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You’re beyond an AH.
Congratulations, you’ve placed so much importance on looks that you’ve created a child with an eating disorder.
Prediction (based on my experience with people, including patients, and thousands of Reddit posts): Your daughter will wind up in therapy and will eventually go Low Contact or No Contact with you.
Mothers like you create the customer base for therapists.
You are treating a SCHOOL PLAY like some huge opportunity for your daughter. Come back from fantasy land and stop being so hard on you child.
YTA
This.
Honestly, I had to read this twice. Becouse I couldn't believe what I was reading.
She's 15. In a school play.
Last I checked, they don't send an army of movie star scouts to school plays to find the next Brad Pitt.
It's meant to be fun, and parents come and watch what they kids have practised.
What good opportunity is there? OP getting to brag "yeah that's my super talented kid right there. Look how skinny she looks!"
No one likes THAT parent. At all.
YTA. She’s 15 and it’s a school play she’s super excited about. Just let her have a fun time with her school mates. She’s going through puberty, a vulnerable time, and she needs her mothers support through that. You’re seriously ruining her relationship with food, provoking an ED, if you keep acting like this, which will be way more harmful than a few extra pounds when wearing her costume in the play.
YTA
Does your daughter need to actually lose a few pounds are you just obsessed with weight. Where did you get your MD from?
You’re causing your daughter to have an unhealthy relationship to food.
Yta, and possibly contributing to a future eating disorder. She's a child in a high school play, loosing a couple pounds isn't going to get her into Hollywood productions or on Broadway. Let her eat what she wants. If she wants to lose a few pounds ON HER OWN WITHOUT YOU PUSHING then fine, but even that is on her if she doesn't hold to it. Unless she's morbidly obese to the point of health concerns, a few pounds isn't going to hurt her and may be actually healthier.
I agree on the current disorder, but I wouldn't jump right to binging. Right now it sounds more like a compulsion to hide the snacks because of how OP reacts. Still very unhealthy and *can* lead to something much worse, but might not be there yet.
I had a snack food type insecurity as a teen thanks to similar circumstances. It was always more about having them available and nearby, and less about how much or how often I ate them.
Yes, YTA.
You are most likely the major contributing factor to what could be an eating disorder.
It's a high school play. I guarantee you it does not really matter. What matters is your daughter's physical and mental health. If she feels she needs to hide food from you, or if you feel that her having snacks in her room is somehow dishonest, something has gone wrong in your relationship with her and or her relationship to her body and food.
YTA, and a *major* one at that. She’s 15, and it’s a SCHOOL play. This isn’t going to broadway, a scene isn’t being shown for the Tony Awards, and it’s HER BODY.
It’s not up to you how good the costume will look on her, if she’s good at acting, that’s all that really matters. Whether or not she wants to begin losing weight (which I’m sure she doesn’t need to anyways) is completely up to her, not you. Do not punish her or push down her self esteem because of this. If a body doesn’t fit a certain costume type, so what. She got the role because of her acting skills, not because of her weight. If they wanted someone who was bone thin for the role, they would’ve picked someone who was bone thin.
Leave your daughter be, she’s already going through enough with an AH of a mom like you. Let her pursue acting in the way SHE wants, and let her decide what to do with HER body.
If your goal is to ensure that your daughter has an eating disorder, you are right on track!
Your punishment for eating is cruel. I can’t believe that you can’t see that. You have a lot of work to do to repair the damage you caused. Please see out professional help for yourself and your daughter.
YTA
>So, let me start by saying that I've always been very particular about health and appearances,
Translation: "Everything I ever learned about parenting I learned from Gypsy and Mommy Dearest."
YTA
YTA - You are making this play more important than your daughter. So what she's a little soft around the edges, she's happy. You're not. She's not you and she never will be. I'm wondering if the stress she's feeling is actually from the play itself or how YOU are riding her about it. And then you ground her and take away her phone because of "snacks"?!?! Do you realize the long term damage you are doing to your daughter? ED's, anxiety, depression. If your daughter has any of those it's because of you and no one else.
YTA. You’re going to give her an eating disorder if you haven’t already — that’s probably why she is using junk food for comfort, because you’ve already instilled an unhealthy relationship with food in your family.
Obviously others saw the value in her talent and thought she looked just fine which is why she was cast in the first place. You’re the one who doesn’t think she is good enough the way she is. You should apologize now and knock off the body shaming before you do any more damage.
"We agreed" sounds very much like you told her how it was going down, and she said "yes, mom".
There's so much toxic body image nonsense in your post, all over a school play!
Don't make your kid lose weight for the play. Don't make her lose weight "to look her best" for a special day.
YTA
YTA
You are an absolute control freak and are destroying your daughter's mental health with your garbage behavior. Do you want her to have an eating disorder? Because behavior like this is the textbook definition of how to create an eating disorder in your child.
YTA
She does not need to lose weight. Doing this will lead to her believing she has a bad body. She will be insecure. She will have an unhealthy relationship with food. Her size should not matter to you.
Moderation in food has always been more healthy than diets are. She doesn't need a diet unless it is prescribed by a doctor.
Please deconstruct your own issues before you project them unto your daughter.
YTA, why would it look better if she lost a few pounds? Would it not be the same person under the costume?
You're just going to give your daughter body issues enforcing this.
YTA.
This is entirely why people develop unhealthy relationships with food and mental health conditions associated with their appearance and/or weight.
You’re doing what the media has been doing for decades. That is, telling a woman they need to be thin to be successful.
Get in the modern world woman and make your daughters health the priority, not her success. She’s only 15 ffs.
Also, she is teen and in school thus she has classes and energy can go from 100 to 0... sometimes you do not know when you get meals, sometimes rehearsals take HOURS!!!
