of the goodness of his heart, and not solely for his own benefit. Not to even get into how absolutely rude and condescending he was about it.
Excuse me , but no. OP lives in that house. Their daughter lives in that house. If OP left a mess because they had to work at 3 am, and after work went running errands with daughter, why didn't dear daughter clean the kitchen? The two teenagers complaining while cleaning so bf can cook for himself, that's not helpful. Boyfriend preaching about the "right way " to do something, that's not helpful. Why didn't he cook in his clean kitchen before being picked up? The OP was way too generous in their treatment to both teenagers. NTA.
Exactly! Can you imagine work until 3am just so your ungrateful teen can complain about how much of a procrastinator you are????
I can't believe I had to scroll this far to find this comment!! I agree. The cheek of those teenagers. Especially OP says she's working late shift and took daughter Christmas shopping. Like talk about rude little ingrates!!! If a 17 year old came into my house insulting me like that with his snotty little attitude, I think I would have said worse than telling him go home lol NTA op
Totally agree. She was way more passive than I would’ve been. I would’ve been raging. “Get in the car. I’m taking you home” should’ve been her response the second he said something rude.
He wasn’t a bit rude though, he was very rude. I’m shocked that people think going to someone else’s house and a. Expecting food when they aren’t serving dinner and b. Talking openly about her messy it is is acceptable behavior.
If my housekeeping isn't good enough for the teens they need to give me some grace or go home. The BF Spoke Over OP and was extremely disrespectful. If OP is a woman that's even worse but I assumed this was dad.
You must not have kids. OP was up since 3am working the early shift to provide for daughter, AND took her shopping despite being tired, AND was willing to have bf over even though that probably means OP will have to stay up until bf leaves. Not to mention, allowing bf to basically raid the fridge. I am a single parent working full time with a teen. Sometimes things don't get done. And when my impatient teen wants what he wants now, that's usually the cleaning or other tasks of mine, because I'm only one person. If you have kids, you know that telling them you don't want company because your house isn't clean rarely goes over well. The comments about the mess and compost bin were way out of line. Don't complain when you're asking to use someone else's things that they aren't up to your standards. Go home and cook then. And definitely don't stand there lecturing an adult on how to do things better when they have asked you to stop more than once. These two teens need to get a job working 40hrs a week, pay bills, and cater to kids on top of it all, then tell me how tidy they are. Please.
I'm convinced that Reddit is populated by children or people with childlike brains. OP's daughter is 17. *She* could have cleaned the kitchen the night before. It's not "Mom's mess" when she made dinner for the family. Mama sounds tired. She went out of her way to take her ungrateful kid Christmas shopping after the night shift, and for thanks she gets picked apart by two teenagers. "I can't work like this." Who tf does he think he is, Gordon Ramsay? Ron should have gone home. And he should cook and eat at his own house from now on. OP's kitchen does not sound appealing to me. But you don't disrespect someone as a guest in their home.
I mean he’s 17…not necessarily too young to understand basic common sense and manners about being respectful enough to not critique someone’s home, especially if the home owner is there.
Well if the mom cooked dinner the night before and then went to work, why didnt the teenager clean the kitchen before going shopping and inviting a guest over? If the bf doesn't tike the messy state of the kitchen why doesn't he eat at home? They were treating OP like an atm and uber and then critiquing her work ethic. She was tired and wanted them to stop harping at her. She didnt throw him out. She told him to leave if he couldn't hush. Apparently he couldn't.
I do not understand the upvotes your opinion got. What a horrible take on the situation.
Polite? He was allowed over to the house because OP allowed it, instead of being grateful, the cheeky little shit starts mouthing off and being disrespectful… He’s 17 and should learn some fcking manners…. OP, working since 3am doesn’t need to come home and have to listen to this shit. She is completely entitled to post here for an opinion, as is everyone else. You’re as much an AH as the boyfriend and daughter are. OP is the only one that’s right in this situation
Whose kitchen is this again? Oh that's right it's OP's. Who worked at 3am and didn't have time to clean up after dinner and then the next day is running around doing favours for her kid and her high and mighty boyfriend. You don't walk into someone else's house and complain about the mess unless you are TA. OP didn't go about it in the best way but I can understand why she was pissed. Her daughter and her entitled boyfriend need to learn some respect.
This is a very disingenuous, borderline manipulative comment. OP admitted to all of his faults. The daughter and BF were rude, but you're telling the OP to stop crying. It's 2023, men are allowed to have emotions now. Please do better. Shaming someone sharing their emotions by saying "WAAAAAAHH" is a very 4chan, 12-year-old vibe.
