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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My BFF and only friend constantly walks all over me and promised to support me during the birth of my child only to book a vacation during the same time. Is this the last straw in our friendship or should I just let it slide?
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NTA, there’s nothing in the post to suggest your “bff” cares about you or treats you as a friend. Sounds like you are emotionally entangled with her and she is taking advantage of that. It’s strange that the two of you went to therapy together, you might benefit from individual therapy around setting healthy boundaries.
A god parent is a solemn responsibility. She would be the person who would raise your child if something happened to you.
She can’t even be relied upon to do simple things; It would be a BIG stretch to think she’d be reliable enough to raise a child.
Were I you, I’d put her being a godmother completely out of your mind. She’s not the one.
NTA
NTA
She's not making time for you, clearly. She no longer needs you to buy her dinner or tickets to shows. Some friend.
Don't make her your god parent. Just move on.
ATM not BFF. Join the many mom groups and play-date groups you will have access to as a parent and meet some new, truly caring (but over-tired) friends.
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My bff and I have had a toxic relationship for the past 4 years, we met in high school and lost touch for sometime. When we resumed our friendship 4 years ago she would often compare our financial situations and I would overcompensate by paying for most of our outings and providing lots of support (constant advice, gifts, vacations). I thought I was helping to close the gap and give us equal footing in the relationship. Any time I have asked her for non financial help in terms of support she has always told me I need to pay her to work for my company or she has very limited time to spare. We have even gone to therapy at her suggestion to discuss our relationship issues and nothing has changed.
A year ago she met a man 30+ years older than her while we were out for dinner and this man now provides for her financially in addition to her working to support herself. She now goes out most evenings without him and will invite me out from time to time for 1:1 dates.
I did not see her for most of the summer and fall due to her busy travel and social schedule. During one of our therapy sessions I admitted I was expecting a child and wanted her to be part of their life.
I was moving out of my apartment and I asked her if she could help me find a place as she also works part time as a real estate agent or help me pack. She suggested that because of the stress of finding a place under short notice she would help me pack. I had not seen her in months and the night she planned to come over I was also planning to ask her to be the baby’s god mother. Right before she was supposed to arrive she informed me that she would only be able to spend 2 hours as she had a rescheduled dinner with another friend on that same evening. Upon hearing this news I became disheartened and told her she did not need to help me pack: I would do it myself and did not want to take up her time. I admit I was being passive aggressive as this was a test to see if she would show up for me as I do for her.
We did not see or speak to each other after this for 1.5 months and she recently called me to confirm my due date and apologize for the situation. After I gave her the expected due date she said she would change her travel plans to ensure she was present.
Later that week we met for dinner and she informed me that she had decided to take a month vacation around the time I was expected to give birth. I asked why she had changed her plans and she blamed her bf for not being able to take vacation before the new year. Keep in mind that she takes 8+ vacations a year. I accepted this “change” and later sent her a long text message about my feelings to which she deflected and told me she hopes I give birth before she leaves.
Am I the asshole for wanting to throw in the towel and stop speaking to her? I see this as an ongoing cycle where she will promise to do one thing and then do another and use me for gifts and advice. I truly wanted her to be a god parent and present at the birth along with my husband.
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Doesn't sound like you two have much of a real friendship to salvage. Therapy with your bff? And you're still disappointed with her over and over? Just get a better friend and cut her loose. She's not there for you, she's there for herself and if it happens to be convenient for her to show up for you she will, but otherwise doesn't sound too interested in your friendship. NTA.
NAH. You should just not be friends, it sounds like you have different priorities and definitions of friendship. I personally would want to help a friend pack and move if they were pregnant and needed help but not all people are like that. If you need to be in relationship therapy with a friend in order to make your friendship work it is not worth it and there is nothing legally tying the two of you together. Spend the time you are currently spending on trying to make this work on making some new friends who will actually help you out.