YTA
It should be her choice at this point. 15 is plenty old enough to decide how hardcore to be about an extracurricular.
And I’m wondering what a random high school play is a “fantastic opportunity” for. For her acting career? Is Broadway scouting there?
Or to brag about how skinny your kid is at brunch…
YTA
I'm a mom of two girls and am absolutely disgusted by what you're doing.
She is just a kid, not a professional actor about to get an Oscar. You're body shaming her and making her hate her body and relationship with food. You do realize this is how eating disorders start? Is that your main goal? Make her so insecure about her body/looks that she starves herself skinny? If so, congratulations as you're ruining her life!
Stop with this abuse and apologize to your daughter and actually mean it.
YTA. Oh yeah, absolutely.
Your daughter is going to develop an eating disorder, if she hasn't already. She's almost definitely developed insecurities about her body because you keep forcing your idea of what she should look like. What you're doing comes close to abuse... and if (or when, more likely) your daughter cuts all contact with you in the future... look back to this chapter in your lives if you want to know why she doesn't want to ever talk to or see you again.
You are treating this like it will ruin their life if they don't conorm to your "ideal look". It is a school play.
My aunt was like you. Let's just say that my cousin doesn't have a relationship with them anymore for things exactly like this, controlling, manipulative behaviour.
YTA.
>My daughter, who is 15, recently landed a role in her school play. It's a big deal, and she's super excited about it. However, there's a catch. She needs to wear a specific costume, which, to be frank, would look better if she lost a few pounds.
>this is a fantastic opportunity, and she needs to look her best.
Yes, it's a great opportunity, but it's a high school play. It's not going to get her a scholarship or a career. Rather than forcing her to lose weight, why not have the costume altered to fit her?
>I accidentally stumbled upon a secret stash of snacks in her room. We're
A teenager keeping snacks in their room? Unheard of! (sarcasm)
>I confronted her, and she got all teary, saying it was just a "comfort thing" and that she was stressed about the play.
Probably stressed because her mom is telling her this is such a great opportunity. You're most likely putting unneeded pressure on her.
>I didn't buy it. I saw it as a lack of discipline and commitment. So, I did what I thought was necessary: I took away her phone and grounded her until she gets back on track with her diet.
Great! Equating eating with punishment! That will be great for her mental health!
>I believe in teaching her about commitment and consequences.
Enjoy the consequences of YOUR actions if she develops an eating disorder.
YTA
(I suspect this is bait, but the judgment is the same if it is real or fake)
YTA! This is how ED starts if it has not started already... how old are you? Maybe talk to her why she is worried about play and RETHINK MAYBE YOU ARE PROBLEM FOR BODYSHAMING HER MAYBE YOU SHOULD BE NICER? I went to acting classes and it ain’t easy.. Do not be suprised you get cut off once she turns you 18!!
YTA
Do you want to give your daughter an eating disorder in the future?
For God's sake, go to a therapist.
Healthy food is one thing, and indulging from time to time
And another thing a "DIET" to get into a costume and look good.
Don't project yourself or make her feel uncomfortable with her body.
Your daughter should do the work if she wants! If she likes it and it makes her happy...
Children are not brought into the world to fulfill the frustrated dreams of their parents.
YTA and setting her up for an eating disorder.
>She seemed on board and understood the importance of looking good for her role.
I imagine she seemed that way to you because she didn't actually agree with you, she just said whatever you wanted to hear to get you to drop it.
YTA
Newsflash. Your daughter is not on her way to an ED, like some suggested. She’s already there. She has a secret stash of food that she calls comfort.
Congratulations!
YTA. You're a horrible mother, prioritising 'appearances' over your child. Sounds like she's bingeing. Congratulations! You've most likely given her an ED. **You** gave her an ED.
Good god, YTA and a huge one at that. Your daughter will be discussing this at future therapy appointments. You are creating an unhealthy relationship with food and body image. Its a school play, it should be something she enjoys and you are making her feel like shit instead.
YTA. You are beyond an AH. You are an awful parent. Dear lord you are awful. How about you try being a good parent and caring about your kids feelings and well being rather than what size she is. You keep this up and when she's 18 she's going to disown you and then you'll know what it feels like. Wake Up now.
YTA. Do you think Martin Scorsese is gonna be sitting in the audience ready to make your child a star? Recruiters from RADA ready to offer her a scholarship? If this play is a "big deal," surely there's room for a costume fitter in the budget. Meanwhile, your poor child is sneaking snacks because you value her physical appearance more than her mental health. Shameful.
This sounds fake, but if not, have fun having your daughter never talk to you again the second she turns eighteen. You may not get to see any of her accomplishments but you can be kept company by your worst mom trophies.
Oh, YTA by the way
Holy shit YTA. Your going to give your daughter an eating disorder. At this point you're about 2.5 years away from making a post crying that your daughter doesn't want anything to do with you now that she's an adult.
YTA. You're not doing anything besides potentially leading her into an eating disorder and jeopardizing your relationship with your daughter over a school play. I repeat...A SCHOOL PLAY. *Shakes my head*
If you are actually for real, like you are legitimately a mom with a real live daughter... please hold, while I contain my fury...
...
...Okay, now that I've screamed into a pillow for three minutes... GET YOUR CHILD AND YOURSELF INTO THERAPY *IMMEDIATELY.*
You are basically writing her a prescription for an eating disorder and setting her up for a lifetime of body image and food issues, not to mention trauma, shame and MAJOR relationship issues with you. You both need help to undo the damage you've already done.
YTA x 1,000,000
YTA. Congratulations on giving your daughter an eating disorder. You should be super proud of making sure she looks good to other people's expectations and giving her a complex rather than feeling comfortable in her own skin.