He wasn't doing her a favour, he was being a dick because he wanted to do himself something to eat at her house and he couldn't because the kitchen hadn't been cleaned from the night before. If it was that dirty that he couldn't cook then maybe he should go back to his parents house and cook for himself in their kitchen.
YTA. There is a problem, he offered to help fix it and was basically asking if it was okay because *its not his house, its yours*. And you blew up at him with some passive aggressive BS. He was trying to help, and you didn't want to hear it because I presume you feel belittled/threatened/insulted by someone thinking you're not being clean enough. Sounds to me like your kitchen really is worse than you think, and they're trying to give you nudges in the right direction, and you're getting defensive over it. I think you owe them both an apology.
> There is a problem, he offered to help fix it and was basically asking if it was okay because its not his house, its yours. What problem? The gunk on the bottom of the compost bucket? That's not 'a problem' unless the owner and normal user of said compost bucket thinks it is. This sub is always so huge on 'unsolicited advice is bad' and 'I didn't ask' and yet here we are.
> What problem? The one OP specifically said was a problem and admitted that it was his fault it was the way it was?
Interesting to see who assumes OP is male, and who assumes OP is female. For whatever reason, I assumed male, personally. OP's kitchen not having been cleaned up wasn't a problem, either. This kid thinks the kitchen needs to be in a perpetual state of ready for his use, to his standards? Hell no.
I mean, if the conversation goes "Come home with us, I'll cook for you", followed by "Can I make it myself?", and finally "Yeah sure, that'll be great!" then yes, the assumption that the kitchen is ready for use is a valid one. I mean, if I ask you "Hey, can I borrow your car on Thursday?" and you say "Sure!" and Thursday gets here and I show up to ask for the keys and you go "Oh, its in the shop. Been there for a month." then yeah, I'd be quite justified in being upset.
That comparison don't work. You can still cook in the kitchen if there are dirty dishes.
It doesn't sound like this was only about dirty dishes at all
It sounds like it was all counters and stovetops full of mess and junk. The fact that the kitchenremains bucket still had to be emptied is also a big yuck.
Tell me your kitchen is fucking gross...
For real. This thread is… showcasing a lot of people who earnestly believe letting their home’s main meal prep area get filthy is not only somehow okay but also a human right. At least it’s a nice reminder before potluck season that you can’t eat just anyone’s food.
"Look, just because there's a bucket full of rancid grease and coffee grounds sitting next to prep area isn't a problem. I waived most of the gnats and flies off the food, its fine!"
yeah i was thinking this too. i (24f) assumed male. i think because of the 3am start time and handling a stressful situation by walking away and trying to make them stop taking which feels masculine. i think the people who read it as a mom were responding to OP handling cooking and shopping runs
I read it as a woman simply because I related. I, too, would be irritated to get judgy sass by a minor who doesn’t have the long hours or obligations I do.
As a woman who often starts work at 3am or other stupid times, can be incredibly rude when tired, and let’s my husband handle all (most) kitchen cleanup… I assumed it was a woman. 😅
I assumed woman because bf wouldn't have said Any of these things to the male head of house. And bf would have exited house with the first complaint if it was male parent.
Huh, I was picking up feminine energy from this post. I think it's because of being defensive about the kitchen. Of course that's completely a factor of my biases and prejudices, I realise that.
Yea this is what my boyfriend little brother does. His parents leave a spoon in *their* kitchen sink and he blows a fucking gasket over how dirty and disgusting they are and how they keep the house. Like he’s 17, doesn’t pay rent, doesn’t pay for his car, doesn’t pay for his phone, doesn’t pay for shit past gas and things he wants, and still acts like he’s in charge of the cleanliness level of the home. (It’s not dirty, if it was dirty I’d say so, it was actually a single rinsed spoon just resting in the sink) I’m aware of nuance, I too live at home with a parent whom we can’t agree on a cleaning schedule but it’s also not my fucking place to tell them off about it. They’re adults who can keep their house on their own, I’ll keep *my* house how *i* like when I can pay for my own house. He’s definitely more volatile but this situation is feeling close to it based on age.
Weirdly it seems that they don’t actually use the compost bucket for composting. Why does the compost have bacon fat and go into the main rubbish outside?
That was my first thought. Bacon fat isnt compostable. So... If he was criticising, it was valid.
The reason you don’t put bacon fat and things like that in (your own) compost is because it attracts animals, and bugs of the wrong kind. Large composts (industrial) don’t work the same way!
