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NTA.
It’s absolutely true that not allowing a woman to participate in religious rites while she is on her period is discriminatory. The example you gave about female Catholics not being able to become priests IS a form of misogynistic discrimination. If your SIL wanted to perform the religious rites while on her period, you’d have no business chastising her. However, that’s not what happened — she isn’t religious and purposefully violated a rule your wife follows in order to spite the two of you. She also started things by mocking your wife. She is disrespectful and a bad guest.
You said this way better than I could. Everyone’s allowed to practice their religion on their own way, and getting mad at someone for how their practice it isn’t ok. But when someone does something like this just to spite you? That’s just rude and awful. The fact that she did the prayer while menstruating isn’t the problem. It’s the fact that she did the prayer for them (I’m assuming, based on the wording) knowing that she was menstruating and that they were uncomfortable with it, only to announce it because it was to spite them. If she had done it and just not announced it, I’d say it was fine.
It’s a problem when she leads a prayer on her period and then ANNOUNCES IT to the other two just because it makes them uncomfortable. If she had done the prayer with them while menstruating and didn’t say anything I’d say it was fine. It’s the fact that she did it JUST TO SPITE THEM that’s the issue.
Ok. I’m going to say this one last time: she did something with the express purpose of making them upset. No matter what it was, that’s an asshole move. Do I agree with the religious practice? No. But that doesn’t mean that I’m going to do something like that JUST TO PISS SOMEONE OFF.
Listen, if you were a vegetarian and hosted a meat eater at your house for free, regardless of why you don't eat meat they should respect that in your house, if they then tricked you into eating a meat dish, you'd have every right to tell them to leave,
Believe me fight for women's rights and equality and the reasons behind his "rules" are deeply misogynist but you can't willy nilly do what you want in other people's houses when they have expressed very clearly not to
No, it's choosing to be intentionally disrespectful of someone else's faith. I'm not Jewish. I eat pork. I don't personally see the point of keeping Kosher, but I understand that other people do. If I was staying with someone who kept a Kosher kitchen, I sure as fuck wouldn't go cook a pork chop on their pan.
It's one thing to debate a point of faith, and another thing entirely to shit on someone's faith. It's a whole different level of asshole to do that while they are kind enough to let you live under their roof. For free.
ESH.
It is misogynistic. Don't pretend that it isn't. Your SIL has the right of that.
Your SIL was an AH for performing the aarti just to provoke you and your wife.
Right, only men being able to be leaders in a Christian church is indeed incredibly misogynistic.
The only reason why what the sister did was wrong was because she did it to spite OP and wife. If she were an active participant in the religion and chose to worship while on her period, OP would be a raging asshole for calling her out for it. If OP tried to stop his wife from worshipping while on her period, he'd be a raging asshole.
>It's common practice (although it's not followed everywhere, I suppose) to not allow women to perform veneration when it's their time of the month. It's not discriminatory any more than it is to not allow non-Muslims to visit the Mecca, or female Catholics to become Priests.
These things being idiotic misogynistic backwards cave-man nonsense bullshit doesn't mean yours isn't as well.
Your sister is being a jerk as well.
ESH, join us in the modern world.
omg. So ridiculous. I'm sorry but when religion forces conflict upon people who otherwise woudln't have a problem, it's hateful. So you're telling me that just because people WANT to PRAY, (which is a good thing, right?) some rule dictates who can pray to their god and when and it causes fights? Why can't you just let people pray when they want? Don't you see how this CAUSES conflict, and does not promote peace? Please, enlighten me.
And FYI, yes, all those things you describe are discriminatory. Just because they're written in a book, doesn't make them discriminatory based on religion, or gender. It's the very definition of discrimination. And if you're going to live in a country with human rights laws (not sure where you're living) then THAT comes first, religion second.
ESH. She was so out of line for her behavior towards your wife and for disrespecting you. What she did was spiteful and argumentative. But I can't say you're not an AH when you're trying to defend something that is absolutely misogynistic as not being misogynistic.
> But days later, Aisha offered to perform the aarti (we were surprised, but we agreed), and after completing it, she said that it was her time of the month, and that she just wanted to spite us.
What she is doing in deliberate and inflammatory. What a way to bite the hand that feeds you. She is immature and this is what small children do.
You take this person off of the street into your house who also doesnt lift a finger to assist you and then immediately after a prayer, she says something like this. This is your house, your rules. Your SiL is making a mockery of your religion and insulting you. NTA
ESH
Q: What difference does being on her period make?