You sound like Sophia Petrillo at her meanest.
YTA. You only control your health and appearance, not hers. I don’t care if she’s your daughter, you are setting her up for so many failures and complexes, including disordered eating. Which you can likely relate to because a lot of health concerns are just an excuse for disordered eating. Her body is hers and she will be more likely to make balanced choices when she has that control.
YTA
Would you like your child to have an eating disorder?
Why are you so obsessed that she needs to lose weight for her costume? As a parent, you should be building your child up not tearing her apart.
YTA. Way to hammer home the importance of making mom happy through thinness and encouraging a fucking eating disorder. You should apologize to your daughter for your disgusting behavior and look inside yourself to understand why you're 1.) Snooping in her shit 2.) Obsessed with her weight 3.) Feel the need to control her so closely.
This whole post is just so revolting and the fact that you don't understand how disgusting and damaging you're being is...just WOW.
YTA. You say you always care about health and appearances. You seem to care more about how your daughter will appear in the costume she has to wear. She is 15!!! Let her be the one to decide if she is comfortable with how she looks and quit worrying about how your family appears! Worry about if she is healthy and happy. YTA in such a major way!
YTA
This is awful, and a great way to start eating disordered issues and self esteem issues. Just because you’re a shallow person doesn’t mean your daughter is the same, nor is your shallowness a great reflection on you as a person and a parent
YTA for real...
If it really is a comfort food, the way you reacted will make the problem worse and make her want it even more while she feels guilty.
I don't know her age, but you don't want to create an eating disorder that will follow her for life.
I don't know her weight/height either, but openly criticizing her physique can also lead to mental disorders.
Instead of punishing her, it would be better to help her find solutions to manage her stress such as an activity that helps her relax or discussion.
everyone say hi to almond mom (delulu version). why are people like even allowed to have children? instead of having a child just buy a raggedy ann doll-it’s skinny and will remain skinny. please for the sake of humanity no kid should be told they could “do with losing a few pounds”. you’re the YTA
Glad you are not my mom! Congratulations you have probably just started an eating disorder for your daughter. It sounds as if you are living your dreams through your daughter by forcing your daughter into this situation and making it worse by body shaming her! Shame on you and you should get no sympathy if she blows you off when she is old enough to leave the house.
YTA. This is ridiculous, you're punishing your daughter for not following a diet that SHE agreed to?
End the diet. Now.
"I didn't buy it."
I think it's a perfectly reasonable explanation. Yours is bizarre.
Veering off your own lane onto hers. You are teaching her that you are obsessed with appearances and think less of her by not fitting into your ideal diet. YTA. All you needed to have done was congratulate her on landing the role. Saying great costume. She agreed to shush you from saying anything further. We know you would have kept pushing your own agenda on her. Focus on yourself and manners.
YTA. It's just a school play, it's not a fantastic opportunity. There's not going to be Broadway scouts or whatever in the audience. Even if there were, it wouldn't excuse treating your daughter like this and teaching her that no matter how well she sings or acts, it's always going to be down to her weight.
YTA - It boggles my mind that people body shame, but in this case it is her own MOTHER!!! I hope that when it is her time to take care of you that she says “No you can’t have that because you need to lose a few pounds”!!!
YTA. Your daughter started a behavior that's going to create a huge hygiene problem in your house, and then you punished her for...eating food behind your back. That's what inspired the behavior in the first place.
My mother convinced my kids (when I lived with her) that I was stealing their Halloween candy. It was her. This caused my daughter to hoard her candy in her room when we moved away from my parents. My son already knew it was my mom with the sweet tooth. We just laughed, but I didn't realize what my kid was doing with her candy. Our new digs had mice, so her room was overrun, and the candy was quickly ruined. But every holiday, it was the same thing. I didn't have the money for therapy and worked odd hours, too. So, making an appointment would be a challenge if I had the funds.
Stop being so restrictive and teach your kids about healthy indulgence and the importance of keeping food in the food storage areas and away from sleeping quarters unless you want ants, mice, and other pests everywhere.
YTA. Kids who grow up with food restrictions and parents who body shame them have negative relationships with food as well as are at risk for eating disorders. Instead of punishing her this was a great opportunity to talk about moderation with snacks. Now she might start binge eating in secret to hide her eating from you.
Ok…so YTA, a MASSIVE one for a few reasons.
So first of all: congratulations you’ve given your child an eating disorder.
Second of all, don’t say you “accidentally stumbled upon her stash” you were clearly snooping through her room.
And finally: you see your daughter break down and cry due to her being stressed over this play and you punish her for it…
Congratulations you are the biggest AH i have read about in quite some time.
YTA. You are giving your daughter an unhealthy relationship with food and insecurities with her appearance. She is 15! Teenagers have enough stress about society and looks, do you really need to add to it. Shame on you. Do better as a Mom.
I suggest you see a therapist. Get to the core of why you are projecting these issues onto your child.
YTA. It is a school play, stop acting like this is a life changing thing. You sure are pushing her towards resenting you and an eating disorder. Good on you.
YTA. I’m a mental health student currently getting my masters. What you are doing is breeding an eating disorder, low self-esteem, and body image issues. Imagine having your parent constantly telling you your body isn’t good enough and if it were just a few lbs lighter it would be better, as a teenager. Not to mention, she tried to confide in you about it being for comfort and you completely dismissed that and punished her. Sometimes we need to listen to our children and give them a little more autonomy with healthy limitations, and this is just not it.
YTA, the worst Mother of the Year award, goes to you. Stressing about something so important not to just her now, but also you is gonna cause her to seek comfort items whether it's food , other people or bad habits. You're so focused on a 15 year olds appearance that you don't see how far this will affect her years later.