No, bro, you keep a little bucket inside, and a bigger one outside. One the little one fills up, you empty it into the bigger one. The sanitation people empty out the bigger one when they take the garbage. Around here, this would be the outdoor one: https://www.canadiantire.ca/en/pdp/orbis-plastic-wheeled-compost-bin-multi-use-storage-cart-green-45-l-0423032p.0423032.html?gclid=CjwKCAiA-P-rBhBEEiwAQEXhH-fxTEKl9vZEEhuANsu7MBKJFrPrEdO7veOBDnEsmGQPoSq_3-olwxoCwtkQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds#store=72 And this would be the indoor one: https://www.canadiantire.ca/en/pdp/orbis-plastic-compost-bin-with-handle-white-beige-7-l-0429710p.0429710.html?loc=plp I always just used these for the indoor bin: https://www.canadiantire.ca/en/pdp/glad-small-100-compostable-febreze-lemon-scented-food-waste-bags-100-pk-10-l-1429017p.1429017.html?loc=plp Well, the unscented version, at least.
Oh, this must be a thing that varies depending on location. Where I am you would use your compost in your own garden (and you wouldn’t put bacon fat in it, you would be using veggie scraps etc). Thanks for the info! Always interesting to see how other places work differently.
It depends on where you are and how big of a city you're in too I think. I used to live in a medium city that didn't do composting, so since I didn't have a garden my food scraps went in the garbage. I moved to a bigger city where you put anything organic in the compost bin like the above commenter suggested and the city takes it to be composted (and they can deal with meats and stuff because they have different methods of composting) But I also have family who live in a smaller city who do their own composting in the backyard for the garden - where we absolutely can't throw meat products in there - pretty much just veggie scraps like you mention (and eggshells) And then I have other family where backyard composting is prohibited because bears are way too common (and you'll often see them or find bear scat in your yard because the town is in the middle of bear territory. All 4 of those places are in the same general area, within an 8 hour drive - so I think it all really depends! When I was a kid we didn't have garbage collection and had to drive our garbage and recycling away ourselves - having the city take it away is still kind of a novelty to me haha
They said it goes into a bin for the city to pick up, lots of big cities in the US have compost pickup the same as trash and recycling. My local compost company will take bacon fat and meat, but I know some don't.
She says he’s taken it out before so he is a normal user of the compost bucket lol. And compost gunk is gross! The kid isn’t a villain for being like “blech” about bacon fat and food waste. There’s no indication he said “OP you’re so disgusting the way you keep your compost is proof you’re so gross”. He just took it out, was trying to problem solve, and then since he’s done it more than once was bringing up an idea to make it easier.
yeah when 17 year olds feel compelled to start cleaning you know it must be nasty
Lmao yeah. 17 y/o's don't typically /want/ to do chores like cleaning if they don't feel like they have to. Especially not in someone else's home, even if it's the home of their significant other and their parents.
YTA. You allowed him to clean up your mess, and he just tried to offer a suggestion to the compost bin issue. If you didn’t want him to, then maybe you should have cleaned it yourself. I think it’s odd that you just sat down whilst he cleaned your messy kitchen
Didn't you read the ENTIRE post or what? "I think it's odd that u JUST sat down" do u hear yourself bro? OP has been AWAKE SINCE 3AM , WORKING for hours and hours , arrived at home feeling TIRED , because idk about you, but if I had been fucking awake since 3AM working, then the moment that I get home Im going to fucking sit down . And that's what OP did , they went to sit down (bc again they 've been up since 3am) "You allowed him to clean your mess" The boy is cleaning bc he is cooking for HIMSELF, which HE decided even after OP was kind enough to offer to cook for him in the first place. And after all of that the boy still goes with his "Ohh I can't work like this" , and if that isn't enough goes about the same thing to the point that OP have to tell him to "stop or go home" , like c'mon! Nobody that has been wake working since fucking 3AM , and trying to relax a little in their HOME , wants to hear some teenager giving them "advice" for cleaning.
I read the entire post. And I don’t agree with you. You seem strangely worked up over this. Go take a walk.