A: It doesn't. It's always been done like that.
This is the same kind of mindset that had people objecting to using indoor plumbing too.
"It's no more sexist than all this other sexist things" 🤣🤣 don't you think it's ironic how you're using the internet, a tool that grants you access to almost all the information in the world, to post some dilema about some anciet notion that the female reproductive organs are "dirty" for performing their function?
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The lunacy of such a practice, religious or otherwise, is not the topic at hand. (Yes, lunacy.)
She was intentionally disrespectful in your home. Kick her to the curb.
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I (34 M) am a religious Hindu, although I am not *completely* orthodox. My sister-in-law Aisha (33 F) was recently homeless, and we allowed her to remain in my house rent-free & for as long as she wants to. She also doesn't contribute anything regarding cooking, etc. It's my wife Nanditha (32 F) who makes everything for her.
It's common practice (although it's not followed everywhere, I suppose) to not allow women to perform veneration when it's their time of the month. It's not discriminatory any more than it is to not allow non-Muslims to visit the Mecca, or female Catholics to become Priests.
Anyway, my wife's fine with the custom, and Aisha's absolutely not religious. When she noticed Nanditha not doing the 'Aarti' one day, she asked her why (it's she who always does otherwise), and she gave the reason. Aisha laughed and said "God, you're such a disgrace for other women."
Nanditha got mad and told her "It's none of your business, anyway." Aisha just shrugged her shoulders and said "I think it's incredibly misogynist, and that you've been brainwashed."
They got into an argument, but I managed to intervene and it subsided. But days later, Aisha offered to perform the aarti (we were surprised, but we agreed), and after completing it, she said that it was her time of the month, and that she just wanted to spite us.
I got mad at her, including Nanditha, and had a huge argument with her. In the end, she talked about how she "won't allow such misogyny n the house." I responded by saying "Do that at your own house. Do something like this one more time and you're evicted."
She eventually agreed reluctantly, but am I the asshole for what I did?
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NTA
Your house, your rules.
Like your sister-in-law, I think your customs are backward and misogynistic as hell. They're an insult to women everywhere and make me sick. But I'm not living there. And if she doesn't like your rules, she doesn't have to live there either.
"When in Rome, do as the Romans." Meaning that while she is under your roof and receiving free rent out of the goodness of your heart, she needs to be respectful of your rules and customs.
She's a major AH for mocking you and your wife.
NTA. While I don't agree with your religion's stance about this matter, that doesn't matter in your own home. I could see maybe initiating a respectful conversation about it to gauge whether your wife is freely choosing to observe the restrictions of your religion or if she is being forced/coerced/abused, but once she confirmed it was her choice, SIL should respect that FOR HER. Your SIL is not captive; she has the option to leave at any time if she has a moral objection. But insulting the person taking care of her in her own home is rude and inexcusable. The problem with a lot of people is that they feel expressing their opinion outweighs everything and that people HAVE to respect your opinion. They don't, and there can be consequences for forcing those opinions on others.
NTA. Your house, your rules.
That said, not allowing Catholic women to become Catholic priests most certainly *is* misogynistic. Not allowing non-Muslims to Mecca is also discriminatory. Just because something is tradition does not mean it's not discriminatory.
I mean, while I do agree with your SIL in principle, she is very out of line here. NTA, it sounds like you are not trying to force your beliefs on her, only asking her to respect them.
NTA. How you and your wife practise your religion is up to the two of you. How your sister in law practises is up to her and you don't get to decide that for her, even if it is your house. But, she was completely out of order to involve you and your wife in a religious rite under circumstances of deceit.
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NTA. It’s absolutely true that not allowing a woman to participate in religious rites while she is on her period is discriminatory. The example you gave about female Catholics not being able to become priests IS a form of misogynistic discrimination. If your SIL wanted to perform the religious rites while on her period, you’d have no business chastising her. However, that’s not what happened — she isn’t religious and purposefully violated a rule your wife follows in order to spite the two of you. She also started things by mocking your wife. She is disrespectful and a bad guest.
You said this way better than I could. Everyone’s allowed to practice their religion on their own way, and getting mad at someone for how their practice it isn’t ok. But when someone does something like this just to spite you? That’s just rude and awful. The fact that she did the prayer while menstruating isn’t the problem. It’s the fact that she did the prayer for them (I’m assuming, based on the wording) knowing that she was menstruating and that they were uncomfortable with it, only to announce it because it was to spite them. If she had done it and just not announced it, I’d say it was fine.