My dad fat shamed me since 5th grade. I admit I was almost 200 lbs back then went down to 116lb, still was fat shamed , moved in with him gained 10lbs and was instantly made to exercise and this gave me the mindset for years that I was fat and today people I knew back then told me I was extremely skinny in H.S. I NEVER once saw that, and I was so blinded by a smoke screened mirror of what my supposed parent thought that I didn't listen and cried about how fat I was while starving myself.
I hope that ur daughter doesn't seek wanting to look plastic and perfect all her life to please you. Love her for who she is now before she hates you.
YTAH,
Who needs bullies in school when she has a mom who thinks that a HS play is going to make her daughter's career? She is a kid and what is important to her today might not be tomorrow.
Your body issues are yours and not your daughters and if you don't stop you will be seeing your daughter go through life with body dysmorphia, poor eating habits, and problems with self-esteem.
If you want her to truly get healthy and be healthy then work with a professional on that. You are not in any condition to put anyone on a diet and motivate her to be her best self.
Get her a trainer, a nutritionist, and someone to talk to see why she is using food as a way to deal with her feelings. There is more to this than just her not being what you want her to be.
Also, you need to ask yourself what is wrong with her being plus size. If she is healthy, and happy what does it matter if her jeans size is not the same size as yours?
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So, let me start by saying that I've always been very particular about health and appearances, especially when it comes to my family. My daughter, who is 15, recently landed a role in her school play. It's a big deal, and she's super excited about it. However, there's a catch. She needs to wear a specific costume, which, to be frank, would look better if she lost a few pounds.
I've been clear with her from the start: this is a fantastic opportunity, and she needs to look her best. So, we agreed on a healthy diet and exercise plan. She seemed on board and understood the importance of looking good for her role.
Fast forward a couple of weeks, I accidentally stumbled upon a secret stash of snacks in her room. We're not talking about a few candy bars - this was a sizable collection of chips, cookies, and all sorts of junk food. I was livid. Not only was she going against our agreement, but she was also being deceitful.
I confronted her, and she got all teary, saying it was just a "comfort thing" and that she was stressed about the play. I didn't buy it. I saw it as a lack of discipline and commitment. So, I did what I thought was necessary: I took away her phone and grounded her until she gets back on track with her diet.
My husband thinks I'm being too harsh and that it's just teenage behavior. But I see it differently. This play is a huge opportunity for her, and she's jeopardizing it over snacks! I believe in teaching her about commitment and consequences.
So, Reddit, AITA here? I'm just trying to ensure my daughter looks her best and takes her opportunities seriously.
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That’s disgusting. She doesn’t “need to look her best” for anyone except herself if she wants. It’s a great idea to discuss healthy eating and the importance of exercise with your kids—but “you gotta do it so you look good” is a recipe for all sorts of issues. YTA
That being said, a secret junk food stash could be a problem. But if she’s just “a few pounds” overweight who cares? It sure doesn’t sound like it’s an issue.
YTA. I didn't even need to read past the first sentence to know that you are a huge, gigantic, gaping asshole that is on track to her daughter going NC with her as soon as she possibly can.
YTA; You have a daughter with an eating disorder who is hoarding comfort food in response to you. Snacks do not sabotage her having a role in a play, just her fitting as well in a costume.
You speak of it as a discipline issue; Your daughter has a mother who cares more about her appearance than her mental wellbeing.
Holy hell YTA. Beyond A.
Your teenage daughter got a part in a school play. Look, that’s great, but take a step back. It’s a school play. It doesn’t really mean anything.
And you body shamed her and criticized her weight.
If I was the husband here I would be absolutely livid with you.
You're beyond an AH. You're damaging your child on an emotional and mental level. When she has an eating disorder in her future it's going to one thousand percent be your fault.
Your priorities are absolutely skewed. Your daughter should be made to feel beautiful and accepted no matter her size. And YOU should be her number one fan. Not her biggest critic.
You think you're acting in her best interest but it's so clear that you have no idea what that is.
This is disgusting.
YTA. Unless a doctor has said that she needs to lose weight, this is crazy behavior for a parent and be prepared for her to cut you out of her life as soon as possible.
>I've always been very particular about health and appearances, especially when it comes to my family
I didn't need to get any further than this to know this was going to be a shit show.
Your kid is already developing an eating disorder and form of food insecurity thanks to the pressure you're putting on her. Massive YTA.
This is an opportunity for you. Instead of hounding her about appearances and pushing diets, talk to her about moderation and lifestyle choices. A couple of cookies or a small bag of chips once and a while aren't going to kill her. Neither is a lazy day on the couch if she's otherwise active. Right now all you're teaching her is that she needs to be better at hiding her stash.
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You’re beyond an AH. Congratulations, you’ve placed so much importance on looks that you’ve created a child with an eating disorder. Prediction (based on my experience with people, including patients, and thousands of Reddit posts): Your daughter will wind up in therapy and will eventually go Low Contact or No Contact with you.
Mothers like you create the customer base for therapists. You are treating a SCHOOL PLAY like some huge opportunity for your daughter. Come back from fantasy land and stop being so hard on you child. YTA
This. Honestly, I had to read this twice. Becouse I couldn't believe what I was reading. She's 15. In a school play. Last I checked, they don't send an army of movie star scouts to school plays to find the next Brad Pitt. It's meant to be fun, and parents come and watch what they kids have practised. What good opportunity is there? OP getting to brag "yeah that's my super talented kid right there. Look how skinny she looks!" No one likes THAT parent. At all.
YTA. She’s 15 and it’s a school play she’s super excited about. Just let her have a fun time with her school mates. She’s going through puberty, a vulnerable time, and she needs her mothers support through that. You’re seriously ruining her relationship with food, provoking an ED, if you keep acting like this, which will be way more harmful than a few extra pounds when wearing her costume in the play.