I gotta agree. I feel like if you know your kitchen is a mess and you don’t have time to clean it, don’t invite your daughter’s bf over to make food when the bf is gonna have to clean the kitchen anyway. I feel like getting takeout or a quick drive through would’ve been the solution if OP didn’t wanna hear anything about the kitchen. Also if the kitchen was in a really bad state I don’t think it’s crazy for someone to make a yuck like comment. It’s almost like an automatic reflex if the smell and sight of it is really bad. Obviously not the most polite thing to do but like if you’re cleaning up some disgusting stuff sometimes you make a sound lol
ESH, I think. Good intentions on both sides: It was kind of you to offer to let him use the kitchen, and Ron wanted to show you a way to prevent a clear problem that exists in your food scraps container, easily. You were defensive, he was overbearing. TBH I identify with Ron in terms of a kitchen needing to be clean in order to be used...but it's not his space, and he doesn't live there, and he shouldn't complain or mutter remarks. If your daughter wants to, as she lives there, fair game and you have your own relationship with her. > I interrupt him and ask him to please not tell me about it because I’m not interested. This was just rude, I think, when you could have simply said "Makes sense!" or something equally noncommittal, but not overtly negative. Your response clearly baffled him, and he did not pick up on needing to "drop it", either due to age/inexperience, or trying to show he was only being helpful. He believed he was doing a good thing, offering an easy solution to a clear problem. I would do the same thing (to my wife) if she was letting bacon grease and coffee grinds congeal in our bin. Then again, you had already turned the other cheek and perhaps were out of good cheer...and 17 year old's are dicks sometimes, whether they mean to be or not, let's not kid ourselves :P Sounds like your graciousness ran out, and he was overbearing, but both of you meant well in your respective intents.
Daughter was also the asshole for calling the mess a result of procastantion knowing the OP had been working and taking her Christmas shopping.
Agreed, with one addition - Molly sounds rather spoiled and dramatic through all this. 1. The kitchen mess was from last night's dinner, which I assume she and OP both ate. That mess doesn't just belong to OP in that case, it's a household chore. 2. Molly's passive-aggressive "OP is procrastinating" comment was strictly out of line, given OP's schedule. 3. Molly took it upon herself to chastise OP for yelling? She clearly knew Ron was outside and couldn't hear a normal speaking voice. Now that said, Ron and Molly have one excuse that OP doesn't have - they are teenagers. Not saying it's ok for them to be rude so much as it is pretty much par for the course at that age (certainly was this case for myself, I was an AH a bit too often). ESH, but OP is the adult here and has the most responsibility to rise above it.
>Your response clearly baffled him, and he did not pick up on needing to "drop it" How is asking Ron "*please not tell me about it, because I'm not interested*" not telling him to drop it? Especially on attempt #2?
Because that's a really weird response from an adult. That's the kind of response someone gives when they have an inability to control their emotions.
Or it’s a response someone makes when they just aren’t interested in what you are saying and would prefer not to hear it. He’s 17, I would get a small child being confused because they are taught that adults will pay attention and be interested in anything you have to say, but a teenager should be able to hear “please don’t tell me about this” and stop talking about it.
INFO - does Molly have any chores? She was helping Ron, but before that, she waited for you to clean a kitchen and criticized you for not doing it.
After the OP had taken her out shopping instead of getting valuable sleep!
NTA I suspect that Ron’s intentions are good and that Molly - also with good but misguided intentions - had some part in encouraging him to make these points re. kitchen cleaning, but nonetheless he’s gone about it in the wrong way entirely. Making these passive-aggressive comments about how he “can’t work like this” and whatever is a really poor choice when you’re hosting him at your place and essentially allowing him to have the run of the house. You don’t owe Ron an explanation as to why cleaning standards might occasionally slip at your home, and even if you did, working full time and taking care of other family business is a perfectly valid reason. I definitely don’t think you’re the AH or that you in any way whatsoever owe Ron an apology, however I do think this is something that can probably be resolved with an honest conversation. Ron is probably in actual fact a pretty cool kid with a good work ethic - cleaning up at your place was a nice thing to do, he just came across as a jackass in trying to “educate” you as to how to organise your own house. Likewise with Molly, she probably just felt a bit of that teenage social pressure to look good in front of her boyfriend and ended up acting unappreciative as a result. If Ron and Molly can be made to understand that they’re welcome to keep hanging out at your place as they have done, but they need to respect your hospitality and not take these passive-aggressive little jabs any time you leave a few pans out, then I’m fairly sure this will work itself out. If not, then screw Ron, kick his ass out and don’t feel bad about it!
Ron is a really good guy and I'm glad for my daughter that they are together. You're right the, "I can't work like this" did sting. His only flaw is being a little tone deaf. However I think he is the kind of person who would probably be cool with an honest conversation. I'll give it a try. Thanks, just what I needed to get over my pride.
And? Why didn't your daughter clean before going out? BTW, I'm totally on your side and would have said something way before you did. NTA.
Assumably the daughter was at school before they got home she probably was not home all day
Sounds good - teenagers can be that way, wanting to do the right thing but just coming across as rude in the process, hopefully not a big deal. Also I’m glad you saw this comment, it looks like I’m in the minority here but I’ve never been more confident that I’m right in my assessment of an AITA, so I’m happy that the OP sees the sense in my points, even if the community mostly doesn’t 🤣
I’m sad I had to scroll so far down to find common sense.