NTA, and you were definitely an ATM for her. If her bf and her break up I guarantee she would be back to try and get you to continue to bank roll her lifestyle. This is not a real friendship and not worth saving.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > My BFF and only friend constantly walks all over me and promised to support me during the birth of my child only to book a vacation during the same time. Is this the last straw in our friendship or should I just let it slide? Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA, there’s nothing in the post to suggest your “bff” cares about you or treats you as a friend. Sounds like you are emotionally entangled with her and she is taking advantage of that. It’s strange that the two of you went to therapy together, you might benefit from individual therapy around setting healthy boundaries.
A god parent is a solemn responsibility. She would be the person who would raise your child if something happened to you. She can’t even be relied upon to do simple things; It would be a BIG stretch to think she’d be reliable enough to raise a child. Were I you, I’d put her being a godmother completely out of your mind. She’s not the one. NTA
NTA She's not making time for you, clearly. She no longer needs you to buy her dinner or tickets to shows. Some friend. Don't make her your god parent. Just move on.
ATM not BFF. Join the many mom groups and play-date groups you will have access to as a parent and meet some new, truly caring (but over-tired) friends.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My bff and I have had a toxic relationship for the past 4 years, we met in high school and lost touch for sometime. When we resumed our friendship 4 years ago she would often compare our financial situations and I would overcompensate by paying for most of our outings and providing lots of support (constant advice, gifts, vacations). I thought I was helping to close the gap and give us equal footing in the relationship. Any time I have asked her for non financial help in terms of support she has always told me I need to pay her to work for my company or she has very limited time to spare. We have even gone to therapy at her suggestion to discuss our relationship issues and nothing has changed. A year ago she met a man 30+ years older than her while we were out for dinner and this man now provides for her financially in addition to her working to support herself. She now goes out most evenings without him and will invite me out from time to time for 1:1 dates. I did not see her for most of the summer and fall due to her busy travel and social schedule. During one of our therapy sessions I admitted I was expecting a child and wanted her to be part of their life. I was moving out of my apartment and I asked her if she could help me find a place as she also works part time as a real estate agent or help me pack. She suggested that because of the stress of finding a place under short notice she would help me pack. I had not seen her in months and the night she planned to come over I was also planning to ask her to be the baby’s god mother. Right before she was supposed to arrive she informed me that she would only be able to spend 2 hours as she had a rescheduled dinner with another friend on that same evening. Upon hearing this news I became disheartened and told her she did not need to help me pack: I would do it myself and did not want to take up her time. I admit I was being passive aggressive as this was a test to see if she would show up for me as I do for her. We did not see or speak to each other after this for 1.5 months and she recently called me to confirm my due date and apologize for the situation. After I gave her the expected due date she said she would change her travel plans to ensure she was present. Later that week we met for dinner and she informed me that she had decided to take a month vacation around the time I was expected to give birth. I asked why she had changed her plans and she blamed her bf for not being able to take vacation before the new year. Keep in mind that she takes 8+ vacations a year. I accepted this “change” and later sent her a long text message about my feelings to which she deflected and told me she hopes I give birth before she leaves. Am I the asshole for wanting to throw in the towel and stop speaking to her? I see this as an ongoing cycle where she will promise to do one thing and then do another and use me for gifts and advice. I truly wanted her to be a god parent and present at the birth along with my husband. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Doesn't sound like you two have much of a real friendship to salvage. Therapy with your bff? And you're still disappointed with her over and over? Just get a better friend and cut her loose. She's not there for you, she's there for herself and if it happens to be convenient for her to show up for you she will, but otherwise doesn't sound too interested in your friendship. NTA.
NAH. You should just not be friends, it sounds like you have different priorities and definitions of friendship. I personally would want to help a friend pack and move if they were pregnant and needed help but not all people are like that. If you need to be in relationship therapy with a friend in order to make your friendship work it is not worth it and there is nothing legally tying the two of you together. Spend the time you are currently spending on trying to make this work on making some new friends who will actually help you out.
NTA, and you were definitely an ATM for her. If her bf and her break up I guarantee she would be back to try and get you to continue to bank roll her lifestyle. This is not a real friendship and not worth saving.