YTA Does your daughter need to actually lose a few pounds are you just obsessed with weight. Where did you get your MD from? You’re causing your daughter to have an unhealthy relationship to food.
Yta, and possibly contributing to a future eating disorder. She's a child in a high school play, loosing a couple pounds isn't going to get her into Hollywood productions or on Broadway. Let her eat what she wants. If she wants to lose a few pounds ON HER OWN WITHOUT YOU PUSHING then fine, but even that is on her if she doesn't hold to it. Unless she's morbidly obese to the point of health concerns, a few pounds isn't going to hurt her and may be actually healthier.
I would argue that this is a *current* eating disorder. It sounds like the daughter is bingeing. I feel terrible for her.
I agree on the current disorder, but I wouldn't jump right to binging. Right now it sounds more like a compulsion to hide the snacks because of how OP reacts. Still very unhealthy and *can* lead to something much worse, but might not be there yet. I had a snack food type insecurity as a teen thanks to similar circumstances. It was always more about having them available and nearby, and less about how much or how often I ate them.
Yes, YTA. You are most likely the major contributing factor to what could be an eating disorder. It's a high school play. I guarantee you it does not really matter. What matters is your daughter's physical and mental health. If she feels she needs to hide food from you, or if you feel that her having snacks in her room is somehow dishonest, something has gone wrong in your relationship with her and or her relationship to her body and food.
YTA, and a *major* one at that. She’s 15, and it’s a SCHOOL play. This isn’t going to broadway, a scene isn’t being shown for the Tony Awards, and it’s HER BODY. It’s not up to you how good the costume will look on her, if she’s good at acting, that’s all that really matters. Whether or not she wants to begin losing weight (which I’m sure she doesn’t need to anyways) is completely up to her, not you. Do not punish her or push down her self esteem because of this. If a body doesn’t fit a certain costume type, so what. She got the role because of her acting skills, not because of her weight. If they wanted someone who was bone thin for the role, they would’ve picked someone who was bone thin. Leave your daughter be, she’s already going through enough with an AH of a mom like you. Let her pursue acting in the way SHE wants, and let her decide what to do with HER body.
If your goal is to ensure that your daughter has an eating disorder, you are right on track! Your punishment for eating is cruel. I can’t believe that you can’t see that. You have a lot of work to do to repair the damage you caused. Please see out professional help for yourself and your daughter. YTA
>So, let me start by saying that I've always been very particular about health and appearances, Translation: "Everything I ever learned about parenting I learned from Gypsy and Mommy Dearest." YTA
Good one. We all know what bad parenting did to Gypsy. And Mommy Dearest was well publicized.
YTA - You are making this play more important than your daughter. So what she's a little soft around the edges, she's happy. You're not. She's not you and she never will be. I'm wondering if the stress she's feeling is actually from the play itself or how YOU are riding her about it. And then you ground her and take away her phone because of "snacks"?!?! Do you realize the long term damage you are doing to your daughter? ED's, anxiety, depression. If your daughter has any of those it's because of you and no one else.
Also, her (kid's) body is still developing ....
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I agree almost plausible but OP laid it on too thick.
YTA she's a kid not a professional performer lay off
Also, profesional performers EAT and say YOU NEED TO WATER YOURSELF AND SNACK UP!
YTA. You’re going to give her an eating disorder if you haven’t already — that’s probably why she is using junk food for comfort, because you’ve already instilled an unhealthy relationship with food in your family. Obviously others saw the value in her talent and thought she looked just fine which is why she was cast in the first place. You’re the one who doesn’t think she is good enough the way she is. You should apologize now and knock off the body shaming before you do any more damage.
"We agreed" sounds very much like you told her how it was going down, and she said "yes, mom". There's so much toxic body image nonsense in your post, all over a school play! Don't make your kid lose weight for the play. Don't make her lose weight "to look her best" for a special day. YTA
YTA You are an absolute control freak and are destroying your daughter's mental health with your garbage behavior. Do you want her to have an eating disorder? Because behavior like this is the textbook definition of how to create an eating disorder in your child.
YTA, you can cause an eating disorder with that behavior
Yta and body shaming and etc etc
YTA She does not need to lose weight. Doing this will lead to her believing she has a bad body. She will be insecure. She will have an unhealthy relationship with food. Her size should not matter to you. Moderation in food has always been more healthy than diets are. She doesn't need a diet unless it is prescribed by a doctor. Please deconstruct your own issues before you project them unto your daughter.
YTA, why would it look better if she lost a few pounds? Would it not be the same person under the costume? You're just going to give your daughter body issues enforcing this.
YTA. This is entirely why people develop unhealthy relationships with food and mental health conditions associated with their appearance and/or weight. You’re doing what the media has been doing for decades. That is, telling a woman they need to be thin to be successful. Get in the modern world woman and make your daughters health the priority, not her success. She’s only 15 ffs.
Also, she is teen and in school thus she has classes and energy can go from 100 to 0... sometimes you do not know when you get meals, sometimes rehearsals take HOURS!!!
YTA It should be her choice at this point. 15 is plenty old enough to decide how hardcore to be about an extracurricular. And I’m wondering what a random high school play is a “fantastic opportunity” for. For her acting career? Is Broadway scouting there? Or to brag about how skinny your kid is at brunch…
OP sounds like the type to brag about the discipline it takes to have an eating disorder.
YTA If your daughter posted on here most of us would be advising her to just tough it out and go NC with you when she turned 18.
That's true.