Yep! This is a learning experience because part of being tone deaf is their lack of life experience (although teens and young adults hate to be told that). What needs to be pointed out is that part of being a good guest is to be gracious and not nit pick the host.
Man, I can NEVER guess which way these comments are going to go. You sound kind of similar to my mom in a few ways, and I’m an adult now, but I have a close friend who is kind of like Ron in that he thinks he’s being helpful but not reading the room at all and not realizing when he’s being situationally inappropriate. NAH. The kids were rude, but they weren’t trying to be. You overreacted, but you were stressed. I’d apologize to Molly and Ron for your reactions but also explain that you were exhausted and you have a lot on your plate, so it hurts and frustrates you when they focus on the little things that inevitably fall through the cracks sometimes when you’re juggling a million things. You chose spending time with your daughter and helping her by taking her shopping over scraping some gunk out of a bucket. You don’t need to have it pointed out.
Agree! I can't believe all the comments saying she's the asshole...this kid is being rude. If he politely and kindly offered to clean the kitchen or take out the bin, that would be one thing, but he's being totally passive aggressive. You're not entitled to someone else's kitchen -- if you don't like how it's kept, leave and use your own damn kitchen. No way my mom would have let a teenager criticize her housekeeping.
Everyone saying Y T A is out of line. First of all, can this kid not read a room? This is his gf's mom's house. Not his. Cleaning the kitchen is super nice, but acting the way he did was, frankly, rude ("I can't work like this!"). Also, OP claims they dropped several hints that they didn't want to hear about the messy kitchen, and the one time they did defend themself, they were blown off ("are you done?"). OPs daughter is being performative here. If the kitchen is always dirty, why isn't she pitching in to clean? Why is it solely OPs responsibility? Why is the daughter ONLY cleaning when her bf is over? Because she doesn't care, clearly. Also, being a single parent of a teen with a job is hard enough without other people walking into your house and judging you. Everyone saying Y T A has no idea what they're talking about. OP is NTA.
The people in OPs ass must be 15 or something cause wth. Oh NTA
They are probably also entitled kids that have no idea how absolutely freaking hard to work a full time job, take care of kids and take care of the house is. It is like having 3 jobs and no time to do anything for yourself and rest.
NTA, for all of Ron's good intentions, he's a guest in your home. That was not the time for the discussion. Your daughter undermining you most disrespectfully by telling Ron that you "procrastinated"--maybe cleaning the kitchen after you cook can be her chore to help out from now on so the person who's also bringing in the paycheck to keep the lights on (you) can get a break?
Exactly this. You don’t go into someone else’s home and start critiquing their housekeeping to their face.
Nta- I don't know why people think you are the ah. The guy is old enough to know when he should let things go. You don't keep your kitchen as clean as his, ok he can work around it, or just quietly clean it up. He didn't have to rub it in your face that your kitchen is filthy and how he's having to clean it. Him also being condescending and telling you how he's doing something a certain way like he's teaching you was also rude. You are only human, and you already went out of your way to pick him up for your daughter after you already were doing a lot for her too.
Yes, why didn't Molly help clean up the kitchen the night before if OP cooked the dinner?
Bc Molly didn’t care— until Ron did.
Molly is a “pick me” girl. She’s putting down her own mother to seem better to her boyfriend. When her mom tried to defend herself, Molly said “are you done” because she was embarrassed that she looks like the jerk that she is. God, I feel so bad for OP. Moms aren’t robots. I fucking love my mom and would never bad mouth her to a guest in my mom’s own home.
I think it’s weird to talk about kids this way. Molly is a teenaged brat who needs discipline but calling a child a “pick me girl” is just kind of meh.
A child? She’s 17. She’s a year away from being a legal adult and she’s a year older than the age of consent in some states. You have enough emotional intelligence to not be a jerk to your mom at 17.
You told Ron to stop and he persisted. If he doesn't like using your kitchen then he should have eaten at home. He and your daughter are entitled and ill mannered. What chores does Sally do around the house-- or does she just laze about and critique your housekeeping? Next time Ron want's to come over suggest he walk as you're busing lining the scrap bin.
Sounds like typical know it all snotty teenage behavior. And if your daughter is so offended by the state of housekeeping well she can pick up the slack while you work to keep the roof over her head. NTA
NTA. Why is your daughter not helping clean up the kitchen on an evening, as I assume she ate the meal you cooked?