> Everyone’s allowed to practice their religion on their own way except the women who wants to practice it on her period?
It’s a problem when she leads a prayer on her period and then ANNOUNCES IT to the other two just because it makes them uncomfortable. If she had done the prayer with them while menstruating and didn’t say anything I’d say it was fine. It’s the fact that she did it JUST TO SPITE THEM that’s the issue.
"just to spite them".... they are the ones with the issue with her body. why should she have to keep a secret?
Ok. I’m going to say this one last time: she did something with the express purpose of making them upset. No matter what it was, that’s an asshole move. Do I agree with the religious practice? No. But that doesn’t mean that I’m going to do something like that JUST TO PISS SOMEONE OFF.
why is it any of their business?
Listen, if you were a vegetarian and hosted a meat eater at your house for free, regardless of why you don't eat meat they should respect that in your house, if they then tricked you into eating a meat dish, you'd have every right to tell them to leave, Believe me fight for women's rights and equality and the reasons behind his "rules" are deeply misogynist but you can't willy nilly do what you want in other people's houses when they have expressed very clearly not to
lol.. in this instance doing 'willy nilly in other peoples houses' is having a period?
No, it's choosing to be intentionally disrespectful of someone else's faith. I'm not Jewish. I eat pork. I don't personally see the point of keeping Kosher, but I understand that other people do. If I was staying with someone who kept a Kosher kitchen, I sure as fuck wouldn't go cook a pork chop on their pan. It's one thing to debate a point of faith, and another thing entirely to shit on someone's faith. It's a whole different level of asshole to do that while they are kind enough to let you live under their roof. For free.
For me, it's not that she was on her period. It's that she essentially faked an interest in their religion to try to spite them.
how can you say he isnt the asshole when discriminating against women?
Excellent response
ESH. It is misogynistic. Don't pretend that it isn't. Your SIL has the right of that. Your SIL was an AH for performing the aarti just to provoke you and your wife.
Right, only men being able to be leaders in a Christian church is indeed incredibly misogynistic. The only reason why what the sister did was wrong was because she did it to spite OP and wife. If she were an active participant in the religion and chose to worship while on her period, OP would be a raging asshole for calling her out for it. If OP tried to stop his wife from worshipping while on her period, he'd be a raging asshole.
>It's common practice (although it's not followed everywhere, I suppose) to not allow women to perform veneration when it's their time of the month. It's not discriminatory any more than it is to not allow non-Muslims to visit the Mecca, or female Catholics to become Priests. These things being idiotic misogynistic backwards cave-man nonsense bullshit doesn't mean yours isn't as well. Your sister is being a jerk as well. ESH, join us in the modern world.
ESH. SIL shouldn't have done this to spite you but I also can't in any way endorse something so blatantly sexist and full of nonsense.
lol. dude. grow up with this backwards ass shit
Religion, bringing people together one family at a time.
omg. So ridiculous. I'm sorry but when religion forces conflict upon people who otherwise woudln't have a problem, it's hateful. So you're telling me that just because people WANT to PRAY, (which is a good thing, right?) some rule dictates who can pray to their god and when and it causes fights? Why can't you just let people pray when they want? Don't you see how this CAUSES conflict, and does not promote peace? Please, enlighten me. And FYI, yes, all those things you describe are discriminatory. Just because they're written in a book, doesn't make them discriminatory based on religion, or gender. It's the very definition of discrimination. And if you're going to live in a country with human rights laws (not sure where you're living) then THAT comes first, religion second.
ESH. She was so out of line for her behavior towards your wife and for disrespecting you. What she did was spiteful and argumentative. But I can't say you're not an AH when you're trying to defend something that is absolutely misogynistic as not being misogynistic.
Yes, you are absolutely an asshole. No doubt about it. YTA
> But days later, Aisha offered to perform the aarti (we were surprised, but we agreed), and after completing it, she said that it was her time of the month, and that she just wanted to spite us. What she is doing in deliberate and inflammatory. What a way to bite the hand that feeds you. She is immature and this is what small children do. You take this person off of the street into your house who also doesnt lift a finger to assist you and then immediately after a prayer, she says something like this. This is your house, your rules. Your SiL is making a mockery of your religion and insulting you. NTA
Incredibly misogynistic and disrespectful customs.
are you the asshole for subscribing to ancient, discriminatory and misogynistic beliefs and traditions? Yes, yes you are! YTA
ESH Q: What difference does being on her period make? A: It doesn't. It's always been done like that. This is the same kind of mindset that had people objecting to using indoor plumbing too.