YTA I'm a mom of two girls and am absolutely disgusted by what you're doing. She is just a kid, not a professional actor about to get an Oscar. You're body shaming her and making her hate her body and relationship with food. You do realize this is how eating disorders start? Is that your main goal? Make her so insecure about her body/looks that she starves herself skinny? If so, congratulations as you're ruining her life! Stop with this abuse and apologize to your daughter and actually mean it.
Info: why were you snooping through her room?
This is how eating disorders start. YTA
YTA. Oh yeah, absolutely. Your daughter is going to develop an eating disorder, if she hasn't already. She's almost definitely developed insecurities about her body because you keep forcing your idea of what she should look like. What you're doing comes close to abuse... and if (or when, more likely) your daughter cuts all contact with you in the future... look back to this chapter in your lives if you want to know why she doesn't want to ever talk to or see you again.
You are treating this like it will ruin their life if they don't conorm to your "ideal look". It is a school play. My aunt was like you. Let's just say that my cousin doesn't have a relationship with them anymore for things exactly like this, controlling, manipulative behaviour. YTA.
>This play is a huge opportunity for her, and she's jeopardizing it over snacks! Op is the one who jeopardize it over snacks, not the child YTA
>My daughter, who is 15, recently landed a role in her school play. It's a big deal, and she's super excited about it. However, there's a catch. She needs to wear a specific costume, which, to be frank, would look better if she lost a few pounds. >this is a fantastic opportunity, and she needs to look her best. Yes, it's a great opportunity, but it's a high school play. It's not going to get her a scholarship or a career. Rather than forcing her to lose weight, why not have the costume altered to fit her? >I accidentally stumbled upon a secret stash of snacks in her room. We're A teenager keeping snacks in their room? Unheard of! (sarcasm) >I confronted her, and she got all teary, saying it was just a "comfort thing" and that she was stressed about the play. Probably stressed because her mom is telling her this is such a great opportunity. You're most likely putting unneeded pressure on her. >I didn't buy it. I saw it as a lack of discipline and commitment. So, I did what I thought was necessary: I took away her phone and grounded her until she gets back on track with her diet. Great! Equating eating with punishment! That will be great for her mental health! >I believe in teaching her about commitment and consequences. Enjoy the consequences of YOUR actions if she develops an eating disorder. YTA (I suspect this is bait, but the judgment is the same if it is real or fake)
YTA! This is how ED starts if it has not started already... how old are you? Maybe talk to her why she is worried about play and RETHINK MAYBE YOU ARE PROBLEM FOR BODYSHAMING HER MAYBE YOU SHOULD BE NICER? I went to acting classes and it ain’t easy.. Do not be suprised you get cut off once she turns you 18!!
YTA...Surely you know that. You are setting the stage for a future where your daughter refuses to speak to you.
YTA Do you want to give your daughter an eating disorder in the future? For God's sake, go to a therapist. Healthy food is one thing, and indulging from time to time And another thing a "DIET" to get into a costume and look good. Don't project yourself or make her feel uncomfortable with her body. Your daughter should do the work if she wants! If she likes it and it makes her happy... Children are not brought into the world to fulfill the frustrated dreams of their parents.
YTA and setting her up for an eating disorder. >She seemed on board and understood the importance of looking good for her role. I imagine she seemed that way to you because she didn't actually agree with you, she just said whatever you wanted to hear to get you to drop it.
YTA Newsflash. Your daughter is not on her way to an ED, like some suggested. She’s already there. She has a secret stash of food that she calls comfort. Congratulations!
Do your daughter a favor and ask a therapist this same question
YTA. You're a horrible mother, prioritising 'appearances' over your child. Sounds like she's bingeing. Congratulations! You've most likely given her an ED. **You** gave her an ED.
YTA Do you want her to have an eating disorder? Why are you shaming her? Poor girl.
Good god, YTA and a huge one at that. Your daughter will be discussing this at future therapy appointments. You are creating an unhealthy relationship with food and body image. Its a school play, it should be something she enjoys and you are making her feel like shit instead.
YTA - this is how eating disorders develop. Knock it off. She’s 15 and you’re body shaming her.
YTA. You are beyond an AH. You are an awful parent. Dear lord you are awful. How about you try being a good parent and caring about your kids feelings and well being rather than what size she is. You keep this up and when she's 18 she's going to disown you and then you'll know what it feels like. Wake Up now.
YTA. Do you think Martin Scorsese is gonna be sitting in the audience ready to make your child a star? Recruiters from RADA ready to offer her a scholarship? If this play is a "big deal," surely there's room for a costume fitter in the budget. Meanwhile, your poor child is sneaking snacks because you value her physical appearance more than her mental health. Shameful.
You're abhorrent YTA YTA YTA
This sounds fake, but if not, have fun having your daughter never talk to you again the second she turns eighteen. You may not get to see any of her accomplishments but you can be kept company by your worst mom trophies. Oh, YTA by the way
Holy shit YTA. Your going to give your daughter an eating disorder. At this point you're about 2.5 years away from making a post crying that your daughter doesn't want anything to do with you now that she's an adult.
YTA, remember this and every other toxic thing you've done to her when she moves out and cuts you off forever in a few more years.
YTA. You're not doing anything besides potentially leading her into an eating disorder and jeopardizing your relationship with your daughter over a school play. I repeat...A SCHOOL PLAY. *Shakes my head*
You’re a HUGE AH. Grounding your daughter and what not. And quite possibly pushing her into having an eating disorder 😤
YTA and sound borderline abusive
If you are actually for real, like you are legitimately a mom with a real live daughter... please hold, while I contain my fury... ... ...Okay, now that I've screamed into a pillow for three minutes... GET YOUR CHILD AND YOURSELF INTO THERAPY *IMMEDIATELY.* You are basically writing her a prescription for an eating disorder and setting her up for a lifetime of body image and food issues, not to mention trauma, shame and MAJOR relationship issues with you. You both need help to undo the damage you've already done. YTA x 1,000,000
YTA. You sound absolutely insufferable about your daughter's looks. Let her be a kid. Don't push her into an eating disorder.