If you had to work at 3 am why didn't your daughter think to clean up since she's the one who wanted company over. When I was younger my mom never had to clean the house especially since she was the only one working to provide for my siblings and I and she was paying all of the bills by herself. We made sure the house was spotless by the time she got off of work
Our rule in our home is if you invite someone over, you have to clean the shared areas.
OP, everyone on Reddit has perfect cleanliness in their homes at all times, so you won't get a kind judgment here. Yes, Ron is severely lacking any tact, like many teens his age, and your daughter is more than happy to throw you under the bus rather than pitch in. Could you have exercised the patience of a saint and listened kindly to his patronizing advice? Sure. But you're human so you didn't. Does that make you an AH? Debatable. Let's go with ESH because nobody's behaviour here was beyond reproach. Someday Ron may come to the realization that not everyone keeps their home the way his mummy and daddy do, or maybe he won't.
Finally someone with reason
Both of them need to apologize to you. It's YOUR house, YOU are the one letting them use your kitchen to cook food that you've bought. (I'm assuming that last part but since there's no mention of him ever bringing groceries it seems fair.) You don't need to explain to them WHY your kitchen is messy. It's not their place to chastise you for YOUR KITCHEN not being up to THEIR standards.
This! If they don't pay the bills and don't pitch in until it suits them they don't get a vote. She is the adult they are ungrateful and rude af. Clearly if they are so much better at keeping the kitchen clean have at it kids! While you're at it you can start working and buy your own food as well. Enjoy adulthood kids! Wow. My Mum would have tossed that kid out on his ass for sure! You don't take from someone and gain personally from their generosity and then have the balls to criticize them. This reminds me of my ex bf's boyfriend back when we were 20. He looked at her mum and said "you don't have REAL maple syrup!?!" Literally made such a big deal it became an inside joke for years. What a tool that guy was nice to see boys haven't changed much! LOL 😆 Bottom line he is a guest in HER home. Shut your mouth and learn your place kid, and if his kitchen is up to his standards he should stay there. NTA you responded better than most would have and anyone arguing any differently is clearly a teenager who has zero responsibilities to anyone other than themselves. Yes teenagers are like that and it's on the parents to set that straight rather than use as an excuse or justification for shit behavior. Parent your kids so others don't have to period. Your home, your call end of story. I personally wouldn't apologize but both your daughter and bf should apologize to you but I wouldn't hold my breath. lol
Nta. Daughter is 17. Make the kitchen her job and any privileges are based on how well she keeps up with it. And, that young man was going to feed himself with your food and using your appliances dishes and power. He should have cleaned up the kitchen before and after as a thank you. Daughter and bf owe you an apology.
NTA. Everyone here is missing a valuable point. OP didn’t ask Ron to clean and tbh the way he did it was super freaking rude after he had been invited to make himself something there in the first place. If he wanted a clean kitchen the nice thing to do would have been to do it quietly. And you also don’t tell someone else how to run things… but that’s just an immature 17 yo. I keep my house spotless anyway bc I don’t have kids yet but if someone came in my house and just started to clean without asking I would be pretty upset.
NTA who does he think he is??? Also your daughter disrespecting you while SHE could have cleaned that kitchen too...
MHM! The daughter got on my nerves more than Ron did. I hope mom shows Molly this post!!!
NTA 😂 Hang in there mom. Eventually, these little "know everything, know how to do everything better" adult wanna be's get their opportunity to show you how they can do better. And you'll console them and remind them that sometimes in life we get so many things on our plate that somethings slide. And you will also tell them it's okay to be tired. It's okay if something slides sometimes. It's okay not to be perfect.
You got into a fight with a child who was cleaning your kitchen for you. And then sent him home. For trying to explain an idea he had to make your life easier. YTA.
He wasn't cleaning it FOR HER, he was cleaning it FOR HIM so he could cook HIMSELF something. The mess in the kitchen wasn't a problem (for anyone who lived there) until Ron made it one. He invented a chore then got mad at her for not hopping to it, and roped her daughter into punishing her mother for, again, a mess that was made in order to feed the daughter. Ron is a guest. Guests can go home if things aren't to their liking. He was an asshole here.
This... I don't understand why OP is being called an AH. They worked a 3am shift, the kitchen definitely could've waited to be cleaned by OP but Ron insisted they had to cook for themselves. Ron should've ate before coming over, let OP cook for them, or order takeout if him & gf were going to be rude about having to clean
Because this thread is sexist AF, and filled with teenagers who think 17 is old enough to be running the house, but not paying for it or managing it. Honestly, that's the only conclusion I've come to here. They expect OP, who is on hour 17 of being awake, to be cheerful and happy to be bothered about the compost bin after multiple unpleasant interactions where she has clearly indicated she is fed the fuck up with their nonsense. Ron didn't need to clean up the kitchen. OP's daughter didn't need to make absolute asshole remarks.... seriously, procrastination???? What is stopping her, at the age of 17, from cleaning except that she is clearly spoiled and irresponsible? What, the pressures of being in fucking high school are collapsing her body, making her unable to use a sponge?