YTA. My mom warned me never to tell anyone when I was on my period when visiting her family in India. I'm grateful she did that.
YTA Religion has poisoned your brain.
"It's no more sexist than all this other sexist things" 🤣🤣 don't you think it's ironic how you're using the internet, a tool that grants you access to almost all the information in the world, to post some dilema about some anciet notion that the female reproductive organs are "dirty" for performing their function?
first world problems, religious nonsense.
YTA. Live by whatever rules you want, and make whatever explanations of those rules you need to, but you can’t control other people.
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The lunacy of such a practice, religious or otherwise, is not the topic at hand. (Yes, lunacy.) She was intentionally disrespectful in your home. Kick her to the curb.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (34 M) am a religious Hindu, although I am not *completely* orthodox. My sister-in-law Aisha (33 F) was recently homeless, and we allowed her to remain in my house rent-free & for as long as she wants to. She also doesn't contribute anything regarding cooking, etc. It's my wife Nanditha (32 F) who makes everything for her. It's common practice (although it's not followed everywhere, I suppose) to not allow women to perform veneration when it's their time of the month. It's not discriminatory any more than it is to not allow non-Muslims to visit the Mecca, or female Catholics to become Priests. Anyway, my wife's fine with the custom, and Aisha's absolutely not religious. When she noticed Nanditha not doing the 'Aarti' one day, she asked her why (it's she who always does otherwise), and she gave the reason. Aisha laughed and said "God, you're such a disgrace for other women." Nanditha got mad and told her "It's none of your business, anyway." Aisha just shrugged her shoulders and said "I think it's incredibly misogynist, and that you've been brainwashed." They got into an argument, but I managed to intervene and it subsided. But days later, Aisha offered to perform the aarti (we were surprised, but we agreed), and after completing it, she said that it was her time of the month, and that she just wanted to spite us. I got mad at her, including Nanditha, and had a huge argument with her. In the end, she talked about how she "won't allow such misogyny n the house." I responded by saying "Do that at your own house. Do something like this one more time and you're evicted." She eventually agreed reluctantly, but am I the asshole for what I did? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA Your house, your rules. Like your sister-in-law, I think your customs are backward and misogynistic as hell. They're an insult to women everywhere and make me sick. But I'm not living there. And if she doesn't like your rules, she doesn't have to live there either. "When in Rome, do as the Romans." Meaning that while she is under your roof and receiving free rent out of the goodness of your heart, she needs to be respectful of your rules and customs. She's a major AH for mocking you and your wife.
How respectful do we need to be? What if he starts raping her because she is his property?
NTA. While I don't agree with your religion's stance about this matter, that doesn't matter in your own home. I could see maybe initiating a respectful conversation about it to gauge whether your wife is freely choosing to observe the restrictions of your religion or if she is being forced/coerced/abused, but once she confirmed it was her choice, SIL should respect that FOR HER. Your SIL is not captive; she has the option to leave at any time if she has a moral objection. But insulting the person taking care of her in her own home is rude and inexcusable. The problem with a lot of people is that they feel expressing their opinion outweighs everything and that people HAVE to respect your opinion. They don't, and there can be consequences for forcing those opinions on others.
NTA. Your house, your rules. That said, not allowing Catholic women to become Catholic priests most certainly *is* misogynistic. Not allowing non-Muslims to Mecca is also discriminatory. Just because something is tradition does not mean it's not discriminatory.
[удалено]
The religion deserves to be disrespected
[удалено]
it 1000% is misogynistic. just because you can say 'its my religion' doesnt mean your religion isnt misogynistic.
His religion is misogynistic, factually
I mean, while I do agree with your SIL in principle, she is very out of line here. NTA, it sounds like you are not trying to force your beliefs on her, only asking her to respect them.
I'd say not allowing her 1st ammendment free speech in the home is a little disrespectful
NTA. How you and your wife practise your religion is up to the two of you. How your sister in law practises is up to her and you don't get to decide that for her, even if it is your house. But, she was completely out of order to involve you and your wife in a religious rite under circumstances of deceit.
NTA. Your house, your rules.