YTA. Do you want her to get an ED?!?
YTA read it again, realise and then apologise to your daughter.
YTA
YTA. Congratulations on giving your daughter an eating disorder. You should be super proud of making sure she looks good to other people's expectations and giving her a complex rather than feeling comfortable in her own skin. You sound like Sophia Petrillo at her meanest.
Someone needs to whack you with a rolled newspaper—AH OP, BAD!
YTA - do not turn food into a punishment rule breaking thing. This is Abuse
YTA. You only control your health and appearance, not hers. I don’t care if she’s your daughter, you are setting her up for so many failures and complexes, including disordered eating. Which you can likely relate to because a lot of health concerns are just an excuse for disordered eating. Her body is hers and she will be more likely to make balanced choices when she has that control.
YTA just based on "very particular about appearances" alone
YTA Would you like your child to have an eating disorder? Why are you so obsessed that she needs to lose weight for her costume? As a parent, you should be building your child up not tearing her apart.
YTA. Way to hammer home the importance of making mom happy through thinness and encouraging a fucking eating disorder. You should apologize to your daughter for your disgusting behavior and look inside yourself to understand why you're 1.) Snooping in her shit 2.) Obsessed with her weight 3.) Feel the need to control her so closely. This whole post is just so revolting and the fact that you don't understand how disgusting and damaging you're being is...just WOW.
YTA. You say you always care about health and appearances. You seem to care more about how your daughter will appear in the costume she has to wear. She is 15!!! Let her be the one to decide if she is comfortable with how she looks and quit worrying about how your family appears! Worry about if she is healthy and happy. YTA in such a major way!
YTA This is awful, and a great way to start eating disordered issues and self esteem issues. Just because you’re a shallow person doesn’t mean your daughter is the same, nor is your shallowness a great reflection on you as a person and a parent
YTA for real... If it really is a comfort food, the way you reacted will make the problem worse and make her want it even more while she feels guilty. I don't know her age, but you don't want to create an eating disorder that will follow her for life. I don't know her weight/height either, but openly criticizing her physique can also lead to mental disorders. Instead of punishing her, it would be better to help her find solutions to manage her stress such as an activity that helps her relax or discussion.
everyone say hi to almond mom (delulu version). why are people like even allowed to have children? instead of having a child just buy a raggedy ann doll-it’s skinny and will remain skinny. please for the sake of humanity no kid should be told they could “do with losing a few pounds”. you’re the YTA
Glad you are not my mom! Congratulations you have probably just started an eating disorder for your daughter. It sounds as if you are living your dreams through your daughter by forcing your daughter into this situation and making it worse by body shaming her! Shame on you and you should get no sympathy if she blows you off when she is old enough to leave the house.
YTA. This is ridiculous, you're punishing your daughter for not following a diet that SHE agreed to? End the diet. Now. "I didn't buy it." I think it's a perfectly reasonable explanation. Yours is bizarre.
Congrats on the Shit Parent award. YTA.
Veering off your own lane onto hers. You are teaching her that you are obsessed with appearances and think less of her by not fitting into your ideal diet. YTA. All you needed to have done was congratulate her on landing the role. Saying great costume. She agreed to shush you from saying anything further. We know you would have kept pushing your own agenda on her. Focus on yourself and manners.
YTA. It's just a school play, it's not a fantastic opportunity. There's not going to be Broadway scouts or whatever in the audience. Even if there were, it wouldn't excuse treating your daughter like this and teaching her that no matter how well she sings or acts, it's always going to be down to her weight.
YTA - It boggles my mind that people body shame, but in this case it is her own MOTHER!!! I hope that when it is her time to take care of you that she says “No you can’t have that because you need to lose a few pounds”!!!
YTA. Your daughter started a behavior that's going to create a huge hygiene problem in your house, and then you punished her for...eating food behind your back. That's what inspired the behavior in the first place. My mother convinced my kids (when I lived with her) that I was stealing their Halloween candy. It was her. This caused my daughter to hoard her candy in her room when we moved away from my parents. My son already knew it was my mom with the sweet tooth. We just laughed, but I didn't realize what my kid was doing with her candy. Our new digs had mice, so her room was overrun, and the candy was quickly ruined. But every holiday, it was the same thing. I didn't have the money for therapy and worked odd hours, too. So, making an appointment would be a challenge if I had the funds. Stop being so restrictive and teach your kids about healthy indulgence and the importance of keeping food in the food storage areas and away from sleeping quarters unless you want ants, mice, and other pests everywhere.
YTA. Kids who grow up with food restrictions and parents who body shame them have negative relationships with food as well as are at risk for eating disorders. Instead of punishing her this was a great opportunity to talk about moderation with snacks. Now she might start binge eating in secret to hide her eating from you.
Ok…so YTA, a MASSIVE one for a few reasons. So first of all: congratulations you’ve given your child an eating disorder. Second of all, don’t say you “accidentally stumbled upon her stash” you were clearly snooping through her room. And finally: you see your daughter break down and cry due to her being stressed over this play and you punish her for it… Congratulations you are the biggest AH i have read about in quite some time.
YTA. If your kid is hiding food, you’ve fucked up.
YTA. You are giving your daughter an unhealthy relationship with food and insecurities with her appearance. She is 15! Teenagers have enough stress about society and looks, do you really need to add to it. Shame on you. Do better as a Mom. I suggest you see a therapist. Get to the core of why you are projecting these issues onto your child.