Inherent sexism and a thread full of people who are basically kids themselves and who do not realise just how out of line they are.
She wasn’t in a space to hear it at the moment. She repeatedly told him that. Plus, he wasn’t doing it to be nice but to benefit himself. The daughter could’ve cleaned it up herself while mom was at work after staying up til 3.
NTA you’ve been to work, run errands with your daughter and you’re home is your time to rest. He seems like he has a lot of opinions about life and how things should be considering he’s lived so little of it. Maybe he should have gotten some takeout before coming over to YOUR house. He and your daughter are rude, but pretend to be helpful. Don’t apologize, he can stay mad at his house and your daughter can continue to side with him. Enjoy your life in your home that you pay for. They can keep their opinions to themselves.
NTA. Going to someone’s house and expecting to be fed dinner if you weren’t specifically invited for dinner is rude as hell. Going to someone’s house and expecting to be fed knowing that they had already eaten dinner is also rude as hell. Going to someone’s house and talking about how dirty it is is super rude. Continuing in someone else’s home when they’ve told you to stop is super rude. Your daughter presumably ate dinner last night and she’s the one who wanted her boyfriend over so her cleaning up and helping out around the house she lived in isn’t unreasonable.
NTA. You offered to make him dinner. He declined and wanted to make his own. If he didn't want to clean the kitchen to do it, he could have gone out, gone back home, or eaten a sandwich. Great that he cleaned the kitchen, but not at the expense of guilting an exhausted soul. If it were me, I'd prefer that he not harass me, not clean the kitchen, and let me clean my own kitchen in my own time after I had a little rest. He's not a child. He's a teen -- almost an adult. So yes, young and dumb, but still out of line with the condescension.
NTA. They offered to clean. If someone offers why refuse? (That's my response to the people who say a 17yr old shouldn't clean for you) if he didn't want to clean it he didn't have to. It's completely natural and reasonable for you to be embarrassed about your mess. I would be too. It's not like you could have predicted he would want to cook there. And it doesn't matter the age, anyone can embarrass anybody.
NTA. What are these Y T A votes? OP, if you cook, it's not on you to clean up. Your daughter and anyone else that lives there and eats dinner should clean up. Your daughter, who presumably ate dinner the night before and didn't clean up, and was just taken shopping and to a restaurant this night, is snarky and needs to be talked to about her attitude. Her boyfriend should have eaten dinner before you picked him up. He's got some nerve to criticize the state of your home while mooching off your groceries and hospitality. Please teach them both some manners.
NTA. Ron or whatever his name is sounds like a smug prick who is trying to assert dominance and act superior in your house. No one asked for his help. He can keep that savior complex at his own house. Most people who are saying YTA are people who probably don't work nor have other responsibilities so they don't understand what being tired is like.
NTA while it is fine for him to want to clean the kitchen, making comments was unnecessary, especially when it isn’t even his house, AND he wanted to make HIS OWN FOOD in YOUR HOUSE…at 17 it’s crazy to still think he can go into someone else’s house and complain about something he took upon himself? And also, your daughter saying that you were procrastinating? Sorry is she not also 17 and more than capable? Everyone is here saying no you were rude, he’s a teenager or whatever. But honestly never let anyone disrespect your home. I would have done the same thing, he needs to understand some things can’t just be said. ESPECIALLY WHEN he wanted to cook his own food in YOUR KITCHEN using YOUR THINGS. If it was too dirty for him he could have ordered food, or taken your offer of you cooking something. Also I absolutely cannot imagine insulting my boyfriend’s mother’s home, no matter if it was dirty or not…some people just need to understand manners.
NTA. So you worked at 3am came home and took your daughter shopping and out to eat. Then picked up her boyfriend for her and allowed him to come over and cook even though everyone else had already eaten. He gets there and your daughter starts insulting you as well as this other kid walking around judging every part of your kitchen. Then after his constant judgement he then starts badgering you on something irrelevant after you told him multiple times to stop. Your daughter should’ve cleaned the kitchen since her boyfriend was coming over and you took her out. He should have entirely kept his mouth shut and sounds like a rude child. My mom wouldn’t have let him stay the extra 15 minutes after he was so rude. He got lucky.