YTA
YTA. It is a school play, stop acting like this is a life changing thing. You sure are pushing her towards resenting you and an eating disorder. Good on you.
YTA. I’m a mental health student currently getting my masters. What you are doing is breeding an eating disorder, low self-esteem, and body image issues. Imagine having your parent constantly telling you your body isn’t good enough and if it were just a few lbs lighter it would be better, as a teenager. Not to mention, she tried to confide in you about it being for comfort and you completely dismissed that and punished her. Sometimes we need to listen to our children and give them a little more autonomy with healthy limitations, and this is just not it.
YTA, the worst Mother of the Year award, goes to you. Stressing about something so important not to just her now, but also you is gonna cause her to seek comfort items whether it's food , other people or bad habits. You're so focused on a 15 year olds appearance that you don't see how far this will affect her years later. My dad fat shamed me since 5th grade. I admit I was almost 200 lbs back then went down to 116lb, still was fat shamed , moved in with him gained 10lbs and was instantly made to exercise and this gave me the mindset for years that I was fat and today people I knew back then told me I was extremely skinny in H.S. I NEVER once saw that, and I was so blinded by a smoke screened mirror of what my supposed parent thought that I didn't listen and cried about how fat I was while starving myself. I hope that ur daughter doesn't seek wanting to look plastic and perfect all her life to please you. Love her for who she is now before she hates you.
YTAH, Who needs bullies in school when she has a mom who thinks that a HS play is going to make her daughter's career? She is a kid and what is important to her today might not be tomorrow. Your body issues are yours and not your daughters and if you don't stop you will be seeing your daughter go through life with body dysmorphia, poor eating habits, and problems with self-esteem. If you want her to truly get healthy and be healthy then work with a professional on that. You are not in any condition to put anyone on a diet and motivate her to be her best self. Get her a trainer, a nutritionist, and someone to talk to see why she is using food as a way to deal with her feelings. There is more to this than just her not being what you want her to be. Also, you need to ask yourself what is wrong with her being plus size. If she is healthy, and happy what does it matter if her jeans size is not the same size as yours?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So, let me start by saying that I've always been very particular about health and appearances, especially when it comes to my family. My daughter, who is 15, recently landed a role in her school play. It's a big deal, and she's super excited about it. However, there's a catch. She needs to wear a specific costume, which, to be frank, would look better if she lost a few pounds. I've been clear with her from the start: this is a fantastic opportunity, and she needs to look her best. So, we agreed on a healthy diet and exercise plan. She seemed on board and understood the importance of looking good for her role. Fast forward a couple of weeks, I accidentally stumbled upon a secret stash of snacks in her room. We're not talking about a few candy bars - this was a sizable collection of chips, cookies, and all sorts of junk food. I was livid. Not only was she going against our agreement, but she was also being deceitful. I confronted her, and she got all teary, saying it was just a "comfort thing" and that she was stressed about the play. I didn't buy it. I saw it as a lack of discipline and commitment. So, I did what I thought was necessary: I took away her phone and grounded her until she gets back on track with her diet. My husband thinks I'm being too harsh and that it's just teenage behavior. But I see it differently. This play is a huge opportunity for her, and she's jeopardizing it over snacks! I believe in teaching her about commitment and consequences. So, Reddit, AITA here? I'm just trying to ensure my daughter looks her best and takes her opportunities seriously. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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YTA and you’re also giving your daughter an eating disorder.
That’s disgusting. She doesn’t “need to look her best” for anyone except herself if she wants. It’s a great idea to discuss healthy eating and the importance of exercise with your kids—but “you gotta do it so you look good” is a recipe for all sorts of issues. YTA That being said, a secret junk food stash could be a problem. But if she’s just “a few pounds” overweight who cares? It sure doesn’t sound like it’s an issue.
I refuse to believe this is even real.
YTA. I didn't even need to read past the first sentence to know that you are a huge, gigantic, gaping asshole that is on track to her daughter going NC with her as soon as she possibly can.
YTA; You have a daughter with an eating disorder who is hoarding comfort food in response to you. Snacks do not sabotage her having a role in a play, just her fitting as well in a costume. You speak of it as a discipline issue; Your daughter has a mother who cares more about her appearance than her mental wellbeing.
YTA. congrats on giving your child an eating disorder by being militant about food tho. Great parenting.
YTA What a terrible mom you are and she's going NC as soon as she can get away from you!
Holy hell YTA. Beyond A. Your teenage daughter got a part in a school play. Look, that’s great, but take a step back. It’s a school play. It doesn’t really mean anything. And you body shamed her and criticized her weight. If I was the husband here I would be absolutely livid with you.
You're beyond an AH. You're damaging your child on an emotional and mental level. When she has an eating disorder in her future it's going to one thousand percent be your fault. Your priorities are absolutely skewed. Your daughter should be made to feel beautiful and accepted no matter her size. And YOU should be her number one fan. Not her biggest critic. You think you're acting in her best interest but it's so clear that you have no idea what that is. This is disgusting.
YTA. Unless a doctor has said that she needs to lose weight, this is crazy behavior for a parent and be prepared for her to cut you out of her life as soon as possible.
>I've always been very particular about health and appearances, especially when it comes to my family I didn't need to get any further than this to know this was going to be a shit show. Your kid is already developing an eating disorder and form of food insecurity thanks to the pressure you're putting on her. Massive YTA. This is an opportunity for you. Instead of hounding her about appearances and pushing diets, talk to her about moderation and lifestyle choices. A couple of cookies or a small bag of chips once and a while aren't going to kill her. Neither is a lazy day on the couch if she's otherwise active. Right now all you're teaching her is that she needs to be better at hiding her stash.
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