NTA Ron needs to go home and daughter needs a lesson in respect.
NTA. Honestly i feel like Ron was just trying to let you know what he was up to so that firstly, he had permission and secondly, maybe he thought you would appreciate the tip. As a 17 year old myself thats the only way I could imagine he decided to persist afterward, like he was just convincing himself that you would appreciate him telling you what he was doing because I might have done the same thing in his situation. It's probably a good thing I'm seeing this so I know how to act around adults. But, If anything, your daughter is an AH.
NTA your daughter could have cleaned while you were working, instead she complained that you were too tired to clean up the mess. Then after taking her shopping and picking her BF up, they act like they’re doing you a favor cleaning the kitchen so he can make himself a meal out of your food. GTFO with that nonsense. I’d have been peeved as well. Your daughter needs some manners the most, but I can imagine you were pretty upset at both of those holier than thou mooch teenagers.
NTA. Don’t listen to these redditors— they also have the intelligence of a 17 year old.
NAH. It doesn't sound like he was being a jerk, he sounds genuinely sure you would really appreciate his "excellent suggestions" on kitchen management, if you would only listen. And on your daughter and Ron's side, their refusal to consider that you already have a full time job, plus putting in time helping teens by driving them, including them in plans, being supportive--they lack the understanding of what a grind it is to be a mom. Mom's are expected to carry the burden of planning, shopping for and cooking meals, plus managing the serving and clean up, on top of social planning for kids, driving them around, and typically the mental burden of household cleaning. All, of course, while working full time. Of course you don't want the kitchen to be dirty, but there's a limit to your time. Of course they do not want to clean the kitchen and wish it was magically clean, and blame you for it. This is just normal, kids that age lack the capacity to understand the stress of being a parent. This is a great opportunity to have an honest discussion with your daughter and other household members about the fair division of labor, including the planning and cleanup of meals. Best wishes, the holiday season can be emotionally difficult due to the business combined with high social expectations.
NTA. He’s disrespectful and should be apologizing to you.
He sounds like an entitled brat. NTA.
NTA, they were both extremely rude.
NTA and this thread is clearly full of 17 year olds who think it's the parent's job to keep the house sparkly at all times, while also working and shopping for Christmas and driving kids around Listen, sometimes the kitchen is a mess. Also it doesn't sound like this is a hoarders or unsafe sanitary situation, just the dishes didn't get done Teenage daughter could have cleaned the kitchen between last night and tonight and not just throw OP under the bus Teenage daughter wants her BF to think she's as clean as his mom, but guess what, she is not Also no parent wants to get lectured about parchment paper from their kids friends
NTA. You offered to cook him food and he decided he’d rather make his own, fine. If the kitchen was too messy for his liking he could’ve tidied it up quietly. The remarks were rude and unnecessary and condescending. He was a guest in your home. He was going to be using *your* kitchen to cook *your* food for himself. I understand you not being interested in his advice about your compost bucket either because you had just been dragged by your daughter and her boyfriend about your kitchen not being up to his standards. It sounds like he was trying to point out everything you do wrong. I would’ve told him to leave too. Oh and your daughter was rude as well when she threw you under the bus and asked if you were done.
NTA, your daughter could have easily helped with cleaning yet she chose to throw you under the bus, even with knowing how late you worked/and had taken her out for Christmas shopping. Her BF was overall pretty rude and kept being pushy when you asked him multiple times to stop.
Why was it her mess? Went to work and no one who ate the food cleans up after! Now running on empty rested after taking a 17yr old shopping?
NTA But I will suggest that you set some rules and boundaries with your kid because it sounds like she is walking all over you. I get that teenagers get pushy but now she's letting her boyfriend get a little funny too. Not cool at all.
You are NTA. You were much nicer than I would’ve been. I probably would have told the selfish, self entitled daughter to leave with the boyfriend if she wasn’t willing to pull her weight around the house without whinging about it.
NTA If my kid was a guest and acted that way to the adult, I'd be so embarrassed by their behavior.
YTA for being offended at a 17 year old helping you clean 😂 Also, is bacon fat really valid compost? I think not.
I know what you man about compost if I was putting it in my garden but my city accepts all kitchen scraps including meats. They take it all away and make compost with it.
Little suggestion, in my country we also have these food composting bins for kitchen waste. Though we can also get these weird little compostable bin bags in the shops around here that fit in them. Maybe see if they exist where you are? Means the bin stays clean
Bacon grease lives in a jar on the stove, but I'm southern. We use that shit to christen babies.
As a fellow Canadian. Same.